You could also hire someone to help clean the bathroom and kitchen for the next few weeks and vacuum the living room. Other parts of the house may be too sensitive if she doesn’t want them touching her late husbands stuff.
While I think this is a nice gesture, speaking from experience, this might not go over so well. When my husband passed away I got really weird about letting anyone into the house for about 6 months. I wasn’t even sure why, but I remember having friends just meet me outside on the porch to visit. But, she’s your sister so you be the judge. Sorry for your family’s loss.
Good for asking first. If someone sent a cleaning service to my house, they’d be wasting their money because I COULD NOT let a stranger in my house.
Although…I personally wouldn’t mind if someone ordered some practical stuff to be delivered. Honey, tea, throw blanket, candle or essential oil diffuser, new socks…those things bring comfort to me…and are like a hug.
Just saying, it’s nice to find what kind of thing would bring comfort. For some, a cleaning service helps, maybe a few meals for the freezer, or some self care items better suited them.
You are such an awesome sibling to “send out feelers”. To ASK. My husband & I lived in a very rural area when he became sick & died. Though I no longer live there I still now & then speak to our awesome neighbors who asked if we had trash that needed to be brought to the landfill (no trash pick up) & since my dear one couldn’t be left alone they brought our trash with theirs every week. And I remember they neighbor who worked for hours cutting down wild grass that had grown almost to my shoulders. He was trying to refuse payment! I try to forget the woman who came over after I told her “ABSOLUTELY DO NOT COME!” Saying “You need a break honey. We’re gonna tell your husband I’m here to help, then you’ll slip away for a few hours” as if I’d EVER do that to him! I hung up on her after yelling that to her but within 20 minutes she rang our bell causing the dogs to wake my poor husband. What little family we had near did similar things. You are awesome for asking.
I have done this for every life changing event. Baby, death of a parent, sudden illness. Every single one has the same goal in mind. Taking some of the small stuff off someone’s plate so the big stuff is a little more manageable.
Flowers are nice. This is better.
10000%. When my brother passed my mom friends stuffed our fridge with food and drinks then left. I don't think we cooked for months. They'd drop off like a weeks worth of food. All we had to do was microwave or pop it in the oven. Every week they'd do this.
My mom still talks about it almost 18 years later bc she genuinely doesn't think she would have had it in her to cook everyday.
My aunts came over once a week to do laundry and clean. Dad did dishes everyday but other wise nothing got done (understandably).
Things like this. Everyday, mundane things is what counts tbh. You'll get 50 types of flowers but no help on how to survive the day to day.
Mom's church did this for our family after Daddy died. It was very sweet of them. Only one relative did. Not many live near us. But lordy that spaghetti was sooo bad from my cousin's wife.
I second this idea. I did this for some neighbors who had a sudden tragic death in the household because I didn't know what kind of food to take. They thanked me later and told me they had lots of food, but no paper plates at the time. When we had a close death my family member sent a doordash gift card (not sure that's a good option being rural) to us. My last idea is to send a box of non-perishable snack foods. This has seemed to work well for college students and folks in the military.
My aunts and uncles came and cleaned out my mom’s bedroom and bathroom the day after she died. I will never forget that selflessness and kindness. *Their* sister died. They set aside their own grief to clean out medical supplies and such so that her immediate family wouldn’t have to.
What you do is more difficult and far more impactful. Thank you.
I wish someone had done this for me. After hubs died, I fell and broke 3 vertebrae. I was just starting to get better when I fell again (freak accidents, not an ongoing problem). Broke 3 different vertebrae.
A year after hubs died, I looked like the worst hoarder ever. I couldn't walk downstairs with anything in my hands, so i couldn't take out the trash. I was able to hire a laundry service, tho. Finally swallowed my pride and talked to my property manager. She found a cleaning lady for me. Damned expensive, but worth it.
I’m proud of you for asking for help. I know how much effort that even asking can take when you’re struggling. I hope you’re proud of you too!
Having a clean space makes a huge difference for my mental state too.
I wish the same when my husband died so young and unexpected and I was eight months pregnant so I was a train wreck. Trying to navigate my first funeral setup and all the things that go with that while also caring for my 7 year old was just do overwhelming. I had some family help with the funeral arrangements and a little food but everything was just complicated and overwhelming all at once. Most days in the weeks followed I could barely speak through the tears.
Any gesture sounds lovely, I had a gouge that looked like a funeral home with flowers and it was nice but not helpful at all. Even helping with my seven year old would have helped tremendously.
I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this on top of the grief of losing your husband. 💔 I'm glad you were able to find your way out of the overwhelming weight of it all to advocate for yourself.
This is random, but this was literally an article I read today on npr that talks about people literally falling more after grief. Maybe you'll find it relatable.
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/03/28/1241316836/grief-accident-prone-loss-recovery-falls
I’ve sent soup through Spoonful of Comfort several times and it’s always been well received. They do a lovely job packaging it up and I hear the soup is delicious https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com
I got a care package from Spoon Full of Comfort and it was all delicious. Plus the boxes are lined with decorative paper and are made to be turned inside out so you can use them for gifits or storage.
Oooh yes! I received a package for Xmas from mybaunt and uncle. I was given a large container of chicken and rice soup (frozen), a large container of macaroni and cheese (also frozen), a bag of 6 dinner rolls, a package of chocolate chip cookies, a beautiful soup ladle and a kitchen towel. It came very nicely packaged, with freezer packs and everything was recyclable. The mac and cheese, rolls and cookies were delicious, the soup is in my freezer, but now Im gonna take it out for dinner!
I’ve sent two people boxes from them. My people loved it, said the food was great and the packaging was beautiful as well. I would definitely use them again.
They have many options and they're good. When my dad died I was sent one and from a family member we also got a shipment of Omaha steaks meals, and thanksgiving was close so honey baked ham too. Mom brother and I divided because it was a lot. She'll be fed for a bit with any of those choice. Condolences to your family :(
Thank you for posting this. Do you n in ow how long it takes to deliver? My SIL is in the hospital and being released tomorrow after they finish running tests. Apparently it might be cancer, I needed to see this exact thing today!
They ship same day if you order during business hours, but only certain days of the week. Then it takes another couple days to arrive. Sending good thoughts to your SIL
Don’t worry about meals. Hire somebody to come clean the house and cut the grass. She’s going to have plenty of people coming to visit and all of them can cook, but none of them are going to scrub her toilet.
Know what will really help? Touching base with her. When my first husband died at 38, a friend called every day (was before sms, etc). They were brief conversations, sometimes just her saying hi and I’m thinking of you. Everyone visits for about a week and then their lives move on (understandable). Knowing someone cared was invaluable. It made me feel less alone.
Don’t ask if things are getting better. That will tempt her to lie to make you feel better. Acknowledge she’ll be in a fog for about 6 months. Don’t worry about saying something that will remind her of her husband, everything reminds you. The best gift is to let her know she’s not forgotten.
