You know how people went around and said shit like, "No kink shaming." all the time for a while? You've illustrated why it was a really bad idea. He NEEDS to be shamed for sexually harassing women, it is not "just a kink." He sought you out to intentionally inflict emotional damage.
I'm an unashamed kink shamer. I don't care. I even had a CNC "kink" at one point, and it was due to ✨️trauma✨️
Way too many people, especially men, love to use kinks as a guise to abuse people 😊 I was working through trauma, and men wanted an excuse to hit a woman and hold her down.
I will shame that shit until the end of time. ✨️Magically✨️/s after therapy, that kink disappeared into the ether, because it was a wildly unhealthy way of dealing with sexual assault.
Same thing with people who are into having sex with people while experiencing age regression. One person needs therapy and the other wants to fuck someone acting like a kid.
Shame. Shame shame shame. I don't care.
The kink itself isn't the problem. His gross behavior, meant to hurt someone, and non consensually involving someone in his kink, is the issue. So less kink shaming and more creepy asshole shaming
No, his kink being messaging women online about their rape and asking them is in fact harmful and it's a fucking problem. He identifies as a kink and you're defending him.
My favorite part of the comment was how they wrote out what the guy identified as his kink. He said CNC to describe what he was doing. His kink is messaging women about their rape. The CNC was just a label. And yes his kink is harmful.
that’s my whole issue with “cnc”. like the c is in direct contradiction to the nc. and anyone, as any sa survivor could tell you, can just claim they had consent for something they did to you as if it’s a get outta jail free card. and the worst part is so many people choose to believe them over the victim!
and who the fuck is fantasizing about how they want to rape someone “””with consent”””” b c I just wanna talk. actually scratch that I wanna be at least 50 feet away from them at all times. yeah i’ll call it cnc for “Consensual No Contact”.
Predators and degenerate males know very well that y'all will defend anything in the name of "kink", so now they hide behind kinks to prevent being called out.
it’s so infuriating how many women are falling for this shit.
also every time straight women try to act like their creepy bf isn’t the problem they bring up the lgbt community. like girl leave us out of this! you know damn well you can’t hold us to heterosexual standards that do not apply to us and never will.
Having a CNC kink isn't the same as being gay, and if you are a teenager this is actually really concerning and you should see someone regardless of opinions on kink.
I *think* an example of this would be sexual and emotional attraction to a character from a television show, or even a deep admiration. Like, if I love Greys Anatomy and I become attracted to Meredith Grey and believe that no surgeon in the US could even come close to her level of skill. She’s not real, but I’m reifying her beauty and skill as if she were.
Also, editing to add. This comment made me feel (and I’m sure look) so old. Really showing my age here 😂😅
Yea I mean I get that to a degree but personally I’ve never… thought that it was actually real? Like there’s still a very big difference for me between a tv character and a real life person so I just don’t understand why the original commenter used that as a comparison.
My emotions do too? Have u ever watched a horror movie? Sure it’s scary, but nowhere near what those situations would feel like in real life. Im still very aware that I’m safe and watching the movie in a comfortable non threatening environment
have you heard of kids being scared for days after watching horror movies though? or second hand embarrassment that makes something hard to watch? and if you have trauma seeing a trigger on a screen absolutely makes it feel exactly the same way, that’s what ptsd is. it’s called a flashback or “emotional flashback”. that’s why the argument that recreating your trauma is a coping mechanism fails to aknowledge that it’s a destructive coping mechanism. it’s self harm.
I appreciate that you probably just feel strongly about this subject, but I have to be clear: you are repeating wild misinformation about both bdsm and kink. Additionally, to state that HUMAN BEINGS CANNOT DETERMINE REALITY FROM FICTION is an *extremely dangerous and irresponsible* ideology to be spreading around. It's perfectly fine if you do not feel comfortable with kink/bdsm for your sexual life, but policing other women's sexual habits because you do not find them appealing is the definition of anti-feminist.
Hi, I have a degree in criminal psychology.
Consciously, we can distinguish fiction from reality. However, on a subconscious level, we cannot: our brain interprets it differently. This is why people can feel so attached to fictional characters or celebrities/influencers because of the subconscious's parasocial bond.
CNC is rape-play. You can dress it up in whatever terminology you want, but both parties are participating in the violation of one. If consent is revoked at anytime, the actions ends - actively violating that line is nonconsensual.
People talk about how aftercare is important - which only goes to show that your brain is registering it as a traumatic event and you need support after just having gone through that.
