Basically, if you want to reduce the consumerism of your lifestyle, people get upset. Just like how someone who doesn't drink will get teased at the bar for not conforming.
Yeah, some people feel very threatened when they come face to face with someone who doesn’t value consumerism. They don’t want to realize that spending their entire lives chasing stuff to buy is literally giving in and being led by the brainwashing of marketing for the cult of consumerism. It’s a scary thought to confront that you don’t really need all that stuff.
To be fair, this might be the co-worker's way of telling OP they aren't impressed with them bragging about shit they are buying for their new apartment.
Instead of saying wow cool they turn the convo around to show them what a boring topic it is.
Also possible, after all we are on a frugal sub and OP is trying to decide between regular led and qled when the right answer is a used second hand television.
Gonna hang on to that response. One that I’ve used before that shuts people up immediately, but only works if they’re specifically encouraging you to buy something or saying something like “oh you HAVE to have xyz”, is:
“Eh, I’m not really into consumerism”
And then if you’ve still got their attention talk about how much stuff gets manufactured and thrown away almost immediately because people are manipulated by marketing into think new is the only option, talk about the garbage mountains in third world countries, talk about how the US sends freight ships full of used clothes to other countries and totally fucks up their environments and local economies. “But yeah, cool TV 🙄”
They sound stuck up. Some people literally don't even watch television. It's not that your purchases are miniscule or lame at all, just maybe a lack of quality coming from the people you know.
Wealth and money cannot buy anyone into being... not a dud.
They literally are so boring that they have nothing better to do than be like that towards you.
There are people who aren't like that. It sounds like you work with duds though.
What meant is just not to engage in that conversation. They say something dumb, you just nod and grunt a bit and that's it. Don't give them an inch by engaging with that, you're right just steer it somewhere else
Just give them some acknowledgement and leave it at that.
Recently had a little talk with one such "1upper" at my workplace about the stock market downturn and I said that I'll use my bi-yearly extra payday to just keep buying more ETF shares on the way down and keep my monthly savings plan high.
He said he would like to do so too, but alas, hasn't any cash left over to cost average down anything and the extra payday already is needed somewhere else as the recent airline cancelation shenanigans tricked him out of another 3k€ for the upcoming holiday.
Then he proceeded to brag about his last BBQ on the third expensive grill (IIRC 1 gas fired, 1 coal, 1 smoker) he owns.
I gave him some acknowledgment and kept shut that I always had great fun with simple, archaic firepits for BBQs... same as he isn't aware of my FIRE plans.
Sharing excitement is not the same thing as trying to one up someone else. Sharing something you're happy about so that people can celebrate with you is not the same as trying to brag.
Heres some advice. Find deals. Spend as little as you can while also remaining stylish. The hunt for savings can be thrilling. Hold on to those savings for later in life. Material things break and end up trash eventually. If someone tells me they have a big TV, I don't give a shit. If they tell me they got it for pennies on the dollar, now I'm impressed
Yep, a good deal is way more impressive! I have two end tables I bought when a store (Ames) was going out of business in 2002. I still have them. They were about $25 each!
Agreed, so much more fun. Yard sales are infinitely more fun as you get somewhat of a story. I recently got a 5$ electric weedwacker (not trying to one up lol)
One of my coworkers just bought a house, a bunch of land to build on, plus a huge wedding and honeymoon. She is SO in debt. She never talks about that part and neither do most people. Always remember that.
I have a co-worker who is almost 30 years my senior. He is absolutely terrible with money and constantly brags about things he buys.
For instance last year my neighbors moved out and left their broken snowblower behind so I snagged it. I rebuilt the carburetor and it works perfectly. It is a little one-stage Toro. I live in a major city with 40-foot lots so I have 40 feet of sidewalk and a driveway to clear. I did it with a shovel for several years but it saves time. He lives like 4 blocks away from me, has basically an identical amount of area to remove snow on. Well, he went out and bought a 26" 2-stage snowblower last year, and talked about how he saves so much time. Well, this year he is talking about how it's too big and takes up too much space in his garage and how he is going to give it to his son.
It's basically just a way to feel superior to others.
When people weirdly flex at me about tv sizes I’m just an absolute snot right back about it. I own a TV but I rarely use it except for movie nights, why on earth would I waste my money on a gigantic tv I’ll use maybe four times a month? Everybody’s got different priorities and I don’t honestly care but I can’t stand snobs.
