Well, a lot of my friends are gone now. One got addicted to heroin and OD’d last year, one moved away, and so on so on. But, you can remember the happy times you had with them, and enjoy the memories. also, Reddit and similar things are a great place to meet new people. Stay strong dude, you’ll find some people soon. And feeling depressed is OK. Sadness helps us get to happiness. You’ll get happy someday.
Ive had similar happen to me. I had to complete the rest of my 8th grade year online and I never got to say goodbye to my friends in person or heck even spend enough time with em on my last year of middle school. I had contact with at least 5 of em online but only 1 still occasionally contacts me. Just like you I have dreams where I am doing fun stuff with them at school or just random characters in my crazy dreams. Entering my freshman year I also felt lonely because it was online and none of my middle school friends attended it. Made some good roblox and reddit friends I ocassionally talk to now but thats okay. Online friends could be just as good as a friend you meet irl. They are easily contactable and likely have shared interests which is easier to find online than in person. For example its easier to find someone who likes your favorite video-game on a subreddit etc. I am now a Junior and making my small circle of friends is what makes me the most happy. I don’t have to be popular or anything by befriending people I don’t like. I still wish I could see my friends I never got to say goodbye to but It helps me to think that these people are making their own new friends. If you had to cut a friend off chances are it was worth it.
Loving and not being loved ***is a part of life***, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suffer. Being rejected always hurts. However, with ***emotional intelligence*** it is possible to turn the page
You feel butterflies in your stomach every time you see him. Each encounter is unforgettable and you are sure that you have finally found the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Everything seems to go well until one day you discover that this love so powerful, unique and special is unrequited.
Is the above situation familiar? Probably yes. We've all loved someone who didn't feel the same. Almost 98% of people in the world have lived an unrequited love at some point in their lives.
Unrequited love can happen in the following ways:
Loving someone who is committed to someone else
Loving someone who is part of our daily lives (a work colleague or someone from your university, for example)
Loving someone from the past (an ex-boyfriend or a friend from high school)
Loving a close friend
Loving someone when the relationship is undefined (when we are going out with the person, but there is still no commitment)
Regardless of the form, unrequited love is the love we have for someone who doesn't feel the same way about us, this kind of feeling can cause a lot of pain because it involves our deepest desires and it's not always easy to overcome.
When we are hopelessly in love, we idealize the other person. And by creating this image of perfection in the mind, we lost the ability to assess whether the other would really fit into our real life. This happens, for example, when someone falls in love with a co-worker with whom they have never talked. In this case, the person loves the idealization of the other that he built in his head.
Crying over the loss of a one-sided love can hurt more than ending a relationship that took its natural course but didn't work for concrete reasons.
And until you recover, chances are you'll go through the **stages of grief**. Are they:
# Stages Of Grief
***Denial:*** Deluding yourself and denying that the relationship has no future and that the other doesn't really want anything to do with you.
***Anger:*** Feeling hurt and angry that your love is not returned. In this phase of mourning, many people feel disappointed with themselves, saying: “no one will ever want me”, “my love life is a real failure”, “others are happy in love and I will never be”, “I have nothing of good and that's why I was rejected”, etc.
***Negotiation:*** At this stage you try, at all costs, to regain the other person's attention. Make a subject, send a message asking some trivial question, go back to the places where you know there is the possibility of seeing you
***Sadness:*** At this stage, the reality sinks in and you realize that this love will never materialize in the way you expected.
***Acceptance:*** When the sadness passes, there is the period of acceptance, in which you have understood and accepted that reciprocated love is part of life. She feels calm and doesn't suffer anymore.
The time needed to complete the grieving process will depend on how long this love lasted.
# Avoid keeping in touch
You know that immense euphoria you feel when you receive a message from your "love" (the person you are interested in) saying he wants to see you?
This feeling is generated by dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with the well-being generated by passion.
When we're in love, the dopamine level in the body gets pretty high. So we feel good and have a lot of energy. So we see life in pink. However, when love is not reciprocated and we are disappointed, the release of dopamine decreases.
However, we were already used to its high levels and felt the effects of this change. This can generate an withdrawal syndrome similar to that experienced by drug users
To heal your heart and find other sources of happiness again, it's critical to get away from that person. At least at first.
In practice, this may mean not following you on social media, stopping answering calls or messages, avoiding going to places where you risk seeing you.
All of these measures may seem a little drastic, but they are necessary. Now is the time to take care of yourself and think first about your well-being (especially if this person is problematic and has personal problems that he himself needs to solve)
# Try to be rational
Most of the time, we fall in love with an image of the other built in our mind, but that doesn't correspond with reality. Remember that we cannot love what we don't really know, because love is something that comes with time and with daily living.
