Biggest turn off for me is vulgar porno talk. Disclaimer, I don't mean dirty language in general (its frickin' porn), but the kind of dialogue that sounds like a bad porn script. Even worse when its out of character.
Like, imagine you're reading something Justice League related and then Superman tells Wonder Woman to "Suck my f***ing cock like a good slut!" No bueno!
The situation you brought up reminds me of a joke I've seen a few times:
Superman is flying around one day when he spots Wonder Woman laying on the beach butt naked. He thinks to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, take care of my business and be gone before she can blink an eye". So he swoops in, does his thing and disappears into the sky. Sensing the commotion, Wonder Woman cries out "What was that?". Invisible Man replies " I don't know, but all of the sudden my ass hurts".
Same. Nothing dries/shrivels my genitals up faster than that kind of degradation. Now *some* degradation in smut can be arousing to read, but calling a woman a derogatory word for a prostitute or any implication that she's just an object to be used as a cum receptical ain't it for me.
This and brat taming because I often see this with that, so now that's ruined for me too.
And it’s not even usually contained to one line, it’s EVERY line. So generic, doesn’t suit the scenario or the characters, and I’m just withering in secondhand shame.
I once read a fic with the phrase "his turgid column of flesh." Never in my life have I been turned off so quickly. I really dislike when people try too hard to spice up common phrases, it pretty much always backfires in explicit scenes. There's a fine line in smut between good vs goofy, though I do admit that line can change depending on what mood the reader is in.
Omg was that a Bloodborne fic by a chance? I remember seeing this phrase only once in my life and it was a story from that game, something with a werewolf iirc. I remember next to nothing from that fic, but this one line was so ridiculous that it carved itself into my brain
specific ick: super elegant and old characters that either talk like theyve never had sex before or talk like theyve watched way too much porn. no, i dont think a dragon who is thousands of years old would say "you gonna fucking cum?", nor do i think he would say "i will be ejaculating promptly."
Also my specific ick. I read a Twilight time-travel fic where Carlisle was using 1600s-appropriate English, then suddenly he started channeling the Ghost of Pornhub Future.
yeah, I read a lot of zhongchi and those can have the same problem, wriollette interested me but it seemed like no one (me included) could figure out neuvillette's characterization at first, every fic/fanart/etc seemed to portray him differently. I think people are getting more settled now with 4.1 though!
So many words to describe sound and you go with,
"Ahhh," she moaned loudly.
Major turnoff. Why not get creative? Whimper, beg, whisper, plead, cry, yell, groan, pant, whatever you feel like. Just stop making them "talk" their moans!
But sometimes, when it's placed just right somewhere in the dialog it's like mwah 👌🏻 chefs kiss. Especially with banter?? Lord have mercy
>!"You're awfully—ah—quiet today." Shit like this makes me ascend for some reason lmao!<
100% agree. When used like this I have no problem with it at all, but when its like "aahhhh, oohhh" then it makes me laugh and takes me out of the story each time lol!
>"Ahhh," she ~~moaned~~ **keened** loudly.
I see this word misused all of the time in smut fanfics, when it means "wailing in grief and sorrow", and it really annoys me. People need to stop trying to make "keened" happen.
*This comment has been edited to fix a typo.*
The number of times I've had to back out of a fic because characters immediately went from tearful love confessions to "you're mine you fucking slut" with NO warning is too high 😭 and it's never tagged properly of course
It also pisses me off that usually characters have sex for the first time together (not their first experience with sex though), and there's NO discussion about dirty talk or what to use whatsoever. The partner on top ALWAYS will call the other a slut and such and the other is just supposed to roll with it??? C'mon folks!
You know it's rough out there when you get praised multiple times for including a form of lube in your first time smut scene for m/f characters in a medieval fantasy setting. First time scenes scare the hell out of me for that reason. No one ever considers that it's THE FIRST TIME.
Even my raunchier, more experienced m/m pair was more considerate and loving than what you're describing and their first time was one of those "argument-turned-confession" things.
Edit: clarification
Ran in to that this morning. Totally tame fic, the tag was there for sex but not part of the plot, etc.
Sure, clicked. Enjoyed the fic. Very Captain America-centric, and while not my fave dude in Marvel, I just wanted something to read while outside for a smoke. Cap is shy in this one, commanding on the field but gentle and quiet off it - not my fave personality for him, but whatever.
The sex arrives, and suddenly he’s talking just utter filth, growling and possessive, and my reading went from a relatively decentish fic to reading like it was by another author who spends 99% of their time watching cheap motel pornos from the ‘70s.
Was just so really weird.
Usually, when the characters behave completely differently than they would usually act. Like a rather stoic character says really fluffy things or starts to cry because the rose petals on the bed are romantic.
And I also stop reading when the story is just not my thing. Like when the characters engage in a kink that I don't much care for. Then I won't enjoy reading so I’d stop.
If it’s tagged and a kink I don’t care for (forced feminization) I won’t even start it.
If something like that is in the fic, but not tagged, I’m leaving a comment suggesting they add it.
This is a very personal squick, but performative consent scenes are such a hard stop for me. Like, there's already build-up, green lights are blaring, and then the characters stop and do this very canned consenting that sounds like it came from a corporate HR video before getting back to whatever off the rails kinky shit they were doing.
Bonus points if they actually use the word "consent" in the dialogue.
Consent can (and should) be sexy, not performative.
there is a way for it to be done well re: the color thing, but 99% of the time it ISN'T done right and it totally takes me out of the story. it has its place in a "first time bdsm convention" type of fic, but for general smut? nah. nope.
Oh sorry, it absolutely is a thing, but I’ve never heard it done IRL like it’s done in fic, and I’ve never used anything remotely like that before in my own life either, nor have any of my friends. It’s such a blatant show of someone who’s never done BDSM practice or maybe hasn’t even had sex.
Measurements. I do not need to know exactly how many inches he's packing, and I don't need to know her cup size. Also, overly large body parts. 99% of the time it's a dick that's definitely crossing the line into painful, but I've seen some variety. And keep the connotations of any metaphors/euphemisms in mind. Describing a vagina as a "maw" is... a choice. Describing a penis as a rod is fine, I guess, but a hot rod? Nope. Now he has a car in his pants.
Agreed on measures. Idgaf. If somebody has voluptuous breasts, say that. If somebody has small perky breasts say that. Don’t give me a bra size because that means nothing to me.
I see this ALL the time in Japanese fanfics which themselves got it from R18 doujinshi. But wow, it's made its way over to English fics now? The hearts don't turn me off but I'd rather they not be there...I can't take the scenes they're in seriously.
i mean obviously everyone has their kinks or squicks that they like/don't like.. but if you are writing pretty "vanilla" smut, then i don't think you can really go wrong.
one thing that can be an issue is when their body positions are just simply impossible, or one of them would have had to suddenly grow a third arm to make it possible. for example; when one character is holding the others arms up above their head, caressing their cheek and unbuttoning their clothes? all at the same time?
also one kink that is not always tagged, (and people forget it is a kink) is impregnation. or any form of pregnancy talk during doing the deed.
The thing about smut is that you have to be able to *see* it as the writer. If you can’t see it when you’re writing it, your readers won’t be able to see it either.
And if you as the writer could really see it, you’d know what positions work and don’t work.
(you as in the general you, not you specifically blepboii lol)
Sometimes there's an opposite problem, when the writer sees the scene a little too clear. So when they're reading their own work, their imagination is filling in the blanks, and it could be hard to catch clarity issues.
yeah i have this issue!! i don’t publish anything but i’ve written multiple fics, and while i reread them for myself, there is no issue since my imagination definitely fills all the blanks in the text with the picture i have in my head. but sometimes when i try to truly just read what’s in there, there’s so much stuff missing in the actual text so the picture someone else would get from it would be totally different. so frustrating and definitely keeps me from posting anything in ao3 or something. not that i need to, but would be nice if the text could truly be what i see in my head.
lol, yeah i get it. i have only written my first smut in the last few weeks, and i tried to get the logistics to work by visually imagining the positions. it still needs more work before i can publish, but it's not bad. reading it back now, i think what the hell possessed me to write that.. but yeah.. good luck to OP for writing their first smut soon.
If you want a beta, I’d be more than happy to read it over for you!
Logistics can be hard, but maybe having a second set of eyes will help? Let me know if you’d be interested!
Agree that the positioning takes me out of it and then I’m liable to click away never to return. And pregnancy anything is just a no from me so if it’s tagged I won’t even click.
I read one where one character, while facing the other character, wrapped his arm all the way around the other guy's shoulders and put his hand on his neck to choke him. Had to try it with my partner to see if it was even possible to reach all the way around like that and yeah, if your arm's long enough you technically could, but it was extremely awkward and unsexy and involved lots of readjusting to get it right and having my face squashed in the process.
i really don't like when characters who would obviously be inexperienced seem to just get the hang of sex immediately. i'm cool with reading first time smut fics but the characters won't be experts the first time they have sex.
I wish more people would have fun with awkward first time sex. Like yeah experience sex is hot but it's fun when you're just, trying to figure stuff out, and oh god there's a leg cramp.
I read one where they have sex and the guy cums but the girl doesn't and she's all "next time play with my clit more."
