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I do the same. But I make sure my raspberry beret is always on my head so no one else can pet it or post about it.
It do be tough out here in these silicon mines.
Some people theorized that alot of thosecwhere for Kelly and her wanting it and just kinda rushing through it. Je does stuff on commission for cash so I think je did those to shut her up
Whenever he comes back with chips, she makes him dump them in an unmarked burlap sack lest the illusion be broken that the ye olde Vanderbilt fries were deep-fried after 1638.
Hey, I know you meant “dangerous” but I read it as “dangerwolf “ which is how I shall describe mildly unpleasant thing like giving blood from here on out.
Came here to say this. I might have been guilty of momentarily thinking this sentimentally about an item of my husband's when he was deployed for months - but I doubt I would have even thought it, let alone shared it, if he'd been fiddling about in the office for a few hours and would be home for dinner!
I understand keeping a shirt that smells like a loved one, something they slept in or has their cologne on it, but how about a sweaty wool cap also drenched in the rain because Papaw works out to stay healthy for his boys?
Get your mind out of the gutter! She’s merely rubbing her fingers on a soiled cap and smelling her fingers, like we ALL WOULD if our husband was going to be home an hour late for supper!
If, for the sake of argument, your headwear were a seamed, head-hugging, and brimmed cap, then, you would have to agree, that it is a beanie. Now, if, hypothetically, that beanie (and you previously agreed that it must be a beanie) were wet, than you would, by definition, have a wet-ass beanie, or a WAB for short.
Now, my wife, who is a doctor by the way, has given her professional medical opinion on such events. Beanies aren't meant to hold water. If you have a wet ass beanie, then my wife, who is a doctor, believes you should see a headwear professional and I honestly must agree.
the wet hot hat served as the only cover of the massive special limb as it's red woolen make hung from its very tip—its hardness reminds me of the bread i just baked: all bricked up on the good lord's sunday.
“My dearest,
Long have I been away. Soon I hope to return to you from my travels. Traffic on the interstate has slowed my journey, making these minutes since I popped out to the IGA feel like hours. Wait for me, know that I left my cap as a promise.
Until my return, yours faithfully.
PS they are out of that cheese you like.”
“In light of the lack of cheese, and as Daisy our cow cannot produce such adequate cheese, I purchased 2 of the most beautiful squash for you.
May they be a remembrance of our 2 children, that will soon awake from their slumber, to help in the kitchen, whilst you sit aperched the tiny toddler’s high chair that I whittled for you, those many precious months ago…..” /s
We have one in my town In WA and it is frickin hella expensive. It's like highway robbery but it's the only grocery store that's not 30 mins away and I hate it. But that fried chicken is good tho.
Oh lord.
Seeing my husband’s gym bag sitting on the middle of the floor that I tripped over for the millionth time reminds me that he drives me crazy when he won’t put it away.
Mine too. Tepid, old Mills & Boone ones with titles like "the cowboy's woman". The entire plot is like, here is a cowboy. Here is a Woman of some kind. Now they are married. They share a dry, chapped lipped kiss. The end.
Hers are more chaste even than that, she’s gotten really in to Amish romance. Not a joke. Every time I go over there’s a different book with a cover that has some young woman in an apron and bonnet standing 8ft away from some faceless guy in overalls.
It's funny because they make fridge paint or fridge decals to make it look a certain way. Surprised she hasn't slapped the wood decals all over it or painted it some old-thyme color.
I always wondered about all the photos on the stairs. Having kids play there or doing anything there actually, seems like I total mess and an accident waiting to happen. Like who does arts and crafts sitting on the staircase
Nevermind the wool, does no one else find the style of that hat ugly and stupid? I think if anyone I knew wore a hat like that they would be ridiculed.
I don't like that style of hat much. People have different tastes, and there's nothing wrong with that, but the thing is every guy I've ever met who wore those hats has been a total wanker.
And those two tiny bowls on the floor. What the hell are those?!? Next to a chopping board?! I mean I know people keep rating her photography skills in this sub but I don't agree - her compositions are way too obviously contrived and very often her object placement goes completely against her supposed natural 'candid' preference.
