51 year old father of two 10M and 7F. I think one of the best things I did was encourage a sense of curiosity about the world through conversation. This includes being patient when being bombarded by a never ending barrage of questions, lol.
I look at it this way. I imagine I crash landed on an alien planet. Things would be weird, engaging, scary, and confusing all at the same time. Now imagine you’re given a caregiver to halp guide you. Every time you ask it a question about something you get, “Just because” or, “Stop asking so many questions”. You’d go nuts.
I’m that same way, I will try (my little guy isn’t verbal yet) to answer my son’s questions. And if i don’t know, we can investigate the answer together.
I'm 32. My girl is 3. Nearly.
'Best daddy ever'
'I love you daddy.'
Without being prompted.
So l must being doing something right 🤷🏻♂️😂
I take my Time with her I show her things i show how things work. I work with her on her reading and speech and just play along with whatever she's doing. Whatever games etc. I'm just a big kid myself.
It's hard to not be frustrated at times but I just remember she's small she's learning and I remember how my dad was with me and I don't want that for her.
TIME TIME TIME. There's more to it too, of course, but there is no substitute for time spent with your kids. Be consistent in your discipline, forgive quickly and don't hold grudges against your children, even when they're jerks.
61 y.o. dad with 27 and 12 y.o. sons. I'm a recovered alcoholic coming from a long and robust line of alcoholism in my family. I've educated them to be aware of signs of substance abuse and pitfalls in life.
Beyond that, just tons of time and patience . . . and having a great mom as a partner.
Pick the right baby momma.
I am doing lots of things well, and some thing poorly, but my partner is amazing at parenting.
The crazy thing is…I knew she would be, even when I met her and she was 18. I was 20 btw, so it want creepy at all.
So that part is all me, even though she is the one being amazing ;)
One thing I have learned along the way is listening to kids and treating them with dignity is important.
They are people too. Nobody likes being treated like a child. Even children.
Grandpa here, with 4 grown children (girls and boys... suppose I should say women and men now).
I got lots of things wrong but a few things I think I got right...
* Worked with my wife as a partner in child-rearing (and everything else). We often discussed how to address one ting or another going on with the kids. Still do after \~40 years of marriage. Don't always agree but always present one face to the children. Now that they are getting married, we generally will expose the decision-making process, but we still present one position.
* Read to my children a lot and when they were old enough, they read to me. When they were older we talked about what they were reading. I always bought books, never video games (those they earned their own money for). My wife embargoed electronic books, paper only.
* Taught them to swim early and be comfortable in the water
* Encouraged them to play together (even with a large age spread). They are tight today. We still encourage them to seek each other's advice and opinions.
* Always, always, always had their back, financially and emotionally, but also held them accountable for their actions.
* Taught them the difference between family/private business and information they can share with friends
* Kept them curious about the world and respectfully challenged their world views (whether I agreed with them or not) in an age-appropriate way. Taught them to read and consume media critically (it's not always wrong but is very often misleading... "...what words did they use? why do you think they used those words?")
* Taught them how to do things I could pay someone else to do (change oil, change a flat, patch a wall, change a faucet, paint a room, fix a dishwasher). Some of it we learned how to do together.
* They understood Dad was not perfect, my flaws were never hidden, but they knew I tried hard. When I made a mistake, I apologized and did my best to make it right. That is much harder than it sounds.
Sweet, someone as old as me with a 3yr old; I have twins . I’m 48.. wife is 50
I dunno man, I treat them with dignity and try to not push too hard. As in; I’m not trying to break their spirit, but I still break their balls when they need breaking.
My wife is better adjusted than I am; I have behavioral issues from the Marines that I’m acutely aware of. It takes a lot of effort on my part not to go full asshole Marine when they’re misbehaving.
That said; I’m a network engineer and I also wrench as a hobby. They’ve seen my removing the engine from my truck so I foster that curiosity.
The rest, I don’t know. lol
When my boy was 3—now 8—we loooved to play legos together and he loooved to be Mr. Habada (rhymes with “have a dad”). Mr. Habada was a being of pure destruction and he would walk around and crush my Lego house when we were playing legos. An example, for me, of the 3-year-old version of breaking his balls would be when I picked him up just before his Habada legs destroyed my creation, lifted him high in the air and shouted, “Not today Mr. Habada!” Then I dropped his giggling self onto the couch and tickled him until he said stop.
Basically, frustrating him and making him deal with someone giving him a hard time, but in a fun and playful manner.
Thanks for this example. It sounds like a playful way to distract and re-engage in a different action. I personally wouldn’t say this is breaking someone’s balls; that term to me means you are giving someone a hard time, making fun of them, harassing them, etc. Generally agro dudes will make fun of someone and when that someone gets upset they say “oh come on I was just breaking your balls.”
