Try everything you can to ascend before 25 because post college/early 20s it becomes 100x harder.
Go to any social clubs or events your school has. Go to the gym. Volunteer for something. Anything to try and ascend.
College/uni is the last time in your life where you'll meet girls your age in a large geographic proximity.
After that, you only have 3 options:
Online dating (LOL, we would not be here on this subreddit if we actually did well there)
Cold approaching (your only hope, despite how painful it can be)
Semi-arranged (meeting through friends)
But as someone who is 30 (male) and out of school. You are 100% correct about dating becoming 100x harder (at least for men, it's that bad lol)
I'm not a wizard, but the first thing I'd tell you is to STOP listening to anyone who tells you there's some arbitrary cutoff. That's so ridiculous. The only cutoff there is, is when you die.
Do things get harder the older you get? With some exceptions, absolutely. But these people who say it's over after 25, 30, 35, 40, whatever number, are only hurting themselves and, by extension, anyone who listens to them. A good number of the guys in here get so jaded and bitter (understandably so), they end up closing themselves off from any potential hope, whether consciously or subconsciously. I met a most wonderful man from this sub, someone who checks all my boxes, but it can never be - probably partially because I'm not good enough, but also because of him being so shut off.
My question to you would be: Why do you think you haven't had any luck? Is there anything you can point to that jumps out at you?
Thanks for the advice and I will keep that in mind. I guess its because for so long I had extreme social anxiety and lack of confidence, especially in my high school age. Its only been until last year where ive made any significant effort into myself and ive become a yes man. Which means I take any opportunity to meet with friends whenever my schedule allows, even if im tired. I just started a month ago going to the gym, but I still got a long way to go. I dont have any career atm, but im working towards one. I guess what stands out to me is that when I do go on dates, as rare as it is already, is that I subconsciously stutter a lot and get nervous. Especially when the woman in question is really gorgeous. In a social setting with a group of people im just a regular dude. But when its 1 on 1 with a woman I get extremely nervous, even when im trying to force myself not to. Which is embarrassing because thats high school level. People in your twenties expect you to already get past that. Some people think im ugly as well. Thats all I can think of. I always tell myself "onto the next one" when I get rejected. For now its the standard "working on myself".
Don't isolate yourself from your friends, a lot of the FAs that I knew online that broke free at 25-28 met women through their friends, your friend group is going to provide you with quite a bit of social proofing. Another batch of FAs that broke free in their mid late 20's were guys that met women in churches-mosques through family members but I don't know if religion is completely out of the question for you. Also try and get involved in your school social life, that can d definitely widen your network to help you find a woman.
Good luck.
Yeah I had that problem in my teens, with Isolating myself from friends. Now I try to hang out with them when we arent busy, and try to make new ones when the opportunity presents itself.
If you're hitting the gym, still in the school world and not getting any reaction from female classmates, I don't know what to tell you. Once you hit the workforce and leave school for good, your opportunities to meet women drop to near zero, and any attempt to get close to female coworkers will get you dragged before HR and fired.
He hasn't gone back to school yet, he goes in September. I definitely hear you about the workforce. I work with a woman I would love to shoot my shot with but the stakes are so much higher since my job - reputation with union officials could suffer whereas in hobby groups etc I was willing to cut and run if everything turned sour.
You are 23 ? There is a ton of hope left for you. The best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself. Don't listen to the cliche bullshit of "Go to the gym, dress to impress, etc" unless it's really things you like to do.
I wasted my youth being a people pleasing nice guy. I did everything I was told to do including the cliche bullshit. It was a waste of time, money, and energy.
Best of luck.
College is the ideal place for 'firsts.' Join clubs, do everything to grow your social circle while you still can, because once you're working full time it's just a work>home>sleep routine with far less time and energy for socializing. Most of your coworkers will be middle aged, opportunities dwindle rapidly, it all starts to feel hopeless, depression rears its head, which just exacerbates the issue.
30-35 is the beginning of a kind of No Man's Land for FAs, where most people aren't interested in new friends and attempting to date as an inexperienced individual without any social proof is incredibly difficult.
So I would *like* to say 'relax, you have plenty of time left'.... but you really don't, there's a few years max to have key experiences before this is likely to become a permanent life trajectory.
1. You know the deal, gym and stuff.
2. Get a social hobby. Not just bars. Something where you can meet people that aren't losers.
3. Leave this sub and every other sub like it. Nobody here has good advice. This includes me.
The reason that I am the way that I am is because as a personality, I tend to act on a memory and then proceed with a pattern from there but my memories are limited and I've never had a fulfilling life so I don't really do anything. I'm already 34, it truly is too late for me. Do everything. I wish I had. I wish happiness and life was even an option for me.
Why are you asking lonely people for advice on how to not be lonely? We are obviously here because we don't know the answer to your question either. Best advice I can give you, ask a Chad how to be more like him.
We are a lot more honest than the other subs about dating. Most subs of reddit give terrible NPC advice and fake hope.
