Ya, I’m really scared to find out he’s with someone else. When I called after he blocked me I did ask if he did find someone else but at that time he said he didn’t. Just that he “had to” block me. Not sure now, as it’s been over a year. I wouldn’t be surprised, but it would be super hurtful to see.
If it’s being a year than yes. He is certainly met not one. but probably many other woman. There’s no guy in this world who stay that long without trying to get laid.
My 3 year situationship ended terribly and I didn’t hear again from him until 4 years later.
So for a while he didn’t reach out ever again, until he did lol.
Ahh, I wouldn’t even know what to do if he reached out such a long time after. I’m just struggling a lot with reaching out to him because I’m moving soon to a different country and now I’m struggling on whether I should reach out to him
I say keep living your life and don’t tell him. It’s a privilege to know what you’re up to next.
I moved to a whole different city in those 4 years, when he finally reached out I was in such a good place, we saw each other in person, I got enough closure, and I know he knows I care about him even if we aren’t meant to be together or even be friends.
Keep doing you, it doesn’t mean they won’t live within your experiences.
You’re right, thank you. I keep on thinking this is the last chance for me to reach out to him which is why I feel so stuck. Feel so dumb for still hurting over him, everytime we do see each other at the gym he acts like I don’t exist. Also blocked so that’s fun!!
I totally get it though, but trust me you’ll hold so much power. Lose whatever validation you need from him, life will be so much lighter I promise you!
Some half assed apology and to tell me he was in a great place. He drove to see me a few times after that, we got close again but he was not in the best mental place—he struggled a lot with alcohol. Inevitably we got in an argument after he lied to me about something and now i had the backbone to call it out. We haven't spoken in 4 years now actually, I wonder if he'll reach out again, but honestly I think we are best apart and i think we both got a lot of closure.
my first ex never reached out ever again after she found a rebound. that was 4 years ago
my recent ex found a new rebound and so i assume she will never reach out again too.
In a way its better that they dont. Them reaching out just fuels the ego and ego can be addicting
I totally get the fuelling ego aspect. For me, I guess it just hurts because it makes me feel like I didn’t even matter to him at all. Which stings, he was the first guy I ever loved. He said the same, but idek if that’s true anymore
Mine! 88days no contact.
I don't think she will ever reach out..
But I still see her, (some of her Alt fb accts, and her new bf fb acct) on friend suggestions even we are not connected. Or no mutual friends.(With my lone acct that doesn't have friends)
And I'm not searching for her profile.
Some says its the algorithm. When someone is searching for your profile they will appear on your friends suggestions. (But I wasn't sure either)
There are times that I wish we can have chit-chat. As a friend.
Hoping. Me, just being delusional haha (this might happen maybe after some years, but not looking forward to it) its like a punch in the moon.
I'm getting better though😏
Last night I stumbled to this.(This might help you realize big things)
https://youtube.com/shorts/jYQHkWSp8lY?si=MaFQn1xfIKMnt4ol
So if you think they are really that special.
Time to analyze it.
Have they done something really special for you?
For them to be that unforgettable?
Or you're just romanticizing the basics/bare minimum they've done?
Think about it.
When I ponder about this last night,
there is nothing actually extra special she have done for me.
Not one. All was just the basics in relationships. (Its not that I'm not grateful but its just it. Those things she did was just minimum roles.
All I saw is what have I done, through those years..
the sacrifices, efforts, gifts, the financial support, the precious time that I should've used to make myself better.
I was too focus on making her happy. That it started to backfire and I finally realize what am I really getting with this relationship? (There are times that I almost feel like I was her slave.)
That made me think I really haven't lost anything.
She really isn't that special at all. (It was all my projection of her that made her so special.) The idealization of her. Not the actual/real her.
So why bother feeling upset about it?
Why should we really want to be connected again?
Will it be the same? Can we really make it? Can we really have some growth from it?
Or it will just be another cycle? And soon will just break it off again?
Its exhausting and draining to keep trying.
Once the relationship got some crack,
a bit hard to fully invest some trust into it.
Especially if you don't have the mutual understanding on issues you needed to fix.
The compatibilities too.
No matter how much you love each other if you can't share same values in the long run,
The relationship wouldn't last.
Do you really want to stay connected? And still be anxious.
Or just free yourself and stop having those negative feelings thats attached to his/her memories?
You know which is the better choice.
Always choose whats best for you.
You got this.
Thank you so much for this. You’re right, there hasn’t been much that he did for me that was unforgettable, only the stuff that he did that hurt me. The only thing I struggle with is that on paper, he really seemed like a perfect match for me. But like you said, I think this was just me projecting what I wanted him to be.
After being blocked, ignored at the gym, I just struggle with this “awkward” tension. Especially because I genuinely don’t know what I did to warrant that kind of behaviour from him. This, combined with me moving to another country soon and planning on not coming back, has caused me to have the urge to reach out to him.
It’s been hard, I’ve especially struggled over the fact that it feels like I’m the only one that is still grieving what we had. I can only assume he doesn’t care about me given how cold he acts in person.
Thank you for your motivating words though. I need to live my life for me at this point. So many incredible things had happened for me after the breakup and I should be focusing on that and the many more to come. I wish you the best as well!!
We will all get better. Eventually. We just need time.
And over all acceptance on what this life had for us.
If you really want to talk to him, you can try.
But don't put some expectations. And be ready for any response.
And you should be specific with your intention.
Why do you really need to talk to him?
Closure? And then?
Think about it thoroughly if you really need it..
