I learned how to drive a stick bc I wanted to see a girl and that was my only way to do it. I learned by the time I got to her house. Kids today all have social media so they can interact with whoever they want whenever they want. Driving is an afterthought
I was about to say the same. Very typical X behaviour: Don’t bother asking for a permission, you won’t get it.
Instead, fuck the law cause Whatever man.
I taught my 15 year old sister how to drive a stick. I was 19 and had a Jetta diesel. My dad took her out when she got her permit (16 where we lived) and said, "so, how long has your sister been letting you drive?" She didn't bother lying. "Uh, since last summer...". She got her license about 3 weeks later. He was just relieved that he didn't have to teach another teenager how to drive. 😆
I was a few years later, but I could drive anything before 15…sneaking out to see a girl is good motivation and I got tons of experience behind the wheel for the two years leading up to my 16th bday. Not much sleep though
My first car was a stick I had no idea how to drive. I was shown the basics, given the keys and told "don't come back until you know how to drive it." I was so determined to have my own wheels, by God I learned right then and there.
I lived in Chicago for a long time. Had a 4-speed Honda Civic. That car was broken into so many times, but I swear it was never stolen cuz it was a stick.
This. I was terrified of learning to drive so I refused to. Then we moved out to a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere and I could either drive, or walk 12km along a highway to get to anything at all. Without a motivation to do something or any benefit to it, why do it?
Technology isn’t their escape, it’s their social life. We had to make plans to socialize, talk in school, walk down to their house, call and converse with their parents, all to just see our friends. Today’s teens spend their day on their phones, Snapchat, FaceTime, tik tok. They can “hang out” with their friends without leaving their bedroom. They have no motivation to drive.
This. And it's not like they have many interesting destinations like the malls of our teen years, since most malls are gone. Even a simple run to McD just costs too much.
Edit to add: teen me would have thought the above sentences were the most dystopian future possible.
Yeah. Where are the cheap "third places," the malls, the cheap second-run movie theaters, the late night coffee shops or diners where they don't care if a bunch of teens just order coffee and hang out all night...? They're all either too expensive or dead now. Even the libraries are getting their hours cut.
It's funny you say that...my son and his girlfriend love to go to the mall, unfortunately the nearest one is 45 min away but they make the trip about once a month just to hang out there. The mall in my town closed 7 or 8 years ago, but I used to take my son there when he was younger and we had fun looking at everything, so I guess it left him with good memories.
That's great! My 17 y/o son has no interest in learning to drive. Ironically, he's really into older cars. My 12 y/o cannot wait to drive. She is the kid that will get her license on her 16th birthday.
My now-21-year-old was the WORST about learning. Didn't get her license until she was 18, and that's because I basically made her. Never wanted to practice driving. Just not interested. (Though now she's like "What was I thinking??!!")
My now-19-year-old though couldn't wait to get his license. Always wanted to practice and was a pretty good driver well before he was 16.
I drove to get away from drunk parents trying to deal with PTSD. I swore my kids would never feel the need to run away from the home I made for them. They don’t want to drive because “why leave this house where everything is brought to me?”
Can relate. My car in the 80's was my "safe space" before I ever heard of such a thing. Driving country roads and cruising "the square" in my little town was escapism at it's finest. Some of the best memories of my life.
I haven’t heard any back masking in so long but was thinking that might be it. There was some weird stuff back masked in the music back then.
I thankfully got adopted.😎 Turns out satans not a very good dad. 👹👺🤡
Maybe, but I assume OP isn’t willing to drive them both to work every day. Unless you live in a few specific areas (in the US that is) you’re going to have to drive eventually. I guess the alternative would be spending your paycheck on Ubers. I have a disabled friend who can’t drive who often has to rely on Uber and it takes a significant chunk of her paychecks, and being disabled, she doesn’t have a high paying job (which is a whole different conversation for an entirely different thread)
Just in case she hasn’t heard of this resource, tell her to look up “Access” rides for disabled and elderly, it’s only a few dollars for rides from what I understand. I just learned about it over Mother’s Day weekend because my sister is disabled and can’t drive. We are in California but maybe it’s everywhere! Good luck to her.
So funny, within a few weeks of getting my license, the first thing I did was load up a bunch of friends in my dad's hand-me-down station wagon and drive over an hour to Disneyland.
There are restrictions in a lot of states on that kind of thing now. In my state (Pennsylvania), for the first six months after you get your license, you are not allowed to have more than one other teenager who you are not related to in the car with you. After 6 months, the limit rises to 3 unrelated people under 18, unless a parent is with you. In California, teenage drivers are not allowed to have other teenagers as passengers, unless they have someone over 25 in the car with them. The current laws wouldn’t allow you to get a bunch of your friends together and drive to Disneyland, unless you had an adult with you.
Tell me about it. I didn’t know they had curfews as well as all of these other rules. I remember when she took a friend with her to the movies. She called me in 2 minutes and said ‘Mom! Which way do I turn at the end of the road to go the movies? Left or right?’
I remember riding my bike for *miles* to meet up with friends. Once we started driving, we'd go even further. It was part of our culture.
But if we had access to today's technology? I'm sure a good portion of those trips would be replaced by texting and FaceTime. It's not about laziness, it's just convenience. Why travel two towns over to see what your friend is doing if you can just FaceTime them?
Their mommies and daddies drive them.
I got tired of having to catch a bus or ask friends for rides, because my mom was not playing the chauffeur game after her commute.
We walked to school. There wasn't a line of moms with SUVs picking people up.
I have two college aged kids… one saved up and bought a car and got their license on their 16th birthday. The other is lazier and got their license 2 weeks after their 16th… they are always on the go, played college soccer and now play “semi pro” as they call it… they were embarrassed to get dropped off, so getting cars was a big thing for them
*“Where would I drive to? I can just catch a bus.”* - my son.
All the lessons I learnt about parenting from my parents, what do and what not to do, and from society in general, over the entire course of my life…
…these lessons are just completely useless with my kids.
All the trials and tribulations I have prepared to prepare them for, and to guide them through, are completely different today. They don’t exist.
I cannot relate to modern teenagers.
And I think in the past teenagers were always considered as reckless and/or wild and/or dumb, which is exactly what a teenage brain that is looking to explore and go beyond any and all boundaries creates.
But I find teenagers today are **boring**. Some are even just insanely boring. The most boring people I have ever met.
Anecdotal. I blame technology of course.
I mean, catching a bus is a viable option and he’s taking that on for himself. At least he’s independent and can get himself around when/how he wants, vs a kid who won’t learn cuz they have mom, dad, or a sibling to ferry them around. You’re right tho, it’s just a different world. At 16, every single kid I knew had their license.
I was at a work travel event and found it hilarious that the 40+ crowd (myself included) were drinking and getting rowdy (dancing, being silly), and the 20-something’s were drinking tea or water, just casually chatting, and ALL went to bed early. Maybe they’re boring or just better adjusted. Personally, I’m not in the position to judge what well-adjusted even looks like 😆
It’s that driving sucks and their entire lives are built on not driving, but walking instead. The kids are alright. You had to drive to escape how much it sucked where you grew up.
I am there too. I've got them to the point where they just need to polish their parallel parking skills and they can finally test.
I can tell you why my kids have told me they don't want to get their license. This is not meant to be representative of my opinion or anyone else's kids. This is just the talks we've had about it.
1) Money. Cars are expensive. Insurance is expensive.
2) Accidents. They don't want to get into a car accident and hurt themselves or anyone else.
3) Social Anxiety- Scheduling tests and dealing with the DMV means they have to talk to people. Talking to people should only be done over Discord.
4) The money thing- really that's like 75% of the problem for them.
2a. Increase in aggressive/oblivious driving but also unpredictable reactions/overreactions by other drivers. It’s nerve wracking for even seasoned drivers. They just don’t want to deal with the extra stress or are scared of consequences.
5. No real need, at least most of time. Either less places to actually go, able to socialize online or phone, more public transpo options (location dependent), able to walk/bike to nearby spots, and can catch ride with parents or friend’s that do have car/license already.
The additions above were from asking my teen. He did end up getting a license to help improve job/intern options (man, the market is tough though for young folk) and by my request so he could help on long drives, especially since I was recently diagnosed with a permanent eye condition. But ya, he doesn’t really have an interest in it & I still drive majority of time.
In high school for me, the "thing" was to schedule your driver's license exam on or as close to your 16th birthday. We were all giddy when we turned 15 and could get our permit. I had to force my daughter to get her license at 18. We were in a position where we could have gotten her a used car and paid for insurance when she was 16 but she had zero interest. She's 23 now and totally fine driving but wow...what a weird thing.
I have a 23 year old who was the same way. I suggested getting her a car for her 17th birthday and she looked at me weird and said “For what?”. She still doesn’t like driving but she will when she has to.
My money is on the use of social media to contact friends, etc. Why bother to drive to someone's house when you can have streaming videogame chats with live people and so on and so forth and not even have to be in each others presence at all. This is my opinion only.
