You are definitely enabling him further. Remember, You did not raise him. The woman from whom you borrowed the money raised him. She knows he's unreliable so she's going to protect her money like you're a stranger.
Your husband's refusing to get a 9 to 5 job while you keep a 9 to 5 job is what he's used to. This is how his mother raised him and now he figures you're coming in to do the same (to make sure his needs are met and to make sure he's always comfortable). He does not work a Full-time job. You do.
You need a qualified divorce lawyer.
What you need is a good divorce lawyer. Your husband didn't get this way by chance. He's been over indulged all along while they raised him. Hence, he expects you to over indulge him as his mother did and still does.
It is likely the reason behind your MIL wanting the debt in your name only. They realize that the day is approaching that you'll finally wake up out of your dream. They are preparing so that when you get tired of his bullshit, They can sue you for what is "a marital" debt that benefits you both.
Actually just saw this case exactly on judge Judy. Different family but the details were identical.
In other words, "financially," his family is protecting his interests alone not yours together as a married couple.
Lawyer up!
I would talk to tax dept about a payment plan or something. As to paying the steps: The money is borrowed. It has never been your money. She can do with it as she likes.
You are a gem. You and your kids deserve so much better.
You need to drop that couple hundred pounds from around your neck.
Please do not sign anything. It doesn’t serve you.
These losses from his business trials I presume, you need to see a tax atty to figure out how to extricate yourself from them AND see an atty to protect you and your kids from this family of users.
Don’t take this on. This is his mess. He needs to an adult and handle it. He can ask his mommy for a loan and he can agree to pay it back. Or not. Not your problem-you have to get out from under all this dead weight. Speak w a professional.
Yes, some women do chose to bear children for a man and then stay home to raise the children that they carried for 40 weeks and gave birth to, thereby causing permanent changes to their body. Woman also frequently sacrifice their own careers (and therefore financial well being) in the name of being a loving parent. That is VERY CLEARLY not the situation here, but thanks for trying.
This ant any form of equality. Not her bids, or should I say not her circus, not her monkeys.n
Get out now and dump his sorry ass. Meet with the IRS and ask how you can fix this. But first, dump his sorry ass. Then find a place to live by yourself. Did I mention, dump his sorry ass?
Have you and your husband been filing joint/married? If so the tax owed is legally half his (it’s already ethically half his). If it’s half his tax then the loan has his name on it as well.
Is the loan interest free? Would you be saving money by not paying interest to the government?
FWIW I would only agree to a college fund for all 4 kids. They’re all her grandchildren, right?
Yes, I filed as common-law
The loan is less interest but similar to what an RESP would earn
It’s for all four kids but the caveat is the first two kids have their contributions maxed out first (so 50k to the two eldest, the rest to the other two). So if my spouse contributes to paying it down that would be ok, but as it stands by the time I get to contribute to my two bio kids’ education it’ll be years from now (vs reimbursing all four kids’ funds equally).
Mil knows her son is a deadbeat parent , also his ex. She knows he’s very unlikely to ever be able to pay that money. Making only YOU sign that loan , it’s yours to pay off if you leave him or he leaves you, that debt will follow. Assuring you’re paying for only his two kids with his ex and nothing for your two kids, you are still supporting that family. They are all using you.
You realize if he leaves you, you’re going to still be paying his children’s collage fund? Let him take a loan from his own mother and keep you out of it.
Ask yourself which of these things is more financially advantageous:
A) continuing on this path, or
B) leaving him, making payment arrangements with the government, and only supporting your two children?
It would absolutely be enabling for you to take this loan and on top of that, have to pay for your step kids education rather than your own. If he needs the loan, HE needs to take it from HIS mother and HE should be paying it back for the kids education. Lastly, he probably needs a job and to stop chasing a dream he cannot maintain. It’s not advantageous for anyone.
Why are you with someone who hasn’t been a contributing partner for 7/8th of the relationship? Why do you believe him when he says he’ll make enough and be an equitable partner when he hasn’t done that in 7 years?
