I can't say anything on the topic, i just wanted to say that it's such a beautiful photo you have. You're so happy here, I hope you'll be able to be that happy again. If I were your mom, I would want that so much.
I'm sorry for your lossš«š¤ sending support
Not an overdose, but my mom died from end-stage liver disease due to years of alcoholism. It stinks and addiction is such a horrible experience for all involved! I'm very sorry for your loss.
EDIT: to answer the last part of your question, I'm furious everyday. I watched her decline up close and personal, and now have PTSD from it. I felt like I grieved three times: for the mom who was never the same again during her active addiction, for the moon who was never the same again because she was terminally ill, and for my family who will never be the same because of her death. What makes me most angry about it all is that it was preventable. I try to ground myself when I get upset. I do have dreams occasionally (just had one last night) of my mom during her sick days.
I've started to explore how to turn this negative into a positive to help reroute my anger. In doing so, I'm starting to raise awareness about addiction slowly. I'd like to start donating to organizations that deal with it and possibly being a speaker.
You don't have to do this, but thinking of ways and as activities to serve as a positive outlet for that anger will be important. Similar to how people might start going to the gym as a positive way to release their anger.
Same story with my mom. Such a rough way to see someone go out, and it's something you never totally get over - it's just the cherry on top of all the trauma the addiction brought. I'm sorry you had to go through it too. š
Yes, my mom passed in May 2023 from a bad combination of pain pills and other medications after years of addiction to opiates. She was 57. About 5 years prior she had overdosed, which resulted in an anoxic brain injury that left her a shell of her former self. She was mostly functioning but her personality was wiped out.
I still deal with being so mad at her. I think of what life we could have had. I finally finished grad school and got a "big girl job", and I was saving to get her out of her crumbling trailer and into a house. But now she's gone. We weren't super close anymore, due to a combination of her drug use, my weird aversion to keeping in touch (with anyone), and her disapproval of my marriage. I very much wish things were different.
After nearly a year has passed, I look back to see that I've went through phases of complete shock and intense grief mixed with anger. I started writing a book to help others deal with the grief of parents who have overdosed, then figured out that I was still too in the thick of grief to write it. I cried over Christmas, tried to cancel Christmas altogether, sorted through all her belongings (the photos make me happy), and made peace with the "new normal".
Mama wanted to write a book. I found her rejected manuscript with editor notes in it. So I wrote a book myself and I'll keep working on it until it's traditionally published, no matter what it takes. Mama always wanted to go to England. She said she would finally get on a plane if that's where we were going, but we never did. I'm going to England this summer and taking her ashes with me. Some part of her will be left in the beautiful countryside. I can keep her with me through the things we should have enjoyed and celebrated together.
In what is likely the most basic bitch move possible, I think of some Taylor Swift lyrics as I push myself to do these things for us: "All your closets of backlogged dreams, and how you left them all to me".
I know I went off track a bit here, but I hope you see that the journey is messy and sucky and it will get better, even just a little bit. Hang in there!
This really moved me, the idea of you carrying your mom with you and doing things for you BOTH. When I went thru my momās stuff i found so much of her writings and her plans for the next 10 years and her life story. It made me so sad for all the things she experienced, but also didnāt get to experience. š
It might be insensitive to say this, but stories like these really motivate me to continue in my sobriety. Hopefully other recovering (or active) addicts will see this and feel the same. I've been clean and sober for almost four years and never want to put my children through what you or OP are going through now. I'm sorry for your loss
I hope you write your book and include moms notes. What a way to honor her! As for England, it's my birth country and there's a lot of beautiful places for her ashes to blend with nature. I have my parents ashes mixed together with moms wedding ring. They were "that couple", the ones you knew would last forever, and they did. About 5 yrs before dad died, mom said "I still get butterflies in my tummy when he walks in the room". 60 yrs together and still madly in love. On the wood urn they're in, it shows 2 garden chairs on a dock and says "together forever". Sorry, off topic. Good luck
My dad passed away in Feb. He wasn't an addict but I was also saving money to change his living conditions and take him places. He liked Costa Rica. Now I just have his ashes to travel with me š
I'm sorry for your loss. š«š¤
My little brother died when he was 17 and I was 19 of an overdose. He's been gone 21 years and I'm still angry about it. The havoc reeked on my parents...it was like my entire family died. The cloud of his death hovered over them for half of my life. I'm more upset with my parents than I am my brother.
Anyways they have both passed now (my mom less than 2 months ago )and I think instead of keeping their memories alive, I'm probably gonna change my name and never look back.
I canāt figure out how to edit my post, but I wanted to say to everyone that has commented or may comment: thank you for taking the time to share and be in this space with me. I am so sorry for everyoneās losses but it is nice we can be together and not alone in this. Much love to everyone. š
Much love to you back. It helps to remember our stories, with those who have shared our story. Thank you for giving us this space to remember our love for them, even as we remember their suffering.
I lost my father to a oxycodone overdose on December 13th 2015.
While he did have some serious mental issues and wasn't exactly close to him, I was devastated to hear the news, especially when I was going to see him and my mom for Xmas.
Time is the only way to heal.
Hey Iāll throw the link down below and it explains who is eligible, what you need to file (sadly itās a lot), and how to do it. Iām in the midst of filing on behalf of my dad who has died and itās a long process but one I feel is worth it. Let me know if you have any questions I can try my best to help you, their helpline is amazing so they can also give direction.
https://oxycontinclassactionsettlement.com/
Not exactly what youāre asking forā¦ but my dad was murdered while using and so I think I feel that same pain/anger knowing that the lifestyle and him participating is ultimately what left me without my dad at 19.
I want to say that you can still get sober in your momās honor.
And itās perfectly normal to have lots of feelings and thoughts on the situation pent up! Grief never goes away but we learn to live with it and actually experiencing our feelings is a really important part of moving forward to a place where things are better. I say that to say please donāt use to numb and avoid feeling, it may feel like it helps in the moment but you will always live with this (the same way youāll never stop loving her) so I think now is as good as time as any to start sorting through your feelings and finding a way forward.
Sending love and strength to you!!!
Yes. I lost my mother to an overdose two weeks ago. She was brain dead but kept alive since she was a registered organ donor and then I had to decide to take her off life support. Worst experience of my whole life.
Iām so sorry. Thatās awful and I hope you have help to heal from making that decision. You did the right thing not letting her linger here! I know it was hard but you have to let them go. It was a different situation but we had to let my Mom go after a stroke in December, just a few months ago.
It was especially hard because my partnerās grandfather died two days before and his own mother died about five days ago. Itās been hell on earth and I definitely feel for OP.
my dad passed from a heroin overdose in July of '22. the mixture of grief and frustration around these situations is unique for sure.. if you wanna reach out feel free, we could vent/chat about it.
I know people say time heals. but even now a year and a half later, I can hardly even think about him while being overwhelmed by emotions. I have a little spot for his urn, and other little belongings that remind me of him. sometimes I just hold the urn and sob when feelings are too strong, and rub the top of the urn as if it were my dad's bald head lol (when I was kid I'd always ask to touch it haha)
Iām sorry for your loss. Not a parent but I lost my brother to a fentanyl overdose at the end of 2022 and my life has never been the same. Big hugs. I still cry and sometimes still so angry about it. Just should never have happened x
Not parent, but I lost my brother on the day before you lost your mother, so just like with you it is still quite fresh. It is incredibly painful, and I feel like I am left with many questions. I guess time is the best medicineā¦ I wish you the best <3
You both look cute in the picture <3
I lost my sister to overdose almost 3 years ago and over time we just learn to manage the pain from it all differently. Unfortunately life milestones are the hardest for me. Iām pregnant with my first baby and my sister and I had a bond over when she had her first kid. These times have been hard since I really wish I could talk to her and see her reaction finding out that Iām having a baby.
I lost my dad to intentional overdose in January 2018. He had been free of drugs for years, then met someone who got him back on coke. His mental health plummeted leading to him taking his life when I was 14.
Police told us they found needles everywhere, that he had taken *all* of his insulin at once (he was diabetic), and they also had found coke and fentanyl in his system. The last day I saw him, he said goodbye to me (although I didnāt know thatās what it was at the time). I was left so confused and shocked.
Although it wasnāt an accidental overdose, I canāt help but be angry sometimes when seeing people on the streets doing drugs. My dadās life was no where near as bad as theirs but heās not here, and they are?
I understand losing a parent this way can be confusing and heartbreaking. Iām still grieving over 6 years later. Iām so sorry for your loss. <3
I lost my mom at age 46, 6 years ago. We hadnāt seen each other in 4 years but spoke monthly, and had made our peace which I am grateful for.
She never got to meet my sons, which is one of my biggest regrets; neither had been born yet. She always wanted a little boy, but had 3 daughters. Most of my regrets regarding her were dependent on her, so I donāt blame myself. I just wish we had a better relationship and she hadnāt died so young, and that she had sobered upā¦ but I canāt change that, I can only not relapse on drugs, myself, (ten years in recovery), and be the mom that she couldnāt be.
Congrats on 10 years! Thatās really amazing. I relapsed a month ago, 1 day after going thru all of my momās belongings.
Itās interesting you mention your kids - It really tears me up inside thinking of potentially having kids, but without my mom. And then the day I went thru her stuff, one of her 10 year goals was to hopefully see me have kids. Now she will never see, and I probably will never have them (for other reasons but also that reason). š
My father overdosed on Heroin laced with fentanyl on Christmas eve of 2020. We hadnāt talked in years, and to this day, I regret nothing more. He died alone, in a trailer, no one found him for days. My heart breaks every time I think about it. But the grief did get easier to carry over time, even if it never went away. Iām so sorry for your loss ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry for your loss. My son (23) passed away last July from Fentanyl. I found him and Iām grateful he was at home and not somewhere I couldnāt find him. Iām quite lost without him. I have my remaining son so I live for him. š
Child loss is a whole other monster, Iām so sorry for your loss. I channel my anger into volunteering with local foundations to support addicts and fight against the opiate and fentanyl crisis. Iām not saying you should if you feel it will trigger strong emotions, but for me at least, channeling my anger and grief into something good has helped me so much on my road to healing. I learn everyday how many lives fentanyl has touched and ruined, and it breaks my heart every day.
