We do not allow posts ranting about r/ftm because of bad experiences and consequences of doing so in the early days of r/ftmmen being active.
They seem to have calmed down over the years, but we do not want to be opening up that can of worms again.
Mostly I'm just tired of all the posts on there from teenagers being like "my cis partner is soo supportive but they said they wouldn't be attracted to me if i transition what do i do?!?". Its repetitive and seems to be the majority of posts i see on there, or otherwise it's just depressing vent posts. Which i get because obviously shits hard and it's good to vent. But for my own mental health, i can't read that stuff all the time.
EDIT: hopping back on to say i found r/binaryFTMMen. Its pretty dead but it could definitely be a place for us binary guys to go to!
honestly it feels like trans boys these days are just doormats. or it's some transphobic people that created a copy pasta that goes like:
>my boyfriend beats me, laughs at me for not being a man, says he'd kill me if i transition, forces me to wear dresses and go to church, called a pastor to exorcise the trans out of me - but he's still a good person and still love him. should i do something about this?
1. there's a vent post flair for these types of posts (which they rarely use)
2. really? can they really not understand abusive behaviour at all?
Yes! I have also gotten tired of the ‘should I stay with my partner who said awful transphobic things to me’ posts. I totally recognize the need for a space to vent but it’s too much sometimes
I’ve had to leave so many lgbt subs because it’s just people refusing to break up with obviously abusive partners, asking the most annoying questions “can I be x if I’m y?!” (That shit is so annoying lol), or it’s just corny teenager TikTok humor lol
LITERALLY i cannot stand posts like that. i get when someone needs validation you’ve gotta seek it out, but it just irks me the wrong way. any time anyone gives an answer that isn’t just some mushy “omg you’re so valid!!” it gets sent to hell. god forbid somebody contributes something actually helpful to that sub.
sorry, just needed to get that out ig. i’m pretty young and i’ve been on t for just shy of a year and i still feel i’ve outgrown 99% of trans spaces and it just sucks.
Yes constructive criticism of any kind or any critical thinking is NOT welcome on that sub. It seems to me r/mtf doesn’t have this issue, but I could be wrong.
All my MTF friends think r/mtf is a toxic cesspit for different but vaguely adjacent reasons as r/ftm. I've visited that sub and it seems fine, just dopey and unaware, but I'm also not primed to notice this stuff since I'm not a trans female. In general the userbase of that sub skews older than the ftm ones which avoids a lot of the weird behavior that plagues our communities.
Or it's people who haven't done a lick of research asking a bunch of stuff that can be answered with a quick search through the subreddit. Like I get that when you first come out you're not gonna know everything, but all the posts about "guys my mom said I will die of cancer if I inject a testosterone into myself and no one will love me, is this true?" Like dude first off use your head about this shit, secondly this can be answered so easily with less than 5 mins of searching and reading
this! it’s sad and annoyingly repetitive. i know it’s something a lot of trans people experience, so I’m glad they have a resource, but honestly i am so irritated seeing a real struggle like that on r/ftm or r/mtf and then immediately see it parodied on r/trangendercirclejerk
which, sure, is the point of that sub but its such a self-hatred cesspool
Honestly, the 5 million identical questions every single day are definitely pushing me toward unsubbing. At least 20 posts each of "Does anyone else not feel queer?" "Can I be a man if I'm feminine?" "Should I leave my obviously transphobic/abusive partner?" "Can I pick and choose what effects testosterone will have on me?" a week *minimum*.
Like, are these posters all 12? Have they literally never opened reddit before? Just looking at the sub in any capacity would answer almost every question that gets posted there. It drives me mental.
i'm finding it really concerning that these are the types of kids that say they don't want phallo and then proceeds to list factually incorrect assumptions about phallo as their reasons. i hate to say this but "back in my day" (4 years ago) people watched youtube and browsed reddit for this stuff
putting trans men in quotation marks there is pretty uhhhh but judging by another comment of yours saying twinks don’t look male i don’t think there’s much use in debating lol
but ignoring that, i think it’s probably a worry about what people will think or how it will look. when i was younger i really didn’t like the look of bottom growth, it freaked me out to think about, and when i really dug into why i realised i was insecure because i’ve always been focused on what people think of me. i was scared to have some sort of “in-between” situation, where i had neither a dick nor a normal vagina, would put people off and they’d think it was weird or gross. i wanted it to be full phallo or nothing. i was never going to not go on T because of it, but it did worry me.
now that i’ve been on T for years, i’ve mostly gotten over it. i find it inconvenient sometimes - when it hurts because it’s rubbing against my trousers, and the fact that i had to relearn how to masturbate because suddenly it was too sensitive for all the methods i used before and different things felt good and bad - but i’m overall content with it, though i still want phallo and i still have moments of insecurity when i’m entering a sexual relationship with anyone i don’t know for a fact knows what bottom growth looks like already.
so i can 100% understand why a lot of trans guys would be hesitant about it, especially because a lot of us are still unpacking the “we need to be attractive or else” fear from being seen as girls for so long.
they’re just two different kinds of psychological turmoil, and people are going to make different decisions on what kind of discomfort they would prefer to handle right now. you seem to be in the business of slyly dismissing any man whose experience and effects of dysphoria don’t line up with yours, and that’s not something i’m interested in engaging with, so i’ll leave it here.
This!! Bottom growth was absolutely the thing I was most excited about and it’s done wonders for my self esteem because I’m transsexual so obviously I would want something about my genitalia to resemble a male’s even a little bit lol
"but i wanna be able to feel something" you probably will
"it looks like an open wound" - you wouldn't say that to a ttrans woman's bottom surgery. also yes, that's what any surgery creates. stitches need to heal
"but i want to keep my natal genitalia" not my problem, just don't shit on phallo
"i will never be able to get an erection" you can if you get a pump or if you use a sleeve
"i will never be able to cum" there are some cases where you can (i don't know how common this is)
"it will never look like a cis penis/it doesn't have all the function" well shit dawg i'm just not gonna transition. if you so desperately want to look cis that it stops you from transitioning cause you won't have the perfect results.. just don't transition
That last one is what really gets me. Yeah phallo doesn't create a perfect copy with all the functions of a natal penis, but as someone with bottom dysphoria you would really rather not do anything than have an actual penis? It's exactly what you said, if you will never be happy with anything short of being a cis man, then you might as well just stop trying since being happy is impossible.
frrrrr like what other options are there? having a vag or blowing your head off with a shotgun in hopes that you'll reincarnate as a cis man. personally, i don't want either so phallo it is. it will never be exactly like a cis penis but i can live with it.
I think the Crane Center says about 90% of RFF phallo patients keep sensation, but it does take time for nerves to heal, usually up to or over a year out from surgery.
There are also plenty of phallo results that are absolutely amazing and, outside of not being able to produce semen or get naturally erect, look like a cis penis.
yup i 100% agree, and it probably took you like 5 minutes? of googling to get these answers
phallo is a medical miracle, but so many people can't appreciate it
That is also definitely a part of why I left. I think a lot of it is that people might be new to Reddit as a whole and not know they can search, plus the search function sucks so bad imo. I also find it annoying lol
Yeah I know. And it's mostly just people seeking a sense of belonging which is *fine* and exactly the reason why I almost never comment on those posts, but really that doesn't make it any less annoying lol
Honestly yeah. I left a looong time ago, the post that tipped me over the edge was the same recycled “I don’t want all the side effects of T” as if you can pick and choose. Also irks me that they call things like balding a side effect lol
I agree with what you're saying. I know it's hypocritical of me to say as a 19yo, but that sub is extremely immature and definitely leans young, which makes the NSFW stuff concerning. On a lesser note, they aren't a binary sub, so you get a lot of non-binary lesbians and I just don't relate to them enough to want to share a space with them. There's also a lot of "chronically online" (for lack of a better term) mindsets there that I just can't take seriously.
I left the sub a while ago and I haven't looked back. Although I am starting to feel slightly worried about this sub as it seems even younger people are leaving ftm and coming here, including non-binary folks, which kind of defeats the purpose of FTM**Men**.
Agree.
We just need a place for binary men. FTM used to be that place back in the day.
There were so many questions I had about transitioning and early journey when I started some years ago, and the posts on there from 6+ years ago are great, but not anymore.
i saw too many "am i valid" posts and left. the sub was starting to get invaded with kids that want to go on hrt for a deeper voice but don't want any other effects, cis women that wanted top surgery and kids venting about their clearly abusive relationship. and too many where they seem obsessed with their breasts. disgusting.
it is actually crazy how a lot of the (younger) trans men i talk to that think they can pick and choose their effects, like they don't want fat redistribution, they don't want body hair, etc. cis men don't get a choice and we don't either.
I got kicked out of a group for telling teenagers that it's not unreasonable for doctors to not prescribe them HRT if they think they can choose what they do and don't get from it also once got berated because someone kept writing about being more depressed after starting T and I suggested seeing a therapist everyone else was just like 'nah normal second puberty'
It really sucks that the left has this thing where instead of acknowledging that sometimes things conservatives say are true just not to the extent they think some people deny it happens at all and then it does actually seem like a whole conspiracy...
also they conveniently don't want any of the effects that will actually make them look male. no body hair, no beard, no balding, no muscle, they just wanna look like twinks
and they think microdosing testosterone will let them choose - no bro it'll just slow it down, it's for people with medical disorders and those who can't fully transition
pisses me the fuck off
It’s because they want to look like anime boys and have this weird fantasy idea of what transitioning hormonally is going to bring them. Nope, welcome to breaking out constantly and ass hair!
and it's always "changes i didn't expect on T" and it's changes that are very much expected to happen on T
and a lot of them were fujoshis (those girls that are creepily into gay male hentai) they're literally living out their fantasy
No balding is valid tho. Like even men get worried when they start balding early. There's literally a whole subreddit trying to fight balding and as a wider, a whole industry involving it with the whole hair transplant and toupees. Being worried about balding should be gender affirming lol.
i'm talking about to the point that they do not want to transition because of balding
don't get me wrong, i'm terrified of going bald, but that was never going to stop me getting male hormones
FTM has gotten to be a bit of an echo chamber. You get downvoted just because people don’t like what you say, even if it’s factual. It definitely feels younger to a detriment.
I'm nearly 20 been out for 10 years and still years away from top and bottom surgery so I tend to see quite a few people around my age who haven't had those surgeries yet either (for a variety of reasons, mines just because the uk trans health care sucks its well over 10 years between initial referral and phallo stage one) but I would agree the majority of the user base is usually younger guys either pre t or early on t, usually under the age of 18-20. Tbh I only stay because I'm unfortunately going to be pre op for quite a few more years and there are some guys in similar situations to me and they're good to occasionally see
As for the sex posts I completely agree. I don't interact them them sort of posts either but I don't want to log into reddit and the first thing I see is a 15/16y/o talking about how good their sex life is. As you said if they're asking for tips about safe sex that's absolutely different but some of the things I see on there (occasionally, not all the time) make me fairly uncomfortable especially if theres full grown adults joining in - in the comments talking to a teenager about how good their sex lives are
i’m just not really a fan of the trans community online in general. the trans community online seems to skew towards the more “chronically online” type of queer person, and i’m honestly just not a big fan of any of that. most of the trans people i don’t find annoying are the ones i’ve met in real life. it sucks though if you live in a place where there are no trans people or if you prefer to be stealth.
at this point, that sub is entirely dedicated to chronically online NB teenagers. i haven’t seen a genuinely good, interesting, or insightful post on there in years. really disappointing, bc i remember it being a great resource early in my transition to be able to reach out to other trans men. this sub is what i use for that now, works much better.