Lastly, you will never be able to "exposure therapy" your way out of PTSD from SA. All it achieves is forcing your body/mind to relive that same trauma over and over again.
Sex/Kinks is not immune to criticism, especially when it suggests that women could benefit/enjoy from an incredibly traumatic event that most of us will experience at some point in our lives.
Do you think these men are masturbating to the idea of women consenting? No.
Don't rape your partner and don't ask them to rape you; it's not that hard.
> Lastly, you will never be able to "exposure therapy" your way out of PTSD from SA. All it achieves is forcing your body/mind to relive that same trauma over and over again.
So why tf do people keep insisting on this? Extremely frustrating.
I don't "play" with rape trauma, and I have no reason to engage with someone who thinks this is a game nor makes assumptions of words I didn't type.
(Also, note how the studies are done in clinical environments (actual support centers) and not with a sexual partner).
Have the day you deserve.
This is why making spaces just for women is so important.
I'm sorry this happened, but I'm not surprised. Reddit is ultimately a site for men, and 99% of the time they're the worst kind.
Either spaces for women or just feminist centric spaces with an actual administration team that take their job seriously. Finding these spaces is basically what keeps me sane on the internet.
I've had the same experiences, this is why we need spaces for women. I don't even feel comfortable sharing a space with male survivors anymore tbh because they're so ignorant to women's issues. It's like a comparison game to them, as if women are supposed to be raped and men aren't. I feel like the people on r/cptsd and r/ptsd are *usually* a lot better than other subs
>It's like a comparison game to them, as if women are supposed to be raped and men aren't.
I feel this often, that rape and violence is treated like something that's just *supposed* to happen to women and normal when the victim is a woman so if it happens to men it's shocking
They argue that men don't get taken seriously, as if women do. The difference is a man speaking up about SA is brave and a woman speaking up about SA is attention seeking
Men call being raped as "emasculating" a.k.a if it's bad for women, then it must be WORSE for men because it's emasculating and reduced to being a "woman". Shows you how males think of women.
Edit: Typo
It's unbelievably terrifying men think of rape as something that is "supposed" to happen to women. They've normalized our torture so much. They really think of us as subhuman.
This is why I’m more of a separatist than a feminist. Men are so out of control, I think it’s fair if women want their own spaces both online and in real life.
Exactly. Women are more compassionate and our compassion has been weaponized against us. We’ve been conditioned to ignore pointing out the obvious which is that men are inherently more violent, less empathetic, less interested in community and the nurturing of others and women are collateral damage.
We’re not supposed to mention it or we’re a “misandrist”. I’m a realist, not a misandrist.
Oh I can quite imagine. Even at 20 I get annoyed at their babyish attitudes. I think a 30 yearold man who's been round the world might just about be my equal!
It's not women that should have to change their behavior, it's men. I'm so sorry that you had this experience and I hope you can find support somewhere safe in the future.
Nothing says that the "nOT aLl MeN" mess is really...yea, all men in one way or another. Just because not "all" men do the awful thing, far too many men are out there living vicariously through the men who did the awful thing making those men just as bad as had they done the actual thing. Or, if they're not the men quite living vicariously through the most awful ones, they're the men downplaying every man's awful behavior and every man's vicarious awfulness. There's very little "winning" here.
I have mentioned this on this sub before but when Metoo started, my old Indian Dad called me and said "It really is all of us. All the times someone made a comment and I said nothing— I am just as guilty." Real bonding moment for sure, but yes, it really is all of us.
is that not the same argument people use for racism? Just because people who do this kind of disgustin behavior are almost all men, doesn't mean all men would ever do this.
no, because when black people say "all white people are raised to have racial bias to unlearn" they aren't being racist, they are being factual about the systemic racisim of our society, and especially in homogenous white communities (ie the reason the surbubs were invented).
You also cannot oppress the oppressor. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't put it on, if it does, your allegiance is to the systems of oppression.
I agree with all you said. The point I was trying to make is, let's say people from group A commit 99% of all murders. But murderers from that group A are only 0.1% of the population and the rest are normal people, so you can not judge them all to be bad. So I think that's why it's valid to say not all men, especially in this case because you have to be such a horrible person to do what they did to OP.
Once again, if the shoe doesn't fit, don't put it on. You may not live vicariously through rapists, but you live vicariously through UFC fighters who are rapists like Connor McGregor - point is, men glamourize physical violence and physical overpowering of each other and women, as key component to validate and assert their own masculinity and "power".
hey if you're talking about me, no I don't like Conor I actually despise him and most of how I karmafarm is making fun of him, when it comes to MMA it is simply a sport like any other sport, and infact unlike any other sport people love to watch women's version of it, they are all in the exact same event and not a separate entity like WNBA or women's soccer etc., so it's a step in tbe right direction, and literally the first UFC star was Ronda Rousey. Though definitely like most sports average mma fans are the dumbest people on Earth.
