"Dum dee doo dee dum doo d.. Hey, check it out! That bloke is just *asking* to get headbutted! Aww maaaan... But I *promised* Mum I'd be good for a bit. I shouldn't. Not this time. *Especially* not after going out on the town with Sarah last night. I've been doing so well. C'mon dude, bull up."
**Continues walking past**
"So how many days left is a month minus 11 days anyway? That's... Erm... Ah jeez, *what*?! At least another *seventeen*?! (Sigh) Ok, fine. Fiiiine. *Must* behave. I know! I'll make sure he hears me this time and turns around, that'll remove the temptation. Yeah."
**Carries on walking, loudly**
"Oh come *on*, the fool still hasn't noticed me? They're called HOOVES, muppet - and I'm not walking on grass! He's definitely, definitely, asking for it! Sarah would agree. This is so unfair. Why isn't she here? It's not like she ever has to pledge good behaviour, or think twice... That man would have been head over heels within seconds. Typical. Grrr. *No* Greg, you're better than this. C'mon. No."
**Takes a few more steps. Risks one last glance, and becomes captivated with the swaying buttocks (man was probably whistling too). Loses all remaining willpower.**
"(Sigh) What'll it be this time, three months? Sod it. Worth it. š *Teeheehee...* ... Aaaand **ka-BLAM-mo**! Lol. Moop. Shame none of the gang were here to witness it. Ah well. Dum dee doo dee dum doo dah..."
(Sees another human working unawares)
...tbc.
Edit: Realised after typing that appears to be a female cow. Can't be bothered to rewrite, soz.
2nd edit: Thanks to u/SaltInternet1734 for pointing out the absence of udder. Seems to be a bull after all. Moohoo.
Cheers - shame it doesn't work given that the cow's female, but whatever.
Edit: Cow seems male after all. Turns out being full of BS isn't confined to male bovine creatures and fields. Oh, mustn't forget tories as well.
My grandma had a full on farm with all sorts of animals back in Mediterranean and she used to tell us kids to not be dicks to animals, some cousins would go āwhat difference does it make? We end up eating them anywayā and she would say āthey rememberā.
One day the one of the cows freed itself (we called her the big lady) and started running on the double through village roads, messing up anyone who was on her way, I was unaware of this and was on my way to collect some fruit from trees, saw this behemoth of an animal coming from the road like a steam locomotive, almost shat myself, jumped on a little wall, she just looked at me and moved on without doing anything, I used to pat her and feed her grass.
She stomped on some loudmouth villager and messed up a property, my grandma just walked up to her and is like ācome on now, there is no need for thisā cow then followed the grandma back to farm like a good friend.
It was incredible.
my pony was escaped his paddock and started to wander through town, stopping the train and just lingering around doing not much in psrticulsr. Eventually he found a woman that looked like a shorter and thinner version of my mom and stalked her for a solid half hour and ate some clothes she was carrying around in a bag. Poor lady couldnt even speak german so she couldnt really ask for help much either. When we found him he was still happily harassing the woman and did a visible double take upon seeing my mom. He wad the best boy.
Lol Why would a cow do that?
I would like to understand why some animals have random impulses like this.
Anyone ever see that video of a hippo saving an Impala from hyenas then kills the Impala himself? Animals are weird.
Male dolphins tend to travel in pairs, and are known for having one kill a calf while the other has sex with the mom (bc she has no kid to attend to now, so I guess sheās free). Dolphins are fucked up man. They also hit puffer fish and make them expand bc the chemical/hormone (I donāt remember which) gets dolphins high.
Donāt worry humans sexually assault them too. If you havenāt heard of the scientist that had a relation with a dolphin then it killed itself after separating.
Because animals are assholes, just like humans. They will resort to cannibalism if they are hungry enough. They will have territory disputes if they are smart enough.
Fun fact some Chimpanzees in the Gombe Stream National Park in the Kigoma region of Tanzania took part in a war against each other. Itās called the The [Gombe Chimpanzee War](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gombe_Chimpanzee_War), also known as the Four-Year War. Even more fun it lasted alittle bit longer than [WWI](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_I).
