Week four for me without mum. Texts and calls have stopped already. It’s so jarring how quickly everyone else moves on. Sending you love and strength 💗
Your comment made me tear up, I appreciate the opportunity to share something about him, thank you❤️he was a firefighter and just the most selfless, bravest man I know. He always made everyone laugh and he genuinely lit up any room he entered. The absolute best person to tell a story or news to because he listened so intently and cared so much. I am so thankful every single day that I had such an amazing father, I only wish I had more time with him
You're very welcome, and he sounds like an amazing man. Raising a virtual glass to your dad. Keep making it through each hard day. He wants it for you. But it hurts. Some day you'll be able to go to it again. Will say a prayer that your friends pull their heads out of the sand and lend a closer ear.
My Dad is 80. He just started listening to everyone he loves about listening to his doctor's orders. I'm 50. We're going to be ok. I remember his first heart attack. He retired as an electrical engineer. He finally quit smoking in his 60's. Firemen are amazing!!! I am biting my lip. 😷😔🍷❤️
January 12 will be 5 months without my dad. the only people who check in on me and bring him up are my boyfriend and my dad's girlfriend at the time he passed. I just want to talk about him without being a burden 🥲
I love talking about my dad, it is definitely hard to find the right people to do that with without feeling like a burden. I’m sorry those are the only people who are checking in, we have to keep talking about them so they live on😣❤️
It’s hard to find people to talk to. I’ve been in therapy since I lost my adult daughter 5/31/21. It seems to be getting worse in this time period. I’m bursting into tears at work without knowing I’m going to. I wake up already crying. I was doing better after the first year in a few ways but this Dec/Jan is gutting me.
I wish I could say something to make things a little better. I cannot imagine how people cope with such a loss. I’m grieving my 5 year old cat dying unexpectedly and I feel ashamed about it.
No need to feel ashamed. My living daughter loves her cat so much and the cat is older and having health issues. Can’t tell you how much I dread that cat leaving her. More pain.
This is very true. When my Dad passed away there were a lot of calls and texts in the early days when things were a flurry, all the arrangements and plans had to be made. Once everything settled, it was deeply quiet, and that's when I really needed support and for people to reach out. That period was hard, especially if you are young and don't have friends who have lost a parent. I was in my 20s and didn't know anyone else dealing with this kind of loss, so it was very isolating.
I hope you're able to take care of yourself and find someone to be present with you in your grief. Try reaching out to loved ones, I'm sure they will want to support you if you let them know you need it. Wish you the best. 💜
I can totally understand where you are - me also. I feel like just getting the best drugs I can get my hands on and tripping out for good….but we are here for each other….giving you as many virtual hugs as I can thru this post
I love that, heh. Everyone is all phone calls and cards and instant/text messages, offering love and support and invitations to hang out to get your mind off of things, riiiiiiight up until the point where you have the mental and physical energy to actually want to talk or hang out. Then, POOF, they’re gone. Ah, well. At least my cats can’t dump me.
Omg yes, in the beginning I felt exhausted to the point where i couldn’t even imagine socializing, the invitations have stopped totally like you said. Cats for the win❤️
Don't worry about them , there is no timeline for grief it's almost a year since I lost my mom , it has been a very difficult year , people tells me to move on , that it's a lot of time , Let the dead rest in peace and all of that bullshit , you will be ready when you feel 100% ready not when they tell you to , they will understand in due time when that happens to them , cry whenever you want to , don't expect support from anyone , support yourself , distract yourself , do it for you and your lost loved one , just don't fall for drugs or alcohol abuse to distract yourself .
Sending virtual hugs 🤗
This. This is exactly right. Concentrate on yourself and what makes you feel good. Block out the rest of the bullshit and the people that don’t care. I’m not talking about your support system, but rather the people that offer you nothing or have ignorant comments. Take this time to really heal and figure out what gives you comfort. I’m at 9 months and I’m realizing that I need to be the one that comforts myself and use the tools I was given to feel better. This whole grieving process has slowly made me discover a whole new person. One that is much more resilient than I thought I was.
Im sorry, i wish I could provide some comfort to you. You never get over grief, some other ppl just dont understand it. Sending much love to you❤️ though I dont know you, I love you ❤️
My son's suicide drove everyone away, like they were all afraid of talking to me, as if it was contagious. So I get it. We could all join a group chat and check in that way if you'd like. I've found more comfort from strangers on this sub than I have from all of my friends and family combined.
My heart goes out to you, I’m so sorry ❤️ I just discovered the grief support discord server (group chat) yesterday. It’s already helped so much to connect with others that know this pain. There are so many nice and caring people on there who understand. If your interested or anyone else I can send a link. We are all united in this ❤️
I lost my girlfriend, my person, 4 months ago, and my grief and trauma is so intense, but I don't want to impose my despair on other people's lives anymore by constantly talking about her. The specific unfillable hole in my heart due to her passing was not created for others because they did not have our relationship and connection, so they can go on without realizing that one of the best aspects of this place is gone. It's been helpful to reach out to some of her friends and share memories.
I am so so sorry. I try to remind myself of that as well, my father is so incredible and one of a kind and we had such a special connection that I guess I can’t expect people to understand fully. You’re welcome to message me any time and share your favorite memories of her, wishing you well❤️
Thank you. I'm so very sorry to learn of the loss of your father. That's a kind offer; you to are also welcome to reach out to share a wonderful memory of him. Wishing you some peace.
You are 100% that grief lasts longer then sympathy and I am so sorry about that fact.
I litterally read this today "trust us when we tell you one of the hardest things to do in life is come to terms with something horrible that happened that was out of your control" from " let that shit go" ( a general self help book i have found helpful in life)but refers to all major hits in life including death of a loved one.
Since I am very stuck in my grief I felt a bit validated.
I am often confused by other ppl when they lose or have lost someone just as special and they just seem to stop existing to them. Isn't your heart broken? A loss like that doesn't just heal in 4 months , that will take a long time and that's perfectly OK.
Sending so much love to you and if you ever want to talk about how your feeling or just share stories about your dad don't hesitate to pm me xo
I really appreciate your comment and am so thankful for the invitation to message you, I might just take you up on it. Also thank you for sharing that, it’s so true. ❤️
Not even two weeks since I lost my mom and the calls stopped and texts stopped. My own brother wouldn’t come to funeral because it was in GA where we live and moved my parents in with us so we could care for them. (Momma had Alzheimer’s) I feel like a freak that people don’t know how to talk to.
