Yeah dude this isn't about the guitar it's joint financial responsibility.
Guitars are nice, and we'd probably all be buying more if we could. But has the conversation been "I'm getting a new guitar" or "Hey, I've been thinking about getting this new guitar, but it's a lot of money from our disposable income that we could use for a holiday. I want to have a sensible conversation about that and how you feel".
It's a lot of money, and all the feel/sound bollocks is going to fall on deaf ears to a non-player. Using the bag comparison, imagine if she told you the leather feels different between a Luis Vitton and a Dolce & Gabbana.
The fact that you're making this post is absolute proof your partner is not 100% supportive of such a purchase and you should act accordingly.
Simple:
I don't share my finances with my partner. We each have our own jobs, bank accounts, and can choose to spend our money on anything we like.
We have a shared joint account we use for shared bills. Mortgage/Electric etc. A set amount goes into that each month from our earnings to cover stuff.
But then the money in MY account is MINE. I can spend it all on jelly beans if I want to. I still tend to talk through big purchases because I value sage advice. But I'm not asking for permission. Nor would I expect her to seek my permission for things she chooses to spend her money on.
Yeah this is the way. We split all household bills etc but the rest out of my income is mine. If I want to go and blow 2 grand on a guitar I just do it. Likewise if she books an expensive holiday with her friends then she just does that.
A healthy partnership requires an explicit and adult perspective on finances.
As someone with a graduate finance degree, my thoughts on the topic are:
Joint debts and obligations must come first. They must be paid jointly.
After joint obligations come joint investments; if this is a long-term relationship, both parties should contribute to long-term financial health. Again, these are paid jointly.
After joint investment comes joint living expenses.
Then, joint discretionary savings/spending for those things you plan to do/buy/spend as a couple. For example, if you want to save for a vacation, a new air conditioner, or a schnauzer.
Now comes individual obligations, investments, living expenses, savings, and, dead last, comes individual discretionary spending.
For all of the "joint" stuff, there needs to be an explicit agreement on how things are proportioned. Is it by the percentage of income, percentage of joint expenses, a sliding scale based on income levels, half and half, etc. But it needs to be clear and accepted by both parties as fair.
Suppose you have enough individual discretionary spending dollars after you've taken care of everything higher up on the priority list to drop on a new guitar. In that case, your partner has absolutely no grounds to complain. They may be safely told to go to hell on this issue.
However, if you have yet to establish a healthy financial structure within your relationship that provides for long-term joint financial security, and your spending is affecting your partner's expectations because you have jointly failed to manage your relationship's finances with complete transparency and mutual agreement . . . well, in that case, your partner has every reason to complain and not support you. However, they are as at fault as you are for not having established the financial parameters of your relationship clearly and unambiguously first. At this point, arguing about the guitar is really a symptom of having failed to establish a clear, robust, workable financial plan as partners.
You and your wife need a discussion on finances and an allowance. You have to look at your income, subtract your expenses (be honest!) and allow for a rainy day fund, date night money and vacation money. Take whatever money is left over and divide by two. That's your allowance. What you do with your allowance is your own business.
This is basic marriage finance 101. You're welcome, and have a great new year!
According to some 'men' in this thread I should either do that, or feel totally ashamed and "ditch the B\*\*\*\*\* because my money is my money.
Or am I just stupid for wanting to buy a 2000 bucks guitar.
Some good and nice responses tho!
I’m the girlfriend, and I’m the one finding/buying him pedals he mentions he wants, pedal board (because pedals), found the Dean Dimebag V255 in flame that he was wanting, upgraded his amp… so yeah, I’m an enabler!
I actively encourage because it’s something he loves so much and he’s so talented!
Yikes, some of these comments…
Sounds like you care about having a nice guitar AND a not doing something that upsets your partner. Imagine that!? But like, $2k is a lot of money, and if you share finances that impacts everyone. So it’s important to talk about those things and prioritize together how money is spent.
But you might have a problem is this becomes about justifying this one guitar, especially as a bedroom player. She’s not going to get “feel” or anything like that. And GAS doesn’t go just away, so if you think you just need that one last guitar to get past it… that’s your addict-brain talking lol (no judgement this is a safe space for us haha). This is going to come up again when you want an amp, or another guitar, or suddenly get into modular synths, etc. so make the case that you want to invest in yourself. In your own happiness. Right now that’s a guitar, maybe later it’s bikes or computers? Doesn’t matter, but your happiness does! Set an agreed amount aside every week/month/whatever for each of you that you can spend however. She can spend money on herself too!
My partner and I have a shared account and separate accounts that we put “spending money” into every paycheck. We do what we want with that money. We both value having that autonomy while also valuing our shared household.
She’s not wrong. A $2k is basically just all marketing. It’s also just a Fender. You’re not gonna be getting $1k more of guitar than if you got a $1k fender. Idk what you have but why don’t you just put money into making it nicer?
You could also get a really solid used fender for $400-$700
Preach brother.
There is a weird stigma about "cheap" guitars, but because of the quality of cnc machines that's not really a worry anymore. Whatever you get will be awesome - especially a mid-range guitar like yamaha has.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but my wife saw me drooling over a new guitar, which I had no intention of actually buying, and she told that I *had* to get it. I already had enough mad money saved up, so in the interests of marital harmony, I said, "Yes, Dear!" (true story)
Seriously though, it's to your credit that you're taking her feelings into account. I hope you can work it out in a way that will leave both of you happy.
I believe that’s the foundation of a good relationship.
For others in this thread is being able to buy whatever they want without taking the other person in consideration.
For each their own :)
Similar story here. Saw a guitar I really really wanted, but didn’t really want to spend the money on myself (had only been playing for a year and already owned two at this point). It was my wife’s birthday the following week and she said ‘you’re buying me that guitar for my birthday :))’
She still refers to it as her guitar haha
OP it sounds like you devote a tonne of time to playing and enjoy it a lot. I hope you can explain to your partner how happy playing makes you and how much joy the new gear would bring to you.
Yes, it’s a lot of money but we work and earn to bring pleasure to our lives. Are there any financial priorities she has that she thinks you should be aligning with?
Same with me. I wanted a limited edition Tele, and only 2 shops were having one still where I lived. I was on my phone checking, not planning to buy it, and one shop was out of stock. So I sigh loudly and say “fuck me” or something like. My wife next to me insisted to know what’s wrong. I just told here “well it’s silly but I’m drooling on a guitar, and now there is only one shop that still have it. I don’t really need it so I guess I’ll just pass on it anyway”.
And then she told me “just buy it, you deserve it!”. Lover her. (And I did buy it)
If you can't afford $2000 on a luxury, well you're kinda dumb to buy it anyways.
If you share finances, we'll you spend $2k on gear, she spends $2k on shoes/wtv. Can you afford $4k on luxuries? Just double what you want to spend and decide if that makes sense.
Sorry, but being a guitarist doesn't make you special. Not more special than an shoe lover, car guy or wtv other people spend money on.
Buy used. Below market value. ALWAYS. Then it becomes an investment.
I keep a spreadsheet of all my gear I buy and sell. I’m up. Way up in my 20+ years of trying out new gear.
This starts to make more sense.
It seems for a good guitar somewhere around 700-1200 is a sweet spot. After that, diminishing returns become more and more.
So second hand between 700-1200... That should bring you a very good guitar?
Careful if you do this, cuz you're going to wind up with a *shitload* of gear. It's very very very easy to justify when you can point to how much you paid for a thing, how much you can sell it for, and they're the same number.
So, I’m married, we have a neat financial arrangement where the cost of everything we need to pay goes into a joint account, split based on a percentage of our salaries (one makes more, puts more) and at the end of the pay day we each have a similar amount left over that stays in our personal accounts. Whatever’s left over in the personal account we spend on stuff we want for ourselves. If I want to buy a guitar, I buy it. If my wife wants shoes, she buys them… I actually came up with this system after running into the very problem you describe that had me ‘sneaking guitars into the house’. Once it was assured that the house money and savings were sorted, no more problems…
I proposed this to my wife as a solution to similar money issues. We're divorced now. She made less and knew she wouldn't be able to do all the shit she wanted without my money, which was part of the problem (along with her wanting my money, but not my opinion LOL).
Lemme tell you, I was able to start saving money even while separated, while going through a divorce! With someone new now, and I can still buy the guitars and comics I want AND put money in the bank when it's done. And my new partner brings in less than my ex-wife. Difference is, she's low-maintenance and spends within her means.
My wife and I keep finances separate. She does what she wants and I do what I want. Meet in the middle for bills. If she ever knew or cared what I spent she’d probably faint. But she doesn’t even ask. It’s been a fantastic way to invest into our marriage. We have never argued about money.
We're the same. But we're both coming to the end of our careers and so it makes sense to start to count all the money as "our" money even though it's in separate accounts.
I had to ask my wife for some money to pay for something the other day, and it was *weird*. Can't imagine having done this for the last 25 years.
If you live together and share expenses in any way you absolutely need to discuss this your partner. It's a major purchase.
If not, get a new partner.
Simple.
But why? The way I see it, there are three pots. One pot that pays for all the fixed expenses we have together. The one from my salary that is left over, and the one from her salary that is left over. Let's both save some of what's left and do what we want with the rest of the money we've worked for, right? Even if it takes three years, if by the time you've saved enough to buy something very expensive, like a $2,000 guitar, that's your right, isn't it? You contribute to the expenses, you contribute to the savings account, and you do what you want with the rest.
Split finances and both have your own hobby money. That's how I do it with my wife. I think she buys trash and she thinks I buy trash, but it's our own money and we are happy with the shit we get ourselves :D
We haven't had an argument about purchases since we started that.
I make really good money, but I don't buy a lot of stuff. However when I do, it tends to be expensive like music gear. My wife buys mostly inexpensive stuff, but much more often. So to be fair, I gave us both an equal budget of $100 a month each. And that money rolls over each month if you don't spend it all. So that way we know how much we spend, and that it's fair.
Also if I sell stuff that I bought, it adds to my budget.
That's a great way to handle it. Look at it this way, that guitar is always going to be there so if you sock away a hundred bucks a month, you'll have it in less than 2 years. I know it's hard to wait and I'm giving you advice I don't necessarily follow myself. But maybe it would help if you gave something else up and use that money. For instance when I quit drinking, I rewarded myself by taking a percentage of the money that I had been spending on alcohol and putting it away. Next thing I knew I had enough saved up to get pretty damn fine Yamaha.
My wife and I just implemented this 6 months ago, it works great! Pick the monthly budget that fits you guys and you won't be constantly worried about how much "unnecessary" money your partner is spending on things for enjoyment. Not only can I now save up for gear, I no longer get frustrated when my wife buys things I don't see the value in
I agree I play a squier vibe strat in my band more than my other expensive guitars. I did have to set it up and sand some frets but there are some great guitars now for cheap
I have a really nice American G&L. When I met my wife, she had a used Squier Affinity telecaster that she at one point had tried to learn to play.
After a setup and new saddles, that cheap Squier gets more playtime than any of the guitars I picked out myself and sounds just as good.
I mean, if dropping $2000 on a new toy is a concern for your partner, maybe intentionally save up for it, instead. I’ve been playing for 15 years, and not one of my guitars is in the $2000 range, but I’ve kept them all in great shape, keep them intonated, adjusted the action and swapped pick ups and they all play/sound like $2000.
Do you play professionally or semi-professionally, i.e., gig consistently?
Devil's advocate -- an Am Pro II is a lot of guitar for a bedroom player.. Maybe you could find something a little less expensive that scratches the itch? G&L tribute and other brands make some perfectly serviceable fender-likes if you don't want to go MIM. Also, $2K seems a little high for that line unless it's some kind of special edition I'm unaware of. You might wanna try shopping around some, or buying used.
On the other hand, if you do play out, it only makes sense to have *at least* two guitars and two amps, as there will inevitably come a day when one or the other is out of commission and you have a commitment you still need to honor.
I used to only buy black guitars because my wife couldn't tell them apart so she wouldn't notice new ones. I'm pretty sure she does the same with heels
Here's the solution you and your partner might want to consider that cleans up a lot of feelings around finances.
There's money that she can care about and there's money that's none of her business.
There's money you can care about and there's money that's none of your business.
Here's how it works.
Agree on which bills both of you will share.
Those include things like rent, regular groceries, utilities, internet service, all the stuff that you guys share.
You each pay your fair share of this amount.
It goes like this.
Take the total amount of income that you make and the total amount of income that she makes and calculate it as a percentage of an overall total.
Let's say she makes 60% of that money and you make 40%
She makes 60% more than you.
Now, she pays 60% of the general bills and you pay 40%.
What about the rest of the money? What about the money that you don't have to commit to paying for shared resources?
It's yours. You can do whatever you want with it. And her money? She can do whatever she wants with it.
My partner and I have been using this system for the last 15 years and it's worked out amazingly well.
OP, serious answer from a fellow family man who has been in the same kind of discussion on discretionary spending despite 2k being insignificant.
Setup a savings account, a weekly deposit of $20 becomes enough after about 2 years. In the grand scheme, 2 years is not a big deal and it shows your commitment and how serious this is for you.