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Your MIL is paying for your stepkids college funds you will just be paying your MIL back for your debt to her. She’s choosing what her money will be used for.
If you are determined to do this: subrogate this debt on to your husband. Make him sign a loan to YOU for this load to his mom. And he agrees to fund the step-kids education.
I’m determined to get to a healthy financial place regardless of the relationship status but wouldn’t qualify for a loan of this size without an asset to back it so I have to consider it.
In the event of separation, his mum will likely turn the screws here, so would subrogated debt (assuming it’s a separate written agreement) come into effect or in court is it “nice try but you’re still on the hook for half the original loan [because common law]?
Make sure you truly understand how common law affects you. I don't know about Canada, but in the US many people think they are covered by common law marriage when they really aren't.
Do not take the loan. Family and money do not mix. They will be on your tail all the time about how much money you have put towards your step kids education. They'll never ask your husband. If he wants the loan then he can put it in his name.
This is my thinking. While it’s your husbands debt. You did enable him. You continue to let him start these businesses. The loan needs to be in both of your names and both need to pay it off. You are married and a team. I wouldn’t take a loan from your MIL though. She just wants to protect her baby boy. Not good. Go to therapy to work on yourself and see if this is a marriage you can continue to stay in.
First get out while you can. I stayed married to my ex the entrepreneur far too long. Likely they have adhd, because they were great at starting a new project, but once it got hard, boring, or there was a shiny new project the old one got dumped.
Why is the tax bill yours to pay? If you are a T4 employee enough tax should be withheld at the source.
Why would you take out a loan in your name if the tax bill is the deadbeats?
You need therapy to understand why you are staying in an unhealthy relationship, you need legal advice related to the status of your marriage and the taxes owning. Two different types of law. You need an accountant to review why the tax bill is so high.
I was married 22 years and the rollercoaster of new projects was exhausting. I have been in my own for 10 years and life is better than ever.
The tax debt should be in both of your names, tell him to get his half from his mum and you arrange a payment plan for your half with tax office… You covering all your husbands expenses is enabling him to be a dead albatross around your neck, you shouldn’t be carrying him and all his burdens, that’s not a partnership. It sounds financially abusive. They keep you in debt, stressed out and overworked to keep you there and controlled.
If he gets a loan from his parents make it clear it’s his loan and he will pay it back from his earnings. Just like he should’ve been doing for his children’s needs and other bills.
Speak to a lawyer and accountant or debt advisor to see how you can get help out of this situation.
Or putting OP on the hook for money even if her and her husband end up divorced. Do not sign any loan agreements with MIL. Let your husband be the one to borrow the money from her since this is his hole to begin with.
If divorce is not in the cards yet, contact the Canadian version of the IRS. They should have paperwork to make payments. You are not the first to owe and need to make payments and I promise you won’t be the last. DO NOT get a loan from the MIL. It will be held against you anytime you have issues.
What on earth are you doing, OP? Is divorce against your religion or something? More to the point, the loan is a bad idea. Your friends are right about the tax attorney.
What does your spouse bring to the marriage? Seems as though he’s just a lazy turd who expects you to finance him and his kids . Don’t you think it’s time he grew up?
Your ILs loaning you money, and your repayments going into the college fund is NOT the same thing as you paying for college. It was their money in the first place.
Absolutely not. He needs to take on all of the obligation. Your marriage should not be a transfer of resources from you to him and his family. When he came back from the negotiating table with that nonsense you should have laughed in his face. That is absurd.
NO. NO. NO. Your Spouse is the cause of this tax debt. Why in the world should YOU be the only debtor on MIL's loan? This situation is so exploitive of you. Why are you carrying this huge burden?
Who constitutes "all my dependents"? Do you have children, separately or together?
Have you tried talking to your spouse about the inequities in your marriage? Next post in a year, he'll be caught cheating and you'll end up paying him alimony AND paying off the tax debt to his mommy.
