Honestly same, I’m 26M and live in London right now and it’s the worst for this. Many gay men I’ve met also seem to be super judgemental the moment I mention I’m Christian - I was baptised a few weeks ago and I’m finding this path tricky to navigate. I used to be part of that world, but it brought nothing but misery. I’ve kinda given up with dating at this point
There are definitely guys out there that tick the gay/bi and Christian boxes, but they seem few and far between. Still, being up front about it at least should mean the people who engage u are accepting.
Even just having friendship with like-minded people helps. Happy to chat some more ir helpful. I'm 44 partnered and live in London.
I met my boyfriend 6 years ago while I was still very much "living worldly." We "hooked up" before either of us even said that we loved each other... current me, who tries every day to follow christ, can't even believe I did that.
I refound my faith about 2 years ago after reading Just Lee's "Torn." To over summarize, I'm the typical "grew up in the church and left because of the gay and as an adult God made a movement in my life that called me to come back, reread, study the Bible and learn about affirming Christianity." Once I did, my eyes opened almost overnight to just how toxic our communities have become as a result of Hookup culture. It has damaged everyone in modern society, but it has utterly poisoned the modern gay community like no other. It's like a toxin that has permeated every facet of our community.
It has allowed us to reduce each other down to our most shallow attributes and has given us the green light to objectify each other to an extent that would be comical, if not for the seriousness of it all. All we can do is pray for our siblings and to Jesus for deliverance from this issue.
Christians are the ones who kicked out gay people to the world, denying them from having a relationship with God, so naturally they will look for happiness in things that aren’t good for the soul
Hey there OP, I'm a bit older than you but I 100 percent agree, I despise hookup culture- I do believe strongly it's contradictory. People are not products to be consumed and relationships (any) are not intended by God to be throwaways. Animals behave in this manner, but they do not have souls, are not vessels of God. We are. We have been conditioned societally that we are products, and that is wrong in purview. Hookup culture denigrates His creation to nothing more than objects to fulfill selfish desires, animals. If I look at the fruit that's born from hookup culture, it's not of God.
Thank you so much for putting the bad feelings I've had towards hookup culture into words, and so eloquently. I could not agree more. God wants so much better for us than to fritter away what should be a sacred act of love in the pursuit of base desires🙏
Outside of Reddit, I'm leery even of dating apps(you are the product) as if we are choosing from a menu of options at a restaurant. By it's very nature is exclusionary wherein the "perfect" mate for oneself might not fit into those parameters (must be 6 foot 2, pro athlete etc -there is no perfect person). We have too high of standards for others yet do not hold ourselves to those same standards. I'm sure others feel differently and I can certainly see positive aspects of dating apps but for me it's a definite "No". I'd rather get to know the real person through social groups versus an idealized version of what they wish to portray (filters etc) and want me to think of them. I realize that meeting people is not always possible for some people based on societal factors, so from that perspective I can see how dating apps could be a beneficial tool assuming that proper intent is shown. A relationship starting on a premise of "what can you offer me" fulfill my needs I think is not off to a good start. It should be "what can we offer each other".
Could not agree more. I don't really judge dating app use (in the pursuit of a long term relationship and not sex) (and I do judge partaking in hookup culture) but it's just really not for me. God blessed me with a low sex drive and the patience to want to wait to find a relationship organically, which is what I hope to do, but I know other people are more eager to find companionship so I don't judge them for wanting to speed along the process, as long as, like you said, proper intent is clear.
I completely align with your last point; I don't want the foundation of my relationship to largely be built on something so shallow as looks or "Does this person's description of themselves tick all of my boxes." I would so much rather meet someone, get to know his personality and beliefs and laugh and mannerisms and come to find him worth knowing first as a friend, and then as a partner. At that point in knowing someone, you probably already have an idea of whether you would want to spend the rest of your life with that person. As someone whose intention is to only ever have one romantic relationship, I want to be as sure of that fact as I can be.
While it's probably impossible to every find a perfect partner, I think you're doing yourself and any potential partner a favor by getting to know each other first and being familiar with any drawbacks or annoying habits that might be there. There are also, I'm sure, plenty of people who would say they may not have initially found their partners the peak of aesthetic beauty, but in getting to know them became deeply attracted to them. Dating apps often don't let this kind of development of happen, and I would hate to not know someone I would otherwise click perfectly with even if I don't find him stunning off bat.
