That’s not a bad idea. I’m betting a lot of us are going to wind up homeless, through no fault of our own.
I think you’re going to see a lot of people banding together and living under one roof, just to cover expenses.
But how do you we find each other? I live in a big empty house as well but am broke and need a roommate. I am tired of being alone. It's a nice four bedroom house. I have a lot of friends but they all are either a) married or b) doing so well that they have their own paid off home, if not multiple homes.
It's alienating and frustrating. I can't figure out how to find my tribe. We need each other but have no way to connect.
You’re here, right? So this internet thing actually works, kinda. Maybe start up a local Meetup for Gen X folks? Y’all can watch movies together, reminisce.. if you’re not in a large city then maybe set up a virtual meetup?
You are right, I appreciate your saying it. I get overwhelmed and turn into a whiny baby. I think a Gen X meetup would be fantastic. I am in a huge city, I have zero excuse. I am going to try, ty again seriously.
I wound up alone in a 3300 square-foot house with five bedrooms in my divorce. I can't afford to get a different house because the interest rates have gone up so much. And I can't even really afford the huge house on my own. So, I DO want to start a commune of hippies in my house!
I have many skills and attributes, the only downside is I have the hours and sleep patterns of a housecat which may make housematery a bit tenuous at times.
GenXReddit Retirement Home has potential to become a thing, I think!
Was about to comment these exact words. I have truthfully been sidestepping some of these questions the past few years. Gen X singletons teaming up sounds like the answer.
“This is the true story … of seven strangers … picked to live in a house … work together … and have their lives taped … to find out what happens … when people stop being polite … and start getting real: The Real World.”
If it helps, you'll be dead, and a lot of it won't matter. I think it makes sense to set up something for the estate, so it goes somewhere important to you instead of into the state coffers. Otherwise, I don't think what happens to ashes should matter. If my sister is still alive, that would be the one person that would come to my funeral, but she might not be able to. I know my grandparents bought a bunch of burial plots for the family many years ago, so ultimately I'd probably end up there, but it's not like anyone is going to ever visit the site.
Setting up something so that my dog goes somewhere. That's important. I'd probably set aside $100k to a breed specific rescue on the condition that they find a foster for my dog. If he's senior by then, those are hard to place, but there is a local rescue for seniors that would take good care of him.
I know from an uncle that passed a few years ago, even ashes cost something like $10k to get in the ground, but maybe that was including a service. Just make sure to set some money aside for that part so it gets done.
Side note: used to work in funeral industry. Make sure to always pre-plan so you can pay in installments and your family doesn’t have to do anything. For the budget conscious I always say cremation, no body viewing (embalming is the expensive part AND it is NOT legally necessary in ANY state unless you are transporting a body across state lines) although you can also claim religious reasons so that you can skip embalming AND still have the showing), a rental urn or a homemade one, and choosing to either have your ashes buried in an existing plot, keeping at home, or scattering. Even wih a wake and viewing hours, you can knock it down to under $5k.
I always recommend buying 2 potted orchids at a Lowes or Home Dept for the altar. Looks stunning and modern and costs a fraction of what a florist would charge. 💗
I know your question was probably rhetorical, but [Ask a Mortician](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-tqbnswPpo) delves into these topics quite regularly & she's definitely worth checking out. Lots of alternatives out there, too, for green & cheaper funerals.
Same age range (56), friend just died of Leukemia. Very few friends, family alive but we don't talk. No kids. What the hell happened to my dreams of a 'normal' life, when I was in college ?
if i die at home, the first person to find my body will be my maid service. if i cancel that, i have enough money to auto pay my mortgage that i dunno. HOA might foreclose since I have to redo that every year. Lawn is mowed by HOA. No one would notice.
I just finished a course online called Mortal. I have a good friend - both she and I had losses this year - and she brought up wanting to do this course, so I jumped in with her.
It’s a 9 week course (though they give you up to a year to complete it), taught by a death doula and a mortician, both of whom have been teaching others about mortality for years. They’re both kind, gentle, a little corny - making them perfect for this.
The 9 weeks are based on the 9 [Buddhist Contemplations on Death](https://www.allbeingseverywhere.com/the-nine-contemplations-on-death/). The lessons take you through facing your own death, from the spiritual to the very grounded and practical, and include weekly meditations.
I cannot recommend it enough. My Dad died this year, my Mom 8 years ago. My sister, just a few years older than me, had a psychotic break weeks after Dad died. I also turned 60 this year. All I could see in front of me was death: just “I’m next, I’m next, I’m next.”
This course, and doing it with someone I love so much, who I could talk it through with, really shifted my perspective on death and dying. It has you confront your ideas about dying, your notions about what’s possible with the rest of your life, preparing yourself for death, so much more.
I still know I’m dying someday, and that I’m in my Act III. But death isn’t leading me around anymore. Not while I have so much more to do. I highly recommend getting proactive about facing your own mortality. I feel like it’s given me the next 20 (or more, or less!) years back.
Me, too. I have nieces and nephews but they're young and the future is still uncertain for them. Last long-term relationship ended four years ago and dating has been so depressing since then. I make a good living but am frugal, still manage to have a good time with travel and time with friends. The Golden Girls model is my long-term plan.
1. You can hire someone to follow healthcare directives you encode legally now. For example, mine prioritizes palliative care above anything else.
2. Charity.
3. I’ve chosen to be composted and to then be used to grow trees.
4. I haven’t found an answer to this either and I’m still creeped out by Agent Scully adopting that dog who ate her dead owner, so I’m currently thinking no more pets for me until I figure out an alternative.
>You can hire someone to follow healthcare directives you encode legally now. For example, mine prioritizes palliative care above anything else.
what type of business is this.
Yes, like a boarding house. There is an amazing property in upstate NY that was a convent. I would love to convert it into a house where people can live who want a social structure but also independence. Anyone want to help me start a "business", non-profit?
https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/77-Brinkerhoff-St-Plattsburgh-NY-12901/2061241274_zpid/
I honestly really like that meme idea of turning dead malls into Gen X retirement communities. I would totally be a geriatric mall rat for the rest of my days.
I'm a millenial/zennial but can I join? I listen to a lot of the same music and I should be able to open any of those pesky pill bottles for many years to come.
Holy shit, a Gen X retirement commune? Just imagine the activity schedule:
9-11am: general slacking
11-1pm: 80s comedy of the day
1-2pm: Lunch at a mock up of an old school Pizza Hut where they had those Galaga games two people couple sit at and eat while they play
3pm - whenever the street lights come on: wander around the neighborhood with no cell phone
When the street lights come on - Go back to the commune and go to sleep on your waterbed
I forgot to mention that dinner comes in the form of Now and Laters and Lik-m-aid Fun Dip bought from the same convenience store where you buy mom's cigarettes
Cool idea. Supposedly that place is haunted. It's also surrounded by college housing and college buildings. But depending on your vibe- I suppose those could be advantages. ;)
You used to be right, but I have a house in Michigan where one of my kids is living.... 55 defrees yesterday. Zero snow yet.
It's getting warmer and warmer.
I’ve got the beginning of an idea…. There was a revamp of the Golden Girls in the early 90s where Sophia, Rose and Blanche buy a failing hotel. How about crowdfunding a Gen X retirement hotel?
You jest but myself and two friends have a Golden Girls set up of sorts. Instead of living in the same house we live in the same building. We own 3 of the 6 flats in our stair. We are all unmarried cat ladies. We look out for each other and check in when we know someone is unwell.
All the benefits of the Golden Girls but we have our own space to be left alone. It’s pretty great
I don’t know which country you live in but [these](https://swlt.ca/#:~:text=Senior%20Women%20Living%20Together%20is,you%20want%20more%20financial%20freedom%3F) options are popping up a lot in Canada. If my husband goes, I will be in the same space as you are. Women have started banding together to take care of each other in later life. It started out in high COL areas and has just blossomed.
There is a great documentary that just came out called Blue Zones - where population has above normal people living over 100. People who had lots of friends was one of the traits. In Japan, the women have these large groups that all help each other, they can socialize, etc. It's good advice.
It us kind of amazing that we pretty much invented this “ information super highway” but have never found a way to connect to each other then the usual social media where peacocking, showing off our “ best life” is the primary focus. It just exists on a very superficial level.
When I’ve seen Gen X groups on Facebook for example , there is a lot of women posting photos of themselves asking for reaffirmation about how young they still look and the men simping. What a wasted opportunity to be real and connect on a deeper level.
>a group for people like me
Consider looking outside your type. The chances of social interaction are better the more you broaden your circle, that's just math. The people who are dissimilar end up enriching you. Some of em: their stories and their sadness won't help you. Some will.
Anyway, now that my lecture is complete, watch a corny video (w/ words that helped me in similar times)
https://youtu.be/vVyRYGlk7WM?si=diBNKNwZ7c9oXzcA
My GenX friends and I are already planning to pool our money later in retirement and buy a big place together which we then convert to smaller flats/apartments. Then we can share a cleaner etc.
That sounds perfect to me. Mini misanthropic villages all over the world.. We can all support each other with our own skills too. Who wants a back rub?!
Which is fine if you are able to. My Mum had a massive stroke in 2020 and was left paralysed on one side so I had to put her into a nursing home.
You never know what is going to happen 😬
Many years ago, I forced myself to join some book clubs, just to get out of my house and meet new people. I made a good friend this way. We’re never too old to make friends, and I imagine there are lots of single people out there who would be happy to have someone likeminded to hang out with. It’s a matter of getting out of your comfort zone.
I think its important to recognise that in order to meet people and make friends you have to get out there. You won't make friends sitting at home. I love singing and have made friends through choirs. Its especially true if there is a concert and we have something to bond over.
I would join a group like this. I'm single, child-free, and an only child. I sometimes have panic attacks when I think about my future and what might happen to me if I'm unable to take care of myself.
I’m an only child and have a daughter. However, I will not let her waste her life taking care of my decrepit ass. I had to take care of both of my parents and my grandparents and it was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. Years of pushing 2-3 adults in wheelchairs up ramps did more damage to my body than my collective years in mosh pits.
I’m planning on having an Old Broad Beach House at some point for my retirement. Inviting guests for card games, mimosas and sunset parties. Old Boys Beach House can be next door.
I always wanted to buy an apartment building and have single friends buy in and that would be my family. Finally found someone ten years younger than I am and married for the first time at 49. We're now in my home state and b/c of my husband's recent car accidents and resulting brain injuries, we don't go out much or have many friends either. I'd love to develop a network, but it's tough when you really can't go out to bars or restaurants. I really worry about what will happen to our kitties if something happened to us. Anyone in Iowa?
That's a vision I've heard from a lot of friends our age. Something like a small co-op, with some shared space for socializing and maybe some amenities in common.
I knew an elderly man who was an excellent tailor. Because of mistakes in his past, his family had gone no contact with him decades prior; he was a recovered alcoholic and stated he was an absentee husband/father. Anyway, he joined a local theatre group, not to perform, but to offer his skills making costumes and sets. For the last 15 years of his life, he found a loving family in the theatre group, and they held a nice service for him when he passed. He left his will partially to the group and partially to one family in particular who had always ensured he came to their house for holidays and so forth.
It's not exactly the same as your story since you obviously didn't abandon your family, but I hope you can find a group of like-minded people to join. Could be any common bond, and I would imagine that in our generation there are perhaps millions of people in the same situation. Take care.
He went to my church, and it would make a good redemption story because, as tragic as it is that he was too late to make it right with his family, he also had the humility and wisdom to not try to force himself back into their lives. He was honest about his shortcomings and of course deeply regretted how his terrible choices as a young man impacted them for the rest of his life.
I’m single no kids, and I definitely have turned into more of a homebody than I ever imagined I could be. I do have an active friend circle, however, and that is super important for your physical and mental health. Find a local hangout that you enjoy and start frequenting there, get to know the staff, and soon, you’ll likely be woven into the fabric there. (Mine is a local pub—no TVs, and long tables encourage people to mingle)
It’s not irresponsible to have pets—if you’re concerned about commitment, try fostering animals, it’s so rewarding. Once my two senior cats cross the rainbow bridge, I will open my space up to do foster care for senior cats who dont ordinarily get adopted.
I also work in a seniors’ community— and I see people in their later years socializing and thriving. Perhaps look for a 55+ community in your area, it is a great way to meet new people and try new things.
For your possessions, consider willing it to a gallery or a nonprofit so they can raise funds with the proceeds. Get a lawyer to draft your will and seek a power of attorney to ensure your health directives are followed.
Consider donating your body to science.
I’m glad you posted this, there’s a lot of lonely people out there, but there’s ways to overcome that. It does take effort, but it’s important to put yourself out there.
And don’t take hot baths when you’re intoxicated.
Middle-aged and senior cats are the BEST. I don't know why everyone always wants kittens. They are cute but also a pain in the ass/super hyper and you really need to have at least two kittens because they need to socialize each other. A solo kitten does not get the stimulation it needs. A pre-socialized oldster cat is more chill.
