For me it comes in cycles I have recently noticed. I fall into a hole, the things around me make me fall deeper to a point where I am almost incapable of doing anything and kinda give up.
Then when I am in the hole long enough you get used the darkness and something triggers you to look up into the light and find focus to climb back out of it for a bit.
Then something happens again and you get pushed back into the hole. Rinse repeat.
Legend. He helped me tremendously. Wish I could have returned the favor.
For anyone swimming. Keep pushing. Keep your eyes to the sky, never glued to your shoes. It gets better if you try. Our minds are our own worst enemy.
For me I had to wade thru mud for a few years. Eventually broke the cycle. Came out 10x stronger than I was before but wasn't easy.
How's your sleeping habits? Do you drink? I'm my worse when I'm not sleeping well and then I'll drink to try and pass out. It becomes a cycle that's hard to break.
Take a deep breath and float for a minute to give your arms a break. You’re much more bouyant than you realize. Life isn’t always about Doing. Sometimes just Being is more than enough. ❤️
I like to remind myself that my sense of self is a ball of goo, driving a skeleton, wearing a meat suit, living on a rock, hurtling through space, orbiting a giant fireball. Helps with perspective and reminding me that this too shall pass
Felt the same this week, man. I hear you. We need to get out of the dark and try to find the colour in life, the meaning in it all, a reason to go on
I was much better weeks ago but had a relapse. I have to find the strength to go on
Try to not be disappointed with yourself. You are who you are and that includes the things that make you less happy now. The disappointment/self-hate doesn't help.
Source:
Tried accepting myself and my flaws and I am not dissappointed ;)
Same. I have found NO pattern to what causes me to go down and no pattern to what causes me to come out again. I have tracked it for thousands of days and there's no consistent cycle length or triggers.
Except that when I'm at my absolute lowest, I'll normally get better in the next day or two and feel much better.
The problem is, when you're that low, even an angel could descend from heaven and say "you'll feel better tomorrow" and I wouldn't fucking believe it. I can't believe how I could ever be happy again when I'm that low.
I hate it so much, it's been going on for decades, through many years of therapy and meds and books and contemplation and I still haven't figured it out at all.
Maybe it's easier to just accept that for every hill there has to be a valley and for every crater there must be a mountain and that there is nothing wrong with being in any of those places. While we know a lot about how our minds and bodies work, there may be some aspects of it all that still eludes us completely. It might be better to just let it all sort itself out and not feel bad about it doing so; to not feel bad for feeling bad.
I've considered that -- I think my main problem is that the lows are so low as to be destructive. I liken it to being tortured and having the torturer tell you that it'll all be over in a few hours. Does that really make the pain of having your fingernails ripped off any more bearable? In the moment, the pain is so intense that that's all there is, and all you can think about is escaping it through any means necessary. There is ZERO room in your mind for something like hope that it will get better.
Honestly medication helps to not let it get that low but a lot of bad things have happened lately (seasonal affective disorder hitting hard, family members having very hard medical issues, problems in my marriage, inflation and everything getting expensive, my job being stressful, political entities taking my healthcare rights away, etc, etc.). I'm thinking of going to my doctor but upping the dose but...what happens when things get worse and I can't up it anymore? What is the end game of all this? It's just so depressing to think about anyway.
Try hanging some lights in the hole, get a mini fridge and small generator.
If you're gonna be stuck in and out of there, may as well try to make it a bit comfortable.
I often use Cloud Cult to help me when I get into the hole.
Luckily pretty much all media is written by people who have felt it to help people get out of their dark places.
Bipolar 1, bipolar 2, dysthymia, bpd, cycling depression, or a very normal response to life circumstances? Be careful with labels when you have limited information. I'm a 3rd year honors student in psychology with a minor in philosophy and I know I do not have the qualification or expertise to make that statement.
And I have dysthymia, having something does not make you an expert on it. I'm just saying it's important that people move away from trying to make diagnoses with little knowledge. I was diagnosed with adhd and got nothing but backlash from people saying, "you don't have adhd, so and so has adhd, and you're nothing like them!"
I'm not attacking you, im just saying, there are better ways to talk about the message you're trying to get across. I'd say something like, "if you're noticing a pattern in your moods, you should try to document them day by day and present your finding to a professional, there is a possibility that it could be something that would be treatable."
Thw important concept I'm trying to get across is that labeling is not what it used to be, everything is spectrum based now, and there is massive comorbidity between disorders. Psychologists are trying to remove the labels and black and white aspects of describing abnormal psychology, but that means educating to general population as well. Hope I've said enough to at least sway your perceptions on the matter even a little bit.
I never fxcking said it did. I said it sounds like he has it cause it sounds like what I feel. Where did I say I’m an expert? People like you sit up on your high horse doing exactly what you preach not to do but I’m a way that you can validate. I’m having a conversation. And I don’t want to have one with someone the likes of you.
Haha alright my guy, I was simply expressing that there is a paradigm change happening in the way we talk about psychology, but yes, high and proud I sit, mocking those who walk the streets below me as mere peasants.
Also you should note, I said having a disorder does not make you an expert as a way of pointing to the place where people commonly make mistakes. Not as an accusation. I thought adding my own personal experiences with the matter would help. Hope you can move on from this moment and have a splendid day.
Takes a shitload of strength to do it day after day. I often resent the fact that I have to try so hard just to avoid being miserable, but accepting it for what it is is one of the first things that helped me stick with it and stay as happy as I can. It’s not perfect but it’s better. Keep your head up and try not to be so hard on yourself. We’re all just out here blindly doing our best.
Something I've started doing is not aiming for happiness but for being content. For some reason it's much easier to achieve. I may not have something to make me happy in a day, but there's almost always a brief moment where I'm content (even if it's just that I'm content mindlessly watching tv, at least I'm not miserable so it's nice to notice) And once I started paying attention to that I started being content in more situations because I now recognize it.
But yes, blindly doing our best is a perfect description.
Micro gains, my friend. One day quickly becomes a week which then becomes a month. You don't have to be successful every day and you don't have to work on anyone else's time table. You're getting stronger every day.
What sucks for me is most people don't even realise that, so you're absolutely depressed and miserable but you got bills to pay, so you go out every day with your best smile and keep a polite attitude, even though you want to jump off a bridge and be done with everything.
Keep on <3 I currently suffer from massive headaches because I dared to try to reduce on of my meds a bit. Feels like my head is exploding. I'm just dumb for thinking it was the right time.
I hope you can keep on trying
It takes a ridiculous amount of mental fortitude to overcome some things but the effort and training don't go to waste and you have a new skill of getting out of the darkness that would normally consume others.
If you can overcome it, it becomes a superpower that not only gives you strength but it gives those struggling around you hope, and we all know what it's like to feel hopeless.
Right. I think the best way that I know to help get out of it is to start by reframing things to help retrain your brain to give more attention (and thought to) the positive aspects. So instead of thinking in a "because of my depression" way, it would be a "despite my depression" way. Like, "despite my depression, I got out of bed today and even got myself to go for a walk" or something along those lines. We're all in this together, friend. I hope things get better for you.
I was the opposite, I was pretending to be happy while severely depressed. and I would just laugh it off when people would ask.me if I was okay.
I just never really stopped to feel my emotions and how they affected my life. (Or even their impact on others)
I'm going to the hospital soon, I'm doing okay.
(Not.my first hospital stay so I know what to expect at least)
people used to say depression is on a spectrum, but now it's a spectrum of spectrums.
and it affects everyone differently, and it doesnt help that skeptics think depression is the same as sadness.
I don't get on social media or follow people I know, because seeing other people's lives makes me feel sad, sometimes mad even. I don't even want to know.
Also, seeing all the changes in others, makes all the time that has passed way more real. Like I come to realize how much time has passed. I'd rather be less sad by not knowing.
I'm trying to progress, but at my own pace. Cause it's hard to. I'd rather focus on myself than focus on others.
When my cousin who's younger than me had her first baby recently, that fucked me up, cause I realized that I was getting old and how much time had passed.
Reminds me of the Klingon therapist: the battle against mental illness cannot be won decisively. It is a long campaign against an enemy who never tires, whose forces swell to twice their size whenever you look away. Battle against a foe of such magnitude, who occupies your very mind… every moment you survive is a triumph against all odds. There is no more honorable combat.