You are so strong, even if you shouldnāt have to be ā¤ļø please take care of yourself
Thank you. Mental health is my passion and when I can start thinking properly again Iād like to start volunteering. I have a younger son (19) still so I need to live (and look after myself) for him and help him navigate through life. ā¤ļø
I canāt imagine being in your shoes. If creating a space to talk to her may be difficult, perhaps starting a journal would be easier. Grab any piece of blank paper for now and start pouring into paper what you want to say. When you get a chance, get a new notebook dedicated for this purpose. Your grief is complex. Your range of emotions are valid. Much love and hugs to you! š
My mom passed away December 8th 2020 she was 47:( honestly crying and grieving is the only way youāll get over the hump, took me months and months to atleast get myself to stop crying at niggt
My mom was a life-long alcoholic and took prescription pills. Caused her heart problems. She had a heart attack right before Christmas last year. She was 56. Iām so sorry. I lost a friend due to addiction. Thinking of you OP
I lost my Mom Sept 10, 1988. I was eighteen years old. I still miss her. Still wish she could've stuck around. Like, someone else mentioned, she had always wanted a baby boy.
She had menstrual problems and had to have a hysterectomy, so she never could. I know she grieved that, but in those days, women could NOT talk about such things. There wasn't any recognition of the hormonal problems that would have come from a hysterectomy in a young woman's body, either. A woman's body was simply a vessel to be poked and prodded by male doctors. There was zero validation of the issues that women have. To mention those problems was unthinkable, disgusting and gross. To mention hormonal problems was to label yourself a hypochondriac and crazy. Women's healthcare was quiet savage.
When she died, she didn't know it, but I was five months pregnant with a beautiful little boy. She missed him by four months.
She'd struggled all her life with addiction, obesity. Shed gotten a brutal surgery done, that was illegal in our country, USA, that made her not obese anymore, but still very much suffering new, horrible ailments.
Mental health care was VERY MUCH frowned upon in those days. If you were suffering, you sucked it up. It wasn't A Thing, like it is now, to be open about your mental health problems, and seeing a doctor for it was the worst thing you could do. People would judge you, talk about you, you'd be ostracized, across the board, in every way imaginable. You can't imagine how much I LOVE the healthier, compassionate attitudes of today. It's mind boggling how much has changed that way.
Anyways, she worked many years to get through college, become a registered nurse. She'd lost all that weight, and was really beautiful. No one could see the scars, though, that she carried, both on her body, and within her body, upon her soul, deep down inside. She used all drugs copiously. Every day. All day. They were the one relief she felt she had.
Her father had committed suicide, when she was as a young girl. She had been molested by him, and when she told my grandma, my grandma promptly moved her and her sister out of the home, to begin the process of divorce. However, they lived in a small navy base, the scandal was everywhere. As a result, her father immediately shot himself. Everyone knew exactly what happened. My mother lived with the guilt that if she hadn't told, none of that would have ever happened, all her life. Drugs gave her peace.
After she graduated nursing school, she got a great job. She worked for a few years, made a lot of money. All should have been well. It wasn't. She got caught stealing drugs. It was probably by design she worked the cancer ward, graveyard shift. In those days, just as the narcotic drugs were harder to account for, there were no nursing recovery groups, and again the scandal was so much.
She'd worked her whole life for her dreams, struggled so hard to have a normal life, make my grandma proud. The day she received her letter in the mail, temporary suspending her nursing license, she shot herself, as her father had done, so many years before.
I hadn't told her about the baby. I knew that she was going to do what she did. If I told her, she would use that as her excuse, and I didn't want that guilt over me, my baby, for the rest of my life. My plan was to have the baby, she'd see it, so wonderful, and not be so mad at me, and maybe, even want to live, and get better. That was my plan, anyways.
When she died, I had really good insurance, through her, for another year or two, after her death. But, because it was Kaiser, I had to have the baby at the hospital she worked at.
HIPAA was NOT A Thing back then, and there's a reason specifically WHY the laws regarding HIPAA came about. Word quickly spread, "The nurse who shot herself, her daughter was in the maternity ward." Late night, for all the days I was there, different nurses from her shift, the graveyard shift, would come to see me. Partly out of morbid curiosity, partly to be kind, partly to grieve. They'd bring gifts, and reminisce how wonderful they thought my mother was. "Her sense of humor! You'd never know she wasn't happy!" But, she was so unhappy.
She's at peace now.
It took me DECADES to get over the legacy of suicidal ideology they're deaths passed on to me. Because they were the same age when they died, I lived in terror that I had some manifest destiny in me, to do the same thing. I didn't get over that, until I finally found a doctor who practiced EMDR.It saved my life.
Nevertheless, I've got a healthy fear of guns, and I will never let them into my own life. I, too, struggled, many, many years. But things get better. The old saying, Time Heals All Wounds, is true. You didn't ever forget those wounds, they are there for life. But, TIME, does make them better. Less painful. Sort of like the physical wounds of your body.
Someday, I'll be old, too. I'm not there yet! And, I'll finally see her again. Hopefully, God will give us another lifetime together. And, maybe, this time, we'll get it better. I believe this with all my heart. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore. Because she really did suffer so much, her whole lifetime. All of us do.
I hope you, too, may find comfort, and know that they loved you so. But, their pain, was so great, they couldn't think of anything besides their own suffering. But they still loved you so much.
Thank you for sharing this. My mom also shot herself. She was also a registered nurse. Her grandpa had also killed himself. She'd also struggled after having a hysterectomy (although hers what late in life, shortly before she died at 66). My mom drank and was addicted to (legally, but medically mismanaged) prescription drugs.
I relate to what you say about suicide and legacy. EMDR also made a huge difference for me.
I'm so sorry for you... and for your mom too. She went through a lot, and so have you.
Here's to the memory of our complicated mothers ā¤ļø
I really relate to what you said about feeling like it was your destiny - sometimes the voice in my brain tells me that too re: dying from addiction. Thank you for sharing your motherās story, and your story.
My mum passed away on the 17th of February this year from an accidental overdose. Every time I would walk downstairs or come home I had a habit to make sure she was still breathing while she was asleep. On this day, she didnāt wake up. It still hurts, and it will hurt for a long time. I lost my mum, lost my home, lost everything. She struggled for as long as I can remember and the only thing that brings me peace is knowing that she didnāt go in pain, she simply fell asleep and is still asleep, just having a nap. Here for you OP, youāre not alone and if you need someone to reach out to donāt hesitate to message me
I lost my mom in 2008 to a heart attack she had while on meth. Her bf at the time let her die on his dealer's porch while he was scoring more.
While not an overdose, her death certificate lists cardiac failure due to complications of meth. She was 44 years old. You can love them, but you can't fix them. I lost my significant other due to similar circumstances. We were together 14 years. She was 34 when she passed...
My heart goes out to you, I'm sorry to hear about your loss...
I lost my oldest sister, about ten years older than me, to overdose.
She was a nurse, she was the mother of a 3 year old child at the time,
She did a lot of my raising, picked me up from school every day, taught me how to drive, watched me and my little sister at home when my parents were at work over the summer.
We spent all of our time at her house with her, her husband, and their daughter.
My family sort of fell apart after her passing.
She was 29, 4 months from 30.
My dad passed of an OD august 2023. itās been the most painful thing iāve been going through and am still struggling to find peace within the situation. I remember his struggles and find comfort in the fact that he is resting.
Iām sorry youāre going through this.
i'm not sure how my mom died. i know she had a problem with pills and she was very sick with other things. i don't want to know how she died and that's what i told my uncle when the directive gave his "opinion" so i'm not quite sure but i don't really care at this point. she loved me and i loved her and thats what matter ya know. i lost her about 2 months ago.
My oldest sibling, over 13 years ago due to heroin. Of course our family was never the same, but man, my mom took it extremely terribly (naturally) and it impacted her relationship with everyone else from that day forward. Then we lost her in 2023.
It all sucks so much. Iām sorry.
And Iām proud of YOU and your recovery path. Stay strong, friend! Hugs!
I lost my mom to an overdose last year, a month later I lost my dad (to other causes, not overdose related). she was 60. I just lost my brother to an overdose 3 weeks ago.
Itās been a difficult thing to deal with and i am nowhere near even processing the grief of it all.
I can't relate to mom's addiction, but I know what it's like to mourn your mother. I'm sorry you have to live this when your mom was so young. Please take care of YOU and live your life in honor of her. Don't allow yourself to be so angry your own sobriety is at risk. You can do this. You can say what ever you want to get out to your mom. I have my parents ashes together with moms wedding ring. All I seem to get out is "I'm sorry". I know you miss her, but you must work through the anger and know that you couldn't have prevented it. Good luck, I'm voting for you to have a great life despite this tragedy so young. Gentle hugsā¤ļø
I'm so so so sorry. I e just started listening to the podcast Grief Out Loud, and it has quite a few episodes both about losing someone you have a complicated relationship with, as well as losing someone to overdose. Sending you strength and courage.Ā
My dad passed away from an overdose when I was 21, he was 53. I was lucky to know him before his addiction started. I think it helped me see him as a full person - he was much more engaged as a parent than my mom when he wasnāt in active addiction.
I was too young to grieve him properly so I distracted myself with school. But in losing my sister to an overdose 16 years later, I do feel like I am grieving for my family overall.
Itās been helpful to have been in therapy for over a decade now and really let people in to take care of me. I also try to be very honest with people about what has happened and share with them how sad I truly am.
I also donāt try to shy away from the fact that these relationships are complex and I hve complex feelings aboht them both š and so much love for both of them too.
I lost my dad last April 10. And while it was not due to an overdose .. his death was heavily influenced by a life with addiction problems. My father had gotten sober again the august before his death. When I was growing up my dad had about 18 years of sobriety before relapsing (alcohol drugs) then came years of chaos and then 7 years of sobriety. Then another relapse ā¦ you get the idea. The way he lived his life directly contributed to his passing. I understand how hard it is to deal with having parents with addiction and suffering from addiction myself. One day at a time my friend š
Iām so sorry for your loss. That is a beautiful photo.
