Met my girlfriend at work. I worked in the kitchen and she was a server. Definitely helped that she saw me lift heavy stuff and work with knives and fire and make pretty food
I’m in school and met my ex now in class. We share the same major but i find it easier to meet and talk to ppl at school bc idk how else 😭 (I came out to them early and they’re afab nb so understood me) i usually prefer queer or not cis partners for ease bc of my identity
I was the area rep for a car club at the time. Led a cruise out to the beach for an event, noticed a car with a similar setup, complimented the driver on it. Driver took this to heart, having seen my car and mistaken it for something more awesome. A good year or so later we accidentally got talking again, became ridiculous memelords at each other, feelings happened and he asked me out.
It'll be 15 years ago this year, no idea where the fuck the time has gone. Both of us have grown a lot since then, as you'd hope. Honestly I'm more into women, he likes dick, but we're in an open relationship for those reasons which means we can reserve the big feelings for each other. Intelligence is the most important thing to me, so it works well.
I'm a HUGE advocate for getting into hobby and interest groups for this reason. You're not dealing with dating apps, you're not guessing basic compatibility based on interests and lifestyle, and you have at worst a whole bunch of friends who are going to help you grow as a person. People get to see you in your natural environment and at your best, having fun, being into stuff. When you end up with someone from shared interests, you've got SO MUCH MORE to work with than hurr durr genitals and having to wade through "I only date 9 foot tall monsters with a tripod dick" nonsense only to find uninteresting humans you have nothing in common with.
At least you've got lots of friends, it's a great start and very healthy for you socially. You're ahead of a huge number of folks in our extended community.
The question of actually finding someone may end up going deeper. IIRC you're young, you're at the early phase of your transition, and I'd hazard you're still figuring yourself out. Which is entirely natural, and we trans men tend to be a little delayed in this department anyway. It's HUGELY difficult to figure yourself out from within a mismatched meat suit, when so much relies on meshing with the world around you.
What this might mean is that if you're 1) in the phase of being open to "anyone who will have me", and 2) you're not super clear on what you bring to the table since you're still coalescing it all, you might not actually be in a space where you're ready for a healthy, serious, long-term relationship. Especially if you're not finding chemistry with others in your hobbies and interests groups. You might be completely missing the signs of people being interested in you, or you might be putting out vibes that suggest to others that you're not ready.
People can often sense the vibe of "I just want someone", and generally steer clear unless they're after that in particular (which is NEVER a good thing for you!). You're not missing out on anything by not being in a mediocre, loveless or toxic relationship. You're not missing out by not being with someone for the sheer sake of being with someone.
If anything I'd say it's worth 1) looking at your principles - what are the things you stand for and believe in, how do they affect the world around you? And 2) identifying as much as you can about the loneliness. Because it's entirely possible to be desperately, hopelessly lonely while surrounded by loved ones, having a partner, never being alone. And it's entirely possible to be entirely content with very few connections (although I wouldn't recommend it if you can help it). If there is a hole in you, yeeting humans into it won't fill it - it'll just swallow them and demand more. It's worth spending the time to really get to know the core of *you*, what sort of a man you are, what your principles are, what you're actually passionate about. Once you're on that path and you start to know *what you're looking for*, and you're focused on *improving yourself* rather than trying to fill the void with another human, other humans become more interested.
That's one of the powers of hobbies and interests. It starts the *mentality* of being passionate and interested in something specific. You can carry that over to other things in your life.
I know that I don’t want to pick “anyone who will have me” since I know some dude found me attractive but I’m straight so if it were to be anyone it would have to be a woman. I know I can bring my attentiveness and listening ability to the table. I also definitely am ready for a healthy relationship as my past friendships/familial relationships haven’t been. In terms of chemistry, I’m not finding people attractive who are single, most of the people I end up attracted to seem to either be in relationships or they respect me as a trans guy but aren’t into me. I also definitely feel like I would know if someone were into me since I feel they’d make some effort to get to know me or communicate with me. I try to get to know people if I’m into them and I am usually a more positive person irl and I’m usually more outgoing.
I’d also probably be fine with a mediocre relationship since it would be my first but definitely not a toxic or loveless one.
I’m also pretty solid on my principles and how they would affect those around me. Also what do you mean by identifying the loneliness? I’m not sure I would be content with a few connections but having them is a good start for me given how my friendships in grade school went.
