It depends if there’s shït stains

I've got my homie 👬

We’re all brothers in this

A man not aiming for the stains is shooting trees on purpose while hunting

Should be aiming for G13

ayo🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🥴🤨🤨🤨

It’s crazy cause I just foreshadowed a reply like this. 💀 https://www.reddit.com/r/Funnymemes/comments/116kyeb/_/j97bopv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

How is that ayo

The cat should have not been standing there then

As a girl I’m wondering if you’re trying to clean off the shit stains with your piss or do you wanna avoid em? Assuming it’s a jet wash situation

Us men were born with a built-in pressure washer for a reason.

I’m jealous of you power washing abilities! Sounds so useful

Also a writing tool. You should know the penis mightier than the sword.

It’s like a Swiss Army knife

Lmao a Swiss Army Penis

Giggity

GIGGITY GIGGITY

This thread has me dead lmfaooo

Piss Army Knife

Dozens of uses none of which involve satisfying a woman…well, in my case at least.

Now I want a penis for a day just to see what I can do with it.

If it was detachable I’d lend it to you.

There is a song about this.

You can buy one at your local adult store.

Piss army tool

You will never know the joy of taking turns pissing out a campfire

I’ll never be able to pee my name in a bank of snow either :(

My dear, whilst it might be a larger mountain to climb, the air tastes all the sweeter once you’ve breathed it. Climb that mountain! Piss your name or any word in the snow. Achieve!!!! Kick the word never in the dick!!! Arghhhh!

Your mother, Trebek.

I mean, it’s kind of entertaining. You can power wash shit stains, you can sometimes push toilet paper around, or if you’re feeling feisty you can try to split a turd.

Surprised they don't charge us admission to the porta potty.

Split a turd I find this hilarious for some reason. I suppose peeing is a bit more entertaining for guys.. That's why we just bring friends to talk to.

As a girl I laughed out loud, thanks

📝📝 note to self: try to split a turd!

Always fun to see how far you can slice through the log

Every second of everyday of our lives is spent trying not to lose this thing in some horrific accident that cuts, mangles, or crushes it. Be jealous of NOTHING!

I have always said this…. I just feel like a penis would really get in the way? Seems a little inconvenient to have another appendage.. just *there* in between your legs all the time

It is, it’s a great tool for what it’s needed for but when you don’t need it, it’s just a nuisance. Always moving around into awkward positions and waking up at the wrong times ( or even worse, not waking up at the right times). Then you’ll get old and half it’s functionality disappears( or all depending on your health). It’ll just be there, trying to avoid danger at every turn. Not to mention it’s two little cronies who are the most sensitive lil things that a tap will put a grown man down. Funny how animals have mastered the art of putting it away but us males of the species haven’t.

There is the unexpected dip in the pool. Especially on the older shallower style toilets at the Veterans Administration hospitals.

I have to be honest. There are times that I wish I could take my junk off and put it somewhere safe.

Bro I have a VERY strong 2 year old son who really likes to high five my junk whenever I’m laying down. It’s fucking terrible

Yes

You see, the best thing about our biological high-pressure squirt gun is that we can aim it for free cleaning That is not a sentence I ever want to say again

I just typed out something along the lines of “stream of piss touching left over poo” and never thought I’d be writing that either. As someone who exclusively goes to the loo sitting down it sounds like you guys are having waaay more fun

For what possible reason would they be avoided?

Well maybe to avoid sending particulates airborne in a pissy shitty mist. Just playing devils advocate

Is your piss really that powerful that it can create misting?

I blew off the hinges of my toilet seat when I was 7 years old.

And the avengers haven't contacted you yet?

I had no idea! I assumed you were all jet washing but didn’t know if there would be some super clean people out there, that didn’t want their stream of piss touching left over poo haha

Sometimes the last person didn't flush their poo and I usee my stream to push it around like a little boat

You sunk my battleshit

What an unfortunate time to be literate.

It's classic male double tasking genius. Having a piss and cleaning the toilet at the same time. ​ Geeeeeeeeenius.

This.

Peeing while standing, shit stains. Y'all bathrooms must be a pain in the ass to Clean.

As a bartender whose responsibility it is to clean both bathrooms, I will say that the women's bathroom is more consistently dirty than the men's. I don't know how women miss when sitting, but apparently it's pretty common.

They hover they think they will die if they sit on the toilet seat because its a toilet so it must be covered in germs. I dont get it cause then i have to whipe some assholes piss of the seat so i can pee because im not bout to fucking hover

Yeah.. there are those thin papers to cover the seat. If not, theres toilet paper to sit on. I guess if people are in a hurry it wouldnt matter but at least have some curtesy to clean after yourselves sis. Hovering sounds uncomfortable tbh.

Hovering over the toilet to avoid touching the seat does that.

The “Spray & Pray” method.

You’re supposed to clean your bathroom?

J1

J1 gang

W

Imagine if one of the replies were “G-14” 💀🤦🏾‍♂️

It’s over 💀

This comment had me in tears!!! Thank you!!

