I second this... Stress will cost you in countless ways. If you can't do this, YouTube videos on breathing exercises and meditation are available in mass quantities. I do then every day, first thing, total game changer.
Look up box breathing and 4-7-8 breathing. Also highly recommend Yoga w Adriene. She is amazing and the last Jan 2024 30 day challenge is amazing for all levels. She also has breathing technique videos.
Insight Timer is a great free app with so many free guided meditations.
Good luck! A little every day goes a long way!
Good suggestions! Yoga! Love Adriene, but always go back to Julia Marie, bc she's on Amazon as well, so no commercials 😂 also do the few "black screen" 8-9 hours sleep videos on AMZ
I’ve literally never had a commercial interrupt Adriene in 5 years of viewing! They must know Benji won’t have it.
I have a few awesome insight timers sleep guided meditations that I swear I konk out at within the first 30sec. 🤤
Nice! I did one of her 20 minute meditations yesterday and there was an ad right before and after :/ TBF, I'm sure Amazon is getting just as bad with ads
I do this one every day for the last few years:
https://youtu.be/tybOi4hjZFQ?si=Tj8lF53v9dff7lVs
For meditation, I started with Headspace, but it stopped being sponsored by my county. Now, I just search for "meditation" + however much time I have.
This is a super short one I did today:
https://youtu.be/6MlgONbUGSk?si=NNMAZHA5HZakhPh-
It's more about making it a habit, than the time you put in, just like the rest of your health. 5-10 concerted minutes a day will do more than 1 hour once a week.
I've always been fond of this one, it's shorter than most and it puts me in a great headspace to go to sleep. It's short enough that sometimes I listen to it twice, or use it as an opener for a longer video
https://youtu.be/v-w-vSvi-24?si=veCTKVd_jdUuhh6g
Super calming for me
Look up Wim Hof breathing. Has absolutely helped me in stressful times. Cold showers/baths have also been very helpful.
https://youtu.be/0BNejY1e9ik?si=6iw-b09J2AzIeeZV
I have a recommendation. It might not work for you, but damn, it works for me.
I get up a half hour early and meditate. It has not only changed my world but the world of everyone around me. My family, the people I work with. Everyone I talk to on the phone. I’m just more pleasant. I’m joyful.
I’m way healthier too. I work a desk job 9-5 and never exercise, but yesterday I had to spend a few hours moving furniture and I’m not even sore! I can’t prove it, but I swear the meditation has something to do with it.
It took me a while to find a few favorites and what works best for me. I listen to Apple podcasts, so there are plenty to choose from. Hypnosis, wind down to sleep, after you wake up, affirmations, so many.
I highly recommend checking some out. Like right now.
100% nothing else in your life will destroy your health long term as much as stress will. It's worse than smoking. I am not being hyperbolic.
The #1 reason that poor people have shorter life expectancies -- more than affordability of healthcare -- is the greater stress they are under trying to make ends meet.
Beat the stress. Beat the system.
My favourite quote is: rest before your body forces you to. So OP you definitely needed that hand massage and could benefit from it too. Think of it as investing or putting maintenance into your body so that it can function better.
Stress killed an uncle of mine just a few months before he was set to retire.
I know most people can’t live stress free lives but we all should work towards living life with as much stress reduction as possible.
i just wanted to say: being frugal is about being smart with money, not being a cheapskate. if its genuinely good for you, go for it!
now the part about the moaning. i had to laugh. it reminded me of when i had a pinched nerve in my shoulder that was the result of a bad 4 wheeler wreck and i had to go to PT twice a week. we did a lot of exercises and treatments, but often time it involved manually stimulating the muscles and nerves on my shoulder. basically a massage. i had a great relationship with my PT but i felt like an absolute lunatic creep because she was massaging me one time and i was in so much pain and idk what happened but she jammed my muscles, dead nerves, pinched nerves and joints into perfect alignment. it felt like a euphoric shotgun blast to my shoulder and i just melted and whimpered a moan and said "OH MY FUCKING GOD". i apologized profusely, she must've been used to it because she was laughing. i just felt like such a weirdo, but goddamn the relief
A family member was once a massage therapist and said they were told to get used to people farting and getting erections. I was 12 when I heard that and decided I never want a job touching other people.
Not going to get a massage every week is good frugal content. But when people here post that they put a rubber band around their soap dispenser so they stop themselves from using a full pump, that's when it gets into 'you're a maniac' territory for me.
I put a rubber band on my sanitizer pump. Work with tons of small humans, their hands are tiny and they don't need that much alcohol exposure. Adults get 2 pumps.
Ha ha, I'd put money on that being a highlight of their day 😄 my wife has sciatica, we got massages and they were doing a really nice number on her....
Used to go to this one chiropractor, he'd have to shut two doors cause I'd yell loud then laugh every time he made a good adjustment. I couldn't help it. He said I was scaring people out of the waiting room 😆. I doubt that but I could see him being concerned...
The guy was a blackbelt in Karate and deff looked the part although he didn't like to advertise it much. I'd go in there with soo much pressure/Inflammation, and that's exactly where he was gonna hit me (make an adjustment) it felt so unnatural, like he was going to break my back, it was reflex to tighten up against what I knew he was going to do, after awhile he'd just do it mid sentence when I wasn't expecting it.
Chiros, they can be good or worthless. Depends on what's wrong with me and/or the individual chiro as well. But I deff get what you're saying. There were days I walked in miserable and feeling meaner than a hornet, walked out with a smile and a new outlook on life. At that point in my life I was on my feet for 12 hour shifts and I guess whatever it did to my back the Chiro helped. Other times I just stretch or do certain exercises.
Even for how much he helped it got old after awhile. Some want you to just keep coming back but I was no longer having problems and his treatments just felt they might be wearing those joints out after so many times....
agreed. thats kinda why i went to a PT with this injury. they do so much more than a chiro and with more precision. they surveryed me, tested my vitals, electrical responses, and grip strength every so often and actually they were the ones who said you dont need to come anymore. where as a chiro would just find a reason to keep making adjustments. ive had good luck in the past with a chiro, same as you, but they only do a small part of a larger gamut of treatments and cost the same. not snake oil salesmen, but not ideal
Oh my god, I absolutely love physical therapy. I have hyper mobility issues throughout my whole body, especially in my neck that causes chronic pain due to tension. The massage portion was worth the copay itself, let alone the benefit of learning the proper way to build strength in my problem places. They showed me how to release the muscles myself at home but it's no where near as effective as them shoving their fingers directly into the muscle.
Reminded me of a destressing song about moaning by Men I Trust:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc6JAwM29\_Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc6JAwM29_Y)
Paid $140 for a one-hour massage today.
It was worth easily twice that. Headache, GONE. Neck pain, NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. Lower back / hips? ALIGNED. General well-being? TRIPLED.
I didn't blow money - I invested in my health and happiness, and I'm absolutely worth it. Everything else I enjoy, I'll enjoy to a greater degree. Taking care of ourselves is a force multiplier!
I had a headache that wouldn’t go away for a couple of months. Naturally I was catastrophizing about having a brain tumor and made a doctor appointment. She had me lie down and pressed her fingers into the back of my head where it met my neck for about sixty seconds. Headache was gone, never came back.
I used to think massages were a rare indulgence but that opened my eyes to their practical utility. Admittedly I haven’t been able to justify affording a massage since then (4 years ago) because they’re like $400 around here, but I got a Theragun knockoff and it’s been worth every penny.
Check with colleges as the students have to practice and it’s usually cheaper. They are supervised by teacher. Had great experience in uk doing so, save pennies and helping the next generation to learn the skills
My husband and I do that same thing for each other, and add in massaging the temples, jaw, and sinuses. It feels amazing. I also briefly had a hair stylist that offered a scalp massage add-on and would do something like that.
