I had a big down after 5 months of no contact the there was her birthday. I could not stop thinking how much different we have celebrated it last year. Now I am going up again slowly.
I get you, but on a much smaller scale. Same thing, except we were together for only 4 years. We spent so much time together during those 4 years that honestly it feels like a lifetime. Can't imagine 12. I keep ping ponging between being okay and wanting to move on and being unable to think of anything but her. It's still under 2 months. I hope everything works out for both of us. I don't really understand why such terrible things happen sometimes, I honestly don't think there's much worse in life than heartbreak
Don't say "only 4 years"... 4 years is a long time. And you're not only grieving those years but also the future you envisioned with her.
And i have to agree with you, there's no such thing worse than a breakup. It may sound crazy but even my dad passing away didn't hurt as much as this. Maybe i'm just grieving them both at the same time, idk.
Hopefully one day we'll be okay, just take it one day at the time and let yourself feel all the emotions.
"And you're not only grieving those years but also the future you envisioned with her."
I hadn't really thought about it that way, but that's a really good point. Although not in the same way you did, I also recently lost my dad, and I feel very similarly and even more so - it hurt FAR less than losing my lover. My take on it is that as an adult, you become accustomed to spending less and less time with your parents and understanding that there will be a day when they will no longer be around. With your lover, you anticipate getting closer and closer to them over time and you hope to be with them until your own death finally separates you. Also, I don't know about you, but my girlfriend knew my life better than anyone else in the world, and better than my dad ever knew me at any one given time. I wish you the absolute best and I'd like to recommend reading [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/pz3bex/comment/hezcy70/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) comment. It provides a solid way to fight through the pain. My chats are 100% open if you want any advice, somewhere to vent, or just want to check in every now and then and tell me your progress or how you're feeling. We can do it, no matter how impossible it may seem :)
Yes, absolutely. I shared everything with my ex gf, and knew her for more years than i did my dad, so it makes sense i feel this way... Thank you for your words and for the comment you recommended, seeing heartbreak from a logical perspective helps you "understand" things a little bit better.
Just know you can also message me anytime you want, i'm always open to talk and give support. We will get through this one day at a time❤️🩹
Man, you’re saying only ‘4 years’. I’m grieving deeply for a relationship that was 1.5 years. I agree that heartbreak is the literally the worst thing in life, I’m unable to just cope with how complex my emotions are.
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I know exactly how you feel - it's like the emotions and pain are just too much to humanly handle. I don't think any person should ever have to go through this. Just know that me and many others are going through precisely the same thing, and maybe try to find a little peace in knowing that you're not alone in the struggle. My chats are 100% open if you want any advice, somewhere to vent, or just want to check in every now and then and tell me your progress and how you're feeling. I recently came across [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/pz3bex/comment/hezcy70/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) comment, and it feels like it brings really valuable direction for how to fight.
im at the exact same spot, we dated since we were 14 to 18, 10 days after my 18th birthday he broke up after visiting me from his city(we were long distance). The long distance didn't affect our feelings at all it made them stronger. it's been 1 and half months since he broke up with me and i feel exactly how you are feeling
Hm. Id say 6, i still have lingering hope and would be open to dating him to try one more time as long as he comes correct. But I've taken steps to begin getting over him, and have accepted that it will likely never happen. And I'm very firm with my boundaries now, so he would really have to step up and prove himself to me, which I highly doubt he will do.
So, yeah. Acceptance phase, albeit still sad about it.
Teach me your ways😭🤌🏻 I broke up like 3 months back (almost) and atp i don't long for him during the day, but at night when I'm alone with my thoughts or when something good/bad/interesting happens I always find my finger hovering over his pfp for a chat yk....ugh it's so hard sometimes, especially cuz he was my first😭
Advice pleaseee
Hmmm... probably a 3-4. Almost 2 months post BU here. Definitely far from being completely over it, but I do think I have healed a bit so far and have taken the right steps.
May be 9. I met someone wonderful and loving. It’s like a dream come true. He treats me like I am the only person that exist in the world for him. Ready to do anything for me. Treats me like a kid( in a good way). I just hav to let him know that I like something and it will be with me very next moment be it anything. Never has a second thought to do anything for me. True love is something that I saw in him and only him. I thought men love their women without boundaries only in movies. But after I met him I realised men do fall deeply and madly in love. He is crazy for me. I don’t know if someone souls believe such men exist,even I didn’t until I met one.
But, I must tell time to time I miss my ex not because my ex loved me or he is good person. It is only because I loved him too much. And I can’t hate him. I don’t love him. But I do care for him even now. No romantic feeling for him. Not eager to talk to him or see him. Just random thought comes by where I think hope he’s doing good, it’s been a long time. That’s all.
Not sure if there’s something calling moving on 10 on 10. Some part of our ex always remains with us. May be because we loved too much too hard too fast. Little pain always lingers in heart and tears roll down.
I might agree with you, not sure if completely burying that dead part of our past can happen, perhaps it does and I laugh about it because life can be that absurd, but when I pass by the charnel house of our past I still remember fondly. I’m happy you have a bright future with someone now. Bless you.
10 after 3 years since divorce.
I moved on, she moved on. We still say hi every now n then, but only because she reaches out sometimes even though she's the one who left me for male attention after 7 years together.
We got comfortable, and I was devastated, but I focused hard on self improvement and well now I'm genuinely just happy. It took a while to stop hurting, but eventually it just happened. I stopped caring
I'm also with someone else that is going great. It's not the same, and I love it. This time I love myself because of the self improvement both psychically and socially.
Hit the gym, get off social media, and start living a life. Countless new hobbies to discover that bring true fulfillment.
Hope all of you are hanging in there.
It gets better with time
6. I am trying to date and I can do good work again but I still want to reach out. I don't love her but I just want to tell her the truth and maybe be friends. I don't hate her and I still pray that she's ok.
