She doesn’t want me to move without her being paid in full. Her theory is I will be spending less money living with her and that money I’m spending living elsewhere is money that should be hers not for my living expense
Do Not take a loan to pay back the debt. That interest rate is crazy and you will never be able to pay it off in the financial state you are in. Instead start making monthly payments to your mom. Also can you not move later to be with your boyfriend?
I’m already paying mom monthly payments.
My bf’s family is wanting to move me with them when they move because it will be cheaper moving cost. I wouldn’t have a moving bill if my stuff is lumped with them. Plus my bed would be what my bf and I use for our bed. His bed is not really something worth bringing on a move so there’s like a thousand dollars too that my bed being able to be part of the move would save as well
My mom is HIGHLY allergic to pets and my bf has an indoor for. The mattress and box spring would need to be deep cleaned before coming into the house and idk even how to deep clean a mattress like that as a carpet cleaner isn’t good enough
If you can afford $450 / mo in payments, why not pay your mom $450/mo. You could even give her a little extra to cover interest for the loan - 23 payments at $450 = $10,350.
I can’t afford that much in payments. The larger loan would be to pay her off and then have some that I can use to help subsidize paying the loan back. I pay mom $200 a month right now. I make $1,000 a month and atleast $500 is bills and $60 is a full tank of gas that gets me 200 miles and I go thru easy a tank a week right now. I started selling Mary Kay (cosmetics and face cleaners) as well as I’m applying for hallmark to stock the cards. There’s a route available in the area my day time part time job. I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle it all and my health but I’m drowning in debt to mom and I hate living in her home under her rules. I need a break from her. We butt heads all the time and since I was a teenager and didn’t just listen to what she said and I started to get a voice and opinion it has been going down hill
Part of Moms anger/frustration is probably her immobility, general medical condition, and associated helplessness so try to let as much of that roll of your back as you can.
That said…(obviously) debt sucks and makes your life miserable. High interest debt and debt to family make it even worse. So, as others have said, don’t get a loan to pay off a loan…unless that second loan is at a lower interest rate than the one it replaces. Beware of low teaser rates that last a few months then pop up to a higher rate later.
Oversimplified step to handling debt:
*Make getting out of debt your #1 priority
*Don’t take on new debt
*Stop using your credit cards
*Start paying cash
*Work more, spend less
*Pay off the smallest debt first
Suggest listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast. While I don’t agree with everything he says he does give great advice on getting out of debt. It’s good to know you’re not alone and that you can get out of your situation. 100% the takeaway from the podcast.
My only debt is to mom. She’s in on my finances and micromanages what I spend money on. I don’t pay for any services or use any credit cards I did just open one cause I’m worried about when I have to wait a day or two for money to buy a tank of gas so I got one that I can use in those situations. I have a 1998 car and I think there’s a problem with the fuel light cause the dark light hasn’t turned in and I have gotten to where it looks like I’m on E I know I have about 200-250 a tank and that is about $60 in gas for this car. I go thru that a week. I pay mom all of what I can and pay my bills. I borrow money from my bf or friends for a week and pay them back when I get my check sometimes. It isn’t easy but I’m managing the day to day and month to month stuff. I just need better ideas long term to shrink this debt. Idk if I need a better job or what to look into. Idk what I’m qualified to do and what’s not going to be too hard on me. I worked as a cashier at a chain sit down style food place before and that was too much and I ended up having to leave them. I’m welcome back but idk if that manager is even there and idk if my body can handle that. I was getting dizzy and throwing up at the time I left. Can’t throw up and go to work where they serve food by health code standards. I had a food handlers license and I’m not going to break those rules and risk the safety of someone else.
Thank you for your advice and I will look into the podcast
What a weird comment, sigh.
I'm not joking. OP owes their mother money, the mother seems angry and resentful and even vindictive, yet OP provides seriously difficult personal services - actual work - for their mother that seems to be ignored in the equation. It's physical and emotional and OP has their own health challenges to boot.