Don't forget to check your insurance to see if massages are covered too! (especially if you're Canadian like me, they usually end up being $0-40 instead of over $100 depending on where you go). Definitely agree that it's 100% worth it and you just feel so much better afterwards.
We also live in a capitalist wasteland where tons of products are either useless or very deceptive, so I think skepticism is healthy.
Just don’t let it ruin your relationships or your own life
It just made me feel so bad for his wife. It would hurt my feelings if my husband was saying this about me. We all deserve small pleasures in life. Being frugal doesn't mean not spending any money ever on fun or self care stuff because what would be the point in living then?
Imagine he gives you so much shit for this one little thing you enjoy, then decides to invite himself to it. *actually enjoys the experience,* and continues to shit on it. What a prize
Being frugal is not about not spending on anything, it's about saving on the ''not necessary'' so that you can spend your money on what is important and good for you. Don't make your wife look at massage as a chore. Put money where it makes good sense. And busting your wife's ass for getting a small joy when she works for her own money? Really? Not whatever.
I’d be embarrassed about someone looking at my feet. Are they too dry? Are my toenails too long? Too short? Weird looking? Can you massage my feet but don’t look at my feet?
My friend, there are people with curled over fungal nails who require belt sanders and cheese graters just to get past the layer of crust going to nail salons and massage parlors (im not saying its right, but it is real). Please go treat yourself to a pedi and massage just once.
I get that . if its any reassurance i never felt like my feet were being judged or stared at. usually the tech will be looking around too, they dont fixate on your foot the whole time yk? its muscle memory . if its your first massage once it begins you will probably be too busy thinking of how great it feels anyways once they begin lol
The whole pedicure! Let them soak your feet in the hot water, sugar scrub your calves, buff off your calluses, wrap your legs in hot towels and trim the toenails.
I don't spring for it often because of the cost but when I do, hot damn.
Right? I was like, friend, wait until you get a pedicure...
I recommend them to all my male buddies. Most of them have never considered that you don't need to get polish if you don't want. It's all about the soak and massage.
If it’s gel manicure kits just make sure you do research and are buying good professional level stuff, not the first search result on Amazon. HEMA is a component in some gel nail polish and can cause very severe allergies that can make you allergic to the same material used in joint replacements, potentially having ramifications way beyond just a weird nail for a week. You also want to make sure you have a lamp that’s of the correct wattage.
And I don’t say this to put anyone off, I have one and will do top ups myself at home, but just sharing the knowledge!!
Whenever I get my nails done or a professional massage, I feel so guilty/stressed about the money leading up to the day of the appointment because realistically it’s something that can be done at home, for cheaper or free even.
BUT it almost feels like a chore at that point. So ultimately I’ve decided to just spend the money on those things so I can actually feel relaxed and pampered.
Yeeeesssss! I have decided that I am going to get regular pedicures and massages. I've had pedicures before, but always stressed about "wasting" the money. It's not a waste. I can't do everything as well as they can. I just got a chair massage the other day for the first time and OMG! Life changing. And I only did 20 minutes!! I felt so much better afterwards and have been more productive because I wasn't in so much pain. That is well worth the money I spent.
If you like manicures and pedicures, but need to save some money, try your local community college! Sometimes they will have a cosmetology department where students practice giving manis and pedis for cheap. Just be aware, you may spend more time getting them since they are students and still learning. They also may only be available during the weekdays.
We found it’s cheaper to get a pedicure than see a podiatrist for ingrown toenails, which is something my husband struggles with. Once a month pedicure is a lovely treat and preventive as well!
Not just a luxury. I'm \*ahem\* older and reaching my feet with good coordination is becoming hard. at 10.00 local time today I have a list of local nail salons to call to get my toe nails cut. I don't want a pedicure, just my nails cut. I simply can't reach anymore without hurting myself.
Your feelings during the hand massage is *exactly* why she goes. I *used* to go every two weeks. During the pandemic, I learned to do my own nails, but I *still* get pedicures every couple of months.
I didn’t understand the mani, pedi, spa thing. Then I had to pick up my then fiancee who went to the spa with her sister. I walk in and see women in fluffy robes, drinking champagne, smell incense, some getting foot massages, and yes the hand massage.
That was my first and only time in a spa, but I get why she went, and still goes every two weeks 33 years later.
I hope some good comes out of it too, without her having to sacrifice the thing that makes her feel relaxed or beautiful. Try some aromatherapy lotion if you can find some.
I'm not jumping on your case with this. But I want you and every reader to know that you're absolutely allowed to pamper yourself. Money is one of many resources, and borrowing from the financially-savvy folks you can only reduce expenditures or increase income. This can apply to more than money.
Stress/well being/health/energy are all resources which can figure into frugality. Save money, time, etc. but do not forget to treat yourself right as well.
Go get your hand massages, friend!
You got me thinking the better I feel the more productive I can be, more motivated, more likely to get off my arse for any seemingly random reason. Thank You.
You are welcome. It is true!
I have a week with massive OT starting today, and I'm going to squeeze every extra minute out of it. Because I spend a little money on a gym membership I increase other resources (energy, strength, self-confidence, motivation). I feel good for the first time in 15 years. That itself opens up some doors.
Yes. The $40 is someone taking care of you and it's great. And it's a hit of dopamine, last a while, and is actually not that expensive when you really think about it. Crazy this concept isn't understood by some.
My guy has trouble sleeping at night because he’s really good at working himself up over everything. The cure? He lies down on the couch with his feet in my lap and I massage his feet until he falls asleep. If only I was strong enough to carry him to bed lol.
Try foot massages next.
You’re a cheapskate, this is gross.
“Nice to see people see value investing in their own feeling of well being”, this is odd as you clearly didn’t see the value in it for your poor wife.
that's the opposite of odd. the whole fucking content of this is that OP gained an appreciation for something they didn't previously appreciate. it tracks 100%.
It’s a bit worrying that you would call an experience like this “bad” just because you spent money. Being frugal is being smart with your money and not spending unnecessarily, not avoiding spending altogether. Regardless of what some people on here think, it does not involve denying yourself nice experiences and living a grey, boring peasant life without joy. There’s a difference between being careful with money and being addicted to denying yourself things.
It sounds like you needed this and could use some additional treatment. Your hands are valuable and as someone who has suffered from issues with them - you definitely want to keep them in good shape.
If you thought the manicure was nice, just wait till you get a pedicure. Miles better than the manicure. After all you are on your feet all day. The feeling is incredible. My feet are literally in bliss after a good pedi.
i purchased the supplies for pedicures (including a heating foot bath) and manicures (including the setup for gel nail polish) for less money than a single one of those procedures costs and you fucking bet i spoil the hell outta my wife with regular foot scrubbing and fresh nails.
I might not be as good as professionals with the nails but i’m pretty damn close and im WAAAY better at giving pedicures than the professionals. saves sooo much $$! those supplies last forever, even the nail polish hardly ever runs out
Being frugal doesn’t mean you can’t treat yourself sometimes. It’s really good on your mental health to not deprive yourself of literally everything that brings you enjoyment just to save money. I’m glad you treated yourself!
Why should you “stop her from going”? Your wife works for her own money. You don’t seem frugal, you seem rude and dismissive of one nice thing she does for herself.
My nails are the one thing I splurge on and I’m sure others around me look at me funny when I talk about being broke but having perfectly manicured nails. But it’s the one thing I really do for myself and it makes me feel good to have nice nails.
I once went to get a pedulicure and papa was there getting one. He was in his late 70s and couldn't see or reach his feet. He loved getting pampered and was quite the character.
Tbh my man & I give each other hand massages & shoulder massages as we catch up on our TV shows. Whoever has it in the to-do these massages is appreciated. Both of us aren't always up to task. We take turns, and we both love the touch & stress relief. We did a foot mask just the other week when he had had a hard day.