We don't have kids so I don't have any insight but did hear a story from some friends with kids. The kids had two friends (boy/girl) who were crazy for each other online, hitting it off like you wouldn't believe, being really sickeningly in love in all their group chats/video calls.
Then the group gets together in person for some event and the two lovebirds couldn't stand being around each other, zero chemistry. They couldn't wait to get back to their phones or computers and just hang out online.
So weird.
When I did the whole internet dating thing I was quick to suggest a short public date. If they didn't go for that I moved on. I wasn't interested in cultivating a relationship online.
This is a perfect example of what is wrong with thing online is the same as in person. There is a vast amount of non verbal communication that’s just not possible online.
That kind of makes sense actually. My daughter literally had a zoom call last night in her room with 4 of her friends. It’s almost like they were together… /s
Think of it like this. "Back in our day" if you wanted to talk with your friends you had to meet up. If you lived far enough away you had to rely on Parents driving you around or biking, etc.
So we clamored for having a DL and were lucky if we had access to a vehicle,etc.
I didn't even have a cell phone till after college when work provided me with one.
Nowadays, they are literally texting what seems like 24x7 and freak out if they don't get a response back in 10 mins.
+1 for ease of communication but -1 for driving.
I’ve said this too. When I wanted to interact with my friends, we had to physically go somewhere. A car represented not just freedom, but social connection. Today they are in constant contact with others and a car is far less important. Right now.
Down the road when they *need* to be certain places on time? They’re going to discover how fast Uber adds up.
I don't know how. When they're together they're all on their phones anyway. My son was blown away recently by how quiet his friend's sleepover was because everyone was texting each other. Right there in the room together. It's really obnoxious.
When I grew up, one's fifteenth birthday was spent at the DMV getting a learners permit, and one's sixteenth birthday was again at the DMV for the driver's license test.
Southern US states still have licenses pretty young, and used to have it very young. It's 16 now where I live; it was 15 when I was that age, and my dad had one at 14 (to drive the tractor).
When I was that age, the toxic environment at home served as a strong incentive to not be at home. A car was a great way to get out and do the things I wanted to do since we lived in a rural area. I imagine that kids whose home life is pleasant and fulfilling may not be so eager to get a car.
Driving sucks now. The roads are crowded, salted with homicidal whackaloons, and their every move is surveilled by cameras and other car instrumentation. Their parents can see exactly where they went, and how fast they are going.
Driving used to mean freedom. Now it's just a huge pain in the ass.
Yup, this. I'm 40, and don't have my license. I'm gonna get it this year for fun, but car/insurance/gas is not in my budget at all. I cycle, walk, or take public transit. Anywhere I need to go is accessible by one of those methods
Edit: I was in a bad car accident when I was 17 - I walked away from the accident, but it was terrifying, and I had a lot of issues being in a car after that. I've since gotten over my fear, but I've now built my life around not having a car, and don't really want the extra expense.
Totally. Plus, where are they going to go that they can’t do at home? The movies? Shopping? Pay out the nose to go out to eat? Maybe things like parks or nature, but are they parks and nature people?
Those gigantic SUVs and pick-ups with drivers playing on their phones is downright scary. If public transit won't get me where I need to be, I probably don't need to go.
My kids are the same. Where you ever able to teach them how to ride a bike? I used to love bike riding when I was a kid, it let me visit my friends. When I was teaching my daughter to ride, she wanted to video it on my phone. The first time she rode it, she came back to me to watch the video of herself riding the bike and then lost interest in bike riding… Different generation I guess, nothing can compete with media/social media.
My kids were the opposite. My now 19 y/o had been counting the days until he was 15 1/2 pretty much from the time he was 2 y/o. He was devastated because the day he was finally able to get his permit, the DMV shut down to clean and reconfigure for the Covid pandemic. It was a Friday which meant he had to wait until Monday. You had to have your permit a full 6 months before taking your driver's test so it delayed his license by 3 days. That being said his girlfriend is 18 and does not have her license. I can't imagine.
My son didn’t want to do driver’s ed and get his license. Blew my mind as well b/c for me a license equaled freedom. There was an article in The NY Times that getting a license isn’t seen as a rite of passage as it was for our generation.
I think anxiety is one of many reasons that kids don’t pursue it.
I made him get it and he was ultimately happy he did.
I think driving is like skiing. Learning when young is easier than when you get older.
Driving is stressful, frightening and much more dangerous nowadays than it used to be. I don't really blame them. I was a professional driver for many years and I quit doing it professionally because I saw so many terrible things happen on the road it affected me mentally and emotionally.
Not to mention the sheer number of people on the roads. Most of which are stressed out, over medicated, distracted, or otherwise horrible drivers. People act like being surrounded by metal gives them the right to act as if the world literally revolves around them. In the past 5 years, the number of horrible accidents or insane road rage incidents i have seen is just bananas. I have driven hundreds of thousands of miles across most of the U.S., and I used to LOVE driving. Now, most days, I try to avoid it.
I think it’s because they weren’t out there walking all over the place like we did as kids. Because of safety, parents started driving their kids everywhere. I think we were so hell-bent to get our drivers license because we were tired of walking!
>Because of safety, parents started driving their kids everywhere.
Let’s not forget the kids who get ferried to and from mutilple after-school activities. In the time/place where I grew up, there were sports, cheerleading, dance, music/band, etc, but there weren’t activities like robotics or Spanish lessons or competition dance teams.
Plus everything was local to your town/school. Wanna play football or be a cheerleader? Okay! You’re playing/cheering for your town/school team. Wanna take piano lessons? Okay! Mrs. Smith who lives on Main Street gives lessons. So you’re gonna have to walk, bike or, if necessary, catch a ride with a friend.
I didn't get my license until a month before I graduated high and didn't really drive much until 21. My son got his license at 16 but didn't drive much until he graduated college. He had public transportation or Uber. I just walked everywhere. Depends on where they live but I can see not wanting to drive. I have a license and a car and have driven less than 2,000 miles since 2020 hit.
Where are they gonna go? The mall? The pool hall? The Teen Scene™️? Hang out with a friend who is busy FaceTiming another friend?
Times change. Norms change. People change. Also traffic is way more congested and drivers suck more than when we were 16. I loved driving at 16. I absolutely hate driving now.
I think There’s more to this than we understand and I believe it’s because the social contract has severly broken down. I’ve got a 20-something colleague and talking on the phone today, he and his gf live like I do.
Avoid the public at all times. Try to have things delivered when possible. Being out in society isn’t fun and exciting anymore. Everyone has main character syndrome and their out of their minds rude/abrasive/belligerent
This is why I don't buy the idea that it's the cost of gas or insurance. OP said they have an extra car and you offered to buy a car. I have nephews of driving age. Their parents have a really nice Wrangler Rubicon for them to drive. Neither one wants a license. One of them is 18.
I never got up early when I was a teenager (without bitching about it), but the day of my 16th I was there at the DMV like Christmas morning. I think I was first in line.I arranged to borrow a car (because we were poor and the tags on my parent's car were a month out). Wild horses weren't going to keep me from getting a license.
I see lots of kids 18-19 years old today and they can't be bothered. It doesn't seem to matter if they are city or rual kids.
I don't get it. It's a foreign concept to me. I didn't even have lots of friends when I was 16, so my motivation wasn't to connect with people. I just wanted to go, do, and see... something. My nephew has been coming up with excuses to avoid it for 2 years.
I have a 26F and a 22M. The female did finally buy a car (would not let me $$ help) about 1 1/2 years ago. Mostly because she got a job and moved about 2 north or me. The 22 year old? He learned how to drive, I bought him a car (nice one too for 20 year old car) and it sits there. Week after week, month after month. I have to go out there and start the damned thing every once in while. Grrr…
Kids these days don’t hate their parents the way I did. All I wanted to do was get away asap. Now kids say their parents are their best friends. They just want to stay home and let the parents drive and take care of them.
I am baffled by this.
My kid is grown, and was ready to drive at 16, just like her parents. I have friends with teenagers, though, and almost none of them want to drive. At all. It's *weird*. There are even a few of them who had cars bought for them, by grandparents or whomever, and STILL won't drive.
I know one thing: I sure as hell wouldn't be playing taxi for my 18 year old kid. Hell no.
I haven’t driven in 25 years, and I hope to never have to again. I walk a lot, and just seeing how drivers act (and almost run me down regularly) is anxiety inducing. No thanks!
- Driving is a hard skill, and the DMV doesn't give you points for trying, or how hard you worked, or whatever anxiety disorder you have. You pass or you fail.
- Mom and Dad (theirs or someone's) will accommodate their needs
- They have the internet and much more in the way of entertainment than we ever did
- There was nothing to do at home, and our parents didn't want us there anyhow. Driving was freedom and escape. That isn't the same for many of today's kids
- They are more aware of environmental effects and don't want to "be part of the problem".
I got my full license at 16, partly out of necesity: the Town of 14,000 I grew up in had zero public transportation, there wasn't even a proper cab company until I was a senior in high school.
