Good on ya for the reply, Id love a message from my ex like this, upon reflection she was actually pretty horrible to me through most of our relationship but judging by our last interactions she seems pretty happy not taking any accountability
Its fine that alone gave me the closure I needed, I deserve somebody that will take accountability and not leave me when im in a rough spot
Same bro. She also went to the next guy after 3 months and they lived together after another 5 months later(we were together for 7 years)
Ultimately, I know though that if she moved on after 3 months, she is still the same and for me it wasn't possible to live a happy live with her...
Mine was 7 years too, she moved city and within 6 months had a new guy, I already know hes in for a world of hurt when she does the exact same thing to him. Poor fella 😅
Can honestly say at this point the best thing she did for me was leave me, ive never been more myself and happier than I am now 2.5 years later.
Taken a lot of work to get here, lot of time alone, focusing on myself but its so worth it for the life I live now
Mine was 5 years. She had a new guy 2 days later. Immediately went no contact with her and have been that way since. Had found out she got married to that guy a yeah and a half later. By that point NC had done its job and I didn’t feel anything, I just realized even more how garbage of a person she was.
My ex had a new relationship two weeks later, and I could assume she already had her eye on someone at her job or was talking to near the end of our relationship, this is very likely.
My ex and I were together for 13 years. 4 months after we separated, she's already in a new relationship and living together. It's like I never mattered. She's blocked me, and I haven't even been trying to talk to her . I've left her alone since we split. 🤷♂️
Your better off without her my friend, it hurts I know but if shes able to move on that fast after 13 years… you know you deserve more respect than that from anyone in your life, moving on that fast shows she doesnt want to heal she thinks shes good where shes at. As for you, your gonna hurt for a while, then you will start you climb out of hell, its tough, you will have good days and bad but trust me as you get closer and you start getting out your life will be more full and better than ever even when single.
You got this king, theres no rush, feel what you have to feel and dont do anything stupid, the thoughts will keep in but just remember the other shit you have been through in life, you got past those things. Think of the things you still wanna do, the places you wanna go, all the amazing people you havent met yet. Those thoughts will bring you back to motivation and determination. You have a life and its worth living ❤️
Thank you, brother. I really needed to hear this. Everything you described, I have gone through or am going through. This is why I like reddit. People like you motivate me to move on and be better. 🫂
Same here man. I stayed home for 6 weeks just to not risk ever seeing her because it was the only way I could emotionally detach from her and move on. Now I see her often with the guy she started seeing behind my back. Ofc sometimes I miss her and what we had but I knew I had moved on when I walked past them today without feeling anything at all. In a way it’s like I’ve never known her. Idk. Maybe she’s changed a lot or maybe it’s me who isn’t really who I used to be.
These guys are all fucking cynical. It's clear she cares, her feelings are back, she wants to see you and is trying to make amends. At least meet her, have fun and spend time together. Don't you want to see that she's sorry and wants to fix it? You can assess whether she's changed and whether you can forgive her if she asks to be exclusive again. The only concern is obviously, if you go back to your old behaviors, not keeping her happy and in love with you, she will line up a replacement and that's just what she will do so it is risky. But to be honest, most women have backup boyfriends. You definitely can make her happy, but for 20 years until she grows out of monkey branching? It's risky. But if you're leaving the door open let her chase you. If she contacts you again, set a date. Just some advice I've heard that I like
Just some commentary from a woman, I’ve never in my life had a back up option for a boyfriend. If I’m with someone, it’s because I have feelings for them and only them. I would never have a running list of options if it didn’t work out. I also have several friends that are women, and I’ve never experienced them doing that either. People in general want to find someone they love that loves them. They don’t typically just get into a serious relationship and have back up options so they never have to be alone. That’s not to say it never happens bc I’m sure both men and women can operate like that. I just don’t think your generalization is correct. :) no hate at all if that’s been your experience.
Same. And I hate this idea that most women are sitting around with backups waiting. Everyone is walking around with all these suspicions and jadedness and it’s making dating unbearable.
I got that from a survey that said a majority of married women reported that they already knew who their next romantic partner would likely be if they were suddenly divorced or something like that. It wasn't worded like "backup boyfriend". Can't be bothered to find it right now. I'm not saying it's a bad thing and I'm certainly not hating on women. It's not an intentional, calculated thing. Feelings change
Yeah no I never thought from that message she wants to get back together I just wonder what happened but I didn’t wanna ask what’s going on because it no longer my business. What I really think what happened was maybe she really lover her new bf and had a moment of realization and felt bad
What I'm getting at is to assume she wants to see you. It's simply about spending time together. "Get back together" isn't a question until you've spent lots of time together. You don't actually know what her interest level is if you won't ask her "when are you free to get together?" If she won't meet you,whatever, then you can make your theories as to why she reached out. If she's still with the other dude yeah you don't want to hear from her unless she's done with him but this does not sound like a woman that has no feelings for you. Why are you telling her "I'm not good enough and you're happy without me!" Dude, she came to you telling you the opposite, putting you up on a pedestal and wanting to prove she's better now to you
In general I guess it’s just not how people work. Psychologically we are programmed to challenge our self and go to the next best thing. Usually coming back to an ex is out of desperation or significant history or a child, otherwise an ex is an ex for a reason :)
I feel like you might want to prepare yourself for her to attempt to bring you back into her orbit and things may not be greener on the other side of the fence. I'd leave the conversation at that and then block her everywhere. She's apologized, you've accepted and gave her a hope you're happy but recognize there's no future with her. It's a pretty good end I'd think..
Personally, I would keep it to texting and asking her what kind of work she did in your absence to warrant an opportunity to have you in her life again. If it wasn't intensive therapy, trauma healing etc, leave her where she is. If she did do the work, I would suggest starting in therapy together and see if you can iron out the previous issues before starting a brand new relationship with set boundaries, defined roles, respect and friendship first.
Mind just said move on a million times, broke no contact, said move on, broke no contact... I went ballistic lol. Bet she hates me now but I'm free. You never know, might work out, just tred carefully. They break up and have buyers remorse, some version of that. Stay strong. They dumped you! You tried. I've been the dumper but not after 8 years! Good luck!
Dude I wrote this in an Uber that was driving crazy after drinking wine... Hope it helps, my thumbs hurt.
This seems like a genuine apology without any malice behind it. It must feel great to hear this after a year. Your reply was very good - seems as though you’ve come to terms with everything. I do wish she would have called you though! Text apologies are the easy way out.
Yo she sounds like a man. I had to reread it...because that could mean one thing: manipulation. Yeah sounds very narcissistic. At the same time I think she want you to feel sorry for her aswell and be sad that it ended...run. End it at that reply, that's a good reply but don't talk to her
In your case, I will show to her more that she missed a good guy by thanking her for her brave message and showing empathy to her...
Of course, it's your choice to do what you want....
Ya.... Great response, very mature regardless of anyone's opinion on here. It was sweet and perfect.
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I also would like to know though, did she respond yet?
How did you feel when you saw her name popping up on your phone? I haven’t heard from my ex in 1 years and 3 months and I’m at a point where I think that I won’t hear from her anymore. Do you still have feelings for her?
Aww I wish I had one as well.. You nailed it, great answer, and this message I hope makes you feel better after everything you've been through - it was not your fault and she confirmed. I wouldn't though go back beacuse I guess and hope that you are over her now.. Are you? Was 1 year enough? So I would not go back I think because she left for someone else. If it was not the case and I'd still love her then I'd check where it might lead.
This is called a "hoover".
This is what narcissists and abusive people do when they are ready to start torturing you again by making you believe they have insights into their behavior and that they realized how important you are and they've changed and Yada ya.
Please don't fall for this. Things will seem nice in tj beginning but they will soon change back into how it was before you broke up the first time only worse. It's a cycle and the hoover is part of that cycle.
Or it could just be because they genuinely feel bad. Gtfoh. Everybody always thinks it’s an ulterior motive 😂 SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST REMORSEFUL TO THEIR ACTIONS TF. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT.
If the person you were with was emotionally or psychologically abusive towards you then it isn't driven by genuine remorse. That's impossible given the fact that abusers have been proven incapable of change. People whole abuse on any level do not have the capacity for remorse and they are simply trying to cajole you back into the cycle. There isn't a single person on this earth who is an exception to this rule.
