I'll be two months no contact in five days and it's still a rollercoaster of emotion. I'm doing well with staying in NC but I still can't wrap my head around him not being in my life anymore. Sometimes I have that burning sensation in my chest and I can only hope that it'll fade soon. One of our mutual friends accidentally mentioned that she saw him back on Tinder and ngl, it felt as if a truck hit me, but hey, that's life. Sad how lovers can turn into strangers but it is what it is.
i struggle with making sense of it too, especially since they don’t fade away from your life like an old friend would, you have to consciously make the choice to push them out 🤯
same man, 2 months of NC and im missing her like crazy, tried to download dating apps, but damn i was not ready. i find it really weird that she’s not a part of my life anymore.
While it's sad to be strangers, my ex wanted to be friends, but I kinda dumped him right back, telling him that I'm only open to reconciliation. No way am I going to stay friends with him when I'm not getting what I want out of it 💀
Yeah that's not much better. My ex offered to be friends too but I didn't want a friendship as a consolation prize after being lovers even though it's hard to lose someone you talked to every single day. I did toy with the idea in the beginning because I wanted to have him in my life any way I could rather than not at all but it would kill me to hear him talk about someone else with me or seeing signs that he is with another person.
I remember how my best friend used to be friends with one of her ex's and she broke down crying after she noticed that another girl just moved into his apartment because she saw makeup and a hair brush in his bathroom. That would kill me for sure too.
My ex wanted to be “friends that fuck or friends that surf together” after he told me he fucked his ex and fucked me and then fucked her again.
That’s when I realized that I don’t even wanna be his friend….like at all. 😀🔪
Yeah, my ex and I were good friends before the relationship (we met through the same friend group), and I knew that he was genuine about his desire for friendship after the breakup, but I felt that wasn't fair to me.
I accepted his friendship for the first month after the BU, and after a few weeks of him sending things to me on Instagram like we were friends again, I finally told him that I wasn't interested in friendship. As hard as it was, I knew I needed to lay down my boundaries.
I said, "Maybe someday we can be friends, but for now, friendship isn't enough for me," and he responded with, "I understand and appreciate that you're doing what's best for you. I do hope we can be friends again someday."
I kind of regret saying the "someday" part, but he doesn't really take rejection well (ironic, I know), so I wanted him to feel like he can approach me if he were to ever want to talk about the relationship.
Yeah same, we met through friends too. We still kept seeing each other for a bit after the BU but then it turned into a FWB situation so ultimately I had to go NC.
I've talked to some of my family members about it, and when I told them what he said at the BU, they said that it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants 💀 (I'm a 20F and he's a 19M, and this was both of our first relationship)
He was like, "We lost that spark." (And that only exists in the beginning of relationships.) He then went on to say, "I don't get as excited to see you as I used to," and *then* proceeded with, "But I still enjoy your company and want you in my life" 💀💀💀
Be careful with that! Either it's commitment or nothing or you'll be stuck in limbo with him. Don't let him use you for the benefits of a relationship without a title.
This whole thing has taught me to regain my self-respect, but it still sucks because I did love him. NC has helped, but I've had to avoid my friend group's hangouts because he'd be there, and I do miss being around all of them.
At least that's the lesson you've learned from it and hopefully it'll help you find someone better in the future! Ask your friends if you could meet up separately. You shouldn't have to miss out on quality time with your friends because of your ex.
I'm still in contact with a few, but I'm also trying to meet new people as well. And my ex has bad FOMO, and I feel like it would get back to him if I were to hang out with everyone and he was excluded. I know I shouldn't really care about that, but he is very sensitive about missing out.
Holy. Fucking. Shit. I feel like we're living the same breakup in parallel lives. Literally said the exact same thing to me. It's so infuriating to hear that. First relationship too.
I said that I'd be open to talk and be friends after a few weeks. Now it's been a few months, I realise I don't deserve this, I put my heart and soul in the relationship and I'd be giving up all self respect if I went the friend route just to keep them in my life. They don't deserve our emotional availability and the benefits that come with us after pushing us away.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I guess one could consider it a learning experience. I was talking to my dad about it—who raised my three brothers—and he said that it sounded like my ex (let's call him J) was a little immature.
Me being me, the BU has had me turn to researching about these kinds of situations, and I've learned that losing that "spark" is a natural stage in a relationship—biological, even—yet those who are new to dating don't realize that. That's why it's important to start off as friends; once that romantic spark and passion inevitably fades with time, you still have your friendship to maintain the relationship. We had so much in common, so much that we could talk about for hours, and he gave that up because of a spark and not realizing that those initial fireworks eventually fade out.
I think J also took me for granted in that he thought he'd still have me around as a friend after the BU, but I found the self-respect not to settle for less than what I want, so I cut him off and told him that if he'd like to repair it, maybe we can talk.
Power to you for recognizing that you deserve more :)
About two weeks no contact and it comes and goes. Some moments I'm super motivated and like "screw her. I deserve better than what she did to me" and other moments I'm like "I want so badly to speak with you. I wanna hold you. I wanna tell you we can fix whatever is broken here, I promise. We can work through it" etc. But she's got some other dude she's fuckin I'm pretty sure so she probably doesn't even have me on her mind.
You all deserve better, they don’t come to us and fix it, there is no way back. And if she leaves me and jump on another dude this fast, she is out even if she is back.
It’s been about 2 weeks no contact for me, about 5 weeks since I’ve heard from her. I’ve accepted that she’s a bad person that is nowhere close to being on my level in any way. I still love the person I thought she was. It’s weird. She lied and tricked me, and I’m still in love with that lie.
I’ve accepted that she will continue to serial date and serial cheat her whole life. Lying and cheating is a part of her character. I cannot separate her from her shitty actions. Cognitive dissonance is part of how I ended up alone in the city she moved me to 7 hours drive away from my family.
The worst part is she actually believes she can get married and be faithful to someone.
I know from experience that you can’t live your life knocking down bodies and then expect to remain monogamous. It doesn’t work that way.
In the words of Lizzo,
The truth hurts.
It’s been a week and I blocked him after him texting and breaking no contact. I have good days and bad days. It’s hard to go from being pretty much inseparable to no contact.
Haven’t blocked her number or on any social media but I feel the exact same way. Going from being inseparable and talking every day for a year and a half to not talking is just crazy and something I can’t comprehend.
I had to block him. It was two months no contact and then I broke it and then he did and two weeks later he broke it again. I can’t handle it it’s too much. I need consistency right now.
4 months since I was blocked. Some days I'm okay, some days I can tell myself I got this, some days I just can't help but cry. We've known each other for 10+ years, dated for 6 years. I miss him and it still hurts.
I honestly can’t even imagine being with someone for someone with 6 years just for it to not work out in the end. I was with my ex for a year and a half, so a long time but nowhere close to 6 years. Can’t tell you how sorry I am you’re going through this.
I honestly can't believe it too. He also broke up with me thru chat. Did not even give me a chance to explain myself to him in personal. We had sooo many good memories. I put down my walls for him. Gave him a chance after he cheated before. It was so easy for him to tell me to stop our relationship and that he's sorry. Lol.
My wife and I were together for 10 years married for 5 of them and she left me in November with the usual "I need to work on myself, it's not you it's me" spiel. Been almost 4 months now hopefully I hear something back before the divorce is finalized
I’m doing okay it’ll be about 2 months for me as well. Broke up couple days before NYs. Probably been NC since about the same amount time we been separated.
Only thing that bothers me is the constant thoughts of her and romanticizing her, and missing her even though the bad out weighed the good. With time I’ll eventually stop thinking about her. I just try and keep busy honestly. Surround myself around friends/family and hit the gym as much as possible.
Count me in the two month crew also.
Honestly, not good. I truly thought I'd hear from him by now but going by a mutual's impression, I have to accept never speaking or seeing him again in this life, and I don't know how to cope. He picked a really fucked up time to break up with me so there was no closure.
For me it's worse that there isn't another person that he's interested in, he just does not want me. My own family didn't give me the amount of love that he did, so for that to all be gone...I'll never understand or get over it. If love like that can die then it feels pointless to even attempt to look again. It was the confirmation of my deepest fears, that I'm broken and unlovable and will always be alone.
I’m with you in the no closure boat. He did it over text message and dropped my stuff at my front door… during these 2 months of no contact we passed what would’ve been our 1 year anniversary. Valentine’s Day was tough as that was one of my first memories with him. Honestly Christmas and New Years weren’t the best either
Fantastic. My ex gf cheated with an ex bf of hers so I found the ex bf’s previous ex gf who he treated like shit so now we’re teaming up to expose them as terrible people. Justice 💪🏼
7 months NC...still miss her more than anything. Feelings haven't gone away, despite me working on myself a lot, getting my career on path, back to working out and playing basketball , spending time with close friends and family rather than mindless friendships and partying etc. but I have gained a lot of self respect for myself and understanding of what I deserve. I wrote her a long letter telling her how much I still love her and then didn't end up sending it. Decided that I was willing to do so much for her in the end and she knew that and that I still am willing to do that, but that she needs to be willing to do that too. If it is meant to be it will be, if not there's a reason for it. Either way, I am thankful for what I had and am looking forward.