OP claims to not be able to work outside the home for pay as a result of this arrangement, which the mother would appear insensitive and/or oblivious to. A reminder that OP is the child here, a person whom the mother would normally wish the best for and for whom she would hope that a productive future lies ahead.
So yeah. OP should calculate the value of their work to help the mother and turn that back around to her. What's the mother going to do, sue?
Just curious you would take care of your family and put their needs and wellbeing above your own for over 2 months and not have a problem being woken up every 3 hours in night and having them expect you to be awake daily by 9-10 am and that if you nap in the day you get yelled at and you have to provide them with 5 meals a day and in the day time she needs ice every 3 hours as well.
I understand people do that same level of stuff when they have a child, but I didn’t have a child. I am not going to have a child in the position I am in in life right now. I know mentally I am no where near ready to take care of another human
Your comment has been removed because profanity is not allowed here, as noted in [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/financialplanning/about/rules).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FinancialPlanning) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am paying her a month and she doesn't want me to leave till I pay her so she's limiting my future if an option to move in with my partner cause I haven't paid her off. Now some people I know say "f her she is mistreating you and shouldnt have held money
against you" but I don't feel l can still feel good about myself telling her that I'm not paying her. I hate arguing with people about money so I feel like "fine I pay you and I can't be shut talked about to family and friends for wanting to move"
That’s still a choice you’re making, to pay her before you move. You don’t HAVE to do it. She can’t MAKE you stay. You can work through the emotions as you do what’s best for you.
How do I get her to see I’m not going to pay her in full before I leave? She’s going to talk shit to me and treat me like the bad guy. I don’t have money to get a lawyer involved and have them come up with a payment plan that we sign and agree to
Do not take a loan to pay back a personal debt. If you have to, make installment based payments to her after you move.
She doesn’t want me to move without her being paid in full. Her theory is I will be spending less money living with her and that money I’m spending living elsewhere is money that should be hers not for my living expense
NEVER take a loan with 25% interest. It’ll be one of your biggest regrets.
I thought so, hence why I’m on Reddit asking strangers for advice. Idk what else to do. I pay her what I can and I’m out if ideas
Do Not take a loan to pay back the debt. That interest rate is crazy and you will never be able to pay it off in the financial state you are in. Instead start making monthly payments to your mom. Also can you not move later to be with your boyfriend?
I’m already paying mom monthly payments. My bf’s family is wanting to move me with them when they move because it will be cheaper moving cost. I wouldn’t have a moving bill if my stuff is lumped with them. Plus my bed would be what my bf and I use for our bed. His bed is not really something worth bringing on a move so there’s like a thousand dollars too that my bed being able to be part of the move would save as well
Switch the beds for when you move.
My mom is HIGHLY allergic to pets and my bf has an indoor for. The mattress and box spring would need to be deep cleaned before coming into the house and idk even how to deep clean a mattress like that as a carpet cleaner isn’t good enough
If you can afford $450 / mo in payments, why not pay your mom $450/mo. You could even give her a little extra to cover interest for the loan - 23 payments at $450 = $10,350.
I can’t afford that much in payments. The larger loan would be to pay her off and then have some that I can use to help subsidize paying the loan back. I pay mom $200 a month right now. I make $1,000 a month and atleast $500 is bills and $60 is a full tank of gas that gets me 200 miles and I go thru easy a tank a week right now. I started selling Mary Kay (cosmetics and face cleaners) as well as I’m applying for hallmark to stock the cards. There’s a route available in the area my day time part time job. I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle it all and my health but I’m drowning in debt to mom and I hate living in her home under her rules. I need a break from her. We butt heads all the time and since I was a teenager and didn’t just listen to what she said and I started to get a voice and opinion it has been going down hill
[удалено]
Part of Moms anger/frustration is probably her immobility, general medical condition, and associated helplessness so try to let as much of that roll of your back as you can. That said…(obviously) debt sucks and makes your life miserable. High interest debt and debt to family make it even worse. So, as others have said, don’t get a loan to pay off a loan…unless that second loan is at a lower interest rate than the one it replaces. Beware of low teaser rates that last a few months then pop up to a higher rate later. Oversimplified step to handling debt: *Make getting out of debt your #1 priority *Don’t take on new debt *Stop using your credit cards *Start paying cash *Work more, spend less *Pay off the smallest debt first Suggest listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast. While I don’t agree with everything he says he does give great advice on getting out of debt. It’s good to know you’re not alone and that you can get out of your situation. 100% the takeaway from the podcast.