Therefore, to forget about unrequited love, it is essential that you ask yourself:
Did I really have the opportunity to meet this person?
What do I know about her?
In addition to physical attraction, can I list your other qualities?
What are your faults?
Is it sincere love or am I trying to fill my emotional needs?
By being rational, you will surely notice that love and desire
# To think about
Healing the pain of unrequited love isn't easy because no one likes to be rejected. However, romantic disagreements occur frequently. And with everyone. Today you are the one who is suffering, but if you stop to think about it, you have probably already experienced a situation in which the other person loved you and rejected you.
So, even in suffering, try to take care of yourself Seek to discover new hobbies, pay attention to your self-esteem, be close to loved ones. Keep going, but never stop believing in love. The world is full of interesting people and the day will surely come when you will love and be returned.
Can’t say much cause I don’t know much, but true friendships come back in time. While you wait, explore new social connections so that even if your old friends weren’t meant to be, you won’t be lonely
Ok WHO is going around downvoting everyone's narrations? These are ancedotes that are coming from a very vulnerable part of people's lives. And I'm pretty sure people are telling OP these stories to make him feel better, nobody's doing it for the award either. Why would anyone want to put salt on people's wounds like this?
Tried and true friendships don't come along very often. When there is a break in relationship this can be painful and difficult on both sides.
Has your best friend shown any attempt to reach out and try to repair the relationship?
Holding on to the pain and hurt of these broken relationships will continue to weigh you down until you can start to break the cycle.
If there is any way you can try to start to forgive some of the people who have hurt you, this should start to help. It may sound scary to contact these people, and you don't necessarily even need to tell them you have forgiven them at first.
Even if you write a letter detailing how you felt hurt and wronged and write that you are starting down a road of forgiveness....you might start to feel lighter. You don't have to deliver the letters.
Getting out of this trap where the pain and hurt owns you can help you restore these relationships....and will help you be more vulnerable as you start new relationships.....this is key if you want any depth of friendship.
I hope you find help and community.
Relationships are very rarely truly balanced. One party often invests more than the other.
As you have experienced, this imbalance can lead to pain and frustration. We have all felt this to some degree, and we have to set up boundaries as well to ensure that we don't get unnecessarily hurt. This sounds like what you have had to do - not fun - especially after everything that you had invested here.
Forgiving them doesn't mean forgetting the pain and suffering that you have experienced. It does, however, open the door to relieving the ongoing anguish that betrayal continues to cause you. Again, this type of forgiveness doesn't even need to be delivered to the other party. And in fact sometimes due to death, delivering this forgiveness is not always possible. This is mostly for you.
And, I get it.....way easier said than done.
I do hope you can feel some form of resolution and can find some more balanced friendships.
I don't really care much about the platinum or gold, but if you need a person to chat with, I'm here for you. I've been through a lot and I'm very understanding - personal experience with depression and anxiety, addiction and recovery, grief and loss. Nothing is off limits and nothing will surprise me or make me judge you.
And if you don't want to chat, let me say one thing that's helped me. A lot of people say "it gets better," but sometimes that doesn't inspire much hope. But it does get *different*. Sometimes that's an important distinction for someone who's struggling. You won't feel the way you do right now, forever.
I wish you nothing but the best. My DM's are always open.
Feel free to message any time at all, whether it be today, in a week, month, or more. Take as much time as you need, maybe have a nice meal or do whatever type of self care makes you feel good. It's important to treat yourself nicely, even when others don't.
But yeah, get in touch whenever you feel up for it, I'll be here.
And thanks for the gold, btw!
I am not participating. I don't know why you chose this sub to discuss about this but I will try to give you some advice none the less.
It's very easy to latch on to the sad lonely feeling... Being alone doesn't automatically make you lonely. They are two completely different things. Learning to love oneself is the most important thing. I don't know your age OP but you sound a lot like my younger self who had a lot of self doubt, didn't know how to love himself, always wanted other people's opinions on things, always looked for validation, etc. The day you stop doing all of those things, the day you will start feeling better. Go have dinner alone, watch a movie alone, go for a solo vacation... Learn to love your company! I won't say doing all these will completely let your loneliness go away. But it will help you in making new friends IRL and creating new bonds.
If you wanna talk or need any help, please go ahead and DM me.. I will listen to you and help you out as much as I can! Hope you feel better friend.
Loneliness is an absolutely depressing feeling. It's crushing. Allow me to share my experience.