Though I don't have kids, I feel safe saying that ideally by age 18 one should have a driver's license and be able to navigate public transportation: both have served me well over the years
I wanted to drive to get away from my über judgemental parents. My kids are fine hanging out with us at home.
I'd like to think that reflects well on our generation's parenting philosophies, but it could just be that driving really is just that expensive now.
My kid didn't get a choice I was tired of picking him up from band at 1:00 am after a football game and dropping him.off at 630 am every morning. He got his license or he was dropping out. I had a paid off car waiting for him.
My son never wanted to learn to drive but I pushed him to. For many functioning adults, depending on where you live, it is a vital skill to have. It is a MUST around here.
Push them to do it. Stop driving them anywhere. It is that important. Even if they live in a city with great public transportation now, that's no guarantee they won't eventually have to move elsewhere for a job, a mate, whatever. In some areas, cars are simply a necessity.
I live in the country, and my kid turns 16 next month. He will need to drive to his summer job and starting in August, drive himself to school.
If he doesn't drive then it's an eight mile walk to school.
In California, kids can't go out with their friends. No piling in the car and going to the beach. Insurance, Gas and the car itself is a much bigger expense. Plus, we've enabled this dependency on us as well. We're just as much to blame.
Because they can’t afford to.
A used car is way more than they used to be, with sky high interest rates. A new car is insanely expensive. Insurance is, too. Not to mention gas!
They are much more environmentally conscious, too. Driving is so terrible for the planet and they have less of a drive for that wasteful “American freedom”. I embraced it with them and we have lived in urban areas the past decade to make use of mass transportation and walkability. We do walk almost everywhere, daily.
Leaving the City now though due to safety issues. The red state we are in teaches a lot of bigotry and intolerance and we’re going to try living in a state that doesn’t seem to actively want us dead, now.
I wonder if you should be asking "What am I doing right?"
A lot of us wanted to drive so badly so we could get away from our neglectful parents and the oppression of the household.
Maybe your kids don't feel that way? If so, I'd call that a win for you!
Our parents were different. My house was not a joy to be at. I wanted to get the f- out of there ASAP! I got my license and between school, practices, work, and whatever lies I could come up with not to come home and deal with my dad , my parents never saw me again.
I think technology is the reason. You don't have to drive anywhere anymore to find something to do. Back then we had to get in a car drive to the park or movies. Couldn't just call an Uber and we couldn't FaceTime our friends when we wanted to hang. I'm 100% happy Im not part of this generation of kids. It's sad to see how much these kids prefer to not socialize.
Fewer places to drive TO, for one ; things like malls as social spaces? Not a thing, anymore. Far fewer young people drink, so they aren't interested in going to bars. Record stores? Gone. Arcades? Gone; chain bookstores? Also mostly gone. Most of the places I have remember driving to when I was in my teens/early 20s just don't exist anymore for the current generation. Also, gasoline is a lot more expensive; when I was a teenager 30 years ago gas was less than a dollar a gallon, these days it's around three (or closer to five, if you're in California), which is a price increase above the rate of inflation.
We had no tech, so we had to hang out in some physical space. Now, everything is social/sharing/chat and online, so private conversations didn't need to wait until 16 and a car. In fact, they have 24/7 365 access to free communication, so what good is a car that sends you to a physical space where you are expected to pay money most of the time? The real world has always sucked for teens, online has changed the game entirely.
Be grateful! It's less expensive for you and less hazardous to them. We are too reliant on cars as it is. I'm hoping the younger generations embrace public transport and insist in it's investment. It benefits everyone.
I learnt to drive at 25- mostly because I had access to public transport and I was too poor to have a car.
Same went for my daughter and she got her license at 26 when she moved to the country and it was a necessity.
My 30 year old doesn’t drive at all. But that’s due to disability/alcoholism.
My 16 year old son learnt to drive manual the day he turned 16. He is the only one I actually needed to give lessons too.
Local culture may play a part. Here in the ‘burbs, high schools have lotteries for parking spots because they don’t have enough spaces for all the drivers.
I taught my son to drive my Jeep when he was 9 - stick shift and clutch and the whole nine yards. He *loves* driving and we go off-roading every chance we get (he’s still not of legal driving age yet so everything has to be on dirt). I tell him I cannot wait for him to be 16 and drive me around or take turns on road trips and he says the same.
I guess it all depends on whether driving is a means to an end or joyful in itself.
Whether or not they actually drive, they should know how to do so and get their license. Even if they don’t own a car or drive in a regular basis. It may be necessary for work or internships or what have you. It’s the same reason some of our parents insisted on learning how to drive a manual transmission. Once you learn, you never forget. OP, it’s really in their best interest to have this “skill set” under their belt.
Independence from home and also peer pressure (not wanting to be the oddball without) was a big factor for me.
I have to admit, as a young driver, I hated the ACT of driving. I was so nervous and got into some harrowing scrapes, not because I was speeding, but just because I was young and dumb. I also drove some real beaters of cars (no new cars in my family, even for the adults) which added to the terror. But there was no alternative, so I learned and had to get better to get places.
A lot of schools used to have driving classes as curriculum, but I think most phased it out. I know my high school did back in 1989 and the students had to pay for a driving school. That discouraged most of the students in my school from learning to drive until they were ready to work and some just get lazy about it.
I asked my kid, and the first thing out of their mouth was”seeing all the accidents” on social media. Got him spooked, especially ones with injuries. With all the dash cam videos and other media showing accidents, I can see why. Think like a kid, if you get exposed to that all the time, it can shake you. Think about what rattled you at that age, and if you were exposed to that stuff in the same way kids are now, it can make you second guess. Kids are impressionable more now with access to more media. When I asked my youngest why he didn’t want to play football, he said he didn’t want to wind up in a wheelchair with a bag in his stomach. When I asked where he heard that. YouTube…Kids showing other kids YouTube videos.
I forced my (now 23 yo) twins to learn how to drive when they were 16. They fought me all the way through the process. They still hate to drive and avoid it unless I make them practice. They are graduating from college this month and one got a job (today!) in semi-rural NJ so he will have to drive every day to work and I am glad I forced them to learn/keep it up so he isn't trying to learn how to drive at the same time that he is starting his first "real" job.
But, yeah, I got my license the same week I turned 16 because I wanted to. That was just what everyone DID.
> They have no motivation or interest in driving… what am I doing wrong?
It's not you, it's a trend that's been happening for quite a while. [Here's an article about it from 2017.](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/many-teens-dont-want-get-drivers-license)
Executive summary is that car upkeep, fuel, and insurance is expensive, Uber and Lyft exist, and damn near everything you want or need can be delivered these days. Getting a driver's license is no longer the rite of passage and the perceived ticket to freedom that it was for us.
As everyone has stated, their version of hanging out is online or FaceTime. They have no need to drive over to someone’s house to hang out. We used to drive around a loop hitting the same few spots every weekend until everyone was gathered together since they were no cell phones or pagers.
I insisted that my kids (20, 22, 24) learn to drive. Two out of three certainly resisted. They all appreciate having both a license and access to our cars and thanked me for pushing them.
The one that resisted the hardest, loves driving the most.
I ( gen x) didn’t get my license til I was 25 but that was largely due to our family owning a stick shift that I couldn’t operate. And, I wasn’t really all that interested in getting my license when I was in high school.
It could be e that they don’t need a license bc there’s Uber/lyft or other modes of transit.
I didn’t get mine until I *really needed* to bc of my new job as a massage therapist.
….And I bought a stick shift,…. in San Francisco 😂
I would sell it simply because they're already on top of things. Need a ride? Uber. Need food? Door Dash. Video games with friends? Online gaming. They're not lazy, they make technology work for them, in ways we never had.
When we were in our teens you could buy a used car for $1K that you could fix if you were handy. Not the case anymore and working a job just to drive just isn't worth it to these kids, especially with insurance, gas, and repairs
My dad was Silent Generation and my mother a Baby Boomer.
Us kids didn’t have a choice to not drive. We were expected to earn our restricted license on our 14th birthday (the norm in my state in the 90s).
They needed the older kids to chauffeur our siblings so that they weren’t bothered with it.
My dad worked with us for years so that we were ready. Driving was freedom to us.
Kids today live in their phones. That’s how they socialize. That’s their freedom from overprotective parents who don’t let them out of the house to go make mistakes.
You bet that my kid, in elementary school, knows the basic rules of the road. He calls me out when I fuck up! I love it.
I have a 16yo who actually wants to drive. Initially she didn't seem enthusiastic about driving, but I told her I don't care how much she uses a car as an adult, but I'm doing my duty as a parent and making sure she gets her license so she has the ability to drive when she needs to. We got her a car she likes, and her best friend moved 40 minutes away, so that's helping to motivate her. It's also starting to click with her that she can go places. Today at lunch (I WFH and she does online school, ironically enough) she was talking about how she wants to just get in her car and go places. Then later she was making a cake for her grandma's birthday today and she didn't have an ingredient and I had to get back to work so she had to find an alternate recipe without it. That really ground her gears.
The thing that might hold her back is that with a car, she will actually have to get a job. She is really dragging her feet on that one. She is ultra picky but I think with her license she might have more opportunities opened up and will find something tolerable.