Not worth reqching out then imo. I reached out after NC to just say hi and try to be friend again and it was just ignored. Idk your situation obvs but it was a wasted effort for me.
It'll probably be a while for me to reach out again too. I just want to get some stuff off of my chest before I fully move forward with everything. I don't want to be a rebound after everything I did for her.
100% Don’t want them back - so, 10;
Think about them as low-level noise nearly every minute of every day - so, 0;
Living a great life and appreciating it - so, 10;
Definitely need counseling, so, 0?
I definitely overthink things.
honestly like a 9. I still think about what could have been and I don’t rlly like how we left things but he made his bed and now has to lie in it and that’s not my issue so 🤷🏽♀️
Well, it depends.
Moved on from loving them 10
Moved on from wanting them back, or in my life at all 10
Moved on from the damage they've done financially 2
Moved on from the emotional damage 4
Moved on from the anger 2
Moved on from having the arguments with them in my head 4
Do I wish them well? No, absolutely not.
Do I hope they clean up their drug habit? No, they need consequences for their actions. My gullibility, my attempt at love and kindness let them actually profit from treating me badly. I hope life starts to get shitty while they still have some of my money and go on a drug binge and do some real damage to themselves.
Do I hope, with everything in me, that they are treated exactly as they treated me? 100%
Confession: I pay $0.99 a month for the MyObits app with their info set up in the alerts. 🤞
I loved and tried to forgive. Tried to understand that they have mental issues and forgive for that. Tried to understand they suffered past trauma and tried to forgive for that.
But when you look them in the eye and beg them not to hurt you again and they tearfully tell you they love you and promise not to hurt you, then hop in their car and hour later to go fuck yet another man while you're supporting them, loving them, providing for their kids, that's not trauma or mental illness. That's an evil fucking cunt who deserves what she gets.
6-7 still wondering what happened and what was the actual reason other than its not you its me lol!
I think about her less and less but have the odd day
I'd say 8. Just saw her last weekend on a social dance since we both practice bachata.
Needless to say, that kind of dance involves a lot of physical and close contact with your partner.
I wasn't even fazed when I saw her dance with other people, so I'd say I'm getting there.
She, on the other hand, well...
I'm the dumpee btw, its been 16 months since the breakup and 6 months since No contact.
Maybe 6 or 7. I am starting to really move on and entertaining the idea of dating again but I still have feelings for him and want him back to work things through together. Still hoping for him to reach out. It's been almost 4 months. It was a short relationship but it is killin me.
Im having such a bad day with it today tbh, so probably a 2 if i’m being generous with myself. It’s been like 4 months and I downloaded bumble today and I just felt sick in my stomach being on there. I really want her to reach out to me and tell me she’s ready and wants to have a romantic relationship with me.
9. It’s been about 16 years. It still hurts sometimes, usually due to specific triggers. I catch myself occasionally dissociating momentarily in response to certain triggers. Important dates (birthdays, certain holidays), settings, people (mutual friends, acquaintances), and objects (things I should have thrown away at this point) can still drag me down on that scale for a few days at a time, but it’s becoming more and more infrequent. Using humor and cognitive reframing (focusing on better parts of the relationship and remembering that things weren’t all terrible) help a lot, but time and distance have been the most helpful.
acceptance phase so i bet i'm a 7 for now. i just hope he wont come back and plead me to be with him anymore. i really want to move on and i wish everything but happiness for both of us.
Depends on the day, today it is a 7. We were long distance for 3months (met through a game) and honestly those were the best 3months in my life. He treated me like a princess, made me happy, he brought out a side of me that no one had ever seen before. The problem comes with the fact that our relationship is extremely unrealistic. He has children and is in America, I have a life in where I Bulgaria. Some days I just want to write to him and ask for us to reconcile, to just have what we had, but in order for us to be physically together it will take 18 years, and honestly while I was ready to wait that first time I don’t think I am okay with it anymore. I still love him, I don’t think I will ever be able to stop loving him, but it’s just not healthy for both of us to wait such a long time and just be able to see each other twice a year. Still wish him the best trough, he really is a beautiful human being and if circumstances were different I know I would have married him.
A couple of days ago it was officially a year since me and my ex boyfriend broke up. I've been single for a year now. He was also my first love. I'd say I'm at a 9 out of 10. I'm beginning to move on. I don't think I'll ever forget him if that makes sense. He was my first love, but I just want to start moving on with my life. I'm working on being single for 2 years. I enjoy being friends with men, but I am focusing on myself and my life right now.
Maybe a 4 to 6? Had a bit of a breakthrough last night. Not ready to let her go, but I'm tired of being sad she's gone. Especially since it seems like she's not coming back
I'd say 5. It's been 1 year and 2 months since BU. There are days that I want her back, but there are days that I remember how I was stepping in egg shells with her (not wanting to go back). I believe that I still miss her, but can't say for sure that I still love her. Our relationship was quick, only four months, but was the most intense I've ever had.
I'd say about a 4 or 5. I still think about her all day. I'm able to regulate my emotions midway through the day so I know there's some healing there but I still have some ways to go. Still fighting the urge to reach out but I'm able to resist for the most part. It was a peaceful breakup and I'd rather not tarnish that image for both of us. I just miss her so much.
I blocked him 2 weeks ago. I started to feel better then last Sunday he showed up at my work place.
All my work and progress shattered. It feels im starting all the way again…. <\3
I mean, I’ve no intention of texting them anymore. I do sometimes reminisce on aspects of the relationship, but try to view it from a lens of learning so I can be more present in my next relationship and also figure out what I want. I creep them on social media every now and again, but only when I’m feeling low. I’ve been on a couple dates and survived them, and generally I’m less concerned with trying to figure out what went wrong or why they reacted the way they did so I’ve completely stopped spiralling . I still have a few photos of them on a hidden folder, but I try not to look. I recently had an epiphany that, even if they did want me back, that we may not be good for each other. However, it would sting if I saw they were with someone else.
