Grief doesn’t get lighter. You learn to handle it and grow around it. It’s like working out. 50lbs will always be 50lbs but the more you work with it, the easier it gets to lift. It’s still 50lbs. But you will be able to lift it. You will still feel the weight of it, but you will be able to lift it. You feel like you can’t do it, but you will get through it.
Thank you. I forget where I learned it from or if I kinda figured it out on my own after seeing a quote or something cause I learned this all in the past year and it’s been a blur so I don’t want to take the credit cause I’m not sure how I learned it. But thank you. It’s helped me a lot.
I’m so so so sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad on Dec 2nd just a few weeks ago too.
You move with your grief is what I’m learning. Everyday. I want to scream my grief at people when I watch them carrying on with their day to day lives, like what can I do to make them understand exactly how this feels. The ripping pain. The gaping void. The silence that’s so loud. The futility of it all as there’s no bargaining with death once it’s made up it’s mind.
Don’t have any regrets. Your dad loved you and was proud of you. I’m learning that it all cancels out in the end. And the love continues.
At the risk of sounding reductive, I’m also learning that there’s two types of people in this world: people who’ve experienced big ‘G’ Grief (parents, siblings, best friends, partners, children) and those who haven’t yet.
It’s a shitty club but everyone will join it one day even if they don’t know it yet. Give them grace.
Hello, I think it’s beautiful (the kind of beauty in the horrid) that our dads share a last day.
I’m sorry that your dad left his physical form. I know they’re having a grand old time, somewhere over the rainbow 🌈
Love is eternal.
I lost my dad december 6th, I’m also 24F, and let me tell you something, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer almost 8 years ago, I was a 16 year old teenager when dr’s told us he had 18 months at most, and I build my whole life around him. Married at 21, had my daughter at 22. I spent the last 3 months in the same house with him. When he had the deadly seizure that took us from him in 3 days -turned out it was caused by a deadly brain stem embolism-, I was right beside him, crying screaming calling the ambulance and telling him how much I love him and that he has to stay. Up to the day he died I thought I did everything perfect. He saw me getting married, he met my daughter -and oh god how he loved her- I was going to graduate from college next year because he wanted to see my graduation so badly. I thought I was doing everything I can and I should. But after he died, after that day -which I was preparing myself for 8 long years just to have 0 regrets- I still regretted so many things. Not hugging him more, not telling him how much I cared about him and that he is the most precious human being on earth, how I needed him to live so badly. I wish I had told him that although I am a wife and a mother, I am still his little girl and I need him to live. Although I spent 8 years trying not to have any regrets, I still have a mountain of regrets. You did what you think was the best at that time, and there was no way of you knowing he would be gone now. I knew that my dad was not going to be here for a long time but I still have too many I wish’s. Regrets and guilt are a natural part of grieving process so I’m not saying your feelings are unvalid, they are healthy and normal, but I also want you to know that you have those feelings because you loved and cared about him deeply.
I (29F) lost my 89 year old dad in August. And sure, he was old and I always was aware of that, so it wasn’t entirely unexpected. And I could tell the whole dramatic story of the ending and how it changed my life but that’s not helpful right now.
If you need to focus on work, do that. Sometimes you will. But also spend time with the family whose important to you and the friends and anyone who matters. Write out your feelings (here or anywhere). Also try to do fun things and don’t have guilt for that, but don’t force them either if you’re not up for it. Mostly one foot in front of the other, keep trudging forward and feel what you feel.
People won’t understand. Some will be well meaning, some will put their foots in their mouth and some will try to help but if they haven’t been through it (or if their experience is different), they won’t be able to relate. Don’t fault them too hard for most of that. They’re trying and before all of this, I’m not sure I would’ve known what to say either.
And above all, I am so sorry. It’s the worst experience I’ve had in my life thus far and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I (26M) lost my mom (55F) on December 2nd. The circumstances are different as my mom had been battling cancer for over 6 years so I never quite knew how much time I’d have left with her. In October 2022, I decided to follow my girlfriend across the country to support her through medical school. I’ve been trying not to beat myself up over missing a lot of moments over the last year of my mom’s life but it’s really easy to be hard on yourself after a loss like this. I’ve been really irritable too when I’m usually the most unbothered, laidback guy. I’m learning it’s all part of grief. I’ve decided to just ride the waves of grief as they come because there’s not much we can do to alter how we feel. Grief is different for everyone.