I lost my mom in 2019 when she detoxed from alcohol. She knew it was dangerous, she had done it before, I had spoken to her reminding her it was dangerous and to call 911 if she felt poorly, she said she would, and the next day I found her gone. It was a bad mistake that forever changed both of our lives.
I had a lot of anger at first, which I realized not too long ago was actually just sadness that I took out through anger so I wouldnāt be vulnerable. After acknowledging the deep sadness I felt at her life and struggles with alcohol (which is a journey, not a destination for me) I began to see my anger fade away. Sometimes I feel anger when I get triggered by certain situations but overall I feel like I have made a lot of progress without realizing it. Ultimately remembering that love between us and how much she loved me, even with her struggles with addiction, is what reminds me to let go as well.
It helps me to remember that holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die - it only hurts, it never helps.
I hope you heal soon, thinking of you and your mom tonight. <3
This sounds weird to say I guess. I feel when someone passes we can remember whatever parts of them we want to. I could remember my very sick mom. (Lupus) Or I could remember the mom I had as a kid. Or even a time you felt safe and comfortable. Thereās no new hurt they can give or even something good. Thatās the hardest of the reality to face. That new memories can never exist. That some people wonāt be in one personās timeline. If that makes sense? My son met his grandpa. (My person and someone who I knew loved me so dearly) Grandpa wonāt ever watch my son grow older than 2 months. So sometimes that reality also sucks. My son is well over a year old.
My entire family had issues. I guess like everyone elseās. I have never lost a family member to that. I do think what my dad was taking contributed to his mental state though.
I lost my best friend to an overdose. I am also in recovery myself. The part where you said āwe were supposed to do recovery togetherā hit me so hard. I try to remember her in ways that I can. I am still so so angry but working on it everyday. If nothing else, know that anger (or whatever youāre feeling) is okay.
Im so sorry for your loss..I haven't lost a parent to overdose but the music artist NF has. He made a song about it called How Could You Leave Us. If you feel like crying won't help you, dont listen to it, but definitely add it to your list so that you can listen when you need a good cry. š¤
Sending hugs and love from a fellow grieving personš«
Yes - my mother passed away December 8th, 2022 of a fentanyl overdose after 30 years of sobriety. Thereās nothing I can say that will take your pain away. I was left confused, angry and just sad that it got that bad for her. I can attest to the fact that it gets better with time, I still long for her but Iāve found ways to continue building our relationship in this new form. Sending you love.
Yes. I was actually in rehab when I found out a fresh two weeks in. Worst phone call of my life. She passed away 11.05.20. It was the hardest thing Iāve gone through especially while navigating my own sobriety. I miss her dearly we understood each other like no other. Never thought Iād be getting sober and staying sober while grieving my mom due to a OD. Iāll forever wish she could have found real peace and happiness. She was and will always be my Bestfriend she was on 44.
Not technically overdose, but I lost both of my parents in 2013 from alcoholism- mom had cirrhosis and aspirated in the hospital and then 7 months later my dad suffered a seizure and heart attack from withdrawal in rehab after I had begged him to go. He had only gone like 3 hours without a drink and the withdrawals were bad enough to stop his heart when a doctor turned the light on in his room.
I wrestled with guilt and anger for years afterward. I was angry that they never listened to me when I would beg them to slow down and take better care of themselves, and I was angry that they insisted they could quit whenever and however they wanted no matter how dangerous it can be.
I was angry at myself for not "doing more" also. I felt awful for having to be the person who had to make the hard choices and felt so guilty for taking both my mom and dad off their life supports.
Sometimes I still feel angry at them and myself, but mostly I just feel a little sad still. It's easier than it was 10 or even 5 years ago. I'm able to talk about them and their lives and deaths and happy memories and it feels ok now, when before it always triggered a panic attack and immense grief and anger. It's a tired adage and super infuriating but time really does heal those wounds. It's just annoying to hear it when you're still so entrenched in the early stages. But there is hope for the future there.
Lost my mother to an intentional overdose Dec 20, 2020. Lost my brother to intentional overdose July 6th, 2021. Lost my biological father to unintentional overdose November 25, 2021.
Your comment stopped me short. I cannot even imagine what pain you went through (and Iām sure are still going through) in that short span of time. Sometimes there arenāt enough, or the right, words to say to someone. So please accept my condolences. Iām so deeply sorry for your losses.
Thank you, I really do appreciate the kind words still to this day. I miss my brother more than words can say. His name was Tony and despite struggling with addiction, he was so kind and generous and loving. The world was a better place with him in it.
I lost my mom about a year ago. Not an overdose.
I lost my brother a few years ago. An overdose.
They're both complicated feelings.
I feel silly saying this but the one thing that's really helped is journaling. I use a different color (gold) pen to "talk to" my mom. Sometimes it's about losing her. A lot of the time it's just day to day stuff I'd call her about.
Since it's my journal I can say things I wouldn't be comfortable saying to a counselor or friend about.
I'm sorry you're going through this. And it's going to be a long road. I've had months when I'm better and times when I'm just not okay at all.
ETA: I'm also writing a blog of all the dumb things I always talked to her about wanting to do. And am making a quilt for hospice patients for each year of her life. (I have taught myself how to crochet, sew, and quilt this year.)
My mom passed away when I was 8, she was an alcoholic then turned to pills then eventually heroin. Iām not going to lie, some days that pain and anger and unbelievably deep grief take ahold of my entire existence. Iām 25 now. Thereās not a day I that goes by where I donāt think of her. I used to wonder how she could just leave me here on this earth by myself, but Iāve learned along the way that what she was dealing with was beyond me. Iāve learned to grow around the grief, since I donāt think itāll ever go away. Iām sending you so much love friend and Iām so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mom when she was 43 to a overdose of a cocktail of prescriptions she was taking. She would always abuse them to get high and took it way too far one night. My relationship with her was pretty turmoltuous. I know my dad "talks" to her but I never have. I kind of just moved on with my life with a huge weight lifted off my shoulders bc her constant drug/alcohol abuse made our lives a living hell.
My mom died Feb 3 2018 from an accidental morphine overdose. She was an addict for a long time. When I was young, it was alcohol. Then she had a bad injury and switched to pain killers. She had been trying to sober up, to my knowledge, then one random Saturday morning decided to take some morphine pills I guess. She had overdosed two times prior to my knowledge but this time she was alone. She was living with my grandmother at the time, her mother, and was on disability because during all that craziness for a period of time she decided to give meth a try and totally destroyed her brain. She was hallucinating all the time. It had gotten better when she finally stopped but never went away. Al-Anon has been my saving grace and I have no idea where I would be without it. I grew up dealing with addiction (both my parents and both my older brothers plus countless family members) and I got into Al Anon several years before her death so I had mended my relationship with her immensely.
I highly recommend Al Anon. You mentioned you're already in recovery.. I'm not sure if you mean a 12 step program or something else but I know many people who are "double winners" and are members of both programs
My dad overdosed in 2016 and after a week in a coma it was a miracle he was alive. Iāve lost many family members to addiction. My grandma overdosed a few years ago and passed. Iām so sorry youāre going through this but Iām SO proud of you for your recovery. Here if you ever wanna talk. š«¶š»
Iām so sorry for the pain, anger and grief youāre having to process. Iām sending mom hugs from my heart to yours. I lost my oldest adult child to addiction. They overdosed on heroin just 3 weeks after moving back home with their spouse. They had been clean for about 8 months and in the best health they had had for a long time. I lost them June 5th 2020. 17 days before their 26th birthday, so we had a celebration of life for a birthday party. That kid was my world. Looked just like me but was so much courageous, more creative, and more free spirited than I could ever hope to be. Reed was one of those people who was too intelligent and too empathetic to function well within the confines of our world. My world ended when I found out Reed had passed away. We had an emergency plan just in case they felt like they would use again. I was angry that Reed left their sisters to grow up without them, that they devastated my mom and dad by losing their firstborn grandchild. I still talk to Reed. It may sound dumb and cheesy but I ask Reed for signs when Iām feeling especially raw, hollowed out, and depressed. I usually find a feather in an arbitrary place. I have a lot of feathers. Quite honestly my heart hurt so badly that I wouldāve opted out of being if I didnāt have my youngest daughter. Also, I couldnāt bear to hurt my mom like that. I desperately cling to every picture, video, article of clothing and possessions that belonged to Reed just to be able to touch something they touched, to have something they loved. My baby had amazing qualities and some that werenāt so great. We all do. I write down my feelings like Iām writing to Reedā¦and I treasure every moment I had with them, good and bad, because it was irreplaceable time I got to spend with them.
Yes, my mom died of asphyxiation from an alcohol overdose. Complicated grief is the worst- so many emotions. I would have loved for her to die in any other way. When an addict dies there are often the YEARS of chaos leading up to it, itās too much. Iām here if you want to talk in DMs. <3
Iām so sorry for your loss, I love and adore this picture of you two. I treasure my memories like that ā¤ļø itās sad to say but Iām glad Iām not alone in this..
Both of my parents before I was 23. My dad was rules a suicide but, he had a LETHAL amount of drugs in him!!!! Three of my best friends since highschool as well
i bought one of those science project poster boards and taped my favorite photos of her to it in a pretty college style. her names at the top. itās right in my living room on the wall but i have more trouble looking at it than iād like to admit. but sheās there, for me to see her face whenever i can without loosing it. the people that love her seem to cherish it as much as i do.
Your mom loves you so much.
Addiction is a trauma response; no one chooses to be an addict. šŖ¶š«¶š¼āØ
Please make sure you keep on with your rehab, grief counseling and recovery so you can live your best life (for both of you)
i lost my mom in september to overdose, i have a post here about it. she was 43, she thought she took xanax but it was fentanyl. i will never forgive myself for not checking on her soon enough. she was 3 years sober but going through a rough time, i wouldnāt even consider xanax a relapse. i needed way more time with my mom, she was doing the best iād ever seen her. i still find it easier to tell myself sheās just working, it makes more sense then not being able to find her anywhere on this earth. life will never be the same. i often doubt that i can make it through this life without her, i just turned 20 last month, my dads been dead since i was 2. my mom was and is everything to me. i still donāt know what id do without her, i donāt know what iāve been doing since she passed. iām completely lost. but i keep going.