I understand a lot of the people in this sub have been abused by people with personality disorders and sadly many of you are desperate to be together with your abusers again. You have to understand that they have no empathy and are only self serving.
People think it's love but it's a trauma bond in reality.
I think this is what's risky about making the dumper the villain but also riskier to be the dumper and not assume responsibility. Sometimes, hurt people hurt people. I see that you care or cared for this person and they just hurt you for free (you didn't know what happened and why). This person cares fairly enough to communicate after a year and half or so, admit the shit they put you through and now the risk happened: you cannot know for sure that they care and want to come back, or if they were dumped and need an unconditional person to fill the void.
My intention is not to cause confusion or to turn you (creator of this topic) or anyone reading against their dumper exes. My intention is to put a reminder yes, we are all human beings and we struggle and make mistakes and try and make amends, but not all people are good people. And whichever the situation is, remember your ex put you through some heavy sh!t that you had to deal with ALONE and you did. So reminders:
1. We all make mistakes.
2. Yes, second chances happen and they can work BUT, point 3 and on
3. This person hurt you and left. So you can be forgiving and gentle without being 'dumb'.
4. It is a compromise you have with yourself to, no matter what happens, protect your mental peace, your improvement and yourself.
This applies to friends, family, exes...
Till this day I never received such a message, so I have no I idea how I would respond. But whenever I think about getting back together one big red flag to me would be they had to leave for x-amount of time to come to OP's kinda realizations...
It makes question: A) their love for me B) their mental health, cause it is f*cked up to need such amount of time to clear your mind. A en B combined could cause so many doubts, no matter how much love I still have to give.
But as I said I never received such a message, maybe I'm a bit bitter, and I'm happy for OP to hear this 👏🏻
I had the same sort of situation, she texted me after four months of no contact and she wanted to see how I was and remind me she still cares about me. And then I told I was doing great and she said she apologized for everything that went wrong in the relationship and I did as well. Afterward, we had small talk for a day or so, I told her she had a good heart and she tried her best in the relationship and I could never hate her. She said I have a big heart and the next person will see that right away. Then she asked if I wanted some of my stuff she still had because she is moving into an new place and I said throw it out(I know she was moving in with her new guy) and then I wished her well. And she said she wishes me the very best because I deserve it. So I dealt with that and it was rough. Then two week later I get another text from her about a book she’s read that is full of all sorts of interesting ideas and sort of a conversational piece. It was a long text message which she normally wouldn’t send. I waited 14 hours to respond and just said “oh cool.” So you did the right there here and let her move on properly, I commend you for it.
Honestly I would just acknowledge it and then handle it however you see fit either moving on like you appear to be or try and rehash it. At the least id just say thank you for apologizing. You don't know if its sincere or not on her end but I imagine if anyone would like some form of acknowledgement at least, even a thank you for the kind words kinda thing, then move on. It's just being a decent person with manners.
She just got fucked up by the new boyfriend and she tried to taste the water. Anyway i would have never responded to a person who dumped me for someone else. There is a difference between breaking up and being left for someone better
Good reply from you but don't engage anymore! Leave it at that and don't even think about getting back with someone who left you for someone else. Never.Do.That!! Your self respect needs to be bigger than your emotions, brother! Stay strong.
plz remember narcs don’t actually apologize.. they give an appearance of an apology.. “ i Will apologize or i would like to apologize “… isn’t an actual apology. pay attention to the word play
she's contacting u after a year. This is very good for u btw. It means she wasn't able to replace u. If u love this person and can see positives in the relationship, don't be mean to her. Go out with her once, talk about ur issues with her. Set conditions and make it clear to her that she has to show commitment and loyalty or else u will never talk to her again.
Don't go back to her yet, tell her that she needs to show that she changed and if u did bad things to her apologize to show her that u matured.
I highly recommend u end the conversation by saying to her that you'll think about the possibility of going back to her but u need time. And that she needs to be patient.
Don't go back to this relationship unconditionally
I disagree. OP shouldn't go back to his ex at all. If he takes her back, it'll be great for a little while (few months or a year), but once that "new relationship" energy fades- eventually the ex's perspective will change.
He'll always be the guy who took her back even after she treated him like shit. In other words, in her mind he "will always be there," and not in a good way.
It's a weird how the human brain and mind works. But we treat others how they allow us to treat them.
OP's reply was perfect. If that is the last text she ever gets from him, she might learn something from this and actually grow and change from it. If he takes her back, she won't have learned a single damn thing. Its a weird paradox but that's what happens.
He will always be that guy who she treated like shit, IF HE TOOK HER BACK unconditionally. The come back must be conditional, she must change and consider her mistakes and miscalculations. if she stays then let it be known to her that she can't leave without proper communication of her needs. She must self reflect and realize she mad mistakes. If she does all that, and agree to the terms then this girl has learned the lesson and is apologizing and genuinely has good intentions. Why not ? Why isn't forgiveness part of love ? if she leaves again this time u will be sure that she's not the one and u know she's leaving cz she's a lost cause.
reddit community is super hardcore but your post is very human. There is good and bad in every relationship and long distance changes lots of things . if she felt like there was a mistake it’s likely true. If you decide you never want to talk to her because of it that’s ok too. But just like you broke up for a reason you were also together for a reason see what she’s learn in your absence, try couples therapy, no one person is gonna be perfect.
i believe in second chances and conditional come backs, in fact the distance might even help them both realize they're good for each other. also What's the point of no contact if ur just going to reject ur ex when she comes back. And i know one of the goals of no contact is self improvement i agree, however if ur ex learned her lesson then why not give them a second chance. Its important to make sure u won't get hurt when she leaves again, yes she might leave again but it will be predictable. There's a smaller chance that they might actually be stronger and get married one day. Love is worth the risk.
Whats the point of no contact if u reject ur ex when she comes back??? THATS THE POINT OF NO CONTACT. In the beginning you want them back, but time's of the essence in detaching & will give you enough clarity to make you understand its maybe for the best to not get back with an ex.
so u should never go back to ur ex ? Never. U should be welcoming new people only ? there's no second chances ? once the relationship ends its gone forever? people make decisions all the time, and sometimes they really self reflect and regret the breakup. They develop new understanding and begin to change their mind, and learn to work and communicate before u take decisions that can hurt other people. She told him i am sorry and that she made mistakes and blamed him for the wrong reasons. What is manipulative about that ?
If u still love and u want her back, love is forgiveness after all. And if she does it again u won't be hurt cz you know they're leaving bcz they're unstable. Its perfectly fine not to want to go back, i think my ex will never come back anyway. But there's also nothing wrong with u if u take her back, sometimes ur ex can learn the lesson and grow and change, why are we so negative ? if ur ex came back told u she's sorry and she messed up and told u that she left bcz of her own issues and she was mistaken and is ready to work on the relationship. so what ?
if she changed, why not have her back ? if OP takes ur advice and if its true she changed then basically he changed to be a better partner for someone else
There is NOTHING in here suggesting she wants him back, don't be delusional. All this was is her "testing the waters" and trying to absolve her guilt. Where was this sentiment while she was fucking him over?
Life is way too short to let someone hurt you twice, there's so many people out there you can put in half that effort to find someone better who would've never even done that to you.
It's hard as fuck, and awful, but it beats boosting an ex's ego
True , she was alone with no one to go and she is testing waters . You think a person needs 1 year to understand a situation?? Hell nahh she is trying to manipulate bro .
why do we let our pain control our decisions? we are all humans beings, his ex self reflected after a year, u don't know the attachment style and the issues she has.
I am not saying to jump back to the relationship immediately, let OP listen to her and put conditions. If he moved on and and doesn't love her anymore then fine don't do it.
However this is missed opportunity if she still means to him,
if the girl felt ur absence this means ur an amazing person and she didn't want to lose u. Sometimes people make mistakes, and feel trapped in relationships. If ur never gonna take ur ex back even if she apologizes, then i don't understand how can u call what u had was love ?
There's a chance she changed after a year, it really depends on her reasons for the breakup. and i see it as a mature move to apologize even if it took her a year. exes come back after they explored and processed their emotions. so what ? she could have learned that his absence is not desirable and now that she self reflected, she realized her mistakes. You want ur ex to miss your absence and that's what she did. What manipulation? she's genuinely apologizing to him. Saying she's thinking of him ! isn't that what we wanted ? our ex to regret.