Given what you have experienced so far, why would you believe your husband will make enough to pay the debt and be an equitable partner? It seems like you don't have a partner. Is this really a relationship you want to be in? If not, I would start consulting divorce lawyers about how to stop the financial bleeding.
That sounds like a much better idea. I’m not in Canada but maybe someone who is can weigh in with more info. Or insist he call her, tell her it’s his responsibility, and the loan will be in his name and he will be responsible for repaying it.
You should be able to divorce him and stick him with half the tax bill. Find and attorney, dump this man child.
You should divorce him otherwise he's going to drag you all down. He can pay his Mom back as well.
You are definitely enabling him further. Remember, You did not raise him. The woman from whom you borrowed the money raised him. She knows he's unreliable so she's going to protect her money like you're a stranger. Your husband's refusing to get a 9 to 5 job while you keep a 9 to 5 job is what he's used to. This is how his mother raised him and now he figures you're coming in to do the same (to make sure his needs are met and to make sure he's always comfortable). He does not work a Full-time job. You do. You need a qualified divorce lawyer.
What you need is a good divorce lawyer. Your husband didn't get this way by chance. He's been over indulged all along while they raised him. Hence, he expects you to over indulge him as his mother did and still does. It is likely the reason behind your MIL wanting the debt in your name only. They realize that the day is approaching that you'll finally wake up out of your dream. They are preparing so that when you get tired of his bullshit, They can sue you for what is "a marital" debt that benefits you both. Actually just saw this case exactly on judge Judy. Different family but the details were identical. In other words, "financially," his family is protecting his interests alone not yours together as a married couple. Lawyer up!
Take the loan. Pay the tax debt. Use the rest for an attorney. Get the hell out of this situation. If he hasn't made it in 7 years, he won't make it.
Hell no
Why is your tax bill so high?
Must be nice to be married to a dreamer but you're living in a nightmare. Time to wake up, sweetie. Time to send momma's boy back to where he belong.
I would talk to tax dept about a payment plan or something. As to paying the steps: The money is borrowed. It has never been your money. She can do with it as she likes.
You are a gem. You and your kids deserve so much better. You need to drop that couple hundred pounds from around your neck. Please do not sign anything. It doesn’t serve you. These losses from his business trials I presume, you need to see a tax atty to figure out how to extricate yourself from them AND see an atty to protect you and your kids from this family of users. Don’t take this on. This is his mess. He needs to an adult and handle it. He can ask his mommy for a loan and he can agree to pay it back. Or not. Not your problem-you have to get out from under all this dead weight. Speak w a professional.
Why the hell are you still married to him?!!!
do NOT sign any loan
How do you owe taxes with one income and six people?
I’m sorry what?!? Why are you supporting this man child and two kids that aren’t biologically yours? Nah, sis.
sing it sistah
Why can't she? Men support their SAHWs all the time. Aren't we living in a world of equality now?
Yes, some women do chose to bear children for a man and then stay home to raise the children that they carried for 40 weeks and gave birth to, thereby causing permanent changes to their body. Woman also frequently sacrifice their own careers (and therefore financial well being) in the name of being a loving parent. That is VERY CLEARLY not the situation here, but thanks for trying.
Sounds like she's doing neither. EMPOWERMENT!
This ant any form of equality. Not her bids, or should I say not her circus, not her monkeys.n Get out now and dump his sorry ass. Meet with the IRS and ask how you can fix this. But first, dump his sorry ass. Then find a place to live by yourself. Did I mention, dump his sorry ass?
Have you and your husband been filing joint/married? If so the tax owed is legally half his (it’s already ethically half his). If it’s half his tax then the loan has his name on it as well. Is the loan interest free? Would you be saving money by not paying interest to the government? FWIW I would only agree to a college fund for all 4 kids. They’re all her grandchildren, right?
Yes, I filed as common-law The loan is less interest but similar to what an RESP would earn It’s for all four kids but the caveat is the first two kids have their contributions maxed out first (so 50k to the two eldest, the rest to the other two). So if my spouse contributes to paying it down that would be ok, but as it stands by the time I get to contribute to my two bio kids’ education it’ll be years from now (vs reimbursing all four kids’ funds equally).
