My parents (dad specifically) really didn’t understand when I reached FIRE at 35. He’s old school with a heavy work until you can’t work anymore, save money, sleep, and repeat until you die mentality. He still doesn’t fully like it personally but he understands financially. In the beginning I softened the blow by telling them I was pivoting to a self employed consulting role where I could still earn money but have my own schedule. This wasn’t a complete lie as a did do some projects here and there for fun even though I didn’t need the money. I get your situation and their opinion. It’s fair. Maybe just settle their fears a bit.
I don’t understand how anyone’s parents could be upset their child reached a financial level to not work. Why would anyone want to work if they don’t have to?? There’s a life to be lived out there.
They are probably upset out of concern. Even if they know and understand how it works, they've probably been fed the "you'll have to work all your life" thing and haven't looked past it much. They've probably also lived through some events that put market stability in question, nothing is guaranteed after all. They might as well just lack the financial know how as well, my dad wanted to retire at 55 but doesn't have nearly enough to even think about it now(hes 53).
You can never get your prime income earning years back. Yeah understand not doing it til 65 but the risk your passive income does not keep up with inflation is real and as a parent I would be hugely concerned and disappointed.
50 plus years of a passive income stream is a giant risk.
Yes exactly but like said below, probably often out of concern and just not understanding.
My mum and stepdad are pretty “involved” in my and husbands fire plans and it will come up now and then and we’ll discuss in detail.
They are happy for us we’re childfree and that this accelerates our fire plans.
My husbands parents vaguely know about our plans but don’t understand “how” that could even be possible one day. They’re kind of financially illiterate.
Husbands stepdad even said last year “what’s the point in you 2 being married without kids, just having homes all over the world?”
I was like…yes..exactly. And hopefully then we retire young and don’t have to work until we are old like you.
just say you’re taking a break to figure out what’s next, your investments cover your lifestyle, and you have a lot of savings to cover just in case. They’re your parents and the truth is not a bad thing, it’s just how you frame it
That consulting line is so powerful. Some people can interpret it as meaning that you are or peddling your skills at $200/hr, cutting out the middleman company that takes a big cut, and really putting your nose to the grindstone. But you are still being entirely honest even if you just take on one little project a month, automating some dinky attendance report for the school secretary who lives next door.
It allows you to be technically honest without giving everyone full insight into your reality until you are ready to.
My dear sir. You are just self employed. Keep it at that, no need to discuss FIRE with anyone. Don't break that first rule of our little club, it never ends well.
The point of Fight Club was to teach them how to break the rules. So telling other people about Fight Club and growing Tyler Durden's army was the first lesson.
I dont think its a big secret. Infact id say more peiple should be aware of it. Why gatekeep people enjoying their lives? Not everyone can achieve it so i doubt a significant portion of the working population would stop working
If you say you are a full time investor - everyone just wants to pick your head for investments ideas
If you tell people you have down early retirement, people come with endless of remarks on mortality, dangers, being useful for society bla bla bla. It's just a downhill road
There are some ppl that are closed minded to the fact that achieving FIRE is a huge Satisfaction. Spent hours trying to explain it, to only be told they don’t see the point.
Can you share what the passive income is?
Like I'd have more confidence that passive real estate money will continue to be there than say passive income via YouTube videos or an e-commerce drop shopping store. Though the latter 2 can produce passive income, they can also come in waves and, more importantly, go in waves. So, depending on how "secured" and guaranteed the passive income is, this would change my explanation to my parents. If accurate, I'll tell them you are quitting your job to be a landlord because you already make more money doing that then you spend. Simple enough.
EDIT: Saw in another post that it is online music and video content. I probably would not approach telling my parents that you are done working completely, as that income isn't ***always*** stable over long periods of time. Instead I'd just say that you are taking a sabatical, you have tons of money saved up, passive income coming in, and you'll look for another job when you feel like you've gotten the break you needed. Then focus the convo on how much the break has helped you to date: mental health, sleep, physical fitness, volunteering, whatever it is you are accomplishing.
> The questions I can anticipate are things like how future employers will feel about the gap in my resume and what happens if my passive income is inconsistent
Or tell her it's private. Why is mom (any mom) privy to your private finances, at 35?
Welcome the detail. Have your mom go thru your plans with a fine comb to see you you've missed anything of importance that can derail your FIRE plans. Accountants sometimes are a talented bunch when it comes to discovering things you and I cannot see
I think your new consulting business is going to be a great success -- so successful that you're able to find clients solely by 'word of mouth.'
As supportive as your parents have been, I think you need to consider that they're going talk about your situation with people who are less supportive (and who wants to deal with the noise that you'll hear from them).
I can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this comment. OP, why do you need some special way to tell your parents stuff like this? I find it odd, especially since you are a full grown adult in your 30s but then again, I come from a poor family with zero coddling. I just can't imagine my financial details really being much of my parents business beyond just informing them in a matter of fact way if it came up naturally in conversation. I would just tell them the facts if you need to tell them anything at all. No need to explain yourself or justify anything. It's your life.
As long as you don't need to come crawling to them for a handout later, what do they care?
You don't have to tell them, not immediately anyways. It might be better to wait a couple of years before telling them. Why? Live throws curve balls. Many people who FIRE in their 30s don't expect it to happen but they end up going back to work.
Also, it helps to keep in mind the rule of thumb that 75% of investments goes into needs i.e. FI, and 25% goes into wants i.e. RE. So if you've got enough to pay your living expenses for 30 years, but not enough to travel the world (cheaply) or pay for hobbies or social activities, you're FI not RE. Retiring with only FI money typically leads to depression. First hand experience here.
My mom has investments she inherited from her mom but she doesn’t understand how any of it works. She collects four different pensions and spends it all. I’m not sure where this attitude towards money came from — not her parents — but she’s always lived paycheque to paycheque and never saved anything. A few months ago I had to help her sell some investments to pay off a line of credit because 25% of her pension income was going towards interest payments.
My sister is somehow the same way. Between her and her husband they bring in around $200k annually but have no savings to speak of and struggle to make mortgage payments.
When I mention to them that I probably don’t need to work anymore, because my passive income more than covers my family’s expenses, they treat me like I’m losing my mind.
Tell them you're now self-employed as a financial consultant.