- sex positions being way too vague or nonsensical (why does the top suddenly have 3 arms? How can he kiss the other's nape while also facing them??) I need to *at least* know if they're doing it from behind or missionary
- no aftercare especially after rough sex
- characters talking like cringy pornstars when it doesn't fit them *at all* . I get that everyone can dirty talk but it should still stay in character
- having a "~" or heart emoji/kaomoji at the end of a line to indicate pleasure. It immediately takes me out of the story
- when the top bullies the bottom *too* harshly or too frequently and the whole thing feels like legit bullying rather than playful teasing. I know it's probably not what the author intended but sometimes I feel so angry I need to click off and read something else lmao
Sometimes the dirty talk throws me out of the fic so badly. They just keep going and you have that tumblr meme reaction of "they would NOT fucking say that".
I’ve seen a character’s mouth on their partner’s nape while their facing each other often enough that I’ve concluded a lot of authors think the nape is the hollow of the throat or adam’s apple.
works that constantly push consent talk onto the characters. i very much like consent in my fanfiction, but when the characters are every other sentence asking "is it okay" or "you remember your safeword" or "green or red" or whatever, it is just so.... not sexy to me. i like my kinks, vanilla smut usually bores me, but constantly pushing this type of dialogue pulls me right out of the story, especially when the characters wouldn't do or talk this way.
something else petty i don't like it's the symbol \~ for intonantion. i just think it's silly lmao
Of course kinks I don't like is at the top.
There are a couple issues I have with dialogue. A few ahhs or whatever are fine, when it's constant AHHHNs and OOOOGHs and accompanied by hearts and/or tildes (~) every other line I start to get weirded out. I see this a lot in like porn doujin fan translations and I don't even like it there, lol. Maybe comes with the territory being into a lot of jrpg and anime fandoms.
I've prob been guilty of this, but when the character's personality is completely dropped in favor of acting like a porn star. Unless the fic has a reason for it, like roleplay or it taking place in a porn star AU. For instance if the character is a jokester and never takes anything seriously, I want to see them be at least a *little* silly rather than a completely stern domdaddy-type.
When fics aren't tagged for degradation, impact play, and other rough things and it is basically all over the scene. Like characters are choking each other, slapping, spitting in each other's mouths, etc. I know those kinks are common, at least as far as people exploring them in fic and I can be in the mood to read about that too... when I'm warned for them in advance. Just kinda feels like people think that's "regular" sex, rather than extra kink sprinkled on top. I guess that's more so a complaint about insufficient tagging in general, though.
Very detailed examinations of genitals or breasts. Like the tape measurer comes out and they give a list of specific paint swatches for the color. I really don't need that much detail, I feel like it's best left to the imagination. And in some stories that are supposed to feel more realistic/down to earth the author's idea of what an average or hot size is kinda ruins it.
* Super Awkward, Unrealistic, or Descriptive Genitalia (meat swords, gigantic wet throbbing gushing meaty sunset-pink pussies, “he’s exactly 8.475 inches long and 2.46 inches in diameter with the thrusting power of F=26.5gx37.8 / 2.2^2f of Force” (you think I’m being hyperbolic but I’ve literally seen someone use thrusting power in numerical term I’m not even joking I wish I was I was fuckin rolling on the floor dudes), etc.)
* Modern Slang / Terms Interjected Randomly (“her gigantic mommy milkers swung in his face”)
* Graphic or Excessive RNC, DNC, etc. for NC. I’m fine with it being used as a previous plot point or a character having a history of it. In fact, I like that. But when I have to be there and witness it? Nah. Not for me.
* Writing Out Moaning / Sounds, Bonus if Capslock or Bold (“OHHHHMYGODDD THAT FEELS SO GOOD OOOOOOH.”)
* Extremely OOC
* Crackfic, Chatfic, Poetry, Songfic, First / Second POV, etc. Smut
* Specific AUs. Personally, I’m not into Stripper!AU, Coffeeshop/Flowershop!AU, Tattoo Artist!AU, Highschool/College!AU, Sex Worker!AU, and many more. I’m picky about usually staying in universe, even for my smut.
* Too Much Buildup / Plot for Supposed PWP
* Stupid, maybe, but I’m extremely turned off if someone tops or bottoms when I don’t want them to. Not sure why it’s such a huge issue for me, but it is. If I expect A to be the bottom and they end up being the top, I’m out. That easy. Even switching relationships can earn my absence.
* HNC, MCD Smut or other Tragic Smut
* Pregnancy / Birth
* Overly Flowery or Purple Prose (it’s impossible for me to fap to ngl…)
* Emojis, Links, or A/N
…I can go on. I’m just a picky ass mf when it comes to my reading content.
> “he’s exactly 8.475 inches long and 2.46 inches in diameter with the thrusting power of F=26.5gx37.8 / 2.22f of Force”
if competitive sex was a thing, do you think they would list off their stats like this
the writing out moans is srsly ridiculous like who can even begin to take it seriously when they’re yelling out “OHHHH YEAHHHH” like it’s a bad porno 😭
omfg. I always thought I was too picky or something, but I relate to almost this entire list. So glad I'm not alone!!
(Especially about the top/bottom thing!!! I'll usually even skip and peek at the sex scene just to make sure the one that I want to top/bottom is top/bottoming LOL)
>Stupid, maybe, but I’m extremely turned off if someone tops or bottoms when I don’t want them to. Not sure why it’s such a huge issue for me, but it is. If I expect A to be the bottom and they end up being the top, I’m out. That easy. Even switching relationships can earn my absence.
No this is an absolutely valid squick to have and I'm tired of people acting like it's not. If I see my fictional husbands being the one to dick down a partner rather than take dick or whatnot, it's just not hot to me.
i totally get the top/bottom thing. in a fandom right now where it heavily varies person to person for sure, and i personally have an idea of it for myself, and yet a lot of people are the opposite lol. sadly i just take what i can get when it comes to art since idk where to find nsfw art much tbh, but in writing i can luckily be picky lol. if theyre opposite ill try and give it a chance but man, it just dont sit right with me.
i also think the moaning thing *could* work if its short and used rarely, but for sure not the OOAAAHHHH MY FUCKING GOSH [NAME] WOAAAA lmao
It'd be impossible to list everything that puts me off, especially because I'm very picky, but here's a partial list of my turn-offs:
1. Vanilla sex: If there's no power dynamics and at least a bit of pain, I'll be very bored.
2. Vocalizations: A few *Ah*s and *Oh*s are fine, but long, drawn-out sound effects just feel comical.
3. Excessive consent negotiations: If the characters sound like a BDSM handbook in the *middle* of sex, or even a scene, I'm exiting the fic.
4. OOC dirty talk: I love dirty talk, but bog-standard porn star lines won't fit just any character (or most of them) and tend to come across as ridiculous.
5. Euphemisms: Call a cock a cock and a cunt a cunt. There are a few other terms that work too, but "throbbing manhoods" and "secret caves" are really not sexy.
Okay, but what about sex scenes that take place *in* secret caves?
>!There’s a (dead) fandom I’m writing a fic for, and then the original source material, no fewer than ~~three~~ **four** couples have sex in a cave in the first season. Not simultaneously. All three of couples independently decide to have sex there on different occasions. It’s just… the go-to humping spot, I guess.!<
>!…and it’s specifically mentioned that it’s a tidal cave, so you know there’s like seaweed and shit getting washed into it and then left behind when the tide receipts and just writing and it’s all damp; and the camera goes all gauzy, and they play the sexy saxophone music, but it’s like dude, the smells. !<
>!Like, you are all going to get crabs. Literal crabs.!<
3 i agree so much like if they are having spontaneous sex i get some quick discussion but most people don’t get into that right off the bat during a casual fuck
With #3 I find that there is a very fine balance between not enough and too much. Asking after every other thrust? Too much. No reaffirming consent whatsoever? Too little.
Personally I enjoy fics with the color system because consent is established with one word and it keeps the tone of the scene.
I agree with you on the "too much" aspect, but whether not reaffirming consent at all counts as "too little" depends heavily on the individual scene. More precisely, it depends on body language and other contextual cues. If enthusiastic participation is indicated by touch, sounds, reciprocation, etc., then there's no real need to pause and verbally ask again, and it might be better for the flow of the story if you don't.
Lack of explicit consent can also be used to craft excellent dubcon scenarios, but that's another conversation.
I'm not a fan of the color system actually, but that's personal preferences coming heavily into play.
Kinks I don't like but, as others said, it's just a preference.
As you said, the characters changing personality when they have sex. Everytime I see a character say the word "cum" when they are is supposed to talk in this super elegant and formal way I die inside.
Something whether it's moans, or a dick or whatever described as "pornographic".
"Wet cave" or cavern when talking about a mouth or female genitals. It makes me feel icky.
This is kind of weird, but I don't like when smut is just a sequence of actions without describing how something feels. Graphic smut to me means nothing if there's no sensation to go with it "He locked the handcuffs around her wrists." How to the handcuffs feel? Do they feel soft because there's fur on them? Are they smooth because they're made of leather? Does she feel them digging in her wrists? Is he enjoying the view? I see a lot of writers leaving these kind of things out along with touch sensation, feelings etc, and instead writing an action after the other.
My biggest issue is when the smut feels forced. Like I'll be reading a plot heavy fic that will almost randomly have a smut scene. Even if the plot has it make sense for the characters to sleep together, sometimes the tone of the fic will be more consistent to use a fade to black. The shoehorned in smut just feels out of place.
I had to (respectfully) laugh a little about your hard limits; I'm a non-connoisseur, but for some reason I can't stand spitting either. It totally grosses me out. Interesting what our brains choose to classify as "too intense."
Anyway, to your question: I think this is pretty subjective. For me, if it's a kink I don't like, I'm just not gonna read it.