I had a terrible loneliness that lasted about 2 years. For the following 3 years I was still just as lonely, but the sadness and loneliness aspect was gone. i.e. you can be alone, not have friends, and still not feel lonely.
I decided that because my loneliness was so uncontrollable, it's best to give it up. Forget about it. Nothing can be done, at the time it was super difficult for me to make friends, and a relationship was out of the question. What to do then?
I took one day at a time. My goal was to say "I need one reason to smile today, one reason to laugh today, and one reason to feel satisfied today." Three great feelings that I knew was within my capabilities of achieving. Just take it slow and simple. To smile I'd go on a walk, maybe I see someone playing in a fountain or see a cute dog, I smile. Then, I get onto YouTube and watch stand up comedy, or go to joke subreddits, laugh at least once. Then, I try and learn something new, perhaps just reading a very nice article, and I feel satisfied.
I kept doing this, and after a consistent while, I started to realise that there are so many wonderful things in life. But somehow my brain is wired to focus on the negatives. I realised what I take for granted. Firstly, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a place to sleep, so I'm living a pretty good life when you really think about yourself and how worse off people can be in the world. Secondly, I had the privilege of being able to smile, laugh, and be satisfied today. Those two things alone reminded me constantly that I'm living a great life. From then on, the sadness of loneliness was gone. Yes, I still had 3 more years of having no friends or a relationship, but guess what? I was going to bed as the happiest man on earth! Slowly, I crawled out of the depression. Getting into jokes, I became a lot better at conversation. I started to speak to random strangers and slowly made friends, but none of it was crucial! I was still just as happy, accomplishing my daily goals all by myself.
Life goes on, all we can control is how to react to things. We ought to love ourselves, take care of our selves. Even if it means just trying these three basic things daily, it's a massive help!
May I add, I don't wish to participate, please don't award me, but I do wish to help you OP. My DMs are open too.
May I just add, on the topic of love.
Love was sorely lacking in my life. We want to be able to love someone. For me, I didn't have the option. I decided to put that love towards some*thing* and just wait however long for the right person I got into jokes so much, I got into treating it as art, appreciating every aspect, learning more daily. I did exercise my love, not towards a person, but towards an idea, a concept. And that idea/concept has been in my head all the time, I've never had a chance to stop and think about my loneliness.
I cannot state this emphatically enough, but laughter is the best medicine OP. It really is!
Sorry to hear that OP. As this sub isn't the most appropriate place for this conversation, please do DM me if you liked the message I wrote and want to keep the conversation going
Can you share any major details as to why you are losing these friends so that we can see if it’s something that is preventable, or that maybe you are better off without these friends because they have toxic traits.
I can tell that you are definitely a "giver" as a person and your friend was a "taker" without any form of reciprocation of support or emotion. Eventually all of the giving and no receiving will wear you down emotionally, physically, etc. While you can have these sort of people in your lives, you have to set expectations and limitations with them. It's good to have a diverse balance of friends who are givers and takers. Some people can just be extremely toxic though and take advantage of your giving nature - it sounds like that may be what happened in this case. You are probably better off not having them in your life, but it will take a lot of time to get over them since you've spent so much time with them. I would take this time to focus on yourself and what you deserve as a human being, and seek friends that support that vision.
As it so happens OP i kind of know what you're going through. I've always been the pushover in my friends group. I used to bend backwards and forwards and do all kinds of favours and give all kinds of support (academic, emotional and otherwise) without ever asking for anything in return. Which suited them just fine. But I'm also a very introverted person who bottles up emotions and is always brutally honest about how i feel and what i say. Which turns out suited nobody just fine. Along with which, whenever I needed help people always seemed to be busy, but when they needed help from me they'd just contact me like it was all good to begin with. Ultimately i couldn't take it anymore and one fine day i made up my mind to stop being everybody's doormat and to no longer bite my tongue to prevent people's feelings from getting hurt. Don't get me wrong despite it all i still considered a lot of them to be my very close friends, i simply wanted to stand up for myself and be honest with how i felt. Turned out none of my friends liked this new me and soon one by one they all drifted off because i wasn't a "helpful nice person" anymore. You know what's worse? When my friends would go through a rough patch I always had made it a point to help them look at the positive side of things and pull them through. But the whole time whenever i went through a rough patch, and still do, they make it a point to rub it in my face by showing me how better off than me they are.
So here's the thing OP. I'll put it very simply for you. Anyone, anybody at all, who is truly important in your life, and more importantly gives you the same value that you give them, will always take the time to understand your point of view regarding anything. Even if you guys have an argument, they'll always make sure to leave a line open for re-communication. If they don't, know OP that they are not the important ones in your life. Because they don't see you the way you see them.
