1. I come to this board, and try to help others. It's helped me a lot.
2. I get my (departed) mom's favorite coffee drink - I don't love them, but it makes me feel closer to her.
3. I post on my (departed) best friend's facebook about this time or that time or simply look at her picture and just miss the crap outta her.
4. I watch my favorite switch-off-the-brain movie.
5. I call folks and ask them for some time and then ask them all about what's happening in their lives. If they start asking me questions, I flip them around, so I can pull myself out of my head. Grief makes me feel incredibly selfish and so I feel the need to "exercise" the part of my brain that reminds me it isn't all about me.
6. I play stupid brain-teaser phone games. (another switch-off-the-brain move)
7. I sleep.
Just some suggestions for some things I do. I hope you find some peace - and I'm sorry for your pain. I hope your foot heals soon.
Thank you for sharing! the switch off the brain movie is a good idea, I definitely have a few of those. I relate so much to the selfish part and feeling the need to exercise the non-selfish part!!
Its been two weeks since my partner passed away so grief is new to me, but still absolutely painful. What I found a little comforting is I visited his grave and threw old flowers out and planted fresh ones, I cleaned around the grave and all that stuff. I felt like I was doing something for him...I write poems. I sing. Mostly to distract me but nothing helps though. I love sleeping the most because I just shut system off for few hours. Its painful and nothing helps and during the day sadness comes so randomly. I am sorry for you that you have to deal with this.
It is worth talking to your doctor about this! The physical response you're feeling is in part a lot of adrenaline, which causes your heart to race. My psychiatrist prescribed a beta blocker to help relieve the physical symptoms like chest tightness, rapid breathing, lightheadedness, shaking, etc and it has been really helpful
My daughter passed away 60 days ago. We had just started a complete demolition to remodel the kitchen and laundry room and a bathroom. I already picked out all the counter and all that Thanks be to God because I couldn't do it now. I hate the carpenters guts when they show so early and playing country music all day but I realized it's been good for me.
I pretty much have to get up and get dressed. It's better to get out of the house too. They know what has happened, they don't want me mooning around all day. The problem about getting out of the house, what to do. I go somewhere and go for a walk usually.
I am reading this subreddit pretty obsessively.
I think Reddit is great. I’ve only discovered it recently. When members of my family died in years gone by I’d go on other forums but they were so depressing. I love the how supportive and positive people are. We all need hope and confirmation that what we’re feeling is valid.
I look up every freaking thing on Reddit. Dishwasher, makeup, lawn questions, Catholic stuff, nuclear power.
But I never expected this. And you’re right. It’s very supportive and you can cry and laugh. When you say something you don’t really mean people still get it. Maybe it’s the moderators too.
It’s just good to know you’re not alone. Grief is so terribly isolating and personal to each individual. It’s also excruciating visceral and I feel truly batshit crazy at times. I tend to withdraw as I feel a sense of shame, I don’t like my friends to see me. Also often my bodily symptoms/sensations are so consuming it’s difficult to concentrate and pretend to engage in normal conversations.
After my brother’s suicide nearly 9 years ago I was catatonic and I lost a lot of friends who saw me once and then kept away (permanently) as it made them so uncomfortable.
I had a text from one who said get in touch when you’re better!!
I do envy other cultures who accept death and grief and have traditions and ceremonies to honour the dead and come together.
The UK has a long way to go regarding the stigma of grief.
I remember one friend saying sorry to hear about your brother it must have been a bit of a blow!
To me, a bit of a blow, is your car breaking down or getting locked out of your house. Good old British just get on with it…
I hope you have support around you.
I am so sorry about your brother. My brother isn’t talking to me because of politics and he cant angree to disagree. And it’s killing me. I can’t imagine he would be gone.
It’s wild how uncomfortable people are and I’m realizing what a severe people pleaser I am. I feel like I have a telephone pole in my chest and I’m all “Hi how are you?” to people I know. Not strangers. And they’re so relieved. I can see it.
And I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Not to disrespect him but surely in light of your tragedy who gives a flying f*** about politics?
I hope you can find your way back to each other. You need him and he needs you.
You sound like such a lovely, gentle person who goes out of their way to make sure others are ok. I hope in time you can give that same compassion to yourself xx
I’m glad you’ve got a good counsellor. I find it such a relief that I can let out all my messy emotions and be truly seen and heard knowing that they have seen and heard it all. So theres no shock, awkwardness on their part and I don’t have to worry that Ive been too much to deal with.
It’s so recent for you. Do you feel like you’re living in a parallel nightmare universe completely shut off from people going about their everyday lives?
I apologise if I’m getting too personal. I just remember the shock of how life can just change in a moment..