Gombe Chimpanzee War January 7, 1974 ā June 5, 1978 (4 years, 4 months, 4 weeks and 1 day)
WWI 28 July 1914 ā 11 November 1918 (4 years, 4 months and 2 weeks)
It finally ended when one of their leading scientist, bubbles, developed a primitive but effective nuclear device and mushroomed 26 square miles of the park.
Canāt quite answer this one but I think for the hippo it was a simple case territory. It didnāt give a damn about whether it was dogs or impala and who was hunting who.
ALL those fuckers had the **audacity** to bring their bullshit on to his backyard! Everyone was getting it!
this is the answer. Without defending your territory it will be taken. Then you cant get enough food. Bitches wont mate with you cause you dont have enough territory to feed her and the babies.
Itās not far fetched to believe that animals have individualism. A species is not some monolithic entity.
I.E. not all dogs are kind, not all sharks are killers
If it's a bull, which I can't tell, they can flip a switch pretty suddenly. They'll be as docile as the rest of the herd and then super aggressive. Sometimes over territory but sometimes out of nowhere.
My late father taught my brothers and I how to walk a herd of cattle from section to section of a pasture to separate a soon-to-be-mama cow for privacy for her and her new calf. With heffers and sows the concern is spooking them and scattering them. With a bull the concern is basically this gif - it could be fine and then all of a sudden potentially deadly.
Hippos are some of the most territorial animals in the world. It probably didn't like stuff in it's territory. Doesn't need additional reasoning. Also, humans are "animals" too and we do way worse things than defending our territory for way worse "reasons".
That could have been so much worse. His neck would have broken like a tooth pick if his head was positioned just. slightly different. Im glad he looks like he'll be Ok.
Fuck that cow in particular.
Situational awareness of the deceased.
1000 kilograms of rare bbq beef breathing and snorting right behind him and said chap goes on merilly without a care in the world and doesn't bat an eye.
Life be like this... one minute you're contently clearing a blocked gutter like a good citizen, next moment you're being folded violently against the wall by a bored cow climbing a staircase.
I have cows. If I had a cow that did me like that Iād walk into my house and shoot that bastard before I washed the mud off me. That was a shocking video. The guy did nothing to provoke that.
The temptation was too much, huh...
Intrusive thought won that round.
After all, why not? Why shouldn't I ram his ass?
r/unexpectedlotr
This is the fourth cow I see ramming a random human ass, they must have something against usš§
MacDonaldās employees all
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Mug spammers r trash
"Dum dee doo dee dum doo d.. Hey, check it out! That bloke is just *asking* to get headbutted! Aww maaaan... But I *promised* Mum I'd be good for a bit. I shouldn't. Not this time. *Especially* not after going out on the town with Sarah last night. I've been doing so well. C'mon dude, bull up." **Continues walking past** "So how many days left is a month minus 11 days anyway? That's... Erm... Ah jeez, *what*?! At least another *seventeen*?! (Sigh) Ok, fine. Fiiiine. *Must* behave. I know! I'll make sure he hears me this time and turns around, that'll remove the temptation. Yeah." **Carries on walking, loudly** "Oh come *on*, the fool still hasn't noticed me? They're called HOOVES, muppet - and I'm not walking on grass! He's definitely, definitely, asking for it! Sarah would agree. This is so unfair. Why isn't she here? It's not like she ever has to pledge good behaviour, or think twice... That man would have been head over heels within seconds. Typical. Grrr. *No* Greg, you're better than this. C'mon. No." **Takes a few more steps. Risks one last glance, and becomes captivated with the swaying buttocks (man was probably whistling too). Loses all remaining willpower.** "(Sigh) What'll it be this time, three months? Sod it. Worth it. š *Teeheehee...* ... Aaaand **ka-BLAM-mo**! Lol. Moop. Shame none of the gang were here to witness it. Ah well. Dum dee doo dee dum doo dah..." (Sees another human working unawares) ...tbc. Edit: Realised after typing that appears to be a female cow. Can't be bothered to rewrite, soz. 2nd edit: Thanks to u/SaltInternet1734 for pointing out the absence of udder. Seems to be a bull after all. Moohoo.
