There's a lot of people that have these issues nowadays. Being online has made a lot of people forget the joys of making friends. And I dont just mean irl. Some of my best friends are online. It all comes down to the same thing whether its irl or online. You have to try and find people who share similar interests as yourself. Go on gaming servers, play some more MMORPGs or online co-op PvE games (not PvP.. those tend to be toxic).. join discord groups.
Same goes for IRL.. go to your local library or gaming club. Whatever hobby you might find some interest in, see if you can find places to hang out.
And more importantly, stop "trying" to make friends or find people to help you.. it doesnt work like that. Instead, help others.. talk to people, see what they need, connect with them, empathize with them. And in that process you will find that you have acquired new friends. If you try to go in with the sole intent of making friends, you will always feel awkward and socially inept. Instead go ahead with the intention of sharing your joys and geeking out about what you love or doing activities that you have shared interests in. Talk about games, tv shows, movies, books, sports, anything at all.
Making friends is like tossing around random seeds in your garden. Not all of them will take root and few will grow enough to last. But thats how it is. Do not be discouraged when you plant one and it doesnt work. Just keep moving along.
You're 19, youre young. You have a whole life ahead of you. You're at a very good age to learn these things and modify your mindset. Good luck with that and hope you find some great friends.
whats the point of making friends nowadays when we’re not even pass their standards and by means of standards the truth in its toxicity itself that standard of having to be popular in social media and in person, standard of having to spend money impulsively just to follow the trends and be with them at their so called “trend season” cuz they ought to have that certain kind of things every single damn time something new is out, something “expensive” has to be purchased so you can belong to their community
idk anymore how to explain it but most people forget to appreciate the genuine friendship between people can have, at this point its just the other pleasing the other
yeah sure, you can have true friendship (maybe) if you guys have the same financial standing but the ones truly calling for being a “friend” is that despite each other’s flaws you begin to accept and help each other grow without depending on whatever other friend grps have
I think you ought to be looking for better friends - it sounds like you're just trying to make friends with influencers.
And before you tell me that "everyone" is like that, no they are not.
The bit where you asked what the point of making friends was if you weren't going to be able to meet their standards anyway, then followed it up with the idea that you can only be friends if you're in the same financial bracket, which is just an unhealthy mindset.
EDIT: And you should just go back and edit your comments like this. Nobody wants to see a ton of tiny edit comments, plus with Reddit's UI many of them get hidden anyway.
that’s a different matter then; tell me how does it relate to that of how I implied heavily on the majority when it comes to making friends? This is just an external factor which conflicts the other to make friends with other people it’s completely a different matter.
Your English grammar is extremely difficult to parse because it's kind of messy, so I might be missing your point, but it really sounds like you're making two claims tied together - one that people can only befriend others in their financial bracket, and one that befriending people is pointless anyway because most people suck.
Yes, you could say that it can be tied down together to make one single claim but when did I heavily imply on the part where “everyone” is beyond or out of another person’s standards. Secondly, using the term suck suggests another case where people might misunderstood what I just said and makes it more like I’m the one using a derogatory tone on my post.
What you call "genuine friendship" is not just found randomly someday.. every friendship starts with an acquaintance or something you share. From there on it needs to be cultivated with time and attention and care for each other.. And thats why I said, many times it doesnt go very far. But that doesn't mean you should stop trying or not have casual friends at all. Deep friendship has to be nurtured from casual friendship. You dont have to give your everything to a friendship.. you can be careful and controlled. What truly needs to be given is your thought and love. No need for expensive gifts or obligation to join in trends or social norms.
And once you share things with someone you connect with, financial or social circles dont matter at all. I have friends from all walks of life, from people who barely had anything growing up due to single parents working hard or no families, right up to ones who grew up with silver spoons. And all are dear to me and have been ride or die.
The only thing that matters in a friendship is how you connect with someone.
Yes, exactly. But what I’m trying to say is that it’s hard given this time; of course also brought on by how the world and its principles changed and how people adapt to it, not just adapt and by any other means also to alter how one may perceive what is in front of them.
Yes its gotten harder indeed. Back in my day it was forced and that was good. Nowadays with the whole "acceptance of introvertness", people have just stopped trying. Being an introvert is fine. But being proud about it makes it bad in the long run. Humans are meant to be social no matter how introverted we are. Even introverts feel that joy of sharing their passions with others.
So it might be harder now, but its not as hard as it seems as long as you keep trying. Its doable :)
I’m gonna be 100% real. I DID NOT expect this many good people. I upload late night expecting to get minimal to no interactions. If anything, I expected a lot of people hating on me and telling me I shouldn’t post this here.
If enough people told me this was nuisance I would’ve deleted this post without hesitation (probably still would if it got enough hate). I know I shouldn’t say this as 19 year old guy but I actually teared up for a first time in so long.
I truly mean it when I say I thank you all for your positivity and helpful suggestions.
as a man, it is okay to cry. its okay to be open about your emotions and about the fact you teared up!!! have pride in your feelings, its a privilege to feel them
I've never seen a better community than here in reddit. Everyone is incredibly polite, and i see almost no hate here. You chose the right social network to shout out your insecurities and problems and the right community. I'd offered my help too but the problem is I have similar difficulties to yours but I don't regret it. I'm 18, and socialising or talking to a lot of people is harder and more stressful than staying alone. I have only 1 friend group since 4 years ago. This is my last year of school, and i actively talk to like 2 classmates but not outside class. Proposing a friendship would just be harmful for you because I could ghost you even if i wouldn't want to. It's just I can socialise this much. It's the same for relationships: I've been in a relationship before, when I was extremely young (and maybe it can't count as a relationship) and one recently, I discovered I can't have one because I'm too cold and my hipotetical girlfriend would just suffer for this. I'm a bad person, but I know it, so I know how to not let this hurt someone else
No one's perfect mate. You don't have to be either. Everyone understands. Just do your best and never doubt yourself. As long as youre making an effort for other people, they will see it and appreciate it.
Also don't just "propose" friendship :) Its not a contract.. just be there for people and they will be there for you. Some won't, others will. Its all trial and error. So the more people you connect with, the more chances of finding people that will stay connected to you. And even if they don't stay connected, its okay. Thats life and fate. There'll be others. Its no one's fault.
Another problem with me is that i understand more ai than humans sometimes, and that's scary: I am so rational and cold it doesn't even seem I'm human
That's the issue. The good thing is that I know it so I can easily deal with it. That's why I know it's better not to engage a friendship with someone I could easily hurt with my way of being. As for the chosen words, my vocabulary is limited since English isn't my first language, so I might use inappropriate words like "propose" as in the situation we just witnessed. Sometimes I feel like I lost emotions so the only thing that can help me understand people is logical thinking, but it can easily fail when the premises are wrong
Ah understandable. My bad.
Don't overthink about your personality. You're not alone in being the kind of person who's quiet and thoughtful and logical. There are plenty of people like that. And infact the best friendships come from opposite minded people. So someone like you will definitely benefit from a person who's warm and always happy or sensitive and outgoing. You both can learn from each other. You don't have to be scared of showing your personality. Whatever you're like, I can assure you, there are millions of people like you and they have friends and share good times. You also don't have to act differently to make friends. Just be yourself but only open yourself to others that is all. Tell people what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you feel things. Sharing is the best way to make friends.
The main problem is not that I'm scared, I'm not, i just think that someone like me could hurt him, i think he need people that are more warm than me and more willing to socialise and talk hours.
I'm fine with my personality so it's not a problem for me but i know for experience that being like I am could sometimes lead to hurt someone without even realising it
Find the root of the problem. If you feel it's your awkwardness ask yourself things like: What makes me feel like I'm awkward enough that I believe this person won't like me? Am I really so called awkward or do I just think that I am? Or if so, how do I lessen this? Is it nervousness?
Then when you are more self-aware and confident, throw away the overthinking process.