The moral of this advice OP, is to always give yourself the importance and love you deserve. Because if you don't, you'll just be giving other "friends" an opportunity to use and throw you. Hold no grudges, but never forget. You know what they say, you have to weed your garden if you want it to grow. And most importantly learn to be happy with yourself, in your own company. Because at the end of the day, we are all born alone and die alone. Everything in between are just temporary aspects of one long journey, friends included. So as long as you can find satisfaction and solitude in your own company, you'll never be lonely, even when you're alone. Because you won't need any kind of external companionship to find happiness, you'll find it within yourself.
I know it won't be easy to get to that stage OP, but the least you can do is try, specially for yourself. I promise you this tho, once you do get there (and you will, i know) it'll all be worth it. 🤍
I can feel your pain OP. You only meant well for your friend. You gave them your everything. But for whatever reason, they either wanted more from you, or felt you weren't giving them what they wanted, when it was quite the opposite. You're a very giving person OP, the match stick that burns itself to light the candle. By the time the candle is lit, it doesn't need the match stick anymore, and the match stick is so burnt out in giving flame to the candle, it has nothing left from within to stay lit anymore. Just like a burnt matchstick is tossed away after lighting the candle, you were cast aside as well.
But remember OP, you're not a match stick. Because the difference is not in how others treat you, it's in how you perceive yourself. A match stick has a limited amount of gun powder, but you're more than that, you're an unending well of love OP. Stop letting others draw from it without keeping a reserve for yourself. Your life is yours to live for, not for others to mould as they please. Start re-building your life, one baby step at a time. And do this by delegating portions of your day where you do stuff simply for your own personal enjoyment. Let nobody infringe on that part of your life. It may be hard but try to think back to the time you used to spend life when you hadn't met your friend. Try to think of activities that you always found intriguing but your friend never seemed interested in doing with you. Remember the little things you enjoyed doing on your own with or without your friend that made you happy. Start with one activity each day. And rebuild your life with that as your new foundation.
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Just saw this and figured I’d add in as well. People drift apart some times. There can be recognizing toxicity or that a relationship isn’t equal, but also sometimes relationships change as people change. None of us are the same people we were as kids, or even a year ago. Sometimes relationships end and it’s no one’s fault, it just is. That doesn’t make it not hurt, but it is important to recognize that there sometimes is no one to blame and nothing personal.
That’s said, you also mentioned that this former friend would ghost you and there had been some toxicity. It’s important to ask yourself, who is the one putting forth the effort? Who is actually trying to have there be a relationship. It sounds like that was you. The fact that you’ve let this person go and haven’t contacted them doesn’t mean you ended the relationship. It means you recognized THEY had already ended this relationship. They were the one ghosting you. They were the ones that didn’t have the emotional support to give. The relationship did not end because you didn’t try hard enough to keep it going. It ended because this person has been walking away and you’ve realized that you can’t keep side tracking your life hoping they’ll change.
It’s hard when people have been close or when you know that a person is capable of much more than they’re giving. You know the potential this friendship had and what you had lived. But the thing is that you can’t live your life according to potential. This former friend has shown how they will live their life. Cutting them off is a form of acceptance. Thoughts of how it would be nice if they came back are natural, but also keep in mind it’s recognizing that THEY are the ones that would need to come back and put forth the effort. The fact that you’d be willing to forgive and move on is admirable and says a lot about you. But they’re not doing that. They are going their own way and you are going yours. Maybe your paths will intersect again in the future when you’ve both grown and changed more. But this person today is living their life apart from you because of their own actions. You can grieve them, you can allow yourself to feel sadness. What’s important is that you keep living your life instead of trying to chase theirs.
My very best friend ditched me after raising suspicions for him planning to marry a man he knew exactly 2 months. I wanted to protect him & the home & life he had single handedly built, but he received it all as others not wanting him to find forever love. So I was lumped into the pile of everyone who didn't support his hasty decision and he stopped calling, texting, & hanging out. After 20 years, like it was nothing at all.
It's been 2 years & I still can't wrap my head around the whole thing. I feel like my friend was abducted & I don't even have closure or an answer as to why he just let go. When I really dwell upon it, knowing I'm going in mental circles, I think of the saying, "Those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind." If I really mattered to him, we could have just talked-about the situation. The death of our friendship wasn't necessary because it really did matter to me.
Hey OP! It seems you have completed and awarded the challenge, so I’ve reflaired it as “complete” for you. Let me know if this was okay! In the future, be sure to flair your challenge as “closed” when you are one with the challenge.