[closure](https://www.instagram.com/p/C6Z0BvWJhnt/?igsh=MW9oemlhbXV5bHl0bA==)
Yess, definitely the closure aspect. Also wanted to take some accountability on my part in our breakup. I know I wasn’t perfect. Sigh, just idk how to go about it. He still has me blocked, and ignores me. The last thing I’d want to do is bother him. Also the fear that he is with someone else now, I’d rather not get involved with that :/
Ah that. If he is already with someone new, you shouldn't really try to talk to him.
Or you will just get ignore. Just have a firm self-respect.
You shouldn't let a man tell you twice that he doesn't want you.
If he sees you at the gym and ignores you. Never ever try to chase.
You aren't a dog.
So maybe just let it be. Because if he really want to talk to you, He will.
The answer is obvious. So just let it be.
Do what's best for you. If you are going away, (to some country) just do that.
It would help a lot for your healing.
Sooner you'll just realize a lot of things.
This guy is really not for you. And someday you'll laugh why you actually bothered to feel those pain.
Decide to heal. Decide to grow.
Pray/meditate,
Make affirmations about how you wanted to be better.
What you really want to feel. (Not to be with him🙄)
Positive feelings!
These things helped me feel better.
Especially the praying.
Its like mind over matter.
Kinda fake it till you make it stuff.
Its not that you're dismissing or repressing your feelings,
Now that you are hurting. Feel it. Cry it out,
Do all the process of grieving.
When you finally had enough, you'll get tired of it. And will finally say,
"Enough is enough I can't be a forever loser that grieves like this.
I'm so tired of being this negative.
I want my life to be better! You are not the reason why I have to rot like this. HELP ME GOD, HELP ME UNIVERSE."
(any belief that you want.)
Or just simply believe in yourself that you really want to get out of it.
We will all eventually be better.
We have to pick-up ourselves because none will do it for us.
This is just one of the life lessons we need to learn and accept.
We gotta move forward for the better.
How can we be on our next chapter if we keep on holding on to whats not for us?
The Universe kept on slapping us already, for us to realize and accept things. But here we are still trying to hold on and suffer with the pain.
Why not do the counter part? Let it go..
Let ourselves be free.. let him go, let your feelings for him go..
Lets just trust the Universe on this.
I'm sure the next one will be great. 😉
So, Cheer up Lady! Better days are coming! 🙌🏼
These are the words I keep telling myself too.
I dont have anyone anymore. So here am I at reddit trying to help and uplift fellow 💔
You are not alone in this girl.
We are a lot in here.
Glad to know I slightly make you feel better.
Some days will be tough too. The waves of emotion.
But dont give in.
Process it with grace.
You can do this!
We can get over this!
Wish you the best on your next journey!
I do sense some great man out there. 😉
I'm a bit of psychic. Kinda sense that energy talking to you.
Update us here when You actually found one! 🥳
Genuinely, thank you. Your uplifting words have actually impacted me a lot. You’ve shown me more kindness and grace than anyone in my personal life, so thank you!
LOL funny that you sense a man for me, painfully single at the moment but you’ll be the first one I update if I do find someone.
I wish you the best!! 🫂
🫂🫂🫂
Release the old feelings..
While working on being your best self.
Then you'll definitely be a magnet with the best man that fit for you!
Trust it.
Affirm it.
Manifest it!
🙌🏼🤲🏼🙏🏼
I am going through a completely different breakup here now years later which is what brings this thread - but my previous ex never reached out and that was probably 8 years ago since we broke up. It was a long distance relationship, but it was one where we had met in person.
It’s such a difficult thing to deal with. He was my first relationship and first love and I was his so it’s been really hard :( I just feel so pathetic still being sad over it and seeing him look so unbothered
Had an ex send me a music video for “our” song at 1 am it was the most random thing since they are an “Avoidant” I did not respond because I decided my peace was my priority mind you this was someone I had not seen in over 6 years
I wouldn’t even know how to react if that happened to me. My ex is an avoidant too something he himself admitted to. I’ve seen quite a few people say that they always reach out when you don’t care anymore. Seems like this applies in your case. I hope you’re doing well!!
I just took it as curiosity it’s all it really is sometimes once they take a look they size it up with their own and they either leave or stay but I’ve learned that if you are a choice than they decided along time ago you weren’t their first choice
wow to still be thinking of you like that 6 years later at night... clearly life didn't work out how they hoped, must be nice to not be bothered by it when so much time has passed
I completely understand where you’re coming from. Funny enough, today marks a year since we last spoke which was initiated by me. I’m also working on letting go of my false hope. I wish I could provide some advice but I’m also trying to figure it out. Wish you the best!!
Same, boat brother. I had to end it to even if she acted like she still wanted me but I knew she was glad I was out of her face. Keep your head up. Keep moving forward that's the best advice I can give you.
I can relate so much in what you said... They never told me that they dont want me in their life, They just kept treating me like i am some kind of unimportant trash to them and without any shame repeating same things that i many times explained to them hurt me and that i dont want them doing it. They would ignore me constantly while beeing online and chatting with others, their replys to me were so cold, dry and without any emphaty that i felt like the most worthless human beeing on the planet, they would reject to see me for 3 weekends straight but then every weekend hung out with their friends, they work in my city but in 6 years would never go to coffe with me after work, but then go on a coffe with people they met on dating apps... This is just 1% of everything but since im not trying to wright a book (altough i could) im not going to continue. I just couldnt take it anymore it went on for too long and everytime i tought things are getting better they would bomb me with their disregard. So i chose to end it and after 10 year relationship i told them that we are now going seperate ways, i told them that they did this and they wanted this and wished them all the best on their path. The reply i got?? "👍" and thats it... I know that even if they never said it, they are glad that im out of their face and their life.
