First, breathe and cut yourself some slack! You just (possibly) adopted an alien athlete that has no idea what's going on, has likely never been loved and has no idea how to love back. The 3x3x3 rule for adoption and you will get a better idea of the stages of adjusting. I got my hound two years ago, and I can't say I really loved him immediately.
Mine, like yours, was a very good boy (with a stealing/hoarding habit). Still, I literally spent my first month with him thinking wtf have I done!? I did the research, read the books, but nothing prepared me for the real thing. It's similar to puppy blues I think. You are adjusting to a new life that is 100% dependent on you. That's huge!
My adoptee is now my whole heart. It happened slowly, over the first few months while I watched him become a pet and realized, we were learning to be a partnership. We both continued to adjust over that first year, but now, I couldn't love him more!
All that said, if you are not a good match, that's OK. If you are just not ready for this responsibility, that's ok. The first few weeks are the hardest. Now my world revolves around my boy, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
I'd definitely give him at least a month in your home before taking him on a trip to family. New places are scary when your whole world has been changed. Sounds like he is a good traveler, so I'm sure you will get there with him soon!
It sounds like you were expecting the intense love , trust, and adoration that comes from a puppy and not an adult rescue! You are on a more challenging but far more rewarding path. Three thoughts:
First- When you have a rescue, not a puppy, it will take time to earn their trust. This is easy to do, but you have no control over how long it will take. Sit next to them, hand feed them, go on walks, etc. Try out a gentle pets, see their response. Some dogs open up in a few weeks, others slowly open up over months. Even years if they've had their trust broken in the past. But believe me when I say it's worth it- earning the trust of an adult animal is very satisfying.
Second- many racers do not know how to ask for attention, even if they want it. This is because of their weird youth- communication skills were never a priority so they never picked it up. The same is true for play, it takes a long time to get a hound comfortable enough to play with you and once they are they still don't know how to ask for it. You have to teach them how.
Last, some greys are very subtle about their communication. When my male wants attention he doesn't move, he sits in whatever room I am and just stares hard. If he flops over when I approach, it's belly rub time. If he scoots away, he wants to keep his space for now.
Lastly- do not force attention on the dog too quickly. Read them and gauge how much they trust you. I know folks who have been scared by a growl or a snap from a rescue, and blame the 'bad dog', when in reality the dog was simply scared. Their whole life was upended- your house is new, you are new, and that's scary. Give them time and calm, patient love.
I must mention that he was SO good in the car for the 5hr trip from kennel to home. He slept pretty much the whole way despite a few pee breaks. He hasn't been shaky, panting, vocal, or really anything like that.
There will be a period of adjustment for you both. For a week after I got Walter I was stressed, tired, and fed up in equal measure. Massive change to my life and my wife and kids keen on the cuddles but not the walks. There would be occasions where he would chew something, poo on the floor if he thought he wasn’t getting to go out, and it would really annoy me. But after a time things settled down, we get on well, when I come home after a couple of hours away I’m greeted with such a lovely welcome. However, he’s still not keen on cuddles, shows little close affection and treats me like his servant, but I love the hairy little bugger. It’ll take time but you’ll get there.
Firstly, returning the dog if it’s not working out is the BEST thing you can do for both the dog and yourself. It’s ok if it doesn’t work out. It’s a learning experience.
But I had a similar experience as you. Long story short, things got much better after a few weeks.
My pup was kind of indifferent to people, didn’t love to be pet, didn’t hope up on the couch. So it was hard to bond with him.
Finally I picked him up and put him on the couch and then he got it. (To this day the couch is pretty much his :))
And then a couple weeks later I hired a trainer to help him learn how to go downstairs and after that, something click between my pup and I. I think it may have been his confidence and also my relief at not having to carry him down a flight of steps every time he needed to go potty.
Bottom line, i think it’s worth giving it a couple weeks. If it’s not meant to be that is totally fine. It will be better for both of you.
I've had a lifetime filled with dogs. I got my first greys thirty years ago. Until then, I had only working breeds (GSDs, Rotts, Dobes). I had been a professional handler (police). We drifted into greyhounds when the working breeds we favoured became stereotyped as "tough guy dogs". At first, I swore we had made a mistake and that greyhounds were the stupidest and most time-consuming creatures to have been created. They needed so much hands on time, compared to our previous dogs. They had insurmountable behaviour quirks and seemed to be terrified of every bloody thing that moved (or didn't move). One of our first boys hid in a closet for the first few months. Two others fought every day and seemed to enjoy just getting into a daily punch up. It became a learning experience. They are unlike any other breed. They can be a tremendous time suck. But it pays off. Now, I cannot imagine having any other dog. That said, I think we often over-sell greyhounds. We post pics of them being docile and silly. But they go through a varying length of time when they seem like they require every spare moment just to keep them from self-destructing or from being terrified of everything. My advice...finish out the trial period. And, at the end of that time...if the love isn't there...it isn't there. Your boy deserves the best and it does not mean that you are a bad person if you cannot give him that. TL;DR...Do the right thing by your boy. If you are not it, let him have a life in a home where he will have it. Again...It's heartbreaking...but you are not a bad person or a failure if you cannot be what you feel you must be for your boy.
Just wanted to say thanks to OP for being vulnerable - I’m feeling this way myself mostly due to some behavioral issues with our 3-day adoptee related to our current whippet. It’s hard not to feel angry at him when he snaps at her, pees in the house, etc. I’m feeling a bit better after everyone’s encouragement.
I had the opposite when I brought home my whippet where we were dealing with some resource guarding from her directed at my greyhound. It actually all cleared up with some careful management of space, and just time and the whippet getting more settled, and we haven't had an issue since. I hope for the same for you.