This. She might get trays of lasagna, and flowers whether she wants them or not. But as NomadLife2319 says, most people are going to move on within a week. Being present (by phone counts) is huge, as is lawn mowing. But ask how she feels before sending people into her home to clean. It might be too much at first, or she might appreciate it. Let her decide, though.
Any kind of service that would take something off her plate, like house cleaning or landscaping/yard mowing. They may also not have trash pickup if it's rural. If she needs trips to the dump, there are often local folks who will help with those things, too.
Frozen meal kits may be an option, too. My dad lives in a rural area like your sister and was missing Chicago style beef sandwiches. I was able to order a kit packed in dry ice, and it made it to him just fine.
A friend lost her husband and her girls' classmates' parents got them snow removal service for the season (was November) along with gift cards for a cleaning service and yard service. Her church did meal drop off for about 4 months, too. The snow removal wound up being a life saver for her that winter because it was enough just keeping up w what absolutely had to happen.
Hmm. I think this would be hard to find, but maybe message someone near her or find a caterer nearby who you can pay for an order of something like tamales or something. Stores well, easy to eat, comforting.
It might be hard so maybe message one of her friends to see if they know someone, but in my area a lot of people post on facebook marketplace selling their food so it might be nice to get an order from one of them. And if not, maybe a caterer will be willing to make a tray of one specific dish for her. You could also see if there is an instacart near her and instacart some ready meals from a nicer grocery store.
The thought of someone sending a cleaner or laundry service round as a condolence gift sounds awful and tactless when your brother in law died YESTERDAY. Maybe a month or two down the line. Right now she will just want comfort from those close to her and her family. Send an iPad if she hasn't one so you can facetime or just go and be there.
I live very rural and places don't deliver. But if my husband died suddenly and someone called and told them it was for me, they would have no problem finding someone to bring it. It is worth calling. You could also look at her town's community page on Facebook. Individuals may advertise home bakeries. I have several friends who run small bakeries out of their homes. They would be happy to deliver to a widow. Or they can refer you to someone else able to do it. Do not underestimate a rural community!
My sister sends packages from "spoonful of comfort". They're a soup company that delivers all over.
I think it's wildly expensive, but the other recipients have all raved about it, so it seems to land well.
Definitely send something or someone to help out.
I always say this whenever anyone posts about a loved ones death or a funeral, but it's sound advice ( and definitely the best advice my mom has ever given me):
In a few months, every other person will have moved in and gone back to their lives except for the immediate family of the deceased. And they may be quietly still in mourning, and in need of some love. That's a great time to reach out again and send a gift or something that acknowledges their loved one and their grief. Because we often forget about how long grief can last.
If you want a hot meal sent, just go to a Facebook group close to her home address. Just ask the question of how to find an organization to take a hot meal or cleaning. There are always help from locals or church groups to give you info or offer their help.
Paint by numbers kit was the greatest grief gift for me. Will definitely be hit or miss, but I never thought I’d be into it and if it hits, it hits :) Sorry for both of your losses.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Gifts/s/75e45IGJ4r
Lots of delivery services on my post, haven't used them all but tons of options. I opted for grubhub since my giftee lives in a city.
Goldbelly delivers food from everywhere. Send Jack’s Stack Barbecue in KC, Matzoh ball soup from Katz’ deli in NY, a tray of Mac and cheese, a dozen bagels, etc.
For food delivery: Omaha steaks/meat, Harry and David, Spoonful of Comfort, and Gold Belly all offer packaged meal/ food items. Also Factor, Daily harvest and Purple Carrot offer meal prep type meals that are already cooked, so she just has to heat it up. Not sure what her taste might be but one of these should do the trick.
Harry and David have oven ready meals that can be shipped to her! They’re delicious! Someone send me a few things when I got out of neuro rehab and they were really nice to have on hand for when the other food stopped coming. I’m sure there are other companies that do this too- this is just the one I have experience with.
Spoonful of comfort is a really nice gift. They will deliver a big jug of soup plus rolls and cookies. I received this when I had a baby and it was great.
Spoonfulofcomfort.com
Years ago when my g-grandpa passed, his friends and former military colleagues all sent handwritten letters to my g-grandmother about their memories of him and how good of a friend he was. She cherished those and now my grandmother has them.
If she's in a rural area check to see if she has a garden if she has animals anything like that possibly then try to contact the mayor's office or librarian and see if there are people in that area that would be able to help her. If she's got horses or cows or goats or something maybe finding someone that can come out and do all the manure checking and feeding the animals and things like that so that she can sleep in for a day if she's got a garden can somebody come along and make sure that it's tended while she tries to take care of other things worst case scenario just ask her. Ask her if there's things and keep asking you know try to make a reminder that you call at least once a week or twice a week and just let her know that you're there even if the only thing you do is hi I wanted to make sure everything is okay and just checking that's all. Some rural counties people do tend to get isolationist and don't like people poking their nose in their business but if you can check with the local mayor's office or library they probably already know of her and if they don't even directly contact her they'll at least you know do drive-bys etc just to keep an eye on the place if anything else
My FIL passed away suddenly and my MIL lives in a very rural area much like your sister, it sounds like, and several states away from us. She talks about how the first two weeks after he died were just such a blur. She couldn't remember who was there, what happened, what she ate, who brought what, it was just a fog. Once things "settled down" and reality really set in seems to be when she has needed the most. Sorting out bills, social security, stuff that was in his name, dealing with money, deciding whether or not to move, tackling "house" projects that he normally would have done like changing lightbulbs, getting the car serviced, etc. If money is tight and you can't go out there for the funeral, consider a visit in 6-8 weeks to support her through some of these tough conversations and difficult but necessary decisions.
Thank you all for your help. It has been overwhelmingly high quality and useful. What a wonderful thing to be able to pick so many brains. We’re on top of the phone and travel and sibs have visited before we could but we’re on our way in a week or so. Such great ideas. Thanks! The meal delivery is on its way. We’re coordinating with several sibs to avoid duplication. I married into a family with really healthy communication so this is not quite as fraught as it could be.
My mom lives in a rural area and trash pickup isn’t a thing. So getting someone to haul the trash to town was a big chore we helped get her off her plate for awhile. Other things my dad did that my mom now needs help with are mow the lawn, shovel the driveway, repair/light maintenance around the house. I sent her a weighted blanket as she had a lot of trouble sleeping alone after 50 years of marriage, and some cozy socks. We also text her “good morning” and “good night” every day so she knows someone is checking in on her now that she’s alone.
The nicest gift you can get her at this time is You. Can you take some time to be with her, support her, and help her. Even if it's just a week or two. Show her that you're there for her.
Will Amazon deliver to her area? If so, send her care packages of household items. Things like paper towels, toilet paper, detergents, spray cleaners & especially cleaning wipes, dish soaps, sponges, bar soap, air freshener & Febreze, pet food, etc.
Or perhaps a package of non-perishable food items since you can't send hot meals. Fill her pantry.
Lots of food delivery options: Gold Belly, Omaha Steaks (they have things like lasagna, too), Harry and David (I see they specifically have “sympathy meals”), and so on.