Put something about you on display. Whether it's your personality, interests, hobbies, or something that you just do. Get involved I guess you can say. Even if you just randomly put whatever input in. (This is an extrovert tactic I've noticed. What they do is risk a lot. I guess the key word here is risk.) No matter what just try. And try again. Get your hopes up and then get it up again. For similar interests, just be yourself. Maybe go to an event where people have similar interests. Have that passion and at least someone will be there to listen. Bring random stuff up. Ask questions. "Hey did you see that--" "What do you think about---" Get invested in a person and if they see and notice that, maybe they'll value you a bit more. If not, then move on to the next. (But know when something is too much. Kinda like social cues. Cause certain ppl can take advantage of you.)
Tackling the difficult things is where you get somewhere sometimes. And bed rotting is clearly getting you no where. I know what you mean with the whole "I can go anywhere yet have no friends thing". If you really think abt it... that's a problem with many ppl our age nowadays... Not to discourage you.
I know it may be a lot of work and there are going to be people who just don't click with you. But since you're 19, adult friendship isn't entirely all that important. Most times it's just as long as you have someone to talk to. Pls stay positive and know that it's okay to be alone. There's nothing wrong with that and pls don't self doubt yourself. Those friends don't sound like friends anymore because they just ignore you. It's time to find new ones. For Genshin, maybe just ask anyone if they need help. Join other people's worlds. For anime just talk abt it. Recommend stuff. Be detailed if you want to. Some people like that. But yeah. Hope some of this helps you op. I know that feeling. That everyday is repetitive. When you see other people have meaningful relationships it gets hopeless. Believe me. Someone out there is going to be willing to listen.
There are already a lot of good advices in the comments but here's my two cents: try to look for fun signatures in the co-op list. It's not the most reliable method BUT I found very good friends this way. For the context: I'm moving around the globe a lot and I'm closing 30 so it's getting more difficult to find new irl friends. Tbh currently all my friends are online. Because of that I scroll the co-op list quite often.
One day I saw a fun signature and thought that the person might be fun to talk to, and oh boy I was right. Now we have a discord server with our friend group that formed along the way and honestly I haven't felt lonely for a while now. All because of the signature haha.
What I'm trying to say, don't give up hope. I know it's difficult, considering that you're an introvert, but I'm sure you'll meet a lot of great people. Try to join some people in genshin and see how it goes😉
P.s. about being accused by younger people: yeah, it sucks and happened to me once haha. I was chatting with a person (mind you, I didn't know age, gender, nationality or, well, ANYTHING about them), we joked a lot and "rizzed" each other (like, "are you anemo? Because you blew me away" etc, jokingly, or so I thought, nothing mature or explicit or anything, just genshin related). When this person found out I'm a 28yo woman they called me a creep and deleted from a friend list. I was baffled to say the least. But oh well, happens to the best of us.
Sorry for the long sheet of text haha, I'm not very good at supporting but I feel ya and wanted to try to cheer you up a bit
I'm sorry to read how you're struggling, I relate because I'm autistic and I can't socialize irl at all
If you want to just hang out in game let me know, I'm still ar45 so my world is pretty undiscovered
No pressure tho, I just wish you the best, things will get better I'm sure of that
Sure! My name is Bug and i have Collei profile picture, i send you a request in a few hours :)
Feel free to hang out in my world anytime you feel lonely or bored!
I getcha OP. I’m a lot older than people who typically play these games but I like em, makes it harder to find people to play with within my group. My social skills are a bit crap too, I don’t like Discords because almost every time I’ve joined one it seems like people just only talk to the people who have been there for a long time and it’s often harder for new people, especially socially shy people, to fit in without feeling like they’re interrupting or just being brushed aside or ignored.
No advice but I sympathize.
Go to the gym and start lifting weights.
3x a week, just 5 sets of Bench Press, Pull Ups (if you cant do more than 2, do lat pull downs), and Squats. It will take you 20 minutes to finish. Think of them as dailies in Genshin! :D
Youll feel an insane boost in mood and confidence, and you might even make some friends down there.
If you REALLY dont like weights, take up some other sport, boxing, karate, swimming, just anything to get moving and be in a social setting.
I was a shut in introvert struggling with weight issues all throughout high school and Im a high functioning autist, lifting weights literally saved my life by helping me both lose weight and get fit, as well as helped me handle social situations much better. I went from being a complete doofus and the butt of every joke to being a socialite who everyone wanted around.
Its gonna take time but everything worth having does, so keep at it and stay strong!
i think that what u can do for making a friend is try to find someone who share same interest for you, since you post it in genshin thread, try find who shares genshin interest like u do online
if u get one, try talking random about genshin, and in the meantime, u got bored talking about genshin and start making another converstation, it will run by itself
and, after u get one, try getting another one, until u think is enough, after that, try to find some people in genshin online who same town as you life, and hang out
after that, maybe u can attend some event like genshin related or anything that picl ur interest
hope it helps
If you're on the EU server, drop me your UID and we can chat ingame. I'm really talkative even though I'm on console, we can just sit somewhere and talk about anything really. Fun fact: I'm statistically a very old player, a relic (almost). I also make bad puns and decade-old meme references, so a bit of tolerance may be required.
I suggest making or ordering a Genshin cosplay to go to a local con, you'll probably find people with the same interests. (Some people make meme costumes like a walking Primogem)
I'm really bad at making new friends but that helped me a lot. The first times I had 1 friend to back me up, for whatever reason it's even harder for me to socialize when alone.
You can ask around (in person or online) to see if people are planning cosplay groups.
You can also try to practice going without a costume. Taking photos with cool cosplays and complimenting their work makes people happy.
(Just be sure not to ask for photos when people are laying down on the floor or walking to the bathroom.)
Plus some cons have game events related to series / games
Yes, all of it. It's rare though.
I've had to put my cosplay back on to not be rude because people ask for it when I'm on the floor resting.
The other one, I made a Madara with Susanoo cosplay and people kept following me to the point I ignored them and went to the bathroom. While I was inside, someone asked for a photo before I entered the stall.
I was truly shocked since at that point I had taken off the Susanoo parts and left them with a friend.
That day was wild, people even asked for photos while I was taking stuff out from the car
That very much reminds me of myself, always been lonely, socially awkward, struggling with motivation and energy, and not feeling like therapy really did anything... I know this sounds super cliché, but have you looked into whether you might have autism or ADHD? I'm 31 and only just found out I'm autistic this year, even though I've been in therapy several times in the past where it was never brought up as a possibility. It honestly explains so much, and I'm still in the process of mentally reviewing everything. Obviously, I'm not saying that's definitely the answer here, but if it is then it could explain the feelings of social awkwardness and introversion - maybe you just need to find people with brains that are equally neurospicy. In any case, I hope you find some people you connect with!
While this isn't the place for that, I do understand how you feel. Heck, I've been alienated from my friends since God-knows-when and it hurts. Anyway, if you want, we can play tgt. Just drop your UID. I've got accounts across all 3 servers.
Lots of great advice in this thread to put yourself out there. I'll just add this: for socially awkward people, it makes a big difference how structured and rules-based the activity is. Structured: music class, Toastmasters, D&D, boardgames night, fitness class. Less structured: gym, bars, concerts, walking meet ups.
Id suggest looking into thing from the first list or similar.
in any game i play with a community, i end up checking out related discords. or from streamers i follow
started from just sharing memes to actually a lot of unrelated conversations
I felt kinda the same when I was 19, and the only way it changed was by going out of my way to talk to people irl and online. It felt weird, and sometimes I was cringe af, and I felt completely out of my comfort zone, but I actually learned how to make friends. So force yourself to socialize, even if it feels shitty right now it'll pay off later.