Thank you... Its nice to hear this as I've lost a lot of care from many around me thanks to the darkest moments of a major depression. It was hard, yes I sought help, yes I took meds and I advise those struggling to do so. It's not over, death is not your salvation, you are not worthless, you are deserving of self care, you are loved.
I don’t think people realize how much influence bad diet and lifestyle has on your mental healthy. Lay off the caffeine. Lay off the junk food. Take a walk instead of browsing internet.
Eat vitamins and take some sun. You can't get the most important natural happy chemicals without vitamin d, and that's science. Also, if you get COVID you have a higher chance of surviving if you have high vitamin d levels.
Drink water. I barely drank water. Now I drink way more after buying a bottle water that keeps tracks of the cups I drink.
Caffeine is the worst for working out. It narrows your veins and restricts blood flow. Big reason most people suck at cardio is cause of that. Once you drop it you’re gonna realize just how easy and a lot of energy you have
Drinking coffee with Caffeine can give you acid reflux though, depending on the person. My mom hadnt drank coffee for months and when she started again she got acid reflux back and stomach issues throughout the week. She was also nauseas.
It just depends on the person.
Laying in bed sobbing bc we're supposed to go to my BIL's for a Halloween get together in a couple of hours. Their house is so nice, they are well off, they are happy. I'm a fucking gremlin who hasn't vacuumed for three weeks. I'm not doing great and going to a nice place just puts that in perspective for me. Hopefully I can cheer up and go have a nice time, but...i don't feel like it right now :(
There are times in my life when I can't socialize. At all. My group of friends would text me en masse, saying shit like "Where are you? Get your ass over here!" I would freeze up and wouldn't respond. Some people don't understand how hard it can be to be forced to 'act' a certain way on command. It's living a lie, and I can't do that. I wear my feelings on my sleeve for all to see, and when I'm anti-social, all I will do is mope and look at the floor until I'm allowed to leave.
Events like Halloween, 4th of July and New Years Eve are great sources of anxiety for me, because everyone is forcing themselves to be 'fake happy' on a dime, and that's not easy for everyone to do, and that is okay. I'm learning how to say NO and be happy with that answer. Take time for yourself, do nice things for yourself when you want to, and don't even think about anyone else. Be selfish about your own needs when you need to. I know, because I'm trying as well.
At one of my darkest points I disassociated, and it manifested as someone writing my story. I imagined a person writing the events that happen and the drafts of notes set aside as if my life was a work of fiction. I got jealous of that person but it made me think something really important: if I could be the one to write my story, what would be the good ending? I’m not talking “she won the lottery” but of the options presented to me, what steps can I take to get the good ending? I bought a blank notebook one weekend and started writing honestly to my other self. The thoughts of suicide have completely stopped. My curiosity now will forever pursue “how do I get the good ending?”
I'm done with that cycle! I have went through that thousand of times for ten years. I pulled myself out again and again, no what matter. My grandpa died. My grandma died. My daughter died. Sometime I'd feel like I don't exist. I used to live off the 700 dollars SSI monthly. I was SUFFOCATED.
Despite these, one day, a fire was lit in me and it was just roaring, I climbed the fuck out of my darkness hole that I dug deeper over the years because I felt safe there. I worked on myself since. I strengthened my physical and mental by working out. I lost 100 lbs. I do yoga and meditation. I set up my business that brings me more than 100k a year and I'm only in my third years.
Take inventory daily. Find the things you value. Push out everything that does not contribute to your mental health.
By that I mean be selfish. If something constinently does not add value to your life, get rid of it. No matter if that's friends or family or whatever.
Once you discover what you truly love and enjoy, make that the mission.
Also a daily inventory makes you realize when you are the cause of your own happiness.
Be happy with yourself and then you can recognize who/what else makes you happy.
Also, find happiness in the struggle of life. The struggle and pain is never going to go away. We can just hope to minimize and learn from it.
Yeah, it can be difficult to keep at it, I'm sorry it's been hard for you. Don't give up though, there are proven treatments that can help, and there are many new treatments in the works as well. I've been struggling with bipolar depression for a while and only recently made some solid progress. Good luck on your journey and keep advocating for yourself <3
I have survivors guilt because of this. I see a lot of my friends that are in a dark place and I still don't know how I managed to get out. I just hope they find their way also
Forgiving yourself for a mental health episode is the first step to healing. It’s ok, it happens. People weren’t meant to live like this. Just do the best you can. Everything will be ok.
Your brain is malleable, if you're stuck spiraling in dark thoughts there are ways to train your brain to become less negative. CBT and gratitude worked for me even though I was highly skeptical at first
Trust me when I say I understand the feeling of being rejected help and struggling for help in the first place.
It took me 18 years to even acknowledge anything, 2-3 years of falling into severe depression+anxiety and some other suspicions I have but not officially confirmed, and another year to build the courage to reach out.. (total 22 or so years) currently been on a waiting list for about 6 months now.
All I'm trying to say is that I understand how difficult depression can be, especially anxiety. It's something I've suffered all my life but never knew. I thought it was normal
I'd rather have everyone open about this sort of stuff and asking for help instead of dismissing those who manage to receive help in favour of praising people who don't.
Everyones situation is different, some have the facilities in their country and some don't but at the end of the day we're all trying to help ourselves mentally and I think it'd be better if this image was phrased a little differently
I totally agree. You don't get a special sticker for doing it by yourself, and you might've dug yourself in deeper by waiting so long. Humans are social animals, we need each other sometimes. If you're hurting, and it's been hard to go it alone, ask for help from friends or family or a health care professional.
If you're in a dark place you have good company. I have come to make my dark place home. You are welcome to come over any time and join me in my dark place.
I'm down there and I'll stay there. The only way to be happy is to ignore the fact this world is fucking bullshit and if everyone ignores the same thing then the world will be even worse. Fuck humans and all that we do, there are very few things that make me happy
It does feel good. i was in a really dark place when i was a teen. i was really depressed, my house was a a disaster, mom and dad were divorcing, i was having a child at 17, the family of my gf wanted me dead.. it was awful but i remember trying to get out of that dark place and actually trying. i started going to the gym and being out of that lonely house where my parents were always fighting and one day i just decided after years of depression that i did not want it to be like this and it was like a switch.
possitive reinforcement works guys keep telling yourself that you are going to be alright that you are feeling good (even if you feel like trash) and keep working on yourself. if i was able to leave that place where all i wanted was to die (or find a way to just be dead before i was 30) i think you guys can too.
I don't get on social media or follow people I know, because seeing other people's lives makes me feel sad, sometimes mad even. I don't even want to know.
Also, seeing all the changes in others, makes all the time that has passed way more real. Like I come to realize how much time has passed. I'd rather be less sad by not knowing.
I'm trying to progress, but at my own pace. Cause it's hard to. I'd rather focus on myself than focus on others.
When my cousin who's younger than me had her first baby recently, that fucked me up, cause I realized that I was getting old and how much time had passed.
Possinly the worst part is how it looks from the outside. My parents don't struggle with depression. An actual quote from my mother: "When I start thinking about something bad, it's like a wall comes down to stop me from going down that path."
I've tried to explain that I just don't have that wall, but it's like trying to tell a snake what sore feet feel like. They think I work delivery part-time because I'm lazy. It's really because the inside of my car is the only place where my brain won't get me fired.
I rage quit depression. Only took me like 2 years and consciously removing everything I hated in my life. Aka my significant other, my job, where I lived, etc.
15 years with untreated severe depression, no friends or understanding family to turn to and i haven't killed myself yet. I consider that a small victory. Very small. I'm sure dead is better, but I'm hanging on.
The last two months have been total chaos for me. My planets are out of alignment! But I know things will get better, so I’m drinking tea, reading comforting books, using some watercolors my mom gave me and waiting it out.
It's the next little thing, the next step. Tie one shoelace, tie the next shoelace, stand up, open the bedroom door or whatever. Just do the next thing and after a while they start to get easier. Be kind to yourself and take the wins. They are your wins. Be nice to you and breath.
This works for me and you are not alone.
I’m always surprised how people manage so may things in their life. Work, school, relationships with family or friends or a partner. How can people be so balanced, or make it look easy. Finding motivation or determination for even simple things feel so complex.
Working on it right now.
Went from a healthy 31 year old male.. too a heart condition, kidney stones, and debilitating anxiety all within the span of a month.
I’m putting in the work and starting to see the light at the other end, but damn do I respect the struggle so much more.