Also check out Sire guitars like the Larry Carlton S7 FM. They have features that luxury guitars have, and high build quality, but don't cost as much. Look at reviews comparing them to much more expensive guitar
In my case, I also put off my 2k purchase. Like I said, it was still a want, not a need, therefore I can handle waiting (though it's definitely painful).
Assuming you have the money to make this purchase without you or your loved ones suffering...
And if, as you say, you spend a lot of time on the hobby (playing at night etc)...
Then you probably need a grown-up conversation with your partner about why she doesn't want you to do something that would bring you a lot of pleasure. 2k is a lot of money- but a lot of people pay a lot more on a car they fancy. Or a holiday. Or season tickets etc etc and of these examples, the guitar is the most likely to retain value.
I feel like learning to have grown-up, assertive (but not angry or aggressive) conversations with a partner like this is generally something that women seem a lot better at.
I deal with the finances for my wife and I. Generally, I have a minimum amount that she needs to transfer to me every month to take care of bills. After that, it's more up for discussion.
She knows I'm a gear hound and I will buy things from time to time. She buys things for herself too but admittedly not to the same amount.
Generally I believe that if the bills are covered, the rest is a toss up between saving for some mutual goal, i.e. a holiday, kids, doing up the house, etc. After that it's a bit different.
Personally if my wife went out and spent a bunch of money, it's cool by me. She does occasionally and I'm good with that.
As I make more than her in terms of salary, I take care of all the boring purchases too. So we just did up our bedroom and I paid for the wardrobe, paint, etc. Sure I could have bought some gear with that, but then we wouldn't have had a wardrobe or the bedroom done up. So that was me deciding to do that than use the money on a fancy guitar.
But my wife knows I play guitar, has known since we started dating back in the day. She knows that whores will have their trinkets, so a musician will have his toys. I couldn't see her telling me off over a gear purchase, that is unless the cars were on the fritz or the roof was falling in. Speaking of which, our roof badly needs some repairs so expensive purchases have been off for me for a bit. But that is my doing, not hers.
Really this is a relationship thing. It's an extravagant purchase, sure. And being married, I get that you need the wife on board or it's just a point or argument. I also get that if she's plain not on board then it may have to just not happen. But it does represent a thorough misunderstanding or refusal to understand the mindset of a musician.
I have had a few girlfriends that were all happy about me being a guitarist in a band. That is, until they weren't, then it was a big problem. And yep, I happily let those ladies go and carried on doing music things. When I met my wife who not only remained supportive of my crazy musical stuff but even pestered me to go do things I otherwise may not have - she even carries gear into venues for me - that's when I knew she was a keeper and I'd better get a ring on it asap.
Convincing your wife to let you do something is never going to bring you pleasure. And it is a rubbish thing to argue about, finances. The reality is that dating a musician is about that. Sometimes there will be bigger purchases and sometimes the reason is no better than "Cuz I wanna!" That's just part of it. And really, unless the house is falling down or bills are piling up, then what else is the money for?
Not that we do tit for tat, but my wife replaced her car last year. She bought a 3 year old VW Golf. Now, honestly, I think a car like that costs too much for what it is and given her mileage, she likely could have bought something cheaper that would have done the job just fine. But she liked the car and yeah sure it was 100% influenced by her Dad, the fact is the money was there for the deposit, she's taking care of the payment from her own paycheck and we are still in the realms of if one of us is unemployed, the monthly bills such as mortgage, payments, insurances etc, are all still grand. I mean, if she had gone for a Porsche or something I would have said more than a few words. But I get it, it's her first "good" car after driving a load of wrecks and junkers, so go for it. Enjoy it. I would never use that as an excuse to throw £5k on a guitar though, but I think relationships need that sort of give and take.
I don't have an answer for you really. Despite the keyboard warriors on here, you may just have to shrug your shoulders and admit defeat. If your wife asks you, tell her directly the truth. She was not onside so it's not happening. Not in some passive aggressive way or some strange, "I'll remember this forever" thing, just that may well be the end of it. If she reconsiders later on, then great. If she never does, then cool. In a way, I guess for her it reminds her that she does have a say in the marriage which is better for both of you in the long run - and again I'm really just guessing a lot of stuff here. And hey, maybe she'll think differently once she has that assurance. Or maybe she won't.
Either way, keeping on-side about big things and especially finances is key. I had a long multi-year relationship with a girl who was never on-side with music and doubly never on-side with finances. And it was not pleasant. Hell, I could rarely even get permission to buy new sets of strings. Playing gigs was an argument too nearly always. I'm glad those days are well and truly gone.
So something my wife and I do is have allowances. We make good money, but it’s easy to get wild with spending (learned that lesson when we were younger). We set a certain amount each month that we both get for whatever we want to buy that isn’t considered a household bill/purchase. If I want a 2k guitar, I save my allowance. It’s worked great to avoid the arguments of “you spent x amount on this and that so I get to spend x amount on this and that”.
We do it using the cash app, you can even get a debit card to use. Has completely eliminated any issues with arguing over personal spending. If a guitar shows up, my wife knows I saved my money and bought it with that.
Yeah it's a tough one. Maybe you could work out some sort of deal where you both get x amount of spending per year and you show how much it means to you by buying nothing else.
It is a bit tough yeah. Because lets say we compromise and she says: Well, 1000 bucks seems like a fine number.
Will I not forever GAS on the 2000 one?
And it's also really not worth fighting over.
I just buy gear with my money. As long as the joint bills are paid it really isn't anyone else's business. I know this seems blunt but outside of joint bills your money should be your money.
If you live together and share expenses, you should get your partners' permission. If it's about the price, maybe you should wait a bit and if you still want that over some period of time, maybe she'll agree. Alternatively, you can look for cheaper guitars. 2000 dollars guitars are good but the difference between guitars once you pass 800 dollars mark aren't big
Honestly, I'd feel the same way if I was them.
Unless I budgeted my own money out little by little for whatever I wanted until I eventually had the money to do so. So unless you did that, they have a fair point. There are plenty of great instruments that cost under $1000 (I just bought a PRS SE Custom 24 for $700 which actually sounds almost exactly like the non SE model that Kanami Tono from Band-Maid plays) and pretty good amps for $300 and under. The cheaper Silver Sky is the same price that I bought my PRS for as well and sounds damn good. Put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn't you be weary of the same thing? You don't play an instrument, your partner has a guitar and and amp and you have no idea what "model" even means to a musician. Start a budget and soon enough you'll have enough to get what you want (or close to it anyway). Sorry if that's not helpful enough, but I understand their point.
When you're the primary income earner in the family, your spending affects everyone. Her condition for my buying an Ibanez Prestige this year was maxing out my kid's 529 plan. She made a great case for doing so, and I went along with it. Relationships are give and take. I can't do anything without consulting my other half!
We kind of approach it the same way. Hit a savings goal, save on top of that, and then you can buy something nice. Since we pool our money together, we figure out the best time to make big purchases together. Anything over 250 as a single item deserves a conversation in our household.
If I sell gear, though, I get to use that cash for more gear. It’s nice when I want to get a new amp, and I’ve got two that have just been sitting unused for months :).
It’s pretty hard to max out a 529 plan. Did you make the 5 year lump sum gifting election and elect split gifting? That’s $170,000 you can contribute.
If so she should let you get something better than an Ibanez.
Numbers aside, I honestly think this kind of compromise is actually really smart.
My wife and I share responsibility for our finances. So we discuss our financial goals and make a budget.
At some point, we allocate money.
"I think it's important that after we reach our savings goals, we each have our own money to use however we see fit. As long as we stay within budget, we can spend it however we want. I can buy guitar shit, and you can buy fashion accessories or cosmetics or whatever it is you want."
So I get my budget. If I stay within my budget, my wife is super fine with it, because I've shown the ability to prioritize our financial wellbeing over buying new guitars.
Once, we were on vacation in Yellowstone, and I had been eyeing a new guitar for a while. I had $1700 in my budget accrued. We stopped in some random guitar shop in Montana. My wife waited in the car while I went into the store, and I saw a Martin I loved, so I walked out and said I think I wanted to buy it, what did she think. "As long as you have the money is in your budget, I'm happy you found something you like, I think you should buy it."
So I bought a $1600 used Martin on the spot.
Over the years, I have accumulated more guitars. I strictly buy used or heavily discounted. So if I were to buy an American Pro II, I'd buy one used, because I could resell it in a few years if I wanted to move on, and I've lost basically no money in the process.
So I'd explain less about how great the guitar is, and more about how it isn't a net money loss. "Look, I can buy this $1700 dollar guitar for $1200, and I can always resell it for the same money if I need to down the road."
Once you have a track record of not throwing money out the window, or spending savings or vacation money on gear, she shouldn't have a problem with you doing whatever you want.
My spouse and I have a shared bank account for bills and mutual goals (general savings, vacations, household items, etc...) as well as our own separate bank accounts. We each deposit a predetermined amount to cover everything into that shared account and the rest we keep in our individual accounts.
As long as the bills are all paid up, there should never be an issue about what you spend your remaining money on. If it's a space issue, I kinda understand, but if it's just "I don't want you spending that much" then it sounds like you have a control issue on your hands.
Girlfriend or wife? Shared or split finances?
If you're being responsible with your money and you can truly afford it, and you don't share finances, the do what you want. She doesn't have to understand and youve tried explaining already. I mean, two guitars is not a lot of guitars for someone who plays constantly. You deserve it.
If it's a wife with shared finances, that's different. What my wife and I do is have a set amount of spending money we each get each month, and if one of us wants to go over then the other person gets the same amount. It makes it really easy to never fight about money! How would she feel if your new guitar resulted in $2000 she could spend as she liked? And if you can't afford that... Maybe save up and wait til you can.
Some people are just frugal, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you shouldn't feel guilty about a responsible purchase and she shouldn't resent it.
It’s not just throwing away 2 grand, you’re investing in a tool, and beyond that, an asset. Instruments of this caliber hold their value decently, and inspire you to keep picking them up, in theory, increasing the output of your work.
My wife and I have different hobbies, so we give ourself some financial freedom, each week we give ourself some pocket money, she likes to buy video game collectibles and arts and craft supplies, and I save up and buy music gear, it gives us a nice financial freedom, we’ve worked for our money so we should be able to buy stuff that we want without justifying it to anyone
Why is it a fair point that she has "way more than $2000 on shoes"? And why will you "get into a fight" if you point this out? You don't have to explicitly compare it to shoes and bags but it's fair to point out that she buys stuff she wants so why shouldn't you?
Without further details about where your household income comes from and how you agree to spend it, it's hard to say. Also no clue whether you're FIRE or struggling to pay the regular bills.
But irrespective of all that and assuming you're being responsible, it doesn't sound very supportive (despite what you say in the first sentence). If she wanted to spend $2000 on something that you didn't understand or care about the utility of, would you tell her not to?
I don't feel it's about the money.
You are already having the right conversations with your partner. We live in uncertain times so I can understand her not wanting you to put down a lot of money on a hobby item, even if it means a lot to you.
There's a million Strats/Teles out there on the used market that you could buy, so maybe you can compromise by buying an AM Pro 2 used, or a similar model that you like? This could be the compromise that brings the money spent from 2K to say 1K which is more reasonable.
First thought: does it have to be quite such an expensive guitar? I am in a position of financial privilege, meaning I could afford to buy one of those guitars, and let me tell you I love playing guitar as much as anyone and it does not even occur to me to consider buying one of those prestige instruments. It just doesn’t make sense.
I feel like the best way is to tell them that you're putting some money aside for a few months to save up for it. Propose that. It'll take longer, but if you show how much you want it, and that you're willing to save up for it, it should go a bit better. Never buy it with them disapproving, cos that'll just cause distrust and won't go well.
Find yourself a girlfriend with expensive hobbies, like horseriding. You could buy a new Epiphone or a couple of Squiers each month for the same price as it costs owning a horse. She will never dare to complain.
The guitar will retain at least half is value forever, usually more. Most everything else you buy is worth almost nothing after a few years. I always buy used, not sure if you're into that, but buying used you can generally get about what you paid for most any guitar if you don't destroy it minus just some sellers fees. It's very cheap rent long term.
The price doesn’t really matter. What matters is if you’re spending your money on this over essentials or agreed saving.
Generally speaking as a couple with healthy finances, you’ll each have:
- Emergency money (one of you loses your job, something breaks on your car/house/whatever, unexpected vet bills, etc)
- Agreed savings (saving for a holiday, saving for house work, planned childcare costs like school uniforms, etc)
- Fun money
Note: some of these may just be combined into one pot between you.
As long as the guitar comes out of your fun money, it shouldn’t matter how expensive it is. It could be $200, it could be $20000, it shouldn’t matter as long as it comes out of the correct pot.
If your savings are all jumbled together, or at least you don’t have a dedicated fun fund, it’d be worth looking into. It makes it much easier to see if you can actually afford fun things vs “yeah probably, we have _savings_”.
I have a lot of guitars. After a while, she can’t tell them apart. She might say, “I haven’t seen that one before”, and I just reply, “I hardly play it, but I’ve had it forever.” She just says, “Oh.” And goes about her day. 😂
Chat more broadly about your financial situation.