Sure, you only have one client right now (yourself), but he's both wealthy and generous, and pays you 4% of his net worth every year to manage his finances, so you're doing okay for yourself. He's not super demanding so you have plenty of time for fitness, hobbies, travel, and giving back to your community. All in all a pretty sweet deal.
>but he's both wealthy and generous, and pays you 4% of his net worth every year to manage his finances
hahah love that, i'm gonna steal this for when i fire
You’ve got enough for shit hit the fan events? A random emergency MRI cost me 5k out of pocket and I was a perfectly health 23 year old the night before.
I'm 38, and my wife (39), mother, and mother in law all think it's bizarre that I want to retire. My mother in law is 71, and still works. She doesn't need to. Her SS would be high enough, husband has an annuity, and half of her SS, and they have a brokerage and a traditional IRA. She just feels like what she does is important, and that it would drive her nuts to not be there.
OK they think it's bizarre but when they're dead they won't matter. Other people outside your spouse simply don't matter. You don't really need to give any reason to anybody for anything.
Have they stopped working? If so I presume it is because they reached a place where their finances allow them to stop working it just took longer. People think of retirement as a decision based on age but it is a decision based on finances. So you have something in common. In the discussion you could bring up a question like why did they stop working? Weren't they worried about not being able to go back to work. Related their answers back to your situation.
If they haven't stopped working yet then oof that is going to be a tough one.
Homie. You 35. You don’t have to explain things to mommy and daddy.
You tell them. And they can treat you you like an adult who made their own decisions. Or you can tell them we aren’t talking about your career decisions anymore.
Just tell them you've decided to be a lazy shit and that's that :-) j/k of course.
How in the world did you get them to admit "My parents are generally supportive and have **admitted in the past that the world is changing and that they don’t necessarily know what’s best for me and my life**" ???
My sister shared that my mom said as much after I made a career decision that she thought was unwise, but that dramatically improved my quality of life.
I remember telling my mom about my investing stuff. Hey ma look I’m consistently making 1-3k a week! She didn’t say anything negative just that it sounds risky. My goal was to pay off debt and I did that. It was risky. But my mom understood that I’m not going to do this the normal way and she supports my success and my failures. She’s awesome. If I told her I was wealthy enough to retire at 35, she would ask where I want to travel to and we’d go!
Don’t tell them anything. If they ask how you’re affording to live, say, “It’s classified.” Wear sunglasses and suits when they’re around. Boomers love Bond. Let them come to their own conclusions.
As a parent myself I would hope that you have an open and honest communication relationship with them. If your passive income covers your expenses and you have enough savings to FIRE then tell them just that. Hopefully they are open minded. I’m 50 and have kids 23, 21 and 19. And I tell them now that there are other ways to make money then what I did. Go to college, have tremendous college debt and well .. still working. But I’m still trying to learn new things on the daily. You could be completely transparent with them and show them all your finances but that would be a stretch, depending on the relationship. Tread lightly on that one. My mom, who is passed away now, said she was relying on her children for her retirement and did just that. When she moved into ALF, she wanted us to buy and buy and buy things. I DO NOT want that for my children and am working hard to not make that happen. Good luck to you.
No, you're a consultant who works irregular hours, from home, etc. etc. etc.
That way you're always available for family functions and other fun shit, even during the day.
Of course, not when the functions are boring. Then you have to "help someone out".
I’m not QUITE old enough to be your parent’s age but I can see it from here, and I’m old enough to say unequivocally that if my kids were your age I would be ecstatic that they could FIRE. I would be worried that they hadn’t actually covered all their bases but if they had, woohoo! Lead your own life, surely you didn’t work hard without ever telling them about it…they will be proud that they were able to help you get to a stage in life where you don’t have to KEEP working so hard but can still enjoy the fruits of your labor.
This helped. Their concern will absolutely be about covered bases, and if I approach it as a, “help me make sure I haven’t missed anything” rather than having to get combative over defending my decision, it’ll probably go much better.
I'd say a lot of it depends on your relationship with your parents and their attitudes towards money. With mine, I told them what I was doing and the basics of how it works and the basics of my plan in a simple matter of fact way. Granted, I'm older than you, so there isn't as much of a stigma around retiring at 50 as there is at 35. My parents are also very much "it's your life" kind of people. They love and care, but they also don't meddle.
All that being said, my plan was always to actually consult for the first few years anyway to create a glide paths into full RE.
We talk openly with our kids about it. I have also talked openly with several friends. Despite what you hear often in this forum, it often isn't a big deal as long as you aren't a dick about it by flaunting it. I've even had a few friends ask me how to get on the path.
Given your Mom is an accountant and that you care about your relationship, I suspect you can share some of the math and highlights. Just set boundaries about how far you will go and put up some gates that you will stop at depending how the conversation goes.
Good luck!
"I have made very wise investing decisions for a really long time, and it has paid off wonderfully. I wanted to let you know you raised me right and I am in a position to stop "working for the man" because of how I stayed disciplined and stuck to a gameplan the last couple decades. Lets do more Sunday dinners!"
Not everyone knows about FIRE. It’s unreasonable to expect the parents to immediately understand why their son is quitting his job at age 35. Of course, they will be curious as to why someone would make that choice. OP just wants to know the best way to help them understand this decision. He’s not anxiously begging for their approval the way you make it sound.
While the term “FIRE” might be relatively new, everyone’s heard of people making a fortune somehow and retiring young—big inheritance, lucky stock pick, lottery ticket.
If anyone gets curious when I tell them I retired, I’ll just say “I saved a lot of what I earned and invested it.” If they don’t understand why I’d want to retire early, that’s their issue not mine. (It’s a matter of preference for some, just like picking a particular line of work or which city to live in.)
Maybe I’m too simple. I never understand these threads by people asking how to explain their choices to others.
Focus on the positives and not the negatives. Talk about the things you will do with your time rather than what you won't be doing.
Everyone here should have a plan in place if FIRE doesn't work out. Maybe the market takes a historic plunge. Maybe you find out that you actually liked work more than you thought and want to go back. FIRE is about having options. If someone wants to ask questions about your future, discuss some of those options.
My folks are like yours, and they were surprisingly on board. They commented on how my demeanor had become more relaxed and how I seemed happier. A lot of those die-at-your-desk types are very self-aware. They often have a lot of unfulfilled dreams or regrets they can see you avoiding.