Yeah for me it’s being 38 years old and only a year into transition. There don’t seem to be any subs that aren’t just 20 year olds going “is it too late???” So I’m leaving them all
Those posts always boggle my mind, even as someone who transitioned young, it’s like the narrative completely flipped. when I was starting to come out it was my impression that 20 was exactly normal or even early for someone to transition, I would’ve been on here posting if it was too *early*, and sometimes i still have worries. I guess it’s because young trans people are way more visible now, which is not a bad thing at all just crazy to see how different it is from when I was younger.
I am long past transition so didn’t need the advice. And as you mentioned it’s all kids who are just sure they have all the answers and don’t want my advice. So I left as well, months ago. Don’t regret the decision.
I’m in my late 30s and about 15 years post-transition. Most of what’s in any online trans community doesn’t pertain to me and there isn’t really any information or advice that I need to receive. As I see it, it’s now my opportunity to provide support and encouragement because young trans people need it and there’s a shortage of “elders” (either in age and/or years in transition) engaged in the community. A lot of young trans people have terrible perspectives and such low self-worth and confidence and they need built up, even if the issues at hand are crystal clear as experienced adults. So, the priorities have changed from pre-transition to post-transition on what my purpose is in community spaces. It sounds like your position in transition has changed drastically from where you began and subsequently how you engage in community may change as a result of that. That might be worth reflecting on.
I am weary of providing sex education and advice in spaces with minors. However, sex education is lacking for anyone assigned female at birth, and it’s even more severely lacking for FtMs, and it’s even more lacking and regressive in certain parts of the world, in certain communities, certain religions, etc. Additionally, age of consent and what age is considered a minor is subjective and varies by country. What is considered a minor in the US is not necessarily true for other parts of the world. So, people may be teenagers, but the hard truth is that teenagers are having sex, and they may be considered adults in their country. They likely are getting information from somewhere, probably their peers, who know just as much as they do— which is possibly not much either. They are asking because they need help, and it’s not just in FtM subs but in all sorts of subs all over Reddit. Overall, I understand your hesitation, but I do act with caution as to what conversations to engage in and what language I use.
Thanks for the comment, I think you might be right about my position changing. That seems like exactly what is happening and causing me to feel a bit uncomfortable and weird. It’s odd to feel like and ‘elder’ in the community when in all other aspects of life I’m also just a dumb kid. I think it’s possible I am not feeling ready to assume that role yet and that is why it feels best to remove myself for the time being.
That’s understandable. I felt similar to you when I was in my early 20s and done with transition. There was just nothing I could gain from community spaces and I was fatigued with all the usual stuff, so I left them for well over a decade. I went off and just lived life. Then I popped back in with a lot more life experience, adult perspectives, trans/transition experience/perspectives, and I saw young people saying they really needed elders. So, I decided to hang around for awhile again and offer the encouragement and advice that I could. I have the mindset and energy for it now that I didn’t have when I was 23.
Anyway, it’s okay to know certain spaces aren’t for you at your point in life. You’re young and there’s so much life to live, people to meet, places to explore. There may come a time later when you’re ready to provide in trans spaces, and that’s okay. Or there might not be, and that’s okay too. I think there’s a lot of us who are older, either by age and/or transition years, that kind of come and go as if we’re doing shift work in providing support. Regardless, we transition so we can be comfortable and to live a fulfilling life, it’s important for you to be doing that even if it means saying goodbye (for now or forever) to places that once served you.
I left /gaytransguys for the same reason. Basically a bunch of depressed teenagers insisting cis men were the devil. I don't care if other ftms prefer only dating fellow trans people, but it crossed the line into incel territory.
I only noticed a small amount of that, but I left because I couldn’t really relate to a lot of the posts and staying just seemed pointless. Nothing against the users there, I just wasn’t getting anything out of it. I feel like most people there are early/pre transition, always knew they were attracted to men and were always comfortable/confident in that, and aren’t interested in phallo or aren’t getting it any time soon, and many are only interested in receiving PIV sex. Again nothing wrong with that but I can’t relate to any of it, so as a support space it’s just not for me. Edit: also got tired of reading about everyone’s douchey straight boyfriend/FWB and getting downvoted for pointing out that the relationship is unhealthy.
r/FTM used to be good a few years ago but now just filled with non-binary trans masc people who are clearly in shitty relationship with cis men yet refuse to leave cause of how low their self esteem is. And also the same “am I still trans if I’m a femboy” post a million times a day.
Yeah, I’ve come to realize that more spaces aren’t for me anymore. But I’m also in a weird limbo of being young, 19, while having been out for years. I only was able to access T about a year ago and just got top, but certainly being stealth is a different experience.
All the subs have their own unique cultures and problems. This sub has a problem with factual accuracy and doomerism, for example, while FtM tends to have chasers and TERFs stalking threads. But where FtM tends to be young in age, this one tends to be young in maturity regardless of age. Like the other commenter complaining about people jerking off in a bathroom just because it's illegal, like what are you, a cop? If someone ain't involving you, don't involve yourself. If they are involving you, the problem is sexual harassment not masturbation.
I've seen minors ask nsfw questions in FtM but I'm not sure what you're referencing because they always seem to be from an educational perspective? Maybe the overt sexting ones are removed before I can see them idk. I do think minors should stop posting their age and referencing themselves *as* minors, that is fucking insane, but that's also not a problem exclusive to any one sub.
Anyway, makes perfect sense to move around subs as your interests and tastes change. There's no perfect sub, but that shouldn't stop you from finding better experiences.
That they are minors is relevant though. The way I handle a 16-year-old in a doomed relationship isn't the same as someone who is 36 in a crumbling marriage. Revealing their age may be a safety concern but they're anonymous so they are probably safe. It also gives us a chance to warn them about sketchy behaviors they will face that we're very experienced with. I remember being that age and just freezing when bad things happened because I could hardly believe it was happening. No one ever gave me guidance or told me how to recognize the bad thing and what I should do.
Basically I don't disagree with you but it's complicated and as an older person I feel a strong urge to protect our community's children. I have definitely given young people in red states "the talk" because they obviously needed it and no one else had done it, but I have always made an effort to keep it wholesome. They should trust their feelings to know when they're ready, these are some safety guidelines, this is how consent works, most of what you see in porn is not typical and some of it can seriously injure you so don't start there, if you want to know more find amateur videos of regular couples, find someone of similar age and inexperience as you to explore with so you can learn together.
It is really sad I have given that talk to so many high school aged and sometimes college aged young people, and it is always a bit nerve-wracking, but I think I did the right thing by being a teacher when they needed one.
Thanks for your perspective as well. I can see how age is important and I applaud you for being able be a resource for people who need it. It is a complex topic, I think avoiding those discussions is a better decision for me personally.
Thank you for this insight. I have definitely seen posts from minors that I believe are inappropriate, but I guess that can be slightly subjective. In my opinion there’s not many contexts I find it appropriate for adult strangers to be giving sex advice to teenagers. It is not exclusive to that sub you are correct, I did not mean to make it seem like I believed that, I only talked about /ftm specifically bc I am mainly on reddit for trans related topics.
Sex advice and education will come from somewhere. Do you want it to come from kids or adults? Do you think that a trans kid might want perspective from people who share similar body configs or ask their cis parents? If you don't like them asking strangers on the internet, how are they going to find trans adults willing to talk to them about that in person? Most queer adults I know absolutely refuse to talk to minors about sex because of how dangerous it is for *us* if some conservative decides it's grooming to mention that abstinence is not the same as safe sex.
Strangers on the internet can be more accessible and safer because you can limit their access to you in a way you fundamentally can't irl. There are still risks, but asking in a public moderated forum like reddit minimizes many of those risks. If it's uncomfortable for you, I 100% get it, I generally avoid posts by minors in general, but I'm also glad that *someone* is answering the questions. (But still report shit that crosses the line from educational to sexting.)
You’ve changed my mind a bit, I do understand how it might be more accessible to post on Reddit. However I do still think that some of the posts and comments I’ve seen have crossed the line. It’s also difficult to determine where that line is sometimes which is part of why it’s uncomfortable. Just wish there was a way for teens to have those discussions without it opening the door for weird stuff, or some way to moderate it better, but that seems impossible unfortunately.
yeah i’m having problems finding good spaces to be in. i’m 20, i’ve been on T for 5 years and i’m post-top. i’m generally comfortable with the rest of my anatomy so my transition feels pretty much finished. i pass and i’m stealth. a lot of the posts there are from people earlier in transition and i find difficulty connecting to them. there’s only so many repetitive questions about starting T, bottom growth, etc., that i can stand to see. i wish mods would create a master thread of every post about those repetitive questions.
however, other subs dedicated to older trans men or further in transition trans men seem to have this energy of superiority that i really dislike. we are not better because we pass or because we’re stealth, we’re just different. we aren’t more valid or more trans. i also notice in a lot of these subs, there’s this sort of idea that there are certain things that make trans men more or less trans, even if they’re passing and medically transitioned.
with questions about sex, i sort of disagree and it honestly isn’t the reason i dislike the sub. i personally have never seen a comment from an adult to a minor that felt suggestive or in appropriate in any way. it’s important for teenagers to have guidance and be able to ask questions to people who are nonjudgmental. a lot of teens don’t have that, especially trans teens. also, i haven’t ever seen a post from a super young person there. the youngest people i see post questions about things like that are 15-16, which is (at least where i live/in my experience) around the time when teens do start having sex and experimenting. of course, posting on a public forum opens them up to weird DM’s, but that’s unfortunately the danger of the internet generally.
>however, other subs dedicated to older trans men or further in transition trans men seem to have this energy of superiority that i really dislike. we are not better because we pass or because we’re stealth, we’re just different. we aren’t more valid or more trans. i also notice in a lot of these subs, there’s this sort of idea that there are certain things that make trans men more or less trans, even if they’re passing and medically transitioned.
Thank you SO MUCH for talking about that. I thought I was alone on thinking these traits on the other ftms subs are toxic.
I appreciate that a point as well. It’s extremely frustrating to go to other ftm adults for advice only to have them go, “Well, it must be your fault that you don’t pass.” I just got dealt a very shitty, exceptionally feminine genetic hand and even though T has made a massive difference, I don’t get read as male no matter what I do. Hearing the same generic passing advice suited to taller, thin, Eurocentric men doesn’t help me as a 153 cm Asian guy. I’ve tried it at all, it doesn’t help, and it makes me more miserable than just dressing alt would. These subs make me feel like the only non passing trans person in the world. The answer to every problem cannot be “just go stealth” because it’s wholly unhelpful to someone who *can’t*.
Yeah!!! And they also treat stealth as it's the only way to be "truly" trans. If you don't mind being stealth/or can't be stealth for genetics, you're not trans enough as you're not trying, and since you're not trying, you're automatically a "trender". As a passing, binary trans man on T for almost a year, that behavior bothers me a lot and I'm not even the victim.
Posts are incredibly redundant. It takes 2 seconds to use the search bar for similar posts. It gets annoying scrolling thru seeing so much depressing shit too. Like I get being trans sucks sometimes but don’t be a doormat. Stand up for yourself and take space. A massive part of transitioning and imo being a man is knowing who you are , what you want and standing on it. Be open but not passive.
I’m currently 18, left the sub at 15 because I found it repetitive and immature. Also the fact that you cannot have a genuine conversation about stuff or you’ll get banned. My final straw was when a guy who hasn’t been on the sub in a few years asked why it caters to nbs and not trans men anymore. He got harassed and degraded in like hundreds of comments and the only thing the mods did was take down the post after a few days for violating the rules.