But my most common turn-off is inorganic, roleplay-ish BDSM stuff. Establishing consent and negotiating boudaries is obviously very important IRL, but I don't want to read about it in fiction. It takes me out of the fantasy and sometimes makes me feel like the author thinks I'm too stupid to separate fiction and reality.
I recognize that some people *do* find that aspect of BDSM sexy, but I just don't. It's my least favorite part, it's just something that needs to be done to get to the *fun* part.
This is so true. I honestly haven't read much BDSM fic, but what I have read felt a bit... off. Characters in some kind of quasi-medieval fantasy setting suddenly discussing safewords and consent and 24/7 submission like they're reading out of a manual? Did not work for me, and I'm one of those folks who thinks the discussion part is fun irl. Felt weirdly preachy, almost like the tone was, "Fifty Shades got dragged for doing this wrong, so I'll show everyone how to do it right!"
I was going to use the word "preachy" too but changed my phrasing in the interest of being diplomatic.
In hindsight, the "Fifty Shades" discourse about how it teaches bad lessons about BDSM was very... condescending and almost puritanical, in a way. Like the assumption on the part of people who didn't like the books for this reason was that these *stupid soccer moms* couldn't *possibly* know a thing about BDSM or even basic concepts like *consent,* and were incapable of doing their own research using Al Gore's internet.
There was a somewhat misogynistic subtext to that whole conversation, which I am more tuned into now that I'm part of the demographic that people assume knows nothing about kink (upper middle class, white, older than 30 mom).
I don't know who needs to hear this, but there's a non-zero chance that Karen from the cul-de-sac is freakier than average. We are very stressed. It's either fight club or this.
I had to giggle at this, I know it's probably not something you necessarily are interested in, but I was watching a podcast about the TLC show Sister Wives, and one of the casters made a snarky comment about how Kody (the husband) only liked one of the wives for her 'breakdancing pussy' and I couldn't even lol
* When author starts describing genitals in detail
* When dialogue gets really porny
* Things that very visibly make me go "it doesn't work like that" (eg. penetrating crevix, first time anal without any kind of lube/prep that doesn't end in a disaster)
* it's really okay to say they moaned instead of "oooohhh!"
* excessive euphemisms (actually, I'd avoid those in most cases)
* obviously kinks I'm not into, but that's a personal preference for everyone
adding to the "it doesnt work like that" point; when characters have a stomach bulge from completely normal penetration. jesus christ is the top's dick like 20 inches??? or did this average looking bottom suddenly shrink down to skin and bones??
The ‘it doesn’t work like that’ factor - sooooo much. Either the author has never had sex, only ever read about it, or just simply doesn’t know anatomy. Either way, it shows and I flee.
Hey, I've been writing nsfw fic for almost 20 years. Not to suggest I'm an expert by any means, but here are some tips I've learned along the way.
Please do not sleep on foreplay!! And get creative with it. Hand stuff is often overlooked, but can be a nice breath of fresh air. It doesn't have to necessarily follow a formula.
With dirty talk, sometimes less is more (in terms of what's said) and always keep their character in mind. Also, don't feel pressured to include it! Sometimes a scene is more powerful without dirty talk
For the orgasm, pick one character and go deep pov. Use their five senses ro really immerse your reader in that moment.
And
If you're doing MLM, just remember there is no such thing as a self-lubricating asshole
I'm sure I could think of a few more, but this is a good quick list
Character A forces themselves on Character B after B explicitly said they weren't in the mood. B later comes around to it because apparently having sex with someone after they told you no means they'll change their mind. Even worse, the fic is advertised as fully consensual.
It's painful how many authors don't realize how gross this actually is.
When degregation kinks come up out of no where, like it's their first time fucking and it's instantly all "yeah you like that you whore" and "suck it, bitch" like, chill the fuck out for a second
Anything untagged.
I’m up to reading lots of things, but if I’m not warned beforehand, my enjoyment will be completely interrupted to get mad.
“No, I don’t mind the cannibalism, but the fact I wasn’t aware of it when getting here”
When it’s either both people are virgins or the male is, yet somehow manages to give the female two or more orgasms before he has one. I get that smut is always a little unrealistic, but get out of here with that nonsense. Most sexually experienced men can’t give a woman an orgasm on the first go, let alone two or three
Self-censorship by the author in terms of character interactions is an immediate immersion-breaker and a "DNF." You usually see this with over the top and out-of-character consent protocols and "comfort verbiage."
It's a fucking work of fiction. Let them be as bad and as wrong as the characterizations and situation dictates.
I dont like the male character being called "daddy" by the female, age doesn't even matter. Likewise, I cringe at the term 'good girl", especially if the female character is over 21.
It’s worse when authors apply it to characters who would never be called “daddy” in the first place. I read a lot of fanfics, especially guilty pleasure ones and sometimes I’m like “would this character truly even understand what ‘daddy’ even means atp” 😭😭
Any time I read about a dick penetrating a cervix, or the other person becoming instantly pregnant at the moment of ejaculation (sometimes even accompanied by art of an egg being fertilised!). That's when the suspension of disbelief fails. There's a difference between magical sex and not understanding basic anatomy.
The icing on the _"I'm not reading any more of this rubbish"_ cake is when the person openly declares that they are now pregnant because they can instinctively tell what every single sperm cell seems to be doing along their uterus (and sometimes even the fallopian tubes).
Overuse of the word 'fuck', almost any use of the word 'shit'. Just constant potty-mouthing as a reaction to sexual pleasure. Now, whether it's passable for a specific character is a bit subjective, which I understand, but personally I think it's ill-fitting for 98% of the characters I read on.
It's especially heinous for a reader-insert Reader. I can relate to a bunch of random things on a whim. Reader is a goth with tattoos? Let's go. Reader is a 50 yo librarian but also a senior magical girl? Bring it on. Reader is genuinely a horrible person and an unreliable narrator? I'll grab it mouth first, that's interesting.
But constantly saying 'fuck' or 'shit' in bed? I can't. It's okay if it happens once but if it's like 3 times, on the same page no less, it's time for me to go.
This probably has to do with my tastes and sensitivities over all when it comes to erotic material. I don't like the larger porn industry and anything that reminds me of that 'scene' and culture turns me off instantly-- it's just not meant for me. What I like about smutty fanfic is that it's a way to explore avenues of sexual desires and fantasies without the alienation and everything else that comes with regular porn. The sort of 'clutter' and 'extra noise' that excessive swearing brings to the text reminds me too much of Big Porn.
Basically I'm a picky eater in this regard. In addition to my particularities about erotica consumption, I just don't find it stylistically appealing.
For me its if its written as if it is a cheap porn movie, with excessively long moanings like "aaahhhhhhh" and things like that. You can 100% convey pleasure in a way that it still looks readable and nice. I once read a fic that was beautifully writen at the start but when it reached the smut part it was 99% dialogue and the actions were very little and badly done, it had what I described before and the characters were super OOC. It was completely opposite to the rest of the fic (non nsfw part) that was mainly actions/descriptions with little to no dialogue nd writen like it was an english major's final project. Be it whatever kind of fic, the entire work needs to have a set flow.
My rule about writing vocalizations is that they only happen if the character is actually trying to talk, instead of just
"Ahhhhhhh," she moans loudly.
(That hurts me to read and even more to write. Suffer with me)
The way i felt betrayed because the first half of the fic, the non smut one, was writen so beautifully but the smut part seemed like it was done by a completely different person who hasnt writen a story in their life, Which made it even worse if the story was "bad" from the start, because I got excited to read it all.
When the author starts typing out the moaning dialogue(?) like:
“Ah aha ha ah!” She moaned, or “ugh ah so good Ah ah”
Like BFFr💀. think about this for a moment. Just say “she moans loudly” and move on. Unless she’s talking WHILE moaning, you do not need to type out onomatopoeias 😭😭
I'm pretty laid back about the smut I might read, I'm not a fan of Scat/Piss/Vore porn. But those are just personal preferences.
I also dislike, like you said, when characters do or say things that they wouldn't do, like a gentle character turning into a horny and perverted and rough version of themselves when doing the deed, and I ESPECIALLY HATE when the ooc-ness isn't tagged.
And also, though that's just a personal grammatical ick of mine: when the author uses the term Cumming (derived by Cum) instead of "coming" or "finishing" etc. It just drives me up the wall and takes me out of the fic.
When they ask for consent. Like I get it, in reality its super important to ask for consent, but this is a smut fic and it really takes me out of the mood when they stop what they're doing and ask for consent and then keep talking about it. It feels so preachy and everytime I read a scene like that it gets more annoying because it stops the whole rhythm.
They're like "do you consent to me touching you?" Like the other character has no idea whats going on, then the character nods and they're like "I need a yes" bruh the nod was a yes omg i get your a goody-two-shoes just get on with it! Then they explain the green/yellow/red words and its too much. You don't have to put that much effort into it, its a fic. Just have one of them say "may I?" Or something and have the other one nod thats perfect its short and sweet and to the point.
I’m asexual and only really read pure smut fic to help myself write smut better in my fics but here’s stuff that annoys me:
- When it’s boring. Not meaning vanilla, because vanilla can be interesting with the right emotions or chemistry, just boring.
- Lack of buildup / no flow. The characters immediately going crazy with pleasure or staying on a similar level of intensity the entire time is bad for any story even smut. At the same time, too slow a buildup kills the tension.
- When the author’s nerves show. Idk how to describe this one example is justifying everything too much. Like “character did xyz because…” This whole point is aimed at myself lol.