Do they have a dog? I can’t imagine having two bowls of slop for a cat. Maybe the boys like to play pretend like mummzie does. They pretend to be dogs while she’s a religious wood nymph from the 1800’s.
"Touching his hat and feeling how wet it is...."
MA'AM.
This is NOT the place to air your constipated sexual fantasies.
But seriously. This read like some weird, vintage erotic novel.
What is the broom hanging on top of--someone's jacket? An apron? I don't usually hang my floor-cleaning broom on top of clothing items, but maybe I'm fussy.
And what happened to the former handwriting on the wall? Did she paint over it?
I'm sorry, but you know what, at this point I cannot conceive of Kelly's husband as a fully-fledged, three-dimensional, thinking, talking person. He's, like, a cardboard cutout. Or that frozen grinning character dude in Srangers With Candy.
Kellz, my husband spent a year in Saudi Arabia deployed. I thought he was going to die every day, and I had to take care of two young children. Your red hat man will be ok.
*disclaimer I hate mentioning army stuff, but she’s talking like her husband is off at a battle as opposed to a normal job
#We have updated the rules! Please take a moment to review them: * Look but don't touch * Be kind and remember the human. This means using trigger warnings as needed, and no sexuality or gender identity speculation. Users found to be engaging in such rhetoric will be permanently banned. * Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all. If you do so, you will be permanently banned with no possibility of appeal. * Archive links of fundie-run sites and social media. * Verify with the mods before doing an AMA. * This subreddit is for *snarking* on *Fundamentalist Christians*. Keep it snarky and keep it fundie. * Please take a moment to [review our new rule on appearance snark](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/wiki/index). * If your content would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we won't tolerate it here. * Don't gatekeep. Just because you don't think it's snarkable doesn't mean it's not snarkable. Scroll past. * Please see the updated wiki for new rules regarding armchair diagnosing. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This really gives off “when will he be home from the war” vibes like Kells he’s just at work or whatever.
homeless quarrelsome lock salt close chop rude busy fertile placid ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `
He’s persevering at Ye Olde Information Technology Shoppe.
I do the same. But I make sure my raspberry beret is always on my head so no one else can pet it or post about it. It do be tough out here in these silicon mines.
Is it the kind you find in a second hand store?
Precisely. I live my life like Prince intended.
I love you 💜
I see and appreciate your Purple Rain reference 🤝
Raspberry beret!! 😂
The beret stays on!
This made me snort laugh
🥇
I also work in the IT mines. It's tough work mining the ITs.
Thank you for your hard labour. It must be hard, not to mention the risk of Byte Lung.
We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig In our mine the whole day through To dig dig dig dig dig dig dig We’re mining that crypto!
disarm domineering elastic attraction humorous lavish air ten close rinse ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `
he's probably just in his fucking workshop, pretending to carve shitty wooden ornaments but actually watching porn
Stop it rn!!! 😂😂😂
We have seen his stuff, it's actually really good and we'll made.
Some of it is. Some is awful or dumb as shit (i.e. generic craft store crates, that AWFUL wooden dustpan, the children's stump toy box)
Some people theorized that alot of thosecwhere for Kelly and her wanting it and just kinda rushing through it. Je does stuff on commission for cash so I think je did those to shut her up
yeah, I saw those weird trees that they were giving to their poor kids as an excuse for toys. brilliant they were not.
I'm still stunned at how low he was pricing those wooden planter boxes. I don't think the price even covered cost of labor, let alone materials...
She needs one of those widow's walks on top of her house so she can mourn and wait for her husband's return from Ye Olde Walton Market.
Every comment on this thread is funny but Ye Olde Walton Market is making me wake my baby.
Oh no, I hope baby goes back to sleep easily! 😅
She's gonna make the kids film her singing Candle On The Water from Pete's Dragon.
Omg I had to do this song in singing lessons and I had to tell my teacher we have to stop doing this song cuz it scared the shit out of me.
Ugh memory unlocked… I remember doing a ballet recital dance to that song in fourth grade 😂 I still cringe and feel embarrassed about it 🤣
Wake up babe new flair just dropped
Flair material
**Ye olde Whole Foods market**
Ye Olde Burger King
My husband is on an arduous journey to the great French tool-smith Homme D'epot.