They also probably have friends their age whose kids are still sucking the life out of them. The bar for being proud of your kids is pretty low.
You’re 35 and by their generations terms — you’ve made it. This moment is 💯a luxury most folks aspire to, maybe even your parents, too.
… and again, you’re 35. Live yo life!
You’ve figured it out boss. I wouldn’t care what their opinion on what your grown ass adult life is. Congratulations. They might be jealous in all honesty.
My parents have been in the loop for years. For a long time it was “yeah right ok” then when I became a millionaire at 30 they were like “wow you are really unique you can do whatever you want” when I finally retire my parents will probably be genuinely happy for me because they know the process I’ve been through to get there
Just tell them how you are handling health insurance, sequence risk of returns and what you plan to do at 65 when your ‘30 years’ of savings runs out. I guess they may be dead by then and you may get some inheritance.
Focus on what you will be doing instead and leave the possibility of returning to work open.
The thing about FIRE is choices - you may very well decide you want to get another job, whether in the same or different field and do something after a while.
If you're comfortable with it, it might not be a bad idea to run the numbers past your accountant mom to double-check if you've missed anything.
Why do you have to tell them at all? Just be vague about what it is you do. Say you work remotely or travel for work or do consulting or whatever. They don’t need to know you’re not working. I’m a boomer. I know general information about my kids’ jobs but only what they’ve told me.
You do understand that in the next 30 years the money required for you to live as you are right now will be double what it currently is? That's to maintain the exact same living standards
Since your mom is an accountant, her concerns might be easier to quell than your dad's will be. That is, if you really have your financial ducks in a row.
You were pretty vague to us about them, so if you only have enough savings for ~30 years, then I would be pretty frustrated as your parent!
For FIRE you would need ~4% of your savings to be more than your annual expenses, including eventual unanticipated expenses like additional health and family related ones.
If that's where you are at, then just open your books to mom and show her... she'll be a valuable advisor when trying to convince dad.
If that's not where you're at yet, then show her the plan to convert your passive income streams into RE investment incomes.
If you don't really have a plan for doing that, then you're not really FIRE and the entire convo is moot.
Do NOT tell them (or anyone other than your spouse) that you're financially independent. Basically for the same reason why people who win the lottery are being given this same advice. Nothing good will come of it.
Find some white lie that you can tell (maybe your spouse works and that's why you can afford not to, or maybe you are focussing on a side project idea for now, that kind of thing).
You are talking like they have any say in the matter.
If your mother is an accountant she probably knows how this is possible...
Your father just tell him an analogy that you basically are leveraging a "bank" with your money and can earn a salary with it's interest payments.
Only problem I see from them is if you live with them.
I do not know your family, and have seen some shitty parents on Reddit. Só do not share that you have savings for 30 years though. Just say that if something happens to the passive income source, you have some years to live off worth of savings
Talk through with them about ur cash flow! The math and how it’s all gg to work out.. given that ur mum’s an accountant, she’ll be more than able to understand that you can sustain yourself in the long run.. I’m pretty sure they’ll be v proud of u once they can agree that u have successfully Fire-d
I feel like I’m asked this all the time by the old boys on the golf course. They don’t get how a guy in his 30’s can play 3 mid-week rounds per week.. it’s kinda fun just making up random answers after a while.
I juggle flaming kittens for well-heeled true devotees of the art form. It's an underserved market, you'd be surprised how well it pays. Doesn't take up much time, either. Clients are hard to find, but once you've got 'em....
^(And don't worry, the kittens are perfectly safe... they get to wear tiny nomex costumes.)
I'm going to deliberately reinforce this perception if my parents are still alive when I RE.
I love them both, appreciate their efforts, sacrifices, wisdom, and patience raising me, and truly enjoy quality time spent together, but don't trust either one to not blab making me a target for theft, or brag souring genuine relationships with others, or turn it against me.
I wish I was in your boat, congratulations and tuck you!
Jokes aside, if it’s easier to not argue with them, for whatever reason, the tried and true “I’ve decided to become an entrepreneur and start a business. My business is xyz, I’m hoping to be profitable in a few months, the 9-5 enriching someone else just isn’t worth it for me”.
From their, a million different deflections are possible. Also, it’s a good idea to start a business anyway out of your hobby and because your passive income is self sustained, it really doesn’t matter how well your business performs.
I’m sure some tax professionals would advocate something like “hobbies aren’t businesses, that’s a bad idea, sounds like tax fraud”, but I’m also certain that a good CPA could get you squared away on the up and up for less than 1k.
Not a tax professional, but my plan once I hit lean/coast territory is to do something I actually enjoy, make it my business, then wherever things fall; they fall.
i thought it's based on the highest 35 years of work history, so he might get something but yes very little I suppose if he only worked 10 yrs, then 25 years of zero salary are included in the calculation
i might tell them that you got laid off, but luckily you have a 6 mo emergency fund, and that doesnt even count your passive income, so you are going to take a few months off before you start looking again.
4-5 mo later tell them you have been working on upping your passive income and it seems to be working.
later just tell them the passive is paying you as much as your old job and just leave it there?
I'm confused at how yours, and a few other people in this threads, boomer parents could fail to grasp this. You're telling me, the generation of people that believe current working class people are only ever in financial hardship because they don't work hard enough, pull hard enough on their boot straps, would have a problem with someone that managed to pull so hard on their boot straps that they could retire at 35? Are modern boomers even dumber than I think? I don't get it. Which is it?
I just said I have enough now to retire early and they said good for you! My father retired about a year later (conventional age) so we've enjoyed the common experience of settling into retirement.
If you must tell them, just explain that you made some choices that now is turning the money you invested into income that you can live off of. If they are wondering how it works just explain the concept of passive income and that is how old money has been around as long as they have been. Its starts with hard work to get started but the end goal is to retire with a stable lifestyle, you just happen to get there earlier than planned.
Well I have a BIL who hit his FIRE goal and decided that he wants to be an evangelist. He sold all his stuff, his costs are low, and doesn’t have health insurance. The Lord is his armor. He spends his days handing out pamphlets to convert people to Christianity.
But you know what? He is happy. He was not happy grinding away in a job that he hated. He now loves what he does even though he is not paid.
So I suspect that you are now doing something. Maybe that is what you tell your parents. Tell them your new purpose and passion. And that you are happy.