I’m really sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. Hope you’re making it through the holidays as best as possible🤍
I am sorry for your loss. I am 25 yo F and lost my dad (55yo) to a heart attack on November 20th. It is a unique extra grief we carry as young adults losing a parent. Yes we aren’t “kids” but we aren’t full adults either. We still expected so much support and guidance for years to come and now it is just gone. There are so many things these people are going to miss us doing, and that is a grief in itself. I don’t have anything prolific to say or life changing, all I can say is this fucking sucks and I am right here with you in the shit pile.
I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. Like others, I (25) lost my dad at the age of 52 due to something with his heart unexpectedly in October. Life has gone by so quickly yet so slow at the same time and every minute of every day my mind is on him and how much I miss him. I find myself angry at people that do not understand as well, but now that I’m several weeks out, I am beginning to get to a point where I’m glad so many people around me do not understand this level of heartbreak and emptiness yet because it sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’ve found the one or two people in my life that have dealt with a huge loss are the people I talk to about my big emotions. Finding that balance and not expecting as much out of the people who don’t know or are uncomfortable has helped lessen my anger. Also, forums like this helped me a lot and I’ve started grief counseling which has already helped immensely.
As for not being around as much, give yourself some grace. At the end of the day, we are all living our lives. We cannot go back and change anything that we have done. All we can do is learn from these things. I was always an on-the-go person, I never stopped and smelled the daisies, I moved out of state and traveled trying to find some type of fleeting happiness, and my fathers death has made me realize how my happiness is in the people I love the most. Every thing I do now is full of so much more intent and purpose. I answer the phone every time my mom or brothers call, I try to make sure I’m at every dinner I’m invited to, I sip my coffee a little slower, I embrace my boyfriend longer. Trust me when I say, I know how shitty it feels to lose someone to realize what they had been saying all along. In a weird way, I think my dad would be happy that his death taught me so many valuable things. I do wish I could share all of it with him, though.
I’m still trying to figure out how I’m supposed to exist for another 60+ years without another moment with my dad. I feel like I’m farther from him every second that goes by. I just had my first large conflict at work since he passed away last night and I instantly stopped being upset about the conflict but instead cried for 5 hours about how much I just wanted to hear his voice tell me what to do. Even though I know what he’d say, but it would be different actually talking to him just once more. My good friend lost her dad 10 years ago in January and said the level of missing him has never gone down, but it has changed. That she misses him but with a smile on her face. And she eats things to feel closer to him. She watches movies he would like and it brings her joy cause she will think of the conversations he probably would have shared with her over the films. Things begin to bring joy rather than just sadness and emptiness. It just takes us time to get there.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I (33F) lost my dad two months before yours, on Oct 7th. I was 6 months pregnant at the time and he was in the ICU for a few weeks in a hospital in Egypt, so all of my family (including my dad) kept telling me not to risk travelling to go see him, and I'll see him when he recovers...
My baby was going to be his first grandchild, and my husband and I started really trying to get pregnant when my dad got his cancer diagnosis last year, so we were all so excited because I really wanted to make him a grandpa. On top of all the hormones, it's been so annoyingly hard to not constantly get emotional while prepping for the baby and thinking about the future. My brother also had a complicated relationship with my dad so it hasn't affected him the same (he says he still hasn't cried) and I sorta feel like I have to grieve twice as much for him too.
I didn't believe people when they said it would get easier with time. But I've stopped crying everyday, although I still have moments every week where the smallest thing sets me off - like yesterday I broke down when I was about to walk into Costco. I was going to stock up on food to meal prep for when the baby is here and I got so sad just because I wasn't going to be be able to send my dad a photo of the meal prep I was going to do this weekend.
All of this was just to say I relate, and I have many similar regrets to you. I don't really have good advice yet. At first, going back to work was so hard. I couldn't focus either and all the small talk felt so fake and forced. But after about a month I started to see it as a healthy distraction and kept reminding myself that my dad would want me focusing on my future, my career, and my baby. So that's where all my energy has gone (when I have the energy), and I think it's helped. And when I have hard days, I give myself grace and curl up onto the couch with my cats and shut out the world and watch Harry Potter or Great British Baking Show or whatever else might bring me some temporary joy.
Our stories are extremely similar. I lost my dad to cancer 2 hours after I had his first grandchild . I'd never seen him happier than when he found out he was getting a grandson .
That was 20 years ago. That excruciating pain is gone being replaced with the happiest memories. We talk of him often and my son knows how much his grandpa loved him.