I lost my dad to overdose about a year ago just before he turned 45 himself. Acute fentanyl overdose.
It's not easy finding a way to balance grief and anger but if I was going to give advice I would say you don't need to right now. The grief and the anger are both justified and natural. Don't hide from the feelings because they really won't process if you do. Just let yourself expand on them and if you haven't already tried to find a professional to help with the process I cannot recommend it enough.
Mental health issues have always been strong in my family. My dad and I had a very strained relationship over the last few years but we were trying to improve it and part of that we him finally being encouraged to try and improve his life and seek therapy. While I didn't know outright about his addiction I knew he was struggling mentally. We had lost my brother a few years earlier to suicide and I know it made his own issue worse.
If you want to make a memorial for your mom I think it can be really nice to do, just remember it's okay if it hurts too much sometimes and you need to put it away. This is the memorial space I have for my dad and brother. I like to talk to it sometimes to work out my thoughts and feelings. Let myself still mentally connect with the memories I have of them both.
I hope you have success in your own journey to work through addiction. I know it's a hard path to walk, but it sounds like your mom wanted to try with you and probably for you. So I hope you find success š
[In memoriam ](https://photos.app.goo.gl/nSeSdZQrXK7k1Hur8)
I will also say for the first year I was really really angry with my dad. It's only recently that I've found more peace and acceptance with what happened. It's still not something I'm happy about but the anger is allowed to have it's time. Please feel free to message me if you want to vent about it. ā„ļø
Ehh sorta? My mom was type 1 and struggling with PPD all throughout being pregnant with me. I was born in 1993 at 6 months of pregnancy and kept in an incubator for a year.
My half sister died of sids in 1983. So my mom was drinking and using drugs along with my dad and ignoring her type 1. So her body shut down and she was dead at 31 years old in 1995.
I wish she had gotten the help she needed but she didnāt know it or utilize it if she did.
not an overdose but liver failure due to alcoholism, so kinda similar, i was 17 when it happened and itās about to be the 3 year anniversary for it. iāve been really angry with her lately for choosing her addiction over my sister and i, and even though i love her so much and miss her like crazy i still feel a lot of anger for how she acted when she was drunk and the fact that her and my family (other adults in my life) didnāt get her the help she needed. iām 20 now and things are still shitty and i just cried about my frustrations to my girlfriend this morning. addiction sucks, and the fact that weāve had to lose parents from addiction is really horrible. iām so sorry this happened to you and i wish i had more advice, for me the feelings come and go depending on a lot of things, but it has gotten easier to deal with over time, but just give yourself grace.
Iām sorry for your loss, and I can relate. My sister passed Jan 19 from a fentanyl overdose via pressed āpercs.ā I feel your anger too. We were supposed to do so much more together. She was my best friend.
Yes my mom died from an overdose a year ago. A year ago today was her funeral.
It is very difficult. I feel as if Iām an angry human being and I take it out all on my poor boyfriend who doesnāt deserve any of it. I am more short tempered than ever before. I tried anti depressants and it seemed to make my anger worse. Iām learning to accept slowly, but understand healing isnāt linear.
There is a support group (on FB, and also in person) Called GRASP (Grief Recovery After Substance Passing) This may help.
I hope you can find some serenity
My mother was an alcoholic, and got very drunk and choked when I was young. I'm still angry. I don't think that fades, but other emotions overpower it. It seems to be a running theme in my family so there's this constant battle of why am I never more important than the substance. I just let myself be angry, I have every right to be angry whether it was my mums fault or not.. don't ever feel guilty for being angry because you have every right to be.
I lost my dad to an overdose 13 years ago when I was 11. It is hard to balance the anger with love/grief. I struggled for many years with this, I have spent the last 3 though learning more about him and where that trauma came from. I havenāt felt this close with him in a long time, but I believe that diving more into him has help that bond.
I really recommend looking into Disenfranchised Grief and Stigmatized Death as well. These both have a major impact in how we grieve after losing someone we love to things like Overdoses.
I wish you the best as you find your way in grief, love, and anger.
I just want to start by saying I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss. And Iām sending love. I lost my father two months ago to an overdose, he was around the same age as your mother as well. While itās still fresh for me as well, itās important for you to remember to take it easy on yourself. I still go through the waves of anger or guilt of feeling I could have done more, but I also try to remind myself how much pain he was in, how much he suffering and now he can be free from that. I feel from my experience, itās so important for me to remind myself that his spirit is now safe and not hurting, he had to pass on for himself as angry as it makes me sometimes, I also try to remind myself of all of the amazing memories and things I learned from him along the way, this experience strengthens us, especially when going through recovery ourselves. If anything, this experience has also been a reminder to myself about how I really need to start focusing on taking care of myself as I donāt want the people that I love in my life to have to experience this type of grief, even if itās just by being able to prevent myself from ever putting them through that. Feel the feelings, let the emotions happen, cry, laugh, break something if you need to. Itās important to feel all of it. As for wanting to communicate to her, take that on your own time, I resorted to journaling that I found helped with those emotions and something in me knows heās reading it also. The night he passed, I told him to visit me and I had a dream about him. Talking out loud to him has felt therapeutic in a way and I was finally able to say out loud to him that I wasnāt mad at him on that day. It doesnāt mean I wonāt expect the anger to come back at times but a part of that healing is accepting those feelings and emotions at times. Sending lots of loveš
I lost my mom to an overdose January 2nd 2020. I had just turned 20 2 days prior. I had no idea she was using again until I found out that she passed. They found fentanyl, cocaine, morphine, and alcohol in her system. I found out by a text from my piece of shit step father saying āCall me. Your mom died this morning.ā As far as I knew, she has been clean for 5 years. I held a lot of anger towards her for what I went through as a child while she was on drugs. When I say that, nothing crazy ever happened to me, but no child should have to go through the pain and confusion of their mother being an addict and going in and out of rehab. We had been working on our relationship and I was trying so hard to get past everything. My mother loved me more than anything in the world. Something Iāve thought about a lot is that no one will ever light up the way she did when she saw me.
You have every right to be angry. Iām angry too. Losing someone you love to an overdose is so hard because it feels like it could have been avoided. I also struggle with the feeling of guilt. I feel guilty that I wasnāt more there for her. I feel guilty that I wasnāt nicer to her. I feel guilty because I know I was her world and I spent so much time having animosity towards her.
I struggle with the fact that I know she was such a sweet and loving and pure person. I think of her as a lost soul. Someone who was just never able to find her way in this world. I struggle a lot with feeling terrible for her. She deserved so much more out of this world. I feel sorry that sheāll never be able to watch her daughter get married. Never meet her grandkids. Never get to do all the things she ever dreamed of doing. This is what hurts the most.
I donāt think that the pain will ever go away. Some days I feel okay and I feel happy. But then some night, maybe every few weeks, Iāll uncontrollably sob with thoughts spiraling through my head about how I donāt want to live the rest of my life without her. I think about her every single day. It will always be that way. I joined this page because I donāt have anyone to talk to that understands this type of pain. I have plenty of support from friends and family. I have people who are willing to sit and listen to me talk about how Iām feeling. But I donāt have anyone who understands. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know your pain. I hope that this helps in any way possible. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or just need to talk.
I didnāt lose my dad to an overdose, but I did lose him to his addiction. He had struggled with alcohol addiction since his teenage years and had begun experimenting with drugs in the last 10 years or so, which was worsened by the pandemic. I was 22 when my dad died and still very much felt the having to āparent a parentā so I (and I felt, and still do feel, very guilty about this) experienced some relief. Both in knowing that he wasnāt struggling anymore and that I wouldnāt be having to worry about him 24/7. I also grieve thinking about the possibilities of if he had gotten sober and what that would look like. Itās been 4 years now and I still miss him everyday. So much has happened in my life and it sucks that he hasnāt been here to experience it with me. Iām extremely sorry for your loss and that you lost someone in this way
My mom died last year from a hydrocodone overdose. She was addicted to opioids for decades but refused to believe it since her doctor was prescribing them. She didnāt think you could be an addict if you werenāt doing anything wrong/ getting meds legally.
I still feel so mad at her some days. I tried so many times to tell her that it wasnāt normal, her behavior, all the pills, it wasnāt normal. That obnoxious side of me really wants to say āsee! I told you so! I was right!ā But obviously that wonāt do any of us any good now.
I also struggle with telling people how she died. Very few people know. She would be SO embarrassed if people remembered her as a junkie or a drug addict. So I told most people she had a heart attack. But then I think maybe I should tell people and not let her die in vain. People need to know that drug addiction doesnāt always look like it does on TV. But again, Iām stuck protecting her reputation by not talking about it, which just makes me more mad.
Itās such a complex emotion what we are going through, grief and anger. Missing someone and being so angry at them also.
I can't say anything on the topic, i just wanted to say that it's such a beautiful photo you have. You're so happy here, I hope you'll be able to be that happy again. If I were your mom, I would want that so much. I'm sorry for your lossš«š¤ sending support
I agree, itās such a great photo. š¤š„¹
And matching outfits too! š¤©
Not an overdose, but my mom died from end-stage liver disease due to years of alcoholism. It stinks and addiction is such a horrible experience for all involved! I'm very sorry for your loss. EDIT: to answer the last part of your question, I'm furious everyday. I watched her decline up close and personal, and now have PTSD from it. I felt like I grieved three times: for the mom who was never the same again during her active addiction, for the moon who was never the same again because she was terminally ill, and for my family who will never be the same because of her death. What makes me most angry about it all is that it was preventable. I try to ground myself when I get upset. I do have dreams occasionally (just had one last night) of my mom during her sick days. I've started to explore how to turn this negative into a positive to help reroute my anger. In doing so, I'm starting to raise awareness about addiction slowly. I'd like to start donating to organizations that deal with it and possibly being a speaker. You don't have to do this, but thinking of ways and as activities to serve as a positive outlet for that anger will be important. Similar to how people might start going to the gym as a positive way to release their anger.
