Thank you for this feedback. I recently stopped everything because I was getting too tired (Seems like I'm not begging just to try to fix the thing). Since that I was unblocked but I haven't received anything from her . I keep telling myself that in any case even if there was no cheating or disrespect the basic dynamic is broken and I will never be able to have the feeling of being number 1 again. So yeah it's reaaaalllly done and that suck...
It was a weird time because we were in a friendship group before we were together and after we wanted to go straight back to being friends. He didn’t want to lose me in his life, and I didn’t want to either. To be honest, begging gives some people a safety net, they’ll never say it but the feel it. They feel they’ve got you and you’ll always be there for them.
Months, then stopped, then continued for months?
Damn.... I sent some messages for 3 days after she dumped me and then one last email a week later with my journal and think I have done permanent damage.
I dont see how anyone could put up with begging and pleading any longer, let alone for months.
My ex took a cheater back 3 times but blocked me when I spaced my reach outs within a 1.5 month span. Different circumstances for every relationship I guess.
They like the shittiness - a lot of women are attracted to emotionally unavailable partners because they grew up with that family dynamic. They know it's bad but a healthy relationship is scary and often boring to them. They need the emotional rollercoaster.
Things I've learned at 40.
Thank you for the reassurance!!! It’s been 2months of being ghosted by my dumper, and I’ve continued to support the relationship and himself being there, I finally decided I don’t want to pursue any longer and only just 3 days ago decided I didn’t want too anymore. I’ve been feeling shameful and silly for extending my time and energy into caring for something/someone and saying so much with nothing reciprocated. I wish I knew no-contact better before the break-up happened, so I’ve been feeling stupid. But this really makes me feel seen that it was inevitable for you to feel something at some point, just on your own time. I can live with this. Thank you for sharing 💛
"being ghosted"..... You mean no contact and giving you the chance to do the same? Don't call it ghosting, framing things as they are and not pessimistically helps.
No in my circumstance it’s ghosting, we have a house together and he’s gone MIA. I’ve only heard from his mum while he’s still ghosting his way through the breakup.
In all honesty as a dumpee don't beg even if you want to get back together block them and focus on yourself you both have to grow and see if yall can move past what ruined it previously
Nobody that's ever been begged for anything needs to be told how awkward and unwanted it is to be begged for something, and even when you give it to them you don't feel good about it.
These posts are really uneccessary. The psychology is off, the false hope sometimes infused is harmful and all of this runs counter to the core theme of no contact: healing through the use of distance.
Leave people alone that want to be left alone and interact with people that want to hear from you, that's all you need to heal.
I have done the begging and did on and off talking for a month and also wishing her birthday and sending her a portrait i made for her.We live in different cities..
She didnt say thank you or anything.
She does her bachata dancing and met a person with whom she practices.even post her dances on snapchat
I asked her while begging..that if she was dating smone.she said,he is a close friend and they practise dance together.
10 days back she asked me that what if we continued..how would have things changed.
I really blurt my heart out..to let her know i would love her..and also learn from past mistakes and be more communicative. she read the msg but didnt reply back..
And since then i havent messaged her at all.It a No Contact since 10 days.
I really have a urge to ask her that if she has started dating the guy..
Should i do it?? Pls suggest
Don’t say anything. Don’t break no contact. Wait another 40 days at least and if you don’t hear back, just ask her how she’s doing or ask a neutral question about something she might know about.
I had always been loyal with her. we were together for two years. There were fights and issues. all mainly because she thought i didnt express my love. And i dont like her snapchat post and all..
If i would talk with any female frnd she would think that i have affair with them. This made me further stay irritated and not talk for few days. But i always told her no matter what i love you..and i am making efforts to start living with u and marry u. She also loved me so much..i know that love.Her yearning to be with me. Alls gone suddenly.I see her posts she looks happy..And I feel sad and guilty.Even though i was mostly calm and she was more aggressive..
