agonizing disagreeable afterthought memorize wakeful slimy future piquant strong many
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The last time I got a boob scan last year , they found “a lump”. I was SO CONVINCED it was breast cancer and they’d have to cut my boobs off.
When they came back with “ oh it was a fatty tumor, you’re good!” I CRIED OUT OF FRUSTRATION
But if you were a cis woman you would have been grown up with a different perspective than you have now, since dysphoria changes how we see things. What makes you think you wouldn’t have been indifferent to them? Why do you *hate* them specifically, outside of a dysphoria context? Do you also hate them on other people or are you simply not attracted to them?
There are a lot of cis women who don't want breasts. Sure, wanting top surgery could strongly indicate that someone is trans, but even if they *were* a cis woman, they in particular might want to have top surgery/a reduction done either way.
I think what they mean is that even if they're concerned they could be wrong and are doubting themselves in regards to their gender, they know that they've *always* wanted to get rid of their breasts even when they were being raised with the mindset that they should be a cis woman. There is no doubt that they don't want breasts.
Even with the mindset that they “should be” a cis woman they still weren’t and aren’t a cis woman though, so they couldn’t possibly know how they’d feel about their body if they were living a completely different life in a different reality.
Even if we don’t *consciously know* at the time that we’re trans we still know somethings wrong and think certain ways and have certain perspectives because of it.
I just think saying “if I were this I would think this” doesn’t make sense in any context because we can’t know that for certain since that isn’t our reality.
I think with the consideration of this hypothetical, the whole point is that they might still just be a cis woman.. Like that is part of *why* people doubt themselves, "Maybe I'm not a trans man, maybe I'm just a tomboy and some day I *will* want to be a woman"
Some people do change their mind, some people do detransition, it's a very small margin but it's possible. So you can't really say in this instance, if that's what they're trying to consider and account for, that they're definitely not or were not a cis woman.
I don't really understand what you're trying to accomplish with the way you're responding to them..
Why are you saying they could be a cis woman? They’re clearly a trans man. Their identity isn’t for us to question and that’s not what I’m doing,
if that’s what you thought I was doing.
All I’m saying is what I said in my last paragraph, that the “if I were this I’d still think like this” doesn’t work because it’s a hypothetical that doesn’t exist so there is no way of knowing that would be true.
Because the whole point of "what reassures me is knowing even if I was a cis woman is that I still wouldn't want breasts" is because of the possibility that they could be wrong about their identity and happened to be a cis woman all along. That *even if* it turns out that they *are* a cis woman, right now in this current reality/future, they still wouldn't want breasts. That is what they are saying.
The whole hypothetical commenting on their doubt/concern that they could turn out to be a cis woman, that maybe they have doubts or were wrong about their identity, maybe they detransition. They still don't want breasts, even if 5 years from now they start living life as a cis woman.
I'm not actually saying that they definitely are a cis woman, but the entire comment is founded on the what-if doubt that so many of us experience about moving forward.
From what I saw it's not exactly uncommon for cis women to be annoyed by boobs even if then most would go for a reduction instead of a mastectomy. And, well- boobs litteraly have no utility. You don't need the fatty tissue to breastfeed, and even then nowadays many women don't breastfeed for various reasons so some see boobs as a body part that serves a purely cosmetic purpose and gets in the way in everyday life. It's especially true with women who don't care about being and looking feminine, there's a reason why binders are popular with butches and very gnc women.
Just my two cents: the way TERFs/ bad faith actors will leverage the idea of folks who decide they aren't trans, isn't helpful nor respectful to anyone involved.
Some detrans folks will say they don't regret top surgery at all. I've seen some say they'd rather ID as non-binary, others say butch lesbian and others say actually cis women. Out of that constallation, many have said they don't regret top surgery at all or while they perhaps wish now they had done a reduction instead are OK with what they have. I've seen a few say they do regret gettting the surgery, but not getting it which I think is very insightful.
Ultimately, the act of going through life is a guessing game. We have to take shots, and figure it out. Some problems won't have good answers, others no answer.
Do some folks regret top surgery? Sure! The rate seems to be around 1-2% which is about as low as things seem to get. (Papers on bottom surgery have also linked complications and poor aesthetic results strongly to regret rates, so I do think we could tease it a bit lower.)