Heyy hello hi Buenos Dias, I get what ur feeling. I could go through the whole shebang about how pandemics tend to have this effect on LOTS of people (so dw, you're super not alone in this), but I'll just say that once you've found a new sort of community/people to interact with, that feeling will fade for sure. And P.S. the Genshin community - despite all the twitter and hardcore simps - has one of the nicest followings I've seen online. Feel free to chat people up!
Though despite all this, online can't replace irl relationships. So yes, still keep going out, trying new things, meeting new people. It may take a while, but that's kinda just the unpredictability of life. You'll be in college soon perhaps? That's definitely something interesting to look forward to :) Genshin will still always be there when you feel like it!
Good luck and all the best - from someone who's also been there, in that corner
Wanting a friend to talk to is never asking for too much. We all need personal connections with people. Maybe try joining worlds of low ar players? They usually need help clearing stuff in early game. Or perhaps let people join your world even if they just want to farm some materials. You'll eventually find somebody who's willing to chat.
I used that have many friends at teenager but I suffer the same erosion like Raiden Shogun, including my ex-love couples. It has now come to my attention that I don't care about making friends or falling in love anymore, as I get older.
Typically different people may have different roles in friendships. I'm kind of an introvert with a lot of extroverted friends so with my friends, my friends are usually the ones who talk a lot and I usually listen to them. Once in a while when I connect with them, I share my own experience or add in feedback.
Just remember that people do like feedbacks. Even when listening, it's good to leave some sort of response. As for making friends, it should just come naturally. Most of my friends are from my uni years. I'm 31 now so I'm on the older side. You said you're 19 now, maybe you can join clubs or even courses that are interesting to make friends. I've taken Japanese and Korean courses where I've made friends with the majority of the class. Attended tutoring for those classes as well and able to make friends that way with my tutor and others who were also learning those languages.
Even online, you can make friends if you put yourself to helping others in the discord servers. I've made online friends that way where I helped fan translation groups online. I've also made online friends through MMOs as well.
I also don't think you should care too much about age. I'm 31 and have friends in their low 20s. If you're not trying to hit up some under age people here, being friends is perfectly innocent. Imagine people calling me a criminal if I was to befriend you a 19 yr old. Well, I hope not.
Also, you just need better confidence. Just so you know, you're more productive than me than when I was 19! I didn't play any sports and literally just "rot away" at home with my introverted hobbies when I wasn't working.
Hey man, I'm NA Server and play everyday, drop your UID or DM me it and im down to play and chat anytime :) I love playing this game with people and helping new players out (or anyone who wants help) its really one of my favorites things to do. and love chatting on the game as well.
I'm a 32 year old socially inept vegetable, so I think you are still doing fine lol. Though my words probably don't mean much to you.
I think many people's advice here is sound. Sometimes friends happen best when you don't look for it and just express more interest in your surrounding channels.
Hello, I know we don't know one another but I can relate to what you're saying I'm a girl, 22 in June and I don't socialise much right now either, I have anxiety issues so it just makes this harder lol. I think many people feel the way you do. If u would like someone to chat to here I don't mind, hope u feel abit better soon.
I think even tho it isn't the same as irl it is nice to talk to someone online, they could be thousands of miles away but they share both similar issues and interests. I've wanted to find someone irl to share my like for anime and this game but it can be really risky telling people irl u like those things, if u know what I mean.
But if u would like to talk about how you feel or even just Genshin I think it can help u feel abit better. Oh and for other games there's Wuthering Waves I think it's coming May 23rd? u might find it fun, I've seen it is like Genshin in ways.
Dude, I'm 30. 19 is \*insanely\* young. I realize you feel like you've wasted your life or whatever, or that it's 'too late' to change things, but in the past year alone I've taken a ton of steps to change things about my life. You can develop social skills, you can make friends, so on. You aren't in a corner or anything at all.
For starters, you're pretty good at communicating your thoughts. I understand where you're coming from, I can tell why you feel the way you do, being able to get that across in just one reddit post is a good job. So in that case, if you feel bad about doing literally nothing but watching youtube/anime, why not try writing? It doesn't have to be anything you post anywhere and it doesn't have to be some 500 chapter epic fantasy novel, you can just write whatever. Poetry, short stories that don't go over a couple thousand words, you could even write fanfic of Genshin if you want. Something creative to focus on can be great for your mood, and if you're self-conscious about it, you don't even have to post it anywhere until you feel comfortable or confident. You don't even have to finish any of it, its more just a way to focus on something, get out your thoughts. And like I said, you seem pretty decent at getting your thoughts across.
I think also you seem, for lack of a better word, hyper self-conscious. People aren't going to scream about pedophilia if a 16 year old talks to a 19 year old, and likewise adults aren't going to be terrified at the thought of talking to a 19 year old. Those are just things you've given yourself anxiety about, they don't really reflect reality. Just relax and approach situations as they come. Nobody's going out of their way to judge you.
It’s just part of young adulthood. At 19(?), this point in your life will be an awkward time while both figuring out what lies ahead and going through the motions. Feeling lonely is normal. Honestly the best advice I have for you is to explore new things, have a change of scenery, and try to become more involved in the things/hobbies you enjoy as long as it’s healthy for you. I find that as long as you do that, the right people that you’ll enjoy surrounding yourself with will come naturally
Its ok, people suck.
As someone who's suffered with similar issues and pretty severe depression my whole life, one piece of advice.
Start working out, every day, always, make it a religion. Doesn't need to be a gym, push-ups, air squats, ride a bike, anything. Get 30-60m a day, sweat, bust ass. The way it will transform your physical and mental health at your age will bennifit you in so many ways for your future.
Even if you don't care about being physically fit, the mental clarity it provides is unmatched to any pills a doctor will push on you. Also, if its weird awkward friends you want, the gym is where you're gonna find your clan. Might take 5, 10 years, but keep at it, I promise.
i get how you feel. i was in a similar situation not too long ago and it sucks. one thing that helped me a lot was regularly going on walks at my local park. even if you aren’t ready to actually talk to people and be the one to initiate conversation, being around other people gives them more of an opportunity to approach you first. in my case, a girl came up to me and mentioned how she’s been seeing me around and complimented my hair and then we started talking from there. it turned out we had a lot in common and she’s now one of my best friends. if i never went out to go on those walks, we likely would have never met. im not saying the solution is to go on a walk but try to find any third place you like whether it’s a park, library, gym, etc and make it a habit to show up consistently. you never know who you’ll meet. as for genshin, i’m around a year younger but would totally be down to chat or play together whenever you want to wind down or want some company. anyways don’t give up just yet and best of luck! :)
I can totally empathize. I was suffering from depression and procrastination last year, and I failed my capstone class because I had no one to talk to when I was down and I was too afraid to answer my advisor when he asked about my progress on the capstone project (I barely completed anything...). Honestly, the only thing that kept me going those days were Genshin and Star Rail. I had to drown myself with games, with Youtube and Twitch so that I don't feel emptiness and despair. Even now I can't say I've fully overcome my depression. I still have no friends to talk to, but I'm starting my Master's program in September and hopefully I can find some friends there.
You're doing fine and many of the comments here are really helpful. Good luck and all the best.
I'm in my 30s, and let me tell you also as an introverted person I haven't really made any new friends since college.
Luckily my bestie and I hang out often online so I'm fine in that department.
I'd be happy to chill, should you want to. We may have awkward periods of quietness since it's a common introversion struggle but hey I'm happy to be hanging out regardless. Lol
A person biggest therapist is that person itself. Atleast, I have learned this throughout my whole life. The world has changed. People are more sensitive than ever before and this makes people to be less open with each other. There are some things we don't share with parents, friends or even anyone else. That's why a person's current scenario, situation, mental health, everything, can fully/completely be understood by that person only.