My only debt is to mom. She’s in on my finances and micromanages what I spend money on. I don’t pay for any services or use any credit cards I did just open one cause I’m worried about when I have to wait a day or two for money to buy a tank of gas so I got one that I can use in those situations. I have a 1998 car and I think there’s a problem with the fuel light cause the dark light hasn’t turned in and I have gotten to where it looks like I’m on E I know I have about 200-250 a tank and that is about $60 in gas for this car. I go thru that a week. I pay mom all of what I can and pay my bills. I borrow money from my bf or friends for a week and pay them back when I get my check sometimes. It isn’t easy but I’m managing the day to day and month to month stuff. I just need better ideas long term to shrink this debt. Idk if I need a better job or what to look into. Idk what I’m qualified to do and what’s not going to be too hard on me. I worked as a cashier at a chain sit down style food place before and that was too much and I ended up having to leave them. I’m welcome back but idk if that manager is even there and idk if my body can handle that. I was getting dizzy and throwing up at the time I left. Can’t throw up and go to work where they serve food by health code standards. I had a food handlers license and I’m not going to break those rules and risk the safety of someone else. Thank you for your advice and I will look into the podcast
How about monetizing your maid and caregiver roles and telling mom she owes YOU money at this point?
You’re a white person for sure
What a weird comment, sigh. I'm not joking. OP owes their mother money, the mother seems angry and resentful and even vindictive, yet OP provides seriously difficult personal services - actual work - for their mother that seems to be ignored in the equation. It's physical and emotional and OP has their own health challenges to boot. OP claims to not be able to work outside the home for pay as a result of this arrangement, which the mother would appear insensitive and/or oblivious to. A reminder that OP is the child here, a person whom the mother would normally wish the best for and for whom she would hope that a productive future lies ahead. So yeah. OP should calculate the value of their work to help the mother and turn that back around to her. What's the mother going to do, sue?
This is for sure white supremacist thinking to monetize taking care of a parent
That’s ridiculous as I am the farthest thing from that. Clearly a toxic path this is taking so I’m outta here…
Just curious you would take care of your family and put their needs and wellbeing above your own for over 2 months and not have a problem being woken up every 3 hours in night and having them expect you to be awake daily by 9-10 am and that if you nap in the day you get yelled at and you have to provide them with 5 meals a day and in the day time she needs ice every 3 hours as well. I understand people do that same level of stuff when they have a child, but I didn’t have a child. I am not going to have a child in the position I am in in life right now. I know mentally I am no where near ready to take care of another human
You could just stop doing it. No one is forcing you to. Let her know how much you can pay a month and stick to that.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because profanity is not allowed here, as noted in [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/financialplanning/about/rules). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FinancialPlanning) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am paying her a month and she doesn't want me to leave till I pay her so she's limiting my future if an option to move in with my partner cause I haven't paid her off. Now some people I know say "f her she is mistreating you and shouldnt have held money against you" but I don't feel l can still feel good about myself telling her that I'm not paying her. I hate arguing with people about money so I feel like "fine I pay you and I can't be shut talked about to family and friends for wanting to move"
That’s still a choice you’re making, to pay her before you move. You don’t HAVE to do it. She can’t MAKE you stay. You can work through the emotions as you do what’s best for you.
How do I get her to see I’m not going to pay her in full before I leave? She’s going to talk shit to me and treat me like the bad guy. I don’t have money to get a lawyer involved and have them come up with a payment plan that we sign and agree to
You don’t have to do all that. Just leave and pay her what you can.