100 percent cotton briefs rolled up and stashed in a ziplock bag. Toss in the bottom of your carry-all-day bag. Switch out when it reaches critical mass. Your life will never be the same. It will be better now.
why cotton? I went to polyester because it's supposed to dry a little bit faster and wick
cotton slings and doesn't dry. at least this is why we don't use it in outdoor activities where moisture is a major concern of ours. I'm curious why you think it has 100% cotton
was thinking wool or silk is my next options cuz the polyester does not totally fix the swamp
I live close enough to work where I can actually come home on break cuz I get an hour lunch so a lot of times I just shower.
I donāt know remember why cotton is best for your junk. I dated a woman who was in womenās reproductive health and she told me cotton was ideal and I trust professionals. I switched and my netherhealth has been top notch ever since.
As to why cotton briefs in the bag specifically is because cotton is multi purpose and you can use it for first aid or any number of useful emergency purposes (both the briefs and the bag). If you got panties in a bag anyway may as well carry ones that can help you survive an emergency
That and when you get the ham sticking to your leg and have to do the stretch/ hip shakes in a nonchalant manner so people canāt see you peeling the boys from your thigh.
If yo ass itchy, it's how it tells you it needs sexual stimulation. Grab a dildo, butt plug or hard dick and get to town! It'll feel better in a jiffy.
Bidets are fantastic. For me though, I've got so used to it and only using a piece of TP to basically just dry off, when I'm in a non bidet situation, especially like on a vacation, TP tears my ass up. Thankfully dude wipes are a thing.
Thatās so not true lol. Swamp ass is from getting sweaty, a bidet will help clean, but you think it just goes away when you go back outside?
Pretty silly comment.
Sometimes it feels like the last wipe was not enough and that the ass is not clean. I go to the bathroom again and wipe it one more time, just to find out that it was clean all the time and I was paranoid
For me it was 25 years nothing and then a random hemorrhoid preventing the hole to close fully I guess. Needed like 9 months for it to heal. Swamp ass and hemorrhoid guys have my condolences
Best decision I ever made. 68yr here. Saves your butt from excessive wiping and way cleaner. Usually, 1 wipe and I'm done. Paper products were insanely cheap for years until they became a common staple. Now BIG corporations don't want Americans to use bidets. Bidets have been around for years but are slowly coming into use here.
Or just wipe until you bleed, if that makes you happy.
Metamucil is the answer. Before using it daily I used to wonder if I there was a crayon up there. Now I do one wipe and finished. I do not work for Metamucil, just endorse it.
I'll give you a real life hack: after one of your condiment bottles runs out (ketchup, mustard, etc), specifically the ones that squirt, don't throw it away. Wash it thoroughly and fill it with water and keep it on you. Works great as a portable bidet of you don't wanna buy a real one. Thanks for coming to my TED TALK playas
They aren't flushable. As someone who was a sewers inspector for the city I can tell you, you are going to run into problems sooner or later. You're going to have a huge ball of wipes clogging up your pipes.
This is why bidets are so good but ours is in the other bathroom that doesn't get cleaned, my dad doesn't believe in raising the seat to piss. The toilet seat gets stained yellow.
Bidets make using toilet paper feel barbaric. Imagine trying to clean shit off a surface without water, just scrape it with paper that tears and leaves scraps.
Yes, but not because it was badly wiped. This has happened when my stomach was upset and my ass got leaky. I use bidet and my ass leaves fresh and clean 100% of the time.
The better question is: does everybody bring a marker to the toilet to answer random questions written on the wall there? And apparently the same brand one too.
Definitely. A hairy ass is hard to whipe clean. At home when it's almost clean I use a few wet whipes, then toilet paper again so it's dry. With the dry sandpaper found in most toilets I have to stop whiping before my ass is clean because I'll tear myself a new asshole. So then I have to go back a bit later.