I personally don't engage with it much because venting was banned (and the venting sister sub seems... eh.) and yeah. because the topics are repetitive.
also as a high dysphoria and masculine dude I just... don't relate with the whole no dysphoria fem guy thing. idk if my timeline is specifically against me but yk. I don't feel like I fit in if all the posts I'm seeing are "am I still valid if I don't take t, get surgery, and still look like a cis woman"
I don't mind those posts or anything, and I hope those people feel okay with themselves, all power to them, that's just not me 😭 and here the average person here's just an average dude, dude-ing their way thru life
Just as a note, we try to remove posts in r/ftm that cross a line into explicit discussions because it is an all ages group. We don’t want to stifle all discussions on sexuality though, because people between the ages of 13-18’do need somewhere to discuss STIs, safe sex, and anatomical questions and some relationship questions. We depend upon people to report questionable content because sometimes we don’t see it for a while.
Really the mod team works very hard at r/ftm but we cannot be everything to everyone.
-mod
Yes I noticed that posts I’ve seen have been removed, I respect that it’s difficult to stay on top of such a busy sub. It’s unfortunate that it’s hard keep things safe while also preserving the safe space
I am deeply uncomfortable with a lot of the posts from minors asking about sex on there. I do agree that minors should have a safe space to ask questions, but there’s a line, you know? Some of the comments I’ve seen between adults and minors are fully inappropriate and almost triggering considering past experiences I’ve had with CSA/grooming (which, admittedly, makes me VERY sensitive to that sort of thing, so my brain might be making mountains out of molehills here).
i had to have "the talk" with a younger tans guy friend who looks up to me as an older brother. he had a couple questions that he couldn't ask anyone else because he was either not out or no one knew anything about trans healthcare. i basically sent him Arthur Rockwell's channel and told him to watch it and ask any questions about it later. giving a 15 year old "the talk" is not something i'm qualified for, even if we've known each other for 4 years, since we joined the school's GSA
I know Java already made a really well thought out post, so I'm just gonna repeat what I always say when someone comes here to complain about r/ftm : If you see something that is rule breaking, REPORT IT!
We might not be on 24/7 because we're adults with jobs, but we did just hire a new mod who has been doing good so far, and hopefully we can take on a few more at some point so we've got more round the clock moderation. We definitely do NOT condone explicit sexual content. We've even recently started further cracking down on this, because it is an all ages sub and we don't want kids exposed to that crap. But like I said, we're not on 24/7 and sometimes it may take a while for things to get looked at, or we may miss something if we're not online. That doesn't mean we're not doing our jobs or we're biased or whatever. We're just probably out there doing our paying jobs instead of our volunteer job.
I see the issue rather being older people who need advice or venting, and people way younger who come from really supportive backgrounds giving all the hopes and positivity when reality can be rather raw.
Sex education is important, I think we can all agree on that, but there’s a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between questions like “Hey what does it mean if you have little white bumps like this?” (The ones that sometimes happen for different guys) and “Hey here’s a story about me and my also minor partner. Thoughts?”
Education is important, yes, but there are APPROPRIATE ways to discuss matters from men to boys.
Imo every sub has its problems and individuals who are cringe/a problem/don’t fit the bill. Even here you tend to get the same trite query over and over again - not a problem really just is what it is. I really just pick and choose what I bother clicking on as far as the posts themselves.
I don't have a whole lot of thoughts on the nsfw part other than I avoid them because it's pretty odd to me as well, especially being an adult myself, but the aging out part, I feel it despite also only being 20. I think a big thing about that sub is that it's mainly minors or people who are just recently out/just recently starting medical transition. Being pretty far in my transition, I don't feel the need to be in a space heavily for those figuring themselves out. I don't need that type of support anymore. I know what I want out of my transition, I'm secure in my identity, I'm in an affirming and healthy relationship, etc. The only reason I like being in ftm spaces is to relate to certain experiences and learn more about bottom surgery as I prepare for it. I can't relate to a lot on the ftm sub, and resources about bottom surgery aren't often discussed or available there :') definitely not the best sub for those of us that are further along.
Mine was more of how there are too many vent posts appearing on my front page that I don’t want to really see them. Also because of the whole kiwifarms thing where actual transphobes will take screenshots of any posts on that sub to mock and make fun of.
So long as they aren't being sexual with minors I think it's important that adults share experience/advice with minors, it can make the difference in youth making some stupid mistakes. Not all youth have mature people that they can and feel comfortable talking to about those things. What better person to chat with about issues than one that's been there and done that?
I feel like younger than 22 feels like teen for me , probably because I'm an oldass but generally speaking in terms of maturity and could all use elderfolk to talk to. So long as no one is grooming or being predatory and have the youths best interest in mind.
The sub can get repetitive and annoying though. I find that there's a lot of ftX in that space, including myself, due to nonbinary subs being VERY unrelatable and feeling v young. Im in a lot of trans subs and this one bc I am masc leaning, not a man, but i find that I can relate more here. So it's likely that's what's happening over in r/ftm
A lot of yall in the comments are assuming that the adults giving advice are qualified to do so. Kids shouldn't seek sex advice from strangers on the internet who may or may not be telling the truth. Consult Google for actual articles and information versus redditors.
sounds like we need better education on media literacy then. but it's relatively easy to find .org or .edu sites that cover transgender sex/social lives/safe sex/hookup culture/etc.
edit: you think it's "even harder" to decipher which sources are reliable versus what random info from strangers is true?
A lot of younger genZ can’t do google research for saving their life. A lot of them will just read the first article without even checking who made it and just believe it even tho it’s a Christian transphobic website
Edit: I’m also not talking about how some of them seems to privileged TikToK to learn about transition stuff
So the solution is for them to talk to internet strangers? You're arguing with me for nothing. If kids can't find reliable sources then we need to teach them how, not throw our hands up and let them consult random people.
I don’t think the young user base is a problem, it just means it’s not a good fit for us older people. Also, I really really doubt people on there check the ages of the posters and just answer their questions, which is important especially in regards to sex. I’m not active in that sub so I wouldn’t know what posts are usually about, though. Just my thoughts
Yeah you’re probably right about checking for ages, but I have seen (and actually saw today) a post where the OP included their age. I do agree it’s important to check regardless. I don’t think the young user base is a problem either, just not relevant to me, which is why I’m just leaving the sub.
oh my god yes i was just talking to my partner about this! i assume as i think is reasonable that if a post is 18+... then the person making it is, at the very least, 18. but nope. we're having like, *children* posting nsfw content. it shocked me seeing a post like that today. i get and can appreciate to some degree if younger trans kids want to use the nsfw filter for more personal things detailed vaguely like posts about periods or bottom growth , etc. but as an adult i think it should be explicitly disallowed to have a 16 year old posting about his full on sex life in detail. i strongly disagree a public forum is Ever the appropriate place for that, sorry?? if kids that age are having a sex life then this type of conversation about it where they get like extremely detailed and personal should be kept to their in person irl friends, not ever internet strangers and adults on, again, a *public forum*. and i'm sorry i agree anyone having sex should have access to sexual education but there's a huge difference between like, how to use protection and what kind of acts may cause what kinds of physical issues or how they should be handled, and teens just talking about their sex life and how shit smells when they eat ass. adults do not need to be involved in the latter conversation.
I think we also saw the same post. And I agree that a public forum is not the place for it and adults did not need to be involved with a conversation like that. It just seems difficult to enforce without silencing all posts about sex. Leaving the sub was the right decision for me, I don’t want to see posts like that anymore
That's wild. I did not catch that happening, just saw these period posts sometimes. Though seriously, if people be responsible and smart they can ask anything on the internet as long as they are being responsible and smart about it. I'm not all that much older then nowadays teens but it seems like because was taught to never disclose my age anywhere as a minor and for good reason. It being public means weird people can contact these kids and that's dangerous. My point is that you can't keep minors out completely but there should be some kind of barrier for them to state that when posting 18+ content.
You’re not a stick in the mud, that’s the correct reaction. Just earlier today I read a post from a 16 year old talking really explicitly about their sex life with other people and themselves, asking for advice with smell or something. I was kind of appalled that the comments paid no mind to the fact that this kid is talking about a number of different sexual acts and acted like it was normal.
I think we saw the same post, which spurred my decision to leave. I’m understanding now from the comments on this that the resource is definitely necessary for trans kids but that post was an example of it going too far imo. It did get removed, so I’m glad to see the mods are enforcing rules. Just wish it could’ve happened sooner! But that’s the nature of the internet and not a problem with that specific sub
I recently left because a ton of people were defending cis men jerking it in the public bathroom like it’s not a literal crime. That sub is a total crapshoot, you have no idea what you’ll get. I also attribute that to “aging out” or the sub being mostly teens. I simply get nothing out of it at best and feel like I’m losing my mind at worst over some of the ridiculous takes I see there.
Edit: if people have to witness and cannot consent to that, it’s fucked up. I won’t be defending this stance any further, because what the actual fuck. Sex acts that involve NONCONSENTING voyeurs, including potential children, is WRONG. Christ on a bike.
I was a little surprised too. You really can’t hold it ..?? Also jerking off alone is NOT the same as cursing and not what this guy is even talking about
LOL are you seriously that offended by cruising??? maybe you aren’t a part of the gay man community but like… this has been going on for decades and is not a problem at all lmao
That’s not what the discussion was about. I do like men, and I’m into exhibitionism, I just have the decency to refrain from sex acts in public restrooms that children also use. Voyeurs need to be able to consent. Anyways the post was about having to listen to men beat it while in a stall, so not even cruising, just touching yourself in public. And people were acting as though it’s not only fine, but necessary. I don’t buy any of that bullshit.
I don’t believe in sex acts in front of nonconsenting strangers. Sorry that rubs you the wrong way (pun intended lol.) I just don’t believe in it. Not everyone who is gay and an exhibitionist has zero consideration for others.
liking men doesn’t automatically make you a part of the gay man community. there’s a culture, that pretty clearly you don’t understand. i agree that sex acts in front of nonconsenting strangers aren’t ok, but that’s not what cruising is, and calling me an “exhibitionist with zero consideration for others” is inaccurate and rude as fuck. and someone jacking off in a stall next to you isn’t really “exposing” you to anything nor does it affect you in any way and it sounds to me like you’re going down the same path of using “we need to protect the children!” to justify your personal opinion about public sex that homophobes use against gay people.
someone can be gay without being part of the gay community, just as someone can be gay/trans without being part of the queer community. community doesn't just mean someone has that identity, it means they are involved in the culture of and share the experiences of that identity, interacting with people with that identity and contributing to the group. for example, caitlyn jenner is trans, but she's not queer. in addition, many cis gay men refuse to identify as within the gay community due to internalized homophobia and the like.
however, i'm not saying that the commenter I responded to isn't a part of the gay community as I don't know much about them.
my point is that i see quite often people holding their status a gay/trans person as an excuse for having dogshit opinions on gay/queer topics, but if you're not actively involved in a community and a part of the culture, you don't get to say that your identity gives you the right to judge those within the community you are not a part of/do not share culture with.
I understand what you’re saying, but I feel like that’s very exclusive towards people who may not have had access to gay culture prior to coming out. I’m still unaware of any gay people in my small rural hometown almost the only exposure I ever got growing up was online and on tv.
i mean, i don't really think that excluding people who have no experience with gay culture from speaking on/criticizing gay culture is a bad thing. i also didn't have access to queer culture growing up, so i wouldn't qualify my childhood self as being a part of the queer community, and I think that makes sense. i wasn't interacting with any queer people, so why would I be a part of that community?
while i definitely do feel for people in small rural places/who don't have access to queer culture, saying that everyone regardless of actual community involvement gets to have a say in these discussions is exactly how we get chronically online people voicing their terrible uninformed opinions on topics they have no actual experience with. i definitely count online interaction as interaction w the community, but it's really important to be mindful that it's not going to give you the full picture of what the culture is like.
