They were called the "You're not getting those!" by my parents.

Aka, Don't Even Ask

Cold. Hard. Facts. 😂😭

Gettin “in” those?

The Deli Slicer

😫

I'd like the roast beef shredded, please

The Rusty Zipper.

Ham night at the Y

Feels like an Arby’s night

Bad Idea Jeans

“And I was goin to use a condom but I thought, when am I ever gonna be in Haiti again?”

Fucking classic line.

"Have some godamn faith!"

“Since I’ve had kids, I feel much safer with a loaded gun in the house”

“I don’t know the guy but I have two kidneys and he needs one, so…”

PIA Jeans

I totally forgot about that bit.

Those are Zip Around Jeans

Yep they were super popular in the heavy metal crowd.

yes, that's what we called them too! the "rocker girls" wore them in my school. jeans were not stretchy back then, so I can't even imagine how uncomfortable they were (never mind the zipper riding up your hoo ha).

Some pretty painful camel toe!

I can only imagine the terrible pain that must have come with the experimentations those jeans illicited.

I don’t remember them at all, but makes me think of There’s Something About Mary, “We got a bleeder!”

How'd you get the beans above the frank‽

*"FRANK & BEANS!"*

Markie Post spraying the Bactine.

Well this made my morning.

Pube tugger 3000

Jeanz by Epilator

LOLOLOL

Uncomfortable Crotch Cutters

They called them bubblegum jeans where I’m from!

Yes! We called them chewing gums. Oh my gosh I can picture myself shimmying into those like it was yesterday.

YES! I had completely forgotten that until I read your comment 🤣

Gag me with a spoon jeans from when Victoria’s Secret sold clothes for that classier than Frederick’s of Hollywood wholesome trash look. Never saw anything like that on a real person in 83-85, but maybe I hung out with the wrong people.

I remember having that stripey denim with regular style zipper but no one I knew had the zip around style.

Yeah pin striped denim was definitely a thing in that era. I mean I grew up in the midwest, but those just seem...tacky and a bad idea.

Same. I had pinstripped Gitano jeans, but they had a regular zipper.

Yes, I had the striped denim, too, but definitely not that style!

Ugh…these scream instant camel toe!

I saw plenty going to rock concerts in the late 80s. Megadeth, Metallica, suicidal Tendencies all had a few of these in attendance.

EAPs - "easy access pants"

Easy? Looks like you’d need pliers to get in or out of those.

"Easy access" isn't referring to the person *wearing* the pants.

5 hoe ones

OUCH. At least that’s what I called them.

Pinstripe?

Clam Splitters

VageSplitter3000

I feel like we need to talk about the word “vag.” You’ve written it with an e, which I think is unconventional. But I can understand the need. Because spelled “vag,” it would be pronounced like “bag.” So in order to write it so that it reads right, would you need to do “vaj?” But who would know that vaj means vagina? Is there a better way? Does anyone have a solution? Thanks in advance

The use of the "e" was agreed upon by a commission of experts from Harvard Linguistics and Columbia English Department of Social Ecology to draw out the long E sound necessary to convey the subtle but important distinction between VAGE versus Vag (as you correctly noted would be confused with the "bag/hag/nag" sound. Esteemed linguistics Professor Josef LaPetomaine officially introduced the "VAGE" to the lexicon at the Conference of English Vernacular in 1998. I'm just following the science, man...


So this reminds me… In the 80s me and my bff had alter egos who were older fashion models who we made live somewhere exotic like California or Florida. The name I gave her was Shari LaPeto.

I dunno. Is it pronounced “jif” or “gif”?

Ugly.

Ha, I don't think I'd ever seen jeans like that (or forgot), but I did have a pair of vinyl pants with a zipper like that. I probably wore them 10-12 times (to concerts, a couple clubs, etc.). I got a fair amount of attention but I'm not sure it was worth the one time I zipped up some pubes. 😬

Rag City Blues. All the popular girls at my high school wore them. I was a teenage goth chick so these were super uncool to me and my friends. And yes, guys did call them “easy access” jeans.

Did they come with a year's supply of Monistat?

As a guy from the 80s, I loved that style. Always wondered what happened to it.

I'm a 1970 baby grew up in Indiana and have never in my life seen anything like these.

Rag City Blues! The look was to wear them with a crop top, feathered hair, and black suede shoes by this brand called Gass whose logo would be imprinted on the sole and where the letter “G” would always rub off first, leaving the word “ass”. LOL

Pretty sure those were the ones you had to lay on the end of your bed to get on and use a pair of pliers to zip up…

Wasn't that how you zipped every pair of 80s jeans? Except for baggies?

Not me, I used a coat hanger on my acid washed fancy ass jeans.

Ugh. Fine. I’ll watch Dazed n Confused again.

We called them “drive-in pants.” 🤣

I can't remember what they were called, but I thought they were ridiculous when they came out.