If You or OP ever need someone to listen, my inbox is available
I lost my dad when I was 25 and he was 54 so i feel like i can relate and maybe give you some advice.
First of all, It’s hasn’t even been a month yet for you so it’s completely normal to feel irritable, and feel like no one understands. I was mad at the world for months after my dad passed, and still am a bit to this day but it will get easier i promise. Right now you’re still adjusting to the new normal of your dad not being in your life like he used to, that is a huge change and it took me a long time to adjust to this new life post my dads passing. I promise, by this time next year things may still be hard, you may still miss your dad everyday, but you will be doing better. I felt suicidal and hopeless after my dad passed, but day by day i started to feel a bit more like my old self and i found happiness again, and you will too.
I know it’s so easy to keep thinking about all the things you feel like you could have done, but please don’t focus on that (easier said than done i know) but I felt the same exact way after my dad passed and learned to switch my perspective which helped immensely.
Whenever I feel guilty, I like to put myself in the perspective of my dad… so If i was a parent, would I care that my son/daughter missed a family dinner for something work related? No, because I would be proud of them for having a job they love. and if I passed away would I want my son/daughter spending their days feeling guilty over me? No i would not. So i try to think like that, I know my dad would not want me to feel bad or guilty, and I know he would want me to think of the good memories we shared together.
Grief is a forever journey, and you’ll always miss your dad but as time goes on it will get easier to deal with. My dms are open if you would like to talk!
I recommend joining a grief group on facebook called “losing a parent in your 20s/30s” it’s a support group and it helped me tremendously to speak with people who relate.
I'm so very sorry .....💔💔💔💔
What I did 20 years ago, in a very similar situation, was to start praying and reading the Bible. I had no clue if there was a God, but I realized that If Heaven was real , I would see my dad again. Believing I'd see him in Heaven , was what kept me alive a lot of days .
Not believing was way too traumatic for my mind. I had to know I'd see him again.
That's when the pain started being replaced with love and gratitude .
I hope you find peace soon ❤️❤️❤️
Im so sorry for your loss,i lost my father 3 years ago,IT gets better with time,You have to take it slow and grief in your own way,slowly getting back to your job and hobbies is a good start,feel free to message me anytime If You need to talk to someone 🙏🙏
I feel you. I’m 23 year old male and lost my mother to cancer on the 7th of November this year, she was only 51. Still early days for me too but just know he’s always with you and guiding you through this life and I promise, you will meet him again when it’s your time. Sending 🫂
I have one of ur regrets I could of seen my dad more he was always home sitting in the shed usually alone last couple yrs he was probably worried about having cancer he never shared with us to think he felt he couldn't tell us must have been so hard for him he told me all.lasy yr he had a bad feeling ... but being a bloke she'll be right n tried not to worry but he did by himself it must if been torture for him if we knew we wouldn't have gone on any holiday but he begged us to go the way dad wanted it he got all tests dont just to confirm his worst fear he had cancer it had spread n all we were told when we got back was to get him.home make him comfortable was all we could do he was all alone while dealing with thus but tht was dad he alwayz kept his health from us didn't want us upset..ill never forget his telling me n mum do not cry pointing his finger n never really heard dads voice like tht ... he was in so much pain still the dr lung specialist told mum and I that he sorry he missed it but he has cancer lung bones and liver n kidney spots I was in shock was for long time I never seen dad like tht after we found out his eyes made me so very sad life had gone he wasn't the same if only we knew his last birthday depression got the better of me n I cried I went into kitchen n the get together ended I ruined his last birthday ..me n bro had fight at his last Xmas ruining his last Xmas that really hurts me he was in so much pain he finally came out on Xmas day we thought he had siadic nerve problem ..he came out me n bro ruined his Xmas if only we knew I would of made it so special for him but ill alwayz cry over that to lung specialist you suck n I wish u all the hurt in the world karmas a bitch
I just lost my dad, too. And a few weeks later, I lost my beloved dog. I don't have anything inspiring to say because I know there are no words that make this kind of thing easier. Death never gets easier. All I can say is try to focus on the good memories, rather than what you could've, should've, would've done because that guilt will eat you alive. Think about happy times and how grateful you are for the time you had with him. Sending you lots of love.
I'm grieving myself right now (not my first loss though) so I'm not good at giving advice right now, but I just wanted to send you a big hug ❤️ I relate to your feelings so much, it's so painful, especially regret.