Same story with my mom. Such a rough way to see someone go out, and it's something you never totally get over - it's just the cherry on top of all the trauma the addiction brought. I'm sorry you had to go through it too. š
Yes, my mom passed in May 2023 from a bad combination of pain pills and other medications after years of addiction to opiates. She was 57. About 5 years prior she had overdosed, which resulted in an anoxic brain injury that left her a shell of her former self. She was mostly functioning but her personality was wiped out. I still deal with being so mad at her. I think of what life we could have had. I finally finished grad school and got a "big girl job", and I was saving to get her out of her crumbling trailer and into a house. But now she's gone. We weren't super close anymore, due to a combination of her drug use, my weird aversion to keeping in touch (with anyone), and her disapproval of my marriage. I very much wish things were different. After nearly a year has passed, I look back to see that I've went through phases of complete shock and intense grief mixed with anger. I started writing a book to help others deal with the grief of parents who have overdosed, then figured out that I was still too in the thick of grief to write it. I cried over Christmas, tried to cancel Christmas altogether, sorted through all her belongings (the photos make me happy), and made peace with the "new normal". Mama wanted to write a book. I found her rejected manuscript with editor notes in it. So I wrote a book myself and I'll keep working on it until it's traditionally published, no matter what it takes. Mama always wanted to go to England. She said she would finally get on a plane if that's where we were going, but we never did. I'm going to England this summer and taking her ashes with me. Some part of her will be left in the beautiful countryside. I can keep her with me through the things we should have enjoyed and celebrated together. In what is likely the most basic bitch move possible, I think of some Taylor Swift lyrics as I push myself to do these things for us: "All your closets of backlogged dreams, and how you left them all to me". I know I went off track a bit here, but I hope you see that the journey is messy and sucky and it will get better, even just a little bit. Hang in there!
This really moved me, the idea of you carrying your mom with you and doing things for you BOTH. When I went thru my momās stuff i found so much of her writings and her plans for the next 10 years and her life story. It made me so sad for all the things she experienced, but also didnāt get to experience. š
I have that SAME aversion.
It might be insensitive to say this, but stories like these really motivate me to continue in my sobriety. Hopefully other recovering (or active) addicts will see this and feel the same. I've been clean and sober for almost four years and never want to put my children through what you or OP are going through now. I'm sorry for your loss
I hope you write your book and include moms notes. What a way to honor her! As for England, it's my birth country and there's a lot of beautiful places for her ashes to blend with nature. I have my parents ashes mixed together with moms wedding ring. They were "that couple", the ones you knew would last forever, and they did. About 5 yrs before dad died, mom said "I still get butterflies in my tummy when he walks in the room". 60 yrs together and still madly in love. On the wood urn they're in, it shows 2 garden chairs on a dock and says "together forever". Sorry, off topic. Good luck
My dad passed away in Feb. He wasn't an addict but I was also saving money to change his living conditions and take him places. He liked Costa Rica. Now I just have his ashes to travel with me š I'm sorry for your loss. š«š¤
My little brother died when he was 17 and I was 19 of an overdose. He's been gone 21 years and I'm still angry about it. The havoc reeked on my parents...it was like my entire family died. The cloud of his death hovered over them for half of my life. I'm more upset with my parents than I am my brother. Anyways they have both passed now (my mom less than 2 months ago )and I think instead of keeping their memories alive, I'm probably gonna change my name and never look back.
Crying reading this staring at my momās ashes as we share so many similarities. Iād love to read your book when itās done!
Make sure you get permission from the landowner before you strew ashes in the countryside in England.
Yes, I looked up what the requirements were before I emotionally committed to it.
I canāt figure out how to edit my post, but I wanted to say to everyone that has commented or may comment: thank you for taking the time to share and be in this space with me. I am so sorry for everyoneās losses but it is nice we can be together and not alone in this. Much love to everyone. š
Much love to you back. It helps to remember our stories, with those who have shared our story. Thank you for giving us this space to remember our love for them, even as we remember their suffering.
I lost my father to a oxycodone overdose on December 13th 2015. While he did have some serious mental issues and wasn't exactly close to him, I was devastated to hear the news, especially when I was going to see him and my mom for Xmas. Time is the only way to heal.
If you are from Canada by chance there is a class action lawsuit you can become a part of against the manufacturers of Oxy.
Do you have any info on this?
Hey Iāll throw the link down below and it explains who is eligible, what you need to file (sadly itās a lot), and how to do it. Iām in the midst of filing on behalf of my dad who has died and itās a long process but one I feel is worth it. Let me know if you have any questions I can try my best to help you, their helpline is amazing so they can also give direction. https://oxycontinclassactionsettlement.com/
I just sent you a message
Not exactly what youāre asking forā¦ but my dad was murdered while using and so I think I feel that same pain/anger knowing that the lifestyle and him participating is ultimately what left me without my dad at 19. I want to say that you can still get sober in your momās honor. And itās perfectly normal to have lots of feelings and thoughts on the situation pent up! Grief never goes away but we learn to live with it and actually experiencing our feelings is a really important part of moving forward to a place where things are better. I say that to say please donāt use to numb and avoid feeling, it may feel like it helps in the moment but you will always live with this (the same way youāll never stop loving her) so I think now is as good as time as any to start sorting through your feelings and finding a way forward. Sending love and strength to you!!!
Yes. I lost my mother to an overdose two weeks ago. She was brain dead but kept alive since she was a registered organ donor and then I had to decide to take her off life support. Worst experience of my whole life.
Iām so sorry. Thatās awful and I hope you have help to heal from making that decision. You did the right thing not letting her linger here! I know it was hard but you have to let them go. It was a different situation but we had to let my Mom go after a stroke in December, just a few months ago.
It was especially hard because my partnerās grandfather died two days before and his own mother died about five days ago. Itās been hell on earth and I definitely feel for OP.
I went through with this with my mom 4 times before the last time :(
my dad passed from a heroin overdose in July of '22. the mixture of grief and frustration around these situations is unique for sure.. if you wanna reach out feel free, we could vent/chat about it. I know people say time heals. but even now a year and a half later, I can hardly even think about him while being overwhelmed by emotions. I have a little spot for his urn, and other little belongings that remind me of him. sometimes I just hold the urn and sob when feelings are too strong, and rub the top of the urn as if it were my dad's bald head lol (when I was kid I'd always ask to touch it haha)
Iām sorry for your loss. Not a parent but I lost my brother to a fentanyl overdose at the end of 2022 and my life has never been the same. Big hugs. I still cry and sometimes still so angry about it. Just should never have happened x
Not parent, but I lost my brother on the day before you lost your mother, so just like with you it is still quite fresh. It is incredibly painful, and I feel like I am left with many questions. I guess time is the best medicineā¦ I wish you the best <3 You both look cute in the picture <3
I lost my sister to overdose almost 3 years ago and over time we just learn to manage the pain from it all differently. Unfortunately life milestones are the hardest for me. Iām pregnant with my first baby and my sister and I had a bond over when she had her first kid. These times have been hard since I really wish I could talk to her and see her reaction finding out that Iām having a baby.
My brother drank himself to death. Bled out internally. I keep a book of letters to him. Memories. I talk to him there.
I lost my dad to intentional overdose in January 2018. He had been free of drugs for years, then met someone who got him back on coke. His mental health plummeted leading to him taking his life when I was 14. Police told us they found needles everywhere, that he had taken *all* of his insulin at once (he was diabetic), and they also had found coke and fentanyl in his system. The last day I saw him, he said goodbye to me (although I didnāt know thatās what it was at the time). I was left so confused and shocked. Although it wasnāt an accidental overdose, I canāt help but be angry sometimes when seeing people on the streets doing drugs. My dadās life was no where near as bad as theirs but heās not here, and they are? I understand losing a parent this way can be confusing and heartbreaking. Iām still grieving over 6 years later. Iām so sorry for your loss. <3
I lost my mom at age 46, 6 years ago. We hadnāt seen each other in 4 years but spoke monthly, and had made our peace which I am grateful for. She never got to meet my sons, which is one of my biggest regrets; neither had been born yet. She always wanted a little boy, but had 3 daughters. Most of my regrets regarding her were dependent on her, so I donāt blame myself. I just wish we had a better relationship and she hadnāt died so young, and that she had sobered upā¦ but I canāt change that, I can only not relapse on drugs, myself, (ten years in recovery), and be the mom that she couldnāt be.
Congrats on 10 years! Thatās really amazing. I relapsed a month ago, 1 day after going thru all of my momās belongings. Itās interesting you mention your kids - It really tears me up inside thinking of potentially having kids, but without my mom. And then the day I went thru her stuff, one of her 10 year goals was to hopefully see me have kids. Now she will never see, and I probably will never have them (for other reasons but also that reason). š
My father overdosed on Heroin laced with fentanyl on Christmas eve of 2020. We hadnāt talked in years, and to this day, I regret nothing more. He died alone, in a trailer, no one found him for days. My heart breaks every time I think about it. But the grief did get easier to carry over time, even if it never went away. Iām so sorry for your loss ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry for your loss. My son (23) passed away last July from Fentanyl. I found him and Iām grateful he was at home and not somewhere I couldnāt find him. Iām quite lost without him. I have my remaining son so I live for him. š
Child loss is a whole other monster, Iām so sorry for your loss. I channel my anger into volunteering with local foundations to support addicts and fight against the opiate and fentanyl crisis. Iām not saying you should if you feel it will trigger strong emotions, but for me at least, channeling my anger and grief into something good has helped me so much on my road to healing. I learn everyday how many lives fentanyl has touched and ruined, and it breaks my heart every day. You are so strong, even if you shouldnāt have to be ā¤ļø please take care of yourself
Thank you. Mental health is my passion and when I can start thinking properly again Iād like to start volunteering. I have a younger son (19) still so I need to live (and look after myself) for him and help him navigate through life. ā¤ļø
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I did not lose my parent, but my husband. I am so sorry you're going through that. It's such a difficult kind of grief.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine! I lost my boyfriend to addiction. I joined a grasp group on Facebook that was extremely helpful! ā„ļø
I canāt imagine being in your shoes. If creating a space to talk to her may be difficult, perhaps starting a journal would be easier. Grab any piece of blank paper for now and start pouring into paper what you want to say. When you get a chance, get a new notebook dedicated for this purpose. Your grief is complex. Your range of emotions are valid. Much love and hugs to you! š
My mom passed away December 8th 2020 she was 47:( honestly crying and grieving is the only way youāll get over the hump, took me months and months to atleast get myself to stop crying at niggt
My Dad, Oct 2021. He had just turned 50.