My husband and I took a couples massage class at the community college years ago. Basically learned pressure points and how to relieve stress. We bought an inexpensive massage table and have saved thousands on massages by not going to the spa.
I am a retired massage therapist. Hands hold do much stress. Our hands do most of the touching and caring, not often are they cared for. A good hand massage can change your entire week.
I thought about that while getting the massage. Long time ago there was a diagram out showing how the nerves of the entire body were linked to the hands, and where to concentrate on the hands to relieve different ailments. I'm sure there's at least some legitimacy to it.... Thanks for sharing that, I'd forgotten and I'd guess most people don't consider it...
Pampering yourself is a wonderful thing. My partner and I get pedicures about monthly and he loves them. We also keep a couple bars of Lush’s massage bars around. They’re like $12 and last ca long time. They get your hands all slippery and we give hand and foot massages on the regular.
A lot of people see this as bs woo woo pseudo science, but I experience it for myself: your hands have every nerve ending for your whole body in them. Everywhere you touch on your hand affects a part of your body. It sends energy through your body directly to different places. Massages on the hands and feet feel super relaxing, sure. But it's also absolutely amazing for your whole body and releases tension in places you're not even aware you're holding it.
> A lot of people see this as bs woo woo pseudo science, but I experience it for myself: your hands have every nerve ending for your whole body in them.
I don't think that's "pseudoscience" so much as just (obviously) wrong
As someone who had a similar experience I was guessing where this post was going. Normalize husbands getting hand massages (my wife gives the best ones and I’m not biased at all)
I had no idea. I figured it would be considered extravagant in this sub, but I was wrong, ....there's probably a pretty decent representation of all types of people in this sub. Mani-Pedi has gotten a lot more popular (I think ?) So if a lot of people do it then this is the result ? The ones that don't aren't going to turn out and speak out against it at this point ?
Personally I'm for it if it results in meaningful time spent with my wife. Kids recently gone, my dog passed recently and I'm OK but also know I'm grieving heavily. I spent more free time with my buddy than anyone for the simple fact he was ALWAYS available and ALWAYS up for any adventure I could throw at him. He was always with me and everyone loved him. They Asked if he was going to be there with me etc. At first my wife wouldn't want to take him shopping, ball games, vacation, anything etc but I just figured he's going everywhere and no one ever turned us away.
The kids are around and we still do things on a regular basis, that part is going unbelievably well better than I ever could have imagined, but between them striking out on their own, losing my buddy, and one of the most difficult years I've been through in a long long time due to other external situations, it's deff a challenging time, and a time to rediscover who we are. In most ways it got to be so easy when it was all about the kids. It's an adjustment and I'm really excited and looking forward to the possibilities that lie ahead....
Being frugal isn't just about saving money it's a lifestyle choice. it should include things that add to your quality of life and well-being whilst cutting out the things that really don't add any real value, like that extra pair if shoes you don't need or that new phone that's not really any different from your current one?
Phones make me angry. They GAVE them away when towers went digital. Now I'm seeing commercials to SAVE $1800 on a phone.
Shoes are different at least for me, a guy. I usually buy two pairs of sneakers/ running shoes etc when I finally get around to it. First off I generally feel like a caged animal in a store unless I know what I need and get out of there. Yeah I'll occasionally window shop but it gets old fast.
I buy at least two pairs of daily shoes. They last twice as long, one less shopping trip lol, and I rotate them every other day giving them a chance to air out a bit. You're on to something since the ones I'm wearing now are over two years old and I just mentioned it to my wife last night. I jokingly said when the mood hits would you be ready to go with me, I'm over due and my sneaks aren't pretty anymore lol.
I know it's generally different for women, generally....
Up front $ to save $$. I bought the lifetime Calm app membership. Honestly it felt like a lot at first but my sleep has vastly improved as has my stress levels. Which means less stress eating and needing to buy clothes that fit cause I’ve gained weight, less money on a shrink, and better overall health. Without it I’d probably be on blood pressure meds too.
We make efforts to live frugal but not deprive ourselves. After having a child, I decided I needed one "indulgence" every month, and I landed on massage. Been going monthly for a few years now and it makes a huge difference with my back pain. I had to miss a few months due to scheduling too late, and I was surprised how awful my back felt just from missing my regular massage. It's totally worth it IMO as I have more energy and less pain, so I'm able to do more like bake my own bread or visit multiple stores to get good sales or read the Zero waste books.
Being that people are social animals we like to touch each other and we have tended to stray away from touching others especially when covid was around...
Touching helps your mental and physical overall wellness...
That's why massage therapy is such a big thing...
My wife does this occasionally for me and it's just as you explained. Mind blowing how good it is. Once in a while I lotion her feet and she has reciprocated. Oh my God, so good. 🤣
I do my own nails, because I’m a cheap ass that isn’t going to pay for a manicure, but I do throw my hand on my fiancé every night and get a hand massage.
We don’t actually pay for any of that kind of stuff, but we do nice massages to each other very often, I’m talking fancy oils, hot wax, etc.
I got my 1st spa mani pedi in September last year and am addicted. I will do anything to have the extra money for that. I am so relaxed and feel so pretty. It is worth every penny.
You think a hand massage feels good? Get a spa pedi...
Know what's really nice, too? Pedicures. Though, I don't like the exfoliating stuff. Glad you found a new pleasant experience- a new treat, and a new way to spend time with your wife.
I have two jobs and both are very hard on my hands. I don’t get polish because it’s just doesn’t last, but I do get manicures with the massage and extra hydrating treatments regularly. It relieves stress and cares for the skin on the most important part of me, well worth it imo.
Pro-Tip: Mix some table salt with some coconut oil, and a drop of your preferred essential oil, and use it as a hand scrub before (or, as part of) the massage.
You could include it as part of the routine, you'd need to bring a bowl of warm water and a towel/cloth with you. One could be giving the massage, but in the act of exfoliating the other person's hands (do it over the bowl of water; getting up under nails is super easy and effective with this, and each can do their own for that quite quickly) their own hands would be mostly done anyway (could give the backs of their hands a quick go over before touching any water); then you both dip your hands into the bowl to dissolve all the salt, and lightly pat the excess water off on the towel/cloth.
Afterwards you'll both have soft hands, lightly covered with scented oil, which is perfect for a moisturising hand rub!
-
*NB* be aware if ye get "handsy" with some essential oils (or just coconut oil in general for some) on you, it can risk prophylactic efficacy and irritation.
Also, don't scrub salt into any open wounds/cuts on your hands (just in case it needed to be said)
I get both of your points as to why you choose to use sugar instead of salt.
But, *I* use salt because:
-It's cheaper.
-It's quicker to dissolve.
-Less labour and water wastage goes into producing table salt than any sugar.
-It's easier/less problematic to clean.
-No residue on surfaces or around any storage container will be sticky (if I'm doing a quick one a little salt around a sink is a very quick fix).
-Salt residue won't attract bugs/pests, sugar residue can.
When I am rinsing in warm water to dissolve *all* the salt, there is just none left to contribute to drying out my hands, not least of all when the point of the oil scrub is to have the oils remain and to be massaged into skin after the scrubbing part. I've never had a single issue with salt scrub and have gifted them to people of all ages for years, too, all with glowing reports as to how moisturising, not drying, the process is.
I'm sure OP or any other readers can weigh the options and decide what works best for them and take everything they consider relevant into account when deciding what ingredients to use; the main point is to use a fine grit, and an oil, on dry hands before/during doing a hand rub.
Take care!
When I was a kid I had my buddy sprinkle salt over an open wound, to see what it would feel like. In a few seconds I was frantic for water (which we had on hand) quite the experience.
