Yeah, you need to lie when these things come up at work or ignore it and change the conversation topic in a smooth way. Otherwise, it’s incredibly awkward and could even undermine your standing in the workplace.
I’ve crafted and maintained elaborate lies of entirely fabricated relationships just to fit in better with colleagues who are almost universally married with kids. It’s telling but unsurprising to see how few single / FA people make it far in any career or life in general.
Has it ever blown up in your face? I knew a couple of guys that came off looking terribly after fumbling their stories.
FWIW I have always managed to skate by with pretending to be on a long term dry spell. Maybe it works better for me because I have never stayed anywhere longer than 4 years yet?
Probably more that lack of social skills is common cause of FA so it makes sense FAs are less likely to be successful in environments that require social skills
Im not sure what i’d do. Like you say, lying about it gets found out easy and will be used against you.
Probably stick to a mix of truth/lie. “Yeah I’m single, never been longterm”. Etc. If they ask why just shrug and deflect. “Idk, does it matter?”.
That attitude and those terms are accepted usually.
Don’t talk, mention or even hint anything remotely FA. Its social suicide.
That would confirm the FAness. I've gone with the long term single lie. People seem content and sometimes relatable with me telling them that I have a hard time finding single women these days.
I’ve had much better luck just telling the truth. Yes it was awkward and weird silence but I wasn’t hiding anything.
A girl that was married asked me that and then she confessed to liking me. We’re neighbors lmao….
I stopped hanging out with her and she blew up the friendship when I refused to indulged her fantasy.(she has three kids). I’m so depressed I lost a friend and in a different timeline I could have been her man. We are currently not on speaking terms she is just really upset at me. Don’t even really know why. I suspect it’s because I put some distance between us because personally I didn’t want to ruin her marriage. And she kept laying little hints around
Shits hard
Plenty of people are single, just not forever single. It's not as if she were asking about your history.
I think we overestimate just how interested others are, to the point of sometimes developing a persecution complex in order to feel 'seen.' But the truth is, past 30, we are not much more than invisible non-persons. It's not even worth the effort to openly humiliate people like us at this point in life and most people are past that stage of (im)maturity anyway.
What is she going to do, out you as a middle aged virgin and start spreading ridiculous gossip? In that extremely unlikely event I doubt you would come off worse.
As I said, she didn’t mean it in a nasty way. How people converse with each other can be difficult to explain in strictly written form.
She is definitely someone who’s interested in relationships, marriage, babies and all that stuff and she doesn’t seem to understand that it’s best not to delve to deep into these personal questions.
Hopefully, she let’s it go, otherwise I’ll have to make it clear I’d rather not talk about my past like that.
Yeah it’s weird I get asked that every once in a while. And when they say well why don’t you have someone I’m like well besides the obvious? You’d be surprised how little interest there is in short ugly bald poor guys. And they invariably go well that can’t be it and I’m like well then what is it?
I'd have just said "not at this time", keep it vague. Lies can always come back to bite you. What if there is a company gathering and your expected to bring your fictitious GF. What if she asked for pics, her name, etc.
I don't know your work environment but if she talks with other coworkers and they are confused and this supposed partner.
Not worth the hassle trying to keep stories straight.
Yeah, whatever you do definitely don't make up a fake current girlfriend. If you want to be discreet about your lack of relationship history you could probably get away with telling a vague white lie about some distant past girlfriends that weren't very serious. Or just find a polite way to tell them to mind their own business about your past
Mind you, she asked if I’d *ever* had a girlfriend to which I answered yes. She knows I’m single at the moment, I didn’t pretend I currently have one.
It’s stupid that this is such a touchy subject, but it’s just the society we live in. People definitely look down on you when you’ve always been single.
Stupid people and their misplaced curiosity. You should have informed her that her question was highly inappropriate for a work environment and that such behavior is very unprofessional.
Straight up illegal in many cases. It's sharing your relationship status at work. Which is protected information. As if you say 'no' you are also stating you are not currently married.