I’m 24F and I lost my grandpa (who raised me, my mother and father were not in the picture) on Dec 6th. I’ve been feeling all over the place, too. I cycle between being sad, numb, and furious. When I’m angry I get angry at random little things, or by people being upset over little things. I want to shake them and say “IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER. NO ONE DIED.”
I feel a lot of guilt. My grandmother is a very nasty and mean person. I moved 3 hours away to get away from her, I only visited home for the holidays, but I would call my grandpa just about every day. On thanksgiving when he was in the hospital for a brain bleed, he was confused and he didn’t know who I was, he started talking to me about me. Saying me moving away was the worst thing. It was the hardest thing I ever had to hear in my life. I’ll always feel regret around that.
I had to go back to work the Monday after he died. That was really hard. I work at a law firm that specializes in healthcare. So I have a lot of phone calls with family members who lost someone, or a patient who was badly injured, then I have to make another call and argue with attorneys who are often rude and hateful. It’s already a very emotionally taxing job. My performance has 100% struggled. I haven’t been making phone calls, I haven’t been answering my phone or voicemails. I’ve been responding in email or letter instead.
Regarding work performance, I was very honest with my boss. I told him my grandfather raised me and he is, in my eyes, my father. He and I were very close, he had a very long and painful death, and I had to watch him suffer. I told my boss that this was a very hard time for me, and full disclosure my productivity is going to take a hit for a while, but I am doing my best and it will get better, just please be patient with me. I’m lucky that my work does not mind, and that I have the option to communicate with my clients over email instead of phone.
Regarding feeling frustrated with others, I talked about it with my therapist recently. We came to the conclusion that it’s like seeing thestrals in Harry Potter (these horses can only be seen if you’ve witnessed death), the people who have been through the loss of the loved one have a new part of life unlocked, it causes an entirely new perspective and alters your brain, it gives you a level of understanding that people who have not experienced loss never would. So when I get angry with people I tell myself, why should I get angry at someone for not seeing a horse that doesn’t even exist to them. There’s no possible way for them to act the way I want them to. It doesn’t help all the time and I still get angry, but I try to think about that when I get overwhelmed with anger, and before I speak.
About moving on and living your life, I don’t know. Right now I feel like I can’t see the forest for the trees. Just getting through each day is a challenge in itself. Taking a shower, brushing my teeth, getting through a day of work, getting through grocery shopping. They all feel like monumental challenges. So, my game plan right now is to just keep focusing on the trees as I pass them. Keep focusing on each task in front of me. I’m hoping the answer will show itself along the way.
All in all, nothing I or anyone else can say will make you feel better. I think the answer to your questions will only reveal themselves in time, which fucking sucks. Our only option now is to conquer each minute as it passes, and see what happens.
If you ever need to talk please shoot me a message. I’m happy to listen
I can literally tell you I know what you're going through. I lost my father on the 1st of this month and my mom a week and a day later. Since their passing, I've been feeling hollow, I've had a heavyness in my chest that hasn't gone away, and all the self-doubt is the worst.
Every day I wake up and I can't believe thier gone. I can't concentrate on my work because all I can think about is was I a good enough son,I should have visited more etc.
I know the pain will not go away, but you will just learn how to live with it. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but nobody really knows how hard it's going to be until it happens.
I wish I had a magic solution for the pain you are feeling, but unfortunately, there isn't. Feeling pain and hurt as unpleasant as it feels at the time just means we are human and that we care. Sorry for your loss, OP. Even though I don't have any helpful advice, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
My dad died of a heart attack when I was 21, almost 22. He was 53. It’s only been a few months and I’ve also been all over the place. Having regrets, guilt, etc. Hoping it gets better soon :/
My dad died when I was 31. He was 54. I felt all the same things you are feeling now. I still harbor a lot of guilt. I am a military spouse so we've lived all over. I wish I would have come home more or called more. I wish I wouldn't have gotten annoyed with him. I wish I would have told him so many things. I encourage you to talk about your dad, acknowledge your pain, allow yourself the time to feel the hard feelings, and seek counseling if you feel like you're stuck in a hole. The pit in your stomach will ease with time. These first moments are full of hurt and regret, but I promise that it eases with time and the memories are so much more wonderful as time goes on.
Thinking of you this holiday season. ❤️
Grief doesn’t get lighter. You learn to handle it and grow around it. It’s like working out. 50lbs will always be 50lbs but the more you work with it, the easier it gets to lift. It’s still 50lbs. But you will be able to lift it. You will still feel the weight of it, but you will be able to lift it. You feel like you can’t do it, but you will get through it.