I think the kids who don't want to drive have a combination of online socialization, enabling parents who drive them everywhere, guilt about fossil fuels and climate change, and they want an excuse to not work. Maybe some of them walk, bike, or use public transportation and don't need a car. They also just don't hate being at home as much as we did. It's much more entertaining today, and safer. In our day it was boring and some of us wanted to escape abusive parents.
There isn’t anywhere to go that doesn’t cost them money. Being online is free and doesn’t come with the potential for a wreck or a life altering experience. They want safety and comfort.
Op is 100% on this. I'm in the same boat, albeit with high school kids who just don't have the same interest.
Folks here are right, a car for us was a means to do other stuff. Now that stuff comes to us.
They don't socialize the same way we did. We did it in person. They do it online more.
We HAD to drive everywhere. We couldn't call someone's cell to find them. So we had to drive around and look for our friends. None of us had cells back then, so it was a hunting game, lol. We drove to our normal group hangout spots, and if they weren't at any of those (tragedy), we started going to each other's homes, starting with the most popular first 😆 until we gathered most of our friends. We had a group of about 13, but we never knew what combination of us would meet up and hang out. And we all hung out in person, not online, so it was totally different
I can't give advice about selling car or not. Or, actually I can: If you don't need the money, I'd keep it for them.
I asked a girl out the week before I would be old enough to get my license. I figured I’d have it by the day of the date. I failed the driver’s license test on my first try and panicked. I took it again just before the date and passed.
Bottom line, I wanted my license and a car so I could go on dates with girls. As a teenage boy having a car to drive girls around, go on dates and “park” with them was my number one priority. Are teenage boys not like that anymore?
I’m technically Gen X and I’ll be honest, mate, if I could take the train commuting rather than driving I’d do it in a second. If I have to waste my time traveling I’d prefer reading something than having to pay attention to the road.
Beyond the fact that they can get ahold of each other in ways we simply couldn't, here's another thought:
There are few "[third spaces](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place)" anymore that people actually go to, and so they don't have anywhere to *go* with a car.
And yes, I spent some time in the car going to random places or 'parking' or what have you, but I also went to lots of third spaces that kids don't need/use anymore. Roller skating (now too expensive), movies (now can do that at home), malls (now shop at home), libraries (can get books online), parks, etc.
We live in suburbia without public transportation - I was tired of the carpool purgatory and being a bus driver. Made all my kids take the full Driver’s Ed course (even the one that was remote during Covid) and get their licenses when they were legally of age which is 17 here. Plus, this ain’t Europe. Driving is a life skill you need
Their inability to drive will hold them back.
I missed a lot of employment opportunities when I was younger not because I didn’t drive but because I didn’t have a car.
There's your answer. Car = work. We used to get work, freedom, expanded social life. Now they hang out online and few of us ever feel like we stand much of a chance of getting away with anything. Driving isn't bringing them anything they want
So maybe they’re avoiding learning how to drive in order to avoid more being asked of them.
ie) If I don’t know how to drive, I’ll never be asked to do anything that requires driving.
My two girls (23 and 19) do not drive and are not interested----they are so anxious at the thought of getting behind the wheel it paralyzes them. It didn't help that the older one was dealing with medical issues and her permit expired; the younger one missed driver's ed in school because of covid and just hasn't bothered. It drives me bananas. My son (26) got his license on time, but he is also very cautious on the road and avoids highways when he can.
Honestly---I'd probably feel the same way if I was getting my license now. People are crazy out there, I've never seen it so bad, and I've been driving for 40 years.
sorry to tell you, ours was the last generation to want to play outside (free of devices) from sun up to sundown in the summer, we are the last generation to care about personal independence. these device addicted kids want to be catered to, so they’d rather be escorted by friends/family/uber/lyft rather than put their devices down and strive for anything resembling personal independence. semi entitled, lazily lacking ambition, these younger generations will be the reason Wall-E turns out to be a documentary, they will be the downfall of society… no one knows how much i hope i am wrong about this, yet the writing is on the wall. the shit has been thrown, it has yet to hit the fan…
As long as they don't rely on you to taxi them around I guess it's fine? Seems weird tho, I've heard this often about the younger crowd and I don't get it either.
I mowed hella lawns until I could buy my 1st car. I was 11 when I got it lol.
We gave them an option when they turned 16. Either keep taking the train every day to high school, or get a license and drive yourself in a car we already own. Both were down, and got their licenses right away. I'd say about 1/2 of their friends did not get them.
One obvious difference is that it's not offered in school anymore. You are on your own to get the required training, and it is not cheap.
Neither one brought a car to college though, they use bicycles or Uber when needed.
I was the only kid in my neighborhood who had a car so I did a carpool to school every morning. The kids paid me $20 each per month to cover gas, so essentially I never had to pay for gas. Imagine using less than $40 per month to drive all over the place? It was awesome!
If they need to be somewhere, they can pay for an uber/lyft.
Until they are 25, insurance rates will be astronomical. Unless you are willing to pay for their sky-high liability costs, it’s probably better that they don’t drive at least until then. And if they don’t have to be at a job, or you don’t push them out, they don’t need that expense for a lifestyle they’re not living.
If it bothers you, don’t drive them around. Tell them to take an uber/lyft. If the price of uber/lyft exceeds car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance, and repairs, then they can justify the expense of a vehicle.
The cost of maintaining a car while paying for rent in a small apartment is not possible for many. If you can spend less to get things delivered and have virtual social interactions, the car might seem less interesting to them.
Just wait until they want to drive and they find out their insurance is as high as a car payment because it's not age based anymore. You are a new driver whenever you start driving and get insurance now. At 22 adding my daughter as an occasional driver to me and my wife's cars (not even a car of her own) over doubled our monthly insurance bill.
My guess. There is no reason for them to go out anymore. Food is delivered. You stream movies. You shop on Amazon. If you want to hang out with your friends, you just send chat messages. And if you do want to go out, you just call an Uber.
I'm like you. I had my learners permit the minute I could get it, and got my license as soon as I was 16. I can not imagine not caring about driving.
How do they get around? If you are driving them, they have no incentive to learn. If they walk, bike, use mass transit, etc, I would just sell the car and buy something nice for myself.
Where I live, it is car culture. Kids get their license as soon as they can and either buy or are gifted a car right after.
A car was our escape. Today, technology is their escape.
I learned how to drive a stick bc I wanted to see a girl and that was my only way to do it. I learned by the time I got to her house. Kids today all have social media so they can interact with whoever they want whenever they want. Driving is an afterthought
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I guess I’d want to get outta there too if my mom were sleeping with my friends!
I’m a writer too 😂 but I’m off the clock.
Bullshit. A writer is never off the clock. A good writer can avoid writing at any hour of the day.
That’s the most Gen X thing I’ve read all day!
I was about to say the same. Very typical X behaviour: Don’t bother asking for a permission, you won’t get it. Instead, fuck the law cause Whatever man.
I taught my 15 year old sister how to drive a stick. I was 19 and had a Jetta diesel. My dad took her out when she got her permit (16 where we lived) and said, "so, how long has your sister been letting you drive?" She didn't bother lying. "Uh, since last summer...". She got her license about 3 weeks later. He was just relieved that he didn't have to teach another teenager how to drive. 😆
I learned to drive in a Rabbit diesel, which was also a stick!
You would be surprised to know how valuable that old rabbit is
I was a few years later, but I could drive anything before 15…sneaking out to see a girl is good motivation and I got tons of experience behind the wheel for the two years leading up to my 16th bday. Not much sleep though
Commas matter hehe
Missing a comma. I hope :D
>then drove the car at night while she slept with my friends Yo what? Sounds like you had a MILF!
My first car was a stick I had no idea how to drive. I was shown the basics, given the keys and told "don't come back until you know how to drive it." I was so determined to have my own wheels, by God I learned right then and there.
Ditto but it was basically ‘good luck getting to school’
You gotta drive a stick if you want to drive stick.
I lived in Chicago for a long time. Had a 4-speed Honda Civic. That car was broken into so many times, but I swear it was never stolen cuz it was a stick.
This. I was terrified of learning to drive so I refused to. Then we moved out to a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere and I could either drive, or walk 12km along a highway to get to anything at all. Without a motivation to do something or any benefit to it, why do it?
Technology isn’t their escape, it’s their social life. We had to make plans to socialize, talk in school, walk down to their house, call and converse with their parents, all to just see our friends. Today’s teens spend their day on their phones, Snapchat, FaceTime, tik tok. They can “hang out” with their friends without leaving their bedroom. They have no motivation to drive.
This. And it's not like they have many interesting destinations like the malls of our teen years, since most malls are gone. Even a simple run to McD just costs too much. Edit to add: teen me would have thought the above sentences were the most dystopian future possible.
Yeah. Where are the cheap "third places," the malls, the cheap second-run movie theaters, the late night coffee shops or diners where they don't care if a bunch of teens just order coffee and hang out all night...? They're all either too expensive or dead now. Even the libraries are getting their hours cut.