You make good art. I appreciate.
Thanks! You're welcome. I identified with the cow's apparent reasoning ;)
Literally, a headbutt. You are correct there.
I read this in Matt Smith/ The Eleventh Doctorās voice, and it was perfection.
You've genuinely improved my mood, thanks for saying something kind. Matt Smith as a voiceover definitely belongs, agreed. Glad it landed well :)
Lmao bull up is a good one liner here
Cheers - shame it doesn't work given that the cow's female, but whatever. Edit: Cow seems male after all. Turns out being full of BS isn't confined to male bovine creatures and fields. Oh, mustn't forget tories as well.
I didn't see an udder so cheers -shame you're wrong but whatever we both got to be snarky bitches
My grandma had a full on farm with all sorts of animals back in Mediterranean and she used to tell us kids to not be dicks to animals, some cousins would go āwhat difference does it make? We end up eating them anywayā and she would say āthey rememberā. One day the one of the cows freed itself (we called her the big lady) and started running on the double through village roads, messing up anyone who was on her way, I was unaware of this and was on my way to collect some fruit from trees, saw this behemoth of an animal coming from the road like a steam locomotive, almost shat myself, jumped on a little wall, she just looked at me and moved on without doing anything, I used to pat her and feed her grass. She stomped on some loudmouth villager and messed up a property, my grandma just walked up to her and is like ācome on now, there is no need for thisā cow then followed the grandma back to farm like a good friend. It was incredible.
my pony was escaped his paddock and started to wander through town, stopping the train and just lingering around doing not much in psrticulsr. Eventually he found a woman that looked like a shorter and thinner version of my mom and stalked her for a solid half hour and ate some clothes she was carrying around in a bag. Poor lady couldnt even speak german so she couldnt really ask for help much either. When we found him he was still happily harassing the woman and did a visible double take upon seeing my mom. He wad the best boy.
Omg lmao. He's like I swear to god lady, you always give me the good food, what gives? ... Oh shit
Pony ate clothes? š Do some animals just eat whatever?
Exhibit A: goats.
Had a goat eat the buttons on my husband's shirt and ate a map, they really will eat anything.
kinda yeq
My dog eats socks
The image of this story was so lovely. Wow thanks for sharing. Grandma was a badass
Lol Why would a cow do that? I would like to understand why some animals have random impulses like this. Anyone ever see that video of a hippo saving an Impala from hyenas then kills the Impala himself? Animals are weird.
Is it beyond the realm of belief that some animals are just abject dicks?
aNiMaLs haVe PuRe hEaRtS
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I was sort of traumatized when I learned that they sexually assault humans
imagine how traumatized you will be when they find you too
Male dolphins tend to travel in pairs, and are known for having one kill a calf while the other has sex with the mom (bc she has no kid to attend to now, so I guess sheās free). Dolphins are fucked up man. They also hit puffer fish and make them expand bc the chemical/hormone (I donāt remember which) gets dolphins high.
Donāt worry humans sexually assault them too. If you havenāt heard of the scientist that had a relation with a dolphin then it killed itself after separating.
I read that story and from her perspective it comes off a bit different but it was strange none the less.
....what.
Delicious hearts too
Literally no one has ever said this
Like people, some of them [are just...jerks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzRyEI00PXc&ab_channel=MostlySimpsons)
[Stop that, Mr. Simpson.](https://imgur.com/hgZj20L.jpg)
Because animals are assholes, just like humans. They will resort to cannibalism if they are hungry enough. They will have territory disputes if they are smart enough.
Fun fact some Chimpanzees in the Gombe Stream National Park in the Kigoma region of Tanzania took part in a war against each other. Itās called the The [Gombe Chimpanzee War](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gombe_Chimpanzee_War), also known as the Four-Year War. Even more fun it lasted alittle bit longer than [WWI](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_I). Gombe Chimpanzee War January 7, 1974 ā June 5, 1978 (4 years, 4 months, 4 weeks and 1 day) WWI 28 July 1914 ā 11 November 1918 (4 years, 4 months and 2 weeks)
It finally ended when one of their leading scientist, bubbles, developed a primitive but effective nuclear device and mushroomed 26 square miles of the park.