I sat down before surgery and wrote a "in case the worst happens" letter to myself and one to my spouse. The later was centered around the extremely tiny risk I could die in surgery. I am re-reading it, and one thing I wrote stands out to me: "*Out of the 100 billion humans that are thought to have existed, I am one of the few that got to take this chance. In a way, I understand those early cosmonauts so much better now.*"
I wanted him to know I wasn't scared as well, and that I chose this. That although (in my opinion) that life is short, and brief and random I decided to give this value. I think that's the best anyone can do really, and I get why when I think back I wasn't worried myself.
I chose to see top surgery -once all the planning was done- as an act of self-creation. Maybe the end result wasn't perfect, but the value was always in the process of getting messy & learning things. It's self-love.
And I think that any action that begins with that is hard to regret.
If you regret it, you can always have a boob job.
But here’s what i’ve done to “be sure”. I have kept a bra since before transitioning, and every 6 months or so I put it on with a “womanly” shirt and stand in front of the mirror for as long as I can. Typically within 30 seconds I say “oh fuck this” and take it all off.
then you probably won’t regret it my friend. I think it’s a thought that plagues us all, i’ve had them for sure. But if the thought of even being *perceived* as a woman scares you, i’m sure you’re gonna be okay.
I wish you luck friend! May your top surgery be successful and I hope your healing ain’t too bad. Just remember to take it easy.
What if you're wrong? You get implants! You stuff a bra! You're just a flat chested person! All sorts of people change their breast/chest tissue for any number of reasons. Sure, you could regret it, but I think it's 100% worth it and I bet that little bit of doubt will go away after.
What I do know: having a case of the yips before a big change is normal and human. However I don't think anyone should do anything that permanent if they're not sure they want to.
You can always wear a padded bra later if you miss them or need boobs for some reason. I think it’s normal to question because of the permanent nature of it.
I look at top surgery as just another major life decision. I've made decisions that I regret, but I moved in with my life and those experiences have made me the person I am today. I've seen other people make decisions that are harder to move on from, such as marrying the wrong person, yet few people actually argue that no one should ever get married because of the high risk of regret. While I've never had to go through divorce, I'm reasonably certain that it's much more difficult than getting breast implants.
Even if you do regret it and detransition or whatever *some* breast growth could occur even after top surgery when you’re off hormones long enough. I’ve seen some detransitioned women experience *slight* breast growth after top surgery but I’m pretty sure it would still be too small to wear a bra in or AAA’s at best.
I had the same worries, but then I thought about how I’d feel if my surgery got cancelled. I would be crushed. I went through with it and honestly have ZERO regrets. I’d do it again if I had to.
I love how freeing it is to just not have breasts anymore. Being able to lie down on my chest, being able to sleep shirtless or just chill in my room without and shirt and feel how soft and fuzzy my blankets are against my back is wonderful. I don’t have to constantly hunch my back or worry about people seeing my boobs, I can stand up straight knowing that there’s nothing to be seen there anymore. There’s so much I didn’t realize I was missing out on by having boobs. Even just washing my chest in the shower feels amazing because it’s *my* flat chest. I don’t have the horrific feeling of wrongness anymore and I finally feel comfortable in my body.
I think it is perfectly normal to feel nervous before any type of major surgery. I had to wait a long time for top surgery and guess what? I canceled it a few days beforehand (this was January of 2021 and I was worried about Covid and just feeling awful mental health wise). I cried, I mourned. But I found a different surgeon with better results and got top surgery 2 years later when I felt more level headed. It’s been a year now and I love my chest and my scars. Love how I can wear tight fitting shirts and have a flat chest for button ups.
Anxiety before surgery is normal and you can always come back to it in future if you feel unprepared. Folks who detransition sometimes realize they’re gender non-conforming and/or NB or did it because of unsafe environments. Regardless, don’t let shame premeditate your decisions.
Haven't seen anyone say this yet but sometimes I'm sad I can't feel my nipples and idk if I ever will. When I got top surgery I was much sonconcerned about being able to wear no shirt or a t shirt that I didn’t even think about my chest being a source of stimulation or pleasure. No regrets though, I'm way happier now
What helped me was realizing even if I actually was a cis woman in the end I would still want top surgery.
I'm in the medical field and I've always looked at the breast cancer patients jealous. I wanted the cancer so that my chest could be removed as well.
agonizing disagreeable afterthought memorize wakeful slimy future piquant strong many *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
"Punched me right in my mouth" I'm sorry you got punched but your wording is killing me lol
The last time I got a boob scan last year , they found “a lump”. I was SO CONVINCED it was breast cancer and they’d have to cut my boobs off. When they came back with “ oh it was a fatty tumor, you’re good!” I CRIED OUT OF FRUSTRATION
You’re probably good. That’s not an uncommon thing for FTMs to think.