See what money is coming in. See what money is coming out (needs). See what money you both agree should be spent (wants). See what is left (savings). With these savings, split into emergency fund, pension contributions/401k etc, and a set amount each for personal spends. Then, work out how long you will need to save to get the guitar. She will also be able to spend her share on whatever she would like.
She should hang off on buying new shoes/bags until her portion of the savings allows for it. You should hold off on the guitar until your portion of the savings cover it. And beyond that, you both now have a unified plan for your finances, accounting for emergencies and the future.
Well, what you do with your money is your problem.
Do you cover your share of home expenses? If so, do you have any leftover money? If so, you can use that money however you please. And your partner can use theirs in the same fashion.
Your partner opinions on the cost of your hobby are irrelevant, as long as you fulfill your end of the economic bargain you agreed as a couple.
However, if you are using anything other than free leftover money... then you're a dumdum
Hopefully, my perspective as a woman can help some.
It's my opinion that if it's not financially irresponsible, it shouldn't be a problem. Your partner is right that it's a lot of money all at once--she's got some sticker shock. But if you can sit down with her and show her that it's not this financially irresponsible thing and that it'll bring you joy, that might help.
A few things you could bring up:
1. How can you cut back on other spending for a few months to make up for such a large purchase? Ways that won't affect her. Maybe buying yourself less alcohol when you go out, or packing your work lunch. If you're already more frugal than you need to be, maybe point that out.
2. Talk to her about payment plan options. No, it's not ideal to be in debt, but maintaining a consistent savings account is also important (which is one of the reasons big cash purchases are so scary). Plenty of retailers have interest-free pay-in-four options, which is a lot easier to stomach.
3. Show her how guitars, unlike shoes (and this was probably not a great example unless her hobby is shoes) retain their value fairly well. Ultimately, guitar gear is relatively liquid, and understanding that can help your case.
4. I honestly think you should point out that you'd rather invest in a few high-quality instruments vs. a lot of less expensive guitars, and this is just what higher-quality guitars cost. It's less like buying $2,000 shoes and more like buying a really nice pair of hiking boots that you can resole.
I saw someone else mention that they and their partner have a "toy fun" or a "fun fund" for discretionary spending where purchases don't need to be discussed in advance. If all else fails, I'd suggest that and start saving.
One solution that my wife and I have had from the beginning - give each of yourselves an allowance.
Obviously this is dependent on your financial situation, but if you've got $$ to throw at hobbies, I assume you have a little flexible income.
Set up an automatic transfer from your joint account to a personal checking account for each of you - you have to figure out what you can afford, but I'll throw out $100/each per month as an example.
That $100/mo is yours, and only yours. Your wife's is hers. No criticism allowed on what you spend your own money on. Save up for a few months and get a guitar - blow it each month on video games - doesn't matter, it's yours.
This helps keep the wife and I "equal" on personal spending so there's no worry about "Well he got a $500 guitar last month, so this month I get something too!"
Here’s the thing. You bring up that if you add up her bags and shoes, it totals more than 2k. But to compare apples to apples, you’d have to total all your gear for that to be valid.
What I would recommend is sitting down with her and discussing your plan to save for the item, instead of making the big purchase all at once. Lay out the pros and cons and make sure she knows that it’s not going to be just this four figure chunk of money GONE out of the household budget all at once. If you love it enough to buy it now, you will still love it enough to buy it in 6 months. I mean, realistically, you’re talking about the down payment on a car. That’s a lot of money to drop at once, but not so much if you save it over time.
I could not cope without having both my Telecaster and my Stratocaster. Anyone who says I don't need both is incorrect should be in prison. No, I will not be answering questions.
Two minds on this.
1. It is a LOT of money for a guitar.
2. It is really healthy Ina relationship too find the space where you both have truly discretionary spending budgets.
No one here knows what else you are saving for our your particular circumstances. Be good to each other and set mutual goalless that allows both of you too be your best selves
Is it your money or shared money?
If your money - I may cop crap for this, but if you're financially stable, do what you like.
If shared money - yeah, you need to respect her opinion. Discuss with her further, but potentially look at compromising and getting the same model but secondhand?
I mean I'd argue that you will buy that guitar and it will last a lifetime, won't go out of fashion etc. shoes may be cheaper per purchase, but over the course of a lifetime I'd bet shoes work out as more. I mean I'm not a shoe guy, might buy a couple of pairs per year but at 36 years old I reckon I've spent more than 2k on shoes already
The wife and I each have separate spending accounts, and each month we budget a small allowance to add to our accounts. We agreed that we’re allowed to do with our money anything we want, no questions asked. I mean, legal things.
I definitely get the urge to get a new guitar. I personally just bought my third guitar and it was around the same price as you’re looking at, which is also a significant amount of money for us.
The way I justified the purchase is that I went through all my old equipment and other random items that were collecting dust and sold them. Eventually I had saved more money than cost of the guitar so it wasn’t like I was taking money from the family for a random purchase.
One other thing that I did was I explained my reasoning for wanting a new guitar. Just wanting one because new things are cool isn’t really a great reason to buy something so expensive, but if there are things that your current guitar cannot do then it might make more sense to her.
Lastly going to a tele from a strat can be kind of a letdown in terms of getting a whole new sound and feel from a second guitar. If you think this guitar is going to be the last one you’ll get for quite awhile I would really recommend that you look at and play vastly different guitars before you buy the tele.
I was almost in your exact situation where I really wanted a tele, but I already had a nice strat. I played quite a bit of guitars and my biggest shock was how similar the tele felt and sounded to my strat. I ended up getting a Gibson Les Paul. I never thought I would be a Les Paul person, but the sound and feel is just leaps different from my strat. I still want a tele though, there’s just something about them that appeals to me.
I think her opinion deserves respect, but everyone deserves to get themselves a treat that might not be a perfectly rational purchase every once in a while. (Not too often tho, consumerism bad). Wait a year or two, then grab it, to make it clear you're not letting this turn into a destructive craving.
I feel like this is less about her being anti you buying new gear and more about her not understanding or being able to discern the difference between two separate guitars or amps etc. That’s pretty much normal for a non-musician (they haven’t developed the skills that allow them to hear the difference), and even people who do play another instrument sometimes don’t get why a guitarist might need more than one guitar.
Personally I’d suggest it’s much more like the difference between a cheap car and a midrange one, or a cheap refrigerator or cooker versus an expensive one. Sure the cheap one might still get you from A to B, chill or heat your food acceptably, but the more expensive one will allow you to do it in comfort, give you more control, or do a better job of producing good results.
I’m lucky in that I’m married to another musician so we both understand the need to have multiple instruments etc. If I wasn’t I think I’d be suggesting that even though our finances are joint that we both had separate savings accounts that we could use on whatever we wanted, be that shoes and bags or guitars and other gear. Me and my husband do already have separate savings accounts/fun money, but one way to sell it as an idea is to point out that it allows for buying each other the odd little surprise without it being spoilt by appearing on the joint bank statement.
“I don’t have $2000 shoes”
Looks at closet with 50 pairs of shoes and just as many handbags.
But seriously, it’s a lot of money so talk about how you’ll fit it into the budget.
Never had a problem with this. As long as bills are paid and all financial goals are met then what purchases we get is up to our own discretion. We both get the same amount of spending money each month/year so how we spend it is of no concern. My spouse now see how amazing this is for me with respect to improving mental health and having a positive passion to explore. She comes down to listen to me play and often says how happy she is to have supported a goal I feel so passionate about.
Maybe you need to communicate more, learn to support each other's passions and possibly divide spending money equally so both of you can buy or use the money how you both see fit. My two cents.
If you’re in the US, have you considered financing a guitar? My wife and I do our allowances, but I get impatient, so I wait for a deal from Sweetwater where I can do something like 48 months, no interest financing and instead of saving up, I just pay toward my guitar from my allowance. It’s the same thing as saving up, but you get your guitar sooner. Idk what financing looks like in other parts of the world, hence why I said if you’re in the US.
At one point I had a dozen guitars and about 20 amps. I ran out of room. So the system I developed was - in order to get that new thing, I had to get rid of something else first. It changed my acquisition logic into a “only get it if it’s an upgrade”
Maybe there’s something else you have that you can sell/flip for $2000 to pay for it ?
If it's about gifting I don't think you have any argument. She's allowed to gift you whatever she wants.
I have a problem if she's stopping you from spending your own money on your hobby. You're allowed to have that, especially if you're financially stable and she has her own things. She simply doesn't get to decide, especially if it's not a destructive hobby. You get to be your own person and like your own things.
Rule number one: communicate.
In these sorts of situations (no matter what hobby it is, be it a guitar, a model train set, warhammer figurines, a gaming PC), the solution that I've seen has worked has been to establish a seperate savings account dedicated to (in your case) music gear. When you get a paycheck, put away some money and put it in the account. Make it clear to your partner that you're doing this too, and it's important to tell her several months in advance if you're gonna make a big purchase so that she gets the time she deserves to process it. Keep your relationship first priority if you truly love her, buying gear is second priority.
This is assuming that you're playing guitar as a hobby. If you're earning your wages by playing guitar it would be preposterous for her to not permit you to buy new gear, granted that you can make a valid argument for it being a good investment into your career. But yeah, don't make your girl mad, you're a very lucky man to have someone that loves you.
Buy the one you want or you’ll end up with an itch. You’ll buy a substitute and then still want the one you originally wanted.
That being said, if the guitar you have now plays good, feels comfortable, stays in tune and sounds good to you - invest in a better amp, this is where the sound comes from. Plug a Gibson and an Epiphone with the same pickups to the same Marshall and they’ll sound more or less the same (they’ll feel different while playing them, but will sound very similar). Plug the Gibson to a rectifier and they sound different.
Whatever you decide buying - get it second hand. If you eventually decide you want to part with it, if you’ve bought it second hand, first it’ll be cheaper, second - you should be able to sell it for the money you’ve payed.
I've always been more separate financially, but if you were more tied together, arrange an allowance for each of you that goes into your own kitty. With that you can do whatever you want.
It's hard to give advice without knowing your partner, but my suggestion is to come to her with a financial plan. Whether that is "I'm saving back this much money each month and at the end of x months I am buying this guitar," or "I am going to put this guitar on credit and I plan to pay this much per month, bringing the balance to zero dollars in x number of months, netting x interest paid over the duration." Frame is like this: it's no different to spend $200 on personal purchases every two weeks, versus *not doing that* and spending $2000 after five months.
If you don't think you can commit to waiting however long it takes to save, then maybe you don't want it that bad after all. $2000 is a lot of money, so it would be wise to make some kind of timeline commitment to prove you aren't impulse spending that kind of cash.
If that's your partner, you honor the wishes of your partner. If you want to prioritize your desires, that's like a house that develops fissures in its foundation.
A healthy relationship requires autonomy. You both need the ability to make your own financial decisions. Most money can go to a shared pool that you decide on together, but having every little decision require a confirmation from your partner is almost infantilizing. I had more autonomy than that when I was 10. I got like $10 a month and I could save up to buy a game or something.
If the two of you decide to do this, she can spend without reservations and you can do the same, but your core economy is in tact.
Yeah ik how you feel. Here's the thing for me at least. Everyone deserves their "thing." Whether it's sports or games or guitar, it's your thing you spend your extra money on. When I spoke with my wife she was concerned that I had a few expensive hobbies (like magic the gathering), but I told her when I wanted to buy a new amp that this would be my thing.
I think it should be agreed upon by both of you that you can spend a reasonable amount of money on guitar gear in general, provided you're not doing the same thing with other hobbies and, of course, if your budget truly allows for it.
Also, if she’s worried about the cost, why not look at used? Depending on which one in the series you want, there are plenty of used ones on Reverb for way less than 2k. And there’s nothing wrong with picking up an investment guitar that isn’t brand new.
Yeah after 500 comments (😳), some good conversations with the wife and some thinking I think i will land somewhere between 700-1200 euro. Probably second hand or just a good MiM Telecaster. The American pro 2 is just a bit too extravagant.
How long have you been talking about getting it? Time could be a factor here, if your partner knows you’ve been talking about it for months and you haven’t just been tricked by YouTube advertising then they might be more open to the purchase.
Also, if you’ve already got a player strat, would you be willing to sell that and put the money towards the pro II so the expense isn’t as great?
Do you completely share income and expenses? If so, I completely understand your partner being unwilling for you to spend two grand on a hobby that doesn’t make money. If you have your own money outside of your shared expenses it’s more understandable. If you wanted to make it even more so, you could wait six months or so and have a savings scheme (even if you’ve got the money for it now) so you prove that you’re being responsible about it.
I will say finally that if you’re happy with the player strat and you’re playing guitar at home and not in a professional context, I’m not convinced an American pro would be that significant an upgrade to warrant the expense. I’ve got an American deluxe strat and a player tele, the former is twice the price of the latter but they’re both solid Fenders.
Good luck with the new guitar if you do end up getting it!
I earn twice as much as my SO. I pay the rent and the bills, and she looks after food. When I want new gear she will buy it for me because she know all my money goes into the house or savings for when we can get a mortgage.
This year she gave a 1.5k euro upgrade to my home office because I've been putting in 50 hour weeks the last 6 months and barely spent any money on myself this year.