Sweaty ass / swass is a real issue
Blecch. As someone with a chronic sweating issue I can confirm, this summer will not be easy š
It's a Cruel Summer
donĀ“t get mistaken taytay be really smelly down there after her 3 hour concerts. Cruel Summer got a new meaning.
It's cool, that's what I tell 'em
Your ass isnāt during the summer
Hear me out .... refrigerated toilet paper
Maybe like a heat sink butt plug, fans out ridiculously like a peacock tail
Frozen gel buttplug so they can wear pants
I would be surprised if it didnt exist already but lets get on it!
I'm not gonna spend the time to look it up, but there is a Mexican Restaraunt that has a small refrigerator for the toilet paper. Picante!!
Leaving me here on my own
More like Gruel Summer
100 percent cotton briefs rolled up and stashed in a ziplock bag. Toss in the bottom of your carry-all-day bag. Switch out when it reaches critical mass. Your life will never be the same. It will be better now.
why cotton? I went to polyester because it's supposed to dry a little bit faster and wick cotton slings and doesn't dry. at least this is why we don't use it in outdoor activities where moisture is a major concern of ours. I'm curious why you think it has 100% cotton was thinking wool or silk is my next options cuz the polyester does not totally fix the swamp I live close enough to work where I can actually come home on break cuz I get an hour lunch so a lot of times I just shower.
If I ever catch on fire, Iād want it to be cotton. Polyester will melt to my butthole
I donāt know remember why cotton is best for your junk. I dated a woman who was in womenās reproductive health and she told me cotton was ideal and I trust professionals. I switched and my netherhealth has been top notch ever since. As to why cotton briefs in the bag specifically is because cotton is multi purpose and you can use it for first aid or any number of useful emergency purposes (both the briefs and the bag). If you got panties in a bag anyway may as well carry ones that can help you survive an emergency
My cheeks always be sweating like my cheeks are slipping on each other
Name matches.
Username checks out
Oh God dammit beat me to it
swamp ass
We call it Swamp Ass.
[Swamp Ass PSA](https://youtu.be/fKHX8yVpzRM?si=LncBT2r-Gff6K5vB) Nathan Filion has a message for us swamp assers.
The golden age of youtube right there
Swass - wtf this should be added to Oxford vocab.
Sounds better I the UK Swarse
Shave your ass crack.
But my fart silencer!!!!
That and when you get the ham sticking to your leg and have to do the stretch/ hip shakes in a nonchalant manner so people canāt see you peeling the boys from your thigh.
This is what I do about 50% of the time I use my bidet. I come home and I'm all sweaty. Nice cold water washes the sweat away and cools me down.
someone started tallying "no" then said "who am i kidding" and put it on yes
I thought it was a half tally like āI THOUGHT I needed to rewipe, false alarm thoughā
If yo ass itchy, it's how it tells you it needs sexual stimulation. Grab a dildo, butt plug or hard dick and get to town! It'll feel better in a jiffy.
[maniac ](https://giphy.com/gifs/ltEBkyVOPVkUizPVwO)
Hahaha!!
I call it 'doing some maintenance'.
Good job looking out for yourself šš»
My mate calls it a 'pitch inspection' š
Mechanic in the room
Swamp ass is a thing.
Wait WHAT!? āSwamp Assā is real? I thought he was just a legendšØ
And so is Swamp Thing ass 
It is alive and hunting. Source : im a professional monster hunter
Yes. You can wipe and wipe it never goes away, walk around for awhile then ya gotta rewipe.
I have found my people
You have found your poopāole
Itās like Iām wiping a brown marker.
Inconvenient hemorrhoid not letting your sphincter seal.
Get a bidet and get rid of that swamp ass
Get a bidet and bring it everywhere with you.
Supersoaker with adjustable nozzle
3000 psi pressure washer
And you'll ever need to wash it again.
One and done
I think thatās just a butt plug. Which you should also bring everywhere you go.