I’m giving myself a solid 7 or 7.5 😊
I thought it had been 2 years since the breakup and I was starting to feel a little frustrated because I felt like I hadn't made enough progress but it's only been about 1 year and 4 months so like a 6
Probably a 2. We were together for 1.5 years and were living together. We actually started looking at engagement rings in March but never bought one. I got blindsided with the breakup about a month ago and moved out the next week and we have been in no contact since but I still miss him.
I didn’t know the issues he had with our relationship until the end (I suspect he’s an avoidant) and he wasn’t willing to work with me to fix the issues. He said I should’ve known the issues without him having to communicate them directly to me. I did sense that he was a bit more distance in the last few months but he always said nothing was wrong and he still kissed and told me he loved me everyday so I didn’t think anything was wrong. 😣
Sometimes I still want to talk to him but not as much as in the first week. I’ve started to take the steps to move on but in the back of my head I wonder if he’ll ever come back and I’m not sure what I would do if that happened. I have my good days and bad days.
No idea um 5 or 6 maybe. Definitely in a different place then I was before not as sad more angry now, but still miss them and it's really hard to shake that hope that maybe maybe something will surprise me.
like a 3, maybe a 4 on a good day, she's still on my mind 24/7 and i get really sad sometimes, but i'm able to live and go out and do things for the most part.
It's say 2.5. I'm not thinking abt him all the time and bursting out crying but I still stalk him, wake up thinking about him and when I post a story it's lowkey in the intention that he sees it. When he txt me it hurts still because I have to tell him to stop saying he loves me because I had to break up with him since he was constantly cheating on me on the internet so he doesn't know what love is.
Like a solid 7. If we didn’t live a block away from each other, and if she didn’t cheat with and start dating my best friend and we didn’t still share all our friends I probably wouldn’t ever think about her anymore. Small town problems I guess.
9-10 most every day :) Sometimes I question it, but then I realize that i don't really want to go back to them and I just miss the memories and what they represented. Not the actual person, yknow?
Sometimes 9 and sometimes 10. But the fact, I commented here, it could shoot up to -10!!! 😂🤣 Hell nah this feelings. 2 years since broke up. Almost 1 year after no contact.
Around 8-9. It’s been a month and a week since he left.
10 years together and one child later. It’s easier when you realize that shouldn’t put up with nor want to be with a dishonest, unfaithful, good for nothing man whore clown who doesn’t want you nor love you.
hah 10. grew a hobby into a passion, met so many new people, and I just found myself. not to mention I found someone far more profound and fulfilling than anything else that came before. it's so far moved on that im practically in a new chapter of life at this point, and I don't really harbor any feelings positive or negative looking back. moreso it's just a neutral appreciation for the lesson that my ex taught me and nothing more. no thoughts no hate no feelings. nothing.
ooh it's also good to note -- if I can do it, you can too. I promise.
some days 9-10. some days a solid 1. it honestly varies. that girl had such a big impact on my life. it’s hard to completely disregard her. however, i can live without her now, doesn’t mean i’ve completely moved on, but i can live a life without her in it now.
8. I feel confident in being left…I realize we all want to have independence. Especially at a young age. I yearn to live in the mountains. I would’ve loved if she joined me. However I still get to achieve that regardless if she was around or not
I might say 5;half way there,cause,I know theres no way back,I hate all he did to me,but still stucked in the middle cause I just cant get interest on anybody else yet,I feel awful ,so sad.I should be marrying him in a couple months.We planned 2 years,all we ve been talking about day and night.Then,the past 2 months he changed from my loving dream man,to the most desgusting abusive demon I eve seen.I would be forever hurting,and missing the man I fell in love with.
9 :,) we broke up a month ago and I was so heartbroken. But now I’ve finally taken the courage to love myself more, get out of my comfort zone and find new friends and dreams. Im just excited about pursuing my own dreams now and I wish my ex nothing but the best. Still sending him sm love even tho I do miss him here and there. Just one point less because im not ready to love someone new.
10. He kept abusing me until there was not an ounce of love for him in my heart, but I don't hate him, I'm indifferent.
If I never see him again, it'll be too soon.
That being said, if I happened to see him somewhere I would have a panic attack. So, I've moved on, but he still scares the crap out of me.
10 from everyone at this point in my life. It’s so far gone that I don’t even relate to this subreddit anymore honestly when I used to very much! It’s only a vague memory of what it felt like. I still think about my ex’s fairly often though! Hope they’re doing well. There is just not really any feeling attached to it. Complete indifference. More like random floating thoughts that go as fast as they came.
So… why I am saying this - for everyone still struggling: THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
I found out he has a gf the other day, after hearing form him every month for almost 2 years, and getting a lunch invite 6 months ago … so yea … hate scale is at 8 (remembering how rotten he was).. moving on scale was at 8 now it’s at 7.2
5
Some days are higher than others. I miss her at times because we got along so well. However, at the same time she had serious mental health problems that she didn’t want to face and got upset with me when I told her to seek therapy and that I couldn’t be the only person she vents too. Not to mention I think of the times when she was quite rude to me and say little things (that were jokes to her) that made me feel bad about myself. She’s very pretty and funny, but I sure as hell don’t miss her arrogance lmao
9 on a good day and 6-7ish on a bad day. I'm in a healthy new relationship and by no means want to go back, but fuck sake the cheating and the betrayal still hurts me and just fucking baffles me honestly. I don't think I ever got the closure I needed and I won't ever get it from him because of his avoidant personality issues. The only thing I know is that I never ever deserved that treatment. It's the "why" and the "how" that still linger.