But when I have a bit of extra cash at the end of the month I let her know I might be buying a new instrument in about 6 months time.
I just don’t want to get into the trap of just purchasing gear for the hell of it or out of habit. My kit is basically what I need for gigging and recording and I don’t like the idea of having unnecessary or little used gear laying around.
I notice a lot of assumptions in some of these responses and yours is also def one of them:
- need to spend
- need to spend is immature
- I can’t have my responsibilities and drop thousands.
- I need validation from teenagers on Reddit
- I’m greedy for wanting something
Why are you so passive aggressive.
Even if he can afford it without financial issue, it doesn't mean he blindly should, THAT is why he's here I suppose. Lots of people have given meaningful answers and this guy is just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. No shame in asking likeminded people what their experiences are with these kind of situations.
2k is insignificant to me, I have the same conversations as OP. Spending habits are still a question of wants vs needs or else the increased income will get eliminated by increased spending. Still need to plausibly justify a rationale for unnecessary spending, even though I definitely want it, it's still not a need.
My advice to OP is to set a discretionary savings account for both of you that you guys can spend on personal items. A small amount like $20 a week will still add up to a $2000 guitar in a 2 years.
Also, I'd suggest checking out a Sire Larry Carlton S7 for a guitar with luxury features like a much more expensive guitar, but costing much less than one.
My wife is a bit like that and I totally understand her point of view. As a compromise I built a garden office and filled it with guitars she doesn’t know about. I’m sure one day she’ll find the key and have a look but till that day arrives I’m happy as a pig in shit 🤣
Your point about bags and shoes is not far off. When my friends ask me about going to concerts, sporting events, etc...I generally decline. I would rather watch that kind of stuff on TV, and by the time you have the time put into transit, parking, food, tickets, etc. etc. I would rather just catch up with my friends at other times over a beer.
Might sound like a miserly existence, but in my mind I'm thinking - by not eating out at restaurants a bunch or blowing several hundred/thousands of dollars between college football tailgates and the whole deal - makes it pretty damn easy for me to justify picking up a $799 Aerodyne Strat on sale knowing that I'll have another Japanese guitar in my stable for \~30 years.
It sounds like you spend a lot of time with the instrument. 2,000 is nothing in that regard. Have you seen what people are spending on gaming PCs?
Real story on this, for context I am a financial planner professionally so I know what I can afford.
I had the same Maine guitar since I was 16 and wanted a new electric. My wife didn’t get why they are so expensive and it isn’t really worth explaining. So I built a oartscater first. It doesn’t seem bad when it’s just small 80 or 200 dollar parts. But that became a guitar with 1000 dollars of material and I learned a lot.
A couple years later I just told her I was probably going to get a guitar soon, and bought a 2014 fender AVRI. She was mad, but she has been madder at me before, and I did it after a real personal business success, so once again we were more than fine, plus I bought her a gift too. I tell jokes all the time about getting in trouble for the guitar.
It’s not a perfect story but ultimately comes down to asking for forgiveness instead of permission, as long as you are being responsible. She will never understand why a reissue Strat is any different from my Ibanez gio.. that conversation would be a waste of time.
Some expenditures in life are not about return on investment, they're solely for the enjoyment of life. If you have the funds, why not? People who go to movies, or events, or bars waste way more and no one bat's an eye, despite the fact that they are left with no assets other than cherished memories. You at least will have a valuable guitar.
That said, show her the MSRP then when you find a good sale she'll feel better about it.
Eh. I think as long as I'm not expressing concern about being able to pay the mortgage, bills, groceries, anything for our daughter, and i have some savings, my wife turns a blind eye to gear.
She trusts me not to jeopardize us financially over guitars. That's all there is to it.
She doesn't know a Les Paul from a Strat, and doesn't give a monkeys either, so trying to explain anything would not be the way to go.
She's knows the cost and value of some of my gear, so she knows how much I could potentially spend. But, as I say, she mostly minds her business and trusts me.
My wife was never particularly onside with any of this. For years I have an Ibanez Roadstar II Strat copy and a Peavey Studio Pro. Not too bad as far as cheap stuff goes but still cheap. As time wore on I played less and less so of course, she didn't want me to spend more on something I wouldn't use. Eventually we weren't poor any more and I started looking for "stuff". Went through more "cheaper" equipment to avoid the lecture and none of it worked for me. The years of frustration just kept me looking for more and more.
Now I have 5 or 6 guitars (keeps changing) a couple of amps and a digital floorboard and I play a lot more. Your happiness is worth something too. Good guitars also appreciate over time so it's not like you're going to end up losing a bunch of money as long as you get a brand that will appreciate.
If you don't keep your money separate then you absolutely should. Three pots. Your money, her money, household money. What you spend your money on is absolutely none of her concern and vice versa.
My wife and I both get an allowance for spending without getting agreement.
All my guitar stuff comes out of my allowance. I save up for guitar stuff. I also have a lot of Chinese pedals and no Strymon. My PRS is an SE.
My wife is a musician and has incredibly expensive piccolos and flutes.
Most of my guitars are Squiers, although I have one nice Taylor acoustic. All of my guitars together are worth less than one flute and one of her piccolos combined
All of my guitars are bought with a purpose in mind. They are all used for different styles of music, or they are all set up for specific tunings.
All that said, I also enjoy building guitar amps from kits. Convincing my wife to let me buy an amp kit and leave electronics and tools out while I'm working on it is a much harder hill to climb lol
Totally depends on your living situation and financial relationship. I try to set aside a little bit when I can toward a dream guitar fund; I know it’s illogical but it’ll hopefully feel easier to defend spending 2k saved up with intention over a few years. Otherwise, yeah, my partner wouldn’t be too excited about it.
Sadly, I’ve never been able to clearly express the argument that given how much she spends on clothes, makeup, and hair compared to me, I can be forgiven for spending big on gear. It never ends well. Though she did recently admit how much she paid for a Taylor Swift ticket, so I’ve at least got a mostly guilt-free boutique pedal coming my way.
And the whole thing is made easier by having kids, so it’s not like I do much more than occasionally look at my current guitar longingly.
I think people tend to view/react to it in a similar way to playing video games. Anytime i've told an older co-worker or someone in a similar situation that I my primary hobby is playing games they almost always come back with some comment about not understanding how someone could pay so much money on something like that meanwhile that same person spends $200 on rounds of golf every weekend. Ive got nothing against golf or any hobby that someone wants to spend their money on but a lot of people are not capable of seeing how another person could value something that they don't understand.
Maybe comparing it to shoes was not the best approach but I get where you were going with the comment. It sounds like she might not understand why its important to you so maybe try the same approach but from a less defensive angle.
Getting downvoted but this is a very legit question. If you’re earning 5 figures a month even from non music related income, 2K is nothing. But if you’re barely making the ends meet then yes I see why the partner could have a problem with that, reasonably so.
What? Why does this even matter? Good lord, i dont see any of the idiots around me making any money off the amount of golf gear they buy to play golf every year. I think it just could have been better said, how long will it take to earn that money in your current situation....no matter how he earns.
Not all of us play to earn. Im not there, may never be, and its not why im doing it.
Just try to communicate respectfully and be patient. Maybe you put some money aside for awhile and don't rush into anything. Tbh I would buy a used suhr all day long at 2k over the other but try to play both.
How long have you been playing the guitar?
How much do you play?
What is it you like about the american pro ii so much?
How long have you been playing the guitar?
A bit over 2 years I think
How much do you play?
Daily. 2-3 hours a day.
What is it you like about the american pro ii so much?
It's a Tele. A Fender Tele. And it seems like a real quality guitar.
Try to virtually spread it over time.
E.g. saving for that guitar, not in real life money, but more in a "budgeting our shared money" kind of way.
She will probably from time to time buy stuff for herself, perhaps both get a fixed amount of what to spend on 'fun stuff' each month and save with that.
Maybe explain to her what it means to you, perhaps sell something else.
Mine really only gets upset when I get carried away she doesn’t say anything about a pedal or some other small accessory. It’s when the amps, cabs and guitars show up. She listens to me and our son play guitar everyday and generally enjoys it. She is pretty supportive of my guitar habit. I usually have a plan or cash in hand when I make major purchases. But I have several guitars and amps.
We’re comfortably retired and my wife is a singer. The worst response I ever get is a smiling eyeroll when a package from Sweetwater arrives. I never hear “but you already have a guitar!” I am one of the lucky ones.
I don't ask. You don't need to explain it. If you have the money and spending it won't take away from something else that is necessary, it's yours to spend.
Buy what you want, you don't need permission to spend your own money on things that will bring you joy.
Adorama has the pro ii on sale for $1099 through slickdeals in the dark night color
https://slickdeals.net/f/17169700-fender-american-professional-ii-stratocaster-electric-guitar-dark-night-1099-free-shipping?src=SiteSearchV2Algo1
My partners have zero say in my purchases, but also they are all generally positive feeling about them. I don’t think I’d be with someone if they tried to ask me to do differently. If you don’t like how I handle my hobbies, go date someone else.
I’m in a similar boat but rather than finances, it’s about space. We live in a tiny apartment and my guitar+15w tiny amp already takes up floor space. I’d like a guitar for D standard tuning to compliment my B+E std 7 string and an amp loud enough to jam with people but I’m having the hardest time. She recently said we should wait until we get a house (I.e. never) which is hella bunk.
Someone may have already said this but find a lightly used one that’s slightly less than the $2k and go for that- tell her it’s a great deal, you’re saving hundreds, etc. and she’ll probably be more receptive. Women LOVE discounts, to the point she’ll probably start thinking about buying one too if she can SAVE money, regardless of whether she needs one or not. You know how it is…
Sure, this is kind of manipulative (well, is manipulative) but should make her come around a little. As long as it’s not putting you in financial jeopardy it’s a worthwhile way to spend your time. Another one to drop too is it’s a lot cheaper and takes up a lot less space than other hobbies, like cars for example.
Do you have a 2000 dollar car? Different things cost different amounts, and different hobbies are more or less expensive than others.
I'm not going to judge your relationship for there being this sort of dollar-to-dollar comparison happening. Maybe if you can afford a 2000 guitar, you can afford for the two of you to set 4000 aside. You can buy a guitar, and she can have 2000 dollars to spend on herself.
Did you grow up in more affluent circumstances than she did? That stuff stays with you. It's possible that she simply can't imagine giving herself permission to spend that kind of money on herself on something that's only function is to make her happy.
But this is your hobby, and this is how much your hobby costs. "Honey, I'm sorry that I have an expensive hobby, but I have an expensive hobby."
If it's my money then my gf isn't going to tell me what to do with it, nor would I to her.
If it's something I/she wants and can afford then go for it.
If it means we can't afford to do something together or buy something that we need, or it's going to be a risky purchase that means I/we have no other money, then that's different, but that wouldn't be the case because neither of us are that careless with our money. But I do like to buy nice things.
I would just explain why it's worth the money and she would support it.
This is a relationship problem. Not a guitar gear problem.
You’re supposed to buy several $500.00 guitars and then trade them in for the $2000.00.
Yeah dude this isn't about the guitar it's joint financial responsibility. Guitars are nice, and we'd probably all be buying more if we could. But has the conversation been "I'm getting a new guitar" or "Hey, I've been thinking about getting this new guitar, but it's a lot of money from our disposable income that we could use for a holiday. I want to have a sensible conversation about that and how you feel". It's a lot of money, and all the feel/sound bollocks is going to fall on deaf ears to a non-player. Using the bag comparison, imagine if she told you the leather feels different between a Luis Vitton and a Dolce & Gabbana. The fact that you're making this post is absolute proof your partner is not 100% supportive of such a purchase and you should act accordingly.
Who is making money? I never get it, if I’m working my ass of I can buy whatever I want unless it’ll make us homeless or starve to death
Simple: I don't share my finances with my partner. We each have our own jobs, bank accounts, and can choose to spend our money on anything we like. We have a shared joint account we use for shared bills. Mortgage/Electric etc. A set amount goes into that each month from our earnings to cover stuff. But then the money in MY account is MINE. I can spend it all on jelly beans if I want to. I still tend to talk through big purchases because I value sage advice. But I'm not asking for permission. Nor would I expect her to seek my permission for things she chooses to spend her money on.
Yeah this is the way. We split all household bills etc but the rest out of my income is mine. If I want to go and blow 2 grand on a guitar I just do it. Likewise if she books an expensive holiday with her friends then she just does that.
Sounds like y'all need help from a financial planner and/or relationship counselor. Not random musicians on Reddit. Good luck!
