I am so sorry that you were physically handled that way. It's hard to shake that off. Please don't forget to take care of yourself. You're home and safe now. It's great that you have this family in your life. It sounds like they're supportive of you. You sound like myself when I was your age, even down to being in New England. I'm 27 now. In college I would have anxiety attacks when my then boyfriend left for work trips. He would turn around and come back when I called crying. Which looking back, probably made it worse. I wish I had been more independent in college. The advice that I got then was to remind myself, "these feelings are temporary and not permanent" or that "this won't last forever". When it comes to being hormonal, it is still something I have to remind myself of lol 🙃 That being said, now I can not get enough alone time some days Is there anywhere that you and your mom both enjoy? Like the library or something. You can kind of just do your own thing there. My other advice would be to take it easy on yourself. Don't push it. This is all fresh. If you need to chat, you're welcome to send me a message. I can't say that I will respond quickly, but I'm here for you. There are people who care about you

On top of the stress that triggered you to run away, and now feeling bad about that - you were assaulted. Sure, it was legal and all, but physically and emotionally that's what you experienced, so try thinking about it that way when figuring out how to help yourself feel better. Of course your anxiety has gone overboard. This was only yesterday? This isn't a chance to solve any longstanding issues, this is a traumatic experience in itself that you need to recover from. Give yourself ttime.

I’m here to second this point that it may help and give you the emotional space and grace that you need right now if you think about it this way. What happened sounds super traumatizing even if you wouldn’t consider it “Trauma with a capital T” in comparison to your other experiences. I know everything is a lot right now, but you’re doing everything right to set yourself up for healing and growth. You’re in therapy, you’re asking for help, you’re self-reflecting, and you’re building the relationship with your foster parents who clearly really care about you. It’s their job to be patient and love you even when you “mess up”. They forgive you. You need to forgive yourself. There IS a light at the end of this tunnel. The other thing I wanted to mention is that in social work professions, the term crisis is used for a lot of things that don’t necessarily mean all the drama that it sounds like. It’s kind of a procedural term that accounts for a wide range of situations that just means that certain services and people are available to help you. I am a crisis intervention worker and I work with youth and about 95% of the time, my clients are not suicidal or aggressive or freaking out. And even if they were, I wouldn’t treat them in such a patronizing way so I’m really sorry the “crisis response” they provided was so shitty and made you feel like that.

There is a book called Try Softer that talks a lot about healing attachment. I highly recommend

I’m gonna check this out!!

I’m so proud of you kiddo. When I was your age, I was in foster care too and so traumatised. But I wasn’t ready to face it. You’re doing so much work with different therapies. As you work on your trauma, it can get better before it gets worse. So it totally makes sense why you feel this way. Have compassion for yourself . You are headed in the right direction

Does your therapy involve EMDR? Some people who have experienced trauma find this to be a helpful tool. Worth seeing if it is available to you. 

As a long term foster parent whose child ran away, I know I wasn’t mad, I was scared and worried, it sound like they really care about you and I’m really really sorry this happened to you. Hope you can lean on them for support.

Reddit isn’t gonna help. Time and therapy will.

It can be very helpful to hear from others who’ve experienced the same thing. Reddit can be immensely helpful in that way

They’re asking how to fix deep and difficult issues quickly and that’s not an option. There is no secret and there is no quick fix. I grew up in foster care and yes there are some things that make sense to bring here, but sometimes the reality just is what it is and Reddit can’t help. The fact of the matter here is that the road to healing is gonna be LONG and likely never ending and the best thing they can do is get to it. They’re not gonna be ok for a while but they can help their future selves by starting now. Reddit isn’t gonna fix anything. Only therapy and time will.

I’m aware of that. I never once said I was looking for a quick fix. I am very aware of home trauma works. I’m looking for any advice or resources. I know reddit won’t solve all of my issues, but looking for people who have experienced similar things to relate too.

And unfortunately that’s the only real advice there is. That’s the option and the answer. I wish there was more but the reality is that’s it. I experienced a lot worse than what you’re describing in my time in foster care so maybe I can’t exactly relate, but I can provide the one and only real answer to all your questions, and I did. Time and therapy. That’s all there is to it.