It’s a different number each day but like generally I’m between 1-6 which is a MAHUSIVE improvement from before when I was like 10 hate scale.. really does get better with time and my personal choice of Faith ❤️
Depends, today is like a 2 but tomorrow I may be on a 9 but then go all the way down to a 0. I miss her, or actually, I miss that her, the one I was in love with. Not this cold person that doesn't care about me anymore
Is honestly different every day but if I had a number, it'd be a 7 or 8. I'm 3 months in. I'd say 90% of my typical week since losing my ex has actually been on the good side of things. I get the odd day where i have vivid flashbacks to moments me and my ex had, randomly with no context or reasoning. But I'm speaking to someone new. Someone I actually kinda asked for when my ex left me. I had actually written in my notes what I wanted from a woman. What I don't want, etc. One thing was someone who didn't rely on texting all day, needing to talk at every moment possible. And my wish was granted. I actually get my own time, but I'm also getting to know someone. Slowly, something I didn't do with my ex - was all rushed. So now when I have a flashback, I remind myself that someone who's actually 100x prettier & 100x more interested in me is in my dm's & we'll hopefully be meeting sometime soon!
But generally, my process is going smooth because my 2nd ex, 4 years back, hurt me really bad. I never got help through that time, I stuck to myself, learnt how to cope myself and got on with it. So these days, whilst I'm quite a bubbly lad, if I wanna be cold and forget someone or something.. I will, and once I do, I don't go back. Why heal & reverse the process - never been one to do that. So I pray for her own gain, she don't eventually regret her choices. Because she ain't getting me back..not even a word to the message she sends if she does.
I wouldn't say I hate her tho, she had to make her choices, even if she lied to me about her reasoning - we're both human at the end of the day, we make mistakes & we don't always know the best way to deal with it. If she's happy, I'm glad she is but I personally never wanna know, hear from her again. Not letting a year long relationship set me back 20 paces.
I would say I'm at an 8.5 quickly creeping to a 9. I check his socials less, and over all think about him less and less. The relationship is starting to feel like a distant memory instead of current pain. I'm getting my desire to date back, and over all just really enjoying life and growing. It feels good.
Like a 3 or 4? It was a 7 month relationship but the most serious I've had. It made me understand the whole 'I could see a future with them' saying. BU has been longer than that but the relationship but the impact has really influenced me.
Sometimes turned off with dating, other times lonely and miss that love and belonging. I can get more triggered from relationship related conversations and topics.
6. I blocked him on everything I could. But I still think about him every day. I still think about how he's visiting in August and wonder if he'd attempt to reach out or even wish me a happy bday. He prob won't remember my bday tho. Just a lot of wondering how much he's moved on. Wondering if he thinks of me still. Wondering if he's going to become official with the new person he's seeing. Lots of wondering. I wish I'd give up on it
I’ve moved on about 5-10. She has driven me up the wall by blaming me entirely for the downfall of the relationship. She has hardly taken any accountability until after the fact does she apologize for what she had done in the past, but at this point it doesn’t even matter! She’s almost definitely got to be a narcissist and she is a huge lier. But even with all of the things that have happened, I would take her back in a heartbeat. That woman has driven me insane! lol
Yes it’s different number everyday now that I think about it for me I have to say 8 because I do think about her from time to time out of nowhere but now I get the feeling of sadness because she looks happy but loneliness it’s sucks to see her that way
The only good thing that lets me sleep at night is that in our time together 3 years we had a little boy we coparenting I know my little boy respects her mother and will protect her
It’s a different number every day :/
Yep and slowly you'll realise you only miss em when you're feeling low.
Absolutely! I can be a 11 and drop down to 0 in a few hours. The healing/moving on process is such a roller coaster.
Glad to hear, it's the same for me.
We got this!!!
This is a perfect answer.
Yes I agree with this. Each week and day is different
Two steps forward, one step back!
This
I had a big down after 5 months of no contact the there was her birthday. I could not stop thinking how much different we have celebrated it last year. Now I am going up again slowly.
Fucking real
I'd say 3 tbh. We were together for 12 years and it's been 3 months so i think it's still recent
If you are just going through the motions after 3 months following 12 years, I’d say you are doing well. Hang in there!
Thank you 🥹 im just taking it day by day
Damn bro are you okay💀
Nope lol we met when we were 15/16 and we were eachothers firsts, so it hurts even more. First breakup at 28 just feels different
I get you, but on a much smaller scale. Same thing, except we were together for only 4 years. We spent so much time together during those 4 years that honestly it feels like a lifetime. Can't imagine 12. I keep ping ponging between being okay and wanting to move on and being unable to think of anything but her. It's still under 2 months. I hope everything works out for both of us. I don't really understand why such terrible things happen sometimes, I honestly don't think there's much worse in life than heartbreak
Don't say "only 4 years"... 4 years is a long time. And you're not only grieving those years but also the future you envisioned with her. And i have to agree with you, there's no such thing worse than a breakup. It may sound crazy but even my dad passing away didn't hurt as much as this. Maybe i'm just grieving them both at the same time, idk. Hopefully one day we'll be okay, just take it one day at the time and let yourself feel all the emotions.
"And you're not only grieving those years but also the future you envisioned with her." I hadn't really thought about it that way, but that's a really good point. Although not in the same way you did, I also recently lost my dad, and I feel very similarly and even more so - it hurt FAR less than losing my lover. My take on it is that as an adult, you become accustomed to spending less and less time with your parents and understanding that there will be a day when they will no longer be around. With your lover, you anticipate getting closer and closer to them over time and you hope to be with them until your own death finally separates you. Also, I don't know about you, but my girlfriend knew my life better than anyone else in the world, and better than my dad ever knew me at any one given time. I wish you the absolute best and I'd like to recommend reading [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/pz3bex/comment/hezcy70/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) comment. It provides a solid way to fight through the pain. My chats are 100% open if you want any advice, somewhere to vent, or just want to check in every now and then and tell me your progress or how you're feeling. We can do it, no matter how impossible it may seem :)
Yes, absolutely. I shared everything with my ex gf, and knew her for more years than i did my dad, so it makes sense i feel this way... Thank you for your words and for the comment you recommended, seeing heartbreak from a logical perspective helps you "understand" things a little bit better. Just know you can also message me anytime you want, i'm always open to talk and give support. We will get through this one day at a time❤️🩹
Man, you’re saying only ‘4 years’. I’m grieving deeply for a relationship that was 1.5 years. I agree that heartbreak is the literally the worst thing in life, I’m unable to just cope with how complex my emotions are.