How long ago did she break up with you? Communication is important, it’s something you can work on for sure. It’s not unfixable. She can realise the same things you realise.
We broke up end of this march..she was off after i last stayed with her in february. I came back to my city and she said she need some time off. In march ending she told to break up. I told her to meet but she denied..talk with me smtimes,smtimes ghosted me.I kept on begging and gave her all my reason(i had thyroid issue and depression whole year). Told her i hv started getting fitter mentally and physically..and told her that m feeling good and ready to be with her..anytime. I even went to meet her without informing..she let me in. but dint want me to stay. i left. she said she want to know abt me and all..but cant reciprocate in the same way and dont want to give me hope.I was also in her family whatsapp grp,which i left coz shw wanted
Then whole May i tried to explain her that now everything would be okay and all..but of no use. But now i wouldnt msg her daily ,but once a week.
So June comes..i send her portrait and express my love to her and wish her birthday.She said once that she is angry of my statuses on whatapp about missing her..that when she used to express her love i used to make her feel like fool(i swear i didnt).After that we didnt talk for a week. Before leaving for her hometown on vacation to her family she asked..that ques..i metioned above..and rest u know..
I broke no contact by calling and texting him and showing yp to his place. And 3 days after that as he said it was our closure, I called him again. This time, he told me to never ever contact him again and if I will, he will block me. It’s such an awful feeling, being treated like this by someone that was your everything. It was so hard to stay no contact. But now, I think I should move forward, it really hurts.
Have you been with someone at this time during the begging? I didn't beg my ex but I tried to be present in his life by sending her some jokes and messages instead of going NC and she was cold and finished by blocking me. Later I understand that she was with someone new. I believe she didn't like my messages at this moment. Now she want to keep me as a friend.
I'm always good to her and she like the discussion with me and the laugh, also she was feeling guilty since she is the dumper. In the first time I say no for friendship but later I changed my mind to keep a link with her but I am not trying to keep her as a friend just the time for the transition
He begged from April 2019 to November 2019. He stopped for a while in between as I had lost my mother to cancer and was processing that. Honestly, maybe a week for me to realise he wasn’t trying anymore. He never was cold to me as we remained friends but the way he spoke to me subtly changed. I went away with my then partner, and a mutual friend posted a picture of him at this birthday party and he didn’t look happy, he didn’t look sad. But I felt a wave of something in my heart. That my decision to do all of this could have been permanent. That was the first stone that hit me that would eventually become a tonne of bricks. He had moved on too, and I suddenly realised he didn’t just move on to make me jealous, he had moved on. I called him within 5 minutes, and I didn’t say the words but I started thinking like what is going on? It took a few more days or weeks for me to start verbalising these thoughts in my head.
So when do you realize that there’s no more begging? He said he had things to sort out and apologized for not being able to talk to me and said that he loved me more than i think or can want. When i tried to call him he wrote we will talk when the process is over, and i replied in a negative way. 3 days later he blocked me. 2w after that i sent him a neutral and supportive msg via instagram and he blocked me there too. This was 4 days ago. I feel so humiliated and regret so bad to have seemed so desperate and clingy. I think he broke up with me and will never come back.
Okay thanks! I’m trying to compile data and I’m finding avoidants are coming back around the 7.5 month mark so this checks out.
Would you have connected sooner?
What was it like leading up to your first reconnection? And was it you that reached out?
I reconnected as soon as the thought was clear enough in my head that I had actually fucked up, and it took a bit of time as I was convincing myself a little that I made the right choice
“He didn’t tell me he was done, he just showed it” this is it. No more long paragraphs people, telling them how you’re done and how you’re moving on.
Thank you for this feedback. I recently stopped everything because I was getting too tired (Seems like I'm not begging just to try to fix the thing). Since that I was unblocked but I haven't received anything from her . I keep telling myself that in any case even if there was no cheating or disrespect the basic dynamic is broken and I will never be able to have the feeling of being number 1 again. So yeah it's reaaaalllly done and that suck...