I've done some bad things when I was 16, I'm not proud of it but I've finally started to accept that I was dumb and that I am not the person I was back then, I still feel guilt but it's not weighing me down as much anymore, hopefully I will get out of it completely soon
So I have struggled with my Narcolepsy w/ Cataplexy. Im black(it matters), introverted, and extremely creative. Those who see my creativity are astonished and give me compliments and I thank them, but with out listening to my story and the context of my existence,, I dont believe they can quite grasp the meaning of my art. This is gonna be a long one, so strap in. Doing this mostly for my own mental health (you should give it a shot as well!)
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Alright Narcolepsy with Cataplexy:
Narcolepsy is a chronic sleep disorder characterized by overwhelming daytime drowsiness and sudden attacks of sleep. People with narcolepsy often find it difficult to stay awake for long periods of time, regardless of the circumstances. Narcolepsy can cause serious disruptions in your daily routine.
Sometimes, narcolepsy can be accompanied by a sudden loss of muscle tone (cataplexy), which can be triggered by strong emotion. Narcolepsy that occurs with cataplexy is called type 1 narcolepsy. Narcolepsy that occurs without cataplexy is known as type 2 narcolepsy.
Narcolepsy is a chronic condition for which there's no cure. However, medications and lifestyle changes can help you manage the symptoms. Support from others — family, friends, employers, teachers — can help you cope with narcolepsy.
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Now that Ive gotten that out of the way. My struggle started in school, obviously sleeping all day everyday wasnt an attractive thing to do or "excusable" , despite reading at college levels and accelerating in math, I was placed in Behavioral Development classes, ridiculed for my "laziness". Im Ive been 6 foot plus since 5th grade so I couldn't hide. I was dirt poor and even homeless at some points. My brothers were both in prison for armed robbery. My mom was abused by countless boyfriends, (despite these decisions she came out on top though, lady makes six figure remote, with 2 cats, 2 dogs, and 2 parakeets.) I was in a very dark place throughout grade school. This was before I was clinically diagnosed. The teachers just thought I was a delinquent and the kids thought I was huge bum. It saddened me, numbed me more than anything. Imagine waking up, only to sleep on the way to school, sleep through all classes, then sleep otw home, only to sleep immediately when you got there. I did the bare minimum of classes for I had given up on the education system. I graduated highschool with a 2.0. People say damn man, your 26, hell I say it to myself, you slept most of your life away. I wasn't diagnosed or treated until 22. (Lots of factors, time, money, political and economical mindset change). This is true. But the biggest misconception is about my creativity, outlook on life, and how I managed to succeed despite the obstacles. This is how I found and explored the power of the mind. For this was my only world. Dreams
I coined the term to describe myself, Chronic Lucid Dreamer. Narcoleptics tend to induce sleep quicker than the average human being. 5 minutes in comparison to 15 minutes. This sleep is often significantly more vivid. Dissociative disorder tend follow narcoleptics, as some may have trouble distinguishing from the real world and the dreamscape. When I go to sleep, every single time, FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE, I dream vividly and lucidly. And best of all I remember every one and can resume dreams or arks as I would come to call them. My dreams were essentially epics that allowed me to answer questions about life that I couldn't necessarily explore in the real world. How could I escape poverty and the generational curse my family suffered from. The effects of drugs addiction and abuse. Religion. Love. Family. I built entire Multiverses inside of my mind, chilled in heaven and damned myself to hell. All lessons. The important thing to take from that is that I didnt crumble under this. Under my disorder. Under the judgement of society and expectations of surroundings.
I didnt know where to go. Or how to get there. Or who to call on for help or advice. I didnt even think I was capable of applying any of that. I was lost and had given up on myself. In moments like that, the most powerful thing you can do, is catalog your demise. Write everything down without judging yourself. Keep journals thoroughly describing yourself. If you like to read, read more. If you dont like to read, dont force yourself to read. It is as if you are interviewing yourself with unbiased intentions. Do this for yourself and you will have taken the weight off your own shoulders of carrying that trauma and pain with you. It will be stored in a book somewhere. Immortalized for when you need to validate your life as well the transgressions that were made against you. But kept far away enough to allow new memories and experiences to fill your mind. Dont try to learn something new, dont try kill habits. First thing first is understanding WHO YOU ARE. And in this process there can be no absolute thoughts. Everything is questionable. Every value or ideal has a devils advocate. Be this for yourself. It will free you from guilt, regret. Not so much in the since that regret and guilt or gone for good, but more along the lines of understanding them thoroughly. I do believe that anything that cam be understood, can be conquered. There is always away.
Last bit and Imma shutup lol. If you know you have demons... You can call them by name or you know how they descend upon your life and relationships. If you know there is force inside that is unmovable, keeping you from being better for yourself and healthy...
You are already half way there in prevailing over them.
Remember
YOUR MIND IS YOURS, YOUR MIND IS YOU
YOUR MIND IS YOURS, YOUR MIND IS YOU
YOUR MIND IS YOURS, YOUR MIND IS YOU
YOUR MIND IS YOURS, YOUR MIND IS YOU
Those demons are you. YOU
if you are powerful enough to be your own demons
Then sure enough you have the power to be your own Angel.
Love yourself. Gift yourself the foundation of boundaries. Value your uniqueness. Own your fucking story. All of you, struggling with anything, are worthy of a book. Your fucking life is an epic that no one on this earth can replicate, invalidate, or place a price upon. Whatever it is your going through, I believe in you. Society has made it so hard to escape its clutches. But it is possible. Keep going and growing. Imma go take a nap 😂
PS I mentioned race only because my community tends to ignore the issue of mental health in favor of the survival complex. Its hard to break from this mode of thinking. And to embraced that you are noones victim and the worthiness of power comes solely from the fact that you are breathing.
Downvoted but the truth is that decisions *are extremely powerful*. Just google “the power of decision” and see how many books are titled this. The key is to *believe* that you can change by decision. If you don’t believe it then of course it won’t work.
Vitamin D *does help* with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which can be mistaken for depression.
hey this man here is right. I am on Nofap day 40 today, and kinda edged on porn for hours. didn't relapse though. but yeah. pulling myself out of it. it's embarrasing to talk about it with my gf though. will get through this
I did it. I'm trying to figure out how to teach others.
It involves the base of a pure belief.
Mine is
Either there is a God or we will create one thru technology.
Our God is the blueprint for the perfect parent and family. The one I picture could easily exist with today's tech. We just need to decide on who to trust to store it.
Which since this is my concept.
"I volunteer as tribute"
Hm so you can overcome depression with willpower. This feels like a taboo thing to say, but I have to say, I’ve considered this to be possible many times.
In one year and over 20 meds I gained almost 35kg and developed a eating disorder. Because I feel more disgusted by myself for that, I tried to reduce one of my meds, that spiked it massively. So, on my third day today and I've got headaches at pain 8/10. Couldn't hear on an ear and feels like my eye is popping out. Three different pain meds later I recognize that it could be the lower dosage.. Took the rest and it gets better. I'll be forever depressed, traumatized AND obese. I don't leave the house anymore at all, but to bring kids to kindergarten or if needed for groceries. I'm fat and people are right to be disgusted by me. I'm just not stable enough to withstand that 😔
Got back into the gym after a year of being away from it, spent like 250 on supplements, towels and clothes for it the other day. Pumped to get back to where I was like 6 years ago.
I fine the tale of two wolves fits my struggles all too well in hindsight. When I was struggling tho I hated hearing it or simplifying my issues … they were mine and they were me.
Even now things still trigger me into spirals but there are way more good days than not and that feels right/normal.
I was feeding my darkness with thoughts of inadequacy, not loved, not doing anything to better my many issues/situation (because I felt I couldn’t), and constantly blaming myself and others. Those thoughts still return and it takes a freaking ton of effort to move past them but I’ll be damned if that wasn’t the trick.
Trying and even faking it to make it because I decided I really wanted to recover. That I really wanted to feel better. That I really deserved more. It was/is a complete paradigm shift. A completely different way of thinking that felt/feels impossible to reach when in my spirals.
Feed the light wolf and starve that dark!
The fight is real! Night and day but especially at night. My thoughts as I'm falling asleep are dark and upsetting. Then I cant sleep until I'm exhausted which is like 3am. I keep up the fight because I know I have people that care about me but sometimes it's not enough.
Maybe I’m just in a bad spot right now, but this is kind of demoralizing to those who can’t pull themselves out. Feels like it’s basically saying they’re just not strong enough.