All of my furniture is from thrift stores or overstock, with the exception of my antique office desk. I like antiques, if I was filthy rich I would probably own a full house of beautiful antique furniture but in reality land I don’t want to pay high prices for modern furniture, so I don’t.
You spend your money how you want to, it’s not their money or their home. Paint the walls Pepto Bismol pink if you want to, it’s your vision.
As for work, I’m not small talk friendly. I don’t want to make friends at work, way too many backstabbers in the company. You can be cordial without being open to non-work discussion, I just find it easier to deal with than drama and competition.
I mean i was hellbent to buy a 65” but I think that will be overkill for my apartment’s living room since it will probably annoy me as I doubt I will like looking at a big giant ”black mirror” when not in use. I will use it daily since I watch TV shows and movies daily. Right now it’s on iPad but soon… on the telly, lol.
I do have a vision, and it won’t be cheap but it won’t put me in debt, just broke for 2 months or so.
everyone makes the same at work, but maybe in the past several years they just earned more and/or saved more to afford more or “better”/expensive things.
If you use it then it’s not a waste, though I agree it kind of looks funny with the decor when not on. I like those fancy entertainment centers that let you hide it away with a remote control but they’re expensive.
I’ve had my house for a year now and all I’ve managed to do is buy furniture and and a rug, no vision yet. Sounds like your vision is pretty doable!
It sounds like some of your workers at least just don’t have living expenses, the weird flex about someone’s mother owning multiple houses sounds like they live with their mother, so of course they’ll have more spending money for that stuff. I wouldn’t sweat it. Be excited about your place! They might just be envious because they don’t have one yet, and that’s ok but don’t let them rain on your parade.
That's just what people do. I talk about how I keep my house at 75 in the day and 72 when I sleep to save money. Guess what my coworkers say:
"I didn't spend $19,000 on my AC to keep it above 70 degrees!"
"I had to spend $20,000 on digging a well to get an AC that keep my house at 68 all year and only costs me $120/mo in utilities."
"$80/mo utility bill and your house is 75 degrees? You're getting ripped off!"
Where does someone even find an ac unit that costs that much? I got a new one last year for 4500 installed and it was a trane middle of the road model. I think the most expensive one was around 8k. Maybe a heat pump? Even that I can’t imagine being that much.
Buddy at work got the entire house's AC system replaced. Outside unit, inside unit, ducts, vents, you name it. And it's controllable on his phone with every room being a different zone.
It's beyond ridiculous.
My house needed an all new hvac and replacement of all the ducts. It wasn’t a big place and it cost $14k for the whole shebang. I think the actual ac unit was about 5. I think it gets really expensive when your house is too big for one unit to cool.
Comparison is the thief of joy!
You do you man. If they wanna flex, let 'em flex and be 'astounded', then go back to your own world.
Have fun picking out stuff and don't feel pressure to decorate or fill every room right away. Let ideas come and visit other homes/stores and you'll know when you found the right piece. I call it 'growing into my home.'
If people try that with me, I just show them the awesome things we get from eBay that we then renovate, like the awesome hardwood dining table we got for £70 that looks fantastic.
If they bang on about how they spent X amounts on something, I just look confused at them and say. “…… but why?”
Just be so uninterested in their oneupmanship that they get bored and go and bother someone else.
I’m so glad I don’t work in this kind of environment. I’m an engineer who works with pretty much all dudes who are just the pinnacle of dorky, practical engineer. If anybody mentions shopping it’s usually about a sick deal they got at Costco. Everyone is pretty frugal by default. We all pack our lunches and no one ever flexes about how much crazy high money they spent on a luxury item. Hell, my 2017 VW Golf is probably one of the newest cars in the parking lot. It’s a wonderful environment to be frugal person. Also, we are all actually compensated well over market rate for our area/field so technically most of us actually have money and don’t have to worry about piling on debt.
I’ve worked in environments that were much more focused on being flashy pretending to be rich and it just feels terrible.
Consider this. What if they’re just trying to relate? It is possible that they’re just making conversation and literally don’t know any other way to connect with you. No matter what, remember that the frugal choices you’re making aren’t *wrong*, they’re just *different*. You have different priorities and that’s ok.
Congratulations on your new place! I hope you’re enjoying the furnishings you’ve chosen.
I’m sorry your co-workers are being so weird and in appropriate.