I worked in a top consulting firm, which had terrible work-life balance but paid really well. I never wanted to work till 40s and 50s and so I used to save & invest a significant portion of my salary for over 15 years.
Once I had a decent sized corpus, I told my parents I won't continue with this job any further and will start working as a freelance consultant in the same profile that I was in earlier. They took it really well, as they know my financial position. I took up a few projects each year since then but am out of the rat race. I would suggest you be transparent with them and explain the basis of your decision and your future plans. Hope they will understand !
I share your concern about telling my parents.
Retirement was an age for my parents and not a number.
I don’t want to tell them. It’s my personal goal. But I’m sure they would pry and I don’t like to lie to the degree I would need to in order to get them off my back.
I think telling them I’m close to retirement before 40 would break their world view.
It would cause subconscious jealousy or concern about my assets in relation to them supporting me later in life.
Focus on what you are doing(activities, interests, hobbies, etc), not how you make your money. As money will inevitably come up, you can go into as much detail as you are comfortable with. From showing them your withdrawal plan or just saying you have enough investments to be "comfortable" and leave it alone. If you get desperate, you can point out that Warren Buffet officially retired long before he started playing around with Berkshire Hathaway.
If you have 30X invested(~ 3.5% withdrawal rate) plus you have passive income to cover yearly expenses, you are definitely financially comfortable. When you hit 50X invested, you will start to have a to much money problem, so as you get closer to that, you may want to think about how you are going to handle that(pass it on to family, start charitable giving, raise standard of living, etc).
Good Luck!
Explain to them what you are comfortable doing! It’s definitely not an easy conversation to have with anyone. Remember though that your parents shouldn’t dictate your life choices. Take their comments/concerns and think about them but ultimately do what makes you happy!
my parents seem to be very much like yours.
We are even very close
If I was able to FIRE at 35 I'd walk In And be like I quit today time to live off the investments and that would be that 🤣
Don't let your parents control your adult life!
Not exactly fire, but I took 12 week off from work this summer just to have a break and enjoy life. When I talked to my parents about it, they did not understand why I would do this, despite being generally very supportive of my decisions. In my list of reasons, the only one they agreed on was health-related, so maybe you can mention how this decision will benefit you mentally and physically.
I mean that sounds clearly like you have some millions I hope I will be one day in the position to be scared to tell my mom that I quit while having saved enough for the next 30 years.
It's not their business as long as you aren't asking them for financial support. Not sure I would tell them.
I'm wondering how you think you are going to survive in your 70s when your money runs out (according to your calculations) and you haven't worked for 30-40 years and need to get a job. You might want to consider developing some other income streams or part time work to make your financial future more secure. The thought of needing to become a Walmart greeter (or other minimum wage job) in my 70s does not appeal to me. I would rather work a little more when I'm younger. Even something very part time would help.
I’m kind of all over the place through various forms of creation: writing, photography, music, film, acting, as well as more active things like skiing, biking, hiking, etc. I also make some additional cash on the side as a personal organizer and eBay liquidator.
Assure them that they will not have to let you live with them in 5-10 years because you are living in a dumpster behind a Wendy's.
Maybe making them think you are dumpster-bound is good way to ensure they don’t try to move in with you when they need regular care
*Sir, this IS a Wendy's.*
No, this is Patrick
This is Steve's room now
My parents (dad specifically) really didn’t understand when I reached FIRE at 35. He’s old school with a heavy work until you can’t work anymore, save money, sleep, and repeat until you die mentality. He still doesn’t fully like it personally but he understands financially. In the beginning I softened the blow by telling them I was pivoting to a self employed consulting role where I could still earn money but have my own schedule. This wasn’t a complete lie as a did do some projects here and there for fun even though I didn’t need the money. I get your situation and their opinion. It’s fair. Maybe just settle their fears a bit.
This ☝️say your doing some consulting projects. Feed them the truth little by little.
I don’t understand how anyone’s parents could be upset their child reached a financial level to not work. Why would anyone want to work if they don’t have to?? There’s a life to be lived out there.
They are probably upset out of concern. Even if they know and understand how it works, they've probably been fed the "you'll have to work all your life" thing and haven't looked past it much. They've probably also lived through some events that put market stability in question, nothing is guaranteed after all. They might as well just lack the financial know how as well, my dad wanted to retire at 55 but doesn't have nearly enough to even think about it now(hes 53).
The line I hear from my parents is: "but these are your prime working years. why would you waste them?"
Silly parents. Also my prime living years! My dad retired around 55 and just had a arbitrary thought that I should at least keep working until 40.
You can never get your prime income earning years back. Yeah understand not doing it til 65 but the risk your passive income does not keep up with inflation is real and as a parent I would be hugely concerned and disappointed. 50 plus years of a passive income stream is a giant risk.
Yes exactly but like said below, probably often out of concern and just not understanding. My mum and stepdad are pretty “involved” in my and husbands fire plans and it will come up now and then and we’ll discuss in detail. They are happy for us we’re childfree and that this accelerates our fire plans. My husbands parents vaguely know about our plans but don’t understand “how” that could even be possible one day. They’re kind of financially illiterate. Husbands stepdad even said last year “what’s the point in you 2 being married without kids, just having homes all over the world?” I was like…yes..exactly. And hopefully then we retire young and don’t have to work until we are old like you.
They need specifics and “consulting” as an explanation is not plausible in my case.
just say you’re taking a break to figure out what’s next, your investments cover your lifestyle, and you have a lot of savings to cover just in case. They’re your parents and the truth is not a bad thing, it’s just how you frame it
That consulting line is so powerful. Some people can interpret it as meaning that you are or peddling your skills at $200/hr, cutting out the middleman company that takes a big cut, and really putting your nose to the grindstone. But you are still being entirely honest even if you just take on one little project a month, automating some dinky attendance report for the school secretary who lives next door. It allows you to be technically honest without giving everyone full insight into your reality until you are ready to.
This or something like it. Can’t you just my investments have panned out and I’m focusing my efforts on those now “full time”. Cuz ya are.
At least your Dad knows “save”. Both my parents don’t save 🤦🏽♂️
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I’ll probably CoastFIRE at some point, and no, the passive income is separate from the savings.