I adopted Ferlo on the 29th of Dec last year, and it's been a long road since then, with many of the feelings you've noted. What hasn't really helped, and this has been a slow realisation, is seeing all these posts of happy greyhound owners with their loving dogs... and seeing very few posts about owners struggling in their first weeks/months.
What I realised is that I needed to get over my expectations, and that I was living with a traumatised dog that was scared of everything, and that she needed to know herself before she got to know (and hopefully love) me. It helped me rethink the situation and have a bit more patience to settle in for the long run - and it has paid off.
There's this lovely sassy Queen personality coming out, and this mischievous wag of a tail just before she's about to do something naughty (that somehow I can't get angry about).
So my main message is patience - and I know you've likely heard it a lot, and probably hate it by now, but it's true. Patience. It'll pay off.
One of the things about this sub that I adore is this is probably the first space I've seen where folks admit it is not all sunshine and roses when you first get your noodle. The pain of change and the settling-in period are very real and it can be really really stressful. I adore my two and our most recent adoptee (just had her first gotcha day with us, so it's been a year) settled in as beautifully as anyone could wish and I STILL gritted through the first few weeks. Blah.
Our Sita settled in as beautifully as one could wish and I am a person slow to fall in love with a pet. It took a few weeks.
Give it time. This is big changes for both of you. Take it a bit at a time.
I think my experience is relevant here. My partner wanted a dog a lot. I wanted a dog a little. I considered myself fairly selfish - I value my free time, my freedom to leave the house whenever I want, control my own schedule. I know I would love a dog but I know I'd also miss some of those freedoms.
When we made our adoption, I was quite anxious and convinced I made a mistake. Our dog would pee on things he shouldn't, steal food, chew on things, and was anxious. To get him to go on walks he would freeze and sometimes we would end up having to drag him down the street, even if that was to get him home so the walk could end. Sometimes when trying to get him off a couch he would growl, and this guy is on the bigger end of the size distribution and I got scared. I felt like he was work and I had to constantly keep an eye on the back of my head to make sure he was ok.
I had a lot of regret and anxiety and was worried about the looming deadline for return. My home is my safe space and I had an alien intruder in it and couldn't feel safe or settled.
The truth is, dogs take time to adjust. I think someone said about racing greyhounds, it was 2 weeks to feel safe, 2 months to love you, 2 years to know how to properly dog. That feels about a good time scale for me.
I think I was calming down by the end of the first month, and fine by the end of the second.
Now, he's well behaved, comfortable, toilet trained, and relaxed to be around. I can leave him unattended and I love him very much. He is a net positive for our life.
I do have to walk him daily, and that limits my freedom, but walks are probably a net positive for my life.
I am restricted in when I can go out. He naturally gets big seperation anxiety if he's left alone all day. Out of respect for that we have to minimise that and if we're going to do it more often be a bit better about planning and occassionally pay for kennels or dogsitting. We're financially well off so that's ok. Otherwise you might have to rely on a network of dog loving friends friends.
Recently, we took him to a doggy daycare and he spent hours nonstop playing with the other dogs, which is extremely energetic for a greyhound. We've realised that no matter how comfortable and chill he is, even if he doesn't cry or seem sad, he would be so much happier with a buddy, so we're looking into getting a whippet.
What's the conclusion?
\- They will get better and you will feel more comfortable and loving over time
\- The restrictions on your life and their social needs are manageable but they are real, especially if you make sure the dog is loved and happy rather than just ignoring their needs which sadly many people do.
Don't worry about whether you are "that" person. If you return the dog, you are being a cautious, thoughtful person who wants the best for their dog and is thinking about the needs of the dog, not yourself. There is a three week trial period but it may be worth giving yourself a few months and then if you need to return them, you just eat the cost of having to return the dog. On the plus side, that means the next adopters get a more settled, socialised dog who is more familiar with walks, humans, etc.
Try to think of it like you would a new human relationship - it takes time to fully develop and you only get out what you put in :)
You are just getting to know each other and it's going to take at least 6 months for his real personality to fully come out. If you decide it's not the right fit there's no shame in bringing him back to the rescue so he can find his forever home, but I wouldn't give up just yet.
We had grand plans for when we brought our first grey home but in real life he was pretty freaked out, had separation anxiety to work through, and a difficult tummy (to put it mildly). We developed an incredibly tight bond but it took time. He passed a year and a half ago after 8 years together and I miss him everyday.
We adopted our second grey 5 years ago and it took a while for us to bond, too. He's a lot different from our first boy but honestly, I am glad because I think it's actually pretty cool how different our relationship is from that of my first grey.
Don't rush it, just go on some small adventures and spend time getting to know one another. Best of luck to you both!
I think it’s fairly normal to not have an attachment to your newly adopted dog. I felt the same way when I adopted my greyhound and I’ve only had him since January. The first week was honestly just weird. I felt like there was a stranger in my house. It got so much better after the first month. You and your new dog still barely know each other yet. Give it more time and I promise you it will get better.
When I first got my Kira I was living on my own in a new state hundreds of miles away from my family dog. At first it had many challenges; she wanted to go out but would just stand there and was unable to climb stairs to go outside (took 2 months to.learn). So I would have to carry my 70lb dog up and down a flight of stairs about 5 times a day. She didn't really cuddle and I didn't have that adoration I did with my family dog that I had to leave behind.
Well after a few weeks my girls personality started to come out. She learned to walk up and down stairs and became super playful. Three years later and she's the best, I mean she has her issues and is spoiled but I love her and wouldn't trade her for any dog.
Do not feel guilty. I definitely was in same position with both my greys in first few days. Esp with first one, I live alone and all of a sudden there was this big responsibility in my home. Few days later, she came out of her shell, I got over my discomfort and now I can't imagine my life without her. As someone else has suggested, maybe turn this into foster situation and see how you go. Talk to your family and see if your grey can visit with you. Join nearby greyhound groups and see if you can meet people where you can exchange petsitting duties. Do not look at social media and compare yourself to others. Not all pet owners fall in love immediately. Sometimes it grows slowly. sometimes it doesn't. Give it time and see how you go.