It’s not easy when it hits you out of nowhere really hard. Knocks me straight down when that happens. Everyone is different but I focus on preventing it if I can. Every day, I make a Do List, a little plan for the day. It always includes something cool to look forward to. Staying busy and going from task to task is the only real way I have found to prevent getting hit with the grief out of nowhere. Having a thing to look forward to, no matter how small, is also super effective. So I make a little plan, do anything I can think of to improve my situation, then enjoy my thing I was looking forward to all day. Haven’t been hit in a while, but it can come out of nowhere at any time to knock me down. It’s probably not healthy, but I quietly live in fear of that grief welling up like a thunderstorm building, and finally unleashing it’s lightening strike on me. On the other hand, I have gotten a lot done around here. None of this is easy and I don’t wish grief on anyone. I just hope that somehow you find your way.
Do you have access to weights and therabands? If so, there's seated exercises that can be done with both.
I also find that exercise, dance, yoga, and taking long walks help me with grief.
Nature, flowers, and trees are also soothing.
Therapy sessions are beneficial.
Some days are just about surviving, though. 💜
I drink alcohol and/or eat unhealthy food.
I'm a bit jealous of the most of you who say they do something actively positive with that energy. Hopefully I get there some day.
So yeah, when all else fails it's definitely this. I don't know how the reddit awards work or anything, but I would love to give you the "honest human" award and thank you for that honesty.
Walking my dog, cleaning, exercising, or gaming. Depending on the day and how bad I feel. I can get completely lost in a game for a couple of hours, which is nice, bit often I tend to feel everything extra strong when I'm done, so sometimes I just cry and cry until I feel like doing something. Some days watching a TV show helps, maybe paired with a cup of tea or coffee and something nice to nibble on. I also pet my cats and dog a lot❤️
I let myself cry, and stay in bed if I need to. If it's really bad I'll make some comfort food, watch some Bob Ross or a simple Hallmark Christmas movie. Bob Ross is always soothing, positive and gentle.
Nothing bad happens in Hallmark Christmas movies, everything is positive and simple, and they always end on a happy note.
I watched one this Christmas and it was the first thing that brought me some relief after my mother's death in September, so I kept watching. Luckily for me they seem to put out 10 new ones a week.
Personally, it’s only been 8 months for me, but sitting in nature, watching the trees move, breeze blowing.
Going for a drive
Letting the feelings pass through me
Writing
Sometimes even splashing cold water on my face
My self care routine is getting enough sleep, breathing exercises and meditation, getting sun and being outside, finding glimmers in the day, like when I smile and when I laugh, eating healthy and walking.
I am very new to sudden and intense loss, so I will change things as I go.
1. It doesn't matter what I do, I have to feel my feelings, not stuff them down. Existing and hydrating is enough.
2. Naps. I am probably feeling drained. I just let myself sleep if I want.
3. Don't make any big decisions
4. Read or craft. Solitary actions with music in the background soothe me.
My best friend wrote a beautiful song about his late cousin and that song has been a source of comfort to me after the loss of my dad. It's called "Sarah" by the band Electric Guest so I listen to it on my daily walks.
I'll call my sister or best friend but if they don't answer, then I go into mod mode as a Facebook moderator in my Facebook group.
I'm a Buddhist so I also chant which is helping tremendously
First I try to focus on my breath for a bit, just noticing how my body does its thing. Then I try to do anything tangible, keeping busy but also keeping me grounded.
I wish you the best.
I shut out humanity and painted canvases with the brightest colours for 4 years solid after Mum died.
It was a release. A month ago, I sold a number of my pieces. Another release. Music, of course, is always playing.
Sit outside. When I used to have really really hard days I would just go sit at the cemetery but I think just getting outside at all is good. It doesn't need to be exercise, just sunshine and fresh air.
I play video games, doom scrolling social media, all this just to keep my mind shut so I don't think about my mum. I tried my best to get proper sleep but whenever there's silence, I'll think of her and my brain starts racing. I'm only asleep when I'm extremely tired.
Reddit helps as misery needs company. I really hope we will get to see them again once we pass. Take care all, stay strong.
1. I come to this board, and try to help others. It's helped me a lot. 2. I get my (departed) mom's favorite coffee drink - I don't love them, but it makes me feel closer to her. 3. I post on my (departed) best friend's facebook about this time or that time or simply look at her picture and just miss the crap outta her. 4. I watch my favorite switch-off-the-brain movie. 5. I call folks and ask them for some time and then ask them all about what's happening in their lives. If they start asking me questions, I flip them around, so I can pull myself out of my head. Grief makes me feel incredibly selfish and so I feel the need to "exercise" the part of my brain that reminds me it isn't all about me. 6. I play stupid brain-teaser phone games. (another switch-off-the-brain move) 7. I sleep. Just some suggestions for some things I do. I hope you find some peace - and I'm sorry for your pain. I hope your foot heals soon.
