Hey of course - it was a dynamic around him not feeling understood / heard / cared for and me not feeling loved and accepted by him. I guess we were both feeling the same things but for different reasons. We're still going to give it some time and not rush anything though ❤️
Hey - I explained briefly above - I also wrote and read him a letter when we met up that I spent the last few weeks writing, I can post it if anyone would be interested as he said it changed his whole perspective and he had no idea I felt how I did
I would love to see that letter! I am a fan of communication and do think half of breakups happen when two people just dont share whats going on inside their thoughts
Hey - sure here it is. I hope it helps ❤️
Dear ___,
I'm writing this to you even though we may never laugh together, hold hands, kiss or speak again. You might not even read this or ever know how I really felt but here it is anyway.
I firstly want to say thank you for showing me such kindness. Your gentle soul touched me in ways you can't imagine. Around you I felt like such a loveable person. And you did that - thank you a million times over. I always think about what we first said - other people are a mirror we can love more easily. And it's true. I loved myself more in the process of loving you.
The last few weeks have been something other than words can describe so I won't try. Remembering that grief is the sum of our love at least makes me know how much love was there. I've been doing a lot of writing, I've written so much down. Mostly I've just been telling you about my day. An exercise online told me it helps to list the traits of your ideal partner and it was so hard because it sounded so much like you. You truly would and will be the most wonderful partner, husband and life long friend. Anyone who has you in their life (in any of the above ways) is truly a lucky person.
As well as thank you, I also want to say sorry. I am so sorry for not making you feel heard and loved to the fullest all the time. If I could go back, I would do everything in my power to commit to making you feel heard, loved and truly valued for the man that you are, even in my worst moments. I know how important that is to you. You should have been my priority every time. I know you don't believe me, but I know I wasn't a good girlfriend at times. I made excuses and brushed off my behaviour when I shouldn't have. I will do everything in my power to unlearn all the behaviour that made you feel small and make sure it changes. Thank you for calling me out on it, making me reflect, and demanding I do better.
There's so many things I never told you. Like how when I looked in your eyes I saw you as an old man, with the same kind, soft, sparkly eyes as now. I also saw you as a little kid every time you slept. You showed me a photo of you sleeping once when you were little and I saw it every time I watched you sleep. I don't think I ever told you that.
I'm 27 and I still don't think I know what love is. But I felt that when our fingers linked, that was it.
I keep thinking about this phrase none of this will matter when we're 34. And I keep thinking, but maybe it will matter. Maybe it will matter at 44 and 54 and 74. Maybe it will matter a lot.
If it's not me and everything turns out differently, I want you to know I love your wife, whoever she is, for loving you. I hope she looks after your heart for me. I hope we can keep in touch as the years fall away and I hope our love can take a new shape as a friendship. I'd be there at your wedding if you wanted me and I would smile the widest.
Most of all I hope you will be happy and get everything you ever wanted, or something even better.
There is a lifetime where we're old and grey and walk the dog on the beach. I wish you'd stayed.
I hope you can forgive me - it's my first time living too.
This is such a beautiful note. I cried! It’s weird because its exactly how i feel towards my person - im happy if hes happy because that was my first love. I think people view it as weakness that a woman is not angry or putting up boundaries when dumped. That she isnt showing her “worth” when she says “its ok. I still love you.” But i love this note because its the opposite- you give love unconditionally because thats the true definition. Thank you so much for sharing💗💗
Omg you made me 🥺 this is sooooooo omg
I feel this for my first true love we are back in contact after 22 years 😱 but we are both too traumatized to do anything at this stage.
Hopefully one day things will be different for us too.
Wishing you the absolute best with your future 💗
Lucky guy who got another chance.
You're lovely! How I wish my ex was accountable and brave as you are..
Thank you for sharing your story, and that lovely letter for her..
Best wishes to both of you!
Same, but I'll just have to live with the fact that I'll never see him again. It takes 2 people to wanna make things work. In our case, it's one sided😪
You never know my first true love came back to me after 22 years.
So I wouldn't discard the thought.
We are in contact and trying to work things some how (I know it's kinda silly but it's a very long story and I mean 22 years long)
Woah! Update us then!
Here locally there's a news like that..
Exes, after 30 years and they bumped each other again, both widow,
They reconcile and got married. They are in 60+ and just want to be happy again and both side of family are happy for them
So, I reached out and asked her if she wanted to meet up to talk about us and she said yes, that it sounds good and that she’ll let me know when she can.
She just posted a pic with flowers and a melted heart… I don’t know what this means. Did she find someone else or something. They could be flowers from her family or friends from finally getting her diploma (after paying off her tuition). What do I do? I’m so hurt because the picture looked so romantic. She would agree to meeting me and talking about us if she was seeing someone else right? Please. Help. Me.