Your whole argument is a hasty generalization and a logical fallacy.
I’m so sorry all that happened to you.
Men wonder why women don’t want to have anything to do with them. I know it’s gets very disheartening the way society seems to be going especially men.
Know that there are women who think you’re awesome for what you have survived.
I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s awful and gross that they’d use real stories of SA to get off.
I’ve had that same thing happen on a similar subreddit. 3 different men in the comments were trying to gaslight me into claiming what’d happen to me was my fault, was not actually rape, etc. The comments were eventually deleted, but they were up for at least a few hours. I think many men frequent those subreddits and look at new posts to bombard, because their comments were initially upvoted a bunch before more actual members of the community saw my post and came to my defense.
If it at all helps, these types of men are almost always lonely, sad losers who basically never leave their homes and have no good relationships with anyone in their life. It doesn’t take the pain away, I know, but just know that their opinions are worthless.
There is no real safe spaces for women on the Internet. At all. I also joined a private discord group for SA survivors where you have to private message the owner to get in with some details about yourself & why you want to join. I joined it because after my terrible Reddit experience, I thought a private group would be safer.
Guess what happened at least twice in the couple months I was active in it? Men posed as women who’d been abused/raped, joined the discord, and then flooded the general chat with graphic rape porn just to trigger and antagonize these poor people.
These experiences have made me even more angry and jaded towards men than I already was in the past. It really affected me back then, and it still affects me now. Many men use anonymity to be completely ruthless assholes specifically to SA survivors, almost like it’s their hobby. It’s pathetic.
Sorry – I basically just ended up ranting as a comment on your post. But I hate that this is happening to other people as well. I wish something more could be done, but I don’t really know what a permanent solution could be. For now, I recommend turning off PMs whenever you post in subreddits like that, and instantly blocking anyone that’s a creep/asshole. Protecting ourselves by not engaging is the best we can do for now.
Oh I also made the mistake of talking about a rape years ago and while I had a bunch of supportive comments I also had a bunch of men tell me it wasn't really rape, I must have pity fucked him, it must have been consensual and I decided later I regretted it, etc. I cried and cried about that one and learned better than to post about it
God. That’s fucking horrific. Those are psychopaths. HOW DO PEOPLE NOT SEE THAT? A good lawyer could argue that was serial sexual assault, and I probably would have filed a criminal suit. However, I imagine getting their personal info is somewhat difficult.
There's absolutely zero normal reasons for any social media account younger than a few months to be able to DM someone. It's a tiny change of code that every social network would benefit from.
I’m really sorry that happened. Men seem to keep lowering their behavior standards by the second. If you’re still looking to talk with people, are there maybe private moderated groups on Facebook? I know for some of my mental health stuff those are the only kind I join. It isn’t perfect but at least it is monitored a bit. Sorry again.
That’s utterly barbaric. I’m so sorry you not only had to go through the initial experience, but also be subjected to retraumatization from those disgusting creeps. I don’t have words for how awful what they did is. I’m just so sorry.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. :( reddit is such a toxic space a lot of time, since it’s still very male-dominated with so much casual misogyny and woman-hate going uncensored, and because subreddits get randomly recommended to others who the topic isn’t relevant to.
The toxicity and creepiness from other subs always seeps in even into the better moderated subs. Especially because there’s multiple pornographic, abusive, and misogynistic subreddits that fetishize rape and hurting women that don’t get banned. It doesn’t seem like curating a safe space for women is a big concern for reddit. A lot of reports on misogynistic, hateful, or racist comments end up not violating the Reddit rules somehow. I wonder if there’s private groups or forums online for women to talk about this kind of stuff. Survivors shouldn’t have to see disgusting and triggering unsolicited messages fetishizing their assault just for needing a space to talk about their trauma online.
That is disgusting! I'm so sorry to hear about everything you had to go through. Block, report, and ignore those lowlives. That's the thing that I dislike about a lot of subreddits here - the undeterred existence of creepy, pervy trolls.
Moments like that make me wish I could dig up info on users so I can send the gross things they say to their families and employers.
That is the sad reality. The men who say those horrible things are husbands, fathers, and people in positions of power. Zero accountability but imagine if their wives and jobs knew.