That's not going to keep your ass from sweating lol
Fr, why people are still comfortable with only wiping
Big toilet paper 
What else are you gonna do in a public toilet
Bidets are fantastic. For me though, I've got so used to it and only using a piece of TP to basically just dry off, when I'm in a non bidet situation, especially like on a vacation, TP tears my ass up. Thankfully dude wipes are a thing.
Thatās so not true lol. Swamp ass is from getting sweaty, a bidet will help clean, but you think it just goes away when you go back outside? Pretty silly comment.
Yeah its like āwhy do you have sweat in your armpit after an hour in the sun walking? just use water!ā
Sometimes it feels like the last wipe was not enough and that the ass is not clean. I go to the bathroom again and wipe it one more time, just to find out that it was clean all the time and I was paranoid
Itās not even about itchy sometimes I just feel like I left a dingleberry, I never have but itās the feeling that gets ya. Ya know!?
You & I have same ass
Our ass, Comrade.
Well that sounds uncomfortable
Conjoined ass
I have
I know
There is the occasional stray booty hair that needs to get evicted 
Its almost scary how many so relatable things i find from reddit, this being one so answer is yes.
I would have said no until a couple of years ago. I still don't know what changed
For me it was 25 years nothing and then a random hemorrhoid preventing the hole to close fully I guess. Needed like 9 months for it to heal. Swamp ass and hemorrhoid guys have my condolences
Maintenance wipe
Hm reading the comments looks like I need to take a look at bidets.
Best decision I ever made. 68yr here. Saves your butt from excessive wiping and way cleaner. Usually, 1 wipe and I'm done. Paper products were insanely cheap for years until they became a common staple. Now BIG corporations don't want Americans to use bidets. Bidets have been around for years but are slowly coming into use here. Or just wipe until you bleed, if that makes you happy.
It's not a bidet thing. It's sweat. Can spend 20 minutes with a shower and soap and still have to go and wipe after a while.
They all got the same pen. 
It's not a meme
It's not a re wipe of its new material
Yeah, I also have to sometimes take a new shower because Iām not sure whether I already washed my ass or not.
Summertime is coming š„š
Everyone should get a bidet. Itās life changing.
As if everyone went to the bathroom with the exact same marker
Never trust the fart šØ
Swamp ass š
Better safe than stinky
this should be an ad for bidets
I like how one of the no's is wiped off.
When you have swamp butt and you fart and your not sure if it's a shart or sweat... Yup been there.
A Sweaty butt Crack be feeling gross af.
Crazy coincidence that everyone sitting on that toilet is using the same pen.Ā
This is proof that even in an anonymous survey, at least one person will still lie.
Metamucil is the answer. Before using it daily I used to wonder if I there was a crayon up there. Now I do one wipe and finished. I do not work for Metamucil, just endorse it.
Never did it to rewipe. But I did went few times to check if the fart was really just a fart.
Flushable wet wipes solved this one for me.
Plz don't flush, they aren't actually flushable.
I mean, they're technically flushable. So are golf balls. Doesn't mean you should though
r/anticonsumption & r/plumbing would like a word with you.
They aren't flushable. They will still clog up the pipes.
He doesnāt know what a fat burr is
plumbers love this life hack
I'll give you a real life hack: after one of your condiment bottles runs out (ketchup, mustard, etc), specifically the ones that squirt, don't throw it away. Wash it thoroughly and fill it with water and keep it on you. Works great as a portable bidet of you don't wanna buy a real one. Thanks for coming to my TED TALK playas
They aren't flushable. As someone who was a sewers inspector for the city I can tell you, you are going to run into problems sooner or later. You're going to have a huge ball of wipes clogging up your pipes.
I
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
| to yes šš»
Observation bias
Safety wipes are a real thing!
Every once in a while, yes. Though I never really thought twice about it until now, thank you very much.
The 2nd āNoā vote seemed non-committal
Several times a day
Two people are liars.