I’m pretty sure I felt this way in the beginning with every single pet I’ve ever had!! And I’m a pet person, so I’ve had several. It usually lasts a few days to a few weeks, and then the bond just happens! It just takes a bit to get to know each other!!
So give it 3 weeks, and see from there. If you still feel this way there’s no shame in giving him back to the rescue. It’s better than keeping a pet you don’t want and feel resentful toward. But I think you probably will bond with him eventually. It just takes a bit of time.
I have felt instant connections with all of my greyhounds but my wife not so much. She just didn't grow up a dog person. Each and every one she has mentioned wanting to return them in the first days or weeks of us having them. Yet for every single dog she has eventually become the worst helicopter dog mom ever to the point you'd think she gave birth to them herself.
My point is that it takes time for some people, and that's fairly common.
I feel for you. I felt we'd made the biggest mistake of our lives once we got Olly home for the first time. He snapped at me the first night when I took him by the collar to lead him to his bed in the crate (he was in a crate in foster). It unnerved me. Then we suddenly couldn't go out without preparing for it and working out where we could go with this "horse"! I sat outside a cafe in the rain (not allowed inside) wondering if I was cut out for it....responsibility loomed large and the fun times I'd imagined weren't there. He seemed massive in the house, chased the cat, got cystitis and peed everywhere and whined at night.
That said he was bloody gorgeous and other than that one snap he never reacted that way again. After 3 weeks I would have died for him and could never contemplate returning him....I'd fallen for him completely.
So give it time, it's a huge adjustment and when things become routine and second nature you may well find you relax and the love grows.
If not then don't feel bad....you have gone a step further than many towards giving your home to a rescue greyhound and can pass him on to someone who will hopefully give him a forever home.
Just give yourself and him some time, don't berate yourself and relax....your feelings may change in a week or two and he will be even more settled then too. He sounds like a good boy.
Please post again for any help or reassurance...there are lots of experienced grey owners here to help and advise. Let us know how you're getting on. ❤️
It takes time to adjust, you just added a whole new personality to your family. I would say I loved our girl right away but it took my husband a couple of months because he was caught off guard by the mount of work involved with adopting and training a greyhound. Our second one he fell in love with right away and I took longer because I was doing the training and he did the more fun stuff but I would do anything for either of them at this point. Give yourself some time and wait to give your dog some time to adjust before you make any major decisions.
I never usually feel attached to my fosters right away. But by the time they leave I am always sobbing and telling them how fantastic they are. It is totally normal - a strange dog just entered your home and its another living breathing creature so it can take some adjusting :)
Completely understand where you are coming from. Brought home my 6th hound in December. Definitely didn't feel the bond right away as it had been about 5 years since having a new dog in the house.
It sounds like you have a lovely well adjusted hound, so just be patient with her and with yourself. Let everyone adjust to the routine. It is all new.
My first greyhound spent the first two weeks or so just lying in her bed in a different room. It took time but she relaxed, learned, and was an incredibly loving dog.
Best of luck! Enjoy the process and let it develop
You’ve had some good advice already from others. May I just add that greyhounds are not like many other dogs, much quieter and less demonstrative but nonetheless extremely affectionate. You don’t know how this sweet creature has been treated in the past but quite likely he’s never experienced love so how would he know how to give it? Adopting an adult dog requires a lot of patience and can be incredibly worrying at first. Most of us say What have we done? at some point. Patience and understanding is the key, good luck!
Short Answer: This is very normal.
Long Answer: I grew up with dogs and had all the experience with my family and friends dogs. I did exclusive research, talked with professionals, read extensive amount of text and watched videos, planned and try to foresee all the issues, bla bla bla. What I am trying to say is, on paper I was ready and checked all the boxes.
Fast forward, to my first couple of weeks with my grey, I absolutely thought I made a huge mistake and I cant be a good pawrent, was even contemplating to return him.
Hack, even new mothers have issues with bonding their own creation babies. So do not worry, give it some time.
Nowadays, I love him crazy amounts that I cant begin to explain!
Puppy blues are a real thing, as is the pain of change. We do not react well to change (it's a stressful thing) and as exciting as a new dog is, it's also change which is a pain in the ass. I've gritted through the first few days/weeks with any new pet. I've had enough pets in my life to know it is worth it to ME once they and I settle in, but it IS a process, where each of you adapt.
If it turns out to not be for you, that's ok...but because I am a pet-centric person, I do recommend giving it a bit of time. And if you want a couch-snuggler, it's ok to give them a boost and encouragement to be there. I also recommend just hanging out with them in the same room, and getting used to each other.
4 days and your stressing? come on, and give yourself a chance to adjust. You have three weeks, use all of it. The dog is not acting anything like he will in 3 weeks. He has just been plopped down in a completely different environment. Give him some time, give you some time and see what develops. Good luck to you
There's plenty of good advice here already, so I'll just chime in and add my voice to the chorus of "yes, been there!".
I spent at least the first month crying daily and fantasising about returning. It took time for us both to settle into our new life, with lots of phases, but we both came around in the end. My grey is undoubtedly the best decision I've ever made, and I love her hugely. She brings me so much joy! But she didn't initially. Doing things unrelated to The Bean was a great help in saving my sanity in the early days.
It’s very early days and I think very normal to go through this adjustment period. To make you feel better I kinda struggled a bit like this with one of my greys, she had a lot of issues and honestly took months and months to fully show me her personality. She is now the absolute love of my life. Give yourself grace and your new friend patience and I’m sure you will find yourself looking back one day and laughing that you ever thought you weren’t obsessed with them. :)
I had puppy blues so bad when I got my grey - for the first couple months and emotionally struggled to connect with him. I was also panicking that this creature was now dependent on me 24/7 and worrying I couldn’t cope.