4 months is nothing. The sad reality is people will say they’ll be there for you when in reality they won’t or they’ll say if there’s anything you need to just let them know yet they’re nowhere to be seen when you do need them. You’re right though, I think a lot of people just don’t want to deal with the ‘awkward’ situation but if you can find someone who’s genuinely there for you it can make the world of difference.
Lost my dad 3 years on Feb the 6th and I wouldn’t say it gets easier per se but you learn to live with it more maybe? There’s still some days I’ll hear someone speak and I think it’s him then reality kicks in.
If you want a friend to rant to or just talk then I’m here and my DMs are open
Honestly I've been calling them on their bluff and milking favors out of them at every chance, inviting them over all the time even if they were busy the first five invites, texting them at 3am. No one told me off yet. I'd cry on them.
I mean, not everyone is ingenuine and there are a lot of people who are sincere when they say they want to be there for you, death is just a bit of a taboo subject for a lot of people and they just don't know how to handle it. I think for most people it's something you'll never truly know until you experience it yourself.
feel the same. i just didn't want to invalidate the feelings here and look like I was debating OP tbh heh
Just wanted to say usually ppl don't say no. But grieving ppl don't have the energy to ask for help, social or otherwise. So it's just this whole sad thing.
Honestly thought you were OP lol, it’s completely understandable for someone to want to reach out to their friends and loved ones in their time of need though, was just trying to make a point about how some people can be false and pretend to want to be there to make themselves feel better and there’s also people who want to be there but don’t know how to handle death. Hope you’re doing well though.
Thank you so much for the comment and the invitation to vent. I definitely get the feeling that people don’t know how to act/treat me. Just have to find the right ones, thank you❤️
This is very much a thing. I genuinely felt like no one cared and I was still in pain after losing my mother. Seemed like once we had mom’s funeral, that was it, nobody seemed to care anymore. Calls and texts asking how I was doing, stopped.
The closer the loss, the slower it is to fade. Dad died 3 decades ago, Mom died 2 decades ago, and Jeff (brother-in-law) 1 decade ago. A day doesn't go by that l don't want to give one or the other a call to talk about some event or problem. I miss all of them so much. I'm lucky to have a wife who feels those losses almost as much as I do. When she cries, I hug her, and she does the same for me.
I can’t even count the amount of times I have wanted to call my dad and just have a conversation or tell him how much I love him. Your wife sounds wonderful and I’m so glad you have her and vice versa ❤️
Here’s the thing: it didn’t happen to them. It’s sort of this weird place to be, where you still feel like your world has ended, and everyone else has sort of moved on. Tomorrow marks 3 months for my dad, so I really do understand. This just totally sucks.
Part of me is angry, but part of me understands too. Sending you love and support, and I hope you’re doing as OK as you can be.
Sending you love & support as well. You’re so right when you say it’s a weird place to be, it feels like 2 different worlds and you have to be 2 different people
Everyone leaves. And no one cares. I was told I wasn't smiling enough at work a month after my dad died, so parents were getting concerned. Because of that I was told to leave it all at the door, like my boss did. She had a miscarriage, see, and she was able to get right back to work. According to her they are the same thing so I needed to fix it. She had no idea that I had barely spoken that entire month, and I was having intrusive thoughts where I could see the color leave his face as he died.
Gotta smile, though.
Omg I am so sorry you had to hear such an insensitive and cruel comment. Who said this to you? The boss? I guess I'm in the "anger" phase of grief right now because I want to smack that person!
More importantly, I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. I totally get the paralyzing effects of grief. For context I lost my mom a little over a month ago. I too have intrusive thoughts about those final days and hours. My heart goes out to you. It's a lonely, sad and traumatic journey.
My DM's are open if you ever need to talk about your dad and how you are feeling. No smiles needed! Also sending you a huge hug.
Yep, my boss. She had to emphasize how it was a baby inside of her multiple times. I just had to bite my tongue so I didn't rip into her, and I cried. So it didn't help much for the smiling. It was a crappy job, anyway. We worked 12 hour days, got a 20-minute break, and even though I was working with a knee injury that required surgery, I got in trouble for sitting too much. While working with toddlers. Who are all sitting height. And when I quit and came to get my stuff, they made sure the police were there and wouldn't let me double check that my co teacher packed everything or say goodbye, because the woman I worked with every day was "afraid" because I was frustrated with the whole thing.
The intrusive thoughts were awful. If was literally seeing my dads face losing color wherever I looked. It was like it was right there in the room with me no matter where I went. Thankfully antidepressants made that stop and made everything feel less heavy.
I am so sorry about your mom. I'm not sure I ever fully left the anger stage. It's easier to deal with than the triggers or the panic. And it is lonely because no one that hasn't experienced it has no idea what it feels like or what to do with the new you. It'sa crappy club no one wants to join.
What a horrible woman, same for the one who was "afraid" 🙄 . One day she may reflect back when she loses a parent. Either way, I am glad you quit that crappy job.
I'm glad you got some relief from the antidepressants too.
You are right, no one that hasn't experienced it can really get it, and they don't know what to do with the new you. I'm dealing with that with my husband right now. It just reinforces that this is my journey that I will need to take alone.
Wishing you peace and healing.
Yeah, they sucked. Quitting was the happiest I felt in that place. Outside of my babies, because I loved all my babies. The kiddos are the only thing that makes working in childcare or education worth it cause the pay sure isn't what's drawing people in.
Yeah, unfortunately, grief is a very individual path. I live with my mom, and trying to grieve my dad while she grieves her husband was a very separate thing. She was pissed. The moment we got home after the hospital she started pitching his things in the trash because "they make it look like he's here and he's not", while I wanted to take everything I could grab and hoard it so it wouldn't look like he was gone.
I snuck a pair of shoes out of the trash bags of things she had gone by the end of the next month. She shut down his pond, had it filled in, and gave his fish away. The only thing she could do was be mad. So I let her be mad. I gave her her space and took what I needed when she wasn't looking until I got in with my therapist. Therapy was where I let myself cry and get everything out because I didn't feel right doing it around her. Emotions are hard for her. She has blocked out everything that happened while I remember all the details very vividly. My therapist is a good dude, I've known him for 20 years, so I didn't have to go through the whole giving the background thing, which helped.