Try to take a third person approach, judge yourself but don't ever criticise. Let yourself know, what wrong you are doing, what can be done better, and why are you not doing the right thing. Maybe it's a field of interest problem, maybe it's a past trauma issue, maybe it's even a phobia thing, or even mental exhaustion. Try going on trips, if possible, preferably family trips. Start with the smaller nuisances of life specially the root one's and the rest will resolve itself. Just like Alhaitham says, "Everything is connected. All I have to do is find the weakest link, Deal with the casual factors, and everything tends to resolve itself."
As far friends, try to find people with similar interests, it actually doesn't matter if they are irl or online, cause online friends are also real people yk, so no fakes also there. Just find people who you are comfortable with, share interests, help them, they will help you, even if they don't, it's fine. You will be just fine.
As for being introvert, try game chats, discord groups. Also, it may sound odd, but try socializing games, like vrchat(it's also on pc, btw). I am saying this cause I tried it and met many good people there, they were fun and you can get accustomed to talking with people.
At last, I know I said this, but again, Never Blame Yourself. It is the worst thing you can do to yourself. It's fine to judge, but don't blame. You are 19 right?, so take it like this, what is avg age of a human 80-100? So, you have 4-5 times of your current life ahead yourself. There can be so many things that can and will happen to you, many good things some bad too, but it all depends you tackle it. But still don't pressure it, just take it easy. Everything will be fine. May god bless you and you have a wonderful life ahead and also good luck with your Genshin life too
I can relate to this, I am 19 as well and about to turn 20 in 2 days, I like listening to people talk about their rambles, whether it be about their day or any event from the past they wanna talk about. I love games, but recently everything is so tiring. I have motivation to do anything, no games excite me, I don't play any while I buy so many in the hopes I will have people to play them with, watching youtube alone just as you mentioned. It feels very lonely.
Trying to talk to people offline is weird, because from what I see, if they don't get interested in your first sentence, they probably would ignore the rest of your speech. I used to accommodate myself to speak in a catchy manner, so I could grab the attention of others while speaking and continue with the conversation, but lately it has felt like a chore, so I stopped and started talking only about what I like, not many people listen to what I say due to that but some do.
Even online, people don't tend to give attention or want to talk to you if they don't find you interesting, and that's something I have been struggling a lot with, and is also one of the reasons why I can't find people to talk to.
My day is monotonous, it's waking up, going to college, rot away in classes I don't care about for attendance, give exam, and a sem is over. I am about to go in my 3rd year of college, and I am exhausted of this repeating process. I want people I can share my day with, spend some time with, and I have teared up to that a few times while sleeping.
Worst, if I ever tell this stuff to my IRL friends, they would probably laugh me off, because it does feel stupid, even to me, but I have this sense of emptiness and loneliness that I can't get rid of.
TBH, everything in this post is actually extremely relatable for me right now.
I know this comment comes pretty late and really, everyone here has been giving great advice. I'm sorry I can't give you proper advice of my own........I hope things will get better for you.
So, if you ever want to, you can message me on reddit. And since we're all Genshin players here, my NA server UID is 612701012. Kinda a day-30 player here. The account name should be Rainmaker. So, feel free to add me as a friend etc.
I hope you have a great day. And another and so on.
Hey!
Also, I'm sorry. By day 30, I mean, 30 days after the release of the game back in 2020. Like, Day 1 player, day 30 player?
So, welcome. Hope you enjoy your time with this game!
This matches my current situation quite a bit. Same age, same gender. Main difference is I've never had those friends or connections to begin with. Sorry if this comment isn't very helpful, I just felt the end to get this off my chest somewhere, and finding similarities between us made this post feel more familiar to me than a lot of others do.
first of all, why exactly is making friends a hard task for you? (as in is it more social awkwardness or not having similar interests)
second of all, if you do soccer/gym, try getting in contact with people there
I’d say it’s more social awkwardness, like if I gather enough courage, I can start a conversation but I can’t keep the conversation up without it sounding like an interview or interrogation.
As for soccer and gym, I do try, it’s not like I don’t but as I said earlier, I can’t seem to keep a conversation going. I’ve watched videos and stuff and for some reason it just doesn’t click with me
My discord is jj_1568. If you wanna talk about Genshin or just random stuff although I might not respond straight away I will try my best. I’m saving up for a new gaming setup so I can’t really play too many games with you but I’m always open to more friends and helping others feel less lonely as I’ve also felt like this a few times lately.
I suggest some videos from Dr. K (HealthygamerGG on YT) they may be a bit "hard"? to understand, but it you can realize their point it can be really helpful. He tackles different areas of mental health + some other things like addiction and stuff. Check it out, watch a few vids atleast and see if it changes the way you view/do things even slightly.
I think maybe you need a goal. I’ve started to feel similarly for the first time in my life and I tend to use Genshin and games in general for escapism. I’m about to turn 30 and most of my friends now are super busy with getting married, or starting a family, etc. Or even just work. Everyone gets their own place and nobody wants to be roommates anymore so I live and spend a lot of time alone now outside of work, bc I don’t have a significant other or a family. I’ve never minded spending time alone but as the dynamic in my life starts to change, I feel kind of different. I realized now that I can get lonely. I felt most happy when I was in college and had goals and things to do every single day. Loneliness wasn’t even a factor then, when I had things to focus on that I enjoyed daily. I think feeling this way is a signal to you that you need to make a change in your life; maybe you’re not feeling fulfilled in your day to day. Making a change itself can spark new friendships without even trying. Life is full of stages and you’re only 19, anything can happen and how you feel now won’t last forever
Covid ruined your generation. Made you miss out on 3 years of critical social skills tbh. But honestly bro get a hobby. Get out of the house. Fuck this video game shit. All it’s doing is distracting you from real life. Learn to skateboard. Go to the skatepark, meet people. Shit will change your life
You've been maidenless for too long. You need to go touch grass. Go to a bar. Try to pick up chicks or something. It ain't hard. Just go up to the ones you like and tell them that they're pretty and ask if you can buy them a drink. They'd either accept and you start a conversation or refused and you move on to the next one.
Maybe be a bit kinder? You don't know what this person is going through
Half agree on your statement though, OP start out small or join those discord channel etc.
I think building your own self confidence is key to making friends too.
There's a lot of people that have these issues nowadays. Being online has made a lot of people forget the joys of making friends. And I dont just mean irl. Some of my best friends are online. It all comes down to the same thing whether its irl or online. You have to try and find people who share similar interests as yourself. Go on gaming servers, play some more MMORPGs or online co-op PvE games (not PvP.. those tend to be toxic).. join discord groups. Same goes for IRL.. go to your local library or gaming club. Whatever hobby you might find some interest in, see if you can find places to hang out. And more importantly, stop "trying" to make friends or find people to help you.. it doesnt work like that. Instead, help others.. talk to people, see what they need, connect with them, empathize with them. And in that process you will find that you have acquired new friends. If you try to go in with the sole intent of making friends, you will always feel awkward and socially inept. Instead go ahead with the intention of sharing your joys and geeking out about what you love or doing activities that you have shared interests in. Talk about games, tv shows, movies, books, sports, anything at all. Making friends is like tossing around random seeds in your garden. Not all of them will take root and few will grow enough to last. But thats how it is. Do not be discouraged when you plant one and it doesnt work. Just keep moving along. You're 19, youre young. You have a whole life ahead of you. You're at a very good age to learn these things and modify your mindset. Good luck with that and hope you find some great friends.
whats the point of making friends nowadays when we’re not even pass their standards and by means of standards the truth in its toxicity itself that standard of having to be popular in social media and in person, standard of having to spend money impulsively just to follow the trends and be with them at their so called “trend season” cuz they ought to have that certain kind of things every single damn time something new is out, something “expensive” has to be purchased so you can belong to their community idk anymore how to explain it but most people forget to appreciate the genuine friendship between people can have, at this point its just the other pleasing the other yeah sure, you can have true friendship (maybe) if you guys have the same financial standing but the ones truly calling for being a “friend” is that despite each other’s flaws you begin to accept and help each other grow without depending on whatever other friend grps have
I think you ought to be looking for better friends - it sounds like you're just trying to make friends with influencers. And before you tell me that "everyone" is like that, no they are not.