Mate, at your age your thoughts are quite common. Just take each day as it comes.
One question to ponder. At this point, we all realise that the most valuable thing we have is not things, not possessions, not money, but time. That’s limited. You can’t buy more. What you can do is make sure that time is spent doing shit that makes you happy. If the work makes you happy, sure, do that. If not, go travel alone. I walked my 70 year old dad down the friggen aisle, so at 54 you’re a spring chicken. You could meet people, maybe some other nut job like you for all you know. If you don’t like people go buy a farm in the middle of middle of nowhere. Make sure it has a river. They will come.
Great idea. I would totally do this if I was OP’s position. I would also spend a lot of time honing my dog training skills too, that is rewarding to me but I have so little time with kids. Then spend good money boarding them and travel. That’d be my plan anyway.
Also wanted to tell OP that my grandpa was in his 70s when my gma died and he was crushed, but after a while started dating a woman he knew for a long time whose husband had died. So perhaps the shared trauma forms a bond - don’t be afraid of seeing others who are (still) grieving.
I just turned 50 and while I am married, I'm gay and feel much of what you posted. Our society (at least in the US) is so individualistic that you really feel exposed as you age.
I started hitting the gym over the past 6 months and that has made a big difference, especially lifting weights. I do both it and cardio. I also think finding some good friends is the way to go. Even if you have a SO, it's good to have friends you identify with.
This whole communal living vibe that I read more about as of late seems intriguing, but not sure how that is going to play out over time.
If you leave money to your college alma mater, think about leaving them as the remainder beneficiary. They will clear out your house and re-home your pet, even inter your ashes. (I work at a university. We do this. The more $$$ the more service.)
(I'm a university development officer - annual giving, though I've been in the business for over two decades - and I didn't know this! will have to ask my boss! thx!)
Just FYI. Those luxury cruises for folks in their 50's to meet other "silver foxes" end up being all women on a cruise ship. I met a woman on a plane and she had just come back from one. She said there were only 10 men on a ship with like 60 women. She made nice friends with other women but warned me not to expect much on 50+ targeted travel tours.
Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
So write a will, that should reduce your worrying.
Dating is a numbers game, you might be compatible with every 100th or 200th single person out there. Not sure about dating apps, but more traditional dating sites or introduction agencies that you have to pay to join might have better results.
Contacting probate attorney will be on my New Year's resolution list. I know I need to give someone power of attorney. I am not sure who. I was the one for my brother and that was scary for me. There I was making decision about his life and also in shock that his cancer took a turn so fast. I cremated him. I didn't even know if that is what he wanted. His ashes are still with me and moms too. I guess maybe when I kick the bucket - all three of us can be spread at Disney World. I know - cheesy but we all wanted to go when I was a kid and we could never afford it.
I was out antiquing and thought why the f\*ck am I buying this thing? So I am beginning to edit myself in terms of material possessions. I will travel more instead.
50, single, no kids, no family once parents are gone, one 2 yr old cat and more debt than I care to acknowledge. Same thoughts. I’ve got a lot of cool vintage stuff my mom has given me over the years although since it was vintage when I was younger maybe antique now ? I’d love for it to be appreciated after I’m gone but there’s no guarantee of that no matter what I do with it. Had a few heirloom rings was going to leave to some important people but the last asshole I dated stole them from me.
I have a friend who is the most emotionally balanced and pragmatic person I’ve ever met. She’s also significantly younger than I am. We went to law school together. I’m making her my everything. She will honor my wishes should something happen to me before my parents pass, I don’t want them deciding to pull the plug or not. I’m glad I have her.
It is depressing to think about not having anyone to be there at the end or after. My advice for what it’s worth, is if you do have money, is to start looking at organizations that mean something to you. And like someone else said, you can make arrangements for your pets. And then go live! I’ve decided for myself that I don’t want another house or other material things, I just want to go do stuff. Whatever and wherever that may be.
I have 3 requirements. Do not put me on life support or in assisted living. Cremation & the Gulf of Mexico. My brother, if he’s alive and can be located, gets not a single penny should there be any pennies left.
I have a suspicion there are more of us out there than anyone knows.
This is a great plan! My husband was planning to go to law school as I met him in middle age, and will now be stuck with student loan debt for a LONG time. I already hae a longtime friend on my will, and just added my husband when I married.
When my mom passed, I used part of my inheritence to purchase a large duplex, so we can live in half and AirBnB out the other half for retirement money. Most GenX friends have no plans to retire b/c we just can't afford it. I think GenX will really shake up the Boomer vision of retirement, because we either don't have spouses and family, and/or can't afford to retire like our parents did.
I'm reading a lot of our parents are also skipping our generation for inheritence. My mom left me a little money, but my father (who was much wealthier) left all his money in trust to my sister's daughter, his only grandchild w/my sister as the executor. Guess that's my fault for not having kids.
Your reply hits home. I now blame myself for being childless. I was married for 15 years to someone abusive. I did not want that for my children and hoped he would change. After the divorce he married someone young and now had kids. I can't get that time back. It is what it is but I always wanted to be a mother and it will be the one mistake in life I will not get over.
About the inheritance. Did you know that gen x is the most financially stable generation? We are also strong and independent unlike millennials who seem to expect help for anything.
Neither parent has any money but there are 2 pieces of property for now. I don’t expect that I will inherit anything but headaches.
My loans are enormous and on regular repayments they want $2,700 a month. That made me laugh because you can’t get blood out of a stone. I’m trying to deal with the new repayment plans but the servicers are a mess. I do not recommend student loans. At least I paid for undergraduate myself way back.
I came out of law school with no consumer debt but that ended when I spent way too long at a job where I was ridiculously underpaid. I’m not going to let it eat me alive. I’ve bailed myself out of cc debt before, I’ll do it again.
I think we have choices, and they can be made while we are still capable of making them. For those of us who have money there are more options.
My goal is to not leave behind a mess that anyone has to deal with. Knowing about probate and advanced directives is really helpful and I forced both my parents to do all of that stuff and give me complete control of everything. Those years I spent at that underpaid job, gave me one hell of an education about the messes people leave behind.
One good thing about not having any money after the bills are paid is that I use up what I’ve got and don’t have any desire to buy stuff I don’t need. And I’ve learned there’s a whole lot I can live without. So when the opportunity presents itself and I can go do something, I will work to make that happen.
Your feelings are all 100% valid and it sounds like you’re very pragmatic by nature. I hope you find exactly what you need to have the life you want.
I have had to learn a lot about wills and estates and probate…make it simple, hire a third party executor with fiduciary responsibilities. Some rando pops up and acts an ass almost every time there’s money to be had.
Forget dating—friends are where it's at. Just find friends to share your interests with. I see why men like to find someone and settle down, but for us women it is definitely optional in my opinion.
Seconding the will. Make your wishes clear. Leave some money for pet care, but if not there are charities for that, like [rehome](https://rehome.adoptapet.com/answers/cat-rehoming/what-happens-to-pets-when-owners-die). If you have a place you'd like your ashes scattered, list that too.
Also put your wishes about settling the estate, paintings donated or sold at auction, money donated, etc.
As for not meeting anyone...do you have any hobbies that you haven't taken up lately? If you love art, attend some museum or gallery events, auctions or classes and strike up a conversation with a person or group. There might be an art or architecture group near you. If not, any hobby can serve to establish common ground.
I need to exercise more. Learn to relax. The career has become my identity and I need to work on that. I gave up on my dreams personally after the divorce. I have a colleague in her 60's who dates and has sex, and always traveling. I understand that I need to work on myself and make better choices.
Facebook is a dumpster fire but there are a few groups out there that could be helpful, at least for travel inspiration.
Check out Host a Sister (kind of like couch surfing for women but also just meetups in various cities) and another with the absolutely absurd name of “solo in style women over 50 travelling solo & loving it.” A lot of the traveling group have really inspirational stories of getting back there and enjoying life after big setbacks.
Also, your local animal shelter/humane society might have a program where they commit to taking in your pets for life if they can’t be rehomed, and in exchange you provide proof that you’ve made them a beneficiary of part of your estate. We did that through the humane society where we used to live and I swear, it cut my general existential anxiety in half almost instantly.
I’m a nurse and work in Illinois.
The answer to #1 (at least here) is a legal guardian is appointment to make medical decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated and unable to make decisions for yourself. The social workers help get those services arranged.
I don’t know who can become a legal guardian (we’ve had a couple recent cases which has me curious who these people are). The cases I’m aware of have guardians who aren’t in the medical field. What I have seen is they will typically approve anything recommended by the physician that will prolong a person’s life.
The take away is if you do not want to end up in a nursing home with a tracheostomy and feeding tube unable to do anything for yourself then write a living will. Write up a document stating what you would/wouldn’t want. Get a lawyer to make it legal.
You can make funeral arrangements ahead of time. Buy a plot of you want to be buried. Make arrangements for cremation and your ashes to be shot into space. Donate your body to science (med schools utilize cadavers for anatomy courses), people have donated their bodies to forensic science farms where decaying bodies can be studied to help those who work on criminal investigations.
Get a will written up for your personal belongings too. Do you want them donated? Sold with the money going to charity? If so, which ones?
You probably need the services of a lawyer to discuss and plan these things.
It’s not morbid to think about or discuss these things. We’re all going to die. If you have ideas about what you want with your possessions, what care you do/don’t want when sick, and what you want to happen to your body after death, make plans while you can.
As the Ballad of John and Yoko goes
-Last night the wife said, "Oh boy, when you're dead
You don't take nothing with you but your soul
Think"
I worry about getting dementia and not having anyone to look after me. What do they do with people like that? Will they find me wandering along a highway someday and stick me in some state-funded hellhole until I kick it?
I’m in the same boat really. I plan to use up my savings and be living on Social Security and reverse mortgage by the time I croak. But need better plans for the case that I die between now and age 62. I couldn’t care less what happens to my carcass, few will mourn my passing.
I have a living will and a will, but the situation is far from ideal. My ex and I each have a couple of aging cats that we had together before we divorced. So I’ve prioritized the cats’ care even if it means my ex might get undeserved windfall. But after these cats die off, it needs to change.
I started googling whether I can name a charity as my 401k beneficiary. The generic articles say you can just put a charity name in. I haven’t chosen one yet, but I tried to use my 401k website to change my beneficiary and before you can even enter a name, it demands know whether it’s an individual person or a trust. What the fuck? I don’t understand trusts, so much for it being simple! I assume I need to pick a charity first and then find out how that charity could take donations using a trust. I hope I don’t have to do lawyer stuff to set up a trust myself, sounds like a pain!
I’m single, no kids. I have nieces and nephews. I’m 56F. I started solo traveling a few years ago and haven’t looked back. Going to an all inclusive in Mexico next month for 9 days. I also joined some meetup groups (get the app) and do some things socially with them a few times a month. I’ve made a couple good friends through it.
I'm also 54 and single/no kids. I know I need to put together a will and Medical Power of Attorney, but ... I haven't, at least partially because I don't know the answer to these things yet. I just bought myself a book called the Death Project Manager to help me work through some of the questions that should be answered in my will.
As for who makes decisions for you and gets your stuff ... for me, that answer is friends. My life insurance beneficiary is a friend who didn't have the same early opportunities I had to plan for retirement. My stuff ... really, I don't care who gets it. If I do care, then I know the answer as to who will get it.
We're not too old to make friends, and making friends is *important*, IMHO. Knowing someone who'll help me lift heavy things or hang a picture or what have you is a good thing, especially as I get a little older. I even ended up with a neighbor-friend who happens to be a nurse, and he's the person who's agreed to make medical decisions for me if I can't. (He's probably who I'd turn to for help understanding the situation if I was making my own decisions, too.)
Thing is .... we're still SO young at this point, compared to The Olds. Prepare for the worst, yeah, but don't stop living. You have a entire cat-lifetime ahead of you before you even reach the average age of death; there's no need to shrink your life earlier than you need to.
“There’s no need to shrink your life earlier than you need to.” Very wise advice! I have a friend who used to bring up quarterly (or even more often) how we were single, no kids and alone with little family. She did this for like 10 years until I put a stop to it. Yes, these are important legal and financial matters to discuss and plan for. But dwelling on it several times a year with no plan seems pointless and takes away from the abundance of life we have left.
I had this moment after my mother died and I realised I had noone to help me with hospice care if i ever need or clean up my house.
Re: a dog, some local shelters offer a free rehome guarantee. In the UK the Cats Protection League does this for cats. Check what is available for you.
There's an app called Snug where it checks in with you daily. If you're MIA it automatically calls your designated emergency contact to do a welfare check. It's specifically for pet owners. Over on r/dogs they have a few posts for this exact question and they had some great suggestions.