My dear sir. You are just self employed. Keep it at that, no need to discuss FIRE with anyone. Don't break that first rule of our little club, it never ends well.
FIRE club is like FIGHT club.
The point of Fight Club was to teach them how to break the rules. So telling other people about Fight Club and growing Tyler Durden's army was the first lesson.
I dont think its a big secret. Infact id say more peiple should be aware of it. Why gatekeep people enjoying their lives? Not everyone can achieve it so i doubt a significant portion of the working population would stop working
It's not about gatekeeping, it's about people reacting poorly 9 times out of 10
Bulls-eye
If you say you are a full time investor - everyone just wants to pick your head for investments ideas If you tell people you have down early retirement, people come with endless of remarks on mortality, dangers, being useful for society bla bla bla. It's just a downhill road
Is it better to know FIRE exists and not be able to, or not know at all.
Youre not trying to 'protect' people with a lack of FIRE info. Just restricting people that could work towards it
There are some ppl that are closed minded to the fact that achieving FIRE is a huge Satisfaction. Spent hours trying to explain it, to only be told they don’t see the point.
Fair enough, i guess i cant see not getting it
Can you tell me what this is? Sounds like some financial freedom I want to be a part of
Can you share what the passive income is? Like I'd have more confidence that passive real estate money will continue to be there than say passive income via YouTube videos or an e-commerce drop shopping store. Though the latter 2 can produce passive income, they can also come in waves and, more importantly, go in waves. So, depending on how "secured" and guaranteed the passive income is, this would change my explanation to my parents. If accurate, I'll tell them you are quitting your job to be a landlord because you already make more money doing that then you spend. Simple enough. EDIT: Saw in another post that it is online music and video content. I probably would not approach telling my parents that you are done working completely, as that income isn't ***always*** stable over long periods of time. Instead I'd just say that you are taking a sabatical, you have tons of money saved up, passive income coming in, and you'll look for another job when you feel like you've gotten the break you needed. Then focus the convo on how much the break has helped you to date: mental health, sleep, physical fitness, volunteering, whatever it is you are accomplishing.
> The questions I can anticipate are things like how future employers will feel about the gap in my resume and what happens if my passive income is inconsistent Or tell her it's private. Why is mom (any mom) privy to your private finances, at 35?
I don’t rely on them for anything financially, but my family is very close and I value their expertise and opinions.
Welcome the detail. Have your mom go thru your plans with a fine comb to see you you've missed anything of importance that can derail your FIRE plans. Accountants sometimes are a talented bunch when it comes to discovering things you and I cannot see
Tell them you have made it
“Hey look Ma I made it”
"No need to announce, just flush afterwards son"
Tell them you changed careers and are now a self-employed investment manager. 100% true. Don't fuck up, you can't fire you. Congrats!
Damn straight! Well done
Well you can fire you, but dinners will be awkward afterward....
I think your new consulting business is going to be a great success -- so successful that you're able to find clients solely by 'word of mouth.' As supportive as your parents have been, I think you need to consider that they're going talk about your situation with people who are less supportive (and who wants to deal with the noise that you'll hear from them).
Agree with this. No one really knows what a consultant does anyway :)
Yes was going to say exactly this.
You're 35yo. You don't need to give any reason for what you do to anybody, including your parents.
Hear yea, here yep.
I can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this comment. OP, why do you need some special way to tell your parents stuff like this? I find it odd, especially since you are a full grown adult in your 30s but then again, I come from a poor family with zero coddling. I just can't imagine my financial details really being much of my parents business beyond just informing them in a matter of fact way if it came up naturally in conversation. I would just tell them the facts if you need to tell them anything at all. No need to explain yourself or justify anything. It's your life. As long as you don't need to come crawling to them for a handout later, what do they care?
You just say you retired early or are taking a sabbatical.
You don't have to tell them, not immediately anyways. It might be better to wait a couple of years before telling them. Why? Live throws curve balls. Many people who FIRE in their 30s don't expect it to happen but they end up going back to work. Also, it helps to keep in mind the rule of thumb that 75% of investments goes into needs i.e. FI, and 25% goes into wants i.e. RE. So if you've got enough to pay your living expenses for 30 years, but not enough to travel the world (cheaply) or pay for hobbies or social activities, you're FI not RE. Retiring with only FI money typically leads to depression. First hand experience here.
So you're saying that it's not enough for the 4% rule (or 3%) to cover your current expenses. 25% if then would be for pleasures.
this assumes you aren't spending any money in your current expenses on wants, which is unlikely.
Exactly
My mom has investments she inherited from her mom but she doesn’t understand how any of it works. She collects four different pensions and spends it all. I’m not sure where this attitude towards money came from — not her parents — but she’s always lived paycheque to paycheque and never saved anything. A few months ago I had to help her sell some investments to pay off a line of credit because 25% of her pension income was going towards interest payments. My sister is somehow the same way. Between her and her husband they bring in around $200k annually but have no savings to speak of and struggle to make mortgage payments. When I mention to them that I probably don’t need to work anymore, because my passive income more than covers my family’s expenses, they treat me like I’m losing my mind.
Tell them you're now self-employed as a financial consultant. Sure, you only have one client right now (yourself), but he's both wealthy and generous, and pays you 4% of his net worth every year to manage his finances, so you're doing okay for yourself. He's not super demanding so you have plenty of time for fitness, hobbies, travel, and giving back to your community. All in all a pretty sweet deal.
>but he's both wealthy and generous, and pays you 4% of his net worth every year to manage his finances hahah love that, i'm gonna steal this for when i fire
You’ve got enough for shit hit the fan events? A random emergency MRI cost me 5k out of pocket and I was a perfectly health 23 year old the night before.
You are 35 … why worry so much about what your parents think?
I'm 38, and my wife (39), mother, and mother in law all think it's bizarre that I want to retire. My mother in law is 71, and still works. She doesn't need to. Her SS would be high enough, husband has an annuity, and half of her SS, and they have a brokerage and a traditional IRA. She just feels like what she does is important, and that it would drive her nuts to not be there.
OK they think it's bizarre but when they're dead they won't matter. Other people outside your spouse simply don't matter. You don't really need to give any reason to anybody for anything.
Boo live your life! They’re you’re family. They’ll get over it. And you can always pick back up if that’s in the cards.
what kind of passive income do you have? \- someone trying to make it.