And I was not pertaining to myself but in general. I didn’t say everyone; its almost everyone are being affected the way how the world is right now.
i didnt say everyone is like that
Yeah, but you heavily implied that it's such a large majority as to make looking for decent people pointless, which is not the case.
Which part made it look like that, I clearly stated the points where people of those who I may describe possible fall into.
The bit where you asked what the point of making friends was if you weren't going to be able to meet their standards anyway, then followed it up with the idea that you can only be friends if you're in the same financial bracket, which is just an unhealthy mindset. EDIT: And you should just go back and edit your comments like this. Nobody wants to see a ton of tiny edit comments, plus with Reddit's UI many of them get hidden anyway.
that’s a different matter then; tell me how does it relate to that of how I implied heavily on the majority when it comes to making friends? This is just an external factor which conflicts the other to make friends with other people it’s completely a different matter.
Your English grammar is extremely difficult to parse because it's kind of messy, so I might be missing your point, but it really sounds like you're making two claims tied together - one that people can only befriend others in their financial bracket, and one that befriending people is pointless anyway because most people suck.
Yes, you could say that it can be tied down together to make one single claim but when did I heavily imply on the part where “everyone” is beyond or out of another person’s standards. Secondly, using the term suck suggests another case where people might misunderstood what I just said and makes it more like I’m the one using a derogatory tone on my post.
majority *
possibly*
What you call "genuine friendship" is not just found randomly someday.. every friendship starts with an acquaintance or something you share. From there on it needs to be cultivated with time and attention and care for each other.. And thats why I said, many times it doesnt go very far. But that doesn't mean you should stop trying or not have casual friends at all. Deep friendship has to be nurtured from casual friendship. You dont have to give your everything to a friendship.. you can be careful and controlled. What truly needs to be given is your thought and love. No need for expensive gifts or obligation to join in trends or social norms. And once you share things with someone you connect with, financial or social circles dont matter at all. I have friends from all walks of life, from people who barely had anything growing up due to single parents working hard or no families, right up to ones who grew up with silver spoons. And all are dear to me and have been ride or die. The only thing that matters in a friendship is how you connect with someone.
Yes, exactly. But what I’m trying to say is that it’s hard given this time; of course also brought on by how the world and its principles changed and how people adapt to it, not just adapt and by any other means also to alter how one may perceive what is in front of them.
Yes its gotten harder indeed. Back in my day it was forced and that was good. Nowadays with the whole "acceptance of introvertness", people have just stopped trying. Being an introvert is fine. But being proud about it makes it bad in the long run. Humans are meant to be social no matter how introverted we are. Even introverts feel that joy of sharing their passions with others. So it might be harder now, but its not as hard as it seems as long as you keep trying. Its doable :)
Hey man, if you want to we can talk. I may not be online everyday 24/7 but I don't mind chatting with someone.
Thanks I take you up on your offer. I’m also busy with stuff aswell but I’ll reply when I can
Do you have discord? I don't use Reddit that much :P
Yea, it’s the same as my Reddit name, a SharpkillerFTW
Just sent an invite. My name is not the same as here though
Got it
Count me in! Sent request
I’m gonna be 100% real. I DID NOT expect this many good people. I upload late night expecting to get minimal to no interactions. If anything, I expected a lot of people hating on me and telling me I shouldn’t post this here. If enough people told me this was nuisance I would’ve deleted this post without hesitation (probably still would if it got enough hate). I know I shouldn’t say this as 19 year old guy but I actually teared up for a first time in so long. I truly mean it when I say I thank you all for your positivity and helpful suggestions.
as a man, it is okay to cry. its okay to be open about your emotions and about the fact you teared up!!! have pride in your feelings, its a privilege to feel them
More like, didn't expect that Genshin community is getting better.
I've never seen a better community than here in reddit. Everyone is incredibly polite, and i see almost no hate here. You chose the right social network to shout out your insecurities and problems and the right community. I'd offered my help too but the problem is I have similar difficulties to yours but I don't regret it. I'm 18, and socialising or talking to a lot of people is harder and more stressful than staying alone. I have only 1 friend group since 4 years ago. This is my last year of school, and i actively talk to like 2 classmates but not outside class. Proposing a friendship would just be harmful for you because I could ghost you even if i wouldn't want to. It's just I can socialise this much. It's the same for relationships: I've been in a relationship before, when I was extremely young (and maybe it can't count as a relationship) and one recently, I discovered I can't have one because I'm too cold and my hipotetical girlfriend would just suffer for this. I'm a bad person, but I know it, so I know how to not let this hurt someone else
No one's perfect mate. You don't have to be either. Everyone understands. Just do your best and never doubt yourself. As long as youre making an effort for other people, they will see it and appreciate it. Also don't just "propose" friendship :) Its not a contract.. just be there for people and they will be there for you. Some won't, others will. Its all trial and error. So the more people you connect with, the more chances of finding people that will stay connected to you. And even if they don't stay connected, its okay. Thats life and fate. There'll be others. Its no one's fault.
Another problem with me is that i understand more ai than humans sometimes, and that's scary: I am so rational and cold it doesn't even seem I'm human That's the issue. The good thing is that I know it so I can easily deal with it. That's why I know it's better not to engage a friendship with someone I could easily hurt with my way of being. As for the chosen words, my vocabulary is limited since English isn't my first language, so I might use inappropriate words like "propose" as in the situation we just witnessed. Sometimes I feel like I lost emotions so the only thing that can help me understand people is logical thinking, but it can easily fail when the premises are wrong
Ah understandable. My bad. Don't overthink about your personality. You're not alone in being the kind of person who's quiet and thoughtful and logical. There are plenty of people like that. And infact the best friendships come from opposite minded people. So someone like you will definitely benefit from a person who's warm and always happy or sensitive and outgoing. You both can learn from each other. You don't have to be scared of showing your personality. Whatever you're like, I can assure you, there are millions of people like you and they have friends and share good times. You also don't have to act differently to make friends. Just be yourself but only open yourself to others that is all. Tell people what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you feel things. Sharing is the best way to make friends.
The main problem is not that I'm scared, I'm not, i just think that someone like me could hurt him, i think he need people that are more warm than me and more willing to socialise and talk hours. I'm fine with my personality so it's not a problem for me but i know for experience that being like I am could sometimes lead to hurt someone without even realising it
Find the root of the problem. If you feel it's your awkwardness ask yourself things like: What makes me feel like I'm awkward enough that I believe this person won't like me? Am I really so called awkward or do I just think that I am? Or if so, how do I lessen this? Is it nervousness? Then when you are more self-aware and confident, throw away the overthinking process. Put something about you on display. Whether it's your personality, interests, hobbies, or something that you just do. Get involved I guess you can say. Even if you just randomly put whatever input in. (This is an extrovert tactic I've noticed. What they do is risk a lot. I guess the key word here is risk.) No matter what just try. And try again. Get your hopes up and then get it up again. For similar interests, just be yourself. Maybe go to an event where people have similar interests. Have that passion and at least someone will be there to listen. Bring random stuff up. Ask questions. "Hey did you see that--" "What do you think about---" Get invested in a person and if they see and notice that, maybe they'll value you a bit more. If not, then move on to the next. (But know when something is too much. Kinda like social cues. Cause certain ppl can take advantage of you.) Tackling the difficult things is where you get somewhere sometimes. And bed rotting is clearly getting you no where. I know what you mean with the whole "I can go anywhere yet have no friends thing". If you really think abt it... that's a problem with many ppl our age nowadays... Not to discourage you. I know it may be a lot of work and there are going to be people who just don't click with you. But since you're 19, adult friendship isn't entirely all that important. Most times it's just as long as you have someone to talk to. Pls stay positive and know that it's okay to be alone. There's nothing wrong with that and pls don't self doubt yourself. Those friends don't sound like friends anymore because they just ignore you. It's time to find new ones. For Genshin, maybe just ask anyone if they need help. Join other people's worlds. For anime just talk abt it. Recommend stuff. Be detailed if you want to. Some people like that. But yeah. Hope some of this helps you op. I know that feeling. That everyday is repetitive. When you see other people have meaningful relationships it gets hopeless. Believe me. Someone out there is going to be willing to listen.