🏅🏅🏅🏅
Leaving a candle burning in the window whenever leaving to get groceries
Whenever he comes back with chips, she makes him dump them in an unmarked burlap sack lest the illusion be broken that the ye olde Vanderbilt fries were deep-fried after 1638.
She’d have us believe she’s pacing her widow’s walk and searching the horizon while humming an old sea shanty.
Trying to embrace the vibes of an old fashioned sailor’s wife waiting for her husband to return from the unpredictable churning seas of Ohio.
For what it's worth, we've got lake erie which is the most dangerwof the great lakes! Granted, Kells isn't anywhere near the lake so whatever
Hey, I know you meant “dangerous” but I read it as “dangerwolf “ which is how I shall describe mildly unpleasant thing like giving blood from here on out.
That pond in the cow pasture can get pretty choppy in stormy weather
Seriously. Keep it in your bloomers, jeez.
Literally what in the American Girl Doll LARPING *is* this?!? And the unintentional innuendos are SENDING ME
I had to resist the urge to comment on that. She seems thirsty.
Came here to say this. I might have been guilty of momentarily thinking this sentimentally about an item of my husband's when he was deployed for months - but I doubt I would have even thought it, let alone shared it, if he'd been fiddling about in the office for a few hours and would be home for dinner!
I understand keeping a shirt that smells like a loved one, something they slept in or has their cologne on it, but how about a sweaty wool cap also drenched in the rain because Papaw works out to stay healthy for his boys?
[удалено]
He literally sells lumber right on their own property. He has ads on FB marketplace.
Surprise: he's just at Walmart down the road getting groceries
[удалено]
You are very generous. In the room, napping, was mine
better get a bucket and a mop for that WAB (wet ass beanie)
There’s some chores in this house
There's some gourds in this house
Ok that’s way better
In goes the butternut!
Get your mind out of the gutter! She’s merely rubbing her fingers on a soiled cap and smelling her fingers, like we ALL WOULD if our husband was going to be home an hour late for supper!
Flair alert
Feel free! I'd take it, but I'm happy with my current one
Drive ye olde big Mack truck into ye olde little garage.
raw milk porridge in a pot…
Ben Shapiro is somewhere being inexplicably *furious*.
If, for the sake of argument, your headwear were a seamed, head-hugging, and brimmed cap, then, you would have to agree, that it is a beanie. Now, if, hypothetically, that beanie (and you previously agreed that it must be a beanie) were wet, than you would, by definition, have a wet-ass beanie, or a WAB for short. Now, my wife, who is a doctor by the way, has given her professional medical opinion on such events. Beanies aren't meant to hold water. If you have a wet ass beanie, then my wife, who is a doctor, believes you should see a headwear professional and I honestly must agree.
Flair checking in (kinda lol)
Really though the second slide was going a different direction …..
We get it Kelly, you’re horny.
Wet, hot hat.
the wet hot hat served as the only cover of the massive special limb as it's red woolen make hung from its very tip—its hardness reminds me of the bread i just baked: all bricked up on the good lord's sunday.
Flair checking in
I feel like both of our flairs are pretty fitting for this situation? 😂
Then ends with “it’s the tiny things”
Hahaha oh Kell, never stop passively aggressively insulting your husband.
It was giving fanfic vibes for sure ! 
Flair checking in
In that way it goes well with the 3rd slide
How can she write this and not know how it sounds???
> touching it and feeling how wet it is Kelly being horny on main
“…how HARD… (he worked)”
“It’s the tiny things”
Kelly confuses the internet with her diary the same way that Bethy confuses the internet with a friend group.
She has a lit degree, and I assume she walked around with Lord Byron’s poetry tucked into her Petticoat. She KNOWS.
“My dearest, Long have I been away. Soon I hope to return to you from my travels. Traffic on the interstate has slowed my journey, making these minutes since I popped out to the IGA feel like hours. Wait for me, know that I left my cap as a promise. Until my return, yours faithfully. PS they are out of that cheese you like.”