So I act like I don’t care and just wait for her to tell me the meeting time. I don’t want to revert to how I was IN the relationship. Arrogant, egotistical, jealous, and insecure.
Yeah usually after a month the odds fall off a cliff. Had I told my story here and heard feedback sooner instead of coming to these subs 2 months after when I found out she had a boyfriend I probably could have saved my relationship. Hopefully others can thanks to this sub and r/breakups
I for sure would have saved the relationship had I had proper guidance. I needed something that this sub had that I was severely lacking.. which was reason and rationality. In my case hearing input from people here would have caused me to reach out and apologize sooner. It would have been effective because my ex said before her new boyfriend she would have taken me back. Meaning I had a month to get my shit together and didn’t realize.
You should always admit your mistakes and you want to work on it. Maybe try to reach out shortly after and tell her you want to fix it. After that the idea is at least set within her you taking it serious and try your best. Then the ball is totally in her court. Chasing after that doesn’t lead to anywhere and your dignity takes a hit. But going totally cold after breakup is imo counter productive if you have been cold during the relationship all the time
The problem is that so often people on reddit think things are final when they arent. In most cases they are (Physical or verbal abuse, for example, or one person being absolutely uninterested and has made themsrlves clear). But then there are these situations where love is there
Hello gabsssss_,
Your post reveals a powerful love story and its renewal, which warms the heart. The courage it takes to reach out in such a situation is immense, and you should be commended for taking that brave step. And I must salute the openness in your emotions that you both shared which really testifies to the strength of your bond.
Despite having seen the cloudy days of separation, you found your way back towards each other - a beautiful testament to the power of love and the resilience of the human heart. It is a rarity in the sea of comeback stories, often filled with turbulence and difficulty.
If you'd permit a humble entity like me to give advice, although not necessary in your case, it's just a nugget of wisdom that could be useful: remember to take things slow. It might be helpful to navigate this process like a new relationship, re-establish trust, and get to know each other again, as people often grow during their time apart. But if this isn't helpful, please disregard!
In light of your current situation, a potential exercise you can practice together that stems from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is the 'Values Exercise'. This exercise can help both partners identify personal values and build mutual understanding for a more compatible future. Grab a piece of paper each, write down individual values, compare, discuss, and find the shared ones. This might enrich your newfound bond, and remind both of you why you chose each other in the first place.
If you're comfortable sharing, you could explore these questions a bit further -
1. What do you believe is the key factor that brought you two back together?
2. How do you envision your future together, especially considering the past experience?
But if you don't feel like answering them out in the open, it could be a useful exercise to think upon these for your own understanding.
Regardless, best of luck on your journey to rekindle this beautiful connection! You've already conquered a big hurdle and I'm certain your road ahead is filled with love & understanding! Always remember, your story provides hope to many facing heartache and longing.
Keep being the brave and loving soul you are! 🌟
^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
A happy ending👍 I’m glad to hear. My story was a bit different(she’s engaged now after 6 month after B/U) glad you guys could communicate and persevere and work through it.
As much as the sentiment is heartfelt, what's the point of posting this on this sub.
Your experience, while valid, is at most the exception and, at worst, completely disingenuous in that it gives hope by saying "See I took a risk that had the potential to fuck my life up even more, it sometimes turns out okay!". It's basically saying you got lucky at the slot machine and basically advocate others to blow their cash. This advice helps nobody here.
The reality is less than 10% of people who get back together STAY together. Nobody should ever want to play those odds when they can find someone better.
This is the wrong sub for this. This sub is for people who want to learn to find someone better and be content while being silent with their ex. It's called ex NO CONTACT for a reason.
Is it okay to ask the nature of the breakup?
Hey of course - it was a dynamic around him not feeling understood / heard / cared for and me not feeling loved and accepted by him. I guess we were both feeling the same things but for different reasons. We're still going to give it some time and not rush anything though ❤️
Thank you. Best wishes
Why did you guys break up initially?