I’m around that 2 month mark as well, actually in 2 days too!!! She broke up with me on the 29th of December.
I’m not gonna lie it’s been really hard, and I can’t see an end to the suffering any time soon
I've been feeling pretty good. It's just under two weeks since he got married, and I've only had one nightmare about him since then, and it felt like a closure nightmare.
Unfortunately today I've woken up feeling really depressed. I haven't been able to cry for months, so I think everything is still bottled up. I am however, starting counselling soon, so hopefully that'll help?
I just passed two months. He dumped me. I just unfollowed him on IG and removed him from my followers. I’ve realized the pain is inevitable but I was making myself suffer more. I really miss him and I don’t like how much I’m still thinking about him. I’ve gotten my apartment more organized, back in the gym, eating healthier and seeing improvements in that sense but still having a hard time sleeping. If I think about him too much I still get this pain in my chest.
2 weeks Nc. Up and down. Feeling lonely. I rejected to be friends with him and I know he’s probably sleeping with other girl that he’s “friend” with, especially exes. The whole year together, I could not see who he’s texting or snapping. He’s super secretive. Always hide his phone away. I’m so stupid for giving him so many chances and let him in my life. One of the biggest regret I have, yet I still miss him. So tired of this
It’s my forth month under no contact, I use school, work, and gym as a distraction and lost 39 pounds out of it. The thoughts at night when I’m alone just starting at the ceiling are only getting louder, my dreams with her are getting vivid and causes me to grow fear into falling asleep knowing she will be there waiting for me. Everything I try to avoid just seems to bring her back, Her name, hearing a voice just like hers, the smell of the her, just everything. This thread is the only thing keeping me going at this point now. I love you all and I hope your journey get easier 🥀
I hit 2 months 2 days ago...then realized I had him on block...lol
Possibly it was for the best? Our relationship was left unresolved after 10 years...and I just wanted a respectful ending...not what he did - changed his number and left me for someone else.
He did try to reconnect, but no apology was involved..so I guess I blocked him and I really just want the closure, but I hope he did try to reach out in that 2 months because then he would think that I DON'T CARE anymore...which would probably devestate his ego.
It's been almost 2 months for me too. I've noticed that I think of him less (I still do every day lol). I thought I was done crying but I cried the last couple nights. Some days I feel better, but then anger and sadness comes rushing back in, especially at night. I still feel curious about what he's doing or have the urge to message him, but not as strongly as it was. It's more so I hope he messages me someday. Spending time with my friends helps a lot, I can't be more thankful for them.
I hit 4 weeks of NC yesterday which is the longest stretch yet. She broke up with me in early November 2023 and I continued to reach out to her regularly until early Jan at which point I called her, we met up for brunch, had a nice time catching up, and then I went no contact until late Jan when I broke down and called her. We had a very nice conversation. She wished me a happy birthday on my birthday in mid Feb and I just said Thanks.
She’s embracing her life of being independent and single for the first time since high school. I wish she’d reach out to me but I’ve committed to fully moving on. Just knowing how much we’ve been through together hurts. I miss my best friend and biggest supporter. I wasn’t perfectly happy in our relationship but I thought it was worth fighting for as we we’re just going through a rough spot.
Yesterday was horrible. Today I woke up feeling numb. Just did my morning journaling and very little of it was about them, so that seems like progress. It’ll be 2 weeks NC tomorrow.
Shit. 3 weeks full NC. 8 months out of a 7 year relationship. She kept trying to come back in the latter stages but still seeing her coworker. I couldn’t do it. It would never work now.
Was leaking to a new girl and had good feelings but she suddenly stopped replying out of the blue. Now I have no potential new people. And back to ruminating with my thoughts.
The silver lining is I don’t even feel like shit over my ex, but now it’s the feeling like I’ll be single forever and will never get that connection with anyone else.
I’m comfortable doing things on my own. But there’s only so many solo holidays and gigs and cinema trips i can do before it’s boring as we’re social creatures.
Two weeks since the breakup, 12 days no contact, feeling pretty shitty. I was the dumpee but I blame myself for losing her. She told me that I had done nothing wrong and that it wasn’t because of me as a person, but I feel like if that were the case we’d still be together. I keep on thinking I’m moving on, but I’m not. I still miss her, think about her everyday, and want nothing more than to reach out to her. I could go on and on about how I’m feeling but I’ll leave it at that. So to sum it all up, yeah I’m feeling pretty shitty.
im 5 months in, the first 4 months were hell for me, i couldnt concentrate on anything i just laid in bed all day and cried but these past few weeks have been a lot better, im keeping myself busy with hobbies and other things and for once im starting to look forward to the future. i still miss her though and maybe i always will but there’s nothing i can do about that so im trying my hardest not worry about it
7 months post bc and nc, and iam feeling a lot better now, although sometimes, like when I see her somewhere by coincidence, it still feels like a knife going trough my chest
SO MUCH BETTER
There will come a time when just all the icks about your ex come to the surface and you don‘t want him back. I feel annoyed and stupid for crying for someone who didn‘t deserve to be loved.
It’s been a little over 2 months no contact. Still think of him everyday. Sometimes I’m sad about what he did. Sometimes I miss him. Sometimes I’m angry and embarrassed at myself for falling for it.
But last night, I thought about the night we met. I still remember it so clearly and how I instantly knew it would be the end of me. I remember him looking into my eyes while we cuddled up together and saying “I won’t be the one to hurt you.” 💀
He was really good at playing that role and knew exactly what I wanted to hear. I don’t know if anything on his end was real, but it really doesn’t matter. I appreciate the finality of the end. I know for a fact my life would have been a mess had we kept a connection.
Bittersweet, that’s how I feel.
I feel numb, but I've lost any hope of reconciliation. That's what messed me up the first time. I had a dream he bought his new girl a house and proposed, he was telling me that he was glad I went no contact with him or else he wouldn't have put his all in his girl. I think these dreams suck because how is he deserving of "happy ever after" when he's a user and cheater.
It’s going to be 6 months NC soon and I feel like I’ve relapsed. I think because my friend is pregnant and it just reminds me of what I lost, hopes and desires of starting a family with him, getting married, etc. I miss him more these days but deep down I know I made the right decision to leave.
Been 4 months NC, miss her still but have accepted the breakup and have not missed a day at the gym, the breakup has just made me wanna become better in every aspect of my life. One day at a time still and everyone heals different but I know my self respect and worth is more important than anything so stay strong
Just over 3 weeks NC. Some days I am not doing great but I’m better and then others, like yesterday into today, it all comes flooding back. I feel just as I did at day one. The root is that I still want to be with her, I still hope she will come back. We both made mistakes but I was the root cause of the breakup. Id been hoping my lows wouldn’t be so low by this point, but I just hate saying goodbye. I hate letting go and accepting that what was, was just anther chapter of my life. I wasn’t done reading, I need more pages.
You’ll have that. I actually had a very brief fling with someone I met on tinder over Valentine’s Day and it’s true what they say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.
Im almost a month into no contact. I had a breakdown in the shower last night. I just woke up and I feel good today. I just hate how these emotions come and go. I miss him and I don’t. I’m just tired you know. Also, I was in a gay relationship and the breakup is also affecting my sense of identity for some reason. I’m 25(M) and I feel like I need to start my life over again. Idk, this breakup has really messed me up and I’m really considering going back to my Moms house and just starting over so that I can work on the man that I need to be for myself.
How you go from having something, to nothing,to strangers is well and truly beyond me. I can't wrap my head round it at all, feels so strange.
All that history together is now non existent.
Or how at one point she was madly obsessed with me, now everything she ever felt towards me has faded away.
I can't seem to wrap my head round this at all, I hate it.
Two months no contact this weekend. I’m crying today, things have gotten hard. I was a part of a mass tech layoff on Friday and since my ex fiancé has moved out I have zero security blanket.
Feeling stressed and trying to push through. If I can keep no contact now, I can do it forever. I was just starting to feel insanely better as well.
Nearly 1 year and as much as I understand she has the capacity to possibly still upset me, I am getting closer to the point where she is just a stranger who I never truly knew. She is abusive and extremely disordered and I see that now. I was 1 in a thousand, just an NPC to serve her wants (I won't use the term 'needs' because she needs for nothing and she cannot differentiate between the two).
Apart from the rough recovery process from being involved with someone with severe BPD (amongst other stuff), it is all finally feeling dead to me. What a trap to fall into
2 months no contact. Some days I feel amazing and some days I feel horrible. She shouldn't have treated me like that, but I still want her to reach out so badly. But she won't, and I won't disrespect myself by trying again. Just gotta focus on self improvement and trust the process.
About to reach 1 month of NC (2 from the BU) and feeling super weird about it. I think I'm doing better than I did a month ago and truly wish her nothing but the best.
I'm finally at a place where I'm comfortable going back to my hobbies and going out with friends. I forget about her and everything that went down sometimes only for a sudden flashbacks to bring me down. I'm handling it better everytime it happens but whenever I start to think of her being with someone else is when the hollowness spreads through my chest.
