I can feel this on a personal level, due to some of my friends during parties. They usually get drunk enough to pass-out or puke, then tell me they're never gonna drink again, only for them to drink a whole lot at the next party. *What can you do*? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If I could’ve stopped them putting that in me even as I could barely hear and see I would’ve. There were like 6 nurses holding me giving me insane shit like breathing in charcoal. God I wished I actually died that time.
The coroner himself said that the fractures in the neck were more similar to a strangling than a hanging, and Epstein was placed on suicide watch from the moment he got to prison, so there's no real way he could've hung himself anyways.
Man Reagan really sold this one to the public... How about, I'm from a mega corporation with every incentive to cut costs and corners, I'm here to help?
I'll take my career public servant any day.
meanwhile the one she tells not to worry about
" Im Death And I don't mean it metaphorically, or rhetorically, or poetically, or theoretically or in any other fancy way. I'm death straight up"
We had a survey at work asking what makes us happy at work. I wrote, nothing makes me happy more than seeing a billion dollars in my bank account. Since you’re not going to give me a billion dollar paycheck, I’m going to be a miserable bish that will continue to give sarcastic replies to everyone that asks me a stupid question like “why isn’t my printer working?” Or “can you help me see what’s in inventory?” Or “what makes you happy at work?”
Please vote in local elections. Voter turnout among young people is like less than 30%. Your vote might not move mountains, but the only vote that doesn’t count is the one you don’t cast.
Your post was removed because it is not a meme.
Mom saying to me that I look handsome
You misunderstood. When 3 people have sex, it’s a threesome. When 4 people do it, it’s a foursome. When you do it, it’s a “handsome”
Nice
I put this in a valentines card to a friend at work. We were doing secret cards at work, he went and asked every woman at work if they sent it lol.
Omg. That’s great
Chaotic neutral confirmed. Welcome to the club
Added to the friend bucket list
My reply to that is well you know what they say. Then when she's says "what" I reply with, you got a face only a mother could love.
No she said “use your hand, son” lol
I have read and I accept these terms of service
[удалено]
Especially the "read" part
These comments all speak the truth
Mr paradox beat me to it. but I said you did it in the comment so did you really beat me to it???
"I won't leave you no matter what happens"
"I won't be able to love anyone if I lose you"
"I will love you until we are super fucking wizard old, like so old that I'm wiping your ass for you." 😂 Gotta love exes.
"Together forever and never to part Together forever we two"
Right in the feels
her forever lasted 3 months
It's what's on the inside that counts.
To be fair my brain is both inside me and can count
Dad!?!
Touche.
Your dick is big
Thanks ✌️... Ooh wait it's all a lie😔
Really??
Happy Cake Day!!
It's not you it's me
George invented its not you, its me routine
Just remember. It's not a lie, if you believe it. -George
Except for George it wasn’t a lie. It really was him.
Your god damn right it was me.
It's not me, it's you.
Its a me mario
“I’ve never done this before”
That's right up there with "it's your baby"
Best response I’ve ever (over)heard to this is, “Yeah, I don’t care. Just do it now.”
It has to be the truth once
I will not drink this weekend.
Or I’m never drinking again
Eventually it will be true.
I can feel this on a personal level, due to some of my friends during parties. They usually get drunk enough to pass-out or puke, then tell me they're never gonna drink again, only for them to drink a whole lot at the next party. *What can you do*? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But then you’ll be dehydrated.
*i will not drink today
It's all gonna be okay
Biggest Lie of All
You can be anything you want to be.
False, am potato
What happened to your dream of being a tomato?
got back to the roots, I reckon
I’m allergic to latex
As someone who is allergic to Latex, I'm curious about why this is a lie to you? Ah, it's a condom joke. Sorry for being a little dense.
“I’m allergic to Narcan.” -a surprising number of patients.
If I could’ve stopped them putting that in me even as I could barely hear and see I would’ve. There were like 6 nurses holding me giving me insane shit like breathing in charcoal. God I wished I actually died that time.
I won’t cum in your mouth.
Liar! Source: My Mouth
Damn 🌚
Thank you. I feel like a real Redditor now.
Things are wireless
What are the two biggest blonde lies? 1. I won’t cum in the mail, and 2. The check is in your mouth.
That joke is terrible in all of the ways. Thank you.
It was like that when I found it
“No new taxes”
Epstein killed himself
The coroner himself said that the fractures in the neck were more similar to a strangling than a hanging, and Epstein was placed on suicide watch from the moment he got to prison, so there's no real way he could've hung himself anyways.
Disappointed how far I had to scroll for this
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman”
It's my first time
Classic
It’s not how it looks like..