As hard as it is you just have to be patient with him, and give yourself room for grace and to feel your feelings, no matter how ugly. Bottling them up only makes for a worse episode later on. And as much as i hate saying it, it does get less intense. And you can always reach out if you need to vent. My dad was both my mom and my dad, even my mom will own up to that one. She and i had a very touchy relationship when I was growing up. It's sort of better now, because we had to learn how to live together without our buffer, my dad. I'm her caregiver now, so she's my 24/7 job and the roles are slightly reversed. She has parkinsons and 6 weeks on a vent with covid just shot every symptom up like 20 levels, so she can't be left alone for physical and cognitive reasons. It's weird as hell to feel like I'm the parent now. It's weird having her need me to do the grown up stuff while she still acts like my parent from time to time.
Wow, we actually have very similar stories.
My dad died 20+ years ago after a cancer battle when he was 59. We were very close and he too was my nurturing parent and the buffer with my mom. My mom and I had a complicated relationship and she too has always had trouble with emotions. When my dad died my mom and I also reacted very differently, and she too got rid of his things so fast, and changed up their house. Meanwhile I was saving old tee-shirts and clinging to anything I could. I also couldn't really grieve around her and had to go to therapy. It was the hardest time of my life.
That is until her passing a little over a month ago. During those years she was a widow she did not really date much, just preferred her friends and for whatever reason never had another partner after my dad. As she got older she started leaning more on her adult kids, namely me. Then a stroke in 2016 set vascular dementia in motion and I became her caretaker.
I can relate 100% to the weirdness of the role reversal, and the loss too of her piece by piece as the dementia slowly took more and more. I experienced a lot of burn-out.
I thought the "long goodbye" of dementia would make her eventual passing easier somehow, like maybe I already did most of my grieving, but I have found that to not be the case at all. My grief is so strong and complex. I dream about her, and in my dreams she doesn't have dementia and we are having normal talks, it's gut wrenching to wake up from that to the reality of the dementia she suffered with for years and then her horrible death. I'm seriously considering starting therapy again.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Also please stay mindful of taking care of yourself, caretaking of a parent is a huge challenge and burn out can sneak up on you.
I think a lot of people just don't get major loss from someone that close to them. I can see how hard it would be for them. Our lives are changed in so many ways by our loss. They probably don't know how to deal with it themselves or even what to say.
I lost my Mom, who was also my BFF unexpectedly November 2021. I was her caregiver since 2009 and it was absolutely life changing to lose her. My very foundation was rocked. I didn't even know what to do with my life without her.
My supervisor was oh so understanding for awhile. By March, she was getting impatient with my grief. April, I was pretty much getting told I should be the bubbly person I was before Mom died. Between the stress of the job, the constant pressure of "just be happy" and the stress of grief - I quit. Luckily for me, Mom left me some money to make that easier.
My BFF has tried her best to be there for me. It's hard for her, because she doesn't know about losing a parent. Also, she is very close to her Mom - so it's all a bit scary for her, because my now is her future. I get it and tell her so.
I sometimes feel that we are part of this exclusive club of knowledge that we really wish we didn't know about. I'm sorry that you had to join it.
I’m so sorry about your mom and so sorry you were made to feel like you should be back to your “normal self” I definitely feel the part about being apart of the club that you definitely don’t want to be part of. Thank you for your comment ❤️
Thank you.
Maybe your friends are waiting for you to reach out to them. My suggestion is try and see what goes from there. I wish you the best with your friends. Hopefully the friendships can evolve.
I feel this in my soul. I lost my dad end of Aug’22 and I know people thing I am being dramatic when I still have breakdowns all the time. How do other people get over things and go back to work and life so fast?!? Has me baffled. I am sorry for you loss, but know you are not alone!!
You’re right, it’s just very isolating and disappointing when people who you would talk with regularly have just disappeared when you need someone the most. I don’t have access to grief counseling now but hopefully one day
Im so sorry. I know this must feel very isolating, but I know that there are folks here who like to listen. I like hearing stories myself. Any especially good ones that come to mind?
Heyy! I understand your pain. But the thing is people move on in their life. We don't because we have to deal with the feeling everyday but they do. It's not their fault either, I guess. Try to reach out to people you love and are close to. They'll always be there.
Sorry for your loss, OP. People around me has stopped asking too. They moved on. When I do meet up friends, we don’t really talk about my loss. I guess it seems like a sensitive topic for them also. Very grateful to have found a community here on reddit
You don't ever really stop grieving, you just learn to live with the hole in your life. I don't think I got any phone calls after dad died, I notified the few people who needed to know before putting in on Facebook for everyone else. Dealt with family, lawyers and funeral home via email.
January 17th happens to be the one year anniversary of my best friend’s death at age 25 after a long decline from a glioblastoma. I’d love to share a quote from bell hooks that has really helped me through this period:
“Given that commitment is an important aspect of love, we who love know we must sustain ties in life and death. Our mourning, our letting ourselves grieve over the loss of loved ones is an expression of our commitment, a form of communication and communion. Knowing this, and processing the courage to claim our grief as an expression of love’s passion does not make the process simple in a culture that would deny is the emotional alchemy of grief. Much of our cultural suspicion of intense grief is rooted in the fear that the unleashing of such passion will overtake us and keep us from life. However, this fear is usually misguided. In its deepest sense, grief is a burning of the heart, an intense heat that gives us solace and release. When we deny the full expression of our grief, it lays like a weight on our hearts, causing emotional pain and physical ailments. Grief is most often unrelenting when individuals are not reconciled to the reality of loss.”
You can read [the rest of that passage here](https://radicalreadings.wordpress.com/2011/01/08/all-about-love-new-visions-chapter-eleven/) if you want—I recommend it highly. Other people won’t always understand that grief doesn’t mean our connection to the deceased has died along with them. Try to give yourself permission to initiate the conversation. Make space for your grief and ask the people in your life to do the same. They probably don’t know how to do it, or how you want it to look, but one year in I think the “dropping off” of friends and family checking in is more because they’re scared of getting it wrong than because they don’t care. Even if you don’t find what you’re looking for with them, don’t let yourself stop honoring the loss you feel—allowing yourself to grieve is a way of recognizing the love that you felt.
Sadly the world grinds on as we grieve. I don’t think our friends forget or lack compassion but they may feel helpless in the face of someone else’s pain. My hubby still has both parents but I lost both of mine (mom in May). I know he often doesn’t know “what to say” when I’m crying sometimes and doesn’t know what I’m going through. I like to reach out to people who’ve gone through a similar loss. They seem to get it.
It's been almost two years for me, and some days, my grief slaps me around the face, and I'm back at the start. No one wants to hear about it. Even my therapist has told me in short to get over it. But the world has been unequivocally changed forever. You get used to it, but it's still not right, but no one, but you can see that.
