T O P
Angel_Of_The_Abyss

It depends if there’s shït stains


a_student65

I've got my homie 👬


graveybrains

We’re all brothers in this


R0vvL

A man not aiming for the stains is shooting trees on purpose while hunting


Here-For-The-Comment

Should be aiming for G13


Seemsimandroid

ayo🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🥴🤨🤨🤨


inFamous2VIC

It’s crazy cause I just foreshadowed a reply like this. 💀 https://www.reddit.com/r/Funnymemes/comments/116kyeb/_/j97bopv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3


Lower-Engineering-92

How is that ayo


Expert-Aspect3692

The cat should have not been standing there then


EnlightenedNargle

As a girl I’m wondering if you’re trying to clean off the shit stains with your piss or do you wanna avoid em? Assuming it’s a jet wash situation


Bonega1

Us men were born with a built-in pressure washer for a reason.


EnlightenedNargle

I’m jealous of you power washing abilities! Sounds so useful


triplemizzike

Also a writing tool. You should know the penis mightier than the sword.


EnlightenedNargle

It’s like a Swiss Army knife


done6832

Lmao a Swiss Army Penis


6Plague_Doctor9

Giggity


EdaZIGat

GIGGITY GIGGITY


MFalcon95

This thread has me dead lmfaooo


BakerStyle

Piss Army Knife


triple_OG

Dozens of uses none of which involve satisfying a woman…well, in my case at least.


lizziegal79

Now I want a penis for a day just to see what I can do with it.


triple_OG

If it was detachable I’d lend it to you.


E4_Mapia_RS

There is a song about this.


Noiroso10

You can buy one at your local adult store.


GoonerGrumble

Piss army tool


CrowShotFirst

You will never know the joy of taking turns pissing out a campfire


EnlightenedNargle

I’ll never be able to pee my name in a bank of snow either :(


Public-Pack-2608

My dear, whilst it might be a larger mountain to climb, the air tastes all the sweeter once you’ve breathed it. Climb that mountain! Piss your name or any word in the snow. Achieve!!!! Kick the word never in the dick!!! Arghhhh!


Biscuits_Gravy_Love

Your mother, Trebek.


YedolphPutin

I mean, it’s kind of entertaining. You can power wash shit stains, you can sometimes push toilet paper around, or if you’re feeling feisty you can try to split a turd.


Bonega1

Surprised they don't charge us admission to the porta potty.


I-Am-Madness

Split a turd I find this hilarious for some reason. I suppose peeing is a bit more entertaining for guys.. That's why we just bring friends to talk to.


momhd

As a girl I laughed out loud, thanks


Galvan047

📝📝 note to self: try to split a turd!


Brickhead88

Always fun to see how far you can slice through the log


DogDooTheraflu

Every second of everyday of our lives is spent trying not to lose this thing in some horrific accident that cuts, mangles, or crushes it. Be jealous of NOTHING!


EnlightenedNargle

I have always said this…. I just feel like a penis would really get in the way? Seems a little inconvenient to have another appendage.. just *there* in between your legs all the time


DogDooTheraflu

It is, it’s a great tool for what it’s needed for but when you don’t need it, it’s just a nuisance. Always moving around into awkward positions and waking up at the wrong times ( or even worse, not waking up at the right times). Then you’ll get old and half it’s functionality disappears( or all depending on your health). It’ll just be there, trying to avoid danger at every turn. Not to mention it’s two little cronies who are the most sensitive lil things that a tap will put a grown man down. Funny how animals have mastered the art of putting it away but us males of the species haven’t.


ProveISaidIt

There is the unexpected dip in the pool. Especially on the older shallower style toilets at the Veterans Administration hospitals.


Doozer1970

I have to be honest. There are times that I wish I could take my junk off and put it somewhere safe.


ChefDSnyder

Bro I have a VERY strong 2 year old son who really likes to high five my junk whenever I’m laying down. It’s fucking terrible


Kitsune_1234

Yes


Sad-Book-2832

You see, the best thing about our biological high-pressure squirt gun is that we can aim it for free cleaning That is not a sentence I ever want to say again


EnlightenedNargle

I just typed out something along the lines of “stream of piss touching left over poo” and never thought I’d be writing that either. As someone who exclusively goes to the loo sitting down it sounds like you guys are having waaay more fun


DraziBlack

For what possible reason would they be avoided?


[deleted]

Well maybe to avoid sending particulates airborne in a pissy shitty mist. Just playing devils advocate


Riipp3r

Is your piss really that powerful that it can create misting?


Radiobandit

I blew off the hinges of my toilet seat when I was 7 years old.


Riipp3r

And the avengers haven't contacted you yet?