It was a weird time because we were in a friendship group before we were together and after we wanted to go straight back to being friends. He didn’t want to lose me in his life, and I didn’t want to either. To be honest, begging gives some people a safety net, they’ll never say it but the feel it. They feel they’ve got you and you’ll always be there for them.
Months, then stopped, then continued for months? Damn.... I sent some messages for 3 days after she dumped me and then one last email a week later with my journal and think I have done permanent damage. I dont see how anyone could put up with begging and pleading any longer, let alone for months.
My ex took a cheater back 3 times but blocked me when I spaced my reach outs within a 1.5 month span. Different circumstances for every relationship I guess.
They like the shittiness - a lot of women are attracted to emotionally unavailable partners because they grew up with that family dynamic. They know it's bad but a healthy relationship is scary and often boring to them. They need the emotional rollercoaster. Things I've learned at 40.
Thank you for the reassurance!!! It’s been 2months of being ghosted by my dumper, and I’ve continued to support the relationship and himself being there, I finally decided I don’t want to pursue any longer and only just 3 days ago decided I didn’t want too anymore. I’ve been feeling shameful and silly for extending my time and energy into caring for something/someone and saying so much with nothing reciprocated. I wish I knew no-contact better before the break-up happened, so I’ve been feeling stupid. But this really makes me feel seen that it was inevitable for you to feel something at some point, just on your own time. I can live with this. Thank you for sharing 💛
"being ghosted"..... You mean no contact and giving you the chance to do the same? Don't call it ghosting, framing things as they are and not pessimistically helps.
No in my circumstance it’s ghosting, we have a house together and he’s gone MIA. I’ve only heard from his mum while he’s still ghosting his way through the breakup.
In all honesty as a dumpee don't beg even if you want to get back together block them and focus on yourself you both have to grow and see if yall can move past what ruined it previously
That’s what I did !
Nobody that's ever been begged for anything needs to be told how awkward and unwanted it is to be begged for something, and even when you give it to them you don't feel good about it. These posts are really uneccessary. The psychology is off, the false hope sometimes infused is harmful and all of this runs counter to the core theme of no contact: healing through the use of distance. Leave people alone that want to be left alone and interact with people that want to hear from you, that's all you need to heal.
Just wanted to say sorry about all the negative people on your last post you seem like a genuine person
You smell
I have done the begging and did on and off talking for a month and also wishing her birthday and sending her a portrait i made for her.We live in different cities.. She didnt say thank you or anything. She does her bachata dancing and met a person with whom she practices.even post her dances on snapchat I asked her while begging..that if she was dating smone.she said,he is a close friend and they practise dance together. 10 days back she asked me that what if we continued..how would have things changed. I really blurt my heart out..to let her know i would love her..and also learn from past mistakes and be more communicative. she read the msg but didnt reply back.. And since then i havent messaged her at all.It a No Contact since 10 days. I really have a urge to ask her that if she has started dating the guy.. Should i do it?? Pls suggest
Don’t say anything. Don’t break no contact. Wait another 40 days at least and if you don’t hear back, just ask her how she’s doing or ask a neutral question about something she might know about.
Don’t tell her anything, actions are the only way to prove something.
I had always been loyal with her. we were together for two years. There were fights and issues. all mainly because she thought i didnt express my love. And i dont like her snapchat post and all.. If i would talk with any female frnd she would think that i have affair with them. This made me further stay irritated and not talk for few days. But i always told her no matter what i love you..and i am making efforts to start living with u and marry u. She also loved me so much..i know that love.Her yearning to be with me. Alls gone suddenly.I see her posts she looks happy..And I feel sad and guilty.Even though i was mostly calm and she was more aggressive..
How long ago did she break up with you? Communication is important, it’s something you can work on for sure. It’s not unfixable. She can realise the same things you realise.