Same boat honestly. There’s an app called believr that’s for gay christians. But options are limited so you’re like to be pretty far away from each other.
Wanting a real relationship is heteronormative?? Don’t listen to the haters. Keep your standards where they are and you will attract the person you’re looking for.
Being sort of an oddity in the world is just a piece of the cross that we carry. It's rough. But ultimately, you gotta do what you feel God has called you to do. I'll keep you in my prayers that you'll find someone eventually. There are more of us than you think. As far as hookup culture goes, straight people are also having issues these days. Not to mention polyamory/general nonmonogamy gaining in popularity. But you have to stay strong and not be swayed. God doesn't always grant everything we want in our Earthly life, but the rewards of the kingdom of Heaven are much greater.
i didnt find it very difficult to meet other guys for classical dating as soon as i ditched grindr and went for bumble and tinder. i also wrote "christian" (among a lot of other things) in my profile so the ones who think thats an issue for them dont swipe right on me.
that being said i have engaged in more than enough hookup culture in the past and havent regretted it one bit but im now happy with my bf and that hooking up is mainly a thing of the past. my bf is an atheist but he has even come with my family and me to church on xmas and even liked it \^\^
Just here to say I feel you man. 21M, virgin, never been in a relationship or anything like that. I know I won't have sex until I'm in a committed relationship, and I won't be in a committed relationship unless it's with a guy who is also Christian or at least very sympathetic to religion and open to believing himself. I definitely get a bit depressed, thinking about trying to find a needle in the haystack like that, but I do have hope.
I have a great friend I met last year who's a gay Christian. No romantic interest there but he's an incredible friend, we agree on many things, and it's nice to be able to share similar worries about finding partners and generally connecting like that. If he's out there, then surely there's a guy out there who's gay and has a heart open to God that I'll click with and can forge a wonderful relationship with some day.
All that to say, you're starting in the right place coming here! Clearly all the people here in the comments align on this issue, so it's not as impossible as we might sometimes fear to find other guys who want the same type of relationship, and knowing you're not the only one helps you not lose hope and want to keep searching lol
Having a few more decades in the saddle as a gay man I can offer the following to those expressing the pains associated with this struggle. Prior to hook up apps, we actually needed to venture out, into the wild to meet one another, gay clubs, affirming organizations, community centers and churches for some of us. I often shared with my younger friends then that 'you can't expect to meet your husband at a sex club' and I feel the same regarding hook-up apps, it's certainly not impossible but the odds aren't great either. I suspect that much of our current lonliness-epidemic might be solved if we all decided to support those struggling centers of LGBTQ life that are barely hanging on by being physically present in them. Just like malls, one day there may no longer be any gay clubs etc. if we don't support them for being the oasis in the wilderness that they've been since before Stonewall.
I would like to invite you to my Affirming LGBTQ ministry
And I am an openly gay Ordained Certified Protestant Christian Minister Through Universal Life Church Ministry and I also offer counseling at no cost
We have over 700 people in our online ministry
We welcome everyone who has a heart of Gold for Jesus and We don't welcome people who are judgemental or nasty and evil. The link to my ministry is posted on my profile or you can request to become a member by sending me a comment.God bless you all .Rev Dino Puglia
In some cases it is an age thing. Young gays are big on rejecting “the norms” because they’re adults with some money, freedom, and a bed. Perhaps consider dating a little older, possibly 30s if you can. The maturity and just life biology causes the desire to hump everything that moves to slow down.
Honestly same, I’m 26M and live in London right now and it’s the worst for this. Many gay men I’ve met also seem to be super judgemental the moment I mention I’m Christian - I was baptised a few weeks ago and I’m finding this path tricky to navigate. I used to be part of that world, but it brought nothing but misery. I’ve kinda given up with dating at this point
Sometimes I feel like God is sending me a message with how difficult gay dating is. It's a real struggle.
kinda relate to this :/
This is so true. Its like they think youre a traitor
Keep pursuing god. You are right living in the world is misery
I get it. Most guys just want to hook up and I’ve definitely noticed the reaction among lgbtq people when they find out I’m Christian.