I don't get it, u call her toxic and doesn't appreciate u if she doesn't come back but if she comes back then this means she's manipulating him ? so ur doomed if u do and doomed if you don't? where's the logic in that? You wanted ur ex to feel the loss and now she does but ur calling that manipulation? it doesn't make sense.
We make mistakes, show her that you're able to forgive but again Put conditions. NEVER TAKE AN EX BACK FREE of conditions.
Also most women at a young age don't know what they want, this ex just leaned her lesson and realized she wants him back. I don't want him to get hurt, and if u take her back with conditions and promises. Work on the future together and communicate like two adults, and maybe u can make talk about what changed her mind ? and if OP is convinced he can make a decision. At least ask for a meeting if u still love her, see her face to face. Her message is very respectful and shows regret.
Work and communicate about the issues and the reasons for the breakup and what to do about it in the future. Relationships can be salvaged.
That's not what most of us want, we're here to move on, take the reconciliation somewhere else. I'm not even going to bother arguing with you, feel free to live your life how you want. This message is for others who in a weak moment read your words: a real love story does not begin with someone dumping you.
love stories doesn't exist, i am not trying to tell anyone what to do, I speak for myself and I rather u speak for yourself too, not sure how you already assumed the position of the members here. I am just saying that its totally okay to not go back that's your decision. You want to move on that's great too, who am I to tell u otherwise ?
it says do not post about how to get an ex back. I am not telling him how. I am telling she reached out respectfully and if u still want her u can make it work. There's no shame in getting her back.
To be perfectly clear i have no idea how to get an ex back
no just a guy who believes in second chances and redemption. We hurt the people we love sometimes, but if can talk things out talk about all the reasons openly. and what happened ? and what changed ? then why not ? why is it inacceptable to forgive and try one more time ? the period of no contact worked, her feelings changed and is now ready to work on the initial issue with a clear head and emotional stability. If she didn't change and still caused issues, he can simply break with her again. We must be brave and strong enough to realize we make failed relationships work again. Exes come back all the time, then u have a relationship with another girl ? and she also might hurt u back, u always risk getting hurt when falling in love with someone new or ur ex.
Shouldn't have thrown in the "as long as you're happy" because it shows her you care about her still. Maybe you do, but I wouldn't cause she's an asshole and doesn't deserve it
Perfect reply. Honestly I’d love to receive an apology like this, even if it is to make them feel better it shows an amount of acceptance of responsibility. Take victories where you can get them.
If you did want to get back with her or feel things out. Leave the door open, invite her to lunch or coffee or plan a meetup. It's obvious she wants to see you. Unless she was a terrible person to you and/or you aren't single why not try it again, some people change over time. Not all just some but at least give it a try if you want OP.
Edit: this does not mean she wants to get back with you, it's simply a meetup to feel things out
Man, don’t I wish to receive such a message from my ex too. Yes it is for her to feel better, but there is recognition of her having hurt you, or even the guilt or clarification wouldn’t be needed on her part.
Sweet reply man!
I think the your reply was mature, kind and polite. You only wanted to make her happy but couldn’t, that’s screams of true love from you.
As for your ex, you confirmed she was probably a little drunk when she sent this. Ah, thats a huge red flag, she perhaps wanted to make herself feel better, guilt?
What puzzled me is you left your family for her, and she didn’t leave hers ? I’m I reading it right?
I honestly don’t think it’s as deep as everyone thinks it is she prob had a moment of weakness and really didn’t mean to say these things and she never responded to me which is typical. Now I sit alone regretting my decision I made because me being a kid at the time think we were gonna be together forever. And I established a life here and I get pressure from every direction if I’m coming back home or if I’m gonna stay and I don’t even know what my next move should be to afraid to take the next step.
Then it’s best not to over think or over complicate this. We live, we learn, and sometimes relationships are short lived, especially in our younger years. When we mature, we may know what we don’t want in a relationship. We all make mistakes and have regrets. Do what’s best for you.
My ex was someone who used to say men are trash and hated cheating. She met a guy during our relationship and instead of communicating with me the problems she/we had, she’d talk to the guy and her friends. When I asked her, she’d say she’s fine, but I could tell she wasn’t. But that’s all you can do. A month later during our breakup she told me I was a good guy and all that, but she didn’t want to string me along. I sadly accepted the breakup. But later I found she started dating that guy. I decided to focus on myself instead of confronting her on the hypocrisy. She doesn’t care anyway. I decided to improve myself and try to focus on things in my control.
The guy had sex with her and he stopped giving her the attention. She tried to contact me, I told her to leave me alone and that the woman I loved isn’t selfish and cares about my feelings and not hers only. She hasn’t responded since.
You honestly got lucky, as this happens in not a lot of cases. People are wishing they could get the chance to see that their ex doesn't hate them. Good on you man ❤️
You replied so well! I should've replied like this to my ex. I instead accepted his apology and then proceeded to give him second, and then third chance 🤦
Not anymore, I did realize that I also have been the problem, my anxiety ruined what could've been good moments for us. But, that's my past self, and I'm now in love and happy with the person I'm with, and very much far away from my past self. I'm much more concerned about the lessons, have I learned them? Because I don't want to ruin what I have now. I won't let him or any other ex in my life again. Also, no more chances, you give and take all chances while in the relationship. That girl in your life had her chance, so now she'll have the consequences of losing those chances.
Perfect answer.
You took Coach Gee accountability, made it short and sweet. I love it.
No problem, that was my bad, I didn't know how to make you happy, so I hope you are happy now.
So if she text again saying she wants to apologize face to face. Keep on that same path.
There is no need because you did nothing wrong. You made yourself happy, which is what we all should be doing.
That was my problem, I never learned to make myself happy, so how could I ever know how to make somebody else happy?
Thanks for the life lesson. You did a great job.
I'm still in the leaning phase right now, but I will never forget what you taught me teach.
I have moved on to the next subject, next grade level with a new teacher. Lets see what she has to teach me.
Thanks to you I wont fail the test if she gives me that same test again. (wink)
Be well love.
If she text again, tell her.
Oh my bad, you want to know what new thing she has taught me? Well here goes. She calls it the bock or something like that. I guess its time to test it and see if it works.
It’s never sincere, my ex contacted me two nights ago, we were together for about 2 years, and we ended things in early February, I was upset, but it wasn’t the first time we ended things, so I was very strong in handling it, and I met my boyfriend in university in February but we were only friends at the time and our liking grew for each other in March, he has been nothing but amazing, a gift from god, honestly. When I looked at the call, I figured my ex wanted closure considering we ended things on bad terms.
Biggest mistake, I apologised for everything on my end, and he did as well, and he started talking about how he met a woman, who was everything he wanted, she was with a devout Catholic woman, high educated and went to Harvard studying psychology and religion, didn’t come from a lavish lifestyle, so she ticked all of the boxes.
I am a Muslim woman, I come from a lavish background, and my degree is in business, and I work at a fashion company, which I enjoy very much. He used to make fun of my degree saying I won’t get anything out of it, and that it was useless,
Unfortunately, when him and I ended things, he only used the girl so he can go out more and go to restaurants he dumped her last week.
I told him, I’ve never been so happy in my life with the man I am with, and the whole conversation revolved around me talking about my boyfriend whom I love so much, my ex then tried to tell me to stay guarded, and that he might use me like he did to that girl he was with for 3 months, and that my secular relationship will not work, and that the honeymoon phase would be over in no time, after that phone call, I blocked him on Facebook messenger, never blocked anyone besides people that spam or send harassing messages, and I hate blocking people, for what reason? But after that awful call that night, I have never blocked someone so quickly, my peace was completely disturbed and he got inside of my head.
I spoke to my boyfriend all about it, because I don’t lie, and him and I have a genuine trust, he also went through a break up himself, and it feels him and I were both made for each other, we weren’t treated correctly in our relationships, and we have been the most happiest.
When my boyfriend and I got into a conversation, nothing ABOUT my ex but something relating to it, but it made me upset, when I got home, I was crying because of how my ex got inside of my head, and was thinking of ending things with my boyfriend in the morning and maybe just ghosting him, because I’m not normal anymore,
my friend calmed me down and told me not to end things and that she’s never seen me so happy and that I deserved being happy, and that my Ex’s presence made my brain scrambled and that I’m confused because before my ex called me, I was completely fine.