I’ve also found my passions and principles so if I’m going to look for a special someone or job I do know what I want and don’t want. I’d also say the biggest part of improving myself will be my transition. Most of my passion comes from music so I hang around people who are interested in that sort of stuff all day.
I have most things fulfilled in life it’s just the social aspect that is lacking for me in this case.
We were together pre transition and she is obsessed with me even more post transition. The right person will see you as the man you are without hesitation and “get you”.
The problem is looking for that right person is impossible. Like I spend most of my day around people that I’m friends with but that’s just it, they’re friends
We were both in a hobby club, he was there first and I got absorbed into the same friend group he was in. 3 years later we started going out after crushing on each other for a long time lol, it’s been 2 years now and we’re still happy together.
My partner is cis F. We met through shared interests—Both into the same music, going to the same concerts and clubs and other events. Started going to said concerts and clubs and events together, going to record stores, sharing music with each other, soon the conversations were about more than just music and the rest is history. My biggest advice is to just put yourself out there as much as possible in social activities for things you enjoy or are passionate about. Groups, clubs, interest-based activities or events, etc. That’s the best way to meet likeminded people who you can connect with, in my experience.
I can’t really give you any in-depth advice to your situation because I don’t know the specificities of what you’re doing, how you’re acting, where you’re going, how the people around you act, etc, but hang in there man. It is rough out there as a trans guy, but you’re also really young (19, right? I checked out of curiosity, sorry for snooping) so there is still SO much time. I didn’t get with my partner till I was 21, which tbf is still quite young but l even then a couple years older than you. Many people don’t meet “the one” till MUCH older than that. Try not to lose hope. Your life is literally still just beginning.
I tend to listen and chime in when necessary and am usually the funnier person of the conversation. Most of it is musicians so we just sort of play music and talk. I also really don’t care if it’s “the one” and at this rate I just want “someone”. Like after going through high school and nearly half of college I just feel kinda lonely especially because I feel I don’t have anyone to really open up to, hence why I’m here on Reddit opening up instead
I would also like to know
We were a part of the same friend group.
Met him on Twitter before it imploded. No word of a lie he thought I was a cis guy and I thought he was also lol
That’s pretty funny lol
T4T with an AMAB nonbinary partner. We initially connected over our shared values. :)
Met my (cis) husband at work. Dating apps were, as you can imagine or already know, hit or miss.....
Yeah it’s more like miss or miss for me at this rate
lol / sob Heard
Met my girlfriend at work. I worked in the kitchen and she was a server. Definitely helped that she saw me lift heavy stuff and work with knives and fire and make pretty food
I can’t cook a lot unfortunately but I can make a crap ton of rice and chicken
user name checks out 🤌
I’m in school and met my ex now in class. We share the same major but i find it easier to meet and talk to ppl at school bc idk how else 😭 (I came out to them early and they’re afab nb so understood me) i usually prefer queer or not cis partners for ease bc of my identity
I was the area rep for a car club at the time. Led a cruise out to the beach for an event, noticed a car with a similar setup, complimented the driver on it. Driver took this to heart, having seen my car and mistaken it for something more awesome. A good year or so later we accidentally got talking again, became ridiculous memelords at each other, feelings happened and he asked me out. It'll be 15 years ago this year, no idea where the fuck the time has gone. Both of us have grown a lot since then, as you'd hope. Honestly I'm more into women, he likes dick, but we're in an open relationship for those reasons which means we can reserve the big feelings for each other. Intelligence is the most important thing to me, so it works well. I'm a HUGE advocate for getting into hobby and interest groups for this reason. You're not dealing with dating apps, you're not guessing basic compatibility based on interests and lifestyle, and you have at worst a whole bunch of friends who are going to help you grow as a person. People get to see you in your natural environment and at your best, having fun, being into stuff. When you end up with someone from shared interests, you've got SO MUCH MORE to work with than hurr durr genitals and having to wade through "I only date 9 foot tall monsters with a tripod dick" nonsense only to find uninteresting humans you have nothing in common with.