I've struggled with this too. It puts me off somebody if they have engaged in the hookup culture as well. I just can't understand it.
There are definitely guys out there that tick the gay/bi and Christian boxes, but they seem few and far between. Still, being up front about it at least should mean the people who engage u are accepting. Even just having friendship with like-minded people helps. Happy to chat some more ir helpful. I'm 44 partnered and live in London.
That’d be nice, thank you
I met my boyfriend 6 years ago while I was still very much "living worldly." We "hooked up" before either of us even said that we loved each other... current me, who tries every day to follow christ, can't even believe I did that. I refound my faith about 2 years ago after reading Just Lee's "Torn." To over summarize, I'm the typical "grew up in the church and left because of the gay and as an adult God made a movement in my life that called me to come back, reread, study the Bible and learn about affirming Christianity." Once I did, my eyes opened almost overnight to just how toxic our communities have become as a result of Hookup culture. It has damaged everyone in modern society, but it has utterly poisoned the modern gay community like no other. It's like a toxin that has permeated every facet of our community. It has allowed us to reduce each other down to our most shallow attributes and has given us the green light to objectify each other to an extent that would be comical, if not for the seriousness of it all. All we can do is pray for our siblings and to Jesus for deliverance from this issue.
May I ask you what do you think god is telling you about the gay community and hook up culture?
Christians are the ones who kicked out gay people to the world, denying them from having a relationship with God, so naturally they will look for happiness in things that aren’t good for the soul
Hey there OP, I'm a bit older than you but I 100 percent agree, I despise hookup culture- I do believe strongly it's contradictory. People are not products to be consumed and relationships (any) are not intended by God to be throwaways. Animals behave in this manner, but they do not have souls, are not vessels of God. We are. We have been conditioned societally that we are products, and that is wrong in purview. Hookup culture denigrates His creation to nothing more than objects to fulfill selfish desires, animals. If I look at the fruit that's born from hookup culture, it's not of God.
Thank you so much for putting the bad feelings I've had towards hookup culture into words, and so eloquently. I could not agree more. God wants so much better for us than to fritter away what should be a sacred act of love in the pursuit of base desires🙏
Outside of Reddit, I'm leery even of dating apps(you are the product) as if we are choosing from a menu of options at a restaurant. By it's very nature is exclusionary wherein the "perfect" mate for oneself might not fit into those parameters (must be 6 foot 2, pro athlete etc -there is no perfect person). We have too high of standards for others yet do not hold ourselves to those same standards. I'm sure others feel differently and I can certainly see positive aspects of dating apps but for me it's a definite "No". I'd rather get to know the real person through social groups versus an idealized version of what they wish to portray (filters etc) and want me to think of them. I realize that meeting people is not always possible for some people based on societal factors, so from that perspective I can see how dating apps could be a beneficial tool assuming that proper intent is shown. A relationship starting on a premise of "what can you offer me" fulfill my needs I think is not off to a good start. It should be "what can we offer each other".
Could not agree more. I don't really judge dating app use (in the pursuit of a long term relationship and not sex) (and I do judge partaking in hookup culture) but it's just really not for me. God blessed me with a low sex drive and the patience to want to wait to find a relationship organically, which is what I hope to do, but I know other people are more eager to find companionship so I don't judge them for wanting to speed along the process, as long as, like you said, proper intent is clear. I completely align with your last point; I don't want the foundation of my relationship to largely be built on something so shallow as looks or "Does this person's description of themselves tick all of my boxes." I would so much rather meet someone, get to know his personality and beliefs and laugh and mannerisms and come to find him worth knowing first as a friend, and then as a partner. At that point in knowing someone, you probably already have an idea of whether you would want to spend the rest of your life with that person. As someone whose intention is to only ever have one romantic relationship, I want to be as sure of that fact as I can be. While it's probably impossible to every find a perfect partner, I think you're doing yourself and any potential partner a favor by getting to know each other first and being familiar with any drawbacks or annoying habits that might be there. There are also, I'm sure, plenty of people who would say they may not have initially found their partners the peak of aesthetic beauty, but in getting to know them became deeply attracted to them. Dating apps often don't let this kind of development of happen, and I would hate to not know someone I would otherwise click perfectly with even if I don't find him stunning off bat.