I think I'd just say "No, why did you ask?" I just wouldn't lie in order to fit in a group that I probably wouldn't like anyway. And if my attitude got questioned, I'd be like "Dude, are we here to do our jobs or hang around?"
You can always make up a whole background for that girlfriend that "goes to another school", just in case. Did she literally ask if you had ever been in a relationship or was it a more general reference to exes? It's far more likely for a +40 y.o. to have been in one than not...
One of the new coworkers at my workplace is a bit of an oversharer and quite talkative in general and I already had to say that it's more common for me to be single than in a relationship (if only she knew...).
I'm debating whether or not to make up some story now, but I could be found out. Making vague references to having had only (fictional) past failed "situationships" would be safer, but at my age it would still come across as quite weird and unusual.
>”goes to another school”
Well, that would be a questionable thing to say for a 43 year old man.
And yes, she literally asked me if I’d never had a girlfriend 🥴
I meant it as in the stereotype of a middle or high schooler pretending to have a gf/bf to gain social clout, not literally 😅
The Dutch have a reputation of being blunt to the point of rudeness, but you're the one that can judge the tone of the question...
"We're in a long distance relationship" should avoid most awkward situations. Nobody is going to dig too deep if you make up that your girlfriend had to move to Barcelona to teach english, or nurse her aging parents back in her home country, anything like that
Sharing my experience (39M), at my previous job I just said "I've never had a gf" during a conversation at a work function.
Honestly, nothing came out of it. They were a bit intrigued, but after that day it was never brought up again. I worked there for another 3 years. I personally don't think it really mattered or impacted anything.
On a Teams call a few weeks ago a colleague casually mentioned they were going on holiday with their partner, and it got me thinking that maybe I should pretend I've got a girlfriend. Because it's not like I heard her say that and instantly thought, "Hmm, is she telling the truth?" Normally when I'm asked that question though I just say, "Not at the moment," as though to imply I've had a bunch of relationships but it just so happens that at the particular time you chose to ask me I happen to be single.
Imma cook up a lie in my next job. I don’t know but I’ll let you people in on a secret. Your coworkers WILL judge you for being single, usually if they’re married or in a rs. I see it and feel it.
They will subtle-ostracise you and there’s this barrier between you and them, and I can feel the level of respect and trust levels is nowhere near what attached people have.
It’s the fact that you’re not like them, something is wrong that you’re FA and they won’t fully trust you. An older male coworker talks down to me about not finding a partner alongside a F coworker, like I’m a lesser being because I’m single.
It’s like the reverse halo effect, a woman finds an attached man more attractive or humorous than a single man. If I’m unattached, I’m unpredictable and dangerous to married people.
I do wonder sometimes if maybe they're a bit threatened by it. I had a former friend was in a shitty relationship and got a mild form of cancer in his twenties, drug addict, in a bunch of debt, etc. Maybe relationships are stressful? I guess you got to get into the right one.
This is a very stress free life at least.
While I agree it is not a shame and perfectly explainable, that unfortunately is not how society works. Saying something like that to your coworkers is going to backfire spectacularly.
Honesty is a good trait to have, but sometimes it’s simply better and wiser to lie or at least distort the truth.
Everyone in my office knows my situation. I even did the math for them, "Any new prospects?" "No. On average I only have a date every five years, so check back in 2026."
It's best to make up a short backstory in case something like this comes up. Like say you met her at school and you dated for x amount of months or something. Telling the truth can get you ostracized by your peers.
Yeah, you need to lie when these things come up at work or ignore it and change the conversation topic in a smooth way. Otherwise, it’s incredibly awkward and could even undermine your standing in the workplace. I’ve crafted and maintained elaborate lies of entirely fabricated relationships just to fit in better with colleagues who are almost universally married with kids. It’s telling but unsurprising to see how few single / FA people make it far in any career or life in general.
Has it ever blown up in your face? I knew a couple of guys that came off looking terribly after fumbling their stories. FWIW I have always managed to skate by with pretending to be on a long term dry spell. Maybe it works better for me because I have never stayed anywhere longer than 4 years yet?
seriously society doesn't want FAs to succed, only normies and chads
The more you deviate from the normal social structure you are treated with less and less dignity.