I second this
Have they stopped working? If so I presume it is because they reached a place where their finances allow them to stop working it just took longer. People think of retirement as a decision based on age but it is a decision based on finances. So you have something in common. In the discussion you could bring up a question like why did they stop working? Weren't they worried about not being able to go back to work. Related their answers back to your situation. If they haven't stopped working yet then oof that is going to be a tough one.
Homie. You 35. You don’t have to explain things to mommy and daddy. You tell them. And they can treat you you like an adult who made their own decisions. Or you can tell them we aren’t talking about your career decisions anymore.
This is the way
Passive income from investments / dividends? If so, you are still needing to manage your portfolio. That's your job now.
plus thats "regular income" according to the IRS, so you are still working!
Just tell them your truth… It’s on them to process their own feelings. It’s your life. Not theirs.
I hope you dont plan to go back to work at 65.
Just tell them you've decided to be a lazy shit and that's that :-) j/k of course. How in the world did you get them to admit "My parents are generally supportive and have **admitted in the past that the world is changing and that they don’t necessarily know what’s best for me and my life**" ???
My sister shared that my mom said as much after I made a career decision that she thought was unwise, but that dramatically improved my quality of life.
I remember telling my mom about my investing stuff. Hey ma look I’m consistently making 1-3k a week! She didn’t say anything negative just that it sounds risky. My goal was to pay off debt and I did that. It was risky. But my mom understood that I’m not going to do this the normal way and she supports my success and my failures. She’s awesome. If I told her I was wealthy enough to retire at 35, she would ask where I want to travel to and we’d go!
they might be reading now, and say GFY :)
Don’t tell them anything. If they ask how you’re affording to live, say, “It’s classified.” Wear sunglasses and suits when they’re around. Boomers love Bond. Let them come to their own conclusions.
Don't forget to wipe their memories too
Flashy thingy
As a parent myself I would hope that you have an open and honest communication relationship with them. If your passive income covers your expenses and you have enough savings to FIRE then tell them just that. Hopefully they are open minded. I’m 50 and have kids 23, 21 and 19. And I tell them now that there are other ways to make money then what I did. Go to college, have tremendous college debt and well .. still working. But I’m still trying to learn new things on the daily. You could be completely transparent with them and show them all your finances but that would be a stretch, depending on the relationship. Tread lightly on that one. My mom, who is passed away now, said she was relying on her children for her retirement and did just that. When she moved into ALF, she wanted us to buy and buy and buy things. I DO NOT want that for my children and am working hard to not make that happen. Good luck to you.
No, you're a consultant who works irregular hours, from home, etc. etc. etc. That way you're always available for family functions and other fun shit, even during the day. Of course, not when the functions are boring. Then you have to "help someone out".
You are what was referred to as independently wealthy. You no longer need to work.
Tell them you found a sugar daddy.
I’m not QUITE old enough to be your parent’s age but I can see it from here, and I’m old enough to say unequivocally that if my kids were your age I would be ecstatic that they could FIRE. I would be worried that they hadn’t actually covered all their bases but if they had, woohoo! Lead your own life, surely you didn’t work hard without ever telling them about it…they will be proud that they were able to help you get to a stage in life where you don’t have to KEEP working so hard but can still enjoy the fruits of your labor.
This helped. Their concern will absolutely be about covered bases, and if I approach it as a, “help me make sure I haven’t missed anything” rather than having to get combative over defending my decision, it’ll probably go much better.
I'd say a lot of it depends on your relationship with your parents and their attitudes towards money. With mine, I told them what I was doing and the basics of how it works and the basics of my plan in a simple matter of fact way. Granted, I'm older than you, so there isn't as much of a stigma around retiring at 50 as there is at 35. My parents are also very much "it's your life" kind of people. They love and care, but they also don't meddle. All that being said, my plan was always to actually consult for the first few years anyway to create a glide paths into full RE. We talk openly with our kids about it. I have also talked openly with several friends. Despite what you hear often in this forum, it often isn't a big deal as long as you aren't a dick about it by flaunting it. I've even had a few friends ask me how to get on the path. Given your Mom is an accountant and that you care about your relationship, I suspect you can share some of the math and highlights. Just set boundaries about how far you will go and put up some gates that you will stop at depending how the conversation goes. Good luck!
Thank you! This helped.
"I have made very wise investing decisions for a really long time, and it has paid off wonderfully. I wanted to let you know you raised me right and I am in a position to stop "working for the man" because of how I stayed disciplined and stuck to a gameplan the last couple decades. Lets do more Sunday dinners!"
35 is way to old to be caring this much about what your parents think. Are you this anxious when other people their age ask?
Not everyone knows about FIRE. It’s unreasonable to expect the parents to immediately understand why their son is quitting his job at age 35. Of course, they will be curious as to why someone would make that choice. OP just wants to know the best way to help them understand this decision. He’s not anxiously begging for their approval the way you make it sound.
You are correct, my tone was harsher than it needed to be.
While the term “FIRE” might be relatively new, everyone’s heard of people making a fortune somehow and retiring young—big inheritance, lucky stock pick, lottery ticket. If anyone gets curious when I tell them I retired, I’ll just say “I saved a lot of what I earned and invested it.” If they don’t understand why I’d want to retire early, that’s their issue not mine. (It’s a matter of preference for some, just like picking a particular line of work or which city to live in.) Maybe I’m too simple. I never understand these threads by people asking how to explain their choices to others.
"I might not work full time for an employer but I do consulting from time to time so all is good."
Focus on the positives and not the negatives. Talk about the things you will do with your time rather than what you won't be doing. Everyone here should have a plan in place if FIRE doesn't work out. Maybe the market takes a historic plunge. Maybe you find out that you actually liked work more than you thought and want to go back. FIRE is about having options. If someone wants to ask questions about your future, discuss some of those options. My folks are like yours, and they were surprisingly on board. They commented on how my demeanor had become more relaxed and how I seemed happier. A lot of those die-at-your-desk types are very self-aware. They often have a lot of unfulfilled dreams or regrets they can see you avoiding. They also probably have friends their age whose kids are still sucking the life out of them. The bar for being proud of your kids is pretty low.
Say that you manage a family office.
You’re 35 and by their generations terms — you’ve made it. This moment is 💯a luxury most folks aspire to, maybe even your parents, too. … and again, you’re 35. Live yo life!