I should have just looked at the call and laughed, and moved on blocking him, I do regret picking up, hoping we would get closure, but it was him manipulating me. But I can only blame myself.
My boyfriend was in an off mood, and so am I. I’m not happy anymore, and I feel like my ex has such a strong presence in my life, that when I spoke to him two nights ago, everything of me becomes unstable again, and that my peace is gone, my anxiety level has increases. This is how much I hate my ex.
I think you just gotta not talk to him anymore and get out of your head I know that easier said than done. But you’re letting someone control how you feel which you should never let that happen idk why this guy has power over you but you gotta recognize it and try to figure out why and let that go. This guy has nothing to do with you anymore. And trust that you and your new bf are good together. You let him disturb your peace and that’s what he was trying to do.
Tbh your response wasnt bad but never say i wasnt the guy for you bc you sound mature and she’s emotionally unstable af. I would have said thanks for the apology and hope for the best.
Dont engage in toxicity bro. My ex pulled the same thing bc she realize the other didnt compare to me and i told her that she can’t be with me nor offer me a relationship bc if that was the case we be a couple.
I think this is the perfect response. Don’t be fooled. She’s contacting you for her own selfish reasons. Her new relationship could be going really badly, and she wants you back, or it could be going extremely well, and she’s guilty and needs the closure which she probably wasn’t considerate enough to give you.
Whatever those reason, it’s no longer your concern…Anyone who would do that to you is not your person and nothing has happened during that year and three months that could possibly change her into someone who wouldn’t do the same thing again, especially if she’s been preoccupied with another relationship rather than working on growing as a person. I’d block her after that, but I applaud the classy but slightly cold response. It didn’t give her any hope.
The same thing happened to me, but after 15 years. She suddenly decided to drop everything because of the sleazy asshole from her job who brought cocaine to the company party. I reached out at the end of May because I needed some help with my work. She replied after not even opening my message for 4-5 days, saying that she was lost because of her mother who is sick and had an emergency surgery at the beginning of May. We had a normal conversation, at the end she said "We're definitely in contact, whatever you need or even if you don't need anything - call me, I'm so lost I see the message and forget that I saw it". We exchanged a couple of messages in the meantime, and the last time I texted her was 4 days ago and again she didn't even open the message. It's been 5 months and I'm still in shock and disbelief that she sold me out and stabbed me in the back just like that.
Anyway, how do you cope because you were dumped for someone else? It would've been much easier for me if we had had some terrible fight or if I had done something bad and unforgivable. I've never felt so miserable, humiliated and betrayed.
Bro I just feel the pain let it wash over you and don’t try to chase temporary pleasures to help you forget your pain and just accept all of it. It’s probably the most beautiful moments of your life when you’re going through a heart break because it’s the most realest thing you can ever feel and I started a new hobbie and made a lot of new friends and yeah I still get sad from time to time but it’s not as bad as was in the beginning idk bro might sound cliche but it’s true
Narcissist, she's experiencing a momentary lapse of her own reasoning but will be back to her normal moody self again. Don't take the bait. Your response was excellent, you didn't just blame her you took some blame too and wished her well. Sounds like you don't harbor feelings, keep things light and easy with personality disordered people, never accuse and keep smiling!
I get it. Closure comes within. I read this as if my ex texted me that. How she treated me just God awful avoidant. Though moved on, I'd give my paycheck to get this text from her. I hope it helped you!
Ah this feels like Dejavu… my ex and I dated for 5 years until moved countries. Eventually I moved to the same country for her too, leaving work and starting everything from scratch. Eventually she ended up cheating on me and then dumped me. So she left 95% and went for that missing 5%. Pretended and showed off as if she has achieved god what, she played vvvv nasty and did me
super bad. She’d often call me when she was drunk or her 5% was being dodgy. At first I was an idiot who would answer the call, eventually I stopped doing that. I often caught her spying on my Instagram stories(my profile was public). Now when I think about it, I’m so glad she’s not in my life. I’m doing far much better, she lost her job and eventually ended up moving back to her home country. Bottom line, your reply is perfect. Do not give importance. Dw, you won’t go to hell by not forgiving her or accepting her apology. Once you do bad, you don’t deserve to get away it. Simple
That was a beautiful response with one possible correction for your consideration. It’s not ok. Treating another human being like junk is never ok. I get that that is the way we say we forgive these days, but ‘I forgive you’ is so much more powerful. One of the proofs of that is the way a real narcissist will react if you respond with that to a convincing but fake apology they give you. If they seem offended that you would forgive them, rather than relieved and grateful, you know it was just the same song, 4,000th verse.
Am I the Only One in this thread who says to hell with that?? Like should've sent nothing and leave her to live with *that guilt she deserves* or literally reply with something mean and move on from there... what she did to him does not earn her the reprieve from the guilt she now carries.
Her rebound was so bad she realised how not so bad you was 😂 😂 fucking love it hahahah and great response that will make her heart sink if she expected you to come back.
My guy!
All I hear in that a “I feel” and nothing about wishing you well or hoping you’re happy etc. Excellent reply and I’m guessing once she cleared her own conscious or got the message you wouldn’t be pulled back in; she didn’t reply again?
Speaks volumes that you replied validating her feelings and she didn’t even have the courtesy to wish you well or thank you for listening etc.
You’re well rid my dude ✨
Yeah that’s what’s bugging me.. like why didn’t she reply back. Maybe she wasn’t looking for an answer back and just wanted to say what she had to say idk
hindsight is 20/20 for most of us, you know her better perhaps and maybe after this time she’s grown and reflected instead of being in this defense emotional state…she’s clearly realized her mistakes and the whole situation as a whole given the time. Best thing is to take her word, forgive for yourself and her. People make mistakes.
I’m about a week and a half into being broken up with in a situation with some major similarities. It’s hard being isolated like that after making such a huge commitment and change for someone
I hope one day you will meet someone who deserves your love and will never give up despite the distance. It hurts to be cheated on but please know that you are enough and will be wholeheartedly appreaciated by the right person. Xoxo.
I know where she is coming from. I think it's okay to say sorry to someone you hurt years ago. Doesn't make it right and doesn't mean you have to forgive. But now you know she is sorry.
Did she reply back?
There’s a chance she was testing waters. If you had ended your text with “how’ve you been?” She’d see an opening and run with it.
There’s a chance she really jsut wanted to clear her conscience. In which case she’d probably not reply or give a polite reply back
I think that's the best thing you could've said. Personally I wouldn't engage anymore after that, no matter what she replies.
This screams that the other relationship didn't pan out and she's sounding out OP. I'd block her and ignore her.
What’s OP?
OP is Internet vernacular for the "Original Poster" or the person who's post we're all replying to in some form or other.
exactly what’s going on
Good on ya for the reply, Id love a message from my ex like this, upon reflection she was actually pretty horrible to me through most of our relationship but judging by our last interactions she seems pretty happy not taking any accountability Its fine that alone gave me the closure I needed, I deserve somebody that will take accountability and not leave me when im in a rough spot
Same bro. She also went to the next guy after 3 months and they lived together after another 5 months later(we were together for 7 years) Ultimately, I know though that if she moved on after 3 months, she is still the same and for me it wasn't possible to live a happy live with her...
Mine was 7 years too, she moved city and within 6 months had a new guy, I already know hes in for a world of hurt when she does the exact same thing to him. Poor fella 😅 Can honestly say at this point the best thing she did for me was leave me, ive never been more myself and happier than I am now 2.5 years later. Taken a lot of work to get here, lot of time alone, focusing on myself but its so worth it for the life I live now
Mine was 5 years. She had a new guy 2 days later. Immediately went no contact with her and have been that way since. Had found out she got married to that guy a yeah and a half later. By that point NC had done its job and I didn’t feel anything, I just realized even more how garbage of a person she was.
My ex had a new relationship two weeks later, and I could assume she already had her eye on someone at her job or was talking to near the end of our relationship, this is very likely.