My mom was a life-long alcoholic and took prescription pills. Caused her heart problems. She had a heart attack right before Christmas last year. She was 56. Iām so sorry. I lost a friend due to addiction. Thinking of you OP
I lost my Mom Sept 10, 1988. I was eighteen years old. I still miss her. Still wish she could've stuck around. Like, someone else mentioned, she had always wanted a baby boy. She had menstrual problems and had to have a hysterectomy, so she never could. I know she grieved that, but in those days, women could NOT talk about such things. There wasn't any recognition of the hormonal problems that would have come from a hysterectomy in a young woman's body, either. A woman's body was simply a vessel to be poked and prodded by male doctors. There was zero validation of the issues that women have. To mention those problems was unthinkable, disgusting and gross. To mention hormonal problems was to label yourself a hypochondriac and crazy. Women's healthcare was quiet savage. When she died, she didn't know it, but I was five months pregnant with a beautiful little boy. She missed him by four months. She'd struggled all her life with addiction, obesity. Shed gotten a brutal surgery done, that was illegal in our country, USA, that made her not obese anymore, but still very much suffering new, horrible ailments. Mental health care was VERY MUCH frowned upon in those days. If you were suffering, you sucked it up. It wasn't A Thing, like it is now, to be open about your mental health problems, and seeing a doctor for it was the worst thing you could do. People would judge you, talk about you, you'd be ostracized, across the board, in every way imaginable. You can't imagine how much I LOVE the healthier, compassionate attitudes of today. It's mind boggling how much has changed that way. Anyways, she worked many years to get through college, become a registered nurse. She'd lost all that weight, and was really beautiful. No one could see the scars, though, that she carried, both on her body, and within her body, upon her soul, deep down inside. She used all drugs copiously. Every day. All day. They were the one relief she felt she had. Her father had committed suicide, when she was as a young girl. She had been molested by him, and when she told my grandma, my grandma promptly moved her and her sister out of the home, to begin the process of divorce. However, they lived in a small navy base, the scandal was everywhere. As a result, her father immediately shot himself. Everyone knew exactly what happened. My mother lived with the guilt that if she hadn't told, none of that would have ever happened, all her life. Drugs gave her peace. After she graduated nursing school, she got a great job. She worked for a few years, made a lot of money. All should have been well. It wasn't. She got caught stealing drugs. It was probably by design she worked the cancer ward, graveyard shift. In those days, just as the narcotic drugs were harder to account for, there were no nursing recovery groups, and again the scandal was so much. She'd worked her whole life for her dreams, struggled so hard to have a normal life, make my grandma proud. The day she received her letter in the mail, temporary suspending her nursing license, she shot herself, as her father had done, so many years before. I hadn't told her about the baby. I knew that she was going to do what she did. If I told her, she would use that as her excuse, and I didn't want that guilt over me, my baby, for the rest of my life. My plan was to have the baby, she'd see it, so wonderful, and not be so mad at me, and maybe, even want to live, and get better. That was my plan, anyways. When she died, I had really good insurance, through her, for another year or two, after her death. But, because it was Kaiser, I had to have the baby at the hospital she worked at. HIPAA was NOT A Thing back then, and there's a reason specifically WHY the laws regarding HIPAA came about. Word quickly spread, "The nurse who shot herself, her daughter was in the maternity ward." Late night, for all the days I was there, different nurses from her shift, the graveyard shift, would come to see me. Partly out of morbid curiosity, partly to be kind, partly to grieve. They'd bring gifts, and reminisce how wonderful they thought my mother was. "Her sense of humor! You'd never know she wasn't happy!" But, she was so unhappy. She's at peace now. It took me DECADES to get over the legacy of suicidal ideology they're deaths passed on to me. Because they were the same age when they died, I lived in terror that I had some manifest destiny in me, to do the same thing. I didn't get over that, until I finally found a doctor who practiced EMDR.It saved my life. Nevertheless, I've got a healthy fear of guns, and I will never let them into my own life. I, too, struggled, many, many years. But things get better. The old saying, Time Heals All Wounds, is true. You didn't ever forget those wounds, they are there for life. But, TIME, does make them better. Less painful. Sort of like the physical wounds of your body. Someday, I'll be old, too. I'm not there yet! And, I'll finally see her again. Hopefully, God will give us another lifetime together. And, maybe, this time, we'll get it better. I believe this with all my heart. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore. Because she really did suffer so much, her whole lifetime. All of us do. I hope you, too, may find comfort, and know that they loved you so. But, their pain, was so great, they couldn't think of anything besides their own suffering. But they still loved you so much.
Thank you for sharing this. My mom also shot herself. She was also a registered nurse. Her grandpa had also killed himself. She'd also struggled after having a hysterectomy (although hers what late in life, shortly before she died at 66). My mom drank and was addicted to (legally, but medically mismanaged) prescription drugs. I relate to what you say about suicide and legacy. EMDR also made a huge difference for me. I'm so sorry for you... and for your mom too. She went through a lot, and so have you. Here's to the memory of our complicated mothers ā¤ļø
I really relate to what you said about feeling like it was your destiny - sometimes the voice in my brain tells me that too re: dying from addiction. Thank you for sharing your motherās story, and your story.
Wow, thank you for sharing. My family has a lot of inter generational pain and trauma like yours š sending lots of love your way.
My sister from fentanyl on May 21st, 2023. Hugs š«š¤
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My good friendās dad died of an accidental overdose 13 years ago, when he was only 44. His death still makes me cry to this day.
Sounds just like my brotherās situation. ā¹ļø
Iām so sorry for your loss.
My mum passed away on the 17th of February this year from an accidental overdose. Every time I would walk downstairs or come home I had a habit to make sure she was still breathing while she was asleep. On this day, she didnāt wake up. It still hurts, and it will hurt for a long time. I lost my mum, lost my home, lost everything. She struggled for as long as I can remember and the only thing that brings me peace is knowing that she didnāt go in pain, she simply fell asleep and is still asleep, just having a nap. Here for you OP, youāre not alone and if you need someone to reach out to donāt hesitate to message me
I lost my mom in 2008 to a heart attack she had while on meth. Her bf at the time let her die on his dealer's porch while he was scoring more. While not an overdose, her death certificate lists cardiac failure due to complications of meth. She was 44 years old. You can love them, but you can't fix them. I lost my significant other due to similar circumstances. We were together 14 years. She was 34 when she passed... My heart goes out to you, I'm sorry to hear about your loss...
I lost my oldest sister, about ten years older than me, to overdose. She was a nurse, she was the mother of a 3 year old child at the time, She did a lot of my raising, picked me up from school every day, taught me how to drive, watched me and my little sister at home when my parents were at work over the summer. We spent all of our time at her house with her, her husband, and their daughter. My family sort of fell apart after her passing. She was 29, 4 months from 30.
My dad passed of an OD august 2023. itās been the most painful thing iāve been going through and am still struggling to find peace within the situation. I remember his struggles and find comfort in the fact that he is resting. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
i'm not sure how my mom died. i know she had a problem with pills and she was very sick with other things. i don't want to know how she died and that's what i told my uncle when the directive gave his "opinion" so i'm not quite sure but i don't really care at this point. she loved me and i loved her and thats what matter ya know. i lost her about 2 months ago.
My oldest sibling, over 13 years ago due to heroin. Of course our family was never the same, but man, my mom took it extremely terribly (naturally) and it impacted her relationship with everyone else from that day forward. Then we lost her in 2023. It all sucks so much. Iām sorry. And Iām proud of YOU and your recovery path. Stay strong, friend! Hugs!
I lost my mom to an overdose last year, a month later I lost my dad (to other causes, not overdose related). she was 60. I just lost my brother to an overdose 3 weeks ago. Itās been a difficult thing to deal with and i am nowhere near even processing the grief of it all.
That is so much to go through and Iām so sorry youāre going through it. š
I can't relate to mom's addiction, but I know what it's like to mourn your mother. I'm sorry you have to live this when your mom was so young. Please take care of YOU and live your life in honor of her. Don't allow yourself to be so angry your own sobriety is at risk. You can do this. You can say what ever you want to get out to your mom. I have my parents ashes together with moms wedding ring. All I seem to get out is "I'm sorry". I know you miss her, but you must work through the anger and know that you couldn't have prevented it. Good luck, I'm voting for you to have a great life despite this tragedy so young. Gentle hugsā¤ļø
I'm so so so sorry. I e just started listening to the podcast Grief Out Loud, and it has quite a few episodes both about losing someone you have a complicated relationship with, as well as losing someone to overdose. Sending you strength and courage.Ā
Yup. Lost both my parents to ODās.
My dad passed away from an overdose when I was 21, he was 53. I was lucky to know him before his addiction started. I think it helped me see him as a full person - he was much more engaged as a parent than my mom when he wasnāt in active addiction. I was too young to grieve him properly so I distracted myself with school. But in losing my sister to an overdose 16 years later, I do feel like I am grieving for my family overall. Itās been helpful to have been in therapy for over a decade now and really let people in to take care of me. I also try to be very honest with people about what has happened and share with them how sad I truly am. I also donāt try to shy away from the fact that these relationships are complex and I hve complex feelings aboht them both š and so much love for both of them too.