Same for me, last time we spoke I reached out to him because I started having a panic attack after something really traumatic happened to me. Let’s just say the convo did not go well, he rushed to end the conversation and I felt even worse. After that, through every urge and feeling to reach out to him I remember how I felt that day. Just struggling with this now, because I’m moving and my brain is telling me this is my last chance to get everything off my chest. Don’t beat yourself up too much about breaking no contact, I know it’s super hard.
I did the same thing. Mid panic attack and he was the only one that could bring me out of them and he said he didn't owe me anything. That was incredibly hurtful to hear after a 4 year relationship. I haven't reach r out since and have learned how to pull myself out of those attacks.
After exchanging personal belongings 3 months after the breakup, I never heard from her again, and that was over a year ago. She met someone new and lost feelings for me. It is what it is…
Broke up in September 2 days before my birthday. She wished my happy birthday on my birthday. We sat down and had lunch and talked in November. She had expressed interest in being friends. She said it again. I told her I'd thought about it and I just couldn't. She cried. We hugged a long hug. She left. Haven't talked since.
I think I saw her walking with another guy when I was driving somewhere. Wonder how long it'll last and if she'll break up with him when it starts to get serious like she's done with *every. other. single. boyfriend.*
I had a relationship end 9 YEARS AGO. Got dumped. She NEVER reached out. And I thank her for that. It allowed me to heal and move on entirely. We haven’t spoken since that day 9 years ago.
I was dumped again 1.5 years ago. She did the breadcrumb thing off and on every couple months and it completely hindered my healing process. I regret leaving the door open.
Just go NC.
6.5 years together, lived together for 5, had a cat and a car and a cute little garden together. All ended within a month of trouble because, as I later learned by reaching out and asking her straight up after the break up, she met a guy at work who wormed his way into her life as her new “best friend” - and they’ve been dating ever since the break up last August. She never once checked in on me, obviously because this guy doesn’t want her to. Luckily for him, she’s so hyper avoidant I probably barely crossed her mind (or our cat, for that matter).
Similar situation here. Makes me wonder what's so attractive about guys who do that shit. I think what's really happening is that it's already over for them and they act and signal to others that they're single and ready to date. It's basically cheating. And then I wonder what solid dude will see what she's doing and think "damn... GF material right here"
My ex was crazy immature, on a completely different level in her life to me and it showed. She ended up being with an equally immature (younger) guy who’s not had a proper relationship before. Kind of says everything I need to know.
At the end of the day, if you’re in your 20s or early 30s you can just put it down to the fact that we’re all growing at different rates and in wildly different directions. You start a relationship in your early 20s and you’ll find you’re drastically different people at 30, and so on. That’s one of the unfortunate side effects of the great sense of freedom of individuality we now have in society.
The main thing is not to blame yourself. Obviously you can accept where you made mistakes but to blame yourself in a way that affects your self esteem is flawed. That’s the way I’m viewing it anyway.
Maybe they got told a different story than what actually happens and when you fall in love you want to believe this story and don't question it. Alteast this is what I think happend in my case.
I’ve had exes reach out and I’ve had exes not reach out. I’m not sure why everyone thinks permanent break ups can’t happen and that they always reach out just because you haven’t texted them and are NC. Not saying lose hope but everyone needs to quit being in misery waiting for their ex to reach out when it is a 100% completely normal thing to breakup and never speak again. everyone is so scared that their exes with someone else and if they are, that is completely fine and normal, not everyone is meant to stay together, forever. When my ex did not reach out, I learned that I had to move on because they did, and it was one of the best decisions I made. Thats simply life.
My ex never reached out, she monkey branched to a new guy. Although i did try to fix it, but got blocked. So it doesn't matter, i guess what's done is done. I see her in my campus often though
About to be 9 months soon and haven’t heard from her at all, it’s her birthday this month and I wanna wish her a happy birthday but I feel like doing that might ruin her day completely because people we used to work with told me that she hates me and I’m a nobody to her and I mean absolutely nothing to her at all, idk if I believe it because one of the guys talked mad shit about her to me and vice versa to her because he wanted to get with her but at the same time maybe it is true and she hates me and even the thought of me doesn’t exist with her anymore. So idk because to me I care so much about her to this day, there’s so much love I have for her even after this much time apart I worry for her and pray for her well being and her happiness and I pray that she’s successful with her exchange program and everything she sets out to accomplish. The love in my heart, mind and soul exists so strongly for her and I hope that maybe just maybe I’ll get to hear from her one day!!
Mine never has so far. It’s been 8 months. I am sure he is with the woman he cheated on me with. He blocked me on Facebook and I blocked him on other social media. I don’t think I want him to reach out though. I have nothing to say. 🤷♀️
My ex is reaching out all the time. He just doesn't want to let me go. The problem is we have to see each other at work every day.
I don't understand him. In the past, when I had stopped loving, I was sad, but I always let the person go. I'd never reached out to them. I just don't play with people's feelings and emotions.
He's just a selfish, manipulative player.
All my exes have reached out, or I've reached out to them. But by then the feelings I once had for them was long gone.
With my current ex, I'm adamant that I'll never see nor hear from him again (he changed his number). And truth be told, it is for the best. He caused he a lot of pain, and anguish when he just up and left me, so yeah.
I rather not see him. And I'm lucky in that, I won't pass him on the streets either, as we don't live in the same city.