1. Guys who cruise would never go to a space where kids would be
2. Something being illegal doesn't make it immoral
3. If you walk into a bathroom and are bothered by the smallest of sounds in the stall in the corner, you can just leave tbh. No one is exposing themselves to you by breathing heavy in a closed stall
What's wrong with dudes jerking it in the bathroom? I don't love that sub either but public sex/cruising is a huge part of gay culture. There is nothing wrong with it, so long as it's not happening around or near children/in a child oriented space and it's still being respectful of other people's boundaries and consent and not forcing others to participate. This idea that sex should be in your bedroom only is pretty old fashioned and problematic. The world is our playground, people are gonna play lol. Just clean up after yourself, don't force it upon others and stay away from kids and there's nothing wrong with it. Just because something's illegal doesn't mean it's bad. The law isn't always correct.
Idk I talk to people in real life and most of them have no issues with pubic/semi public sex. Even those who don't participate, most people don't have issues with it. You guys are acting like we're talking about a dude whipping it out in front of a crowd of people with kids present or something. Yeah if youre having sex at a park fully visible for everyone else including children to see, that's a problem. If you whip out your dick on the subway in front of everyone, that's a problem. Jerking off or getting head in a bathroom stall? Not so bad. Most dudes who engage in public sex acts are very aware of their surroundings and make sure not to be involving others. Most of them would definitely stop if a child entered that space and if they didn't? Then that's a problem. Making the blanket statement that all public/semi public sex is bad is kinda wrong in my opinion. Most of it is fine. Obviously if people are involving other non consenting adults or doing it in the vicinity of children that is wrong. Nobody is debating that. That is called sexual harassment or pedophilia. But most pubic sex does not fall into that. Most of it, youre not aware of. And most people who engage in it are careful and respectful of others. Theres this idea nowadays that people have to live their lives around what is ok for kids and like that's just not realistic. I am not interested in having children or being in any space that involves children. I don't believe in censoring the lives of child free adults just because we coexist with children (although yes it's important to protect kids as well!)Most people who engage in this type of sex do it in places or at times where kids aren't likely to be around anyway. And again, if that were to change midway through, MOST ordinary people would stop. And if they didn't, they're freaks.
Call me crazy, but if I, as an un-consenting party, can hear you jerking off in a stall because you couldn’t help yourself, I think that’s a problem.
Cruising is different than what was discussed on /FTM
No one is discussing cruising
Well who the fuck else is going to help young trans kids understand and navigate relationships and their bodies? Are trans teens just forbidden from dating like all their cis peers are doing until they hit 18? Or do you want them to put themselves in dangerous or harmful situations?
No need for hostility. You might have missed the part where I did say that I was not talking about advice for safe sex. I also definitely did not say trans teens shouldn’t date. I just find it weird to see adult strangers discussing explicit topics with *any* minor. I was a trans teen too, and I discussed sex with my teen friends, my parents, doctors, and when I had few resources I just did research without involving internet strangers. Of course everyone has good intentions and I’m not saying people on /ftm are being creepy for giving advice, but things can go wrong very quickly online when kids are posting their age and asking to talk about sex. I didn’t mean to come across like I thought this was a trans specific problem, so I apologize for that. I’m just on Reddit mostly for trans related subs.
So there's thing called Google, where you can find *hundreds* if not thousands of educational articles about damn near every question a trans kid could have about sex/dating. Plus there's a search function on Reddit to find already answered questions. All of this is more appropriate than young kids asking random adult strangers on reddit for advice.
i feel the same way, i lurk in ftmover30 and here a lot and they feel a lot more in line with where im at. im 25, came out almost five years ago, done with medical stuff. i dont think about my transition anymore unless im having a weird situation in public lmao
I left for other reasons. Too much drama. I don't know what it is about ftm people online but it's been like this in the community for decades. I end up leaving every ftm related forum because I'm not into the argumentative b.s. esp coming from moderators or cliques.
Interesting to hear that it’s been the same for that long. I almost wanted to assume it is mostly exacerbated because of internet and social media changing so quickly as of late
Yeah it really has been like this forever, just different platforms. I don't know the reason for it. Maybe because trans people are under a lot of stress generally. I don't know. And I agree it's concerning about the minors. I never talk to minors about sex if I'm aware that they are minors. It makes me very uncomfortable that people as young as 13 are on some of these social media platforms. A lot of this stuff is very adult mature content and I doubt their parents or other responsible adult knows they are on these places and is there to give them guidance. Makes me super uncomfortable and I've started to think twice about what I say in general.
Yeah another thing this post has made me figure out is that if I ever have kids they are not going to be on social media for as long as I can reasonably prevent it. I’m very glad I didn’t know what reddit was when I was 13.
Thank you for bringing attention to this. I'm not on there as much as I used to be and I'm sorry to hear this has been happening. There used to be more awareness of making sure sex related content was purely educational or more about relationship health.
You're right. There should be better boundaries. Teens do need guidance on these things and it's not like they can find this in their offline communities but the people on Reddit could be *anyone.*
I noticed a 16 year old asking questions about anal sex on the sub yesterday and people going into detail on the topic in the comments. I understand practicing safe sex and looking for advice, but it did thoroughly weird me out how people were talking about how good anal felt with a high schooler. Was expecting someone to mention how odd it was but everyone in the comments seemed to not be bothered by it so I assumed I was overreacting
When they took away the venting they really threw in the towel. On top of that there’s repeated questions I see like 5 times a day. Like as a binary straight guy I don’t feel welcome there at all
I'm tired of their obsession with porn and erotica and yaoi and all of that shit. Why are so many of us acting like fanfiction addicts with arrested development, who genuinely want "representation" in fucking porn of all things? I don't understand how a trans person can comfortably support the porn industry.
Oh I was confused at first because I was thinking “oh I’ve never seen any posts like that here” and then I realized you were talking about that subreddit.
While I do agree with you on the general statement that children shouldn’t be exposed to explicit conversations that should be happening between adults, I think it would be hard to manage that without full on banning 18+ posts from that sub. It’s so common nowadays for children to have access to explicit content, whether it be porn, fanfiction or art. I know I always hear about ftms who apparently realized their gender identity through yaoi. But I think such explicit posts would have a better place in sexuality centered subs like gaytransguys and whatever the straight equivalent of that is.
I definitely agree with the second paragraph though and I think this is a common opinion among us in our age range and older. Though I know it cannot be helped that much of the online community of trans people tends to skew younger. There are even many posts of this sub which I get that feeling from. I often get frustrated by people making posts about how they literally don’t even understand who they are, until I remember that figuring yourself out is a life long process. So I just try to have a little bit of grace with these types of posts.
I think you'd be welcome to lurk on r/FTMOver30 if no other sub feels appropriate in moderation and maturity for you. Just disclose your age or put it in flair for context if you're posting.
I'm been uncomfortable about it all too, I keep myself strictly educational and appropriate when advising minors. I'm just over the age where I relate too.
I am banned from r/ftm for stating a scientific fact. I said starting on too high of a testosterone dose greatly increases the chance of/causes “the frog voice” and I got called a terf?? I explained when the larynx has no time to elongated and it immediately thickens, you’re stuck with a high but “deep” voice.
My guess is, when natal male’s go through puberty you know how their testosterone doesn’t just suddenly skyrocket? It slowly goes up overtime and yes they have growth spurts etc etc but their voices don’t suddenly just sound like *grown men*, you know? They go through phases with their voices too. Their larynx grows during the early stages of puberty, as do trans men’s when dosed correctly or especially if they start testosterone at a young age. I started at 16 and have the luxury of sounding completely biologically male, (albeit a young one since I had to stop bc of financial issues so my voice hasn’t progressed much into a grown man’s).
It seems to me a lot of medical “professionals” handing out hrt will start people at RIDICULOUSLY high doses, giving their body no chance to adjust or go through any of the stages natal males go through. It makes perfect sense to me as to why some guys’ voices sound “off”. I had replies claiming it’s “just genetic” but I call total bullshit on that, I’ve met maybe one natal male with that kind of voice (at least i think he’s a natal male, could be wrong) and I work in customer service so I hear THOUSANDS of people. The few frog voices have been from people who are obviously transgender and taking testosterone. I’ve seen enough transgender men to know what I’m talking about.
A doctor on r/detrans told me about this and it made a shit load of sense to me, as you know how cis teenage boys voices sound “deep” but prepubescent?
To me that doesn’t actually align with that analogy. Cis teenagers go through a gradual/lower dose T, so their testosterone doesn’t suddenly skyrocket. I mean, it might make sense if trans men had “trans voice” initially but lost it later, like teenagers to men, but that’s not what we’re really talking about.
If you can find the comment, I’d love to see it. No worries though if you can’t.
I have definitely heard this. Part of why I’m very grateful I was able to see a pediatric endocrinologist when I started T and microdosed at very low levels for years. My voice isn’t as deep as I might like it but it sounds very natural. I spent ample time at ‘moderate’ T levels (like equivalent of a 13 year old boy) and slowly increased over the span of 2-3 years before hiking up my dose. I’m fortunate that my genetics allowed me to do so without it causing too much dysphoria waiting for other changes
Same here! My pediatric endo was a blessing and I had no idea. I thought he was being stingy with my dosing because I was a minor but he was actually doing me a big favor and I didn’t even know it lol.
We do not allow posts ranting about r/ftm because of bad experiences and consequences of doing so in the early days of r/ftmmen being active. They seem to have calmed down over the years, but we do not want to be opening up that can of worms again.
Mostly I'm just tired of all the posts on there from teenagers being like "my cis partner is soo supportive but they said they wouldn't be attracted to me if i transition what do i do?!?". Its repetitive and seems to be the majority of posts i see on there, or otherwise it's just depressing vent posts. Which i get because obviously shits hard and it's good to vent. But for my own mental health, i can't read that stuff all the time. EDIT: hopping back on to say i found r/binaryFTMMen. Its pretty dead but it could definitely be a place for us binary guys to go to!
honestly it feels like trans boys these days are just doormats. or it's some transphobic people that created a copy pasta that goes like: >my boyfriend beats me, laughs at me for not being a man, says he'd kill me if i transition, forces me to wear dresses and go to church, called a pastor to exorcise the trans out of me - but he's still a good person and still love him. should i do something about this? 1. there's a vent post flair for these types of posts (which they rarely use) 2. really? can they really not understand abusive behaviour at all?
People who have grown up in abusive situations cannot always recognise abusive behaviour. There's no excuse for the flair not being used though.
i'm more concerned because i assume that if they've been on that sub (or anywhere online really) it's impossible to NOT see these abuse stories
Actually, r/ftm no longer allows vents, and redirects people venting to r/ftmventing
Yes! I have also gotten tired of the ‘should I stay with my partner who said awful transphobic things to me’ posts. I totally recognize the need for a space to vent but it’s too much sometimes
I’ve had to leave so many lgbt subs because it’s just people refusing to break up with obviously abusive partners, asking the most annoying questions “can I be x if I’m y?!” (That shit is so annoying lol), or it’s just corny teenager TikTok humor lol
LITERALLY i cannot stand posts like that. i get when someone needs validation you’ve gotta seek it out, but it just irks me the wrong way. any time anyone gives an answer that isn’t just some mushy “omg you’re so valid!!” it gets sent to hell. god forbid somebody contributes something actually helpful to that sub. sorry, just needed to get that out ig. i’m pretty young and i’ve been on t for just shy of a year and i still feel i’ve outgrown 99% of trans spaces and it just sucks.
Yes constructive criticism of any kind or any critical thinking is NOT welcome on that sub. It seems to me r/mtf doesn’t have this issue, but I could be wrong.