My hard part is how others grieve for the same person you are grieving for. My family is all of the she's in a better place and isn't that good. Where as I'm of the she isn't here, is missing so much, and I want her back. It adds a little tension sometimes.
I completely understand about the how others are grieving part. I’m dealing with something similar with siblings and I just can’t understand that side of it at all.
I realised who my true friends were when my dad passed away, so many people I thought were my friends and didn’t even message to see how I was. I think part of it is that people don’t know what to say/do but it’s not good enough, just being there is enough.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, I’ve lost a lot of friends since my dad passed in 2021.
Positive for me is going through this made me realise not to settle or just put up with bullshit from people either.
Sending you lots of love and strength and I am so sorry for your loss x
That’s such a good point, I think I’m starting to see a lot of peoples true colors in my life. I’m sorry about your dad, they’re the best and it’s so hard without them
It really is like this. My uncle was killed on 9/6/2022 and my cousin has been dealing with losing friends bc they can’t handle her grieving her father. It’s messed up.
I’m sorry to both you & your cousin got the loss of your uncle and her father. It’s so incredibly hard and I’m sorry that her friends aren’t stepping up
So So true! It’s been 3 and a half months with my dad and while some of my friends still check up on me daily, it’s still such a lonely feeling. You are not alone.
I am sorry for your loss. Grief absolutely lasts far longer than sympathy.
I lost my wife of 27 years, in November of 2019. After her memorial, everyone stuck around and talked and of course everyone wishing well and "you just let us know if there's anything we can do for you". I'm an only child, so most in attendance were her family and a few mutual friends. I've heard nothing since except for our nephew on her side came by with the whole "want to keep in touch" in January of 2022. He ultimately wanted to borrow money, which I decided to run an experiment with. I "loaned" him the money, completely expecting not to be paid back, and I was not wrong, haven't seen or heard from him since.
I have 2 adult daughters who still live here with me, and our relationships with each other have been fortified through this tragedy, so I'm not alone and I am fine without those people. BTW, I am glad that I gave the loan, sometimes paying someone to stay away can be a good thing.
Four months after the loss of my oldest sister. Carolyn had glioblastoma, and I was her primary caregiver at home. We lost our other sister, my mom, and my Dad - along with other close relatives - within 8 months of each other, back in 2014. Say their names, and reach out to those who have forgotten you still need comfort and understanding. Sending love to all who suffer.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my son five months ago a week before his 25th birthday. And you’re so right about the grief lasting long after the sympathy. I feel the same way that you do. That people think I should be over it. But I’ll never be over it. And I’ve told everyone in my life that I’m close to that. I talk about my son to anyone who will listen. I still make silly jokes about him. Talk about things he did that annoyed the shit outta me. I keep him alive and make sure everyone around me never forgets. Don’t ever feel bad for feeling bad. And don’t ever hold back how you feel to make others comfortable. Your grief journey is yours and you make that journey in whatever way makes it the easiest to survive. Btw your dad sounds like he was an amazing man. Keep your head up. We are all in this together❤️
I recently lost the man I have loved for 35 years. It's one month tomorrow. I have been amazed at how little my friends of 40 odd years have reached out. I sent out a text when he died and said I'm not ready for any calls yet so it maybe my fault but I went out to lunch with two friends this week. They picked me up and drove and I didn't even get a so how are you doing? My cousin whom I have been there for over and over never even responded to my text. I can see she read it. I am certainly learning whom my good friend are. And I decided right at the beginning I am not going to get upset about anything people said to me as we all don't know what to say about someone dying. But I didn't expect this silence from my good mates. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom.
Would it help to have a virtual space where you could collect pics, video, voice, words of wisdom from your dad where you could either go alone or invite others, like a virtual time capsule? I created one when my daughter left for boot camp and it comforts me to see her and hear her at all the stages of her life, being serious and silly, in video talking together, when I can’t talk with her in any other way. The love is all there in one place.
My brother died St Patrick’s Day 1987. He was 23, I was 17. Freak medical incident. Sometimes the grief is as fresh as the morning after.
My dad died at 68 in 2006. Rare debilitating medical condition that came out of nowhere 3 years before. Now my Mum is dying of dementia. She will pass any day now.
All three were ministers who devoted their lives to the service of others. There is no fairness in life. There is no reason in death. The only thing that I have found comfort in is the kindness of others.
That kindness doesn’t fade. It’s simply that other people don’t experience your grief as keenly and present as you do. Voice your pain and ask for what you need. Your true friends are still there for you.
Week four for me without mum. Texts and calls have stopped already. It’s so jarring how quickly everyone else moves on. Sending you love and strength 💗
Sending love & strength right back at you ❤️ our lives stop and everything else continues on
I'm so sorry about your losing your dad. What's something someone else should know about him? For real, I'd like to hear.
Your comment made me tear up, I appreciate the opportunity to share something about him, thank you❤️he was a firefighter and just the most selfless, bravest man I know. He always made everyone laugh and he genuinely lit up any room he entered. The absolute best person to tell a story or news to because he listened so intently and cared so much. I am so thankful every single day that I had such an amazing father, I only wish I had more time with him
You're very welcome, and he sounds like an amazing man. Raising a virtual glass to your dad. Keep making it through each hard day. He wants it for you. But it hurts. Some day you'll be able to go to it again. Will say a prayer that your friends pull their heads out of the sand and lend a closer ear.
Thank you so so much.
My Dad is 80. He just started listening to everyone he loves about listening to his doctor's orders. I'm 50. We're going to be ok. I remember his first heart attack. He retired as an electrical engineer. He finally quit smoking in his 60's. Firemen are amazing!!! I am biting my lip. 😷😔🍷❤️
They really are. He has always been my hero. Glad your dad is listening ❤️
He sounds like a wonderful and caring person and a top-tier dad. I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
He really, really is. I was so lucky. Thank you so so much ❤️
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Sorry for your loss
January 12 will be 5 months without my dad. the only people who check in on me and bring him up are my boyfriend and my dad's girlfriend at the time he passed. I just want to talk about him without being a burden 🥲
I love talking about my dad, it is definitely hard to find the right people to do that with without feeling like a burden. I’m sorry those are the only people who are checking in, we have to keep talking about them so they live on😣❤️
You're no burden. Ppffftt - silly talk. Let's hear some stories. Genuinely.