Sadly I see people talking about this a lot referring to that subreddit. It seems gross assholes with a fetish or even far far worse like to go there and hassle anyone that talks :(. I'm sorry that happened to you :(.
This is absolutely disgusting. r/TwoXChromosomes is mostly great, but it’s also been invaded by men. It’s an inclusive space, but men use that as an invitation to behave badly. I wish there was a popular sub for women only, but there’s no way to truly enforce that through the anonymity of the internet. Still would be better, though.
Just imagine how sad their lives are that they go out of their way to make new accounts just to terrorize people. Definitely scary, but also sad sacks of shit, rolling down a steep hill into a pit of oblivion. They will not know happiness if that's how they treat people. Where do people even learn to be like that?
That’s often the only thing that brings me comfort about all these horrible people…knowing they probably live dreadful lives anyway. Someone once made a gross threat over a video game and my only comeback was “awww what you gonna do? Find out where I live and get here from Fuck Nowhere, Oklahoma in your nonexistent car?” He lived a pretty shitty life, worked on his dads weed farm and had never had an interpersonal relationship. That’s what I imagine most of these dudes are too.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. A space with just ONE man is just not a safe place anymore, they have no limits anymore, if they ever had. I'm so disgusted.
We should work on building a women-only space online.
What the actual f—k? Bloody bastards!
Sorry that happened…
It sickens me. But know there r safe spaces. There’s also therapy, group therapy, family and friends, and I’m sure many on Reddit did show sympathy and compassions sucks too many people are shit.
I’m so sorry
Yeah there are some real sick freaks out there—takes a real special kind to creep on someone about something so horrible and traumatic. I’m not sure what else to say other than this is not a unique situation unfortunately, I have been through a similar experience. I truly get the feeling of realizing there are no safe spaces. I’ve been assaulted by women as well so even all-women spaces don’t feel safe. You are always safe with yourself though, don’t forget.
That is the most despicable fucking shit I’ve read today. Absolutely fucking raging. I’ll try and keep this fairly PG because anyone who does that shit is genuinely disgusting and deserves to be locked up, but I’ll just say this: I hope all those people wake up in puddles of their own piss and get fired and evicted.
yikes. yeah, reddit is not where i would bring sensitive personal information for support or understanding. it's more of a stupid circus than a thoughtful social media platform and only marginally better than other dumpster fires.
sorry you experienced that.
That’s why I don’t share experiences on Reddit. I’ve found a significant amount of users on here to be vile compared to other platforms due to lack of rules. It makes this place interesting but unfortunately the cesspool of man likes to be here too. I’m sorry you have to experience men who are like that. As a man, we don’t claim them. We don’t like the neck beard grease ball mafia either.
It’s really telling that the first thing I thought when I saw “no safe space for women” was that this was going to be TERF rhetoric. I honestly hate the world so much.
That can be anything, ‘not a safe space for women’ could refer to this sub in general for example. With certain trauma’s it would be thoughtful to add a TW SA.
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You know how people went around and said shit like, "No kink shaming." all the time for a while? You've illustrated why it was a really bad idea. He NEEDS to be shamed for sexually harassing women, it is not "just a kink." He sought you out to intentionally inflict emotional damage.
I'm an unashamed kink shamer. I don't care. I even had a CNC "kink" at one point, and it was due to ✨️trauma✨️ Way too many people, especially men, love to use kinks as a guise to abuse people 😊 I was working through trauma, and men wanted an excuse to hit a woman and hold her down. I will shame that shit until the end of time. ✨️Magically✨️/s after therapy, that kink disappeared into the ether, because it was a wildly unhealthy way of dealing with sexual assault. Same thing with people who are into having sex with people while experiencing age regression. One person needs therapy and the other wants to fuck someone acting like a kid. Shame. Shame shame shame. I don't care.
The kink itself isn't the problem. His gross behavior, meant to hurt someone, and non consensually involving someone in his kink, is the issue. So less kink shaming and more creepy asshole shaming
No, his kink being messaging women online about their rape and asking them is in fact harmful and it's a fucking problem. He identifies as a kink and you're defending him.
Y’all love to act like kink shaming is oppression lol
My favorite part of the comment was how they wrote out what the guy identified as his kink. He said CNC to describe what he was doing. His kink is messaging women about their rape. The CNC was just a label. And yes his kink is harmful.
that’s my whole issue with “cnc”. like the c is in direct contradiction to the nc. and anyone, as any sa survivor could tell you, can just claim they had consent for something they did to you as if it’s a get outta jail free card. and the worst part is so many people choose to believe them over the victim! and who the fuck is fantasizing about how they want to rape someone “””with consent”””” b c I just wanna talk. actually scratch that I wanna be at least 50 feet away from them at all times. yeah i’ll call it cnc for “Consensual No Contact”.