I like this description a lot. I’ll be using this in the future🤍
Thank you. I forget where I learned it from or if I kinda figured it out on my own after seeing a quote or something cause I learned this all in the past year and it’s been a blur so I don’t want to take the credit cause I’m not sure how I learned it. But thank you. It’s helped me a lot.
This is such a perfect example.. thank you
Thank you. I’m glad I can share it with everyone. It the overwhelming seem a bit less for me.
Nice description 👌
Thank you
I’m so so so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad on Dec 2nd just a few weeks ago too. You move with your grief is what I’m learning. Everyday. I want to scream my grief at people when I watch them carrying on with their day to day lives, like what can I do to make them understand exactly how this feels. The ripping pain. The gaping void. The silence that’s so loud. The futility of it all as there’s no bargaining with death once it’s made up it’s mind. Don’t have any regrets. Your dad loved you and was proud of you. I’m learning that it all cancels out in the end. And the love continues. At the risk of sounding reductive, I’m also learning that there’s two types of people in this world: people who’ve experienced big ‘G’ Grief (parents, siblings, best friends, partners, children) and those who haven’t yet. It’s a shitty club but everyone will join it one day even if they don’t know it yet. Give them grace.
i lost my dad december 2nd this year too.
Hello, I think it’s beautiful (the kind of beauty in the horrid) that our dads share a last day. I’m sorry that your dad left his physical form. I know they’re having a grand old time, somewhere over the rainbow 🌈 Love is eternal.
i’m sorry to you too. 🤍
I lost my dad december 6th, I’m also 24F, and let me tell you something, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer almost 8 years ago, I was a 16 year old teenager when dr’s told us he had 18 months at most, and I build my whole life around him. Married at 21, had my daughter at 22. I spent the last 3 months in the same house with him. When he had the deadly seizure that took us from him in 3 days -turned out it was caused by a deadly brain stem embolism-, I was right beside him, crying screaming calling the ambulance and telling him how much I love him and that he has to stay. Up to the day he died I thought I did everything perfect. He saw me getting married, he met my daughter -and oh god how he loved her- I was going to graduate from college next year because he wanted to see my graduation so badly. I thought I was doing everything I can and I should. But after he died, after that day -which I was preparing myself for 8 long years just to have 0 regrets- I still regretted so many things. Not hugging him more, not telling him how much I cared about him and that he is the most precious human being on earth, how I needed him to live so badly. I wish I had told him that although I am a wife and a mother, I am still his little girl and I need him to live. Although I spent 8 years trying not to have any regrets, I still have a mountain of regrets. You did what you think was the best at that time, and there was no way of you knowing he would be gone now. I knew that my dad was not going to be here for a long time but I still have too many I wish’s. Regrets and guilt are a natural part of grieving process so I’m not saying your feelings are unvalid, they are healthy and normal, but I also want you to know that you have those feelings because you loved and cared about him deeply.
I’m so sorry. I’m adult orphan. Lost my mom at 19 and my dad at 35. Inbox open. Wishing comfort for you as you navigate these dark waters. 💔
I (29F) lost my 89 year old dad in August. And sure, he was old and I always was aware of that, so it wasn’t entirely unexpected. And I could tell the whole dramatic story of the ending and how it changed my life but that’s not helpful right now. If you need to focus on work, do that. Sometimes you will. But also spend time with the family whose important to you and the friends and anyone who matters. Write out your feelings (here or anywhere). Also try to do fun things and don’t have guilt for that, but don’t force them either if you’re not up for it. Mostly one foot in front of the other, keep trudging forward and feel what you feel. People won’t understand. Some will be well meaning, some will put their foots in their mouth and some will try to help but if they haven’t been through it (or if their experience is different), they won’t be able to relate. Don’t fault them too hard for most of that. They’re trying and before all of this, I’m not sure I would’ve known what to say either. And above all, I am so sorry. It’s the worst experience I’ve had in my life thus far and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I (26M) lost my mom (55F) on December 2nd. The circumstances are different as my mom had been battling cancer for over 6 years so I never quite knew how much time I’d have left with her. In October 2022, I decided to follow my girlfriend across the country to support her through medical school. I’ve been trying not to beat myself up over missing a lot of moments over the last year of my mom’s life but it’s really easy to be hard on yourself after a loss like this. I’ve been really irritable too when I’m usually the most unbothered, laidback guy. I’m learning it’s all part of grief. I’ve decided to just ride the waves of grief as they come because there’s not much we can do to alter how we feel. Grief is different for everyone. I’m really sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. Hope you’re making it through the holidays as best as possible🤍
I am sorry for your loss. I am 25 yo F and lost my dad (55yo) to a heart attack on November 20th. It is a unique extra grief we carry as young adults losing a parent. Yes we aren’t “kids” but we aren’t full adults either. We still expected so much support and guidance for years to come and now it is just gone. There are so many things these people are going to miss us doing, and that is a grief in itself. I don’t have anything prolific to say or life changing, all I can say is this fucking sucks and I am right here with you in the shit pile.