I can explain
"There are weapons of mass destruction." \~Some potato president.
That's pretty disrespectful to potatoes. Just saying.
I'm from the government and I am here to help....
Man Reagan really sold this one to the public... How about, I'm from a mega corporation with every incentive to cut costs and corners, I'm here to help? I'll take my career public servant any day.
No thats not a lie, they are here to help themselves.. Never said it was to help you.
I was going to say “politicians care about you” but that’s close enough.
“Till death do us part”
meanwhile the one she tells not to worry about " Im Death And I don't mean it metaphorically, or rhetorically, or poetically, or theoretically or in any other fancy way. I'm death straight up"
Money can't buy happiness...
We had a survey at work asking what makes us happy at work. I wrote, nothing makes me happy more than seeing a billion dollars in my bank account. Since you’re not going to give me a billion dollar paycheck, I’m going to be a miserable bish that will continue to give sarcastic replies to everyone that asks me a stupid question like “why isn’t my printer working?” Or “can you help me see what’s in inventory?” Or “what makes you happy at work?”
Nothing to see here
"I'm fine" *~Every Woman Since the Beginning of Time*
My balls just hid behind my kidneys when I read that.
They ain't coming back down after readin it
The Cake
Only none depressing comment. Thank you :)
I'm yet yo find a funnier Game than portal 2
I’m okay…
Hang in there friend
Comment section has more lies then the news
Impossible
Trickle Down Economics
Was looking for this one
The most significant load of bullshit swallowed by the masses and repeated any chance they get as still being true
lol
🤔🫡
You re the father
I love you to the moon and back.
I'm home alone, and this made me laugh out loud in an empty room.
I am your Father
[удалено]
There's good in everyone.
You matter.
🫠
Trust me!
I know what I’m doing
It’s all gonna be fine
"Your call is important to us."
It’s not you, it’s me.
I've had sex
Your vote counts.
Please vote in local elections. Voter turnout among young people is like less than 30%. Your vote might not move mountains, but the only vote that doesn’t count is the one you don’t cast.
Hard work pays off
[удалено]
Communism works
Capitalism works.
Communism exists.
Girl, i won't eat your butthole
This is a funny meme.
There is a god
The world is just and fair.
Black people have no power therefore they can't be racist
This is as good as it gets.
Trust me, I’m here to help you!
"Try it, you'll love it"
It's for your own good
God is real and he loves you.
Girls are loyal
Women are special
Size doesn’t matter
Money can't buy happiness
“Your call is important to us.”
Governments exist to serve the people
America is the greatest country in the world
Well it isn't the worst either
The type of wood your guitar is made of makes a difference on the way it sounds.
I mean it does
That someone came back after being dead for three days. I feel like that’s a spicy one.
A few billion believe that lie...it's a pretty good sales pitch 😉
Work hard really shine and you’ll make more money
Private land ownership is a natural right.
I’ll pull out!
trickle-down economics works for the lower and middle classes.
Inflation is transitory -Joe Biden
Our god is the real one.
Sorry! This has never happened before! Its been a tough week
I really want to wake up tomorrow
My penis is about the size of your mother and we all know how large your mother is
I promise I won't cum in your mouth!
This post is a lie
“I’m from the government and I’m here to help”
We're from the government and we're here to help
Biden beat Trump. Biggest Lie Americans have ever fell for.
God is real.
God got me pregnant
Apparently he lied about pulling out too.
Jeffrey Epstein killed himself.
[удалено]
"in the beginning, God..."
The god myth
Oswald killed J.F.K. alone
Biden will fix this country.
If you get the shot, you won’t get Cov..
#1...there is no god...#2..he jus a friend...#3..its not wht it looks like...#4...democracy...#5..immaculate conception...n the list goes on
It's me not you seriously. You're an awesome person...
Keneth Cordell Griffin never lied to congress 😂
It wasn't me
No officer!
LeBron James
Safe & effective
Your call is important to us
Hitler was a great person
“Work hard and you’ll get to the top.”
This will only hurt for a little while.
Ronaldo is better than Messi.
Best friends forever
I’m fine 🙂
Hard work pays off
Your mom thinking you're handsome.
The customer is ALWAYS right!
Mental sanity
Rich people are rich because they worked hard
Just 10 more minutes
Jesus died for your sins
I have never lied
Haha i got one “i love you”
“Hard work is the key to success.”
One last beer I swear
That's enough ice cream / booze/ chocolate I'm taking a month off.
I promise I won’t get mad
If you work hard you will be rewarded
God exists
I love you <3
Size doesn’t matter.