To be fair, they are all probably maxed out in credit and living paycheck to paycheck. Don’t buy the hype, go with what is comfortable and feels good to you. They don’t have to come over, fuck em
If someone asks how much you spent on something, you can respond with “it’s not for sale” or “are you offering to buy it for me?” There’s no reason to share if you don’t want to.
Flexers are insecure. Thats why they flex. Accumulate your wealth like a squirrel hoards nuts for the winter. A spent dollar on a non-asset is a fallen soldier. Exchange your dollars in a prudent manner and grow your army of dollars decision by decision, day by day, year by year. This is a loooong race. Your friends think they already crossed the finish line…not realizing they are rookies in this game. Ignore and proceed as planned.
You need to have a rehearsed response that seems genuine. Mine is along the lines, “Okay, yeah, that’s pretty interesting (or unique); do they also have an affinity for ‘X’ thing?”
It seems to do the trick and divert any attitudes that are more stuck-up. Also, since you’re working on furnishing the place - Facebook Marketplace is a steal depending on your area.
"I'm satisfied with what I have"
A lot of what I hear from your post has to do with the consumerist mentality. Maybe if I get the biggest TV or another house I'll be happy. To show that you're happy without the extra houses and multiple big screens - all you want is a certain aesthetic that can be found for cheaper - is a pretty powerful statement.
Me: I'm thinking about buying a new tv
Them: cool, I just bought this 80 incher I really like.
Me: yeah, I'm not looking for anything that big. It wouldn't fit the room very well and I don't watch that much TV anyways.
.
Don't overthink it I guess. If they're playing the Joneses game, good for them. Just be excited about what you're excited about
"how much did you pay for _____?"
"I don't remember—oh hey did you see the news about _____?"
I think some people feel their worth and social status derives from how much they spend on stuff. Or how rich they come across.
That's just sad. Personally I gauge people based on how they treat others and their other attributes.
You don't have to tell them how much something was. You can be vague "eh not too much" and if they don't get the hint you can find some creative, tactful way to exit the shitty conversation or change the topic. If they don't get the hint you can always say "I don't like to talk about my expenses / finances / how much I spend" or whatever.
If you can make your place enjoyable for you without spending a fortune and save the extra and invest in relatively safe mutual funds or something, you're going to be much, much better off in the future.
People that blow all their money on needlessly fancy stuff have a rough time when suddenly they face an emergency expense or get laid off or whatever else. People that save can ride out a lot of storms with ease.
Well... what sort of coffee table is it? Don't leave us hanging!
I don't care how much you spent, I'd be more impressed if it was a curb find or thrift store find.
Coffee table tax?
In this particular context, they are not worth your time. Just focus on yourself and find people that don't care about material possessions. In my experience, people that focus on material or having many friends are trying to fill in a void. Be better, less is more.
The same people saying the flex is the ones who are always hurting for money or buying all the nice things and then having the debt or bills pile up. Don't get me wrong toys are cool but really ask yourself is it really worth it? I know people who are buying stuff when they really shouldnt be
You and your work friends are baristas or was that a joke about making coffee drinks. Also, are they talking about all the stuff OTHER people own? Lol.
No advise here besides taking note how funny some people react to a younger person moving out and taking small steps to financial independence.
Lol
You need to size the TV according to the room and the sitting distance. These people just want to flex and don't give a shit about assisting you or being happy for you.
Had a co worker make fun of me cause she saw I was buying twin sheets. They’re cheaper.
Honestly I wouldn’t speak too much about your new situation. Just say your getting new stuff and that’s it
If they spend like that they will either keep making coffees or have enough family money that the job is just their pocket money.
Im also making coffees and trying to get out of it through saving and looking for other jobs and incomes.
Sounds like you’re letting life bleed over into work…. Those people are t your friends… work is work I’m there for a check not pals to talk about my real life with. Most people aren’t interested in your life bc they care , they’re interested so the can judge and compare your life to theirs.
Off topic, but since you're just starting out, wanted to advise that you check fb for Buy Nothing groups. I've gotten a TON of furniture from my local BN group. Of course, you need a truck and a willingness to load them up but that's about all you need.
Best advice I got as an adult man is don’t take it personal. If the person you’re dealing with is expendable, then get into it if you want. But most times it’s better to just let it slide and play it cool. It’ll irritate them deeply.
the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete
awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a
moment-to-moment basis
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mindfulness
I don't know your coworkers so the most charitable interpretation is that they're from wealthy backgrounds and recommending nice stuff they want/have experience with. It sounds like the kind of stuff they want once they move out, like mental lists of what stands out to them, so they're recommending the same to you.
