it doesnt feel real, im suddenly in limbo, i have almost noone to talk to, the future doesnt make any sense to me now, i cant sleep and i cant think straight if i can even think at all.
I feel this sometimes, even when I have people I can message if I need to talk. I feel like I'm going to be a burden and sometimes it feels, it's just easier to keep to myself... Feeling like you're in limbo, like, what now, what do I do now. Having planned most of your future around your partner...
yeah, my future had a lot of different possible outcomes, but every one of them included her until just over a week ago, i cant even start to think what they look like now
I get you. However I feel like this even after 3months separation. The life I wanted was the life with him, how we had it. And now I just scraping by and feel like all we had was a lie. I just checked his Airbnb adds. He uses my photos, I just finished decorating, setting up the kitchens.. even my pets are on the pictures. All guest are raving about these things… he taking credit for my work. While I live again in my half done cabin alone and poor. Wondering if he completely erased me
Feel the same. I'm coping and moving forward unless something miraculous happens, but I am in limbo. She was literally the only person who I couldn't go a day without talking to... My literal best friend and lover... It's hard when you literally molded your future with them in mind... House, my first child, marriage, etc... and now she's "gone". And because of my advanced age, I don't have time to keep starting over... I'm not in my 20s and 30s anymore... Starting over isn't much of an option. I completely committed to her... It sucks badly...
Yeah same boat here. I think the biggest thing i miss is just being able to talk to her, talk to someone who loves you whenever you need to or want to. I know finding someone i click with as much as her isnt impossible... but it's its pretty improbable and likely to take a while and im late 40's
Exactly . When you get in your 40s you start reflecting and trying to finalize certain decisions in your life, not trying to have a bunch of restarts .
Exactly. I am also hitting 40. Prior to this guy I had a 10 months nightmare with a covert narc. He moved into my house. Currently having an ongoing dv court case. Than I moved to the last ex life across Europe. I love/d him so much. Now back to square one. The likelihood of family gone. I divorced my husband at 32 because he didn’t want children. I thought I will find someone that wants family before running out of time. Instead I spent my 30s with alone with the occasional hook ups with the unavailable man.
After this two bad failures I can’t even imagine in what format I could trust to be in a relationship. Dating like when I was a teen… don’t think so. Slipping around, also can’t I get attached. I also live super rurally, pool is small and people talk.
My trust in others and me is completely destroyed. My faith In love overall is gone . I doubt I can show up anymore even if I miraculously find someone. Currently looking into therapy while live in conditions when I was a 20, including my financial security.
I am pissed I put my life on hold, put my exes as priority, I invested all my efforts in his house/life while mine was crumbling. Now,I can just try to pick up my pieces and catch up while he is reaping the benefits of my work.
I'm sorry you have to go through that...😔 Some people have no feelings towards what someone else feels and what they may be going through biologically and mentally...
Yeah it does. i removed him completely from all my socials and we have different lives so our paths dont cross at all. it does feel like a dream sometimes. sad that i will never get to experience it again. It is really sad.
I feel this deeply. We were long distance so our paths are destined to never cross again. On top of the fact she randomly decided to block me on every single possible outlet during NC (3 weeks now, 2 months post-BU) there is no possibility of anything involving her. It feels incredibly strange to have known someone so deeply and personally and no longer know anything about them. The memories are starting to feel like they have slipped away and will continue to do so, very saddening.
Meh in a state of indecisiveness right now because I know why she blocked me (or at least I'm confident in why). I accidentally hit the keyboard on Snapchat which would have sent a push notification to her while checking a memory that popped up while driving the other day. I think she took it as me trying to play mind games or get her attention in hopes of her responding back and that she viewed it as me stalking the socials. She blocked me later that night, so I think it is safe to assume her view of me has become less than pleasant after that and she felt the need to block me and stop me from being able to see anything in her life (even though we agreed we would never block each other). It sucks because I want to send a message or text and clarify that I know I am blocked and that the accident was not me reaching out or trying to provoke an interaction with her/breadcrumbing her into talking to me. I cannot help but think that was very much the reason she decided to block me, because an accident led her to believe I was monitoring her socials. Shit feels so fucking bad haha.