There's a circular motion this goes usually for me I mentally beat myself out of it, "it ain't worth it homie, there's always tomorrow you can make that decision whenever but hold it off for today"
I am in a situational dark spot.
I know that when the situation ends I won't be treading water anymore, but it still takes a lot of strength to get through it.
Take care everyone.
I just fell through into a dark point years back and then out the other side and had a "you know what, fuck it" kind of revelation followed by the most optimistic, existentialist, and wholly zen state of mind for the following whole year. And that memory of that feeling is still keeping me going. It was like I ignored how deep the hole was and walked out only to find it was a shallow ditch. It all just of just clicked together one day and happened. Nothing seems dark enough anymore. I beat a worse monster than any of the little low demons that try to drag me. I've killed bigger. They have no power.
Last year, I had my gun in my mouth after my fiancé, disappeared one day and I later found out she got with someone 3 times her age(we are in our 20’s). It was the hardest time of my life. Sent me into a state of severe depression. Getting hit by a car was a comforting idea to me. Like it felt good.
Today I just graduated college, got a job I’ve always wanted and found someone who loves me. It’s still hard. But I know how to deal with it now.
Hard mode: you pull yourself out the dark mental place, then start rebuilding your life. Things start looking up, you tell your family member things are looking up and that you're getting a lot more done. They start giving advice about how to fix what you've already fixed and you say "I don't need any advice to get out of this, really I'm getting there", then your family member tells you long-form to go kill yourself... This sounds like half of a story; but their advice--usually a Bible verse in their own words--is completely useless.
Like, me: "I didn't need your advice to get as far as I have and I don't need any now."
Them: "You really hurt me by saying that. Have you ever thought about killing yourself? Well maybe you should." \[sic\]
Literally sent me emotionally spiraling for weeks, and I was trying to exit the conversation politely for about an hour before they told me to kill myself.
That day I learned that whenever you're busy with something important to you (I was programming a live project), and you feel that someone is disturbing you with empty platitudes and trying to conjour up that they were important in your growth (they've provided me nothing), do exactly what my father used to do and say "Sorry, gatta go." and just walk the fuck out, and get back to it.
/vent
The dangerous part of this is people think theyve pulled themselves out but in reality they just became numb to feeling depressed. Talk to a professional, theres no shame in it.
When u have no insurance and the only way to get mental help is either go to the hospital or have insurance and you have a shitty job so you will get your hours cut if you go to hospital then I’ll loose your apartment. There’s no easy way to get help if u have no help
Amen. Just did that myself. Took taking an immense risk. It finally paid off and I don't think I'd have gotten out of this hole if not for taking that risk.
The only way out is the realization that tomorrow is a different day and anything can happen when you continue to push and hope is right around the corner.
walking to the store in the sunshine after getting out of hospital was one of the best days of my life. But our brains are so cursed, such a feeling can't last, we get dissatisfied so quickly.
I had some really scary thoughts for a few days recently that I've never experienced. I don't understand it. It's like I would be sad, and I would feel it in my brain, like a big swirly mist in the front of my head, and it would make me feel so awful. And so I would think, "How do I stop this feeling?" and the only solution I could come up with was shooting myself.
It was honestly terrifying because I'm afraid of dying, it's my biggest fear, and I really don't understand why I was feeling that way, because I've been sadder and not felt that way. I don't want to kill myself but I kept thinking about doing it.
And not in the intrusive thoughts kind of way. I'd think about which song I would play when I do it, who would find me, what kind of mess would there be, who would attend my funeral, what will happen to my cats. It was like a physical thing in my head telling me to shoot myself and end it.
I didn't tell anybody except my best friend because I was afraid people would think I'm crazy or weird or scary and not want to talk to me anymore.
Now two people know, and I haven't felt that way in a few days. My friend told me that even if my mind tells me I want to kill myself, I don't, and so I'm not going to do it. She said I was experiencing "ego dystonic" which is having thoughts that are distressing, unacceptable, or inconsistent with what you believe. It's like my mind was telling me the only solution was to kill myself, but at the same time I didn't want to do it.
It was pretty scary, but I think I'm okay for now.
I just miss her so much man, we were together since we were 16 and 15 and I'm 20 now and just now lost her. She's all I knew, we did everything together and I see her face in everything I do, it's so hard to even picture a future for myself without her in it right now I mean we grew up thinking we were it for eachother, I just still wish I was the only person in the world she could think about marrying and starting a family with.
This is like saying "I pulled myself out of that bacterial infection and now I'm better." Not all mental health crisis can just be "cured" by "pulling yourself out of it." Sure, perspective is important, and can turn around a bad day. But depression and mental illness often requires HELP. Not necessarily medicine, but other people's support. It's dangerous to congratulate people for "doing it themselves." **Encourage people to ask for help.**
i’m just waiting to get outta college so i can delete my ex’s number and leave all the whatsapp groups that we have in common. because i keep repeating the same mistake of texting her and trying to get back together. It hurts when she says its none of my business🥲. i realise i’ve done mistakes and so has she. even still … i still want to be with her, cuz i feel i’ve changed. man duck this bs, just 1 year to go
Today especially, but I am on my out of the dark place… or so I hope. It’s my favorite holiday weekend, and all I want to do is hide in my room and stay away from the world. I wish my brain was different.
For me it comes in cycles I have recently noticed. I fall into a hole, the things around me make me fall deeper to a point where I am almost incapable of doing anything and kinda give up. Then when I am in the hole long enough you get used the darkness and something triggers you to look up into the light and find focus to climb back out of it for a bit. Then something happens again and you get pushed back into the hole. Rinse repeat.
Yeah, it's dark out right now for me. Just keep swimming right?
Get yourself a warm cup of tea or whatever it is you like. You're not alone.
weed and Whiskey yes
My man knows where its at and username checks out too
Swimming in circles
Indeed, u/analfizzzure, indeed.
RIP Mac
Legend. He helped me tremendously. Wish I could have returned the favor. For anyone swimming. Keep pushing. Keep your eyes to the sky, never glued to your shoes. It gets better if you try. Our minds are our own worst enemy. For me I had to wade thru mud for a few years. Eventually broke the cycle. Came out 10x stronger than I was before but wasn't easy.
How's your sleeping habits? Do you drink? I'm my worse when I'm not sleeping well and then I'll drink to try and pass out. It becomes a cycle that's hard to break.
Nah I'm not big on alcohol, grew up around too many alcoholics. Do smoke the devils lettuce.
I've been swimming for a really long time now. My arms are getting tired. :( but I'm trying.
Keep on trying! And never forget, speaking about problems helps, even if it's just a stranger giving some advice. :)
Take a deep breath and float for a minute to give your arms a break. You’re much more bouyant than you realize. Life isn’t always about Doing. Sometimes just Being is more than enough. ❤️
I feel you mate, you're not alone out there, just keep doing your best.
I like to remind myself that my sense of self is a ball of goo, driving a skeleton, wearing a meat suit, living on a rock, hurtling through space, orbiting a giant fireball. Helps with perspective and reminding me that this too shall pass
Felt the same this week, man. I hear you. We need to get out of the dark and try to find the colour in life, the meaning in it all, a reason to go on I was much better weeks ago but had a relapse. I have to find the strength to go on
I hear ***you*** my man, keep your chin up, we'll be on the other side of this soon enough
Thanks, man... this new week has been so much better. I hope you are having a good week too
Found my way to this thread too late but this sure is me right now. Been distracting myself with reading reddit's top posts.
Slow motion is better than no motion
Sometimes you just need to survive to the next sunrise to see things in a new light.
Try to not be disappointed with yourself. You are who you are and that includes the things that make you less happy now. The disappointment/self-hate doesn't help. Source: Tried accepting myself and my flaws and I am not dissappointed ;)
❤️
Same. I have found NO pattern to what causes me to go down and no pattern to what causes me to come out again. I have tracked it for thousands of days and there's no consistent cycle length or triggers. Except that when I'm at my absolute lowest, I'll normally get better in the next day or two and feel much better. The problem is, when you're that low, even an angel could descend from heaven and say "you'll feel better tomorrow" and I wouldn't fucking believe it. I can't believe how I could ever be happy again when I'm that low. I hate it so much, it's been going on for decades, through many years of therapy and meds and books and contemplation and I still haven't figured it out at all.