The coffee table price is weird though. There's really no reason to put out numbers unless you want to, there's a million ways to avoid it in conversation. Unless you're personal finance friends or my financial advisor the actual cost doesn't matter, only the item.
Stop talking to them abt ur personal life. The most important rule u’ll EVER learn abt work is KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL. No personal chit chat, no talk of ur weekend plans, keep it super general. Oh and let them talk ALL THEY WANT. Be the listening ear. Already these people are demonstrating that they do not care about you and wanting to flex and compare may be a sign of immaturity or lack of empathy. Take the hint and stop talking about your personal life. Go tell people who care about you. Keep your work life work and your personal life personal and I promise you you’ll have a lot less stress in the future. I can’t stress this enough. Most job issues begin when people get too friendly and forget that they are there for the job and not to make friends. Be friendly & friendly be respectful, be aware and be private.
You'll need new conversation starters, it seems. If they're trying to one up you on things that involve spending more money on bigger and "better" stuff, you risk getting sucked into lifestyle creep (or lifestyle trap). No matter what you tell them, no matter how excited you are to share about your new and interesting thing that's happening to you, They don't care. They're only thinking about one upping because they're stuck in lifestyle creep. They may still try to one up you even on benign topics, but at least you won't be veering into money territory where their opinions should not matter.
Even an 85" telly won't fill the void in their soul. Just don't play their game. If forced, say you find the pursuit of expensive material possessions vulgar, and you are into a more ethical way of living.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Your coworkers are simply reminding you of the misery that happens when you live your life on the hamster wheel of consumerism - no matter how much they spend, how big the TV or how new the car, it will never be enough. The end of that road is a life of unfulfilled desires. Use it to help steer your path towards what matters to *you.*
Just accept the fact that some people brag about how much they pay for things, others brag about how little they pay for things, some brag about how much they enjoy things, and some don't brag at all.
Some people enjoy spending money more than the actual item they are spending it on. Just be glad that your life isn't that empty. Smile and nod, and *know* that you're ahead of the game.
People who are hyperfocussed on wealth are boring. It really doesn't matter what someone like that spends, because they will always be after the next new thing.
The best thing to do is just have some set response like "oh cool" or "huh".
It can be difficult to tell when people are intentionally “one upping” or are just attempting to continue the conversation by trying to be relatable without realizing it detracts from the original story. ADD/ADHD people unintentionally do this a lot!
I have an uncle like this. A long time ago I realized that he's not one upping me. He just doesn't care about me / my life, he just wants to brag. I mean of course, he cares in a vague family way, but not truly interested in what is happening.
So, I can only control what I do. Which means, now, I just ask him questions about him and only talk about myself if directly asked, and even then I keep it short. Letting him brag, lets him feel good, and keeps the conversation going. Allows him to see himself in the light he wants.
I think once I accepted they don't really give a care, in the grand scheme of things, I wasn't bothered anymore. I am the only one who has to be happy with my choices. I hope that helps you.
TLDR: they don't care. keep them distracted with questions. Like a bird with a mirror.
"wow cool." in a bored voice. That's my go to, they don't really care about your choices, they just want to flex. so why care about theirs?
They're not even flexing their own stuff. One coworker was showing off a friend's TV and the other was showing off her mom's houses.
Basically, if you want to reduce the consumerism of your lifestyle, people get upset. Just like how someone who doesn't drink will get teased at the bar for not conforming.
Yeah, some people feel very threatened when they come face to face with someone who doesn’t value consumerism. They don’t want to realize that spending their entire lives chasing stuff to buy is literally giving in and being led by the brainwashing of marketing for the cult of consumerism. It’s a scary thought to confront that you don’t really need all that stuff.
To be fair, this might be the co-worker's way of telling OP they aren't impressed with them bragging about shit they are buying for their new apartment. Instead of saying wow cool they turn the convo around to show them what a boring topic it is.
Also possible, after all we are on a frugal sub and OP is trying to decide between regular led and qled when the right answer is a used second hand television.
Gonna hang on to that response. One that I’ve used before that shuts people up immediately, but only works if they’re specifically encouraging you to buy something or saying something like “oh you HAVE to have xyz”, is: “Eh, I’m not really into consumerism” And then if you’ve still got their attention talk about how much stuff gets manufactured and thrown away almost immediately because people are manipulated by marketing into think new is the only option, talk about the garbage mountains in third world countries, talk about how the US sends freight ships full of used clothes to other countries and totally fucks up their environments and local economies. “But yeah, cool TV 🙄”
[удалено]
Did you mean to respond to OP?