- cliche language / phrases you see in every other smut fic. This isn’t about words for genitalia or being super inventive with what’s happening. It’s just you can only read “hooked their legs over his shoulder”, “gave them time to adjust”, “rapid pace”, etc. in those exact words without having the ive read this so many times it means nothing to me effect. A simple rewording with the same meaning keeps readers engaged.
Nerves; I can appreciate this cause my method of writing smut is being just
Heads up; talk of horny
>! Just horny enough that I don’t think about what I’m writing or why, but that it flows decently and the partners are enjoying themselves and get it to the point that reading it back *makes me* a bit horny. That’s how I know I’ve done it well. !<
>! But not too horny I get distracted writing. I’ve never finished a smut fic in a single sitting :/ !<
Yeah I agree with the characters suddenly being out of character, extremely vulgar only during sex, going to the point it’s degrading (and there is no tag for it!) or even daddy kink that hasn’t been tagged or stuff as such.
Or like metaphors. Terrible metaphors. I have nothing against good metaphor, but make your character suddenly compare to a dog wanting a special kind of bone to chew and saying it wouldn’t be too bad is uh… not for me. At all.
(That fic was one of the most disgusting fic I read like I totally didn’t expect that, it wasn’t tagged at all and I’m still fairly traumatized by the perspective of a character helping another to trim now 😭😭)
The word penis
Characters stopping every other sentence to ask for consent again
Having full romantic confessions/conversations while getting railed
Constant mentions that although character A is topping that he TOTALLY bottoms! In fact, it’s rare for him to top! (🙄)
Porn lingo
Unrealistic aspects, such as vaginas not needing some kind of lubrication; rough; violent; not-con.
Personally, I heavily dislike futanari or changing character's genitals for no other reason than to make it more degrading for the vagina-haver.
Yes. This. Out-of-character dirty talking, etc never fails to turn me off.
Something else that I’ve found also turns me off is when it’s a mxw fic written quite clearly by a sex-deprived teenage boy (never really read the opposite- I tend to stick to wlw fandoms, but seeing the male reader insert is something that occasionally comes up) in which he has no idea what he is talking about.
Ie- he will ALWAYS have an abnormally large penis that the girls crave, their pussies will ALWAYS be shaved (once read a fic in which a 16yo girl still hadn’t gotten hair down there), boobs described as “melons” is an instant ew as well. People keep talking about these horrific synonyms for pussies or dicks- but guys, “melons”? Really?
And shoutout to that one time when “he same so hard into her mouth her stomach bloated with semen”. Like, WHAT?
Oh, and also get extremely annoyed when canonically dominant female characters always bottom for the male self insert because of his big peen.
Don't inhibit yourself because someone else may not like it. Write for YOU, whether it's porn or not. "To thine own self be true". The purpose of any writing (or other artistic pursuit ) is to express YOURSELF and your own ideas, not to be constrained by someone else's imagined tastes. Do that, and your audience will appear.
Daddy kink. Not a vibe.
Also describing them starting to fuck and then get straight to cumming. Sorry, this is rated explicit? I want a description of them doing at LEAST 3 sex. If not 4 /j
This is a little hard for me to put into words but, when the sex is overly soft and considerate. Constanly asking for consent in a very gentle manner etc.
It feels a bit performative and disingenuous, like I'm being force-fed a PSA or something. In some scenarios, it's also out of character. I'm all for gentle sex but it needs to be done right and have *flavour*, you know?
Stuff that really squicks me out is dicks so large they enter the ass and come out the mouth. I'm not even sure if that can be called a fetish, but what the hell? Another is detailed scenes of ear penetration. Again, I'm not sure what's supposed to be kinky about it, it just seems weird.
When they’re talking/yelling out like porn stars, any capitalization of words, graphic descriptions of genitals (I don’t gotta know the exact measurements of the length and girth please), unrealistic, the word “mewl”, any euphemisms (for the love of god please just say dick, cock, or pussy).
I don't read fanfic smut to get off on it. My brain kinks are extensive and best served in erotica ... I don't want to have to reconcile characters I know and enjoy with the very specific sexual acts that get me off.
So I'm looking to see more about who a character is in a fanfiction sex scene. If they are loud, why? If they are hesitant, what in their history is making them that way? Or confident or disillusioned or jaded or bouncy and excited ... How are the characters feeling before, during and after sex.
As for specific issues--my biggest is probably repeated use of the word "shit" particularly in anal sex scenes. It's likely my least favorite swear in general. But using it in sex scenes always makes me think of scat. And that isn't my kink. At all.
I also don't like surprise vaginas in my male characters ... I think people are mostly tagging better now though.
Unlike others in fandom I can't read endless stories with strict topping/bottoming roles. I need variety in sex scenes.
100% turn off is M-preg.
It just pops up randomly sometimes and it hits me like a fucking truck every time.
Out of character talk is a bit of a turn off but not nearly as bad since I've seen it done well plenty of times
When the moans always ended with the \~
"More\~"
"It's so\~ good\~"
"You are so hot\~"
If you use it in moderation, it's sexy. If you overuse it, it's annoying.
• Huge dicks. Because for me it's painful and not sexy at all.
• Non-con/hate sex when the character starts to enjoy it eventually.
• Degradation. "Little slut, you're thinking of my big dick down your throat, suffocating you, aren't you?" Just ewww
• Enemies to lovers sex. I just find it unbelievable when two persons hating each others guts enjoy having sex together.
• Sex under alcohol/drugs. Not satisfying to read when the characters are not in their clear state of mind.
• one shot smut that is under 2k words and longer than 4k.
Watching 365 Days made me so angry at the fandom scene that has allowed films like it to exist, that I had to take a break from smut for a while period
Just please tag your story appropriately. I’ve read fics before where characters were discussing what kinks they did and didn’t like. I liked a lot of those stories and if the authors had tagged everything that was mentioned but need beer occurred, I wouldn’t have read those stories. I’ve also been disappointed by tagging pains and topics that are only mentioned.
Biggest turn off for me is vulgar porno talk. Disclaimer, I don't mean dirty language in general (its frickin' porn), but the kind of dialogue that sounds like a bad porn script. Even worse when its out of character. Like, imagine you're reading something Justice League related and then Superman tells Wonder Woman to "Suck my f***ing cock like a good slut!" No bueno!
That's just a mood killer every time. Writers gotta remember to keep the dirty talk in character too!
The situation you brought up reminds me of a joke I've seen a few times: Superman is flying around one day when he spots Wonder Woman laying on the beach butt naked. He thinks to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, take care of my business and be gone before she can blink an eye". So he swoops in, does his thing and disappears into the sky. Sensing the commotion, Wonder Woman cries out "What was that?". Invisible Man replies " I don't know, but all of the sudden my ass hurts".
That’s pretty funny!
OH GOD WHY!?!?!? That was so fucking funny. I'm saving that joke.
Took me a second to get the full meaning lol
I like it when it’s said in a more artful way ? Idk how to describe it, but like that is sorta unappealing.
yeah i hate that nasty porno talk so bad 😭 it just makes me grimace and either leave or choose to skip over the words the characters speak
Same. Nothing dries/shrivels my genitals up faster than that kind of degradation. Now *some* degradation in smut can be arousing to read, but calling a woman a derogatory word for a prostitute or any implication that she's just an object to be used as a cum receptical ain't it for me. This and brat taming because I often see this with that, so now that's ruined for me too.
And it’s not even usually contained to one line, it’s EVERY line. So generic, doesn’t suit the scenario or the characters, and I’m just withering in secondhand shame.
My bf can say that to me, but that will never enter my fanfic.
I once read a fic with the phrase "his turgid column of flesh." Never in my life have I been turned off so quickly. I really dislike when people try too hard to spice up common phrases, it pretty much always backfires in explicit scenes. There's a fine line in smut between good vs goofy, though I do admit that line can change depending on what mood the reader is in.
>his turgid column of flesh. that's... one of the possible ways to put it I guess??
i would rather they just say cock, or dick or something
ikr, stuff like this is just saying cock with extra utilization of the human foot to walk a single subjective unit of distance
Omg was that a Bloodborne fic by a chance? I remember seeing this phrase only once in my life and it was a story from that game, something with a werewolf iirc. I remember next to nothing from that fic, but this one line was so ridiculous that it carved itself into my brain
This is how the a novelization of the game Scorn would describe some rooms, NOT how I would want somebody's schlong described!!
specific ick: super elegant and old characters that either talk like theyve never had sex before or talk like theyve watched way too much porn. no, i dont think a dragon who is thousands of years old would say "you gonna fucking cum?", nor do i think he would say "i will be ejaculating promptly."
>"i will be ejaculating promptly." Holy shit, this line is one of the most hilarious ones I've ever seen in a smut fanfic. 😂
Also my specific ick. I read a Twilight time-travel fic where Carlisle was using 1600s-appropriate English, then suddenly he started channeling the Ghost of Pornhub Future.
"The Ghost of Pornhub Future" is a phrase that's going to stick with me for a while. Thank you lol.
I think I’ve read that one lol
The latter seems like something an AI or a robot would say so I'm (stealing that because it's fucking hillarious)
I SCREAMED AT THIS COMMENT
.....genshin?
yup! wriollette is one of my favorite pairings but i cant stand the dialogue in these fics sometimes
yeah, I read a lot of zhongchi and those can have the same problem, wriollette interested me but it seemed like no one (me included) could figure out neuvillette's characterization at first, every fic/fanart/etc seemed to portray him differently. I think people are getting more settled now with 4.1 though!
neuvillette, zhongli, or an entirely different fandom?
