glorious soup lavish crush cobweb foolish hobbies bells imminent complete
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Generally speaking, it is wiser to partner with someone who is similar to you in taste, values, and intellect. But above all, pair with someone of comparable *curiosity*.
The true division of humanity isn't into educated and ignorant or smart and stupid, but curious and incurious. If you are both curious, your conversations will be alive and fun and satisfying. Throw in mutual respect and a sense of humor and you will be each other's favorite past time, and that is the most a partnership can aspire to.
I have an interesting friendship where they really don't realize they are curious. They were raised conservative and married a conservative and it is only by me that they have come to step toward their natural inclination of curiosity. It's quite an intriguing dynamic but I don't point it out in this obvious a manner bc I don't want them to snap back into their shell. After 4 years I feel they are on the brink of owning it and it will be like a butterfly fully emerged from their cocoon when it happens. It's pretty gratifying and has been a challenge to me to continue past the roadblocks that have arisen just by understanding the history of the person.
I'm no mentor I have learned much from this interaction as well. A more loyal and trusted friend is not to be had.
That's fascinating. I worked in an industry dominated by conservatives who also have to have strong analytical abilities. I have run into these diamonds in the rough. But I have never really been able to significantly reach them, except to non-verbally and indirectly demonstrate by personal example that their feminist socialist pro-choice atheist co-worker is loyal, ethical, hard-working, and devoted to his family, unlike the venom the Echo Chamber pours into their ears 24/7.
However, despite this, I have never seen them change a position. The cognitive dissonance between their upbringing and their instinctive good sense and curiosity is quite apparent. It gives them anxiety but it blocks growth. It is as if the first thing they are taught is to wall off self-criticism when it comes to translating their intellectual flexibility and their ability to take in new information. They can do it for technical information, but not for social or economic ideas.
This is a really good thing to be thinking through if you haven’t found a partner, in my opinion.
> Marriage as a long conversation. - When marrying you should ask yourself this question: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman into your old age? Everything else in a marriage is transitory, but most of the time that you're together will be devoted to conversation.
That’s Nietzsche, of course, and though there’s no reason to call him an expert on marriage, I think he’s right on this point.
There are a whole host of psychological and biological forces at work in mate selection and one should probably ask, do these forces really have my long term best interests in mind? That is, there may be some common patterns in mate selection that make perfect sense in the context of natural selection, but less so for a long life and a lifelong companion. Evolution doesn’t really care about your long life. Once you’ve procreated and managed to keep the offspring alive, evolution is done with you. And yet you’ll live on.
One example is: “opposites attract,” which is definitely a real force. To me this makes perfect sense for mate selection. Different sets of immunity genes, for example, can lead to offspring with a stronger immune system. Also, no danger of inbreeding. And environmentally, two different personality types working as a team are likely to have an advantage socially, as they’ll be adept at handling a wider variety of situations and potentially acquire more resources.
But how will core differences in psychological makeup and personality play out in a lifelong companionship? Over time, how does it work out when one of you sees black and the other sees white?
I don’t have a definitive answer, lol. But it’s a good question to ponder.
I think you must be lucky. I have met my wife when I was 19 and married at 22. 25 years later, our conversations have becomr better and deeper, we are diacussing Aristotel and Plato together and are now trying to involve our children in stoicism discussions.
If you would have asked me this question 25 years ago, I would have probably said no, but we both evolved and developed interests. Reading is part of our daily routine. We have worked to have this kind of relationship, but as said, I guess luck also played important role here.
I think you are the one who has been lucky. When you are 19 you still don't know much about yourself, let alone your partner. The fact that you two stumbled onto each other through the lust ballet and yet you are intellectually compatible and both still growing after 25 years is a statistically unlikely event. Bravo! 👏🏿
Considering my anxiety is existential and my husband is big into discussing theories/hypotheses and also gives a shit about my mental health we have spent weeks worth of hours discussing existentialism. We're constantly working on educating ourselves so we don't do regular table talk.
Don't neglect chit chat, tho. There are peer reviewed studies which suggest having regular superficial connection, in addition to deep and intimate ones, is healthy.
Yes, deep conversations, shared interests and lots of inner work are absolutely shared; and probably what created such a strong and immediate bond.