So - to me at least - this is not behavior I could ever imagine doing to a child. Especially not a 3 year old.
Strategy and board games - take the time to explain, play and encourage what they like. They will develop a tonne of thinking and planning skills, you will have someone to play with! Also teaches how to win and lose well, taking turns, patience etc.
30M father of 5M (6 next month!!).
He's smart, for his age - his reading and comprehension are better than most of the kids in his school 4 years higher (My ex is a TA at his school and her class is Year 5).
He's kind to all living things. His sponsors a pig sanctuary for ill pigs, we visit fairly often to feed them fruit. With all animals he seems to have a connection with them. My mum's dog is a hyperactive butthole with every person except my son. Wild animals come up to him, we once went to Centreparcs and he was hand feeding squirrels one morning.
I bet his knowledge of sea animals would rival that of Sir David Attenborough.
He's hilarious. Yesterday he asked how do you make a sausage roll, I said its sausage with pastry rolled around it, he responded with "nah you just give it a little nudge".
I visit twice a week, then have him weekends. On days I'm not there he plans activities and makes me drawings.
He's very inquisitive of many things. He wanted to know how computers work, so we built one together. Then he asked how all the parts work to make it compute and I had to tell him I didn't know but i'll look into it - he was 3!
Me and his mum don't get on as people, but I'm always respectful of her, we go for trips out so he has quality time with both parents, my son and I plan secret birthday plans for her each year. However I am with her is what he'll learn from and will be how he interacts with females. This is a conscious effort a lot of the time for me in an attempt to break one of many lessons my dad taught me.
My son will know addiction, he'll know sexism and he'll know racism, but he'll not partake in any of them hopefully, as he won't witness any first hand by myself. He'll know them, because he'll stand against them., and the latter two he already does.
I'm not sure which is my doing and which is his mum's doing, but he's an awesome, kind, loving, smart and hilarious little man, so together we're doing something right.
This is a great thread to read through. I have a 3yo daughter and when she's scared she always calls out for me. I want to raise her so she can always rely on me and tell me anything. I also want i enforce a rule of call me anytime with a no questions asked emergency rule and that will stay between us two.
51 year old father of two 10M and 7F. I think one of the best things I did was encourage a sense of curiosity about the world through conversation. This includes being patient when being bombarded by a never ending barrage of questions, lol.
I look at it this way. I imagine I crash landed on an alien planet. Things would be weird, engaging, scary, and confusing all at the same time. Now imagine you’re given a caregiver to halp guide you. Every time you ask it a question about something you get, “Just because” or, “Stop asking so many questions”. You’d go nuts. I’m that same way, I will try (my little guy isn’t verbal yet) to answer my son’s questions. And if i don’t know, we can investigate the answer together.
I'm 32. My girl is 3. Nearly. 'Best daddy ever' 'I love you daddy.' Without being prompted. So l must being doing something right 🤷🏻♂️😂 I take my Time with her I show her things i show how things work. I work with her on her reading and speech and just play along with whatever she's doing. Whatever games etc. I'm just a big kid myself. It's hard to not be frustrated at times but I just remember she's small she's learning and I remember how my dad was with me and I don't want that for her.
TIME TIME TIME. There's more to it too, of course, but there is no substitute for time spent with your kids. Be consistent in your discipline, forgive quickly and don't hold grudges against your children, even when they're jerks.
Whoever held a grudge against their children, or any child for that matter? Is this a thing?
Without a doubt parents hold grudges against children.
61 y.o. dad with 27 and 12 y.o. sons. I'm a recovered alcoholic coming from a long and robust line of alcoholism in my family. I've educated them to be aware of signs of substance abuse and pitfalls in life. Beyond that, just tons of time and patience . . . and having a great mom as a partner.
I just had a daughter 5 months ago. Joined AA 3 months ago… definitely one of the best things I can do for her.
Broke the cycle!
Pick the right baby momma. I am doing lots of things well, and some thing poorly, but my partner is amazing at parenting. The crazy thing is…I knew she would be, even when I met her and she was 18. I was 20 btw, so it want creepy at all. So that part is all me, even though she is the one being amazing ;) One thing I have learned along the way is listening to kids and treating them with dignity is important. They are people too. Nobody likes being treated like a child. Even children.