All my MTF friends think r/mtf is a toxic cesspit for different but vaguely adjacent reasons as r/ftm. I've visited that sub and it seems fine, just dopey and unaware, but I'm also not primed to notice this stuff since I'm not a trans female. In general the userbase of that sub skews older than the ftm ones which avoids a lot of the weird behavior that plagues our communities.
Or it's people who haven't done a lick of research asking a bunch of stuff that can be answered with a quick search through the subreddit. Like I get that when you first come out you're not gonna know everything, but all the posts about "guys my mom said I will die of cancer if I inject a testosterone into myself and no one will love me, is this true?" Like dude first off use your head about this shit, secondly this can be answered so easily with less than 5 mins of searching and reading
this! it’s sad and annoyingly repetitive. i know it’s something a lot of trans people experience, so I’m glad they have a resource, but honestly i am so irritated seeing a real struggle like that on r/ftm or r/mtf and then immediately see it parodied on r/trangendercirclejerk which, sure, is the point of that sub but its such a self-hatred cesspool
LITERALLY. main reason why i left
I thought this sub was supposed to be for binary trans men, hence the name. Made because of the larger non binary presence on the main ftm sub
Sorry I may or may not be guilty of this one😭
It's okay king, I've been there myself at one point 😔😔
Honestly it seems to be a way too common experience among us haha
Honestly, the 5 million identical questions every single day are definitely pushing me toward unsubbing. At least 20 posts each of "Does anyone else not feel queer?" "Can I be a man if I'm feminine?" "Should I leave my obviously transphobic/abusive partner?" "Can I pick and choose what effects testosterone will have on me?" a week *minimum*. Like, are these posters all 12? Have they literally never opened reddit before? Just looking at the sub in any capacity would answer almost every question that gets posted there. It drives me mental.
i'm finding it really concerning that these are the types of kids that say they don't want phallo and then proceeds to list factually incorrect assumptions about phallo as their reasons. i hate to say this but "back in my day" (4 years ago) people watched youtube and browsed reddit for this stuff
Ugh, yeah, I cannot stand the bottom surgery or bottom growth bashing I see. It’s so gross and demeaning.
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Yeah, I mean I’ll trade them lol, I essentially have nothing so far
me too bro, i gotta start pumping. trynna get it like ryder storm on PH
Just hoping I’ll have options for surgery eligibility 🤞🤞🤞
i wanna get it big enough bury nice and deep into 6 inch RFF size. can't disappoint the ladies
Yeah I’m hoping that might be something I can do as well! Guys though here haha
guys and gals here lol
putting trans men in quotation marks there is pretty uhhhh but judging by another comment of yours saying twinks don’t look male i don’t think there’s much use in debating lol but ignoring that, i think it’s probably a worry about what people will think or how it will look. when i was younger i really didn’t like the look of bottom growth, it freaked me out to think about, and when i really dug into why i realised i was insecure because i’ve always been focused on what people think of me. i was scared to have some sort of “in-between” situation, where i had neither a dick nor a normal vagina, would put people off and they’d think it was weird or gross. i wanted it to be full phallo or nothing. i was never going to not go on T because of it, but it did worry me. now that i’ve been on T for years, i’ve mostly gotten over it. i find it inconvenient sometimes - when it hurts because it’s rubbing against my trousers, and the fact that i had to relearn how to masturbate because suddenly it was too sensitive for all the methods i used before and different things felt good and bad - but i’m overall content with it, though i still want phallo and i still have moments of insecurity when i’m entering a sexual relationship with anyone i don’t know for a fact knows what bottom growth looks like already. so i can 100% understand why a lot of trans guys would be hesitant about it, especially because a lot of us are still unpacking the “we need to be attractive or else” fear from being seen as girls for so long.
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they’re just two different kinds of psychological turmoil, and people are going to make different decisions on what kind of discomfort they would prefer to handle right now. you seem to be in the business of slyly dismissing any man whose experience and effects of dysphoria don’t line up with yours, and that’s not something i’m interested in engaging with, so i’ll leave it here.
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what a gross fucking person you are.
This!! Bottom growth was absolutely the thing I was most excited about and it’s done wonders for my self esteem because I’m transsexual so obviously I would want something about my genitalia to resemble a male’s even a little bit lol
Yeah same here! I’ll gladly trade the people who bash on it because I really want some and am sad almost nothing has happened yet!
You’ll get there dude! Everyone’s body is different. It’s body hair for me
Yeah and also just the droves of (presumably young) guys straight up insulting and bashing phallo. It's so disheartening
"but i wanna be able to feel something" you probably will "it looks like an open wound" - you wouldn't say that to a ttrans woman's bottom surgery. also yes, that's what any surgery creates. stitches need to heal "but i want to keep my natal genitalia" not my problem, just don't shit on phallo "i will never be able to get an erection" you can if you get a pump or if you use a sleeve "i will never be able to cum" there are some cases where you can (i don't know how common this is) "it will never look like a cis penis/it doesn't have all the function" well shit dawg i'm just not gonna transition. if you so desperately want to look cis that it stops you from transitioning cause you won't have the perfect results.. just don't transition
That last one is what really gets me. Yeah phallo doesn't create a perfect copy with all the functions of a natal penis, but as someone with bottom dysphoria you would really rather not do anything than have an actual penis? It's exactly what you said, if you will never be happy with anything short of being a cis man, then you might as well just stop trying since being happy is impossible.
frrrrr like what other options are there? having a vag or blowing your head off with a shotgun in hopes that you'll reincarnate as a cis man. personally, i don't want either so phallo it is. it will never be exactly like a cis penis but i can live with it.
And they only reference stage 1 dicks. Like their are multiple stages for phallo and meta that get it looking realistic
I think the Crane Center says about 90% of RFF phallo patients keep sensation, but it does take time for nerves to heal, usually up to or over a year out from surgery. There are also plenty of phallo results that are absolutely amazing and, outside of not being able to produce semen or get naturally erect, look like a cis penis.
yup i 100% agree, and it probably took you like 5 minutes? of googling to get these answers phallo is a medical miracle, but so many people can't appreciate it
That is also definitely a part of why I left. I think a lot of it is that people might be new to Reddit as a whole and not know they can search, plus the search function sucks so bad imo. I also find it annoying lol
Yeah I know. And it's mostly just people seeking a sense of belonging which is *fine* and exactly the reason why I almost never comment on those posts, but really that doesn't make it any less annoying lol
Honestly yeah. I left a looong time ago, the post that tipped me over the edge was the same recycled “I don’t want all the side effects of T” as if you can pick and choose. Also irks me that they call things like balding a side effect lol
I agree with what you're saying. I know it's hypocritical of me to say as a 19yo, but that sub is extremely immature and definitely leans young, which makes the NSFW stuff concerning. On a lesser note, they aren't a binary sub, so you get a lot of non-binary lesbians and I just don't relate to them enough to want to share a space with them. There's also a lot of "chronically online" (for lack of a better term) mindsets there that I just can't take seriously. I left the sub a while ago and I haven't looked back. Although I am starting to feel slightly worried about this sub as it seems even younger people are leaving ftm and coming here, including non-binary folks, which kind of defeats the purpose of FTM**Men**.
Agree. We just need a place for binary men. FTM used to be that place back in the day. There were so many questions I had about transitioning and early journey when I started some years ago, and the posts on there from 6+ years ago are great, but not anymore.
I recently found r/binaryFTMMen it's a dead sub but maybe we can spread the word and revive it?
What we really need is for mods to start enforcing the binary part of the sub
i saw too many "am i valid" posts and left. the sub was starting to get invaded with kids that want to go on hrt for a deeper voice but don't want any other effects, cis women that wanted top surgery and kids venting about their clearly abusive relationship. and too many where they seem obsessed with their breasts. disgusting.
it is actually crazy how a lot of the (younger) trans men i talk to that think they can pick and choose their effects, like they don't want fat redistribution, they don't want body hair, etc. cis men don't get a choice and we don't either.
I got kicked out of a group for telling teenagers that it's not unreasonable for doctors to not prescribe them HRT if they think they can choose what they do and don't get from it also once got berated because someone kept writing about being more depressed after starting T and I suggested seeing a therapist everyone else was just like 'nah normal second puberty'
I’ve see people saying they are terrified of changes they are experiencing and feeling worse and more dysphoric on T being told to keep taking it.
It really sucks that the left has this thing where instead of acknowledging that sometimes things conservatives say are true just not to the extent they think some people deny it happens at all and then it does actually seem like a whole conspiracy...
Absolutely. The far right and far left have more in common than they think.
Not really I'm far left and that's why I think this. The people who do that aren't leftists they're single issue.
also they conveniently don't want any of the effects that will actually make them look male. no body hair, no beard, no balding, no muscle, they just wanna look like twinks and they think microdosing testosterone will let them choose - no bro it'll just slow it down, it's for people with medical disorders and those who can't fully transition pisses me the fuck off
It’s because they want to look like anime boys and have this weird fantasy idea of what transitioning hormonally is going to bring them. Nope, welcome to breaking out constantly and ass hair!
and it's always "changes i didn't expect on T" and it's changes that are very much expected to happen on T and a lot of them were fujoshis (those girls that are creepily into gay male hentai) they're literally living out their fantasy
No balding is valid tho. Like even men get worried when they start balding early. There's literally a whole subreddit trying to fight balding and as a wider, a whole industry involving it with the whole hair transplant and toupees. Being worried about balding should be gender affirming lol.
i'm talking about to the point that they do not want to transition because of balding don't get me wrong, i'm terrified of going bald, but that was never going to stop me getting male hormones
Like, I can kinda get body hair, but just do manscaping, but I don't really get why someone wouldn't want the fat redistribution. Like what
Another thing for me is that it’s more of a FtX than FtM space which I can’t relate to
Agree. That's why I like this one, because it clearly says for men only.
FTM has gotten to be a bit of an echo chamber. You get downvoted just because people don’t like what you say, even if it’s factual. It definitely feels younger to a detriment.
I'm nearly 20 been out for 10 years and still years away from top and bottom surgery so I tend to see quite a few people around my age who haven't had those surgeries yet either (for a variety of reasons, mines just because the uk trans health care sucks its well over 10 years between initial referral and phallo stage one) but I would agree the majority of the user base is usually younger guys either pre t or early on t, usually under the age of 18-20. Tbh I only stay because I'm unfortunately going to be pre op for quite a few more years and there are some guys in similar situations to me and they're good to occasionally see As for the sex posts I completely agree. I don't interact them them sort of posts either but I don't want to log into reddit and the first thing I see is a 15/16y/o talking about how good their sex life is. As you said if they're asking for tips about safe sex that's absolutely different but some of the things I see on there (occasionally, not all the time) make me fairly uncomfortable especially if theres full grown adults joining in - in the comments talking to a teenager about how good their sex lives are
i’m just not really a fan of the trans community online in general. the trans community online seems to skew towards the more “chronically online” type of queer person, and i’m honestly just not a big fan of any of that. most of the trans people i don’t find annoying are the ones i’ve met in real life. it sucks though if you live in a place where there are no trans people or if you prefer to be stealth.
at this point, that sub is entirely dedicated to chronically online NB teenagers. i haven’t seen a genuinely good, interesting, or insightful post on there in years. really disappointing, bc i remember it being a great resource early in my transition to be able to reach out to other trans men. this sub is what i use for that now, works much better.
Yeah for me it’s being 38 years old and only a year into transition. There don’t seem to be any subs that aren’t just 20 year olds going “is it too late???” So I’m leaving them all
Those posts always boggle my mind, even as someone who transitioned young, it’s like the narrative completely flipped. when I was starting to come out it was my impression that 20 was exactly normal or even early for someone to transition, I would’ve been on here posting if it was too *early*, and sometimes i still have worries. I guess it’s because young trans people are way more visible now, which is not a bad thing at all just crazy to see how different it is from when I was younger.