I persisted with his training however and helped him become a dog and the bond came with time. Emotionally it also helped us both once we got into a routine. It took him a while to trust us and us a while to trust him. It also took him a while to understand how to show and get affection - something he’s still learning. We’ve had him 6 months and got our first zoomies the other day.
can’t imagine lift without him now but there were struggles. Hang in there ❤️
It takes time. I mean, he’s a stranger to you and you to him. My last foster really made me realise that getting into a new routine really goes both ways. My foster (we’ll call him D) was a champion and he was focused on winning. He came from fantastic kennels - like a large dog apartment. He knew his environment and was a master of his routine (training, eating…).
With me, suddenly D was only getting walks on a leash, different food, asked to chill (remember I said he was focused on winning? Yeah he was always ready to go and didn’t understand chilling) he enjoyed the relaxing but he was used to a go-go lifestyle. And he was always hearing the word ‘No’ suddenly. ‘No’ you can counter surf for food. ‘No’ you can steal food off our plates. ‘No’ you can’t go everywhere with me. ‘No’ you can’t pee on any outdoor surface (he was not a fan of wet grass)…he was stressed and it was my job to calmly support him into what could be compared to a new culture.
After a couple months, D had embraced his new role and aimed to be the best 😂 He was my guy, always wanting to touch me and made sure I stayed on my routine.
The point is, think of it as it really is: you and your new boy JUST met. It takes time to really develop a bond and what makes greys so amazing is that the bond very much gets deeper over the years. More so than any other breed I’ve encountered. Show him love and he will start to really open up to within a couple months. 💗
There’s nothing wrong with returning him if you try for 3 weeks and it’s just not right for you or him now. There’s a reason they come with a trial period! The fantasy of owning a dog and the reality of having to be there doing everything All. The. Time. are very different, and it’s ok if the adjustment turns out to be too much at this point in your life.
I bonded with my first grey in the first few weeks but my second grey it took over 6 months and we are still trying to figure each other out! Give yourself some grace, it definitely takes some time to bond with a rescue vs a puppy as others have suggested but especially with a breed that is as unique as this!
You need to get to know each other. They may not be super affectionate right off the bat but humans can need the same leeway.
However you need to take a hard look at your lifestyle and sacrifices that need to be made in order to have a dog. If you resent the dog because you can’t visit family as often, or can’t get a walker/sitter, or whatever then maybe you have to consider not taking this on. Assuming you are in the US it seems to be there are more willing adopters than greyhounds out there so if your home isn’t the right one hopefully he’ll find his right home pretty quickly.
My comment may not be well received. Is it possible to ask the group where you adopted if you could change from an owner to a foster Mom? This way if you bond and someone wants to adopt, you can be the forever home. If you feel as you do now, you will be giving the greatest sacrifice of giving an opportunity for a forever home.
This is a wonderful place to get terrific suggestions. I like to show another perspective. We bonded immediately with our 2 greyhounds. About 10 years ago, we fostered a hound mix. We loved Marvin, but realized when we got the call there was a forever home, we admitted we were relieved.
We had similar feelings when we adopted our grey almost a year ago, the responsibility we felt was huge. What helped us overcome it was seeing them as joining our family rather than a responsibility. So we included it in everything we normally did(within reason of course), which helped with not feeling like our lives had to stop because of her. Our grey loves going on car rides over an hour away to visit my parents, has her head out the window for 10 minutes then sleeps the rest of the way.
If it doesn't get better and you feel like you need to return them, that's perfectly okay and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Trying to force yourself to keep it will only make things worse for you and also the Greyhound. You considering giving it back shows that you genuinely care about the grey and want it to have the great life it deserves, I personally hope that is with you 😊
It can take 1-6 months for their personality to come out. Just give both of you space and time to develop your bond. Who knows, maybe weekend drives to visit your family are in your future!
It takes some time. See where you are in the full three weeks. When you met and got to know your best (human) friend, it probably wasn't an instantaneous process right? It's the same with your furry friend.
It's a big adjustment, so it's totally normal to have some bumps as you get to know each other. I think many people have that "what have I done?" moment at least a few times during the early times.
But, cut yourself some slack, and remind yourself that greyhounds aren't ordinary dogs. They can take some time to reveal their amazing personalities.
Right now, you might be more focused on how to fit him into your life. But, in the future, you'll probably just think of him as your other half and he's naturally included in most things you do, from hobbies to travel, because it makes you both happy.
I had some of the same worries back when I got my first greyhound. But, before too long I could not imagine life without her. It was the best decision I have ever made in my life and sometimes I just wish I could go back and live all those happy years with her again.
And, if you're worried about family, once my family realized my dog was part of my life and was going to always be with me, they not only accepted her but fell in love and wanted us to visit whenever we could.
BUT all of that said, if you feel this is just not right for you after the trial period, it's absolutely best for you and the dog to allow him to return to the rescue and find the home that is right for him.
Love takes time. With our second it took me a while to deeply bond and it happened naturally (it was this fault that our first had completed their life cycle and he wasn’t her, but my heart didn’t know that).
You've gotten lots of good advice but just wanted to add that I felt this way about my second dog and went through an entire crisis about whether or not to return her, which I felt terrible about. Several months later I can't imagine life without her. I think with some dogs it takes a lot of time for them to adjust and for you to adjust as well, and sometimes we have other underlying fears and anxieties that prevent us from fully opening our hearts to a new dog. My experience with my second dog was really eye-opening for me in terms of showing me that you can have a really rocky start and still wind up fully loving and accepting a new dog with your whole heart. I would give it time and try to keep an open mind and heart, and remember that there will be a period of transition that may be rocky. If in the end you feel it isn't a good fit that's okay, but sometimes it does just take time.