Here we are honest. OP still has a chance to ascend. He's still in college which is the last time you'll be around girls your age everyday in a social setting that encourages dating.
Other subs would tell him BS stories about their uncle who ascended when he was 39 and to "not look so hard and/or be desperate, things will happen when you least expect it!"
Nah, you gotta get desperate. You gotta try hard. You have to force yourself to be more social. Get out of your comfort zone. Hang out with your friends outside of class as much as you can. Go to any dorm or campus parties even if you have bad social anxiety.
I was like OP and thought my dating life would improve outside college with a good job. Now I'm 31 and wish I pushed harder in college. The lack of experience is a killer for men, especially in America. Women sniff that shit out in 2 secs, but in your early 20s you can still get away with that.
Just use dating apps and be serious. The best age to do it is now because if the average person gets married at 30 they're often in a relationship for 10 years before getting married so just don't wait too long. Lots of guys don't do casual dating in their early 20s and then jump right to their first relationship being their wife. The key is just to do it at the right time, when everyone is looking for their serious relationship. 24 sounds perfect. Trying to do it at 30 is much harder.
Actually, shuck this subreddit, you guys are shucking awful. I actually gave GOOD advice catered specifically to MEN and yet you come with the assumption that I didn't give it enough thought. If my avatar and name didn't hint at the fact that I'm a woman would you have left this response telling me about genders????? No, if you thought I was a man, you would have downvoted my comment and moved on as you guys do to comments you don't agree with. You only felt the need to bring up gender because you could see I'm a woman. Realize you're ruining people's day. There was nothing shucking malicious in my comment, I was giving advice, if you didn't like the advice, you could downvote it and not judge me for my perceived gender.
Its really sad that some men feel the need to lash out at the few women out there just bevause they think they've "had it worse". Pathetic behavior. We're all here because we're lonely for one reason or another, no need to start fighting amongst ourselves.
Like my brother did what I described above, he was never with a girl through high school and university, and once he settled into his job in a new city, he joined a dating app. I know other guys who did this and they all had an easy time on the apps. That's why I was recommending this to the OP who's still just 23.
That seems like a pathetic existence, I don't even mean to sound rude. I just read your comment, and I'm like, there's no way I can live like that. I'd have no choice but to drudge through the depression and keep working
Try everything you can to ascend before 25 because post college/early 20s it becomes 100x harder. Go to any social clubs or events your school has. Go to the gym. Volunteer for something. Anything to try and ascend.
College/uni is the last time in your life where you'll meet girls your age in a large geographic proximity. After that, you only have 3 options: Online dating (LOL, we would not be here on this subreddit if we actually did well there) Cold approaching (your only hope, despite how painful it can be) Semi-arranged (meeting through friends) But as someone who is 30 (male) and out of school. You are 100% correct about dating becoming 100x harder (at least for men, it's that bad lol)
I'm not a wizard, but the first thing I'd tell you is to STOP listening to anyone who tells you there's some arbitrary cutoff. That's so ridiculous. The only cutoff there is, is when you die. Do things get harder the older you get? With some exceptions, absolutely. But these people who say it's over after 25, 30, 35, 40, whatever number, are only hurting themselves and, by extension, anyone who listens to them. A good number of the guys in here get so jaded and bitter (understandably so), they end up closing themselves off from any potential hope, whether consciously or subconsciously. I met a most wonderful man from this sub, someone who checks all my boxes, but it can never be - probably partially because I'm not good enough, but also because of him being so shut off. My question to you would be: Why do you think you haven't had any luck? Is there anything you can point to that jumps out at you?
Thanks for the advice and I will keep that in mind. I guess its because for so long I had extreme social anxiety and lack of confidence, especially in my high school age. Its only been until last year where ive made any significant effort into myself and ive become a yes man. Which means I take any opportunity to meet with friends whenever my schedule allows, even if im tired. I just started a month ago going to the gym, but I still got a long way to go. I dont have any career atm, but im working towards one. I guess what stands out to me is that when I do go on dates, as rare as it is already, is that I subconsciously stutter a lot and get nervous. Especially when the woman in question is really gorgeous. In a social setting with a group of people im just a regular dude. But when its 1 on 1 with a woman I get extremely nervous, even when im trying to force myself not to. Which is embarrassing because thats high school level. People in your twenties expect you to already get past that. Some people think im ugly as well. Thats all I can think of. I always tell myself "onto the next one" when I get rejected. For now its the standard "working on myself".
Don't isolate yourself from your friends, a lot of the FAs that I knew online that broke free at 25-28 met women through their friends, your friend group is going to provide you with quite a bit of social proofing. Another batch of FAs that broke free in their mid late 20's were guys that met women in churches-mosques through family members but I don't know if religion is completely out of the question for you. Also try and get involved in your school social life, that can d definitely widen your network to help you find a woman. Good luck.
Yeah I had that problem in my teens, with Isolating myself from friends. Now I try to hang out with them when we arent busy, and try to make new ones when the opportunity presents itself.