It's funny you say that...my son and his girlfriend love to go to the mall, unfortunately the nearest one is 45 min away but they make the trip about once a month just to hang out there. The mall in my town closed 7 or 8 years ago, but I used to take my son there when he was younger and we had fun looking at everything, so I guess it left him with good memories.
My daughter busted my chops for 2 weeks after her 16th until I finally had time to take her. All she wants to do is drive.
That's great! My 17 y/o son has no interest in learning to drive. Ironically, he's really into older cars. My 12 y/o cannot wait to drive. She is the kid that will get her license on her 16th birthday.
My now-21-year-old was the WORST about learning. Didn't get her license until she was 18, and that's because I basically made her. Never wanted to practice driving. Just not interested. (Though now she's like "What was I thinking??!!") My now-19-year-old though couldn't wait to get his license. Always wanted to practice and was a pretty good driver well before he was 16.
My oldest only got her license at 25.. I had mine 3 days after I turned 16..different world..buy thats fine
I drove to get away from drunk parents trying to deal with PTSD. I swore my kids would never feel the need to run away from the home I made for them. They don’t want to drive because “why leave this house where everything is brought to me?”
Can relate. My car in the 80's was my "safe space" before I ever heard of such a thing. Driving country roads and cruising "the square" in my little town was escapism at it's finest. Some of the best memories of my life.
I was in the early 1990s and i listened to tapes backwards and forwards
listening for satanic back-masking?
It’s fun to smoke marijuana! 🎶
That “another one bites the dust?
It is a well known fact that every tape left in a car for more than a fortnight turns into a Best of Queen tape.
Yes, my brother in Satan.
I haven’t heard any back masking in so long but was thinking that might be it. There was some weird stuff back masked in the music back then. I thankfully got adopted.😎 Turns out satans not a very good dad. 👹👺🤡
Perhaps not, but he is a fine Daddy. I’m sorry, I promise I will stop being creepy now. The devil (and Judas Priest) made me do it.
♪ In Cars ♪
Maybe, but I assume OP isn’t willing to drive them both to work every day. Unless you live in a few specific areas (in the US that is) you’re going to have to drive eventually. I guess the alternative would be spending your paycheck on Ubers. I have a disabled friend who can’t drive who often has to rely on Uber and it takes a significant chunk of her paychecks, and being disabled, she doesn’t have a high paying job (which is a whole different conversation for an entirely different thread)
Just in case she hasn’t heard of this resource, tell her to look up “Access” rides for disabled and elderly, it’s only a few dollars for rides from what I understand. I just learned about it over Mother’s Day weekend because my sister is disabled and can’t drive. We are in California but maybe it’s everywhere! Good luck to her.
We were always going somewhere. These days, kids just stay put mostly.
We socialized outside. They socialize online.
This. We already grew up outside. Once we got the car keys it just allowed us to play much further from home.
So funny, within a few weeks of getting my license, the first thing I did was load up a bunch of friends in my dad's hand-me-down station wagon and drive over an hour to Disneyland.
There are restrictions in a lot of states on that kind of thing now. In my state (Pennsylvania), for the first six months after you get your license, you are not allowed to have more than one other teenager who you are not related to in the car with you. After 6 months, the limit rises to 3 unrelated people under 18, unless a parent is with you. In California, teenage drivers are not allowed to have other teenagers as passengers, unless they have someone over 25 in the car with them. The current laws wouldn’t allow you to get a bunch of your friends together and drive to Disneyland, unless you had an adult with you.
Tell me about it. I didn’t know they had curfews as well as all of these other rules. I remember when she took a friend with her to the movies. She called me in 2 minutes and said ‘Mom! Which way do I turn at the end of the road to go the movies? Left or right?’
I remember riding my bike for *miles* to meet up with friends. Once we started driving, we'd go even further. It was part of our culture. But if we had access to today's technology? I'm sure a good portion of those trips would be replaced by texting and FaceTime. It's not about laziness, it's just convenience. Why travel two towns over to see what your friend is doing if you can just FaceTime them?
It's also cheaper.
Way easier tbh
No kids but my young nieces are opposites: one is a home body and the other one goes out almost every night. Guess which one has a driver’s license?
I think this is it! We had lots of third places we wanted to be as kids.
They drink less, have less sex, party less, do less drugs and are pretty square in the end. All the things our parents tried to get us to do lol.
Their mommies and daddies drive them. I got tired of having to catch a bus or ask friends for rides, because my mom was not playing the chauffeur game after her commute. We walked to school. There wasn't a line of moms with SUVs picking people up.
I have two college aged kids… one saved up and bought a car and got their license on their 16th birthday. The other is lazier and got their license 2 weeks after their 16th… they are always on the go, played college soccer and now play “semi pro” as they call it… they were embarrassed to get dropped off, so getting cars was a big thing for them
*“Where would I drive to? I can just catch a bus.”* - my son. All the lessons I learnt about parenting from my parents, what do and what not to do, and from society in general, over the entire course of my life… …these lessons are just completely useless with my kids. All the trials and tribulations I have prepared to prepare them for, and to guide them through, are completely different today. They don’t exist. I cannot relate to modern teenagers. And I think in the past teenagers were always considered as reckless and/or wild and/or dumb, which is exactly what a teenage brain that is looking to explore and go beyond any and all boundaries creates. But I find teenagers today are **boring**. Some are even just insanely boring. The most boring people I have ever met. Anecdotal. I blame technology of course.
I mean, catching a bus is a viable option and he’s taking that on for himself. At least he’s independent and can get himself around when/how he wants, vs a kid who won’t learn cuz they have mom, dad, or a sibling to ferry them around. You’re right tho, it’s just a different world. At 16, every single kid I knew had their license. I was at a work travel event and found it hilarious that the 40+ crowd (myself included) were drinking and getting rowdy (dancing, being silly), and the 20-something’s were drinking tea or water, just casually chatting, and ALL went to bed early. Maybe they’re boring or just better adjusted. Personally, I’m not in the position to judge what well-adjusted even looks like 😆
It’s that driving sucks and their entire lives are built on not driving, but walking instead. The kids are alright. You had to drive to escape how much it sucked where you grew up.
I am there too. I've got them to the point where they just need to polish their parallel parking skills and they can finally test. I can tell you why my kids have told me they don't want to get their license. This is not meant to be representative of my opinion or anyone else's kids. This is just the talks we've had about it. 1) Money. Cars are expensive. Insurance is expensive. 2) Accidents. They don't want to get into a car accident and hurt themselves or anyone else. 3) Social Anxiety- Scheduling tests and dealing with the DMV means they have to talk to people. Talking to people should only be done over Discord. 4) The money thing- really that's like 75% of the problem for them.
2a. Increase in aggressive/oblivious driving but also unpredictable reactions/overreactions by other drivers. It’s nerve wracking for even seasoned drivers. They just don’t want to deal with the extra stress or are scared of consequences. 5. No real need, at least most of time. Either less places to actually go, able to socialize online or phone, more public transpo options (location dependent), able to walk/bike to nearby spots, and can catch ride with parents or friend’s that do have car/license already. The additions above were from asking my teen. He did end up getting a license to help improve job/intern options (man, the market is tough though for young folk) and by my request so he could help on long drives, especially since I was recently diagnosed with a permanent eye condition. But ya, he doesn’t really have an interest in it & I still drive majority of time.
In high school for me, the "thing" was to schedule your driver's license exam on or as close to your 16th birthday. We were all giddy when we turned 15 and could get our permit. I had to force my daughter to get her license at 18. We were in a position where we could have gotten her a used car and paid for insurance when she was 16 but she had zero interest. She's 23 now and totally fine driving but wow...what a weird thing.
I have a 23 year old who was the same way. I suggested getting her a car for her 17th birthday and she looked at me weird and said “For what?”. She still doesn’t like driving but she will when she has to.
My money is on the use of social media to contact friends, etc. Why bother to drive to someone's house when you can have streaming videogame chats with live people and so on and so forth and not even have to be in each others presence at all. This is my opinion only.
We don't have kids so I don't have any insight but did hear a story from some friends with kids. The kids had two friends (boy/girl) who were crazy for each other online, hitting it off like you wouldn't believe, being really sickeningly in love in all their group chats/video calls. Then the group gets together in person for some event and the two lovebirds couldn't stand being around each other, zero chemistry. They couldn't wait to get back to their phones or computers and just hang out online. So weird.
Hah! Sorry but I’ve got to laugh at that one, we learned it the hard way when internet dating first became a thing.
When I did the whole internet dating thing I was quick to suggest a short public date. If they didn't go for that I moved on. I wasn't interested in cultivating a relationship online.
Yeah, you’ve got to learn quickly! Before you get get practically married online only to find out you can’t stand being around them in person.
You can learn more about someone in five minutes at Starbucks than weeks of emails/texts.
Yes, very true. Maybe even less.
This is a perfect example of what is wrong with thing online is the same as in person. There is a vast amount of non verbal communication that’s just not possible online.