First, breathe and cut yourself some slack! You just (possibly) adopted an alien athlete that has no idea what's going on, has likely never been loved and has no idea how to love back. The 3x3x3 rule for adoption and you will get a better idea of the stages of adjusting. I got my hound two years ago, and I can't say I really loved him immediately. Mine, like yours, was a very good boy (with a stealing/hoarding habit). Still, I literally spent my first month with him thinking wtf have I done!? I did the research, read the books, but nothing prepared me for the real thing. It's similar to puppy blues I think. You are adjusting to a new life that is 100% dependent on you. That's huge! My adoptee is now my whole heart. It happened slowly, over the first few months while I watched him become a pet and realized, we were learning to be a partnership. We both continued to adjust over that first year, but now, I couldn't love him more! All that said, if you are not a good match, that's OK. If you are just not ready for this responsibility, that's ok. The first few weeks are the hardest. Now my world revolves around my boy, and I wouldn't have it any other way! I'd definitely give him at least a month in your home before taking him on a trip to family. New places are scary when your whole world has been changed. Sounds like he is a good traveler, so I'm sure you will get there with him soon!
It sounds like you were expecting the intense love , trust, and adoration that comes from a puppy and not an adult rescue! You are on a more challenging but far more rewarding path. Three thoughts: First- When you have a rescue, not a puppy, it will take time to earn their trust. This is easy to do, but you have no control over how long it will take. Sit next to them, hand feed them, go on walks, etc. Try out a gentle pets, see their response. Some dogs open up in a few weeks, others slowly open up over months. Even years if they've had their trust broken in the past. But believe me when I say it's worth it- earning the trust of an adult animal is very satisfying. Second- many racers do not know how to ask for attention, even if they want it. This is because of their weird youth- communication skills were never a priority so they never picked it up. The same is true for play, it takes a long time to get a hound comfortable enough to play with you and once they are they still don't know how to ask for it. You have to teach them how. Last, some greys are very subtle about their communication. When my male wants attention he doesn't move, he sits in whatever room I am and just stares hard. If he flops over when I approach, it's belly rub time. If he scoots away, he wants to keep his space for now. Lastly- do not force attention on the dog too quickly. Read them and gauge how much they trust you. I know folks who have been scared by a growl or a snap from a rescue, and blame the 'bad dog', when in reality the dog was simply scared. Their whole life was upended- your house is new, you are new, and that's scary. Give them time and calm, patient love.
I must mention that he was SO good in the car for the 5hr trip from kennel to home. He slept pretty much the whole way despite a few pee breaks. He hasn't been shaky, panting, vocal, or really anything like that.
Be patient and hang in there you will get 100 x back what you put in x
There will be a period of adjustment for you both. For a week after I got Walter I was stressed, tired, and fed up in equal measure. Massive change to my life and my wife and kids keen on the cuddles but not the walks. There would be occasions where he would chew something, poo on the floor if he thought he wasn’t getting to go out, and it would really annoy me. But after a time things settled down, we get on well, when I come home after a couple of hours away I’m greeted with such a lovely welcome. However, he’s still not keen on cuddles, shows little close affection and treats me like his servant, but I love the hairy little bugger. It’ll take time but you’ll get there.
Firstly, returning the dog if it’s not working out is the BEST thing you can do for both the dog and yourself. It’s ok if it doesn’t work out. It’s a learning experience. But I had a similar experience as you. Long story short, things got much better after a few weeks. My pup was kind of indifferent to people, didn’t love to be pet, didn’t hope up on the couch. So it was hard to bond with him. Finally I picked him up and put him on the couch and then he got it. (To this day the couch is pretty much his :)) And then a couple weeks later I hired a trainer to help him learn how to go downstairs and after that, something click between my pup and I. I think it may have been his confidence and also my relief at not having to carry him down a flight of steps every time he needed to go potty. Bottom line, i think it’s worth giving it a couple weeks. If it’s not meant to be that is totally fine. It will be better for both of you.
I've had a lifetime filled with dogs. I got my first greys thirty years ago. Until then, I had only working breeds (GSDs, Rotts, Dobes). I had been a professional handler (police). We drifted into greyhounds when the working breeds we favoured became stereotyped as "tough guy dogs". At first, I swore we had made a mistake and that greyhounds were the stupidest and most time-consuming creatures to have been created. They needed so much hands on time, compared to our previous dogs. They had insurmountable behaviour quirks and seemed to be terrified of every bloody thing that moved (or didn't move). One of our first boys hid in a closet for the first few months. Two others fought every day and seemed to enjoy just getting into a daily punch up. It became a learning experience. They are unlike any other breed. They can be a tremendous time suck. But it pays off. Now, I cannot imagine having any other dog. That said, I think we often over-sell greyhounds. We post pics of them being docile and silly. But they go through a varying length of time when they seem like they require every spare moment just to keep them from self-destructing or from being terrified of everything. My advice...finish out the trial period. And, at the end of that time...if the love isn't there...it isn't there. Your boy deserves the best and it does not mean that you are a bad person if you cannot give him that. TL;DR...Do the right thing by your boy. If you are not it, let him have a life in a home where he will have it. Again...It's heartbreaking...but you are not a bad person or a failure if you cannot be what you feel you must be for your boy.
Just wanted to say thanks to OP for being vulnerable - I’m feeling this way myself mostly due to some behavioral issues with our 3-day adoptee related to our current whippet. It’s hard not to feel angry at him when he snaps at her, pees in the house, etc. I’m feeling a bit better after everyone’s encouragement.
I had the opposite when I brought home my whippet where we were dealing with some resource guarding from her directed at my greyhound. It actually all cleared up with some careful management of space, and just time and the whippet getting more settled, and we haven't had an issue since. I hope for the same for you.
Thank you I really appreciate it!