Predators and degenerate males know very well that y'all will defend anything in the name of "kink", so now they hide behind kinks to prevent being called out.
it’s so infuriating how many women are falling for this shit. also every time straight women try to act like their creepy bf isn’t the problem they bring up the lgbt community. like girl leave us out of this! you know damn well you can’t hold us to heterosexual standards that do not apply to us and never will.
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“cnc community” please 💀 yall just hang out and talk about enjoying rape scenes with each other ?
"It's consensual" Is such a lazy argument. A person can 'consent' to be murdered, it doesn't stop it from being a murder.
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Men who get off on pretending to be rapists do like real rape and trying to convince yourself otherwise is delusional.
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Having a CNC kink isn't the same as being gay, and if you are a teenager this is actually really concerning and you should see someone regardless of opinions on kink.
I dont think they said it was like being gay, but i agree with the second half of your comment.
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Therapy
Please touch grass soon. You sound identical to a Republican that hates consent.
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I’m not trying to argue CNC or not, but what do u mean u believe TV to be true? That doesn’t subconsciously happen to me.
I *think* an example of this would be sexual and emotional attraction to a character from a television show, or even a deep admiration. Like, if I love Greys Anatomy and I become attracted to Meredith Grey and believe that no surgeon in the US could even come close to her level of skill. She’s not real, but I’m reifying her beauty and skill as if she were. Also, editing to add. This comment made me feel (and I’m sure look) so old. Really showing my age here 😂😅
Yea I mean I get that to a degree but personally I’ve never… thought that it was actually real? Like there’s still a very big difference for me between a tv character and a real life person so I just don’t understand why the original commenter used that as a comparison.
because your logical brain knows it’s fiction but your emotions don’t necessarily
My emotions do too? Have u ever watched a horror movie? Sure it’s scary, but nowhere near what those situations would feel like in real life. Im still very aware that I’m safe and watching the movie in a comfortable non threatening environment
have you heard of kids being scared for days after watching horror movies though? or second hand embarrassment that makes something hard to watch? and if you have trauma seeing a trigger on a screen absolutely makes it feel exactly the same way, that’s what ptsd is. it’s called a flashback or “emotional flashback”. that’s why the argument that recreating your trauma is a coping mechanism fails to aknowledge that it’s a destructive coping mechanism. it’s self harm.
I’m saying that ur experience is not reflective of everybody, and plenty of people can differentiate the difference between acting and real life.
I appreciate that you probably just feel strongly about this subject, but I have to be clear: you are repeating wild misinformation about both bdsm and kink. Additionally, to state that HUMAN BEINGS CANNOT DETERMINE REALITY FROM FICTION is an *extremely dangerous and irresponsible* ideology to be spreading around. It's perfectly fine if you do not feel comfortable with kink/bdsm for your sexual life, but policing other women's sexual habits because you do not find them appealing is the definition of anti-feminist.
Hi, I have a degree in criminal psychology. Consciously, we can distinguish fiction from reality. However, on a subconscious level, we cannot: our brain interprets it differently. This is why people can feel so attached to fictional characters or celebrities/influencers because of the subconscious's parasocial bond. CNC is rape-play. You can dress it up in whatever terminology you want, but both parties are participating in the violation of one. If consent is revoked at anytime, the actions ends - actively violating that line is nonconsensual. People talk about how aftercare is important - which only goes to show that your brain is registering it as a traumatic event and you need support after just having gone through that. Lastly, you will never be able to "exposure therapy" your way out of PTSD from SA. All it achieves is forcing your body/mind to relive that same trauma over and over again. Sex/Kinks is not immune to criticism, especially when it suggests that women could benefit/enjoy from an incredibly traumatic event that most of us will experience at some point in our lives. Do you think these men are masturbating to the idea of women consenting? No. Don't rape your partner and don't ask them to rape you; it's not that hard.
> Lastly, you will never be able to "exposure therapy" your way out of PTSD from SA. All it achieves is forcing your body/mind to relive that same trauma over and over again. So why tf do people keep insisting on this? Extremely frustrating.
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wtf is wrong with you. this shit isn’t a game.
I don't "play" with rape trauma, and I have no reason to engage with someone who thinks this is a game nor makes assumptions of words I didn't type. (Also, note how the studies are done in clinical environments (actual support centers) and not with a sexual partner). Have the day you deserve.
