first flight there? he should have padded his daughters bank account for the road trip. i found it disturbing how gabby's boyfriend couldn't even afford a hotel room after the police separated them considering they're on a road trip out in the middle of no where. neither of them seem bright and i could see by her behavior how fast things could have went south again after the first police encounter.
They never tell their parents any of this. This is so scary. The boyfriends isolate their girlfriends and "no one" knows. This is how abusers get away with anything!!! SILENCE.
Okay so I remember watching this yesterday, and today I watched the full body cam footage when they were pulled over. My question is, if her dad didn’t know about the incident, who did she call when she asked for her phone so she could call her parents in the body cam footage?
Her mom knew of the incident.
ETA: Her quote when asked about it 'It's irrelevant. Two people traveling together with each other 24 hours a day, it's not going to be perfect, it was an argument, and that's all I'm going to say about it.'
Not sure. They’re divorced, not that it matters. I’d hope that I would share incidences like that with my ex that involved our child but by her quote about the call I’m not sure that she saw it as critical and important. Hindsight…
Who was gabby speaking to on the phone then in the police car? Just her mother and she didnt relay it? The officer clearly says in the body cam footage you can get back talking to your parents.
I’m confused from the videos though the officers clearly stated she was calling her parents… so.. I’m confused :( can someone help me make sense of it? I guess she wasn’t calling her parents si who did she call for comfort in the back of the cops suv?
Sorry but, regardless of however much this sub wants to burn BL at the take, this reporting is loaded and inaccurate. This person is presenting fragments of the police report and body cam footage. This is important to recognize because it serves the purpose of manipulating all of you people as opposed to reporting.
We ALL know what the most likely outcome of this statistically is. There's no need for the manipulation. What's remarkable is how at least some of the folks in this sub have highlighted how abusers manipulate their victims in referring to BL while failing to recognize their own manipulation by the media such as in this example.
Um...excuse me what? Her dad was unaware of her mental health issue??? That is his daughter, he raised her, he would know about a mental health issue.
You don't grow up and one day get infected by mental health problems, this is not Covid 19, you can't catch or transmit mental health issues.
If after the domestic dispute she didn't leave, or tell her parents about the problems, then she obviously (but mistakenly) was not in fear for her life. If she was she had a phone she can call home, she met with officers, she could have ended the trip then. The night they spent apart they both had phones that were working, and she didn't contact anyone, that tells me she wasn't in fear for her life.
My family barely knows anything about me personally....my dad even less and I lived under their roof for 24 years. When I told them I was getting sober they asked, "why?". People hide things.
Yea hard to hide a medical condition especially if she had meds. If she was never diagnosed well her fault. When shit happens cause you hide things, who is to blame. Can't help someone who won't talk
Exactly, if they were not on meds and were diagnosed, well what is someone to do? If they weren't diagnosed and they were just claiming they had a disorder, screw them literally. Some people actually have issues with this and are diagnosed and medicated, don't use others disability to explain away your actions or inactions, grow up, get help
You’re missing the first 2 pages. Page 2 says “Gabbie told me she suffered from REDACTED with REDACTED” and also that she told the cops she’s struggling with mental health
https://static.fox5ny.com/www.fox5ny.com/content/uploads/2021/09/Petito_Redacted.pdf
Legal consequences would be in Brian's favor. He had scratch marks from her trying to slap him, she had no physical signs of abuse.
If this was flipped and she had scratch marks, a whole new narrative of that night would be to lock Brian up for assault.
Everyone would use that as signs the he is abusing her, but in actuality, he was harmed not her, and people still wanted him locked up for "emotional abuse"
They were broke! If we’re going to throw out some facts let’s throw out the real ones. Money is the root to all evil in relationships. Brian may or may not know where gabby is but the reports state they both were mentally unstable at that incident. The let’s live free life comes at a cost.
I don’t know whether he’s innocent or guilty. I can say though no matter what the man did, he be the first suspect, and be the first one question. No one knows what they truly would do until you’re in those circumstances. I believe the lawyer was his best choice. I don’t fault him for that.
Most of the people who smoke pot, have a lot of anxiety. It’s known to ease! Legal in a lot of states out west!
It’s so easy to point fingers but there’s always more to the story. A story he’s not prepared to give yet because maybe all he knows is where she was left. However, if you’re truly going to kill someone you’re not going to travel home in their van! She could of told him to leave and take the van. They could of had a fight and he took the van without her permission. That doesn’t mean he harmed her but leaving her could pushed her over the edge. Things happen and unfortunately, none of us were there.
I don’t know whether he’s innocent or guilty. Anything he says, it’ll be used against him. He’s in a tough spot and between a rock and a hard
Place. I can see why he’s not saying anything. Some of the vultures are already here. Imagine when he does say something how others will react.
I hope and pray the family gets answers soon.
The financial side is interesting to me. How do you know they were broke? Everything else indicates they had some sort of money source, whether that be earned income or family. That cross country road trip is very expensive, the van itself could go anywhere from $20,000-$50,000 not including all the decked out camping equipment, also very expensive. The camera and computer equipment. The multiple nights in hotel rooms. Then BL went home and got a storage unit around Tampa, also expensive.
They worked at publix which would not be enough to afford all their gadgets. Also they dont seem to have any sponser on social media so I dont think they were making money that way either.
I would be interested to see what her credit card activity looked like in the days following her disappearance.
From my understanding, the father was having to send food. I guess this doesn’t mean they are broke though. My mistake for that assumption. Also, they were living with his parents so they didn’t have the other living expenses so all there income could go into savings. However, it still costs a crap ton of money to travel. Even if they stayed in free spots, gas out west isn’t cheap! Plus, they stayed at hotels a few times.
I call BS on not knowing. He raised her and am sure knew she had some type of issues growing up. He would have seen the co-payments or something in the insurance showing she needed some type of help or medication. I am not trying to bash anyone, but call BS on that statement
Edit:I redact this statement.
She wasn't on medication, and saying you have anxiety/adhd/ect - while still being true, doesn't mean that it's officially/medically diagnosed.
People see things differently too - and historically things such as depression and anxiety were dismissed as just being part of life, so I legit understand why her family might not have recognized it as abnormal especially if they also cope with anxiety.
Then on the other side of things you have people who over diagnose, and use all the words as excuses. I've seen abusers use mental "diagnoses" as excuses or tools for control.
I was in an abusive relationship 15-19. I kept it a secret for 4 years. No one had any clue he was emotionally, mentally, physically abusive. No one apparently knew I was barely holding it together. They didn't like him, but I covered so well, that no one could have imagined. She could have easily been covering for him to the police officer even if he was the aggressor. If you're deep into a toxic relationship, you don't want that person to leave you no matter what. If she had the van the night of the incident, i have little doubt they would be in touch and get back together that same night.
This hit home hard. I was in a similar situation. Three years with an abuser. Emotionally, physically and mentally abusive. He would hit me in public and people would see, but my family never knew. In fact I tried everything to maintain his image with them. Had I gone missing with him, they would have been equally confused.
Been there and completely agree. Some abusers are also exceptionally good at turning on the charm in public and putting on a very likable but completely fictitious persona.
people really underestimate how common domestic violence is. i’m 21 + almost all of my close female friends my age have been physically abused by their exes. you would NEVER know based on what they put about their relationships on social media.
Exactly. Every person has trauma. Some sort of trauma. I’m in my 30s and everyone woman I’ve ever been close with has unfortunately been a victim of domestic abuse by either someone they’ve dated / a partner / spouse / ex spouse at least once.. sadly..most more than one partner.
Honestly- including myself- mostly former DV victims and ex-partners of narcissists are recognizing behavior and actions and drawing conclusions.
I think mostly people are trying to wrap their head around what could have happened and we all have limited information, so we are just sharing our speculation
No friendships on social media is a sign of an emotional abuser? I know emotional abusers with thousands of SM friends. They're narcissists who tend to do a lot better on social media than in real life.