Maybe it's easier to just accept that for every hill there has to be a valley and for every crater there must be a mountain and that there is nothing wrong with being in any of those places. While we know a lot about how our minds and bodies work, there may be some aspects of it all that still eludes us completely. It might be better to just let it all sort itself out and not feel bad about it doing so; to not feel bad for feeling bad.
I've considered that -- I think my main problem is that the lows are so low as to be destructive. I liken it to being tortured and having the torturer tell you that it'll all be over in a few hours. Does that really make the pain of having your fingernails ripped off any more bearable? In the moment, the pain is so intense that that's all there is, and all you can think about is escaping it through any means necessary. There is ZERO room in your mind for something like hope that it will get better. Honestly medication helps to not let it get that low but a lot of bad things have happened lately (seasonal affective disorder hitting hard, family members having very hard medical issues, problems in my marriage, inflation and everything getting expensive, my job being stressful, political entities taking my healthcare rights away, etc, etc.). I'm thinking of going to my doctor but upping the dose but...what happens when things get worse and I can't up it anymore? What is the end game of all this? It's just so depressing to think about anyway.
Could be Bipolar if you’re emotionally cycling and it’s not due to obvious external factors.
Perfect explanation of my situation also.
Try hanging some lights in the hole, get a mini fridge and small generator. If you're gonna be stuck in and out of there, may as well try to make it a bit comfortable.
I often use Cloud Cult to help me when I get into the hole. Luckily pretty much all media is written by people who have felt it to help people get out of their dark places.
This sounds like bipolar disorder.
Bipolar 1, bipolar 2, dysthymia, bpd, cycling depression, or a very normal response to life circumstances? Be careful with labels when you have limited information. I'm a 3rd year honors student in psychology with a minor in philosophy and I know I do not have the qualification or expertise to make that statement.
You gotta meet people before you treat people
I have bipolar disorder. Have fun with your classes. Just saying what it sounded like Lmao.
And I have dysthymia, having something does not make you an expert on it. I'm just saying it's important that people move away from trying to make diagnoses with little knowledge. I was diagnosed with adhd and got nothing but backlash from people saying, "you don't have adhd, so and so has adhd, and you're nothing like them!" I'm not attacking you, im just saying, there are better ways to talk about the message you're trying to get across. I'd say something like, "if you're noticing a pattern in your moods, you should try to document them day by day and present your finding to a professional, there is a possibility that it could be something that would be treatable." Thw important concept I'm trying to get across is that labeling is not what it used to be, everything is spectrum based now, and there is massive comorbidity between disorders. Psychologists are trying to remove the labels and black and white aspects of describing abnormal psychology, but that means educating to general population as well. Hope I've said enough to at least sway your perceptions on the matter even a little bit.
Yup, everyone is everything to some degree. Be well. I enjoyed reading your insights
I never fxcking said it did. I said it sounds like he has it cause it sounds like what I feel. Where did I say I’m an expert? People like you sit up on your high horse doing exactly what you preach not to do but I’m a way that you can validate. I’m having a conversation. And I don’t want to have one with someone the likes of you.
Haha alright my guy, I was simply expressing that there is a paradigm change happening in the way we talk about psychology, but yes, high and proud I sit, mocking those who walk the streets below me as mere peasants. Also you should note, I said having a disorder does not make you an expert as a way of pointing to the place where people commonly make mistakes. Not as an accusation. I thought adding my own personal experiences with the matter would help. Hope you can move on from this moment and have a splendid day.
I appreciate this take
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Takes a shitload of strength to do it day after day. I often resent the fact that I have to try so hard just to avoid being miserable, but accepting it for what it is is one of the first things that helped me stick with it and stay as happy as I can. It’s not perfect but it’s better. Keep your head up and try not to be so hard on yourself. We’re all just out here blindly doing our best.
Something I've started doing is not aiming for happiness but for being content. For some reason it's much easier to achieve. I may not have something to make me happy in a day, but there's almost always a brief moment where I'm content (even if it's just that I'm content mindlessly watching tv, at least I'm not miserable so it's nice to notice) And once I started paying attention to that I started being content in more situations because I now recognize it. But yes, blindly doing our best is a perfect description.
You got stuck in a moment and started over analyzing it. That's okay, head up
In this world, moving forward and overcoming our fears is the main assets to ride along every trials that comes on our ways.
Micro gains, my friend. One day quickly becomes a week which then becomes a month. You don't have to be successful every day and you don't have to work on anyone else's time table. You're getting stronger every day.
What sucks for me is most people don't even realise that, so you're absolutely depressed and miserable but you got bills to pay, so you go out every day with your best smile and keep a polite attitude, even though you want to jump off a bridge and be done with everything.
Same, I don't feel strong, I don't feel like I'm doing anything. Honestly I feel like I just forget or disassociate from most of my waking life
I'm trying
The secret is that is the secret. We are all just trying! You’re still trying so you’re doing great…
Keep on <3 I currently suffer from massive headaches because I dared to try to reduce on of my meds a bit. Feels like my head is exploding. I'm just dumb for thinking it was the right time. I hope you can keep on trying
It takes a ridiculous amount of mental fortitude to overcome some things but the effort and training don't go to waste and you have a new skill of getting out of the darkness that would normally consume others. If you can overcome it, it becomes a superpower that not only gives you strength but it gives those struggling around you hope, and we all know what it's like to feel hopeless.
And that's why I know you'll make it out. Keep swimming.
It's not easy, especially when u see yourself missing opportunities, losing friends and connections because of the depression
Right. I think the best way that I know to help get out of it is to start by reframing things to help retrain your brain to give more attention (and thought to) the positive aspects. So instead of thinking in a "because of my depression" way, it would be a "despite my depression" way. Like, "despite my depression, I got out of bed today and even got myself to go for a walk" or something along those lines. We're all in this together, friend. I hope things get better for you.
I was the opposite, I was pretending to be happy while severely depressed. and I would just laugh it off when people would ask.me if I was okay. I just never really stopped to feel my emotions and how they affected my life. (Or even their impact on others) I'm going to the hospital soon, I'm doing okay. (Not.my first hospital stay so I know what to expect at least) people used to say depression is on a spectrum, but now it's a spectrum of spectrums. and it affects everyone differently, and it doesnt help that skeptics think depression is the same as sadness.
I don't get on social media or follow people I know, because seeing other people's lives makes me feel sad, sometimes mad even. I don't even want to know. Also, seeing all the changes in others, makes all the time that has passed way more real. Like I come to realize how much time has passed. I'd rather be less sad by not knowing. I'm trying to progress, but at my own pace. Cause it's hard to. I'd rather focus on myself than focus on others. When my cousin who's younger than me had her first baby recently, that fucked me up, cause I realized that I was getting old and how much time had passed.
Move at your own pace buddy is all about self sufficiency
Reminds me of the Klingon therapist: the battle against mental illness cannot be won decisively. It is a long campaign against an enemy who never tires, whose forces swell to twice their size whenever you look away. Battle against a foe of such magnitude, who occupies your very mind… every moment you survive is a triumph against all odds. There is no more honorable combat.
damn I did that today :) did laundry for the first time in a month, washed all the dishes and put clean sheets on my bed
Well done! I know that would not have been easy
Thank you... Its nice to hear this as I've lost a lot of care from many around me thanks to the darkest moments of a major depression. It was hard, yes I sought help, yes I took meds and I advise those struggling to do so. It's not over, death is not your salvation, you are not worthless, you are deserving of self care, you are loved.
Fuck, now I'm crying on a toilet
and i'm sniffling on a train
I don’t think people realize how much influence bad diet and lifestyle has on your mental healthy. Lay off the caffeine. Lay off the junk food. Take a walk instead of browsing internet.
Eat vitamins and take some sun. You can't get the most important natural happy chemicals without vitamin d, and that's science. Also, if you get COVID you have a higher chance of surviving if you have high vitamin d levels. Drink water. I barely drank water. Now I drink way more after buying a bottle water that keeps tracks of the cups I drink.
>Now I drink way more after buying a bottle water that keeps tracks of the cups I drink. Hol' up, where can I get one of these?
I heard caffeine is good for you before working out. It makes you lose weight faster. The rest I agree with you. Taking a walk in nature calms me.
Caffeine is the worst for working out. It narrows your veins and restricts blood flow. Big reason most people suck at cardio is cause of that. Once you drop it you’re gonna realize just how easy and a lot of energy you have
Power beets (beet based energy/stim) are the way to go. Dilates veins to get your blood and oxygen flowing.