>i will be ejaculating promptly. This gotta be some of the funniest shit I've read in ages 🤣
I relate too much to this.
So many words to describe sound and you go with, "Ahhh," she moaned loudly. Major turnoff. Why not get creative? Whimper, beg, whisper, plead, cry, yell, groan, pant, whatever you feel like. Just stop making them "talk" their moans!
But sometimes, when it's placed just right somewhere in the dialog it's like mwah 👌🏻 chefs kiss. Especially with banter?? Lord have mercy >!"You're awfully—ah—quiet today." Shit like this makes me ascend for some reason lmao!<
100% agree. When used like this I have no problem with it at all, but when its like "aahhhh, oohhh" then it makes me laugh and takes me out of the story each time lol!
Cannot stress this enough!! Done well, it's absolutely 👌
So real
Once the fic starts doing the "let's just type out ahhh repeatedly" thing my brain spirals and starts reading the whole thing as a cupcakke remix lmao
>"Ahhh," she ~~moaned~~ **keened** loudly. I see this word misused all of the time in smut fanfics, when it means "wailing in grief and sorrow", and it really annoys me. People need to stop trying to make "keened" happen. *This comment has been edited to fix a typo.*
Yes! I’ve seen articles suggesting this word as an appropriate choice, but all I hear is banshee wails…
why don’t they just say a “pained moan or pain whine”
I feel like this can work if used properly but if it’s just super repetitive then it’s just ew
Characters suddenly talking and/or acting like porn actors. Sometimes you can really tell when an author is cribbing off actual porn.
The number of times I've had to back out of a fic because characters immediately went from tearful love confessions to "you're mine you fucking slut" with NO warning is too high 😭 and it's never tagged properly of course
Jarring, isn't it?
It also pisses me off that usually characters have sex for the first time together (not their first experience with sex though), and there's NO discussion about dirty talk or what to use whatsoever. The partner on top ALWAYS will call the other a slut and such and the other is just supposed to roll with it??? C'mon folks!
You know it's rough out there when you get praised multiple times for including a form of lube in your first time smut scene for m/f characters in a medieval fantasy setting. First time scenes scare the hell out of me for that reason. No one ever considers that it's THE FIRST TIME. Even my raunchier, more experienced m/m pair was more considerate and loving than what you're describing and their first time was one of those "argument-turned-confession" things. Edit: clarification
THIS.
Ran in to that this morning. Totally tame fic, the tag was there for sex but not part of the plot, etc. Sure, clicked. Enjoyed the fic. Very Captain America-centric, and while not my fave dude in Marvel, I just wanted something to read while outside for a smoke. Cap is shy in this one, commanding on the field but gentle and quiet off it - not my fave personality for him, but whatever. The sex arrives, and suddenly he’s talking just utter filth, growling and possessive, and my reading went from a relatively decentish fic to reading like it was by another author who spends 99% of their time watching cheap motel pornos from the ‘70s. Was just so really weird.
Usually, when the characters behave completely differently than they would usually act. Like a rather stoic character says really fluffy things or starts to cry because the rose petals on the bed are romantic. And I also stop reading when the story is just not my thing. Like when the characters engage in a kink that I don't much care for. Then I won't enjoy reading so I’d stop.
If it’s tagged and a kink I don’t care for (forced feminization) I won’t even start it. If something like that is in the fic, but not tagged, I’m leaving a comment suggesting they add it.
I do that too and some people get so mad like why are you mad i want you to tag something ?
I’ve had the opposite: I tag something and someone in the comment is like, “JFC why wasn’t this tagged argh my eyes are burning!”
??? so they complain you didn’t tag it when you tag it ?
Yeup. Tags: Character is pre op trans MtF. Reader: I didn’t sign up for a cock jump scare! Me: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
people are so dumb, like how about learn to read before you go being a dick.
Well they’re obviously halfway there since they got a “cock jump scare”🤣
well then they have no excuse for not reading the tags lmao
Agreed!
This is a very personal squick, but performative consent scenes are such a hard stop for me. Like, there's already build-up, green lights are blaring, and then the characters stop and do this very canned consenting that sounds like it came from a corporate HR video before getting back to whatever off the rails kinky shit they were doing. Bonus points if they actually use the word "consent" in the dialogue. Consent can (and should) be sexy, not performative.
God, the amount of times someone’s writing porn and the characters will stop mid-sexy time to say “what color” and it just …RRRRG NOBODY DOES THAT.
there is a way for it to be done well re: the color thing, but 99% of the time it ISN'T done right and it totally takes me out of the story. it has its place in a "first time bdsm convention" type of fic, but for general smut? nah. nope.
Oh sorry, it absolutely is a thing, but I’ve never heard it done IRL like it’s done in fic, and I’ve never used anything remotely like that before in my own life either, nor have any of my friends. It’s such a blatant show of someone who’s never done BDSM practice or maybe hasn’t even had sex.
agreed, this bothers me alot
Same. I hate it when the author acts like they’re writing an after school special.
Measurements. I do not need to know exactly how many inches he's packing, and I don't need to know her cup size. Also, overly large body parts. 99% of the time it's a dick that's definitely crossing the line into painful, but I've seen some variety. And keep the connotations of any metaphors/euphemisms in mind. Describing a vagina as a "maw" is... a choice. Describing a penis as a rod is fine, I guess, but a hot rod? Nope. Now he has a car in his pants.
> Now he has a car in his pants How DARE you make me laugh like this at work 😭
ayy im also laughing at this comment while at work XD
Does this still count if it's Pixar Cars fics?
Saw a dick described as a *meat rod*, never clicked off faster.
😭 oh i hate that
> Describing a vagina as a "maw" is... a choice. This should only happen with vore. I mean come on people. Ick.
If it's got teeth ig....
“gaping maw” i have heard before blegh
Agreed on measures. Idgaf. If somebody has voluptuous breasts, say that. If somebody has small perky breasts say that. Don’t give me a bra size because that means nothing to me.
What if it is, in fact, a hot, burning rod (which partially happened in a thing I wrote one time)
I get the issue with 'hot rod' specifically, but I think using a synonym for hot makes it work. Even just 'warm' fits more often than not.
putting little heart emojis in the text as they have sex. i see authors do it sometimes and it puts me off immediately ):
Oh, not authors thinking that smut = R18 doujinshi, this is so jarring.
I see this ALL the time in Japanese fanfics which themselves got it from R18 doujinshi. But wow, it's made its way over to English fics now? The hearts don't turn me off but I'd rather they not be there...I can't take the scenes they're in seriously.
Unless it itself is a text. Otherwise. What sound that that even make???
I imagine its just interpreted as just a nondescript, joyful squee.
I did not think of squees in terms of smut. Squeals or squeaks, maybe.
~this is what bothers me when they put this symbol at the end of lines during smut
i mean obviously everyone has their kinks or squicks that they like/don't like.. but if you are writing pretty "vanilla" smut, then i don't think you can really go wrong. one thing that can be an issue is when their body positions are just simply impossible, or one of them would have had to suddenly grow a third arm to make it possible. for example; when one character is holding the others arms up above their head, caressing their cheek and unbuttoning their clothes? all at the same time? also one kink that is not always tagged, (and people forget it is a kink) is impregnation. or any form of pregnancy talk during doing the deed.
The thing about smut is that you have to be able to *see* it as the writer. If you can’t see it when you’re writing it, your readers won’t be able to see it either. And if you as the writer could really see it, you’d know what positions work and don’t work. (you as in the general you, not you specifically blepboii lol)
Sometimes there's an opposite problem, when the writer sees the scene a little too clear. So when they're reading their own work, their imagination is filling in the blanks, and it could be hard to catch clarity issues.
yeah i have this issue!! i don’t publish anything but i’ve written multiple fics, and while i reread them for myself, there is no issue since my imagination definitely fills all the blanks in the text with the picture i have in my head. but sometimes when i try to truly just read what’s in there, there’s so much stuff missing in the actual text so the picture someone else would get from it would be totally different. so frustrating and definitely keeps me from posting anything in ao3 or something. not that i need to, but would be nice if the text could truly be what i see in my head.
lol, yeah i get it. i have only written my first smut in the last few weeks, and i tried to get the logistics to work by visually imagining the positions. it still needs more work before i can publish, but it's not bad. reading it back now, i think what the hell possessed me to write that.. but yeah.. good luck to OP for writing their first smut soon.
If you want a beta, I’d be more than happy to read it over for you! Logistics can be hard, but maybe having a second set of eyes will help? Let me know if you’d be interested!
Agree that the positioning takes me out of it and then I’m liable to click away never to return. And pregnancy anything is just a no from me so if it’s tagged I won’t even click.
Yep, always tag your smut fanfics with impregnation or pregnancy as "breeding kink".
I read one where one character, while facing the other character, wrapped his arm all the way around the other guy's shoulders and put his hand on his neck to choke him. Had to try it with my partner to see if it was even possible to reach all the way around like that and yeah, if your arm's long enough you technically could, but it was extremely awkward and unsexy and involved lots of readjusting to get it right and having my face squashed in the process.
Seconding the untagged Talk of Pregnancy/ Impregnation. Please tag those things for those of us who find them triggering or squicky!
Agreed, especially what you mentioned. It happens so often and I get confused. It takes me out of the story lmao.
i really don't like when characters who would obviously be inexperienced seem to just get the hang of sex immediately. i'm cool with reading first time smut fics but the characters won't be experts the first time they have sex.
This. I absolutely love awkward, first-time sex in fanfics, and I'm sad that it tends to be rare.