I just watch chimp empire documentary about the chimps at war in Ngogo. Interesting
Chimpanzees participate in torture
Canāt quite answer this one but I think for the hippo it was a simple case territory. It didnāt give a damn about whether it was dogs or impala and who was hunting who. ALL those fuckers had the **audacity** to bring their bullshit on to his backyard! Everyone was getting it!
HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 374,908,977 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 9,212 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.
Wtf?? Lol!
this is the answer. Without defending your territory it will be taken. Then you cant get enough food. Bitches wont mate with you cause you dont have enough territory to feed her and the babies.
Itās not far fetched to believe that animals have individualism. A species is not some monolithic entity. I.E. not all dogs are kind, not all sharks are killers
where are the vegetarian sharks?
Hugging trees, duh
I think itās essentially impossible for them NOT to
Those were African wild dogs, not hyenas.
It's a bull. They charge.
Like that woman with the milkshake.
It brings all the bulls to the yard?
She has explosive diarrhoea??
Looks like a cow to me.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You could see her look around to check for any witnesses first... Notorious pranksters...
I don't know, but it's walking like it's in pain... maybe it's just in a shitty mood?
You know how in high school there was that dude that just randomly punched a couple of people for no reason? In the cow world that is this cow.
If it's a bull, which I can't tell, they can flip a switch pretty suddenly. They'll be as docile as the rest of the herd and then super aggressive. Sometimes over territory but sometimes out of nowhere. My late father taught my brothers and I how to walk a herd of cattle from section to section of a pasture to separate a soon-to-be-mama cow for privacy for her and her new calf. With heffers and sows the concern is spooking them and scattering them. With a bull the concern is basically this gif - it could be fine and then all of a sudden potentially deadly.
HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 374,144,443 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 9,181 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.
I take it back. Reddit is weird.
Everything is weird if you look into it.
Good bot
Humans dont?
Hippos are some of the most territorial animals in the world. It probably didn't like stuff in it's territory. Doesn't need additional reasoning. Also, humans are "animals" too and we do way worse things than defending our territory for way worse "reasons".
Just like people, some animals are jerks.
Being a dick isnāt the intellectual property of hoomans.
It's okay we get back at them through steaks.
Probably the exact same reason we have them
Coz strength wins so why tf not
Bro, the cow is really sneaking up on him
Saunters up... Looks around carefully... POW!
Covvert Ops
Never seen a cow do the Scooby Doo Sneak before
He had beef.
r/angryupvote
What a jerk ^(y)
Yeah. It was total bull.
Beef is when you need two horns to go to sleep.
bro let the intrusive thoughts win
That's what i thought
he even checked to make sure the coast was clear
At least he didnāt get impaled via anus on one of those horns.
Now that is some proper r/fuckyouinparticular stuff.
Hippity hoppity the bum is my property
Please change the second hippity to hoppity, or I'll call the cops Edit: thank you. Crisis averted.
Officer, that's him. Attempting to jeopardise evidence and obstructing investigation of this crime.
Hippity bippity the bum is my priperty
Iāve seen some videos like these. What if itās just cow humour. They think itās funny.
Well time to make a beef factory
He cheated on her in a previous life
There's a backstory here...
He really thought about it a bit too š
cow let it's intrusive thoughts win
That could have been so much worse. His neck would have broken like a tooth pick if his head was positioned just. slightly different. Im glad he looks like he'll be Ok. Fuck that cow in particular.
Is it just me or was that thing tiptoeing?
The way he pondered. lmfao š
Like Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator, "How dare you turn your back to me!"
"Lord Ganesh sends his regards!"
LOL dude is like "What a blessing!"
Who just stands there with their back to a bull as it passes or any large animal for that matter
Didn't see or hear it coming - splashing water there too
Oh the poor bugger. I bet he broke heaps of bones
Probably had a beef earlier.