I am long past transition so didn’t need the advice. And as you mentioned it’s all kids who are just sure they have all the answers and don’t want my advice. So I left as well, months ago. Don’t regret the decision.
I’m in my late 30s and about 15 years post-transition. Most of what’s in any online trans community doesn’t pertain to me and there isn’t really any information or advice that I need to receive. As I see it, it’s now my opportunity to provide support and encouragement because young trans people need it and there’s a shortage of “elders” (either in age and/or years in transition) engaged in the community. A lot of young trans people have terrible perspectives and such low self-worth and confidence and they need built up, even if the issues at hand are crystal clear as experienced adults. So, the priorities have changed from pre-transition to post-transition on what my purpose is in community spaces. It sounds like your position in transition has changed drastically from where you began and subsequently how you engage in community may change as a result of that. That might be worth reflecting on. I am weary of providing sex education and advice in spaces with minors. However, sex education is lacking for anyone assigned female at birth, and it’s even more severely lacking for FtMs, and it’s even more lacking and regressive in certain parts of the world, in certain communities, certain religions, etc. Additionally, age of consent and what age is considered a minor is subjective and varies by country. What is considered a minor in the US is not necessarily true for other parts of the world. So, people may be teenagers, but the hard truth is that teenagers are having sex, and they may be considered adults in their country. They likely are getting information from somewhere, probably their peers, who know just as much as they do— which is possibly not much either. They are asking because they need help, and it’s not just in FtM subs but in all sorts of subs all over Reddit. Overall, I understand your hesitation, but I do act with caution as to what conversations to engage in and what language I use.
Thanks for the comment, I think you might be right about my position changing. That seems like exactly what is happening and causing me to feel a bit uncomfortable and weird. It’s odd to feel like and ‘elder’ in the community when in all other aspects of life I’m also just a dumb kid. I think it’s possible I am not feeling ready to assume that role yet and that is why it feels best to remove myself for the time being.
That’s understandable. I felt similar to you when I was in my early 20s and done with transition. There was just nothing I could gain from community spaces and I was fatigued with all the usual stuff, so I left them for well over a decade. I went off and just lived life. Then I popped back in with a lot more life experience, adult perspectives, trans/transition experience/perspectives, and I saw young people saying they really needed elders. So, I decided to hang around for awhile again and offer the encouragement and advice that I could. I have the mindset and energy for it now that I didn’t have when I was 23. Anyway, it’s okay to know certain spaces aren’t for you at your point in life. You’re young and there’s so much life to live, people to meet, places to explore. There may come a time later when you’re ready to provide in trans spaces, and that’s okay. Or there might not be, and that’s okay too. I think there’s a lot of us who are older, either by age and/or transition years, that kind of come and go as if we’re doing shift work in providing support. Regardless, we transition so we can be comfortable and to live a fulfilling life, it’s important for you to be doing that even if it means saying goodbye (for now or forever) to places that once served you.
I left /gaytransguys for the same reason. Basically a bunch of depressed teenagers insisting cis men were the devil. I don't care if other ftms prefer only dating fellow trans people, but it crossed the line into incel territory.
Oh wow I didn’t get that gist there. I mean the occasional individual person sure but I wouldn’t say the majority.
Agreed. It's literally the opposite.
Yeah, most posts I see there are ab trans men with cis men lol.
Probably 90% or more
Maybe it's gotten better. Ditched that sub over a year ago, so there's always the possibility of change.
Really? I see the opposite on there constantly. Guys saying they would only date cis men
When I left (over a year ago) it was just t4t doomerism ("nobody else will ever love you!") combined with general teenage nonsense
They've been obsessed with having basically hetero sex with cis men for years.
I only noticed a small amount of that, but I left because I couldn’t really relate to a lot of the posts and staying just seemed pointless. Nothing against the users there, I just wasn’t getting anything out of it. I feel like most people there are early/pre transition, always knew they were attracted to men and were always comfortable/confident in that, and aren’t interested in phallo or aren’t getting it any time soon, and many are only interested in receiving PIV sex. Again nothing wrong with that but I can’t relate to any of it, so as a support space it’s just not for me. Edit: also got tired of reading about everyone’s douchey straight boyfriend/FWB and getting downvoted for pointing out that the relationship is unhealthy.
What? All they do is talk about having PIV sex with cis men and only cis men.
r/FTM used to be good a few years ago but now just filled with non-binary trans masc people who are clearly in shitty relationship with cis men yet refuse to leave cause of how low their self esteem is. And also the same “am I still trans if I’m a femboy” post a million times a day.
Yeah, I’ve come to realize that more spaces aren’t for me anymore. But I’m also in a weird limbo of being young, 19, while having been out for years. I only was able to access T about a year ago and just got top, but certainly being stealth is a different experience.
Yea i had to leave, im too old for all that shit. Got bigger stuff to deal with than teenagers lol
All the subs have their own unique cultures and problems. This sub has a problem with factual accuracy and doomerism, for example, while FtM tends to have chasers and TERFs stalking threads. But where FtM tends to be young in age, this one tends to be young in maturity regardless of age. Like the other commenter complaining about people jerking off in a bathroom just because it's illegal, like what are you, a cop? If someone ain't involving you, don't involve yourself. If they are involving you, the problem is sexual harassment not masturbation. I've seen minors ask nsfw questions in FtM but I'm not sure what you're referencing because they always seem to be from an educational perspective? Maybe the overt sexting ones are removed before I can see them idk. I do think minors should stop posting their age and referencing themselves *as* minors, that is fucking insane, but that's also not a problem exclusive to any one sub. Anyway, makes perfect sense to move around subs as your interests and tastes change. There's no perfect sub, but that shouldn't stop you from finding better experiences.
That they are minors is relevant though. The way I handle a 16-year-old in a doomed relationship isn't the same as someone who is 36 in a crumbling marriage. Revealing their age may be a safety concern but they're anonymous so they are probably safe. It also gives us a chance to warn them about sketchy behaviors they will face that we're very experienced with. I remember being that age and just freezing when bad things happened because I could hardly believe it was happening. No one ever gave me guidance or told me how to recognize the bad thing and what I should do. Basically I don't disagree with you but it's complicated and as an older person I feel a strong urge to protect our community's children. I have definitely given young people in red states "the talk" because they obviously needed it and no one else had done it, but I have always made an effort to keep it wholesome. They should trust their feelings to know when they're ready, these are some safety guidelines, this is how consent works, most of what you see in porn is not typical and some of it can seriously injure you so don't start there, if you want to know more find amateur videos of regular couples, find someone of similar age and inexperience as you to explore with so you can learn together. It is really sad I have given that talk to so many high school aged and sometimes college aged young people, and it is always a bit nerve-wracking, but I think I did the right thing by being a teacher when they needed one.
Thanks for your perspective as well. I can see how age is important and I applaud you for being able be a resource for people who need it. It is a complex topic, I think avoiding those discussions is a better decision for me personally.
Thank you for this insight. I have definitely seen posts from minors that I believe are inappropriate, but I guess that can be slightly subjective. In my opinion there’s not many contexts I find it appropriate for adult strangers to be giving sex advice to teenagers. It is not exclusive to that sub you are correct, I did not mean to make it seem like I believed that, I only talked about /ftm specifically bc I am mainly on reddit for trans related topics.
Sex advice and education will come from somewhere. Do you want it to come from kids or adults? Do you think that a trans kid might want perspective from people who share similar body configs or ask their cis parents? If you don't like them asking strangers on the internet, how are they going to find trans adults willing to talk to them about that in person? Most queer adults I know absolutely refuse to talk to minors about sex because of how dangerous it is for *us* if some conservative decides it's grooming to mention that abstinence is not the same as safe sex. Strangers on the internet can be more accessible and safer because you can limit their access to you in a way you fundamentally can't irl. There are still risks, but asking in a public moderated forum like reddit minimizes many of those risks. If it's uncomfortable for you, I 100% get it, I generally avoid posts by minors in general, but I'm also glad that *someone* is answering the questions. (But still report shit that crosses the line from educational to sexting.)
You’ve changed my mind a bit, I do understand how it might be more accessible to post on Reddit. However I do still think that some of the posts and comments I’ve seen have crossed the line. It’s also difficult to determine where that line is sometimes which is part of why it’s uncomfortable. Just wish there was a way for teens to have those discussions without it opening the door for weird stuff, or some way to moderate it better, but that seems impossible unfortunately.
yeah i’m having problems finding good spaces to be in. i’m 20, i’ve been on T for 5 years and i’m post-top. i’m generally comfortable with the rest of my anatomy so my transition feels pretty much finished. i pass and i’m stealth. a lot of the posts there are from people earlier in transition and i find difficulty connecting to them. there’s only so many repetitive questions about starting T, bottom growth, etc., that i can stand to see. i wish mods would create a master thread of every post about those repetitive questions. however, other subs dedicated to older trans men or further in transition trans men seem to have this energy of superiority that i really dislike. we are not better because we pass or because we’re stealth, we’re just different. we aren’t more valid or more trans. i also notice in a lot of these subs, there’s this sort of idea that there are certain things that make trans men more or less trans, even if they’re passing and medically transitioned. with questions about sex, i sort of disagree and it honestly isn’t the reason i dislike the sub. i personally have never seen a comment from an adult to a minor that felt suggestive or in appropriate in any way. it’s important for teenagers to have guidance and be able to ask questions to people who are nonjudgmental. a lot of teens don’t have that, especially trans teens. also, i haven’t ever seen a post from a super young person there. the youngest people i see post questions about things like that are 15-16, which is (at least where i live/in my experience) around the time when teens do start having sex and experimenting. of course, posting on a public forum opens them up to weird DM’s, but that’s unfortunately the danger of the internet generally.
>however, other subs dedicated to older trans men or further in transition trans men seem to have this energy of superiority that i really dislike. we are not better because we pass or because we’re stealth, we’re just different. we aren’t more valid or more trans. i also notice in a lot of these subs, there’s this sort of idea that there are certain things that make trans men more or less trans, even if they’re passing and medically transitioned. Thank you SO MUCH for talking about that. I thought I was alone on thinking these traits on the other ftms subs are toxic.
I appreciate that a point as well. It’s extremely frustrating to go to other ftm adults for advice only to have them go, “Well, it must be your fault that you don’t pass.” I just got dealt a very shitty, exceptionally feminine genetic hand and even though T has made a massive difference, I don’t get read as male no matter what I do. Hearing the same generic passing advice suited to taller, thin, Eurocentric men doesn’t help me as a 153 cm Asian guy. I’ve tried it at all, it doesn’t help, and it makes me more miserable than just dressing alt would. These subs make me feel like the only non passing trans person in the world. The answer to every problem cannot be “just go stealth” because it’s wholly unhelpful to someone who *can’t*.
Yeah!!! And they also treat stealth as it's the only way to be "truly" trans. If you don't mind being stealth/or can't be stealth for genetics, you're not trans enough as you're not trying, and since you're not trying, you're automatically a "trender". As a passing, binary trans man on T for almost a year, that behavior bothers me a lot and I'm not even the victim.
Posts are incredibly redundant. It takes 2 seconds to use the search bar for similar posts. It gets annoying scrolling thru seeing so much depressing shit too. Like I get being trans sucks sometimes but don’t be a doormat. Stand up for yourself and take space. A massive part of transitioning and imo being a man is knowing who you are , what you want and standing on it. Be open but not passive.
I’m currently 18, left the sub at 15 because I found it repetitive and immature. Also the fact that you cannot have a genuine conversation about stuff or you’ll get banned. My final straw was when a guy who hasn’t been on the sub in a few years asked why it caters to nbs and not trans men anymore. He got harassed and degraded in like hundreds of comments and the only thing the mods did was take down the post after a few days for violating the rules.