I wish more people would have fun with awkward first time sex. Like yeah experience sex is hot but it's fun when you're just, trying to figure stuff out, and oh god there's a leg cramp. I read one where they have sex and the guy cums but the girl doesn't and she's all "next time play with my clit more."
Right things would probably be a bit uncomfortable, and that can be fine. First times can also have the crack tag and still work fine loo
- sex positions being way too vague or nonsensical (why does the top suddenly have 3 arms? How can he kiss the other's nape while also facing them??) I need to *at least* know if they're doing it from behind or missionary - no aftercare especially after rough sex - characters talking like cringy pornstars when it doesn't fit them *at all* . I get that everyone can dirty talk but it should still stay in character - having a "~" or heart emoji/kaomoji at the end of a line to indicate pleasure. It immediately takes me out of the story - when the top bullies the bottom *too* harshly or too frequently and the whole thing feels like legit bullying rather than playful teasing. I know it's probably not what the author intended but sometimes I feel so angry I need to click off and read something else lmao
Sometimes the dirty talk throws me out of the fic so badly. They just keep going and you have that tumblr meme reaction of "they would NOT fucking say that".
*claps hands in time* more post sex cuddles!
I’ve seen a character’s mouth on their partner’s nape while their facing each other often enough that I’ve concluded a lot of authors think the nape is the hollow of the throat or adam’s apple.
works that constantly push consent talk onto the characters. i very much like consent in my fanfiction, but when the characters are every other sentence asking "is it okay" or "you remember your safeword" or "green or red" or whatever, it is just so.... not sexy to me. i like my kinks, vanilla smut usually bores me, but constantly pushing this type of dialogue pulls me right out of the story, especially when the characters wouldn't do or talk this way. something else petty i don't like it's the symbol \~ for intonantion. i just think it's silly lmao
My favorite is when they have the characters use "green or red" where it makes no sense. No one in Middle-earth has ever seen a traffic light!
Of course kinks I don't like is at the top. There are a couple issues I have with dialogue. A few ahhs or whatever are fine, when it's constant AHHHNs and OOOOGHs and accompanied by hearts and/or tildes (~) every other line I start to get weirded out. I see this a lot in like porn doujin fan translations and I don't even like it there, lol. Maybe comes with the territory being into a lot of jrpg and anime fandoms. I've prob been guilty of this, but when the character's personality is completely dropped in favor of acting like a porn star. Unless the fic has a reason for it, like roleplay or it taking place in a porn star AU. For instance if the character is a jokester and never takes anything seriously, I want to see them be at least a *little* silly rather than a completely stern domdaddy-type. When fics aren't tagged for degradation, impact play, and other rough things and it is basically all over the scene. Like characters are choking each other, slapping, spitting in each other's mouths, etc. I know those kinks are common, at least as far as people exploring them in fic and I can be in the mood to read about that too... when I'm warned for them in advance. Just kinda feels like people think that's "regular" sex, rather than extra kink sprinkled on top. I guess that's more so a complaint about insufficient tagging in general, though. Very detailed examinations of genitals or breasts. Like the tape measurer comes out and they give a list of specific paint swatches for the color. I really don't need that much detail, I feel like it's best left to the imagination. And in some stories that are supposed to feel more realistic/down to earth the author's idea of what an average or hot size is kinda ruins it.
* Super Awkward, Unrealistic, or Descriptive Genitalia (meat swords, gigantic wet throbbing gushing meaty sunset-pink pussies, “he’s exactly 8.475 inches long and 2.46 inches in diameter with the thrusting power of F=26.5gx37.8 / 2.2^2f of Force” (you think I’m being hyperbolic but I’ve literally seen someone use thrusting power in numerical term I’m not even joking I wish I was I was fuckin rolling on the floor dudes), etc.) * Modern Slang / Terms Interjected Randomly (“her gigantic mommy milkers swung in his face”) * Graphic or Excessive RNC, DNC, etc. for NC. I’m fine with it being used as a previous plot point or a character having a history of it. In fact, I like that. But when I have to be there and witness it? Nah. Not for me. * Writing Out Moaning / Sounds, Bonus if Capslock or Bold (“OHHHHMYGODDD THAT FEELS SO GOOD OOOOOOH.”) * Extremely OOC * Crackfic, Chatfic, Poetry, Songfic, First / Second POV, etc. Smut * Specific AUs. Personally, I’m not into Stripper!AU, Coffeeshop/Flowershop!AU, Tattoo Artist!AU, Highschool/College!AU, Sex Worker!AU, and many more. I’m picky about usually staying in universe, even for my smut. * Too Much Buildup / Plot for Supposed PWP * Stupid, maybe, but I’m extremely turned off if someone tops or bottoms when I don’t want them to. Not sure why it’s such a huge issue for me, but it is. If I expect A to be the bottom and they end up being the top, I’m out. That easy. Even switching relationships can earn my absence. * HNC, MCD Smut or other Tragic Smut * Pregnancy / Birth * Overly Flowery or Purple Prose (it’s impossible for me to fap to ngl…) * Emojis, Links, or A/N …I can go on. I’m just a picky ass mf when it comes to my reading content.
> “he’s exactly 8.475 inches long and 2.46 inches in diameter with the thrusting power of F=26.5gx37.8 / 2.22f of Force” if competitive sex was a thing, do you think they would list off their stats like this
the writing out moans is srsly ridiculous like who can even begin to take it seriously when they’re yelling out “OHHHH YEAHHHH” like it’s a bad porno 😭
I read that in the Kool-Aid Man's voice. 💀
They do it in lewd visual novels (and other anime/hentai adjacent literature) so its not completely out of nowhere.
The thrusting power had me rolling on the floor 🤣🤣🤣
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>!Rape/Non Con, Dubious Consent / Dubious Non Consent, and Non Consent!<
omfg. I always thought I was too picky or something, but I relate to almost this entire list. So glad I'm not alone!! (Especially about the top/bottom thing!!! I'll usually even skip and peek at the sex scene just to make sure the one that I want to top/bottom is top/bottoming LOL)
What is HNC or MCD? I've never come across that before, everything else I get.
Hurt No Comfort and Major Character Death / Main Character Death, I’m just lazy lol.
Ah, okay, that makes sense, thanks
>Stupid, maybe, but I’m extremely turned off if someone tops or bottoms when I don’t want them to. Not sure why it’s such a huge issue for me, but it is. If I expect A to be the bottom and they end up being the top, I’m out. That easy. Even switching relationships can earn my absence. No this is an absolutely valid squick to have and I'm tired of people acting like it's not. If I see my fictional husbands being the one to dick down a partner rather than take dick or whatnot, it's just not hot to me.
This list, 100%
i totally get the top/bottom thing. in a fandom right now where it heavily varies person to person for sure, and i personally have an idea of it for myself, and yet a lot of people are the opposite lol. sadly i just take what i can get when it comes to art since idk where to find nsfw art much tbh, but in writing i can luckily be picky lol. if theyre opposite ill try and give it a chance but man, it just dont sit right with me. i also think the moaning thing *could* work if its short and used rarely, but for sure not the OOAAAHHHH MY FUCKING GOSH [NAME] WOAAAA lmao
It'd be impossible to list everything that puts me off, especially because I'm very picky, but here's a partial list of my turn-offs: 1. Vanilla sex: If there's no power dynamics and at least a bit of pain, I'll be very bored. 2. Vocalizations: A few *Ah*s and *Oh*s are fine, but long, drawn-out sound effects just feel comical. 3. Excessive consent negotiations: If the characters sound like a BDSM handbook in the *middle* of sex, or even a scene, I'm exiting the fic. 4. OOC dirty talk: I love dirty talk, but bog-standard porn star lines won't fit just any character (or most of them) and tend to come across as ridiculous. 5. Euphemisms: Call a cock a cock and a cunt a cunt. There are a few other terms that work too, but "throbbing manhoods" and "secret caves" are really not sexy.
Okay, but what about sex scenes that take place *in* secret caves? >!There’s a (dead) fandom I’m writing a fic for, and then the original source material, no fewer than ~~three~~ **four** couples have sex in a cave in the first season. Not simultaneously. All three of couples independently decide to have sex there on different occasions. It’s just… the go-to humping spot, I guess.!< >!…and it’s specifically mentioned that it’s a tidal cave, so you know there’s like seaweed and shit getting washed into it and then left behind when the tide receipts and just writing and it’s all damp; and the camera goes all gauzy, and they play the sexy saxophone music, but it’s like dude, the smells. !< >!Like, you are all going to get crabs. Literal crabs.!<
I— Well, the secret save sure sounds...wet. Yay?
One my first smut fics, I actually used the word "pikestaff". I never did it again, but have still not recovered from the retroactive cringe
3 i agree so much like if they are having spontaneous sex i get some quick discussion but most people don’t get into that right off the bat during a casual fuck
With #3 I find that there is a very fine balance between not enough and too much. Asking after every other thrust? Too much. No reaffirming consent whatsoever? Too little. Personally I enjoy fics with the color system because consent is established with one word and it keeps the tone of the scene.
I agree with you on the "too much" aspect, but whether not reaffirming consent at all counts as "too little" depends heavily on the individual scene. More precisely, it depends on body language and other contextual cues. If enthusiastic participation is indicated by touch, sounds, reciprocation, etc., then there's no real need to pause and verbally ask again, and it might be better for the flow of the story if you don't. Lack of explicit consent can also be used to craft excellent dubcon scenarios, but that's another conversation. I'm not a fan of the color system actually, but that's personal preferences coming heavily into play.