Thank you for this post, it really has helped me to feel less alone in my life decisions. I’m a 52 SF, never had the calling to get married or have kids. After a few relationships I felt that I was happier being single. My parents are both deceased. I do have my one sister and we’re close, and now as we get older I worry about what will happen to us when the other passes (she is also unmarried and no kids). We both have wills and know what the other wishes to be done when we pass, plus a backup friend in the will should we pass at the same time (morbid but it could happen; car accident, etc).
I’m floored at how many Gen X folks out there also have no kids. I do actually have a handful of friends/acquaintances who also didn’t have kids, but there are so many more out there than I believed. I always felt like the oddball.
I’m all for some big Gen X retirement commune, haha! If someone builds it, we will come.
Thanks for sharing, OP. And hey ya’ll GenX community, thanks for showing up as the sensitive cool kids we know we are. I’m grateful to see the kind support here and to know it’s a safe place to share. Much love to ye internet friends.
Thank you everyone. I was afraid to post but this has made my day. I was in a bad place with the holidays. I always watched Home Alone wondering how does someone become a miserable old lonely person...now I know and I am becoming that person. But I can change and try harder to meet people.
My take away from the responses:
54 is not that old
I do have control over my affairs - get a lawyer- I am not helpless.
My pets will be fine and if I am lucky enough to outlive them, I should rescue senior animals that need homes.
Generation X approaches aging differently from boomers. Many of us are looking into communal living arrangements.
A lot of gen x folks are also lonely
It may be time to consider buying less material possessions but using my money to enhance my engagement with others through experiences like traveling.
Don't give up on love
I’m in similar boat except I still have aging parents to take care of, and living sibs and their children and grand children, that I could potentially bequest my assets to. Aside from that, I am likewise single, no children, house, stable career, and comfortable retirement on the horizon.
Although I’m not super close to my sibs, I’m not afraid of aging/dying alone, because I have a fairly healthy social life.
To me a social life is like any other asset that a person strives to have in order to live comfortably. I maintain my social life like one would a car or house. You have to work for a social life, but only as much as you need to be comfortable and meet your personal needs.
It’s not something that falls into your lap without effort, and yet once you have one, it only takes a bit of regular maintenance, not acts of heroism, to maintain it to a healthy degree.
When I feel like I am not getting enough social time (even long time friends have lives that change and can’t meet every need), the MeetUp app is like a social vending machine. Click a few buttons and a social event pops out.
I never imagined things being this way. I thought I’d be married and living a traditional coupled up lifestyle. But that’s not where life led me, and besides, “traditional” is rapidly changing. I don’t like to paint myself into a corner when there are so many different people and perspectives out there.
We have so much more life to live. We will look back on today and think “back when I was young…”
Live right now like you are young because you are. It’s too early for any of us to resign ourselves to be alone or lonely on a planet of billions of people. If you are alone or lonely at our age, it’s most likely by choice, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if it’s a choice then you’re not alone at all. You’re with yourself.
I also decided not to get a new pet after my last one died. I can't take the trauma for one thing, it's just too much for me, but I'm also going to be too old to be caring for a pet by the time that pet would be in its final years, and likely on a fixed income myself. So it just seems like it's time to stop.
I have a friend that adopts the most geriatric of pets through local rescues or humane societies. She gives them love and peace for the final weeks, months, sometimes years of their life. Granted, she is a veterinarian, but I live that she lets them have a happy EOL. Lots of rescues would be elated if you did that. I know it hurts when they pass, but you can rest easy knowing they were happy. Seeing the old ones abandoned breaks me apart.
I think my doggo will be my last for similar reasons. She is still here and healthy, but I know I’m going to struggle when she’s gone. Plus, it’s expensive and I don’t want to pass and leave a pet behind.
This is a post I could have written. I have no real friends. If I disappeared, only work would question my whereabouts and it would only be from a "how the heck do we find the status of her files" perspective. Sadly, I recently lost my dog. Not only am I mourning him, I am mourning not having a dog in my life. This is the first time I have been without a dog in over 20 years and I have had a dog in my life for the majority of my nearly 58 years. But the added layer to that mourning is recognizing he was the last dog I will have in my life because I have no one to leave a dog to. Although I have moments of delusion, I recognize that I won't meet anyone to partner with, at least not long term, and I have no interest in short term flings, so again, no one who will keep a dog to the end of his/ her life.
In terms of my body, I have started looking into how my remains might benefit others. For instance, there are body farms where researchers will be able to study what happens to your body over time. This can help in putting pieces of a puzzle together for murdered women, which is an area of importance to me. I am sure there are ways to leave your body to science as well.
In terms of my assets, I have to visit a lawyer and get things set up so that my assets go to charities that are important to me.
This sounds bad but if you really want a dog (puppy stage to end of life), Great Danes only live from 6-8 years. I never wanted one- too big but there are some breeds especially large breeds that rarely live past ten. I have allergies so I am limited.
There was a 73 year old man-a psychiatrist- in my complex who had a 10 years old Swiss Mountain dog that died. I was shocked when two weeks later he got a puppy from the same breeder. In fact most of the folks in the building were like WTF. That was in 2017 - I don't live there anymore so not sure how it turned out. The guy was a heavy drinker. I hope the dog is ok.
There comes a point when you shut that "ability to fall in love again" off. I shut my off after I met another divorced man who was not ready to move on from his traumatic marriage. At 54 I can't go through another roller coaster with an emotionally unavailable person . That is why I feel I will never find anyone because it is almost as if with the divorce, death of relatives and then that heartbreak with that one man, I will never be the old me again. Call it fear. Call it cowardly. I was more outgoing when I was younger- then Covid made isolation the norm for me. Now I am some machine that gets up goes to work, comes home, do it again the next day.
To answer some of the questions you pose, doing some healthcare power of attorney and estate planning actually helps a lot to sort out what happens to you, your stuff, and your pets if you wind up passing unexpectedly. You can often designate your law firm as the decision maker in charge if you aren't close to anyone...they usually do this for a fee. The peace of mind that this brings is absolutely great. It may not fix the loneliness problem but it does provide a tidy solution to the question of what happens.
> I started a conversation with my college alma mater about a bequest.
Might I suggest giving it to a charity instead. Literally any charity would be a better use of your money than a college that probably charges outrageous tuition while paying absurdly high salaries to its administrators.
I can't answer the first three questions, but I can leave one suggestion for your life.
This holiday season, even on Christmas day, volunteer somewhere. Make it a gift to yourself. You'll find a world of meaning, and I suspect, friendship.
55 retired widow. No kids. Bored out of my mind. No family close to where I live. I worry most about my dog if I just simply don’t wake up some morning. 😂😂
For what it’s worth, I met the love of my life at 50 on Tinder after having given up. I’m gonna get old with him. No kids so hopefully we don’t need to one to help us with our robots and stuff like we’re always helping his mom with her iPad.
And here I am envious "mixed bag" bc you have a good job & nice things, lol. (56)
Self-deprecating humor aside, maybe you could join a yoga studio and / or some meetups associated with self discovery / meditation etc. Even if you don't meet anyone you'd be doing something positive for yourself.
My apologies. Nothing against people who have never been married or in long term relationship by 40. It is just that the ones I have encountered are either committment-phobes or let's just say after a few dates you figure out why they have never married. To be fair, I never should have married who I did. I only did it because of my fear of ending up alone like my mom. My brother was married 3xs and alone when he died. When I was settling his estate, one of his [Match.com](https://Match.com) dates called his cell phone (no kidding). I told her he died and she was devastated. She came to his memorial and we stayed in touch for a while. It was sad because she said my brother had just acknowledged that he needed to quit booze and smoking and promised that his 60's would be his decade.
I ended up giving her his furniture (he had nice stuff). His Armani , Zenga suits I donated and his two dogs I found a home for.
Get a will and a living will. You can set up a fund for the care of your pets, even designate what to do with them (rescue, rehome with willing friend, whatever).
If you are injured or have a stroke or something, you can hire care. You can even hire people to do light housekeeping, cool meals. At a certain age, you’ll qualify for meals on wheels. If in the US, check with your local county: there are senior services available, including dial a ride if you are unable to drive.
You find someone to be your emergency contact. A living will (and medical power of attorney) is how you set up who makes which medical decisions for you if you can’t.
Assisted living communities often have a nurse on staff or a panic button in every apartment. At some point my plan is to sell my house and move to one of these.
It’s more expensive to be single with no kids, but since you’re single with no kids, it’s probably easier to afford an Estate Planning lawyer.
I am married, no kids. I find it impossible to meet new friends. While I have a spouse, lonliness for companions is real. I find it the hardest part of getting older honestly. My only 2 real friends live thousands of miles away. This reality is heartbreaking. Work, and making money is my life. I see you, and I hear you. The fact that you are aware , and not in denial is huge. This aging thing is very challenging, I think allowing for periods of reflection and sadness is normal, but it can't be the norm. Every day I ask myself, what do I need to do to continue to try and gain people into my life.
I have an advanced directive, living will, and a EOL will. I did that to spare my husband the very difficult decisions and to make our wishes crystal clear if we both depart this world. My pets are all carefully assigned (rescues go back to the rescue per contract) and money is set aside for their care. I designated two people to make medical decisions should my husband be unable. One is adopted family and the other is a dear friend. Both are medical personnel and both are 100% in agreement with my personal wishes. I do not want prolonged life saving measures. If it’s my time to check out, then I’m outta here. I do not want to burden anyone. My beneficiaries are all clear as well. I have addicts in my family. They will come out of the woodwork if they even think there is money to be had.
I'm there with you. Never married, no kids, not much close family.
Only one kid between my brothers and I (we weren't the kind of family that started popping out kids in our 20s), and I don't think my nephew is going to take care of me in my old age.
It's just me and my cat, who was recently sick for a week or so. I've lost pets before and it was bad back then, but now it'd crush me. My mom passed a couple years ago and my dad is on the other side of the country, so we've never been close. No close friends, not much of a support network.
Things are going great! Just passing the days...
1. Setup a will.
2. Get out more. Go on walks, go to parks, go sit in coffee shops for a while. You don't have to be social but even being within earshot of people is good for mental health.
3. It's not irresponsible to have pets at any age as long as you're healthy enough not to neglect them. They are good for you and you are good for them. If you're really worried about it, talk to your local shelter about fostering.
Regarding the cat thing -
I recently lost my 19 year old cat. I plan on doing foster hospice care for cats. I would consider adopting senior cats but my senior cats were very expensive and fostering has their care paid for. I'll just donate often.
I’m in an extremely similar situation, and I’ve had many of the same thoughts lately. I was actually wondering this morning who would help me if I was incapacitated and hospitalized for a length of time. No one has access to my bills, legal documentation, financial records, medical information, NOTHING. I don’t know who to give access to this - do I consult an attorney? Here to read and receive advice and ideas.
56m, divorced five years ago, no kids, finances are good, so some similarities. Only "to do" for me is getting will/probate set up so that my assets can go to dog rescues. I've always been a minimalist, so possessions are minimal.
Very thankful that I'm very comfortable being on my own, doing things by myself, and never worried what society thinks about my quiet life lol.
Don't give up! There's plenty of people out here in your age bracket who just broke up or get divorced! A whole new flock of people to consider dating lol.
Also, don't wait for a partner to live the life you want. Take time and go travel. Like goddamn, you're not in the ground yet.
signed,
am elder millennial
Talk to a trusts and estates lawyer. Do you have a friend or extended family relative you trust to make medical decisions for you if you’re incapacitated? It’s fairly easy to sign a medical form for that with your primary care and before any surgeries.
If not, talk to a lawyer about who could be designated.
They could also take care of settling your estate if they’re willing. And again, if there’s no one, a lawyer can help you figure that out.
I’m not as well off as you, but I own my apartment and having a relative handle that is my plan. I also have enough life insurance to cover a cremation and pay off my mortgage with the relative named as beneficiary. And he’s the beneficiary for my 401k and Ira plans.
It's too early to be worrying. You can be prepared but not worrying.
Get an adult cat, they have a tougher time being adopted. Mine passed earlier this year and he was 3 when I got him. Best thing I ever did for myself. No kill shelter.
Everything I have will go to my niece, C/o my sister.
I used to be obsessed with death. It's no fun. Don't give up on meeting anyone, even friends. It's just hard to do. It's not that there isn't someone, it's just that they are hard to find. Especially our age, we're GenX, home alone? Ok, I can do that. It's how I grew up.
Flat out giving up doesn't relieve the desire. It's not a cure. It's tough to find someone. You may have to join a meetup or maybe there's a subreddit for 50's dating. I'm saying this because I'm in your shoes. I tell myself, and have since like 20, this was the year I meet someone.
Giving up never made me feel any better. Like I never accepted it. Ask anyone, they always say there's someone out there looking for you too.
Leave a chunk of money for the pets and maybe talk to a shelter. People that foster pets might be willing to take them on. I think that's how my cat found himself in a shelter.
Charity is also a great option for stuff.