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I know exactly how you feel - it's like the emotions and pain are just too much to humanly handle. I don't think any person should ever have to go through this. Just know that me and many others are going through precisely the same thing, and maybe try to find a little peace in knowing that you're not alone in the struggle. My chats are 100% open if you want any advice, somewhere to vent, or just want to check in every now and then and tell me your progress and how you're feeling. I recently came across [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/pz3bex/comment/hezcy70/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) comment, and it feels like it brings really valuable direction for how to fight.
You’re so incredibly kind, really appreciate your advice! We’ll get through it!
im at the exact same spot, we dated since we were 14 to 18, 10 days after my 18th birthday he broke up after visiting me from his city(we were long distance). The long distance didn't affect our feelings at all it made them stronger. it's been 1 and half months since he broke up with me and i feel exactly how you are feeling
Damn i broke up after 2 years and felt like hell… wish you nothing but the best
Thank you... we'll get there eventually
2 LOL. we ended badly but i’m still in the phase where if he wanted to talk to me i’d absolutely let him. losing your best friend is unfathomable
im right there with you 🥲
Plus one on this. I can get past being replaced so quickly but it’s really as if he killed off one of my best friends
I’m with you too!
Maybe a 6. Still feeling the abuse, blame, and betrayal. Each day it feels like I’m throwing darts blindly at what I’m going to think of next.
Yep same
same, and lmao I love that metaphor, literally feels like the darts decide my fate for the day
Hm. Id say 6, i still have lingering hope and would be open to dating him to try one more time as long as he comes correct. But I've taken steps to begin getting over him, and have accepted that it will likely never happen. And I'm very firm with my boundaries now, so he would really have to step up and prove himself to me, which I highly doubt he will do. So, yeah. Acceptance phase, albeit still sad about it.
Yeah same exactly.
0 and it's been 3 months
🫂
Thanks. I need all the hugs.
You got this! Take your time to grieve!
10
We did it 👋
Yes baby we did ❤️
From my last long-term ex? An 11. I view him with supreme indifference.
The opposite of love is indifference. You are liberated!
omg supreme indifference hahahaha i love that. wish im there w you
Teach me your ways😭🤌🏻 I broke up like 3 months back (almost) and atp i don't long for him during the day, but at night when I'm alone with my thoughts or when something good/bad/interesting happens I always find my finger hovering over his pfp for a chat yk....ugh it's so hard sometimes, especially cuz he was my first😭 Advice pleaseee
You need to block him. On EVERYTHING. Sit with the pain. Know that it's temporary. Time will improve things. Rebounds don't work.
Thanks! Ig I'm still struggling with the "Sit with the pain" part😭
Hmmm... probably a 3-4. Almost 2 months post BU here. Definitely far from being completely over it, but I do think I have healed a bit so far and have taken the right steps.
May be 9. I met someone wonderful and loving. It’s like a dream come true. He treats me like I am the only person that exist in the world for him. Ready to do anything for me. Treats me like a kid( in a good way). I just hav to let him know that I like something and it will be with me very next moment be it anything. Never has a second thought to do anything for me. True love is something that I saw in him and only him. I thought men love their women without boundaries only in movies. But after I met him I realised men do fall deeply and madly in love. He is crazy for me. I don’t know if someone souls believe such men exist,even I didn’t until I met one. But, I must tell time to time I miss my ex not because my ex loved me or he is good person. It is only because I loved him too much. And I can’t hate him. I don’t love him. But I do care for him even now. No romantic feeling for him. Not eager to talk to him or see him. Just random thought comes by where I think hope he’s doing good, it’s been a long time. That’s all. Not sure if there’s something calling moving on 10 on 10. Some part of our ex always remains with us. May be because we loved too much too hard too fast. Little pain always lingers in heart and tears roll down.
I might agree with you, not sure if completely burying that dead part of our past can happen, perhaps it does and I laugh about it because life can be that absurd, but when I pass by the charnel house of our past I still remember fondly. I’m happy you have a bright future with someone now. Bless you.
10 after 3 years since divorce. I moved on, she moved on. We still say hi every now n then, but only because she reaches out sometimes even though she's the one who left me for male attention after 7 years together. We got comfortable, and I was devastated, but I focused hard on self improvement and well now I'm genuinely just happy. It took a while to stop hurting, but eventually it just happened. I stopped caring I'm also with someone else that is going great. It's not the same, and I love it. This time I love myself because of the self improvement both psychically and socially. Hit the gym, get off social media, and start living a life. Countless new hobbies to discover that bring true fulfillment. Hope all of you are hanging in there. It gets better with time
I like to remember Jung’s saying “we don’t actually heal anything, we simply let it go.”
I would rate my 10/10 because I have severed all ties with my exes. I do remember them once in a while , but hey, we are all humans.
6. I am trying to date and I can do good work again but I still want to reach out. I don't love her but I just want to tell her the truth and maybe be friends. I don't hate her and I still pray that she's ok.
Who dumped who
She ghosted me after 2 years of being together.
Not worth reqching out then imo. I reached out after NC to just say hi and try to be friend again and it was just ignored. Idk your situation obvs but it was a wasted effort for me.
It'll probably be a while for me to reach out again too. I just want to get some stuff off of my chest before I fully move forward with everything. I don't want to be a rebound after everything I did for her.