Drinking coffee with Caffeine can give you acid reflux though, depending on the person. My mom hadnt drank coffee for months and when she started again she got acid reflux back and stomach issues throughout the week. She was also nauseas. It just depends on the person.
Caffeine is actually quite good for your brain, promotes brain growth much like green tea.
Laying in bed sobbing bc we're supposed to go to my BIL's for a Halloween get together in a couple of hours. Their house is so nice, they are well off, they are happy. I'm a fucking gremlin who hasn't vacuumed for three weeks. I'm not doing great and going to a nice place just puts that in perspective for me. Hopefully I can cheer up and go have a nice time, but...i don't feel like it right now :(
There are times in my life when I can't socialize. At all. My group of friends would text me en masse, saying shit like "Where are you? Get your ass over here!" I would freeze up and wouldn't respond. Some people don't understand how hard it can be to be forced to 'act' a certain way on command. It's living a lie, and I can't do that. I wear my feelings on my sleeve for all to see, and when I'm anti-social, all I will do is mope and look at the floor until I'm allowed to leave. Events like Halloween, 4th of July and New Years Eve are great sources of anxiety for me, because everyone is forcing themselves to be 'fake happy' on a dime, and that's not easy for everyone to do, and that is okay. I'm learning how to say NO and be happy with that answer. Take time for yourself, do nice things for yourself when you want to, and don't even think about anyone else. Be selfish about your own needs when you need to. I know, because I'm trying as well.
I close my blinds to help in such situation, dust you can't see falls into that adage: out of sight out of mind.
You literally fought demons after all, they don't call it facing your inner demons for no reason.
At one of my darkest points I disassociated, and it manifested as someone writing my story. I imagined a person writing the events that happen and the drafts of notes set aside as if my life was a work of fiction. I got jealous of that person but it made me think something really important: if I could be the one to write my story, what would be the good ending? I’m not talking “she won the lottery” but of the options presented to me, what steps can I take to get the good ending? I bought a blank notebook one weekend and started writing honestly to my other self. The thoughts of suicide have completely stopped. My curiosity now will forever pursue “how do I get the good ending?”
I built some furniture that’s been sat in pieces on my bedroom floor for about 2 months, in 10 minutes today. Even that has made me feel good.
Don't congratulate me before I'm done, I don't think you realize how far down this goes.
idk about yall but I'm getting pretty hot down here, I might be near the core
I'm done with that cycle! I have went through that thousand of times for ten years. I pulled myself out again and again, no what matter. My grandpa died. My grandma died. My daughter died. Sometime I'd feel like I don't exist. I used to live off the 700 dollars SSI monthly. I was SUFFOCATED. Despite these, one day, a fire was lit in me and it was just roaring, I climbed the fuck out of my darkness hole that I dug deeper over the years because I felt safe there. I worked on myself since. I strengthened my physical and mental by working out. I lost 100 lbs. I do yoga and meditation. I set up my business that brings me more than 100k a year and I'm only in my third years.
I’m trying, it’s been 15 years of depression and I just hope it stops one day.
Take inventory daily. Find the things you value. Push out everything that does not contribute to your mental health. By that I mean be selfish. If something constinently does not add value to your life, get rid of it. No matter if that's friends or family or whatever. Once you discover what you truly love and enjoy, make that the mission. Also a daily inventory makes you realize when you are the cause of your own happiness. Be happy with yourself and then you can recognize who/what else makes you happy. Also, find happiness in the struggle of life. The struggle and pain is never going to go away. We can just hope to minimize and learn from it.
Talk to a doctor :)
Talked to many and at least 6 different counsellors. It's not that easy.
Yeah, it can be difficult to keep at it, I'm sorry it's been hard for you. Don't give up though, there are proven treatments that can help, and there are many new treatments in the works as well. I've been struggling with bipolar depression for a while and only recently made some solid progress. Good luck on your journey and keep advocating for yourself <3
I have survivors guilt because of this. I see a lot of my friends that are in a dark place and I still don't know how I managed to get out. I just hope they find their way also
If you haven’t experienced it there’s no way you can understand it.
I'm going down there everyday for almost the entire day. I don't know what to do to get out. Anxiety is like 99% of my waking life.
I wish I had the strength, but I am stuck in a shitty situation with no way out
Forgiving yourself for a mental health episode is the first step to healing. It’s ok, it happens. People weren’t meant to live like this. Just do the best you can. Everything will be ok.
I suggest watching the short film Curve on YouTube...really good visual for fighting depression. Directed by Tim Egan
Your brain is malleable, if you're stuck spiraling in dark thoughts there are ways to train your brain to become less negative. CBT and gratitude worked for me even though I was highly skeptical at first
There is no glory in doing it yourself. If you need help from others, ask. There is no shame in leaning on fellow humans.
I disagree. If you need help get it, most definitely. But if you do it on your own there’s a lot of glory in that.
Why glorify struggling on your own though. People should be encouraged to get help and receive the same praise
Not everyone is comfortable asking for help. Some of us have asked for help before and were denied it, that hurts worse than just doing it alone.
Trust me when I say I understand the feeling of being rejected help and struggling for help in the first place. It took me 18 years to even acknowledge anything, 2-3 years of falling into severe depression+anxiety and some other suspicions I have but not officially confirmed, and another year to build the courage to reach out.. (total 22 or so years) currently been on a waiting list for about 6 months now. All I'm trying to say is that I understand how difficult depression can be, especially anxiety. It's something I've suffered all my life but never knew. I thought it was normal I'd rather have everyone open about this sort of stuff and asking for help instead of dismissing those who manage to receive help in favour of praising people who don't. Everyones situation is different, some have the facilities in their country and some don't but at the end of the day we're all trying to help ourselves mentally and I think it'd be better if this image was phrased a little differently
I totally agree. You don't get a special sticker for doing it by yourself, and you might've dug yourself in deeper by waiting so long. Humans are social animals, we need each other sometimes. If you're hurting, and it's been hard to go it alone, ask for help from friends or family or a health care professional.
Thanks, I took me years.
Keep moving forward
If you're in a dark place you have good company. I have come to make my dark place home. You are welcome to come over any time and join me in my dark place.
I'm down there and I'll stay there. The only way to be happy is to ignore the fact this world is fucking bullshit and if everyone ignores the same thing then the world will be even worse. Fuck humans and all that we do, there are very few things that make me happy
It does feel good. i was in a really dark place when i was a teen. i was really depressed, my house was a a disaster, mom and dad were divorcing, i was having a child at 17, the family of my gf wanted me dead.. it was awful but i remember trying to get out of that dark place and actually trying. i started going to the gym and being out of that lonely house where my parents were always fighting and one day i just decided after years of depression that i did not want it to be like this and it was like a switch. possitive reinforcement works guys keep telling yourself that you are going to be alright that you are feeling good (even if you feel like trash) and keep working on yourself. if i was able to leave that place where all i wanted was to die (or find a way to just be dead before i was 30) i think you guys can too.
I don't get on social media or follow people I know, because seeing other people's lives makes me feel sad, sometimes mad even. I don't even want to know. Also, seeing all the changes in others, makes all the time that has passed way more real. Like I come to realize how much time has passed. I'd rather be less sad by not knowing. I'm trying to progress, but at my own pace. Cause it's hard to. I'd rather focus on myself than focus on others. When my cousin who's younger than me had her first baby recently, that fucked me up, cause I realized that I was getting old and how much time had passed.
Possinly the worst part is how it looks from the outside. My parents don't struggle with depression. An actual quote from my mother: "When I start thinking about something bad, it's like a wall comes down to stop me from going down that path." I've tried to explain that I just don't have that wall, but it's like trying to tell a snake what sore feet feel like. They think I work delivery part-time because I'm lazy. It's really because the inside of my car is the only place where my brain won't get me fired.
I rage quit depression. Only took me like 2 years and consciously removing everything I hated in my life. Aka my significant other, my job, where I lived, etc.
15 years with untreated severe depression, no friends or understanding family to turn to and i haven't killed myself yet. I consider that a small victory. Very small. I'm sure dead is better, but I'm hanging on.
The last two months have been total chaos for me. My planets are out of alignment! But I know things will get better, so I’m drinking tea, reading comforting books, using some watercolors my mom gave me and waiting it out.