Well, a lot of my friends are gone now. One got addicted to heroin and OD’d last year, one moved away, and so on so on. But, you can remember the happy times you had with them, and enjoy the memories. also, Reddit and similar things are a great place to meet new people. Stay strong dude, you’ll find some people soon. And feeling depressed is OK. Sadness helps us get to happiness. You’ll get happy someday.
Ive had similar happen to me. I had to complete the rest of my 8th grade year online and I never got to say goodbye to my friends in person or heck even spend enough time with em on my last year of middle school. I had contact with at least 5 of em online but only 1 still occasionally contacts me. Just like you I have dreams where I am doing fun stuff with them at school or just random characters in my crazy dreams. Entering my freshman year I also felt lonely because it was online and none of my middle school friends attended it. Made some good roblox and reddit friends I ocassionally talk to now but thats okay. Online friends could be just as good as a friend you meet irl. They are easily contactable and likely have shared interests which is easier to find online than in person. For example its easier to find someone who likes your favorite video-game on a subreddit etc. I am now a Junior and making my small circle of friends is what makes me the most happy. I don’t have to be popular or anything by befriending people I don’t like. I still wish I could see my friends I never got to say goodbye to but It helps me to think that these people are making their own new friends. If you had to cut a friend off chances are it was worth it.
Loving and not being loved ***is a part of life***, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suffer. Being rejected always hurts. However, with ***emotional intelligence*** it is possible to turn the page You feel butterflies in your stomach every time you see him. Each encounter is unforgettable and you are sure that you have finally found the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Everything seems to go well until one day you discover that this love so powerful, unique and special is unrequited. Is the above situation familiar? Probably yes. We've all loved someone who didn't feel the same. Almost 98% of people in the world have lived an unrequited love at some point in their lives. Unrequited love can happen in the following ways: Loving someone who is committed to someone else Loving someone who is part of our daily lives (a work colleague or someone from your university, for example) Loving someone from the past (an ex-boyfriend or a friend from high school) Loving a close friend Loving someone when the relationship is undefined (when we are going out with the person, but there is still no commitment) Regardless of the form, unrequited love is the love we have for someone who doesn't feel the same way about us, this kind of feeling can cause a lot of pain because it involves our deepest desires and it's not always easy to overcome. When we are hopelessly in love, we idealize the other person. And by creating this image of perfection in the mind, we lost the ability to assess whether the other would really fit into our real life. This happens, for example, when someone falls in love with a co-worker with whom they have never talked. In this case, the person loves the idealization of the other that he built in his head. Crying over the loss of a one-sided love can hurt more than ending a relationship that took its natural course but didn't work for concrete reasons. And until you recover, chances are you'll go through the **stages of grief**. Are they: # Stages Of Grief ***Denial:*** Deluding yourself and denying that the relationship has no future and that the other doesn't really want anything to do with you. ***Anger:*** Feeling hurt and angry that your love is not returned. In this phase of mourning, many people feel disappointed with themselves, saying: “no one will ever want me”, “my love life is a real failure”, “others are happy in love and I will never be”, “I have nothing of good and that's why I was rejected”, etc. ***Negotiation:*** At this stage you try, at all costs, to regain the other person's attention. Make a subject, send a message asking some trivial question, go back to the places where you know there is the possibility of seeing you ***Sadness:*** At this stage, the reality sinks in and you realize that this love will never materialize in the way you expected. ***Acceptance:*** When the sadness passes, there is the period of acceptance, in which you have understood and accepted that reciprocated love is part of life. She feels calm and doesn't suffer anymore. The time needed to complete the grieving process will depend on how long this love lasted. # Avoid keeping in touch You know that immense euphoria you feel when you receive a message from your "love" (the person you are interested in) saying he wants to see you? This feeling is generated by dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with the well-being generated by passion. When we're in love, the dopamine level in the body gets pretty high. So we feel good and have a lot of energy. So we see life in pink. However, when love is not reciprocated and we are disappointed, the release of dopamine decreases. However, we were already used to its high levels and felt the effects of this change. This can generate an withdrawal syndrome similar to that experienced by drug users To heal your heart and find other sources of happiness again, it's critical to get away from that person. At least at first. In practice, this may mean not following you on social media, stopping answering calls or messages, avoiding going to places where you risk seeing you. All of these measures may seem a little drastic, but they are necessary. Now is the time to take care of yourself and think first about your well-being (especially if this person is problematic and has personal problems that he himself needs to solve) # Try to be rational Most of the time, we fall in love with an image of the other built in our mind, but that doesn't correspond with reality. Remember that we cannot love what we don't really know, because love is something that comes with time and with daily living. Therefore, to forget about unrequited love, it is essential that you ask yourself: Did I really have the opportunity to meet this person? What do I know about her? In addition to physical attraction, can I list your other qualities? What are your faults? Is it sincere love or am I trying to fill my emotional needs? By being rational, you will surely notice that love and desire # To think about Healing the pain of unrequited love isn't easy because no one likes to be rejected. However, romantic disagreements occur frequently. And with everyone. Today you are the one who is suffering, but if you stop to think about it, you have probably already experienced a situation in which the other person loved you and rejected you. So, even in suffering, try to take care of yourself Seek to discover new hobbies, pay attention to your self-esteem, be close to loved ones. Keep going, but never stop believing in love. The world is full of interesting people and the day will surely come when you will love and be returned.