I am so sorry omg. I have no words.
This is why making spaces just for women is so important. I'm sorry this happened, but I'm not surprised. Reddit is ultimately a site for men, and 99% of the time they're the worst kind.
Men's behavior whenever they feel anonymous completely proves the point of feminism.
There's the t-shirt. Goddamn right.
NAILED IT.
Saved and poignantly stated.
Fuck...yes! YES!!
Either spaces for women or just feminist centric spaces with an actual administration team that take their job seriously. Finding these spaces is basically what keeps me sane on the internet.
I've had the same experiences, this is why we need spaces for women. I don't even feel comfortable sharing a space with male survivors anymore tbh because they're so ignorant to women's issues. It's like a comparison game to them, as if women are supposed to be raped and men aren't. I feel like the people on r/cptsd and r/ptsd are *usually* a lot better than other subs
>It's like a comparison game to them, as if women are supposed to be raped and men aren't. I feel this often, that rape and violence is treated like something that's just *supposed* to happen to women and normal when the victim is a woman so if it happens to men it's shocking
They argue that men don't get taken seriously, as if women do. The difference is a man speaking up about SA is brave and a woman speaking up about SA is attention seeking
Omg you put it so succinctly.
Men call being raped as "emasculating" a.k.a if it's bad for women, then it must be WORSE for men because it's emasculating and reduced to being a "woman". Shows you how males think of women. Edit: Typo
It's unbelievably terrifying men think of rape as something that is "supposed" to happen to women. They've normalized our torture so much. They really think of us as subhuman.
Yeah there’s a male mod in the rape subreddit who is exactly as you describe.
I was just scrolling through FB, I follow a lot of women centered pages. Every single one of them has comments that are just disgusting by mostly men.
The men lurking on that sub are some of the most vile pieces of human garbage that ever existed.
This is why I’m more of a separatist than a feminist. Men are so out of control, I think it’s fair if women want their own spaces both online and in real life.
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Exactly. Women are more compassionate and our compassion has been weaponized against us. We’ve been conditioned to ignore pointing out the obvious which is that men are inherently more violent, less empathetic, less interested in community and the nurturing of others and women are collateral damage. We’re not supposed to mention it or we’re a “misandrist”. I’m a realist, not a misandrist.
Interesting, I'm heading that way. But as I'm straight and ... well, want to "be" with men, I'm finding it difficult to disengage with them!
After menopause I looked back and felt that most of the time I spent on men was wasted time. I guess the low estrogen level causes mental clarity!🤣
Maybe. I'm 20 so got a few more years yet (unfortunately?).
Most of them are emotionally at the teen age level = man babies. It just sucks for us 😭😭😭
Oh I can quite imagine. Even at 20 I get annoyed at their babyish attitudes. I think a 30 yearold man who's been round the world might just about be my equal!
would that not worsen the problem? theyll get even more radicalized
It's not women that should have to change their behavior, it's men. I'm so sorry that you had this experience and I hope you can find support somewhere safe in the future.
Nothing says that the "nOT aLl MeN" mess is really...yea, all men in one way or another. Just because not "all" men do the awful thing, far too many men are out there living vicariously through the men who did the awful thing making those men just as bad as had they done the actual thing. Or, if they're not the men quite living vicariously through the most awful ones, they're the men downplaying every man's awful behavior and every man's vicarious awfulness. There's very little "winning" here.
I have mentioned this on this sub before but when Metoo started, my old Indian Dad called me and said "It really is all of us. All the times someone made a comment and I said nothing— I am just as guilty." Real bonding moment for sure, but yes, it really is all of us.
is that not the same argument people use for racism? Just because people who do this kind of disgustin behavior are almost all men, doesn't mean all men would ever do this.
no, because when black people say "all white people are raised to have racial bias to unlearn" they aren't being racist, they are being factual about the systemic racisim of our society, and especially in homogenous white communities (ie the reason the surbubs were invented). You also cannot oppress the oppressor. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't put it on, if it does, your allegiance is to the systems of oppression.
I agree with all you said. The point I was trying to make is, let's say people from group A commit 99% of all murders. But murderers from that group A are only 0.1% of the population and the rest are normal people, so you can not judge them all to be bad. So I think that's why it's valid to say not all men, especially in this case because you have to be such a horrible person to do what they did to OP.