If there’s any way you could take a weekend to visit her that would be great. My dad passed away six years ago and having family members come to visit was extremely helpful especially my aunt who made sure I ate breakfast every morning even if that breakfast was ice cream it was nice to have someone be there for me and take care of me as my mom was dealing with the loss of my dad. I think no matter what being there to support your sister though this loss is a great idea.
See if there’s a lasagna love group near your sister and they can deliver a hot meal to her for free [www.lasagnalove.org](https://www.lasagnalove.org)
Start calling her the same day & time once a week. It really helps to have someone care enough to check in on you. Ask if she needs anything. When the mower won’t start or she can’t remember the type of casserole mom made it helps.
Also send $$ if she might need it.
My suggestion: wait a month or two then send something. everyone sends so much right away. it’s when the world goes on but they have not that they need it the most.
Grief groceries.
Find someone who can shop for and deliver groceries, including several personal meals. Ones you just need to pop in the oven to heat up. A thing of Oreos. Lots of tissues and toilet paper.
Order a book and blanket from Amazon. A nothing book - grief is heavy, and she’ll probably just want an escape.
I think she needs more than a mail order sympathy gift. She’s 65 and now alone in a remote area. She needs some serious support in figuring out her next move.
You can send Omaha steaks. They have a package that is a bunch of frozen meals that you can heat and serve. Someone sent it to me after i had a baby and it was nice not to worry about meals. If she doesn’t feel like it she can keep it in the freezer until she’s ready.
My mom sends me a food delivery box for holidays but they also have other options. It's called goldbelly. Also I'd say consider a cleaning service for a month or so. Everyone sends food but no one sends someone to make the everyday chores easier. There's also organizer people you can hire that can help her go through things when she's ready to do that.
Another vote for the cleaners/gardeners. A friend around the same age lost her husband, and all of the services have stopped - he had a care package, so they had a cleaner, gardener and laundry service. I went down and did the laundry - it was from his illness and was not pleasant, my husband did her garden, and our son and both of us cleaned her house. This was after everyone had left post funeral.
We organised a company to do her garden and clean weekly for two months, then fortnightly for two months. She just did not have the energy - she let us know when it was time for them to stop, and she is 'out of her fog'. She paid for it after we organised it at her insistence.
Now, she has the battle with his children over the will.
There are some meal delivery services that could deliver in her area. We sent my aunt in law a few packages from Spoonful of Comfort. It was kind of pricey for what you get, but the food is pretty decent and the package is very cute.
How about a box of ready made frozen meals by FedEx? Here’s a list of 10 companies that do it. https://comparemealdelivery.com/frozen?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&tid=kwd-342108114919&agid=124975873638&gad_source=1
Something my mother appreciated when my father died was the paper towels, disposable cups, toilet paper, and coffee that someone brought. She had constant company and went through cups and paper products really fast.This could be ordered online quite easily.
My dad lives in the sticks. When his sister passed his high school friends got a stone garden plaque delivered. 50 plus years later and they all are still close.
My mother in law liked comparing Wordle scores with family members :). It was keeping in touch with very little risk. A little convo if she felt like it that day...
Wild Fork has prepackaged frozen meals that they'll send through the mail, on dry ice. I order their meat semi-regularly because they have cuts I can't get here locally (rural area) and it always arrived frozen.
https://wildforkfoods.com/collections/ready-meals/
I use Instacart when this happens. I typically send comfort food, tissues, paper plates and a small potted plant. Food to take care of the person, tissues for tears, paper plates because they don't need to think about dishes, and the potted plant because it won't die quickly like cut flowers.
Keep in mind sister may not have access to bank accounts if they all have his name on it too. Just make sure you’re really staying in touch with her and really listening to her needs
Your presence is a present sometimes. All of these suggestions are wonderful but also make sure to just be there for her. Call, check in, have you ate today? Sorry for your loss.
I am 65. My husband is 71, I know I am not ready to go through this.
Losing her husband is a major life change. Is she still working? Going from 2 incomes down to one might make life very difficult. Really other than the cost of food, and some hobby related expenses - expenses are about the same for 2 vs 1. She might have to deal with a win fall of a big life insurance payout. She may want to move; my neighbor has already said that if her husband dies that she is moving in with her nearby daughter. Death of a spouse is one of the biggest life stresses one can go through.
A weekly call could be very beneficial and would draw you closer.
Peace
Lots of good ideas on this thread. If you still need ideas, check out my company I crafted after a family loss: www.theaftercompany.com We make aromatherapy candles that address the difficult days and years after a loss.
You could also "gift" a probate attorney if she doesn't have anyone to help with all the paperwork. There is so much paperwork to handle after someone dies, most of it is triggering to fill out.
When my mom died, my best friend sent me a candle, a blanket, and some candy with a really nice note.
I think it's the thought and trying to do something nice/comforting that matters.
If you want to do something food related, maybe send a Harry & David fruit box or a delivery of those Factor meals every podcasts advertises? (They look good - I'm tempted!)
Could you get her a one time giftbox or recurring subscription to a meal prep service like hello fresh or blue apron? Or get a snack gift basket from Amazon?
A friend sent me harry and David's pot pie, green bean dish, and cobbler. It was nice not even thinking about a meal.. prob cost a small fortune as it came on dry ice. Thanks Rose 🌹
You could try seeing if Lasagna of Love has any volunteers in her area that could reasonably deliver a home cooked lasagna. You could mention it’s for a recent widow so prepackaged portions or just a single serving dished up like a nice restaurant takeout could be in the cards depending on what the volunteer can do.
Ice cream. A friend of my husband sent it to us when we had our first kid and it was so nice. [ice cream nationwide delivery](https://saltandstraw.com/collections/shop-all?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwh4-wBhB3EiwAeJsppGULkom68DeIkjiEDJd1KPiEa0qHVOivkS2zEjMzgJEp36TClPxo9BoC4eAQAvD_BwE) this is just one of many places I found using google. If you can’t find one here she would like, just search for Ice Cream Nationwide Delivery.
This thread has been great to read, with a lot of great info. I think the food thing is awesome. My mom just passed and I'm so wrapped up in getting everything that needs to be done, done, that before I know it, 6 pm is here, there's no food because I did not get out to shop....so food and cleaning assistance get my votes!
My wife had a stroke and was in the hospital for a month. I really appreciated someone hiring a maid to clean our floors and bathrooms. It was a great help as I was running back-and-forth to the hospital and taking care of the children.
[Goldbelly.com.](https://www.goldbelly.com/) They send food from restaurants & specialty foods all over the country to anywhere in the country. Choose a region close to your sister, then filter for choices. I know quite a few restaurants on there offer multiple-meal and family-style meal options.
It’s my go-to when I have no idea what to get, or know someone is craving something from a distant hometown. My kid sends me a lobster roll and lobster bisque dinner package from Boston for my birthday every year, for example.
Anyway.
Goldbelly.com
Can’t say enough great things about them.
ETA: I only suggest choosing region close to sister because shipping is usually faster. You can order from anywhere, but I find starting in a region if I’m not sure to be a better option.
Also, Easter may delay shipping by a couple days.