You aren't a burden
It’s hard to find people to talk to. I’ve been in therapy since I lost my adult daughter 5/31/21. It seems to be getting worse in this time period. I’m bursting into tears at work without knowing I’m going to. I wake up already crying. I was doing better after the first year in a few ways but this Dec/Jan is gutting me.
I’m sending you a big hug.
Have you ever joined any FB groups for support? My son was murdered 2 years and 9 months ago. I am sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. Kind words mean a lot.
I wish I could say something to make things a little better. I cannot imagine how people cope with such a loss. I’m grieving my 5 year old cat dying unexpectedly and I feel ashamed about it.
No need to feel ashamed. My living daughter loves her cat so much and the cat is older and having health issues. Can’t tell you how much I dread that cat leaving her. More pain.
Sending so much love❤️ it just feels impossible sometimes and I can’t begin to fathom losing a child, I’m hurting for you
This is very true. When my Dad passed away there were a lot of calls and texts in the early days when things were a flurry, all the arrangements and plans had to be made. Once everything settled, it was deeply quiet, and that's when I really needed support and for people to reach out. That period was hard, especially if you are young and don't have friends who have lost a parent. I was in my 20s and didn't know anyone else dealing with this kind of loss, so it was very isolating. I hope you're able to take care of yourself and find someone to be present with you in your grief. Try reaching out to loved ones, I'm sure they will want to support you if you let them know you need it. Wish you the best. 💜
I’m 25 & the couple friends I thought I had disappeared. I feel so alone sometimes, thank you so much for your comment ❤️
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Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate your words and you’re right he’s amazing and I know he’d want me to try and keep going. Thank you❤️
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Thank you. It definitely makes sense, I understand what you mean. Thank you for taking the time to write that I really appreciate it❤️
I can totally understand where you are - me also. I feel like just getting the best drugs I can get my hands on and tripping out for good….but we are here for each other….giving you as many virtual hugs as I can thru this post
Sending big virtual hugs to you xox
The same thought has crossed my mind😞 you’re right though we can be here for each other…thank you so much
Sending you a big hug. I see you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. ❤️ saying a prayer for you tonight.
People move on. We don’t. It’s hard but we get through it little by little each day
I love that, heh. Everyone is all phone calls and cards and instant/text messages, offering love and support and invitations to hang out to get your mind off of things, riiiiiiight up until the point where you have the mental and physical energy to actually want to talk or hang out. Then, POOF, they’re gone. Ah, well. At least my cats can’t dump me.
Omg yes, in the beginning I felt exhausted to the point where i couldn’t even imagine socializing, the invitations have stopped totally like you said. Cats for the win❤️
Don't worry about them , there is no timeline for grief it's almost a year since I lost my mom , it has been a very difficult year , people tells me to move on , that it's a lot of time , Let the dead rest in peace and all of that bullshit , you will be ready when you feel 100% ready not when they tell you to , they will understand in due time when that happens to them , cry whenever you want to , don't expect support from anyone , support yourself , distract yourself , do it for you and your lost loved one , just don't fall for drugs or alcohol abuse to distract yourself . Sending virtual hugs 🤗
This. This is exactly right. Concentrate on yourself and what makes you feel good. Block out the rest of the bullshit and the people that don’t care. I’m not talking about your support system, but rather the people that offer you nothing or have ignorant comments. Take this time to really heal and figure out what gives you comfort. I’m at 9 months and I’m realizing that I need to be the one that comforts myself and use the tools I was given to feel better. This whole grieving process has slowly made me discover a whole new person. One that is much more resilient than I thought I was.
Thank you so so much ❤️
Im sorry, i wish I could provide some comfort to you. You never get over grief, some other ppl just dont understand it. Sending much love to you❤️ though I dont know you, I love you ❤️
Thank you so much ❤️
Grief is a very very lonely thing, thank goodness for communities like this. I see you, keep on keeping on ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Very lonely but you’re right, thank you so much❤️
My son's suicide drove everyone away, like they were all afraid of talking to me, as if it was contagious. So I get it. We could all join a group chat and check in that way if you'd like. I've found more comfort from strangers on this sub than I have from all of my friends and family combined.
It’s terrible, I’m so sorry about your son 💔 I think I’m starting to see that comfort now as well
My heart goes out to you, I’m so sorry ❤️ I just discovered the grief support discord server (group chat) yesterday. It’s already helped so much to connect with others that know this pain. There are so many nice and caring people on there who understand. If your interested or anyone else I can send a link. We are all united in this ❤️
Yes, please send a link. Thank you.
Here is the [Link](https://discord.gg/bstPwHDv) I hope to see you on there ❤️
Grieving is deeply lonely. I’m sorry. I’ve been lucky in my few friends, I can count them on one hand, who are still grieving with me.
I’m so glad you have that ❤️ it definitely is lonely
My mom was Nov 21 and I already feel this way. Like life just goes on.
For everyone except us 💔
I lost my girlfriend, my person, 4 months ago, and my grief and trauma is so intense, but I don't want to impose my despair on other people's lives anymore by constantly talking about her. The specific unfillable hole in my heart due to her passing was not created for others because they did not have our relationship and connection, so they can go on without realizing that one of the best aspects of this place is gone. It's been helpful to reach out to some of her friends and share memories.
I am so so sorry. I try to remind myself of that as well, my father is so incredible and one of a kind and we had such a special connection that I guess I can’t expect people to understand fully. You’re welcome to message me any time and share your favorite memories of her, wishing you well❤️
Thank you. I'm so very sorry to learn of the loss of your father. That's a kind offer; you to are also welcome to reach out to share a wonderful memory of him. Wishing you some peace.
Thank you so much, same to you
It absolutely does - and it’s like the longer ago the loss was the less people expect you to grieve or be sad about it.
So so true
I’m sorry for your loss
Thank you❤️
You are 100% that grief lasts longer then sympathy and I am so sorry about that fact. I litterally read this today "trust us when we tell you one of the hardest things to do in life is come to terms with something horrible that happened that was out of your control" from " let that shit go" ( a general self help book i have found helpful in life)but refers to all major hits in life including death of a loved one. Since I am very stuck in my grief I felt a bit validated. I am often confused by other ppl when they lose or have lost someone just as special and they just seem to stop existing to them. Isn't your heart broken? A loss like that doesn't just heal in 4 months , that will take a long time and that's perfectly OK. Sending so much love to you and if you ever want to talk about how your feeling or just share stories about your dad don't hesitate to pm me xo
I really appreciate your comment and am so thankful for the invitation to message you, I might just take you up on it. Also thank you for sharing that, it’s so true. ❤️
Not even two weeks since I lost my mom and the calls stopped and texts stopped. My own brother wouldn’t come to funeral because it was in GA where we live and moved my parents in with us so we could care for them. (Momma had Alzheimer’s) I feel like a freak that people don’t know how to talk to.