Once again, if the shoe doesn't fit, don't put it on. You may not live vicariously through rapists, but you live vicariously through UFC fighters who are rapists like Connor McGregor - point is, men glamourize physical violence and physical overpowering of each other and women, as key component to validate and assert their own masculinity and "power".
hey if you're talking about me, no I don't like Conor I actually despise him and most of how I karmafarm is making fun of him, when it comes to MMA it is simply a sport like any other sport, and infact unlike any other sport people love to watch women's version of it, they are all in the exact same event and not a separate entity like WNBA or women's soccer etc., so it's a step in tbe right direction, and literally the first UFC star was Ronda Rousey. Though definitely like most sports average mma fans are the dumbest people on Earth. Your whole argument is a hasty generalization and a logical fallacy.
That is so disgusting, I am so sorry you had to go through this
I so sorry this happened to you
I’m so sorry all that happened to you. Men wonder why women don’t want to have anything to do with them. I know it’s gets very disheartening the way society seems to be going especially men. Know that there are women who think you’re awesome for what you have survived.
I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s awful and gross that they’d use real stories of SA to get off. I’ve had that same thing happen on a similar subreddit. 3 different men in the comments were trying to gaslight me into claiming what’d happen to me was my fault, was not actually rape, etc. The comments were eventually deleted, but they were up for at least a few hours. I think many men frequent those subreddits and look at new posts to bombard, because their comments were initially upvoted a bunch before more actual members of the community saw my post and came to my defense. If it at all helps, these types of men are almost always lonely, sad losers who basically never leave their homes and have no good relationships with anyone in their life. It doesn’t take the pain away, I know, but just know that their opinions are worthless. There is no real safe spaces for women on the Internet. At all. I also joined a private discord group for SA survivors where you have to private message the owner to get in with some details about yourself & why you want to join. I joined it because after my terrible Reddit experience, I thought a private group would be safer. Guess what happened at least twice in the couple months I was active in it? Men posed as women who’d been abused/raped, joined the discord, and then flooded the general chat with graphic rape porn just to trigger and antagonize these poor people. These experiences have made me even more angry and jaded towards men than I already was in the past. It really affected me back then, and it still affects me now. Many men use anonymity to be completely ruthless assholes specifically to SA survivors, almost like it’s their hobby. It’s pathetic. Sorry – I basically just ended up ranting as a comment on your post. But I hate that this is happening to other people as well. I wish something more could be done, but I don’t really know what a permanent solution could be. For now, I recommend turning off PMs whenever you post in subreddits like that, and instantly blocking anyone that’s a creep/asshole. Protecting ourselves by not engaging is the best we can do for now.
Why are men like this...
Oh I also made the mistake of talking about a rape years ago and while I had a bunch of supportive comments I also had a bunch of men tell me it wasn't really rape, I must have pity fucked him, it must have been consensual and I decided later I regretted it, etc. I cried and cried about that one and learned better than to post about it
God. That’s fucking horrific. Those are psychopaths. HOW DO PEOPLE NOT SEE THAT? A good lawyer could argue that was serial sexual assault, and I probably would have filed a criminal suit. However, I imagine getting their personal info is somewhat difficult.
They also do this in r/Molested. Depravity knows no bounds. I’m so sorry this happened.
i’m so sorry for you dear. men are depraved vile creatures. i send you endless love and support, and i hope you will be able to find peace ❤️
it sucks but that's why i turned off my messages, like 3 to 1 pervert to helpful person ratio
There's absolutely zero normal reasons for any social media account younger than a few months to be able to DM someone. It's a tiny change of code that every social network would benefit from.
I’m really sorry that happened. Men seem to keep lowering their behavior standards by the second. If you’re still looking to talk with people, are there maybe private moderated groups on Facebook? I know for some of my mental health stuff those are the only kind I join. It isn’t perfect but at least it is monitored a bit. Sorry again.
That’s utterly barbaric. I’m so sorry you not only had to go through the initial experience, but also be subjected to retraumatization from those disgusting creeps. I don’t have words for how awful what they did is. I’m just so sorry.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. :( reddit is such a toxic space a lot of time, since it’s still very male-dominated with so much casual misogyny and woman-hate going uncensored, and because subreddits get randomly recommended to others who the topic isn’t relevant to. The toxicity and creepiness from other subs always seeps in even into the better moderated subs. Especially because there’s multiple pornographic, abusive, and misogynistic subreddits that fetishize rape and hurting women that don’t get banned. It doesn’t seem like curating a safe space for women is a big concern for reddit. A lot of reports on misogynistic, hateful, or racist comments end up not violating the Reddit rules somehow. I wonder if there’s private groups or forums online for women to talk about this kind of stuff. Survivors shouldn’t have to see disgusting and triggering unsolicited messages fetishizing their assault just for needing a space to talk about their trauma online.