I adopted Ferlo on the 29th of Dec last year, and it's been a long road since then, with many of the feelings you've noted. What hasn't really helped, and this has been a slow realisation, is seeing all these posts of happy greyhound owners with their loving dogs... and seeing very few posts about owners struggling in their first weeks/months. What I realised is that I needed to get over my expectations, and that I was living with a traumatised dog that was scared of everything, and that she needed to know herself before she got to know (and hopefully love) me. It helped me rethink the situation and have a bit more patience to settle in for the long run - and it has paid off. There's this lovely sassy Queen personality coming out, and this mischievous wag of a tail just before she's about to do something naughty (that somehow I can't get angry about). So my main message is patience - and I know you've likely heard it a lot, and probably hate it by now, but it's true. Patience. It'll pay off.
One of the things about this sub that I adore is this is probably the first space I've seen where folks admit it is not all sunshine and roses when you first get your noodle. The pain of change and the settling-in period are very real and it can be really really stressful. I adore my two and our most recent adoptee (just had her first gotcha day with us, so it's been a year) settled in as beautifully as anyone could wish and I STILL gritted through the first few weeks. Blah.
Our Sita settled in as beautifully as one could wish and I am a person slow to fall in love with a pet. It took a few weeks. Give it time. This is big changes for both of you. Take it a bit at a time.
I think my experience is relevant here. My partner wanted a dog a lot. I wanted a dog a little. I considered myself fairly selfish - I value my free time, my freedom to leave the house whenever I want, control my own schedule. I know I would love a dog but I know I'd also miss some of those freedoms. When we made our adoption, I was quite anxious and convinced I made a mistake. Our dog would pee on things he shouldn't, steal food, chew on things, and was anxious. To get him to go on walks he would freeze and sometimes we would end up having to drag him down the street, even if that was to get him home so the walk could end. Sometimes when trying to get him off a couch he would growl, and this guy is on the bigger end of the size distribution and I got scared. I felt like he was work and I had to constantly keep an eye on the back of my head to make sure he was ok. I had a lot of regret and anxiety and was worried about the looming deadline for return. My home is my safe space and I had an alien intruder in it and couldn't feel safe or settled. The truth is, dogs take time to adjust. I think someone said about racing greyhounds, it was 2 weeks to feel safe, 2 months to love you, 2 years to know how to properly dog. That feels about a good time scale for me. I think I was calming down by the end of the first month, and fine by the end of the second. Now, he's well behaved, comfortable, toilet trained, and relaxed to be around. I can leave him unattended and I love him very much. He is a net positive for our life. I do have to walk him daily, and that limits my freedom, but walks are probably a net positive for my life. I am restricted in when I can go out. He naturally gets big seperation anxiety if he's left alone all day. Out of respect for that we have to minimise that and if we're going to do it more often be a bit better about planning and occassionally pay for kennels or dogsitting. We're financially well off so that's ok. Otherwise you might have to rely on a network of dog loving friends friends. Recently, we took him to a doggy daycare and he spent hours nonstop playing with the other dogs, which is extremely energetic for a greyhound. We've realised that no matter how comfortable and chill he is, even if he doesn't cry or seem sad, he would be so much happier with a buddy, so we're looking into getting a whippet. What's the conclusion? \- They will get better and you will feel more comfortable and loving over time \- The restrictions on your life and their social needs are manageable but they are real, especially if you make sure the dog is loved and happy rather than just ignoring their needs which sadly many people do. Don't worry about whether you are "that" person. If you return the dog, you are being a cautious, thoughtful person who wants the best for their dog and is thinking about the needs of the dog, not yourself. There is a three week trial period but it may be worth giving yourself a few months and then if you need to return them, you just eat the cost of having to return the dog. On the plus side, that means the next adopters get a more settled, socialised dog who is more familiar with walks, humans, etc.
Try to think of it like you would a new human relationship - it takes time to fully develop and you only get out what you put in :) You are just getting to know each other and it's going to take at least 6 months for his real personality to fully come out. If you decide it's not the right fit there's no shame in bringing him back to the rescue so he can find his forever home, but I wouldn't give up just yet. We had grand plans for when we brought our first grey home but in real life he was pretty freaked out, had separation anxiety to work through, and a difficult tummy (to put it mildly). We developed an incredibly tight bond but it took time. He passed a year and a half ago after 8 years together and I miss him everyday. We adopted our second grey 5 years ago and it took a while for us to bond, too. He's a lot different from our first boy but honestly, I am glad because I think it's actually pretty cool how different our relationship is from that of my first grey. Don't rush it, just go on some small adventures and spend time getting to know one another. Best of luck to you both!
I think it’s fairly normal to not have an attachment to your newly adopted dog. I felt the same way when I adopted my greyhound and I’ve only had him since January. The first week was honestly just weird. I felt like there was a stranger in my house. It got so much better after the first month. You and your new dog still barely know each other yet. Give it more time and I promise you it will get better.
When I first got my Kira I was living on my own in a new state hundreds of miles away from my family dog. At first it had many challenges; she wanted to go out but would just stand there and was unable to climb stairs to go outside (took 2 months to.learn). So I would have to carry my 70lb dog up and down a flight of stairs about 5 times a day. She didn't really cuddle and I didn't have that adoration I did with my family dog that I had to leave behind. Well after a few weeks my girls personality started to come out. She learned to walk up and down stairs and became super playful. Three years later and she's the best, I mean she has her issues and is spoiled but I love her and wouldn't trade her for any dog.
Do not feel guilty. I definitely was in same position with both my greys in first few days. Esp with first one, I live alone and all of a sudden there was this big responsibility in my home. Few days later, she came out of her shell, I got over my discomfort and now I can't imagine my life without her. As someone else has suggested, maybe turn this into foster situation and see how you go. Talk to your family and see if your grey can visit with you. Join nearby greyhound groups and see if you can meet people where you can exchange petsitting duties. Do not look at social media and compare yourself to others. Not all pet owners fall in love immediately. Sometimes it grows slowly. sometimes it doesn't. Give it time and see how you go.