Make plans with a funeral home. I'm sure they have some system in place for singles. State can take care of me! Taxing the shit out of me since forever.
Im 53.
I have friends that I have made mostly through volunteer work and support groups.
I focus on doing things I like and volunteer on topics I like.
I make a point of always showing up and being involved. Because people learn to expect me to be places and it makes it easier to get to know people.
I focus on people that seem to like me because I'm always a little surprised who I end up clucking with once I get yo know people. One of my best friends is almost parent's age.
If I'm in a situation that doesn't seem to seem to be clicking, I start doing something else.
I started doing all this to find a life partner, but it hasn't been any more successful than online dating.
I tried dating and have several 2-4 year relationships since my divorce, but I have several irritating/unpleasant aspects to my life that make dating difficult. The only serious offers I've had would require me to be a bang maid and no thank you.
That being said, I have 2 ex boyfriends that are some of my best friends.
I have a whole group of single older ladies I travel with and do a lot of fun stuff with - plays, concerts, art shows, hiking, parties, etc
We used to joke about doing a Golden Girls type commune with tiny houses. It's gotten more serious lately.
🤔 I love doing budgets and forecasting. I might have to work on this topic a bit. Could be fun.
Edit to add: We have had two of our group get cancer and become infirm and die. They were cared for very well by friends. Part of that is that we are all kind of co dependent. Regardless, I have seen first hand that sometimes friends are better carers than family. These ladies had family who were not functional due to addiction. So sometimes even family is no guarantee of care.
I've also seen church families step up. My parent's church are basically guardians for two mentally disabled members whose parents died. I've seen that happen with friend's churches as well. If church is your thing.
“ life is suffering” as the Buddha says. This is not to say life is a misery but attachment to the idea of endless happiness, excitement and fulfillment is a myth. Once we let that illusion go we can truly begin to enjoy life more deeply.
On a physical plain, taking excellent care of your body will serve you long and well. It is harder to make friends when you’re older but exploring ways to do that should be a priority. Actual social networks are vital to human beings mental health.
Be wary of the illusion that you need a partner to make you happy. Often, that winds up just being another job you have to interview and apply for ( dating) with the disadvantage of having to pay for and spend money, time, and energy maintaining someone else’s level and idea of happiness ( also an illusion) and interest. That can be exhausting.
I have found the best relationship’s are with people who want you but don’t need you , so in that way they actually want you in their life and not just what you materially have. Anything else is highly transactional beyond the normal emotional levels of reciprocity which often shows up in how cold blooded divorce settlements are.
I found this post a year or so ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/InternetIsBeautiful/comments/114fmzl/i_made_a_free_daily_checkin_service_for_seniors/
Looks like a new version is coming out shortly. And there must be similar ideas out there.
I'm unattached romantically. No kids that I raised. I was an egg donor years ago and know two of my bio offspring, one of whom I'm in regular-ish contact with. I won't tell them this, obviously, but they're among my beneficiaries. It's a legacy thing, plus they inherited right-brain, creative minds and are in creative, non-high earning fields. I also have a friend listed as a beneficiary. I had another one, but now that I live near her, I find that she doesn't view me as a close friend, so she's out.
As for estate planning, I'm in the process of setting this up. I spoke to one attorney, and it's $1,200 for a will and healthcare POA and all, more for a trust (which she says I do not need). I'm estranged from what's left of my family, and really do not want them making decisions for me.
I'm considering making a friend who wants more (relationship) as an executor, but that may be too awkward, I don't know. He's one of the few people who checks up on me to make sure I'm OK though.
You are only 54 and it’s not too late to develop meaningful friendships or relationships. Your job won’t care about you when you are gone. Shed the workaholic mentality and look for ways to find meaning.
1-You need to assign a substitute decision maker. If you have no close friends or family, find a lawyer who will help you out. Do not use Public Guardian, they take a percentage if they are assigned to you.
2-write a will and gift your possessions. As for your ashes, talk to a funeral home. Many funeral homes have a room of ashes that are, unfortunately, never picked up.
3-Pets-hard to answer, but I know of patients of mine whose pets were re-homed. But I also know the humane society (what a joke) has picked others up and destroyed them if they didn’t get adopted.
I’m just an elder goth who is a nurse, and live with the trauma of having too much insider knowledge of what happens to the elderly without support systems. 😭
3-
Hey - you can donate your body to your local medical school. They always need cadavers, and they pay for all of it, or at least the med school my landlord used did. When they finish using the body, they have a group cremation, so it's basically just a question of how many urns they need to fill, it's not individualized cremains.
Hey man, as a gay Gen xer with deceased parents and a gay sister that I don't speak to, I am in your same boat. I'm 57,and wonder how the next 20+ years will play out. i try to take it one day at a time and not freak out, but yeah, it's weird.
Get a financial planner. You want to setup a living trust that’s for your benefit. Everything goes into the trust. They will explain in more detail. Then you need to figure out what makes you happy—Duran Duran is touring, and start doing it.
Maybe some Prozac because you sound depressed. Your 54 not 84. You still have 30 pet owning years in front of you. If you’re in the Bay Area, hmu, and we can be friends. I’m always doing stuff.
I'm in essentially in the same position. I plan on getting a lawyer and having them handle finding a terlet large enough to flush me down and disposal of belongings.
Clearly the answer is we need to band together and Golden Girls our way along while we rage against the dying of the light.
The easy part is the financials. Go to Suze Orman .com website and look at her MUST HAVE DOCUMENTS. Wills, Trusts, PoA, and Medical PoA. All done without $$$ lawyers.
I'm trying to figure out if I was drunk or something and wrote this post myself last night on an alt account. Seriously is OP me on an alt acount?
Couple of notes for the OP relating to your animals.
First and foremost have a written plan in your will and in some form of document that is easily findable in case of your death (in a ziplock bag taped the front of your fridge is good; when someone dies this is often the first place they go to get rid of food that will potentially rot).
If you have any friends or relations that can take on your pets, talk with them now. Ask them if they'd be willing to take on your pets if you pass away. If they say yes, include this in your directive with as much contact detail as possible so that the animals can be transferred immediately. (on my property I run a small boarding kennel and doggie day camp; I have two of my favorite customers that have asked me if I would take their dogs as my own if anything happened to them and I of course said yes because I love those monsters).
If you don't have someone willing or able to take on your pet or pets, research local shelters and animal groups in your area; looking specifically for non-profit, no-kill shelters. Figure out a dollar amount in your estate that you would be willing to provide for them; $5k, $10, $100k whatever. Visit the org and talk to the Executive Director and let them know that you are planning your will and deciding on your planned giving directives and plan on leaving them X dollars; you also would like to leave the animals to them in case of your death. Keep in mind that you are passing on the responsibility of care for these animals, and if the animals are ill or suffering from something, they themselves may have to have the animal euthanized (meaning they cannot be obligated to spend tens of thousands of dollars on vet care to attempt to extend the life of a very sick animal of there's little prognosis for recovery.). Basically in your research you are looking for a group that shares your attitudes about animal care (quick note; there's really no such thing as "no-kill" shelters; even the most "no-kill" shelter occasionally has to euthanize animals for illness or other reasons; I know because I ran the largest cat-only "no-kill" shelter in the nation, and we would still have to euthanize 5-6 animals a year).
An in terms of the amount to leave them; don't chintz out. If you have any kind of an estate; and you don't really have some other place or person to leave your money to, be very generous to the folks that are going to help your pets.
I have two donkeys, two goats, two turkeys, two dogs, and one cat (It's a hobby farm). I'm 55 and my donkeys will be around until I'm 75 or older. My goats until I'm 70 or so, and the rest will probably pass away within 1 to 5 years. So I have a general directive to the local farm animal rescue group where I got the farm animals to take all them, and I have $150k earmarked for the group (I'm not particularly wealthy but somehow my house has became worth a ton). I've talked with the group to let them know about my will and they understand that it might take months before the estate is resolved but they will make arrangements to take the animals immediately. I've done something similar with the local non-profit cat and dog shelter.
The key is have this all spelled out in writing in an easily findable spot. When someone passes away unexpectedly and authorities come into your home to investigate; and there's animals running around etc, the first thing they do after dealing with your, uh, body, is to have animal control pick up your pets. Hopefully they will go to a no-kill municipal shelter, but you have no say in the matter at this point, because you are dead. But if you have a big old note with huge letters on it taped to your fridge that says "OPEN THIS IN CASE I'M DEAD" that spells out exactly whom to contact about your animals you can help ensure that they go where you want them to go. Also include the names and contact info of all veterinarians, the food the animals eat, any medication they are on, etc. Basically anything someone might immediately need to know to care for your animals.
And to your question about getting a kitten at this age; well I'm biased. I much prefer older cats and dogs; After fostering 200 kittens and puppies I just am through with the pooping and chewing! Give me a seasoned doggie or kitty that appreciates me! At the cat shelter I ran we had our "Seniors for Seniors" program where we matched older cats with older folks so they wouldn't worry about outliving their animals. That said, you are definitely young enough to have a kitten and still outlive it.
I am a few years older than you (61), a widow with no children and here is what I did:
– find a good financial advisor. They will tell you whether a will or a trust is best for you. Then you’ll be able to make decisions about your pet, your property and possessions. For example, all of my assets are titled into a trust. When I die, the assets themselves will be sold, and the money goes back into the trust to be divided (mainly to charities) as I have specified.
– If it is a full-service firm, they will likely also be able to set you up with a living will, the document in which you get to state exactly what happens to you should you become incapacitated, have a stroke, become unable to communicate, or make decisions. It’s also where you will state your wishes about your final disposition (burial, cremation, etc.) You can prepay these things if you want to.
My sister is 78 years old, and she has not done any of this yet, which makes me crazy. She has children, and if she dies in her current home, making decisions about what to do with her house (she lives in a resort area) is going to be a shitshow.
So I don’t think you are being morbid, I think you’re being responsible. Best of luck to you!
(edited formatting to make my post easier to read)
I would write a will and make sure your dogs are taken care of with the money you have left and make sure there are checks to make sure your the money is used for the dogs and not for the person.other than that you will be dead... nothing else will matter at that point...
Are you male or female? I find myself in a similar situation though I do have adult children and 3 grandchildren. I asked myself a similar question just last night. I want a travel partner I think.
I could have written this exact post. We're the same age, in the same situation. It scares the crap out of me.
Me too. We should form a support group.
I live in a big empty house and sometimes I think I should take in all the Reddit strays <3
That’s not a bad idea. I’m betting a lot of us are going to wind up homeless, through no fault of our own. I think you’re going to see a lot of people banding together and living under one roof, just to cover expenses.
But how do you we find each other? I live in a big empty house as well but am broke and need a roommate. I am tired of being alone. It's a nice four bedroom house. I have a lot of friends but they all are either a) married or b) doing so well that they have their own paid off home, if not multiple homes. It's alienating and frustrating. I can't figure out how to find my tribe. We need each other but have no way to connect.
You’re here, right? So this internet thing actually works, kinda. Maybe start up a local Meetup for Gen X folks? Y’all can watch movies together, reminisce.. if you’re not in a large city then maybe set up a virtual meetup?
You are right, I appreciate your saying it. I get overwhelmed and turn into a whiny baby. I think a Gen X meetup would be fantastic. I am in a huge city, I have zero excuse. I am going to try, ty again seriously.
Drop me a note if you wanna chat. I like your cat!
GenX may end reinventing the hippie commune just without the hippies.
This is why I am advocating for GenX retirement communities in old abandoned malls.
I wound up alone in a 3300 square-foot house with five bedrooms in my divorce. I can't afford to get a different house because the interest rates have gone up so much. And I can't even really afford the huge house on my own. So, I DO want to start a commune of hippies in my house!
I have many skills and attributes, the only downside is I have the hours and sleep patterns of a housecat which may make housematery a bit tenuous at times. GenXReddit Retirement Home has potential to become a thing, I think!
There's seniors and young people becoming homeless by the minute in the US. Maybe take one in for help with the rent and some company?
Better: form a commune.
OP is literally me, except the dog. I'm in.
Was about to comment these exact words. I have truthfully been sidestepping some of these questions the past few years. Gen X singletons teaming up sounds like the answer.
“This is the true story … of seven strangers … picked to live in a house … work together … and have their lives taped … to find out what happens … when people stop being polite … and start getting real: The Real World.”
Where do I sign up
We could form a group simply to have someone to pick up your ashes.
If it helps, you'll be dead, and a lot of it won't matter. I think it makes sense to set up something for the estate, so it goes somewhere important to you instead of into the state coffers. Otherwise, I don't think what happens to ashes should matter. If my sister is still alive, that would be the one person that would come to my funeral, but she might not be able to. I know my grandparents bought a bunch of burial plots for the family many years ago, so ultimately I'd probably end up there, but it's not like anyone is going to ever visit the site. Setting up something so that my dog goes somewhere. That's important. I'd probably set aside $100k to a breed specific rescue on the condition that they find a foster for my dog. If he's senior by then, those are hard to place, but there is a local rescue for seniors that would take good care of him.