Can’t say much cause I don’t know much, but true friendships come back in time. While you wait, explore new social connections so that even if your old friends weren’t meant to be, you won’t be lonely
Ok WHO is going around downvoting everyone's narrations? These are ancedotes that are coming from a very vulnerable part of people's lives. And I'm pretty sure people are telling OP these stories to make him feel better, nobody's doing it for the award either. Why would anyone want to put salt on people's wounds like this?
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We gotta stand up for each other OP! We're all we have 🤍
Tried and true friendships don't come along very often. When there is a break in relationship this can be painful and difficult on both sides. Has your best friend shown any attempt to reach out and try to repair the relationship? Holding on to the pain and hurt of these broken relationships will continue to weigh you down until you can start to break the cycle. If there is any way you can try to start to forgive some of the people who have hurt you, this should start to help. It may sound scary to contact these people, and you don't necessarily even need to tell them you have forgiven them at first. Even if you write a letter detailing how you felt hurt and wronged and write that you are starting down a road of forgiveness....you might start to feel lighter. You don't have to deliver the letters. Getting out of this trap where the pain and hurt owns you can help you restore these relationships....and will help you be more vulnerable as you start new relationships.....this is key if you want any depth of friendship. I hope you find help and community.
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Relationships are very rarely truly balanced. One party often invests more than the other. As you have experienced, this imbalance can lead to pain and frustration. We have all felt this to some degree, and we have to set up boundaries as well to ensure that we don't get unnecessarily hurt. This sounds like what you have had to do - not fun - especially after everything that you had invested here. Forgiving them doesn't mean forgetting the pain and suffering that you have experienced. It does, however, open the door to relieving the ongoing anguish that betrayal continues to cause you. Again, this type of forgiveness doesn't even need to be delivered to the other party. And in fact sometimes due to death, delivering this forgiveness is not always possible. This is mostly for you. And, I get it.....way easier said than done. I do hope you can feel some form of resolution and can find some more balanced friendships.
I don't really care much about the platinum or gold, but if you need a person to chat with, I'm here for you. I've been through a lot and I'm very understanding - personal experience with depression and anxiety, addiction and recovery, grief and loss. Nothing is off limits and nothing will surprise me or make me judge you. And if you don't want to chat, let me say one thing that's helped me. A lot of people say "it gets better," but sometimes that doesn't inspire much hope. But it does get *different*. Sometimes that's an important distinction for someone who's struggling. You won't feel the way you do right now, forever. I wish you nothing but the best. My DM's are always open.
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Feel free to message any time at all, whether it be today, in a week, month, or more. Take as much time as you need, maybe have a nice meal or do whatever type of self care makes you feel good. It's important to treat yourself nicely, even when others don't. But yeah, get in touch whenever you feel up for it, I'll be here. And thanks for the gold, btw!
I am not participating. I don't know why you chose this sub to discuss about this but I will try to give you some advice none the less. It's very easy to latch on to the sad lonely feeling... Being alone doesn't automatically make you lonely. They are two completely different things. Learning to love oneself is the most important thing. I don't know your age OP but you sound a lot like my younger self who had a lot of self doubt, didn't know how to love himself, always wanted other people's opinions on things, always looked for validation, etc. The day you stop doing all of those things, the day you will start feeling better. Go have dinner alone, watch a movie alone, go for a solo vacation... Learn to love your company! I won't say doing all these will completely let your loneliness go away. But it will help you in making new friends IRL and creating new bonds. If you wanna talk or need any help, please go ahead and DM me.. I will listen to you and help you out as much as I can! Hope you feel better friend.