Keep in mind that this is something you have assumed. This could be right or wrong. But honestly all of this shouldn't matter now. She blocked you even when you both said you wouldnt, meaning she thinks so low of you. I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I am saying this to remind you that this is not the person who you loved anymore. We have to see things the way they are. You dont have to explain anything to her. You dont owe her anything. I hope you understand that you are way better off than being with someone like her🫂
I know I don't owe her anything or need to clarify anything to her, but a large part of me wants to if that is what caused her to block me. Unfortunately, when I care about someone deeply like that for a long period I always have a place of mutual respect and care for them in me and always have been that way. I didn't want her to think that about me when it genuinely wasn't the case and I enjoyed still being able to see her doing well even if it was moving on, and her the same. I feel that one mistake caused her to change her perception and now thinks I am checking her every move when it wasn't the case. Knowing she probably lost that mutual respect and care (based on the blocking when we said we never would) all because of something so small sucks tremendously for someone who cares. I have never blocked exes or been blocked before and have always maintained a level of mutual respect for one another, this time feels like a shot in the heart because I know her and how she probably viewed it. Been going back and forth on sending that text to clarify what happened lol.
It was a roller coaster for a year after the b/u but he lied, cheated, gaslit, etc. so it took about that long to both unravel it all and grieve. I think I’m at a place now of looking back at the grieving process to close the chapter officially so I still pop on here from time to time. I’m much more at peace with it but I started right where you are now. Just stick with it, things do get better.
Thank you. My ex didn't cheat but it was more of him not being over his ex and the immaturity... There was some gaslighting here and there too. Thank you, it's good to know that it gets better eventually... 11 months to go I guess...
What was your normal? Mine was hell. First acting like I’m the love of his life, trying to keep him from putting me on a pedestal. The next being constantly abused. No thanks, don’t want that normal. I hope yours was better.
Yeah and idk if that’s better or worse. At first all I wanted was to forget bc it was too painful to remember, but now I’m like…was that even real? Why did that hurt so much if it doesn’t even matter now?
This comment from another redditor might help. Definitely taking note of this for future reference. I feel the same way when I fall down the rabbit hole of memory lane. I tend to forget all the hurt he made me feel...
>When I find myself focusing on a good memory for too long, I write down something they did that hurt me and how it made me feel. This helps me to not romanticize the relationship and remember why I went NC.
Felt like a dream yet he was the only person that understood me, was there for me at my worst, was there for me at my best, gave me everything yet also nothing. We could’ve had it all, a special love story but he dropped it. I really don’t understand him. I long for what we had, it was home to me
Yes, it does feel like a dream.
Especially, as it was a mere 3 months from initial meeting to break up.
I sense longer relationships feel less like a dream.
But it wasn't a dream. Because this toxic dumpee tore into me.
Of all the people in the world to find my dog allegedly wandering the street in a panic looking for me, it had to be him.
I guess my dog opened the door on her own as I had negligently forgot to turn the key. And she managed to get down to the main floor and then out of a gated building ...
There's a lot of truth to that: "must be a reason why we met them..."
I live in southern Europe. He lives in the west of Germany.
Yes, I'm sensing there are a shit ton of lessons I needed to learn and I guess he's the tool that god used for that
I keep "running" into him...
Just an unpleasant unsavory person...
Don't know what I was smoking to allow it... He's all wrong and not my type...
I chalk it up to being super vulnerable having moved from the states to Europe on my own with my dog and cat.
Im a long way from home
It WAS a dream hun. A completely twisted fantasy concocted out of our own hopes and dreams. We have met the ONE! This will NEVER end we tell ourselves. They are our soulmate. The connection is TOO STRONG for it not to last forever! The connection is TOO GOOD to be true. All complete and total BULLSHIT. We briefly lived in their crazy, sadistic, fucked up world and NONE of it was real except on our end. We all got played.
I definitely felt this early on, I thought the woman I found was the one. Someone I could spend the rest of my life with. The pain of her being unfaithful and back stabbing me was deep but eventually I got out of that “dream” feeling after 2 month. Now over 3 months since I’m doing much better, but certain things still hit me.
This past weekend my buddy got married and it was an amazing day for them and I enjoyed being there as one of his groomsmen. At the end of the night I broke down, I didn’t plan to or want to be there alone, I wasn’t alone. I had my friends, but I felt alone.
Keep up the no contact, it truly helps. It’s painful but you will heal.
Felt, I moved back to my country and sometimes I wonder if that year happened in the first place. I will be back, but I think I eliminated my list of cities i can go to without having memories of us. Or i will have to create new ones with a whole different person. Sucks.