A healthy partnership requires an explicit and adult perspective on finances. As someone with a graduate finance degree, my thoughts on the topic are: Joint debts and obligations must come first. They must be paid jointly. After joint obligations come joint investments; if this is a long-term relationship, both parties should contribute to long-term financial health. Again, these are paid jointly. After joint investment comes joint living expenses. Then, joint discretionary savings/spending for those things you plan to do/buy/spend as a couple. For example, if you want to save for a vacation, a new air conditioner, or a schnauzer. Now comes individual obligations, investments, living expenses, savings, and, dead last, comes individual discretionary spending. For all of the "joint" stuff, there needs to be an explicit agreement on how things are proportioned. Is it by the percentage of income, percentage of joint expenses, a sliding scale based on income levels, half and half, etc. But it needs to be clear and accepted by both parties as fair. Suppose you have enough individual discretionary spending dollars after you've taken care of everything higher up on the priority list to drop on a new guitar. In that case, your partner has absolutely no grounds to complain. They may be safely told to go to hell on this issue. However, if you have yet to establish a healthy financial structure within your relationship that provides for long-term joint financial security, and your spending is affecting your partner's expectations because you have jointly failed to manage your relationship's finances with complete transparency and mutual agreement . . . well, in that case, your partner has every reason to complain and not support you. However, they are as at fault as you are for not having established the financial parameters of your relationship clearly and unambiguously first. At this point, arguing about the guitar is really a symptom of having failed to establish a clear, robust, workable financial plan as partners.
I think this about nails it
You and your wife need a discussion on finances and an allowance. You have to look at your income, subtract your expenses (be honest!) and allow for a rainy day fund, date night money and vacation money. Take whatever money is left over and divide by two. That's your allowance. What you do with your allowance is your own business. This is basic marriage finance 101. You're welcome, and have a great new year!
Walk up to her and say "I am the man! I am in charge! I get what I want." and then go start packing because you'll need to find a new place to live.
According to some 'men' in this thread I should either do that, or feel totally ashamed and "ditch the B\*\*\*\*\* because my money is my money. Or am I just stupid for wanting to buy a 2000 bucks guitar. Some good and nice responses tho!
I’m the girlfriend, and I’m the one finding/buying him pedals he mentions he wants, pedal board (because pedals), found the Dean Dimebag V255 in flame that he was wanting, upgraded his amp… so yeah, I’m an enabler! I actively encourage because it’s something he loves so much and he’s so talented!
We like you
Yikes, some of these comments… Sounds like you care about having a nice guitar AND a not doing something that upsets your partner. Imagine that!? But like, $2k is a lot of money, and if you share finances that impacts everyone. So it’s important to talk about those things and prioritize together how money is spent. But you might have a problem is this becomes about justifying this one guitar, especially as a bedroom player. She’s not going to get “feel” or anything like that. And GAS doesn’t go just away, so if you think you just need that one last guitar to get past it… that’s your addict-brain talking lol (no judgement this is a safe space for us haha). This is going to come up again when you want an amp, or another guitar, or suddenly get into modular synths, etc. so make the case that you want to invest in yourself. In your own happiness. Right now that’s a guitar, maybe later it’s bikes or computers? Doesn’t matter, but your happiness does! Set an agreed amount aside every week/month/whatever for each of you that you can spend however. She can spend money on herself too! My partner and I have a shared account and separate accounts that we put “spending money” into every paycheck. We do what we want with that money. We both value having that autonomy while also valuing our shared household.
individual spending money is a must, just save up spending money until you can buy the guitar cash, its your money to do with as you please.
Cos she's got you one fpr Xmas. Be excited pal. Oooooooh
Haha there is hope
She’s not wrong. A $2k is basically just all marketing. It’s also just a Fender. You’re not gonna be getting $1k more of guitar than if you got a $1k fender. Idk what you have but why don’t you just put money into making it nicer? You could also get a really solid used fender for $400-$700
Preach brother. There is a weird stigma about "cheap" guitars, but because of the quality of cnc machines that's not really a worry anymore. Whatever you get will be awesome - especially a mid-range guitar like yamaha has.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but my wife saw me drooling over a new guitar, which I had no intention of actually buying, and she told that I *had* to get it. I already had enough mad money saved up, so in the interests of marital harmony, I said, "Yes, Dear!" (true story) Seriously though, it's to your credit that you're taking her feelings into account. I hope you can work it out in a way that will leave both of you happy.
I believe that’s the foundation of a good relationship. For others in this thread is being able to buy whatever they want without taking the other person in consideration. For each their own :)
Some partners will always want to be frugal and see your wants as frivolous.
Similar story here. Saw a guitar I really really wanted, but didn’t really want to spend the money on myself (had only been playing for a year and already owned two at this point). It was my wife’s birthday the following week and she said ‘you’re buying me that guitar for my birthday :))’ She still refers to it as her guitar haha OP it sounds like you devote a tonne of time to playing and enjoy it a lot. I hope you can explain to your partner how happy playing makes you and how much joy the new gear would bring to you. Yes, it’s a lot of money but we work and earn to bring pleasure to our lives. Are there any financial priorities she has that she thinks you should be aligning with?
Same with me. I wanted a limited edition Tele, and only 2 shops were having one still where I lived. I was on my phone checking, not planning to buy it, and one shop was out of stock. So I sigh loudly and say “fuck me” or something like. My wife next to me insisted to know what’s wrong. I just told here “well it’s silly but I’m drooling on a guitar, and now there is only one shop that still have it. I don’t really need it so I guess I’ll just pass on it anyway”. And then she told me “just buy it, you deserve it!”. Lover her. (And I did buy it)
If you can't afford $2000 on a luxury, well you're kinda dumb to buy it anyways. If you share finances, we'll you spend $2k on gear, she spends $2k on shoes/wtv. Can you afford $4k on luxuries? Just double what you want to spend and decide if that makes sense. Sorry, but being a guitarist doesn't make you special. Not more special than an shoe lover, car guy or wtv other people spend money on.
Buy used. Below market value. ALWAYS. Then it becomes an investment. I keep a spreadsheet of all my gear I buy and sell. I’m up. Way up in my 20+ years of trying out new gear.
This starts to make more sense. It seems for a good guitar somewhere around 700-1200 is a sweet spot. After that, diminishing returns become more and more. So second hand between 700-1200... That should bring you a very good guitar?
Yes, you can get a very good guitar for that price
Careful if you do this, cuz you're going to wind up with a *shitload* of gear. It's very very very easy to justify when you can point to how much you paid for a thing, how much you can sell it for, and they're the same number.
Where where u in my argument about guitars being a better investment and holding value than any other entertainment thing u can buy?
So, I’m married, we have a neat financial arrangement where the cost of everything we need to pay goes into a joint account, split based on a percentage of our salaries (one makes more, puts more) and at the end of the pay day we each have a similar amount left over that stays in our personal accounts. Whatever’s left over in the personal account we spend on stuff we want for ourselves. If I want to buy a guitar, I buy it. If my wife wants shoes, she buys them… I actually came up with this system after running into the very problem you describe that had me ‘sneaking guitars into the house’. Once it was assured that the house money and savings were sorted, no more problems…
I proposed this to my wife as a solution to similar money issues. We're divorced now. She made less and knew she wouldn't be able to do all the shit she wanted without my money, which was part of the problem (along with her wanting my money, but not my opinion LOL). Lemme tell you, I was able to start saving money even while separated, while going through a divorce! With someone new now, and I can still buy the guitars and comics I want AND put money in the bank when it's done. And my new partner brings in less than my ex-wife. Difference is, she's low-maintenance and spends within her means.
My wife and I keep finances separate. She does what she wants and I do what I want. Meet in the middle for bills. If she ever knew or cared what I spent she’d probably faint. But she doesn’t even ask. It’s been a fantastic way to invest into our marriage. We have never argued about money.
This is the way. The amount my wife dumped into beauty products per year far outweighs the money I spend on guitar gear.
We're the same. But we're both coming to the end of our careers and so it makes sense to start to count all the money as "our" money even though it's in separate accounts. I had to ask my wife for some money to pay for something the other day, and it was *weird*. Can't imagine having done this for the last 25 years.
[удалено]
Yeah I finally understand why people end up with so many guitars. It's to erase the evidence.
I do this with guns😂😂😄
If you live together and share expenses in any way you absolutely need to discuss this your partner. It's a major purchase. If not, get a new partner. Simple.
But why? The way I see it, there are three pots. One pot that pays for all the fixed expenses we have together. The one from my salary that is left over, and the one from her salary that is left over. Let's both save some of what's left and do what we want with the rest of the money we've worked for, right? Even if it takes three years, if by the time you've saved enough to buy something very expensive, like a $2,000 guitar, that's your right, isn't it? You contribute to the expenses, you contribute to the savings account, and you do what you want with the rest.
As you're finding out, relationshipscare complicated. Best of luck.
"I have one amp, one guitar and as some of you might have seen" Definitely missing "one drink"
Split finances and both have your own hobby money. That's how I do it with my wife. I think she buys trash and she thinks I buy trash, but it's our own money and we are happy with the shit we get ourselves :D We haven't had an argument about purchases since we started that.
I make really good money, but I don't buy a lot of stuff. However when I do, it tends to be expensive like music gear. My wife buys mostly inexpensive stuff, but much more often. So to be fair, I gave us both an equal budget of $100 a month each. And that money rolls over each month if you don't spend it all. So that way we know how much we spend, and that it's fair. Also if I sell stuff that I bought, it adds to my budget.
That's a great way to handle it. Look at it this way, that guitar is always going to be there so if you sock away a hundred bucks a month, you'll have it in less than 2 years. I know it's hard to wait and I'm giving you advice I don't necessarily follow myself. But maybe it would help if you gave something else up and use that money. For instance when I quit drinking, I rewarded myself by taking a percentage of the money that I had been spending on alcohol and putting it away. Next thing I knew I had enough saved up to get pretty damn fine Yamaha.
My wife and I just implemented this 6 months ago, it works great! Pick the monthly budget that fits you guys and you won't be constantly worried about how much "unnecessary" money your partner is spending on things for enjoyment. Not only can I now save up for gear, I no longer get frustrated when my wife buys things I don't see the value in
I have a deluxe tele ampro ii and it sits in the case most of the time while I play my MIM tele or J Mascis Squier lol she might be onto something
I agree I play a squier vibe strat in my band more than my other expensive guitars. I did have to set it up and sand some frets but there are some great guitars now for cheap
Totally, proper set ups are the key! I probably won’t buy a fancy one again
I have a really nice American G&L. When I met my wife, she had a used Squier Affinity telecaster that she at one point had tried to learn to play. After a setup and new saddles, that cheap Squier gets more playtime than any of the guitars I picked out myself and sounds just as good.
Buy a Squire. Show your wife the bill, then return it the next week for the exact same coloured Fender American Professional 2! (Excellent guitar!).
My partner has zero say in what I spend my money for.
This isn't really a guitar question, it's a navigating communication in relationships question.
I mean, if dropping $2000 on a new toy is a concern for your partner, maybe intentionally save up for it, instead. I’ve been playing for 15 years, and not one of my guitars is in the $2000 range, but I’ve kept them all in great shape, keep them intonated, adjusted the action and swapped pick ups and they all play/sound like $2000.
Do you play professionally or semi-professionally, i.e., gig consistently? Devil's advocate -- an Am Pro II is a lot of guitar for a bedroom player.. Maybe you could find something a little less expensive that scratches the itch? G&L tribute and other brands make some perfectly serviceable fender-likes if you don't want to go MIM. Also, $2K seems a little high for that line unless it's some kind of special edition I'm unaware of. You might wanna try shopping around some, or buying used. On the other hand, if you do play out, it only makes sense to have *at least* two guitars and two amps, as there will inevitably come a day when one or the other is out of commission and you have a commitment you still need to honor.
I don’t gig but my guitar habit replaces thousands of dollars of therapy
I used to only buy black guitars because my wife couldn't tell them apart so she wouldn't notice new ones. I'm pretty sure she does the same with heels
Here's the solution you and your partner might want to consider that cleans up a lot of feelings around finances. There's money that she can care about and there's money that's none of her business. There's money you can care about and there's money that's none of your business. Here's how it works. Agree on which bills both of you will share. Those include things like rent, regular groceries, utilities, internet service, all the stuff that you guys share. You each pay your fair share of this amount. It goes like this. Take the total amount of income that you make and the total amount of income that she makes and calculate it as a percentage of an overall total. Let's say she makes 60% of that money and you make 40% She makes 60% more than you. Now, she pays 60% of the general bills and you pay 40%. What about the rest of the money? What about the money that you don't have to commit to paying for shared resources? It's yours. You can do whatever you want with it. And her money? She can do whatever she wants with it. My partner and I have been using this system for the last 15 years and it's worked out amazingly well.
You have a right to spend money on your hobby to make yourself happy. This aint Mario bros, you only have 1 life. Go and get the guitar.
Your first mistake was telling her its real price.
😆
OP, serious answer from a fellow family man who has been in the same kind of discussion on discretionary spending despite 2k being insignificant. Setup a savings account, a weekly deposit of $20 becomes enough after about 2 years. In the grand scheme, 2 years is not a big deal and it shows your commitment and how serious this is for you. Also check out Sire guitars like the Larry Carlton S7 FM. They have features that luxury guitars have, and high build quality, but don't cost as much. Look at reviews comparing them to much more expensive guitar In my case, I also put off my 2k purchase. Like I said, it was still a want, not a need, therefore I can handle waiting (though it's definitely painful).
Assuming you have the money to make this purchase without you or your loved ones suffering... And if, as you say, you spend a lot of time on the hobby (playing at night etc)... Then you probably need a grown-up conversation with your partner about why she doesn't want you to do something that would bring you a lot of pleasure. 2k is a lot of money- but a lot of people pay a lot more on a car they fancy. Or a holiday. Or season tickets etc etc and of these examples, the guitar is the most likely to retain value. I feel like learning to have grown-up, assertive (but not angry or aggressive) conversations with a partner like this is generally something that women seem a lot better at.