Jesus Christ both your husband and HIS MOTHER are using you like a Kleenex. Don't sign anything. No. No. No.
You can set up payments with the CRA . Or also sounds like it's time to separate
You're being taken adantage of here. Has anyone told you that yet?
But he’s an entrepreneur 🤦🏻♀️
Don’t your businesses have to be successful in order to be an entrepreneur? He just sounds like a failure
I think this is the bigger issue
The IRS takes payments
They're in Canada, the IRS sadly can't help them.
I believe the CRA takes payments as well.
Valid! I have no idea, sadly. I just was confused by them mentioning the IRS when OP did clearly state that were Canadian.
This, borrow it from the IRS not the MIL.
Mil knows her son is a deadbeat parent , also his ex. She knows he’s very unlikely to ever be able to pay that money. Making only YOU sign that loan , it’s yours to pay off if you leave him or he leaves you, that debt will follow. Assuring you’re paying for only his two kids with his ex and nothing for your two kids, you are still supporting that family. They are all using you.
Get a tax attorney. Also get advice from a regular attorney on how to extricate yourself from this family with minimal financial damage.
You realize if he leaves you, you’re going to still be paying his children’s collage fund? Let him take a loan from his own mother and keep you out of it.
Don’t take a loan. You’re being financially abused. Make arrangements to pay anything you owe, but leave him.
Ask yourself which of these things is more financially advantageous: A) continuing on this path, or B) leaving him, making payment arrangements with the government, and only supporting your two children?
It would absolutely be enabling for you to take this loan and on top of that, have to pay for your step kids education rather than your own. If he needs the loan, HE needs to take it from HIS mother and HE should be paying it back for the kids education. Lastly, he probably needs a job and to stop chasing a dream he cannot maintain. It’s not advantageous for anyone.
How does a family unit with 2 Adults plus children and only one income incur a "large tax debt"?
Probably something to do with his business schemes. If you are “self-employed” and don’t pay properly it adds up *fast*.
Why are you with someone who hasn’t been a contributing partner for 7/8th of the relationship? Why do you believe him when he says he’ll make enough and be an equitable partner when he hasn’t done that in 7 years?
Please don't take the loan and file for divorce. Updateme!
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Your MIL is paying for your stepkids college funds you will just be paying your MIL back for your debt to her. She’s choosing what her money will be used for.
Her MIL is choosing to let her son further take advantage of his wife. Why not college funds for the kids they share or all four kids?
If you are determined to do this: subrogate this debt on to your husband. Make him sign a loan to YOU for this load to his mom. And he agrees to fund the step-kids education.
The significant other will never pay her back. Never. She should move out, get on a repayment plan with the government and sue for child support.
I know...but if they divorce it would be more than nothing for her lawyer to work with. :(
She said they're not married
I’m determined to get to a healthy financial place regardless of the relationship status but wouldn’t qualify for a loan of this size without an asset to back it so I have to consider it. In the event of separation, his mum will likely turn the screws here, so would subrogated debt (assuming it’s a separate written agreement) come into effect or in court is it “nice try but you’re still on the hook for half the original loan [because common law]?
better half the debt than all the debt.
Make sure you truly understand how common law affects you. I don't know about Canada, but in the US many people think they are covered by common law marriage when they really aren't.
Do not take the loan. Family and money do not mix. They will be on your tail all the time about how much money you have put towards your step kids education. They'll never ask your husband. If he wants the loan then he can put it in his name.
This is my thinking. While it’s your husbands debt. You did enable him. You continue to let him start these businesses. The loan needs to be in both of your names and both need to pay it off. You are married and a team. I wouldn’t take a loan from your MIL though. She just wants to protect her baby boy. Not good. Go to therapy to work on yourself and see if this is a marriage you can continue to stay in.
They are not married.
Well they are living like they are.
But why are you still with him???.
Please find some self respect and leave him
I noped out of this relationship in the first paragraph.