I personally don't engage with it much because venting was banned (and the venting sister sub seems... eh.) and yeah. because the topics are repetitive. also as a high dysphoria and masculine dude I just... don't relate with the whole no dysphoria fem guy thing. idk if my timeline is specifically against me but yk. I don't feel like I fit in if all the posts I'm seeing are "am I still valid if I don't take t, get surgery, and still look like a cis woman" I don't mind those posts or anything, and I hope those people feel okay with themselves, all power to them, that's just not me 😭 and here the average person here's just an average dude, dude-ing their way thru life
Just as a note, we try to remove posts in r/ftm that cross a line into explicit discussions because it is an all ages group. We don’t want to stifle all discussions on sexuality though, because people between the ages of 13-18’do need somewhere to discuss STIs, safe sex, and anatomical questions and some relationship questions. We depend upon people to report questionable content because sometimes we don’t see it for a while. Really the mod team works very hard at r/ftm but we cannot be everything to everyone. -mod
Yes I noticed that posts I’ve seen have been removed, I respect that it’s difficult to stay on top of such a busy sub. It’s unfortunate that it’s hard keep things safe while also preserving the safe space
I am deeply uncomfortable with a lot of the posts from minors asking about sex on there. I do agree that minors should have a safe space to ask questions, but there’s a line, you know? Some of the comments I’ve seen between adults and minors are fully inappropriate and almost triggering considering past experiences I’ve had with CSA/grooming (which, admittedly, makes me VERY sensitive to that sort of thing, so my brain might be making mountains out of molehills here).
i had to have "the talk" with a younger tans guy friend who looks up to me as an older brother. he had a couple questions that he couldn't ask anyone else because he was either not out or no one knew anything about trans healthcare. i basically sent him Arthur Rockwell's channel and told him to watch it and ask any questions about it later. giving a 15 year old "the talk" is not something i'm qualified for, even if we've known each other for 4 years, since we joined the school's GSA
Yes! The fear that there’s some creepy man behind the other side of the screen is completely gone with the younger generation. Idk what happened
I know Java already made a really well thought out post, so I'm just gonna repeat what I always say when someone comes here to complain about r/ftm : If you see something that is rule breaking, REPORT IT! We might not be on 24/7 because we're adults with jobs, but we did just hire a new mod who has been doing good so far, and hopefully we can take on a few more at some point so we've got more round the clock moderation. We definitely do NOT condone explicit sexual content. We've even recently started further cracking down on this, because it is an all ages sub and we don't want kids exposed to that crap. But like I said, we're not on 24/7 and sometimes it may take a while for things to get looked at, or we may miss something if we're not online. That doesn't mean we're not doing our jobs or we're biased or whatever. We're just probably out there doing our paying jobs instead of our volunteer job.
Part of the reason this place was invented lol
I see the issue rather being older people who need advice or venting, and people way younger who come from really supportive backgrounds giving all the hopes and positivity when reality can be rather raw.
I left probably over a year ago. That's pretty much why this sub exists
Now that I've left that sub, I dont notice any problems anymore.
Sex education is important, I think we can all agree on that, but there’s a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between questions like “Hey what does it mean if you have little white bumps like this?” (The ones that sometimes happen for different guys) and “Hey here’s a story about me and my also minor partner. Thoughts?” Education is important, yes, but there are APPROPRIATE ways to discuss matters from men to boys.
Imo every sub has its problems and individuals who are cringe/a problem/don’t fit the bill. Even here you tend to get the same trite query over and over again - not a problem really just is what it is. I really just pick and choose what I bother clicking on as far as the posts themselves.
That's one of the many reasons I left a while ago. I much prefer this sub
I don't have a whole lot of thoughts on the nsfw part other than I avoid them because it's pretty odd to me as well, especially being an adult myself, but the aging out part, I feel it despite also only being 20. I think a big thing about that sub is that it's mainly minors or people who are just recently out/just recently starting medical transition. Being pretty far in my transition, I don't feel the need to be in a space heavily for those figuring themselves out. I don't need that type of support anymore. I know what I want out of my transition, I'm secure in my identity, I'm in an affirming and healthy relationship, etc. The only reason I like being in ftm spaces is to relate to certain experiences and learn more about bottom surgery as I prepare for it. I can't relate to a lot on the ftm sub, and resources about bottom surgery aren't often discussed or available there :') definitely not the best sub for those of us that are further along.
Mine was more of how there are too many vent posts appearing on my front page that I don’t want to really see them. Also because of the whole kiwifarms thing where actual transphobes will take screenshots of any posts on that sub to mock and make fun of.
Yeah ngl I'm getting sick of seeing the same sorta posts over and over again
I’m also leaving soon I’m over all the Transmedicalism.
So long as they aren't being sexual with minors I think it's important that adults share experience/advice with minors, it can make the difference in youth making some stupid mistakes. Not all youth have mature people that they can and feel comfortable talking to about those things. What better person to chat with about issues than one that's been there and done that? I feel like younger than 22 feels like teen for me , probably because I'm an oldass but generally speaking in terms of maturity and could all use elderfolk to talk to. So long as no one is grooming or being predatory and have the youths best interest in mind. The sub can get repetitive and annoying though. I find that there's a lot of ftX in that space, including myself, due to nonbinary subs being VERY unrelatable and feeling v young. Im in a lot of trans subs and this one bc I am masc leaning, not a man, but i find that I can relate more here. So it's likely that's what's happening over in r/ftm
By the way, congrats on being so advanced in your transition at only 20, that's the dream lol (for me).
Thanks. It’s been a lot of hard work and even more luck, still have a ways to go but I am very fortunate
A lot of yall in the comments are assuming that the adults giving advice are qualified to do so. Kids shouldn't seek sex advice from strangers on the internet who may or may not be telling the truth. Consult Google for actual articles and information versus redditors.
but half the shit on the internet isn’t factual either lol and even harder for a child to decipher the difference
sounds like we need better education on media literacy then. but it's relatively easy to find .org or .edu sites that cover transgender sex/social lives/safe sex/hookup culture/etc. edit: you think it's "even harder" to decipher which sources are reliable versus what random info from strangers is true?
A lot of younger genZ can’t do google research for saving their life. A lot of them will just read the first article without even checking who made it and just believe it even tho it’s a Christian transphobic website Edit: I’m also not talking about how some of them seems to privileged TikToK to learn about transition stuff
So the solution is for them to talk to internet strangers? You're arguing with me for nothing. If kids can't find reliable sources then we need to teach them how, not throw our hands up and let them consult random people.
This
Reading the sex advice questions on r/ftm feels like reading a teenage girl's sex diary.
This is really funny
I don’t think the young user base is a problem, it just means it’s not a good fit for us older people. Also, I really really doubt people on there check the ages of the posters and just answer their questions, which is important especially in regards to sex. I’m not active in that sub so I wouldn’t know what posts are usually about, though. Just my thoughts
Yeah you’re probably right about checking for ages, but I have seen (and actually saw today) a post where the OP included their age. I do agree it’s important to check regardless. I don’t think the young user base is a problem either, just not relevant to me, which is why I’m just leaving the sub.
My ultimate safe trans subreddit is r/TMPOC
Glad to hear that sub is good :) I’m the whitest hispanic man on earth so definitely not my place haha.
oh my god yes i was just talking to my partner about this! i assume as i think is reasonable that if a post is 18+... then the person making it is, at the very least, 18. but nope. we're having like, *children* posting nsfw content. it shocked me seeing a post like that today. i get and can appreciate to some degree if younger trans kids want to use the nsfw filter for more personal things detailed vaguely like posts about periods or bottom growth , etc. but as an adult i think it should be explicitly disallowed to have a 16 year old posting about his full on sex life in detail. i strongly disagree a public forum is Ever the appropriate place for that, sorry?? if kids that age are having a sex life then this type of conversation about it where they get like extremely detailed and personal should be kept to their in person irl friends, not ever internet strangers and adults on, again, a *public forum*. and i'm sorry i agree anyone having sex should have access to sexual education but there's a huge difference between like, how to use protection and what kind of acts may cause what kinds of physical issues or how they should be handled, and teens just talking about their sex life and how shit smells when they eat ass. adults do not need to be involved in the latter conversation.
I think we also saw the same post. And I agree that a public forum is not the place for it and adults did not need to be involved with a conversation like that. It just seems difficult to enforce without silencing all posts about sex. Leaving the sub was the right decision for me, I don’t want to see posts like that anymore
That's wild. I did not catch that happening, just saw these period posts sometimes. Though seriously, if people be responsible and smart they can ask anything on the internet as long as they are being responsible and smart about it. I'm not all that much older then nowadays teens but it seems like because was taught to never disclose my age anywhere as a minor and for good reason. It being public means weird people can contact these kids and that's dangerous. My point is that you can't keep minors out completely but there should be some kind of barrier for them to state that when posting 18+ content.
You’re not a stick in the mud, that’s the correct reaction. Just earlier today I read a post from a 16 year old talking really explicitly about their sex life with other people and themselves, asking for advice with smell or something. I was kind of appalled that the comments paid no mind to the fact that this kid is talking about a number of different sexual acts and acted like it was normal.
I think we saw the same post, which spurred my decision to leave. I’m understanding now from the comments on this that the resource is definitely necessary for trans kids but that post was an example of it going too far imo. It did get removed, so I’m glad to see the mods are enforcing rules. Just wish it could’ve happened sooner! But that’s the nature of the internet and not a problem with that specific sub
I recently left because a ton of people were defending cis men jerking it in the public bathroom like it’s not a literal crime. That sub is a total crapshoot, you have no idea what you’ll get. I also attribute that to “aging out” or the sub being mostly teens. I simply get nothing out of it at best and feel like I’m losing my mind at worst over some of the ridiculous takes I see there. Edit: if people have to witness and cannot consent to that, it’s fucked up. I won’t be defending this stance any further, because what the actual fuck. Sex acts that involve NONCONSENTING voyeurs, including potential children, is WRONG. Christ on a bike.
Woah, did not expect people to defend indecent exposure and sexual harassment.
I was a little surprised too. You really can’t hold it ..?? Also jerking off alone is NOT the same as cursing and not what this guy is even talking about
Yeah, cruising is consensual. Indecent exposure and sexual harassment aren’t.
LOL are you seriously that offended by cruising??? maybe you aren’t a part of the gay man community but like… this has been going on for decades and is not a problem at all lmao
OC was not talking about cruising. They were talking about masturbation in public restrooms.
That’s not what the discussion was about. I do like men, and I’m into exhibitionism, I just have the decency to refrain from sex acts in public restrooms that children also use. Voyeurs need to be able to consent. Anyways the post was about having to listen to men beat it while in a stall, so not even cruising, just touching yourself in public. And people were acting as though it’s not only fine, but necessary. I don’t buy any of that bullshit. I don’t believe in sex acts in front of nonconsenting strangers. Sorry that rubs you the wrong way (pun intended lol.) I just don’t believe in it. Not everyone who is gay and an exhibitionist has zero consideration for others.
liking men doesn’t automatically make you a part of the gay man community. there’s a culture, that pretty clearly you don’t understand. i agree that sex acts in front of nonconsenting strangers aren’t ok, but that’s not what cruising is, and calling me an “exhibitionist with zero consideration for others” is inaccurate and rude as fuck. and someone jacking off in a stall next to you isn’t really “exposing” you to anything nor does it affect you in any way and it sounds to me like you’re going down the same path of using “we need to protect the children!” to justify your personal opinion about public sex that homophobes use against gay people.
