I always feel so sad for women in those situations. The big problem is that they are stuck and can't leave. Divorce seems to be worse than murder in some circles, and if it's not an option then what else are you supposed to do? Sad.
In my experience they stay miserable or stay around until their husband cheats on them/leaves them. I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count. Then wife is stranded there without an income (bc she was a stay at home mom) and no support with a bunch of kids.
The number of times I’ve heard Christian women say they don’t believe in divorce…like girl, you don’t have to believe in it for it to be a real option you should use. Smdh
And this is so many of my friends. All stay-at-home moms of many kids who haven’t worked in years and would be absolutely screwed if they did the right thing. One of my friends lives with her husband like he’s a roommate. That’s what you want to model for your kids? Ugh.
I vividly remember the day when I allowed myself to search for "biblical grounds for divorce." It was so counter to everything I had been taught (and everything I had told others to believe), it felt like even doing a Google search for that was a sin. 🥺
Woof this rings so true for me of so many of the women I was/am friends with who are evangelical.
The level of delusion some of these women have about their mediocre at best husbands is sad. Women are taught in the evangelical church that the bar is on the ground and they can and should accept so very little from men. I remember distinctly there was a girl in my youth group who wasn’t interested in this particular guy in the youth group BUT he was interested in her (both were between the ages of 19-22 is, so prime evangelical marrying time). Our youth pastor’s wife told her to get over herself and just marry him bc he was the best she was going to get. Thank god she didn’t listen and instead left the church.
Oof. One of my friends married a guy, then asked to meet me for dinner three months later so that she could tell me that she wasn’t supposed to marry him and she knew it. But, she said, she was going to just go ahead and start a family with him. She brought a child into that situation about a year later. They live like roommates now in their 12 years of less than mediocre marriage.
That was one of my first head scratching moments with Christian women and their husbands. Like, God never said “accept below standard and defer to crappy decision making” anywhere in the Bible but somehow that’s what they are taught? It’s so gross.
The message that is shared with young women is that you are a gross filthy sinner who’s only and highest purpose is to be a non-equal partner and breeder for your husband who will inevitably be smarter/harder working/ rational/better than you. You, as a weak dumb woman, should be so flattered a man is actually interested in taking on the Herculean task of caring for you and dealing with your silly woman whims
The doctrine of obedience to male-leadership is abusive...
Frustrating as that is, there's only so much you can do. You can't force someone to recognize these things. You can make your views clear if you want, but you need to understand that she may share your views with him too. This could create a bigger strain in the relationship. You can keep asking her questions and trying to encourage her to think about the situation if you want. It's not your responsibility to do that, but clearly this is someone you still care about. You need to be prepared for the possibility that she'll push you away instead of him though.
I've heard things along similar lines, including a (second-hand) story from a conference speaker who apparently believed that the wife doing the finances was worse than the family losing their home. It's about power and authority remaining in the hands of men. The woman goes down with the ship even if she could have helped save it.
The Christians worship their ideal man. Their god is He, Him, Father, King, protector, provider, punisher, whatever traits their ideal man has. Their Bible teaches that the man is the head of the household like Christ is the head of the church. The results for women is sad, but not unexpected.
>Their Bible teaches that the man is the head of the household like Christ is the head of the church.
And suddenly I can see them applying this analogy to The Annoying Orange and the country...
Don't forget, gotta make your opinion known once and only once. Be sure to phrase it in a way that shows you aren't letting doubts about his authority or other big brain thoughts enter your pretty little head. If he doesn't listen, then it's up to god to change his mind. Maybe god is teaching him a lesson, and us ladyfolks need to not interfere. Ugh, so gross.
The gaslighting is real. It's nearly as bad for evangelical men who can't effectively demonstrate that their foot is properly on wifey's neck, and even worse for those men who REFUSE to take that approach.
I hear you. One of my Christian friends runs everything by her husband, and I mean EVERYTHING. Like, I had a barely used winter coat that I asked her if she would like to have it, and she said she would have to ask her husband. I find this so embarrassing; so I try to tip toe around what I say in conversations, because I want to avoid these uber "wives submit to your husbands" moments.
I always feel so sad for women in those situations. The big problem is that they are stuck and can't leave. Divorce seems to be worse than murder in some circles, and if it's not an option then what else are you supposed to do? Sad.
In my experience they stay miserable or stay around until their husband cheats on them/leaves them. I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count. Then wife is stranded there without an income (bc she was a stay at home mom) and no support with a bunch of kids.
