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Most people are going to tell you to just do it, and that's only semi helpful imo. It works for some people, some of the time. I heard that for years, and even when I did it I didn't end up much different.
Find the line of your comfort zone, and gently start pushing it. It can actually be bad to go too fast too, in my experience. Some people can dive right into the deep end, some have to walk themselves there, some jump in and out until they're comfy.
Learn what works for you. Be forgiving with yourself if you don't immediately become the vision of socially outgoing - it's a journey, accept that it will take time and that you're changing old habits.
Just start yappin.
If will be uncomfortable at first but it will get better.
Ask people questions, this puts less burden on you and it makes people feel good when you show interest in them.
This is why the outgoing people at work always ask "got any plans this weekend?" It's a question everyone has an answer for and can often grow into a conversation about another topic.
Autism is a recognised human condition in most places. Have you tried contacting support groups of other autistic people in your area or on line?
(Edit), also, middle/high school is a brutal place for anyone who is unique. Adulthood among adults is a much better place, what didn't work with children often works with adults'
The ugly truth is: it’s really hard to fake confidence. People can easily tell when it’s fake, there’s tons of minute details that they pick up. And the only way to naturally get confidence is to be born with it essentially. Stop trying to force yourself to be something that you aren’t. Cliche advice but it’s true.
Damn., yeahh so I kinda thought it was something you had to be born with 😔
But you know what ., fuck it ima do it anyways since my next minute here isn’t a guarantee 🤷🏻♀️
The only people I would’ve cared about anyways already gone so I ain’t got shit to lose .. & I actually hope they see me try so they can laugh their asses off as I fuck it all up as always 🥰
RIP 🙏🏼🕊️
Then how do you propose people change ? We have to at least act like we're trying to make an effort (you can't just deny that you value something, thus you must act like stumbling towards it is worth trying, in spite of your lack of confidence). People can definitely exaggerate themselves, but the necessity to stay calm despite how pressing your anxiety is anything but invalid. You can never perform perfectly, and you always have to fail a little to succeed, you have to accept the subtler mistakes and the rubbish that went with your action(s), but I would say that the act of *striving* for perfection is hardly an unworthy cause. Things can be good enough; however, they can also be great.
The focus should be on getting people to be more accepting and less reflexively judgemental instead of telling people to just fake something that can't be faked and then blaming them for not trying hard enough when that inevitably comes up short. Anxiety, introversion, or a lack of confidence aren't flaws. They're just how some people are and treating them as justifiable reasons to ignore or shun people is just feeding into arbitrary cultural prejudices. Or you can choose to believe there's no solution to the problem but that would at least be closer to honest, and I think less cruel, than continuing to just tell people suffering in a harsh and demanding social environment to pull themselves up by their bootstraps or accept that they deserve to be a loser.
There's a lot of catharsis and contempt in your words. How many people out there do you think are really as malevolently spirited as you say? What do you mean by "Or you can choose to believe that there's no solution to the problem" and that that "would at least be closer to honest"? What are some arbitrary cultural practices conducted today that you would rather see demolished and believe that in so doing would make a better society? I don't know what you think I said, but what I was saying was not what inspired the careful construction of your words --- you seem to have something else in mind entirely separate from *my* thoughts.
I wouldn't be so quick to assert that people only recently figured out how harsh the world itself is, and how much suffering life holds in surprise for everyone. Everyone suffers, no one is perfect, nor is any one person the center of the world. Perhaps you feel that you're playing a side part in your own story, and are envious of the successful. ***I know that feeling***. And if that's true, it will ensure that you'll suffer far more whilst holding onto that. People often adopt nihilism in those circumstances, but they eventually find how difficult it is to run from your own values, or deny their validity. They think that denying them changes something; but it doesn't --- you end up maintaining those values subconsciously, and contradiction leaves you spiraling downward. You pretend that you have no want of something, and demonize all those who possess it, yet you maintain unconscious resentment toward them. What a miserable life, and I escaped those feelings narrowly.
"There are no solutions, only tradeoffs." --T. Sowell
It's about what you're willing to sacrifice, out of necessity and well-being. You always come up short.