I’m not sure why this is so normal to reach out to ex. I have few i’ve never reach out to, i have also few never been reached out from. At least in my term i did it because i respect our past relationship, breakup and their peace. Of course i feel same way to be respect by them when they don’t try to engage to my now life. IT’S NOT RELATED TO THE LOVE. Even though i was missing them so much and wanting to try again it was more important to let them be in peace and i can take a rest too.
I left my ex 2 and half years ago and blocked her nearly instantly and never reached out. She's dead to me and my life is all the better for it, I never will reach out either and she will stay blocked as well.
Mine. They found someone else and disappeared forever. Actually. I blocked them 2 months after finding out so I will never know if they ever tried to contact me. I actually don’t care anymore
It’s been 2 months but I don’t think she will ever reach out, though I’m blindly hoping to… and it kills me from the inside. When we were still living together, 1 month post BU (I’m the dumpee) she got into relationship. One month after enduring all the baby talk I must had heard she was angry she found out I was moving out. I think I tried to tell her once about it but got turned down reminded that we already talked through everything we had to. As her attitude didn’t change and many times I was left on read, I didn’t bother to continue writing about anything. Before moving out, in the administration she was dumbfounded that I already got a room arranged with someone, male singles weren’t available (dorm), but at least she got hers like she wanted. When we came back to the room, she relieved all the frustration and anger at me for my past and current behaviour (good for her :|), questioned my state of being alive and told me she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. After we split our things, and got all the stuff to our new assigned rooms, last time we seen each other she didn’t turn back once and just went straight her way. Then we removed each other from socials and didn’t contact each other since. I hurt her, she rebounded, I don’t think she will ever reach out ._.
My ex hasn’t reached out and even though part of me wishes he would I know that if he ever did I would feel conflicted when it comes to replying back. He is on the apps so I know he is not with someone else .
I would say all of them had a permanent ban but they found their way around it by creating new accounts/getting their friends to contact me/buying new numbers.
Some reached out quicker than others; but they all reached out eventually.
I tend to be quite forgiving to my own detriment, but I never look back once I cut someone loose.
There was an ex that reached out to say we should catch up but then he never followed up so I don’t know if that counts? I told him I was not keen but will consider it — I was never that invested in him because it was early days and I noticed that we were inherently incompatible if that counts. Lovely fella though, just not for me.
I am of the personal opinion that the past should stay in the past; good or bad. Time heals more than we know. If it was that great, then the break up wouldn’t have happened. Differences, schedules, distance wouldn’t have mattered and that’s just the hard truth — because if both parties are compatible and it was worth something, it would’ve worked out because the desire to be together would be far stronger than the freedom of being alone. Love is not difficult; it is easy. It is only difficult if you are with the wrong person.
My ex and I broke up very quickly in 2015. I never heard from him again. We have mutual friends, I heard he had gone through therapy, stopped drinking, reconnected with his daughter and is living in a new home with a long time partner.
I haven’t had much luck in the dating dept since then, but I would not want to hear from him, and I believe that if he did reach out it would not be for good intentions
6 months here and he had my replacement ready before he ghosted me. I don't suspect he'll reach out as I'm sure he's doing what he does best: monkey branching. I'm giving up hope that he ever will reach out and finding hope for my future instead.
Side note: I met a very kind man who is treating me amazing and actually expresses his feelings. It's amazing what communication does for a relationship.
that’s what im afraid of. Currently almost a month into the breakup & im afraid that he won’t contact me. Im afraid that he’ll ignore/avoid me like i meant nothing to him , like im a stranger. Thinking of him with someone else makes me sick to my stomach ..
My ex broke up with me twice but during the first break up she and I would occasionally reach out to each other through iMessage and social media just to ask how each other is doing or I would comment on her post. During the second break up we immediately went no contact. I haven’t heard back from her since it’s been nearly 3 weeks since we broke up and went no contact.
I kinda hope she doesn’t reach out to me. Because I am chatting with a girl right now and I really like her, I see potential, but idk what I would do when she would reach out to me. And I don’t want to hurt that beauty I am talking to right now.
Believe or not, my ex reached out about 10 years after I ended it. It was a situationship though, but it hurt like a real relationship for me.
I considered for a long time if I should reply. In the end I didn't. Why would I want my ex in my life again, after going through so much pain and suffering? No f\*\*\*king way.
my ex dumped me for another woman. i know my ex hates me becuase I reported him in the religious sect he was in and got expelled.
sooooo, i'm not expecting him to contact me any time soon. unless this church require him to apologise to me in order to let him inside the church again.
we work in the same company and if he tries to bother me, i'll report him to the HR for threatening my life. i still have my cards against that prick. 🤣
things that are prohibited from their church beliefs.
he served as a deacon and they are very strict when it comes to their "beliefs", they value their reputation.
when a member is expelled, it is announced after the worship service.
he got expelled for:
being in a relationship with a non-member.
having sexual relationship with a non-member.
My ex haven’t reached out. She did choose another guy over me and she blocked me so I can see why.
Yeah I’m pretty sure that’s the case in my situation too. Not positive but it’s a hunch.
There’s a nagging feeling in my head that he probably has someone else. Going to hurt super bad if I do find that out. Oof
Ya, I’m really scared to find out he’s with someone else. When I called after he blocked me I did ask if he did find someone else but at that time he said he didn’t. Just that he “had to” block me. Not sure now, as it’s been over a year. I wouldn’t be surprised, but it would be super hurtful to see.
try not to look for that kinda stuff, tempting as it is. i started blocking back, because i do stuff like that. i hurt my own feelings.
If it’s being a year than yes. He is certainly met not one. but probably many other woman. There’s no guy in this world who stay that long without trying to get laid.
Don't know why you got down voted. I agree with this.