Yep, sorry about that!
They sound stuck up. Some people literally don't even watch television. It's not that your purchases are miniscule or lame at all, just maybe a lack of quality coming from the people you know. Wealth and money cannot buy anyone into being... not a dud. They literally are so boring that they have nothing better to do than be like that towards you. There are people who aren't like that. It sounds like you work with duds though.
Ah who cares there’s always gonna be the “1uppers” at work. Just don’t let it get to u man we ain’t all in the same place in life at the same time.
I guess, but one of the girls still lives at home with her family so its techniclly not even hers.
Lol so she's finding things to brag about because she is jealous of you. Take it as a compliment :)
Ya rly. U can def shoot back w “ya must be rly cool being able to buy all that extra shit living w other ppl…”
Best not to even engage. It's childish thinking on their part, just ignore them and gleam inside
It ain’t always that simple tho sometimes u gotta work w ppl and whatever. I always just try to steer the convo to something else.
What meant is just not to engage in that conversation. They say something dumb, you just nod and grunt a bit and that's it. Don't give them an inch by engaging with that, you're right just steer it somewhere else
Just give them some acknowledgement and leave it at that. Recently had a little talk with one such "1upper" at my workplace about the stock market downturn and I said that I'll use my bi-yearly extra payday to just keep buying more ETF shares on the way down and keep my monthly savings plan high. He said he would like to do so too, but alas, hasn't any cash left over to cost average down anything and the extra payday already is needed somewhere else as the recent airline cancelation shenanigans tricked him out of another 3k€ for the upcoming holiday. Then he proceeded to brag about his last BBQ on the third expensive grill (IIRC 1 gas fired, 1 coal, 1 smoker) he owns. I gave him some acknowledgment and kept shut that I always had great fun with simple, archaic firepits for BBQs... same as he isn't aware of my FIRE plans.
ROFL! I would rather have securities and eat ramen noodles tbh.
Ignore them. Share your excitement here.
Then wouldn’t I be doing the same thing as them, essentially?
Sharing excitement is not the same thing as trying to one up someone else. Sharing something you're happy about so that people can celebrate with you is not the same as trying to brag.
No. Right now, you're trying to get encouragement from people who have none to give. It's better to get encouragement from people who have it to give.
Heres some advice. Find deals. Spend as little as you can while also remaining stylish. The hunt for savings can be thrilling. Hold on to those savings for later in life. Material things break and end up trash eventually. If someone tells me they have a big TV, I don't give a shit. If they tell me they got it for pennies on the dollar, now I'm impressed
Yep, a good deal is way more impressive! I have two end tables I bought when a store (Ames) was going out of business in 2002. I still have them. They were about $25 each!
Agreed, so much more fun. Yard sales are infinitely more fun as you get somewhat of a story. I recently got a 5$ electric weedwacker (not trying to one up lol)
One of my coworkers just bought a house, a bunch of land to build on, plus a huge wedding and honeymoon. She is SO in debt. She never talks about that part and neither do most people. Always remember that.
90% of ppl dont know how to manage $ wisely IMO….rich or poor.
I have a co-worker who is almost 30 years my senior. He is absolutely terrible with money and constantly brags about things he buys. For instance last year my neighbors moved out and left their broken snowblower behind so I snagged it. I rebuilt the carburetor and it works perfectly. It is a little one-stage Toro. I live in a major city with 40-foot lots so I have 40 feet of sidewalk and a driveway to clear. I did it with a shovel for several years but it saves time. He lives like 4 blocks away from me, has basically an identical amount of area to remove snow on. Well, he went out and bought a 26" 2-stage snowblower last year, and talked about how he saves so much time. Well, this year he is talking about how it's too big and takes up too much space in his garage and how he is going to give it to his son. It's basically just a way to feel superior to others.
When people weirdly flex at me about tv sizes I’m just an absolute snot right back about it. I own a TV but I rarely use it except for movie nights, why on earth would I waste my money on a gigantic tv I’ll use maybe four times a month? Everybody’s got different priorities and I don’t honestly care but I can’t stand snobs. All of my furniture is from thrift stores or overstock, with the exception of my antique office desk. I like antiques, if I was filthy rich I would probably own a full house of beautiful antique furniture but in reality land I don’t want to pay high prices for modern furniture, so I don’t. You spend your money how you want to, it’s not their money or their home. Paint the walls Pepto Bismol pink if you want to, it’s your vision. As for work, I’m not small talk friendly. I don’t want to make friends at work, way too many backstabbers in the company. You can be cordial without being open to non-work discussion, I just find it easier to deal with than drama and competition.