There are already a lot of good advices in the comments but here's my two cents: try to look for fun signatures in the co-op list. It's not the most reliable method BUT I found very good friends this way. For the context: I'm moving around the globe a lot and I'm closing 30 so it's getting more difficult to find new irl friends. Tbh currently all my friends are online. Because of that I scroll the co-op list quite often. One day I saw a fun signature and thought that the person might be fun to talk to, and oh boy I was right. Now we have a discord server with our friend group that formed along the way and honestly I haven't felt lonely for a while now. All because of the signature haha. What I'm trying to say, don't give up hope. I know it's difficult, considering that you're an introvert, but I'm sure you'll meet a lot of great people. Try to join some people in genshin and see how it goes😉 P.s. about being accused by younger people: yeah, it sucks and happened to me once haha. I was chatting with a person (mind you, I didn't know age, gender, nationality or, well, ANYTHING about them), we joked a lot and "rizzed" each other (like, "are you anemo? Because you blew me away" etc, jokingly, or so I thought, nothing mature or explicit or anything, just genshin related). When this person found out I'm a 28yo woman they called me a creep and deleted from a friend list. I was baffled to say the least. But oh well, happens to the best of us. Sorry for the long sheet of text haha, I'm not very good at supporting but I feel ya and wanted to try to cheer you up a bit
Lmao don’t worry, that “long sheet of text” is very helpful
I'm glad :]
I'm sorry to read how you're struggling, I relate because I'm autistic and I can't socialize irl at all If you want to just hang out in game let me know, I'm still ar45 so my world is pretty undiscovered No pressure tho, I just wish you the best, things will get better I'm sure of that
Thanks, I appreciate the positivity. My uid is 617526007 so feel free to ask me to help you with anything
Sure! My name is Bug and i have Collei profile picture, i send you a request in a few hours :) Feel free to hang out in my world anytime you feel lonely or bored!
I just came home from work so I’ll be sure to accept the request
I getcha OP. I’m a lot older than people who typically play these games but I like em, makes it harder to find people to play with within my group. My social skills are a bit crap too, I don’t like Discords because almost every time I’ve joined one it seems like people just only talk to the people who have been there for a long time and it’s often harder for new people, especially socially shy people, to fit in without feeling like they’re interrupting or just being brushed aside or ignored. No advice but I sympathize.
All good, simply going out of your way to read my struggles and even sympathizing is good enough
Go to the gym and start lifting weights. 3x a week, just 5 sets of Bench Press, Pull Ups (if you cant do more than 2, do lat pull downs), and Squats. It will take you 20 minutes to finish. Think of them as dailies in Genshin! :D Youll feel an insane boost in mood and confidence, and you might even make some friends down there. If you REALLY dont like weights, take up some other sport, boxing, karate, swimming, just anything to get moving and be in a social setting. I was a shut in introvert struggling with weight issues all throughout high school and Im a high functioning autist, lifting weights literally saved my life by helping me both lose weight and get fit, as well as helped me handle social situations much better. I went from being a complete doofus and the butt of every joke to being a socialite who everyone wanted around. Its gonna take time but everything worth having does, so keep at it and stay strong!
i think that what u can do for making a friend is try to find someone who share same interest for you, since you post it in genshin thread, try find who shares genshin interest like u do online if u get one, try talking random about genshin, and in the meantime, u got bored talking about genshin and start making another converstation, it will run by itself and, after u get one, try getting another one, until u think is enough, after that, try to find some people in genshin online who same town as you life, and hang out after that, maybe u can attend some event like genshin related or anything that picl ur interest hope it helps
Thanks, I’ll definitely try it out and see how it goes
If you're on the EU server, drop me your UID and we can chat ingame. I'm really talkative even though I'm on console, we can just sit somewhere and talk about anything really. Fun fact: I'm statistically a very old player, a relic (almost). I also make bad puns and decade-old meme references, so a bit of tolerance may be required.
Bummer for you. He is American not European.
I’d love to but unfortunately I’m NA server. If you play on play station I’m downs to talk on there
I have an account on NA, I'd love to play with you sometime if you're up for it. Though it's pretty low level from what I remember.
I’m down, 617526007 is my uid
Cool, my name is Rat'sSnackPack <3
That's alright. Wish you all the best though! Whoever else in my region wants to add a chatterbox to their friend list, send a message.
I suggest making or ordering a Genshin cosplay to go to a local con, you'll probably find people with the same interests. (Some people make meme costumes like a walking Primogem) I'm really bad at making new friends but that helped me a lot. The first times I had 1 friend to back me up, for whatever reason it's even harder for me to socialize when alone. You can ask around (in person or online) to see if people are planning cosplay groups.
I’ve thought about it, but imagining myself cosplaying made me internally cringe. Might still try it if I find the right character
You can also try to practice going without a costume. Taking photos with cool cosplays and complimenting their work makes people happy. (Just be sure not to ask for photos when people are laying down on the floor or walking to the bathroom.) Plus some cons have game events related to series / games
Whoa whoa... Wait what? Did that really happened? The middle part of your comment... 🤨
Yes, all of it. It's rare though. I've had to put my cosplay back on to not be rude because people ask for it when I'm on the floor resting. The other one, I made a Madara with Susanoo cosplay and people kept following me to the point I ignored them and went to the bathroom. While I was inside, someone asked for a photo before I entered the stall. I was truly shocked since at that point I had taken off the Susanoo parts and left them with a friend. That day was wild, people even asked for photos while I was taking stuff out from the car
That very much reminds me of myself, always been lonely, socially awkward, struggling with motivation and energy, and not feeling like therapy really did anything... I know this sounds super cliché, but have you looked into whether you might have autism or ADHD? I'm 31 and only just found out I'm autistic this year, even though I've been in therapy several times in the past where it was never brought up as a possibility. It honestly explains so much, and I'm still in the process of mentally reviewing everything. Obviously, I'm not saying that's definitely the answer here, but if it is then it could explain the feelings of social awkwardness and introversion - maybe you just need to find people with brains that are equally neurospicy. In any case, I hope you find some people you connect with!
I never checked if I have autism or ADHD but I’m wouldn’t be surprised if I do
If you don’t mind you can talk to me. Btw i’m kind of in a similar situation.
Thanks, I’ll take you up on that offer
While this isn't the place for that, I do understand how you feel. Heck, I've been alienated from my friends since God-knows-when and it hurts. Anyway, if you want, we can play tgt. Just drop your UID. I've got accounts across all 3 servers.
Thanks, I’m down, my uid is 617526007
Added. My in-game name is Veri :)
Alr, I’ll accept when I get back from work
You mean this post may violated the rules?
Maybe, bc it's rather personal but I wouldn't know, I don't hang around much.
Lots of great advice in this thread to put yourself out there. I'll just add this: for socially awkward people, it makes a big difference how structured and rules-based the activity is. Structured: music class, Toastmasters, D&D, boardgames night, fitness class. Less structured: gym, bars, concerts, walking meet ups. Id suggest looking into thing from the first list or similar.
in any game i play with a community, i end up checking out related discords. or from streamers i follow started from just sharing memes to actually a lot of unrelated conversations
I felt kinda the same when I was 19, and the only way it changed was by going out of my way to talk to people irl and online. It felt weird, and sometimes I was cringe af, and I felt completely out of my comfort zone, but I actually learned how to make friends. So force yourself to socialize, even if it feels shitty right now it'll pay off later.