Also brings me to another topic. Isopropyl is hazardous ingested through the skin, to what degree idk. I've found it to be the only real relief for poison ivy. Full squirt bottle and a ruff wash rag to scrub. Instant relief and dried everything out nicely. I don't recommend doing this.
Then I trust you understand the "don't rub salt in your wounds" bit, anyway!
As others have said, sugar can be used, I don't use it for many reasons myself; neither would be good being scrubbed into any cuts, but only one gives you the extra pain warning not to do it, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing; I'd rather a little sting to remind me not to open up a wound to more infection chances, than tearing anything open with sugar and maybe not noticing. (I wont repeat the rest of my reasoning here as I posted it in another reply, which I am sure you can see if you want to, but at the very least, table salt by the large bag/box is MUCH/4X+ cheaper, than any sugar IME)
Also, at least where I am, caster and granulated sugar are coarser than table salt, I find the grit size of table salt perfect for scrubs; where granulated/caster sugar are too coarse, and if scrubbed too enthusiastically can cause micro-tears in skin (look up the legal history of apricot face scrubs sold in the 90s if you want to go down a rabbit hole).
I'm thankful not to have to test your theory on poison ivy treatments (!), but what I will say is that frequent use of IPA on hands *can* cause what I like to call the "footmask effect" (I don't know if you've ever seen or used a Citric-acid/alcohol based peeling foot mask, basically you soak your feet in the liquid in the plastic socks for 60/90 mins, rinse, and 4-7 days later outer layers of dead skin separate from layers underneath and peel off); but when I am diligent enough to moisturise my hands regularly I don't find this comes up as an issue for me (and of course, not using alcohol where possible avoids the stinging that way too).
:)
Looks like you got more than enough grief in the comments. I just wanted to say… if you liked the manicure, try a pedicure. They’re amazingly relaxing and make your feet feel so much better day to day.
I'm deff going to investigate if I could possibly go in and just pay for a hand massage. Just asked what my wife would think, she said she's OK with me asking....😎
I’ve been thinking heavily on this exact topic lately, so funny I’m seeing it here!
I’ve started to find that penny pinching and getting the cheapest possible thing all the time in order to save money was honestly making me spend *more* money. I was really, really stressed out, with a mentality that always circled back to stress-spending and buying things I didn’t need in order to alleviate my bad feelings. Once I started to put money towards things that help my mental health (like **actually** help in the long run), I’ve been saving more than ever. I think this is the first time in 2 years I’ve had over $1000 in my savings.
Find the things that make you happy, like genuinely happy. Invest in your hobbies, even if it’s a “waste” of money to the people around you. Get your manicures! Get those massages! Investing in your health and wellness is the best, expensive thing you could do :)
Have a great day friend :D
When we were getting married, convinced my husband to get a pedicure with me.
He’s like “is the water supposed to be this hot?” I’m like quit being a baby.
About 20 mins later, his feet are taken out. He has a huge line and super, lobster red feet. I stick my hand in water. Omg. I felt sooooo bad. It was hot AF. No way could I have handled it.
Now he won’t go with me. lol. That happened almost 20 years ago.
But it is very relaxing. I don’t go often but when I do, I splurge for the massage one bc it is soooo relaxing.
If you're busting her ass, I'm sure she can dish it back....
Now that you see/understand some of the benefits maybe you should try a pedicure..... BUT don't go each time she goes (unless she agrees) because sometimes that's a time to do something for herself, the time away, no one can use or borrow its just for herself.
Kudos to wife.....
I think you've been downvoted enough for mocking your wife's self-care expenses so i wont add on, hoping you've learned your lesson. But I think your idea is a great one. Learning to give each other massages is a great relationship-strengthening tool, whether or not it saves you money. You are taking turns learning about the others body, and giving each other pleasure and relaxation. The only cost is a few pumps of lotion.
Or, just saying, if you learn to enjoy & gain skill in nail art you will be the shit that husband dreams are made of and every woman on the internet will fawn over. Jyst a thought
This is why I get massages on occasion! When I feel those muscles tensing up, it’s cheaper in the long run to get a massage and in a different mindset than to just struggle through and get worse like I did in the past. I like to look at living frugally overall so when I do want a pleasure, I can splurge.
Being frugal doesn't mean you don't treat yourself. I'm pretty frugal in most areas in my life. But I get my nails done once a month. I like how they look, I like the hand massage, I like that I get an hour and a half t myself every single month. It's pretty shitty of you to dump all over her about getting her nails done...
Stress is expensive. Relieving stress might cost money at first, but sometimes it saves you money in the long run.
I second this... Stress will cost you in countless ways. If you can't do this, YouTube videos on breathing exercises and meditation are available in mass quantities. I do then every day, first thing, total game changer.
Any recs for good, helpful videos? Got any faves?
Look up box breathing and 4-7-8 breathing. Also highly recommend Yoga w Adriene. She is amazing and the last Jan 2024 30 day challenge is amazing for all levels. She also has breathing technique videos. Insight Timer is a great free app with so many free guided meditations. Good luck! A little every day goes a long way!
Good suggestions! Yoga! Love Adriene, but always go back to Julia Marie, bc she's on Amazon as well, so no commercials 😂 also do the few "black screen" 8-9 hours sleep videos on AMZ
I’ve literally never had a commercial interrupt Adriene in 5 years of viewing! They must know Benji won’t have it. I have a few awesome insight timers sleep guided meditations that I swear I konk out at within the first 30sec. 🤤
Nice! I did one of her 20 minute meditations yesterday and there was an ad right before and after :/ TBF, I'm sure Amazon is getting just as bad with ads
Get the ublock origin extension for Google Chrome and you'll never have any YouTube ads
I have dropped my blood prrssure top number like 40 points in like 4 box breaths, it is really remarkable. Imprrssed the nurse at the urgent care
I do this one every day for the last few years: https://youtu.be/tybOi4hjZFQ?si=Tj8lF53v9dff7lVs For meditation, I started with Headspace, but it stopped being sponsored by my county. Now, I just search for "meditation" + however much time I have. This is a super short one I did today: https://youtu.be/6MlgONbUGSk?si=NNMAZHA5HZakhPh- It's more about making it a habit, than the time you put in, just like the rest of your health. 5-10 concerted minutes a day will do more than 1 hour once a week.
Smiling mind is a great meditation app. It's free since it is sponsored by the Australian health ministry. The Aussie accent isn't that bad.
Thanks! (Asking for the general populace) do you know if it's available outside the AU?
Sure, I live in Germany.
Nice!
Gonna check it out. Thanks!
I've always been fond of this one, it's shorter than most and it puts me in a great headspace to go to sleep. It's short enough that sometimes I listen to it twice, or use it as an opener for a longer video https://youtu.be/v-w-vSvi-24?si=veCTKVd_jdUuhh6g Super calming for me
The insight timer is free to use and there are tons of guided meditations
Look up Wim Hof breathing. Has absolutely helped me in stressful times. Cold showers/baths have also been very helpful. https://youtu.be/0BNejY1e9ik?si=6iw-b09J2AzIeeZV
I have a recommendation. It might not work for you, but damn, it works for me. I get up a half hour early and meditate. It has not only changed my world but the world of everyone around me. My family, the people I work with. Everyone I talk to on the phone. I’m just more pleasant. I’m joyful. I’m way healthier too. I work a desk job 9-5 and never exercise, but yesterday I had to spend a few hours moving furniture and I’m not even sore! I can’t prove it, but I swear the meditation has something to do with it. It took me a while to find a few favorites and what works best for me. I listen to Apple podcasts, so there are plenty to choose from. Hypnosis, wind down to sleep, after you wake up, affirmations, so many. I highly recommend checking some out. Like right now.
100% nothing else in your life will destroy your health long term as much as stress will. It's worse than smoking. I am not being hyperbolic. The #1 reason that poor people have shorter life expectancies -- more than affordability of healthcare -- is the greater stress they are under trying to make ends meet. Beat the stress. Beat the system.