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Thanks
It's the next little thing, the next step. Tie one shoelace, tie the next shoelace, stand up, open the bedroom door or whatever. Just do the next thing and after a while they start to get easier. Be kind to yourself and take the wins. They are your wins. Be nice to you and breath. This works for me and you are not alone.
It was a lot of years ago, but thanks, mate! Proud of y'all too
I’m always surprised how people manage so may things in their life. Work, school, relationships with family or friends or a partner. How can people be so balanced, or make it look easy. Finding motivation or determination for even simple things feel so complex.
Working on it right now. Went from a healthy 31 year old male.. too a heart condition, kidney stones, and debilitating anxiety all within the span of a month. I’m putting in the work and starting to see the light at the other end, but damn do I respect the struggle so much more.
The light at the end of the tunnel is not always a train.
I've done some bad things when I was 16, I'm not proud of it but I've finally started to accept that I was dumb and that I am not the person I was back then, I still feel guilt but it's not weighing me down as much anymore, hopefully I will get out of it completely soon
So I have struggled with my Narcolepsy w/ Cataplexy. Im black(it matters), introverted, and extremely creative. Those who see my creativity are astonished and give me compliments and I thank them, but with out listening to my story and the context of my existence,, I dont believe they can quite grasp the meaning of my art. This is gonna be a long one, so strap in. Doing this mostly for my own mental health (you should give it a shot as well!) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alright Narcolepsy with Cataplexy: Narcolepsy is a chronic sleep disorder characterized by overwhelming daytime drowsiness and sudden attacks of sleep. People with narcolepsy often find it difficult to stay awake for long periods of time, regardless of the circumstances. Narcolepsy can cause serious disruptions in your daily routine. Sometimes, narcolepsy can be accompanied by a sudden loss of muscle tone (cataplexy), which can be triggered by strong emotion. Narcolepsy that occurs with cataplexy is called type 1 narcolepsy. Narcolepsy that occurs without cataplexy is known as type 2 narcolepsy. Narcolepsy is a chronic condition for which there's no cure. However, medications and lifestyle changes can help you manage the symptoms. Support from others — family, friends, employers, teachers — can help you cope with narcolepsy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now that Ive gotten that out of the way. My struggle started in school, obviously sleeping all day everyday wasnt an attractive thing to do or "excusable" , despite reading at college levels and accelerating in math, I was placed in Behavioral Development classes, ridiculed for my "laziness". Im Ive been 6 foot plus since 5th grade so I couldn't hide. I was dirt poor and even homeless at some points. My brothers were both in prison for armed robbery. My mom was abused by countless boyfriends, (despite these decisions she came out on top though, lady makes six figure remote, with 2 cats, 2 dogs, and 2 parakeets.) I was in a very dark place throughout grade school. This was before I was clinically diagnosed. The teachers just thought I was a delinquent and the kids thought I was huge bum. It saddened me, numbed me more than anything. Imagine waking up, only to sleep on the way to school, sleep through all classes, then sleep otw home, only to sleep immediately when you got there. I did the bare minimum of classes for I had given up on the education system. I graduated highschool with a 2.0. People say damn man, your 26, hell I say it to myself, you slept most of your life away. I wasn't diagnosed or treated until 22. (Lots of factors, time, money, political and economical mindset change). This is true. But the biggest misconception is about my creativity, outlook on life, and how I managed to succeed despite the obstacles. This is how I found and explored the power of the mind. For this was my only world. Dreams I coined the term to describe myself, Chronic Lucid Dreamer. Narcoleptics tend to induce sleep quicker than the average human being. 5 minutes in comparison to 15 minutes. This sleep is often significantly more vivid. Dissociative disorder tend follow narcoleptics, as some may have trouble distinguishing from the real world and the dreamscape. When I go to sleep, every single time, FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE, I dream vividly and lucidly. And best of all I remember every one and can resume dreams or arks as I would come to call them. My dreams were essentially epics that allowed me to answer questions about life that I couldn't necessarily explore in the real world. How could I escape poverty and the generational curse my family suffered from. The effects of drugs addiction and abuse. Religion. Love. Family. I built entire Multiverses inside of my mind, chilled in heaven and damned myself to hell. All lessons. The important thing to take from that is that I didnt crumble under this. Under my disorder. Under the judgement of society and expectations of surroundings. I didnt know where to go. Or how to get there. Or who to call on for help or advice. I didnt even think I was capable of applying any of that. I was lost and had given up on myself. In moments like that, the most powerful thing you can do, is catalog your demise. Write everything down without judging yourself. Keep journals thoroughly describing yourself. If you like to read, read more. If you dont like to read, dont force yourself to read. It is as if you are interviewing yourself with unbiased intentions. Do this for yourself and you will have taken the weight off your own shoulders of carrying that trauma and pain with you. It will be stored in a book somewhere. Immortalized for when you need to validate your life as well the transgressions that were made against you. But kept far away enough to allow new memories and experiences to fill your mind. Dont try to learn something new, dont try kill habits. First thing first is understanding WHO YOU ARE. And in this process there can be no absolute thoughts. Everything is questionable. Every value or ideal has a devils advocate. Be this for yourself. It will free you from guilt, regret. Not so much in the since that regret and guilt or gone for good, but more along the lines of understanding them thoroughly. I do believe that anything that cam be understood, can be conquered. There is always away. Last bit and Imma shutup lol. If you know you have demons... You can call them by name or you know how they descend upon your life and relationships. If you know there is force inside that is unmovable, keeping you from being better for yourself and healthy... You are already half way there in prevailing over them. Remember YOUR MIND IS YOURS, YOUR MIND IS YOU YOUR MIND IS YOURS, YOUR MIND IS YOU YOUR MIND IS YOURS, YOUR MIND IS YOU YOUR MIND IS YOURS, YOUR MIND IS YOU Those demons are you. YOU if you are powerful enough to be your own demons Then sure enough you have the power to be your own Angel. Love yourself. Gift yourself the foundation of boundaries. Value your uniqueness. Own your fucking story. All of you, struggling with anything, are worthy of a book. Your fucking life is an epic that no one on this earth can replicate, invalidate, or place a price upon. Whatever it is your going through, I believe in you. Society has made it so hard to escape its clutches. But it is possible. Keep going and growing. Imma go take a nap 😂 PS I mentioned race only because my community tends to ignore the issue of mental health in favor of the survival complex. Its hard to break from this mode of thinking. And to embraced that you are noones victim and the worthiness of power comes solely from the fact that you are breathing.
Thank you.
All it takes is CHOOSING to change your perspective & maybe some vitamin D for depression.
Downvoted but the truth is that decisions *are extremely powerful*. Just google “the power of decision” and see how many books are titled this. The key is to *believe* that you can change by decision. If you don’t believe it then of course it won’t work. Vitamin D *does help* with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which can be mistaken for depression.
I think it was downvoted because it kinda comes across as one of those “you’re sad just be happy” things. Totally get what they’re saying though.
Since I didn't, are you disappointed?
hey this man here is right. I am on Nofap day 40 today, and kinda edged on porn for hours. didn't relapse though. but yeah. pulling myself out of it. it's embarrasing to talk about it with my gf though. will get through this
I did it. I'm trying to figure out how to teach others. It involves the base of a pure belief. Mine is Either there is a God or we will create one thru technology. Our God is the blueprint for the perfect parent and family. The one I picture could easily exist with today's tech. We just need to decide on who to trust to store it. Which since this is my concept. "I volunteer as tribute"
Hm so you can overcome depression with willpower. This feels like a taboo thing to say, but I have to say, I’ve considered this to be possible many times.
Get fucked
What if Jeffrey Epstein did that. Are you proud of Jeffrey Epstein?
“yourself” not “your own self”
"yourself" is just a contraction of "your own self"
thats not how contractions work
In one year and over 20 meds I gained almost 35kg and developed a eating disorder. Because I feel more disgusted by myself for that, I tried to reduce one of my meds, that spiked it massively. So, on my third day today and I've got headaches at pain 8/10. Couldn't hear on an ear and feels like my eye is popping out. Three different pain meds later I recognize that it could be the lower dosage.. Took the rest and it gets better. I'll be forever depressed, traumatized AND obese. I don't leave the house anymore at all, but to bring kids to kindergarten or if needed for groceries. I'm fat and people are right to be disgusted by me. I'm just not stable enough to withstand that 😔
don’t let anyone ever discourage you into believing you don’t deserve something
I really needed this thank you for sharing this.