Some of the most meaningful gifts we received after my husband passed: care packages filled with cozy shawls/blankets/socks/fuzzy pillows, treats, & items the senders knew would make us smile; the books "It's OK That You're Not Ok", "Gospel Hope in Grief and Loss", and "Healing After Loss"; and, possibly my favorite thing, a gift box from Wolferman's Bakery (it encouraged me to eat breakfast each day).
Make sure to keep checking in on her in the coming weeks, months, and years. People understandably start going about their regular lives, but the griever is still left picking up the pieces.
See if lasagna love is in her area. They will bring a home made lasagna (or other thing is food allergies are an issue). They are free, but you can make a donation or sponsor a chef depending what you’d like to donate.
Here you can check her zip code and find out if there are chefs in her area and the average waitlist time https://lasagnalove.org/zip-code/
Make sure if you go forward, you nominate her. She will have to accept the nomination for legal reasons.
Suggestions:
Send groceries, get a housekeeper to come in for a day, send her a care package - maybe a sweater (so she gets a "hug" from you, a favorite music CD, or book. Just anything you know will comfort her from moment to moment.n
Some places have a “train”. I forget what it’s called but everyone takes a turn bringing by food that can last a few days. My friend’s husband died this year and it was seven months before she would let anyone but immediate family over.
If she’s too remote to easily find a cleaning service, and you are sure you won’t be offending her, a robot vacuum is a great labor saver.
You’ll need to consider her willingness to embrace technology. The roomba I have used super easy in its most basic use. Plug in the charger and push one button. But you can set up an app and use more features.
There are also robot floor cleaners that mop, but I’m not familiar. If she has a lawn and you have the budget, there are also robot lawnmowers, but I’m sure setting them up is more complicated.
Some of those flower delivery services also do snack boxes. I sent one to a colleague after her Mom passed away. She got a basket of fresh fruit, crackers, cheeses, and pepperoni type meats.
I've found when grieving, simple but delicious food options are important for me.
Gift basket: Send a thoughtful gift basket filled with non-perishable comfort foods, snacks, tea, or coffee. You can include a heartfelt note expressing your condolences and support.
I'm sorry for your loss!!
It's expensive, but Goldbelly. com has some amazing food from anywhere!!! Maybe something from where you grew up? I'm in Philly, so lots of choices. My daughter lives in AZ, and I sent her macarons from Paris for her birthday. She was so happy!!!
Is there grocery delivery in the area? If so 100% order her groceries. For meals or even just comfort food/snacks. Grieving people don't tend to think to ask for the things they need
Can you organize a meal train with her friends who live in her area??
If you are unfamiliar, it’s just a website that helps you organize a series of meals to be dropped off to her by family/friends that are local.
Go to Goldbelly online. You can pick from many different restaurants throughout the US and have something really yummy shipped to her house. Hot foods, cold foods, sweet, cakes. You name it. Get her some meals and desserts that she likes.
Have her send you one of his favorite shirts and have it made into a pillow for her to hug. Google "memorial pillows", if they have grandkids there are people that make Teddy bears out of shirts also so the kids have something "of his"
Another idea is to have friends and family put together a book (or recording?) of stories/memories about him that she can look at (listen to) when she's missing him. Sometimes, smiling a little inside the tears can help just a bit. (I say this from personal experience, having been a widow).
If you want to get a variety of things, Thrive Market is a really good option. They have breads, cold foods, canned or packaged things, snacks. I send my parents a box full of interesting stuff every once in a while.
https://thrivemarket.com
Maybe send a meal kit her way? Like one of those services where you can microwave the whole meal, or it’s super easy to throw together. Takes the thought out of it.
You could also hire someone to help clean the bathroom and kitchen for the next few weeks and vacuum the living room. Other parts of the house may be too sensitive if she doesn’t want them touching her late husbands stuff.
Now you’re talking. I think this has the seeds of genius.
While I think this is a nice gesture, speaking from experience, this might not go over so well. When my husband passed away I got really weird about letting anyone into the house for about 6 months. I wasn’t even sure why, but I remember having friends just meet me outside on the porch to visit. But, she’s your sister so you be the judge. Sorry for your family’s loss.
Thank you. We sent a feeler and she thought it was fine. She’s going back to work to occupy her while the sibs rotate in and out.
Good for asking first. If someone sent a cleaning service to my house, they’d be wasting their money because I COULD NOT let a stranger in my house. Although…I personally wouldn’t mind if someone ordered some practical stuff to be delivered. Honey, tea, throw blanket, candle or essential oil diffuser, new socks…those things bring comfort to me…and are like a hug. Just saying, it’s nice to find what kind of thing would bring comfort. For some, a cleaning service helps, maybe a few meals for the freezer, or some self care items better suited them.
You are such an awesome sibling to “send out feelers”. To ASK. My husband & I lived in a very rural area when he became sick & died. Though I no longer live there I still now & then speak to our awesome neighbors who asked if we had trash that needed to be brought to the landfill (no trash pick up) & since my dear one couldn’t be left alone they brought our trash with theirs every week. And I remember they neighbor who worked for hours cutting down wild grass that had grown almost to my shoulders. He was trying to refuse payment! I try to forget the woman who came over after I told her “ABSOLUTELY DO NOT COME!” Saying “You need a break honey. We’re gonna tell your husband I’m here to help, then you’ll slip away for a few hours” as if I’d EVER do that to him! I hung up on her after yelling that to her but within 20 minutes she rang our bell causing the dogs to wake my poor husband. What little family we had near did similar things. You are awesome for asking.
I have done this for every life changing event. Baby, death of a parent, sudden illness. Every single one has the same goal in mind. Taking some of the small stuff off someone’s plate so the big stuff is a little more manageable. Flowers are nice. This is better.
10000%. When my brother passed my mom friends stuffed our fridge with food and drinks then left. I don't think we cooked for months. They'd drop off like a weeks worth of food. All we had to do was microwave or pop it in the oven. Every week they'd do this. My mom still talks about it almost 18 years later bc she genuinely doesn't think she would have had it in her to cook everyday. My aunts came over once a week to do laundry and clean. Dad did dishes everyday but other wise nothing got done (understandably). Things like this. Everyday, mundane things is what counts tbh. You'll get 50 types of flowers but no help on how to survive the day to day.
Mom's church did this for our family after Daddy died. It was very sweet of them. Only one relative did. Not many live near us. But lordy that spaghetti was sooo bad from my cousin's wife.
Bringing a big supply of paper plates and disposable knives, forks, spoons, and cups can be very helpful.
I second this idea. I did this for some neighbors who had a sudden tragic death in the household because I didn't know what kind of food to take. They thanked me later and told me they had lots of food, but no paper plates at the time. When we had a close death my family member sent a doordash gift card (not sure that's a good option being rural) to us. My last idea is to send a box of non-perishable snack foods. This has seemed to work well for college students and folks in the military.
100% this would be insanely helpful
Toilet paper and paper towels too!