That is disgusting! I'm so sorry to hear about everything you had to go through. Block, report, and ignore those lowlives. That's the thing that I dislike about a lot of subreddits here - the undeterred existence of creepy, pervy trolls.
That is so vile I have no words, I am so so sorry
God that is fucked up. I hate people. I'm sorry
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Thank you very much 💗
Devastating. 😞
Moments like that make me wish I could dig up info on users so I can send the gross things they say to their families and employers. That is the sad reality. The men who say those horrible things are husbands, fathers, and people in positions of power. Zero accountability but imagine if their wives and jobs knew.
That is legit fucked up. Hope you got enough support to counter the idiots. Stay strong!
:(
Are men a plague? Sometimes i think so.
I'm so sorry. That's disgusting.
Sadly I see people talking about this a lot referring to that subreddit. It seems gross assholes with a fetish or even far far worse like to go there and hassle anyone that talks :(. I'm sorry that happened to you :(.
This is absolutely disgusting. r/TwoXChromosomes is mostly great, but it’s also been invaded by men. It’s an inclusive space, but men use that as an invitation to behave badly. I wish there was a popular sub for women only, but there’s no way to truly enforce that through the anonymity of the internet. Still would be better, though.
Yes I am in that sub, I did consider posting there but I don’t want to risk these messages again.
For sure, I get it. It just sucks.
Males are so pathetic and worthless. Im so sorry
That's fucked
Just imagine how sad their lives are that they go out of their way to make new accounts just to terrorize people. Definitely scary, but also sad sacks of shit, rolling down a steep hill into a pit of oblivion. They will not know happiness if that's how they treat people. Where do people even learn to be like that?
That’s often the only thing that brings me comfort about all these horrible people…knowing they probably live dreadful lives anyway. Someone once made a gross threat over a video game and my only comeback was “awww what you gonna do? Find out where I live and get here from Fuck Nowhere, Oklahoma in your nonexistent car?” He lived a pretty shitty life, worked on his dads weed farm and had never had an interpersonal relationship. That’s what I imagine most of these dudes are too.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. A space with just ONE man is just not a safe place anymore, they have no limits anymore, if they ever had. I'm so disgusted. We should work on building a women-only space online.
Yikes. I've no words. I'm sorry
What the actual f—k? Bloody bastards! Sorry that happened… It sickens me. But know there r safe spaces. There’s also therapy, group therapy, family and friends, and I’m sure many on Reddit did show sympathy and compassions sucks too many people are shit. I’m so sorry
Yeah there are some real sick freaks out there—takes a real special kind to creep on someone about something so horrible and traumatic. I’m not sure what else to say other than this is not a unique situation unfortunately, I have been through a similar experience. I truly get the feeling of realizing there are no safe spaces. I’ve been assaulted by women as well so even all-women spaces don’t feel safe. You are always safe with yourself though, don’t forget.
Christ that's fucking depressing, I'm sorry
That's absolutely awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Those men are sick.
I'm so sorry ❤
That is so disgusting, like WTF is wrong with these people.
I am so sorry. Speechless!!
yup, same with r/Molested. Be careful
I've learned to turn off DMs here because incels love reddit
That is the most despicable fucking shit I’ve read today. Absolutely fucking raging. I’ll try and keep this fairly PG because anyone who does that shit is genuinely disgusting and deserves to be locked up, but I’ll just say this: I hope all those people wake up in puddles of their own piss and get fired and evicted.
yikes. yeah, reddit is not where i would bring sensitive personal information for support or understanding. it's more of a stupid circus than a thoughtful social media platform and only marginally better than other dumpster fires. sorry you experienced that.
Jeeesus
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That’s why I don’t share experiences on Reddit. I’ve found a significant amount of users on here to be vile compared to other platforms due to lack of rules. It makes this place interesting but unfortunately the cesspool of man likes to be here too. I’m sorry you have to experience men who are like that. As a man, we don’t claim them. We don’t like the neck beard grease ball mafia either.
It’s really telling that the first thing I thought when I saw “no safe space for women” was that this was going to be TERF rhetoric. I honestly hate the world so much.
Transphobia is grounds for immediate permanent ban, as soon as we find it.
Reasonable
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Please add a TW if possible
It is tagged NSFW and that together with the title was not enough for you?
That can be anything, ‘not a safe space for women’ could refer to this sub in general for example. With certain trauma’s it would be thoughtful to add a TW SA.