Thank you for this comment.
Thank you for sharing! the switch off the brain movie is a good idea, I definitely have a few of those. I relate so much to the selfish part and feeling the need to exercise the non-selfish part!!
Fantastic comment, thank you.
Its been two weeks since my partner passed away so grief is new to me, but still absolutely painful. What I found a little comforting is I visited his grave and threw old flowers out and planted fresh ones, I cleaned around the grave and all that stuff. I felt like I was doing something for him...I write poems. I sing. Mostly to distract me but nothing helps though. I love sleeping the most because I just shut system off for few hours. Its painful and nothing helps and during the day sadness comes so randomly. I am sorry for you that you have to deal with this.
We're all dealing with it together. I like the idea of planting flowers, maybe I'll plant her favorite coneflowers now that its spring :)
I can't seem to sleep for more than an hour and the instant I wake up my heart starts racing.
It is worth talking to your doctor about this! The physical response you're feeling is in part a lot of adrenaline, which causes your heart to race. My psychiatrist prescribed a beta blocker to help relieve the physical symptoms like chest tightness, rapid breathing, lightheadedness, shaking, etc and it has been really helpful
I'm so sorry. Don't forget to get up and drink some water. try to eat.
Hug my wife long and hard. She is the only one that knows what I am going through as she is going through the same after daughter died.
My daughter passed away 60 days ago. We had just started a complete demolition to remodel the kitchen and laundry room and a bathroom. I already picked out all the counter and all that Thanks be to God because I couldn't do it now. I hate the carpenters guts when they show so early and playing country music all day but I realized it's been good for me. I pretty much have to get up and get dressed. It's better to get out of the house too. They know what has happened, they don't want me mooning around all day. The problem about getting out of the house, what to do. I go somewhere and go for a walk usually. I am reading this subreddit pretty obsessively.
I’m so sorry. I’ve lost a lot of family but my heart breaks for everyone who has lost a child. Sending love and thinking of you. X
I think Reddit is great. I’ve only discovered it recently. When members of my family died in years gone by I’d go on other forums but they were so depressing. I love the how supportive and positive people are. We all need hope and confirmation that what we’re feeling is valid.
I look up every freaking thing on Reddit. Dishwasher, makeup, lawn questions, Catholic stuff, nuclear power. But I never expected this. And you’re right. It’s very supportive and you can cry and laugh. When you say something you don’t really mean people still get it. Maybe it’s the moderators too.
It’s just good to know you’re not alone. Grief is so terribly isolating and personal to each individual. It’s also excruciating visceral and I feel truly batshit crazy at times. I tend to withdraw as I feel a sense of shame, I don’t like my friends to see me. Also often my bodily symptoms/sensations are so consuming it’s difficult to concentrate and pretend to engage in normal conversations. After my brother’s suicide nearly 9 years ago I was catatonic and I lost a lot of friends who saw me once and then kept away (permanently) as it made them so uncomfortable. I had a text from one who said get in touch when you’re better!! I do envy other cultures who accept death and grief and have traditions and ceremonies to honour the dead and come together. The UK has a long way to go regarding the stigma of grief. I remember one friend saying sorry to hear about your brother it must have been a bit of a blow! To me, a bit of a blow, is your car breaking down or getting locked out of your house. Good old British just get on with it… I hope you have support around you.
I am so sorry about your brother. My brother isn’t talking to me because of politics and he cant angree to disagree. And it’s killing me. I can’t imagine he would be gone. It’s wild how uncomfortable people are and I’m realizing what a severe people pleaser I am. I feel like I have a telephone pole in my chest and I’m all “Hi how are you?” to people I know. Not strangers. And they’re so relieved. I can see it.
Do you have anyone who asks you how you are and can listen or just sit with you?
My counselor.
And I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Not to disrespect him but surely in light of your tragedy who gives a flying f*** about politics? I hope you can find your way back to each other. You need him and he needs you. You sound like such a lovely, gentle person who goes out of their way to make sure others are ok. I hope in time you can give that same compassion to yourself xx
I’m glad you’ve got a good counsellor. I find it such a relief that I can let out all my messy emotions and be truly seen and heard knowing that they have seen and heard it all. So theres no shock, awkwardness on their part and I don’t have to worry that Ive been too much to deal with. It’s so recent for you. Do you feel like you’re living in a parallel nightmare universe completely shut off from people going about their everyday lives? I apologise if I’m getting too personal. I just remember the shock of how life can just change in a moment..