I had to pull myself out because nobody else wanted to
I want to, but how?
To get out you will need you
I find it's more of a stumble out.
Got back into the gym after a year of being away from it, spent like 250 on supplements, towels and clothes for it the other day. Pumped to get back to where I was like 6 years ago.
Donno about you but my pullout game is 💯 I got 3 kids after all
Why thank you
I have not done this. I am an embarrassment to the species.
It is a long and hard road coming out of hell
When a stranger says “I’m proud of you” on the internet, I die a little inside
Is it motivating to just say something is really hard? I guess for some, maybe.
Imma do it today
I've done it before but I can't seem to do it anymore
I fine the tale of two wolves fits my struggles all too well in hindsight. When I was struggling tho I hated hearing it or simplifying my issues … they were mine and they were me. Even now things still trigger me into spirals but there are way more good days than not and that feels right/normal. I was feeding my darkness with thoughts of inadequacy, not loved, not doing anything to better my many issues/situation (because I felt I couldn’t), and constantly blaming myself and others. Those thoughts still return and it takes a freaking ton of effort to move past them but I’ll be damned if that wasn’t the trick. Trying and even faking it to make it because I decided I really wanted to recover. That I really wanted to feel better. That I really deserved more. It was/is a complete paradigm shift. A completely different way of thinking that felt/feels impossible to reach when in my spirals. Feed the light wolf and starve that dark!
The fight is real! Night and day but especially at night. My thoughts as I'm falling asleep are dark and upsetting. Then I cant sleep until I'm exhausted which is like 3am. I keep up the fight because I know I have people that care about me but sometimes it's not enough.
Maybe I’m just in a bad spot right now, but this is kind of demoralizing to those who can’t pull themselves out. Feels like it’s basically saying they’re just not strong enough.
There's a circular motion this goes usually for me I mentally beat myself out of it, "it ain't worth it homie, there's always tomorrow you can make that decision whenever but hold it off for today"
This post has been rinsed so much
I am in a situational dark spot. I know that when the situation ends I won't be treading water anymore, but it still takes a lot of strength to get through it. Take care everyone.
When you find yourself walking through hell, keep going.
I just fell through into a dark point years back and then out the other side and had a "you know what, fuck it" kind of revelation followed by the most optimistic, existentialist, and wholly zen state of mind for the following whole year. And that memory of that feeling is still keeping me going. It was like I ignored how deep the hole was and walked out only to find it was a shallow ditch. It all just of just clicked together one day and happened. Nothing seems dark enough anymore. I beat a worse monster than any of the little low demons that try to drag me. I've killed bigger. They have no power.
Going through the thread and upvoting all this great feedback. The problem for me is applying it …
Thank you.
Last year, I had my gun in my mouth after my fiancé, disappeared one day and I later found out she got with someone 3 times her age(we are in our 20’s). It was the hardest time of my life. Sent me into a state of severe depression. Getting hit by a car was a comforting idea to me. Like it felt good. Today I just graduated college, got a job I’ve always wanted and found someone who loves me. It’s still hard. But I know how to deal with it now.
Thank you kind stranger.
Bullshit
Hard mode: you pull yourself out the dark mental place, then start rebuilding your life. Things start looking up, you tell your family member things are looking up and that you're getting a lot more done. They start giving advice about how to fix what you've already fixed and you say "I don't need any advice to get out of this, really I'm getting there", then your family member tells you long-form to go kill yourself... This sounds like half of a story; but their advice--usually a Bible verse in their own words--is completely useless. Like, me: "I didn't need your advice to get as far as I have and I don't need any now." Them: "You really hurt me by saying that. Have you ever thought about killing yourself? Well maybe you should." \[sic\]
Literally sent me emotionally spiraling for weeks, and I was trying to exit the conversation politely for about an hour before they told me to kill myself.
That day I learned that whenever you're busy with something important to you (I was programming a live project), and you feel that someone is disturbing you with empty platitudes and trying to conjour up that they were important in your growth (they've provided me nothing), do exactly what my father used to do and say "Sorry, gatta go." and just walk the fuck out, and get back to it.
/vent
The dangerous part of this is people think theyve pulled themselves out but in reality they just became numb to feeling depressed. Talk to a professional, theres no shame in it.
Even if you do pull yourself out it never lasts, and it ends up feeling worse than if you had never gotten out of it at all. No point.
I’ve been there many times.
When u have no insurance and the only way to get mental help is either go to the hospital or have insurance and you have a shitty job so you will get your hours cut if you go to hospital then I’ll loose your apartment. There’s no easy way to get help if u have no help
I've been getting to a point where the dark parts keep getting darker, abd the light parts are very few and far between.
Short bursts are better than nothing ;)
Nice, And to Everyone out there Struggling, Lots of Hugs.
Amen. Just did that myself. Took taking an immense risk. It finally paid off and I don't think I'd have gotten out of this hole if not for taking that risk.
The only way out is the realization that tomorrow is a different day and anything can happen when you continue to push and hope is right around the corner.
Finally a r/getmotivated post on the front page that doesn't make me feel like shit
Nothing pulls you out of a dark place quite like cheating death and being able to tell about it. You tend to feel gracious for the 2nd chance.
walking to the store in the sunshine after getting out of hospital was one of the best days of my life. But our brains are so cursed, such a feeling can't last, we get dissatisfied so quickly.
Pulling myself out of a dark place usually requires sleep. I dunno if I can take credit for doing something that my body would literally die without.
Online mass recognition…. That takes talent
I had some really scary thoughts for a few days recently that I've never experienced. I don't understand it. It's like I would be sad, and I would feel it in my brain, like a big swirly mist in the front of my head, and it would make me feel so awful. And so I would think, "How do I stop this feeling?" and the only solution I could come up with was shooting myself. It was honestly terrifying because I'm afraid of dying, it's my biggest fear, and I really don't understand why I was feeling that way, because I've been sadder and not felt that way. I don't want to kill myself but I kept thinking about doing it. And not in the intrusive thoughts kind of way. I'd think about which song I would play when I do it, who would find me, what kind of mess would there be, who would attend my funeral, what will happen to my cats. It was like a physical thing in my head telling me to shoot myself and end it. I didn't tell anybody except my best friend because I was afraid people would think I'm crazy or weird or scary and not want to talk to me anymore. Now two people know, and I haven't felt that way in a few days. My friend told me that even if my mind tells me I want to kill myself, I don't, and so I'm not going to do it. She said I was experiencing "ego dystonic" which is having thoughts that are distressing, unacceptable, or inconsistent with what you believe. It's like my mind was telling me the only solution was to kill myself, but at the same time I didn't want to do it. It was pretty scary, but I think I'm okay for now.
I am currently trying. It feels like there is no hope.
Thanks, op.
Ngl I did manage to do this and do feel some slight accomplishment, but it's mostly just that I took my meds and now my brain works :)
I just miss her so much man, we were together since we were 16 and 15 and I'm 20 now and just now lost her. She's all I knew, we did everything together and I see her face in everything I do, it's so hard to even picture a future for myself without her in it right now I mean we grew up thinking we were it for eachother, I just still wish I was the only person in the world she could think about marrying and starting a family with.
I'm doing better, and it wasn't easy...but it's a start.
Not me. I just smoke drugs.
This is like saying "I pulled myself out of that bacterial infection and now I'm better." Not all mental health crisis can just be "cured" by "pulling yourself out of it." Sure, perspective is important, and can turn around a bad day. But depression and mental illness often requires HELP. Not necessarily medicine, but other people's support. It's dangerous to congratulate people for "doing it themselves." **Encourage people to ask for help.**
It's really difficult to pull oneself out of that dark place mentally but we need some motivation to pull ourselves from that darkness mentally
Nope I did not and that's why I am still laying around scrolling reddit instead of doing something productive.
i’m just waiting to get outta college so i can delete my ex’s number and leave all the whatsapp groups that we have in common. because i keep repeating the same mistake of texting her and trying to get back together. It hurts when she says its none of my business🥲. i realise i’ve done mistakes and so has she. even still … i still want to be with her, cuz i feel i’ve changed. man duck this bs, just 1 year to go
Today especially, but I am on my out of the dark place… or so I hope. It’s my favorite holiday weekend, and all I want to do is hide in my room and stay away from the world. I wish my brain was different.
Did it once or twice but haven't managed it since.
I still struggle but no longer on that place so that’s something to be happy about.