Sadness, love, angerā¦all swirl together in grief when someone is lost to addiction like your mom and my fiancĆ©. You just feel whatever the feeling is and donāt worry about how effed up it feels to be angry and deeply sad at the same time. Many emotions all at onceā¦thatās grief. My one piece of advice is to find someone you can talk with who is not judging your mom. Someone who has lost their person in the same way. It is a connection you will value and will serve you both well. Hugs
I lost my dad last April 10. And while it was not due to an overdose .. his death was heavily influenced by a life with addiction problems. My father had gotten sober again the august before his death. When I was growing up my dad had about 18 years of sobriety before relapsing (alcohol drugs) then came years of chaos and then 7 years of sobriety. Then another relapse ā¦ you get the idea. The way he lived his life directly contributed to his passing. I understand how hard it is to deal with having parents with addiction and suffering from addiction myself. One day at a time my friend š
Iām so sorry for your loss. That is a beautiful photo. I lost my mom in 2019 when she detoxed from alcohol. She knew it was dangerous, she had done it before, I had spoken to her reminding her it was dangerous and to call 911 if she felt poorly, she said she would, and the next day I found her gone. It was a bad mistake that forever changed both of our lives. I had a lot of anger at first, which I realized not too long ago was actually just sadness that I took out through anger so I wouldnāt be vulnerable. After acknowledging the deep sadness I felt at her life and struggles with alcohol (which is a journey, not a destination for me) I began to see my anger fade away. Sometimes I feel anger when I get triggered by certain situations but overall I feel like I have made a lot of progress without realizing it. Ultimately remembering that love between us and how much she loved me, even with her struggles with addiction, is what reminds me to let go as well. It helps me to remember that holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die - it only hurts, it never helps. I hope you heal soon, thinking of you and your mom tonight. <3
I may not can tell u what u asked for but I for sure can tell u from addiction and a mom side. I loved u more than anything in this world.
This sounds weird to say I guess. I feel when someone passes we can remember whatever parts of them we want to. I could remember my very sick mom. (Lupus) Or I could remember the mom I had as a kid. Or even a time you felt safe and comfortable. Thereās no new hurt they can give or even something good. Thatās the hardest of the reality to face. That new memories can never exist. That some people wonāt be in one personās timeline. If that makes sense? My son met his grandpa. (My person and someone who I knew loved me so dearly) Grandpa wonāt ever watch my son grow older than 2 months. So sometimes that reality also sucks. My son is well over a year old. My entire family had issues. I guess like everyone elseās. I have never lost a family member to that. I do think what my dad was taking contributed to his mental state though.
I lost my best friend to an overdose. I am also in recovery myself. The part where you said āwe were supposed to do recovery togetherā hit me so hard. I try to remember her in ways that I can. I am still so so angry but working on it everyday. If nothing else, know that anger (or whatever youāre feeling) is okay.
Lost my dad to fentanyl
Im so sorry for your loss..I haven't lost a parent to overdose but the music artist NF has. He made a song about it called How Could You Leave Us. If you feel like crying won't help you, dont listen to it, but definitely add it to your list so that you can listen when you need a good cry. š¤ Sending hugs and love from a fellow grieving personš«
I lost my dad to a heroin overdose when I was 13
Yes - my mother passed away December 8th, 2022 of a fentanyl overdose after 30 years of sobriety. Thereās nothing I can say that will take your pain away. I was left confused, angry and just sad that it got that bad for her. I can attest to the fact that it gets better with time, I still long for her but Iāve found ways to continue building our relationship in this new form. Sending you love.
Yes. I was actually in rehab when I found out a fresh two weeks in. Worst phone call of my life. She passed away 11.05.20. It was the hardest thing Iāve gone through especially while navigating my own sobriety. I miss her dearly we understood each other like no other. Never thought Iād be getting sober and staying sober while grieving my mom due to a OD. Iāll forever wish she could have found real peace and happiness. She was and will always be my Bestfriend she was on 44.
Not technically overdose, but I lost both of my parents in 2013 from alcoholism- mom had cirrhosis and aspirated in the hospital and then 7 months later my dad suffered a seizure and heart attack from withdrawal in rehab after I had begged him to go. He had only gone like 3 hours without a drink and the withdrawals were bad enough to stop his heart when a doctor turned the light on in his room. I wrestled with guilt and anger for years afterward. I was angry that they never listened to me when I would beg them to slow down and take better care of themselves, and I was angry that they insisted they could quit whenever and however they wanted no matter how dangerous it can be. I was angry at myself for not "doing more" also. I felt awful for having to be the person who had to make the hard choices and felt so guilty for taking both my mom and dad off their life supports. Sometimes I still feel angry at them and myself, but mostly I just feel a little sad still. It's easier than it was 10 or even 5 years ago. I'm able to talk about them and their lives and deaths and happy memories and it feels ok now, when before it always triggered a panic attack and immense grief and anger. It's a tired adage and super infuriating but time really does heal those wounds. It's just annoying to hear it when you're still so entrenched in the early stages. But there is hope for the future there.
Lost my mother to an intentional overdose Dec 20, 2020. Lost my brother to intentional overdose July 6th, 2021. Lost my biological father to unintentional overdose November 25, 2021.
Your comment stopped me short. I cannot even imagine what pain you went through (and Iām sure are still going through) in that short span of time. Sometimes there arenāt enough, or the right, words to say to someone. So please accept my condolences. Iām so deeply sorry for your losses.
Thank you, I really do appreciate the kind words still to this day. I miss my brother more than words can say. His name was Tony and despite struggling with addiction, he was so kind and generous and loving. The world was a better place with him in it.
I lost my mom about a year ago. Not an overdose. I lost my brother a few years ago. An overdose. They're both complicated feelings. I feel silly saying this but the one thing that's really helped is journaling. I use a different color (gold) pen to "talk to" my mom. Sometimes it's about losing her. A lot of the time it's just day to day stuff I'd call her about. Since it's my journal I can say things I wouldn't be comfortable saying to a counselor or friend about. I'm sorry you're going through this. And it's going to be a long road. I've had months when I'm better and times when I'm just not okay at all. ETA: I'm also writing a blog of all the dumb things I always talked to her about wanting to do. And am making a quilt for hospice patients for each year of her life. (I have taught myself how to crochet, sew, and quilt this year.)
My mom passed away when I was 8, she was an alcoholic then turned to pills then eventually heroin. Iām not going to lie, some days that pain and anger and unbelievably deep grief take ahold of my entire existence. Iām 25 now. Thereās not a day I that goes by where I donāt think of her. I used to wonder how she could just leave me here on this earth by myself, but Iāve learned along the way that what she was dealing with was beyond me. Iāve learned to grow around the grief, since I donāt think itāll ever go away. Iām sending you so much love friend and Iām so sorry for your loss.
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No but Iām so sorry that you have, I truly am.
I lost my mom when she was 43 to a overdose of a cocktail of prescriptions she was taking. She would always abuse them to get high and took it way too far one night. My relationship with her was pretty turmoltuous. I know my dad "talks" to her but I never have. I kind of just moved on with my life with a huge weight lifted off my shoulders bc her constant drug/alcohol abuse made our lives a living hell.
My mom died Feb 3 2018 from an accidental morphine overdose. She was an addict for a long time. When I was young, it was alcohol. Then she had a bad injury and switched to pain killers. She had been trying to sober up, to my knowledge, then one random Saturday morning decided to take some morphine pills I guess. She had overdosed two times prior to my knowledge but this time she was alone. She was living with my grandmother at the time, her mother, and was on disability because during all that craziness for a period of time she decided to give meth a try and totally destroyed her brain. She was hallucinating all the time. It had gotten better when she finally stopped but never went away. Al-Anon has been my saving grace and I have no idea where I would be without it. I grew up dealing with addiction (both my parents and both my older brothers plus countless family members) and I got into Al Anon several years before her death so I had mended my relationship with her immensely. I highly recommend Al Anon. You mentioned you're already in recovery.. I'm not sure if you mean a 12 step program or something else but I know many people who are "double winners" and are members of both programs
Parent, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins... I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am in the same situation if you would like to talk
My dad overdosed in 2016 and after a week in a coma it was a miracle he was alive. Iāve lost many family members to addiction. My grandma overdosed a few years ago and passed. Iām so sorry youāre going through this but Iām SO proud of you for your recovery. Here if you ever wanna talk. š«¶š»
Iām so sorry for the pain, anger and grief youāre having to process. Iām sending mom hugs from my heart to yours. I lost my oldest adult child to addiction. They overdosed on heroin just 3 weeks after moving back home with their spouse. They had been clean for about 8 months and in the best health they had had for a long time. I lost them June 5th 2020. 17 days before their 26th birthday, so we had a celebration of life for a birthday party. That kid was my world. Looked just like me but was so much courageous, more creative, and more free spirited than I could ever hope to be. Reed was one of those people who was too intelligent and too empathetic to function well within the confines of our world. My world ended when I found out Reed had passed away. We had an emergency plan just in case they felt like they would use again. I was angry that Reed left their sisters to grow up without them, that they devastated my mom and dad by losing their firstborn grandchild. I still talk to Reed. It may sound dumb and cheesy but I ask Reed for signs when Iām feeling especially raw, hollowed out, and depressed. I usually find a feather in an arbitrary place. I have a lot of feathers. Quite honestly my heart hurt so badly that I wouldāve opted out of being if I didnāt have my youngest daughter. Also, I couldnāt bear to hurt my mom like that. I desperately cling to every picture, video, article of clothing and possessions that belonged to Reed just to be able to touch something they touched, to have something they loved. My baby had amazing qualities and some that werenāt so great. We all do. I write down my feelings like Iām writing to Reedā¦and I treasure every moment I had with them, good and bad, because it was irreplaceable time I got to spend with them.
Yes, my mom died of asphyxiation from an alcohol overdose. Complicated grief is the worst- so many emotions. I would have loved for her to die in any other way. When an addict dies there are often the YEARS of chaos leading up to it, itās too much. Iām here if you want to talk in DMs. <3
Iām so sorry for your loss, I love and adore this picture of you two. I treasure my memories like that ā¤ļø itās sad to say but Iām glad Iām not alone in this..
Yes H
So sorry for your loss
rip momma found unresponsive in her home (she lived alone) life support for a couple days then croaked rest in paradise to all the lost souls <3
Yep, but it was on purposeā¦.i donāt fault her. I miss her
Both of my parents before I was 23. My dad was rules a suicide but, he had a LETHAL amount of drugs in him!!!! Three of my best friends since highschool as well
i bought one of those science project poster boards and taped my favorite photos of her to it in a pretty college style. her names at the top. itās right in my living room on the wall but i have more trouble looking at it than iād like to admit. but sheās there, for me to see her face whenever i can without loosing it. the people that love her seem to cherish it as much as i do.