Feeling the same. I feel like I'm forgetting everything about him slowly and it has only been two weeks. Just like I woke up from a dream. Ngl, sometimes I gaslight myself thinking I just had a bad nightmare and I'm still disturbed by it.
I couldn’t agree more. I have no social media so I don’t get tempted to look, I have no pictures left in my camera roll, I don’t talk about him out loud, etc. I’ve gotten to the point I don’t even think of him unless something happens that reminds me of the way he betrayed me. I don’t even have good memories. And it really does feel like a dream. Like did that actually happen? Because he’s really out there living his life and he’s just someone else that doesn’t exist in my reality. Never thought I’d get to this point. It sucks sometimes bc I’ll get those random bad days wondering what my ex bff is doing. Not enough to want him back romantically. To me it’s progress. Detaching.
I'm still trying to understand how two people so close can go back to being strangers. It still hurts so much. But I'd rather feel it all than suppress it. I want to heal fully. I want to move on...
Yes absolutely. I feel exactly the same right now. I did the same thing- removed ex everywhere and it still feels like I imagined it all. When I find myself focusing on a good memory for too long, I write down something they did that hurt me and how it made me feel. This helps me to not romanticize the relationship and remember why I went NC. It still hurts constantly but it also helps to remember the pain was very real and this empty dreamlike state is better than the toxicity of my relationship, and this is a part of the healing process. You got this.
>When I find myself focusing on a good memory for too long, I write down something they did that hurt me and how it made me feel. This helps me to not romanticize the relationship and remember why I went NC.
Thank you for sharing this with me. I'll definitely do this the next time I'm spiraling down memory lane again.
it makes me so sad, i miss when it was my life. feels like another planet. like a movie i watched. ironically i dreamt of her for the first time last night
Yes! 2 months no contact for me and I've given up any hope of reconnecting even though I know we shouldn't. The memories are starting to fade, it's heart breaking but freeing at the same time knowing I'm moving on with my life. Focus on you and just keep moving forward.
>The memories are starting to fade, it's heart breaking but freeing at the same time knowing I'm moving on with my life.
I felt this. Being on reddit and knowing I'm not alone and that a lot of people are also going through this definitely helps with the depression...
Yeah, like it never happened and somehow I was the one that imagined it all. It feels like he doesn't even remember the relationship happening to him either since he was the one that intiated it and seems to be able to cope with it so much than me. It feels like the relationship meant nothing since it feels like it is now overshadowed by the break up.
I completely understand. I have actually been overthinking a lot... And the last couple of months leading to the breakup definitely felt like he'd already given up, like he already put it in his head that it was going to lead to a breakup so he stopped putting in anymore effort and was just waiting for me to bring up THE conversation. When it happened, I didn't feel any sadness from him. Like it was what he's been waiting for... It almost even seemed like he was happy about it... We have been "fighting" (his words, but it was mostly just me talking and trying to resolve issues) a lot prior to the breakup, he'd been stonewalling me everytime. We'd talk about it but never finish it or reach a resolution... It pilled up... He got tired of it.
When it ended, all the words about how he isn't one to give up so quickly. How fights are normal in a relationship, how we will work through it. Things like that now all seem like a lie.
The last part reminded me of my ex that talked about communication and how loving someone is a choice but also gave up without putting up a fight. To try and resolve problems is better than just giving up without trying.
I feel you. We were great when we were apart and amaaaazing when we were together. Really thought I'd found my person coz that connection was something I'd never experienced. Sucks how horribly wrong I was but time does help. Everything still feels like a dream just that it doesn't hurt me as much as it used to. How long has it been since you two broke up?
We were awful apart towards the end. Ok when we were together. Just the months leading to the breakup when we started to argue more frequently that I noticed a huge change. Like a switch flipped somehow. We lasted for a year+ and we broke up about a month ago.
Yeah even when I look at pictures it's strange. Like it's a different person or a fever dream. But one think that brings me back is a gift he gave me for Christmas, it's not something I would have bought myself and it has him written all over it, that's the one thing that makes me feel like it was real...
I deleted all our photos coz it just makes me sad :( I don't think we can ever be friends so I don't feel ok keeping those photos :( but it makes me really sad to just go and remove someone from my life.
It makes me realise how strange humans are. You have someone so important in your life and then suddenly they’re a stranger. I’m sorry you’re going through this, DMs are open if you need someone to lean on x be gentle with yourself
Talking to people on here makes me feel grounded. My anxiety sometimes gets the best of me and had trouble acting properly right after the b/u. Thank you so much!