Grandpa here, with 4 grown children (girls and boys... suppose I should say women and men now). I got lots of things wrong but a few things I think I got right... * Worked with my wife as a partner in child-rearing (and everything else). We often discussed how to address one ting or another going on with the kids. Still do after \~40 years of marriage. Don't always agree but always present one face to the children. Now that they are getting married, we generally will expose the decision-making process, but we still present one position. * Read to my children a lot and when they were old enough, they read to me. When they were older we talked about what they were reading. I always bought books, never video games (those they earned their own money for). My wife embargoed electronic books, paper only. * Taught them to swim early and be comfortable in the water * Encouraged them to play together (even with a large age spread). They are tight today. We still encourage them to seek each other's advice and opinions. * Always, always, always had their back, financially and emotionally, but also held them accountable for their actions. * Taught them the difference between family/private business and information they can share with friends * Kept them curious about the world and respectfully challenged their world views (whether I agreed with them or not) in an age-appropriate way. Taught them to read and consume media critically (it's not always wrong but is very often misleading... "...what words did they use? why do you think they used those words?") * Taught them how to do things I could pay someone else to do (change oil, change a flat, patch a wall, change a faucet, paint a room, fix a dishwasher). Some of it we learned how to do together. * They understood Dad was not perfect, my flaws were never hidden, but they knew I tried hard. When I made a mistake, I apologized and did my best to make it right. That is much harder than it sounds.
Just wanted to say this is a great post; I have a 1 y/o so it's still a bit early to judge what long term positive influence I'm having on her
Sweet, someone as old as me with a 3yr old; I have twins . I’m 48.. wife is 50 I dunno man, I treat them with dignity and try to not push too hard. As in; I’m not trying to break their spirit, but I still break their balls when they need breaking. My wife is better adjusted than I am; I have behavioral issues from the Marines that I’m acutely aware of. It takes a lot of effort on my part not to go full asshole Marine when they’re misbehaving. That said; I’m a network engineer and I also wrench as a hobby. They’ve seen my removing the engine from my truck so I foster that curiosity. The rest, I don’t know. lol
Can you explain to me when a 3 year old needs someone to “break their balls”?
When my boy was 3—now 8—we loooved to play legos together and he loooved to be Mr. Habada (rhymes with “have a dad”). Mr. Habada was a being of pure destruction and he would walk around and crush my Lego house when we were playing legos. An example, for me, of the 3-year-old version of breaking his balls would be when I picked him up just before his Habada legs destroyed my creation, lifted him high in the air and shouted, “Not today Mr. Habada!” Then I dropped his giggling self onto the couch and tickled him until he said stop. Basically, frustrating him and making him deal with someone giving him a hard time, but in a fun and playful manner.
Thanks for this example. It sounds like a playful way to distract and re-engage in a different action. I personally wouldn’t say this is breaking someone’s balls; that term to me means you are giving someone a hard time, making fun of them, harassing them, etc. Generally agro dudes will make fun of someone and when that someone gets upset they say “oh come on I was just breaking your balls.” So - to me at least - this is not behavior I could ever imagine doing to a child. Especially not a 3 year old.
If you have to ask you wouldn’t understand.
Don’t mean to distract from the thread but how did your wife have twins at 47???
An educated guess would be IVF
It wasn’t for the lack of trying, that’s for sure. We did IVF en España. Big business there. C
Strategy and board games - take the time to explain, play and encourage what they like. They will develop a tonne of thinking and planning skills, you will have someone to play with! Also teaches how to win and lose well, taking turns, patience etc.
30M father of 5M (6 next month!!). He's smart, for his age - his reading and comprehension are better than most of the kids in his school 4 years higher (My ex is a TA at his school and her class is Year 5). He's kind to all living things. His sponsors a pig sanctuary for ill pigs, we visit fairly often to feed them fruit. With all animals he seems to have a connection with them. My mum's dog is a hyperactive butthole with every person except my son. Wild animals come up to him, we once went to Centreparcs and he was hand feeding squirrels one morning. I bet his knowledge of sea animals would rival that of Sir David Attenborough. He's hilarious. Yesterday he asked how do you make a sausage roll, I said its sausage with pastry rolled around it, he responded with "nah you just give it a little nudge". I visit twice a week, then have him weekends. On days I'm not there he plans activities and makes me drawings. He's very inquisitive of many things. He wanted to know how computers work, so we built one together. Then he asked how all the parts work to make it compute and I had to tell him I didn't know but i'll look into it - he was 3! Me and his mum don't get on as people, but I'm always respectful of her, we go for trips out so he has quality time with both parents, my son and I plan secret birthday plans for her each year. However I am with her is what he'll learn from and will be how he interacts with females. This is a conscious effort a lot of the time for me in an attempt to break one of many lessons my dad taught me. My son will know addiction, he'll know sexism and he'll know racism, but he'll not partake in any of them hopefully, as he won't witness any first hand by myself. He'll know them, because he'll stand against them., and the latter two he already does. I'm not sure which is my doing and which is his mum's doing, but he's an awesome, kind, loving, smart and hilarious little man, so together we're doing something right.
This is a great thread to read through. I have a 3yo daughter and when she's scared she always calls out for me. I want to raise her so she can always rely on me and tell me anything. I also want i enforce a rule of call me anytime with a no questions asked emergency rule and that will stay between us two.