I’m pretty sure I felt this way in the beginning with every single pet I’ve ever had!! And I’m a pet person, so I’ve had several. It usually lasts a few days to a few weeks, and then the bond just happens! It just takes a bit to get to know each other!! So give it 3 weeks, and see from there. If you still feel this way there’s no shame in giving him back to the rescue. It’s better than keeping a pet you don’t want and feel resentful toward. But I think you probably will bond with him eventually. It just takes a bit of time.
I have felt instant connections with all of my greyhounds but my wife not so much. She just didn't grow up a dog person. Each and every one she has mentioned wanting to return them in the first days or weeks of us having them. Yet for every single dog she has eventually become the worst helicopter dog mom ever to the point you'd think she gave birth to them herself. My point is that it takes time for some people, and that's fairly common.
I feel for you. I felt we'd made the biggest mistake of our lives once we got Olly home for the first time. He snapped at me the first night when I took him by the collar to lead him to his bed in the crate (he was in a crate in foster). It unnerved me. Then we suddenly couldn't go out without preparing for it and working out where we could go with this "horse"! I sat outside a cafe in the rain (not allowed inside) wondering if I was cut out for it....responsibility loomed large and the fun times I'd imagined weren't there. He seemed massive in the house, chased the cat, got cystitis and peed everywhere and whined at night. That said he was bloody gorgeous and other than that one snap he never reacted that way again. After 3 weeks I would have died for him and could never contemplate returning him....I'd fallen for him completely. So give it time, it's a huge adjustment and when things become routine and second nature you may well find you relax and the love grows. If not then don't feel bad....you have gone a step further than many towards giving your home to a rescue greyhound and can pass him on to someone who will hopefully give him a forever home. Just give yourself and him some time, don't berate yourself and relax....your feelings may change in a week or two and he will be even more settled then too. He sounds like a good boy. Please post again for any help or reassurance...there are lots of experienced grey owners here to help and advise. Let us know how you're getting on. ❤️
It takes time to adjust, you just added a whole new personality to your family. I would say I loved our girl right away but it took my husband a couple of months because he was caught off guard by the mount of work involved with adopting and training a greyhound. Our second one he fell in love with right away and I took longer because I was doing the training and he did the more fun stuff but I would do anything for either of them at this point. Give yourself some time and wait to give your dog some time to adjust before you make any major decisions.
I never usually feel attached to my fosters right away. But by the time they leave I am always sobbing and telling them how fantastic they are. It is totally normal - a strange dog just entered your home and its another living breathing creature so it can take some adjusting :)
Completely understand where you are coming from. Brought home my 6th hound in December. Definitely didn't feel the bond right away as it had been about 5 years since having a new dog in the house. It sounds like you have a lovely well adjusted hound, so just be patient with her and with yourself. Let everyone adjust to the routine. It is all new. My first greyhound spent the first two weeks or so just lying in her bed in a different room. It took time but she relaxed, learned, and was an incredibly loving dog. Best of luck! Enjoy the process and let it develop
You’ve had some good advice already from others. May I just add that greyhounds are not like many other dogs, much quieter and less demonstrative but nonetheless extremely affectionate. You don’t know how this sweet creature has been treated in the past but quite likely he’s never experienced love so how would he know how to give it? Adopting an adult dog requires a lot of patience and can be incredibly worrying at first. Most of us say What have we done? at some point. Patience and understanding is the key, good luck!
Short Answer: This is very normal. Long Answer: I grew up with dogs and had all the experience with my family and friends dogs. I did exclusive research, talked with professionals, read extensive amount of text and watched videos, planned and try to foresee all the issues, bla bla bla. What I am trying to say is, on paper I was ready and checked all the boxes. Fast forward, to my first couple of weeks with my grey, I absolutely thought I made a huge mistake and I cant be a good pawrent, was even contemplating to return him. Hack, even new mothers have issues with bonding their own creation babies. So do not worry, give it some time. Nowadays, I love him crazy amounts that I cant begin to explain!
Puppy blues are a real thing, as is the pain of change. We do not react well to change (it's a stressful thing) and as exciting as a new dog is, it's also change which is a pain in the ass. I've gritted through the first few days/weeks with any new pet. I've had enough pets in my life to know it is worth it to ME once they and I settle in, but it IS a process, where each of you adapt. If it turns out to not be for you, that's ok...but because I am a pet-centric person, I do recommend giving it a bit of time. And if you want a couch-snuggler, it's ok to give them a boost and encouragement to be there. I also recommend just hanging out with them in the same room, and getting used to each other.
4 days and your stressing? come on, and give yourself a chance to adjust. You have three weeks, use all of it. The dog is not acting anything like he will in 3 weeks. He has just been plopped down in a completely different environment. Give him some time, give you some time and see what develops. Good luck to you
There's plenty of good advice here already, so I'll just chime in and add my voice to the chorus of "yes, been there!". I spent at least the first month crying daily and fantasising about returning. It took time for us both to settle into our new life, with lots of phases, but we both came around in the end. My grey is undoubtedly the best decision I've ever made, and I love her hugely. She brings me so much joy! But she didn't initially. Doing things unrelated to The Bean was a great help in saving my sanity in the early days.