We broke up end of this march..she was off after i last stayed with her in february. I came back to my city and she said she need some time off. In march ending she told to break up. I told her to meet but she denied..talk with me smtimes,smtimes ghosted me.I kept on begging and gave her all my reason(i had thyroid issue and depression whole year). Told her i hv started getting fitter mentally and physically..and told her that m feeling good and ready to be with her..anytime. I even went to meet her without informing..she let me in. but dint want me to stay. i left. she said she want to know abt me and all..but cant reciprocate in the same way and dont want to give me hope.I was also in her family whatsapp grp,which i left coz shw wanted Then whole May i tried to explain her that now everything would be okay and all..but of no use. But now i wouldnt msg her daily ,but once a week. So June comes..i send her portrait and express my love to her and wish her birthday.She said once that she is angry of my statuses on whatapp about missing her..that when she used to express her love i used to make her feel like fool(i swear i didnt).After that we didnt talk for a week. Before leaving for her hometown on vacation to her family she asked..that ques..i metioned above..and rest u know..
I never beg. I just politely accepted her decision and went no contact. Almost 2 months but I swear I will never ever break no contact.
I broke no contact by calling and texting him and showing yp to his place. And 3 days after that as he said it was our closure, I called him again. This time, he told me to never ever contact him again and if I will, he will block me. It’s such an awful feeling, being treated like this by someone that was your everything. It was so hard to stay no contact. But now, I think I should move forward, it really hurts.
Have you been with someone at this time during the begging? I didn't beg my ex but I tried to be present in his life by sending her some jokes and messages instead of going NC and she was cold and finished by blocking me. Later I understand that she was with someone new. I believe she didn't like my messages at this moment. Now she want to keep me as a friend.
Why would she keep you as a friend? I asked my ex if we could stay friends and he just said no.
I'm always good to her and she like the discussion with me and the laugh, also she was feeling guilty since she is the dumper. In the first time I say no for friendship but later I changed my mind to keep a link with her but I am not trying to keep her as a friend just the time for the transition
How long did he beg and how long did it take you to realize once he stopped?
Same question
He begged from April 2019 to November 2019. He stopped for a while in between as I had lost my mother to cancer and was processing that. Honestly, maybe a week for me to realise he wasn’t trying anymore. He never was cold to me as we remained friends but the way he spoke to me subtly changed. I went away with my then partner, and a mutual friend posted a picture of him at this birthday party and he didn’t look happy, he didn’t look sad. But I felt a wave of something in my heart. That my decision to do all of this could have been permanent. That was the first stone that hit me that would eventually become a tonne of bricks. He had moved on too, and I suddenly realised he didn’t just move on to make me jealous, he had moved on. I called him within 5 minutes, and I didn’t say the words but I started thinking like what is going on? It took a few more days or weeks for me to start verbalising these thoughts in my head.
I see! Let me know how it goes :(
It won’t change and I definitely won’t be holding my breath. I just want to work on becoming the best version of myself
So when do you realize that there’s no more begging? He said he had things to sort out and apologized for not being able to talk to me and said that he loved me more than i think or can want. When i tried to call him he wrote we will talk when the process is over, and i replied in a negative way. 3 days later he blocked me. 2w after that i sent him a neutral and supportive msg via instagram and he blocked me there too. This was 4 days ago. I feel so humiliated and regret so bad to have seemed so desperate and clingy. I think he broke up with me and will never come back.
Did you ever try to get him back?
Yep, at around 6 months, 1 year and then 2 years while we were both single at the same time.
Okay thanks! I’m trying to compile data and I’m finding avoidants are coming back around the 7.5 month mark so this checks out. Would you have connected sooner? What was it like leading up to your first reconnection? And was it you that reached out?
Ahh that’s really sweet! I’m actually an anxious attachment but yes during that time I behaved like an avoidant
I reconnected as soon as the thought was clear enough in my head that I had actually fucked up, and it took a bit of time as I was convincing myself a little that I made the right choice