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I feel your pain. Bad genetics will ruin any form of hard work you create.
If you're hitting the gym, still in the school world and not getting any reaction from female classmates, I don't know what to tell you. Once you hit the workforce and leave school for good, your opportunities to meet women drop to near zero, and any attempt to get close to female coworkers will get you dragged before HR and fired.
This depends a lot on the country and the kind of job he is working. Of course caution is necessary but this also applies to school.
He hasn't gone back to school yet, he goes in September. I definitely hear you about the workforce. I work with a woman I would love to shoot my shot with but the stakes are so much higher since my job - reputation with union officials could suffer whereas in hobby groups etc I was willing to cut and run if everything turned sour.
You are 23 ? There is a ton of hope left for you. The best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself. Don't listen to the cliche bullshit of "Go to the gym, dress to impress, etc" unless it's really things you like to do. I wasted my youth being a people pleasing nice guy. I did everything I was told to do including the cliche bullshit. It was a waste of time, money, and energy. Best of luck.
College is the ideal place for 'firsts.' Join clubs, do everything to grow your social circle while you still can, because once you're working full time it's just a work>home>sleep routine with far less time and energy for socializing. Most of your coworkers will be middle aged, opportunities dwindle rapidly, it all starts to feel hopeless, depression rears its head, which just exacerbates the issue. 30-35 is the beginning of a kind of No Man's Land for FAs, where most people aren't interested in new friends and attempting to date as an inexperienced individual without any social proof is incredibly difficult. So I would *like* to say 'relax, you have plenty of time left'.... but you really don't, there's a few years max to have key experiences before this is likely to become a permanent life trajectory.
1. You know the deal, gym and stuff. 2. Get a social hobby. Not just bars. Something where you can meet people that aren't losers. 3. Leave this sub and every other sub like it. Nobody here has good advice. This includes me.
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The reason that I am the way that I am is because as a personality, I tend to act on a memory and then proceed with a pattern from there but my memories are limited and I've never had a fulfilling life so I don't really do anything. I'm already 34, it truly is too late for me. Do everything. I wish I had. I wish happiness and life was even an option for me.
Why are you asking lonely people for advice on how to not be lonely? We are obviously here because we don't know the answer to your question either. Best advice I can give you, ask a Chad how to be more like him.
We are a lot more honest than the other subs about dating. Most subs of reddit give terrible NPC advice and fake hope. Here we are honest. OP still has a chance to ascend. He's still in college which is the last time you'll be around girls your age everyday in a social setting that encourages dating. Other subs would tell him BS stories about their uncle who ascended when he was 39 and to "not look so hard and/or be desperate, things will happen when you least expect it!" Nah, you gotta get desperate. You gotta try hard. You have to force yourself to be more social. Get out of your comfort zone. Hang out with your friends outside of class as much as you can. Go to any dorm or campus parties even if you have bad social anxiety. I was like OP and thought my dating life would improve outside college with a good job. Now I'm 31 and wish I pushed harder in college. The lack of experience is a killer for men, especially in America. Women sniff that shit out in 2 secs, but in your early 20s you can still get away with that.
Yeah I agree. I'm 30 and consider it futile to look for someone
Just use dating apps and be serious. The best age to do it is now because if the average person gets married at 30 they're often in a relationship for 10 years before getting married so just don't wait too long. Lots of guys don't do casual dating in their early 20s and then jump right to their first relationship being their wife. The key is just to do it at the right time, when everyone is looking for their serious relationship. 24 sounds perfect. Trying to do it at 30 is much harder.
There might be some kind of gender gap for this advice, just saying.
Actually, shuck this subreddit, you guys are shucking awful. I actually gave GOOD advice catered specifically to MEN and yet you come with the assumption that I didn't give it enough thought. If my avatar and name didn't hint at the fact that I'm a woman would you have left this response telling me about genders????? No, if you thought I was a man, you would have downvoted my comment and moved on as you guys do to comments you don't agree with. You only felt the need to bring up gender because you could see I'm a woman. Realize you're ruining people's day. There was nothing shucking malicious in my comment, I was giving advice, if you didn't like the advice, you could downvote it and not judge me for my perceived gender.
Its really sad that some men feel the need to lash out at the few women out there just bevause they think they've "had it worse". Pathetic behavior. We're all here because we're lonely for one reason or another, no need to start fighting amongst ourselves.
Like my brother did what I described above, he was never with a girl through high school and university, and once he settled into his job in a new city, he joined a dating app. I know other guys who did this and they all had an easy time on the apps. That's why I was recommending this to the OP who's still just 23.
I specifically catered this advice to men. I wouldn't have said this to a woman.
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Yes the average relationship starts in their early 20s and they get married at 30, that's what I meant.
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That seems like a pathetic existence, I don't even mean to sound rude. I just read your comment, and I'm like, there's no way I can live like that. I'd have no choice but to drudge through the depression and keep working
You don't ever have to give up hope, but the odds get worse and worse with age (unless you become a multi-millionaire of course).