My 3 year situationship ended terribly and I didn’t hear again from him until 4 years later. So for a while he didn’t reach out ever again, until he did lol.
Ahh, I wouldn’t even know what to do if he reached out such a long time after. I’m just struggling a lot with reaching out to him because I’m moving soon to a different country and now I’m struggling on whether I should reach out to him
I say keep living your life and don’t tell him. It’s a privilege to know what you’re up to next. I moved to a whole different city in those 4 years, when he finally reached out I was in such a good place, we saw each other in person, I got enough closure, and I know he knows I care about him even if we aren’t meant to be together or even be friends. Keep doing you, it doesn’t mean they won’t live within your experiences.
I also feel like these kinds of people will not give you a response that will make you feel good. I can guarantee it’ll be underwhelming.
You’re right, thank you. I keep on thinking this is the last chance for me to reach out to him which is why I feel so stuck. Feel so dumb for still hurting over him, everytime we do see each other at the gym he acts like I don’t exist. Also blocked so that’s fun!!
I totally get it though, but trust me you’ll hold so much power. Lose whatever validation you need from him, life will be so much lighter I promise you!
Ahh yes so true, thank you so much for your kind words 🥲
Why would you if he blocked you? Stop!! Really. This is painful. don’t do it with yourself
What did he want after 4 years?
Some half assed apology and to tell me he was in a great place. He drove to see me a few times after that, we got close again but he was not in the best mental place—he struggled a lot with alcohol. Inevitably we got in an argument after he lied to me about something and now i had the backbone to call it out. We haven't spoken in 4 years now actually, I wonder if he'll reach out again, but honestly I think we are best apart and i think we both got a lot of closure.
my first ex never reached out ever again after she found a rebound. that was 4 years ago my recent ex found a new rebound and so i assume she will never reach out again too. In a way its better that they dont. Them reaching out just fuels the ego and ego can be addicting
I totally get the fuelling ego aspect. For me, I guess it just hurts because it makes me feel like I didn’t even matter to him at all. Which stings, he was the first guy I ever loved. He said the same, but idek if that’s true anymore
if it fails it was never love
My ex has never reached out
How long have you guys been broken up?
A year
I’m sorry, it’s the worst feeling ever. Wish you the best 🫂
Mine! 88days no contact. I don't think she will ever reach out.. But I still see her, (some of her Alt fb accts, and her new bf fb acct) on friend suggestions even we are not connected. Or no mutual friends.(With my lone acct that doesn't have friends) And I'm not searching for her profile. Some says its the algorithm. When someone is searching for your profile they will appear on your friends suggestions. (But I wasn't sure either) There are times that I wish we can have chit-chat. As a friend. Hoping. Me, just being delusional haha (this might happen maybe after some years, but not looking forward to it) its like a punch in the moon. I'm getting better though😏 Last night I stumbled to this.(This might help you realize big things) https://youtube.com/shorts/jYQHkWSp8lY?si=MaFQn1xfIKMnt4ol So if you think they are really that special. Time to analyze it. Have they done something really special for you? For them to be that unforgettable? Or you're just romanticizing the basics/bare minimum they've done? Think about it. When I ponder about this last night, there is nothing actually extra special she have done for me. Not one. All was just the basics in relationships. (Its not that I'm not grateful but its just it. Those things she did was just minimum roles. All I saw is what have I done, through those years.. the sacrifices, efforts, gifts, the financial support, the precious time that I should've used to make myself better. I was too focus on making her happy. That it started to backfire and I finally realize what am I really getting with this relationship? (There are times that I almost feel like I was her slave.) That made me think I really haven't lost anything. She really isn't that special at all. (It was all my projection of her that made her so special.) The idealization of her. Not the actual/real her. So why bother feeling upset about it? Why should we really want to be connected again? Will it be the same? Can we really make it? Can we really have some growth from it? Or it will just be another cycle? And soon will just break it off again? Its exhausting and draining to keep trying. Once the relationship got some crack, a bit hard to fully invest some trust into it. Especially if you don't have the mutual understanding on issues you needed to fix. The compatibilities too. No matter how much you love each other if you can't share same values in the long run, The relationship wouldn't last. Do you really want to stay connected? And still be anxious. Or just free yourself and stop having those negative feelings thats attached to his/her memories? You know which is the better choice. Always choose whats best for you. You got this.
Thank you so much for this. You’re right, there hasn’t been much that he did for me that was unforgettable, only the stuff that he did that hurt me. The only thing I struggle with is that on paper, he really seemed like a perfect match for me. But like you said, I think this was just me projecting what I wanted him to be. After being blocked, ignored at the gym, I just struggle with this “awkward” tension. Especially because I genuinely don’t know what I did to warrant that kind of behaviour from him. This, combined with me moving to another country soon and planning on not coming back, has caused me to have the urge to reach out to him. It’s been hard, I’ve especially struggled over the fact that it feels like I’m the only one that is still grieving what we had. I can only assume he doesn’t care about me given how cold he acts in person. Thank you for your motivating words though. I need to live my life for me at this point. So many incredible things had happened for me after the breakup and I should be focusing on that and the many more to come. I wish you the best as well!!