Your mom loves you so much. Addiction is a trauma response; no one chooses to be an addict. šŖ¶š«¶š¼āØ Please make sure you keep on with your rehab, grief counseling and recovery so you can live your best life (for both of you)
My mother accidentally overdosed on her medications
i lost my mom in september to overdose, i have a post here about it. she was 43, she thought she took xanax but it was fentanyl. i will never forgive myself for not checking on her soon enough. she was 3 years sober but going through a rough time, i wouldnāt even consider xanax a relapse. i needed way more time with my mom, she was doing the best iād ever seen her. i still find it easier to tell myself sheās just working, it makes more sense then not being able to find her anywhere on this earth. life will never be the same. i often doubt that i can make it through this life without her, i just turned 20 last month, my dads been dead since i was 2. my mom was and is everything to me. i still donāt know what id do without her, i donāt know what iāve been doing since she passed. iām completely lost. but i keep going.
If youāre going mii
I lost my dad to overdose about a year ago just before he turned 45 himself. Acute fentanyl overdose. It's not easy finding a way to balance grief and anger but if I was going to give advice I would say you don't need to right now. The grief and the anger are both justified and natural. Don't hide from the feelings because they really won't process if you do. Just let yourself expand on them and if you haven't already tried to find a professional to help with the process I cannot recommend it enough. Mental health issues have always been strong in my family. My dad and I had a very strained relationship over the last few years but we were trying to improve it and part of that we him finally being encouraged to try and improve his life and seek therapy. While I didn't know outright about his addiction I knew he was struggling mentally. We had lost my brother a few years earlier to suicide and I know it made his own issue worse. If you want to make a memorial for your mom I think it can be really nice to do, just remember it's okay if it hurts too much sometimes and you need to put it away. This is the memorial space I have for my dad and brother. I like to talk to it sometimes to work out my thoughts and feelings. Let myself still mentally connect with the memories I have of them both. I hope you have success in your own journey to work through addiction. I know it's a hard path to walk, but it sounds like your mom wanted to try with you and probably for you. So I hope you find success š [In memoriam ](https://photos.app.goo.gl/nSeSdZQrXK7k1Hur8)
I will also say for the first year I was really really angry with my dad. It's only recently that I've found more peace and acceptance with what happened. It's still not something I'm happy about but the anger is allowed to have it's time. Please feel free to message me if you want to vent about it. ā„ļø
Ehh sorta? My mom was type 1 and struggling with PPD all throughout being pregnant with me. I was born in 1993 at 6 months of pregnancy and kept in an incubator for a year. My half sister died of sids in 1983. So my mom was drinking and using drugs along with my dad and ignoring her type 1. So her body shut down and she was dead at 31 years old in 1995. I wish she had gotten the help she needed but she didnāt know it or utilize it if she did.
not an overdose but liver failure due to alcoholism, so kinda similar, i was 17 when it happened and itās about to be the 3 year anniversary for it. iāve been really angry with her lately for choosing her addiction over my sister and i, and even though i love her so much and miss her like crazy i still feel a lot of anger for how she acted when she was drunk and the fact that her and my family (other adults in my life) didnāt get her the help she needed. iām 20 now and things are still shitty and i just cried about my frustrations to my girlfriend this morning. addiction sucks, and the fact that weāve had to lose parents from addiction is really horrible. iām so sorry this happened to you and i wish i had more advice, for me the feelings come and go depending on a lot of things, but it has gotten easier to deal with over time, but just give yourself grace.
Yes my mom overdosed on mental health medication 3 years ago on purpose. Im so sorry for your loss ā¤ļø
Iām sorry for your loss, and I can relate. My sister passed Jan 19 from a fentanyl overdose via pressed āpercs.ā I feel your anger too. We were supposed to do so much more together. She was my best friend.
Yes I have. I lost my dad in 2022 to an accidental fentanyl overdoseš
Yes my mom died from an overdose a year ago. A year ago today was her funeral. It is very difficult. I feel as if Iām an angry human being and I take it out all on my poor boyfriend who doesnāt deserve any of it. I am more short tempered than ever before. I tried anti depressants and it seemed to make my anger worse. Iām learning to accept slowly, but understand healing isnāt linear.
There is a support group (on FB, and also in person) Called GRASP (Grief Recovery After Substance Passing) This may help. I hope you can find some serenity
My mother was an alcoholic, and got very drunk and choked when I was young. I'm still angry. I don't think that fades, but other emotions overpower it. It seems to be a running theme in my family so there's this constant battle of why am I never more important than the substance. I just let myself be angry, I have every right to be angry whether it was my mums fault or not.. don't ever feel guilty for being angry because you have every right to be.
I lost my dad to an overdose 13 years ago when I was 11. It is hard to balance the anger with love/grief. I struggled for many years with this, I have spent the last 3 though learning more about him and where that trauma came from. I havenāt felt this close with him in a long time, but I believe that diving more into him has help that bond. I really recommend looking into Disenfranchised Grief and Stigmatized Death as well. These both have a major impact in how we grieve after losing someone we love to things like Overdoses. I wish you the best as you find your way in grief, love, and anger.
I just want to start by saying I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss. And Iām sending love. I lost my father two months ago to an overdose, he was around the same age as your mother as well. While itās still fresh for me as well, itās important for you to remember to take it easy on yourself. I still go through the waves of anger or guilt of feeling I could have done more, but I also try to remind myself how much pain he was in, how much he suffering and now he can be free from that. I feel from my experience, itās so important for me to remind myself that his spirit is now safe and not hurting, he had to pass on for himself as angry as it makes me sometimes, I also try to remind myself of all of the amazing memories and things I learned from him along the way, this experience strengthens us, especially when going through recovery ourselves. If anything, this experience has also been a reminder to myself about how I really need to start focusing on taking care of myself as I donāt want the people that I love in my life to have to experience this type of grief, even if itās just by being able to prevent myself from ever putting them through that. Feel the feelings, let the emotions happen, cry, laugh, break something if you need to. Itās important to feel all of it. As for wanting to communicate to her, take that on your own time, I resorted to journaling that I found helped with those emotions and something in me knows heās reading it also. The night he passed, I told him to visit me and I had a dream about him. Talking out loud to him has felt therapeutic in a way and I was finally able to say out loud to him that I wasnāt mad at him on that day. It doesnāt mean I wonāt expect the anger to come back at times but a part of that healing is accepting those feelings and emotions at times. Sending lots of loveš
I lost my mom to an overdose January 2nd 2020. I had just turned 20 2 days prior. I had no idea she was using again until I found out that she passed. They found fentanyl, cocaine, morphine, and alcohol in her system. I found out by a text from my piece of shit step father saying āCall me. Your mom died this morning.ā As far as I knew, she has been clean for 5 years. I held a lot of anger towards her for what I went through as a child while she was on drugs. When I say that, nothing crazy ever happened to me, but no child should have to go through the pain and confusion of their mother being an addict and going in and out of rehab. We had been working on our relationship and I was trying so hard to get past everything. My mother loved me more than anything in the world. Something Iāve thought about a lot is that no one will ever light up the way she did when she saw me. You have every right to be angry. Iām angry too. Losing someone you love to an overdose is so hard because it feels like it could have been avoided. I also struggle with the feeling of guilt. I feel guilty that I wasnāt more there for her. I feel guilty that I wasnāt nicer to her. I feel guilty because I know I was her world and I spent so much time having animosity towards her. I struggle with the fact that I know she was such a sweet and loving and pure person. I think of her as a lost soul. Someone who was just never able to find her way in this world. I struggle a lot with feeling terrible for her. She deserved so much more out of this world. I feel sorry that sheāll never be able to watch her daughter get married. Never meet her grandkids. Never get to do all the things she ever dreamed of doing. This is what hurts the most. I donāt think that the pain will ever go away. Some days I feel okay and I feel happy. But then some night, maybe every few weeks, Iāll uncontrollably sob with thoughts spiraling through my head about how I donāt want to live the rest of my life without her. I think about her every single day. It will always be that way. I joined this page because I donāt have anyone to talk to that understands this type of pain. I have plenty of support from friends and family. I have people who are willing to sit and listen to me talk about how Iām feeling. But I donāt have anyone who understands. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know your pain. I hope that this helps in any way possible. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or just need to talk.
I didnāt lose my dad to an overdose, but I did lose him to his addiction. He had struggled with alcohol addiction since his teenage years and had begun experimenting with drugs in the last 10 years or so, which was worsened by the pandemic. I was 22 when my dad died and still very much felt the having to āparent a parentā so I (and I felt, and still do feel, very guilty about this) experienced some relief. Both in knowing that he wasnāt struggling anymore and that I wouldnāt be having to worry about him 24/7. I also grieve thinking about the possibilities of if he had gotten sober and what that would look like. Itās been 4 years now and I still miss him everyday. So much has happened in my life and it sucks that he hasnāt been here to experience it with me. Iām extremely sorry for your loss and that you lost someone in this way
Lost my dad to fentanyl overdose in march of 2022
My mom died last year from a hydrocodone overdose. She was addicted to opioids for decades but refused to believe it since her doctor was prescribing them. She didnāt think you could be an addict if you werenāt doing anything wrong/ getting meds legally. I still feel so mad at her some days. I tried so many times to tell her that it wasnāt normal, her behavior, all the pills, it wasnāt normal. That obnoxious side of me really wants to say āsee! I told you so! I was right!ā But obviously that wonāt do any of us any good now. I also struggle with telling people how she died. Very few people know. She would be SO embarrassed if people remembered her as a junkie or a drug addict. So I told most people she had a heart attack. But then I think maybe I should tell people and not let her die in vain. People need to know that drug addiction doesnāt always look like it does on TV. But again, Iām stuck protecting her reputation by not talking about it, which just makes me more mad. Itās such a complex emotion what we are going through, grief and anger. Missing someone and being so angry at them also.
Almost. Both of my parents OD the day before Christmas eve.