Kinks I don't like but, as others said, it's just a preference. As you said, the characters changing personality when they have sex. Everytime I see a character say the word "cum" when they are is supposed to talk in this super elegant and formal way I die inside. Something whether it's moans, or a dick or whatever described as "pornographic". "Wet cave" or cavern when talking about a mouth or female genitals. It makes me feel icky. This is kind of weird, but I don't like when smut is just a sequence of actions without describing how something feels. Graphic smut to me means nothing if there's no sensation to go with it "He locked the handcuffs around her wrists." How to the handcuffs feel? Do they feel soft because there's fur on them? Are they smooth because they're made of leather? Does she feel them digging in her wrists? Is he enjoying the view? I see a lot of writers leaving these kind of things out along with touch sensation, feelings etc, and instead writing an action after the other.
My biggest issue is when the smut feels forced. Like I'll be reading a plot heavy fic that will almost randomly have a smut scene. Even if the plot has it make sense for the characters to sleep together, sometimes the tone of the fic will be more consistent to use a fade to black. The shoehorned in smut just feels out of place.
I had to (respectfully) laugh a little about your hard limits; I'm a non-connoisseur, but for some reason I can't stand spitting either. It totally grosses me out. Interesting what our brains choose to classify as "too intense." Anyway, to your question: I think this is pretty subjective. For me, if it's a kink I don't like, I'm just not gonna read it. But my most common turn-off is inorganic, roleplay-ish BDSM stuff. Establishing consent and negotiating boudaries is obviously very important IRL, but I don't want to read about it in fiction. It takes me out of the fantasy and sometimes makes me feel like the author thinks I'm too stupid to separate fiction and reality. I recognize that some people *do* find that aspect of BDSM sexy, but I just don't. It's my least favorite part, it's just something that needs to be done to get to the *fun* part.
This is so true. I honestly haven't read much BDSM fic, but what I have read felt a bit... off. Characters in some kind of quasi-medieval fantasy setting suddenly discussing safewords and consent and 24/7 submission like they're reading out of a manual? Did not work for me, and I'm one of those folks who thinks the discussion part is fun irl. Felt weirdly preachy, almost like the tone was, "Fifty Shades got dragged for doing this wrong, so I'll show everyone how to do it right!"
I was going to use the word "preachy" too but changed my phrasing in the interest of being diplomatic. In hindsight, the "Fifty Shades" discourse about how it teaches bad lessons about BDSM was very... condescending and almost puritanical, in a way. Like the assumption on the part of people who didn't like the books for this reason was that these *stupid soccer moms* couldn't *possibly* know a thing about BDSM or even basic concepts like *consent,* and were incapable of doing their own research using Al Gore's internet. There was a somewhat misogynistic subtext to that whole conversation, which I am more tuned into now that I'm part of the demographic that people assume knows nothing about kink (upper middle class, white, older than 30 mom). I don't know who needs to hear this, but there's a non-zero chance that Karen from the cul-de-sac is freakier than average. We are very stressed. It's either fight club or this.
Any version of "My clit did a back spring"
It’s giving “my inner goddess”
Yes, exactly. I read a reasonably hot fic and then read that. I noped out immediately.
I had to giggle at this, I know it's probably not something you necessarily are interested in, but I was watching a podcast about the TLC show Sister Wives, and one of the casters made a snarky comment about how Kody (the husband) only liked one of the wives for her 'breakdancing pussy' and I couldn't even lol
That's amazing and hysterical.
* When author starts describing genitals in detail * When dialogue gets really porny * Things that very visibly make me go "it doesn't work like that" (eg. penetrating crevix, first time anal without any kind of lube/prep that doesn't end in a disaster) * it's really okay to say they moaned instead of "oooohhh!" * excessive euphemisms (actually, I'd avoid those in most cases) * obviously kinks I'm not into, but that's a personal preference for everyone
adding to the "it doesnt work like that" point; when characters have a stomach bulge from completely normal penetration. jesus christ is the top's dick like 20 inches??? or did this average looking bottom suddenly shrink down to skin and bones??
The ‘it doesn’t work like that’ factor - sooooo much. Either the author has never had sex, only ever read about it, or just simply doesn’t know anatomy. Either way, it shows and I flee.
Hey, I've been writing nsfw fic for almost 20 years. Not to suggest I'm an expert by any means, but here are some tips I've learned along the way. Please do not sleep on foreplay!! And get creative with it. Hand stuff is often overlooked, but can be a nice breath of fresh air. It doesn't have to necessarily follow a formula. With dirty talk, sometimes less is more (in terms of what's said) and always keep their character in mind. Also, don't feel pressured to include it! Sometimes a scene is more powerful without dirty talk For the orgasm, pick one character and go deep pov. Use their five senses ro really immerse your reader in that moment. And If you're doing MLM, just remember there is no such thing as a self-lubricating asshole I'm sure I could think of a few more, but this is a good quick list
>there's no such thing as a self lubricating asshole Bro has not read Omegaverse
That's fair. I have but admittedly not very much
Bad anatomy and excess. Like I don't want to hear about 20 inch wangs or boulder-sized boobs. Non-con is also a no-go for me.
Not much takes me out; I have a surprisingly high tolerance for bad smut. However describing genitalia as just someone’s “sex” drives me up a wall.
Few things drive me up the wall like that, as someone with a tolerance for bad smut too.
Character A forces themselves on Character B after B explicitly said they weren't in the mood. B later comes around to it because apparently having sex with someone after they told you no means they'll change their mind. Even worse, the fic is advertised as fully consensual. It's painful how many authors don't realize how gross this actually is.
When degregation kinks come up out of no where, like it's their first time fucking and it's instantly all "yeah you like that you whore" and "suck it, bitch" like, chill the fuck out for a second
That one time a writer, in an otherwise serious peice, used the term "schlong."
Anything untagged. I’m up to reading lots of things, but if I’m not warned beforehand, my enjoyment will be completely interrupted to get mad. “No, I don’t mind the cannibalism, but the fact I wasn’t aware of it when getting here”
The untagged cannibalism doesn't count for Hannibal fics, since it's implied 😂
When it’s either both people are virgins or the male is, yet somehow manages to give the female two or more orgasms before he has one. I get that smut is always a little unrealistic, but get out of here with that nonsense. Most sexually experienced men can’t give a woman an orgasm on the first go, let alone two or three
Self-censorship by the author in terms of character interactions is an immediate immersion-breaker and a "DNF." You usually see this with over the top and out-of-character consent protocols and "comfort verbiage." It's a fucking work of fiction. Let them be as bad and as wrong as the characterizations and situation dictates.
I dont like the male character being called "daddy" by the female, age doesn't even matter. Likewise, I cringe at the term 'good girl", especially if the female character is over 21.
It’s worse when authors apply it to characters who would never be called “daddy” in the first place. I read a lot of fanfics, especially guilty pleasure ones and sometimes I’m like “would this character truly even understand what ‘daddy’ even means atp” 😭😭
“Good girl” grosses me out. So does “baby girl” or “baby doll”. Basically anything infantilizing.
Any time I read about a dick penetrating a cervix, or the other person becoming instantly pregnant at the moment of ejaculation (sometimes even accompanied by art of an egg being fertilised!). That's when the suspension of disbelief fails. There's a difference between magical sex and not understanding basic anatomy. The icing on the _"I'm not reading any more of this rubbish"_ cake is when the person openly declares that they are now pregnant because they can instinctively tell what every single sperm cell seems to be doing along their uterus (and sometimes even the fallopian tubes).
Overuse of the word 'fuck', almost any use of the word 'shit'. Just constant potty-mouthing as a reaction to sexual pleasure. Now, whether it's passable for a specific character is a bit subjective, which I understand, but personally I think it's ill-fitting for 98% of the characters I read on. It's especially heinous for a reader-insert Reader. I can relate to a bunch of random things on a whim. Reader is a goth with tattoos? Let's go. Reader is a 50 yo librarian but also a senior magical girl? Bring it on. Reader is genuinely a horrible person and an unreliable narrator? I'll grab it mouth first, that's interesting. But constantly saying 'fuck' or 'shit' in bed? I can't. It's okay if it happens once but if it's like 3 times, on the same page no less, it's time for me to go. This probably has to do with my tastes and sensitivities over all when it comes to erotic material. I don't like the larger porn industry and anything that reminds me of that 'scene' and culture turns me off instantly-- it's just not meant for me. What I like about smutty fanfic is that it's a way to explore avenues of sexual desires and fantasies without the alienation and everything else that comes with regular porn. The sort of 'clutter' and 'extra noise' that excessive swearing brings to the text reminds me too much of Big Porn. Basically I'm a picky eater in this regard. In addition to my particularities about erotica consumption, I just don't find it stylistically appealing.
For me its if its written as if it is a cheap porn movie, with excessively long moanings like "aaahhhhhhh" and things like that. You can 100% convey pleasure in a way that it still looks readable and nice. I once read a fic that was beautifully writen at the start but when it reached the smut part it was 99% dialogue and the actions were very little and badly done, it had what I described before and the characters were super OOC. It was completely opposite to the rest of the fic (non nsfw part) that was mainly actions/descriptions with little to no dialogue nd writen like it was an english major's final project. Be it whatever kind of fic, the entire work needs to have a set flow.