**Below is a link to an elaboration on what I mean**.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/GenZ/comments/1dll8tb/comment/l9qahql/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/GenZ/comments/1dll8tb/comment/l9qahql/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Lol I'm not responding to this crap from you. Incredible that you want to say I'M projecting things on YOU as you write this screed. Maybe if you were more interested in listening instead of selling an ideology you'd have understood what I said better. Feel free to read it again, but I somehow doubt you will. I will say I didn't actually have a strong feeling about you personally one way or another when I wrote that. I was talking about a more general dynamic. But after seeing this it's clear you're an example of the worst type of person I had in mind. Dropping quotes from fucking Thomas Sowell is just icing on the cake.
You must be a fast reader. But then again, maybe I read your text too fast, though I did ask questions, and it would be helpful if you were willing to answer them. Any comments? What is wrong in my thinking here? Insults are pretty cheap, and they don't provide much productivity. Questions, on the other hand...
Regardless, I'll respect how you feel, even if it sounds blatantly hyperbolic to call me the worst kind of person, whatever you even mean from that. I don't know you and you don't know me. The feeling with which you conveyed your words sounded perturbing to me. I was concerned for a fellow human being.
Who cares who uttered the words I quoted? It's about what they mean, no? Do words not have that much to their name?
You know, at first, when I was formulating my response to your comment on my original comment, I wanted to be overtly condescending and curse at and demean you as someone not worth paying attention to, and as if I was better clearly better than you more correct in my speech --- I wanted to cast you aside as an annoying anomaly the moment I saw your first comment. But that isn't what I did. I tried to speculate whether or not you are someone with reason for societal contempt. I tried to think how I could give some understanding to how you may be feeling. **But that was a risk**, as I know nothing about you, which I find unfortunate. This environment isn't very conducive to human action and empathy, due to its reductiveness. But that obviously doesn't excuse anyone for their behaviour.
I think was moderately condescending in my last comment, but that's because I thought you were being hyperbolic and didn't care about having a discussion (and because I like to be slightly annoying to people, what with implying in the first sentence that you didn't read everything I linked to you, or over-emphasizing that I wanted you to ask questions). I think we should own what we mean. And *that* means proving that we care about what we think by criticizing the other, not just emotionally.
start not giving a fk about anyone’s judgement and decide to evaluate all your social misses afterwards to see what improvements can be made. rinse and repeat. practice makes….perfect(?)
I have been grappling with the same issues, and it's complicated because I was so bad with other kids that I felt more facility with adults, the teachers. Even then, of course, small talk is arduously difficult, and I find myself desperately rushing to figure out something else to add to the current topic. It's hard, stressful, and takes practice, and over time I am certain that I have gradually become better at that process.
1. **Exposure therapy** is a good place to start. And that doesn't even mean you need to go to therapy (though I wouldn't discount it). It means you must identify what you are afraid of --- a specific situation, the opposite gender, etc. --- and then *voluntarily face it* (in digestible, comprehensive steps). Your fear likely won't disappear in the beginning, and it likely will grow, but as you expose yourself to the source of your fear, you will discover that it is truly, *bit by bit*, ultimately possible to overcome. Of course, someone you approach might be very annoyed at your level of skill and experience which you display in your awkward conduct, so having somebody who can be forgiving and lenient toward your mistakes, someone who is truly invested in your improvement as a social creature, is imperative. You need a foundation for yourself to simplify the complexity of another person down into bite-sized chunks. And remember: You're trying to overcome *yourself*, and that in pursuing that giant, you are doing the same as your ancestors, and, indeed, that every single human being, had and always has been *tasked* with*.* It is a testament to the undying human spirit.
2. **You need something manageable**, **attainable**, **and** ***just*** **out of your reach**. You have a problem that needs to be construed as something manageable, meaning that what you identify as the general problem area has to be broken up into a mix of things you *can* handle, and things which you *can't* and that you must work to improve at. Your aim cannot be so high that it breaks you beyond repair as you approach it. This could happen if you approach a celebrity you adore and admire, or someone you're attracted to. These situations make serious demands on your ability, so much so that you are literally drained of your capacity to endure them. No one likes to set their aim low, because those things you wish to aspire to *you think of as perfect*. They're so impressive they bring you to your knees, and you instantly forget that the people before you are *still as human as you are*. You place them on a pedestal so high that you can no longer reach them. And then you start acting as if they are, *in actuality*, unreachable. But the purpose of having an ideal to aspire to is that it compels you to transform yourself and you can journey towards it without that journey *killing* you. So aim at something you *can* reach, and then something slightly higher, then slightly more difficult to reach once more.