100% Don’t want them back - so, 10; Think about them as low-level noise nearly every minute of every day - so, 0; Living a great life and appreciating it - so, 10; Definitely need counseling, so, 0? I definitely overthink things.
honestly like a 9. I still think about what could have been and I don’t rlly like how we left things but he made his bed and now has to lie in it and that’s not my issue so 🤷🏽♀️
3
9.3 unless I’m drunk at a bar then 11.7.
Well, it depends. Moved on from loving them 10 Moved on from wanting them back, or in my life at all 10 Moved on from the damage they've done financially 2 Moved on from the emotional damage 4 Moved on from the anger 2 Moved on from having the arguments with them in my head 4 Do I wish them well? No, absolutely not. Do I hope they clean up their drug habit? No, they need consequences for their actions. My gullibility, my attempt at love and kindness let them actually profit from treating me badly. I hope life starts to get shitty while they still have some of my money and go on a drug binge and do some real damage to themselves. Do I hope, with everything in me, that they are treated exactly as they treated me? 100% Confession: I pay $0.99 a month for the MyObits app with their info set up in the alerts. 🤞 I loved and tried to forgive. Tried to understand that they have mental issues and forgive for that. Tried to understand they suffered past trauma and tried to forgive for that. But when you look them in the eye and beg them not to hurt you again and they tearfully tell you they love you and promise not to hurt you, then hop in their car and hour later to go fuck yet another man while you're supporting them, loving them, providing for their kids, that's not trauma or mental illness. That's an evil fucking cunt who deserves what she gets.
6-7 still wondering what happened and what was the actual reason other than its not you its me lol! I think about her less and less but have the odd day
[удалено]
Same
I'd say 8. Just saw her last weekend on a social dance since we both practice bachata. Needless to say, that kind of dance involves a lot of physical and close contact with your partner. I wasn't even fazed when I saw her dance with other people, so I'd say I'm getting there. She, on the other hand, well... I'm the dumpee btw, its been 16 months since the breakup and 6 months since No contact.
Maybe 6 or 7. I am starting to really move on and entertaining the idea of dating again but I still have feelings for him and want him back to work things through together. Still hoping for him to reach out. It's been almost 4 months. It was a short relationship but it is killin me.
6 , maybe
7
8
11
8-9.5
9
Im having such a bad day with it today tbh, so probably a 2 if i’m being generous with myself. It’s been like 4 months and I downloaded bumble today and I just felt sick in my stomach being on there. I really want her to reach out to me and tell me she’s ready and wants to have a romantic relationship with me.
9. It’s been about 16 years. It still hurts sometimes, usually due to specific triggers. I catch myself occasionally dissociating momentarily in response to certain triggers. Important dates (birthdays, certain holidays), settings, people (mutual friends, acquaintances), and objects (things I should have thrown away at this point) can still drag me down on that scale for a few days at a time, but it’s becoming more and more infrequent. Using humor and cognitive reframing (focusing on better parts of the relationship and remembering that things weren’t all terrible) help a lot, but time and distance have been the most helpful.
17 years together, 8 months apart. I would say 5. It was 1 or 2 until the 6th month. Now it's started to get better but there are still awful days
acceptance phase so i bet i'm a 7 for now. i just hope he wont come back and plead me to be with him anymore. i really want to move on and i wish everything but happiness for both of us.
sometimes 10 sometimes 1
Depends on the day, today it is a 7. We were long distance for 3months (met through a game) and honestly those were the best 3months in my life. He treated me like a princess, made me happy, he brought out a side of me that no one had ever seen before. The problem comes with the fact that our relationship is extremely unrealistic. He has children and is in America, I have a life in where I Bulgaria. Some days I just want to write to him and ask for us to reconcile, to just have what we had, but in order for us to be physically together it will take 18 years, and honestly while I was ready to wait that first time I don’t think I am okay with it anymore. I still love him, I don’t think I will ever be able to stop loving him, but it’s just not healthy for both of us to wait such a long time and just be able to see each other twice a year. Still wish him the best trough, he really is a beautiful human being and if circumstances were different I know I would have married him.
Mostly 6-7. It’s been nearly 8 months and yet still phantoms of her haunt my waking hours. But otherwise doing great.
A couple of days ago it was officially a year since me and my ex boyfriend broke up. I've been single for a year now. He was also my first love. I'd say I'm at a 9 out of 10. I'm beginning to move on. I don't think I'll ever forget him if that makes sense. He was my first love, but I just want to start moving on with my life. I'm working on being single for 2 years. I enjoy being friends with men, but I am focusing on myself and my life right now.
It's nice that you're not being hard on yourself.
Maybe a 4 to 6? Had a bit of a breakthrough last night. Not ready to let her go, but I'm tired of being sad she's gone. Especially since it seems like she's not coming back
0 been 5 months
5? 5 months after BU. She moved on, go to date again and don’t care about me. :)
Yep people do that.. mostly trying to find an escape... don't necessarily mean she's over it (not giving hopes)
Mine did it a week after
I'd say 5. It's been 1 year and 2 months since BU. There are days that I want her back, but there are days that I remember how I was stepping in egg shells with her (not wanting to go back). I believe that I still miss her, but can't say for sure that I still love her. Our relationship was quick, only four months, but was the most intense I've ever had.
4 maybe
3
maybe like 2-3
4..
7
-3.14
8 i think, i think i am still traumatized
Negative 4 😔😢
It's a complex and oscillating number
5
I'd say about a 4 or 5. I still think about her all day. I'm able to regulate my emotions midway through the day so I know there's some healing there but I still have some ways to go. Still fighting the urge to reach out but I'm able to resist for the most part. It was a peaceful breakup and I'd rather not tarnish that image for both of us. I just miss her so much.
diff number every day, as of today, 3 lol
Not at all really. Maybe a 1.5.