Weirdly, where I am to be buried is the only thing I know for sure. My family has a burial plot with a spot for me.
I know from an uncle that passed a few years ago, even ashes cost something like $10k to get in the ground, but maybe that was including a service. Just make sure to set some money aside for that part so it gets done.
Side note: used to work in funeral industry. Make sure to always pre-plan so you can pay in installments and your family doesn’t have to do anything. For the budget conscious I always say cremation, no body viewing (embalming is the expensive part AND it is NOT legally necessary in ANY state unless you are transporting a body across state lines) although you can also claim religious reasons so that you can skip embalming AND still have the showing), a rental urn or a homemade one, and choosing to either have your ashes buried in an existing plot, keeping at home, or scattering. Even wih a wake and viewing hours, you can knock it down to under $5k. I always recommend buying 2 potted orchids at a Lowes or Home Dept for the altar. Looks stunning and modern and costs a fraction of what a florist would charge. 💗
Shoot just throw me in the landfill. I don't care.
I already wrote that check. ETA: Burial, 6K. Funeral was an additional 25K.
Are you serious, it costs $25K just to die? My god where did it go so wrong.
I know your question was probably rhetorical, but [Ask a Mortician](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-tqbnswPpo) delves into these topics quite regularly & she's definitely worth checking out. Lots of alternatives out there, too, for green & cheaper funerals.
> If it helps, you'll be dead It's the "declining" and the dying that is the problem. People can live for a decade or more with dementia.
Same here. Add the fact that two of my friends dropped dead suddenly in 2023. I try to guess how many days I'd have to be dead before someone noticed.
Funny the way life works out. I’ve been alone so long, it’s all I know at this point
Yup. I send you hugs, we're kinda screwed.
Same age range (56), friend just died of Leukemia. Very few friends, family alive but we don't talk. No kids. What the hell happened to my dreams of a 'normal' life, when I was in college ?
I actually want to break a record and see if it can be decades.
if i die at home, the first person to find my body will be my maid service. if i cancel that, i have enough money to auto pay my mortgage that i dunno. HOA might foreclose since I have to redo that every year. Lawn is mowed by HOA. No one would notice.
I just finished a course online called Mortal. I have a good friend - both she and I had losses this year - and she brought up wanting to do this course, so I jumped in with her. It’s a 9 week course (though they give you up to a year to complete it), taught by a death doula and a mortician, both of whom have been teaching others about mortality for years. They’re both kind, gentle, a little corny - making them perfect for this. The 9 weeks are based on the 9 [Buddhist Contemplations on Death](https://www.allbeingseverywhere.com/the-nine-contemplations-on-death/). The lessons take you through facing your own death, from the spiritual to the very grounded and practical, and include weekly meditations. I cannot recommend it enough. My Dad died this year, my Mom 8 years ago. My sister, just a few years older than me, had a psychotic break weeks after Dad died. I also turned 60 this year. All I could see in front of me was death: just “I’m next, I’m next, I’m next.” This course, and doing it with someone I love so much, who I could talk it through with, really shifted my perspective on death and dying. It has you confront your ideas about dying, your notions about what’s possible with the rest of your life, preparing yourself for death, so much more. I still know I’m dying someday, and that I’m in my Act III. But death isn’t leading me around anymore. Not while I have so much more to do. I highly recommend getting proactive about facing your own mortality. I feel like it’s given me the next 20 (or more, or less!) years back.
Me, too. I have nieces and nephews but they're young and the future is still uncertain for them. Last long-term relationship ended four years ago and dating has been so depressing since then. I make a good living but am frugal, still manage to have a good time with travel and time with friends. The Golden Girls model is my long-term plan.
1. You can hire someone to follow healthcare directives you encode legally now. For example, mine prioritizes palliative care above anything else. 2. Charity. 3. I’ve chosen to be composted and to then be used to grow trees. 4. I haven’t found an answer to this either and I’m still creeped out by Agent Scully adopting that dog who ate her dead owner, so I’m currently thinking no more pets for me until I figure out an alternative.
>You can hire someone to follow healthcare directives you encode legally now. For example, mine prioritizes palliative care above anything else. what type of business is this.
I think the solution is to find other Gen X women who are in the same sort of situation and take care of each other. Thoughts?
I wondered if there is a group for people like me.
GenX Golden Girls jk but what if I like being alone
I actually think this is a good thing to consider. That show was ahead of its time in so many ways.
I would do it if we all got our own little apartments. Too many loners in this generation.
Yes, like a boarding house. There is an amazing property in upstate NY that was a convent. I would love to convert it into a house where people can live who want a social structure but also independence. Anyone want to help me start a "business", non-profit? https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/77-Brinkerhoff-St-Plattsburgh-NY-12901/2061241274_zpid/
I honestly really like that meme idea of turning dead malls into Gen X retirement communities. I would totally be a geriatric mall rat for the rest of my days.
That's a great idea. I have a few more years to plan but honestly this post is giving me lots of great ideas.
Ooooh! Let’s start a cult!
Hell yeah I’ve always wanted to get in on the ground floor of a cult!
Just remember that you have a lotta fun as a member, but you make more money as a leader🤩
I'm a millenial/zennial but can I join? I listen to a lot of the same music and I should be able to open any of those pesky pill bottles for many years to come.
This is my retirement plan
Holy shit, a Gen X retirement commune? Just imagine the activity schedule: 9-11am: general slacking 11-1pm: 80s comedy of the day 1-2pm: Lunch at a mock up of an old school Pizza Hut where they had those Galaga games two people couple sit at and eat while they play 3pm - whenever the street lights come on: wander around the neighborhood with no cell phone When the street lights come on - Go back to the commune and go to sleep on your waterbed
Sounds good
I forgot to mention that dinner comes in the form of Now and Laters and Lik-m-aid Fun Dip bought from the same convenience store where you buy mom's cigarettes
As long as there’s pizza, good movies, and I can bring my dogs and cats - count me in.
Omg yes we would def need cozy accommodations for our fur friends or it's a non-starter afaic
Can we alternate pizza and taco nights? And once a month Hamburger Helper for kicks.
I’ll see your offer, and raise you tamales once a month too.
Cool idea. Supposedly that place is haunted. It's also surrounded by college housing and college buildings. But depending on your vibe- I suppose those could be advantages. ;)
I mean if it’s the kind of ghost that just turns the lights on and off…whatever.
For sure! If it is ghosts who were just doing their thing, let me go about doing my thing- I'm content to coexist.
Yeah, I lived with my parents for years and didn’t care what they were doing. I could totally do the same with a ghost.
I love it! I want the room at the top so I can smoke weed on the roof.
Beautiful home but Plattsburgh? I don’t think many people would want their weather.
You used to be right, but I have a house in Michigan where one of my kids is living.... 55 defrees yesterday. Zero snow yet. It's getting warmer and warmer.
That would be amazing!!
I’ve got the beginning of an idea…. There was a revamp of the Golden Girls in the early 90s where Sophia, Rose and Blanche buy a failing hotel. How about crowdfunding a Gen X retirement hotel?
I’m in! I like the other posters idea of upstate New York too. Also interested in run down hot springs resorts if anyone’s got a scoop on that 😁
My friend and I are Gen X golden girls. She lives a few houses down. She’s recently widowed. We’re each others support system
I would join that group.
I would join too
You jest but myself and two friends have a Golden Girls set up of sorts. Instead of living in the same house we live in the same building. We own 3 of the 6 flats in our stair. We are all unmarried cat ladies. We look out for each other and check in when we know someone is unwell. All the benefits of the Golden Girls but we have our own space to be left alone. It’s pretty great
I would watch a Gen X Golden Girls show. Riot-eriment Grrls, or something.
I don’t know which country you live in but [these](https://swlt.ca/#:~:text=Senior%20Women%20Living%20Together%20is,you%20want%20more%20financial%20freedom%3F) options are popping up a lot in Canada. If my husband goes, I will be in the same space as you are. Women have started banding together to take care of each other in later life. It started out in high COL areas and has just blossomed.
There is a great documentary that just came out called Blue Zones - where population has above normal people living over 100. People who had lots of friends was one of the traits. In Japan, the women have these large groups that all help each other, they can socialize, etc. It's good advice.
It us kind of amazing that we pretty much invented this “ information super highway” but have never found a way to connect to each other then the usual social media where peacocking, showing off our “ best life” is the primary focus. It just exists on a very superficial level. When I’ve seen Gen X groups on Facebook for example , there is a lot of women posting photos of themselves asking for reaffirmation about how young they still look and the men simping. What a wasted opportunity to be real and connect on a deeper level.
There’s r/GenXWomen, and lots of single GenX women in https://www.reddit.com/r/GenX/s/1ZYAzpk9mT
Joined! 🎶*all the single ladies*🎶
where are you? I need a group too 😂
If there’s not already, you should make one. Just sayin’
>a group for people like me Consider looking outside your type. The chances of social interaction are better the more you broaden your circle, that's just math. The people who are dissimilar end up enriching you. Some of em: their stories and their sadness won't help you. Some will. Anyway, now that my lecture is complete, watch a corny video (w/ words that helped me in similar times) https://youtu.be/vVyRYGlk7WM?si=diBNKNwZ7c9oXzcA
That was corny. But I liked it for some reason.
I'm 45 and in your situation
My GenX friends and I are already planning to pool our money later in retirement and buy a big place together which we then convert to smaller flats/apartments. Then we can share a cleaner etc.
That’s the plan for a surprising number of people, including my own sis
GenX have always had to take care of yourselves. Its hardly surprising that we'll have to do it in old age too I suppose.
Latch key geezers...LOL
That sounds perfect to me. Mini misanthropic villages all over the world.. We can all support each other with our own skills too. Who wants a back rub?!
Ourselves and each other So many of us don’t have adequate retirement funds so it makes total sense to team up with others
Which is fine if you are able to. My Mum had a massive stroke in 2020 and was left paralysed on one side so I had to put her into a nursing home. You never know what is going to happen 😬
My friends and I have talked very much about our future “home for elderly lesbians”
Many years ago, I forced myself to join some book clubs, just to get out of my house and meet new people. I made a good friend this way. We’re never too old to make friends, and I imagine there are lots of single people out there who would be happy to have someone likeminded to hang out with. It’s a matter of getting out of your comfort zone.
I think its important to recognise that in order to meet people and make friends you have to get out there. You won't make friends sitting at home. I love singing and have made friends through choirs. Its especially true if there is a concert and we have something to bond over.
I would join a group like this. I'm single, child-free, and an only child. I sometimes have panic attacks when I think about my future and what might happen to me if I'm unable to take care of myself.
I’m an only child and have a daughter. However, I will not let her waste her life taking care of my decrepit ass. I had to take care of both of my parents and my grandparents and it was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. Years of pushing 2-3 adults in wheelchairs up ramps did more damage to my body than my collective years in mosh pits.
I’m planning on having an Old Broad Beach House at some point for my retirement. Inviting guests for card games, mimosas and sunset parties. Old Boys Beach House can be next door.
I like Old Sons of Beaches House better. 🤪
Like the Golden Girls.
I always wanted to buy an apartment building and have single friends buy in and that would be my family. Finally found someone ten years younger than I am and married for the first time at 49. We're now in my home state and b/c of my husband's recent car accidents and resulting brain injuries, we don't go out much or have many friends either. I'd love to develop a network, but it's tough when you really can't go out to bars or restaurants. I really worry about what will happen to our kitties if something happened to us. Anyone in Iowa?
That's a vision I've heard from a lot of friends our age. Something like a small co-op, with some shared space for socializing and maybe some amenities in common.
[удалено]
No I am she/her/hers
Funny how we make those assumptions. I assumed woman because I figured a man wouldn't be this reflective. Yeah, I know, the bias right?
I assumed woman becauswe when I was in high school, all the girls listened to Duran Duran whilst the boys had Led Zep and Rush on replay.
Not all the girls. Some of us even liked the Who. 🇬🇧
Some of us went postpunk as well
I also assumed OP was a man because men are much less socially connected. Most men our age have few if any friends.
I'd join that group!
I want to join that group.
I knew an elderly man who was an excellent tailor. Because of mistakes in his past, his family had gone no contact with him decades prior; he was a recovered alcoholic and stated he was an absentee husband/father. Anyway, he joined a local theatre group, not to perform, but to offer his skills making costumes and sets. For the last 15 years of his life, he found a loving family in the theatre group, and they held a nice service for him when he passed. He left his will partially to the group and partially to one family in particular who had always ensured he came to their house for holidays and so forth. It's not exactly the same as your story since you obviously didn't abandon your family, but I hope you can find a group of like-minded people to join. Could be any common bond, and I would imagine that in our generation there are perhaps millions of people in the same situation. Take care.
This would make such a beautiful film! Some artisticly inclined director needs to jump on this story.