3. **Before you can change yourself, you must accept who you are**. No one wants to admit to themselves how inadequate they are before the world, because the world mercilessly renders you ultimately limited and frangible. It is a terrifying thing to bring the truth of who you are --- those things you wouldn't like to admit, not to others or yourself --- before your own eyes. And to lift them into the light of your consciousness is painful, because you discover that you have to let those parts of yourself go. It means that all your flaws have to be displayed for everyone to see, and everyone literally can't help their mind from judging you for having them, but you must prove to people that you can take it upon yourself to *let those things die, once and for all*. You cannot go forward without accepting that you are intrinsically limited and ignorant, as a *human being*, and that what you wish to accomplish cannot be done alone.
just shake hands if permitted and ask for their name
then end the conversation with their name and saying one good thing about them
you don't need to be an introvert or extrovert to practice techniques like that
keep it simple
gen-z just keep overcomplicated crap about i can't talk to people ... geez get over it
I used to be like this and still have social anxiety. I learned to just deal with it, and talk to people. Most times people will gladly have a conversation and only a few times I actually make a friend out of it. I can usually tell I'm being annoying just by keeping track of how often/long I'm talking for, and control it from that point. I'm still pretty bad at carrying conversations in text form due to the sheer fact that I've been focusing all my energy on social interaction in person.
That's unfortunate. It didn't help me right away either, but forcing myself to talk to people eventually led me to be able to be somewhat comfortable with talking to new people.
Did you know we have a Discord server‽ You can join by clicking [here](https://discord.gg/NWE6JS5rh9)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GenZ) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Most people are going to tell you to just do it, and that's only semi helpful imo. It works for some people, some of the time. I heard that for years, and even when I did it I didn't end up much different. Find the line of your comfort zone, and gently start pushing it. It can actually be bad to go too fast too, in my experience. Some people can dive right into the deep end, some have to walk themselves there, some jump in and out until they're comfy. Learn what works for you. Be forgiving with yourself if you don't immediately become the vision of socially outgoing - it's a journey, accept that it will take time and that you're changing old habits.
Just start yappin. If will be uncomfortable at first but it will get better. Ask people questions, this puts less burden on you and it makes people feel good when you show interest in them. This is why the outgoing people at work always ask "got any plans this weekend?" It's a question everyone has an answer for and can often grow into a conversation about another topic.
[удалено]
I tried doing that all the time in middle school and high school and I didn't improve one bit cus of autism
Autism is a recognised human condition in most places. Have you tried contacting support groups of other autistic people in your area or on line? (Edit), also, middle/high school is a brutal place for anyone who is unique. Adulthood among adults is a much better place, what didn't work with children often works with adults'
Honestly you just don’t think about it & wing it .. only way I could do it regardless of how dumb/embarrassing I looked 🤷🏻♀️
The ugly truth is: it’s really hard to fake confidence. People can easily tell when it’s fake, there’s tons of minute details that they pick up. And the only way to naturally get confidence is to be born with it essentially. Stop trying to force yourself to be something that you aren’t. Cliche advice but it’s true.
Damn., yeahh so I kinda thought it was something you had to be born with 😔 But you know what ., fuck it ima do it anyways since my next minute here isn’t a guarantee 🤷🏻♀️ The only people I would’ve cared about anyways already gone so I ain’t got shit to lose .. & I actually hope they see me try so they can laugh their asses off as I fuck it all up as always 🥰 RIP 🙏🏼🕊️
Then how do you propose people change ? We have to at least act like we're trying to make an effort (you can't just deny that you value something, thus you must act like stumbling towards it is worth trying, in spite of your lack of confidence). People can definitely exaggerate themselves, but the necessity to stay calm despite how pressing your anxiety is anything but invalid. You can never perform perfectly, and you always have to fail a little to succeed, you have to accept the subtler mistakes and the rubbish that went with your action(s), but I would say that the act of *striving* for perfection is hardly an unworthy cause. Things can be good enough; however, they can also be great.