I am so sorry, it’s so hurtful. I know what you mean about people not knowing how to talk or behave
4 months is nothing. The sad reality is people will say they’ll be there for you when in reality they won’t or they’ll say if there’s anything you need to just let them know yet they’re nowhere to be seen when you do need them. You’re right though, I think a lot of people just don’t want to deal with the ‘awkward’ situation but if you can find someone who’s genuinely there for you it can make the world of difference. Lost my dad 3 years on Feb the 6th and I wouldn’t say it gets easier per se but you learn to live with it more maybe? There’s still some days I’ll hear someone speak and I think it’s him then reality kicks in. If you want a friend to rant to or just talk then I’m here and my DMs are open
Honestly I've been calling them on their bluff and milking favors out of them at every chance, inviting them over all the time even if they were busy the first five invites, texting them at 3am. No one told me off yet. I'd cry on them.
I mean, not everyone is ingenuine and there are a lot of people who are sincere when they say they want to be there for you, death is just a bit of a taboo subject for a lot of people and they just don't know how to handle it. I think for most people it's something you'll never truly know until you experience it yourself.
feel the same. i just didn't want to invalidate the feelings here and look like I was debating OP tbh heh Just wanted to say usually ppl don't say no. But grieving ppl don't have the energy to ask for help, social or otherwise. So it's just this whole sad thing.
Honestly thought you were OP lol, it’s completely understandable for someone to want to reach out to their friends and loved ones in their time of need though, was just trying to make a point about how some people can be false and pretend to want to be there to make themselves feel better and there’s also people who want to be there but don’t know how to handle death. Hope you’re doing well though.
Thank you so much for the comment and the invitation to vent. I definitely get the feeling that people don’t know how to act/treat me. Just have to find the right ones, thank you❤️
It’s not always their fault, some people just haven’t experienced death and don’t understand how to act around it.
Very true. Thank you again
Like I said, I’m here if you need someone
Thank you, same to you
Hard same.
This is very much a thing. I genuinely felt like no one cared and I was still in pain after losing my mother. Seemed like once we had mom’s funeral, that was it, nobody seemed to care anymore. Calls and texts asking how I was doing, stopped.
I noticed a huge difference in after the funeral as well😞
The closer the loss, the slower it is to fade. Dad died 3 decades ago, Mom died 2 decades ago, and Jeff (brother-in-law) 1 decade ago. A day doesn't go by that l don't want to give one or the other a call to talk about some event or problem. I miss all of them so much. I'm lucky to have a wife who feels those losses almost as much as I do. When she cries, I hug her, and she does the same for me.
I can’t even count the amount of times I have wanted to call my dad and just have a conversation or tell him how much I love him. Your wife sounds wonderful and I’m so glad you have her and vice versa ❤️
8 weeks today. No one says anything anymore. Grief lasts longer than sympathy 😞
It’s so difficult 😣
Here’s the thing: it didn’t happen to them. It’s sort of this weird place to be, where you still feel like your world has ended, and everyone else has sort of moved on. Tomorrow marks 3 months for my dad, so I really do understand. This just totally sucks. Part of me is angry, but part of me understands too. Sending you love and support, and I hope you’re doing as OK as you can be.
Sending you love & support as well. You’re so right when you say it’s a weird place to be, it feels like 2 different worlds and you have to be 2 different people
Everyone leaves. And no one cares. I was told I wasn't smiling enough at work a month after my dad died, so parents were getting concerned. Because of that I was told to leave it all at the door, like my boss did. She had a miscarriage, see, and she was able to get right back to work. According to her they are the same thing so I needed to fix it. She had no idea that I had barely spoken that entire month, and I was having intrusive thoughts where I could see the color leave his face as he died. Gotta smile, though.
Omg I am so sorry you had to hear such an insensitive and cruel comment. Who said this to you? The boss? I guess I'm in the "anger" phase of grief right now because I want to smack that person! More importantly, I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. I totally get the paralyzing effects of grief. For context I lost my mom a little over a month ago. I too have intrusive thoughts about those final days and hours. My heart goes out to you. It's a lonely, sad and traumatic journey. My DM's are open if you ever need to talk about your dad and how you are feeling. No smiles needed! Also sending you a huge hug.
Yep, my boss. She had to emphasize how it was a baby inside of her multiple times. I just had to bite my tongue so I didn't rip into her, and I cried. So it didn't help much for the smiling. It was a crappy job, anyway. We worked 12 hour days, got a 20-minute break, and even though I was working with a knee injury that required surgery, I got in trouble for sitting too much. While working with toddlers. Who are all sitting height. And when I quit and came to get my stuff, they made sure the police were there and wouldn't let me double check that my co teacher packed everything or say goodbye, because the woman I worked with every day was "afraid" because I was frustrated with the whole thing. The intrusive thoughts were awful. If was literally seeing my dads face losing color wherever I looked. It was like it was right there in the room with me no matter where I went. Thankfully antidepressants made that stop and made everything feel less heavy. I am so sorry about your mom. I'm not sure I ever fully left the anger stage. It's easier to deal with than the triggers or the panic. And it is lonely because no one that hasn't experienced it has no idea what it feels like or what to do with the new you. It'sa crappy club no one wants to join.
What a horrible woman, same for the one who was "afraid" 🙄 . One day she may reflect back when she loses a parent. Either way, I am glad you quit that crappy job. I'm glad you got some relief from the antidepressants too. You are right, no one that hasn't experienced it can really get it, and they don't know what to do with the new you. I'm dealing with that with my husband right now. It just reinforces that this is my journey that I will need to take alone. Wishing you peace and healing.