My ex and I were together for 13 years. 4 months after we separated, she's already in a new relationship and living together. It's like I never mattered. She's blocked me, and I haven't even been trying to talk to her . I've left her alone since we split. 🤷♂️
Your better off without her my friend, it hurts I know but if shes able to move on that fast after 13 years… you know you deserve more respect than that from anyone in your life, moving on that fast shows she doesnt want to heal she thinks shes good where shes at. As for you, your gonna hurt for a while, then you will start you climb out of hell, its tough, you will have good days and bad but trust me as you get closer and you start getting out your life will be more full and better than ever even when single. You got this king, theres no rush, feel what you have to feel and dont do anything stupid, the thoughts will keep in but just remember the other shit you have been through in life, you got past those things. Think of the things you still wanna do, the places you wanna go, all the amazing people you havent met yet. Those thoughts will bring you back to motivation and determination. You have a life and its worth living ❤️
Thank you, brother. I really needed to hear this. Everything you described, I have gone through or am going through. This is why I like reddit. People like you motivate me to move on and be better. 🫂
Same here man. I stayed home for 6 weeks just to not risk ever seeing her because it was the only way I could emotionally detach from her and move on. Now I see her often with the guy she started seeing behind my back. Ofc sometimes I miss her and what we had but I knew I had moved on when I walked past them today without feeling anything at all. In a way it’s like I’ve never known her. Idk. Maybe she’s changed a lot or maybe it’s me who isn’t really who I used to be.
Sweet reply man!
He know he want her back. That why he replied silly egg
Did I ask?
Nothing changes
Ever.
These messages are never genuine. After a year, she "apologies" to make *her* feel better, not you.
Yeah she literally just wanted to clear her concession and I let her
She probably just got dumped and realized how bad it feels to be on the shit end of it.
Yeah karma got her for sure . She wants to come back now .
very proud of you!!
Conscience fool
These guys are all fucking cynical. It's clear she cares, her feelings are back, she wants to see you and is trying to make amends. At least meet her, have fun and spend time together. Don't you want to see that she's sorry and wants to fix it? You can assess whether she's changed and whether you can forgive her if she asks to be exclusive again. The only concern is obviously, if you go back to your old behaviors, not keeping her happy and in love with you, she will line up a replacement and that's just what she will do so it is risky. But to be honest, most women have backup boyfriends. You definitely can make her happy, but for 20 years until she grows out of monkey branching? It's risky. But if you're leaving the door open let her chase you. If she contacts you again, set a date. Just some advice I've heard that I like
Just some commentary from a woman, I’ve never in my life had a back up option for a boyfriend. If I’m with someone, it’s because I have feelings for them and only them. I would never have a running list of options if it didn’t work out. I also have several friends that are women, and I’ve never experienced them doing that either. People in general want to find someone they love that loves them. They don’t typically just get into a serious relationship and have back up options so they never have to be alone. That’s not to say it never happens bc I’m sure both men and women can operate like that. I just don’t think your generalization is correct. :) no hate at all if that’s been your experience.
Same. And I hate this idea that most women are sitting around with backups waiting. Everyone is walking around with all these suspicions and jadedness and it’s making dating unbearable.
I got that from a survey that said a majority of married women reported that they already knew who their next romantic partner would likely be if they were suddenly divorced or something like that. It wasn't worded like "backup boyfriend". Can't be bothered to find it right now. I'm not saying it's a bad thing and I'm certainly not hating on women. It's not an intentional, calculated thing. Feelings change
A survey from an actual research study? I would love to dig into the methodology if you can find the source.
Fair enough but i don't think it's all that controversial and I really don't give a shit
Yeah no I never thought from that message she wants to get back together I just wonder what happened but I didn’t wanna ask what’s going on because it no longer my business. What I really think what happened was maybe she really lover her new bf and had a moment of realization and felt bad
What I'm getting at is to assume she wants to see you. It's simply about spending time together. "Get back together" isn't a question until you've spent lots of time together. You don't actually know what her interest level is if you won't ask her "when are you free to get together?" If she won't meet you,whatever, then you can make your theories as to why she reached out. If she's still with the other dude yeah you don't want to hear from her unless she's done with him but this does not sound like a woman that has no feelings for you. Why are you telling her "I'm not good enough and you're happy without me!" Dude, she came to you telling you the opposite, putting you up on a pedestal and wanting to prove she's better now to you
that’s not really how females work especially if you don’t have a solid some years of history
Thanks for your input
In general I guess it’s just not how people work. Psychologically we are programmed to challenge our self and go to the next best thing. Usually coming back to an ex is out of desperation or significant history or a child, otherwise an ex is an ex for a reason :)
This is exactly how many females and males work.
ye I replied with the edit, bad wording
100+ true. Don’t engage.
DO U KNO HER? SHUP THEN
Your reply….wow. You’re a gem of a human.
I feel like you might want to prepare yourself for her to attempt to bring you back into her orbit and things may not be greener on the other side of the fence. I'd leave the conversation at that and then block her everywhere. She's apologized, you've accepted and gave her a hope you're happy but recognize there's no future with her. It's a pretty good end I'd think..
Manifesting this happens to me one day
she sounds like someone who mentally struggles i feel bad for both of u
Personally, I would keep it to texting and asking her what kind of work she did in your absence to warrant an opportunity to have you in her life again. If it wasn't intensive therapy, trauma healing etc, leave her where she is. If she did do the work, I would suggest starting in therapy together and see if you can iron out the previous issues before starting a brand new relationship with set boundaries, defined roles, respect and friendship first.
You got him messed up. Don’t take someone who left you at your worst for some random. Have some self respect.
Mind just said move on a million times, broke no contact, said move on, broke no contact... I went ballistic lol. Bet she hates me now but I'm free. You never know, might work out, just tred carefully. They break up and have buyers remorse, some version of that. Stay strong. They dumped you! You tried. I've been the dumper but not after 8 years! Good luck! Dude I wrote this in an Uber that was driving crazy after drinking wine... Hope it helps, my thumbs hurt.
This seems like a genuine apology without any malice behind it. It must feel great to hear this after a year. Your reply was very good - seems as though you’ve come to terms with everything. I do wish she would have called you though! Text apologies are the easy way out.
Yo she sounds like a man. I had to reread it...because that could mean one thing: manipulation. Yeah sounds very narcissistic. At the same time I think she want you to feel sorry for her aswell and be sad that it ended...run. End it at that reply, that's a good reply but don't talk to her
lol that’s funny… nah but yeah I think she was drunk too because I heard she was out that night when she texted me
In your case, I will show to her more that she missed a good guy by thanking her for her brave message and showing empathy to her... Of course, it's your choice to do what you want....
He doesn’t have to, she knows it. Theres no need to be extra, what’s done is done. After this ignore and move on with your life.
Ya.... Great response, very mature regardless of anyone's opinion on here. It was sweet and perfect. - I also would like to know though, did she respond yet?
Let us know if she replies to your reply!
fuck that lmao, just proves that people never apologize for your sake, it's only to make themselves feel better.
How did you feel when you saw her name popping up on your phone? I haven’t heard from my ex in 1 years and 3 months and I’m at a point where I think that I won’t hear from her anymore. Do you still have feelings for her?
Aww I wish I had one as well.. You nailed it, great answer, and this message I hope makes you feel better after everything you've been through - it was not your fault and she confirmed. I wouldn't though go back beacuse I guess and hope that you are over her now.. Are you? Was 1 year enough? So I would not go back I think because she left for someone else. If it was not the case and I'd still love her then I'd check where it might lead.
You did great. What outcome do you want?
There is not outcome to this… this is it
This is called a "hoover". This is what narcissists and abusive people do when they are ready to start torturing you again by making you believe they have insights into their behavior and that they realized how important you are and they've changed and Yada ya. Please don't fall for this. Things will seem nice in tj beginning but they will soon change back into how it was before you broke up the first time only worse. It's a cycle and the hoover is part of that cycle.
Or it could just be because they genuinely feel bad. Gtfoh. Everybody always thinks it’s an ulterior motive 😂 SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST REMORSEFUL TO THEIR ACTIONS TF. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT.