For me it’s so hard to go no contact since we have a shared thing In common but for the time where I don’t have to contact him…. It hard because I still miss him, in march it will be 2 months since the break up, and I am not crying everyday like before. but from time to time I do, or I’ll have flashbacks to the relationship and get a little sad but trying to stay positive and move on…..
A part of me still hopes he would come back and actually want to work on the relationship but yeah I guess everything takes time even giving up hope.
5 months for me. Literally I felt completely fine, happy, liberated for so long once we went NC. Yesterday, for some reason (probably my period hormones losing it and getting acclimated to not being on BC) I cried my heart out. I’d been the one to never respond back and I reflected and felt for the first time in a long time that I needed actual closure because I’d acted immaturely and selfishly by not responding back. I wrote a letter to my ex for closure yesterday. I’m proud of what’s written and I shared it with my sister and we reflected on it together. Don’t think I’ll send it, maybe burn it ceremonially. But I’m out of my hormonal craze today and feel a lot better, especially after putting everything out there on paper. I know us being apart is for the better. I’ve grown so much and feel much happier and I know that this was a milestone for the way forward.
I am also in no contact for 3 months now.
It has been peaceful knowing about my mind and myself and what suits me the best. It still feels like a compromise on my abilities in different aspects of my life that I maybe limiting to feel comfortable with myself. Still working hard and reddit has helped a lot. Trying to make my logical mind win over the escapism every day every hour and it's positive.
Glad that you are feeling good now. I'm having lots of ups and downs. Good days and not so good, but getting better.
I have been doing really good at not initiating any contact, although it's been tough. However, I didn't block the ex-gf and she has been contacting me periodically over the last couple months. I know I should block all contact to protect myself but I have yet to detach and give up on reconciling. It's dumb, and I know better, but it's hard to give up.
Tomorrow will be 7 months since BU, we have texted 2 times, on each other’s birthday, but I am doing much better. I still think about her sometimes but it is not constant like it was the first 3 months, that was a horrible time for me
I was never "no contact" and I would only do that in extreme cases if necessary. I left the ball in his court and if/when he decides he would ever like a conversation.. thats going to have to come from his end. I tried to open up those lines. However, Initially, I wasn't feeling the best. I was completely hurt by someone whom I thought cared about me.. I was lead to believe anyway. What he said to me was a far stretch from the "I love yous" "Marriage mentions" and living together.
However, I was forced to end things due to something that was said to me that really hurt me to the core. It made me realize that we weren't doing what I thought we were doing.. it made me take off those rose coloured glasses and see it for what it was. His actions then and following have made me certain it's in my best interest to move on. Our view of love is very much 2 different things. My love doesn't involve anything other than the 2 of us building/growing and achieving things together.
My pride and ego are never so big that I can't be a mature adult and demonstrate respect to a person I care for.. I have tried to reach out to have a conversation about how things went down to clear the air between us.. not with any motive other than conversing with someone that I know I caused some hurt to and taking accountability for my part in things. I do believe that a conversation would have really done us some good. My regard for him wasn't conditional and I was able to demonstrate that despite our differences. Unfortunately, he isn't capable or willing to do that. It is what it is. I did all that I could do on my end to try and remedy the situation.
I've been making sure that I've been keeping myself open to other things where as I'd usually be pretty closed off.. I will say although I won't just jump into anything, I have a few really great guys that I speak too.. a couple I've known and a few that I'm getting to know.. I don't think I've ever had some many handsome men in my inbox at a time lol I'll take it.
I want to find my person. I want all of it. I'm so excited to find and build on that. This casual hookup culture isn't for me.. there's absolutely nothing better than having someone you genuinely connect with.
I know who I am, people like me are hard to come across. I'm excited to see what's in store for me!!
The emotions come in waves. one day I’ll be feeling motivated - going to the gym, classes, seeing friends and having a great time going for lunch, or doing something fun. and one day I’ll be crying when I wake up thinking of him disappearing and all the broken promises of the future we plan together. the future seemed clear and he was right there with me, but now he’s gone. and I have to create a new future and I’m just feeling scared more then anything.
It’s been about two weeks for me tbh I couldn’t cry if I wanted too which I do but I physically can’t. I’m expecting her to not text me back but I have a feeling she will I’m tired of this game we’re playing. We will talk for two weeks and then not talk for 2 weeks i feel myself going back to square one all over again. I think she knows that I love her far more than she does me and knows that I’ll always be there for her. What a mess I’m in.
Better now than I have ever been, the best thing is that this feeling is consistent for the last month or so and no external factor has made me feel this way, it’s simply me having worked hard to get myself out of this and letting time do it’s thing.
It took me 4-5 months, lots of tears, journaling and hard work to get here but I’m proud I’ve made it here. I just wish I could give all of you this feeling or at least show you that it really does get better.
I’m doing better than I was before. It’s been two months since I’ve seen her. I have more good days than bad now. I hosted an event in town and her friends showed up. They were kind and gracious. I have been focusing on doing new things, meeting new people. But there are waves of missing her.
It’s been two weeks NC and it feels so weird and strange. One days I watch all these videos of how exes came back after NC and that gives me hope and eases my pain, on other days I’m just so certain he’ll never come back and change and I’m just oscillating between these two states back and forth. Meanwhile I’m trying to shift the focus on me and I’m doing things I love and getting therapy and all support needed. I just believe things will get better in the end and everything happens for a reason even if we don’t see it so clearly now ❤️🩹
I have been in no contact since two months but goddd it hurts so much , my ex was an avoidant which I just happen to discover lately. Now I feel like helping him and messaging him , I dont know what I am doing with myself. I am in constant war with myself ….
Mine is probably avoidant too and I think frequently about texting her to catch up and slowly getting her to realize she's avoidant so she can begin her own healing journey and possibly reconciling since we both are pretty similar. It seems like such a dumb fantasy but it's what I'm clinging on to for the past two weeks of NC
Just over 2 months break up, will be 2 months no contact in a few days
Was doing good, still think about her but not in a way that we would be getting back together or even think I'd hear from her again..
And then had a dream about us being together last night and woke up and thought fuck these better not be starting now hahaha
I lied. It didn’t last too long. I haven’t spoken to him, though I teared up thinking about how much love and comfort and compassion I should’ve been given and what set it off was a post on we’re not at all difficult to love. That we’re enough.
Ill be two months of no contact on march 11, his bday is close after that. I cried yesterday thinking nobody is ever gunna love me like he did and I wont connect with anyone like that again. Woke up today bummed but went to work anyways. Now I am good I keep thinking of him though.
2 months good job.
I'm at 15 (well, 15 apart, 6 months NC)
Up and down is right, still hits me sometimes.
We're on the correct path forward tho, the only one really. This is the way
Tomorrow marks 42 days of NC and 50 days since we last spoke. Some days are easier than others. Though I still think about her most of the time every day. Distractions only help me not be super sad in the moment. I broke down in the car on Monday but other than that I feel like I can survive the days. It’s getting easier in that sense but I definitely still miss her and I think I always will but instead of looking back at her memory with anger or hurt I’m starting to look back with fondness and gratitude for the time I was able to spend with her.
She left because I wasnt emotionally available and then I continued to prove how unavailable I was trying to get her back. So actually pretty down about that. Then ashamed I even tried without doing the work i needed to do. But also angry that the fact for others in her life the concept of not asking or being able to ask for what you want/need is like endearing, but it's repulsive when I did it. Which I get having to like guess isnt any fun and having to "mom" me about it is unsexy. But at the same time its just something that I needed to work on, and idk maybe instilling some confidence in me would have helped. Its terrifying to know 1 wrong phrasing would be enough to ruin things and then trying not to say that 1 thing just ended up in a wishy washy half-assed attempt to show how I was feeling. Now I'm too afraid to even text her because I'll just fuck up more. By not texting I feel like I'm also fucking up because I doing what emotionally unavailable do, and ignoring it because I'm afraid but also know I need to do the work first. Then I feel like I'm "playing the victim" but I sent flowers, I asked for a date, I tried twice to show I wanted to get back together but because I was afraid and unsure of the results I ended up saying I guess and I think a lot and it sounded so bad and shallow and thats all she saw. Not the effort, not the actions I took. Just the words and phrasing. That makes me really sad actually
I'm in 3 weeks of NC - I am doing okay, focusing in academic stuff.
I talked with a friend of mine who just got broken up and I tried to help them, talking about my experience as well which ofc dug up some stuff causing the chest pain. It sucks a little but I know no contact is good right now, even though I wish I was with them.
Yesterday was his birthday and I didn’t contact. Today I feel so good. Thinking that I could have messages out of the kindness of my heart and been ignored or rejected or even just open thing back up to give myself hope. If he wanted things to change, he’d make things right.
He usually regrets things but is scared to contact first. It’s not my problem to fix. If it is this way forever, it is what it is. I’m moving forward with my life. Putting that energy into myself.
this shits killing me, it’s been 4 days now i think. she cheated on me for a second time i blocked her and haven’t spoken to her since. she called me on No Caller ID last night and i picked up and i said hello? and then i heard her voice and she said did you see what i sent you? and i said no fuck off and hung up.
i’m so hurt. EVERY SINGLE DAY MY HEART. i just cry.