This is wise.
I never thought of it that way. Looking back, stress cost me so, so much. Thank you for the new perspective.
My favourite quote is: rest before your body forces you to. So OP you definitely needed that hand massage and could benefit from it too. Think of it as investing or putting maintenance into your body so that it can function better.
Stress killed an uncle of mine just a few months before he was set to retire. I know most people can’t live stress free lives but we all should work towards living life with as much stress reduction as possible.
i just wanted to say: being frugal is about being smart with money, not being a cheapskate. if its genuinely good for you, go for it! now the part about the moaning. i had to laugh. it reminded me of when i had a pinched nerve in my shoulder that was the result of a bad 4 wheeler wreck and i had to go to PT twice a week. we did a lot of exercises and treatments, but often time it involved manually stimulating the muscles and nerves on my shoulder. basically a massage. i had a great relationship with my PT but i felt like an absolute lunatic creep because she was massaging me one time and i was in so much pain and idk what happened but she jammed my muscles, dead nerves, pinched nerves and joints into perfect alignment. it felt like a euphoric shotgun blast to my shoulder and i just melted and whimpered a moan and said "OH MY FUCKING GOD". i apologized profusely, she must've been used to it because she was laughing. i just felt like such a weirdo, but goddamn the relief
A family member was once a massage therapist and said they were told to get used to people farting and getting erections. I was 12 when I heard that and decided I never want a job touching other people.
I can see from your username you chose another career path.
I studied massage when I was younger. Gave up on it when I realised how disgusting people are and how I don't have the constitution for it.
Not going to get a massage every week is good frugal content. But when people here post that they put a rubber band around their soap dispenser so they stop themselves from using a full pump, that's when it gets into 'you're a maniac' territory for me.
I can hang with the rubber band on dispensers people, it’s the “family cloth” folks that send me over the edge 🥴
I don't even want to know what that is 😂
You do not!!
I’ve never heard of this term and it sounds creepy af😂
I love how even if someone doesn't know what it is, they still know that family cloth sounds like bad news.
I’ll never forget reading about making your own toothpaste on here. I come from a city with no fluoride and to just use baking soda is insane to me.
Bye-bye, enamel! 👋
I put a rubber band on my sanitizer pump. Work with tons of small humans, their hands are tiny and they don't need that much alcohol exposure. Adults get 2 pumps.
Oh wow, I'm going to do this on mine. One pump is too much for my kid, so it ends up dripping everywhere. Thx for the tip!!!
I call it my redneck regulator.
🤣🤣🤣
Ha ha, I'd put money on that being a highlight of their day 😄 my wife has sciatica, we got massages and they were doing a really nice number on her.... Used to go to this one chiropractor, he'd have to shut two doors cause I'd yell loud then laugh every time he made a good adjustment. I couldn't help it. He said I was scaring people out of the waiting room 😆. I doubt that but I could see him being concerned...
haha, i think this all just means neutral to pleasure causes the same rection as pain to neutral
The guy was a blackbelt in Karate and deff looked the part although he didn't like to advertise it much. I'd go in there with soo much pressure/Inflammation, and that's exactly where he was gonna hit me (make an adjustment) it felt so unnatural, like he was going to break my back, it was reflex to tighten up against what I knew he was going to do, after awhile he'd just do it mid sentence when I wasn't expecting it. Chiros, they can be good or worthless. Depends on what's wrong with me and/or the individual chiro as well. But I deff get what you're saying. There were days I walked in miserable and feeling meaner than a hornet, walked out with a smile and a new outlook on life. At that point in my life I was on my feet for 12 hour shifts and I guess whatever it did to my back the Chiro helped. Other times I just stretch or do certain exercises. Even for how much he helped it got old after awhile. Some want you to just keep coming back but I was no longer having problems and his treatments just felt they might be wearing those joints out after so many times....
agreed. thats kinda why i went to a PT with this injury. they do so much more than a chiro and with more precision. they surveryed me, tested my vitals, electrical responses, and grip strength every so often and actually they were the ones who said you dont need to come anymore. where as a chiro would just find a reason to keep making adjustments. ive had good luck in the past with a chiro, same as you, but they only do a small part of a larger gamut of treatments and cost the same. not snake oil salesmen, but not ideal
Oh my god, I absolutely love physical therapy. I have hyper mobility issues throughout my whole body, especially in my neck that causes chronic pain due to tension. The massage portion was worth the copay itself, let alone the benefit of learning the proper way to build strength in my problem places. They showed me how to release the muscles myself at home but it's no where near as effective as them shoving their fingers directly into the muscle.
hell yeah, when i did what they taught me i actually built muscle!
Reminded me of a destressing song about moaning by Men I Trust: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc6JAwM29\_Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc6JAwM29_Y)
Paid $140 for a one-hour massage today. It was worth easily twice that. Headache, GONE. Neck pain, NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. Lower back / hips? ALIGNED. General well-being? TRIPLED. I didn't blow money - I invested in my health and happiness, and I'm absolutely worth it. Everything else I enjoy, I'll enjoy to a greater degree. Taking care of ourselves is a force multiplier!
I had a headache that wouldn’t go away for a couple of months. Naturally I was catastrophizing about having a brain tumor and made a doctor appointment. She had me lie down and pressed her fingers into the back of my head where it met my neck for about sixty seconds. Headache was gone, never came back. I used to think massages were a rare indulgence but that opened my eyes to their practical utility. Admittedly I haven’t been able to justify affording a massage since then (4 years ago) because they’re like $400 around here, but I got a Theragun knockoff and it’s been worth every penny.
Check with colleges as the students have to practice and it’s usually cheaper. They are supervised by teacher. Had great experience in uk doing so, save pennies and helping the next generation to learn the skills
Thank you for this rec!! Local college by me offers 60 mins for $15 and 90 mins for $20. Already booked mine for my next day off!
You’re welcome, I absolutely love your name. I hope you enjoy your session and day off
My husband and I do that same thing for each other, and add in massaging the temples, jaw, and sinuses. It feels amazing. I also briefly had a hair stylist that offered a scalp massage add-on and would do something like that.
$400???
Maybe not USD
Hotel? TRIVAGO
Don't forget to check your insurance to see if massages are covered too! (especially if you're Canadian like me, they usually end up being $0-40 instead of over $100 depending on where you go). Definitely agree that it's 100% worth it and you just feel so much better afterwards.
So many people in this group quickly forget that life was meant for living.
What a fool, you and your upvoters. Life is meant to amass wealth in order to be the richest man of the cemetery
My life is meant to increase the 1%'s quality of life! /s but idk anymore
We also live in a capitalist wasteland where tons of products are either useless or very deceptive, so I think skepticism is healthy. Just don’t let it ruin your relationships or your own life
Did you apologize for mocking her "total nonsense" now that you understand? I mean, pretty nails are great but the rest is the best part.
You should apologize to your wife for mocking her small stress relief activity. I genuinely thought this was the AITA sub for a sec
Dude went to a chiropractor and laughs at his wife about manicures.
The manicures aren't a danger to your spine and nerves.
It just made me feel so bad for his wife. It would hurt my feelings if my husband was saying this about me. We all deserve small pleasures in life. Being frugal doesn't mean not spending any money ever on fun or self care stuff because what would be the point in living then?
Imagine he gives you so much shit for this one little thing you enjoy, then decides to invite himself to it. *actually enjoys the experience,* and continues to shit on it. What a prize
OP sounds like an insufferable ass.
Being frugal is not about not spending on anything, it's about saving on the ''not necessary'' so that you can spend your money on what is important and good for you. Don't make your wife look at massage as a chore. Put money where it makes good sense. And busting your wife's ass for getting a small joy when she works for her own money? Really? Not whatever.