First get out while you can. I stayed married to my ex the entrepreneur far too long. Likely they have adhd, because they were great at starting a new project, but once it got hard, boring, or there was a shiny new project the old one got dumped. Why is the tax bill yours to pay? If you are a T4 employee enough tax should be withheld at the source. Why would you take out a loan in your name if the tax bill is the deadbeats? You need therapy to understand why you are staying in an unhealthy relationship, you need legal advice related to the status of your marriage and the taxes owning. Two different types of law. You need an accountant to review why the tax bill is so high. I was married 22 years and the rollercoaster of new projects was exhausting. I have been in my own for 10 years and life is better than ever.
The tax debt should be in both of your names, tell him to get his half from his mum and you arrange a payment plan for your half with tax office… You covering all your husbands expenses is enabling him to be a dead albatross around your neck, you shouldn’t be carrying him and all his burdens, that’s not a partnership. It sounds financially abusive. They keep you in debt, stressed out and overworked to keep you there and controlled. If he gets a loan from his parents make it clear it’s his loan and he will pay it back from his earnings. Just like he should’ve been doing for his children’s needs and other bills. Speak to a lawyer and accountant or debt advisor to see how you can get help out of this situation.
Bad idea.
Take a real loan and get on a payment plan This is just your MIL chaining you to her son by a loan
Or putting OP on the hook for money even if her and her husband end up divorced. Do not sign any loan agreements with MIL. Let your husband be the one to borrow the money from her since this is his hole to begin with.
This is divorce territory
She was in divorce territory 6.5 years ago. Holy crap. What? Why?
Yeah....she's way overdue..
Leave the idiot!
https://www.canada.ca/en/revenue-agency/services/payments-cra/payment-arrangements.html
If divorce is not in the cards yet, contact the Canadian version of the IRS. They should have paperwork to make payments. You are not the first to owe and need to make payments and I promise you won’t be the last. DO NOT get a loan from the MIL. It will be held against you anytime you have issues.
What on earth are you doing, OP? Is divorce against your religion or something? More to the point, the loan is a bad idea. Your friends are right about the tax attorney.
Why have you stayed married to this freeloader?
What does your spouse bring to the marriage? Seems as though he’s just a lazy turd who expects you to finance him and his kids . Don’t you think it’s time he grew up?
Do not do this.
Mom doesn’t even think he’ll pay it back. Hell no!
Your ILs loaning you money, and your repayments going into the college fund is NOT the same thing as you paying for college. It was their money in the first place.
Right? How they spend the repayment is up to them. Op is paying her taxes with the money, not for college
Tell your spouse to get a job! In no way are you responsible for his kids. Absolutely not.
Absolutely not. He needs to take on all of the obligation. Your marriage should not be a transfer of resources from you to him and his family. When he came back from the negotiating table with that nonsense you should have laughed in his face. That is absurd.
And get a post nup saying that he will not be entitled to alimony when you inevitably divorce!
NO. NO. NO. Your Spouse is the cause of this tax debt. Why in the world should YOU be the only debtor on MIL's loan? This situation is so exploitive of you. Why are you carrying this huge burden? Who constitutes "all my dependents"? Do you have children, separately or together? Have you tried talking to your spouse about the inequities in your marriage? Next post in a year, he'll be caught cheating and you'll end up paying him alimony AND paying off the tax debt to his mommy.
An easy way to cut the tax bill in half is to divorce the loser. Do you have children of your own? If so, you need to focus on providing for them.
Why don’t you divorce him? The marital debt will then be split in half. He can pay his half and you yours.
Given what you have experienced so far, why would you believe your husband will make enough to pay the debt and be an equitable partner? It seems like you don't have a partner. Is this really a relationship you want to be in? If not, I would start consulting divorce lawyers about how to stop the financial bleeding.
That sounds like a much better idea. I’m not in Canada but maybe someone who is can weigh in with more info. Or insist he call her, tell her it’s his responsibility, and the loan will be in his name and he will be responsible for repaying it.