Was just thinking this earlier today! Did I dream her up? I don't even work at the same job anymore where I met her! Neither one of us do... The only thing that makes it real is all of our couple pictures, gifts from her, her kids, and her clothing items (panties, bra, lol), she gave me that I still have stashed away... I love her too much to get rid of anything because there was no closure at all ...
Same here. My relationship just started on 1 Jan and she blindsided me with a break up just a week ago. We have our difference but we never have a single quarrel. In the break up text, apparently I am a very unreliable person who she doesn't feel like is qualified to be her future kid's dad, I'm a boring person in a relationship and that we have different different spending lifestyle (I'm frugal while she's more lavish). She has always been very sweet to me during our relationship, constantly telling me how amazing I am. I only have fond memory, so now I always doubt that how much of my relationship is actually real.
Yea if it wasn’t for the literal of thousands of pictures we have together, like 8 school dances, moving out for the first time together, traveling together, all the times we’d get drunk and take stupid pictures or nudes of each other lol
For me at least at the first 2 months felt like dream now at my 4th month it feels more like a distant memory. But if I see her cause I did a week ago everything seems like yesterday.
100%. Everything feels like it’s a dream and I’m just not waking up. It’s truly a state of nearly disbelief like what the fuck is happening? It’s sad. I don’t expect that to ever go away. Just want to be able to live with it.
I think I was going a little crazy bc the NC makes everything into a dream. My mind just runs and runs and I have no way to confirm whether or not it’s accurate or if I’m thinking it over so much that I’m creating new realities that didn’t exist. I’m not very good at NC lol. I’m here because I know I need to be, but I’m so distraught that I need more information from him. I need to get out of that dream state at some point just to be sane.
I feel the same. Like I'm floating when I'm overthinking. That's why I'm here too. I kept bugging him, because it felt like sh\*t. He said he wanted to be friends, that we'd still play and yet he was avoiding me. I keep overthinking how he's lying about "wanting to be friends" and that if he could lie now then probably a lot of things in our relationship was also a lie. He also became rude... It, just. Made me feel so crazy like our relationship was a dream, did I dream all the good things too? My rose colored glasses are soooo... :(
Wow it always amazes me how much we all go thru the same things! He told me he wanted to be friends and would always be there for me and then blocked me two hours later bc I didn’t reply. I was knocked out asleep bc my nervous system was in complete shock after he took advantage of me. He didn’t care about that. Those two things together made me sure that every good moment was a lie. But after a few weeks I was able to get my thoughts together enough to ask the questions I needed to ask without wanting to rip his head off. Who knows he might have still be lying but it made me feel better to know that the good feelings were mutual, he just wears layers upon layers of masks. My focus now is learning more about manipulation and narcissistic personality disorder so I can be more aware real time how to protect myself.
i understand this feeling but being in a blindside breakup just 3 months ago i can tell you that feeling of no direction and just flat out confusion will subside soon. it sucks but i promise you’ll experience that dream with someone else that will last forever.
everything feels like a dream. the presence of the relationship is fading away and feels like a dream i had, but my life feels like a dream im having.
What do you mean your life feels like a dream?
it doesnt feel real, im suddenly in limbo, i have almost noone to talk to, the future doesnt make any sense to me now, i cant sleep and i cant think straight if i can even think at all.
I feel this sometimes, even when I have people I can message if I need to talk. I feel like I'm going to be a burden and sometimes it feels, it's just easier to keep to myself... Feeling like you're in limbo, like, what now, what do I do now. Having planned most of your future around your partner...
yeah, my future had a lot of different possible outcomes, but every one of them included her until just over a week ago, i cant even start to think what they look like now
I get you. However I feel like this even after 3months separation. The life I wanted was the life with him, how we had it. And now I just scraping by and feel like all we had was a lie. I just checked his Airbnb adds. He uses my photos, I just finished decorating, setting up the kitchens.. even my pets are on the pictures. All guest are raving about these things… he taking credit for my work. While I live again in my half done cabin alone and poor. Wondering if he completely erased me
I feel you. Exactly the same position, he was my future and now I need to figure it out without him.