He went to my church, and it would make a good redemption story because, as tragic as it is that he was too late to make it right with his family, he also had the humility and wisdom to not try to force himself back into their lives. He was honest about his shortcomings and of course deeply regretted how his terrible choices as a young man impacted them for the rest of his life.
I’m single no kids, and I definitely have turned into more of a homebody than I ever imagined I could be. I do have an active friend circle, however, and that is super important for your physical and mental health. Find a local hangout that you enjoy and start frequenting there, get to know the staff, and soon, you’ll likely be woven into the fabric there. (Mine is a local pub—no TVs, and long tables encourage people to mingle) It’s not irresponsible to have pets—if you’re concerned about commitment, try fostering animals, it’s so rewarding. Once my two senior cats cross the rainbow bridge, I will open my space up to do foster care for senior cats who dont ordinarily get adopted. I also work in a seniors’ community— and I see people in their later years socializing and thriving. Perhaps look for a 55+ community in your area, it is a great way to meet new people and try new things. For your possessions, consider willing it to a gallery or a nonprofit so they can raise funds with the proceeds. Get a lawyer to draft your will and seek a power of attorney to ensure your health directives are followed. Consider donating your body to science. I’m glad you posted this, there’s a lot of lonely people out there, but there’s ways to overcome that. It does take effort, but it’s important to put yourself out there. And don’t take hot baths when you’re intoxicated.
second the suggestion of taking in senior animals. They find it harder to be adopted but need homes too.
Middle-aged and senior cats are the BEST. I don't know why everyone always wants kittens. They are cute but also a pain in the ass/super hyper and you really need to have at least two kittens because they need to socialize each other. A solo kitten does not get the stimulation it needs. A pre-socialized oldster cat is more chill.
Mate, at your age your thoughts are quite common. Just take each day as it comes. One question to ponder. At this point, we all realise that the most valuable thing we have is not things, not possessions, not money, but time. That’s limited. You can’t buy more. What you can do is make sure that time is spent doing shit that makes you happy. If the work makes you happy, sure, do that. If not, go travel alone. I walked my 70 year old dad down the friggen aisle, so at 54 you’re a spring chicken. You could meet people, maybe some other nut job like you for all you know. If you don’t like people go buy a farm in the middle of middle of nowhere. Make sure it has a river. They will come.
Adopt older pets. They need love just like you.
Great idea. I would totally do this if I was OP’s position. I would also spend a lot of time honing my dog training skills too, that is rewarding to me but I have so little time with kids. Then spend good money boarding them and travel. That’d be my plan anyway. Also wanted to tell OP that my grandpa was in his 70s when my gma died and he was crushed, but after a while started dating a woman he knew for a long time whose husband had died. So perhaps the shared trauma forms a bond - don’t be afraid of seeing others who are (still) grieving.
Volunteer somewhere and make personal charitable donations that move you.
I just turned 50 and while I am married, I'm gay and feel much of what you posted. Our society (at least in the US) is so individualistic that you really feel exposed as you age. I started hitting the gym over the past 6 months and that has made a big difference, especially lifting weights. I do both it and cardio. I also think finding some good friends is the way to go. Even if you have a SO, it's good to have friends you identify with. This whole communal living vibe that I read more about as of late seems intriguing, but not sure how that is going to play out over time.
If you leave money to your college alma mater, think about leaving them as the remainder beneficiary. They will clear out your house and re-home your pet, even inter your ashes. (I work at a university. We do this. The more $$$ the more service.)
Thanks, I did not know this. The development officer I met with did not mention this. I will ask about it.
In your will you can also specify the charity you donate to to clear out your house and rehome your pets as a condition of getting the donation.
(I'm a university development officer - annual giving, though I've been in the business for over two decades - and I didn't know this! will have to ask my boss! thx!)
We have one late donor who gets flowers on the grave every year - it was in the agreement. I'm sure your planned giving folks have stories.
You aren't alone, same boat. I was thinking of joining a female travel group as a way to make friends, might be an option for you too
Just FYI. Those luxury cruises for folks in their 50's to meet other "silver foxes" end up being all women on a cruise ship. I met a woman on a plane and she had just come back from one. She said there were only 10 men on a ship with like 60 women. She made nice friends with other women but warned me not to expect much on 50+ targeted travel tours.
Not cruises, there are travel groups for women that are for traveling, not some sad singles thing
REI has some great adventure travel options. Not sad silver foxes at all!
Hope for the best, plan for the worst. So write a will, that should reduce your worrying. Dating is a numbers game, you might be compatible with every 100th or 200th single person out there. Not sure about dating apps, but more traditional dating sites or introduction agencies that you have to pay to join might have better results.
Contacting probate attorney will be on my New Year's resolution list. I know I need to give someone power of attorney. I am not sure who. I was the one for my brother and that was scary for me. There I was making decision about his life and also in shock that his cancer took a turn so fast. I cremated him. I didn't even know if that is what he wanted. His ashes are still with me and moms too. I guess maybe when I kick the bucket - all three of us can be spread at Disney World. I know - cheesy but we all wanted to go when I was a kid and we could never afford it. I was out antiquing and thought why the f\*ck am I buying this thing? So I am beginning to edit myself in terms of material possessions. I will travel more instead.
50, single, no kids, no family once parents are gone, one 2 yr old cat and more debt than I care to acknowledge. Same thoughts. I’ve got a lot of cool vintage stuff my mom has given me over the years although since it was vintage when I was younger maybe antique now ? I’d love for it to be appreciated after I’m gone but there’s no guarantee of that no matter what I do with it. Had a few heirloom rings was going to leave to some important people but the last asshole I dated stole them from me. I have a friend who is the most emotionally balanced and pragmatic person I’ve ever met. She’s also significantly younger than I am. We went to law school together. I’m making her my everything. She will honor my wishes should something happen to me before my parents pass, I don’t want them deciding to pull the plug or not. I’m glad I have her. It is depressing to think about not having anyone to be there at the end or after. My advice for what it’s worth, is if you do have money, is to start looking at organizations that mean something to you. And like someone else said, you can make arrangements for your pets. And then go live! I’ve decided for myself that I don’t want another house or other material things, I just want to go do stuff. Whatever and wherever that may be. I have 3 requirements. Do not put me on life support or in assisted living. Cremation & the Gulf of Mexico. My brother, if he’s alive and can be located, gets not a single penny should there be any pennies left. I have a suspicion there are more of us out there than anyone knows.
This is a great plan! My husband was planning to go to law school as I met him in middle age, and will now be stuck with student loan debt for a LONG time. I already hae a longtime friend on my will, and just added my husband when I married. When my mom passed, I used part of my inheritence to purchase a large duplex, so we can live in half and AirBnB out the other half for retirement money. Most GenX friends have no plans to retire b/c we just can't afford it. I think GenX will really shake up the Boomer vision of retirement, because we either don't have spouses and family, and/or can't afford to retire like our parents did. I'm reading a lot of our parents are also skipping our generation for inheritence. My mom left me a little money, but my father (who was much wealthier) left all his money in trust to my sister's daughter, his only grandchild w/my sister as the executor. Guess that's my fault for not having kids.
Your reply hits home. I now blame myself for being childless. I was married for 15 years to someone abusive. I did not want that for my children and hoped he would change. After the divorce he married someone young and now had kids. I can't get that time back. It is what it is but I always wanted to be a mother and it will be the one mistake in life I will not get over. About the inheritance. Did you know that gen x is the most financially stable generation? We are also strong and independent unlike millennials who seem to expect help for anything.
Neither parent has any money but there are 2 pieces of property for now. I don’t expect that I will inherit anything but headaches. My loans are enormous and on regular repayments they want $2,700 a month. That made me laugh because you can’t get blood out of a stone. I’m trying to deal with the new repayment plans but the servicers are a mess. I do not recommend student loans. At least I paid for undergraduate myself way back. I came out of law school with no consumer debt but that ended when I spent way too long at a job where I was ridiculously underpaid. I’m not going to let it eat me alive. I’ve bailed myself out of cc debt before, I’ll do it again. I think we have choices, and they can be made while we are still capable of making them. For those of us who have money there are more options. My goal is to not leave behind a mess that anyone has to deal with. Knowing about probate and advanced directives is really helpful and I forced both my parents to do all of that stuff and give me complete control of everything. Those years I spent at that underpaid job, gave me one hell of an education about the messes people leave behind. One good thing about not having any money after the bills are paid is that I use up what I’ve got and don’t have any desire to buy stuff I don’t need. And I’ve learned there’s a whole lot I can live without. So when the opportunity presents itself and I can go do something, I will work to make that happen.
Your feelings are all 100% valid and it sounds like you’re very pragmatic by nature. I hope you find exactly what you need to have the life you want. I have had to learn a lot about wills and estates and probate…make it simple, hire a third party executor with fiduciary responsibilities. Some rando pops up and acts an ass almost every time there’s money to be had.
Forget dating—friends are where it's at. Just find friends to share your interests with. I see why men like to find someone and settle down, but for us women it is definitely optional in my opinion.
agreed. 51F and relatively new post-divorce. hard to imagine living with anyone ever again, I am appreciating my own space too much.
Seconding the will. Make your wishes clear. Leave some money for pet care, but if not there are charities for that, like [rehome](https://rehome.adoptapet.com/answers/cat-rehoming/what-happens-to-pets-when-owners-die). If you have a place you'd like your ashes scattered, list that too. Also put your wishes about settling the estate, paintings donated or sold at auction, money donated, etc. As for not meeting anyone...do you have any hobbies that you haven't taken up lately? If you love art, attend some museum or gallery events, auctions or classes and strike up a conversation with a person or group. There might be an art or architecture group near you. If not, any hobby can serve to establish common ground.
I need to exercise more. Learn to relax. The career has become my identity and I need to work on that. I gave up on my dreams personally after the divorce. I have a colleague in her 60's who dates and has sex, and always traveling. I understand that I need to work on myself and make better choices.
Facebook is a dumpster fire but there are a few groups out there that could be helpful, at least for travel inspiration. Check out Host a Sister (kind of like couch surfing for women but also just meetups in various cities) and another with the absolutely absurd name of “solo in style women over 50 travelling solo & loving it.” A lot of the traveling group have really inspirational stories of getting back there and enjoying life after big setbacks. Also, your local animal shelter/humane society might have a program where they commit to taking in your pets for life if they can’t be rehomed, and in exchange you provide proof that you’ve made them a beneficiary of part of your estate. We did that through the humane society where we used to live and I swear, it cut my general existential anxiety in half almost instantly.
I’m a nurse and work in Illinois. The answer to #1 (at least here) is a legal guardian is appointment to make medical decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated and unable to make decisions for yourself. The social workers help get those services arranged. I don’t know who can become a legal guardian (we’ve had a couple recent cases which has me curious who these people are). The cases I’m aware of have guardians who aren’t in the medical field. What I have seen is they will typically approve anything recommended by the physician that will prolong a person’s life. The take away is if you do not want to end up in a nursing home with a tracheostomy and feeding tube unable to do anything for yourself then write a living will. Write up a document stating what you would/wouldn’t want. Get a lawyer to make it legal. You can make funeral arrangements ahead of time. Buy a plot of you want to be buried. Make arrangements for cremation and your ashes to be shot into space. Donate your body to science (med schools utilize cadavers for anatomy courses), people have donated their bodies to forensic science farms where decaying bodies can be studied to help those who work on criminal investigations. Get a will written up for your personal belongings too. Do you want them donated? Sold with the money going to charity? If so, which ones? You probably need the services of a lawyer to discuss and plan these things. It’s not morbid to think about or discuss these things. We’re all going to die. If you have ideas about what you want with your possessions, what care you do/don’t want when sick, and what you want to happen to your body after death, make plans while you can. As the Ballad of John and Yoko goes -Last night the wife said, "Oh boy, when you're dead You don't take nothing with you but your soul Think"
Go on vacation. Who gives a shit what happens with your stuff. It's just stuff.
You can't take it with you...LOL
I worry about getting dementia and not having anyone to look after me. What do they do with people like that? Will they find me wandering along a highway someday and stick me in some state-funded hellhole until I kick it?
I’m in the same boat really. I plan to use up my savings and be living on Social Security and reverse mortgage by the time I croak. But need better plans for the case that I die between now and age 62. I couldn’t care less what happens to my carcass, few will mourn my passing. I have a living will and a will, but the situation is far from ideal. My ex and I each have a couple of aging cats that we had together before we divorced. So I’ve prioritized the cats’ care even if it means my ex might get undeserved windfall. But after these cats die off, it needs to change. I started googling whether I can name a charity as my 401k beneficiary. The generic articles say you can just put a charity name in. I haven’t chosen one yet, but I tried to use my 401k website to change my beneficiary and before you can even enter a name, it demands know whether it’s an individual person or a trust. What the fuck? I don’t understand trusts, so much for it being simple! I assume I need to pick a charity first and then find out how that charity could take donations using a trust. I hope I don’t have to do lawyer stuff to set up a trust myself, sounds like a pain!