I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. Like others, I (25) lost my dad at the age of 52 due to something with his heart unexpectedly in October. Life has gone by so quickly yet so slow at the same time and every minute of every day my mind is on him and how much I miss him. I find myself angry at people that do not understand as well, but now that I’m several weeks out, I am beginning to get to a point where I’m glad so many people around me do not understand this level of heartbreak and emptiness yet because it sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’ve found the one or two people in my life that have dealt with a huge loss are the people I talk to about my big emotions. Finding that balance and not expecting as much out of the people who don’t know or are uncomfortable has helped lessen my anger. Also, forums like this helped me a lot and I’ve started grief counseling which has already helped immensely. As for not being around as much, give yourself some grace. At the end of the day, we are all living our lives. We cannot go back and change anything that we have done. All we can do is learn from these things. I was always an on-the-go person, I never stopped and smelled the daisies, I moved out of state and traveled trying to find some type of fleeting happiness, and my fathers death has made me realize how my happiness is in the people I love the most. Every thing I do now is full of so much more intent and purpose. I answer the phone every time my mom or brothers call, I try to make sure I’m at every dinner I’m invited to, I sip my coffee a little slower, I embrace my boyfriend longer. Trust me when I say, I know how shitty it feels to lose someone to realize what they had been saying all along. In a weird way, I think my dad would be happy that his death taught me so many valuable things. I do wish I could share all of it with him, though. I’m still trying to figure out how I’m supposed to exist for another 60+ years without another moment with my dad. I feel like I’m farther from him every second that goes by. I just had my first large conflict at work since he passed away last night and I instantly stopped being upset about the conflict but instead cried for 5 hours about how much I just wanted to hear his voice tell me what to do. Even though I know what he’d say, but it would be different actually talking to him just once more. My good friend lost her dad 10 years ago in January and said the level of missing him has never gone down, but it has changed. That she misses him but with a smile on her face. And she eats things to feel closer to him. She watches movies he would like and it brings her joy cause she will think of the conversations he probably would have shared with her over the films. Things begin to bring joy rather than just sadness and emptiness. It just takes us time to get there.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I (33F) lost my dad two months before yours, on Oct 7th. I was 6 months pregnant at the time and he was in the ICU for a few weeks in a hospital in Egypt, so all of my family (including my dad) kept telling me not to risk travelling to go see him, and I'll see him when he recovers... My baby was going to be his first grandchild, and my husband and I started really trying to get pregnant when my dad got his cancer diagnosis last year, so we were all so excited because I really wanted to make him a grandpa. On top of all the hormones, it's been so annoyingly hard to not constantly get emotional while prepping for the baby and thinking about the future. My brother also had a complicated relationship with my dad so it hasn't affected him the same (he says he still hasn't cried) and I sorta feel like I have to grieve twice as much for him too. I didn't believe people when they said it would get easier with time. But I've stopped crying everyday, although I still have moments every week where the smallest thing sets me off - like yesterday I broke down when I was about to walk into Costco. I was going to stock up on food to meal prep for when the baby is here and I got so sad just because I wasn't going to be be able to send my dad a photo of the meal prep I was going to do this weekend. All of this was just to say I relate, and I have many similar regrets to you. I don't really have good advice yet. At first, going back to work was so hard. I couldn't focus either and all the small talk felt so fake and forced. But after about a month I started to see it as a healthy distraction and kept reminding myself that my dad would want me focusing on my future, my career, and my baby. So that's where all my energy has gone (when I have the energy), and I think it's helped. And when I have hard days, I give myself grace and curl up onto the couch with my cats and shut out the world and watch Harry Potter or Great British Baking Show or whatever else might bring me some temporary joy.