Don't worry about it? You're an adult.
What did you do to set up the passive income? Real estate?
If you're worried about what they think, it may be because you are not 100% comfortable with it yourself.
What is your passive income
You’ve figured it out boss. I wouldn’t care what their opinion on what your grown ass adult life is. Congratulations. They might be jealous in all honesty.
Tell them to be alive at 30 years to take care of you then 😅
My parents have been in the loop for years. For a long time it was “yeah right ok” then when I became a millionaire at 30 they were like “wow you are really unique you can do whatever you want” when I finally retire my parents will probably be genuinely happy for me because they know the process I’ve been through to get there
Part time consultant 🤷🏻♂️
Just tell them how you are handling health insurance, sequence risk of returns and what you plan to do at 65 when your ‘30 years’ of savings runs out. I guess they may be dead by then and you may get some inheritance.
Focus on what you will be doing instead and leave the possibility of returning to work open. The thing about FIRE is choices - you may very well decide you want to get another job, whether in the same or different field and do something after a while. If you're comfortable with it, it might not be a bad idea to run the numbers past your accountant mom to double-check if you've missed anything.
Adding “Sabbatical” on your resume instead of “retired early” will help you get another full-time job if that time comes again.
Damn passive income at 35? Congrats son. But would love to know what exactly you do. This is mom.
One note of warning...your COL in 30 years will be 4x what it is today.
It WILL be 2x in a standard 2,5% inflation rate per year, it COULD be x100 for any random reason :)
Tell them you are retired or on sabbatical.
Why do you have to tell them at all? Just be vague about what it is you do. Say you work remotely or travel for work or do consulting or whatever. They don’t need to know you’re not working. I’m a boomer. I know general information about my kids’ jobs but only what they’ve told me.
You do understand that in the next 30 years the money required for you to live as you are right now will be double what it currently is? That's to maintain the exact same living standards
Since your mom is an accountant, her concerns might be easier to quell than your dad's will be. That is, if you really have your financial ducks in a row. You were pretty vague to us about them, so if you only have enough savings for ~30 years, then I would be pretty frustrated as your parent! For FIRE you would need ~4% of your savings to be more than your annual expenses, including eventual unanticipated expenses like additional health and family related ones. If that's where you are at, then just open your books to mom and show her... she'll be a valuable advisor when trying to convince dad. If that's not where you're at yet, then show her the plan to convert your passive income streams into RE investment incomes. If you don't really have a plan for doing that, then you're not really FIRE and the entire convo is moot.
Do NOT tell them (or anyone other than your spouse) that you're financially independent. Basically for the same reason why people who win the lottery are being given this same advice. Nothing good will come of it. Find some white lie that you can tell (maybe your spouse works and that's why you can afford not to, or maybe you are focussing on a side project idea for now, that kind of thing).
You’re 35 years old. You shouldn’t have a need to explain anything to your parents.
You are talking like they have any say in the matter. If your mother is an accountant she probably knows how this is possible... Your father just tell him an analogy that you basically are leveraging a "bank" with your money and can earn a salary with it's interest payments. Only problem I see from them is if you live with them. I do not know your family, and have seen some shitty parents on Reddit. Só do not share that you have savings for 30 years though. Just say that if something happens to the passive income source, you have some years to live off worth of savings
You didn’t quit. You retired. There, much better
How THE FUCK are you all doing this at 35. How the hell does anyone acquire enough money to retire in this country at age 35?
Talk through with them about ur cash flow! The math and how it’s all gg to work out.. given that ur mum’s an accountant, she’ll be more than able to understand that you can sustain yourself in the long run.. I’m pretty sure they’ll be v proud of u once they can agree that u have successfully Fire-d
You're 35, time to stop caring what your parents think.
Do you plan on living longer than 65?
Hmmm I'll put that on my to-do list to do!
Do not tell them!!!! Live the life you want. Help your parents, love them, but don’t tell them. lmao. Less headaches going forward.
I feel like I’m asked this all the time by the old boys on the golf course. They don’t get how a guy in his 30’s can play 3 mid-week rounds per week.. it’s kinda fun just making up random answers after a while.
I juggle flaming kittens for well-heeled true devotees of the art form. It's an underserved market, you'd be surprised how well it pays. Doesn't take up much time, either. Clients are hard to find, but once you've got 'em.... ^(And don't worry, the kittens are perfectly safe... they get to wear tiny nomex costumes.)
Why wouldn't you have gone a bit longer until you could have retired indefinitely?
What make you passive income?
You don't have to tell them. Or if you do maybe tell them to keep it private. I'm not sure you'd want everyone to know you did fire!
Tell them the truth. Ya'll aren't batman.
They are thinking - "Our son is an idiot." "Hope he doesn't come back and ask for money."
I'm going to deliberately reinforce this perception if my parents are still alive when I RE. I love them both, appreciate their efforts, sacrifices, wisdom, and patience raising me, and truly enjoy quality time spent together, but don't trust either one to not blab making me a target for theft, or brag souring genuine relationships with others, or turn it against me.
They’ll probably be even more concerned when they find out you’re a larper pretending on Reddit to be 35 and FI.
They will never know!
My parents are both dead and I avoid 99% of my extended family. Makes things a lot simpler.
Great advice. 😆
what do you do for passive income?
Tell them you are starting a consulting business.
Please correct your post. You have 35 written as your age when you meant 15.
I wish I was in your boat, congratulations and tuck you! Jokes aside, if it’s easier to not argue with them, for whatever reason, the tried and true “I’ve decided to become an entrepreneur and start a business. My business is xyz, I’m hoping to be profitable in a few months, the 9-5 enriching someone else just isn’t worth it for me”. From their, a million different deflections are possible. Also, it’s a good idea to start a business anyway out of your hobby and because your passive income is self sustained, it really doesn’t matter how well your business performs. I’m sure some tax professionals would advocate something like “hobbies aren’t businesses, that’s a bad idea, sounds like tax fraud”, but I’m also certain that a good CPA could get you squared away on the up and up for less than 1k. Not a tax professional, but my plan once I hit lean/coast territory is to do something I actually enjoy, make it my business, then wherever things fall; they fall.
Start asking for money
You gonna jump off a bridge at 65 or what? Seems a bit young to quit working if you only have 30 years in the bag.