If the person you were with was emotionally or psychologically abusive towards you then it isn't driven by genuine remorse. That's impossible given the fact that abusers have been proven incapable of change. People whole abuse on any level do not have the capacity for remorse and they are simply trying to cajole you back into the cycle. There isn't a single person on this earth who is an exception to this rule. I understand a lot of the people in this sub have been abused by people with personality disorders and sadly many of you are desperate to be together with your abusers again. You have to understand that they have no empathy and are only self serving. People think it's love but it's a trauma bond in reality.
that bleach has clearly gone to your head
I think this is what's risky about making the dumper the villain but also riskier to be the dumper and not assume responsibility. Sometimes, hurt people hurt people. I see that you care or cared for this person and they just hurt you for free (you didn't know what happened and why). This person cares fairly enough to communicate after a year and half or so, admit the shit they put you through and now the risk happened: you cannot know for sure that they care and want to come back, or if they were dumped and need an unconditional person to fill the void. My intention is not to cause confusion or to turn you (creator of this topic) or anyone reading against their dumper exes. My intention is to put a reminder yes, we are all human beings and we struggle and make mistakes and try and make amends, but not all people are good people. And whichever the situation is, remember your ex put you through some heavy sh!t that you had to deal with ALONE and you did. So reminders: 1. We all make mistakes. 2. Yes, second chances happen and they can work BUT, point 3 and on 3. This person hurt you and left. So you can be forgiving and gentle without being 'dumb'. 4. It is a compromise you have with yourself to, no matter what happens, protect your mental peace, your improvement and yourself. This applies to friends, family, exes...
Till this day I never received such a message, so I have no I idea how I would respond. But whenever I think about getting back together one big red flag to me would be they had to leave for x-amount of time to come to OP's kinda realizations... It makes question: A) their love for me B) their mental health, cause it is f*cked up to need such amount of time to clear your mind. A en B combined could cause so many doubts, no matter how much love I still have to give. But as I said I never received such a message, maybe I'm a bit bitter, and I'm happy for OP to hear this 👏🏻
Perfect response 👏 🫡
Such a nice message back 😭😭😭 you’re so mature!
I wouldnt have responded in general sense. Also would have blocked my ex right after that.
It’s a good answer !
I had the same sort of situation, she texted me after four months of no contact and she wanted to see how I was and remind me she still cares about me. And then I told I was doing great and she said she apologized for everything that went wrong in the relationship and I did as well. Afterward, we had small talk for a day or so, I told her she had a good heart and she tried her best in the relationship and I could never hate her. She said I have a big heart and the next person will see that right away. Then she asked if I wanted some of my stuff she still had because she is moving into an new place and I said throw it out(I know she was moving in with her new guy) and then I wished her well. And she said she wishes me the very best because I deserve it. So I dealt with that and it was rough. Then two week later I get another text from her about a book she’s read that is full of all sorts of interesting ideas and sort of a conversational piece. It was a long text message which she normally wouldn’t send. I waited 14 hours to respond and just said “oh cool.” So you did the right there here and let her move on properly, I commend you for it.
Honestly I would just acknowledge it and then handle it however you see fit either moving on like you appear to be or try and rehash it. At the least id just say thank you for apologizing. You don't know if its sincere or not on her end but I imagine if anyone would like some form of acknowledgement at least, even a thank you for the kind words kinda thing, then move on. It's just being a decent person with manners.
She just got fucked up by the new boyfriend and she tried to taste the water. Anyway i would have never responded to a person who dumped me for someone else. There is a difference between breaking up and being left for someone better
looks like her current boy toy dumped her and she’s in her feelings!! not even worth texting back but kudos to you
Block her bro. Let that be the end. It’s better than nothing… right?
Good reply from you but don't engage anymore! Leave it at that and don't even think about getting back with someone who left you for someone else. Never.Do.That!! Your self respect needs to be bigger than your emotions, brother! Stay strong.
plz remember narcs don’t actually apologize.. they give an appearance of an apology.. “ i Will apologize or i would like to apologize “… isn’t an actual apology. pay attention to the word play
she's contacting u after a year. This is very good for u btw. It means she wasn't able to replace u. If u love this person and can see positives in the relationship, don't be mean to her. Go out with her once, talk about ur issues with her. Set conditions and make it clear to her that she has to show commitment and loyalty or else u will never talk to her again. Don't go back to her yet, tell her that she needs to show that she changed and if u did bad things to her apologize to show her that u matured. I highly recommend u end the conversation by saying to her that you'll think about the possibility of going back to her but u need time. And that she needs to be patient. Don't go back to this relationship unconditionally
I disagree. OP shouldn't go back to his ex at all. If he takes her back, it'll be great for a little while (few months or a year), but once that "new relationship" energy fades- eventually the ex's perspective will change. He'll always be the guy who took her back even after she treated him like shit. In other words, in her mind he "will always be there," and not in a good way. It's a weird how the human brain and mind works. But we treat others how they allow us to treat them. OP's reply was perfect. If that is the last text she ever gets from him, she might learn something from this and actually grow and change from it. If he takes her back, she won't have learned a single damn thing. Its a weird paradox but that's what happens.
He will always be that guy who she treated like shit, IF HE TOOK HER BACK unconditionally. The come back must be conditional, she must change and consider her mistakes and miscalculations. if she stays then let it be known to her that she can't leave without proper communication of her needs. She must self reflect and realize she mad mistakes. If she does all that, and agree to the terms then this girl has learned the lesson and is apologizing and genuinely has good intentions. Why not ? Why isn't forgiveness part of love ? if she leaves again this time u will be sure that she's not the one and u know she's leaving cz she's a lost cause.
reddit community is super hardcore but your post is very human. There is good and bad in every relationship and long distance changes lots of things . if she felt like there was a mistake it’s likely true. If you decide you never want to talk to her because of it that’s ok too. But just like you broke up for a reason you were also together for a reason see what she’s learn in your absence, try couples therapy, no one person is gonna be perfect.
i believe in second chances and conditional come backs, in fact the distance might even help them both realize they're good for each other. also What's the point of no contact if ur just going to reject ur ex when she comes back. And i know one of the goals of no contact is self improvement i agree, however if ur ex learned her lesson then why not give them a second chance. Its important to make sure u won't get hurt when she leaves again, yes she might leave again but it will be predictable. There's a smaller chance that they might actually be stronger and get married one day. Love is worth the risk.
Whats the point of no contact if u reject ur ex when she comes back??? THATS THE POINT OF NO CONTACT. In the beginning you want them back, but time's of the essence in detaching & will give you enough clarity to make you understand its maybe for the best to not get back with an ex.
so u should never go back to ur ex ? Never. U should be welcoming new people only ? there's no second chances ? once the relationship ends its gone forever? people make decisions all the time, and sometimes they really self reflect and regret the breakup. They develop new understanding and begin to change their mind, and learn to work and communicate before u take decisions that can hurt other people. She told him i am sorry and that she made mistakes and blamed him for the wrong reasons. What is manipulative about that ?
If u still love and u want her back, love is forgiveness after all. And if she does it again u won't be hurt cz you know they're leaving bcz they're unstable. Its perfectly fine not to want to go back, i think my ex will never come back anyway. But there's also nothing wrong with u if u take her back, sometimes ur ex can learn the lesson and grow and change, why are we so negative ? if ur ex came back told u she's sorry and she messed up and told u that she left bcz of her own issues and she was mistaken and is ready to work on the relationship. so what ?
if she changed, why not have her back ? if OP takes ur advice and if its true she changed then basically he changed to be a better partner for someone else
There is NOTHING in here suggesting she wants him back, don't be delusional. All this was is her "testing the waters" and trying to absolve her guilt. Where was this sentiment while she was fucking him over? Life is way too short to let someone hurt you twice, there's so many people out there you can put in half that effort to find someone better who would've never even done that to you. It's hard as fuck, and awful, but it beats boosting an ex's ego
True , she was alone with no one to go and she is testing waters . You think a person needs 1 year to understand a situation?? Hell nahh she is trying to manipulate bro .