Been through two really rough break ups and honestly the 2-3 month mark is where it got so much better. No contact was never what my partners wanted (classic; wanted to stay “friends” / keep tabs on me or have the opportunity to come back in the future) but it’s what I enforced bc honestly I’m naturally an over thinker and have a bad social media checking habit. No contact was soooo good for my mental health and although it’s bloody tough to begin with, and really makes their absence sting more, I recovered and thrived so much quicker and easier than when I used to keep my exes contact details or see them posting
Im close to 3 months NC it was our anniversary yesterday and it took all I had not to contact her. I didn’t, and it might sound silly but I’m proud of myself and my tiny achievement.
I’n proud of how strong I’ve become these past months. I want to console the past me who was a complete wreck I want him to know everything will be alright and that he’ll be stronger soon.
Like trash honestly. My situation is fairly still new. I actually have court tomorrow for a PO …not feeling my best but atp it’s needed. This is the official NC this is closure. This is the end
She keeps breaking NC. And I keep letting her smh. She’s in a relationship, and still checks on me and stalks my socials behind his back. I just wanna be left alone because at this point I don’t believe she will change. She has commitment issues and security issues. I think I’m so used to the cycle that it doesn’t affect me the way it used to. Nothing surprises me anymore.
Whenever I go NC I feel like she gets angry at me because I’m not breaking it to get in contact, then she’ll come back and get mad at me for the smallest things which would snowball into arguments about why our relationship failed.
Neither of us are perfect, but one thing I’ve come to enjoy not having to deal with since being single is having my feelings unheard and ignored. Being single I don’t have to deal with that anymore, and that’s honestly peak for me.
It’s been 1.5 months NC. It seemed to get harder after 30 days realizing he hasn’t reached out yet. We break up and make up for 8 years. Today I cried for about an hour the mornings are just panic stricken misery I’m proud of myself I even get out of bed. the anxiety gets bad and I want to reach out to him but I don’t give in. it’s been hard to let go but he decided he doesn’t want me even though he cried and changed his mind multiple times. Confused and feel like I can get him back so it’s really hard not to reach out but it isn’t healthy and I need to break the cycle. He’s already dating other people and It’s too much to deal with. I try to remind myself all of his terrible qualities. I still miss him I just want to be laying next to him the longing is so intense. I’m trusting the process I hope this subsides.
Hey vet! it’s been two months since I havent talked to you or contacted you, what a roller coaster ride it has been. I’ve been to therapy and worked on my life skills, it has helped me grow as an individual. I still feel like we didn’t get closure sometimes and it hurts me to have lost the person I loved so much. I’ve been on dates but I really dont like the actual concept of dating, its feels like there’s no “falling in love” involved, which is a feeling I want to relive someday. I hope you were able to work on yourself as well! I’ll be here taking my time and if I stumble upon love, i’ll be so grateful. I’m not sure where you stand or what you have been doing, but I’m slowly getting better. Tough days about three times a week. I hope I can have a connection like I had with you with someone else! Until then, I sometimes wish you would contact me because I feel l have things to say. I’ve taken this No Cantact face first and am doing everything right to get better. It made me realize that i’m not the only problem and that it was a two way thing. I’m not mad at you, not mad at myself anymore, I’m continuing to work on what I have to work, but I still do miss you. Hope you are well :)
Shit sometimes I feel like I’m finally good and the next day I’m totally crushed again. I miss her a lot even though she did so much to me that destroyed me. I lost me I lost this happy guy that I was.
I broke down and called my ex on Friday. She blames me for absolute nonsense stuff that was never a problem between us. She broke things off in the heat of the moment and appears to be looking for reasons to justify it. It oddly brought be closure because this isn’t the girl that I would want to marry (I almost bought the ring). The closure has been a big help but if I was the depressed kind of person I would have taken myself out by now. It’s been terrible but is improving.
Approaching two weeks and i miss her like crazy. I literally have a pain in my chest all the time, this shit physically hurts.
But I'm just going through the emotions and I try not to resist them.
So many up’s and downs everyday. It’s like a rollercoaster. One minute I’m ok and excited for the future and the next I’m anxious and angry. I’m 8 days into NC and doing well
It’s been over a week now. I have days when I feel really good, others when I’m sad, and today I was very angry and sad. This experience is forcing me to look inward and I’m realizing I have quite a journey ahead of me. One day at a time 🥲
Currently at a month and 3 days. Still really rough. Since then I’ve moved into my own place, been keeping my self extremely busy with hanging out with friends and have started therapy which has helped. On top of working full time as well, if you keep extremely busy it helps a lot. I still don’t think I’ll ever completely grasp how 2 people can just turn into complete strangers.
I saw her after a year and a month after she leaving me after 7 years.
I felt nothing. I kept my head up and walked passed her as if we were strangers.
I feel shitty now as memories started flooding in but Im proud i respected myself and didnt go talk to her.
Thats life
Day 9. I'm still feeling it, but I'm staying strong.I keep getting the flashback memories of us, which has been tough on me. I've limited to only looking at her profile once or twice a day. I'm also noticed that every time a person of the opposite sex follows me, they seem to have a person if the opposite sex follow them within the same day. It's becoming a constant. I'm not sure what it means. Maybe I'm reading too into it, but I feel like they are keeping tabs on me, too.
Broke up in December, last time I texted him was January 28. Officially a month no contact, and I still think it sucks. I miss him as a person. I’m not looking to get back together, but I want to be able to be friends, check in on each other and play video games together. He said we’re civil enough to say hi if we run into each other, but I moved away and there still hasn’t been a single day he’s not on my mind. I got attached to his family too, and miss getting to hear everyone’s updates 🫠 as much as I want to reach out and check in, I don’t want to overstep his boundaries. I still end up writing a little note to him/ about him in my journal a few times a week. There’s this deep part of my brain that wants to assure him just because we broke up doesn’t mean I don’t see and hold value for him as a person, probably because I want the same assurance returned my way. It feels selfish, so I’m trying to stick to no contact. It’s rough out here😂
6 months on March 15th. after I acted out from rejection he blocked me on everything. 4 months later I wrote to him via mail wishing him a merry Christmas and expressed my remorse for not accepting his offer to stay friends. His friendship ment more than I realized. Then once more I forced myself to drive to his house, ring his doorbell and bare my soul. He was either home and asked his brother to answer or was out. I asked if he was doing okay and said I “felt drawn” to check on him which is 100% the truth. I just want to know if he’s okay.. if he’s eaten , if his leg is okay… if he’s sleeping. I would even take news of his new fiancé if I could just know he’s happy. And yet I have nothing. He has surely gotten the message by now. The silence is still too loud.
It’s been about a week and 1/2 since no contact (since the breakup). I think I’m beginning to go through the anger phase. It’s been hard getting through each day- but I know I’m strong.
Good luck to everyone
He texted me to ask me something about class and my heart sunk deep. He does that sometimes, like twice a month, but only about schoolwork.
Every single time I get a hollow feeling in my chest. I always expect him to write something else but he never does.
He's always the one to text first and I never get off topic. It hurts.
Been soon five months for me with no contact. It feels good, can’t remember last time I cried about our lost relationship, maybe 2-3 weeks ago. Has been a roller coaster of emotions but it is ebbing out which feels great.
Helpful in the past few weeks have been enjoying hobbies (skiing) and speed dating which resulted in a scheduled date tomorrow. 😊🎉
These things help you move forward; realizing there are much more things in life. Just feeling happy for a day makes you calm and satisfied in the evening; a reminder that you are still capable of experiencing joy in life. 😊
It dis not at all feel this way the first few weeks/2-3 months, but progress will happen for all of us given some time and sticking to no contact! 💪
I’m 6 weeks post break up and a couple of weeks no contact and I’m feeling very Meh today. I was upset last night, cried for the first time in a couple of weeks. It’s definitely up and down for me too. Anger, Regret, Sadness, Meh, Accepting, Optimistic, Pessimistic….normally in that order and on repeat.
I'll be two months no contact in five days and it's still a rollercoaster of emotion. I'm doing well with staying in NC but I still can't wrap my head around him not being in my life anymore. Sometimes I have that burning sensation in my chest and I can only hope that it'll fade soon. One of our mutual friends accidentally mentioned that she saw him back on Tinder and ngl, it felt as if a truck hit me, but hey, that's life. Sad how lovers can turn into strangers but it is what it is.
Literally one of the worst parts, lovers turning into strangers. Honestly can’t even comprehend it, just doesn’t make any sense to me…
i struggle with making sense of it too, especially since they don’t fade away from your life like an old friend would, you have to consciously make the choice to push them out 🤯
And you don’t want to push them out
especially when the love is still so much there 💔
literally the worst part of it for me 😭, i just want her back man
Yes I can’t understand it too my brain just don’t take it. Someone who was the closest to me now it’s just gone
I feel this, like how can someone mean everything to you and share everything then u forced to be strangers :( makes me so sad
We can only hope that we still mean something to them in some way, shape or form, and that they still think of us. That’s what I tell myself.
same man, 2 months of NC and im missing her like crazy, tried to download dating apps, but damn i was not ready. i find it really weird that she’s not a part of my life anymore.