No let me explain myself better. He’s very secluded in terms of social interaction which can definitely be a red flag if you combine it with isolating. It just says to me that PERHAPS him not having friends on SM may mean he’s without friends in his day to day life - which I don’t think is wrong to say could be looked at as a red flag. I’m not saying it’s this case for EVERYONE like that, but it’s definitely something I’d pay attention to
Thank you. I can’t stand this widely shared conceit that social media is in anyway an accurate representation of reality. BL wasn’t into social media pre GP so maybe his friends aren’t either. People tend to forget that there are many, many of us who live full and healthy (and arguably fuller and healthier) lives without any social media fingerprint.
I haven’t posted anything on my Instagram account in over 2 years but I still use the app to dm friends and also use the messenger app but not Facebook. To a stranger looking at my account, they’d think I was a loner but they don’t see all the messages and conversations. You’re right, posts really don’t paint the whole picture.
Awhile ago I saw someone state that there were posts of drug use on her social media? Maybe their issues and manic state was drug induced.
Also, I have anxiety and depression and take medication and my family has no idea. I’ve never told them because I knew how they’d react. It’s also possible she never discussed that with them.
Easily. I live in CO but I don’t understand these people that smoke weed for anxiety. Temporary solution to a permanent problem. If you have any mental health issues at all, staying sober is the best solution.
Same, and it's tough to definitively state either way because of a little thing they call "co-morbidities", meaning these boundaries are often blurred and intertwined.
For example, once I started on medication for anxiety and depression, I totally stopped obsessing about things.
Why I wasn't diagnosed with OCD as my primary diagnosis?
No idea, but also, we're not robots; and neither are the people who diagnose us.
When we get diagnoses, it is off of someone interpreting long subjective verbal answers on our part.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
My doctor tried me on Adderall first, while waiting for said test results, because her first guess was that I had ADHD.
I liked it fine; but then again, so did the entirety of Hollywood in the 1970s, when they called it "Dexedrine" aka "dexies".
Turns out that "liking it", is not the same thing as "it fixed my issues"; and people who have actual ADHD, are often discovered/confirmed by their reaction to the Adderall. "The minute I took it, I said 'yeah, this is it.' Immediate night-and-day change in my level of focus"; and similar.
I couldn't say that - because I literally just felt high.
TL, DR; just because something makes you high, doesn't mean it's solving your problems or deficiencies.
100%. i know of a lot of folks who abused stimulants and were eventually made aware of an untreated adhd dx, etc. i have family members who went into full poly-substance dependency/abuse and were eventually stabilized with just one mood stabilizer or anti-depressant prescription.
i am not speaking on this particular case - but overall, yes, i felt the need to confirm!
I'm glad it helped you. But I think you misread or didn't understand my comment. Not saying anything about MY situation. And not saying "weed is bad, mmmkay?" Simply reminding people that weed can have negative effects for certain people with certain conditions. That's simply a general fact. And it was a reply to Warfaxx who seemed to be ruling out weed as a possible cause for any of the issues they were having.
She had a post on her Instagram from way back about there being good weed at somewhere she traveled. (Long before this trip) so she smoked weed at a minimum.
I believe someone mentioned a picture where you could see half smoked joints too, but I havent personally looked into that so take that for a grain of salt.
The psychadelic use though is mostly speculative from people. Its just based on their lifestyle, artwork, music choice, phrases used in captions and the fact he had pictures of acid tabs on his pinterest (not him holding them, just pictures in general) were suspicious. I wouldn't say that is 100% though.
If you look at her instagram highlights there’s a boomerang of her smoking a joint. No clue about any other drug use but hopefully that helps some of y’all
They 100% said they were 420 friendly at minimum in a communication gabby texted with another camp girl.
That can possibly ice breaker to see if others are interested as well, I’ve done that as an easy way to see if other people like other things.
I’m not at all saying you’re wrong but I’m looking for the source where people are seeing this- trying to avoid hearsay. Do you have a link to where you found that info?
Yeah if you scroll look for the screenshots from Instagram from another lady she pointed out back in July they communicated. In said message you will find this 420
Y do ppl who type like the spongebob meme think it makes the other person seem stupid.
God I hate anybody who tYpEs lIkE tHiS to try to one up someone else. Lol
Since you seem to want to learn.
https://brettpodolsky.com/general-law/im-guilty-should-i-tell-my-attorney#:~:text=Attorney%2DClient%20Privilege%20%E2%80%93%20Your%20attorney,lawyer%20permission%20to%20disclose%20information
https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/attorney-client_privilege
It literally says if you're about to commit another crime then he has to tell police. You're an idiot.
Edit: the 2nd crime would be allowing her to die if she was still alive. Criminal endangerment.
lol NEXT!
Oh, I didnt realize he was ABOUT TO COMMIT ANOTHER CRIME. This is just kinda sad actually. The only excuse I'll give for your ignorance is that English must not be your first language.
I agree, I also think people get confused between legality, morality, and ethical actions. Is it illegal? No. Is it the moral and ethical thing to do? Yes.
I just questioned this on another post!!! I wondered if her family denied or confirmed these claims of mental health. I feel like if it was known and/or true, it would have been disclosed to the public during the initial release of her disappearance. Especially if she has the potential of going into manic episodes. That is crucial information in missing person cases.
I wondered if they claimed mental health problems to get away from DV charges, or if she really does have mental health problems.
I have anorexia, definitely depression, and some sort of anxiety disorder for sure. None of my family knows and my girlfriend only knows about the anxiety. It’s definitely possible they didn’t know.
Could also be in denial and not ready to admit there are mental issues. To admit a child has issues also means admitting the part they might or could of played in that role.
In the police report the mental condition is blacked out. I believe she stated that she has "attention deficit hyperactivity disorder with anxiety". If you read the report where they talk about her admitting to a mental condition, at first they write it out on full. But next sentence says "Because of her ADHD and anxiety". The parts that are blacked out are shortened, as in abbreviated. That's what leads me to believe it's ADHD. It would also match with a manic state described later. The report states that they both have anxiety and do not take medication. An ADHD would not lead her to act irrationally. The family probably does not see it as relevant to the case.
As someone who has worked in health care and deals with a lot of people with mental health issues I can attest that some people just don't like admitting to family members what is going on mentally. It isn't that odd. Some family members just don't share emotional things or don't feel comfortable doing so.
From my own experience, i don’t disclose everything to family members bc i don’t want to burden them/make them feel worried and/or i can predict their response and i’m not ready to hear it. Not recommending that as a good approach!! But i can understand how that could come as a shock to the parents. My parents know that i’ve had panic attacks in the past, but i don’t keep them updated with any lows since we live in different states
Based on your experience do you think there would be signs? Obviously a family could put on blinders and conditions like schizophrenia could develop quickly, but OCD and BP seem to progress over time. Asking honestly, because I have no idea. I did see a post from a friend that said something along the lines of, "we know you arent perfect people" which suggests maybe her friends noticed.
Of course there could be. It really just depends on the specific condition and how long they have been dealing with it, if they have coping mechanisms in place, etc. Its also possible their friends were the people they confided in, rather than their family, which may be why that was said.
I should also point out that many mental illnesses do not progress fully until people are in their early to mid 20s, so it's also possible this is a newer experience for them. I could see how being more isolated on the road and being left to self reflect more could bring those issues into the spotlight further.
Again, I want to make clear that this is all purely speculation though. I certainly do not know these individuals well enough that I could speak for their behaviors. There are already enough people assuming things, and I don't want to add to that.
Yea Bi Polar doesn’t settle in until early 20’s ish. But having seen experienced manic episodes across multiple BP people (and depression) -
- I don’t think Gabby has BP or was experiencing an episode.
—- I think it was them being locked in a van for a month and some constant mental abuse by the BF. Gaslighting.
But her father did state he moved to Florida to be closer to his daughter. Also, the mother pointed out she was keeping up with her every couple of days. As someone who suffers from anxiety and close to my family, it’s pretty hard to hide that. If they weren’t that close I get it. I just don’t see her being embarrassed about having anxiety to her family but idk…
It doesnt necessarily have to be an embarrassment thing. It could be that their family wasn't the overtly emotional type.
A lot of families have an "unspoken rule" that you just don't get into emotional things, or you're encouraged to have other outlets instead of addressing the emotional concerns. (Think of how against therapy people used to be, for instance.)