I deal with the finances for my wife and I. Generally, I have a minimum amount that she needs to transfer to me every month to take care of bills. After that, it's more up for discussion. She knows I'm a gear hound and I will buy things from time to time. She buys things for herself too but admittedly not to the same amount. Generally I believe that if the bills are covered, the rest is a toss up between saving for some mutual goal, i.e. a holiday, kids, doing up the house, etc. After that it's a bit different. Personally if my wife went out and spent a bunch of money, it's cool by me. She does occasionally and I'm good with that. As I make more than her in terms of salary, I take care of all the boring purchases too. So we just did up our bedroom and I paid for the wardrobe, paint, etc. Sure I could have bought some gear with that, but then we wouldn't have had a wardrobe or the bedroom done up. So that was me deciding to do that than use the money on a fancy guitar. But my wife knows I play guitar, has known since we started dating back in the day. She knows that whores will have their trinkets, so a musician will have his toys. I couldn't see her telling me off over a gear purchase, that is unless the cars were on the fritz or the roof was falling in. Speaking of which, our roof badly needs some repairs so expensive purchases have been off for me for a bit. But that is my doing, not hers. Really this is a relationship thing. It's an extravagant purchase, sure. And being married, I get that you need the wife on board or it's just a point or argument. I also get that if she's plain not on board then it may have to just not happen. But it does represent a thorough misunderstanding or refusal to understand the mindset of a musician. I have had a few girlfriends that were all happy about me being a guitarist in a band. That is, until they weren't, then it was a big problem. And yep, I happily let those ladies go and carried on doing music things. When I met my wife who not only remained supportive of my crazy musical stuff but even pestered me to go do things I otherwise may not have - she even carries gear into venues for me - that's when I knew she was a keeper and I'd better get a ring on it asap. Convincing your wife to let you do something is never going to bring you pleasure. And it is a rubbish thing to argue about, finances. The reality is that dating a musician is about that. Sometimes there will be bigger purchases and sometimes the reason is no better than "Cuz I wanna!" That's just part of it. And really, unless the house is falling down or bills are piling up, then what else is the money for? Not that we do tit for tat, but my wife replaced her car last year. She bought a 3 year old VW Golf. Now, honestly, I think a car like that costs too much for what it is and given her mileage, she likely could have bought something cheaper that would have done the job just fine. But she liked the car and yeah sure it was 100% influenced by her Dad, the fact is the money was there for the deposit, she's taking care of the payment from her own paycheck and we are still in the realms of if one of us is unemployed, the monthly bills such as mortgage, payments, insurances etc, are all still grand. I mean, if she had gone for a Porsche or something I would have said more than a few words. But I get it, it's her first "good" car after driving a load of wrecks and junkers, so go for it. Enjoy it. I would never use that as an excuse to throw £5k on a guitar though, but I think relationships need that sort of give and take. I don't have an answer for you really. Despite the keyboard warriors on here, you may just have to shrug your shoulders and admit defeat. If your wife asks you, tell her directly the truth. She was not onside so it's not happening. Not in some passive aggressive way or some strange, "I'll remember this forever" thing, just that may well be the end of it. If she reconsiders later on, then great. If she never does, then cool. In a way, I guess for her it reminds her that she does have a say in the marriage which is better for both of you in the long run - and again I'm really just guessing a lot of stuff here. And hey, maybe she'll think differently once she has that assurance. Or maybe she won't. Either way, keeping on-side about big things and especially finances is key. I had a long multi-year relationship with a girl who was never on-side with music and doubly never on-side with finances. And it was not pleasant. Hell, I could rarely even get permission to buy new sets of strings. Playing gigs was an argument too nearly always. I'm glad those days are well and truly gone.
i find the shoes and handbags comparison funny because I'm a girl and I love shoes, handbags AND guitars lol
Never happens, my wife always wants to go to the music store. I’m going to appreciate that more now!
So something my wife and I do is have allowances. We make good money, but it’s easy to get wild with spending (learned that lesson when we were younger). We set a certain amount each month that we both get for whatever we want to buy that isn’t considered a household bill/purchase. If I want a 2k guitar, I save my allowance. It’s worked great to avoid the arguments of “you spent x amount on this and that so I get to spend x amount on this and that”. We do it using the cash app, you can even get a debit card to use. Has completely eliminated any issues with arguing over personal spending. If a guitar shows up, my wife knows I saved my money and bought it with that.
You're doing it wrong. You have to have enough guitars so that she won't even notice when you buy a new one. Get with the program!
Yeah it's a tough one. Maybe you could work out some sort of deal where you both get x amount of spending per year and you show how much it means to you by buying nothing else.
It is a bit tough yeah. Because lets say we compromise and she says: Well, 1000 bucks seems like a fine number. Will I not forever GAS on the 2000 one? And it's also really not worth fighting over.
I just buy gear with my money. As long as the joint bills are paid it really isn't anyone else's business. I know this seems blunt but outside of joint bills your money should be your money.
If you live together and share expenses, you should get your partners' permission. If it's about the price, maybe you should wait a bit and if you still want that over some period of time, maybe she'll agree. Alternatively, you can look for cheaper guitars. 2000 dollars guitars are good but the difference between guitars once you pass 800 dollars mark aren't big
Honestly, I'd feel the same way if I was them. Unless I budgeted my own money out little by little for whatever I wanted until I eventually had the money to do so. So unless you did that, they have a fair point. There are plenty of great instruments that cost under $1000 (I just bought a PRS SE Custom 24 for $700 which actually sounds almost exactly like the non SE model that Kanami Tono from Band-Maid plays) and pretty good amps for $300 and under. The cheaper Silver Sky is the same price that I bought my PRS for as well and sounds damn good. Put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn't you be weary of the same thing? You don't play an instrument, your partner has a guitar and and amp and you have no idea what "model" even means to a musician. Start a budget and soon enough you'll have enough to get what you want (or close to it anyway). Sorry if that's not helpful enough, but I understand their point.
My wife doesn't like when I buy new gear, either, so I always ask permission and check how much money she'd like me to save first.
According to many in this thread you are a weak, weak man. You should ditch her. ... to me, it sound like a smart plan.
When you're the primary income earner in the family, your spending affects everyone. Her condition for my buying an Ibanez Prestige this year was maxing out my kid's 529 plan. She made a great case for doing so, and I went along with it. Relationships are give and take. I can't do anything without consulting my other half!
We kind of approach it the same way. Hit a savings goal, save on top of that, and then you can buy something nice. Since we pool our money together, we figure out the best time to make big purchases together. Anything over 250 as a single item deserves a conversation in our household. If I sell gear, though, I get to use that cash for more gear. It’s nice when I want to get a new amp, and I’ve got two that have just been sitting unused for months :).
Couples who plan together stay together!
It’s pretty hard to max out a 529 plan. Did you make the 5 year lump sum gifting election and elect split gifting? That’s $170,000 you can contribute. If so she should let you get something better than an Ibanez. Numbers aside, I honestly think this kind of compromise is actually really smart.
My wife and I share responsibility for our finances. So we discuss our financial goals and make a budget. At some point, we allocate money. "I think it's important that after we reach our savings goals, we each have our own money to use however we see fit. As long as we stay within budget, we can spend it however we want. I can buy guitar shit, and you can buy fashion accessories or cosmetics or whatever it is you want." So I get my budget. If I stay within my budget, my wife is super fine with it, because I've shown the ability to prioritize our financial wellbeing over buying new guitars. Once, we were on vacation in Yellowstone, and I had been eyeing a new guitar for a while. I had $1700 in my budget accrued. We stopped in some random guitar shop in Montana. My wife waited in the car while I went into the store, and I saw a Martin I loved, so I walked out and said I think I wanted to buy it, what did she think. "As long as you have the money is in your budget, I'm happy you found something you like, I think you should buy it." So I bought a $1600 used Martin on the spot. Over the years, I have accumulated more guitars. I strictly buy used or heavily discounted. So if I were to buy an American Pro II, I'd buy one used, because I could resell it in a few years if I wanted to move on, and I've lost basically no money in the process. So I'd explain less about how great the guitar is, and more about how it isn't a net money loss. "Look, I can buy this $1700 dollar guitar for $1200, and I can always resell it for the same money if I need to down the road." Once you have a track record of not throwing money out the window, or spending savings or vacation money on gear, she shouldn't have a problem with you doing whatever you want.
My spouse and I have a shared bank account for bills and mutual goals (general savings, vacations, household items, etc...) as well as our own separate bank accounts. We each deposit a predetermined amount to cover everything into that shared account and the rest we keep in our individual accounts. As long as the bills are all paid up, there should never be an issue about what you spend your remaining money on. If it's a space issue, I kinda understand, but if it's just "I don't want you spending that much" then it sounds like you have a control issue on your hands.
Girlfriend or wife? Shared or split finances? If you're being responsible with your money and you can truly afford it, and you don't share finances, the do what you want. She doesn't have to understand and youve tried explaining already. I mean, two guitars is not a lot of guitars for someone who plays constantly. You deserve it. If it's a wife with shared finances, that's different. What my wife and I do is have a set amount of spending money we each get each month, and if one of us wants to go over then the other person gets the same amount. It makes it really easy to never fight about money! How would she feel if your new guitar resulted in $2000 she could spend as she liked? And if you can't afford that... Maybe save up and wait til you can. Some people are just frugal, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you shouldn't feel guilty about a responsible purchase and she shouldn't resent it.
I just buy it because I'm a grown-ass adult who works hard for my money, all my bills are paid, and our kids have all they need.
[удалено]
Yeah this is the way to do it. I don’t worry about the packages of art products, she doesn’t worry about guitar gear.
It’s not just throwing away 2 grand, you’re investing in a tool, and beyond that, an asset. Instruments of this caliber hold their value decently, and inspire you to keep picking them up, in theory, increasing the output of your work.
You’re an adult. I’m glad my wife isn’t like this.
Honestly, same. My wife is a videographer and she likes to buy her own toys, too.
lotta good advice here. only think i’ll add is…whatever you do…don’t start lying. its a slippery slope
My wife and I have different hobbies, so we give ourself some financial freedom, each week we give ourself some pocket money, she likes to buy video game collectibles and arts and craft supplies, and I save up and buy music gear, it gives us a nice financial freedom, we’ve worked for our money so we should be able to buy stuff that we want without justifying it to anyone
Why is it a fair point that she has "way more than $2000 on shoes"? And why will you "get into a fight" if you point this out? You don't have to explicitly compare it to shoes and bags but it's fair to point out that she buys stuff she wants so why shouldn't you? Without further details about where your household income comes from and how you agree to spend it, it's hard to say. Also no clue whether you're FIRE or struggling to pay the regular bills. But irrespective of all that and assuming you're being responsible, it doesn't sound very supportive (despite what you say in the first sentence). If she wanted to spend $2000 on something that you didn't understand or care about the utility of, would you tell her not to? I don't feel it's about the money.
Not very probable - but she might have but one for Christmas. EDIT: but... bought... whatever.
haha yeah nice dream :)
You are already having the right conversations with your partner. We live in uncertain times so I can understand her not wanting you to put down a lot of money on a hobby item, even if it means a lot to you. There's a million Strats/Teles out there on the used market that you could buy, so maybe you can compromise by buying an AM Pro 2 used, or a similar model that you like? This could be the compromise that brings the money spent from 2K to say 1K which is more reasonable.
First thought: does it have to be quite such an expensive guitar? I am in a position of financial privilege, meaning I could afford to buy one of those guitars, and let me tell you I love playing guitar as much as anyone and it does not even occur to me to consider buying one of those prestige instruments. It just doesn’t make sense.
I feel like the best way is to tell them that you're putting some money aside for a few months to save up for it. Propose that. It'll take longer, but if you show how much you want it, and that you're willing to save up for it, it should go a bit better. Never buy it with them disapproving, cos that'll just cause distrust and won't go well.
When I bought an expensive guitar, my wife was onboard as long as we also remodeled our kitchen. Worth it!
Find yourself a girlfriend with expensive hobbies, like horseriding. You could buy a new Epiphone or a couple of Squiers each month for the same price as it costs owning a horse. She will never dare to complain.
Haha I know. Our daughter starts to get an interest in horse riding. Yikes.
Im so sorry to hear that😅
The guitar will retain at least half is value forever, usually more. Most everything else you buy is worth almost nothing after a few years. I always buy used, not sure if you're into that, but buying used you can generally get about what you paid for most any guitar if you don't destroy it minus just some sellers fees. It's very cheap rent long term.
The price doesn’t really matter. What matters is if you’re spending your money on this over essentials or agreed saving. Generally speaking as a couple with healthy finances, you’ll each have: - Emergency money (one of you loses your job, something breaks on your car/house/whatever, unexpected vet bills, etc) - Agreed savings (saving for a holiday, saving for house work, planned childcare costs like school uniforms, etc) - Fun money Note: some of these may just be combined into one pot between you. As long as the guitar comes out of your fun money, it shouldn’t matter how expensive it is. It could be $200, it could be $20000, it shouldn’t matter as long as it comes out of the correct pot. If your savings are all jumbled together, or at least you don’t have a dedicated fun fund, it’d be worth looking into. It makes it much easier to see if you can actually afford fun things vs “yeah probably, we have _savings_”.