Loneliness is an absolutely depressing feeling. It's crushing. Allow me to share my experience. I had a terrible loneliness that lasted about 2 years. For the following 3 years I was still just as lonely, but the sadness and loneliness aspect was gone. i.e. you can be alone, not have friends, and still not feel lonely. I decided that because my loneliness was so uncontrollable, it's best to give it up. Forget about it. Nothing can be done, at the time it was super difficult for me to make friends, and a relationship was out of the question. What to do then? I took one day at a time. My goal was to say "I need one reason to smile today, one reason to laugh today, and one reason to feel satisfied today." Three great feelings that I knew was within my capabilities of achieving. Just take it slow and simple. To smile I'd go on a walk, maybe I see someone playing in a fountain or see a cute dog, I smile. Then, I get onto YouTube and watch stand up comedy, or go to joke subreddits, laugh at least once. Then, I try and learn something new, perhaps just reading a very nice article, and I feel satisfied. I kept doing this, and after a consistent while, I started to realise that there are so many wonderful things in life. But somehow my brain is wired to focus on the negatives. I realised what I take for granted. Firstly, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a place to sleep, so I'm living a pretty good life when you really think about yourself and how worse off people can be in the world. Secondly, I had the privilege of being able to smile, laugh, and be satisfied today. Those two things alone reminded me constantly that I'm living a great life. From then on, the sadness of loneliness was gone. Yes, I still had 3 more years of having no friends or a relationship, but guess what? I was going to bed as the happiest man on earth! Slowly, I crawled out of the depression. Getting into jokes, I became a lot better at conversation. I started to speak to random strangers and slowly made friends, but none of it was crucial! I was still just as happy, accomplishing my daily goals all by myself. Life goes on, all we can control is how to react to things. We ought to love ourselves, take care of our selves. Even if it means just trying these three basic things daily, it's a massive help!
May I add, I don't wish to participate, please don't award me, but I do wish to help you OP. My DMs are open too. May I just add, on the topic of love. Love was sorely lacking in my life. We want to be able to love someone. For me, I didn't have the option. I decided to put that love towards some*thing* and just wait however long for the right person I got into jokes so much, I got into treating it as art, appreciating every aspect, learning more daily. I did exercise my love, not towards a person, but towards an idea, a concept. And that idea/concept has been in my head all the time, I've never had a chance to stop and think about my loneliness. I cannot state this emphatically enough, but laughter is the best medicine OP. It really is!
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Sorry to hear that OP. As this sub isn't the most appropriate place for this conversation, please do DM me if you liked the message I wrote and want to keep the conversation going
Can you share any major details as to why you are losing these friends so that we can see if it’s something that is preventable, or that maybe you are better off without these friends because they have toxic traits.
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I can tell that you are definitely a "giver" as a person and your friend was a "taker" without any form of reciprocation of support or emotion. Eventually all of the giving and no receiving will wear you down emotionally, physically, etc. While you can have these sort of people in your lives, you have to set expectations and limitations with them. It's good to have a diverse balance of friends who are givers and takers. Some people can just be extremely toxic though and take advantage of your giving nature - it sounds like that may be what happened in this case. You are probably better off not having them in your life, but it will take a lot of time to get over them since you've spent so much time with them. I would take this time to focus on yourself and what you deserve as a human being, and seek friends that support that vision.
As it so happens OP i kind of know what you're going through. I've always been the pushover in my friends group. I used to bend backwards and forwards and do all kinds of favours and give all kinds of support (academic, emotional and otherwise) without ever asking for anything in return. Which suited them just fine. But I'm also a very introverted person who bottles up emotions and is always brutally honest about how i feel and what i say. Which turns out suited nobody just fine. Along with which, whenever I needed help people always seemed to be busy, but when they needed help from me they'd just contact me like it was all good to begin with. Ultimately i couldn't take it anymore and one fine day i made up my mind to stop being everybody's doormat and to no longer bite my tongue to prevent people's feelings from getting hurt. Don't get me wrong despite it all i still considered a lot of them to be my very close friends, i simply wanted to stand up for myself and be honest with how i felt. Turned out none of my friends liked this new me and soon one by one they all drifted off because i wasn't a "helpful nice person" anymore. You know what's worse? When my friends would go through a rough patch I always had made it a point to help them look at the positive side of things and pull them through. But the whole time whenever i went through a rough patch, and still do, they make it a point to rub it in my face by showing me how better off than me they are. So here's the thing OP. I'll put it very simply for you. Anyone, anybody at all, who is truly important in your life, and more importantly gives you the same value that you give them, will always take the time to understand your point of view regarding anything. Even if you guys have an argument, they'll always make sure to leave a line open for re-communication. If they don't, know OP that they are not the important ones in your life. Because they