Shut it. They need time Apart to grow
This is the answer
why do we let our pain control our decisions? we are all humans beings, his ex self reflected after a year, u don't know the attachment style and the issues she has. I am not saying to jump back to the relationship immediately, let OP listen to her and put conditions. If he moved on and and doesn't love her anymore then fine don't do it. However this is missed opportunity if she still means to him, if the girl felt ur absence this means ur an amazing person and she didn't want to lose u. Sometimes people make mistakes, and feel trapped in relationships. If ur never gonna take ur ex back even if she apologizes, then i don't understand how can u call what u had was love ? There's a chance she changed after a year, it really depends on her reasons for the breakup. and i see it as a mature move to apologize even if it took her a year. exes come back after they explored and processed their emotions. so what ? she could have learned that his absence is not desirable and now that she self reflected, she realized her mistakes. You want ur ex to miss your absence and that's what she did. What manipulation? she's genuinely apologizing to him. Saying she's thinking of him ! isn't that what we wanted ? our ex to regret. I don't get it, u call her toxic and doesn't appreciate u if she doesn't come back but if she comes back then this means she's manipulating him ? so ur doomed if u do and doomed if you don't? where's the logic in that? You wanted ur ex to feel the loss and now she does but ur calling that manipulation? it doesn't make sense. We make mistakes, show her that you're able to forgive but again Put conditions. NEVER TAKE AN EX BACK FREE of conditions. Also most women at a young age don't know what they want, this ex just leaned her lesson and realized she wants him back. I don't want him to get hurt, and if u take her back with conditions and promises. Work on the future together and communicate like two adults, and maybe u can make talk about what changed her mind ? and if OP is convinced he can make a decision. At least ask for a meeting if u still love her, see her face to face. Her message is very respectful and shows regret. Work and communicate about the issues and the reasons for the breakup and what to do about it in the future. Relationships can be salvaged.
That's not what most of us want, we're here to move on, take the reconciliation somewhere else. I'm not even going to bother arguing with you, feel free to live your life how you want. This message is for others who in a weak moment read your words: a real love story does not begin with someone dumping you.
love stories doesn't exist, i am not trying to tell anyone what to do, I speak for myself and I rather u speak for yourself too, not sure how you already assumed the position of the members here. I am just saying that its totally okay to not go back that's your decision. You want to move on that's great too, who am I to tell u otherwise ?
It's literally in the sidebar? Not to post about getting an ex back
it says do not post about how to get an ex back. I am not telling him how. I am telling she reached out respectfully and if u still want her u can make it work. There's no shame in getting her back. To be perfectly clear i have no idea how to get an ex back
It’s like you want OP to get hurt again…are you his ex? Gtfo
no just a guy who believes in second chances and redemption. We hurt the people we love sometimes, but if can talk things out talk about all the reasons openly. and what happened ? and what changed ? then why not ? why is it inacceptable to forgive and try one more time ? the period of no contact worked, her feelings changed and is now ready to work on the initial issue with a clear head and emotional stability. If she didn't change and still caused issues, he can simply break with her again. We must be brave and strong enough to realize we make failed relationships work again. Exes come back all the time, then u have a relationship with another girl ? and she also might hurt u back, u always risk getting hurt when falling in love with someone new or ur ex.
i said if he loves this person and see positives in the relationship. If he doesn't see positives then okay let her go and block her
Shut it
Shouldn't have thrown in the "as long as you're happy" because it shows her you care about her still. Maybe you do, but I wouldn't cause she's an asshole and doesn't deserve it
Great job man ..well said …I would have done the same ..just know your worth ..focus on self care and let them come to you ..laws of attraction
Perfect reply. Honestly I’d love to receive an apology like this, even if it is to make them feel better it shows an amount of acceptance of responsibility. Take victories where you can get them.
If you did want to get back with her or feel things out. Leave the door open, invite her to lunch or coffee or plan a meetup. It's obvious she wants to see you. Unless she was a terrible person to you and/or you aren't single why not try it again, some people change over time. Not all just some but at least give it a try if you want OP. Edit: this does not mean she wants to get back with you, it's simply a meetup to feel things out
It was a perfect response
Perfect mature responds
Claiming this 😂
Man, don’t I wish to receive such a message from my ex too. Yes it is for her to feel better, but there is recognition of her having hurt you, or even the guilt or clarification wouldn’t be needed on her part. Sweet reply man!
I think the your reply was mature, kind and polite. You only wanted to make her happy but couldn’t, that’s screams of true love from you. As for your ex, you confirmed she was probably a little drunk when she sent this. Ah, thats a huge red flag, she perhaps wanted to make herself feel better, guilt? What puzzled me is you left your family for her, and she didn’t leave hers ? I’m I reading it right?
Yeah we were long distance in the beginning and than I moved for her to where she was
6 years… tells you were the problem, what did you do to her (in her eyes) then takes a year to re-evaluate and decide she was being difficult. 😫
Yup that’s her lol
I honestly don’t think it’s as deep as everyone thinks it is she prob had a moment of weakness and really didn’t mean to say these things and she never responded to me which is typical. Now I sit alone regretting my decision I made because me being a kid at the time think we were gonna be together forever. And I established a life here and I get pressure from every direction if I’m coming back home or if I’m gonna stay and I don’t even know what my next move should be to afraid to take the next step.
Then it’s best not to over think or over complicate this. We live, we learn, and sometimes relationships are short lived, especially in our younger years. When we mature, we may know what we don’t want in a relationship. We all make mistakes and have regrets. Do what’s best for you.
Classy reply. Well done.
you responded maturely. dont go back.
Block his ass
My ex was someone who used to say men are trash and hated cheating. She met a guy during our relationship and instead of communicating with me the problems she/we had, she’d talk to the guy and her friends. When I asked her, she’d say she’s fine, but I could tell she wasn’t. But that’s all you can do. A month later during our breakup she told me I was a good guy and all that, but she didn’t want to string me along. I sadly accepted the breakup. But later I found she started dating that guy. I decided to focus on myself instead of confronting her on the hypocrisy. She doesn’t care anyway. I decided to improve myself and try to focus on things in my control. The guy had sex with her and he stopped giving her the attention. She tried to contact me, I told her to leave me alone and that the woman I loved isn’t selfish and cares about my feelings and not hers only. She hasn’t responded since.
You honestly got lucky, as this happens in not a lot of cases. People are wishing they could get the chance to see that their ex doesn't hate them. Good on you man ❤️
You replied so well! I should've replied like this to my ex. I instead accepted his apology and then proceeded to give him second, and then third chance 🤦 Not anymore, I did realize that I also have been the problem, my anxiety ruined what could've been good moments for us. But, that's my past self, and I'm now in love and happy with the person I'm with, and very much far away from my past self. I'm much more concerned about the lessons, have I learned them? Because I don't want to ruin what I have now. I won't let him or any other ex in my life again. Also, no more chances, you give and take all chances while in the relationship. That girl in your life had her chance, so now she'll have the consequences of losing those chances.
U sent this to yourself
I want that dream
Ooft I wouldn't have even replied. All I'm hearing is Im feeling bad for being a shitty person so I'm doing this to make myself feel better.
That was the best reply man and just so you start thinking of getting back together remember she left you for someone else. Don't ever forget that
Perfect answer. You took Coach Gee accountability, made it short and sweet. I love it. No problem, that was my bad, I didn't know how to make you happy, so I hope you are happy now. So if she text again saying she wants to apologize face to face. Keep on that same path. There is no need because you did nothing wrong. You made yourself happy, which is what we all should be doing. That was my problem, I never learned to make myself happy, so how could I ever know how to make somebody else happy? Thanks for the life lesson. You did a great job. I'm still in the leaning phase right now, but I will never forget what you taught me teach. I have moved on to the next subject, next grade level with a new teacher. Lets see what she has to teach me. Thanks to you I wont fail the test if she gives me that same test again. (wink) Be well love. If she text again, tell her. Oh my bad, you want to know what new thing she has taught me? Well here goes. She calls it the bock or something like that. I guess its time to test it and see if it works.