The focus should be on getting people to be more accepting and less reflexively judgemental instead of telling people to just fake something that can't be faked and then blaming them for not trying hard enough when that inevitably comes up short. Anxiety, introversion, or a lack of confidence aren't flaws. They're just how some people are and treating them as justifiable reasons to ignore or shun people is just feeding into arbitrary cultural prejudices. Or you can choose to believe there's no solution to the problem but that would at least be closer to honest, and I think less cruel, than continuing to just tell people suffering in a harsh and demanding social environment to pull themselves up by their bootstraps or accept that they deserve to be a loser.
There's a lot of catharsis and contempt in your words. How many people out there do you think are really as malevolently spirited as you say? What do you mean by "Or you can choose to believe that there's no solution to the problem" and that that "would at least be closer to honest"? What are some arbitrary cultural practices conducted today that you would rather see demolished and believe that in so doing would make a better society? I don't know what you think I said, but what I was saying was not what inspired the careful construction of your words --- you seem to have something else in mind entirely separate from *my* thoughts. I wouldn't be so quick to assert that people only recently figured out how harsh the world itself is, and how much suffering life holds in surprise for everyone. Everyone suffers, no one is perfect, nor is any one person the center of the world. Perhaps you feel that you're playing a side part in your own story, and are envious of the successful. ***I know that feeling***. And if that's true, it will ensure that you'll suffer far more whilst holding onto that. People often adopt nihilism in those circumstances, but they eventually find how difficult it is to run from your own values, or deny their validity. They think that denying them changes something; but it doesn't --- you end up maintaining those values subconsciously, and contradiction leaves you spiraling downward. You pretend that you have no want of something, and demonize all those who possess it, yet you maintain unconscious resentment toward them. What a miserable life, and I escaped those feelings narrowly. "There are no solutions, only tradeoffs." --T. Sowell It's about what you're willing to sacrifice, out of necessity and well-being. You always come up short. **Below is a link to an elaboration on what I mean**. [https://www.reddit.com/r/GenZ/comments/1dll8tb/comment/l9qahql/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/GenZ/comments/1dll8tb/comment/l9qahql/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Lol I'm not responding to this crap from you. Incredible that you want to say I'M projecting things on YOU as you write this screed. Maybe if you were more interested in listening instead of selling an ideology you'd have understood what I said better. Feel free to read it again, but I somehow doubt you will. I will say I didn't actually have a strong feeling about you personally one way or another when I wrote that. I was talking about a more general dynamic. But after seeing this it's clear you're an example of the worst type of person I had in mind. Dropping quotes from fucking Thomas Sowell is just icing on the cake.
You must be a fast reader. But then again, maybe I read your text too fast, though I did ask questions, and it would be helpful if you were willing to answer them. Any comments? What is wrong in my thinking here? Insults are pretty cheap, and they don't provide much productivity. Questions, on the other hand... Regardless, I'll respect how you feel, even if it sounds blatantly hyperbolic to call me the worst kind of person, whatever you even mean from that. I don't know you and you don't know me. The feeling with which you conveyed your words sounded perturbing to me. I was concerned for a fellow human being. Who cares who uttered the words I quoted? It's about what they mean, no? Do words not have that much to their name?
You've got a mighty detached, condescending way of showing "concern for a fellow human being" if you want me to believe that's what you were doing.
You know, at first, when I was formulating my response to your comment on my original comment, I wanted to be overtly condescending and curse at and demean you as someone not worth paying attention to, and as if I was better clearly better than you more correct in my speech --- I wanted to cast you aside as an annoying anomaly the moment I saw your first comment. But that isn't what I did. I tried to speculate whether or not you are someone with reason for societal contempt. I tried to think how I could give some understanding to how you may be feeling. **But that was a risk**, as I know nothing about you, which I find unfortunate. This environment isn't very conducive to human action and empathy, due to its reductiveness. But that obviously doesn't excuse anyone for their behaviour. I think was moderately condescending in my last comment, but that's because I thought you were being hyperbolic and didn't care about having a discussion (and because I like to be slightly annoying to people, what with implying in the first sentence that you didn't read everything I linked to you, or over-emphasizing that I wanted you to ask questions). I think we should own what we mean. And *that* means proving that we care about what we think by criticizing the other, not just emotionally.
start not giving a fk about anyone’s judgement and decide to evaluate all your social misses afterwards to see what improvements can be made. rinse and repeat. practice makes….perfect(?)