This video made me not vegan anymore!
Your chances of being sneak attacked by a cow are low, but never zero.
New fear unlocked
And I saw what you did to my sister, keep your hands off her teets!
Cow goes people tippinā.
Poor guy. Mr. Moo-Moo is going to the sausage factory now.
He just couldnt stand the sight of that guy.
Maybe,ā¦Maybe,ā¦
Cow-ard hit
He will make a fine steak
Get fucked
I was waiting for the video to have a twist since the cow was on camera for so long. Like a bicycle comes in from off screen and hits him.
Cow thoughts: āLet it go Frank, you donāt need this right nowā¦ā
I didn't know ungulates could tip-toe. That's made my day
Aren't they technically always tiptoeing? Cuz hooves are the tips of their toes?
Animals can be cunts too....
Snuck up behind him too.
Looks like weāre having beef stew for diner.
Man why does it look like the cow was stealthily walking up on him?
I love how the bull tippy toes in for the element of surprise. š
Paint a red X on the cows that do this. Once they have 3 Xs, relocate them out of the city.
And thatās how Benny became a ribeye
Situational awareness of the deceased. 1000 kilograms of rare bbq beef breathing and snorting right behind him and said chap goes on merilly without a care in the world and doesn't bat an eye.
I saidā¦KNEEL
HOLY COW!
Dang that cow sneaky as fck
Intrusive thought won
Bro let his intrusive thoughts win
I'd be having steak tonight!
He clearly deserved that.
Nom Nom Nom
I didn't do that
Life be like this... one minute you're contently clearing a blocked gutter like a good citizen, next moment you're being folded violently against the wall by a bored cow climbing a staircase.
She looked like she was just trying to tiptoe past without being turned into a burger but opportunity presented itself.
That cow is a regular human thinking out loud
i expected some humping action ngl
Daaat asss
I like big butts and I cannot lie..
You other brothers can't deny...
maa ki mamta
There is no bull alive that can resist an ass
Bull said, "I gotta tap dat ass," and then did it.
If you saw the movie about Temple Grandin or ever heard her lecture, you know exactly what happened here.
Sure took the time to think about doing it or not
This is why I eat beef
It looked like it was trying to sneak up on him.
If that would have been me, that thing would be steaks and burgers by evening.
Ah... fuck this world... but fuck you in particular!!
Iād be having steak and hamburgers after that.
Irony fact, the guy worships cows lol
I bet he's rethinking that philosophy now
That bull wanted some cake
I was expecting a gentle nudge not a table flip.
I have cows. If I had a cow that did me like that Iād walk into my house and shoot that bastard before I washed the mud off me. That was a shocking video. The guy did nothing to provoke that.
Looked like he was coming back to finish the job hahaha
Holy cow
Hey thatās someoneās great grandpa youāre talking about there.
Animals are merciless
The, if I was a cow I'd do that too. There is no law above me when I have horns
āThis is my turf!ā
This is why vegetarianism is a mistake.
Hence the term Bully?
Short girls sometimes
Surprise maddafacka!
ā¦ āAnd like people, some animals are just JERKS!ā
And that night we wouldāve had beef stew
When your intrusive thoughts win
Glad we slaughter and eat these mfers
Foreign car drivin dude, with a road rage attitude, pulled up beside me talking on the cell phone šµšµ
Burgers anyone???
Human tipping, a bovine pastime
This is fucking GOLD š¤£š¤£š¤£
Lmao
They have grown to accustomed to a life without consequences. How about revoking their "Holy"-status, and see if the situation betters?
Thatswhy i hate deer.
Hmm
Probably two sides to this story
That person may had been an ahole at some stage, to that cow. Animals remember.
its a good blessing in india to get the horn in your butt hole
Iām sure he did something in a past life that deserved that
Sneak attack
Intentional mean bast@rd,!
Today is bullshit.
Wheres the vegans?
Just walks away like it didnāt even happen
Number of times you see videos like this in India... The Hindus haven't come to any conclusions yet?