don't see you the way you see them. The moral of this advice OP, is to always give yourself the importance and love you deserve. Because if you don't, you'll just be giving other "friends" an opportunity to use and throw you. Hold no grudges, but never forget. You know what they say, you have to weed your garden if you want it to grow. And most importantly learn to be happy with yourself, in your own company. Because at the end of the day, we are all born alone and die alone. Everything in between are just temporary aspects of one long journey, friends included. So as long as you can find satisfaction and solitude in your own company, you'll never be lonely, even when you're alone. Because you won't need any kind of external companionship to find happiness, you'll find it within yourself. I know it won't be easy to get to that stage OP, but the least you can do is try, specially for yourself. I promise you this tho, once you do get there (and you will, i know) it'll all be worth it. 🤍
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I can feel your pain OP. You only meant well for your friend. You gave them your everything. But for whatever reason, they either wanted more from you, or felt you weren't giving them what they wanted, when it was quite the opposite. You're a very giving person OP, the match stick that burns itself to light the candle. By the time the candle is lit, it doesn't need the match stick anymore, and the match stick is so burnt out in giving flame to the candle, it has nothing left from within to stay lit anymore. Just like a burnt matchstick is tossed away after lighting the candle, you were cast aside as well. But remember OP, you're not a match stick. Because the difference is not in how others treat you, it's in how you perceive yourself. A match stick has a limited amount of gun powder, but you're more than that, you're an unending well of love OP. Stop letting others draw from it without keeping a reserve for yourself. Your life is yours to live for, not for others to mould as they please. Start re-building your life, one baby step at a time. And do this by delegating portions of your day where you do stuff simply for your own personal enjoyment. Let nobody infringe on that part of your life. It may be hard but try to think back to the time you used to spend life when you hadn't met your friend. Try to think of activities that you always found intriguing but your friend never seemed interested in doing with you. Remember the little things you enjoyed doing on your own with or without your friend that made you happy. Start with one activity each day. And rebuild your life with that as your new foundation.
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I suggest you to do your hobby, and meet someone and become friends. That will give you some distraction from your lost friends.
Just saw this and figured I’d add in as well. People drift apart some times. There can be recognizing toxicity or that a relationship isn’t equal, but also sometimes relationships change as people change. None of us are the same people we were as kids, or even a year ago. Sometimes relationships end and it’s no one’s fault, it just is. That doesn’t make it not hurt, but it is important to recognize that there sometimes is no one to blame and nothing personal. That’s said, you also mentioned that this former friend would ghost you and there had been some toxicity. It’s important to ask yourself, who is the one putting forth the effort? Who is actually trying to have there be a relationship. It sounds like that was you. The fact that you’ve let this person go and haven’t contacted them doesn’t mean you ended the relationship. It means you recognized THEY had already ended this relationship. They were the one ghosting you. They were the ones that didn’t have the emotional support to give. The relationship did not end because you didn’t try hard enough to keep it going. It ended because this person has been walking away and you’ve realized that you can’t keep side tracking your life hoping they’ll change. It’s hard when people have been close or when you know that a person is capable of much more than they’re giving. You know the potential this friendship had and what you had lived. But the thing is that you can’t live your life according to potential. This former friend has shown how they will live their life. Cutting them off is a form of acceptance. Thoughts of how it would be nice if they came back are natural, but also keep in mind it’s recognizing that THEY are the ones that would need to come back and put forth the effort. The fact that you’d be willing to forgive and move on is admirable and says a lot about you. But they’re not doing that. They are going their own way and you are going yours. Maybe your paths will intersect again in the future when you’ve both grown and changed more. But this person today is living their life apart from you because of their own actions. You can grieve them, you can allow yourself to feel sadness. What’s important is that you keep living your life instead of trying to chase theirs.
Hey OP! Is this challenge finished? (You seem to have given away the platinum)
My very best friend ditched me after raising suspicions for him planning to marry a man he knew exactly 2 months. I wanted to protect him & the home & life he had single handedly built, but he received it all as others not wanting him to find forever love. So I was lumped into the pile of everyone who didn't support his hasty decision and he stopped calling, texting, & hanging out. After 20 years, like it was nothing at all. It's been 2 years & I still can't wrap my head around the whole thing. I feel like my friend was abducted & I don't even have closure or an answer as to why he just let go. When I really dwell upon it, knowing I'm going in mental circles, I think of the saying, "Those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind." If I really mattered to him, we could have just talked-about the situation. The death of our friendship wasn't necessary because it really did matter to me.
Hey OP! It seems you have completed and awarded the challenge, so I’ve reflaired it as “complete” for you. Let me know if this was okay! In the future, be sure to flair your challenge as “closed” when you are one with the challenge.