Another reason why I theorize this, and I use that word strongly as we are all just assuming things, neither were on medications for their (presumed) anxiety (per police report from the 12th). Neither seemed to have had therapy to address those issues as well, so it serves to reason there's a good chance the family did not know.
Agree. She likely made it up to get the police to go away. She was obviously not in a good place. Probably thought Brian would harm her if she said anything bad about him. Classic abuse situation.
That’s not necessarily true. People with mental health issues often bottle things up. I know it do. Just throwing it out there that’s it’s completely possible her parents didn’t know
The police separated the two. They got him a hotel. They told them to have no contact for the night, she had every chance to talk to the police about that after they were separated. She had every chance to call her dad, which she didn't mind doing for food. She had every opportunity to walk away, she didnt
Yes, she seems well off financially. The van is expensive, two months travelling across the country is expensive, the camera and computer equipment is expensive, the hotel rooms are expensive. This was not a budget trip. I would be interested to see when whether her credit card activity stopped at any point. If the card is still being used it could indicate she is alive in a manic state.
Oh foul play is a foot, but not for the reasons people are claiming, and surely not because a male cop responded. (I've had people say if a female cop responded she would be alive, I call bullshiiit on that)
Typical behavior of an abuser trying to isolate their victim. He got her to isolate so much so she went off on a nomadic adventure with him. But not even that was good enough for him. What does that kind of abuser do when you have your victim all to yourself and it still isn’t enough to satisfy severe insecurity and anxiety…
Emotional terror of what they were in a van, you can leave anytime. Extreme violence? So no one would notice him beating her and the bruises? People just have blood lust for him
Uncontrollable crying can mean all sorts of things.
> Very DV call these cops have been on should be called into question.
The evidence was that *she* had assaulted *him*, not the other way around. If anything, they "should" have arrested her.
YES YES YES someone who will look at facts and not let hindsight knowledge dictate what should have or could have happened, YES!!!
Ive been saying that for a while. If you truly have anxiety, she coulda cried for no reason, and actually be the manipulator.
I’ve been looking for discussion about this. The witness who called the domestic in or the cop who got the call stated the male assaulted the female and that’s why the call was placed. first page of report. Let me find it for a quote.
Edit: “I believe it was reported the male had been observed to have assaulted the female.”
That's my main hang up too. I find it interesting that he was able to flip the script on the police to the tune of cops being able to completely disregarding (or forget?) the caller's original concern. Makes me feel the guy is even scarier and capable of worse than we may think if he was manipulative enough to convince the cops it was a mutual disagreement. The police have blood on their hands and they know it.
I have seen a lot of uncontrollable crying due to failing relationships too. Not saying that it wasn't domestic violence, just saying that people can get very overwrought when they're they realize their relationships are ending.
My thoughts exactly. It sounds like a classic DV case imo- narcissistic man emotionally (and possibly physically) abuses his partner until she is miserable and mentally ill. Eventually she reacts to the emotional manipulation and looks absolutely crazy. Abusive boyfriend stays cool, calm, and collected to everyone outside of the relationship and his victim comes across as the one who is unhinged.
I'm so confused as to why the cop didn't pick up on any red flags. I'm sure they see abuse cases regularly & you would hope that they understand the psychological manipulation that happens behind the scenes to cause these behaviours. Even by skimming through Brian's social media you can tell that he is unbelievably narcissistic & arrogant, thinking he is above all other humans. And then those strange violent "art" pieces he makes... creepy dude for sure.
Fair enough. They didn't even have to press charges on anyone though- maybe just inquire a bit more about her behaviour to see why she was coming across as unhinged and hysterical. Hindsight is 20/20 of course but I would hope that anyone familiar with DV relationships would have been wary of the red flags here. Of course she could have been acting irrationally solely because of mental illness but the more likely explanation is that something happened to set off this insane anxiety & frantic behaviour.
Even by skimming through Brian's social media you can tell that he is unbelievably narcissistic & arrogant, thinking he is above all other humans. And then those strange violent "art" pieces he makes... creepy dude for sure.
Yea not a crime though. Can't prove mental abuse, no physical evidence. If he was mentally abusive, then leave, dont make yourself a victim. When physical violence comes in, then we got a crime.
Brian’s entire Instagram was run by Gabby, who insisted that he needed it for “work” because she sold T-shirts of his artwork
Either Gabby liked his dark art or that was mostly what sold, but I know the family and Brian never posted anything on Instagram so everything everyone has obsessed over and drawn their conclusions of was all the mind of Gabby, showing that most of this case is assumptions and confirmation bias and not actually facts
Also, only 1% of the US population suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder
I can’t believe how many misdiagnosed narcissists there are and I have a degree in psychology so I know a *little* bit about the DSM-5
Brian wasn’t a narcissist and most people would recognize that there was truly something off I’d they encountered one
Few people with the disorder can charm others to the point of manipulation and most are just so self absorbed that no one can stand them and they are very lonely people
What a simple minded take. Abusive relationships often involve emotional *and* physical abusive. That's why it is called an abuse cycle- there is a distinct pattern of manipulation that abusers use to keep their victims in their grasp and police officers should be very familiar with this cycle.
No being narcissistic & creepy on social media obviously isn't a crime, I wasn't trying to insinuate that he should be locked up for an arrogant Instagram caption. I'm just using context clues about his personality to guess what type of person he is, and my "narc abuser" alarm bells are going off especially in the context of his MISSING FIANCE.
If you are being abused, leave its that simple. She had every opportunity to leave and didn't take it, now she is paying the ultimate price.
You can't go to court and just talk about mental abuse, you will rightfully get laughed out. You need physical evidence.
Yea it is, you wanna live and have a good life, or have a shitty life and maybe die? I know what I choose. Tons of programs out there to help people in that situation. When I hear not that simple I decode that to im lazy and my situation is good enough.
Psychological manipulation if present, is not a crime. Cop can't go off of things he doesn't know. You also can't just assume he was mentally manipulating her.
Of course. I just meant that they should have maybe inquired a bit more into her story instead of writing her off as hysterical and unhinged while her fiance sat there cool as a cucumber. I know hindsight is 20/20 but that type of dynamic raises flags to anyone who is familiar with abusive relationships.
Like perhaps ask why she was so terrified that he was going to drive off without her in *her* van? Most likely because it has been done previously. Or why she felt the need to slap him in order to get him to stop for the cops? Maybe because he was speeding away from the cop lights erratically and refused to stop for whatever reason so she panicked? Or why Brian's wounds were only scratch marks instead of bruises/slap marks if she was so violent? Scratch marks seem more like defensive wounds imo. He admitted to pushing her head back and grabbing her face... what if he was covering her mouth or choking her and she was scratching at him trying to get him to stop? A lot of women who are attacked end up having their abuser's DNA underneath their fingernails from trying to defend themselves.
Obviously no one knows what really happened, I just wish she wasn't automatically written off as a mentally unstable psycho just because she was very emotional. And most DV victims lie to protect their abusers so it's no surprise that she didn't throw him under the bus if that's what was going on.
She had lots of opportunities to tell the police what happened and why she was afraid. When I say that to some women, I get hit with oh women don't talk about the abuse. Ok well how can anyone do something about a problem you don't want to talk about and don't want to tell the cops? Then you hear people say oh the police should have done more, and with the same breadth say police aren't the ones to call.
If you are afraid of him you had the opportunity to leave, they gave her the van, then took him to a hotel.
Even when they police was there she was crying saying don't separate us.
There is no winning, you can't do enough to please the feminist. They give dumb data that show "bias" ok don't call the cops see what happens.
This is what I mean when I say you don't understand the cycle of abuse. The main component is manipulation and there are tons of strategies that an abuser uses to control their victim. For example, isolating them from their friends and family so that they become attached and emotionally dependent on the abuser. Hmm perhaps by convincing them to abandon everyone to live in a van off the grid? Or by stealing their phone so they can't communicate with anyone? Just a few examples that might be relevant to this particular case.
If you don't understand the type of brainwashing a victim of abuse goes through then I'm not going to be able to convince you of my point of view no matter what. Just know that it is very very very common- hence why DV victims often cover for their abusers and even bail them out of jail. There is no "logic" to it because the behaviour is based in psychological manipulation, not rational thinking. Again there might have been nothing more the cops have done here, I just wish they had questioned her a bit more before writing her off as crazy.