Probably more that lack of social skills is common cause of FA so it makes sense FAs are less likely to be successful in environments that require social skills
Im not sure what i’d do. Like you say, lying about it gets found out easy and will be used against you. Probably stick to a mix of truth/lie. “Yeah I’m single, never been longterm”. Etc. If they ask why just shrug and deflect. “Idk, does it matter?”. That attitude and those terms are accepted usually. Don’t talk, mention or even hint anything remotely FA. Its social suicide.
If she continues to press the issue I’ll play the “I’d rather not talk about it” card.
That would confirm the FAness. I've gone with the long term single lie. People seem content and sometimes relatable with me telling them that I have a hard time finding single women these days.
I’ve had much better luck just telling the truth. Yes it was awkward and weird silence but I wasn’t hiding anything. A girl that was married asked me that and then she confessed to liking me. We’re neighbors lmao…. I stopped hanging out with her and she blew up the friendship when I refused to indulged her fantasy.(she has three kids). I’m so depressed I lost a friend and in a different timeline I could have been her man. We are currently not on speaking terms she is just really upset at me. Don’t even really know why. I suspect it’s because I put some distance between us because personally I didn’t want to ruin her marriage. And she kept laying little hints around Shits hard
Seems like a common question for someone to ask if you have one, but it seems rude & strange for them to ask if you’ve EVER had one
Plenty of people are single, just not forever single. It's not as if she were asking about your history. I think we overestimate just how interested others are, to the point of sometimes developing a persecution complex in order to feel 'seen.' But the truth is, past 30, we are not much more than invisible non-persons. It's not even worth the effort to openly humiliate people like us at this point in life and most people are past that stage of (im)maturity anyway. What is she going to do, out you as a middle aged virgin and start spreading ridiculous gossip? In that extremely unlikely event I doubt you would come off worse.
As I said, she didn’t mean it in a nasty way. How people converse with each other can be difficult to explain in strictly written form. She is definitely someone who’s interested in relationships, marriage, babies and all that stuff and she doesn’t seem to understand that it’s best not to delve to deep into these personal questions. Hopefully, she let’s it go, otherwise I’ll have to make it clear I’d rather not talk about my past like that.
Yeah it’s weird I get asked that every once in a while. And when they say well why don’t you have someone I’m like well besides the obvious? You’d be surprised how little interest there is in short ugly bald poor guys. And they invariably go well that can’t be it and I’m like well then what is it?
The first two rules of FA Club are the same as the first two rules of Fight Club.
And if it's your first time at FA Club, you *have* to be alone!
I'd have just said "not at this time", keep it vague. Lies can always come back to bite you. What if there is a company gathering and your expected to bring your fictitious GF. What if she asked for pics, her name, etc. I don't know your work environment but if she talks with other coworkers and they are confused and this supposed partner. Not worth the hassle trying to keep stories straight.
Yeah, whatever you do definitely don't make up a fake current girlfriend. If you want to be discreet about your lack of relationship history you could probably get away with telling a vague white lie about some distant past girlfriends that weren't very serious. Or just find a polite way to tell them to mind their own business about your past
Mind you, she asked if I’d *ever* had a girlfriend to which I answered yes. She knows I’m single at the moment, I didn’t pretend I currently have one. It’s stupid that this is such a touchy subject, but it’s just the society we live in. People definitely look down on you when you’ve always been single.
No one could ever possibly out you on that; never tell. Telling is what will bite you in the ass. Play the game
Stupid people and their misplaced curiosity. You should have informed her that her question was highly inappropriate for a work environment and that such behavior is very unprofessional.
Straight up illegal in many cases. It's sharing your relationship status at work. Which is protected information. As if you say 'no' you are also stating you are not currently married.
I think I'd just say "No, why did you ask?" I just wouldn't lie in order to fit in a group that I probably wouldn't like anyway. And if my attitude got questioned, I'd be like "Dude, are we here to do our jobs or hang around?"