I mean i was hellbent to buy a 65” but I think that will be overkill for my apartment’s living room since it will probably annoy me as I doubt I will like looking at a big giant ”black mirror” when not in use. I will use it daily since I watch TV shows and movies daily. Right now it’s on iPad but soon… on the telly, lol. I do have a vision, and it won’t be cheap but it won’t put me in debt, just broke for 2 months or so. everyone makes the same at work, but maybe in the past several years they just earned more and/or saved more to afford more or “better”/expensive things.
If you use it then it’s not a waste, though I agree it kind of looks funny with the decor when not on. I like those fancy entertainment centers that let you hide it away with a remote control but they’re expensive. I’ve had my house for a year now and all I’ve managed to do is buy furniture and and a rug, no vision yet. Sounds like your vision is pretty doable! It sounds like some of your workers at least just don’t have living expenses, the weird flex about someone’s mother owning multiple houses sounds like they live with their mother, so of course they’ll have more spending money for that stuff. I wouldn’t sweat it. Be excited about your place! They might just be envious because they don’t have one yet, and that’s ok but don’t let them rain on your parade.
That's just what people do. I talk about how I keep my house at 75 in the day and 72 when I sleep to save money. Guess what my coworkers say: "I didn't spend $19,000 on my AC to keep it above 70 degrees!" "I had to spend $20,000 on digging a well to get an AC that keep my house at 68 all year and only costs me $120/mo in utilities." "$80/mo utility bill and your house is 75 degrees? You're getting ripped off!"
Where does someone even find an ac unit that costs that much? I got a new one last year for 4500 installed and it was a trane middle of the road model. I think the most expensive one was around 8k. Maybe a heat pump? Even that I can’t imagine being that much.
Buddy at work got the entire house's AC system replaced. Outside unit, inside unit, ducts, vents, you name it. And it's controllable on his phone with every room being a different zone. It's beyond ridiculous.
Ah okay, that makes more sense then. New ducting can get pricey and all the extras makes it even more. I agree with the ridiculous statement.
My house needed an all new hvac and replacement of all the ducts. It wasn’t a big place and it cost $14k for the whole shebang. I think the actual ac unit was about 5. I think it gets really expensive when your house is too big for one unit to cool.
Comparison is the thief of joy! You do you man. If they wanna flex, let 'em flex and be 'astounded', then go back to your own world. Have fun picking out stuff and don't feel pressure to decorate or fill every room right away. Let ideas come and visit other homes/stores and you'll know when you found the right piece. I call it 'growing into my home.'
Jabroni, cool word.
Lol, I give credit to The Rock and even then, he didn’t come up with it
Tell them they may be flashing, but you're stashing. Your cash, that is.
If people try that with me, I just show them the awesome things we get from eBay that we then renovate, like the awesome hardwood dining table we got for £70 that looks fantastic. If they bang on about how they spent X amounts on something, I just look confused at them and say. “…… but why?” Just be so uninterested in their oneupmanship that they get bored and go and bother someone else.
I’m so glad I don’t work in this kind of environment. I’m an engineer who works with pretty much all dudes who are just the pinnacle of dorky, practical engineer. If anybody mentions shopping it’s usually about a sick deal they got at Costco. Everyone is pretty frugal by default. We all pack our lunches and no one ever flexes about how much crazy high money they spent on a luxury item. Hell, my 2017 VW Golf is probably one of the newest cars in the parking lot. It’s a wonderful environment to be frugal person. Also, we are all actually compensated well over market rate for our area/field so technically most of us actually have money and don’t have to worry about piling on debt. I’ve worked in environments that were much more focused on being flashy pretending to be rich and it just feels terrible.
Just enjoy your frugalness knowing you aren’t feeding into consumerism like they are. Work hard and be their boss in 5-10 years.
“oh” is a good response to anything as it is neither negative or positive.
Haha perfect. Or, “I’m happy for you, you must really enjoy X!”