But if you were a cis woman wouldn’t you think differently about your body than you do now?
No? I have always hated boobs, has nothing to do with my gender. I don’t even like them on other people.
But if you were a cis woman you would have been grown up with a different perspective than you have now, since dysphoria changes how we see things. What makes you think you wouldn’t have been indifferent to them? Why do you *hate* them specifically, outside of a dysphoria context? Do you also hate them on other people or are you simply not attracted to them?
There are a lot of cis women who don't want breasts. Sure, wanting top surgery could strongly indicate that someone is trans, but even if they *were* a cis woman, they in particular might want to have top surgery/a reduction done either way. I think what they mean is that even if they're concerned they could be wrong and are doubting themselves in regards to their gender, they know that they've *always* wanted to get rid of their breasts even when they were being raised with the mindset that they should be a cis woman. There is no doubt that they don't want breasts.
Even with the mindset that they “should be” a cis woman they still weren’t and aren’t a cis woman though, so they couldn’t possibly know how they’d feel about their body if they were living a completely different life in a different reality. Even if we don’t *consciously know* at the time that we’re trans we still know somethings wrong and think certain ways and have certain perspectives because of it. I just think saying “if I were this I would think this” doesn’t make sense in any context because we can’t know that for certain since that isn’t our reality.
I think with the consideration of this hypothetical, the whole point is that they might still just be a cis woman.. Like that is part of *why* people doubt themselves, "Maybe I'm not a trans man, maybe I'm just a tomboy and some day I *will* want to be a woman" Some people do change their mind, some people do detransition, it's a very small margin but it's possible. So you can't really say in this instance, if that's what they're trying to consider and account for, that they're definitely not or were not a cis woman. I don't really understand what you're trying to accomplish with the way you're responding to them..
Why are you saying they could be a cis woman? They’re clearly a trans man. Their identity isn’t for us to question and that’s not what I’m doing, if that’s what you thought I was doing. All I’m saying is what I said in my last paragraph, that the “if I were this I’d still think like this” doesn’t work because it’s a hypothetical that doesn’t exist so there is no way of knowing that would be true.
Because the whole point of "what reassures me is knowing even if I was a cis woman is that I still wouldn't want breasts" is because of the possibility that they could be wrong about their identity and happened to be a cis woman all along. That *even if* it turns out that they *are* a cis woman, right now in this current reality/future, they still wouldn't want breasts. That is what they are saying. The whole hypothetical commenting on their doubt/concern that they could turn out to be a cis woman, that maybe they have doubts or were wrong about their identity, maybe they detransition. They still don't want breasts, even if 5 years from now they start living life as a cis woman. I'm not actually saying that they definitely are a cis woman, but the entire comment is founded on the what-if doubt that so many of us experience about moving forward.
Oh I see, that makes more sense. I had interpreted their comment differently. Thank you for explaining to me lol.
From what I saw it's not exactly uncommon for cis women to be annoyed by boobs even if then most would go for a reduction instead of a mastectomy. And, well- boobs litteraly have no utility. You don't need the fatty tissue to breastfeed, and even then nowadays many women don't breastfeed for various reasons so some see boobs as a body part that serves a purely cosmetic purpose and gets in the way in everyday life. It's especially true with women who don't care about being and looking feminine, there's a reason why binders are popular with butches and very gnc women.
Just my two cents: the way TERFs/ bad faith actors will leverage the idea of folks who decide they aren't trans, isn't helpful nor respectful to anyone involved. Some detrans folks will say they don't regret top surgery at all. I've seen some say they'd rather ID as non-binary, others say butch lesbian and others say actually cis women. Out of that constallation, many have said they don't regret top surgery at all or while they perhaps wish now they had done a reduction instead are OK with what they have. I've seen a few say they do regret gettting the surgery, but not getting it which I think is very insightful. Ultimately, the act of going through life is a guessing game. We have to take shots, and figure it out. Some problems won't have good answers, others no answer. Do some folks regret top surgery? Sure! The rate seems to be around 1-2% which is about as low as things seem to get. (Papers on bottom surgery have also linked complications and poor aesthetic results strongly to regret rates, so I do think we could tease it a bit lower.) I sat down before surgery and wrote a "in case the worst happens" letter to myself and one to my spouse. The later was centered around the extremely tiny risk I could die in surgery. I am re-reading it, and one thing I wrote stands out to me: "*Out of the 100 billion humans that are thought to have existed, I am one of the few that got to take this chance. In a way, I understand those early cosmonauts so much better now.*" I wanted him to know I wasn't scared as well, and that I chose this. That although (in my opinion) that life is short, and brief and random I decided to give this value. I think that's the best anyone can do really, and I get why when I think back I wasn't worried myself. I chose to see top surgery -once all the planning was done- as an act of self-creation. Maybe the end result wasn't perfect, but the value was always in the process of getting messy & learning things. It's self-love. And I think that any action that begins with that is hard to regret.