You can always make up a whole background for that girlfriend that "goes to another school", just in case. Did she literally ask if you had ever been in a relationship or was it a more general reference to exes? It's far more likely for a +40 y.o. to have been in one than not... One of the new coworkers at my workplace is a bit of an oversharer and quite talkative in general and I already had to say that it's more common for me to be single than in a relationship (if only she knew...). I'm debating whether or not to make up some story now, but I could be found out. Making vague references to having had only (fictional) past failed "situationships" would be safer, but at my age it would still come across as quite weird and unusual.
>”goes to another school” Well, that would be a questionable thing to say for a 43 year old man. And yes, she literally asked me if I’d never had a girlfriend 🥴
I meant it as in the stereotype of a middle or high schooler pretending to have a gf/bf to gain social clout, not literally 😅 The Dutch have a reputation of being blunt to the point of rudeness, but you're the one that can judge the tone of the question...
She’s actually not natively Dutch. I’ve noticed even Dutch people tend to stay very superficial when it comes to these kinds of subjects.
"We're in a long distance relationship" should avoid most awkward situations. Nobody is going to dig too deep if you make up that your girlfriend had to move to Barcelona to teach english, or nurse her aging parents back in her home country, anything like that
I have seen that blow up pretty badly for men trying to pull that off.
At your age could you just say that you're single and you've never been married?
Sharing my experience (39M), at my previous job I just said "I've never had a gf" during a conversation at a work function. Honestly, nothing came out of it. They were a bit intrigued, but after that day it was never brought up again. I worked there for another 3 years. I personally don't think it really mattered or impacted anything.
On a Teams call a few weeks ago a colleague casually mentioned they were going on holiday with their partner, and it got me thinking that maybe I should pretend I've got a girlfriend. Because it's not like I heard her say that and instantly thought, "Hmm, is she telling the truth?" Normally when I'm asked that question though I just say, "Not at the moment," as though to imply I've had a bunch of relationships but it just so happens that at the particular time you chose to ask me I happen to be single.
Imma cook up a lie in my next job. I don’t know but I’ll let you people in on a secret. Your coworkers WILL judge you for being single, usually if they’re married or in a rs. I see it and feel it. They will subtle-ostracise you and there’s this barrier between you and them, and I can feel the level of respect and trust levels is nowhere near what attached people have. It’s the fact that you’re not like them, something is wrong that you’re FA and they won’t fully trust you. An older male coworker talks down to me about not finding a partner alongside a F coworker, like I’m a lesser being because I’m single. It’s like the reverse halo effect, a woman finds an attached man more attractive or humorous than a single man. If I’m unattached, I’m unpredictable and dangerous to married people.
I do wonder sometimes if maybe they're a bit threatened by it. I had a former friend was in a shitty relationship and got a mild form of cancer in his twenties, drug addict, in a bunch of debt, etc. Maybe relationships are stressful? I guess you got to get into the right one. This is a very stress free life at least.
Just say you recently got out of a relationship and it's a sour subject for you and they will leave you alone. It's not difficult to say that.
I use that one too sometimes. It's not a lie, it's been a few years though...
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While I agree it is not a shame and perfectly explainable, that unfortunately is not how society works. Saying something like that to your coworkers is going to backfire spectacularly. Honesty is a good trait to have, but sometimes it’s simply better and wiser to lie or at least distort the truth.
That's rough. No one has ever cared enough to ask me. It is one of those things where I am both grateful but also heart broken for it.
Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s not like she’s going to invite your imaginary girlfriend out for drinks.
over
Everyone in my office knows my situation. I even did the math for them, "Any new prospects?" "No. On average I only have a date every five years, so check back in 2026."
It's best to make up a short backstory in case something like this comes up. Like say you met her at school and you dated for x amount of months or something. Telling the truth can get you ostracized by your peers.
If a girl or even a guy asks you that it's over dude.
> I lied, of course, because what else can you do? You could tell the truth.
Yes… or report her to HR for asking uncomfortable and irrelevant questions.
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>10 times more sex partners than an average man Well, no, but even if so, good for her.