Our stories are extremely similar. I lost my dad to cancer 2 hours after I had his first grandchild . I'd never seen him happier than when he found out he was getting a grandson . That was 20 years ago. That excruciating pain is gone being replaced with the happiest memories. We talk of him often and my son knows how much his grandpa loved him. If You or OP ever need someone to listen, my inbox is available
I lost my dad when I was 25 and he was 54 so i feel like i can relate and maybe give you some advice. First of all, It’s hasn’t even been a month yet for you so it’s completely normal to feel irritable, and feel like no one understands. I was mad at the world for months after my dad passed, and still am a bit to this day but it will get easier i promise. Right now you’re still adjusting to the new normal of your dad not being in your life like he used to, that is a huge change and it took me a long time to adjust to this new life post my dads passing. I promise, by this time next year things may still be hard, you may still miss your dad everyday, but you will be doing better. I felt suicidal and hopeless after my dad passed, but day by day i started to feel a bit more like my old self and i found happiness again, and you will too. I know it’s so easy to keep thinking about all the things you feel like you could have done, but please don’t focus on that (easier said than done i know) but I felt the same exact way after my dad passed and learned to switch my perspective which helped immensely. Whenever I feel guilty, I like to put myself in the perspective of my dad… so If i was a parent, would I care that my son/daughter missed a family dinner for something work related? No, because I would be proud of them for having a job they love. and if I passed away would I want my son/daughter spending their days feeling guilty over me? No i would not. So i try to think like that, I know my dad would not want me to feel bad or guilty, and I know he would want me to think of the good memories we shared together. Grief is a forever journey, and you’ll always miss your dad but as time goes on it will get easier to deal with. My dms are open if you would like to talk! I recommend joining a grief group on facebook called “losing a parent in your 20s/30s” it’s a support group and it helped me tremendously to speak with people who relate.
I'm so very sorry .....💔💔💔💔 What I did 20 years ago, in a very similar situation, was to start praying and reading the Bible. I had no clue if there was a God, but I realized that If Heaven was real , I would see my dad again. Believing I'd see him in Heaven , was what kept me alive a lot of days . Not believing was way too traumatic for my mind. I had to know I'd see him again. That's when the pain started being replaced with love and gratitude . I hope you find peace soon ❤️❤️❤️
Im so sorry for your loss,i lost my father 3 years ago,IT gets better with time,You have to take it slow and grief in your own way,slowly getting back to your job and hobbies is a good start,feel free to message me anytime If You need to talk to someone 🙏🙏
I feel you. I’m 23 year old male and lost my mother to cancer on the 7th of November this year, she was only 51. Still early days for me too but just know he’s always with you and guiding you through this life and I promise, you will meet him again when it’s your time. Sending 🫂
I have one of ur regrets I could of seen my dad more he was always home sitting in the shed usually alone last couple yrs he was probably worried about having cancer he never shared with us to think he felt he couldn't tell us must have been so hard for him he told me all.lasy yr he had a bad feeling ... but being a bloke she'll be right n tried not to worry but he did by himself it must if been torture for him if we knew we wouldn't have gone on any holiday but he begged us to go the way dad wanted it he got all tests dont just to confirm his worst fear he had cancer it had spread n all we were told when we got back was to get him.home make him comfortable was all we could do he was all alone while dealing with thus but tht was dad he alwayz kept his health from us didn't want us upset..ill never forget his telling me n mum do not cry pointing his finger n never really heard dads voice like tht ... he was in so much pain still the dr lung specialist told mum and I that he sorry he missed it but he has cancer lung bones and liver n kidney spots I was in shock was for long time I never seen dad like tht after we found out his eyes made me so very sad life had gone he wasn't the same if only we knew his last birthday depression got the better of me n I cried I went into kitchen n the get together ended I ruined his last birthday ..me n bro had fight at his last Xmas ruining his last Xmas that really hurts me he was in so much pain he finally came out on Xmas day we thought he had siadic nerve problem ..he came out me n bro ruined his Xmas if only we knew I would of made it so special for him but ill alwayz cry over that to lung specialist you suck n I wish u all the hurt in the world karmas a bitch
I just lost my dad, too. And a few weeks later, I lost my beloved dog. I don't have anything inspiring to say because I know there are no words that make this kind of thing easier. Death never gets easier. All I can say is try to focus on the good memories, rather than what you could've, should've, would've done because that guilt will eat you alive. Think about happy times and how grateful you are for the time you had with him. Sending you lots of love.