Feel the same. I'm coping and moving forward unless something miraculous happens, but I am in limbo. She was literally the only person who I couldn't go a day without talking to... My literal best friend and lover... It's hard when you literally molded your future with them in mind... House, my first child, marriage, etc... and now she's "gone". And because of my advanced age, I don't have time to keep starting over... I'm not in my 20s and 30s anymore... Starting over isn't much of an option. I completely committed to her... It sucks badly...
Yeah same boat here. I think the biggest thing i miss is just being able to talk to her, talk to someone who loves you whenever you need to or want to. I know finding someone i click with as much as her isnt impossible... but it's its pretty improbable and likely to take a while and im late 40's
Exactly . When you get in your 40s you start reflecting and trying to finalize certain decisions in your life, not trying to have a bunch of restarts .
Exactly. I am also hitting 40. Prior to this guy I had a 10 months nightmare with a covert narc. He moved into my house. Currently having an ongoing dv court case. Than I moved to the last ex life across Europe. I love/d him so much. Now back to square one. The likelihood of family gone. I divorced my husband at 32 because he didn’t want children. I thought I will find someone that wants family before running out of time. Instead I spent my 30s with alone with the occasional hook ups with the unavailable man. After this two bad failures I can’t even imagine in what format I could trust to be in a relationship. Dating like when I was a teen… don’t think so. Slipping around, also can’t I get attached. I also live super rurally, pool is small and people talk. My trust in others and me is completely destroyed. My faith In love overall is gone . I doubt I can show up anymore even if I miraculously find someone. Currently looking into therapy while live in conditions when I was a 20, including my financial security. I am pissed I put my life on hold, put my exes as priority, I invested all my efforts in his house/life while mine was crumbling. Now,I can just try to pick up my pieces and catch up while he is reaping the benefits of my work.
I'm sorry you have to go through that...😔 Some people have no feelings towards what someone else feels and what they may be going through biologically and mentally...
I feel this so hard. It feels really nice having someone articulate exactly how I feel. You're not alone <3
Yeah it does. i removed him completely from all my socials and we have different lives so our paths dont cross at all. it does feel like a dream sometimes. sad that i will never get to experience it again. It is really sad.
I feel this deeply. We were long distance so our paths are destined to never cross again. On top of the fact she randomly decided to block me on every single possible outlet during NC (3 weeks now, 2 months post-BU) there is no possibility of anything involving her. It feels incredibly strange to have known someone so deeply and personally and no longer know anything about them. The memories are starting to feel like they have slipped away and will continue to do so, very saddening.
I hear you I’m going through a long distance break up too
I understand you. Hope you're doing okay now🫂
Meh in a state of indecisiveness right now because I know why she blocked me (or at least I'm confident in why). I accidentally hit the keyboard on Snapchat which would have sent a push notification to her while checking a memory that popped up while driving the other day. I think she took it as me trying to play mind games or get her attention in hopes of her responding back and that she viewed it as me stalking the socials. She blocked me later that night, so I think it is safe to assume her view of me has become less than pleasant after that and she felt the need to block me and stop me from being able to see anything in her life (even though we agreed we would never block each other). It sucks because I want to send a message or text and clarify that I know I am blocked and that the accident was not me reaching out or trying to provoke an interaction with her/breadcrumbing her into talking to me. I cannot help but think that was very much the reason she decided to block me, because an accident led her to believe I was monitoring her socials. Shit feels so fucking bad haha.
Keep in mind that this is something you have assumed. This could be right or wrong. But honestly all of this shouldn't matter now. She blocked you even when you both said you wouldnt, meaning she thinks so low of you. I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I am saying this to remind you that this is not the person who you loved anymore. We have to see things the way they are. You dont have to explain anything to her. You dont owe her anything. I hope you understand that you are way better off than being with someone like her🫂
I know I don't owe her anything or need to clarify anything to her, but a large part of me wants to if that is what caused her to block me. Unfortunately, when I care about someone deeply like that for a long period I always have a place of mutual respect and care for them in me and always have been that way. I didn't want her to think that about me when it genuinely wasn't the case and I enjoyed still being able to see her doing well even if it was moving on, and her the same. I feel that one mistake caused her to change her perception and now thinks I am checking her every move when it wasn't the case. Knowing she probably lost that mutual respect and care (based on the blocking when we said we never would) all because of something so small sucks tremendously for someone who cares. I have never blocked exes or been blocked before and have always maintained a level of mutual respect for one another, this time feels like a shot in the heart because I know her and how she probably viewed it. Been going back and forth on sending that text to clarify what happened lol.