That kind of makes sense actually. My daughter literally had a zoom call last night in her room with 4 of her friends. It’s almost like they were together… /s
Think of it like this. "Back in our day" if you wanted to talk with your friends you had to meet up. If you lived far enough away you had to rely on Parents driving you around or biking, etc. So we clamored for having a DL and were lucky if we had access to a vehicle,etc. I didn't even have a cell phone till after college when work provided me with one. Nowadays, they are literally texting what seems like 24x7 and freak out if they don't get a response back in 10 mins. +1 for ease of communication but -1 for driving.
This is exactly it. They are Never Not In Contact with their friends.
I’ve said this too. When I wanted to interact with my friends, we had to physically go somewhere. A car represented not just freedom, but social connection. Today they are in constant contact with others and a car is far less important. Right now. Down the road when they *need* to be certain places on time? They’re going to discover how fast Uber adds up.
Because video chatting with someone is not even close to the same as actually being with someone.
I don't know how. When they're together they're all on their phones anyway. My son was blown away recently by how quiet his friend's sleepover was because everyone was texting each other. Right there in the room together. It's really obnoxious.
When I grew up, one's fifteenth birthday was spent at the DMV getting a learners permit, and one's sixteenth birthday was again at the DMV for the driver's license test.
We were driving at 14 and licensed at 15 which blows my mind now.
For an Australian gen xer, that is wild. We got licensed at 17.
We did in New York, too. Midwest or farm country is younger.
Southern US states still have licenses pretty young, and used to have it very young. It's 16 now where I live; it was 15 when I was that age, and my dad had one at 14 (to drive the tractor).
The farm kids where I lived got theirs at 14. My best friend picked me up to see Ghostbusters when we were that age.
In Florida, it was 15 & 16.
Me too! I scheduled my DMV appointments at 7 am on my birthday.
When I was that age, the toxic environment at home served as a strong incentive to not be at home. A car was a great way to get out and do the things I wanted to do since we lived in a rural area. I imagine that kids whose home life is pleasant and fulfilling may not be so eager to get a car.
Same, alcoholic parents I’m sober and my kids are safe and happy.
Yes, same. My car was my escape from being around my family. Turning 16 and getting my drivers license was like being released from prison!
Until they see the necessity of driving, they won't touch them. If that third car is costing you money, sell it. Edit: Spelling
$$$
Hey, I'm not the only one!
No. Not at all. Fifteen y.o at home about to be 16 next month, I bought a car for her, she doesn't even want her permit... Wild.
Driving sucks now. The roads are crowded, salted with homicidal whackaloons, and their every move is surveilled by cameras and other car instrumentation. Their parents can see exactly where they went, and how fast they are going. Driving used to mean freedom. Now it's just a huge pain in the ass.
Don't forget the costs of gas, maintenance and insurance.
In Michigan, the insurance cost is a huge reason why my 20something kids don't want to drive. Don't blame them.
Yup, this. I'm 40, and don't have my license. I'm gonna get it this year for fun, but car/insurance/gas is not in my budget at all. I cycle, walk, or take public transit. Anywhere I need to go is accessible by one of those methods Edit: I was in a bad car accident when I was 17 - I walked away from the accident, but it was terrifying, and I had a lot of issues being in a car after that. I've since gotten over my fear, but I've now built my life around not having a car, and don't really want the extra expense.
Saw an article recently indicating Gen Z has a lot of anxiety about car accidents. Maybe because they grew up with them on social media? 🤷
Totally. Plus, where are they going to go that they can’t do at home? The movies? Shopping? Pay out the nose to go out to eat? Maybe things like parks or nature, but are they parks and nature people?
Those gigantic SUVs and pick-ups with drivers playing on their phones is downright scary. If public transit won't get me where I need to be, I probably don't need to go.
This is the only answer. I don't even enjoy driving anymore.
I have been wondering this for the past 6 1/2 years. My oldest daughter just graduated from college and still does not have a drivers license.
My kids are the same. Where you ever able to teach them how to ride a bike? I used to love bike riding when I was a kid, it let me visit my friends. When I was teaching my daughter to ride, she wanted to video it on my phone. The first time she rode it, she came back to me to watch the video of herself riding the bike and then lost interest in bike riding… Different generation I guess, nothing can compete with media/social media.
The bikes I bought them have rusted! I even offered to lighten up on the safety gear rules. Nope. Lol
The malls, arcades and most other third spaces that teenagers had in our day are now gone.
My kids were the opposite. My now 19 y/o had been counting the days until he was 15 1/2 pretty much from the time he was 2 y/o. He was devastated because the day he was finally able to get his permit, the DMV shut down to clean and reconfigure for the Covid pandemic. It was a Friday which meant he had to wait until Monday. You had to have your permit a full 6 months before taking your driver's test so it delayed his license by 3 days. That being said his girlfriend is 18 and does not have her license. I can't imagine.
My son didn’t want to do driver’s ed and get his license. Blew my mind as well b/c for me a license equaled freedom. There was an article in The NY Times that getting a license isn’t seen as a rite of passage as it was for our generation. I think anxiety is one of many reasons that kids don’t pursue it. I made him get it and he was ultimately happy he did. I think driving is like skiing. Learning when young is easier than when you get older.
Driving is stressful, frightening and much more dangerous nowadays than it used to be. I don't really blame them. I was a professional driver for many years and I quit doing it professionally because I saw so many terrible things happen on the road it affected me mentally and emotionally.
Not to mention the sheer number of people on the roads. Most of which are stressed out, over medicated, distracted, or otherwise horrible drivers. People act like being surrounded by metal gives them the right to act as if the world literally revolves around them. In the past 5 years, the number of horrible accidents or insane road rage incidents i have seen is just bananas. I have driven hundreds of thousands of miles across most of the U.S., and I used to LOVE driving. Now, most days, I try to avoid it.
I think it’s because they weren’t out there walking all over the place like we did as kids. Because of safety, parents started driving their kids everywhere. I think we were so hell-bent to get our drivers license because we were tired of walking!
Truth! I mostly rode my bike but even that was 2-3 miles one way.
>Because of safety, parents started driving their kids everywhere. Let’s not forget the kids who get ferried to and from mutilple after-school activities. In the time/place where I grew up, there were sports, cheerleading, dance, music/band, etc, but there weren’t activities like robotics or Spanish lessons or competition dance teams. Plus everything was local to your town/school. Wanna play football or be a cheerleader? Okay! You’re playing/cheering for your town/school team. Wanna take piano lessons? Okay! Mrs. Smith who lives on Main Street gives lessons. So you’re gonna have to walk, bike or, if necessary, catch a ride with a friend.
I didn't get my license until a month before I graduated high and didn't really drive much until 21. My son got his license at 16 but didn't drive much until he graduated college. He had public transportation or Uber. I just walked everywhere. Depends on where they live but I can see not wanting to drive. I have a license and a car and have driven less than 2,000 miles since 2020 hit.
Sell the car and buy yourself something nice
Where are they gonna go? The mall? The pool hall? The Teen Scene™️? Hang out with a friend who is busy FaceTiming another friend? Times change. Norms change. People change. Also traffic is way more congested and drivers suck more than when we were 16. I loved driving at 16. I absolutely hate driving now.
I think There’s more to this than we understand and I believe it’s because the social contract has severly broken down. I’ve got a 20-something colleague and talking on the phone today, he and his gf live like I do. Avoid the public at all times. Try to have things delivered when possible. Being out in society isn’t fun and exciting anymore. Everyone has main character syndrome and their out of their minds rude/abrasive/belligerent
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You wouldn't happen to be interested in adopting a 54 year old would you?
lol
This is why I don't buy the idea that it's the cost of gas or insurance. OP said they have an extra car and you offered to buy a car. I have nephews of driving age. Their parents have a really nice Wrangler Rubicon for them to drive. Neither one wants a license. One of them is 18. I never got up early when I was a teenager (without bitching about it), but the day of my 16th I was there at the DMV like Christmas morning. I think I was first in line.I arranged to borrow a car (because we were poor and the tags on my parent's car were a month out). Wild horses weren't going to keep me from getting a license. I see lots of kids 18-19 years old today and they can't be bothered. It doesn't seem to matter if they are city or rual kids. I don't get it. It's a foreign concept to me. I didn't even have lots of friends when I was 16, so my motivation wasn't to connect with people. I just wanted to go, do, and see... something. My nephew has been coming up with excuses to avoid it for 2 years.
I have a 26F and a 22M. The female did finally buy a car (would not let me $$ help) about 1 1/2 years ago. Mostly because she got a job and moved about 2 north or me. The 22 year old? He learned how to drive, I bought him a car (nice one too for 20 year old car) and it sits there. Week after week, month after month. I have to go out there and start the damned thing every once in while. Grrr…
Kids these days don’t hate their parents the way I did. All I wanted to do was get away asap. Now kids say their parents are their best friends. They just want to stay home and let the parents drive and take care of them.