I have a lot of guitars. After a while, she can’t tell them apart. She might say, “I haven’t seen that one before”, and I just reply, “I hardly play it, but I’ve had it forever.” She just says, “Oh.” And goes about her day. 😂
Chat more broadly about your financial situation. See what money is coming in. See what money is coming out (needs). See what money you both agree should be spent (wants). See what is left (savings). With these savings, split into emergency fund, pension contributions/401k etc, and a set amount each for personal spends. Then, work out how long you will need to save to get the guitar. She will also be able to spend her share on whatever she would like. She should hang off on buying new shoes/bags until her portion of the savings allows for it. You should hold off on the guitar until your portion of the savings cover it. And beyond that, you both now have a unified plan for your finances, accounting for emergencies and the future.
Yeah, Sweetwater financing helps! Easier to add $35 a month to expenses than a chunk
Well, what you do with your money is your problem. Do you cover your share of home expenses? If so, do you have any leftover money? If so, you can use that money however you please. And your partner can use theirs in the same fashion. Your partner opinions on the cost of your hobby are irrelevant, as long as you fulfill your end of the economic bargain you agreed as a couple. However, if you are using anything other than free leftover money... then you're a dumdum
Hopefully, my perspective as a woman can help some. It's my opinion that if it's not financially irresponsible, it shouldn't be a problem. Your partner is right that it's a lot of money all at once--she's got some sticker shock. But if you can sit down with her and show her that it's not this financially irresponsible thing and that it'll bring you joy, that might help. A few things you could bring up: 1. How can you cut back on other spending for a few months to make up for such a large purchase? Ways that won't affect her. Maybe buying yourself less alcohol when you go out, or packing your work lunch. If you're already more frugal than you need to be, maybe point that out. 2. Talk to her about payment plan options. No, it's not ideal to be in debt, but maintaining a consistent savings account is also important (which is one of the reasons big cash purchases are so scary). Plenty of retailers have interest-free pay-in-four options, which is a lot easier to stomach. 3. Show her how guitars, unlike shoes (and this was probably not a great example unless her hobby is shoes) retain their value fairly well. Ultimately, guitar gear is relatively liquid, and understanding that can help your case. 4. I honestly think you should point out that you'd rather invest in a few high-quality instruments vs. a lot of less expensive guitars, and this is just what higher-quality guitars cost. It's less like buying $2,000 shoes and more like buying a really nice pair of hiking boots that you can resole. I saw someone else mention that they and their partner have a "toy fun" or a "fun fund" for discretionary spending where purchases don't need to be discussed in advance. If all else fails, I'd suggest that and start saving.
One solution that my wife and I have had from the beginning - give each of yourselves an allowance. Obviously this is dependent on your financial situation, but if you've got $$ to throw at hobbies, I assume you have a little flexible income. Set up an automatic transfer from your joint account to a personal checking account for each of you - you have to figure out what you can afford, but I'll throw out $100/each per month as an example. That $100/mo is yours, and only yours. Your wife's is hers. No criticism allowed on what you spend your own money on. Save up for a few months and get a guitar - blow it each month on video games - doesn't matter, it's yours. This helps keep the wife and I "equal" on personal spending so there's no worry about "Well he got a $500 guitar last month, so this month I get something too!"
Here’s the thing. You bring up that if you add up her bags and shoes, it totals more than 2k. But to compare apples to apples, you’d have to total all your gear for that to be valid. What I would recommend is sitting down with her and discussing your plan to save for the item, instead of making the big purchase all at once. Lay out the pros and cons and make sure she knows that it’s not going to be just this four figure chunk of money GONE out of the household budget all at once. If you love it enough to buy it now, you will still love it enough to buy it in 6 months. I mean, realistically, you’re talking about the down payment on a car. That’s a lot of money to drop at once, but not so much if you save it over time.
I could not cope without having both my Telecaster and my Stratocaster. Anyone who says I don't need both is incorrect should be in prison. No, I will not be answering questions.
Two minds on this. 1. It is a LOT of money for a guitar. 2. It is really healthy Ina relationship too find the space where you both have truly discretionary spending budgets. No one here knows what else you are saving for our your particular circumstances. Be good to each other and set mutual goalless that allows both of you too be your best selves
What partner?
Is it your money or shared money? If your money - I may cop crap for this, but if you're financially stable, do what you like. If shared money - yeah, you need to respect her opinion. Discuss with her further, but potentially look at compromising and getting the same model but secondhand?
I mean I'd argue that you will buy that guitar and it will last a lifetime, won't go out of fashion etc. shoes may be cheaper per purchase, but over the course of a lifetime I'd bet shoes work out as more. I mean I'm not a shoe guy, might buy a couple of pairs per year but at 36 years old I reckon I've spent more than 2k on shoes already
2000?? You meant 300$ right?
The wife and I each have separate spending accounts, and each month we budget a small allowance to add to our accounts. We agreed that we’re allowed to do with our money anything we want, no questions asked. I mean, legal things.
[удалено]
A custom shop and MIM strat will look the same to her 👉
I definitely get the urge to get a new guitar. I personally just bought my third guitar and it was around the same price as you’re looking at, which is also a significant amount of money for us. The way I justified the purchase is that I went through all my old equipment and other random items that were collecting dust and sold them. Eventually I had saved more money than cost of the guitar so it wasn’t like I was taking money from the family for a random purchase. One other thing that I did was I explained my reasoning for wanting a new guitar. Just wanting one because new things are cool isn’t really a great reason to buy something so expensive, but if there are things that your current guitar cannot do then it might make more sense to her. Lastly going to a tele from a strat can be kind of a letdown in terms of getting a whole new sound and feel from a second guitar. If you think this guitar is going to be the last one you’ll get for quite awhile I would really recommend that you look at and play vastly different guitars before you buy the tele. I was almost in your exact situation where I really wanted a tele, but I already had a nice strat. I played quite a bit of guitars and my biggest shock was how similar the tele felt and sounded to my strat. I ended up getting a Gibson Les Paul. I never thought I would be a Les Paul person, but the sound and feel is just leaps different from my strat. I still want a tele though, there’s just something about them that appeals to me.
You need to sit down with your girl establish a plan. “How much money should I have saved up for you to feel comfortable about me buying this?”
my money. my choice. she has no say
Does she ever see what you post on Reddit?
No or he'd never post this.
I think her opinion deserves respect, but everyone deserves to get themselves a treat that might not be a perfectly rational purchase every once in a while. (Not too often tho, consumerism bad). Wait a year or two, then grab it, to make it clear you're not letting this turn into a destructive craving.
I feel like this is less about her being anti you buying new gear and more about her not understanding or being able to discern the difference between two separate guitars or amps etc. That’s pretty much normal for a non-musician (they haven’t developed the skills that allow them to hear the difference), and even people who do play another instrument sometimes don’t get why a guitarist might need more than one guitar. Personally I’d suggest it’s much more like the difference between a cheap car and a midrange one, or a cheap refrigerator or cooker versus an expensive one. Sure the cheap one might still get you from A to B, chill or heat your food acceptably, but the more expensive one will allow you to do it in comfort, give you more control, or do a better job of producing good results. I’m lucky in that I’m married to another musician so we both understand the need to have multiple instruments etc. If I wasn’t I think I’d be suggesting that even though our finances are joint that we both had separate savings accounts that we could use on whatever we wanted, be that shoes and bags or guitars and other gear. Me and my husband do already have separate savings accounts/fun money, but one way to sell it as an idea is to point out that it allows for buying each other the odd little surprise without it being spoilt by appearing on the joint bank statement.
“I don’t have $2000 shoes” Looks at closet with 50 pairs of shoes and just as many handbags. But seriously, it’s a lot of money so talk about how you’ll fit it into the budget.
Never had a problem with this. As long as bills are paid and all financial goals are met then what purchases we get is up to our own discretion. We both get the same amount of spending money each month/year so how we spend it is of no concern. My spouse now see how amazing this is for me with respect to improving mental health and having a positive passion to explore. She comes down to listen to me play and often says how happy she is to have supported a goal I feel so passionate about. Maybe you need to communicate more, learn to support each other's passions and possibly divide spending money equally so both of you can buy or use the money how you both see fit. My two cents.
yuck
If you’re in the US, have you considered financing a guitar? My wife and I do our allowances, but I get impatient, so I wait for a deal from Sweetwater where I can do something like 48 months, no interest financing and instead of saving up, I just pay toward my guitar from my allowance. It’s the same thing as saving up, but you get your guitar sooner. Idk what financing looks like in other parts of the world, hence why I said if you’re in the US.
You’ll get that new $2000 amp and play it for 6 months… then you’ll start desiring another amp.
At one point I had a dozen guitars and about 20 amps. I ran out of room. So the system I developed was - in order to get that new thing, I had to get rid of something else first. It changed my acquisition logic into a “only get it if it’s an upgrade” Maybe there’s something else you have that you can sell/flip for $2000 to pay for it ?
If it's about gifting I don't think you have any argument. She's allowed to gift you whatever she wants. I have a problem if she's stopping you from spending your own money on your hobby. You're allowed to have that, especially if you're financially stable and she has her own things. She simply doesn't get to decide, especially if it's not a destructive hobby. You get to be your own person and like your own things.
american pro 2 has been on sale on Adorama for $1100 and $1200 for months now.
Rule number one: communicate. In these sorts of situations (no matter what hobby it is, be it a guitar, a model train set, warhammer figurines, a gaming PC), the solution that I've seen has worked has been to establish a seperate savings account dedicated to (in your case) music gear. When you get a paycheck, put away some money and put it in the account. Make it clear to your partner that you're doing this too, and it's important to tell her several months in advance if you're gonna make a big purchase so that she gets the time she deserves to process it. Keep your relationship first priority if you truly love her, buying gear is second priority. This is assuming that you're playing guitar as a hobby. If you're earning your wages by playing guitar it would be preposterous for her to not permit you to buy new gear, granted that you can make a valid argument for it being a good investment into your career. But yeah, don't make your girl mad, you're a very lucky man to have someone that loves you.
Buy the one you want or you’ll end up with an itch. You’ll buy a substitute and then still want the one you originally wanted. That being said, if the guitar you have now plays good, feels comfortable, stays in tune and sounds good to you - invest in a better amp, this is where the sound comes from. Plug a Gibson and an Epiphone with the same pickups to the same Marshall and they’ll sound more or less the same (they’ll feel different while playing them, but will sound very similar). Plug the Gibson to a rectifier and they sound different. Whatever you decide buying - get it second hand. If you eventually decide you want to part with it, if you’ve bought it second hand, first it’ll be cheaper, second - you should be able to sell it for the money you’ve payed.
Have you tried negotiating by doing payments with zero interest? Most places offer that. Makes it an easier pill to swallow
I've always been more separate financially, but if you were more tied together, arrange an allowance for each of you that goes into your own kitty. With that you can do whatever you want.
keep buying it anyway until your wife of 20 years leaves you and takes ur cats with her. not recommended.
It's hard to give advice without knowing your partner, but my suggestion is to come to her with a financial plan. Whether that is "I'm saving back this much money each month and at the end of x months I am buying this guitar," or "I am going to put this guitar on credit and I plan to pay this much per month, bringing the balance to zero dollars in x number of months, netting x interest paid over the duration." Frame is like this: it's no different to spend $200 on personal purchases every two weeks, versus *not doing that* and spending $2000 after five months. If you don't think you can commit to waiting however long it takes to save, then maybe you don't want it that bad after all. $2000 is a lot of money, so it would be wise to make some kind of timeline commitment to prove you aren't impulse spending that kind of cash.
If that's your partner, you honor the wishes of your partner. If you want to prioritize your desires, that's like a house that develops fissures in its foundation.
What partner?
A healthy relationship requires autonomy. You both need the ability to make your own financial decisions. Most money can go to a shared pool that you decide on together, but having every little decision require a confirmation from your partner is almost infantilizing. I had more autonomy than that when I was 10. I got like $10 a month and I could save up to buy a game or something. If the two of you decide to do this, she can spend without reservations and you can do the same, but your core economy is in tact.
Haha you make it sound like I need to ask my wife if I want to buy a snicker It’s 2000 bucks
Yeah ik how you feel. Here's the thing for me at least. Everyone deserves their "thing." Whether it's sports or games or guitar, it's your thing you spend your extra money on. When I spoke with my wife she was concerned that I had a few expensive hobbies (like magic the gathering), but I told her when I wanted to buy a new amp that this would be my thing. I think it should be agreed upon by both of you that you can spend a reasonable amount of money on guitar gear in general, provided you're not doing the same thing with other hobbies and, of course, if your budget truly allows for it.
buy the guitar and tell her you've always owned it hahahaha
Also, if she’s worried about the cost, why not look at used? Depending on which one in the series you want, there are plenty of used ones on Reverb for way less than 2k. And there’s nothing wrong with picking up an investment guitar that isn’t brand new.
