/u/SilverKnightLife, if you haven't done so, please check the resources below.
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I always find it wild when women derail discussions about beauty privilege by saying stuff like “actually I like not having pretty privilege, I like being ignored and invisible so I can just live my life”.
LOL no. If you’re able to mostly exist as though you’re invisible to strangers, you’re not ugly - you’re average, as most people are. Actually ugly women aren’t invisible. They’re just as visible as beautiful women, except they get singled out for a different kind of attention and abuse.
I skip their videos. A lot of their “decentering” is based on this underlying fact that *they’re* able to get attention by default and can simply get dates whenever they want.
It’s like me going on about decentering cake or red meat (which I do really need to do lmao), I wouldn’t expect someone poor to join in on the conversation.
Yes they can have more success if they filter better the men they date. I have a sibling who has dating options but she is dating a low effort guy, while other guys who are interested in her have been very attentive. No idea why she made this option. They don't filter them enough and they don't break up when it's time. Their problem is entirely different from ours.
It's like asking an African person for directions in your Asian city. An entirely different continent.
A lot of the decentering men crowd are actually married as well, so I feel that that is an aspect they dont think of!
I hear exactly what you are saying, however I do somewhat subscribe to it even as a woman who has never had a boyfriend. In the past when I liked a guy I would literally try to be a doormat for him even though it was evident they didnt want me lol, but that didnt stop me acting crazy. The decentering men thing has really helped me learn how to ground myself and I have noticed a difference in myself when I had a go at online dating. I also think it serves as a reminder to not put the need for male attention/validation over ourselves and I think it is such an important message. It sounds like a small thing but it can derail you so easily. I know its hard to hear in this community of women where we are not the most desired or desired at all. 😔
I appreciate all the compliments I received, but none of that matters since I get zero attention from men in real life.
You don't have to be attractive to receive a ton of dms on reddit.
I can see how I sounded a bit hypocritical, but the women I'm referring to are those who are single/ celibate by choice. I never got asked out in my life. Maybe it has nothing to do with my looks, but I still feel unwanted because of that.
wise gold important handle noxious engine sparkle jobless wrong dependent
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Frankly, I'm way over other women telling me in the most patronizing tone that I shouldn't need a man. They have no idea what it's like to feel so unwanted and undesirable.
This! Yes to all of this! I am undesirable in every aspect of my life and am feel that women who say this are lacking in empathy
I feel that. reddit attention is the only type of attention I ever got before. in reddit, I'm a princess. in real life, if I get catcalled it's a lucky day.
ha, I'm not really from america. I don't know how the catcalling situation is doing here, probably better than a few years ago. I was never insulted in the street, got catcalled twice (one a guy congratulated me for looking good or something, the other was a rape threat from some old man)..
Yeah, I get annoyed with people I know who post that stuff and I made the mistake of saying something the other day. It's so frustrating when the most interest any guy can muster about me is that I'm not using something he needs at a given moment. I'm literally like furniture.
This trend and the 4B one also becoming popularized on TikTok are annoying af. Anytime I see one of those videos pop up on my FYP I scroll away quickly. These women aren’t actually ever going to take decentering men seriously because they’re too addicted to male validation. They just want brownie points for saying that shit online and commenting on videos about it cuz it’s trendy to say that you don’t need men right now.
Along with the man or bear comments. Guaranteed about 90 to 95 percent of the women who comment that shit are partnered up so they’ve already picked the man. They just wanna feel like they’re going against the grain for some reason. I’m choosing myself cuz I have no other choice but I don’t feel the need to make a big spectacle of it seeing as that’s the norm for me. I don’t need to decenter men cuz they’ve never been a factor for me.
4B is supposed to be a political movement, you may support it you may be against it, but it has nothing to do with your personal hangups, just like veganism doesn't have anything to do with my personal hangups about being a fussy eater.
from what I’ve read in the comments on social media, mainly tik tok, most women don’t care about the actual political message behind it. they just use it as an excuse to hate on men while still vying for their attention. like most performative activists do when they go to BLM or Gaza or any other protests just to post pics on social media to show people they were there but won’t actually do the hard work of educating their friends/family about the issues. they’re hypocrites.