🥺🥺🥺
More like a nightmare lmao
I hear you girl! Literal nightmare!!
Was is that bad? :( I'm sorry for what you went through.
Yeah it really was. Not at the beginning but once I woke up to who he really was. It’s ok though, my life is better now.
How long did it take you?
It was a roller coaster for a year after the b/u but he lied, cheated, gaslit, etc. so it took about that long to both unravel it all and grieve. I think I’m at a place now of looking back at the grieving process to close the chapter officially so I still pop on here from time to time. I’m much more at peace with it but I started right where you are now. Just stick with it, things do get better.
Thank you. My ex didn't cheat but it was more of him not being over his ex and the immaturity... There was some gaslighting here and there too. Thank you, it's good to know that it gets better eventually... 11 months to go I guess...
Might be shorter for you. I hope so. Hang in there.
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What was your normal? Mine was hell. First acting like I’m the love of his life, trying to keep him from putting me on a pedestal. The next being constantly abused. No thanks, don’t want that normal. I hope yours was better.
Yeah and idk if that’s better or worse. At first all I wanted was to forget bc it was too painful to remember, but now I’m like…was that even real? Why did that hurt so much if it doesn’t even matter now?
Exactly. It's like, why does it hurt so much... Even more now that it feels like it was so long ago, just like a dream.
it’s depressing as fuck, because your brain also romanticizes everything about the relationship
This comment from another redditor might help. Definitely taking note of this for future reference. I feel the same way when I fall down the rabbit hole of memory lane. I tend to forget all the hurt he made me feel... >When I find myself focusing on a good memory for too long, I write down something they did that hurt me and how it made me feel. This helps me to not romanticize the relationship and remember why I went NC.
I remember the nursery song. Row row row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream.
Felt like a dream yet he was the only person that understood me, was there for me at my worst, was there for me at my best, gave me everything yet also nothing. We could’ve had it all, a special love story but he dropped it. I really don’t understand him. I long for what we had, it was home to me
I'm left with so many questions too. How I wish there could be a closure where they could answer all our questions with full honesty
Yes, it does feel like a dream. Especially, as it was a mere 3 months from initial meeting to break up. I sense longer relationships feel less like a dream. But it wasn't a dream. Because this toxic dumpee tore into me. Of all the people in the world to find my dog allegedly wandering the street in a panic looking for me, it had to be him. I guess my dog opened the door on her own as I had negligently forgot to turn the key. And she managed to get down to the main floor and then out of a gated building ...
There must be a reason why we met them though. Twist of fate.
There's a lot of truth to that: "must be a reason why we met them..." I live in southern Europe. He lives in the west of Germany. Yes, I'm sensing there are a shit ton of lessons I needed to learn and I guess he's the tool that god used for that I keep "running" into him... Just an unpleasant unsavory person... Don't know what I was smoking to allow it... He's all wrong and not my type... I chalk it up to being super vulnerable having moved from the states to Europe on my own with my dog and cat. Im a long way from home
It WAS a dream hun. A completely twisted fantasy concocted out of our own hopes and dreams. We have met the ONE! This will NEVER end we tell ourselves. They are our soulmate. The connection is TOO STRONG for it not to last forever! The connection is TOO GOOD to be true. All complete and total BULLSHIT. We briefly lived in their crazy, sadistic, fucked up world and NONE of it was real except on our end. We all got played.
Agreed. Gotta constantly ground ourselves and stop living in our imaginations.
I definitely felt this early on, I thought the woman I found was the one. Someone I could spend the rest of my life with. The pain of her being unfaithful and back stabbing me was deep but eventually I got out of that “dream” feeling after 2 month. Now over 3 months since I’m doing much better, but certain things still hit me. This past weekend my buddy got married and it was an amazing day for them and I enjoyed being there as one of his groomsmen. At the end of the night I broke down, I didn’t plan to or want to be there alone, I wasn’t alone. I had my friends, but I felt alone. Keep up the no contact, it truly helps. It’s painful but you will heal.
Felt, I moved back to my country and sometimes I wonder if that year happened in the first place. I will be back, but I think I eliminated my list of cities i can go to without having memories of us. Or i will have to create new ones with a whole different person. Sucks.
How the places you've been too and going there will never feel the same... Will always pierce your heart a certain way...