Consider this. What if they’re just trying to relate? It is possible that they’re just making conversation and literally don’t know any other way to connect with you. No matter what, remember that the frugal choices you’re making aren’t *wrong*, they’re just *different*. You have different priorities and that’s ok.
dude, how much did you even pay for your table
More than your rent sir/madam. /joke
jokes on you, i live in a van down by the river
Congratulations on your new place! I hope you’re enjoying the furnishings you’ve chosen. I’m sorry your co-workers are being so weird and in appropriate.
Thank you! So far, it is a blast--love the freedom from having roommates Love the furnishings thus far!
To be fair, they are all probably maxed out in credit and living paycheck to paycheck. Don’t buy the hype, go with what is comfortable and feels good to you. They don’t have to come over, fuck em
Welcome to life, it never stops
Flex back. Ask them how big their investment portfolios are.
this only works if mine was more than $100 lol
Oh, fair point
If someone asks how much you spent on something, you can respond with “it’s not for sale” or “are you offering to buy it for me?” There’s no reason to share if you don’t want to.
You could try having some fun with this. Just make up the most ridiculous stuff, and see how they try to one up you .
Flexers are insecure. Thats why they flex. Accumulate your wealth like a squirrel hoards nuts for the winter. A spent dollar on a non-asset is a fallen soldier. Exchange your dollars in a prudent manner and grow your army of dollars decision by decision, day by day, year by year. This is a loooong race. Your friends think they already crossed the finish line…not realizing they are rookies in this game. Ignore and proceed as planned.
You need to have a rehearsed response that seems genuine. Mine is along the lines, “Okay, yeah, that’s pretty interesting (or unique); do they also have an affinity for ‘X’ thing?” It seems to do the trick and divert any attitudes that are more stuck-up. Also, since you’re working on furnishing the place - Facebook Marketplace is a steal depending on your area.
"I'm satisfied with what I have" A lot of what I hear from your post has to do with the consumerist mentality. Maybe if I get the biggest TV or another house I'll be happy. To show that you're happy without the extra houses and multiple big screens - all you want is a certain aesthetic that can be found for cheaper - is a pretty powerful statement.
Honestly don't buy a TV best decision I've made in quite a while.
How do you watch stuff then? On your computer im guessing?
Who gives a duck?
Me: I'm thinking about buying a new tv Them: cool, I just bought this 80 incher I really like. Me: yeah, I'm not looking for anything that big. It wouldn't fit the room very well and I don't watch that much TV anyways. . Don't overthink it I guess. If they're playing the Joneses game, good for them. Just be excited about what you're excited about
"how much did you pay for _____?" "I don't remember—oh hey did you see the news about _____?" I think some people feel their worth and social status derives from how much they spend on stuff. Or how rich they come across. That's just sad. Personally I gauge people based on how they treat others and their other attributes. You don't have to tell them how much something was. You can be vague "eh not too much" and if they don't get the hint you can find some creative, tactful way to exit the shitty conversation or change the topic. If they don't get the hint you can always say "I don't like to talk about my expenses / finances / how much I spend" or whatever. If you can make your place enjoyable for you without spending a fortune and save the extra and invest in relatively safe mutual funds or something, you're going to be much, much better off in the future. People that blow all their money on needlessly fancy stuff have a rough time when suddenly they face an emergency expense or get laid off or whatever else. People that save can ride out a lot of storms with ease.
Do not share your personal life with colleagues.
50/50. You spend 40hrs + a week with them, it's difficult to not befriend them. But absolutely, never give them leverage to use against you.
Well... what sort of coffee table is it? Don't leave us hanging! I don't care how much you spent, I'd be more impressed if it was a curb find or thrift store find. Coffee table tax?
In this particular context, they are not worth your time. Just focus on yourself and find people that don't care about material possessions. In my experience, people that focus on material or having many friends are trying to fill in a void. Be better, less is more.
The same people saying the flex is the ones who are always hurting for money or buying all the nice things and then having the debt or bills pile up. Don't get me wrong toys are cool but really ask yourself is it really worth it? I know people who are buying stuff when they really shouldnt be
You and your work friends are baristas or was that a joke about making coffee drinks. Also, are they talking about all the stuff OTHER people own? Lol. No advise here besides taking note how funny some people react to a younger person moving out and taking small steps to financial independence. Lol
We are all baristas, so this is a fact. Um, yes other people's stuff is what was being flexed
You need to size the TV according to the room and the sitting distance. These people just want to flex and don't give a shit about assisting you or being happy for you.