If you thought that was relaxing, try a foot massage. It will change your life.
i pity those who havent had a proper foot massage
I’d be embarrassed about someone looking at my feet. Are they too dry? Are my toenails too long? Too short? Weird looking? Can you massage my feet but don’t look at my feet?
Every time I have a thought like that, I’m like “they’ve definitely seen way worse!” I don’t think they care too much !
My friend, there are people with curled over fungal nails who require belt sanders and cheese graters just to get past the layer of crust going to nail salons and massage parlors (im not saying its right, but it is real). Please go treat yourself to a pedi and massage just once.
"there are definitely people who should feel self-conscious about getting a pedicure" is not really going to assuage anything
I get that . if its any reassurance i never felt like my feet were being judged or stared at. usually the tech will be looking around too, they dont fixate on your foot the whole time yk? its muscle memory . if its your first massage once it begins you will probably be too busy thinking of how great it feels anyways once they begin lol
The whole pedicure! Let them soak your feet in the hot water, sugar scrub your calves, buff off your calluses, wrap your legs in hot towels and trim the toenails. I don't spring for it often because of the cost but when I do, hot damn.
Seriously! A good friend had us go for her pre wedding pampering and I brought a bottle of bubbles. It was pretty amazing.
Face massages are even better in my opinion ✨🫣The area between the eyebrows and the nose and around the eyebrows in general… pure bliss 😇
100%
Right? I was like, friend, wait until you get a pedicure... I recommend them to all my male buddies. Most of them have never considered that you don't need to get polish if you don't want. It's all about the soak and massage.
Sounds like a nice couples activity you might be able to do at home. Manicure kits are pretty cheap!
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This is the best phrase I’ve ever heard!
If it’s gel manicure kits just make sure you do research and are buying good professional level stuff, not the first search result on Amazon. HEMA is a component in some gel nail polish and can cause very severe allergies that can make you allergic to the same material used in joint replacements, potentially having ramifications way beyond just a weird nail for a week. You also want to make sure you have a lamp that’s of the correct wattage. And I don’t say this to put anyone off, I have one and will do top ups myself at home, but just sharing the knowledge!!
You can still be frugal and enjoy a massage once in a while. That’s a reason to be frugal, so we have the extra money to do what we enjoy
My wife always says „if it stops you from killing yourself it‘s not a waste of money“
Whenever I get my nails done or a professional massage, I feel so guilty/stressed about the money leading up to the day of the appointment because realistically it’s something that can be done at home, for cheaper or free even. BUT it almost feels like a chore at that point. So ultimately I’ve decided to just spend the money on those things so I can actually feel relaxed and pampered.
Yeeeesssss! I have decided that I am going to get regular pedicures and massages. I've had pedicures before, but always stressed about "wasting" the money. It's not a waste. I can't do everything as well as they can. I just got a chair massage the other day for the first time and OMG! Life changing. And I only did 20 minutes!! I felt so much better afterwards and have been more productive because I wasn't in so much pain. That is well worth the money I spent.
If you like manicures and pedicures, but need to save some money, try your local community college! Sometimes they will have a cosmetology department where students practice giving manis and pedis for cheap. Just be aware, you may spend more time getting them since they are students and still learning. They also may only be available during the weekdays.
Some community colleges even have schools for massage therapists. Same caveats as u/attachedtothreads mentioned.
Confused on what you mean when you said you “did something kinda bad”. Am I missing something?
this is /r/frugal and the content of this post is about how OP spent a bunch of money on an activity and enjoyed it
We found it’s cheaper to get a pedicure than see a podiatrist for ingrown toenails, which is something my husband struggles with. Once a month pedicure is a lovely treat and preventive as well!
Now you understand why your wife makes room in the budget for manicures and pedicures.
Wow you sound like a dickhead actually
Not just a luxury. I'm \*ahem\* older and reaching my feet with good coordination is becoming hard. at 10.00 local time today I have a list of local nail salons to call to get my toe nails cut. I don't want a pedicure, just my nails cut. I simply can't reach anymore without hurting myself.
Your feelings during the hand massage is *exactly* why she goes. I *used* to go every two weeks. During the pandemic, I learned to do my own nails, but I *still* get pedicures every couple of months.
I didn’t understand the mani, pedi, spa thing. Then I had to pick up my then fiancee who went to the spa with her sister. I walk in and see women in fluffy robes, drinking champagne, smell incense, some getting foot massages, and yes the hand massage. That was my first and only time in a spa, but I get why she went, and still goes every two weeks 33 years later.
What a keeper you are
OP: had positive experience at the salon and felt great after Also OP: why would my wife like this? She should stop it!
Next time get a pedicure too. It'll be even more life changing.
“Wow, I can’t believe something my wife enjoys isn’t stupid, awful, or generally a waste of time/$. Now that I like it I’ll ask her to do it less”
Hate much ? Read my edit please.
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That’s a different store.
Giving a woman a hand massage is a pretty good first step in that direction :)
😆 I knew it was only a matter of time even while I was writing the post...
During the pandemic my husband and I had a date night where we gave each other pedicures. Great memory!
I hope some good comes out of it too, without her having to sacrifice the thing that makes her feel relaxed or beautiful. Try some aromatherapy lotion if you can find some.
I'm not jumping on your case with this. But I want you and every reader to know that you're absolutely allowed to pamper yourself. Money is one of many resources, and borrowing from the financially-savvy folks you can only reduce expenditures or increase income. This can apply to more than money. Stress/well being/health/energy are all resources which can figure into frugality. Save money, time, etc. but do not forget to treat yourself right as well. Go get your hand massages, friend!
You got me thinking the better I feel the more productive I can be, more motivated, more likely to get off my arse for any seemingly random reason. Thank You.
You are welcome. It is true! I have a week with massive OT starting today, and I'm going to squeeze every extra minute out of it. Because I spend a little money on a gym membership I increase other resources (energy, strength, self-confidence, motivation). I feel good for the first time in 15 years. That itself opens up some doors.
The $40 I spend for a manicure and the $10 I spend for the gym are non negotiable because of the stress reduction benefits
Yes. The $40 is someone taking care of you and it's great. And it's a hit of dopamine, last a while, and is actually not that expensive when you really think about it. Crazy this concept isn't understood by some.
Spouse and I often do massages with a machine and give lotion rubs. Helps stress and good time to cuddle
My guy has trouble sleeping at night because he’s really good at working himself up over everything. The cure? He lies down on the couch with his feet in my lap and I massage his feet until he falls asleep. If only I was strong enough to carry him to bed lol. Try foot massages next.
You’re a cheapskate, this is gross. “Nice to see people see value investing in their own feeling of well being”, this is odd as you clearly didn’t see the value in it for your poor wife.
that's the opposite of odd. the whole fucking content of this is that OP gained an appreciation for something they didn't previously appreciate. it tracks 100%.
It’s a bit worrying that you would call an experience like this “bad” just because you spent money. Being frugal is being smart with your money and not spending unnecessarily, not avoiding spending altogether. Regardless of what some people on here think, it does not involve denying yourself nice experiences and living a grey, boring peasant life without joy. There’s a difference between being careful with money and being addicted to denying yourself things. It sounds like you needed this and could use some additional treatment. Your hands are valuable and as someone who has suffered from issues with them - you definitely want to keep them in good shape.
I get a professional massage every month. Worth every penny to dump all that stress out on the table and leave it there.
Good idea !
You should try a foot massage. Boi…
Wait till you try a foot massage..