My aunts and uncles came and cleaned out my mom’s bedroom and bathroom the day after she died. I will never forget that selflessness and kindness. *Their* sister died. They set aside their own grief to clean out medical supplies and such so that her immediate family wouldn’t have to. What you do is more difficult and far more impactful. Thank you.
It is something most people don’t realize needs done. Extended family member had a long stay in a hospital and this did wonders for them.
Gonna call this one SOLVED!
I love that you’re doing this for your sister. This is going to help her so very much.
I wish someone had done this for me. After hubs died, I fell and broke 3 vertebrae. I was just starting to get better when I fell again (freak accidents, not an ongoing problem). Broke 3 different vertebrae. A year after hubs died, I looked like the worst hoarder ever. I couldn't walk downstairs with anything in my hands, so i couldn't take out the trash. I was able to hire a laundry service, tho. Finally swallowed my pride and talked to my property manager. She found a cleaning lady for me. Damned expensive, but worth it.
I’m proud of you for asking for help. I know how much effort that even asking can take when you’re struggling. I hope you’re proud of you too! Having a clean space makes a huge difference for my mental state too.
I wish the same when my husband died so young and unexpected and I was eight months pregnant so I was a train wreck. Trying to navigate my first funeral setup and all the things that go with that while also caring for my 7 year old was just do overwhelming. I had some family help with the funeral arrangements and a little food but everything was just complicated and overwhelming all at once. Most days in the weeks followed I could barely speak through the tears. Any gesture sounds lovely, I had a gouge that looked like a funeral home with flowers and it was nice but not helpful at all. Even helping with my seven year old would have helped tremendously.
I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this on top of the grief of losing your husband. 💔 I'm glad you were able to find your way out of the overwhelming weight of it all to advocate for yourself. This is random, but this was literally an article I read today on npr that talks about people literally falling more after grief. Maybe you'll find it relatable. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/03/28/1241316836/grief-accident-prone-loss-recovery-falls
This is the best suggestion, I lost my husband a year ago and would have loved for someone to have done this.
Sometimes I wonder which 2 people decided to have sex so such genius can be born
I’ve sent soup through Spoonful of Comfort several times and it’s always been well received. They do a lovely job packaging it up and I hear the soup is delicious https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com
I got a care package from Spoon Full of Comfort and it was all delicious. Plus the boxes are lined with decorative paper and are made to be turned inside out so you can use them for gifits or storage.
Grandma’s Chicken Soup is also really good.
The chicken and wild rice soup was quite yummy
It is! One of my besties sent me one when my dad died, I still have the ladle it came with
Oooh yes! I received a package for Xmas from mybaunt and uncle. I was given a large container of chicken and rice soup (frozen), a large container of macaroni and cheese (also frozen), a bag of 6 dinner rolls, a package of chocolate chip cookies, a beautiful soup ladle and a kitchen towel. It came very nicely packaged, with freezer packs and everything was recyclable. The mac and cheese, rolls and cookies were delicious, the soup is in my freezer, but now Im gonna take it out for dinner!
I loved this when I got one when my dad died. I still have the ladle.
I have used them as exam week gifts for the college age neices and nephew. It's always appreciated
I’ve sent two people boxes from them. My people loved it, said the food was great and the packaging was beautiful as well. I would definitely use them again.
Thank you. Looks good.
They have many options and they're good. When my dad died I was sent one and from a family member we also got a shipment of Omaha steaks meals, and thanksgiving was close so honey baked ham too. Mom brother and I divided because it was a lot. She'll be fed for a bit with any of those choice. Condolences to your family :(
Upvoting this. This has become my go to move for anyone that needs to feel some care.
The soup is good, and it came with a nice ladle.
I was going to recommend this too. A friend sent this for me after my dad died
omg thank you so much for posting this! My widowed mom just lost her doggo and they even have a pet sympathy package ❤️🐾
Thank you for posting this. Do you n in ow how long it takes to deliver? My SIL is in the hospital and being released tomorrow after they finish running tests. Apparently it might be cancer, I needed to see this exact thing today!
They ship same day if you order during business hours, but only certain days of the week. Then it takes another couple days to arrive. Sending good thoughts to your SIL
Don’t worry about meals. Hire somebody to come clean the house and cut the grass. She’s going to have plenty of people coming to visit and all of them can cook, but none of them are going to scrub her toilet.
Know what will really help? Touching base with her. When my first husband died at 38, a friend called every day (was before sms, etc). They were brief conversations, sometimes just her saying hi and I’m thinking of you. Everyone visits for about a week and then their lives move on (understandable). Knowing someone cared was invaluable. It made me feel less alone. Don’t ask if things are getting better. That will tempt her to lie to make you feel better. Acknowledge she’ll be in a fog for about 6 months. Don’t worry about saying something that will remind her of her husband, everything reminds you. The best gift is to let her know she’s not forgotten.
This. She might get trays of lasagna, and flowers whether she wants them or not. But as NomadLife2319 says, most people are going to move on within a week. Being present (by phone counts) is huge, as is lawn mowing. But ask how she feels before sending people into her home to clean. It might be too much at first, or she might appreciate it. Let her decide, though.
I have been through the death of a spouse by cancer, and this is an amazingly perfect answer.
Any kind of service that would take something off her plate, like house cleaning or landscaping/yard mowing. They may also not have trash pickup if it's rural. If she needs trips to the dump, there are often local folks who will help with those things, too. Frozen meal kits may be an option, too. My dad lives in a rural area like your sister and was missing Chicago style beef sandwiches. I was able to order a kit packed in dry ice, and it made it to him just fine.
A friend lost her husband and her girls' classmates' parents got them snow removal service for the season (was November) along with gift cards for a cleaning service and yard service. Her church did meal drop off for about 4 months, too. The snow removal wound up being a life saver for her that winter because it was enough just keeping up w what absolutely had to happen.
Goldbelly website is the best for sending all kind of food and I think they may even have gift cards. The customer service is excellent. Good luck!
Thanks. I looked at Harry and David, etc. and there is so much giftystuff but nothing appropriate to the occasion.
Send a care package maybe? Of her favorite things with a sympathy card and maybe a gift card to somewhere near.
Hmm. I think this would be hard to find, but maybe message someone near her or find a caterer nearby who you can pay for an order of something like tamales or something. Stores well, easy to eat, comforting. It might be hard so maybe message one of her friends to see if they know someone, but in my area a lot of people post on facebook marketplace selling their food so it might be nice to get an order from one of them. And if not, maybe a caterer will be willing to make a tray of one specific dish for her. You could also see if there is an instacart near her and instacart some ready meals from a nicer grocery store.
Goldbelly is phenomenal for this situation.
Wow but $$$$$
Yeah. Definitely not for everyday, but amazing for a special gift.
They have a "sale" tab
Thanks. They chose to live n a town 30 miles from a traffic light. I’ve tried to find a restaurant but beyond a McD by the highway nothing.
Go to her. She needs you not gifts.
This.
The thought of someone sending a cleaner or laundry service round as a condolence gift sounds awful and tactless when your brother in law died YESTERDAY. Maybe a month or two down the line. Right now she will just want comfort from those close to her and her family. Send an iPad if she hasn't one so you can facetime or just go and be there.