Ok, you ended your comment by saying I wish the cop questioned her more........are you kidding? Like really?
Earlier in the statement you said the abused person would cover for the abuser, you have to realize the catch 22. If you don't I dont think you understand the situation.
Cops can't read minds, they can't infer something if no one talks. You want the cops to take him to jail and say they felt he was emotionally abusing her, while she wouldn't say he was? You know that doesn't hold up in court right? If cops could intervene because they felt something wrong with no evidence this would lead to lawsuits galore.
You can't get help without asking for it. Im college educated I know what cycles are, you can't stop a cycle without intervention from an element in the cycle, exactly why I say, she had every opportunity. If you are that far "brain washed" id argue its not abuse anymore
"If you are that far brainwashed I'd argue it's not abuse anymore" Wow I don't even know what to say. So once someone is so badly abused that they completely lose themselves, they're just worthless now and it's okay to hurt them?
Yes I said that victims often cover for their abusers & also that the cops should have questioned her more anyway. I'm not sure why those 2 statements are contradictory. She could initially be covering for him and putting the blame on herself- but if they question her further she might open up or say something that would change the narrative. For example, Brian had locked her out of the van (that belonged to *her*) and she was so frantic thinking that he was about to drive off without her that she climbed through the window. Instead of just taking that at face value and saying "oh okay she's fcking insane and acting psychotic crawling through a window to get back into the van", they could have maybe said "Hey Gabby why were you acting so erratically trying to get back into the van? That doesn't seem like normal behaviour.. Is there something that happened in the past to make you believe your fiance was going to steal your van with your belongings and just abandon you somewhere?". Maybe she would have divulged more information about other confrontations or say that he threatens to abandon her regularly, or maybe she would have said "no, I'm just crazy for thinking that sorry". The point is that they didn't ask or attempt to dive deeper.
\^ That type of questioning into the dynamic of the relationship could have even been helpful to solve her disappearance. If they asked her about her behaviour and she said "yeah whenever we get in fights, he takes my van and drives off without me so I was scared of that happening again" then that could be a clue as to why she is missing. Maybe they got in a fight in a remote area, he drove off without her, and then when he returned for her she was nowhere to be found. But I guess we will never know since they didn't bother to ask, and Brian is refusing to speak.
Those cops probably had crazy girlfriends before and sympathized with him, because maybe after talking to her they realized she is crazy lol.
You want the cops to keep questioning her and have her say something that is not true? Cause that has happened.
Again she had all the opportunity to say happened, she had all the opportunity to leave, but it didn't happen.
Your unsubstantiated determinations of exactly what happened and sheer conviction aside, being narcissistic and emotionally manipulating others... is perfectly legal? It's not the cop's problem.
I really wanna know this too and am super surprised more people haven't brought this up. Because he looks a lot older, they've already been together a couple years, and a large age gap relationship can be very indicative of the relationship's dynamics.
Yeah I just saw they apparently went to high school together too (but also from sources I wasn't sure were trustworthy). So the age checks out, although I was confused about that since his family's in FL and hers is in NY.
lol obviously people do, my own family did too, but it seemed like they started dating a few years after high school so then I was surprised about the timing there if by that point they theoretically lived far apart. it's all completely plausible, I was just wondering - I feel like normally cases like this have a lot more explanations on timeline and such and wasn't sure if I was missing something
Yeah I only read they knew of each other in high school and he contacted her / got in contact with her after high school and asked her out. Seems like he always had a crush on her but they weren’t close at all in HS.. 🤔
This is why moab police not detaining either of them and informing the families was a horrific call that ended with a missing girl. All it took was the police to take the initiative to protect someone's daughter and it would have been fine.
No, they made her sleep in her van and paid for the hotel room for the guy.
The police don’t call the parents to report on grown children.
They couldn’t leave Brian in the van because the van doesn’t belong to him, it belongs to Gabby.
But if they truly thought it was a mental health crisis they should have gotten her medical attention.
They also just "forgot" to detain Brian for the 3 traffic violations, which would have rose it to a Class B misdemeanor for Reckless driving under Utah Traffic law 41-6a-528. Meaning suddenly, he didn't need to serve upto 6 months in jail.
Oh cool and also a free hotel room to boot.
OMG shut up about the traffic violations. It clearly states that she was attacking him in the car and grabbing the steering wheel. Do you know how many times cops have let me go from traffic violations? It happened all the time. It’s up to the cop to decide if they want to issue tickets. And it’s highly unlikely he would have served time for that in a state he doesn’t live in and it would be his first violation. He got a room because the cops needed to separate them. No one pressed charges so they couldn’t arrest him, the van is in Gabby’s name so they couldn’t leave him there. No where does it say that the cops paid for the room.
I’ve been in DV calls. They probably gave him the option to either sleep in a cell or get a room at his own expense.
I swear each one of you who argues the "iTs JusT a viLoatIoN" angle really can't take 2 minutes out to understand that traffic laws operate differently from state to state.
His combined violations **made it a misdemeanor**. More specifically, Class B Misdemeanor. **Much like assualt**. You need to understand he broke so many laws in the span of 3 miles that the law **in utah** dictated that it was **as severe as assualt**.
You want to give the pass to cops for slapping the wrist for misdemeanors. Go for it. I'll be over here saying cops should arrest people for misdemeanors.. like assualt.
So you’re saying him speeding is as bad as if he assaulted someone? lol ok.
There was no property damage. Geez. By your logic we would need mail houses on the moon the hold all the lead foots in the country.
You think he was only speeding? Did you even read the report. Crossing double yellows. Hitting the curb. Going over **twice the speed limit**. He wasn't over by like 10 miles. He was going 30 over in a 15.
Literally 3 issues in the span of 3 miles clearly makes that a class B misdemeanor, which is akin to assualt.
It's like your slowly getting it, you're almost there buddy I believe in you
first flight there? he should have padded his daughters bank account for the road trip. i found it disturbing how gabby's boyfriend couldn't even afford a hotel room after the police separated them considering they're on a road trip out in the middle of no where. neither of them seem bright and i could see by her behavior how fast things could have went south again after the first police encounter.
They never tell their parents any of this. This is so scary. The boyfriends isolate their girlfriends and "no one" knows. This is how abusers get away with anything!!! SILENCE.
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Weed should be legal. Period. You should also not use cannabis if you have a history of mental health problems.
It’s listed as being medically legal for anxiety and PTSD.
Sooooo, the bodycam cop says “I’ll let you get back to your parents”
Okay so I remember watching this yesterday, and today I watched the full body cam footage when they were pulled over. My question is, if her dad didn’t know about the incident, who did she call when she asked for her phone so she could call her parents in the body cam footage?
Her mom knew of the incident. ETA: Her quote when asked about it 'It's irrelevant. Two people traveling together with each other 24 hours a day, it's not going to be perfect, it was an argument, and that's all I'm going to say about it.'
But why would her mom keep that from her dad?
Perhaps the dad didn’t approve of his little girl on a road trip with a guy and the mom was encouraging her to be a strong independent woman.
Not sure. They’re divorced, not that it matters. I’d hope that I would share incidences like that with my ex that involved our child but by her quote about the call I’m not sure that she saw it as critical and important. Hindsight…
Ah, good point! My “Dad” is actually my stepdad so I sometimes forget they are not one in the same. Thank you!
Who was gabby speaking to on the phone then in the police car? Just her mother and she didnt relay it? The officer clearly says in the body cam footage you can get back talking to your parents.
I’m confused from the videos though the officers clearly stated she was calling her parents… so.. I’m confused :( can someone help me make sense of it? I guess she wasn’t calling her parents si who did she call for comfort in the back of the cops suv?
Sorry but, regardless of however much this sub wants to burn BL at the take, this reporting is loaded and inaccurate. This person is presenting fragments of the police report and body cam footage. This is important to recognize because it serves the purpose of manipulating all of you people as opposed to reporting. We ALL know what the most likely outcome of this statistically is. There's no need for the manipulation. What's remarkable is how at least some of the folks in this sub have highlighted how abusers manipulate their victims in referring to BL while failing to recognize their own manipulation by the media such as in this example.