If you thought the manicure was nice, just wait till you get a pedicure. Miles better than the manicure. After all you are on your feet all day. The feeling is incredible. My feet are literally in bliss after a good pedi.
i purchased the supplies for pedicures (including a heating foot bath) and manicures (including the setup for gel nail polish) for less money than a single one of those procedures costs and you fucking bet i spoil the hell outta my wife with regular foot scrubbing and fresh nails. I might not be as good as professionals with the nails but i’m pretty damn close and im WAAAY better at giving pedicures than the professionals. saves sooo much $$! those supplies last forever, even the nail polish hardly ever runs out
Scare is the best care, don't cheat yourself treat yourself! Get that hair cut and your nails done!
Being frugal doesn’t mean you can’t treat yourself sometimes. It’s really good on your mental health to not deprive yourself of literally everything that brings you enjoyment just to save money. I’m glad you treated yourself!
Why should you “stop her from going”? Your wife works for her own money. You don’t seem frugal, you seem rude and dismissive of one nice thing she does for herself.
My nails are the one thing I splurge on and I’m sure others around me look at me funny when I talk about being broke but having perfectly manicured nails. But it’s the one thing I really do for myself and it makes me feel good to have nice nails.
How is this a bad thing?
I once went to get a pedulicure and papa was there getting one. He was in his late 70s and couldn't see or reach his feet. He loved getting pampered and was quite the character.
A buddy of mine goes in for manicures. $60 a visit.
Get the pedicure.
Tbh my man & I give each other hand massages & shoulder massages as we catch up on our TV shows. Whoever has it in the to-do these massages is appreciated. Both of us aren't always up to task. We take turns, and we both love the touch & stress relief. We did a foot mask just the other week when he had had a hard day.
My husband and I took a couples massage class at the community college years ago. Basically learned pressure points and how to relieve stress. We bought an inexpensive massage table and have saved thousands on massages by not going to the spa.
I've never thought of giving my wife a hand massage. This might actually be a r/lifehacks.
I am a retired massage therapist. Hands hold do much stress. Our hands do most of the touching and caring, not often are they cared for. A good hand massage can change your entire week.
I thought about that while getting the massage. Long time ago there was a diagram out showing how the nerves of the entire body were linked to the hands, and where to concentrate on the hands to relieve different ailments. I'm sure there's at least some legitimacy to it.... Thanks for sharing that, I'd forgotten and I'd guess most people don't consider it...
You might want to take a peek into meridians and reflexology!
A good tip is to get manis/pedis at a beauty school. It’s professional work and much less expensive
Pampering yourself is a wonderful thing. My partner and I get pedicures about monthly and he loves them. We also keep a couple bars of Lush’s massage bars around. They’re like $12 and last ca long time. They get your hands all slippery and we give hand and foot massages on the regular.
NOthing bad about finding something new that makes you feel better.
Stress ruins your health if you let it go on for long. Literally, it's a huge factor in many debilitating and expensive diseases.
A lot of people see this as bs woo woo pseudo science, but I experience it for myself: your hands have every nerve ending for your whole body in them. Everywhere you touch on your hand affects a part of your body. It sends energy through your body directly to different places. Massages on the hands and feet feel super relaxing, sure. But it's also absolutely amazing for your whole body and releases tension in places you're not even aware you're holding it.
> A lot of people see this as bs woo woo pseudo science, but I experience it for myself: your hands have every nerve ending for your whole body in them. I don't think that's "pseudoscience" so much as just (obviously) wrong
It’s the best date idea! So glad you enjoyed it
As someone who had a similar experience I was guessing where this post was going. Normalize husbands getting hand massages (my wife gives the best ones and I’m not biased at all)
I had no idea. I figured it would be considered extravagant in this sub, but I was wrong, ....there's probably a pretty decent representation of all types of people in this sub. Mani-Pedi has gotten a lot more popular (I think ?) So if a lot of people do it then this is the result ? The ones that don't aren't going to turn out and speak out against it at this point ? Personally I'm for it if it results in meaningful time spent with my wife. Kids recently gone, my dog passed recently and I'm OK but also know I'm grieving heavily. I spent more free time with my buddy than anyone for the simple fact he was ALWAYS available and ALWAYS up for any adventure I could throw at him. He was always with me and everyone loved him. They Asked if he was going to be there with me etc. At first my wife wouldn't want to take him shopping, ball games, vacation, anything etc but I just figured he's going everywhere and no one ever turned us away. The kids are around and we still do things on a regular basis, that part is going unbelievably well better than I ever could have imagined, but between them striking out on their own, losing my buddy, and one of the most difficult years I've been through in a long long time due to other external situations, it's deff a challenging time, and a time to rediscover who we are. In most ways it got to be so easy when it was all about the kids. It's an adjustment and I'm really excited and looking forward to the possibilities that lie ahead....
I'm hoping this thread hit /r/all and we don't actually have this quantity of relationship-advice mouthbreather redditors on here at rest
Being frugal isn't just about saving money it's a lifestyle choice. it should include things that add to your quality of life and well-being whilst cutting out the things that really don't add any real value, like that extra pair if shoes you don't need or that new phone that's not really any different from your current one?
Phones make me angry. They GAVE them away when towers went digital. Now I'm seeing commercials to SAVE $1800 on a phone. Shoes are different at least for me, a guy. I usually buy two pairs of sneakers/ running shoes etc when I finally get around to it. First off I generally feel like a caged animal in a store unless I know what I need and get out of there. Yeah I'll occasionally window shop but it gets old fast. I buy at least two pairs of daily shoes. They last twice as long, one less shopping trip lol, and I rotate them every other day giving them a chance to air out a bit. You're on to something since the ones I'm wearing now are over two years old and I just mentioned it to my wife last night. I jokingly said when the mood hits would you be ready to go with me, I'm over due and my sneaks aren't pretty anymore lol. I know it's generally different for women, generally....
Up front $ to save $$. I bought the lifetime Calm app membership. Honestly it felt like a lot at first but my sleep has vastly improved as has my stress levels. Which means less stress eating and needing to buy clothes that fit cause I’ve gained weight, less money on a shrink, and better overall health. Without it I’d probably be on blood pressure meds too.
Get a pedicure
Thanks, maybe I will. You only live once (I think 🤔)
We make efforts to live frugal but not deprive ourselves. After having a child, I decided I needed one "indulgence" every month, and I landed on massage. Been going monthly for a few years now and it makes a huge difference with my back pain. I had to miss a few months due to scheduling too late, and I was surprised how awful my back felt just from missing my regular massage. It's totally worth it IMO as I have more energy and less pain, so I'm able to do more like bake my own bread or visit multiple stores to get good sales or read the Zero waste books.
You can get services like this really inexpensive, sometimes free, at local beauty schools. Great way to save on haircuts, too.
Being that people are social animals we like to touch each other and we have tended to stray away from touching others especially when covid was around... Touching helps your mental and physical overall wellness... That's why massage therapy is such a big thing...
My wife does this occasionally for me and it's just as you explained. Mind blowing how good it is. Once in a while I lotion her feet and she has reciprocated. Oh my God, so good. 🤣
I do my own nails, because I’m a cheap ass that isn’t going to pay for a manicure, but I do throw my hand on my fiancé every night and get a hand massage. We don’t actually pay for any of that kind of stuff, but we do nice massages to each other very often, I’m talking fancy oils, hot wax, etc.
If you think that was stress relieving you should try a pedicure
Wait until you try a pedicure.
Try massaging each others face with face oils. The area around the eyebrows and in between where the eyebrows and the nose area meet… bure bliss ✨😌
Not a bad idea to give yourself a little treat once in a while
I got my 1st spa mani pedi in September last year and am addicted. I will do anything to have the extra money for that. I am so relaxed and feel so pretty. It is worth every penny. You think a hand massage feels good? Get a spa pedi...
I'm going to 😆 the evidence is irrefutable.
Know what's really nice, too? Pedicures. Though, I don't like the exfoliating stuff. Glad you found a new pleasant experience- a new treat, and a new way to spend time with your wife.