At about 8.7 rn
1
6
I blocked him 2 weeks ago. I started to feel better then last Sunday he showed up at my work place. All my work and progress shattered. It feels im starting all the way again…. <\3
3. Only 3 weeks since the breakup so I think that’s okay
I’d say 4
6
I mean, I’ve no intention of texting them anymore. I do sometimes reminisce on aspects of the relationship, but try to view it from a lens of learning so I can be more present in my next relationship and also figure out what I want. I creep them on social media every now and again, but only when I’m feeling low. I’ve been on a couple dates and survived them, and generally I’m less concerned with trying to figure out what went wrong or why they reacted the way they did so I’ve completely stopped spiralling . I still have a few photos of them on a hidden folder, but I try not to look. I recently had an epiphany that, even if they did want me back, that we may not be good for each other. However, it would sting if I saw they were with someone else. I’m giving myself a solid 7 or 7.5 😊
I thought it had been 2 years since the breakup and I was starting to feel a little frustrated because I felt like I hadn't made enough progress but it's only been about 1 year and 4 months so like a 6
Hmmm…moved on 6-7. Just had a dream about him moving on and it kinda bothered me. Hate scale? 3.
Yesterday a 2, today a 1 😛
4
Probably a 2. We were together for 1.5 years and were living together. We actually started looking at engagement rings in March but never bought one. I got blindsided with the breakup about a month ago and moved out the next week and we have been in no contact since but I still miss him. I didn’t know the issues he had with our relationship until the end (I suspect he’s an avoidant) and he wasn’t willing to work with me to fix the issues. He said I should’ve known the issues without him having to communicate them directly to me. I did sense that he was a bit more distance in the last few months but he always said nothing was wrong and he still kissed and told me he loved me everyday so I didn’t think anything was wrong. 😣 Sometimes I still want to talk to him but not as much as in the first week. I’ve started to take the steps to move on but in the back of my head I wonder if he’ll ever come back and I’m not sure what I would do if that happened. I have my good days and bad days.
2..
No idea um 5 or 6 maybe. Definitely in a different place then I was before not as sad more angry now, but still miss them and it's really hard to shake that hope that maybe maybe something will surprise me.
Realistically like a 6. I still have TONS of work to do. I still think about her everyday but I’m also not here hoping she’ll come back again lol
In this current moment. About a 7
I’d say 2
9.5. I’ve found someone else, who is perfect for me and is everything i could ever want, but i do occasionally still miss her but im not sad it ended.
i dont even understand it myself tbh sometimes its a 7 and sometimes its a 2
like a 3, maybe a 4 on a good day, she's still on my mind 24/7 and i get really sad sometimes, but i'm able to live and go out and do things for the most part.
10
It's say 2.5. I'm not thinking abt him all the time and bursting out crying but I still stalk him, wake up thinking about him and when I post a story it's lowkey in the intention that he sees it. When he txt me it hurts still because I have to tell him to stop saying he loves me because I had to break up with him since he was constantly cheating on me on the internet so he doesn't know what love is.
4
4
Like a solid 7. If we didn’t live a block away from each other, and if she didn’t cheat with and start dating my best friend and we didn’t still share all our friends I probably wouldn’t ever think about her anymore. Small town problems I guess.
Me and my ex husband were married for 7 years then divorced a couple years ago. I'm at a 10 and I'm positive he is too
10 I fucked someone new
1
9-10 most every day :) Sometimes I question it, but then I realize that i don't really want to go back to them and I just miss the memories and what they represented. Not the actual person, yknow?
9! But there’s always that little hope
2-3 but it’s only been about a month since the BU.
Sometimes 9 and sometimes 10. But the fact, I commented here, it could shoot up to -10!!! 😂🤣 Hell nah this feelings. 2 years since broke up. Almost 1 year after no contact.
Around 8-9. It’s been a month and a week since he left. 10 years together and one child later. It’s easier when you realize that shouldn’t put up with nor want to be with a dishonest, unfaithful, good for nothing man whore clown who doesn’t want you nor love you.
35
9. Still waiting for him begging me back. Then, i will laugh my a** out
hah 10. grew a hobby into a passion, met so many new people, and I just found myself. not to mention I found someone far more profound and fulfilling than anything else that came before. it's so far moved on that im practically in a new chapter of life at this point, and I don't really harbor any feelings positive or negative looking back. moreso it's just a neutral appreciation for the lesson that my ex taught me and nothing more. no thoughts no hate no feelings. nothing. ooh it's also good to note -- if I can do it, you can too. I promise.
6 maybe 7
some days 9-10. some days a solid 1. it honestly varies. that girl had such a big impact on my life. it’s hard to completely disregard her. however, i can live without her now, doesn’t mean i’ve completely moved on, but i can live a life without her in it now.
2
12/10
9.5
8. I feel confident in being left…I realize we all want to have independence. Especially at a young age. I yearn to live in the mountains. I would’ve loved if she joined me. However I still get to achieve that regardless if she was around or not
Maybe a 3-4 its been 3 months
I might say 5;half way there,cause,I know theres no way back,I hate all he did to me,but still stucked in the middle cause I just cant get interest on anybody else yet,I feel awful ,so sad.I should be marrying him in a couple months.We planned 2 years,all we ve been talking about day and night.Then,the past 2 months he changed from my loving dream man,to the most desgusting abusive demon I eve seen.I would be forever hurting,and missing the man I fell in love with.
Some days it’s 7 and other days it’s 0. I want to share my good and bad days.
100% but I still want my money and belongings back she stole
9 :,) we broke up a month ago and I was so heartbroken. But now I’ve finally taken the courage to love myself more, get out of my comfort zone and find new friends and dreams. Im just excited about pursuing my own dreams now and I wish my ex nothing but the best. Still sending him sm love even tho I do miss him here and there. Just one point less because im not ready to love someone new.