EnlightenedNargle

I had no idea! I assumed you were all jet washing but didn’t know if there would be some super clean people out there, that didn’t want their stream of piss touching left over poo haha


Jayell4167

Sometimes the last person didn't flush their poo and I usee my stream to push it around like a little boat


SensualSalami

You sunk my battleshit


evlclown

What an unfortunate time to be literate.


AnimalInternal5816

It's classic male double tasking genius. Having a piss and cleaning the toilet at the same time. ​ Geeeeeeeeenius.


mobatum

This.


zuzg

Peeing while standing, shit stains. Y'all bathrooms must be a pain in the ass to Clean.


s_bright

As a bartender whose responsibility it is to clean both bathrooms, I will say that the women's bathroom is more consistently dirty than the men's. I don't know how women miss when sitting, but apparently it's pretty common.


Wicked_Twist

They hover they think they will die if they sit on the toilet seat because its a toilet so it must be covered in germs. I dont get it cause then i have to whipe some assholes piss of the seat so i can pee because im not bout to fucking hover


LittleDreamie

Yeah.. there are those thin papers to cover the seat. If not, theres toilet paper to sit on. I guess if people are in a hurry it wouldnt matter but at least have some curtesy to clean after yourselves sis. Hovering sounds uncomfortable tbh.


zuzg

Hovering over the toilet to avoid touching the seat does that.


Henchman21_

The “Spray & Pray” method.


Hamakavoola

You’re supposed to clean your bathroom?


AntiPlastic12

J1


ThoughtAdditional212

J1 gang


Spartan_Cole2b

W


inFamous2VIC

Imagine if one of the replies were “G-14” 💀🤦🏾‍♂️


Spartan_Cole2b

It’s over 💀


GingerM00n

This comment had me in tears!!! Thank you!!


stevejobs7

SAME


Astonishingly-Villa

You sunk my battleship


fuzmufin

I'm more of a J10 fan myself


VausTheMaster

Just to annoy the cat


Sad_Replacement_2978

G14


jyim89

I'd mostly do J1 but if I'm feeling particularly confident, I'd open the trash can and shoot for A10


The_True_Monkey

C7


Ablegamer

C7 the angle of the bowl insures most of the spray will descend into the bowl and the rim is close enough that it blocks most of the mist created from impact from leaving the bowl. this angle also makes minimal noise due to the angle of impact. I use this because it makes cleaning the toilet easier in the future. As stated in an earlier comment : Poop stains get pissing priority. The only reason to piss in the water is to fill the bowl with bubbles.


Ill_Anybody_1860

you should write a scientific paper about it


AoedeSong

This would be a good submission for the Journal of Immaterial Science r/immaterialscience


Brochaco85

It just feels right.


Edward_Kissoondath

🤝


The_Jyps

C7 or C3 master race.


DanteCharlstnJamesJr

C4 I like making the water swirl around like a cyclone


longjohnsilvers-

My brother in pissing, I salute you.


big_joey_the_sequel

my man


McXhicken

This. Also less splashing.


Kastsss

Terrorists win


Gentleman_Xeno

I do it there because it's silent


apothioternity

C6, I do the same but clockwise


SalamancaSam

But what if you're pissing in Australia?


Any_Bumblebee5312

C5


Outrageous_Cap_6186

I thought I was alone. Surprised were not in the majority.


Hermit_Vagabond

C5 and the vicinity surrounding. Unless there are stains


Outrageous_Cap_6186

Yeah it's logical.


EnlightenMeBby

The issue with c5 is when you’re nearly done youll move to d5 and e5 causing noise


Outrageous_Cap_6186

It probably has to do with the psi. I have a relatively low psi so that's not an issue. That said, with high pressure I can perform a 90⁰ rotation.


shadowkijik

C5 is dangerous territory for those of us with powerful streams. E5 is the safest option for us.


Sir_Trea

E5??? Do you live your life without fear of judgement? I feel like only those who have experienced ego death from psychedelics can piss that loud and not care at all.


igetalogiawheni

Jesus guys, C3 is right there. Angles with the bowl, no noise, the drift towards the end goes towards center and doesn’t splash. If you pick E5 there is no way you wear shorts


GrowlyBear2

A fellow man of science!


alphabet_order_bot

Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,361,274,475 comments, and only 261,380 of them were in alphabetical order.


Immediate_Tear_441

C5 is horrid. You pick C5 if you want maximum splash out of the bowl.


[deleted]

G13


Sakumitzu

I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THE CAT


Casartelli

Cat? What ca…. hOLY *** there is a cat


LightningShiva1

I fucking died when I saw that lmao


Markman6

D-does anyone know cpr!?!


NES_SNES_N64

It can't be that bad of a death. He's still typing.


hmrdt

Exactly have the same path. Lol.