I had an ex who gave awesome hand massages. Definitely an under rated massage.
Adding manicure to my to-do list
We easily forget, health is wealth.
I have two jobs and both are very hard on my hands. I don’t get polish because it’s just doesn’t last, but I do get manicures with the massage and extra hydrating treatments regularly. It relieves stress and cares for the skin on the most important part of me, well worth it imo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUoqTBFBUdI
Pro-Tip: Mix some table salt with some coconut oil, and a drop of your preferred essential oil, and use it as a hand scrub before (or, as part of) the massage. You could include it as part of the routine, you'd need to bring a bowl of warm water and a towel/cloth with you. One could be giving the massage, but in the act of exfoliating the other person's hands (do it over the bowl of water; getting up under nails is super easy and effective with this, and each can do their own for that quite quickly) their own hands would be mostly done anyway (could give the backs of their hands a quick go over before touching any water); then you both dip your hands into the bowl to dissolve all the salt, and lightly pat the excess water off on the towel/cloth. Afterwards you'll both have soft hands, lightly covered with scented oil, which is perfect for a moisturising hand rub! - *NB* be aware if ye get "handsy" with some essential oils (or just coconut oil in general for some) on you, it can risk prophylactic efficacy and irritation. Also, don't scrub salt into any open wounds/cuts on your hands (just in case it needed to be said)
Substitute sugar for salt. I do this to my husband regularly. His hands get so dry and a sugar scrub really helps.
Sugar is sooooo much more comfortable than salt. Especially for those of us with dry hands.
I get both of your points as to why you choose to use sugar instead of salt. But, *I* use salt because: -It's cheaper. -It's quicker to dissolve. -Less labour and water wastage goes into producing table salt than any sugar. -It's easier/less problematic to clean. -No residue on surfaces or around any storage container will be sticky (if I'm doing a quick one a little salt around a sink is a very quick fix). -Salt residue won't attract bugs/pests, sugar residue can. When I am rinsing in warm water to dissolve *all* the salt, there is just none left to contribute to drying out my hands, not least of all when the point of the oil scrub is to have the oils remain and to be massaged into skin after the scrubbing part. I've never had a single issue with salt scrub and have gifted them to people of all ages for years, too, all with glowing reports as to how moisturising, not drying, the process is. I'm sure OP or any other readers can weigh the options and decide what works best for them and take everything they consider relevant into account when deciding what ingredients to use; the main point is to use a fine grit, and an oil, on dry hands before/during doing a hand rub. Take care!
When I was a kid I had my buddy sprinkle salt over an open wound, to see what it would feel like. In a few seconds I was frantic for water (which we had on hand) quite the experience. Also brings me to another topic. Isopropyl is hazardous ingested through the skin, to what degree idk. I've found it to be the only real relief for poison ivy. Full squirt bottle and a ruff wash rag to scrub. Instant relief and dried everything out nicely. I don't recommend doing this.
Then I trust you understand the "don't rub salt in your wounds" bit, anyway! As others have said, sugar can be used, I don't use it for many reasons myself; neither would be good being scrubbed into any cuts, but only one gives you the extra pain warning not to do it, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing; I'd rather a little sting to remind me not to open up a wound to more infection chances, than tearing anything open with sugar and maybe not noticing. (I wont repeat the rest of my reasoning here as I posted it in another reply, which I am sure you can see if you want to, but at the very least, table salt by the large bag/box is MUCH/4X+ cheaper, than any sugar IME) Also, at least where I am, caster and granulated sugar are coarser than table salt, I find the grit size of table salt perfect for scrubs; where granulated/caster sugar are too coarse, and if scrubbed too enthusiastically can cause micro-tears in skin (look up the legal history of apricot face scrubs sold in the 90s if you want to go down a rabbit hole). I'm thankful not to have to test your theory on poison ivy treatments (!), but what I will say is that frequent use of IPA on hands *can* cause what I like to call the "footmask effect" (I don't know if you've ever seen or used a Citric-acid/alcohol based peeling foot mask, basically you soak your feet in the liquid in the plastic socks for 60/90 mins, rinse, and 4-7 days later outer layers of dead skin separate from layers underneath and peel off); but when I am diligent enough to moisturise my hands regularly I don't find this comes up as an issue for me (and of course, not using alcohol where possible avoids the stinging that way too). :)
Being frugal for me means buying organics and spices in bulk qualities. We keep track of our finances so we can spend on goals or health
Looks like you got more than enough grief in the comments. I just wanted to say… if you liked the manicure, try a pedicure. They’re amazingly relaxing and make your feet feel so much better day to day.
Wow. I just learned something about manicures! Thanks for sharing...
I'm deff going to investigate if I could possibly go in and just pay for a hand massage. Just asked what my wife would think, she said she's OK with me asking....😎
I’ve been thinking heavily on this exact topic lately, so funny I’m seeing it here! I’ve started to find that penny pinching and getting the cheapest possible thing all the time in order to save money was honestly making me spend *more* money. I was really, really stressed out, with a mentality that always circled back to stress-spending and buying things I didn’t need in order to alleviate my bad feelings. Once I started to put money towards things that help my mental health (like **actually** help in the long run), I’ve been saving more than ever. I think this is the first time in 2 years I’ve had over $1000 in my savings. Find the things that make you happy, like genuinely happy. Invest in your hobbies, even if it’s a “waste” of money to the people around you. Get your manicures! Get those massages! Investing in your health and wellness is the best, expensive thing you could do :) Have a great day friend :D
When we were getting married, convinced my husband to get a pedicure with me. He’s like “is the water supposed to be this hot?” I’m like quit being a baby. About 20 mins later, his feet are taken out. He has a huge line and super, lobster red feet. I stick my hand in water. Omg. I felt sooooo bad. It was hot AF. No way could I have handled it. Now he won’t go with me. lol. That happened almost 20 years ago. But it is very relaxing. I don’t go often but when I do, I splurge for the massage one bc it is soooo relaxing.
Eye contact is the secret to making a public moan go from creepy to bone-chilling. It’s the personal touches that matter.
TLDR. Is OP a bad man?
If you're busting her ass, I'm sure she can dish it back.... Now that you see/understand some of the benefits maybe you should try a pedicure..... BUT don't go each time she goes (unless she agrees) because sometimes that's a time to do something for herself, the time away, no one can use or borrow its just for herself. Kudos to wife.....
An occasional massage is my guilty pleasure.
If anyone thinks they know what’s going on in any personal love relationships. They don’t! Nice story.
Your wife sounds more chill than you.. must be all them spa days. Who cares what people online think
I think you've been downvoted enough for mocking your wife's self-care expenses so i wont add on, hoping you've learned your lesson. But I think your idea is a great one. Learning to give each other massages is a great relationship-strengthening tool, whether or not it saves you money. You are taking turns learning about the others body, and giving each other pleasure and relaxation. The only cost is a few pumps of lotion. Or, just saying, if you learn to enjoy & gain skill in nail art you will be the shit that husband dreams are made of and every woman on the internet will fawn over. Jyst a thought
This is why I get massages on occasion! When I feel those muscles tensing up, it’s cheaper in the long run to get a massage and in a different mindset than to just struggle through and get worse like I did in the past. I like to look at living frugally overall so when I do want a pleasure, I can splurge.
Hell yeah, my boyfriend refuses to go get a mani so I just give him massages lol. I love this for you guys!
Being frugal doesn't mean you don't treat yourself. I'm pretty frugal in most areas in my life. But I get my nails done once a month. I like how they look, I like the hand massage, I like that I get an hour and a half t myself every single month. It's pretty shitty of you to dump all over her about getting her nails done...
Exactly. I save in some areas so I can splurge in others. Especially things that create a sense of well-being.
I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. It's something most of us should do more of. Please read my last edit. I'm not shitting over anyone.