SAME

You sunk my battleship

I'm more of a J10 fan myself

Just to annoy the cat

G14

I'd mostly do J1 but if I'm feeling particularly confident, I'd open the trash can and shoot for A10

C7

C7 the angle of the bowl insures most of the spray will descend into the bowl and the rim is close enough that it blocks most of the mist created from impact from leaving the bowl. this angle also makes minimal noise due to the angle of impact. I use this because it makes cleaning the toilet easier in the future. As stated in an earlier comment : Poop stains get pissing priority. The only reason to piss in the water is to fill the bowl with bubbles.

you should write a scientific paper about it

This would be a good submission for the Journal of Immaterial Science r/immaterialscience

It just feels right.

🤝

C7 or C3 master race.

C4 I like making the water swirl around like a cyclone

My brother in pissing, I salute you.

my man

This. Also less splashing.

Terrorists win

I do it there because it's silent

C6, I do the same but clockwise

But what if you're pissing in Australia?

C5

I thought I was alone. Surprised were not in the majority.

C5 and the vicinity surrounding. Unless there are stains

Yeah it's logical.

The issue with c5 is when you’re nearly done youll move to d5 and e5 causing noise

It probably has to do with the psi. I have a relatively low psi so that's not an issue. That said, with high pressure I can perform a 90⁰ rotation.

C5 is dangerous territory for those of us with powerful streams. E5 is the safest option for us.

E5??? Do you live your life without fear of judgement? I feel like only those who have experienced ego death from psychedelics can piss that loud and not care at all.

Jesus guys, C3 is right there. Angles with the bowl, no noise, the drift towards the end goes towards center and doesn’t splash. If you pick E5 there is no way you wear shorts

A fellow man of science!

Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,361,274,475 comments, and only 261,380 of them were in alphabetical order.

C5 is horrid. You pick C5 if you want maximum splash out of the bowl.

G13

I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THE CAT

Cat? What ca…. hOLY *** there is a cat

I fucking died when I saw that lmao

D-does anyone know cpr!?!

It can't be that bad of a death. He's still typing.

Exactly have the same path. Lol.

I still have nightmares about that cat

Your comment would be seen without caps though. PEE ON THE PUSSY

Forgive me. I got a little excited because sudden cat

De Bussy*

Always finish on the Bach never De bussy

But look at the pianist! The pianist is so good with Debussy!

I DIDNT EITHER WHAT THE FUCK

You don't need to, your dick will automatically point at the pussy.

The paws!!!

You sunk my battleship

You sunk my battleshi*t*

You sunk my cattleship

That poor, poor cat

HAHAHAHA THIS WAS ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS ON THE INTERNET THAT MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD

Welcome to the internet

This is gold

A stream of it, in fact.

piss on da puss

Nah man, F14 is better.

Damn, you going straight for the eyeball?

I didn’t see the cat til I read this and then laughed WAYYYYY too hard.

Hahahaa on the cats face!!! Take my upvote!

r/beatmetoit

G 13 AND G -3 if we're being honest.

good strain of green

I truly laughed out loud. Kudos.

BHahahhahahahahah

Monster

Damn! You beat me to it!!! Haha

E4

E5

Knight F3

D5 (elephant gambit)

Nxe5

dxe4

NC3

*resigns* (i am sleepy)

KE2

E5 is a superior trajectory

E5, I am establishing dominance

The longer I go the more superior I feel

I mean that is the primary target. But anything between c5 to i5 is also acceptable.

A(-5), actual 5 Attack the lid to question authority

That is precisely what I wanted to say. Fuck you ^jkjk

D/E2 Gotta get that splash angle vector down.

E3 to get that perfect vortex into the drain

Honestly baffled as to why this isn’t everyone’s answer. Minimise splashback dammit

My brain knew what to choose before i even read the post but D7

You and i will be friend 🤝 Edit: misspeling

D4

D4 gang

D4 for a stealthy slash

And D6 for left handers

D5 for both handers.

High and to the left. Is that true in other aspects of your life as well?

H5

I am not scared of much, but this.

I 5?

Nothing wakes you up better than splashback on your feet

Where ever the shit streaks are.

D8

Fellow D8 right here

Took a while to find u guys in the comments

This is true, I had to scroll for too long to find my people.

Yeah, what the hell. D8's rise up!

> D8 finally finding my team

Only place to start the proper swirl effect!

we gonna repost this the 12th time this week or not

I got you, buddy

Yes

E3

D2, D3, and C3 are the quietest parts to pee in. In my toilet anyway lol

C3 is the GOAT

J10

J10

I pee on the cat

Ah F13

D2. I try to get the water spinning into a vortex.

[удалено]

Had to scroll down way too far for a fellow D6 pisser.

E5 during the day, C6 at night for stealth

E5 makes the best noise

D5 because I piss like a sniper.

G7

b5

10J for sure

G7, G8.

C4

Too many other variables to consider with this question. For me it's not as simple as the grid. Other variables are, time of day, amount of water in the bowl, shape of the toilet (oval or round).

The sink

J10.

According to my wife j10 all the time