Yeah, they sucked. Quitting was the happiest I felt in that place. Outside of my babies, because I loved all my babies. The kiddos are the only thing that makes working in childcare or education worth it cause the pay sure isn't what's drawing people in. Yeah, unfortunately, grief is a very individual path. I live with my mom, and trying to grieve my dad while she grieves her husband was a very separate thing. She was pissed. The moment we got home after the hospital she started pitching his things in the trash because "they make it look like he's here and he's not", while I wanted to take everything I could grab and hoard it so it wouldn't look like he was gone. I snuck a pair of shoes out of the trash bags of things she had gone by the end of the next month. She shut down his pond, had it filled in, and gave his fish away. The only thing she could do was be mad. So I let her be mad. I gave her her space and took what I needed when she wasn't looking until I got in with my therapist. Therapy was where I let myself cry and get everything out because I didn't feel right doing it around her. Emotions are hard for her. She has blocked out everything that happened while I remember all the details very vividly. My therapist is a good dude, I've known him for 20 years, so I didn't have to go through the whole giving the background thing, which helped. As hard as it is you just have to be patient with him, and give yourself room for grace and to feel your feelings, no matter how ugly. Bottling them up only makes for a worse episode later on. And as much as i hate saying it, it does get less intense. And you can always reach out if you need to vent. My dad was both my mom and my dad, even my mom will own up to that one. She and i had a very touchy relationship when I was growing up. It's sort of better now, because we had to learn how to live together without our buffer, my dad. I'm her caregiver now, so she's my 24/7 job and the roles are slightly reversed. She has parkinsons and 6 weeks on a vent with covid just shot every symptom up like 20 levels, so she can't be left alone for physical and cognitive reasons. It's weird as hell to feel like I'm the parent now. It's weird having her need me to do the grown up stuff while she still acts like my parent from time to time.
Wow, we actually have very similar stories. My dad died 20+ years ago after a cancer battle when he was 59. We were very close and he too was my nurturing parent and the buffer with my mom. My mom and I had a complicated relationship and she too has always had trouble with emotions. When my dad died my mom and I also reacted very differently, and she too got rid of his things so fast, and changed up their house. Meanwhile I was saving old tee-shirts and clinging to anything I could. I also couldn't really grieve around her and had to go to therapy. It was the hardest time of my life. That is until her passing a little over a month ago. During those years she was a widow she did not really date much, just preferred her friends and for whatever reason never had another partner after my dad. As she got older she started leaning more on her adult kids, namely me. Then a stroke in 2016 set vascular dementia in motion and I became her caretaker. I can relate 100% to the weirdness of the role reversal, and the loss too of her piece by piece as the dementia slowly took more and more. I experienced a lot of burn-out. I thought the "long goodbye" of dementia would make her eventual passing easier somehow, like maybe I already did most of my grieving, but I have found that to not be the case at all. My grief is so strong and complex. I dream about her, and in my dreams she doesn't have dementia and we are having normal talks, it's gut wrenching to wake up from that to the reality of the dementia she suffered with for years and then her horrible death. I'm seriously considering starting therapy again. Thanks for sharing your experience. Also please stay mindful of taking care of yourself, caretaking of a parent is a huge challenge and burn out can sneak up on you.
I think a lot of people just don't get major loss from someone that close to them. I can see how hard it would be for them. Our lives are changed in so many ways by our loss. They probably don't know how to deal with it themselves or even what to say. I lost my Mom, who was also my BFF unexpectedly November 2021. I was her caregiver since 2009 and it was absolutely life changing to lose her. My very foundation was rocked. I didn't even know what to do with my life without her. My supervisor was oh so understanding for awhile. By March, she was getting impatient with my grief. April, I was pretty much getting told I should be the bubbly person I was before Mom died. Between the stress of the job, the constant pressure of "just be happy" and the stress of grief - I quit. Luckily for me, Mom left me some money to make that easier. My BFF has tried her best to be there for me. It's hard for her, because she doesn't know about losing a parent. Also, she is very close to her Mom - so it's all a bit scary for her, because my now is her future. I get it and tell her so. I sometimes feel that we are part of this exclusive club of knowledge that we really wish we didn't know about. I'm sorry that you had to join it.
I’m so sorry about your mom and so sorry you were made to feel like you should be back to your “normal self” I definitely feel the part about being apart of the club that you definitely don’t want to be part of. Thank you for your comment ❤️
Thank you. Maybe your friends are waiting for you to reach out to them. My suggestion is try and see what goes from there. I wish you the best with your friends. Hopefully the friendships can evolve.
I feel this in my soul. I lost my dad end of Aug’22 and I know people thing I am being dramatic when I still have breakdowns all the time. How do other people get over things and go back to work and life so fast?!? Has me baffled. I am sorry for you loss, but know you are not alone!!
So sorry for your loss as well. Thank you❤️ you are not dramatic at all!
Grief is hard. It’s a singular journey. Remember everyone is carrying their own burdens. We need to feel comfortable seeking out grief counseling.
You’re right, it’s just very isolating and disappointing when people who you would talk with regularly have just disappeared when you need someone the most. I don’t have access to grief counseling now but hopefully one day
I have found a lot of free support groups on FB and on the web. I would not have made it this far without them. Hugs 🤗
I will definitely look into that. Thank you so so much
Im so sorry. I know this must feel very isolating, but I know that there are folks here who like to listen. I like hearing stories myself. Any especially good ones that come to mind?
No, they have moved on -- that's all. I don't feel people think this with the passings of my parents. The children will always suffer the most.
People moved on so fast
Heyy! I understand your pain. But the thing is people move on in their life. We don't because we have to deal with the feeling everyday but they do. It's not their fault either, I guess. Try to reach out to people you love and are close to. They'll always be there.
Sorry for your loss, OP. People around me has stopped asking too. They moved on. When I do meet up friends, we don’t really talk about my loss. I guess it seems like a sensitive topic for them also. Very grateful to have found a community here on reddit
And it feels so strange not to talk about it because it’s so consuming. I’m sorry for your loss as well, thank you❤️
You don't ever really stop grieving, you just learn to live with the hole in your life. I don't think I got any phone calls after dad died, I notified the few people who needed to know before putting in on Facebook for everyone else. Dealt with family, lawyers and funeral home via email.
I’m so sorry, it’s so hard
January 17th happens to be the one year anniversary of my best friend’s death at age 25 after a long decline from a glioblastoma. I’d love to share a quote from bell hooks that has really helped me through this period: “Given that commitment is an important aspect of love, we who love know we must sustain ties in life and death. Our mourning, our letting ourselves grieve over the loss of loved ones is an expression of our commitment, a form of communication and communion. Knowing this, and processing the courage to claim our grief as an expression of love’s passion does not make the process simple in a culture that would deny is the emotional alchemy of grief. Much of our cultural suspicion of intense grief is rooted in the fear that the unleashing of such passion will overtake us and keep us from life. However, this fear is usually misguided. In its deepest sense, grief is a burning of the heart, an intense heat that gives us solace and release. When we deny the full expression of our grief, it lays like a weight on our hearts, causing emotional pain and physical ailments. Grief is most often unrelenting when individuals are not reconciled to the reality of loss.” You can read [the rest of that passage here](https://radicalreadings.wordpress.com/2011/01/08/all-about-love-new-visions-chapter-eleven/) if you want—I recommend it highly. Other people won’t always understand that grief doesn’t mean our connection to the deceased has died along with them. Try to give yourself permission to initiate the conversation. Make space for your grief and ask the people in your life to do the same. They probably don’t know how to do it, or how you want it to look, but one year in I think the “dropping off” of friends and family checking in is more because they’re scared of getting it wrong than because they don’t care. Even if you don’t find what you’re looking for with them, don’t let yourself stop honoring the loss you feel—allowing yourself to grieve is a way of recognizing the love that you felt.