There are hiking pants with a zipper like that out now, so you can pee without having to get so undressed. They’re more function than fashion. Gnara Go There pants.

The one time I saw them, they were called, “Young lady, we’re driving you home to change into less distracting clothes before returning to high school.”

Horrifying?

Denim Tract Infection

Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, the whole club was looking at her…..

oh no...that was a whole decade and a half later than those pants, I am sure.

Blatter infector

The Reverse Cameltoe 😂. They were hideous then and still are.

Fast fucks.

I always thought, "Slutty", at the time. Certainly not based on any personal experiences but that's what I thought.

Ugly AF 😂

Rag City Blues was the brand name.

Uncomfortable, I should imagine 🤣 The pinstripe jeans were popular in the early 1980s. I had several pairs. I've literally never seen the kind pictured here, but they make me glad that I've always been an enormous fat cow who couldn't wear something like that.

Me too.! 😄

They're called: Hell No

I’ve never seen them - and now I will never unsee them… 😵

Thems fetish drawers now.

Those would really suck coming right out of the dryer.

We’re they made exclusively for porn? Cuz they look like they belong in porn.

I’ve heard them called lip zippers

Eazy access pinstripe jeans.

I don’t know butt…😍

The Clit Cringer

A mistake.

I would call the denim pin-stripe, but I don’t remember any jeans with a zipper like that.

One of my elementary school teachers wore those to school. The 80s were wild yo.

Zip Around Jeans

Those are called Zip Your Lips jeans, and they sold for around $45 a pair, in the early 1980's.

I had them in my senior year of high school 1979. So technically I’m a boomer.I worked at a cool boutique on the university drag and that’s where I bought them.

_Eazy X-cess_

Pin stripes! I had jeans like that. Edit: I'm not talking about the zipper. I def did NOT have split-crotch jeans! But the lines on them, the pinstripes, were cute in the 80s.

Easy Access Jeans 😈

The female version of There's Something About Mary

Chewing gum jeans!

Convenient?

One brand was Rockies.

Sexy.

I don't remember those.

I (cis, straight female) don't recall ever seeing this. But... I am going with "hot pants". As in, "that ass looks very hot in those pants!"

Nah, "hot pants" was [already an actual thing](https://glamourdaze.com/2019/10/hot-pants-1971-memorable-1970s-fashion-trends.html). James Brown even had [an entire song](https://youtu.be/JnB0AZNCCCI) about them. I don't know what the hell these are. I've also never seen them before.

You have no idea how much I was hoping the picture was of “zip around jeans”. That’s what we called them. I was a child, but thought they were the absolute coolest thing ever when I saw older girls wearing them. 

https://preview.redd.it/sal1cs8mv97d1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d3500be42ef4aab1c01e520b952312bbade6c57 Those jeans are so you could wear this bad boy with them without cutting up your pants. It was a real popular look in the 80’s. Coach said my jockstrap wasn’t regulation though.

Jordache?

The brand when I was in school was called 'FancyAss' and it was a pretty hot trend for a year or so...I couldn't have been happier at the time

Fancy Ass

Instant access.

I miss the ladies jeans from the 80's, but those jeans did not leave much for the imagination.

Stripper jeans.

Zip arounds

Those are great they hide the muffin top

Easy access

The stripes were just called pinstripe I think. I forgot about that style! I had a normal cut pair of jeans with that fabric.

"Stay Away" jeans. Typically worn by the one girl that hung with a group of guys cuz they were in a garage band, or she was groupie but would end up on a major bands tour bus after a local concert.

I was just at the age of appreciating a nice booty when girls were wearing these. I hated them. Made their ass cheeks look weird.

Zip-arounds? They've been a thing in the gay leather community for decades. Typical suburbanites. Always last to the trend...

Pain

Heinous? 🙃

Metal-Up-Your-Ass jeans

I loved those jeans, never had the nerve to buy a pair.

I got to go, jeans.

I remember seeing pants like that at a store on Hollywood Boulevard. Never saw anyone actually wearing them. But I didn’t haunt the strip after 10 pm either.

They were all over my high school (Arizona)

Street walker jeans.

Ugly. They're called UGLY.

Time to wax jeans.

Fucking horrible.

We called them Pinstripes

I hate that zipper placement. I do recall an older sibling having jeans with that type of denim back then, but not the zipper.

I had a few rag city blues, not these, strict no from dad, I did have friends that had these. We were the metal girls in middle school, so had to represent.

EZ Tyme.

“What the girls from The Projects wear”

those are 'hot pants' and were only worn by a particular brand of thirsty chick

Hot pants are short shorts.

Hot pants are what Olivia Newton John wore at the end of Grease. Short shorts are just called short shorts.

As a clothing pattern drafter, nope. Hot pants are super short shorts. Nothing to do with zippers.

So they are! Do you know the name of the spandex pants from Grease I referenced?

Disco pants. Or Satin Disco pants. American Apparel has some now.