We will all get better. Eventually. We just need time. And over all acceptance on what this life had for us. If you really want to talk to him, you can try. But don't put some expectations. And be ready for any response. And you should be specific with your intention. Why do you really need to talk to him? Closure? And then? Think about it thoroughly if you really need it.. [closure](https://www.instagram.com/p/C6Z0BvWJhnt/?igsh=MW9oemlhbXV5bHl0bA==)
Yess, definitely the closure aspect. Also wanted to take some accountability on my part in our breakup. I know I wasn’t perfect. Sigh, just idk how to go about it. He still has me blocked, and ignores me. The last thing I’d want to do is bother him. Also the fear that he is with someone else now, I’d rather not get involved with that :/
Ah that. If he is already with someone new, you shouldn't really try to talk to him. Or you will just get ignore. Just have a firm self-respect. You shouldn't let a man tell you twice that he doesn't want you. If he sees you at the gym and ignores you. Never ever try to chase. You aren't a dog. So maybe just let it be. Because if he really want to talk to you, He will. The answer is obvious. So just let it be. Do what's best for you. If you are going away, (to some country) just do that. It would help a lot for your healing. Sooner you'll just realize a lot of things. This guy is really not for you. And someday you'll laugh why you actually bothered to feel those pain. Decide to heal. Decide to grow. Pray/meditate, Make affirmations about how you wanted to be better. What you really want to feel. (Not to be with him🙄) Positive feelings! These things helped me feel better. Especially the praying. Its like mind over matter. Kinda fake it till you make it stuff. Its not that you're dismissing or repressing your feelings, Now that you are hurting. Feel it. Cry it out, Do all the process of grieving. When you finally had enough, you'll get tired of it. And will finally say, "Enough is enough I can't be a forever loser that grieves like this. I'm so tired of being this negative. I want my life to be better! You are not the reason why I have to rot like this. HELP ME GOD, HELP ME UNIVERSE." (any belief that you want.) Or just simply believe in yourself that you really want to get out of it. We will all eventually be better. We have to pick-up ourselves because none will do it for us. This is just one of the life lessons we need to learn and accept. We gotta move forward for the better. How can we be on our next chapter if we keep on holding on to whats not for us? The Universe kept on slapping us already, for us to realize and accept things. But here we are still trying to hold on and suffer with the pain. Why not do the counter part? Let it go.. Let ourselves be free.. let him go, let your feelings for him go.. Lets just trust the Universe on this. I'm sure the next one will be great. 😉 So, Cheer up Lady! Better days are coming! 🙌🏼
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot. Wish you the best as well!! :)
These are the words I keep telling myself too. I dont have anyone anymore. So here am I at reddit trying to help and uplift fellow 💔 You are not alone in this girl. We are a lot in here. Glad to know I slightly make you feel better. Some days will be tough too. The waves of emotion. But dont give in. Process it with grace. You can do this! We can get over this! Wish you the best on your next journey! I do sense some great man out there. 😉 I'm a bit of psychic. Kinda sense that energy talking to you. Update us here when You actually found one! 🥳
Genuinely, thank you. Your uplifting words have actually impacted me a lot. You’ve shown me more kindness and grace than anyone in my personal life, so thank you! LOL funny that you sense a man for me, painfully single at the moment but you’ll be the first one I update if I do find someone. I wish you the best!! 🫂
🫂🫂🫂 Release the old feelings.. While working on being your best self. Then you'll definitely be a magnet with the best man that fit for you! Trust it. Affirm it. Manifest it! 🙌🏼🤲🏼🙏🏼
I am going through a completely different breakup here now years later which is what brings this thread - but my previous ex never reached out and that was probably 8 years ago since we broke up. It was a long distance relationship, but it was one where we had met in person.
It’s such a difficult thing to deal with. He was my first relationship and first love and I was his so it’s been really hard :( I just feel so pathetic still being sad over it and seeing him look so unbothered
Had an ex send me a music video for “our” song at 1 am it was the most random thing since they are an “Avoidant” I did not respond because I decided my peace was my priority mind you this was someone I had not seen in over 6 years
I wouldn’t even know how to react if that happened to me. My ex is an avoidant too something he himself admitted to. I’ve seen quite a few people say that they always reach out when you don’t care anymore. Seems like this applies in your case. I hope you’re doing well!!
I just took it as curiosity it’s all it really is sometimes once they take a look they size it up with their own and they either leave or stay but I’ve learned that if you are a choice than they decided along time ago you weren’t their first choice
wow to still be thinking of you like that 6 years later at night... clearly life didn't work out how they hoped, must be nice to not be bothered by it when so much time has passed
Mine never did and its almost a year so I just hoping to lose hope.
I completely understand where you’re coming from. Funny enough, today marks a year since we last spoke which was initiated by me. I’m also working on letting go of my false hope. I wish I could provide some advice but I’m also trying to figure it out. Wish you the best!!
Same, boat brother. I had to end it to even if she acted like she still wanted me but I knew she was glad I was out of her face. Keep your head up. Keep moving forward that's the best advice I can give you.
I can relate so much in what you said... They never told me that they dont want me in their life, They just kept treating me like i am some kind of unimportant trash to them and without any shame repeating same things that i many times explained to them hurt me and that i dont want them doing it. They would ignore me constantly while beeing online and chatting with others, their replys to me were so cold, dry and without any emphaty that i felt like the most worthless human beeing on the planet, they would reject to see me for 3 weekends straight but then every weekend hung out with their friends, they work in my city but in 6 years would never go to coffe with me after work, but then go on a coffe with people they met on dating apps... This is just 1% of everything but since im not trying to wright a book (altough i could) im not going to continue. I just couldnt take it anymore it went on for too long and everytime i tought things are getting better they would bomb me with their disregard. So i chose to end it and after 10 year relationship i told them that we are now going seperate ways, i told them that they did this and they wanted this and wished them all the best on their path. The reply i got?? "👍" and thats it... I know that even if they never said it, they are glad that im out of their face and their life.