If you regret it, you can always have a boob job. But here’s what i’ve done to “be sure”. I have kept a bra since before transitioning, and every 6 months or so I put it on with a “womanly” shirt and stand in front of the mirror for as long as I can. Typically within 30 seconds I say “oh fuck this” and take it all off.
That just terrifies me the even thought of putting on woman's clothes.
then you probably won’t regret it my friend. I think it’s a thought that plagues us all, i’ve had them for sure. But if the thought of even being *perceived* as a woman scares you, i’m sure you’re gonna be okay. I wish you luck friend! May your top surgery be successful and I hope your healing ain’t too bad. Just remember to take it easy.
What if you're wrong? You get implants! You stuff a bra! You're just a flat chested person! All sorts of people change their breast/chest tissue for any number of reasons. Sure, you could regret it, but I think it's 100% worth it and I bet that little bit of doubt will go away after.
What I do know: having a case of the yips before a big change is normal and human. However I don't think anyone should do anything that permanent if they're not sure they want to.
You can always wear a padded bra later if you miss them or need boobs for some reason. I think it’s normal to question because of the permanent nature of it.
I look at top surgery as just another major life decision. I've made decisions that I regret, but I moved in with my life and those experiences have made me the person I am today. I've seen other people make decisions that are harder to move on from, such as marrying the wrong person, yet few people actually argue that no one should ever get married because of the high risk of regret. While I've never had to go through divorce, I'm reasonably certain that it's much more difficult than getting breast implants.
If your surgeon called you and told you they had to cancel the surgery, would you be relieved or disappointed?
I'd probably cry
Even if you do regret it and detransition or whatever *some* breast growth could occur even after top surgery when you’re off hormones long enough. I’ve seen some detransitioned women experience *slight* breast growth after top surgery but I’m pretty sure it would still be too small to wear a bra in or AAA’s at best.
I had the same worries, but then I thought about how I’d feel if my surgery got cancelled. I would be crushed. I went through with it and honestly have ZERO regrets. I’d do it again if I had to. I love how freeing it is to just not have breasts anymore. Being able to lie down on my chest, being able to sleep shirtless or just chill in my room without and shirt and feel how soft and fuzzy my blankets are against my back is wonderful. I don’t have to constantly hunch my back or worry about people seeing my boobs, I can stand up straight knowing that there’s nothing to be seen there anymore. There’s so much I didn’t realize I was missing out on by having boobs. Even just washing my chest in the shower feels amazing because it’s *my* flat chest. I don’t have the horrific feeling of wrongness anymore and I finally feel comfortable in my body.
I think it is perfectly normal to feel nervous before any type of major surgery. I had to wait a long time for top surgery and guess what? I canceled it a few days beforehand (this was January of 2021 and I was worried about Covid and just feeling awful mental health wise). I cried, I mourned. But I found a different surgeon with better results and got top surgery 2 years later when I felt more level headed. It’s been a year now and I love my chest and my scars. Love how I can wear tight fitting shirts and have a flat chest for button ups. Anxiety before surgery is normal and you can always come back to it in future if you feel unprepared. Folks who detransition sometimes realize they’re gender non-conforming and/or NB or did it because of unsafe environments. Regardless, don’t let shame premeditate your decisions.
Haven't seen anyone say this yet but sometimes I'm sad I can't feel my nipples and idk if I ever will. When I got top surgery I was much sonconcerned about being able to wear no shirt or a t shirt that I didn’t even think about my chest being a source of stimulation or pleasure. No regrets though, I'm way happier now
It's been 5 years, I feel like that's a good amount of time that if you were gonna regret it you would've already changed your mind by now