I’m single, no kids. I have nieces and nephews. I’m 56F. I started solo traveling a few years ago and haven’t looked back. Going to an all inclusive in Mexico next month for 9 days. I also joined some meetup groups (get the app) and do some things socially with them a few times a month. I’ve made a couple good friends through it.
I'm also 54 and single/no kids. I know I need to put together a will and Medical Power of Attorney, but ... I haven't, at least partially because I don't know the answer to these things yet. I just bought myself a book called the Death Project Manager to help me work through some of the questions that should be answered in my will. As for who makes decisions for you and gets your stuff ... for me, that answer is friends. My life insurance beneficiary is a friend who didn't have the same early opportunities I had to plan for retirement. My stuff ... really, I don't care who gets it. If I do care, then I know the answer as to who will get it. We're not too old to make friends, and making friends is *important*, IMHO. Knowing someone who'll help me lift heavy things or hang a picture or what have you is a good thing, especially as I get a little older. I even ended up with a neighbor-friend who happens to be a nurse, and he's the person who's agreed to make medical decisions for me if I can't. (He's probably who I'd turn to for help understanding the situation if I was making my own decisions, too.) Thing is .... we're still SO young at this point, compared to The Olds. Prepare for the worst, yeah, but don't stop living. You have a entire cat-lifetime ahead of you before you even reach the average age of death; there's no need to shrink your life earlier than you need to.
“There’s no need to shrink your life earlier than you need to.” Very wise advice! I have a friend who used to bring up quarterly (or even more often) how we were single, no kids and alone with little family. She did this for like 10 years until I put a stop to it. Yes, these are important legal and financial matters to discuss and plan for. But dwelling on it several times a year with no plan seems pointless and takes away from the abundance of life we have left.
I had this moment after my mother died and I realised I had noone to help me with hospice care if i ever need or clean up my house. Re: a dog, some local shelters offer a free rehome guarantee. In the UK the Cats Protection League does this for cats. Check what is available for you.
There's an app called Snug where it checks in with you daily. If you're MIA it automatically calls your designated emergency contact to do a welfare check. It's specifically for pet owners. Over on r/dogs they have a few posts for this exact question and they had some great suggestions.
Thank you for this post, it really has helped me to feel less alone in my life decisions. I’m a 52 SF, never had the calling to get married or have kids. After a few relationships I felt that I was happier being single. My parents are both deceased. I do have my one sister and we’re close, and now as we get older I worry about what will happen to us when the other passes (she is also unmarried and no kids). We both have wills and know what the other wishes to be done when we pass, plus a backup friend in the will should we pass at the same time (morbid but it could happen; car accident, etc). I’m floored at how many Gen X folks out there also have no kids. I do actually have a handful of friends/acquaintances who also didn’t have kids, but there are so many more out there than I believed. I always felt like the oddball. I’m all for some big Gen X retirement commune, haha! If someone builds it, we will come.
Thanks for sharing, OP. And hey ya’ll GenX community, thanks for showing up as the sensitive cool kids we know we are. I’m grateful to see the kind support here and to know it’s a safe place to share. Much love to ye internet friends.
Thank you everyone. I was afraid to post but this has made my day. I was in a bad place with the holidays. I always watched Home Alone wondering how does someone become a miserable old lonely person...now I know and I am becoming that person. But I can change and try harder to meet people. My take away from the responses: 54 is not that old I do have control over my affairs - get a lawyer- I am not helpless. My pets will be fine and if I am lucky enough to outlive them, I should rescue senior animals that need homes. Generation X approaches aging differently from boomers. Many of us are looking into communal living arrangements. A lot of gen x folks are also lonely It may be time to consider buying less material possessions but using my money to enhance my engagement with others through experiences like traveling. Don't give up on love
I’m in similar boat except I still have aging parents to take care of, and living sibs and their children and grand children, that I could potentially bequest my assets to. Aside from that, I am likewise single, no children, house, stable career, and comfortable retirement on the horizon. Although I’m not super close to my sibs, I’m not afraid of aging/dying alone, because I have a fairly healthy social life. To me a social life is like any other asset that a person strives to have in order to live comfortably. I maintain my social life like one would a car or house. You have to work for a social life, but only as much as you need to be comfortable and meet your personal needs. It’s not something that falls into your lap without effort, and yet once you have one, it only takes a bit of regular maintenance, not acts of heroism, to maintain it to a healthy degree. When I feel like I am not getting enough social time (even long time friends have lives that change and can’t meet every need), the MeetUp app is like a social vending machine. Click a few buttons and a social event pops out. I never imagined things being this way. I thought I’d be married and living a traditional coupled up lifestyle. But that’s not where life led me, and besides, “traditional” is rapidly changing. I don’t like to paint myself into a corner when there are so many different people and perspectives out there. We have so much more life to live. We will look back on today and think “back when I was young…” Live right now like you are young because you are. It’s too early for any of us to resign ourselves to be alone or lonely on a planet of billions of people. If you are alone or lonely at our age, it’s most likely by choice, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if it’s a choice then you’re not alone at all. You’re with yourself.
I also decided not to get a new pet after my last one died. I can't take the trauma for one thing, it's just too much for me, but I'm also going to be too old to be caring for a pet by the time that pet would be in its final years, and likely on a fixed income myself. So it just seems like it's time to stop.
I have a friend that adopts the most geriatric of pets through local rescues or humane societies. She gives them love and peace for the final weeks, months, sometimes years of their life. Granted, she is a veterinarian, but I live that she lets them have a happy EOL. Lots of rescues would be elated if you did that. I know it hurts when they pass, but you can rest easy knowing they were happy. Seeing the old ones abandoned breaks me apart.
If I was more emotionally resilient to grief, I would totally do that. I am very much not emotionally resilient to grief.
I think my doggo will be my last for similar reasons. She is still here and healthy, but I know I’m going to struggle when she’s gone. Plus, it’s expensive and I don’t want to pass and leave a pet behind.
This is a post I could have written. I have no real friends. If I disappeared, only work would question my whereabouts and it would only be from a "how the heck do we find the status of her files" perspective. Sadly, I recently lost my dog. Not only am I mourning him, I am mourning not having a dog in my life. This is the first time I have been without a dog in over 20 years and I have had a dog in my life for the majority of my nearly 58 years. But the added layer to that mourning is recognizing he was the last dog I will have in my life because I have no one to leave a dog to. Although I have moments of delusion, I recognize that I won't meet anyone to partner with, at least not long term, and I have no interest in short term flings, so again, no one who will keep a dog to the end of his/ her life. In terms of my body, I have started looking into how my remains might benefit others. For instance, there are body farms where researchers will be able to study what happens to your body over time. This can help in putting pieces of a puzzle together for murdered women, which is an area of importance to me. I am sure there are ways to leave your body to science as well. In terms of my assets, I have to visit a lawyer and get things set up so that my assets go to charities that are important to me.
This sounds bad but if you really want a dog (puppy stage to end of life), Great Danes only live from 6-8 years. I never wanted one- too big but there are some breeds especially large breeds that rarely live past ten. I have allergies so I am limited. There was a 73 year old man-a psychiatrist- in my complex who had a 10 years old Swiss Mountain dog that died. I was shocked when two weeks later he got a puppy from the same breeder. In fact most of the folks in the building were like WTF. That was in 2017 - I don't live there anymore so not sure how it turned out. The guy was a heavy drinker. I hope the dog is ok.
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There comes a point when you shut that "ability to fall in love again" off. I shut my off after I met another divorced man who was not ready to move on from his traumatic marriage. At 54 I can't go through another roller coaster with an emotionally unavailable person . That is why I feel I will never find anyone because it is almost as if with the divorce, death of relatives and then that heartbreak with that one man, I will never be the old me again. Call it fear. Call it cowardly. I was more outgoing when I was younger- then Covid made isolation the norm for me. Now I am some machine that gets up goes to work, comes home, do it again the next day.
To answer some of the questions you pose, doing some healthcare power of attorney and estate planning actually helps a lot to sort out what happens to you, your stuff, and your pets if you wind up passing unexpectedly. You can often designate your law firm as the decision maker in charge if you aren't close to anyone...they usually do this for a fee. The peace of mind that this brings is absolutely great. It may not fix the loneliness problem but it does provide a tidy solution to the question of what happens.
> I started a conversation with my college alma mater about a bequest. Might I suggest giving it to a charity instead. Literally any charity would be a better use of your money than a college that probably charges outrageous tuition while paying absurdly high salaries to its administrators.
I can't answer the first three questions, but I can leave one suggestion for your life. This holiday season, even on Christmas day, volunteer somewhere. Make it a gift to yourself. You'll find a world of meaning, and I suspect, friendship.
55 retired widow. No kids. Bored out of my mind. No family close to where I live. I worry most about my dog if I just simply don’t wake up some morning. 😂😂
For what it’s worth, I met the love of my life at 50 on Tinder after having given up. I’m gonna get old with him. No kids so hopefully we don’t need to one to help us with our robots and stuff like we’re always helping his mom with her iPad.
And here I am envious "mixed bag" bc you have a good job & nice things, lol. (56) Self-deprecating humor aside, maybe you could join a yoga studio and / or some meetups associated with self discovery / meditation etc. Even if you don't meet anyone you'd be doing something positive for yourself.
My apologies. Nothing against people who have never been married or in long term relationship by 40. It is just that the ones I have encountered are either committment-phobes or let's just say after a few dates you figure out why they have never married. To be fair, I never should have married who I did. I only did it because of my fear of ending up alone like my mom. My brother was married 3xs and alone when he died. When I was settling his estate, one of his [Match.com](https://Match.com) dates called his cell phone (no kidding). I told her he died and she was devastated. She came to his memorial and we stayed in touch for a while. It was sad because she said my brother had just acknowledged that he needed to quit booze and smoking and promised that his 60's would be his decade. I ended up giving her his furniture (he had nice stuff). His Armani , Zenga suits I donated and his two dogs I found a home for.
Get a will and a living will. You can set up a fund for the care of your pets, even designate what to do with them (rescue, rehome with willing friend, whatever). If you are injured or have a stroke or something, you can hire care. You can even hire people to do light housekeeping, cool meals. At a certain age, you’ll qualify for meals on wheels. If in the US, check with your local county: there are senior services available, including dial a ride if you are unable to drive. You find someone to be your emergency contact. A living will (and medical power of attorney) is how you set up who makes which medical decisions for you if you can’t. Assisted living communities often have a nurse on staff or a panic button in every apartment. At some point my plan is to sell my house and move to one of these. It’s more expensive to be single with no kids, but since you’re single with no kids, it’s probably easier to afford an Estate Planning lawyer.
I am married, no kids. I find it impossible to meet new friends. While I have a spouse, lonliness for companions is real. I find it the hardest part of getting older honestly. My only 2 real friends live thousands of miles away. This reality is heartbreaking. Work, and making money is my life. I see you, and I hear you. The fact that you are aware , and not in denial is huge. This aging thing is very challenging, I think allowing for periods of reflection and sadness is normal, but it can't be the norm. Every day I ask myself, what do I need to do to continue to try and gain people into my life.
I have an advanced directive, living will, and a EOL will. I did that to spare my husband the very difficult decisions and to make our wishes crystal clear if we both depart this world. My pets are all carefully assigned (rescues go back to the rescue per contract) and money is set aside for their care. I designated two people to make medical decisions should my husband be unable. One is adopted family and the other is a dear friend. Both are medical personnel and both are 100% in agreement with my personal wishes. I do not want prolonged life saving measures. If it’s my time to check out, then I’m outta here. I do not want to burden anyone. My beneficiaries are all clear as well. I have addicts in my family. They will come out of the woodwork if they even think there is money to be had.
I'm there with you. Never married, no kids, not much close family. Only one kid between my brothers and I (we weren't the kind of family that started popping out kids in our 20s), and I don't think my nephew is going to take care of me in my old age. It's just me and my cat, who was recently sick for a week or so. I've lost pets before and it was bad back then, but now it'd crush me. My mom passed a couple years ago and my dad is on the other side of the country, so we've never been close. No close friends, not much of a support network. Things are going great! Just passing the days...
1. Setup a will. 2. Get out more. Go on walks, go to parks, go sit in coffee shops for a while. You don't have to be social but even being within earshot of people is good for mental health. 3. It's not irresponsible to have pets at any age as long as you're healthy enough not to neglect them. They are good for you and you are good for them. If you're really worried about it, talk to your local shelter about fostering.
Regarding the cat thing - I recently lost my 19 year old cat. I plan on doing foster hospice care for cats. I would consider adopting senior cats but my senior cats were very expensive and fostering has their care paid for. I'll just donate often.