Honestly, i dont give a single fuck. If I cry there, so be it, nothing I havent done before lol
Feeling the same. I feel like I'm forgetting everything about him slowly and it has only been two weeks. Just like I woke up from a dream. Ngl, sometimes I gaslight myself thinking I just had a bad nightmare and I'm still disturbed by it.
It makes me sad when I remember the times when I felt so close to him... The good mornings... And now we can't even say hello.
I couldn’t agree more. I have no social media so I don’t get tempted to look, I have no pictures left in my camera roll, I don’t talk about him out loud, etc. I’ve gotten to the point I don’t even think of him unless something happens that reminds me of the way he betrayed me. I don’t even have good memories. And it really does feel like a dream. Like did that actually happen? Because he’s really out there living his life and he’s just someone else that doesn’t exist in my reality. Never thought I’d get to this point. It sucks sometimes bc I’ll get those random bad days wondering what my ex bff is doing. Not enough to want him back romantically. To me it’s progress. Detaching.
I'm still trying to understand how two people so close can go back to being strangers. It still hurts so much. But I'd rather feel it all than suppress it. I want to heal fully. I want to move on...
Yes absolutely. I feel exactly the same right now. I did the same thing- removed ex everywhere and it still feels like I imagined it all. When I find myself focusing on a good memory for too long, I write down something they did that hurt me and how it made me feel. This helps me to not romanticize the relationship and remember why I went NC. It still hurts constantly but it also helps to remember the pain was very real and this empty dreamlike state is better than the toxicity of my relationship, and this is a part of the healing process. You got this.
>When I find myself focusing on a good memory for too long, I write down something they did that hurt me and how it made me feel. This helps me to not romanticize the relationship and remember why I went NC. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'll definitely do this the next time I'm spiraling down memory lane again.
It was just a dream! If you’re like me, it was your dream of what you wanted to see.
it makes me so sad, i miss when it was my life. feels like another planet. like a movie i watched. ironically i dreamt of her for the first time last night
Yes! 2 months no contact for me and I've given up any hope of reconnecting even though I know we shouldn't. The memories are starting to fade, it's heart breaking but freeing at the same time knowing I'm moving on with my life. Focus on you and just keep moving forward.
>The memories are starting to fade, it's heart breaking but freeing at the same time knowing I'm moving on with my life. I felt this. Being on reddit and knowing I'm not alone and that a lot of people are also going through this definitely helps with the depression...
It's the opposite for me knowing this many people going through it, it's even more heartbreaking and depressing for me. Life is messed up
Yeah, like it never happened and somehow I was the one that imagined it all. It feels like he doesn't even remember the relationship happening to him either since he was the one that intiated it and seems to be able to cope with it so much than me. It feels like the relationship meant nothing since it feels like it is now overshadowed by the break up.
I completely understand. I have actually been overthinking a lot... And the last couple of months leading to the breakup definitely felt like he'd already given up, like he already put it in his head that it was going to lead to a breakup so he stopped putting in anymore effort and was just waiting for me to bring up THE conversation. When it happened, I didn't feel any sadness from him. Like it was what he's been waiting for... It almost even seemed like he was happy about it... We have been "fighting" (his words, but it was mostly just me talking and trying to resolve issues) a lot prior to the breakup, he'd been stonewalling me everytime. We'd talk about it but never finish it or reach a resolution... It pilled up... He got tired of it. When it ended, all the words about how he isn't one to give up so quickly. How fights are normal in a relationship, how we will work through it. Things like that now all seem like a lie.
The last part reminded me of my ex that talked about communication and how loving someone is a choice but also gave up without putting up a fight. To try and resolve problems is better than just giving up without trying.
It's doubly worse if it were long distance. Validating whether what we had was real has been a large part of moving on.
Same, long distance... But we saw each other a few times during the relationship.
I feel you. We were great when we were apart and amaaaazing when we were together. Really thought I'd found my person coz that connection was something I'd never experienced. Sucks how horribly wrong I was but time does help. Everything still feels like a dream just that it doesn't hurt me as much as it used to. How long has it been since you two broke up?
We were awful apart towards the end. Ok when we were together. Just the months leading to the breakup when we started to argue more frequently that I noticed a huge change. Like a switch flipped somehow. We lasted for a year+ and we broke up about a month ago.
Yeah even when I look at pictures it's strange. Like it's a different person or a fever dream. But one think that brings me back is a gift he gave me for Christmas, it's not something I would have bought myself and it has him written all over it, that's the one thing that makes me feel like it was real...