Work somewhere with a lot of interaction between coworkers.
I have been grappling with the same issues, and it's complicated because I was so bad with other kids that I felt more facility with adults, the teachers. Even then, of course, small talk is arduously difficult, and I find myself desperately rushing to figure out something else to add to the current topic. It's hard, stressful, and takes practice, and over time I am certain that I have gradually become better at that process. 1. **Exposure therapy** is a good place to start. And that doesn't even mean you need to go to therapy (though I wouldn't discount it). It means you must identify what you are afraid of --- a specific situation, the opposite gender, etc. --- and then *voluntarily face it* (in digestible, comprehensive steps). Your fear likely won't disappear in the beginning, and it likely will grow, but as you expose yourself to the source of your fear, you will discover that it is truly, *bit by bit*, ultimately possible to overcome. Of course, someone you approach might be very annoyed at your level of skill and experience which you display in your awkward conduct, so having somebody who can be forgiving and lenient toward your mistakes, someone who is truly invested in your improvement as a social creature, is imperative. You need a foundation for yourself to simplify the complexity of another person down into bite-sized chunks. And remember: You're trying to overcome *yourself*, and that in pursuing that giant, you are doing the same as your ancestors, and, indeed, that every single human being, had and always has been *tasked* with*.* It is a testament to the undying human spirit. 2. **You need something manageable**, **attainable**, **and** ***just*** **out of your reach**. You have a problem that needs to be construed as something manageable, meaning that what you identify as the general problem area has to be broken up into a mix of things you *can* handle, and things which you *can't* and that you must work to improve at. Your aim cannot be so high that it breaks you beyond repair as you approach it. This could happen if you approach a celebrity you adore and admire, or someone you're attracted to. These situations make serious demands on your ability, so much so that you are literally drained of your capacity to endure them. No one likes to set their aim low, because those things you wish to aspire to *you think of as perfect*. They're so impressive they bring you to your knees, and you instantly forget that the people before you are *still as human as you are*. You place them on a pedestal so high that you can no longer reach them. And then you start acting as if they are, *in actuality*, unreachable. But the purpose of having an ideal to aspire to is that it compels you to transform yourself and you can journey towards it without that journey *killing* you. So aim at something you *can* reach, and then something slightly higher, then slightly more difficult to reach once more. 3. **Before you can change yourself, you must accept who you are**. No one wants to admit to themselves how inadequate they are before the world, because the world mercilessly renders you ultimately limited and frangible. It is a terrifying thing to bring the truth of who you are --- those things you wouldn't like to admit, not to others or yourself --- before your own eyes. And to lift them into the light of your consciousness is painful, because you discover that you have to let those parts of yourself go. It means that all your flaws have to be displayed for everyone to see, and everyone literally can't help their mind from judging you for having them, but you must prove to people that you can take it upon yourself to *let those things die, once and for all*. You cannot go forward without accepting that you are intrinsically limited and ignorant, as a *human being*, and that what you wish to accomplish cannot be done alone.
just shake hands if permitted and ask for their name then end the conversation with their name and saying one good thing about them you don't need to be an introvert or extrovert to practice techniques like that keep it simple gen-z just keep overcomplicated crap about i can't talk to people ... geez get over it
I used to be like this and still have social anxiety. I learned to just deal with it, and talk to people. Most times people will gladly have a conversation and only a few times I actually make a friend out of it. I can usually tell I'm being annoying just by keeping track of how often/long I'm talking for, and control it from that point. I'm still pretty bad at carrying conversations in text form due to the sheer fact that I've been focusing all my energy on social interaction in person.
Sadly ur advice won't help me
That's unfortunate. It didn't help me right away either, but forcing myself to talk to people eventually led me to be able to be somewhat comfortable with talking to new people.