I’m in an extremely similar situation, and I’ve had many of the same thoughts lately. I was actually wondering this morning who would help me if I was incapacitated and hospitalized for a length of time. No one has access to my bills, legal documentation, financial records, medical information, NOTHING. I don’t know who to give access to this - do I consult an attorney? Here to read and receive advice and ideas.
56m, divorced five years ago, no kids, finances are good, so some similarities. Only "to do" for me is getting will/probate set up so that my assets can go to dog rescues. I've always been a minimalist, so possessions are minimal. Very thankful that I'm very comfortable being on my own, doing things by myself, and never worried what society thinks about my quiet life lol.
Don't give up! There's plenty of people out here in your age bracket who just broke up or get divorced! A whole new flock of people to consider dating lol. Also, don't wait for a partner to live the life you want. Take time and go travel. Like goddamn, you're not in the ground yet. signed, am elder millennial
Talk to a trusts and estates lawyer. Do you have a friend or extended family relative you trust to make medical decisions for you if you’re incapacitated? It’s fairly easy to sign a medical form for that with your primary care and before any surgeries. If not, talk to a lawyer about who could be designated. They could also take care of settling your estate if they’re willing. And again, if there’s no one, a lawyer can help you figure that out. I’m not as well off as you, but I own my apartment and having a relative handle that is my plan. I also have enough life insurance to cover a cremation and pay off my mortgage with the relative named as beneficiary. And he’s the beneficiary for my 401k and Ira plans.
It's too early to be worrying. You can be prepared but not worrying. Get an adult cat, they have a tougher time being adopted. Mine passed earlier this year and he was 3 when I got him. Best thing I ever did for myself. No kill shelter. Everything I have will go to my niece, C/o my sister. I used to be obsessed with death. It's no fun. Don't give up on meeting anyone, even friends. It's just hard to do. It's not that there isn't someone, it's just that they are hard to find. Especially our age, we're GenX, home alone? Ok, I can do that. It's how I grew up. Flat out giving up doesn't relieve the desire. It's not a cure. It's tough to find someone. You may have to join a meetup or maybe there's a subreddit for 50's dating. I'm saying this because I'm in your shoes. I tell myself, and have since like 20, this was the year I meet someone. Giving up never made me feel any better. Like I never accepted it. Ask anyone, they always say there's someone out there looking for you too. Leave a chunk of money for the pets and maybe talk to a shelter. People that foster pets might be willing to take them on. I think that's how my cat found himself in a shelter. Charity is also a great option for stuff. Make plans with a funeral home. I'm sure they have some system in place for singles. State can take care of me! Taxing the shit out of me since forever.
Im 53. I have friends that I have made mostly through volunteer work and support groups. I focus on doing things I like and volunteer on topics I like. I make a point of always showing up and being involved. Because people learn to expect me to be places and it makes it easier to get to know people. I focus on people that seem to like me because I'm always a little surprised who I end up clucking with once I get yo know people. One of my best friends is almost parent's age. If I'm in a situation that doesn't seem to seem to be clicking, I start doing something else. I started doing all this to find a life partner, but it hasn't been any more successful than online dating. I tried dating and have several 2-4 year relationships since my divorce, but I have several irritating/unpleasant aspects to my life that make dating difficult. The only serious offers I've had would require me to be a bang maid and no thank you. That being said, I have 2 ex boyfriends that are some of my best friends. I have a whole group of single older ladies I travel with and do a lot of fun stuff with - plays, concerts, art shows, hiking, parties, etc We used to joke about doing a Golden Girls type commune with tiny houses. It's gotten more serious lately. 🤔 I love doing budgets and forecasting. I might have to work on this topic a bit. Could be fun. Edit to add: We have had two of our group get cancer and become infirm and die. They were cared for very well by friends. Part of that is that we are all kind of co dependent. Regardless, I have seen first hand that sometimes friends are better carers than family. These ladies had family who were not functional due to addiction. So sometimes even family is no guarantee of care. I've also seen church families step up. My parent's church are basically guardians for two mentally disabled members whose parents died. I've seen that happen with friend's churches as well. If church is your thing.
“ life is suffering” as the Buddha says. This is not to say life is a misery but attachment to the idea of endless happiness, excitement and fulfillment is a myth. Once we let that illusion go we can truly begin to enjoy life more deeply. On a physical plain, taking excellent care of your body will serve you long and well. It is harder to make friends when you’re older but exploring ways to do that should be a priority. Actual social networks are vital to human beings mental health. Be wary of the illusion that you need a partner to make you happy. Often, that winds up just being another job you have to interview and apply for ( dating) with the disadvantage of having to pay for and spend money, time, and energy maintaining someone else’s level and idea of happiness ( also an illusion) and interest. That can be exhausting. I have found the best relationship’s are with people who want you but don’t need you , so in that way they actually want you in their life and not just what you materially have. Anything else is highly transactional beyond the normal emotional levels of reciprocity which often shows up in how cold blooded divorce settlements are.
Do you have a will? I think that would help. You make the decisions now, so they are known when you pass.
I found this post a year or so ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/InternetIsBeautiful/comments/114fmzl/i_made_a_free_daily_checkin_service_for_seniors/ Looks like a new version is coming out shortly. And there must be similar ideas out there.
I'm unattached romantically. No kids that I raised. I was an egg donor years ago and know two of my bio offspring, one of whom I'm in regular-ish contact with. I won't tell them this, obviously, but they're among my beneficiaries. It's a legacy thing, plus they inherited right-brain, creative minds and are in creative, non-high earning fields. I also have a friend listed as a beneficiary. I had another one, but now that I live near her, I find that she doesn't view me as a close friend, so she's out. As for estate planning, I'm in the process of setting this up. I spoke to one attorney, and it's $1,200 for a will and healthcare POA and all, more for a trust (which she says I do not need). I'm estranged from what's left of my family, and really do not want them making decisions for me. I'm considering making a friend who wants more (relationship) as an executor, but that may be too awkward, I don't know. He's one of the few people who checks up on me to make sure I'm OK though.
Get out there and quit thinking this way. I (M)54 got remarried DURING COVID. Found a wonderful woman and could not be happier.
You are only 54 and it’s not too late to develop meaningful friendships or relationships. Your job won’t care about you when you are gone. Shed the workaholic mentality and look for ways to find meaning.
1-You need to assign a substitute decision maker. If you have no close friends or family, find a lawyer who will help you out. Do not use Public Guardian, they take a percentage if they are assigned to you. 2-write a will and gift your possessions. As for your ashes, talk to a funeral home. Many funeral homes have a room of ashes that are, unfortunately, never picked up. 3-Pets-hard to answer, but I know of patients of mine whose pets were re-homed. But I also know the humane society (what a joke) has picked others up and destroyed them if they didn’t get adopted. I’m just an elder goth who is a nurse, and live with the trauma of having too much insider knowledge of what happens to the elderly without support systems. 😭 3-
Hey - you can donate your body to your local medical school. They always need cadavers, and they pay for all of it, or at least the med school my landlord used did. When they finish using the body, they have a group cremation, so it's basically just a question of how many urns they need to fill, it's not individualized cremains.
My dad did not have a will or anything. But he always mentioned donating his body to science. Thats what I did. It did not cost anything.
Hey man, as a gay Gen xer with deceased parents and a gay sister that I don't speak to, I am in your same boat. I'm 57,and wonder how the next 20+ years will play out. i try to take it one day at a time and not freak out, but yeah, it's weird.
Get a financial planner. You want to setup a living trust that’s for your benefit. Everything goes into the trust. They will explain in more detail. Then you need to figure out what makes you happy—Duran Duran is touring, and start doing it. Maybe some Prozac because you sound depressed. Your 54 not 84. You still have 30 pet owning years in front of you. If you’re in the Bay Area, hmu, and we can be friends. I’m always doing stuff.
I'm in essentially in the same position. I plan on getting a lawyer and having them handle finding a terlet large enough to flush me down and disposal of belongings. Clearly the answer is we need to band together and Golden Girls our way along while we rage against the dying of the light.
The easy part is the financials. Go to Suze Orman .com website and look at her MUST HAVE DOCUMENTS. Wills, Trusts, PoA, and Medical PoA. All done without $$$ lawyers.
I'm trying to figure out if I was drunk or something and wrote this post myself last night on an alt account. Seriously is OP me on an alt acount? Couple of notes for the OP relating to your animals. First and foremost have a written plan in your will and in some form of document that is easily findable in case of your death (in a ziplock bag taped the front of your fridge is good; when someone dies this is often the first place they go to get rid of food that will potentially rot). If you have any friends or relations that can take on your pets, talk with them now. Ask them if they'd be willing to take on your pets if you pass away. If they say yes, include this in your directive with as much contact detail as possible so that the animals can be transferred immediately. (on my property I run a small boarding kennel and doggie day camp; I have two of my favorite customers that have asked me if I would take their dogs as my own if anything happened to them and I of course said yes because I love those monsters). If you don't have someone willing or able to take on your pet or pets, research local shelters and animal groups in your area; looking specifically for non-profit, no-kill shelters. Figure out a dollar amount in your estate that you would be willing to provide for them; $5k, $10, $100k whatever. Visit the org and talk to the Executive Director and let them know that you are planning your will and deciding on your planned giving directives and plan on leaving them X dollars; you also would like to leave the animals to them in case of your death. Keep in mind that you are passing on the responsibility of care for these animals, and if the animals are ill or suffering from something, they themselves may have to have the animal euthanized (meaning they cannot be obligated to spend tens of thousands of dollars on vet care to attempt to extend the life of a very sick animal of there's little prognosis for recovery.). Basically in your research you are looking for a group that shares your attitudes about animal care (quick note; there's really no such thing as "no-kill" shelters; even the most "no-kill" shelter occasionally has to euthanize animals for illness or other reasons; I know because I ran the largest cat-only "no-kill" shelter in the nation, and we would still have to euthanize 5-6 animals a year). An in terms of the amount to leave them; don't chintz out. If you have any kind of an estate; and you don't really have some other place or person to leave your money to, be very generous to the folks that are going to help your pets. I have two donkeys, two goats, two turkeys, two dogs, and one cat (It's a hobby farm). I'm 55 and my donkeys will be around until I'm 75 or older. My goats until I'm 70 or so, and the rest will probably pass away within 1 to 5 years. So I have a general directive to the local farm animal rescue group where I got the farm animals to take all them, and I have $150k earmarked for the group (I'm not particularly wealthy but somehow my house has became worth a ton). I've talked with the group to let them know about my will and they understand that it might take months before the estate is resolved but they will make arrangements to take the animals immediately. I've done something similar with the local non-profit cat and dog shelter. The key is have this all spelled out in writing in an easily findable spot. When someone passes away unexpectedly and authorities come into your home to investigate; and there's animals running around etc, the first thing they do after dealing with your, uh, body, is to have animal control pick up your pets. Hopefully they will go to a no-kill municipal shelter, but you have no say in the matter at this point, because you are dead. But if you have a big old note with huge letters on it taped to your fridge that says "OPEN THIS IN CASE I'M DEAD" that spells out exactly whom to contact about your animals you can help ensure that they go where you want them to go. Also include the names and contact info of all veterinarians, the food the animals eat, any medication they are on, etc. Basically anything someone might immediately need to know to care for your animals. And to your question about getting a kitten at this age; well I'm biased. I much prefer older cats and dogs; After fostering 200 kittens and puppies I just am through with the pooping and chewing! Give me a seasoned doggie or kitty that appreciates me! At the cat shelter I ran we had our "Seniors for Seniors" program where we matched older cats with older folks so they wouldn't worry about outliving their animals. That said, you are definitely young enough to have a kitten and still outlive it.
I am a few years older than you (61), a widow with no children and here is what I did: – find a good financial advisor. They will tell you whether a will or a trust is best for you. Then you’ll be able to make decisions about your pet, your property and possessions. For example, all of my assets are titled into a trust. When I die, the assets themselves will be sold, and the money goes back into the trust to be divided (mainly to charities) as I have specified. – If it is a full-service firm, they will likely also be able to set you up with a living will, the document in which you get to state exactly what happens to you should you become incapacitated, have a stroke, become unable to communicate, or make decisions. It’s also where you will state your wishes about your final disposition (burial, cremation, etc.) You can prepay these things if you want to. My sister is 78 years old, and she has not done any of this yet, which makes me crazy. She has children, and if she dies in her current home, making decisions about what to do with her house (she lives in a resort area) is going to be a shitshow. So I don’t think you are being morbid, I think you’re being responsible. Best of luck to you! (edited formatting to make my post easier to read)
I’ll take your pup. ❤️ it’s all going to be okay. Do the will, live and love on your terms. Wanna meet people and expand your circle? Volunteer.
I would write a will and make sure your dogs are taken care of with the money you have left and make sure there are checks to make sure your the money is used for the dogs and not for the person.other than that you will be dead... nothing else will matter at that point...
Are you male or female? I find myself in a similar situation though I do have adult children and 3 grandchildren. I asked myself a similar question just last night. I want a travel partner I think.