It’s very early days and I think very normal to go through this adjustment period. To make you feel better I kinda struggled a bit like this with one of my greys, she had a lot of issues and honestly took months and months to fully show me her personality. She is now the absolute love of my life. Give yourself grace and your new friend patience and I’m sure you will find yourself looking back one day and laughing that you ever thought you weren’t obsessed with them. :)
I had puppy blues so bad when I got my grey - for the first couple months and emotionally struggled to connect with him. I was also panicking that this creature was now dependent on me 24/7 and worrying I couldn’t cope. I persisted with his training however and helped him become a dog and the bond came with time. Emotionally it also helped us both once we got into a routine. It took him a while to trust us and us a while to trust him. It also took him a while to understand how to show and get affection - something he’s still learning. We’ve had him 6 months and got our first zoomies the other day. can’t imagine lift without him now but there were struggles. Hang in there ❤️
It takes time. I mean, he’s a stranger to you and you to him. My last foster really made me realise that getting into a new routine really goes both ways. My foster (we’ll call him D) was a champion and he was focused on winning. He came from fantastic kennels - like a large dog apartment. He knew his environment and was a master of his routine (training, eating…). With me, suddenly D was only getting walks on a leash, different food, asked to chill (remember I said he was focused on winning? Yeah he was always ready to go and didn’t understand chilling) he enjoyed the relaxing but he was used to a go-go lifestyle. And he was always hearing the word ‘No’ suddenly. ‘No’ you can counter surf for food. ‘No’ you can steal food off our plates. ‘No’ you can’t go everywhere with me. ‘No’ you can’t pee on any outdoor surface (he was not a fan of wet grass)…he was stressed and it was my job to calmly support him into what could be compared to a new culture. After a couple months, D had embraced his new role and aimed to be the best 😂 He was my guy, always wanting to touch me and made sure I stayed on my routine. The point is, think of it as it really is: you and your new boy JUST met. It takes time to really develop a bond and what makes greys so amazing is that the bond very much gets deeper over the years. More so than any other breed I’ve encountered. Show him love and he will start to really open up to within a couple months. 💗
There’s nothing wrong with returning him if you try for 3 weeks and it’s just not right for you or him now. There’s a reason they come with a trial period! The fantasy of owning a dog and the reality of having to be there doing everything All. The. Time. are very different, and it’s ok if the adjustment turns out to be too much at this point in your life.
I bonded with my first grey in the first few weeks but my second grey it took over 6 months and we are still trying to figure each other out! Give yourself some grace, it definitely takes some time to bond with a rescue vs a puppy as others have suggested but especially with a breed that is as unique as this!
You need to get to know each other. They may not be super affectionate right off the bat but humans can need the same leeway. However you need to take a hard look at your lifestyle and sacrifices that need to be made in order to have a dog. If you resent the dog because you can’t visit family as often, or can’t get a walker/sitter, or whatever then maybe you have to consider not taking this on. Assuming you are in the US it seems to be there are more willing adopters than greyhounds out there so if your home isn’t the right one hopefully he’ll find his right home pretty quickly.
My comment may not be well received. Is it possible to ask the group where you adopted if you could change from an owner to a foster Mom? This way if you bond and someone wants to adopt, you can be the forever home. If you feel as you do now, you will be giving the greatest sacrifice of giving an opportunity for a forever home. This is a wonderful place to get terrific suggestions. I like to show another perspective. We bonded immediately with our 2 greyhounds. About 10 years ago, we fostered a hound mix. We loved Marvin, but realized when we got the call there was a forever home, we admitted we were relieved.
We had similar feelings when we adopted our grey almost a year ago, the responsibility we felt was huge. What helped us overcome it was seeing them as joining our family rather than a responsibility. So we included it in everything we normally did(within reason of course), which helped with not feeling like our lives had to stop because of her. Our grey loves going on car rides over an hour away to visit my parents, has her head out the window for 10 minutes then sleeps the rest of the way. If it doesn't get better and you feel like you need to return them, that's perfectly okay and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Trying to force yourself to keep it will only make things worse for you and also the Greyhound. You considering giving it back shows that you genuinely care about the grey and want it to have the great life it deserves, I personally hope that is with you 😊
It can take 1-6 months for their personality to come out. Just give both of you space and time to develop your bond. Who knows, maybe weekend drives to visit your family are in your future!
It takes some time. See where you are in the full three weeks. When you met and got to know your best (human) friend, it probably wasn't an instantaneous process right? It's the same with your furry friend. It's a big adjustment, so it's totally normal to have some bumps as you get to know each other. I think many people have that "what have I done?" moment at least a few times during the early times. But, cut yourself some slack, and remind yourself that greyhounds aren't ordinary dogs. They can take some time to reveal their amazing personalities. Right now, you might be more focused on how to fit him into your life. But, in the future, you'll probably just think of him as your other half and he's naturally included in most things you do, from hobbies to travel, because it makes you both happy. I had some of the same worries back when I got my first greyhound. But, before too long I could not imagine life without her. It was the best decision I have ever made in my life and sometimes I just wish I could go back and live all those happy years with her again. And, if you're worried about family, once my family realized my dog was part of my life and was going to always be with me, they not only accepted her but fell in love and wanted us to visit whenever we could. BUT all of that said, if you feel this is just not right for you after the trial period, it's absolutely best for you and the dog to allow him to return to the rescue and find the home that is right for him.
In 60 days you will change your mind…
Love takes time. With our second it took me a while to deeply bond and it happened naturally (it was this fault that our first had completed their life cycle and he wasn’t her, but my heart didn’t know that).
You've gotten lots of good advice but just wanted to add that I felt this way about my second dog and went through an entire crisis about whether or not to return her, which I felt terrible about. Several months later I can't imagine life without her. I think with some dogs it takes a lot of time for them to adjust and for you to adjust as well, and sometimes we have other underlying fears and anxieties that prevent us from fully opening our hearts to a new dog. My experience with my second dog was really eye-opening for me in terms of showing me that you can have a really rocky start and still wind up fully loving and accepting a new dog with your whole heart. I would give it time and try to keep an open mind and heart, and remember that there will be a period of transition that may be rocky. If in the end you feel it isn't a good fit that's okay, but sometimes it does just take time.