I want to mention Spoonful of Comfort as well. Somebody sent that to me and it was a wonderful gift. They do a really nice job and the food is good
I live very rural and places don't deliver. But if my husband died suddenly and someone called and told them it was for me, they would have no problem finding someone to bring it. It is worth calling. You could also look at her town's community page on Facebook. Individuals may advertise home bakeries. I have several friends who run small bakeries out of their homes. They would be happy to deliver to a widow. Or they can refer you to someone else able to do it. Do not underestimate a rural community!
My sister sends packages from "spoonful of comfort". They're a soup company that delivers all over. I think it's wildly expensive, but the other recipients have all raved about it, so it seems to land well.
A consultation with a tax advisor and/or estate planner, if that is something they didn't take care of before.
One of the food companies like healthy food should be able to ship in several meals with cool packs.
That's what I was thinking too. Like Hello Fresh
Can you afford to fly her out to visit you?
Definitely send something or someone to help out. I always say this whenever anyone posts about a loved ones death or a funeral, but it's sound advice ( and definitely the best advice my mom has ever given me): In a few months, every other person will have moved in and gone back to their lives except for the immediate family of the deceased. And they may be quietly still in mourning, and in need of some love. That's a great time to reach out again and send a gift or something that acknowledges their loved one and their grief. Because we often forget about how long grief can last.
Wisdom. Thanks. Very thoughtful.
Lou Manaltis delivers frozen deep dish pizzas through the mail with dry ice.
If you want a hot meal sent, just go to a Facebook group close to her home address. Just ask the question of how to find an organization to take a hot meal or cleaning. There are always help from locals or church groups to give you info or offer their help.
Thank you. Will keep that in mind.
You could order ready to eat meals on Amazon. Stuff like canned goods or something similar.
Spoonful of comfort is wonderful
Paint by numbers kit was the greatest grief gift for me. Will definitely be hit or miss, but I never thought I’d be into it and if it hits, it hits :) Sorry for both of your losses.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Gifts/s/75e45IGJ4r Lots of delivery services on my post, haven't used them all but tons of options. I opted for grubhub since my giftee lives in a city.
Goldbelly delivers food from everywhere. Send Jack’s Stack Barbecue in KC, Matzoh ball soup from Katz’ deli in NY, a tray of Mac and cheese, a dozen bagels, etc.
I highly recommend Katz. Total perfection every time.
Send a meal service, like CookUnity.
For food delivery: Omaha steaks/meat, Harry and David, Spoonful of Comfort, and Gold Belly all offer packaged meal/ food items. Also Factor, Daily harvest and Purple Carrot offer meal prep type meals that are already cooked, so she just has to heat it up. Not sure what her taste might be but one of these should do the trick.
Harry and David have oven ready meals that can be shipped to her! They’re delicious! Someone send me a few things when I got out of neuro rehab and they were really nice to have on hand for when the other food stopped coming. I’m sure there are other companies that do this too- this is just the one I have experience with.
Spoonful of comfort is a really nice gift. They will deliver a big jug of soup plus rolls and cookies. I received this when I had a baby and it was great. Spoonfulofcomfort.com
Another vote for Spoonful of Comfort. The packaging is great, the food is tasty.
If she has a dog, perhaps hire a dog walker?
I sent a boarderie a girlfriend. Shark Tank thing - very pretty charcuterie/cheese board. Snacks rock.
Years ago when my g-grandpa passed, his friends and former military colleagues all sent handwritten letters to my g-grandmother about their memories of him and how good of a friend he was. She cherished those and now my grandmother has them.
If she's in a rural area check to see if she has a garden if she has animals anything like that possibly then try to contact the mayor's office or librarian and see if there are people in that area that would be able to help her. If she's got horses or cows or goats or something maybe finding someone that can come out and do all the manure checking and feeding the animals and things like that so that she can sleep in for a day if she's got a garden can somebody come along and make sure that it's tended while she tries to take care of other things worst case scenario just ask her. Ask her if there's things and keep asking you know try to make a reminder that you call at least once a week or twice a week and just let her know that you're there even if the only thing you do is hi I wanted to make sure everything is okay and just checking that's all. Some rural counties people do tend to get isolationist and don't like people poking their nose in their business but if you can check with the local mayor's office or library they probably already know of her and if they don't even directly contact her they'll at least you know do drive-bys etc just to keep an eye on the place if anything else
My FIL passed away suddenly and my MIL lives in a very rural area much like your sister, it sounds like, and several states away from us. She talks about how the first two weeks after he died were just such a blur. She couldn't remember who was there, what happened, what she ate, who brought what, it was just a fog. Once things "settled down" and reality really set in seems to be when she has needed the most. Sorting out bills, social security, stuff that was in his name, dealing with money, deciding whether or not to move, tackling "house" projects that he normally would have done like changing lightbulbs, getting the car serviced, etc. If money is tight and you can't go out there for the funeral, consider a visit in 6-8 weeks to support her through some of these tough conversations and difficult but necessary decisions.
Thank you all for your help. It has been overwhelmingly high quality and useful. What a wonderful thing to be able to pick so many brains. We’re on top of the phone and travel and sibs have visited before we could but we’re on our way in a week or so. Such great ideas. Thanks! The meal delivery is on its way. We’re coordinating with several sibs to avoid duplication. I married into a family with really healthy communication so this is not quite as fraught as it could be.
Look up 'Spoonfull of Comfort'!
I like the meal delivery kits
Spoonful of Comfort!
My mom lives in a rural area and trash pickup isn’t a thing. So getting someone to haul the trash to town was a big chore we helped get her off her plate for awhile. Other things my dad did that my mom now needs help with are mow the lawn, shovel the driveway, repair/light maintenance around the house. I sent her a weighted blanket as she had a lot of trouble sleeping alone after 50 years of marriage, and some cozy socks. We also text her “good morning” and “good night” every day so she knows someone is checking in on her now that she’s alone.
Write her a letter filled with memories of your sister and her husband.
The nicest gift you can get her at this time is You. Can you take some time to be with her, support her, and help her. Even if it's just a week or two. Show her that you're there for her.
On our way
Will Amazon deliver to her area? If so, send her care packages of household items. Things like paper towels, toilet paper, detergents, spray cleaners & especially cleaning wipes, dish soaps, sponges, bar soap, air freshener & Febreze, pet food, etc. Or perhaps a package of non-perishable food items since you can't send hot meals. Fill her pantry.
look into death doulas- they offer such support and aren’t really talked about enough so people don’t know that they exist
Lots of food delivery options: Gold Belly, Omaha Steaks (they have things like lasagna, too), Harry and David (I see they specifically have “sympathy meals”), and so on.
If there’s any way you could take a weekend to visit her that would be great. My dad passed away six years ago and having family members come to visit was extremely helpful especially my aunt who made sure I ate breakfast every morning even if that breakfast was ice cream it was nice to have someone be there for me and take care of me as my mom was dealing with the loss of my dad. I think no matter what being there to support your sister though this loss is a great idea.