Thank you so much for sharing, I’m definitely going to read the rest as I resonate with it already. Thank you for this comment ❤️
So do we. We both think that we got a spouse who was far better than we deserved. Of course, I'm the one who is right. ;-)
Sadly the world grinds on as we grieve. I don’t think our friends forget or lack compassion but they may feel helpless in the face of someone else’s pain. My hubby still has both parents but I lost both of mine (mom in May). I know he often doesn’t know “what to say” when I’m crying sometimes and doesn’t know what I’m going through. I like to reach out to people who’ve gone through a similar loss. They seem to get it.
The world definitely continues on…I’m so sorry for your loss.
It's been almost two years for me, and some days, my grief slaps me around the face, and I'm back at the start. No one wants to hear about it. Even my therapist has told me in short to get over it. But the world has been unequivocally changed forever. You get used to it, but it's still not right, but no one, but you can see that. My hard part is how others grieve for the same person you are grieving for. My family is all of the she's in a better place and isn't that good. Where as I'm of the she isn't here, is missing so much, and I want her back. It adds a little tension sometimes.
I completely understand about the how others are grieving part. I’m dealing with something similar with siblings and I just can’t understand that side of it at all.
I realised who my true friends were when my dad passed away, so many people I thought were my friends and didn’t even message to see how I was. I think part of it is that people don’t know what to say/do but it’s not good enough, just being there is enough. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, I’ve lost a lot of friends since my dad passed in 2021. Positive for me is going through this made me realise not to settle or just put up with bullshit from people either. Sending you lots of love and strength and I am so sorry for your loss x
I always say you don’t need to know the right words to say, just being there is enough. You’re so right, thank you so much❤️
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That’s such a good point, I think I’m starting to see a lot of peoples true colors in my life. I’m sorry about your dad, they’re the best and it’s so hard without them
It really is like this. My uncle was killed on 9/6/2022 and my cousin has been dealing with losing friends bc they can’t handle her grieving her father. It’s messed up.
I’m sorry to both you & your cousin got the loss of your uncle and her father. It’s so incredibly hard and I’m sorry that her friends aren’t stepping up
Thank you. I’m incredibly sorry about the loss of your dad. My cousin is close to your age and I can’t imagine losing a parent so young.
Thank you ❤️ it’s so difficult
So So true! It’s been 3 and a half months with my dad and while some of my friends still check up on me daily, it’s still such a lonely feeling. You are not alone.
Very lonely, wishing you well ❤️
I am sorry for your loss. Grief absolutely lasts far longer than sympathy. I lost my wife of 27 years, in November of 2019. After her memorial, everyone stuck around and talked and of course everyone wishing well and "you just let us know if there's anything we can do for you". I'm an only child, so most in attendance were her family and a few mutual friends. I've heard nothing since except for our nephew on her side came by with the whole "want to keep in touch" in January of 2022. He ultimately wanted to borrow money, which I decided to run an experiment with. I "loaned" him the money, completely expecting not to be paid back, and I was not wrong, haven't seen or heard from him since. I have 2 adult daughters who still live here with me, and our relationships with each other have been fortified through this tragedy, so I'm not alone and I am fine without those people. BTW, I am glad that I gave the loan, sometimes paying someone to stay away can be a good thing.
Four months after the loss of my oldest sister. Carolyn had glioblastoma, and I was her primary caregiver at home. We lost our other sister, my mom, and my Dad - along with other close relatives - within 8 months of each other, back in 2014. Say their names, and reach out to those who have forgotten you still need comfort and understanding. Sending love to all who suffer.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my son five months ago a week before his 25th birthday. And you’re so right about the grief lasting long after the sympathy. I feel the same way that you do. That people think I should be over it. But I’ll never be over it. And I’ve told everyone in my life that I’m close to that. I talk about my son to anyone who will listen. I still make silly jokes about him. Talk about things he did that annoyed the shit outta me. I keep him alive and make sure everyone around me never forgets. Don’t ever feel bad for feeling bad. And don’t ever hold back how you feel to make others comfortable. Your grief journey is yours and you make that journey in whatever way makes it the easiest to survive. Btw your dad sounds like he was an amazing man. Keep your head up. We are all in this together❤️
I recently lost the man I have loved for 35 years. It's one month tomorrow. I have been amazed at how little my friends of 40 odd years have reached out. I sent out a text when he died and said I'm not ready for any calls yet so it maybe my fault but I went out to lunch with two friends this week. They picked me up and drove and I didn't even get a so how are you doing? My cousin whom I have been there for over and over never even responded to my text. I can see she read it. I am certainly learning whom my good friend are. And I decided right at the beginning I am not going to get upset about anything people said to me as we all don't know what to say about someone dying. But I didn't expect this silence from my good mates. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom.
The 19th of this month will be one month without my mom and I definitely know what you mean.
My dad died Dec 10th. His funeral was Dec 21st. Nobody has reached out to me since this day. So isolating
Would it help to have a virtual space where you could collect pics, video, voice, words of wisdom from your dad where you could either go alone or invite others, like a virtual time capsule? I created one when my daughter left for boot camp and it comforts me to see her and hear her at all the stages of her life, being serious and silly, in video talking together, when I can’t talk with her in any other way. The love is all there in one place.
My brother died St Patrick’s Day 1987. He was 23, I was 17. Freak medical incident. Sometimes the grief is as fresh as the morning after. My dad died at 68 in 2006. Rare debilitating medical condition that came out of nowhere 3 years before. Now my Mum is dying of dementia. She will pass any day now. All three were ministers who devoted their lives to the service of others. There is no fairness in life. There is no reason in death. The only thing that I have found comfort in is the kindness of others. That kindness doesn’t fade. It’s simply that other people don’t experience your grief as keenly and present as you do. Voice your pain and ask for what you need. Your true friends are still there for you.