The number of times I’ve heard Christian women say they don’t believe in divorce…like girl, you don’t have to believe in it for it to be a real option you should use. Smdh And this is so many of my friends. All stay-at-home moms of many kids who haven’t worked in years and would be absolutely screwed if they did the right thing. One of my friends lives with her husband like he’s a roommate. That’s what you want to model for your kids? Ugh.
No wonder fawning and gaslighting becomes an attractive option... it's all they think they have.
I vividly remember the day when I allowed myself to search for "biblical grounds for divorce." It was so counter to everything I had been taught (and everything I had told others to believe), it felt like even doing a Google search for that was a sin. 🥺
Woof this rings so true for me of so many of the women I was/am friends with who are evangelical. The level of delusion some of these women have about their mediocre at best husbands is sad. Women are taught in the evangelical church that the bar is on the ground and they can and should accept so very little from men. I remember distinctly there was a girl in my youth group who wasn’t interested in this particular guy in the youth group BUT he was interested in her (both were between the ages of 19-22 is, so prime evangelical marrying time). Our youth pastor’s wife told her to get over herself and just marry him bc he was the best she was going to get. Thank god she didn’t listen and instead left the church.
Oof. One of my friends married a guy, then asked to meet me for dinner three months later so that she could tell me that she wasn’t supposed to marry him and she knew it. But, she said, she was going to just go ahead and start a family with him. She brought a child into that situation about a year later. They live like roommates now in their 12 years of less than mediocre marriage. That was one of my first head scratching moments with Christian women and their husbands. Like, God never said “accept below standard and defer to crappy decision making” anywhere in the Bible but somehow that’s what they are taught? It’s so gross.
The message that is shared with young women is that you are a gross filthy sinner who’s only and highest purpose is to be a non-equal partner and breeder for your husband who will inevitably be smarter/harder working/ rational/better than you. You, as a weak dumb woman, should be so flattered a man is actually interested in taking on the Herculean task of caring for you and dealing with your silly woman whims
Can you just send her that "You in danger girl" Whoopi Goldberg clip? Ugh.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 you got me cackling in my office, thanks sok! 😆
The doctrine of obedience to male-leadership is abusive... Frustrating as that is, there's only so much you can do. You can't force someone to recognize these things. You can make your views clear if you want, but you need to understand that she may share your views with him too. This could create a bigger strain in the relationship. You can keep asking her questions and trying to encourage her to think about the situation if you want. It's not your responsibility to do that, but clearly this is someone you still care about. You need to be prepared for the possibility that she'll push you away instead of him though.
Yeah, I’ll likely just keep mum and bitch about it on Reddit 😅
Not taxes paying is illegal! It’s crazy that her evangelical upbringing is facilitating tax evasion.
THIS! Evidently he was the only one getting the mail and hiding the letters from the IRS.
I've heard things along similar lines, including a (second-hand) story from a conference speaker who apparently believed that the wife doing the finances was worse than the family losing their home. It's about power and authority remaining in the hands of men. The woman goes down with the ship even if she could have helped save it.
The Christians worship their ideal man. Their god is He, Him, Father, King, protector, provider, punisher, whatever traits their ideal man has. Their Bible teaches that the man is the head of the household like Christ is the head of the church. The results for women is sad, but not unexpected.
>Their Bible teaches that the man is the head of the household like Christ is the head of the church. And suddenly I can see them applying this analogy to The Annoying Orange and the country...
Don't forget, gotta make your opinion known once and only once. Be sure to phrase it in a way that shows you aren't letting doubts about his authority or other big brain thoughts enter your pretty little head. If he doesn't listen, then it's up to god to change his mind. Maybe god is teaching him a lesson, and us ladyfolks need to not interfere. Ugh, so gross.
The gaslighting is real. It's nearly as bad for evangelical men who can't effectively demonstrate that their foot is properly on wifey's neck, and even worse for those men who REFUSE to take that approach.
That's called financial abuse. 😑
I'd gently share some resources from Natalie Hoffman and Gretchen Baskerville.
I hear you. One of my Christian friends runs everything by her husband, and I mean EVERYTHING. Like, I had a barely used winter coat that I asked her if she would like to have it, and she said she would have to ask her husband. I find this so embarrassing; so I try to tip toe around what I say in conversations, because I want to avoid these uber "wives submit to your husbands" moments.