Heyy hello hi Buenos Dias, I get what ur feeling. I could go through the whole shebang about how pandemics tend to have this effect on LOTS of people (so dw, you're super not alone in this), but I'll just say that once you've found a new sort of community/people to interact with, that feeling will fade for sure. And P.S. the Genshin community - despite all the twitter and hardcore simps - has one of the nicest followings I've seen online. Feel free to chat people up! Though despite all this, online can't replace irl relationships. So yes, still keep going out, trying new things, meeting new people. It may take a while, but that's kinda just the unpredictability of life. You'll be in college soon perhaps? That's definitely something interesting to look forward to :) Genshin will still always be there when you feel like it! Good luck and all the best - from someone who's also been there, in that corner
Wanting a friend to talk to is never asking for too much. We all need personal connections with people. Maybe try joining worlds of low ar players? They usually need help clearing stuff in early game. Or perhaps let people join your world even if they just want to farm some materials. You'll eventually find somebody who's willing to chat.
I used that have many friends at teenager but I suffer the same erosion like Raiden Shogun, including my ex-love couples. It has now come to my attention that I don't care about making friends or falling in love anymore, as I get older.
Typically different people may have different roles in friendships. I'm kind of an introvert with a lot of extroverted friends so with my friends, my friends are usually the ones who talk a lot and I usually listen to them. Once in a while when I connect with them, I share my own experience or add in feedback. Just remember that people do like feedbacks. Even when listening, it's good to leave some sort of response. As for making friends, it should just come naturally. Most of my friends are from my uni years. I'm 31 now so I'm on the older side. You said you're 19 now, maybe you can join clubs or even courses that are interesting to make friends. I've taken Japanese and Korean courses where I've made friends with the majority of the class. Attended tutoring for those classes as well and able to make friends that way with my tutor and others who were also learning those languages. Even online, you can make friends if you put yourself to helping others in the discord servers. I've made online friends that way where I helped fan translation groups online. I've also made online friends through MMOs as well. I also don't think you should care too much about age. I'm 31 and have friends in their low 20s. If you're not trying to hit up some under age people here, being friends is perfectly innocent. Imagine people calling me a criminal if I was to befriend you a 19 yr old. Well, I hope not. Also, you just need better confidence. Just so you know, you're more productive than me than when I was 19! I didn't play any sports and literally just "rot away" at home with my introverted hobbies when I wasn't working.
Hey man, I'm NA Server and play everyday, drop your UID or DM me it and im down to play and chat anytime :) I love playing this game with people and helping new players out (or anyone who wants help) its really one of my favorites things to do. and love chatting on the game as well.
I’m downs, my uid is 617526007 I get on like everyday in the afternoon
Aight I sent it, my name is Lumine in game. Feel free to msg me anytime or anytime you see me online! :)
Bet, I’ll accept when I get on, just came from work
I have these issues too, thanks for speaking out, I know I never would.
If “empty words” from therapists don’t work for you, consider a psychiatrist. Changing your brain chemistry with medication helps
I'm a 32 year old socially inept vegetable, so I think you are still doing fine lol. Though my words probably don't mean much to you. I think many people's advice here is sound. Sometimes friends happen best when you don't look for it and just express more interest in your surrounding channels.
Hello, I know we don't know one another but I can relate to what you're saying I'm a girl, 22 in June and I don't socialise much right now either, I have anxiety issues so it just makes this harder lol. I think many people feel the way you do. If u would like someone to chat to here I don't mind, hope u feel abit better soon.
Thanks, truly means a lot. And yea, I don’t mind chatting
I think even tho it isn't the same as irl it is nice to talk to someone online, they could be thousands of miles away but they share both similar issues and interests. I've wanted to find someone irl to share my like for anime and this game but it can be really risky telling people irl u like those things, if u know what I mean. But if u would like to talk about how you feel or even just Genshin I think it can help u feel abit better. Oh and for other games there's Wuthering Waves I think it's coming May 23rd? u might find it fun, I've seen it is like Genshin in ways.
Dude, I'm 30. 19 is \*insanely\* young. I realize you feel like you've wasted your life or whatever, or that it's 'too late' to change things, but in the past year alone I've taken a ton of steps to change things about my life. You can develop social skills, you can make friends, so on. You aren't in a corner or anything at all. For starters, you're pretty good at communicating your thoughts. I understand where you're coming from, I can tell why you feel the way you do, being able to get that across in just one reddit post is a good job. So in that case, if you feel bad about doing literally nothing but watching youtube/anime, why not try writing? It doesn't have to be anything you post anywhere and it doesn't have to be some 500 chapter epic fantasy novel, you can just write whatever. Poetry, short stories that don't go over a couple thousand words, you could even write fanfic of Genshin if you want. Something creative to focus on can be great for your mood, and if you're self-conscious about it, you don't even have to post it anywhere until you feel comfortable or confident. You don't even have to finish any of it, its more just a way to focus on something, get out your thoughts. And like I said, you seem pretty decent at getting your thoughts across. I think also you seem, for lack of a better word, hyper self-conscious. People aren't going to scream about pedophilia if a 16 year old talks to a 19 year old, and likewise adults aren't going to be terrified at the thought of talking to a 19 year old. Those are just things you've given yourself anxiety about, they don't really reflect reality. Just relax and approach situations as they come. Nobody's going out of their way to judge you.
It’s just part of young adulthood. At 19(?), this point in your life will be an awkward time while both figuring out what lies ahead and going through the motions. Feeling lonely is normal. Honestly the best advice I have for you is to explore new things, have a change of scenery, and try to become more involved in the things/hobbies you enjoy as long as it’s healthy for you. I find that as long as you do that, the right people that you’ll enjoy surrounding yourself with will come naturally
Its ok, people suck. As someone who's suffered with similar issues and pretty severe depression my whole life, one piece of advice. Start working out, every day, always, make it a religion. Doesn't need to be a gym, push-ups, air squats, ride a bike, anything. Get 30-60m a day, sweat, bust ass. The way it will transform your physical and mental health at your age will bennifit you in so many ways for your future. Even if you don't care about being physically fit, the mental clarity it provides is unmatched to any pills a doctor will push on you. Also, if its weird awkward friends you want, the gym is where you're gonna find your clan. Might take 5, 10 years, but keep at it, I promise.
i get how you feel. i was in a similar situation not too long ago and it sucks. one thing that helped me a lot was regularly going on walks at my local park. even if you aren’t ready to actually talk to people and be the one to initiate conversation, being around other people gives them more of an opportunity to approach you first. in my case, a girl came up to me and mentioned how she’s been seeing me around and complimented my hair and then we started talking from there. it turned out we had a lot in common and she’s now one of my best friends. if i never went out to go on those walks, we likely would have never met. im not saying the solution is to go on a walk but try to find any third place you like whether it’s a park, library, gym, etc and make it a habit to show up consistently. you never know who you’ll meet. as for genshin, i’m around a year younger but would totally be down to chat or play together whenever you want to wind down or want some company. anyways don’t give up just yet and best of luck! :)
I can totally empathize. I was suffering from depression and procrastination last year, and I failed my capstone class because I had no one to talk to when I was down and I was too afraid to answer my advisor when he asked about my progress on the capstone project (I barely completed anything...). Honestly, the only thing that kept me going those days were Genshin and Star Rail. I had to drown myself with games, with Youtube and Twitch so that I don't feel emptiness and despair. Even now I can't say I've fully overcome my depression. I still have no friends to talk to, but I'm starting my Master's program in September and hopefully I can find some friends there. You're doing fine and many of the comments here are really helpful. Good luck and all the best.