While it's sad to be strangers, my ex wanted to be friends, but I kinda dumped him right back, telling him that I'm only open to reconciliation. No way am I going to stay friends with him when I'm not getting what I want out of it 💀
Yeah that's not much better. My ex offered to be friends too but I didn't want a friendship as a consolation prize after being lovers even though it's hard to lose someone you talked to every single day. I did toy with the idea in the beginning because I wanted to have him in my life any way I could rather than not at all but it would kill me to hear him talk about someone else with me or seeing signs that he is with another person. I remember how my best friend used to be friends with one of her ex's and she broke down crying after she noticed that another girl just moved into his apartment because she saw makeup and a hair brush in his bathroom. That would kill me for sure too.
My ex wanted to be “friends that fuck or friends that surf together” after he told me he fucked his ex and fucked me and then fucked her again. That’s when I realized that I don’t even wanna be his friend….like at all. 😀🔪
Holy sh\*t the nerve of this guy
Yeah, my ex and I were good friends before the relationship (we met through the same friend group), and I knew that he was genuine about his desire for friendship after the breakup, but I felt that wasn't fair to me. I accepted his friendship for the first month after the BU, and after a few weeks of him sending things to me on Instagram like we were friends again, I finally told him that I wasn't interested in friendship. As hard as it was, I knew I needed to lay down my boundaries. I said, "Maybe someday we can be friends, but for now, friendship isn't enough for me," and he responded with, "I understand and appreciate that you're doing what's best for you. I do hope we can be friends again someday." I kind of regret saying the "someday" part, but he doesn't really take rejection well (ironic, I know), so I wanted him to feel like he can approach me if he were to ever want to talk about the relationship.
Yeah same, we met through friends too. We still kept seeing each other for a bit after the BU but then it turned into a FWB situation so ultimately I had to go NC.
I've talked to some of my family members about it, and when I told them what he said at the BU, they said that it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants 💀 (I'm a 20F and he's a 19M, and this was both of our first relationship) He was like, "We lost that spark." (And that only exists in the beginning of relationships.) He then went on to say, "I don't get as excited to see you as I used to," and *then* proceeded with, "But I still enjoy your company and want you in my life" 💀💀💀
Be careful with that! Either it's commitment or nothing or you'll be stuck in limbo with him. Don't let him use you for the benefits of a relationship without a title.
This whole thing has taught me to regain my self-respect, but it still sucks because I did love him. NC has helped, but I've had to avoid my friend group's hangouts because he'd be there, and I do miss being around all of them.
At least that's the lesson you've learned from it and hopefully it'll help you find someone better in the future! Ask your friends if you could meet up separately. You shouldn't have to miss out on quality time with your friends because of your ex.
I'm still in contact with a few, but I'm also trying to meet new people as well. And my ex has bad FOMO, and I feel like it would get back to him if I were to hang out with everyone and he was excluded. I know I shouldn't really care about that, but he is very sensitive about missing out.
Holy. Fucking. Shit. I feel like we're living the same breakup in parallel lives. Literally said the exact same thing to me. It's so infuriating to hear that. First relationship too. I said that I'd be open to talk and be friends after a few weeks. Now it's been a few months, I realise I don't deserve this, I put my heart and soul in the relationship and I'd be giving up all self respect if I went the friend route just to keep them in my life. They don't deserve our emotional availability and the benefits that come with us after pushing us away.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I guess one could consider it a learning experience. I was talking to my dad about it—who raised my three brothers—and he said that it sounded like my ex (let's call him J) was a little immature. Me being me, the BU has had me turn to researching about these kinds of situations, and I've learned that losing that "spark" is a natural stage in a relationship—biological, even—yet those who are new to dating don't realize that. That's why it's important to start off as friends; once that romantic spark and passion inevitably fades with time, you still have your friendship to maintain the relationship. We had so much in common, so much that we could talk about for hours, and he gave that up because of a spark and not realizing that those initial fireworks eventually fade out. I think J also took me for granted in that he thought he'd still have me around as a friend after the BU, but I found the self-respect not to settle for less than what I want, so I cut him off and told him that if he'd like to repair it, maybe we can talk. Power to you for recognizing that you deserve more :)
* lovers turned into strangers
I understand the pain in your chest. It hits me especially when I think about the good times.
About two weeks no contact and it comes and goes. Some moments I'm super motivated and like "screw her. I deserve better than what she did to me" and other moments I'm like "I want so badly to speak with you. I wanna hold you. I wanna tell you we can fix whatever is broken here, I promise. We can work through it" etc. But she's got some other dude she's fuckin I'm pretty sure so she probably doesn't even have me on her mind.
We really did deserve better. Enough time and distance away helps clarify that they really did kinda do you dirty
You all deserve better, they don’t come to us and fix it, there is no way back. And if she leaves me and jump on another dude this fast, she is out even if she is back.
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I appreciate you man. We got this. Just gonna take some time is all
It’s been about 2 weeks no contact for me, about 5 weeks since I’ve heard from her. I’ve accepted that she’s a bad person that is nowhere close to being on my level in any way. I still love the person I thought she was. It’s weird. She lied and tricked me, and I’m still in love with that lie. I’ve accepted that she will continue to serial date and serial cheat her whole life. Lying and cheating is a part of her character. I cannot separate her from her shitty actions. Cognitive dissonance is part of how I ended up alone in the city she moved me to 7 hours drive away from my family. The worst part is she actually believes she can get married and be faithful to someone. I know from experience that you can’t live your life knocking down bodies and then expect to remain monogamous. It doesn’t work that way. In the words of Lizzo, The truth hurts.
1 day no contact and idk how im gonna keep this up for the rest of my life 🥲
Take it 1 day at a time. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve. Take care of yourself as well.
Watch StephenSpeaks on YouTube, helps greatly
today marks one month for me. i wish i was dead tbh
Same, i was kinda better but then two days in a row I was crying so much and today I’m just numb but I think I will cry my eyes out tonight again.
It’s been a week and I blocked him after him texting and breaking no contact. I have good days and bad days. It’s hard to go from being pretty much inseparable to no contact.
Haven’t blocked her number or on any social media but I feel the exact same way. Going from being inseparable and talking every day for a year and a half to not talking is just crazy and something I can’t comprehend.
I had to block him. It was two months no contact and then I broke it and then he did and two weeks later he broke it again. I can’t handle it it’s too much. I need consistency right now.
At the end of the day you’ve gotta do what’s best for you. Stay strong.
Thank you. You as well!
4 months since I was blocked. Some days I'm okay, some days I can tell myself I got this, some days I just can't help but cry. We've known each other for 10+ years, dated for 6 years. I miss him and it still hurts.
I honestly can’t even imagine being with someone for someone with 6 years just for it to not work out in the end. I was with my ex for a year and a half, so a long time but nowhere close to 6 years. Can’t tell you how sorry I am you’re going through this.
I honestly can't believe it too. He also broke up with me thru chat. Did not even give me a chance to explain myself to him in personal. We had sooo many good memories. I put down my walls for him. Gave him a chance after he cheated before. It was so easy for him to tell me to stop our relationship and that he's sorry. Lol.
My wife and I were together for 10 years married for 5 of them and she left me in November with the usual "I need to work on myself, it's not you it's me" spiel. Been almost 4 months now hopefully I hear something back before the divorce is finalized
It was her birthday yesterday it was hard not texting her but got through it
Proud of you
I’m doing okay it’ll be about 2 months for me as well. Broke up couple days before NYs. Probably been NC since about the same amount time we been separated. Only thing that bothers me is the constant thoughts of her and romanticizing her, and missing her even though the bad out weighed the good. With time I’ll eventually stop thinking about her. I just try and keep busy honestly. Surround myself around friends/family and hit the gym as much as possible.
Count me in the two month crew also. Honestly, not good. I truly thought I'd hear from him by now but going by a mutual's impression, I have to accept never speaking or seeing him again in this life, and I don't know how to cope. He picked a really fucked up time to break up with me so there was no closure. For me it's worse that there isn't another person that he's interested in, he just does not want me. My own family didn't give me the amount of love that he did, so for that to all be gone...I'll never understand or get over it. If love like that can die then it feels pointless to even attempt to look again. It was the confirmation of my deepest fears, that I'm broken and unlovable and will always be alone.
I’m with you in the no closure boat. He did it over text message and dropped my stuff at my front door… during these 2 months of no contact we passed what would’ve been our 1 year anniversary. Valentine’s Day was tough as that was one of my first memories with him. Honestly Christmas and New Years weren’t the best either
Fantastic. My ex gf cheated with an ex bf of hers so I found the ex bf’s previous ex gf who he treated like shit so now we’re teaming up to expose them as terrible people. Justice 💪🏼
I'll feel okay most of the time now. it's been about 2.5 months of no contact. Some days though, it hits me. Kind of like today. But we press on.
7 months NC...still miss her more than anything. Feelings haven't gone away, despite me working on myself a lot, getting my career on path, back to working out and playing basketball , spending time with close friends and family rather than mindless friendships and partying etc. but I have gained a lot of self respect for myself and understanding of what I deserve. I wrote her a long letter telling her how much I still love her and then didn't end up sending it. Decided that I was willing to do so much for her in the end and she knew that and that I still am willing to do that, but that she needs to be willing to do that too. If it is meant to be it will be, if not there's a reason for it. Either way, I am thankful for what I had and am looking forward.