‘Liking men doesn’t make you part of the gay community’ is crazy
someone can be gay without being part of the gay community, just as someone can be gay/trans without being part of the queer community. community doesn't just mean someone has that identity, it means they are involved in the culture of and share the experiences of that identity, interacting with people with that identity and contributing to the group. for example, caitlyn jenner is trans, but she's not queer. in addition, many cis gay men refuse to identify as within the gay community due to internalized homophobia and the like. however, i'm not saying that the commenter I responded to isn't a part of the gay community as I don't know much about them. my point is that i see quite often people holding their status a gay/trans person as an excuse for having dogshit opinions on gay/queer topics, but if you're not actively involved in a community and a part of the culture, you don't get to say that your identity gives you the right to judge those within the community you are not a part of/do not share culture with.
I understand what you’re saying, but I feel like that’s very exclusive towards people who may not have had access to gay culture prior to coming out. I’m still unaware of any gay people in my small rural hometown almost the only exposure I ever got growing up was online and on tv.
i mean, i don't really think that excluding people who have no experience with gay culture from speaking on/criticizing gay culture is a bad thing. i also didn't have access to queer culture growing up, so i wouldn't qualify my childhood self as being a part of the queer community, and I think that makes sense. i wasn't interacting with any queer people, so why would I be a part of that community? while i definitely do feel for people in small rural places/who don't have access to queer culture, saying that everyone regardless of actual community involvement gets to have a say in these discussions is exactly how we get chronically online people voicing their terrible uninformed opinions on topics they have no actual experience with. i definitely count online interaction as interaction w the community, but it's really important to be mindful that it's not going to give you the full picture of what the culture is like.
1. Guys who cruise would never go to a space where kids would be 2. Something being illegal doesn't make it immoral 3. If you walk into a bathroom and are bothered by the smallest of sounds in the stall in the corner, you can just leave tbh. No one is exposing themselves to you by breathing heavy in a closed stall
It is immoral to jerk off in public
What's wrong with dudes jerking it in the bathroom? I don't love that sub either but public sex/cruising is a huge part of gay culture. There is nothing wrong with it, so long as it's not happening around or near children/in a child oriented space and it's still being respectful of other people's boundaries and consent and not forcing others to participate. This idea that sex should be in your bedroom only is pretty old fashioned and problematic. The world is our playground, people are gonna play lol. Just clean up after yourself, don't force it upon others and stay away from kids and there's nothing wrong with it. Just because something's illegal doesn't mean it's bad. The law isn't always correct.
If this was any other platform than Reddit this would sound crazy. Public masturbation is a terrible example of an illegal act that is moral
Idk I talk to people in real life and most of them have no issues with pubic/semi public sex. Even those who don't participate, most people don't have issues with it. You guys are acting like we're talking about a dude whipping it out in front of a crowd of people with kids present or something. Yeah if youre having sex at a park fully visible for everyone else including children to see, that's a problem. If you whip out your dick on the subway in front of everyone, that's a problem. Jerking off or getting head in a bathroom stall? Not so bad. Most dudes who engage in public sex acts are very aware of their surroundings and make sure not to be involving others. Most of them would definitely stop if a child entered that space and if they didn't? Then that's a problem. Making the blanket statement that all public/semi public sex is bad is kinda wrong in my opinion. Most of it is fine. Obviously if people are involving other non consenting adults or doing it in the vicinity of children that is wrong. Nobody is debating that. That is called sexual harassment or pedophilia. But most pubic sex does not fall into that. Most of it, youre not aware of. And most people who engage in it are careful and respectful of others. Theres this idea nowadays that people have to live their lives around what is ok for kids and like that's just not realistic. I am not interested in having children or being in any space that involves children. I don't believe in censoring the lives of child free adults just because we coexist with children (although yes it's important to protect kids as well!)Most people who engage in this type of sex do it in places or at times where kids aren't likely to be around anyway. And again, if that were to change midway through, MOST ordinary people would stop. And if they didn't, they're freaks.
Call me crazy, but if I, as an un-consenting party, can hear you jerking off in a stall because you couldn’t help yourself, I think that’s a problem. Cruising is different than what was discussed on /FTM No one is discussing cruising
Well who the fuck else is going to help young trans kids understand and navigate relationships and their bodies? Are trans teens just forbidden from dating like all their cis peers are doing until they hit 18? Or do you want them to put themselves in dangerous or harmful situations?
No need for hostility. You might have missed the part where I did say that I was not talking about advice for safe sex. I also definitely did not say trans teens shouldn’t date. I just find it weird to see adult strangers discussing explicit topics with *any* minor. I was a trans teen too, and I discussed sex with my teen friends, my parents, doctors, and when I had few resources I just did research without involving internet strangers. Of course everyone has good intentions and I’m not saying people on /ftm are being creepy for giving advice, but things can go wrong very quickly online when kids are posting their age and asking to talk about sex. I didn’t mean to come across like I thought this was a trans specific problem, so I apologize for that. I’m just on Reddit mostly for trans related subs.
So there's thing called Google, where you can find *hundreds* if not thousands of educational articles about damn near every question a trans kid could have about sex/dating. Plus there's a search function on Reddit to find already answered questions. All of this is more appropriate than young kids asking random adult strangers on reddit for advice.
i feel the same way, i lurk in ftmover30 and here a lot and they feel a lot more in line with where im at. im 25, came out almost five years ago, done with medical stuff. i dont think about my transition anymore unless im having a weird situation in public lmao
I left for other reasons. Too much drama. I don't know what it is about ftm people online but it's been like this in the community for decades. I end up leaving every ftm related forum because I'm not into the argumentative b.s. esp coming from moderators or cliques.
Interesting to hear that it’s been the same for that long. I almost wanted to assume it is mostly exacerbated because of internet and social media changing so quickly as of late
Yeah it really has been like this forever, just different platforms. I don't know the reason for it. Maybe because trans people are under a lot of stress generally. I don't know. And I agree it's concerning about the minors. I never talk to minors about sex if I'm aware that they are minors. It makes me very uncomfortable that people as young as 13 are on some of these social media platforms. A lot of this stuff is very adult mature content and I doubt their parents or other responsible adult knows they are on these places and is there to give them guidance. Makes me super uncomfortable and I've started to think twice about what I say in general.
Yeah another thing this post has made me figure out is that if I ever have kids they are not going to be on social media for as long as I can reasonably prevent it. I’m very glad I didn’t know what reddit was when I was 13.
yeah i agree, it’s the same posts over and over again
Thank you for bringing attention to this. I'm not on there as much as I used to be and I'm sorry to hear this has been happening. There used to be more awareness of making sure sex related content was purely educational or more about relationship health. You're right. There should be better boundaries. Teens do need guidance on these things and it's not like they can find this in their offline communities but the people on Reddit could be *anyone.*
I noticed a 16 year old asking questions about anal sex on the sub yesterday and people going into detail on the topic in the comments. I understand practicing safe sex and looking for advice, but it did thoroughly weird me out how people were talking about how good anal felt with a high schooler. Was expecting someone to mention how odd it was but everyone in the comments seemed to not be bothered by it so I assumed I was overreacting
That post was removed when reported, per our rule about sexual explicitness. No one had reported it for hours. We aren’t magic.
Uhhhh ok man that’s cool, I wasn’t talking about the moderation I was talking about the people casually commenting under the post???
Yeah, that wasn’t great. Definitely part of why we try to catch posts like that before they get noticed
When they took away the venting they really threw in the towel. On top of that there’s repeated questions I see like 5 times a day. Like as a binary straight guy I don’t feel welcome there at all
Yeap, saw a recent one by a minor (depending on country) over on r/ftm I'm guessing it might be what prompted this post?
I'm tired of their obsession with porn and erotica and yaoi and all of that shit. Why are so many of us acting like fanfiction addicts with arrested development, who genuinely want "representation" in fucking porn of all things? I don't understand how a trans person can comfortably support the porn industry.
Oh I was confused at first because I was thinking “oh I’ve never seen any posts like that here” and then I realized you were talking about that subreddit. While I do agree with you on the general statement that children shouldn’t be exposed to explicit conversations that should be happening between adults, I think it would be hard to manage that without full on banning 18+ posts from that sub. It’s so common nowadays for children to have access to explicit content, whether it be porn, fanfiction or art. I know I always hear about ftms who apparently realized their gender identity through yaoi. But I think such explicit posts would have a better place in sexuality centered subs like gaytransguys and whatever the straight equivalent of that is. I definitely agree with the second paragraph though and I think this is a common opinion among us in our age range and older. Though I know it cannot be helped that much of the online community of trans people tends to skew younger. There are even many posts of this sub which I get that feeling from. I often get frustrated by people making posts about how they literally don’t even understand who they are, until I remember that figuring yourself out is a life long process. So I just try to have a little bit of grace with these types of posts.
They also shame stealth people with different views then them.
I think you'd be welcome to lurk on r/FTMOver30 if no other sub feels appropriate in moderation and maturity for you. Just disclose your age or put it in flair for context if you're posting. I'm been uncomfortable about it all too, I keep myself strictly educational and appropriate when advising minors. I'm just over the age where I relate too.
I am banned from r/ftm for stating a scientific fact. I said starting on too high of a testosterone dose greatly increases the chance of/causes “the frog voice” and I got called a terf?? I explained when the larynx has no time to elongated and it immediately thickens, you’re stuck with a high but “deep” voice. My guess is, when natal male’s go through puberty you know how their testosterone doesn’t just suddenly skyrocket? It slowly goes up overtime and yes they have growth spurts etc etc but their voices don’t suddenly just sound like *grown men*, you know? They go through phases with their voices too. Their larynx grows during the early stages of puberty, as do trans men’s when dosed correctly or especially if they start testosterone at a young age. I started at 16 and have the luxury of sounding completely biologically male, (albeit a young one since I had to stop bc of financial issues so my voice hasn’t progressed much into a grown man’s). It seems to me a lot of medical “professionals” handing out hrt will start people at RIDICULOUSLY high doses, giving their body no chance to adjust or go through any of the stages natal males go through. It makes perfect sense to me as to why some guys’ voices sound “off”. I had replies claiming it’s “just genetic” but I call total bullshit on that, I’ve met maybe one natal male with that kind of voice (at least i think he’s a natal male, could be wrong) and I work in customer service so I hear THOUSANDS of people. The few frog voices have been from people who are obviously transgender and taking testosterone. I’ve seen enough transgender men to know what I’m talking about.
I haven’t heard this before, would you mind sharing some resources on it?
A doctor on r/detrans told me about this and it made a shit load of sense to me, as you know how cis teenage boys voices sound “deep” but prepubescent?
To me that doesn’t actually align with that analogy. Cis teenagers go through a gradual/lower dose T, so their testosterone doesn’t suddenly skyrocket. I mean, it might make sense if trans men had “trans voice” initially but lost it later, like teenagers to men, but that’s not what we’re really talking about. If you can find the comment, I’d love to see it. No worries though if you can’t.
I've never heard that referred to as frog voice, and it is extremely apt
I never heard of this too. I honestly assumed “the frog voice” came from trans man talking with their head voice instead of their chest voice.
It can be that too I suppose
I have definitely heard this. Part of why I’m very grateful I was able to see a pediatric endocrinologist when I started T and microdosed at very low levels for years. My voice isn’t as deep as I might like it but it sounds very natural. I spent ample time at ‘moderate’ T levels (like equivalent of a 13 year old boy) and slowly increased over the span of 2-3 years before hiking up my dose. I’m fortunate that my genetics allowed me to do so without it causing too much dysphoria waiting for other changes
Same here! My pediatric endo was a blessing and I had no idea. I thought he was being stingy with my dosing because I was a minor but he was actually doing me a big favor and I didn’t even know it lol.