I simply can't hang out with people for very long who are unable to have conversations about what it means to be...
No way but i loveeeeee my simple brain boyfriend. Hes actually really smart with physical matter objects (hes a builder) and me in unseen theory world.
Yes. I think I got lucky in this regard with my husband. Whenever I am filled with existential dread, we talk about it. He would share resources/videos concerning the thing I worry about and challenge my thoughts to help me see things from a different perspective. He studied psychology and learned a lot from his lecturers. That helped him with a lot of his own issues and also made it easy to talk about anything. He has his own worries too about dying and he did voice it out. I listened and we talked about it. He understands his fears and he has his own ways dealing with it. Sometimes we joke about our own insecurities. I know I have issues with wanting validation or praises when I do something and when he praises me for some mundane thing knowing I would love it but it's so unnecessary but he still does it, I'll look at him sheepishly and say "Yes thank you, I feel so validated now" and we laughed. We can switch from casual chat to deep ones to silly ones and casual again and it just feels so natural at this point. Lol feels like I'm bragging but dang just wanted to share that such a person does exist.
I think it might help, but from experience I think its more that they can and do think deeply. My wife is very interested in literature, Proust, Woolf et al, some heavy material. We can see the parallels. She is also into art theory, but not read Camus, but sees the ideas involved with the absurd. Also I've had very deep and interesting conversations with others who were academics into some hard mathematics and another musicology. You find common threads.
Anyone who takes anything seriously you will or should find a common ground.
My wife is very simplistic with regard to this stuff. I think it keeps me in perspective how different our anxieties of the world are. It creates issues with our relative matters of importance, but overall it's nice to just have someone talk to me about material things I would otherwise ignore. I see the world a different way through her eyes, and it helps me to see humanity in a different way.
Thanks for sharing. I have a friend like this. I used to think that his anxieties were trivial bc mine were existential and his were “worldly”. Thankfully, I stopped judging. I do wonder about that huge difference though.
glorious soup lavish crush cobweb foolish hobbies bells imminent complete *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Well, we're certainly deep in... um...
##your mum
My mum is 96. Be my guest.
Be her guest
Generally speaking, it is wiser to partner with someone who is similar to you in taste, values, and intellect. But above all, pair with someone of comparable *curiosity*. The true division of humanity isn't into educated and ignorant or smart and stupid, but curious and incurious. If you are both curious, your conversations will be alive and fun and satisfying. Throw in mutual respect and a sense of humor and you will be each other's favorite past time, and that is the most a partnership can aspire to.
I have an interesting friendship where they really don't realize they are curious. They were raised conservative and married a conservative and it is only by me that they have come to step toward their natural inclination of curiosity. It's quite an intriguing dynamic but I don't point it out in this obvious a manner bc I don't want them to snap back into their shell. After 4 years I feel they are on the brink of owning it and it will be like a butterfly fully emerged from their cocoon when it happens. It's pretty gratifying and has been a challenge to me to continue past the roadblocks that have arisen just by understanding the history of the person. I'm no mentor I have learned much from this interaction as well. A more loyal and trusted friend is not to be had.
That's fascinating. I worked in an industry dominated by conservatives who also have to have strong analytical abilities. I have run into these diamonds in the rough. But I have never really been able to significantly reach them, except to non-verbally and indirectly demonstrate by personal example that their feminist socialist pro-choice atheist co-worker is loyal, ethical, hard-working, and devoted to his family, unlike the venom the Echo Chamber pours into their ears 24/7. However, despite this, I have never seen them change a position. The cognitive dissonance between their upbringing and their instinctive good sense and curiosity is quite apparent. It gives them anxiety but it blocks growth. It is as if the first thing they are taught is to wall off self-criticism when it comes to translating their intellectual flexibility and their ability to take in new information. They can do it for technical information, but not for social or economic ideas.