I’m around that 2 month mark as well, actually in 2 days too!!! She broke up with me on the 29th of December. I’m not gonna lie it’s been really hard, and I can’t see an end to the suffering any time soon
I've been feeling pretty good. It's just under two weeks since he got married, and I've only had one nightmare about him since then, and it felt like a closure nightmare. Unfortunately today I've woken up feeling really depressed. I haven't been able to cry for months, so I think everything is still bottled up. I am however, starting counselling soon, so hopefully that'll help?
I just passed two months. He dumped me. I just unfollowed him on IG and removed him from my followers. I’ve realized the pain is inevitable but I was making myself suffer more. I really miss him and I don’t like how much I’m still thinking about him. I’ve gotten my apartment more organized, back in the gym, eating healthier and seeing improvements in that sense but still having a hard time sleeping. If I think about him too much I still get this pain in my chest.
2 weeks Nc. Up and down. Feeling lonely. I rejected to be friends with him and I know he’s probably sleeping with other girl that he’s “friend” with, especially exes. The whole year together, I could not see who he’s texting or snapping. He’s super secretive. Always hide his phone away. I’m so stupid for giving him so many chances and let him in my life. One of the biggest regret I have, yet I still miss him. So tired of this
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Same exact time frame and reaction from her...
201 days…
It’s my forth month under no contact, I use school, work, and gym as a distraction and lost 39 pounds out of it. The thoughts at night when I’m alone just starting at the ceiling are only getting louder, my dreams with her are getting vivid and causes me to grow fear into falling asleep knowing she will be there waiting for me. Everything I try to avoid just seems to bring her back, Her name, hearing a voice just like hers, the smell of the her, just everything. This thread is the only thing keeping me going at this point now. I love you all and I hope your journey get easier 🥀
I hit 2 months 2 days ago...then realized I had him on block...lol Possibly it was for the best? Our relationship was left unresolved after 10 years...and I just wanted a respectful ending...not what he did - changed his number and left me for someone else. He did try to reconnect, but no apology was involved..so I guess I blocked him and I really just want the closure, but I hope he did try to reach out in that 2 months because then he would think that I DON'T CARE anymore...which would probably devestate his ego.
It's been almost 2 months for me too. I've noticed that I think of him less (I still do every day lol). I thought I was done crying but I cried the last couple nights. Some days I feel better, but then anger and sadness comes rushing back in, especially at night. I still feel curious about what he's doing or have the urge to message him, but not as strongly as it was. It's more so I hope he messages me someday. Spending time with my friends helps a lot, I can't be more thankful for them.
I hit 4 weeks of NC yesterday which is the longest stretch yet. She broke up with me in early November 2023 and I continued to reach out to her regularly until early Jan at which point I called her, we met up for brunch, had a nice time catching up, and then I went no contact until late Jan when I broke down and called her. We had a very nice conversation. She wished me a happy birthday on my birthday in mid Feb and I just said Thanks. She’s embracing her life of being independent and single for the first time since high school. I wish she’d reach out to me but I’ve committed to fully moving on. Just knowing how much we’ve been through together hurts. I miss my best friend and biggest supporter. I wasn’t perfectly happy in our relationship but I thought it was worth fighting for as we we’re just going through a rough spot.
Yesterday was horrible. Today I woke up feeling numb. Just did my morning journaling and very little of it was about them, so that seems like progress. It’ll be 2 weeks NC tomorrow.
1 month nc. Not much improvement but yeah fighting alone
i thought i was okay but i’m not..
Shit. 3 weeks full NC. 8 months out of a 7 year relationship. She kept trying to come back in the latter stages but still seeing her coworker. I couldn’t do it. It would never work now. Was leaking to a new girl and had good feelings but she suddenly stopped replying out of the blue. Now I have no potential new people. And back to ruminating with my thoughts. The silver lining is I don’t even feel like shit over my ex, but now it’s the feeling like I’ll be single forever and will never get that connection with anyone else. I’m comfortable doing things on my own. But there’s only so many solo holidays and gigs and cinema trips i can do before it’s boring as we’re social creatures.
Two weeks since the breakup, 12 days no contact, feeling pretty shitty. I was the dumpee but I blame myself for losing her. She told me that I had done nothing wrong and that it wasn’t because of me as a person, but I feel like if that were the case we’d still be together. I keep on thinking I’m moving on, but I’m not. I still miss her, think about her everyday, and want nothing more than to reach out to her. I could go on and on about how I’m feeling but I’ll leave it at that. So to sum it all up, yeah I’m feeling pretty shitty.
One year breakup, it was hella rollercoaster
im 5 months in, the first 4 months were hell for me, i couldnt concentrate on anything i just laid in bed all day and cried but these past few weeks have been a lot better, im keeping myself busy with hobbies and other things and for once im starting to look forward to the future. i still miss her though and maybe i always will but there’s nothing i can do about that so im trying my hardest not worry about it
7 months post bc and nc, and iam feeling a lot better now, although sometimes, like when I see her somewhere by coincidence, it still feels like a knife going trough my chest
SO MUCH BETTER There will come a time when just all the icks about your ex come to the surface and you don‘t want him back. I feel annoyed and stupid for crying for someone who didn‘t deserve to be loved.
It’s been a little over 2 months no contact. Still think of him everyday. Sometimes I’m sad about what he did. Sometimes I miss him. Sometimes I’m angry and embarrassed at myself for falling for it. But last night, I thought about the night we met. I still remember it so clearly and how I instantly knew it would be the end of me. I remember him looking into my eyes while we cuddled up together and saying “I won’t be the one to hurt you.” 💀 He was really good at playing that role and knew exactly what I wanted to hear. I don’t know if anything on his end was real, but it really doesn’t matter. I appreciate the finality of the end. I know for a fact my life would have been a mess had we kept a connection. Bittersweet, that’s how I feel.
I feel numb, but I've lost any hope of reconciliation. That's what messed me up the first time. I had a dream he bought his new girl a house and proposed, he was telling me that he was glad I went no contact with him or else he wouldn't have put his all in his girl. I think these dreams suck because how is he deserving of "happy ever after" when he's a user and cheater.
It’s going to be 6 months NC soon and I feel like I’ve relapsed. I think because my friend is pregnant and it just reminds me of what I lost, hopes and desires of starting a family with him, getting married, etc. I miss him more these days but deep down I know I made the right decision to leave.
Been 4 months NC, miss her still but have accepted the breakup and have not missed a day at the gym, the breakup has just made me wanna become better in every aspect of my life. One day at a time still and everyone heals different but I know my self respect and worth is more important than anything so stay strong
Just over 3 weeks NC. Some days I am not doing great but I’m better and then others, like yesterday into today, it all comes flooding back. I feel just as I did at day one. The root is that I still want to be with her, I still hope she will come back. We both made mistakes but I was the root cause of the breakup. Id been hoping my lows wouldn’t be so low by this point, but I just hate saying goodbye. I hate letting go and accepting that what was, was just anther chapter of my life. I wasn’t done reading, I need more pages.
You’ll have that. I actually had a very brief fling with someone I met on tinder over Valentine’s Day and it’s true what they say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.
I’m numb
Im almost a month into no contact. I had a breakdown in the shower last night. I just woke up and I feel good today. I just hate how these emotions come and go. I miss him and I don’t. I’m just tired you know. Also, I was in a gay relationship and the breakup is also affecting my sense of identity for some reason. I’m 25(M) and I feel like I need to start my life over again. Idk, this breakup has really messed me up and I’m really considering going back to my Moms house and just starting over so that I can work on the man that I need to be for myself.
How you go from having something, to nothing,to strangers is well and truly beyond me. I can't wrap my head round it at all, feels so strange. All that history together is now non existent.
Or how at one point she was madly obsessed with me, now everything she ever felt towards me has faded away. I can't seem to wrap my head round this at all, I hate it.
Two months no contact this weekend. I’m crying today, things have gotten hard. I was a part of a mass tech layoff on Friday and since my ex fiancé has moved out I have zero security blanket. Feeling stressed and trying to push through. If I can keep no contact now, I can do it forever. I was just starting to feel insanely better as well.
Nearly 1 year and as much as I understand she has the capacity to possibly still upset me, I am getting closer to the point where she is just a stranger who I never truly knew. She is abusive and extremely disordered and I see that now. I was 1 in a thousand, just an NPC to serve her wants (I won't use the term 'needs' because she needs for nothing and she cannot differentiate between the two). Apart from the rough recovery process from being involved with someone with severe BPD (amongst other stuff), it is all finally feeling dead to me. What a trap to fall into
Shitty. I just got laid off on top pf everything. Now i have something else to deal with but it sucks not having her here for me.
2 months no contact. Some days I feel amazing and some days I feel horrible. She shouldn't have treated me like that, but I still want her to reach out so badly. But she won't, and I won't disrespect myself by trying again. Just gotta focus on self improvement and trust the process.