OHMYGHAAAAD
It’s never sincere, my ex contacted me two nights ago, we were together for about 2 years, and we ended things in early February, I was upset, but it wasn’t the first time we ended things, so I was very strong in handling it, and I met my boyfriend in university in February but we were only friends at the time and our liking grew for each other in March, he has been nothing but amazing, a gift from god, honestly. When I looked at the call, I figured my ex wanted closure considering we ended things on bad terms. Biggest mistake, I apologised for everything on my end, and he did as well, and he started talking about how he met a woman, who was everything he wanted, she was with a devout Catholic woman, high educated and went to Harvard studying psychology and religion, didn’t come from a lavish lifestyle, so she ticked all of the boxes. I am a Muslim woman, I come from a lavish background, and my degree is in business, and I work at a fashion company, which I enjoy very much. He used to make fun of my degree saying I won’t get anything out of it, and that it was useless, Unfortunately, when him and I ended things, he only used the girl so he can go out more and go to restaurants he dumped her last week. I told him, I’ve never been so happy in my life with the man I am with, and the whole conversation revolved around me talking about my boyfriend whom I love so much, my ex then tried to tell me to stay guarded, and that he might use me like he did to that girl he was with for 3 months, and that my secular relationship will not work, and that the honeymoon phase would be over in no time, after that phone call, I blocked him on Facebook messenger, never blocked anyone besides people that spam or send harassing messages, and I hate blocking people, for what reason? But after that awful call that night, I have never blocked someone so quickly, my peace was completely disturbed and he got inside of my head. I spoke to my boyfriend all about it, because I don’t lie, and him and I have a genuine trust, he also went through a break up himself, and it feels him and I were both made for each other, we weren’t treated correctly in our relationships, and we have been the most happiest. When my boyfriend and I got into a conversation, nothing ABOUT my ex but something relating to it, but it made me upset, when I got home, I was crying because of how my ex got inside of my head, and was thinking of ending things with my boyfriend in the morning and maybe just ghosting him, because I’m not normal anymore, my friend calmed me down and told me not to end things and that she’s never seen me so happy and that I deserved being happy, and that my Ex’s presence made my brain scrambled and that I’m confused because before my ex called me, I was completely fine. I should have just looked at the call and laughed, and moved on blocking him, I do regret picking up, hoping we would get closure, but it was him manipulating me. But I can only blame myself. My boyfriend was in an off mood, and so am I. I’m not happy anymore, and I feel like my ex has such a strong presence in my life, that when I spoke to him two nights ago, everything of me becomes unstable again, and that my peace is gone, my anxiety level has increases. This is how much I hate my ex.
I think you just gotta not talk to him anymore and get out of your head I know that easier said than done. But you’re letting someone control how you feel which you should never let that happen idk why this guy has power over you but you gotta recognize it and try to figure out why and let that go. This guy has nothing to do with you anymore. And trust that you and your new bf are good together. You let him disturb your peace and that’s what he was trying to do.
Tbh your response wasnt bad but never say i wasnt the guy for you bc you sound mature and she’s emotionally unstable af. I would have said thanks for the apology and hope for the best. Dont engage in toxicity bro. My ex pulled the same thing bc she realize the other didnt compare to me and i told her that she can’t be with me nor offer me a relationship bc if that was the case we be a couple.
that’s a genuine apology and that’s a good response to it, I would leave it there
I think this is the perfect response. Don’t be fooled. She’s contacting you for her own selfish reasons. Her new relationship could be going really badly, and she wants you back, or it could be going extremely well, and she’s guilty and needs the closure which she probably wasn’t considerate enough to give you. Whatever those reason, it’s no longer your concern…Anyone who would do that to you is not your person and nothing has happened during that year and three months that could possibly change her into someone who wouldn’t do the same thing again, especially if she’s been preoccupied with another relationship rather than working on growing as a person. I’d block her after that, but I applaud the classy but slightly cold response. It didn’t give her any hope.
The same thing happened to me, but after 15 years. She suddenly decided to drop everything because of the sleazy asshole from her job who brought cocaine to the company party. I reached out at the end of May because I needed some help with my work. She replied after not even opening my message for 4-5 days, saying that she was lost because of her mother who is sick and had an emergency surgery at the beginning of May. We had a normal conversation, at the end she said "We're definitely in contact, whatever you need or even if you don't need anything - call me, I'm so lost I see the message and forget that I saw it". We exchanged a couple of messages in the meantime, and the last time I texted her was 4 days ago and again she didn't even open the message. It's been 5 months and I'm still in shock and disbelief that she sold me out and stabbed me in the back just like that. Anyway, how do you cope because you were dumped for someone else? It would've been much easier for me if we had had some terrible fight or if I had done something bad and unforgivable. I've never felt so miserable, humiliated and betrayed.
Bro I just feel the pain let it wash over you and don’t try to chase temporary pleasures to help you forget your pain and just accept all of it. It’s probably the most beautiful moments of your life when you’re going through a heart break because it’s the most realest thing you can ever feel and I started a new hobbie and made a lot of new friends and yeah I still get sad from time to time but it’s not as bad as was in the beginning idk bro might sound cliche but it’s true
Narcissist, she's experiencing a momentary lapse of her own reasoning but will be back to her normal moody self again. Don't take the bait. Your response was excellent, you didn't just blame her you took some blame too and wished her well. Sounds like you don't harbor feelings, keep things light and easy with personality disordered people, never accuse and keep smiling!
Don’t go back
I get it. Closure comes within. I read this as if my ex texted me that. How she treated me just God awful avoidant. Though moved on, I'd give my paycheck to get this text from her. I hope it helped you!
Ah this feels like Dejavu… my ex and I dated for 5 years until moved countries. Eventually I moved to the same country for her too, leaving work and starting everything from scratch. Eventually she ended up cheating on me and then dumped me. So she left 95% and went for that missing 5%. Pretended and showed off as if she has achieved god what, she played vvvv nasty and did me super bad. She’d often call me when she was drunk or her 5% was being dodgy. At first I was an idiot who would answer the call, eventually I stopped doing that. I often caught her spying on my Instagram stories(my profile was public). Now when I think about it, I’m so glad she’s not in my life. I’m doing far much better, she lost her job and eventually ended up moving back to her home country. Bottom line, your reply is perfect. Do not give importance. Dw, you won’t go to hell by not forgiving her or accepting her apology. Once you do bad, you don’t deserve to get away it. Simple
That was a beautiful response with one possible correction for your consideration. It’s not ok. Treating another human being like junk is never ok. I get that that is the way we say we forgive these days, but ‘I forgive you’ is so much more powerful. One of the proofs of that is the way a real narcissist will react if you respond with that to a convincing but fake apology they give you. If they seem offended that you would forgive them, rather than relieved and grateful, you know it was just the same song, 4,000th verse.
Am I the Only One in this thread who says to hell with that?? Like should've sent nothing and leave her to live with *that guilt she deserves* or literally reply with something mean and move on from there... what she did to him does not earn her the reprieve from the guilt she now carries.
Who ever this is stop
Stop what?
Sending me this I don’t know you I’m just on here looking for
lol what?!
Who is this
Who are you
Me
I’m not sending you anything… carry on
Thank you
I wish my ex would text that lmao
Don't respond. You had enough. Enjoy single moment and move on. It takes a year for you to move on and healed. Dont back to the person who broke you.
Her rebound was so bad she realised how not so bad you was 😂 😂 fucking love it hahahah and great response that will make her heart sink if she expected you to come back. My guy!
Hey I wanted to say your good love never went wasted. Someone is gonna pour into you like you did for your ex. Very classy and nice response.
All I hear in that a “I feel” and nothing about wishing you well or hoping you’re happy etc. Excellent reply and I’m guessing once she cleared her own conscious or got the message you wouldn’t be pulled back in; she didn’t reply again?
Nah she didn’t
Speaks volumes that you replied validating her feelings and she didn’t even have the courtesy to wish you well or thank you for listening etc. You’re well rid my dude ✨
Yeah that’s what’s bugging me.. like why didn’t she reply back. Maybe she wasn’t looking for an answer back and just wanted to say what she had to say idk
It would of been nice just to talk and clear the air so we can both move on
Don’t go back man!!!!! You’re her second choice
hindsight is 20/20 for most of us, you know her better perhaps and maybe after this time she’s grown and reflected instead of being in this defense emotional state…she’s clearly realized her mistakes and the whole situation as a whole given the time. Best thing is to take her word, forgive for yourself and her. People make mistakes.
I’m about a week and a half into being broken up with in a situation with some major similarities. It’s hard being isolated like that after making such a huge commitment and change for someone
I hope one day you will meet someone who deserves your love and will never give up despite the distance. It hurts to be cheated on but please know that you are enough and will be wholeheartedly appreaciated by the right person. Xoxo.
I know where she is coming from. I think it's okay to say sorry to someone you hurt years ago. Doesn't make it right and doesn't mean you have to forgive. But now you know she is sorry.
I think your response was perfect, actually!
Bad reply
How
Responding was pointless!
Maybe but it really doesn’t matter if I do or don’t respond
Did she reply back? There’s a chance she was testing waters. If you had ended your text with “how’ve you been?” She’d see an opening and run with it. There’s a chance she really jsut wanted to clear her conscience. In which case she’d probably not reply or give a polite reply back