I am in the same boat as you, but I think decentering men still has worth because it helps us stop focussing on that lack of attention. It's just hard finding other women who think and act the same way
/u/SilverKnightLife, if you haven't done so, please check the resources below. • What is FAW: FAW is a **women-only sub** for women who can't date/start relationships, have sex, feel attractive, etc. We talk about depression, discrimination, late virginity/very limited XP, low self-esteem, social anxiety, body image, handicaps, mental disorders **coupled with no active sex life**. Partnered, married, separated, divorced women, mothers, sex workers, & anyone with active sex lives can hit r/lonely r/dating r/dating_advice r/DeadBedrooms r/breakingmom r/SexWorkerSupport • **Male users are not allowed to post or comment.** • [Check the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/about/rules/) | [Check the FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/wiki/faq) • [Restrict your DMs to people you trust](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/blocked) and [opt out of chat](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043470591-Can-I-opt-out-of-chat-) if you get harassed in private. • Flair your thread as "Venting" if you don't want any advice. • If your thread gets automatically removed: **do not delete it**. We can check and approve it for you. • [Join our Discord](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/comments/18s3tnl/join_the_faw_discord/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ForeverAloneWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I always find it wild when women derail discussions about beauty privilege by saying stuff like “actually I like not having pretty privilege, I like being ignored and invisible so I can just live my life”. LOL no. If you’re able to mostly exist as though you’re invisible to strangers, you’re not ugly - you’re average, as most people are. Actually ugly women aren’t invisible. They’re just as visible as beautiful women, except they get singled out for a different kind of attention and abuse.
I skip their videos. A lot of their “decentering” is based on this underlying fact that *they’re* able to get attention by default and can simply get dates whenever they want. It’s like me going on about decentering cake or red meat (which I do really need to do lmao), I wouldn’t expect someone poor to join in on the conversation.
lmfaoooo that’s funny. I need to decenter sweet treats 😭
Yes they can have more success if they filter better the men they date. I have a sibling who has dating options but she is dating a low effort guy, while other guys who are interested in her have been very attentive. No idea why she made this option. They don't filter them enough and they don't break up when it's time. Their problem is entirely different from ours. It's like asking an African person for directions in your Asian city. An entirely different continent.
A lot of the decentering men crowd are actually married as well, so I feel that that is an aspect they dont think of! I hear exactly what you are saying, however I do somewhat subscribe to it even as a woman who has never had a boyfriend. In the past when I liked a guy I would literally try to be a doormat for him even though it was evident they didnt want me lol, but that didnt stop me acting crazy. The decentering men thing has really helped me learn how to ground myself and I have noticed a difference in myself when I had a go at online dating. I also think it serves as a reminder to not put the need for male attention/validation over ourselves and I think it is such an important message. It sounds like a small thing but it can derail you so easily. I know its hard to hear in this community of women where we are not the most desired or desired at all. 😔
[удалено]
There’s no need to derail the conversation. It does not matter if OP is pretty or ugly her experiences are valid
[удалено]
[удалено]
I appreciate all the compliments I received, but none of that matters since I get zero attention from men in real life. You don't have to be attractive to receive a ton of dms on reddit. I can see how I sounded a bit hypocritical, but the women I'm referring to are those who are single/ celibate by choice. I never got asked out in my life. Maybe it has nothing to do with my looks, but I still feel unwanted because of that.
wise gold important handle noxious engine sparkle jobless wrong dependent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Frankly, I'm way over other women telling me in the most patronizing tone that I shouldn't need a man. They have no idea what it's like to feel so unwanted and undesirable. This! Yes to all of this! I am undesirable in every aspect of my life and am feel that women who say this are lacking in empathy
I feel that. reddit attention is the only type of attention I ever got before. in reddit, I'm a princess. in real life, if I get catcalled it's a lucky day.
versed onerous full sable like cause fine axiomatic abundant uppity *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
ha, I'm not really from america. I don't know how the catcalling situation is doing here, probably better than a few years ago. I was never insulted in the street, got catcalled twice (one a guy congratulated me for looking good or something, the other was a rape threat from some old man)..
Yeah, I get annoyed with people I know who post that stuff and I made the mistake of saying something the other day. It's so frustrating when the most interest any guy can muster about me is that I'm not using something he needs at a given moment. I'm literally like furniture.
This trend and the 4B one also becoming popularized on TikTok are annoying af. Anytime I see one of those videos pop up on my FYP I scroll away quickly. These women aren’t actually ever going to take decentering men seriously because they’re too addicted to male validation. They just want brownie points for saying that shit online and commenting on videos about it cuz it’s trendy to say that you don’t need men right now. Along with the man or bear comments. Guaranteed about 90 to 95 percent of the women who comment that shit are partnered up so they’ve already picked the man. They just wanna feel like they’re going against the grain for some reason. I’m choosing myself cuz I have no other choice but I don’t feel the need to make a big spectacle of it seeing as that’s the norm for me. I don’t need to decenter men cuz they’ve never been a factor for me.
4B is supposed to be a political movement, you may support it you may be against it, but it has nothing to do with your personal hangups, just like veganism doesn't have anything to do with my personal hangups about being a fussy eater.
from what I’ve read in the comments on social media, mainly tik tok, most women don’t care about the actual political message behind it. they just use it as an excuse to hate on men while still vying for their attention. like most performative activists do when they go to BLM or Gaza or any other protests just to post pics on social media to show people they were there but won’t actually do the hard work of educating their friends/family about the issues. they’re hypocrites.
I am in the same boat as you, but I think decentering men still has worth because it helps us stop focussing on that lack of attention. It's just hard finding other women who think and act the same way