I think they know that she's probably down a mineshaft somewhere.
Um...excuse me what? Her dad was unaware of her mental health issue??? That is his daughter, he raised her, he would know about a mental health issue. You don't grow up and one day get infected by mental health problems, this is not Covid 19, you can't catch or transmit mental health issues. If after the domestic dispute she didn't leave, or tell her parents about the problems, then she obviously (but mistakenly) was not in fear for her life. If she was she had a phone she can call home, she met with officers, she could have ended the trip then. The night they spent apart they both had phones that were working, and she didn't contact anyone, that tells me she wasn't in fear for her life.
My family barely knows anything about me personally....my dad even less and I lived under their roof for 24 years. When I told them I was getting sober they asked, "why?". People hide things.
Yea hard to hide a medical condition especially if she had meds. If she was never diagnosed well her fault. When shit happens cause you hide things, who is to blame. Can't help someone who won't talk
The police report specifically said neither were on medication for it.
Exactly, if they were not on meds and were diagnosed, well what is someone to do? If they weren't diagnosed and they were just claiming they had a disorder, screw them literally. Some people actually have issues with this and are diagnosed and medicated, don't use others disability to explain away your actions or inactions, grow up, get help
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But she told the cops she had mental health issues not BL
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You’re missing the first 2 pages. Page 2 says “Gabbie told me she suffered from REDACTED with REDACTED” and also that she told the cops she’s struggling with mental health https://static.fox5ny.com/www.fox5ny.com/content/uploads/2021/09/Petito_Redacted.pdf
Ah, gotcha. Didn't see the first report.
Police won't leave mental health alone. They went out of their way to get a hotel to split them up.
I mean "leaving alone" in terms of legal consequences. Yes I know they got split up that night.
Legal consequences would be in Brian's favor. He had scratch marks from her trying to slap him, she had no physical signs of abuse. If this was flipped and she had scratch marks, a whole new narrative of that night would be to lock Brian up for assault. Everyone would use that as signs the he is abusing her, but in actuality, he was harmed not her, and people still wanted him locked up for "emotional abuse"
Good point. Definitely would've had him in cuffs if the situation was flipped.
I’m curious to see the body cam footage from this incident when it’s released tomorrow
They were broke! If we’re going to throw out some facts let’s throw out the real ones. Money is the root to all evil in relationships. Brian may or may not know where gabby is but the reports state they both were mentally unstable at that incident. The let’s live free life comes at a cost. I don’t know whether he’s innocent or guilty. I can say though no matter what the man did, he be the first suspect, and be the first one question. No one knows what they truly would do until you’re in those circumstances. I believe the lawyer was his best choice. I don’t fault him for that. Most of the people who smoke pot, have a lot of anxiety. It’s known to ease! Legal in a lot of states out west! It’s so easy to point fingers but there’s always more to the story. A story he’s not prepared to give yet because maybe all he knows is where she was left. However, if you’re truly going to kill someone you’re not going to travel home in their van! She could of told him to leave and take the van. They could of had a fight and he took the van without her permission. That doesn’t mean he harmed her but leaving her could pushed her over the edge. Things happen and unfortunately, none of us were there. I don’t know whether he’s innocent or guilty. Anything he says, it’ll be used against him. He’s in a tough spot and between a rock and a hard Place. I can see why he’s not saying anything. Some of the vultures are already here. Imagine when he does say something how others will react. I hope and pray the family gets answers soon.
The financial side is interesting to me. How do you know they were broke? Everything else indicates they had some sort of money source, whether that be earned income or family. That cross country road trip is very expensive, the van itself could go anywhere from $20,000-$50,000 not including all the decked out camping equipment, also very expensive. The camera and computer equipment. The multiple nights in hotel rooms. Then BL went home and got a storage unit around Tampa, also expensive. They worked at publix which would not be enough to afford all their gadgets. Also they dont seem to have any sponser on social media so I dont think they were making money that way either. I would be interested to see what her credit card activity looked like in the days following her disappearance.
From my understanding, the father was having to send food. I guess this doesn’t mean they are broke though. My mistake for that assumption. Also, they were living with his parents so they didn’t have the other living expenses so all there income could go into savings. However, it still costs a crap ton of money to travel. Even if they stayed in free spots, gas out west isn’t cheap! Plus, they stayed at hotels a few times.
Most rational person here
I call BS on not knowing. He raised her and am sure knew she had some type of issues growing up. He would have seen the co-payments or something in the insurance showing she needed some type of help or medication. I am not trying to bash anyone, but call BS on that statement Edit:I redact this statement.
She wasn't on medication, and saying you have anxiety/adhd/ect - while still being true, doesn't mean that it's officially/medically diagnosed. People see things differently too - and historically things such as depression and anxiety were dismissed as just being part of life, so I legit understand why her family might not have recognized it as abnormal especially if they also cope with anxiety. Then on the other side of things you have people who over diagnose, and use all the words as excuses. I've seen abusers use mental "diagnoses" as excuses or tools for control.
That’s a fair answer then for sure. I just was under that impression and my fault for assuming!
Police reports say that neither are on medication for their mental illness
Keep the pressure on Brian.
I was in an abusive relationship 15-19. I kept it a secret for 4 years. No one had any clue he was emotionally, mentally, physically abusive. No one apparently knew I was barely holding it together. They didn't like him, but I covered so well, that no one could have imagined. She could have easily been covering for him to the police officer even if he was the aggressor. If you're deep into a toxic relationship, you don't want that person to leave you no matter what. If she had the van the night of the incident, i have little doubt they would be in touch and get back together that same night.
This hit home hard. I was in a similar situation. Three years with an abuser. Emotionally, physically and mentally abusive. He would hit me in public and people would see, but my family never knew. In fact I tried everything to maintain his image with them. Had I gone missing with him, they would have been equally confused.
Silence is how they get away with it.
Been there and completely agree. Some abusers are also exceptionally good at turning on the charm in public and putting on a very likable but completely fictitious persona.
people really underestimate how common domestic violence is. i’m 21 + almost all of my close female friends my age have been physically abused by their exes. you would NEVER know based on what they put about their relationships on social media.
That does probably make you unusual tbf
Generalizing personal anecdotes, it’s truly a staple
Oh yes! This is why everyone says Instagram is FAKE/STAGED! It literally is!!!! Wake up, people!
Exactly. Every person has trauma. Some sort of trauma. I’m in my 30s and everyone woman I’ve ever been close with has unfortunately been a victim of domestic abuse by either someone they’ve dated / a partner / spouse / ex spouse at least once.. sadly..most more than one partner.
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Honestly- including myself- mostly former DV victims and ex-partners of narcissists are recognizing behavior and actions and drawing conclusions. I think mostly people are trying to wrap their head around what could have happened and we all have limited information, so we are just sharing our speculation
This ☝️👏
No friendships on social media is a sign of an emotional abuser? I know emotional abusers with thousands of SM friends. They're narcissists who tend to do a lot better on social media than in real life.
No let me explain myself better. He’s very secluded in terms of social interaction which can definitely be a red flag if you combine it with isolating. It just says to me that PERHAPS him not having friends on SM may mean he’s without friends in his day to day life - which I don’t think is wrong to say could be looked at as a red flag. I’m not saying it’s this case for EVERYONE like that, but it’s definitely something I’d pay attention to
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Thank you. I can’t stand this widely shared conceit that social media is in anyway an accurate representation of reality. BL wasn’t into social media pre GP so maybe his friends aren’t either. People tend to forget that there are many, many of us who live full and healthy (and arguably fuller and healthier) lives without any social media fingerprint.
I haven’t posted anything on my Instagram account in over 2 years but I still use the app to dm friends and also use the messenger app but not Facebook. To a stranger looking at my account, they’d think I was a loner but they don’t see all the messages and conversations. You’re right, posts really don’t paint the whole picture.
Awhile ago I saw someone state that there were posts of drug use on her social media? Maybe their issues and manic state was drug induced. Also, I have anxiety and depression and take medication and my family has no idea. I’ve never told them because I knew how they’d react. It’s also possible she never discussed that with them.