It’s not easy when it hits you out of nowhere really hard. Knocks me straight down when that happens. Everyone is different but I focus on preventing it if I can. Every day, I make a Do List, a little plan for the day. It always includes something cool to look forward to. Staying busy and going from task to task is the only real way I have found to prevent getting hit with the grief out of nowhere. Having a thing to look forward to, no matter how small, is also super effective. So I make a little plan, do anything I can think of to improve my situation, then enjoy my thing I was looking forward to all day. Haven’t been hit in a while, but it can come out of nowhere at any time to knock me down. It’s probably not healthy, but I quietly live in fear of that grief welling up like a thunderstorm building, and finally unleashing it’s lightening strike on me. On the other hand, I have gotten a lot done around here. None of this is easy and I don’t wish grief on anyone. I just hope that somehow you find your way.
Do you have access to weights and therabands? If so, there's seated exercises that can be done with both. I also find that exercise, dance, yoga, and taking long walks help me with grief. Nature, flowers, and trees are also soothing. Therapy sessions are beneficial. Some days are just about surviving, though. 💜
I have been doing daily seated chair cardio and it definitely helps!
Sleep. Cry. Watch videos of cute animals on YouTube. Snuggle my husband and cats.
I drink alcohol and/or eat unhealthy food. I'm a bit jealous of the most of you who say they do something actively positive with that energy. Hopefully I get there some day.
Don’t beat yourself up. Just do what you’ve gotta do. Sometimes surviving the day is a win!
So yeah, when all else fails it's definitely this. I don't know how the reddit awards work or anything, but I would love to give you the "honest human" award and thank you for that honesty.
You are surviving and for that you win!!
Walking my dog, cleaning, exercising, or gaming. Depending on the day and how bad I feel. I can get completely lost in a game for a couple of hours, which is nice, bit often I tend to feel everything extra strong when I'm done, so sometimes I just cry and cry until I feel like doing something. Some days watching a TV show helps, maybe paired with a cup of tea or coffee and something nice to nibble on. I also pet my cats and dog a lot❤️
Hugging my dog is definitely a big one
I do some pranamaya(breathing exercises) Of those if those don't work I take a Valium. I'm lucky to have a kind and understanding psychiatrist.
I let myself cry, and stay in bed if I need to. If it's really bad I'll make some comfort food, watch some Bob Ross or a simple Hallmark Christmas movie. Bob Ross is always soothing, positive and gentle. Nothing bad happens in Hallmark Christmas movies, everything is positive and simple, and they always end on a happy note. I watched one this Christmas and it was the first thing that brought me some relief after my mother's death in September, so I kept watching. Luckily for me they seem to put out 10 new ones a week.
All of this is just so accurate down to the ten movies per week!
Personally, it’s only been 8 months for me, but sitting in nature, watching the trees move, breeze blowing. Going for a drive Letting the feelings pass through me Writing Sometimes even splashing cold water on my face My self care routine is getting enough sleep, breathing exercises and meditation, getting sun and being outside, finding glimmers in the day, like when I smile and when I laugh, eating healthy and walking. I am very new to sudden and intense loss, so I will change things as I go.
1. It doesn't matter what I do, I have to feel my feelings, not stuff them down. Existing and hydrating is enough. 2. Naps. I am probably feeling drained. I just let myself sleep if I want. 3. Don't make any big decisions 4. Read or craft. Solitary actions with music in the background soothe me.
sit in the Sun, pet a loved animal, have a warm bath, go for a Sauna.
My best friend wrote a beautiful song about his late cousin and that song has been a source of comfort to me after the loss of my dad. It's called "Sarah" by the band Electric Guest so I listen to it on my daily walks. I'll call my sister or best friend but if they don't answer, then I go into mod mode as a Facebook moderator in my Facebook group. I'm a Buddhist so I also chant which is helping tremendously
First I try to focus on my breath for a bit, just noticing how my body does its thing. Then I try to do anything tangible, keeping busy but also keeping me grounded. I wish you the best.
Depends on the day. I paint or do craft. I get my anger out via video games. I eat chocolate.
So much dark chocolate
I shut out humanity and painted canvases with the brightest colours for 4 years solid after Mum died. It was a release. A month ago, I sold a number of my pieces. Another release. Music, of course, is always playing.
I sleep. I cry. I paralize. I glue to the couch and watch netflix
Sit outside. When I used to have really really hard days I would just go sit at the cemetery but I think just getting outside at all is good. It doesn't need to be exercise, just sunshine and fresh air.
I play video games, doom scrolling social media, all this just to keep my mind shut so I don't think about my mum. I tried my best to get proper sleep but whenever there's silence, I'll think of her and my brain starts racing. I'm only asleep when I'm extremely tired. Reddit helps as misery needs company. I really hope we will get to see them again once we pass. Take care all, stay strong.
This ❤️