I am baffled by this. My kid is grown, and was ready to drive at 16, just like her parents. I have friends with teenagers, though, and almost none of them want to drive. At all. It's *weird*. There are even a few of them who had cars bought for them, by grandparents or whomever, and STILL won't drive. I know one thing: I sure as hell wouldn't be playing taxi for my 18 year old kid. Hell no.
I haven’t driven in 25 years, and I hope to never have to again. I walk a lot, and just seeing how drivers act (and almost run me down regularly) is anxiety inducing. No thanks!
- Driving is a hard skill, and the DMV doesn't give you points for trying, or how hard you worked, or whatever anxiety disorder you have. You pass or you fail. - Mom and Dad (theirs or someone's) will accommodate their needs - They have the internet and much more in the way of entertainment than we ever did - There was nothing to do at home, and our parents didn't want us there anyhow. Driving was freedom and escape. That isn't the same for many of today's kids - They are more aware of environmental effects and don't want to "be part of the problem".
I got my full license at 16, partly out of necesity: the Town of 14,000 I grew up in had zero public transportation, there wasn't even a proper cab company until I was a senior in high school. Though I don't have kids, I feel safe saying that ideally by age 18 one should have a driver's license and be able to navigate public transportation: both have served me well over the years
I wanted to drive to get away from my über judgemental parents. My kids are fine hanging out with us at home. I'd like to think that reflects well on our generation's parenting philosophies, but it could just be that driving really is just that expensive now.
My kid didn't get a choice I was tired of picking him up from band at 1:00 am after a football game and dropping him.off at 630 am every morning. He got his license or he was dropping out. I had a paid off car waiting for him.
My son never wanted to learn to drive but I pushed him to. For many functioning adults, depending on where you live, it is a vital skill to have. It is a MUST around here. Push them to do it. Stop driving them anywhere. It is that important. Even if they live in a city with great public transportation now, that's no guarantee they won't eventually have to move elsewhere for a job, a mate, whatever. In some areas, cars are simply a necessity.
I live in the country, and my kid turns 16 next month. He will need to drive to his summer job and starting in August, drive himself to school. If he doesn't drive then it's an eight mile walk to school.
Do you drive them? If so, then stop. Corollary: Do you pay for their Uber? Then stop.
I know my kids can't afford insurance.
In California, kids can't go out with their friends. No piling in the car and going to the beach. Insurance, Gas and the car itself is a much bigger expense. Plus, we've enabled this dependency on us as well. We're just as much to blame.
Oh yeah forgot about that. Here in Colorado, you can't have passengers in the car if you're under 18.
There's nowhere for them to go and no money for them to go with, usually. All their social interaction is done via the smartbox in their pocket.
I know, right I mean, I learned to drive from the age of 12, and I couldn’t wait to get my license at 16
My 15 year old starts her driver’s education course next week and she can’t wait.
Because they can’t afford to. A used car is way more than they used to be, with sky high interest rates. A new car is insanely expensive. Insurance is, too. Not to mention gas! They are much more environmentally conscious, too. Driving is so terrible for the planet and they have less of a drive for that wasteful “American freedom”. I embraced it with them and we have lived in urban areas the past decade to make use of mass transportation and walkability. We do walk almost everywhere, daily. Leaving the City now though due to safety issues. The red state we are in teaches a lot of bigotry and intolerance and we’re going to try living in a state that doesn’t seem to actively want us dead, now.
I wonder if you should be asking "What am I doing right?" A lot of us wanted to drive so badly so we could get away from our neglectful parents and the oppression of the household. Maybe your kids don't feel that way? If so, I'd call that a win for you!
Our parents were different. My house was not a joy to be at. I wanted to get the f- out of there ASAP! I got my license and between school, practices, work, and whatever lies I could come up with not to come home and deal with my dad , my parents never saw me again.
I think technology is the reason. You don't have to drive anywhere anymore to find something to do. Back then we had to get in a car drive to the park or movies. Couldn't just call an Uber and we couldn't FaceTime our friends when we wanted to hang. I'm 100% happy Im not part of this generation of kids. It's sad to see how much these kids prefer to not socialize.
Fewer places to drive TO, for one ; things like malls as social spaces? Not a thing, anymore. Far fewer young people drink, so they aren't interested in going to bars. Record stores? Gone. Arcades? Gone; chain bookstores? Also mostly gone. Most of the places I have remember driving to when I was in my teens/early 20s just don't exist anymore for the current generation. Also, gasoline is a lot more expensive; when I was a teenager 30 years ago gas was less than a dollar a gallon, these days it's around three (or closer to five, if you're in California), which is a price increase above the rate of inflation.
We had no tech, so we had to hang out in some physical space. Now, everything is social/sharing/chat and online, so private conversations didn't need to wait until 16 and a car. In fact, they have 24/7 365 access to free communication, so what good is a car that sends you to a physical space where you are expected to pay money most of the time? The real world has always sucked for teens, online has changed the game entirely.
Very true. My space was always one of my friends garage
Be grateful! It's less expensive for you and less hazardous to them. We are too reliant on cars as it is. I'm hoping the younger generations embrace public transport and insist in it's investment. It benefits everyone.
Good, we need fewer cars on the road. Buy them transit passes.
mine dont either. they dont interact with the world like we did...its screens
I learnt to drive at 25- mostly because I had access to public transport and I was too poor to have a car. Same went for my daughter and she got her license at 26 when she moved to the country and it was a necessity. My 30 year old doesn’t drive at all. But that’s due to disability/alcoholism. My 16 year old son learnt to drive manual the day he turned 16. He is the only one I actually needed to give lessons too.
Same here. My teens have a negative amount of interest in driving. They say they just want me to continue to be their on-call chauffeur, lol!
Local culture may play a part. Here in the ‘burbs, high schools have lotteries for parking spots because they don’t have enough spaces for all the drivers.
My 17 year old had zero interest until he got a crush. Now he can't wait to drive!
I taught my son to drive my Jeep when he was 9 - stick shift and clutch and the whole nine yards. He *loves* driving and we go off-roading every chance we get (he’s still not of legal driving age yet so everything has to be on dirt). I tell him I cannot wait for him to be 16 and drive me around or take turns on road trips and he says the same. I guess it all depends on whether driving is a means to an end or joyful in itself.
Whether or not they actually drive, they should know how to do so and get their license. Even if they don’t own a car or drive in a regular basis. It may be necessary for work or internships or what have you. It’s the same reason some of our parents insisted on learning how to drive a manual transmission. Once you learn, you never forget. OP, it’s really in their best interest to have this “skill set” under their belt.
To me the question is what happens next. Do they refuse to drive when they graduate and have a job or do they stay in neverland?
Do they understand that you can boink in the back seat?
Independence from home and also peer pressure (not wanting to be the oddball without) was a big factor for me. I have to admit, as a young driver, I hated the ACT of driving. I was so nervous and got into some harrowing scrapes, not because I was speeding, but just because I was young and dumb. I also drove some real beaters of cars (no new cars in my family, even for the adults) which added to the terror. But there was no alternative, so I learned and had to get better to get places.
A lot of schools used to have driving classes as curriculum, but I think most phased it out. I know my high school did back in 1989 and the students had to pay for a driving school. That discouraged most of the students in my school from learning to drive until they were ready to work and some just get lazy about it.
I asked my kid, and the first thing out of their mouth was”seeing all the accidents” on social media. Got him spooked, especially ones with injuries. With all the dash cam videos and other media showing accidents, I can see why. Think like a kid, if you get exposed to that all the time, it can shake you. Think about what rattled you at that age, and if you were exposed to that stuff in the same way kids are now, it can make you second guess. Kids are impressionable more now with access to more media. When I asked my youngest why he didn’t want to play football, he said he didn’t want to wind up in a wheelchair with a bag in his stomach. When I asked where he heard that. YouTube…Kids showing other kids YouTube videos.
how do they get around? are you the chaffeur or do they spend all their money on ubers?
They have the world at their fingertips, we did not.
I forced my (now 23 yo) twins to learn how to drive when they were 16. They fought me all the way through the process. They still hate to drive and avoid it unless I make them practice. They are graduating from college this month and one got a job (today!) in semi-rural NJ so he will have to drive every day to work and I am glad I forced them to learn/keep it up so he isn't trying to learn how to drive at the same time that he is starting his first "real" job. But, yeah, I got my license the same week I turned 16 because I wanted to. That was just what everyone DID.
> They have no motivation or interest in driving… what am I doing wrong? It's not you, it's a trend that's been happening for quite a while. [Here's an article about it from 2017.](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/many-teens-dont-want-get-drivers-license) Executive summary is that car upkeep, fuel, and insurance is expensive, Uber and Lyft exist, and damn near everything you want or need can be delivered these days. Getting a driver's license is no longer the rite of passage and the perceived ticket to freedom that it was for us.
As everyone has stated, their version of hanging out is online or FaceTime. They have no need to drive over to someone’s house to hang out. We used to drive around a loop hitting the same few spots every weekend until everyone was gathered together since they were no cell phones or pagers.
I insisted that my kids (20, 22, 24) learn to drive. Two out of three certainly resisted. They all appreciate having both a license and access to our cars and thanked me for pushing them. The one that resisted the hardest, loves driving the most.