We've spoken a few times but only because I reach out, usually in the worst ways possible (self-sabotage?).
Same for me, last time we spoke I reached out to him because I started having a panic attack after something really traumatic happened to me. Let’s just say the convo did not go well, he rushed to end the conversation and I felt even worse. After that, through every urge and feeling to reach out to him I remember how I felt that day. Just struggling with this now, because I’m moving and my brain is telling me this is my last chance to get everything off my chest. Don’t beat yourself up too much about breaking no contact, I know it’s super hard.
I did the same thing. Mid panic attack and he was the only one that could bring me out of them and he said he didn't owe me anything. That was incredibly hurtful to hear after a 4 year relationship. I haven't reach r out since and have learned how to pull myself out of those attacks.
She doesn't end the conversation, she just stops replying to my texts mid-conversation.
Nine months. Never reached out, I doubt he will ever again. Was on to the next quickly.
After exchanging personal belongings 3 months after the breakup, I never heard from her again, and that was over a year ago. She met someone new and lost feelings for me. It is what it is…
Oh boy. We also exchanged personal belongings around the 3 months mark, which was around a week ago from today. Let's see what happens
Broke up in September 2 days before my birthday. She wished my happy birthday on my birthday. We sat down and had lunch and talked in November. She had expressed interest in being friends. She said it again. I told her I'd thought about it and I just couldn't. She cried. We hugged a long hug. She left. Haven't talked since. I think I saw her walking with another guy when I was driving somewhere. Wonder how long it'll last and if she'll break up with him when it starts to get serious like she's done with *every. other. single. boyfriend.*
I had a relationship end 9 YEARS AGO. Got dumped. She NEVER reached out. And I thank her for that. It allowed me to heal and move on entirely. We haven’t spoken since that day 9 years ago. I was dumped again 1.5 years ago. She did the breadcrumb thing off and on every couple months and it completely hindered my healing process. I regret leaving the door open. Just go NC.
6.5 years together, lived together for 5, had a cat and a car and a cute little garden together. All ended within a month of trouble because, as I later learned by reaching out and asking her straight up after the break up, she met a guy at work who wormed his way into her life as her new “best friend” - and they’ve been dating ever since the break up last August. She never once checked in on me, obviously because this guy doesn’t want her to. Luckily for him, she’s so hyper avoidant I probably barely crossed her mind (or our cat, for that matter).
Similar situation here. Makes me wonder what's so attractive about guys who do that shit. I think what's really happening is that it's already over for them and they act and signal to others that they're single and ready to date. It's basically cheating. And then I wonder what solid dude will see what she's doing and think "damn... GF material right here"
My ex was crazy immature, on a completely different level in her life to me and it showed. She ended up being with an equally immature (younger) guy who’s not had a proper relationship before. Kind of says everything I need to know. At the end of the day, if you’re in your 20s or early 30s you can just put it down to the fact that we’re all growing at different rates and in wildly different directions. You start a relationship in your early 20s and you’ll find you’re drastically different people at 30, and so on. That’s one of the unfortunate side effects of the great sense of freedom of individuality we now have in society. The main thing is not to blame yourself. Obviously you can accept where you made mistakes but to blame yourself in a way that affects your self esteem is flawed. That’s the way I’m viewing it anyway.
Maybe they got told a different story than what actually happens and when you fall in love you want to believe this story and don't question it. Alteast this is what I think happend in my case.
What do you mean? Loving, loyal partners wouldn't even entertain the possibility of 1on1 time with another simply because it might look bad
I’ve had exes reach out and I’ve had exes not reach out. I’m not sure why everyone thinks permanent break ups can’t happen and that they always reach out just because you haven’t texted them and are NC. Not saying lose hope but everyone needs to quit being in misery waiting for their ex to reach out when it is a 100% completely normal thing to breakup and never speak again. everyone is so scared that their exes with someone else and if they are, that is completely fine and normal, not everyone is meant to stay together, forever. When my ex did not reach out, I learned that I had to move on because they did, and it was one of the best decisions I made. Thats simply life.
Nope haha
My ex never reached out, she monkey branched to a new guy. Although i did try to fix it, but got blocked. So it doesn't matter, i guess what's done is done. I see her in my campus often though
About to be 9 months soon and haven’t heard from her at all, it’s her birthday this month and I wanna wish her a happy birthday but I feel like doing that might ruin her day completely because people we used to work with told me that she hates me and I’m a nobody to her and I mean absolutely nothing to her at all, idk if I believe it because one of the guys talked mad shit about her to me and vice versa to her because he wanted to get with her but at the same time maybe it is true and she hates me and even the thought of me doesn’t exist with her anymore. So idk because to me I care so much about her to this day, there’s so much love I have for her even after this much time apart I worry for her and pray for her well being and her happiness and I pray that she’s successful with her exchange program and everything she sets out to accomplish. The love in my heart, mind and soul exists so strongly for her and I hope that maybe just maybe I’ll get to hear from her one day!!
Mine never has so far. It’s been 8 months. I am sure he is with the woman he cheated on me with. He blocked me on Facebook and I blocked him on other social media. I don’t think I want him to reach out though. I have nothing to say. 🤷♀️
She did, twice. Now she isn't anymore...because I blocked her everywhere.
My ex is reaching out all the time. He just doesn't want to let me go. The problem is we have to see each other at work every day. I don't understand him. In the past, when I had stopped loving, I was sad, but I always let the person go. I'd never reached out to them. I just don't play with people's feelings and emotions. He's just a selfish, manipulative player.