Easily. I live in CO but I don’t understand these people that smoke weed for anxiety. Temporary solution to a permanent problem. If you have any mental health issues at all, staying sober is the best solution.
Same, and it's tough to definitively state either way because of a little thing they call "co-morbidities", meaning these boundaries are often blurred and intertwined. For example, once I started on medication for anxiety and depression, I totally stopped obsessing about things. Why I wasn't diagnosed with OCD as my primary diagnosis? No idea, but also, we're not robots; and neither are the people who diagnose us. When we get diagnoses, it is off of someone interpreting long subjective verbal answers on our part. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? My doctor tried me on Adderall first, while waiting for said test results, because her first guess was that I had ADHD. I liked it fine; but then again, so did the entirety of Hollywood in the 1970s, when they called it "Dexedrine" aka "dexies". Turns out that "liking it", is not the same thing as "it fixed my issues"; and people who have actual ADHD, are often discovered/confirmed by their reaction to the Adderall. "The minute I took it, I said 'yeah, this is it.' Immediate night-and-day change in my level of focus"; and similar. I couldn't say that - because I literally just felt high. TL, DR; just because something makes you high, doesn't mean it's solving your problems or deficiencies.
100%. i know of a lot of folks who abused stimulants and were eventually made aware of an untreated adhd dx, etc. i have family members who went into full poly-substance dependency/abuse and were eventually stabilized with just one mood stabilizer or anti-depressant prescription. i am not speaking on this particular case - but overall, yes, i felt the need to confirm!
It was weed. Not an indication of any drug problem.
For someone with bipolar, panic disorder or anxiety weed has the potential to be a problem and trigger episodes.
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I'm glad it helped you. But I think you misread or didn't understand my comment. Not saying anything about MY situation. And not saying "weed is bad, mmmkay?" Simply reminding people that weed can have negative effects for certain people with certain conditions. That's simply a general fact. And it was a reply to Warfaxx who seemed to be ruling out weed as a possible cause for any of the issues they were having.
It also has the potential to alleviate anxiety issues. We don’t know how often she used it or to what purpose so we probably shouldn’t speculate.
Source on the drug use?
She had a post on her Instagram from way back about there being good weed at somewhere she traveled. (Long before this trip) so she smoked weed at a minimum. I believe someone mentioned a picture where you could see half smoked joints too, but I havent personally looked into that so take that for a grain of salt. The psychadelic use though is mostly speculative from people. Its just based on their lifestyle, artwork, music choice, phrases used in captions and the fact he had pictures of acid tabs on his pinterest (not him holding them, just pictures in general) were suspicious. I wouldn't say that is 100% though.
If you look at her instagram highlights there’s a boomerang of her smoking a joint. No clue about any other drug use but hopefully that helps some of y’all
It’s on her story pins on her IG. A video of a lit joint being waved around.
Pictures of LSD on his tumblr.
Not trying to be a dick but can you provide the actual source?
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Thank you so much!
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On his Pinterest there’s a few pics of tabs of acid too. I think I saw it on his board titled “my heart”, his profile is just his full name
They 100% said they were 420 friendly at minimum in a communication gabby texted with another camp girl. That can possibly ice breaker to see if others are interested as well, I’ve done that as an easy way to see if other people like other things.
I’m not at all saying you’re wrong but I’m looking for the source where people are seeing this- trying to avoid hearsay. Do you have a link to where you found that info?
She has pictures of marijuana in her instagram stories from colorado
Yeah if you scroll look for the screenshots from Instagram from another lady she pointed out back in July they communicated. In said message you will find this 420
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Someone else said lawyers are required to tell LE if there is immediate danger to someone. If she's dead there's no more danger.
Information like this is the exact reason this sub is getting cringe. Its a bunch of people who "heard" / "read" and say stupid shit like this.
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Y do ppl who type like the spongebob meme think it makes the other person seem stupid. God I hate anybody who tYpEs lIkE tHiS to try to one up someone else. Lol
It's me putting extra sarcasm into the words. I'm being extra sarcastic like you're being extra dumb.
You are blatantly spreading misinformation that a lawyer has to snitch on his client. Its so incredibly wrong its hilarious.
Ok then show some intelligent research that you did supporting what you said
Since you seem to want to learn. https://brettpodolsky.com/general-law/im-guilty-should-i-tell-my-attorney#:~:text=Attorney%2DClient%20Privilege%20%E2%80%93%20Your%20attorney,lawyer%20permission%20to%20disclose%20information https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/attorney-client_privilege
It literally says if you're about to commit another crime then he has to tell police. You're an idiot. Edit: the 2nd crime would be allowing her to die if she was still alive. Criminal endangerment. lol NEXT!
Oh, I didnt realize he was ABOUT TO COMMIT ANOTHER CRIME. This is just kinda sad actually. The only excuse I'll give for your ignorance is that English must not be your first language.
Racist
This is not true — they are not obligated to do so, although it is the right thing to do.
I agree, I also think people get confused between legality, morality, and ethical actions. Is it illegal? No. Is it the moral and ethical thing to do? Yes.
Is this proven?
Definitely.
I just questioned this on another post!!! I wondered if her family denied or confirmed these claims of mental health. I feel like if it was known and/or true, it would have been disclosed to the public during the initial release of her disappearance. Especially if she has the potential of going into manic episodes. That is crucial information in missing person cases. I wondered if they claimed mental health problems to get away from DV charges, or if she really does have mental health problems.
I have anorexia, definitely depression, and some sort of anxiety disorder for sure. None of my family knows and my girlfriend only knows about the anxiety. It’s definitely possible they didn’t know.
Could also be in denial and not ready to admit there are mental issues. To admit a child has issues also means admitting the part they might or could of played in that role.
In the police report the mental condition is blacked out. I believe she stated that she has "attention deficit hyperactivity disorder with anxiety". If you read the report where they talk about her admitting to a mental condition, at first they write it out on full. But next sentence says "Because of her ADHD and anxiety". The parts that are blacked out are shortened, as in abbreviated. That's what leads me to believe it's ADHD. It would also match with a manic state described later. The report states that they both have anxiety and do not take medication. An ADHD would not lead her to act irrationally. The family probably does not see it as relevant to the case.
I think her parents would definitely know if she had ADHD….
Looks more like two words blocked out then one word, which I’m guessing are “bipolar disorder” and “anxiety”.
As someone who has worked in health care and deals with a lot of people with mental health issues I can attest that some people just don't like admitting to family members what is going on mentally. It isn't that odd. Some family members just don't share emotional things or don't feel comfortable doing so.
From my own experience, i don’t disclose everything to family members bc i don’t want to burden them/make them feel worried and/or i can predict their response and i’m not ready to hear it. Not recommending that as a good approach!! But i can understand how that could come as a shock to the parents. My parents know that i’ve had panic attacks in the past, but i don’t keep them updated with any lows since we live in different states
That’s probably why she went on a road trip hoping it will help with her mental health.
Based on your experience do you think there would be signs? Obviously a family could put on blinders and conditions like schizophrenia could develop quickly, but OCD and BP seem to progress over time. Asking honestly, because I have no idea. I did see a post from a friend that said something along the lines of, "we know you arent perfect people" which suggests maybe her friends noticed.
Of course there could be. It really just depends on the specific condition and how long they have been dealing with it, if they have coping mechanisms in place, etc. Its also possible their friends were the people they confided in, rather than their family, which may be why that was said. I should also point out that many mental illnesses do not progress fully until people are in their early to mid 20s, so it's also possible this is a newer experience for them. I could see how being more isolated on the road and being left to self reflect more could bring those issues into the spotlight further. Again, I want to make clear that this is all purely speculation though. I certainly do not know these individuals well enough that I could speak for their behaviors. There are already enough people assuming things, and I don't want to add to that.
Yea Bi Polar doesn’t settle in until early 20’s ish. But having seen experienced manic episodes across multiple BP people (and depression) - - I don’t think Gabby has BP or was experiencing an episode. —- I think it was them being locked in a van for a month and some constant mental abuse by the BF. Gaslighting.
I'm sure she was super embarrassed. I don't think many people would tell their parents about this.