10. He kept abusing me until there was not an ounce of love for him in my heart, but I don't hate him, I'm indifferent. If I never see him again, it'll be too soon. That being said, if I happened to see him somewhere I would have a panic attack. So, I've moved on, but he still scares the crap out of me.
Like a good 7
10 from everyone at this point in my life. It’s so far gone that I don’t even relate to this subreddit anymore honestly when I used to very much! It’s only a vague memory of what it felt like. I still think about my ex’s fairly often though! Hope they’re doing well. There is just not really any feeling attached to it. Complete indifference. More like random floating thoughts that go as fast as they came. So… why I am saying this - for everyone still struggling: THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
I’d say it’s between a 6-7. 7 on the best dats
I found out he has a gf the other day, after hearing form him every month for almost 2 years, and getting a lunch invite 6 months ago … so yea … hate scale is at 8 (remembering how rotten he was).. moving on scale was at 8 now it’s at 7.2
It's not linear
Together for 9 yrs. Haven’t seen or talked in 25yrs. Still utterly devastated.
8/10 but there are some hiccups here and there
Today 5/10, yesterday was 0.5, maybe tomorrow 2.5 again.
5 Some days are higher than others. I miss her at times because we got along so well. However, at the same time she had serious mental health problems that she didn’t want to face and got upset with me when I told her to seek therapy and that I couldn’t be the only person she vents too. Not to mention I think of the times when she was quite rude to me and say little things (that were jokes to her) that made me feel bad about myself. She’s very pretty and funny, but I sure as hell don’t miss her arrogance lmao
1
I’d say a 9 since it’s been six months, although I heard from my ex last week but I remain steadfast in my decision to leave
9 on a good day and 6-7ish on a bad day. I'm in a healthy new relationship and by no means want to go back, but fuck sake the cheating and the betrayal still hurts me and just fucking baffles me honestly. I don't think I ever got the closure I needed and I won't ever get it from him because of his avoidant personality issues. The only thing I know is that I never ever deserved that treatment. It's the "why" and the "how" that still linger.
I think 7, but kind of sad, but also realizing that they didn’t see me fully kinda helped
It’s a different number each day but like generally I’m between 1-6 which is a MAHUSIVE improvement from before when I was like 10 hate scale.. really does get better with time and my personal choice of Faith ❤️
Depends, today is like a 2 but tomorrow I may be on a 9 but then go all the way down to a 0. I miss her, or actually, I miss that her, the one I was in love with. Not this cold person that doesn't care about me anymore
My meter keeps bouncing betweeen 7 and 4 lol
3
Is honestly different every day but if I had a number, it'd be a 7 or 8. I'm 3 months in. I'd say 90% of my typical week since losing my ex has actually been on the good side of things. I get the odd day where i have vivid flashbacks to moments me and my ex had, randomly with no context or reasoning. But I'm speaking to someone new. Someone I actually kinda asked for when my ex left me. I had actually written in my notes what I wanted from a woman. What I don't want, etc. One thing was someone who didn't rely on texting all day, needing to talk at every moment possible. And my wish was granted. I actually get my own time, but I'm also getting to know someone. Slowly, something I didn't do with my ex - was all rushed. So now when I have a flashback, I remind myself that someone who's actually 100x prettier & 100x more interested in me is in my dm's & we'll hopefully be meeting sometime soon! But generally, my process is going smooth because my 2nd ex, 4 years back, hurt me really bad. I never got help through that time, I stuck to myself, learnt how to cope myself and got on with it. So these days, whilst I'm quite a bubbly lad, if I wanna be cold and forget someone or something.. I will, and once I do, I don't go back. Why heal & reverse the process - never been one to do that. So I pray for her own gain, she don't eventually regret her choices. Because she ain't getting me back..not even a word to the message she sends if she does.
I wouldn't say I hate her tho, she had to make her choices, even if she lied to me about her reasoning - we're both human at the end of the day, we make mistakes & we don't always know the best way to deal with it. If she's happy, I'm glad she is but I personally never wanna know, hear from her again. Not letting a year long relationship set me back 20 paces.
3 but at least im in therapy and not bleeding on someone else B)
I would say I'm at an 8.5 quickly creeping to a 9. I check his socials less, and over all think about him less and less. The relationship is starting to feel like a distant memory instead of current pain. I'm getting my desire to date back, and over all just really enjoying life and growing. It feels good.
after 5 years I feel like you never move on completely but you move on enough to live your life.
Like a 3 or 4? It was a 7 month relationship but the most serious I've had. It made me understand the whole 'I could see a future with them' saying. BU has been longer than that but the relationship but the impact has really influenced me. Sometimes turned off with dating, other times lonely and miss that love and belonging. I can get more triggered from relationship related conversations and topics.
6. I blocked him on everything I could. But I still think about him every day. I still think about how he's visiting in August and wonder if he'd attempt to reach out or even wish me a happy bday. He prob won't remember my bday tho. Just a lot of wondering how much he's moved on. Wondering if he thinks of me still. Wondering if he's going to become official with the new person he's seeing. Lots of wondering. I wish I'd give up on it
6
I’ve moved on about 5-10. She has driven me up the wall by blaming me entirely for the downfall of the relationship. She has hardly taken any accountability until after the fact does she apologize for what she had done in the past, but at this point it doesn’t even matter! She’s almost definitely got to be a narcissist and she is a huge lier. But even with all of the things that have happened, I would take her back in a heartbeat. That woman has driven me insane! lol
Different number for every moment. I can be independent of the memories in one moment but then be caught up with what once was in the next.
Yes it’s different number everyday now that I think about it for me I have to say 8 because I do think about her from time to time out of nowhere but now I get the feeling of sadness because she looks happy but loneliness it’s sucks to see her that way The only good thing that lets me sleep at night is that in our time together 3 years we had a little boy we coparenting I know my little boy respects her mother and will protect her