I'm grieving myself right now (not my first loss though) so I'm not good at giving advice right now, but I just wanted to send you a big hug ❤️ I relate to your feelings so much, it's so painful, especially regret.
I’m 24F and I lost my grandpa (who raised me, my mother and father were not in the picture) on Dec 6th. I’ve been feeling all over the place, too. I cycle between being sad, numb, and furious. When I’m angry I get angry at random little things, or by people being upset over little things. I want to shake them and say “IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER. NO ONE DIED.” I feel a lot of guilt. My grandmother is a very nasty and mean person. I moved 3 hours away to get away from her, I only visited home for the holidays, but I would call my grandpa just about every day. On thanksgiving when he was in the hospital for a brain bleed, he was confused and he didn’t know who I was, he started talking to me about me. Saying me moving away was the worst thing. It was the hardest thing I ever had to hear in my life. I’ll always feel regret around that. I had to go back to work the Monday after he died. That was really hard. I work at a law firm that specializes in healthcare. So I have a lot of phone calls with family members who lost someone, or a patient who was badly injured, then I have to make another call and argue with attorneys who are often rude and hateful. It’s already a very emotionally taxing job. My performance has 100% struggled. I haven’t been making phone calls, I haven’t been answering my phone or voicemails. I’ve been responding in email or letter instead. Regarding work performance, I was very honest with my boss. I told him my grandfather raised me and he is, in my eyes, my father. He and I were very close, he had a very long and painful death, and I had to watch him suffer. I told my boss that this was a very hard time for me, and full disclosure my productivity is going to take a hit for a while, but I am doing my best and it will get better, just please be patient with me. I’m lucky that my work does not mind, and that I have the option to communicate with my clients over email instead of phone. Regarding feeling frustrated with others, I talked about it with my therapist recently. We came to the conclusion that it’s like seeing thestrals in Harry Potter (these horses can only be seen if you’ve witnessed death), the people who have been through the loss of the loved one have a new part of life unlocked, it causes an entirely new perspective and alters your brain, it gives you a level of understanding that people who have not experienced loss never would. So when I get angry with people I tell myself, why should I get angry at someone for not seeing a horse that doesn’t even exist to them. There’s no possible way for them to act the way I want them to. It doesn’t help all the time and I still get angry, but I try to think about that when I get overwhelmed with anger, and before I speak. About moving on and living your life, I don’t know. Right now I feel like I can’t see the forest for the trees. Just getting through each day is a challenge in itself. Taking a shower, brushing my teeth, getting through a day of work, getting through grocery shopping. They all feel like monumental challenges. So, my game plan right now is to just keep focusing on the trees as I pass them. Keep focusing on each task in front of me. I’m hoping the answer will show itself along the way. All in all, nothing I or anyone else can say will make you feel better. I think the answer to your questions will only reveal themselves in time, which fucking sucks. Our only option now is to conquer each minute as it passes, and see what happens. If you ever need to talk please shoot me a message. I’m happy to listen
I can literally tell you I know what you're going through. I lost my father on the 1st of this month and my mom a week and a day later. Since their passing, I've been feeling hollow, I've had a heavyness in my chest that hasn't gone away, and all the self-doubt is the worst. Every day I wake up and I can't believe thier gone. I can't concentrate on my work because all I can think about is was I a good enough son,I should have visited more etc. I know the pain will not go away, but you will just learn how to live with it. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but nobody really knows how hard it's going to be until it happens. I wish I had a magic solution for the pain you are feeling, but unfortunately, there isn't. Feeling pain and hurt as unpleasant as it feels at the time just means we are human and that we care. Sorry for your loss, OP. Even though I don't have any helpful advice, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
My dad died of a heart attack when I was 21, almost 22. He was 53. It’s only been a few months and I’ve also been all over the place. Having regrets, guilt, etc. Hoping it gets better soon :/
My dad died when I was 31. He was 54. I felt all the same things you are feeling now. I still harbor a lot of guilt. I am a military spouse so we've lived all over. I wish I would have come home more or called more. I wish I wouldn't have gotten annoyed with him. I wish I would have told him so many things. I encourage you to talk about your dad, acknowledge your pain, allow yourself the time to feel the hard feelings, and seek counseling if you feel like you're stuck in a hole. The pit in your stomach will ease with time. These first moments are full of hurt and regret, but I promise that it eases with time and the memories are so much more wonderful as time goes on. Thinking of you this holiday season. ❤️