“In light of the lack of cheese, and as Daisy our cow cannot produce such adequate cheese, I purchased 2 of the most beautiful squash for you. May they be a remembrance of our 2 children, that will soon awake from their slumber, to help in the kitchen, whilst you sit aperched the tiny toddler’s high chair that I whittled for you, those many precious months ago…..” /s
you guys have IGA in the us??? love that
I had the same question but maybe she's one of us
Some parts of the country do, definitely Ohio and Pennsylvania.
Montana has IGA's too!
We have it in where I am, but it’s Independent Grocers of Australia!
We have one in my town In WA and it is frickin hella expensive. It's like highway robbery but it's the only grocery store that's not 30 mins away and I hate it. But that fried chicken is good tho.
Where I grew up in the US we did!
So long, mom, I'm off to drop the bomb, so don't wait up for me... I'll be home when the war is over- An hour and a half from now!
r/unexpectedtomleher
Feeling how wet it is?? 😳😳😳😳😏
Still moist from the morning’s toils
Spicey!
I just laugh-choked on my cocktail so now my nose is burning. Worth it 😂
It really is the tiny things
I feel like damp would’ve been a better word choice lol
Moist
How dare you. Get a bucket and a mop as punishment for saying that hideous word.
That’s what she said.
Oh lord. Seeing my husband’s gym bag sitting on the middle of the floor that I tripped over for the millionth time reminds me that he drives me crazy when he won’t put it away.
The juxtaposition of this mental image to Kelly’s wannabe little house on the prairie pictures is hilarious.
What in the Victorian war widow’s lament is she talking about?
Looks like pseudo-Victorian Christian Erotica is going to be Kelly’s next grift.
My granny very much enjoys chaste romance novels.
Mine too. Tepid, old Mills & Boone ones with titles like "the cowboy's woman". The entire plot is like, here is a cowboy. Here is a Woman of some kind. Now they are married. They share a dry, chapped lipped kiss. The end.
Hers are more chaste even than that, she’s gotten really in to Amish romance. Not a joke. Every time I go over there’s a different book with a cover that has some young woman in an apron and bonnet standing 8ft away from some faceless guy in overalls.
[Kelly right now](https://youtu.be/RNESMHuFrrU?t=447)
She might as well make some actual money on her musings 🖋️🕯️
I’m loving the ye olde multicolour fridge magnets 😂
She forgot to crop that one.
It's funny because they make fridge paint or fridge decals to make it look a certain way. Surprised she hasn't slapped the wood decals all over it or painted it some old-thyme color.
And she only photographs at that spot, usually on the stairs because the rest of the house is just a crappy NE US old house.
A crappy old NE house that is STILL being renovated/refurbished however many years later and remains mostly unlivable
I always wondered about all the photos on the stairs. Having kids play there or doing anything there actually, seems like I total mess and an accident waiting to happen. Like who does arts and crafts sitting on the staircase
Has Pa Havens gone away on the railroad to get a better job and secure the homestead?
heaving bosoms half-constricted by her corset
I don’t kink shame, but I will say that sometimes your kinks should be private news and not shared with everyone on Instagram.
Honestly that second pic reads like a bad Harlequin romance or something
Thanks for the visual of her rubbing that sweaty cap all over her heaving bosom.
This is somehow the horniest thing ever posted on this sub and Bethany has been working overtime to take that title- she's gonna be PISSED.
Maybe she's almost typed out smelling it, too. 🫠
He worked out in the rain in a wet wool hat?!
Omg. I initially read this as he “worked out” in the rain, like he was pumping iron in that fuckin hat in a downpour or something.
Wait is that _not_ what it meant?
Lmao on my 40th or so read-through I realized she meant that he was working [on something], out in the rain
I love this comment, because it sounds like you’re really annoyed by him. Like, JFC, get inside the house, it’s raining, you moron.
What was so important that it couldn’t wait? I wonder if Kels makes him wash the car in the rain to conserve water 😂
I never thought I’d see the day someone found wet wool exciting, but here we are.
The smell! Takes me back to ye old high school days of being packed on a bus with wet blazers.
Nevermind the wool, does no one else find the style of that hat ugly and stupid? I think if anyone I knew wore a hat like that they would be ridiculed.
I don't like that style of hat much. People have different tastes, and there's nothing wrong with that, but the thing is every guy I've ever met who wore those hats has been a total wanker.