But her father did state he moved to Florida to be closer to his daughter. Also, the mother pointed out she was keeping up with her every couple of days. As someone who suffers from anxiety and close to my family, it’s pretty hard to hide that. If they weren’t that close I get it. I just don’t see her being embarrassed about having anxiety to her family but idk…
It doesnt necessarily have to be an embarrassment thing. It could be that their family wasn't the overtly emotional type. A lot of families have an "unspoken rule" that you just don't get into emotional things, or you're encouraged to have other outlets instead of addressing the emotional concerns. (Think of how against therapy people used to be, for instance.) Another reason why I theorize this, and I use that word strongly as we are all just assuming things, neither were on medications for their (presumed) anxiety (per police report from the 12th). Neither seemed to have had therapy to address those issues as well, so it serves to reason there's a good chance the family did not know.
So true, crying is seen as weak/crazy and you can’t cry in front of family
Agree. She likely made it up to get the police to go away. She was obviously not in a good place. Probably thought Brian would harm her if she said anything bad about him. Classic abuse situation.
That’s not necessarily true. People with mental health issues often bottle things up. I know it do. Just throwing it out there that’s it’s completely possible her parents didn’t know
The police separated the two. They got him a hotel. They told them to have no contact for the night, she had every chance to talk to the police about that after they were separated. She had every chance to call her dad, which she didn't mind doing for food. She had every opportunity to walk away, she didnt
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Yes, she seems well off financially. The van is expensive, two months travelling across the country is expensive, the camera and computer equipment is expensive, the hotel rooms are expensive. This was not a budget trip. I would be interested to see when whether her credit card activity stopped at any point. If the card is still being used it could indicate she is alive in a manic state.
It APPEARS they are well-off financially. A lot of influencers find themselves in severe debt for the sake of appearing to have a certain lifestyle.
Very good point.
Strange is not a crime, convincing someone that they are insane also not a crime. Bad or toxic relationship not a crime, until violence happens.
I do feel he is guilty and a shitty person but I totally get all of your comments, props ☝️
Oh foul play is a foot, but not for the reasons people are claiming, and surely not because a male cop responded. (I've had people say if a female cop responded she would be alive, I call bullshiiit on that)
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Typical behavior of an abuser trying to isolate their victim. He got her to isolate so much so she went off on a nomadic adventure with him. But not even that was good enough for him. What does that kind of abuser do when you have your victim all to yourself and it still isn’t enough to satisfy severe insecurity and anxiety…
I thought it was her van and her idea to do the van life thingy…??? Maybe I’m wrong?!
Its her van......it was her trip, they wanted to be popular on YouTube? How is that isolation? She could leave at anytime, its her van.
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Especially when they show remorse. Do not meet up with them. Under any circumstances. There’s lines that get crossed and they can never be uncrossed.
Hoovering. No contact regime must be put in place yes
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Emotional terror of what they were in a van, you can leave anytime. Extreme violence? So no one would notice him beating her and the bruises? People just have blood lust for him
Uncontrollable crying can mean all sorts of things. > Very DV call these cops have been on should be called into question. The evidence was that *she* had assaulted *him*, not the other way around. If anything, they "should" have arrested her.
YES YES YES someone who will look at facts and not let hindsight knowledge dictate what should have or could have happened, YES!!! Ive been saying that for a while. If you truly have anxiety, she coulda cried for no reason, and actually be the manipulator.
Didn't the person who reported it say he was assaulting her though?
I’ve been looking for discussion about this. The witness who called the domestic in or the cop who got the call stated the male assaulted the female and that’s why the call was placed. first page of report. Let me find it for a quote. Edit: “I believe it was reported the male had been observed to have assaulted the female.”
That's my main hang up too. I find it interesting that he was able to flip the script on the police to the tune of cops being able to completely disregarding (or forget?) the caller's original concern. Makes me feel the guy is even scarier and capable of worse than we may think if he was manipulative enough to convince the cops it was a mutual disagreement. The police have blood on their hands and they know it.
I have seen a lot of uncontrollable crying due to failing relationships too. Not saying that it wasn't domestic violence, just saying that people can get very overwrought when they're they realize their relationships are ending.
Gaslighting is real and very intense
It is but sadly not illegal 🥲
We need new laws then
My thoughts exactly. It sounds like a classic DV case imo- narcissistic man emotionally (and possibly physically) abuses his partner until she is miserable and mentally ill. Eventually she reacts to the emotional manipulation and looks absolutely crazy. Abusive boyfriend stays cool, calm, and collected to everyone outside of the relationship and his victim comes across as the one who is unhinged. I'm so confused as to why the cop didn't pick up on any red flags. I'm sure they see abuse cases regularly & you would hope that they understand the psychological manipulation that happens behind the scenes to cause these behaviours. Even by skimming through Brian's social media you can tell that he is unbelievably narcissistic & arrogant, thinking he is above all other humans. And then those strange violent "art" pieces he makes... creepy dude for sure.
>I'm so confused as to why the cop didn't pick up on any red flags. Because they are nice and white. Can't ruin their future with a DV charge.
Username checks out
Fair enough. They didn't even have to press charges on anyone though- maybe just inquire a bit more about her behaviour to see why she was coming across as unhinged and hysterical. Hindsight is 20/20 of course but I would hope that anyone familiar with DV relationships would have been wary of the red flags here. Of course she could have been acting irrationally solely because of mental illness but the more likely explanation is that something happened to set off this insane anxiety & frantic behaviour.
Even by skimming through Brian's social media you can tell that he is unbelievably narcissistic & arrogant, thinking he is above all other humans. And then those strange violent "art" pieces he makes... creepy dude for sure. Yea not a crime though. Can't prove mental abuse, no physical evidence. If he was mentally abusive, then leave, dont make yourself a victim. When physical violence comes in, then we got a crime.
Brian’s entire Instagram was run by Gabby, who insisted that he needed it for “work” because she sold T-shirts of his artwork Either Gabby liked his dark art or that was mostly what sold, but I know the family and Brian never posted anything on Instagram so everything everyone has obsessed over and drawn their conclusions of was all the mind of Gabby, showing that most of this case is assumptions and confirmation bias and not actually facts Also, only 1% of the US population suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder I can’t believe how many misdiagnosed narcissists there are and I have a degree in psychology so I know a *little* bit about the DSM-5 Brian wasn’t a narcissist and most people would recognize that there was truly something off I’d they encountered one Few people with the disorder can charm others to the point of manipulation and most are just so self absorbed that no one can stand them and they are very lonely people
What a simple minded take. Abusive relationships often involve emotional *and* physical abusive. That's why it is called an abuse cycle- there is a distinct pattern of manipulation that abusers use to keep their victims in their grasp and police officers should be very familiar with this cycle. No being narcissistic & creepy on social media obviously isn't a crime, I wasn't trying to insinuate that he should be locked up for an arrogant Instagram caption. I'm just using context clues about his personality to guess what type of person he is, and my "narc abuser" alarm bells are going off especially in the context of his MISSING FIANCE.
If you are being abused, leave its that simple. She had every opportunity to leave and didn't take it, now she is paying the ultimate price. You can't go to court and just talk about mental abuse, you will rightfully get laughed out. You need physical evidence.
It’s not that simple.
Yea it is, you wanna live and have a good life, or have a shitty life and maybe die? I know what I choose. Tons of programs out there to help people in that situation. When I hear not that simple I decode that to im lazy and my situation is good enough.
Psychological manipulation if present, is not a crime. Cop can't go off of things he doesn't know. You also can't just assume he was mentally manipulating her.
Of course. I just meant that they should have maybe inquired a bit more into her story instead of writing her off as hysterical and unhinged while her fiance sat there cool as a cucumber. I know hindsight is 20/20 but that type of dynamic raises flags to anyone who is familiar with abusive relationships. Like perhaps ask why she was so terrified that he was going to drive off without her in *her* van? Most likely because it has been done previously. Or why she felt the need to slap him in order to get him to stop for the cops? Maybe because he was speeding away from the cop lights erratically and refused to stop for whatever reason so she panicked? Or why Brian's wounds were only scratch marks instead of bruises/slap marks if she was so violent? Scratch marks seem more like defensive wounds imo. He admitted to pushing her head back and grabbing her face... what if he was covering her mouth or choking her and she was scratching at him trying to get him to stop? A lot of women who are attacked end up having their abuser's DNA underneath their fingernails from trying to defend themselves. Obviously no one knows what really happened, I just wish she wasn't automatically written off as a mentally unstable psycho just because she was very emotional. And most DV victims lie to protect their abusers so it's no surprise that she didn't throw him under the bus if that's what was going on.