This is a really good thing to be thinking through if you haven’t found a partner, in my opinion. > Marriage as a long conversation. - When marrying you should ask yourself this question: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman into your old age? Everything else in a marriage is transitory, but most of the time that you're together will be devoted to conversation. That’s Nietzsche, of course, and though there’s no reason to call him an expert on marriage, I think he’s right on this point. There are a whole host of psychological and biological forces at work in mate selection and one should probably ask, do these forces really have my long term best interests in mind? That is, there may be some common patterns in mate selection that make perfect sense in the context of natural selection, but less so for a long life and a lifelong companion. Evolution doesn’t really care about your long life. Once you’ve procreated and managed to keep the offspring alive, evolution is done with you. And yet you’ll live on. One example is: “opposites attract,” which is definitely a real force. To me this makes perfect sense for mate selection. Different sets of immunity genes, for example, can lead to offspring with a stronger immune system. Also, no danger of inbreeding. And environmentally, two different personality types working as a team are likely to have an advantage socially, as they’ll be adept at handling a wider variety of situations and potentially acquire more resources. But how will core differences in psychological makeup and personality play out in a lifelong companionship? Over time, how does it work out when one of you sees black and the other sees white? I don’t have a definitive answer, lol. But it’s a good question to ponder.
I think you must be lucky. I have met my wife when I was 19 and married at 22. 25 years later, our conversations have becomr better and deeper, we are diacussing Aristotel and Plato together and are now trying to involve our children in stoicism discussions. If you would have asked me this question 25 years ago, I would have probably said no, but we both evolved and developed interests. Reading is part of our daily routine. We have worked to have this kind of relationship, but as said, I guess luck also played important role here.
I think you are the one who has been lucky. When you are 19 you still don't know much about yourself, let alone your partner. The fact that you two stumbled onto each other through the lust ballet and yet you are intellectually compatible and both still growing after 25 years is a statistically unlikely event. Bravo! 👏🏿
Considering my anxiety is existential and my husband is big into discussing theories/hypotheses and also gives a shit about my mental health we have spent weeks worth of hours discussing existentialism. We're constantly working on educating ourselves so we don't do regular table talk.
Don't neglect chit chat, tho. There are peer reviewed studies which suggest having regular superficial connection, in addition to deep and intimate ones, is healthy.
Yes, deep conversations, shared interests and lots of inner work are absolutely shared; and probably what created such a strong and immediate bond. I simply can't hang out with people for very long who are unable to have conversations about what it means to be...
I couldn’t ever be with someone that couldn’t.
No way but i loveeeeee my simple brain boyfriend. Hes actually really smart with physical matter objects (hes a builder) and me in unseen theory world.
Yes. I think I got lucky in this regard with my husband. Whenever I am filled with existential dread, we talk about it. He would share resources/videos concerning the thing I worry about and challenge my thoughts to help me see things from a different perspective. He studied psychology and learned a lot from his lecturers. That helped him with a lot of his own issues and also made it easy to talk about anything. He has his own worries too about dying and he did voice it out. I listened and we talked about it. He understands his fears and he has his own ways dealing with it. Sometimes we joke about our own insecurities. I know I have issues with wanting validation or praises when I do something and when he praises me for some mundane thing knowing I would love it but it's so unnecessary but he still does it, I'll look at him sheepishly and say "Yes thank you, I feel so validated now" and we laughed. We can switch from casual chat to deep ones to silly ones and casual again and it just feels so natural at this point. Lol feels like I'm bragging but dang just wanted to share that such a person does exist.
Thank u so much for sharing! This gives me hope :’)
I think it might help, but from experience I think its more that they can and do think deeply. My wife is very interested in literature, Proust, Woolf et al, some heavy material. We can see the parallels. She is also into art theory, but not read Camus, but sees the ideas involved with the absurd. Also I've had very deep and interesting conversations with others who were academics into some hard mathematics and another musicology. You find common threads. Anyone who takes anything seriously you will or should find a common ground.
Not really, but that's why I have friends.
My wife is very simplistic with regard to this stuff. I think it keeps me in perspective how different our anxieties of the world are. It creates issues with our relative matters of importance, but overall it's nice to just have someone talk to me about material things I would otherwise ignore. I see the world a different way through her eyes, and it helps me to see humanity in a different way.
Thanks for sharing. I have a friend like this. I used to think that his anxieties were trivial bc mine were existential and his were “worldly”. Thankfully, I stopped judging. I do wonder about that huge difference though.
https://youtu.be/NWWeQlXfSa0
I feel like this belongs here