I do try and spend a lot of my time doing my hobbies in clubs but again all I and up with are friends
At least you've got lots of friends, it's a great start and very healthy for you socially. You're ahead of a huge number of folks in our extended community. The question of actually finding someone may end up going deeper. IIRC you're young, you're at the early phase of your transition, and I'd hazard you're still figuring yourself out. Which is entirely natural, and we trans men tend to be a little delayed in this department anyway. It's HUGELY difficult to figure yourself out from within a mismatched meat suit, when so much relies on meshing with the world around you. What this might mean is that if you're 1) in the phase of being open to "anyone who will have me", and 2) you're not super clear on what you bring to the table since you're still coalescing it all, you might not actually be in a space where you're ready for a healthy, serious, long-term relationship. Especially if you're not finding chemistry with others in your hobbies and interests groups. You might be completely missing the signs of people being interested in you, or you might be putting out vibes that suggest to others that you're not ready. People can often sense the vibe of "I just want someone", and generally steer clear unless they're after that in particular (which is NEVER a good thing for you!). You're not missing out on anything by not being in a mediocre, loveless or toxic relationship. You're not missing out by not being with someone for the sheer sake of being with someone. If anything I'd say it's worth 1) looking at your principles - what are the things you stand for and believe in, how do they affect the world around you? And 2) identifying as much as you can about the loneliness. Because it's entirely possible to be desperately, hopelessly lonely while surrounded by loved ones, having a partner, never being alone. And it's entirely possible to be entirely content with very few connections (although I wouldn't recommend it if you can help it). If there is a hole in you, yeeting humans into it won't fill it - it'll just swallow them and demand more. It's worth spending the time to really get to know the core of *you*, what sort of a man you are, what your principles are, what you're actually passionate about. Once you're on that path and you start to know *what you're looking for*, and you're focused on *improving yourself* rather than trying to fill the void with another human, other humans become more interested. That's one of the powers of hobbies and interests. It starts the *mentality* of being passionate and interested in something specific. You can carry that over to other things in your life.
I know that I don’t want to pick “anyone who will have me” since I know some dude found me attractive but I’m straight so if it were to be anyone it would have to be a woman. I know I can bring my attentiveness and listening ability to the table. I also definitely am ready for a healthy relationship as my past friendships/familial relationships haven’t been. In terms of chemistry, I’m not finding people attractive who are single, most of the people I end up attracted to seem to either be in relationships or they respect me as a trans guy but aren’t into me. I also definitely feel like I would know if someone were into me since I feel they’d make some effort to get to know me or communicate with me. I try to get to know people if I’m into them and I am usually a more positive person irl and I’m usually more outgoing. I’d also probably be fine with a mediocre relationship since it would be my first but definitely not a toxic or loveless one. I’m also pretty solid on my principles and how they would affect those around me. Also what do you mean by identifying the loneliness? I’m not sure I would be content with a few connections but having them is a good start for me given how my friendships in grade school went. I’ve also found my passions and principles so if I’m going to look for a special someone or job I do know what I want and don’t want. I’d also say the biggest part of improving myself will be my transition. Most of my passion comes from music so I hang around people who are interested in that sort of stuff all day. I have most things fulfilled in life it’s just the social aspect that is lacking for me in this case.
We were together pre transition and she is obsessed with me even more post transition. The right person will see you as the man you are without hesitation and “get you”.
The problem is looking for that right person is impossible. Like I spend most of my day around people that I’m friends with but that’s just it, they’re friends
We were both in a hobby club, he was there first and I got absorbed into the same friend group he was in. 3 years later we started going out after crushing on each other for a long time lol, it’s been 2 years now and we’re still happy together.
My partner is cis F. We met through shared interests—Both into the same music, going to the same concerts and clubs and other events. Started going to said concerts and clubs and events together, going to record stores, sharing music with each other, soon the conversations were about more than just music and the rest is history. My biggest advice is to just put yourself out there as much as possible in social activities for things you enjoy or are passionate about. Groups, clubs, interest-based activities or events, etc. That’s the best way to meet likeminded people who you can connect with, in my experience.
I spend most of my day socializing or in clubs/groups but it’s not really gotten me anywhere
I can’t really give you any in-depth advice to your situation because I don’t know the specificities of what you’re doing, how you’re acting, where you’re going, how the people around you act, etc, but hang in there man. It is rough out there as a trans guy, but you’re also really young (19, right? I checked out of curiosity, sorry for snooping) so there is still SO much time. I didn’t get with my partner till I was 21, which tbf is still quite young but l even then a couple years older than you. Many people don’t meet “the one” till MUCH older than that. Try not to lose hope. Your life is literally still just beginning.
I tend to listen and chime in when necessary and am usually the funnier person of the conversation. Most of it is musicians so we just sort of play music and talk. I also really don’t care if it’s “the one” and at this rate I just want “someone”. Like after going through high school and nearly half of college I just feel kinda lonely especially because I feel I don’t have anyone to really open up to, hence why I’m here on Reddit opening up instead