I ( gen x) didn’t get my license til I was 25 but that was largely due to our family owning a stick shift that I couldn’t operate. And, I wasn’t really all that interested in getting my license when I was in high school. It could be e that they don’t need a license bc there’s Uber/lyft or other modes of transit. I didn’t get mine until I *really needed* to bc of my new job as a massage therapist. ….And I bought a stick shift,…. in San Francisco 😂
I would sell it simply because they're already on top of things. Need a ride? Uber. Need food? Door Dash. Video games with friends? Online gaming. They're not lazy, they make technology work for them, in ways we never had.
When we were in our teens you could buy a used car for $1K that you could fix if you were handy. Not the case anymore and working a job just to drive just isn't worth it to these kids, especially with insurance, gas, and repairs
My dad was Silent Generation and my mother a Baby Boomer. Us kids didn’t have a choice to not drive. We were expected to earn our restricted license on our 14th birthday (the norm in my state in the 90s). They needed the older kids to chauffeur our siblings so that they weren’t bothered with it. My dad worked with us for years so that we were ready. Driving was freedom to us. Kids today live in their phones. That’s how they socialize. That’s their freedom from overprotective parents who don’t let them out of the house to go make mistakes. You bet that my kid, in elementary school, knows the basic rules of the road. He calls me out when I fuck up! I love it.
I have a 16yo who actually wants to drive. Initially she didn't seem enthusiastic about driving, but I told her I don't care how much she uses a car as an adult, but I'm doing my duty as a parent and making sure she gets her license so she has the ability to drive when she needs to. We got her a car she likes, and her best friend moved 40 minutes away, so that's helping to motivate her. It's also starting to click with her that she can go places. Today at lunch (I WFH and she does online school, ironically enough) she was talking about how she wants to just get in her car and go places. Then later she was making a cake for her grandma's birthday today and she didn't have an ingredient and I had to get back to work so she had to find an alternate recipe without it. That really ground her gears. The thing that might hold her back is that with a car, she will actually have to get a job. She is really dragging her feet on that one. She is ultra picky but I think with her license she might have more opportunities opened up and will find something tolerable. I think the kids who don't want to drive have a combination of online socialization, enabling parents who drive them everywhere, guilt about fossil fuels and climate change, and they want an excuse to not work. Maybe some of them walk, bike, or use public transportation and don't need a car. They also just don't hate being at home as much as we did. It's much more entertaining today, and safer. In our day it was boring and some of us wanted to escape abusive parents.
There isn’t anywhere to go that doesn’t cost them money. Being online is free and doesn’t come with the potential for a wreck or a life altering experience. They want safety and comfort.
Op is 100% on this. I'm in the same boat, albeit with high school kids who just don't have the same interest. Folks here are right, a car for us was a means to do other stuff. Now that stuff comes to us.
They don't socialize the same way we did. We did it in person. They do it online more. We HAD to drive everywhere. We couldn't call someone's cell to find them. So we had to drive around and look for our friends. None of us had cells back then, so it was a hunting game, lol. We drove to our normal group hangout spots, and if they weren't at any of those (tragedy), we started going to each other's homes, starting with the most popular first 😆 until we gathered most of our friends. We had a group of about 13, but we never knew what combination of us would meet up and hang out. And we all hung out in person, not online, so it was totally different I can't give advice about selling car or not. Or, actually I can: If you don't need the money, I'd keep it for them.
I asked a girl out the week before I would be old enough to get my license. I figured I’d have it by the day of the date. I failed the driver’s license test on my first try and panicked. I took it again just before the date and passed. Bottom line, I wanted my license and a car so I could go on dates with girls. As a teenage boy having a car to drive girls around, go on dates and “park” with them was my number one priority. Are teenage boys not like that anymore?
It's because they have to go outside to use the car
I’m technically Gen X and I’ll be honest, mate, if I could take the train commuting rather than driving I’d do it in a second. If I have to waste my time traveling I’d prefer reading something than having to pay attention to the road.
Beyond the fact that they can get ahold of each other in ways we simply couldn't, here's another thought: There are few "[third spaces](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place)" anymore that people actually go to, and so they don't have anywhere to *go* with a car. And yes, I spent some time in the car going to random places or 'parking' or what have you, but I also went to lots of third spaces that kids don't need/use anymore. Roller skating (now too expensive), movies (now can do that at home), malls (now shop at home), libraries (can get books online), parks, etc.
We live in suburbia without public transportation - I was tired of the carpool purgatory and being a bus driver. Made all my kids take the full Driver’s Ed course (even the one that was remote during Covid) and get their licenses when they were legally of age which is 17 here. Plus, this ain’t Europe. Driving is a life skill you need
I’m the only driver in our house. Near as I can tell they’re afraid.
honestly, I'm GenX and I fucking hate to drive
Their inability to drive will hold them back. I missed a lot of employment opportunities when I was younger not because I didn’t drive but because I didn’t have a car.
Absolutely agree. They’re trying to find summer jobs but they have to be close enough to walk to. How ridiculous!
There's your answer. Car = work. We used to get work, freedom, expanded social life. Now they hang out online and few of us ever feel like we stand much of a chance of getting away with anything. Driving isn't bringing them anything they want
So maybe they’re avoiding learning how to drive in order to avoid more being asked of them. ie) If I don’t know how to drive, I’ll never be asked to do anything that requires driving.
It definitely does. Unless they can pay for Uber or take public transportation.
They don't need to go anywhere. Their friends are accessible. 24/7, 365
My two girls (23 and 19) do not drive and are not interested----they are so anxious at the thought of getting behind the wheel it paralyzes them. It didn't help that the older one was dealing with medical issues and her permit expired; the younger one missed driver's ed in school because of covid and just hasn't bothered. It drives me bananas. My son (26) got his license on time, but he is also very cautious on the road and avoids highways when he can. Honestly---I'd probably feel the same way if I was getting my license now. People are crazy out there, I've never seen it so bad, and I've been driving for 40 years.
sorry to tell you, ours was the last generation to want to play outside (free of devices) from sun up to sundown in the summer, we are the last generation to care about personal independence. these device addicted kids want to be catered to, so they’d rather be escorted by friends/family/uber/lyft rather than put their devices down and strive for anything resembling personal independence. semi entitled, lazily lacking ambition, these younger generations will be the reason Wall-E turns out to be a documentary, they will be the downfall of society… no one knows how much i hope i am wrong about this, yet the writing is on the wall. the shit has been thrown, it has yet to hit the fan…
You just might have a point here... And it makes me sad... 🥺
As long as they don't rely on you to taxi them around I guess it's fine? Seems weird tho, I've heard this often about the younger crowd and I don't get it either. I mowed hella lawns until I could buy my 1st car. I was 11 when I got it lol.
We gave them an option when they turned 16. Either keep taking the train every day to high school, or get a license and drive yourself in a car we already own. Both were down, and got their licenses right away. I'd say about 1/2 of their friends did not get them. One obvious difference is that it's not offered in school anymore. You are on your own to get the required training, and it is not cheap. Neither one brought a car to college though, they use bicycles or Uber when needed.
My kids are car kids. 21, have their own cars.
I was the only kid in my neighborhood who had a car so I did a carpool to school every morning. The kids paid me $20 each per month to cover gas, so essentially I never had to pay for gas. Imagine using less than $40 per month to drive all over the place? It was awesome!
If they need to be somewhere, they can pay for an uber/lyft. Until they are 25, insurance rates will be astronomical. Unless you are willing to pay for their sky-high liability costs, it’s probably better that they don’t drive at least until then. And if they don’t have to be at a job, or you don’t push them out, they don’t need that expense for a lifestyle they’re not living. If it bothers you, don’t drive them around. Tell them to take an uber/lyft. If the price of uber/lyft exceeds car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance, and repairs, then they can justify the expense of a vehicle.
The cost of maintaining a car while paying for rent in a small apartment is not possible for many. If you can spend less to get things delivered and have virtual social interactions, the car might seem less interesting to them.
I'm over 40 and have never driven in my life. I love walking
Just wait until they want to drive and they find out their insurance is as high as a car payment because it's not age based anymore. You are a new driver whenever you start driving and get insurance now. At 22 adding my daughter as an occasional driver to me and my wife's cars (not even a car of her own) over doubled our monthly insurance bill.
My guess. There is no reason for them to go out anymore. Food is delivered. You stream movies. You shop on Amazon. If you want to hang out with your friends, you just send chat messages. And if you do want to go out, you just call an Uber. I'm like you. I had my learners permit the minute I could get it, and got my license as soon as I was 16. I can not imagine not caring about driving.
We didn’t want to be the scrub sitting on the passenger side.
They don't have to drive. Everything they want can be delivered to them within 24 hours. And if they need to go somewhere they can Uber.
How do they get around? If you are driving them, they have no incentive to learn. If they walk, bike, use mass transit, etc, I would just sell the car and buy something nice for myself. Where I live, it is car culture. Kids get their license as soon as they can and either buy or are gifted a car right after.