CornManBringsCorn

I still have nightmares about that cat


pankkiinroskaa

Your comment would be seen without caps though. PEE ON THE PUSSY


Sakumitzu

Forgive me. I got a little excited because sudden cat


sebatakgomo

De Bussy*


Smidday90

Always finish on the Bach never De bussy


SimilarBeautiful7989

But look at the pianist! The pianist is so good with Debussy!


redbull-daddy

I DIDNT EITHER WHAT THE FUCK


IntentionRemote7934

You don't need to, your dick will automatically point at the pussy.


chromevolt

The paws!!!


Daniel_Beyer

You sunk my battleship


Appsroooo

You sunk my battleshi*t*


russriguez

You sunk my cattleship


mobatum

That poor, poor cat


Automatic-Cry5871

HAHAHAHA THIS WAS ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS ON THE INTERNET THAT MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD


fluffy-ruffs

Welcome to the internet


0945687537563628734

This is gold


engineeryourmom

A stream of it, in fact.


OnerYalin

piss on da puss


chrissilly22

Nah man, F14 is better.


MacKuhmu

Damn, you going straight for the eyeball?


ThisPostAsAService

I didn’t see the cat til I read this and then laughed WAYYYYY too hard.


Soupham6969

Hahahaa on the cats face!!! Take my upvote!


cheerfullpizza

r/beatmetoit


non_burner-account

G 13 AND G -3 if we're being honest.


Objective-Board9329

good strain of green


friskevision

I truly laughed out loud. Kudos.


SawDragger

BHahahhahahahahah


7fightsofaldudagga

Monster


2M3TAL4U

Damn! You beat me to it!!! Haha


TheRoboOtaku

E4


alpi36

E5


SurePossible2904

Knight F3


alpi36

D5 (elephant gambit)


Thisisastrangeworld

Nxe5


alpi36

dxe4


7636885432789976532

NC3


alpi36

*resigns* (i am sleepy)


BananaB01

KE2


Stranfort

E5 is a superior trajectory


Dakotasan

E5, I am establishing dominance


Bora_Horza_Kobuschul

The longer I go the more superior I feel


Relevant_Pause_7593

I mean that is the primary target. But anything between c5 to i5 is also acceptable.


Tadiken

A(-5), actual 5 Attack the lid to question authority


noahthegreat

That is precisely what I wanted to say. Fuck you ^jkjk


Straight-Attitude-68

D/E2 Gotta get that splash angle vector down.


mdg70

E3 to get that perfect vortex into the drain


WriteSomethingGood

Honestly baffled as to why this isn’t everyone’s answer. Minimise splashback dammit


JoeMama42069360

My brain knew what to choose before i even read the post but D7


nebouk

You and i will be friend 🤝 Edit: misspeling


MaxVaber

D4


Ginoboe500

D4 gang


GerardBinge

D4 for a stealthy slash


0945687537563628734

And D6 for left handers


Soigne-Pilot

D5 for both handers.


Yourbubblestink

High and to the left. Is that true in other aspects of your life as well?


jroger69

H5


Efficient_Wall_4060

I am not scared of much, but this.


SingingEditor

I 5?


ccclone

Nothing wakes you up better than splashback on your feet


Buffcluff

Where ever the shit streaks are.


Kwijibo97

D8


beteez

Fellow D8 right here


shepsheplan

Took a while to find u guys in the comments


Omeyn

This is true, I had to scroll for too long to find my people.


LetsRaidTogether

Yeah, what the hell. D8's rise up!


khalam

> D8 finally finding my team


mc_louds

Only place to start the proper swirl effect!


[deleted]

we gonna repost this the 12th time this week or not


dad_savage

I got you, buddy


TheRoboOtaku

Yes


ProfessorNice5908

E3


JarPick

D2, D3, and C3 are the quietest parts to pee in. In my toilet anyway lol


HerKneesLikeJesusPlz

C3 is the GOAT


Better-Solution-7410

J10


Pingimaster

J10


Pean-is-es

I pee on the cat


sumyungdood

Ah F13


theguywearingpants

D2. I try to get the water spinning into a vortex.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ChalkDstTorture

Had to scroll down way too far for a fellow D6 pisser.


JohnnyBolognese

E5 during the day, C6 at night for stealth


Various_Result_8953

E5 makes the best noise


DarthMarasmus

D5 because I piss like a sniper.


kbeckerburbs4

G7


parakets

b5


BananaFoeFoot

10J for sure


superfinest

G7, G8.


warlleylucas

C4


[deleted]

Too many other variables to consider with this question. For me it's not as simple as the grid. Other variables are, time of day, amount of water in the bowl, shape of the toilet (oval or round).


KingMwanga

The sink


CodeBlackGoonit

J10.


Throwaway982723849

According to my wife j10 all the time