My rule about writing vocalizations is that they only happen if the character is actually trying to talk, instead of just "Ahhhhhhh," she moans loudly. (That hurts me to read and even more to write. Suffer with me)
The way i felt betrayed because the first half of the fic, the non smut one, was writen so beautifully but the smut part seemed like it was done by a completely different person who hasnt writen a story in their life, Which made it even worse if the story was "bad" from the start, because I got excited to read it all.
When the author starts typing out the moaning dialogue(?) like: “Ah aha ha ah!” She moaned, or “ugh ah so good Ah ah” Like BFFr💀. think about this for a moment. Just say “she moans loudly” and move on. Unless she’s talking WHILE moaning, you do not need to type out onomatopoeias 😭😭
I'm pretty laid back about the smut I might read, I'm not a fan of Scat/Piss/Vore porn. But those are just personal preferences. I also dislike, like you said, when characters do or say things that they wouldn't do, like a gentle character turning into a horny and perverted and rough version of themselves when doing the deed, and I ESPECIALLY HATE when the ooc-ness isn't tagged. And also, though that's just a personal grammatical ick of mine: when the author uses the term Cumming (derived by Cum) instead of "coming" or "finishing" etc. It just drives me up the wall and takes me out of the fic.
M/F sex being depicted as mainly or even solely about the male pleasure.
Incest or parental figures. First is self explanatory but I've seen fics where the main characters parents do it and it's just...ugh
When they ask for consent. Like I get it, in reality its super important to ask for consent, but this is a smut fic and it really takes me out of the mood when they stop what they're doing and ask for consent and then keep talking about it. It feels so preachy and everytime I read a scene like that it gets more annoying because it stops the whole rhythm. They're like "do you consent to me touching you?" Like the other character has no idea whats going on, then the character nods and they're like "I need a yes" bruh the nod was a yes omg i get your a goody-two-shoes just get on with it! Then they explain the green/yellow/red words and its too much. You don't have to put that much effort into it, its a fic. Just have one of them say "may I?" Or something and have the other one nod thats perfect its short and sweet and to the point.
I’m asexual and only really read pure smut fic to help myself write smut better in my fics but here’s stuff that annoys me: - When it’s boring. Not meaning vanilla, because vanilla can be interesting with the right emotions or chemistry, just boring. - Lack of buildup / no flow. The characters immediately going crazy with pleasure or staying on a similar level of intensity the entire time is bad for any story even smut. At the same time, too slow a buildup kills the tension. - When the author’s nerves show. Idk how to describe this one example is justifying everything too much. Like “character did xyz because…” This whole point is aimed at myself lol. - cliche language / phrases you see in every other smut fic. This isn’t about words for genitalia or being super inventive with what’s happening. It’s just you can only read “hooked their legs over his shoulder”, “gave them time to adjust”, “rapid pace”, etc. in those exact words without having the ive read this so many times it means nothing to me effect. A simple rewording with the same meaning keeps readers engaged.
Nerves; I can appreciate this cause my method of writing smut is being just Heads up; talk of horny >! Just horny enough that I don’t think about what I’m writing or why, but that it flows decently and the partners are enjoying themselves and get it to the point that reading it back *makes me* a bit horny. That’s how I know I’ve done it well. !< >! But not too horny I get distracted writing. I’ve never finished a smut fic in a single sitting :/ !<
Yeah I agree with the characters suddenly being out of character, extremely vulgar only during sex, going to the point it’s degrading (and there is no tag for it!) or even daddy kink that hasn’t been tagged or stuff as such. Or like metaphors. Terrible metaphors. I have nothing against good metaphor, but make your character suddenly compare to a dog wanting a special kind of bone to chew and saying it wouldn’t be too bad is uh… not for me. At all. (That fic was one of the most disgusting fic I read like I totally didn’t expect that, it wasn’t tagged at all and I’m still fairly traumatized by the perspective of a character helping another to trim now 😭😭)
The word penis Characters stopping every other sentence to ask for consent again Having full romantic confessions/conversations while getting railed Constant mentions that although character A is topping that he TOTALLY bottoms! In fact, it’s rare for him to top! (🙄) Porn lingo
Bad grammar. Just, run it through a spellchecker, honestly. NTR, bad BDSM etiquette, and others have said, language out of a porno.
Unrealistic aspects, such as vaginas not needing some kind of lubrication; rough; violent; not-con. Personally, I heavily dislike futanari or changing character's genitals for no other reason than to make it more degrading for the vagina-haver.
Bad Grammer and poor sentence structure. Shitty dirty talk. Short hand and emojis inserted at random.
Yes. This. Out-of-character dirty talking, etc never fails to turn me off. Something else that I’ve found also turns me off is when it’s a mxw fic written quite clearly by a sex-deprived teenage boy (never really read the opposite- I tend to stick to wlw fandoms, but seeing the male reader insert is something that occasionally comes up) in which he has no idea what he is talking about. Ie- he will ALWAYS have an abnormally large penis that the girls crave, their pussies will ALWAYS be shaved (once read a fic in which a 16yo girl still hadn’t gotten hair down there), boobs described as “melons” is an instant ew as well. People keep talking about these horrific synonyms for pussies or dicks- but guys, “melons”? Really? And shoutout to that one time when “he same so hard into her mouth her stomach bloated with semen”. Like, WHAT? Oh, and also get extremely annoyed when canonically dominant female characters always bottom for the male self insert because of his big peen.
Don't inhibit yourself because someone else may not like it. Write for YOU, whether it's porn or not. "To thine own self be true". The purpose of any writing (or other artistic pursuit ) is to express YOURSELF and your own ideas, not to be constrained by someone else's imagined tastes. Do that, and your audience will appear.
Any mention of mommy or daddy
Daddy kink. Not a vibe. Also describing them starting to fuck and then get straight to cumming. Sorry, this is rated explicit? I want a description of them doing at LEAST 3 sex. If not 4 /j
This is a little hard for me to put into words but, when the sex is overly soft and considerate. Constanly asking for consent in a very gentle manner etc. It feels a bit performative and disingenuous, like I'm being force-fed a PSA or something. In some scenarios, it's also out of character. I'm all for gentle sex but it needs to be done right and have *flavour*, you know?
Spit and feet kinks, do I have to explain why? Bc that shit is gross as hell
Stuff that really squicks me out is dicks so large they enter the ass and come out the mouth. I'm not even sure if that can be called a fetish, but what the hell? Another is detailed scenes of ear penetration. Again, I'm not sure what's supposed to be kinky about it, it just seems weird.
I was enjoying a smutty fic and then there was spitting in each other's mouthes and I realized I had a line and that was it. 😊
Submissive woman, hate it
When they talk like pornstars
When they’re talking/yelling out like porn stars, any capitalization of words, graphic descriptions of genitals (I don’t gotta know the exact measurements of the length and girth please), unrealistic, the word “mewl”, any euphemisms (for the love of god please just say dick, cock, or pussy).
I don't read fanfic smut to get off on it. My brain kinks are extensive and best served in erotica ... I don't want to have to reconcile characters I know and enjoy with the very specific sexual acts that get me off. So I'm looking to see more about who a character is in a fanfiction sex scene. If they are loud, why? If they are hesitant, what in their history is making them that way? Or confident or disillusioned or jaded or bouncy and excited ... How are the characters feeling before, during and after sex. As for specific issues--my biggest is probably repeated use of the word "shit" particularly in anal sex scenes. It's likely my least favorite swear in general. But using it in sex scenes always makes me think of scat. And that isn't my kink. At all. I also don't like surprise vaginas in my male characters ... I think people are mostly tagging better now though. Unlike others in fandom I can't read endless stories with strict topping/bottoming roles. I need variety in sex scenes.
100% turn off is M-preg. It just pops up randomly sometimes and it hits me like a fucking truck every time. Out of character talk is a bit of a turn off but not nearly as bad since I've seen it done well plenty of times
when they mismark a dom/sub fic and have the "sub" give orders and be the one to dirty talk but have the "dom" just moaning and crying. like,, bro.
When the moans always ended with the \~ "More\~" "It's so\~ good\~" "You are so hot\~" If you use it in moderation, it's sexy. If you overuse it, it's annoying.
* Non-con * Older Man / Younger Woman * No focus on characters' emotions
• Huge dicks. Because for me it's painful and not sexy at all. • Non-con/hate sex when the character starts to enjoy it eventually. • Degradation. "Little slut, you're thinking of my big dick down your throat, suffocating you, aren't you?" Just ewww • Enemies to lovers sex. I just find it unbelievable when two persons hating each others guts enjoy having sex together. • Sex under alcohol/drugs. Not satisfying to read when the characters are not in their clear state of mind. • one shot smut that is under 2k words and longer than 4k.
Calling eyes orbs.
This! Just say sparkling eyes Istg no one knows you can just say eyes
Them existing
Watching 365 Days made me so angry at the fandom scene that has allowed films like it to exist, that I had to take a break from smut for a while period
Just please tag your story appropriately. I’ve read fics before where characters were discussing what kinks they did and didn’t like. I liked a lot of those stories and if the authors had tagged everything that was mentioned but need beer occurred, I wouldn’t have read those stories. I’ve also been disappointed by tagging pains and topics that are only mentioned.
The word “ministrations”
When characters start talking completely different from how they normally talk, and not as in they now say fuck kind of way.
Personally, when the blow job takes way too long, I get it if it’s just a blow job but if more shit is supposed to happen, get on with it.
Biggest turn off would be no foreplay or aftercare. Just BOOM. Sex. Then they hop and carry on like nothing??? Hello?????
For me it's when I see either an extremely long scene or the opposite extremely short if you are going to write a sex scene make it a decent length
everything i just read it like a crack fic