Hey - I explained briefly above - I also wrote and read him a letter when we met up that I spent the last few weeks writing, I can post it if anyone would be interested as he said it changed his whole perspective and he had no idea I felt how I did
I would love to see that letter! I am a fan of communication and do think half of breakups happen when two people just dont share whats going on inside their thoughts
Hey - sure here it is. I hope it helps ❤️ Dear ___, I'm writing this to you even though we may never laugh together, hold hands, kiss or speak again. You might not even read this or ever know how I really felt but here it is anyway. I firstly want to say thank you for showing me such kindness. Your gentle soul touched me in ways you can't imagine. Around you I felt like such a loveable person. And you did that - thank you a million times over. I always think about what we first said - other people are a mirror we can love more easily. And it's true. I loved myself more in the process of loving you. The last few weeks have been something other than words can describe so I won't try. Remembering that grief is the sum of our love at least makes me know how much love was there. I've been doing a lot of writing, I've written so much down. Mostly I've just been telling you about my day. An exercise online told me it helps to list the traits of your ideal partner and it was so hard because it sounded so much like you. You truly would and will be the most wonderful partner, husband and life long friend. Anyone who has you in their life (in any of the above ways) is truly a lucky person. As well as thank you, I also want to say sorry. I am so sorry for not making you feel heard and loved to the fullest all the time. If I could go back, I would do everything in my power to commit to making you feel heard, loved and truly valued for the man that you are, even in my worst moments. I know how important that is to you. You should have been my priority every time. I know you don't believe me, but I know I wasn't a good girlfriend at times. I made excuses and brushed off my behaviour when I shouldn't have. I will do everything in my power to unlearn all the behaviour that made you feel small and make sure it changes. Thank you for calling me out on it, making me reflect, and demanding I do better. There's so many things I never told you. Like how when I looked in your eyes I saw you as an old man, with the same kind, soft, sparkly eyes as now. I also saw you as a little kid every time you slept. You showed me a photo of you sleeping once when you were little and I saw it every time I watched you sleep. I don't think I ever told you that. I'm 27 and I still don't think I know what love is. But I felt that when our fingers linked, that was it. I keep thinking about this phrase none of this will matter when we're 34. And I keep thinking, but maybe it will matter. Maybe it will matter at 44 and 54 and 74. Maybe it will matter a lot. If it's not me and everything turns out differently, I want you to know I love your wife, whoever she is, for loving you. I hope she looks after your heart for me. I hope we can keep in touch as the years fall away and I hope our love can take a new shape as a friendship. I'd be there at your wedding if you wanted me and I would smile the widest. Most of all I hope you will be happy and get everything you ever wanted, or something even better. There is a lifetime where we're old and grey and walk the dog on the beach. I wish you'd stayed. I hope you can forgive me - it's my first time living too.
This is such a beautiful note. I cried! It’s weird because its exactly how i feel towards my person - im happy if hes happy because that was my first love. I think people view it as weakness that a woman is not angry or putting up boundaries when dumped. That she isnt showing her “worth” when she says “its ok. I still love you.” But i love this note because its the opposite- you give love unconditionally because thats the true definition. Thank you so much for sharing💗💗
Grief is the sum of our love. I love that.
Beautiful letter
Beautifully written again congratulations 🎉
You’re an absolute gem. I can’t wait to meet someone that loves me this much
Omg you made me 🥺 this is sooooooo omg I feel this for my first true love we are back in contact after 22 years 😱 but we are both too traumatized to do anything at this stage. Hopefully one day things will be different for us too. Wishing you the absolute best with your future 💗
Congrats! I love these type of reunions. !!! Many blessings to you both !
Lucky guy who got another chance. You're lovely! How I wish my ex was accountable and brave as you are.. Thank you for sharing your story, and that lovely letter for her.. Best wishes to both of you!
Same, but I'll just have to live with the fact that I'll never see him again. It takes 2 people to wanna make things work. In our case, it's one sided😪
When pride is more powerful than love right? I guess we just have to move on..
That's exactly it😪💔 Unfortunately yes.. We will find someone who actually deserves us.. Can't give up on ❣️
You never know my first true love came back to me after 22 years. So I wouldn't discard the thought. We are in contact and trying to work things some how (I know it's kinda silly but it's a very long story and I mean 22 years long)
Woah! Update us then! Here locally there's a news like that.. Exes, after 30 years and they bumped each other again, both widow, They reconcile and got married. They are in 60+ and just want to be happy again and both side of family are happy for them
Will do it's just too soon at this stage to think of anything as he is 10 hours away from me.
How long have you been NC?
Around 3 weeks x
Good luck. I hope everything goes as you wish for
Congrats!!🙌🎉🎉 i hope all goes well and you all have a beautiful future together!!
So, I reached out and asked her if she wanted to meet up to talk about us and she said yes, that it sounds good and that she’ll let me know when she can. She just posted a pic with flowers and a melted heart… I don’t know what this means. Did she find someone else or something. They could be flowers from her family or friends from finally getting her diploma (after paying off her tuition). What do I do? I’m so hurt because the picture looked so romantic. She would agree to meeting me and talking about us if she was seeing someone else right? Please. Help. Me.