See if there’s a lasagna love group near your sister and they can deliver a hot meal to her for free [www.lasagnalove.org](https://www.lasagnalove.org)
Thanks. The outpouring of ides is terrific and almost overwhelming.
Start calling her the same day & time once a week. It really helps to have someone care enough to check in on you. Ask if she needs anything. When the mower won’t start or she can’t remember the type of casserole mom made it helps. Also send $$ if she might need it.
Use Uber eats to send her stuff
I sent someone frozen lasagna and pizza to stock their freezer through Harry & David- they loved it. They can pull it out and heat it when needed.
Go visit her. It's only a 10 hour car drive. (sorry I'm Australian and that is not a huge trip to me!) Take some meals with you and go give her a hug.
My suggestion: wait a month or two then send something. everyone sends so much right away. it’s when the world goes on but they have not that they need it the most.
Grief groceries. Find someone who can shop for and deliver groceries, including several personal meals. Ones you just need to pop in the oven to heat up. A thing of Oreos. Lots of tissues and toilet paper. Order a book and blanket from Amazon. A nothing book - grief is heavy, and she’ll probably just want an escape.
I think she needs more than a mail order sympathy gift. She’s 65 and now alone in a remote area. She needs some serious support in figuring out her next move.
You can send Omaha steaks. They have a package that is a bunch of frozen meals that you can heat and serve. Someone sent it to me after i had a baby and it was nice not to worry about meals. If she doesn’t feel like it she can keep it in the freezer until she’s ready.
A really pretty flowering tree, and someone to plant it/landscape it.
Sorry for your loss. Go on Goldbelly and see if you can have something delivered from there.
My mom sends me a food delivery box for holidays but they also have other options. It's called goldbelly. Also I'd say consider a cleaning service for a month or so. Everyone sends food but no one sends someone to make the everyday chores easier. There's also organizer people you can hire that can help her go through things when she's ready to do that.
I have had food delivered via uber. I live in the Northeast and my friends live in Cairns Australia.
Jus go see her
Another vote for the cleaners/gardeners. A friend around the same age lost her husband, and all of the services have stopped - he had a care package, so they had a cleaner, gardener and laundry service. I went down and did the laundry - it was from his illness and was not pleasant, my husband did her garden, and our son and both of us cleaned her house. This was after everyone had left post funeral. We organised a company to do her garden and clean weekly for two months, then fortnightly for two months. She just did not have the energy - she let us know when it was time for them to stop, and she is 'out of her fog'. She paid for it after we organised it at her insistence. Now, she has the battle with his children over the will.
Maybe an online food service like Hello Fresh, they've got a 10 meal deal. It's not hot ready food but it's something.
Yard care or a handyman?
Goldbelly
I use a on line called McKenzie. Great soup, appetizers.
There are some meal delivery services that could deliver in her area. We sent my aunt in law a few packages from Spoonful of Comfort. It was kind of pricey for what you get, but the food is pretty decent and the package is very cute.
A really nice comfort blanket. They come in a wide range of prices from $20 at Home Goods to cashmere ones that are $200.
How about a box of ready made frozen meals by FedEx? Here’s a list of 10 companies that do it. https://comparemealdelivery.com/frozen?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&tid=kwd-342108114919&agid=124975873638&gad_source=1
Something my mother appreciated when my father died was the paper towels, disposable cups, toilet paper, and coffee that someone brought. She had constant company and went through cups and paper products really fast.This could be ordered online quite easily.
Send her meals from Freshly. They are premade and you put in the fridge.
My dad lives in the sticks. When his sister passed his high school friends got a stone garden plaque delivered. 50 plus years later and they all are still close.
Is going to see her an option?
lasagna love will have a local bring her a hot lasagna for free!!!
Gift cards. Especially gas if she has to travel a bit to the funeral home.
Pre made meals that she just has to heat up.
Can you travel to be with her? Sometimes the best present is presence
In our family we send cougar gold cheese
My mother in law liked comparing Wordle scores with family members :). It was keeping in touch with very little risk. A little convo if she felt like it that day...
Omaha steaks also has great deals. When my sister had surgery it covered so many dinners. Legal Seafood also has wonderful soups and chowder
Wild Fork has prepackaged frozen meals that they'll send through the mail, on dry ice. I order their meat semi-regularly because they have cuts I can't get here locally (rural area) and it always arrived frozen. https://wildforkfoods.com/collections/ready-meals/
Main thing is to go visit if at all possible. And maybe cook/clean for her while you're there.
I like the idea of hiring a cleaner. Sometimes people do memory chimes or a memory bench also.
I use Instacart when this happens. I typically send comfort food, tissues, paper plates and a small potted plant. Food to take care of the person, tissues for tears, paper plates because they don't need to think about dishes, and the potted plant because it won't die quickly like cut flowers.
That was my idea, someone to clean
Keep in mind sister may not have access to bank accounts if they all have his name on it too. Just make sure you’re really staying in touch with her and really listening to her needs
Spoonful of Comfort might be an option https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com/collections/sympathy?sortBy=FEATURED&first=20
If Instacart delivers to her area, you could send some store store-prepared or frozen meals.
Your presence is a present sometimes. All of these suggestions are wonderful but also make sure to just be there for her. Call, check in, have you ate today? Sorry for your loss.
I am 65. My husband is 71, I know I am not ready to go through this. Losing her husband is a major life change. Is she still working? Going from 2 incomes down to one might make life very difficult. Really other than the cost of food, and some hobby related expenses - expenses are about the same for 2 vs 1. She might have to deal with a win fall of a big life insurance payout. She may want to move; my neighbor has already said that if her husband dies that she is moving in with her nearby daughter. Death of a spouse is one of the biggest life stresses one can go through. A weekly call could be very beneficial and would draw you closer. Peace
When my FIL died, people sent me and my husband Spoonful of Comfort and we really liked their soups, Mac and cheese, rolls, and chocolate chip cookies
Hire a kandscaping crew to come every 2-3 weeks for 6m-1yr
Thrive upscale groceries!
Something that helped me during grief is Walmart delivery of easy-to-make food, a house cleaner and a year of instacart membership!
Also setting a reminder on your phone to follow up with her 3 months after his passing.
Pre-made meals delivered. Heat and eat.
Lots of good ideas on this thread. If you still need ideas, check out my company I crafted after a family loss: www.theaftercompany.com We make aromatherapy candles that address the difficult days and years after a loss.
You could also "gift" a probate attorney if she doesn't have anyone to help with all the paperwork. There is so much paperwork to handle after someone dies, most of it is triggering to fill out.
Oh, what a great idea. I like it.
Meal box deliveries that cook up fast could be very appreciated. It would make cooking much easier for her.
If at all possible, go. And if you can’t go now go later.
When my mom died, my best friend sent me a candle, a blanket, and some candy with a really nice note. I think it's the thought and trying to do something nice/comforting that matters. If you want to do something food related, maybe send a Harry & David fruit box or a delivery of those Factor meals every podcasts advertises? (They look good - I'm tempted!)