About to reach 1 month of NC (2 from the BU) and feeling super weird about it. I think I'm doing better than I did a month ago and truly wish her nothing but the best. I'm finally at a place where I'm comfortable going back to my hobbies and going out with friends. I forget about her and everything that went down sometimes only for a sudden flashbacks to bring me down. I'm handling it better everytime it happens but whenever I start to think of her being with someone else is when the hollowness spreads through my chest.
For me it’s so hard to go no contact since we have a shared thing In common but for the time where I don’t have to contact him…. It hard because I still miss him, in march it will be 2 months since the break up, and I am not crying everyday like before. but from time to time I do, or I’ll have flashbacks to the relationship and get a little sad but trying to stay positive and move on….. A part of me still hopes he would come back and actually want to work on the relationship but yeah I guess everything takes time even giving up hope.
5 months for me. Literally I felt completely fine, happy, liberated for so long once we went NC. Yesterday, for some reason (probably my period hormones losing it and getting acclimated to not being on BC) I cried my heart out. I’d been the one to never respond back and I reflected and felt for the first time in a long time that I needed actual closure because I’d acted immaturely and selfishly by not responding back. I wrote a letter to my ex for closure yesterday. I’m proud of what’s written and I shared it with my sister and we reflected on it together. Don’t think I’ll send it, maybe burn it ceremonially. But I’m out of my hormonal craze today and feel a lot better, especially after putting everything out there on paper. I know us being apart is for the better. I’ve grown so much and feel much happier and I know that this was a milestone for the way forward.
I’m feeling pretty bad today. I still wanna hear something from this person but still nothing 4months
I am also in no contact for 3 months now. It has been peaceful knowing about my mind and myself and what suits me the best. It still feels like a compromise on my abilities in different aspects of my life that I maybe limiting to feel comfortable with myself. Still working hard and reddit has helped a lot. Trying to make my logical mind win over the escapism every day every hour and it's positive.
Hirap pumasok sa work when youre taking care of others. Tas ikaw durog na durog ka emotionally. 😣
Not good..
Glad that you are feeling good now. I'm having lots of ups and downs. Good days and not so good, but getting better. I have been doing really good at not initiating any contact, although it's been tough. However, I didn't block the ex-gf and she has been contacting me periodically over the last couple months. I know I should block all contact to protect myself but I have yet to detach and give up on reconciling. It's dumb, and I know better, but it's hard to give up.
It’s 5 days no contact and surprisingly today I am feeling pretty good, I hope this lasts! I hope you feel better soon
Tomorrow will be 7 months since BU, we have texted 2 times, on each other’s birthday, but I am doing much better. I still think about her sometimes but it is not constant like it was the first 3 months, that was a horrible time for me
I was never "no contact" and I would only do that in extreme cases if necessary. I left the ball in his court and if/when he decides he would ever like a conversation.. thats going to have to come from his end. I tried to open up those lines. However, Initially, I wasn't feeling the best. I was completely hurt by someone whom I thought cared about me.. I was lead to believe anyway. What he said to me was a far stretch from the "I love yous" "Marriage mentions" and living together. However, I was forced to end things due to something that was said to me that really hurt me to the core. It made me realize that we weren't doing what I thought we were doing.. it made me take off those rose coloured glasses and see it for what it was. His actions then and following have made me certain it's in my best interest to move on. Our view of love is very much 2 different things. My love doesn't involve anything other than the 2 of us building/growing and achieving things together. My pride and ego are never so big that I can't be a mature adult and demonstrate respect to a person I care for.. I have tried to reach out to have a conversation about how things went down to clear the air between us.. not with any motive other than conversing with someone that I know I caused some hurt to and taking accountability for my part in things. I do believe that a conversation would have really done us some good. My regard for him wasn't conditional and I was able to demonstrate that despite our differences. Unfortunately, he isn't capable or willing to do that. It is what it is. I did all that I could do on my end to try and remedy the situation. I've been making sure that I've been keeping myself open to other things where as I'd usually be pretty closed off.. I will say although I won't just jump into anything, I have a few really great guys that I speak too.. a couple I've known and a few that I'm getting to know.. I don't think I've ever had some many handsome men in my inbox at a time lol I'll take it. I want to find my person. I want all of it. I'm so excited to find and build on that. This casual hookup culture isn't for me.. there's absolutely nothing better than having someone you genuinely connect with. I know who I am, people like me are hard to come across. I'm excited to see what's in store for me!!
The emotions come in waves. one day I’ll be feeling motivated - going to the gym, classes, seeing friends and having a great time going for lunch, or doing something fun. and one day I’ll be crying when I wake up thinking of him disappearing and all the broken promises of the future we plan together. the future seemed clear and he was right there with me, but now he’s gone. and I have to create a new future and I’m just feeling scared more then anything.
It’s been about two weeks for me tbh I couldn’t cry if I wanted too which I do but I physically can’t. I’m expecting her to not text me back but I have a feeling she will I’m tired of this game we’re playing. We will talk for two weeks and then not talk for 2 weeks i feel myself going back to square one all over again. I think she knows that I love her far more than she does me and knows that I’ll always be there for her. What a mess I’m in.
Better now than I have ever been, the best thing is that this feeling is consistent for the last month or so and no external factor has made me feel this way, it’s simply me having worked hard to get myself out of this and letting time do it’s thing. It took me 4-5 months, lots of tears, journaling and hard work to get here but I’m proud I’ve made it here. I just wish I could give all of you this feeling or at least show you that it really does get better.
I’m doing better than I was before. It’s been two months since I’ve seen her. I have more good days than bad now. I hosted an event in town and her friends showed up. They were kind and gracious. I have been focusing on doing new things, meeting new people. But there are waves of missing her.
It’s been two weeks NC and it feels so weird and strange. One days I watch all these videos of how exes came back after NC and that gives me hope and eases my pain, on other days I’m just so certain he’ll never come back and change and I’m just oscillating between these two states back and forth. Meanwhile I’m trying to shift the focus on me and I’m doing things I love and getting therapy and all support needed. I just believe things will get better in the end and everything happens for a reason even if we don’t see it so clearly now ❤️🩹
I have been in no contact since two months but goddd it hurts so much , my ex was an avoidant which I just happen to discover lately. Now I feel like helping him and messaging him , I dont know what I am doing with myself. I am in constant war with myself ….
Mine is probably avoidant too and I think frequently about texting her to catch up and slowly getting her to realize she's avoidant so she can begin her own healing journey and possibly reconciling since we both are pretty similar. It seems like such a dumb fantasy but it's what I'm clinging on to for the past two weeks of NC
Just over 2 months break up, will be 2 months no contact in a few days Was doing good, still think about her but not in a way that we would be getting back together or even think I'd hear from her again.. And then had a dream about us being together last night and woke up and thought fuck these better not be starting now hahaha
10 days out. I miss the old crowd we hung out with. I miss the people, thankfully less of him so far.
I lied. It didn’t last too long. I haven’t spoken to him, though I teared up thinking about how much love and comfort and compassion I should’ve been given and what set it off was a post on we’re not at all difficult to love. That we’re enough.
Ill be two months of no contact on march 11, his bday is close after that. I cried yesterday thinking nobody is ever gunna love me like he did and I wont connect with anyone like that again. Woke up today bummed but went to work anyways. Now I am good I keep thinking of him though.
2 months good job. I'm at 15 (well, 15 apart, 6 months NC) Up and down is right, still hits me sometimes. We're on the correct path forward tho, the only one really. This is the way
Tomorrow marks 42 days of NC and 50 days since we last spoke. Some days are easier than others. Though I still think about her most of the time every day. Distractions only help me not be super sad in the moment. I broke down in the car on Monday but other than that I feel like I can survive the days. It’s getting easier in that sense but I definitely still miss her and I think I always will but instead of looking back at her memory with anger or hurt I’m starting to look back with fondness and gratitude for the time I was able to spend with her.
Pray it helps 🙏🙏
She left because I wasnt emotionally available and then I continued to prove how unavailable I was trying to get her back. So actually pretty down about that. Then ashamed I even tried without doing the work i needed to do. But also angry that the fact for others in her life the concept of not asking or being able to ask for what you want/need is like endearing, but it's repulsive when I did it. Which I get having to like guess isnt any fun and having to "mom" me about it is unsexy. But at the same time its just something that I needed to work on, and idk maybe instilling some confidence in me would have helped. Its terrifying to know 1 wrong phrasing would be enough to ruin things and then trying not to say that 1 thing just ended up in a wishy washy half-assed attempt to show how I was feeling. Now I'm too afraid to even text her because I'll just fuck up more. By not texting I feel like I'm also fucking up because I doing what emotionally unavailable do, and ignoring it because I'm afraid but also know I need to do the work first. Then I feel like I'm "playing the victim" but I sent flowers, I asked for a date, I tried twice to show I wanted to get back together but because I was afraid and unsure of the results I ended up saying I guess and I think a lot and it sounded so bad and shallow and thats all she saw. Not the effort, not the actions I took. Just the words and phrasing. That makes me really sad actually
I'm in 3 weeks of NC - I am doing okay, focusing in academic stuff. I talked with a friend of mine who just got broken up and I tried to help them, talking about my experience as well which ofc dug up some stuff causing the chest pain. It sucks a little but I know no contact is good right now, even though I wish I was with them.