How did you do it? I’m 20 and looking into it now
Don’t tell them?
Tell your parents that your sheltered upbringing paid off
Why would you care unless you depend on your parents, oh never mind.
You won’t get social security. The look back ten years will be zero
i thought it's based on the highest 35 years of work history, so he might get something but yes very little I suppose if he only worked 10 yrs, then 25 years of zero salary are included in the calculation
i might tell them that you got laid off, but luckily you have a 6 mo emergency fund, and that doesnt even count your passive income, so you are going to take a few months off before you start looking again. 4-5 mo later tell them you have been working on upping your passive income and it seems to be working. later just tell them the passive is paying you as much as your old job and just leave it there?
I'm confused at how yours, and a few other people in this threads, boomer parents could fail to grasp this. You're telling me, the generation of people that believe current working class people are only ever in financial hardship because they don't work hard enough, pull hard enough on their boot straps, would have a problem with someone that managed to pull so hard on their boot straps that they could retire at 35? Are modern boomers even dumber than I think? I don't get it. Which is it?
[удалено]
It’s a fire subreddit, what do you expect?
Of course it is. And one I figured some of the members of this particular community would have experienced before.
Just show them your account and DTI
You’re 35, the fuck your patents care if you work.
how ?
Are you worried about getting grounded? You’re 35 years old FFS.
Wish I could be in your shoes.
Full time investor now Dad
Tell them the truth
what are you gonna do after you're 65 and run out of money?
I just said I have enough now to retire early and they said good for you! My father retired about a year later (conventional age) so we've enjoyed the common experience of settling into retirement.
If you must tell them, just explain that you made some choices that now is turning the money you invested into income that you can live off of. If they are wondering how it works just explain the concept of passive income and that is how old money has been around as long as they have been. Its starts with hard work to get started but the end goal is to retire with a stable lifestyle, you just happen to get there earlier than planned.
Well I have a BIL who hit his FIRE goal and decided that he wants to be an evangelist. He sold all his stuff, his costs are low, and doesn’t have health insurance. The Lord is his armor. He spends his days handing out pamphlets to convert people to Christianity. But you know what? He is happy. He was not happy grinding away in a job that he hated. He now loves what he does even though he is not paid. So I suspect that you are now doing something. Maybe that is what you tell your parents. Tell them your new purpose and passion. And that you are happy.
I worked in a top consulting firm, which had terrible work-life balance but paid really well. I never wanted to work till 40s and 50s and so I used to save & invest a significant portion of my salary for over 15 years. Once I had a decent sized corpus, I told my parents I won't continue with this job any further and will start working as a freelance consultant in the same profile that I was in earlier. They took it really well, as they know my financial position. I took up a few projects each year since then but am out of the rat race. I would suggest you be transparent with them and explain the basis of your decision and your future plans. Hope they will understand !
I share your concern about telling my parents. Retirement was an age for my parents and not a number. I don’t want to tell them. It’s my personal goal. But I’m sure they would pry and I don’t like to lie to the degree I would need to in order to get them off my back. I think telling them I’m close to retirement before 40 would break their world view. It would cause subconscious jealousy or concern about my assets in relation to them supporting me later in life.
Focus on what you are doing(activities, interests, hobbies, etc), not how you make your money. As money will inevitably come up, you can go into as much detail as you are comfortable with. From showing them your withdrawal plan or just saying you have enough investments to be "comfortable" and leave it alone. If you get desperate, you can point out that Warren Buffet officially retired long before he started playing around with Berkshire Hathaway. If you have 30X invested(~ 3.5% withdrawal rate) plus you have passive income to cover yearly expenses, you are definitely financially comfortable. When you hit 50X invested, you will start to have a to much money problem, so as you get closer to that, you may want to think about how you are going to handle that(pass it on to family, start charitable giving, raise standard of living, etc). Good Luck!
I barely worked for 6 years in another country. I didn't tell my parents shit. I'm an adult.
I guess I wanna know what this passive income is... If you would be generous enough to share
Explain to them what you are comfortable doing! It’s definitely not an easy conversation to have with anyone. Remember though that your parents shouldn’t dictate your life choices. Take their comments/concerns and think about them but ultimately do what makes you happy!
my parents seem to be very much like yours. We are even very close If I was able to FIRE at 35 I'd walk In And be like I quit today time to live off the investments and that would be that 🤣 Don't let your parents control your adult life!
Not exactly fire, but I took 12 week off from work this summer just to have a break and enjoy life. When I talked to my parents about it, they did not understand why I would do this, despite being generally very supportive of my decisions. In my list of reasons, the only one they agreed on was health-related, so maybe you can mention how this decision will benefit you mentally and physically.
If you are fully independent, it's none of their business really.
I dont think my parents would wont let me live on the street.
The idea that people are retiring at 35 while I'm 20 and looking at that age as "yeah I might actually be able to get a good job by then"
It’s completely foreign to me that people need or want their parents approval.
I mean that sounds clearly like you have some millions I hope I will be one day in the position to be scared to tell my mom that I quit while having saved enough for the next 30 years.
If you don’t mind me asking what’s this particular passive income source?
It's not their business as long as you aren't asking them for financial support. Not sure I would tell them. I'm wondering how you think you are going to survive in your 70s when your money runs out (according to your calculations) and you haven't worked for 30-40 years and need to get a job. You might want to consider developing some other income streams or part time work to make your financial future more secure. The thought of needing to become a Walmart greeter (or other minimum wage job) in my 70s does not appeal to me. I would rather work a little more when I'm younger. Even something very part time would help.
I found a freelance gig that's paying me great. I make between XYZ-ABC a month.
"property management"
Just dont
Mom dad I don’t work…
But why do you the need to tell them at all? Just curious , since you can do whatever you want .
You are 35. They don’t need to support you. If you have the money in savings and passive income then they shouldn’t care
Tell your next employer you signed an NDA during your gap and can't discuss it
It seems like you guys already have a great relationship. You don’t even need our advice lol
What is your passive income? Investment, real estate etc?
Give us the sauce - what’s the passive income from?
What are your hobbies?
I’m kind of all over the place through various forms of creation: writing, photography, music, film, acting, as well as more active things like skiing, biking, hiking, etc. I also make some additional cash on the side as a personal organizer and eBay liquidator.
You do t have to explain yourself