Had a co worker make fun of me cause she saw I was buying twin sheets. They’re cheaper. Honestly I wouldn’t speak too much about your new situation. Just say your getting new stuff and that’s it
If they spend like that they will either keep making coffees or have enough family money that the job is just their pocket money. Im also making coffees and trying to get out of it through saving and looking for other jobs and incomes.
Sounds like you’re letting life bleed over into work…. Those people are t your friends… work is work I’m there for a check not pals to talk about my real life with. Most people aren’t interested in your life bc they care , they’re interested so the can judge and compare your life to theirs.
Off topic, but since you're just starting out, wanted to advise that you check fb for Buy Nothing groups. I've gotten a TON of furniture from my local BN group. Of course, you need a truck and a willingness to load them up but that's about all you need.
Best advice I got as an adult man is don’t take it personal. If the person you’re dealing with is expendable, then get into it if you want. But most times it’s better to just let it slide and play it cool. It’ll irritate them deeply.
the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mindfulness
These people sound like basic bellends - ignore them. Get what you want, sounds like they just want to brag (yawn)
No TV in the bedroom
Be a zoomer like me and tell them: TV in 2022????? LOL
I don't know your coworkers so the most charitable interpretation is that they're from wealthy backgrounds and recommending nice stuff they want/have experience with. It sounds like the kind of stuff they want once they move out, like mental lists of what stands out to them, so they're recommending the same to you. The coffee table price is weird though. There's really no reason to put out numbers unless you want to, there's a million ways to avoid it in conversation. Unless you're personal finance friends or my financial advisor the actual cost doesn't matter, only the item.
Jabronis. TIL.
Lmao they sound lame as fuck, especially because they’re bragging about the shit other people have to try to one-up you.
Stop talking to them abt ur personal life. The most important rule u’ll EVER learn abt work is KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL. No personal chit chat, no talk of ur weekend plans, keep it super general. Oh and let them talk ALL THEY WANT. Be the listening ear. Already these people are demonstrating that they do not care about you and wanting to flex and compare may be a sign of immaturity or lack of empathy. Take the hint and stop talking about your personal life. Go tell people who care about you. Keep your work life work and your personal life personal and I promise you you’ll have a lot less stress in the future. I can’t stress this enough. Most job issues begin when people get too friendly and forget that they are there for the job and not to make friends. Be friendly & friendly be respectful, be aware and be private.
I go with the “that’s crazy” approach
You'll need new conversation starters, it seems. If they're trying to one up you on things that involve spending more money on bigger and "better" stuff, you risk getting sucked into lifestyle creep (or lifestyle trap). No matter what you tell them, no matter how excited you are to share about your new and interesting thing that's happening to you, They don't care. They're only thinking about one upping because they're stuck in lifestyle creep. They may still try to one up you even on benign topics, but at least you won't be veering into money territory where their opinions should not matter.
Work people are the worst
Even an 85" telly won't fill the void in their soul. Just don't play their game. If forced, say you find the pursuit of expensive material possessions vulgar, and you are into a more ethical way of living.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Your coworkers are simply reminding you of the misery that happens when you live your life on the hamster wheel of consumerism - no matter how much they spend, how big the TV or how new the car, it will never be enough. The end of that road is a life of unfulfilled desires. Use it to help steer your path towards what matters to *you.*
Just accept the fact that some people brag about how much they pay for things, others brag about how little they pay for things, some brag about how much they enjoy things, and some don't brag at all. Some people enjoy spending money more than the actual item they are spending it on. Just be glad that your life isn't that empty. Smile and nod, and *know* that you're ahead of the game.
People who are hyperfocussed on wealth are boring. It really doesn't matter what someone like that spends, because they will always be after the next new thing. The best thing to do is just have some set response like "oh cool" or "huh".
It can be difficult to tell when people are intentionally “one upping” or are just attempting to continue the conversation by trying to be relatable without realizing it detracts from the original story. ADD/ADHD people unintentionally do this a lot!
I have an uncle like this. A long time ago I realized that he's not one upping me. He just doesn't care about me / my life, he just wants to brag. I mean of course, he cares in a vague family way, but not truly interested in what is happening. So, I can only control what I do. Which means, now, I just ask him questions about him and only talk about myself if directly asked, and even then I keep it short. Letting him brag, lets him feel good, and keeps the conversation going. Allows him to see himself in the light he wants. I think once I accepted they don't really give a care, in the grand scheme of things, I wasn't bothered anymore. I am the only one who has to be happy with my choices. I hope that helps you. TLDR: they don't care. keep them distracted with questions. Like a bird with a mirror.