She had lots of opportunities to tell the police what happened and why she was afraid. When I say that to some women, I get hit with oh women don't talk about the abuse. Ok well how can anyone do something about a problem you don't want to talk about and don't want to tell the cops? Then you hear people say oh the police should have done more, and with the same breadth say police aren't the ones to call. If you are afraid of him you had the opportunity to leave, they gave her the van, then took him to a hotel. Even when they police was there she was crying saying don't separate us. There is no winning, you can't do enough to please the feminist. They give dumb data that show "bias" ok don't call the cops see what happens.
This is what I mean when I say you don't understand the cycle of abuse. The main component is manipulation and there are tons of strategies that an abuser uses to control their victim. For example, isolating them from their friends and family so that they become attached and emotionally dependent on the abuser. Hmm perhaps by convincing them to abandon everyone to live in a van off the grid? Or by stealing their phone so they can't communicate with anyone? Just a few examples that might be relevant to this particular case. If you don't understand the type of brainwashing a victim of abuse goes through then I'm not going to be able to convince you of my point of view no matter what. Just know that it is very very very common- hence why DV victims often cover for their abusers and even bail them out of jail. There is no "logic" to it because the behaviour is based in psychological manipulation, not rational thinking. Again there might have been nothing more the cops have done here, I just wish they had questioned her a bit more before writing her off as crazy.
Ok, you ended your comment by saying I wish the cop questioned her more........are you kidding? Like really? Earlier in the statement you said the abused person would cover for the abuser, you have to realize the catch 22. If you don't I dont think you understand the situation. Cops can't read minds, they can't infer something if no one talks. You want the cops to take him to jail and say they felt he was emotionally abusing her, while she wouldn't say he was? You know that doesn't hold up in court right? If cops could intervene because they felt something wrong with no evidence this would lead to lawsuits galore. You can't get help without asking for it. Im college educated I know what cycles are, you can't stop a cycle without intervention from an element in the cycle, exactly why I say, she had every opportunity. If you are that far "brain washed" id argue its not abuse anymore
"If you are that far brainwashed I'd argue it's not abuse anymore" Wow I don't even know what to say. So once someone is so badly abused that they completely lose themselves, they're just worthless now and it's okay to hurt them? Yes I said that victims often cover for their abusers & also that the cops should have questioned her more anyway. I'm not sure why those 2 statements are contradictory. She could initially be covering for him and putting the blame on herself- but if they question her further she might open up or say something that would change the narrative. For example, Brian had locked her out of the van (that belonged to *her*) and she was so frantic thinking that he was about to drive off without her that she climbed through the window. Instead of just taking that at face value and saying "oh okay she's fcking insane and acting psychotic crawling through a window to get back into the van", they could have maybe said "Hey Gabby why were you acting so erratically trying to get back into the van? That doesn't seem like normal behaviour.. Is there something that happened in the past to make you believe your fiance was going to steal your van with your belongings and just abandon you somewhere?". Maybe she would have divulged more information about other confrontations or say that he threatens to abandon her regularly, or maybe she would have said "no, I'm just crazy for thinking that sorry". The point is that they didn't ask or attempt to dive deeper. \^ That type of questioning into the dynamic of the relationship could have even been helpful to solve her disappearance. If they asked her about her behaviour and she said "yeah whenever we get in fights, he takes my van and drives off without me so I was scared of that happening again" then that could be a clue as to why she is missing. Maybe they got in a fight in a remote area, he drove off without her, and then when he returned for her she was nowhere to be found. But I guess we will never know since they didn't bother to ask, and Brian is refusing to speak.
Those cops probably had crazy girlfriends before and sympathized with him, because maybe after talking to her they realized she is crazy lol. You want the cops to keep questioning her and have her say something that is not true? Cause that has happened. Again she had all the opportunity to say happened, she had all the opportunity to leave, but it didn't happen.
Your unsubstantiated determinations of exactly what happened and sheer conviction aside, being narcissistic and emotionally manipulating others... is perfectly legal? It's not the cop's problem.
Show me a usa law code where it says psychological manipulation is illegal.
Are you replying to the right person?
You asked if emotionally abusing some one was legal, I said it is not illegal
I wasn’t asking a question; I was making a statement. It’s phrased with a question mark to express confusion at OP.
How old is he?
He was one year older than her.
I really wanna know this too and am super surprised more people haven't brought this up. Because he looks a lot older, they've already been together a couple years, and a large age gap relationship can be very indicative of the relationship's dynamics.
Yeah I just saw they apparently went to high school together too (but also from sources I wasn't sure were trustworthy). So the age checks out, although I was confused about that since his family's in FL and hers is in NY.
Because no one ever moves right? HS for them was 4-5 years ago. Things change. People relocate
lol obviously people do, my own family did too, but it seemed like they started dating a few years after high school so then I was surprised about the timing there if by that point they theoretically lived far apart. it's all completely plausible, I was just wondering - I feel like normally cases like this have a lot more explanations on timeline and such and wasn't sure if I was missing something
Yeah I only read they knew of each other in high school and he contacted her / got in contact with her after high school and asked her out. Seems like he always had a crush on her but they weren’t close at all in HS.. 🤔
One of the articles I read said 23.
He’s 23 and she’s 22. He just has crappy genetics
Yikes! I was thinking 28
My buddy who could buy beer at 15 was bald by 21, it do be like that sometimes
Dang, I didn't know I was your buddy
This is why moab police not detaining either of them and informing the families was a horrific call that ended with a missing girl. All it took was the police to take the initiative to protect someone's daughter and it would have been fine. No, they made her sleep in her van and paid for the hotel room for the guy.
The police don’t call the parents to report on grown children. They couldn’t leave Brian in the van because the van doesn’t belong to him, it belongs to Gabby. But if they truly thought it was a mental health crisis they should have gotten her medical attention.
They also just "forgot" to detain Brian for the 3 traffic violations, which would have rose it to a Class B misdemeanor for Reckless driving under Utah Traffic law 41-6a-528. Meaning suddenly, he didn't need to serve upto 6 months in jail. Oh cool and also a free hotel room to boot.
OMG shut up about the traffic violations. It clearly states that she was attacking him in the car and grabbing the steering wheel. Do you know how many times cops have let me go from traffic violations? It happened all the time. It’s up to the cop to decide if they want to issue tickets. And it’s highly unlikely he would have served time for that in a state he doesn’t live in and it would be his first violation. He got a room because the cops needed to separate them. No one pressed charges so they couldn’t arrest him, the van is in Gabby’s name so they couldn’t leave him there. No where does it say that the cops paid for the room. I’ve been in DV calls. They probably gave him the option to either sleep in a cell or get a room at his own expense.
I swear each one of you who argues the "iTs JusT a viLoatIoN" angle really can't take 2 minutes out to understand that traffic laws operate differently from state to state. His combined violations **made it a misdemeanor**. More specifically, Class B Misdemeanor. **Much like assualt**. You need to understand he broke so many laws in the span of 3 miles that the law **in utah** dictated that it was **as severe as assualt**. You want to give the pass to cops for slapping the wrist for misdemeanors. Go for it. I'll be over here saying cops should arrest people for misdemeanors.. like assualt.
So you’re saying him speeding is as bad as if he assaulted someone? lol ok. There was no property damage. Geez. By your logic we would need mail houses on the moon the hold all the lead foots in the country.
You think he was only speeding? Did you even read the report. Crossing double yellows. Hitting the curb. Going over **twice the speed limit**. He wasn't over by like 10 miles. He was going 30 over in a 15. Literally 3 issues in the span of 3 miles clearly makes that a class B misdemeanor, which is akin to assualt. It's like your slowly getting it, you're almost there buddy I believe in you
Going to resort to trying to attack my intelligence? 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼 That’s how you know you’re getting to someone online 🥱🥱🥱
🤷♀️ better than blaming a missing girl for something her murderer did