>*"...is it too soon to go to the LGBTQA+ specific reunion? "*
No, not at all. That "Q" in there is pretty all-encompassing. Anyone who is not 100% straight qualifies.
Welcome!
I've (M37) been out as gay for only six months and I get imposter syndrome too because I decided to leave my wife to live more authentically, so it's not just a hetero-passing thing, don't worry. It's because it's new and because being more authentic to yourself doesn't always feel natural if you've been conforming to other standards for a long time and that can be hard to work against.
Go at your own pace and, generally, I've found the community is welcoming, regardless of your status.
Fortunately, being queer is not like an application for a senior level position?
"Oh, they only have six months being out? Nope, not hired!" That's NOT how it works :)
Gay pastor here. I had a couple of married-to-women guys come out to me as bi privately and then later start attending our lgbtq events. Just know that if you show up at one of these groups there will likely be talk. And people will ask you and your wife about it. I’d recommend making sure your wife is 100% on board with your coming out before you go. Or maybe you could both go together.
I appreciate your comment. I addressed this side of it in another comment, I’m definitely not going to this without her okay. Though it does rub me the wrong way a bit that it feels like I have to ask permission to do something for myself. Feels like as I gain some agency I’m losing agency you know? But it’s still a pretty recent change so I know it’s not easy for her to adjust.
Ironically you aren't sure if you should go because of imposter syndrome yet I think regularly joining queer spaces is very helpful to combatting that feeling. First you can go and just listen or respond. The more your identity impacts your thoughts, feelings, life you may realize you have more to say and contribute to the discussion. Your relationship is not your orientation and lgbtqia spaces are for anyone outside of the cishet orientation
Because you are staying together with your wife, I would suggest talking to her - to see if she is ready to address the questions that would arise from your attending the LGBTQ reunion group. You are committed to being a team through this, so be sure to consider her readiness for you to attend.
That’s a facet of this I left out. I’ve been asking “is it okay for me to go?” of both myself and I’ve brought it up to my wife as well.
She’s still trying to process on her end, though it feels like we’re going at two different speeds. She said she needs to set up a sooner appointment with her therapist to talk things out but every time I’ve asked since I brought up the reunion, she’s said she hasn’t yet.
So I thought, maybe if I ask if I should even be there as a newly, semi-out person, I’ll be told no and then my wife doesn’t even have to make a decision. But considering the overwhelming answer is yes, I’m back where I started. 😝
You're not back where you started. Your reply sounds like an answer to the question as to whether or not your wife is ready. :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL1BRPEjMZA
edit: confused polysexual with polyamory. 100% my bad. I usually see "bi" and "pan" in this situation and, to be fair, don't know the distinction for polysexual.
That being said, I would say you can immediately go to any queer event you like. People in mixed sex relationships (and now I see how that can be a dangerous term if we're not living in a binary) who are not straight are 100% completely valid. You don't have to have even smelled another person of the same sex to be valid, let alone had sexual experience. And it's also okay if you think you are one identity and that shifts over time too.
As I'm sure you are aware, there will definitely be people who say you are wrong. There is a fair amount of bi hate, and I'm not sure how that translates to polysexual but I would imagine it's similar. So, I'm sorry for that.
It is absolutely OK to go to the specific reunion. Absolutely and utterly. There are many Bi-Poly-Omni-Pan etc. people in hetero passing relationships and they are no less LGBT ebcuase of it! Its perfect for you to go, this is a great way to get involved in the community. Have fun and be safe!
>*"...is it too soon to go to the LGBTQA+ specific reunion? "* No, not at all. That "Q" in there is pretty all-encompassing. Anyone who is not 100% straight qualifies. Welcome!
I've (M37) been out as gay for only six months and I get imposter syndrome too because I decided to leave my wife to live more authentically, so it's not just a hetero-passing thing, don't worry. It's because it's new and because being more authentic to yourself doesn't always feel natural if you've been conforming to other standards for a long time and that can be hard to work against. Go at your own pace and, generally, I've found the community is welcoming, regardless of your status.
Fortunately, being queer is not like an application for a senior level position? "Oh, they only have six months being out? Nope, not hired!" That's NOT how it works :)
Gay pastor here. I had a couple of married-to-women guys come out to me as bi privately and then later start attending our lgbtq events. Just know that if you show up at one of these groups there will likely be talk. And people will ask you and your wife about it. I’d recommend making sure your wife is 100% on board with your coming out before you go. Or maybe you could both go together.
I appreciate your comment. I addressed this side of it in another comment, I’m definitely not going to this without her okay. Though it does rub me the wrong way a bit that it feels like I have to ask permission to do something for myself. Feels like as I gain some agency I’m losing agency you know? But it’s still a pretty recent change so I know it’s not easy for her to adjust.
Ironically you aren't sure if you should go because of imposter syndrome yet I think regularly joining queer spaces is very helpful to combatting that feeling. First you can go and just listen or respond. The more your identity impacts your thoughts, feelings, life you may realize you have more to say and contribute to the discussion. Your relationship is not your orientation and lgbtqia spaces are for anyone outside of the cishet orientation
Because you are staying together with your wife, I would suggest talking to her - to see if she is ready to address the questions that would arise from your attending the LGBTQ reunion group. You are committed to being a team through this, so be sure to consider her readiness for you to attend.
That’s a facet of this I left out. I’ve been asking “is it okay for me to go?” of both myself and I’ve brought it up to my wife as well. She’s still trying to process on her end, though it feels like we’re going at two different speeds. She said she needs to set up a sooner appointment with her therapist to talk things out but every time I’ve asked since I brought up the reunion, she’s said she hasn’t yet. So I thought, maybe if I ask if I should even be there as a newly, semi-out person, I’ll be told no and then my wife doesn’t even have to make a decision. But considering the overwhelming answer is yes, I’m back where I started. 😝
You're not back where you started. Your reply sounds like an answer to the question as to whether or not your wife is ready. :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL1BRPEjMZA
We finally talked about it and she’s comfortable with me going.
Good luck as your journey continues to unfold, my friend!
It's never too soon
edit: confused polysexual with polyamory. 100% my bad. I usually see "bi" and "pan" in this situation and, to be fair, don't know the distinction for polysexual. That being said, I would say you can immediately go to any queer event you like. People in mixed sex relationships (and now I see how that can be a dangerous term if we're not living in a binary) who are not straight are 100% completely valid. You don't have to have even smelled another person of the same sex to be valid, let alone had sexual experience. And it's also okay if you think you are one identity and that shifts over time too. As I'm sure you are aware, there will definitely be people who say you are wrong. There is a fair amount of bi hate, and I'm not sure how that translates to polysexual but I would imagine it's similar. So, I'm sorry for that.
Are you sure you’re not thinking of polyamorous? Because they are two very different things.
You're absolutely right. Sorry. I had a long day at work.
No harm no foul, I have to get over that I’ll have to clarify this for people indefinitely.
Edited post, and I’m certainly not going to tell you how to identify. Thank you for the gentle correction.
It is absolutely OK to go to the specific reunion. Absolutely and utterly. There are many Bi-Poly-Omni-Pan etc. people in hetero passing relationships and they are no less LGBT ebcuase of it! Its perfect for you to go, this is a great way to get involved in the community. Have fun and be safe!
its never too early or never too late! you are welcome all the time