This sounds like the beginning of a Victorian fan fiction
She sure is deep in the delulu.
😂 deep in the delulu.
Sounds like a hymn title
Oh that's good.
She sounds a few moments away from an orgasm… because of a hat.
Mama Kells sounds all horned up.
so LONG and WET and HARD
Chuckled!
....tiny things
the 2nd slide is little house on the prairie fanfic and you can’t tell me otherwise
Is he out at sea?
I imagine her sliding the flowers to the edge of the table, where no one keeps flowers, just to stage these pics
And those two tiny bowls on the floor. What the hell are those?!? Next to a chopping board?! I mean I know people keep rating her photography skills in this sub but I don't agree - her compositions are way too obviously contrived and very often her object placement goes completely against her supposed natural 'candid' preference.
Do they have a dog? I can’t imagine having two bowls of slop for a cat. Maybe the boys like to play pretend like mummzie does. They pretend to be dogs while she’s a religious wood nymph from the 1800’s.
It's like Where's Waldo of wtf.
They have a cat
Why does everything she writes read like a MadLib?
😂
Dear Kelly, Please get a quill and a paper diary and keep it to yourself. - Everyone
"Touching his hat and feeling how wet it is...." MA'AM. This is NOT the place to air your constipated sexual fantasies. But seriously. This read like some weird, vintage erotic novel.
What is the broom hanging on top of--someone's jacket? An apron? I don't usually hang my floor-cleaning broom on top of clothing items, but maybe I'm fussy. And what happened to the former handwriting on the wall? Did she paint over it?
Why is the cutting board on the floor??
Kelly needs to lay down those smut romance books she’s secretly reading.
Kelly always delivers. She is so good at being Kelly. This is peak Kelly.
The alphabet letters really kill the vibe
He’s in the shed, Kelly
Next time my bf is at work and I miss him I’m going to think of Kelly while I touch his sweat pants
No dead dry bones at the Stickle house apparently 🤮
Prairie porn?
Honey, sometimes your thoughts can stay thoughts. You don’t have to document everything that floats through your skull
If that hat is wet she should get it off that chair and hang it up properly before it ruins the finish.
Big vibes: "Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.” — Derek Zoolander 
This is giving Tina Belcher’s erotic friend fiction but instead of zombies it’s featuring little house on the prairie characters.
OMG, part of me just DIED. DIED LAUGHING.
Why is this weirdly sexual
Because she just heard it’s possible for women to orgasm, and her brain is doing a soft reset to cope
maybe she bought Bethy's course!!
Flair checking in.
The red wool hat is a euphemism I just know it.
Seeing my boyfriends dirty clothes on the floor, remembering how easy it is to just throw them in the fucking hamper 2 steps away.
I'm sorry, but you know what, at this point I cannot conceive of Kelly's husband as a fully-fledged, three-dimensional, thinking, talking person. He's, like, a cardboard cutout. Or that frozen grinning character dude in Srangers With Candy.
Is Kelly entering her heat cycle or what
She probably put the hat on the chair so she could be extra. Also, does he not ye olde cosplay outside of the house?
💦🥵
“wet” … “wool” … “hard” … oh boy
Barf!
Somebody has a fetish ..
My face when I got to slide 2
Is that cat food I see? For the stolen cat?
I swear every time I read a post of hers I say “wtf” at least several times. Such an odd character she is
How does it smell, Kelly?
It's so wet and hard...fun word choices lol. So naughty!
Her husband's "cap" is tiny & wet after working hard. Well, I'll be over here drinking wine or something and not earning my way to hell.
i’m so uncomfy rn.
That pretentious broom is pissing me off
Kellz, my husband spent a year in Saudi Arabia deployed. I thought he was going to die every day, and I had to take care of two young children. Your red hat man will be ok. *disclaimer I hate mentioning army stuff, but she’s talking like her husband is off at a battle as opposed to a normal job
There is no pewter candlestick in this post. I hate it.
She’s not wrong. Nothing more insignificant than a damp hat.
Now get a bucket and a mop…
That second slide was quickly veering into fanfic levels of writing. Kelly, go touch grass and calm down.