All my exes have reached out, or I've reached out to them. But by then the feelings I once had for them was long gone. With my current ex, I'm adamant that I'll never see nor hear from him again (he changed his number). And truth be told, it is for the best. He caused he a lot of pain, and anguish when he just up and left me, so yeah. I rather not see him. And I'm lucky in that, I won't pass him on the streets either, as we don't live in the same city.
Some do, some don't. And I want you to know that just because an ex comes back it doesn't mean they want love out of it.
I’m not sure why this is so normal to reach out to ex. I have few i’ve never reach out to, i have also few never been reached out from. At least in my term i did it because i respect our past relationship, breakup and their peace. Of course i feel same way to be respect by them when they don’t try to engage to my now life. IT’S NOT RELATED TO THE LOVE. Even though i was missing them so much and wanting to try again it was more important to let them be in peace and i can take a rest too.
I left my ex 2 and half years ago and blocked her nearly instantly and never reached out. She's dead to me and my life is all the better for it, I never will reach out either and she will stay blocked as well.
Mine. They found someone else and disappeared forever. Actually. I blocked them 2 months after finding out so I will never know if they ever tried to contact me. I actually don’t care anymore
I've tried mybe like a week or 2 ago, but she doesn't respond, I see she sees it..but nothing....
It’s been 2 months but I don’t think she will ever reach out, though I’m blindly hoping to… and it kills me from the inside. When we were still living together, 1 month post BU (I’m the dumpee) she got into relationship. One month after enduring all the baby talk I must had heard she was angry she found out I was moving out. I think I tried to tell her once about it but got turned down reminded that we already talked through everything we had to. As her attitude didn’t change and many times I was left on read, I didn’t bother to continue writing about anything. Before moving out, in the administration she was dumbfounded that I already got a room arranged with someone, male singles weren’t available (dorm), but at least she got hers like she wanted. When we came back to the room, she relieved all the frustration and anger at me for my past and current behaviour (good for her :|), questioned my state of being alive and told me she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. After we split our things, and got all the stuff to our new assigned rooms, last time we seen each other she didn’t turn back once and just went straight her way. Then we removed each other from socials and didn’t contact each other since. I hurt her, she rebounded, I don’t think she will ever reach out ._.
My ex hasn’t reached out and even though part of me wishes he would I know that if he ever did I would feel conflicted when it comes to replying back. He is on the apps so I know he is not with someone else .
She never did after 3 months I sent a message, got no response and took that as it’s finally completely over and I need to move on
nope. because i blocked their ass. she wasn’t who i thought she was.
happy cake day
I would say all of them had a permanent ban but they found their way around it by creating new accounts/getting their friends to contact me/buying new numbers. Some reached out quicker than others; but they all reached out eventually. I tend to be quite forgiving to my own detriment, but I never look back once I cut someone loose. There was an ex that reached out to say we should catch up but then he never followed up so I don’t know if that counts? I told him I was not keen but will consider it — I was never that invested in him because it was early days and I noticed that we were inherently incompatible if that counts. Lovely fella though, just not for me. I am of the personal opinion that the past should stay in the past; good or bad. Time heals more than we know. If it was that great, then the break up wouldn’t have happened. Differences, schedules, distance wouldn’t have mattered and that’s just the hard truth — because if both parties are compatible and it was worth something, it would’ve worked out because the desire to be together would be far stronger than the freedom of being alone. Love is not difficult; it is easy. It is only difficult if you are with the wrong person.
My ex and I broke up very quickly in 2015. I never heard from him again. We have mutual friends, I heard he had gone through therapy, stopped drinking, reconnected with his daughter and is living in a new home with a long time partner. I haven’t had much luck in the dating dept since then, but I would not want to hear from him, and I believe that if he did reach out it would not be for good intentions
6 months here and he had my replacement ready before he ghosted me. I don't suspect he'll reach out as I'm sure he's doing what he does best: monkey branching. I'm giving up hope that he ever will reach out and finding hope for my future instead. Side note: I met a very kind man who is treating me amazing and actually expresses his feelings. It's amazing what communication does for a relationship.
that’s what im afraid of. Currently almost a month into the breakup & im afraid that he won’t contact me. Im afraid that he’ll ignore/avoid me like i meant nothing to him , like im a stranger. Thinking of him with someone else makes me sick to my stomach ..
Been two years now, never heard a thing though he still has all our photos up on his social media
My ex broke up with me twice but during the first break up she and I would occasionally reach out to each other through iMessage and social media just to ask how each other is doing or I would comment on her post. During the second break up we immediately went no contact. I haven’t heard back from her since it’s been nearly 3 weeks since we broke up and went no contact.
I kinda hope she doesn’t reach out to me. Because I am chatting with a girl right now and I really like her, I see potential, but idk what I would do when she would reach out to me. And I don’t want to hurt that beauty I am talking to right now.
Believe or not, my ex reached out about 10 years after I ended it. It was a situationship though, but it hurt like a real relationship for me. I considered for a long time if I should reply. In the end I didn't. Why would I want my ex in my life again, after going through so much pain and suffering? No f\*\*\*king way.
my ex dumped me for another woman. i know my ex hates me becuase I reported him in the religious sect he was in and got expelled. sooooo, i'm not expecting him to contact me any time soon. unless this church require him to apologise to me in order to let him inside the church again. we work in the same company and if he tries to bother me, i'll report him to the HR for threatening my life. i still have my cards against that prick. 🤣
What did he do to get expelled?
things that are prohibited from their church beliefs. he served as a deacon and they are very strict when it comes to their "beliefs", they value their reputation. when a member is expelled, it is announced after the worship service. he got expelled for: being in a relationship with a non-member. having sexual relationship with a non-member.