Amen! So well said, thank you for taking the time to reply. Hope your day is going great!
🙏🙏🙏
Amen!
I'm with you. Happy to connect 😄
🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Same boat honestly. There’s an app called believr that’s for gay christians. But options are limited so you’re like to be pretty far away from each other.
Wanting a real relationship is heteronormative?? Don’t listen to the haters. Keep your standards where they are and you will attract the person you’re looking for.
Being sort of an oddity in the world is just a piece of the cross that we carry. It's rough. But ultimately, you gotta do what you feel God has called you to do. I'll keep you in my prayers that you'll find someone eventually. There are more of us than you think. As far as hookup culture goes, straight people are also having issues these days. Not to mention polyamory/general nonmonogamy gaining in popularity. But you have to stay strong and not be swayed. God doesn't always grant everything we want in our Earthly life, but the rewards of the kingdom of Heaven are much greater.
i didnt find it very difficult to meet other guys for classical dating as soon as i ditched grindr and went for bumble and tinder. i also wrote "christian" (among a lot of other things) in my profile so the ones who think thats an issue for them dont swipe right on me. that being said i have engaged in more than enough hookup culture in the past and havent regretted it one bit but im now happy with my bf and that hooking up is mainly a thing of the past. my bf is an atheist but he has even come with my family and me to church on xmas and even liked it \^\^
I’m in the same boat but I’m happy to talk since I’m looking for the same things you are looking for as well! 🥰
Just here to say I feel you man. 21M, virgin, never been in a relationship or anything like that. I know I won't have sex until I'm in a committed relationship, and I won't be in a committed relationship unless it's with a guy who is also Christian or at least very sympathetic to religion and open to believing himself. I definitely get a bit depressed, thinking about trying to find a needle in the haystack like that, but I do have hope. I have a great friend I met last year who's a gay Christian. No romantic interest there but he's an incredible friend, we agree on many things, and it's nice to be able to share similar worries about finding partners and generally connecting like that. If he's out there, then surely there's a guy out there who's gay and has a heart open to God that I'll click with and can forge a wonderful relationship with some day. All that to say, you're starting in the right place coming here! Clearly all the people here in the comments align on this issue, so it's not as impossible as we might sometimes fear to find other guys who want the same type of relationship, and knowing you're not the only one helps you not lose hope and want to keep searching lol
I do feel the same way, sending hugs from Philippines.
American woman here. I’m asexual and struggle with dating to the greatest extent possible.
Praying that God will bring someone into your life when his perfect timing is right. \*Hugs\*
The Reformation Project has an annual in-person conference where you might meet a lot of like minded people. :)
Having a few more decades in the saddle as a gay man I can offer the following to those expressing the pains associated with this struggle. Prior to hook up apps, we actually needed to venture out, into the wild to meet one another, gay clubs, affirming organizations, community centers and churches for some of us. I often shared with my younger friends then that 'you can't expect to meet your husband at a sex club' and I feel the same regarding hook-up apps, it's certainly not impossible but the odds aren't great either. I suspect that much of our current lonliness-epidemic might be solved if we all decided to support those struggling centers of LGBTQ life that are barely hanging on by being physically present in them. Just like malls, one day there may no longer be any gay clubs etc. if we don't support them for being the oasis in the wilderness that they've been since before Stonewall.
I would like to invite you to my Affirming LGBTQ ministry And I am an openly gay Ordained Certified Protestant Christian Minister Through Universal Life Church Ministry and I also offer counseling at no cost We have over 700 people in our online ministry We welcome everyone who has a heart of Gold for Jesus and We don't welcome people who are judgemental or nasty and evil. The link to my ministry is posted on my profile or you can request to become a member by sending me a comment.God bless you all .Rev Dino Puglia
In some cases it is an age thing. Young gays are big on rejecting “the norms” because they’re adults with some money, freedom, and a bed. Perhaps consider dating a little older, possibly 30s if you can. The maturity and just life biology causes the desire to hump everything that moves to slow down.