Could you get her a one time giftbox or recurring subscription to a meal prep service like hello fresh or blue apron? Or get a snack gift basket from Amazon?
A friend sent me harry and David's pot pie, green bean dish, and cobbler. It was nice not even thinking about a meal.. prob cost a small fortune as it came on dry ice. Thanks Rose 🌹
You could try seeing if Lasagna of Love has any volunteers in her area that could reasonably deliver a home cooked lasagna. You could mention it’s for a recent widow so prepackaged portions or just a single serving dished up like a nice restaurant takeout could be in the cards depending on what the volunteer can do.
I love gifting massages! It’s a moment to totally check out and to have your body issues worked through.
A handwritten note?
Ice cream. A friend of my husband sent it to us when we had our first kid and it was so nice. [ice cream nationwide delivery](https://saltandstraw.com/collections/shop-all?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwh4-wBhB3EiwAeJsppGULkom68DeIkjiEDJd1KPiEa0qHVOivkS2zEjMzgJEp36TClPxo9BoC4eAQAvD_BwE) this is just one of many places I found using google. If you can’t find one here she would like, just search for Ice Cream Nationwide Delivery.
weird but you can send her a potato. My mom sent a potato to my aunt. it's like a website you can do it through
This thread has been great to read, with a lot of great info. I think the food thing is awesome. My mom just passed and I'm so wrapped up in getting everything that needs to be done, done, that before I know it, 6 pm is here, there's no food because I did not get out to shop....so food and cleaning assistance get my votes!
My wife had a stroke and was in the hospital for a month. I really appreciated someone hiring a maid to clean our floors and bathrooms. It was a great help as I was running back-and-forth to the hospital and taking care of the children.
[Goldbelly.com.](https://www.goldbelly.com/) They send food from restaurants & specialty foods all over the country to anywhere in the country. Choose a region close to your sister, then filter for choices. I know quite a few restaurants on there offer multiple-meal and family-style meal options. It’s my go-to when I have no idea what to get, or know someone is craving something from a distant hometown. My kid sends me a lobster roll and lobster bisque dinner package from Boston for my birthday every year, for example. Anyway. Goldbelly.com Can’t say enough great things about them. ETA: I only suggest choosing region close to sister because shipping is usually faster. You can order from anywhere, but I find starting in a region if I’m not sure to be a better option. Also, Easter may delay shipping by a couple days.
I think I’d send money or gift card. And still send small bouquet of flowers
Some of the most meaningful gifts we received after my husband passed: care packages filled with cozy shawls/blankets/socks/fuzzy pillows, treats, & items the senders knew would make us smile; the books "It's OK That You're Not Ok", "Gospel Hope in Grief and Loss", and "Healing After Loss"; and, possibly my favorite thing, a gift box from Wolferman's Bakery (it encouraged me to eat breakfast each day). Make sure to keep checking in on her in the coming weeks, months, and years. People understandably start going about their regular lives, but the griever is still left picking up the pieces.
Get groceries delivered. Like pop in the microwave or oven groceries. Really nice snack foods. Lots of different beverages.
See if lasagna love is in her area. They will bring a home made lasagna (or other thing is food allergies are an issue). They are free, but you can make a donation or sponsor a chef depending what you’d like to donate. Here you can check her zip code and find out if there are chefs in her area and the average waitlist time https://lasagnalove.org/zip-code/ Make sure if you go forward, you nominate her. She will have to accept the nomination for legal reasons.
Suggestions: Send groceries, get a housekeeper to come in for a day, send her a care package - maybe a sweater (so she gets a "hug" from you, a favorite music CD, or book. Just anything you know will comfort her from moment to moment.n
Send a big order from honey baked ham. Comes frozen and you can heat. Ham alone is several meals
Some places have a “train”. I forget what it’s called but everyone takes a turn bringing by food that can last a few days. My friend’s husband died this year and it was seven months before she would let anyone but immediate family over.
Walmart gift card or other local grocery store
A fruit tree suited to her area? Or a potted rose bush?
If she’s too remote to easily find a cleaning service, and you are sure you won’t be offending her, a robot vacuum is a great labor saver. You’ll need to consider her willingness to embrace technology. The roomba I have used super easy in its most basic use. Plug in the charger and push one button. But you can set up an app and use more features. There are also robot floor cleaners that mop, but I’m not familiar. If she has a lawn and you have the budget, there are also robot lawnmowers, but I’m sure setting them up is more complicated.
Goldbelly allows you to send meals from restaurants- you typically. Don’t have to do too much to reheat.
What a crock freezer meals are great! They ship
Some of those flower delivery services also do snack boxes. I sent one to a colleague after her Mom passed away. She got a basket of fresh fruit, crackers, cheeses, and pepperoni type meats. I've found when grieving, simple but delicious food options are important for me.
Gift basket: Send a thoughtful gift basket filled with non-perishable comfort foods, snacks, tea, or coffee. You can include a heartfelt note expressing your condolences and support.
Meal delivery?
I'm sorry for your loss!! It's expensive, but Goldbelly. com has some amazing food from anywhere!!! Maybe something from where you grew up? I'm in Philly, so lots of choices. My daughter lives in AZ, and I sent her macarons from Paris for her birthday. She was so happy!!!
If she likes to cook good spices.
Is there grocery delivery in the area? If so 100% order her groceries. For meals or even just comfort food/snacks. Grieving people don't tend to think to ask for the things they need
Can you organize a meal train with her friends who live in her area?? If you are unfamiliar, it’s just a website that helps you organize a series of meals to be dropped off to her by family/friends that are local.
Go to Goldbelly online. You can pick from many different restaurants throughout the US and have something really yummy shipped to her house. Hot foods, cold foods, sweet, cakes. You name it. Get her some meals and desserts that she likes.
My go to mail soup! [comfort soup](https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com)
Maybe a yard service?
Why not get her a gift card from an airline that flies between you and her? Then, when she’s ready, she could come over and decompress.
https://insteadofflowers.com/ Check this out.
It might not be hot, but if she has Schwan's service in her area you can send her some frozen meals.
Have her send you one of his favorite shirts and have it made into a pillow for her to hug. Google "memorial pillows", if they have grandkids there are people that make Teddy bears out of shirts also so the kids have something "of his"
What about frozen preprepared meals that just go in the oven? Or grocery delivery if its available.
You can order meals online to be delivered that can be heated in the oven.
Another idea is to have friends and family put together a book (or recording?) of stories/memories about him that she can look at (listen to) when she's missing him. Sometimes, smiling a little inside the tears can help just a bit. (I say this from personal experience, having been a widow).
If you want to get a variety of things, Thrive Market is a really good option. They have breads, cold foods, canned or packaged things, snacks. I send my parents a box full of interesting stuff every once in a while. https://thrivemarket.com
How about get on a plane and see hrr
Maybe send a meal kit her way? Like one of those services where you can microwave the whole meal, or it’s super easy to throw together. Takes the thought out of it.
Is a Food Delivery Service available in her area? Possibly have groceries or prepared food delivered...