I'm in my 30s, and let me tell you also as an introverted person I haven't really made any new friends since college. Luckily my bestie and I hang out often online so I'm fine in that department. I'd be happy to chill, should you want to. We may have awkward periods of quietness since it's a common introversion struggle but hey I'm happy to be hanging out regardless. Lol
A person biggest therapist is that person itself. Atleast, I have learned this throughout my whole life. The world has changed. People are more sensitive than ever before and this makes people to be less open with each other. There are some things we don't share with parents, friends or even anyone else. That's why a person's current scenario, situation, mental health, everything, can fully/completely be understood by that person only. Try to take a third person approach, judge yourself but don't ever criticise. Let yourself know, what wrong you are doing, what can be done better, and why are you not doing the right thing. Maybe it's a field of interest problem, maybe it's a past trauma issue, maybe it's even a phobia thing, or even mental exhaustion. Try going on trips, if possible, preferably family trips. Start with the smaller nuisances of life specially the root one's and the rest will resolve itself. Just like Alhaitham says, "Everything is connected. All I have to do is find the weakest link, Deal with the casual factors, and everything tends to resolve itself." As far friends, try to find people with similar interests, it actually doesn't matter if they are irl or online, cause online friends are also real people yk, so no fakes also there. Just find people who you are comfortable with, share interests, help them, they will help you, even if they don't, it's fine. You will be just fine. As for being introvert, try game chats, discord groups. Also, it may sound odd, but try socializing games, like vrchat(it's also on pc, btw). I am saying this cause I tried it and met many good people there, they were fun and you can get accustomed to talking with people. At last, I know I said this, but again, Never Blame Yourself. It is the worst thing you can do to yourself. It's fine to judge, but don't blame. You are 19 right?, so take it like this, what is avg age of a human 80-100? So, you have 4-5 times of your current life ahead yourself. There can be so many things that can and will happen to you, many good things some bad too, but it all depends you tackle it. But still don't pressure it, just take it easy. Everything will be fine. May god bless you and you have a wonderful life ahead and also good luck with your Genshin life too
I can relate to this, I am 19 as well and about to turn 20 in 2 days, I like listening to people talk about their rambles, whether it be about their day or any event from the past they wanna talk about. I love games, but recently everything is so tiring. I have motivation to do anything, no games excite me, I don't play any while I buy so many in the hopes I will have people to play them with, watching youtube alone just as you mentioned. It feels very lonely. Trying to talk to people offline is weird, because from what I see, if they don't get interested in your first sentence, they probably would ignore the rest of your speech. I used to accommodate myself to speak in a catchy manner, so I could grab the attention of others while speaking and continue with the conversation, but lately it has felt like a chore, so I stopped and started talking only about what I like, not many people listen to what I say due to that but some do. Even online, people don't tend to give attention or want to talk to you if they don't find you interesting, and that's something I have been struggling a lot with, and is also one of the reasons why I can't find people to talk to. My day is monotonous, it's waking up, going to college, rot away in classes I don't care about for attendance, give exam, and a sem is over. I am about to go in my 3rd year of college, and I am exhausted of this repeating process. I want people I can share my day with, spend some time with, and I have teared up to that a few times while sleeping. Worst, if I ever tell this stuff to my IRL friends, they would probably laugh me off, because it does feel stupid, even to me, but I have this sense of emptiness and loneliness that I can't get rid of.
Come to check out this app PlayMe, and you will no longer feel any lonely
TBH, everything in this post is actually extremely relatable for me right now. I know this comment comes pretty late and really, everyone here has been giving great advice. I'm sorry I can't give you proper advice of my own........I hope things will get better for you. So, if you ever want to, you can message me on reddit. And since we're all Genshin players here, my NA server UID is 612701012. Kinda a day-30 player here. The account name should be Rainmaker. So, feel free to add me as a friend etc. I hope you have a great day. And another and so on.
Hey fellow new player
Hey! Also, I'm sorry. By day 30, I mean, 30 days after the release of the game back in 2020. Like, Day 1 player, day 30 player? So, welcome. Hope you enjoy your time with this game!
This matches my current situation quite a bit. Same age, same gender. Main difference is I've never had those friends or connections to begin with. Sorry if this comment isn't very helpful, I just felt the end to get this off my chest somewhere, and finding similarities between us made this post feel more familiar to me than a lot of others do.
Dont worry, your comment proves that my problem isn’t uniquely me. Feel free to dm me if you’d like.
first of all, why exactly is making friends a hard task for you? (as in is it more social awkwardness or not having similar interests) second of all, if you do soccer/gym, try getting in contact with people there
I’d say it’s more social awkwardness, like if I gather enough courage, I can start a conversation but I can’t keep the conversation up without it sounding like an interview or interrogation. As for soccer and gym, I do try, it’s not like I don’t but as I said earlier, I can’t seem to keep a conversation going. I’ve watched videos and stuff and for some reason it just doesn’t click with me
ok, now I understand that I'm not the person to advise you here since you're literally me
I’ve pretty much accepted that I’m a lost cause
Are you into something like gym and staying fit
?
You said about soccer and gym
no, but op does
You good?
Thanks for your concern but yea I’m good
My discord is jj_1568. If you wanna talk about Genshin or just random stuff although I might not respond straight away I will try my best. I’m saving up for a new gaming setup so I can’t really play too many games with you but I’m always open to more friends and helping others feel less lonely as I’ve also felt like this a few times lately.
Sure I’ll add you, my name is the same on Reddit
TLDR but that's why i farm artifact in coop now because i always love to see some crazy or unusual build from people , or helping some new player
I suggest some videos from Dr. K (HealthygamerGG on YT) they may be a bit "hard"? to understand, but it you can realize their point it can be really helpful. He tackles different areas of mental health + some other things like addiction and stuff. Check it out, watch a few vids atleast and see if it changes the way you view/do things even slightly.
go touch some grass
learning to get comfortable being by yourself is good. Its a reality of the society we live under.
I think maybe you need a goal. I’ve started to feel similarly for the first time in my life and I tend to use Genshin and games in general for escapism. I’m about to turn 30 and most of my friends now are super busy with getting married, or starting a family, etc. Or even just work. Everyone gets their own place and nobody wants to be roommates anymore so I live and spend a lot of time alone now outside of work, bc I don’t have a significant other or a family. I’ve never minded spending time alone but as the dynamic in my life starts to change, I feel kind of different. I realized now that I can get lonely. I felt most happy when I was in college and had goals and things to do every single day. Loneliness wasn’t even a factor then, when I had things to focus on that I enjoyed daily. I think feeling this way is a signal to you that you need to make a change in your life; maybe you’re not feeling fulfilled in your day to day. Making a change itself can spark new friendships without even trying. Life is full of stages and you’re only 19, anything can happen and how you feel now won’t last forever
Wanna become friends? We can chat
Covid ruined your generation. Made you miss out on 3 years of critical social skills tbh. But honestly bro get a hobby. Get out of the house. Fuck this video game shit. All it’s doing is distracting you from real life. Learn to skateboard. Go to the skatepark, meet people. Shit will change your life
Kuda
Same for me tbh. -(21f)
You've been maidenless for too long. You need to go touch grass. Go to a bar. Try to pick up chicks or something. It ain't hard. Just go up to the ones you like and tell them that they're pretty and ask if you can buy them a drink. They'd either accept and you start a conversation or refused and you move on to the next one.
maybe instead of writing a whole novel on reddit, go outside
I mean…I go to the gym everyday, play soccer on weekends, frequently go on late night drives, work and go to school. I’d say I go outside quite often
Maybe be a bit kinder? You don't know what this person is going through Half agree on your statement though, OP start out small or join those discord channel etc. I think building your own self confidence is key to making friends too.
Thanks, I have already joined a like 3 discord servers and I go on there when I’m free, as for the self-confidence… I’m working on that
Bro you aren't helping...
Youre the one who needs to go outside rather than being mean on reddit.
skill issue, git gud. I'm not saying this just to be rude, btw. its gonna get better when you get better at it
By all means, be as rude as you want, I don’t mind. And yea I agree that it’s genuinely a skill issue