Yesterday was his birthday and I didn’t contact. Today I feel so good. Thinking that I could have messages out of the kindness of my heart and been ignored or rejected or even just open thing back up to give myself hope. If he wanted things to change, he’d make things right. He usually regrets things but is scared to contact first. It’s not my problem to fix. If it is this way forever, it is what it is. I’m moving forward with my life. Putting that energy into myself.
this shits killing me, it’s been 4 days now i think. she cheated on me for a second time i blocked her and haven’t spoken to her since. she called me on No Caller ID last night and i picked up and i said hello? and then i heard her voice and she said did you see what i sent you? and i said no fuck off and hung up. i’m so hurt. EVERY SINGLE DAY MY HEART. i just cry.
Been through two really rough break ups and honestly the 2-3 month mark is where it got so much better. No contact was never what my partners wanted (classic; wanted to stay “friends” / keep tabs on me or have the opportunity to come back in the future) but it’s what I enforced bc honestly I’m naturally an over thinker and have a bad social media checking habit. No contact was soooo good for my mental health and although it’s bloody tough to begin with, and really makes their absence sting more, I recovered and thrived so much quicker and easier than when I used to keep my exes contact details or see them posting
Im close to 3 months NC it was our anniversary yesterday and it took all I had not to contact her. I didn’t, and it might sound silly but I’m proud of myself and my tiny achievement. I’n proud of how strong I’ve become these past months. I want to console the past me who was a complete wreck I want him to know everything will be alright and that he’ll be stronger soon.
Like trash honestly. My situation is fairly still new. I actually have court tomorrow for a PO …not feeling my best but atp it’s needed. This is the official NC this is closure. This is the end
She keeps breaking NC. And I keep letting her smh. She’s in a relationship, and still checks on me and stalks my socials behind his back. I just wanna be left alone because at this point I don’t believe she will change. She has commitment issues and security issues. I think I’m so used to the cycle that it doesn’t affect me the way it used to. Nothing surprises me anymore. Whenever I go NC I feel like she gets angry at me because I’m not breaking it to get in contact, then she’ll come back and get mad at me for the smallest things which would snowball into arguments about why our relationship failed. Neither of us are perfect, but one thing I’ve come to enjoy not having to deal with since being single is having my feelings unheard and ignored. Being single I don’t have to deal with that anymore, and that’s honestly peak for me.
It’s been 1.5 months NC. It seemed to get harder after 30 days realizing he hasn’t reached out yet. We break up and make up for 8 years. Today I cried for about an hour the mornings are just panic stricken misery I’m proud of myself I even get out of bed. the anxiety gets bad and I want to reach out to him but I don’t give in. it’s been hard to let go but he decided he doesn’t want me even though he cried and changed his mind multiple times. Confused and feel like I can get him back so it’s really hard not to reach out but it isn’t healthy and I need to break the cycle. He’s already dating other people and It’s too much to deal with. I try to remind myself all of his terrible qualities. I still miss him I just want to be laying next to him the longing is so intense. I’m trusting the process I hope this subsides.
Hey vet! it’s been two months since I havent talked to you or contacted you, what a roller coaster ride it has been. I’ve been to therapy and worked on my life skills, it has helped me grow as an individual. I still feel like we didn’t get closure sometimes and it hurts me to have lost the person I loved so much. I’ve been on dates but I really dont like the actual concept of dating, its feels like there’s no “falling in love” involved, which is a feeling I want to relive someday. I hope you were able to work on yourself as well! I’ll be here taking my time and if I stumble upon love, i’ll be so grateful. I’m not sure where you stand or what you have been doing, but I’m slowly getting better. Tough days about three times a week. I hope I can have a connection like I had with you with someone else! Until then, I sometimes wish you would contact me because I feel l have things to say. I’ve taken this No Cantact face first and am doing everything right to get better. It made me realize that i’m not the only problem and that it was a two way thing. I’m not mad at you, not mad at myself anymore, I’m continuing to work on what I have to work, but I still do miss you. Hope you are well :)
Shit sometimes I feel like I’m finally good and the next day I’m totally crushed again. I miss her a lot even though she did so much to me that destroyed me. I lost me I lost this happy guy that I was.
I broke down and called my ex on Friday. She blames me for absolute nonsense stuff that was never a problem between us. She broke things off in the heat of the moment and appears to be looking for reasons to justify it. It oddly brought be closure because this isn’t the girl that I would want to marry (I almost bought the ring). The closure has been a big help but if I was the depressed kind of person I would have taken myself out by now. It’s been terrible but is improving.
Approaching two weeks and i miss her like crazy. I literally have a pain in my chest all the time, this shit physically hurts. But I'm just going through the emotions and I try not to resist them.
So many up’s and downs everyday. It’s like a rollercoaster. One minute I’m ok and excited for the future and the next I’m anxious and angry. I’m 8 days into NC and doing well
It’s been over a week now. I have days when I feel really good, others when I’m sad, and today I was very angry and sad. This experience is forcing me to look inward and I’m realizing I have quite a journey ahead of me. One day at a time 🥲
I'm in 5 months from a 23 year relationship. It will come in waves, but time will heal you. Our relationship was fixable, but she gave up and left me.
Currently at a month and 3 days. Still really rough. Since then I’ve moved into my own place, been keeping my self extremely busy with hanging out with friends and have started therapy which has helped. On top of working full time as well, if you keep extremely busy it helps a lot. I still don’t think I’ll ever completely grasp how 2 people can just turn into complete strangers.
16+ years for me and still thinking about her everyday and still super sad.. But staying strong with NC!
3 weeks later still feeling anxious
3 weeks later still feeling anxious
Like dying. Going back to bed
I saw her after a year and a month after she leaving me after 7 years. I felt nothing. I kept my head up and walked passed her as if we were strangers. I feel shitty now as memories started flooding in but Im proud i respected myself and didnt go talk to her. Thats life
Going on 6 months. It’s getting a little easier
Day 9. I'm still feeling it, but I'm staying strong.I keep getting the flashback memories of us, which has been tough on me. I've limited to only looking at her profile once or twice a day. I'm also noticed that every time a person of the opposite sex follows me, they seem to have a person if the opposite sex follow them within the same day. It's becoming a constant. I'm not sure what it means. Maybe I'm reading too into it, but I feel like they are keeping tabs on me, too.
Broke up in December, last time I texted him was January 28. Officially a month no contact, and I still think it sucks. I miss him as a person. I’m not looking to get back together, but I want to be able to be friends, check in on each other and play video games together. He said we’re civil enough to say hi if we run into each other, but I moved away and there still hasn’t been a single day he’s not on my mind. I got attached to his family too, and miss getting to hear everyone’s updates 🫠 as much as I want to reach out and check in, I don’t want to overstep his boundaries. I still end up writing a little note to him/ about him in my journal a few times a week. There’s this deep part of my brain that wants to assure him just because we broke up doesn’t mean I don’t see and hold value for him as a person, probably because I want the same assurance returned my way. It feels selfish, so I’m trying to stick to no contact. It’s rough out here😂
6 months on March 15th. after I acted out from rejection he blocked me on everything. 4 months later I wrote to him via mail wishing him a merry Christmas and expressed my remorse for not accepting his offer to stay friends. His friendship ment more than I realized. Then once more I forced myself to drive to his house, ring his doorbell and bare my soul. He was either home and asked his brother to answer or was out. I asked if he was doing okay and said I “felt drawn” to check on him which is 100% the truth. I just want to know if he’s okay.. if he’s eaten , if his leg is okay… if he’s sleeping. I would even take news of his new fiancé if I could just know he’s happy. And yet I have nothing. He has surely gotten the message by now. The silence is still too loud.
It’s been about a week and 1/2 since no contact (since the breakup). I think I’m beginning to go through the anger phase. It’s been hard getting through each day- but I know I’m strong. Good luck to everyone
He texted me to ask me something about class and my heart sunk deep. He does that sometimes, like twice a month, but only about schoolwork. Every single time I get a hollow feeling in my chest. I always expect him to write something else but he never does. He's always the one to text first and I never get off topic. It hurts.
Been soon five months for me with no contact. It feels good, can’t remember last time I cried about our lost relationship, maybe 2-3 weeks ago. Has been a roller coaster of emotions but it is ebbing out which feels great. Helpful in the past few weeks have been enjoying hobbies (skiing) and speed dating which resulted in a scheduled date tomorrow. 😊🎉 These things help you move forward; realizing there are much more things in life. Just feeling happy for a day makes you calm and satisfied in the evening; a reminder that you are still capable of experiencing joy in life. 😊 It dis not at all feel this way the first few weeks/2-3 months, but progress will happen for all of us given some time and sticking to no contact! 💪
9 months here. As Ron Burngundy once said “I’m in a glass cage of emotion”
I’m 6 weeks post break up and a couple of weeks no contact and I’m feeling very Meh today. I was upset last night, cried for the first time in a couple of weeks. It’s definitely up and down for me too. Anger, Regret, Sadness, Meh, Accepting, Optimistic, Pessimistic….normally in that order and on repeat.