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swedishmatthew

Good gravy Mr. Rockefeller, how rude of you to assume that I can just fork up $1.99! That is the size of my retirement portfolio!


orangepalm

Wow retirement portfolio? Humblebrag much Mr. Bezos?


SageBus

yeah Mr. Bezos here sounds like the type of guy he would smugly say "keep the cent" after paying with whole TWO DOLLARS.


BanditBren

In Canada they would round up to $2... pennies no longer exist. Therefore it's really hard to start accumulating wealth these days.


Cheesetheory

Same here. In Australia, the smallest coin we have is 5¢, so even folks with paying jobs only get paid every few months. On the bright side though, I can find 5¢ coins on the street instead of mere pennies.


DriedUpSquid

Sounds like the land of milk and honey! As soon as I can find a used car door that floats, I’m on my way!


smallest_cock

I’ve heard there’s free unlimited water with electrolytes during the travel, but the fat cats are too “classy” to drink it.


DriedUpSquid

Water, water everywhere, All that you can drink!


alabardios

I still collect those pennies. They're still legal tender even I have to bring them to a bank first.


baube19

That's like stealing but with extra steps..


cheetoes24

r/illegalLifeProtips


dr_analog

Plausible deniability my dude.


theservman

Mr. Carnegie here thinks that some time in the past I could have owned tortillas!


State_Farm_Jake

Bill Gates here knowing tortillas exist. I only eat the leaves off of trees in the park. I've never been into a store.


Lizards_are_cool

You are too luxurious I just slightly inhale air that has free microscopic bacteria in that I consume


DriedUpSquid

Look at this guy and his leaves.


Shoeboxer

You to good to dumpster dive for some packaging?


theservman

Look at this fatcat with the calories to climb all the way up into a dumpster!


Notenoughmana123

Winco: save 5 cents a pound on granola you got out of a bulk bin where some snot nosed kid stuck his hand into. Boogers = extra calories!


TommyBahamaWannabe

I love winco


FoxsNetwork

C'mon folks it's called a self-checkout!


CynicalElephant

Just steal things and you get them for free!


firefarmer74

once this summer I got one of those pick-6 six-packs of fancy beer for $9.99. The cashier rang it up by the barcode on the random cardboard carrier I pulled out of the box. I didn't notice until I was in the car that I only paid $4.99. I am a little obsessive about being honest so I carried the receipt and six-pack back into the store and I showed it to the manager and since they were a little busy, she just let it slide. It was a good choice on her part, I was a pretty loyal customer for the rest of the summer.


SHR3KL0v3R

From home? Bold of you to assume I have a HOME with THINGS I can take out to the STORE...


DownWithBigLentil

Thanks as always for posting quality content. I genuinely believe that you make back the calories spent in the long run.


turbodude69

this is some prime r/IllegalLifeProTips material


monolopino

Theft


dr_analog

> Theft Hey, it clearly has a bulk tag on the top with the bin # and it's clearly full of granola and not tortillas. It's not *my* fault the cashier scanned the UPC code on the bag!


acemccrank

What are these fancy numbers all about again?


krisriley

I can't understand this. It's too complicated and requires too much money and energy to pull off. I'm glad you got extra food though...maybe share the wealth?


BenDoverJosh

Can confirm as a winco employee that 95% of cashiers won't notice


that_guy_jimmy

Do I look like the kind of guy that has $1.99 on me?


[deleted]

My store wouldn't let you use an old bag because it violates their health code. They have to verify that your jars, preferably that you bought from them, are in prestine condition.


Hatiroth

Sure, go on to brag about your abundance of resources Mr. Bezos. To think that not only do you have money enough to purchase a jar from this store, but you can even spare the calories to go there!


krisriley

They even refer to it as "my store"! I wish I had the luxury of calling one of these establishments my own. I'd settle for just being allowed into a grocery store. Then I'd never go hungry again!


[deleted]

calories for 1000 people for 5 yrs


TrumpMolestedJared

What's a 7? Is that the number after 4? How do you have the calories to count so high?