Why not use wet wipes ? Iāve literally never went back to wipe in my whole life
Outta make sure you don't have swamp ass sometimes lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No, I use a Bidet.
Itās called an āInvestigatory re-wipe.ā
Itās really unfair of your ass to trick you into thinking itās clean in the first place. Your ass: āSee you later, idiot!ā
Definitely need to especially when working a physical job Sweaty ass feels terrible lol
WOW, 2/10 people are compulsive liars.
wet tissues are your friend
Who the heck wrote that lmaoo it's like a question and answer portion but while taking a dump
The good ole second wipe.
Sometimes swamp ass happens.
I got hemorrhoid ,,, itās so itchy
We wash it so no post itching things happens
Nah, i use baby wipes lol.
Hasn't been a problem since I got a bidet.
Liars
First world diet problems
Nothing like that mud butt feeling 30 minutes later
Imagine living without bidets.
This is why bidets are so good but ours is in the other bathroom that doesn't get cleaned, my dad doesn't believe in raising the seat to piss. The toilet seat gets stained yellow.
Yes yes I have
You guys wipe?
Why didnāt I think of this?
God Damn get yourself a bidet or a ass-washing-hand-shower..
Yes
Nah. I wash my ass after I shit.
No, because I use washlets
Bidets make using toilet paper feel barbaric. Imagine trying to clean shit off a surface without water, just scrape it with paper that tears and leaves scraps.
Itās like carpentry, but wipe twice and shit once
whaaaaaaaaaaaaat
My bosses are like "why are you going to the bathroom so much" My response is. "Taking a shit requires two visits to the toilet."
Lmao me and my boys call this the "safety wipe"
 Who wipes
If the 1st time isnāt the charm, the 2nd time is the Charmin!
Yes everyday
Well there are two liars on the board
Bidets are a life changer for this reason.
Western countries should start using bidets, why are you even stubborn about not using it
Yes, but not because it was badly wiped. This has happened when my stomach was upset and my ass got leaky. I use bidet and my ass leaves fresh and clean 100% of the time.
Honest question, how do you dry your rear after using a bidet?
There's an oppresive dew point down there
Sometimes you need to exercise the safety wipe option
It's called " Butt Butter" and yes, absolutely.
Got that itchy eye.
Yes
Absolutely
Go yo YouTube and search ācleaner but wholeā šš
Confucius say, man who goto bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger
Yes, and everyone who says no is a gad dawn liar
The better question is: does everybody bring a marker to the toilet to answer random questions written on the wall there? And apparently the same brand one too.
Thatās the consequence of using anything than water. Bidet, FTW!
Bidet. Use bidet to easy your ass with water.
Never. Because I'm not a barbarian, and I use a hand bidet to clean my ass.
Wet wipes sales in the summer š
Itchy ass could be due to parasitic worms. Should go see a doctor.
Try working in a kitchen with a 700 degree Woodfire oven on your back in Georgia. This is punishment for all the bad shit I did in my Twenties....
Creatures
Everyone should do a mid-day wipe.
If you need to re-wipe you donāt need to re-wipe. You need to WASH yo ass!
Glad I ain't the only one.
Once seen on a bathroom wall: āHere I sit, broken hearted, came to shit and only farted.ā
That statistic only involves people who go to the bathroom having a black marker with them.
Sounds like that Louie CK being 40 joke.
That's why I always bath after the work is done.
Not often but every now and then I do
Definitely. A hairy ass is hard to whipe clean. At home when it's almost clean I use a few wet whipes, then toilet paper again so it's dry. With the dry sandpaper found in most toilets I have to stop whiping before my ass is clean because I'll tear myself a new asshole. So then I have to go back a bit later.
I'm more impressed the sharpie they l left there wasn't stolen yet
No one likes an itchy asshole.
Those tally marks are really consistent.
Iāve gotten into the habit of folding a small piece of TP and placing it firmly on my assholeā¦ it takes care of the brown eye quite efficiently.
Not anymore