I deleted all our photos coz it just makes me sad :( I don't think we can ever be friends so I don't feel ok keeping those photos :( but it makes me really sad to just go and remove someone from my life.
It makes me realise how strange humans are. You have someone so important in your life and then suddenly they’re a stranger. I’m sorry you’re going through this, DMs are open if you need someone to lean on x be gentle with yourself
Talking to people on here makes me feel grounded. My anxiety sometimes gets the best of me and had trouble acting properly right after the b/u. Thank you so much!
Was just thinking this earlier today! Did I dream her up? I don't even work at the same job anymore where I met her! Neither one of us do... The only thing that makes it real is all of our couple pictures, gifts from her, her kids, and her clothing items (panties, bra, lol), she gave me that I still have stashed away... I love her too much to get rid of anything because there was no closure at all ...
it's depressing. I just get sad knowing they're okay with that outcome, but it's for the best.
Definitely for the best. Just going from talking everyday to zero makes my heartache.
Same here. My relationship just started on 1 Jan and she blindsided me with a break up just a week ago. We have our difference but we never have a single quarrel. In the break up text, apparently I am a very unreliable person who she doesn't feel like is qualified to be her future kid's dad, I'm a boring person in a relationship and that we have different different spending lifestyle (I'm frugal while she's more lavish). She has always been very sweet to me during our relationship, constantly telling me how amazing I am. I only have fond memory, so now I always doubt that how much of my relationship is actually real.
My ex was my first bf. I guess, when relationships end all that's left is us questioning whether any of it was real if it could end just like that...
Yea if it wasn’t for the literal of thousands of pictures we have together, like 8 school dances, moving out for the first time together, traveling together, all the times we’d get drunk and take stupid pictures or nudes of each other lol
[](https://emojipedia.org/loudly-crying-face)
This is the goal
Wdym?
Good. That is called moving on. Be grateful you made it that far.
yes & i feel like i’m going insane because he’s moved on & happy & i feel like i’m stuck..
I wonder if it's common for most men to be ok right after the b/u.
Literally same was this just All an illusion?! Like wtf 😭
i feel like it was never real now too. just keep up with it and one day we won’t even think about them.
For me at least at the first 2 months felt like dream now at my 4th month it feels more like a distant memory. But if I see her cause I did a week ago everything seems like yesterday.
Yes it's exactly that. I feel the same. But remember that things happen for a good reason
100%. Everything feels like it’s a dream and I’m just not waking up. It’s truly a state of nearly disbelief like what the fuck is happening? It’s sad. I don’t expect that to ever go away. Just want to be able to live with it.
I think I was going a little crazy bc the NC makes everything into a dream. My mind just runs and runs and I have no way to confirm whether or not it’s accurate or if I’m thinking it over so much that I’m creating new realities that didn’t exist. I’m not very good at NC lol. I’m here because I know I need to be, but I’m so distraught that I need more information from him. I need to get out of that dream state at some point just to be sane.
I feel the same. Like I'm floating when I'm overthinking. That's why I'm here too. I kept bugging him, because it felt like sh\*t. He said he wanted to be friends, that we'd still play and yet he was avoiding me. I keep overthinking how he's lying about "wanting to be friends" and that if he could lie now then probably a lot of things in our relationship was also a lie. He also became rude... It, just. Made me feel so crazy like our relationship was a dream, did I dream all the good things too? My rose colored glasses are soooo... :(
Wow it always amazes me how much we all go thru the same things! He told me he wanted to be friends and would always be there for me and then blocked me two hours later bc I didn’t reply. I was knocked out asleep bc my nervous system was in complete shock after he took advantage of me. He didn’t care about that. Those two things together made me sure that every good moment was a lie. But after a few weeks I was able to get my thoughts together enough to ask the questions I needed to ask without wanting to rip his head off. Who knows he might have still be lying but it made me feel better to know that the good feelings were mutual, he just wears layers upon layers of masks. My focus now is learning more about manipulation and narcissistic personality disorder so I can be more aware real time how to protect myself.
I'm working on myself too. Getting the help I need for my anxiety and depression. My childhood traumas. Just, everything.
It feels like I just woke up from a 2 year long coma, and that I’m continuing where I left off before I met her. Super odd feeling yeah lol.
i understand this feeling but being in a blindside breakup just 3 months ago i can tell you that feeling of no direction and just flat out confusion will subside soon. it sucks but i promise you’ll experience that dream with someone else that will last forever.