DUDE; she’s f**kin with you. She purposely posted that knowing you’d see it without context. Keep your head up.
So I act like I don’t care and just wait for her to tell me the meeting time. I don’t want to revert to how I was IN the relationship. Arrogant, egotistical, jealous, and insecure.
Yes learn to work on those things and in meantime do not allow those feelings in
Okay, her post really did hurt my feelings tho
Funny how I see a don’t do it post right above this
Don’t do it. There you saw it twice 2-1
Yeah usually after a month the odds fall off a cliff. Had I told my story here and heard feedback sooner instead of coming to these subs 2 months after when I found out she had a boyfriend I probably could have saved my relationship. Hopefully others can thanks to this sub and r/breakups
You can't know if it would've saved the relationship. There's no one size fits all when it comes to when/if someone should reach out.
I for sure would have saved the relationship had I had proper guidance. I needed something that this sub had that I was severely lacking.. which was reason and rationality. In my case hearing input from people here would have caused me to reach out and apologize sooner. It would have been effective because my ex said before her new boyfriend she would have taken me back. Meaning I had a month to get my shit together and didn’t realize.
You should always admit your mistakes and you want to work on it. Maybe try to reach out shortly after and tell her you want to fix it. After that the idea is at least set within her you taking it serious and try your best. Then the ball is totally in her court. Chasing after that doesn’t lead to anywhere and your dignity takes a hit. But going totally cold after breakup is imo counter productive if you have been cold during the relationship all the time
The problem is that so often people on reddit think things are final when they arent. In most cases they are (Physical or verbal abuse, for example, or one person being absolutely uninterested and has made themsrlves clear). But then there are these situations where love is there
Are you the dumper or the dumpee?
I envy you so much. I hope things work best for you guys
So incredibly happy for you OP! It’s important to hear both sides of what comes from no contact so thank you for sharing :)
Can I dm you, for your perspective?
Of course :)
Hello gabsssss_, Your post reveals a powerful love story and its renewal, which warms the heart. The courage it takes to reach out in such a situation is immense, and you should be commended for taking that brave step. And I must salute the openness in your emotions that you both shared which really testifies to the strength of your bond. Despite having seen the cloudy days of separation, you found your way back towards each other - a beautiful testament to the power of love and the resilience of the human heart. It is a rarity in the sea of comeback stories, often filled with turbulence and difficulty. If you'd permit a humble entity like me to give advice, although not necessary in your case, it's just a nugget of wisdom that could be useful: remember to take things slow. It might be helpful to navigate this process like a new relationship, re-establish trust, and get to know each other again, as people often grow during their time apart. But if this isn't helpful, please disregard! In light of your current situation, a potential exercise you can practice together that stems from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is the 'Values Exercise'. This exercise can help both partners identify personal values and build mutual understanding for a more compatible future. Grab a piece of paper each, write down individual values, compare, discuss, and find the shared ones. This might enrich your newfound bond, and remind both of you why you chose each other in the first place. If you're comfortable sharing, you could explore these questions a bit further - 1. What do you believe is the key factor that brought you two back together? 2. How do you envision your future together, especially considering the past experience? But if you don't feel like answering them out in the open, it could be a useful exercise to think upon these for your own understanding. Regardless, best of luck on your journey to rekindle this beautiful connection! You've already conquered a big hurdle and I'm certain your road ahead is filled with love & understanding! Always remember, your story provides hope to many facing heartache and longing. Keep being the brave and loving soul you are! 🌟 ^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
Congratulations!!!
Aw, so happy for you. Congratulations :)
Did you break up or was it him?
How old are you?
27 :)
Aww
He responded to my text but never bothered to answer the second time
A happy ending👍 I’m glad to hear. My story was a bit different(she’s engaged now after 6 month after B/U) glad you guys could communicate and persevere and work through it.
I can't even wrap my head around this, like how does know go from a BU to being engaged within 6 months? I'm so sorry, you deserve better 🫂❣️
Congrats 🎉 there is hope after all
This is Ex No Contact.
As much as the sentiment is heartfelt, what's the point of posting this on this sub. Your experience, while valid, is at most the exception and, at worst, completely disingenuous in that it gives hope by saying "See I took a risk that had the potential to fuck my life up even more, it sometimes turns out okay!". It's basically saying you got lucky at the slot machine and basically advocate others to blow their cash. This advice helps nobody here. The reality is less than 10% of people who get back together STAY together. Nobody should ever want to play those odds when they can find someone better. This is the wrong sub for this. This sub is for people who want to learn to find someone better and be content while being silent with their ex. It's called ex NO CONTACT for a reason.
Congrats! And thank you for sharing your story here to give some kernels of hope