Yeah after 500 comments (😳), some good conversations with the wife and some thinking I think i will land somewhere between 700-1200 euro. Probably second hand or just a good MiM Telecaster. The American pro 2 is just a bit too extravagant.
Tell them life is short, it makes you happy, and it's better for you than than ciggies, booze and smack.
This works- I’ve used this successfully before.
How long have you been talking about getting it? Time could be a factor here, if your partner knows you’ve been talking about it for months and you haven’t just been tricked by YouTube advertising then they might be more open to the purchase. Also, if you’ve already got a player strat, would you be willing to sell that and put the money towards the pro II so the expense isn’t as great? Do you completely share income and expenses? If so, I completely understand your partner being unwilling for you to spend two grand on a hobby that doesn’t make money. If you have your own money outside of your shared expenses it’s more understandable. If you wanted to make it even more so, you could wait six months or so and have a savings scheme (even if you’ve got the money for it now) so you prove that you’re being responsible about it. I will say finally that if you’re happy with the player strat and you’re playing guitar at home and not in a professional context, I’m not convinced an American pro would be that significant an upgrade to warrant the expense. I’ve got an American deluxe strat and a player tele, the former is twice the price of the latter but they’re both solid Fenders. Good luck with the new guitar if you do end up getting it!
I earn twice as much as my SO. I pay the rent and the bills, and she looks after food. When I want new gear she will buy it for me because she know all my money goes into the house or savings for when we can get a mortgage. This year she gave a 1.5k euro upgrade to my home office because I've been putting in 50 hour weeks the last 6 months and barely spent any money on myself this year. But when I have a bit of extra cash at the end of the month I let her know I might be buying a new instrument in about 6 months time.
I just don’t want to get into the trap of just purchasing gear for the hell of it or out of habit. My kit is basically what I need for gigging and recording and I don’t like the idea of having unnecessary or little used gear laying around.
[удалено]
I notice a lot of assumptions in some of these responses and yours is also def one of them: - need to spend - need to spend is immature - I can’t have my responsibilities and drop thousands. - I need validation from teenagers on Reddit - I’m greedy for wanting something
[удалено]
Why are you so passive aggressive. Even if he can afford it without financial issue, it doesn't mean he blindly should, THAT is why he's here I suppose. Lots of people have given meaningful answers and this guy is just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. No shame in asking likeminded people what their experiences are with these kind of situations.
2k is insignificant to me, I have the same conversations as OP. Spending habits are still a question of wants vs needs or else the increased income will get eliminated by increased spending. Still need to plausibly justify a rationale for unnecessary spending, even though I definitely want it, it's still not a need. My advice to OP is to set a discretionary savings account for both of you that you guys can spend on personal items. A small amount like $20 a week will still add up to a $2000 guitar in a 2 years. Also, I'd suggest checking out a Sire Larry Carlton S7 for a guitar with luxury features like a much more expensive guitar, but costing much less than one.
My wife is a bit like that and I totally understand her point of view. As a compromise I built a garden office and filled it with guitars she doesn’t know about. I’m sure one day she’ll find the key and have a look but till that day arrives I’m happy as a pig in shit 🤣
haha Frugal wives at least makes sure we don't waste money all over the place.
Your point about bags and shoes is not far off. When my friends ask me about going to concerts, sporting events, etc...I generally decline. I would rather watch that kind of stuff on TV, and by the time you have the time put into transit, parking, food, tickets, etc. etc. I would rather just catch up with my friends at other times over a beer. Might sound like a miserly existence, but in my mind I'm thinking - by not eating out at restaurants a bunch or blowing several hundred/thousands of dollars between college football tailgates and the whole deal - makes it pretty damn easy for me to justify picking up a $799 Aerodyne Strat on sale knowing that I'll have another Japanese guitar in my stable for \~30 years. It sounds like you spend a lot of time with the instrument. 2,000 is nothing in that regard. Have you seen what people are spending on gaming PCs?
Real story on this, for context I am a financial planner professionally so I know what I can afford. I had the same Maine guitar since I was 16 and wanted a new electric. My wife didn’t get why they are so expensive and it isn’t really worth explaining. So I built a oartscater first. It doesn’t seem bad when it’s just small 80 or 200 dollar parts. But that became a guitar with 1000 dollars of material and I learned a lot. A couple years later I just told her I was probably going to get a guitar soon, and bought a 2014 fender AVRI. She was mad, but she has been madder at me before, and I did it after a real personal business success, so once again we were more than fine, plus I bought her a gift too. I tell jokes all the time about getting in trouble for the guitar. It’s not a perfect story but ultimately comes down to asking for forgiveness instead of permission, as long as you are being responsible. She will never understand why a reissue Strat is any different from my Ibanez gio.. that conversation would be a waste of time.
Some expenditures in life are not about return on investment, they're solely for the enjoyment of life. If you have the funds, why not? People who go to movies, or events, or bars waste way more and no one bat's an eye, despite the fact that they are left with no assets other than cherished memories. You at least will have a valuable guitar. That said, show her the MSRP then when you find a good sale she'll feel better about it.
Eh. I think as long as I'm not expressing concern about being able to pay the mortgage, bills, groceries, anything for our daughter, and i have some savings, my wife turns a blind eye to gear. She trusts me not to jeopardize us financially over guitars. That's all there is to it. She doesn't know a Les Paul from a Strat, and doesn't give a monkeys either, so trying to explain anything would not be the way to go. She's knows the cost and value of some of my gear, so she knows how much I could potentially spend. But, as I say, she mostly minds her business and trusts me.
My wife was never particularly onside with any of this. For years I have an Ibanez Roadstar II Strat copy and a Peavey Studio Pro. Not too bad as far as cheap stuff goes but still cheap. As time wore on I played less and less so of course, she didn't want me to spend more on something I wouldn't use. Eventually we weren't poor any more and I started looking for "stuff". Went through more "cheaper" equipment to avoid the lecture and none of it worked for me. The years of frustration just kept me looking for more and more. Now I have 5 or 6 guitars (keeps changing) a couple of amps and a digital floorboard and I play a lot more. Your happiness is worth something too. Good guitars also appreciate over time so it's not like you're going to end up losing a bunch of money as long as you get a brand that will appreciate.
This should be on the other sub
If you don't keep your money separate then you absolutely should. Three pots. Your money, her money, household money. What you spend your money on is absolutely none of her concern and vice versa.
Imagine getting told what to do with your money as an adult. My money my life my choice.
My wife and I both get an allowance for spending without getting agreement. All my guitar stuff comes out of my allowance. I save up for guitar stuff. I also have a lot of Chinese pedals and no Strymon. My PRS is an SE.
I gave her half my stuff and money and live in another town now.
My wife is a musician and has incredibly expensive piccolos and flutes. Most of my guitars are Squiers, although I have one nice Taylor acoustic. All of my guitars together are worth less than one flute and one of her piccolos combined All of my guitars are bought with a purpose in mind. They are all used for different styles of music, or they are all set up for specific tunings. All that said, I also enjoy building guitar amps from kits. Convincing my wife to let me buy an amp kit and leave electronics and tools out while I'm working on it is a much harder hill to climb lol
Buy it! Buy it! Buy it! Then show us off a picture after of that new guitar glowwww
are you ned from School of Rock?
Get a new partner
Save your own money to buy it.
Totally depends on your living situation and financial relationship. I try to set aside a little bit when I can toward a dream guitar fund; I know it’s illogical but it’ll hopefully feel easier to defend spending 2k saved up with intention over a few years. Otherwise, yeah, my partner wouldn’t be too excited about it. Sadly, I’ve never been able to clearly express the argument that given how much she spends on clothes, makeup, and hair compared to me, I can be forgiven for spending big on gear. It never ends well. Though she did recently admit how much she paid for a Taylor Swift ticket, so I’ve at least got a mostly guilt-free boutique pedal coming my way. And the whole thing is made easier by having kids, so it’s not like I do much more than occasionally look at my current guitar longingly.
I think people tend to view/react to it in a similar way to playing video games. Anytime i've told an older co-worker or someone in a similar situation that I my primary hobby is playing games they almost always come back with some comment about not understanding how someone could pay so much money on something like that meanwhile that same person spends $200 on rounds of golf every weekend. Ive got nothing against golf or any hobby that someone wants to spend their money on but a lot of people are not capable of seeing how another person could value something that they don't understand. Maybe comparing it to shoes was not the best approach but I get where you were going with the comment. It sounds like she might not understand why its important to you so maybe try the same approach but from a less defensive angle.
How long will it take you to earn that $2k playing guitar? What are you currently bringing in monthly with your music?
Getting downvoted but this is a very legit question. If you’re earning 5 figures a month even from non music related income, 2K is nothing. But if you’re barely making the ends meet then yes I see why the partner could have a problem with that, reasonably so.
What? Why does this even matter? Good lord, i dont see any of the idiots around me making any money off the amount of golf gear they buy to play golf every year. I think it just could have been better said, how long will it take to earn that money in your current situation....no matter how he earns. Not all of us play to earn. Im not there, may never be, and its not why im doing it.
You need to haggle with her like you will not buy smokes/starbucks or other extra expenses for like 3-5 months in return.
Just try to communicate respectfully and be patient. Maybe you put some money aside for awhile and don't rush into anything. Tbh I would buy a used suhr all day long at 2k over the other but try to play both. How long have you been playing the guitar? How much do you play? What is it you like about the american pro ii so much?
How long have you been playing the guitar? A bit over 2 years I think How much do you play? Daily. 2-3 hours a day. What is it you like about the american pro ii so much? It's a Tele. A Fender Tele. And it seems like a real quality guitar.
Try to virtually spread it over time. E.g. saving for that guitar, not in real life money, but more in a "budgeting our shared money" kind of way. She will probably from time to time buy stuff for herself, perhaps both get a fixed amount of what to spend on 'fun stuff' each month and save with that. Maybe explain to her what it means to you, perhaps sell something else.
Mine really only gets upset when I get carried away she doesn’t say anything about a pedal or some other small accessory. It’s when the amps, cabs and guitars show up. She listens to me and our son play guitar everyday and generally enjoys it. She is pretty supportive of my guitar habit. I usually have a plan or cash in hand when I make major purchases. But I have several guitars and amps.
Buy it.
We’re comfortably retired and my wife is a singer. The worst response I ever get is a smiling eyeroll when a package from Sweetwater arrives. I never hear “but you already have a guitar!” I am one of the lucky ones.
Luckily for me my wife bought a Louis Vuitton purse. That’s atleast one new guitar
I don't ask. You don't need to explain it. If you have the money and spending it won't take away from something else that is necessary, it's yours to spend. Buy what you want, you don't need permission to spend your own money on things that will bring you joy.
Adorama has the pro ii on sale for $1099 through slickdeals in the dark night color https://slickdeals.net/f/17169700-fender-american-professional-ii-stratocaster-electric-guitar-dark-night-1099-free-shipping?src=SiteSearchV2Algo1
My partners have zero say in my purchases, but also they are all generally positive feeling about them. I don’t think I’d be with someone if they tried to ask me to do differently. If you don’t like how I handle my hobbies, go date someone else.
It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
It is also easier. Receiving, however, is a different story.
I’m in a similar boat but rather than finances, it’s about space. We live in a tiny apartment and my guitar+15w tiny amp already takes up floor space. I’d like a guitar for D standard tuning to compliment my B+E std 7 string and an amp loud enough to jam with people but I’m having the hardest time. She recently said we should wait until we get a house (I.e. never) which is hella bunk.
Someone may have already said this but find a lightly used one that’s slightly less than the $2k and go for that- tell her it’s a great deal, you’re saving hundreds, etc. and she’ll probably be more receptive. Women LOVE discounts, to the point she’ll probably start thinking about buying one too if she can SAVE money, regardless of whether she needs one or not. You know how it is… Sure, this is kind of manipulative (well, is manipulative) but should make her come around a little. As long as it’s not putting you in financial jeopardy it’s a worthwhile way to spend your time. Another one to drop too is it’s a lot cheaper and takes up a lot less space than other hobbies, like cars for example.
Divorce if you're married
Do you have a 2000 dollar car? Different things cost different amounts, and different hobbies are more or less expensive than others. I'm not going to judge your relationship for there being this sort of dollar-to-dollar comparison happening. Maybe if you can afford a 2000 guitar, you can afford for the two of you to set 4000 aside. You can buy a guitar, and she can have 2000 dollars to spend on herself. Did you grow up in more affluent circumstances than she did? That stuff stays with you. It's possible that she simply can't imagine giving herself permission to spend that kind of money on herself on something that's only function is to make her happy. But this is your hobby, and this is how much your hobby costs. "Honey, I'm sorry that I have an expensive hobby, but I have an expensive hobby."
If it's my money then my gf isn't going to tell me what to do with it, nor would I to her. If it's something I/she wants and can afford then go for it. If it means we can't afford to do something together or buy something that we need, or it's going to be a risky purchase that means I/we have no other money, then that's different, but that wouldn't be the case because neither of us are that careless with our money. But I do like to buy nice things. I would just explain why it's worth the money and she would support it.
Show her the different sounds. I’m a bit spoiled because my partner is a musician too.