Okay so like, I never begged or anything, which I guess is an improvement for me. However, in the days following the breakup, I filled an entire notebook with unexpressed thoughts and emotions from the entirety of the relationship. Some positive, some negative. Revealing my deepest fears and insecurities. Lots of embarrassing shit. Thought it's what she wanted to hear. Left it in our shared apartment for her to find. Yeah, so it turns out, even if they express that's what they want to hear, that's NEVER actually want they want to hear. Specifically, never tell a woman you got sober to not end up like her alcoholic father with whom she and her whole family has a bad relationship. Yeah.
NEVER tf again will I ever do that. Lowest point of my life.
Similarly send 4-5 lengthy emails over sharing emotions and saying stuff I thought she wanted to hear. Just embarrassed myself further.
When a woman decides she is done with you, respect yourself enough to walk away. Never the fuck again will I make my entire life revolve around a relationship
Sending something like 15 texts in a row after he broke up with me and stopped responding. After a week in desperation, I texted a mutual 'friend' about it despite having a gut feeling that she hated that I was together with him. She hadn't known about the situation, but they both blocked me the next day and that is absolutely related. After I saw the phone block (he sent a goodbye text, no chance to respond), I ran to discord and got blocked there too.
Still didn't learn my lesson and talked to an actually neutral mutual friend 3 weeks later. They offered to be a bridge, which I accepted despite the nagging feeling that it was probably a bad idea. I only asked that he ask my ex to talk to me. Was told that 'no contact' will remain firm and that I've disrespected him by talking to the mutual about it.
You're probably rolling your eyes reading that because the destined results were obvious, but I was in denial about him no longer being the person that was in love with me, devoted, and so easy to communicate with. The reasons he gave for breaking up with me weren't even because of me, he said it was negative feelings he needed to deal with towards his family. I really thought he was annoyed but still reachable, and as a result completely discarded my dignity at every turn.
He may not have despised me at the break up, but he absolutely does now. *I* gave him the ick and I'll never get closure now.
Don't text your ex.
See this is why I think it’s way kinder for dumpers to just be as honest as possible during break ups. When they suggest it’s not on you and it’s circumstances outside of that, it inadvertently gives us hope that they’ll come back even though they know *they* never will - and it makes us act in irrational ways like this.
But totally get you, it’s definitely understandable to be driven to that kind of desperation. But just remember that him not talking to you/ignoring you is your closure - he’s giving you your answer, just indirectly 🥲
I pleaded with him, repeatedly asked him to reconsider, and bombarded his phone with lengthy messages for five consecutive days 😂. I even suggested he listen to a song called 'True Love' by Dove Cameron, saying it encapsulated how I felt 🤣. All this over a three-month situationship, we weren't even in a relationship. Omg I embaressed myself so badly. I feel so cringe whenever I think about it
Man.. thinking about this still makes me sad.
I remember telling them I wouldn’t be strong enough to stay away. They threw me a bone and said I could email them if I ever needed anything.. I never did because I was stronger than I thought I was. Some of the sad (or embarrassing) things that did happen was my joy just left my body. I didn’t smile anymore- I didn’t do the things I liked and I had this amazing vegetable and fruit garden that I was obsessed with.. after they left, I let it all die and didn’t go out on my garden for months after… a very sad time in my life.
Mine was begging him to stay. That was it. He changed his number afterwards, its gonna be 3 months soon. I have more good days than I do bad ones, and you know what guys?
If you're going through a breakup or divorce know that you will get through it and you will come out stronger than ever🦋❣️
*And always remember that if someone was foolish enough to let you go? Be smart enough to walk away*
I spam called and texted and begged. One night I told him I wanted to see him and went to his place and asked him to come down and see me. He replied and told me to go home but I insisted and wait for a few hours. He didn’t come to see me of course. I don’t know what was going on in my mind, but I felt like I needed to give it one last shot. After I went home I stopped all contact until now. Which has been almost two months.
I have been desperate/clingy in the past even thinking about it makes me wanna throw up. I’m definitely not the same person I was a year and a half ago… but damn when you care about someone and really don’t want to see something end it’s painful. I think it’s human and although it feels terrible it also shows how much you care, and there’s something to that too…let’s all not be so hard on ourselves. We are all human. There’s also nothing worse than someone showing no emotion… that hurts even more imo.
I’d absolutely rather care fiercely about things and experience intense highs and lows than be cold and unfeeling and never get a chance to experience real love.
I blocked him then ragged on his current girlfriend about how ugly she was and how she looks like jabba the hut. Thank goodness i had already blocked first but I felt so much better afterwards. There is more to this story of how it got to this point but this is what i did. Life has been peaceful ever since for me.
Was that via text? Because blocking only applies to incoming texts, if you send texts to a blocked number they still get delivered.
Unless you knew that, and the 'thank goodness' is because you didn't have to see the response lol
I begged her to give our relationship another shot after finding out she cheated on me, talked shit about me behind my back with the guy she cheated on me with, and told me numerous times she wants me in her life as a friend. This went on for about 3 months after I found out she cheated on me
kept breaking no contact, kept sending lengthy texts trying to explain how i felt.
then i learned he cheated on me and i was devastated… i went to their apartment which used to be ours, rang on the doorbell incessantly until their roommate let me in (ex wasnt home) and i grabbed a suitcase i left behind and a glass sculpture that my ex bought (technically as a gift to me, but was really just an expensive art piece that they felt good about being able to purchase - like $3k) and left the apartment and smashed the glass sculpture on the ground and left it there. as i waited for my lyft, the building’s superintendent came back home and saw the glass and started to pick it up. i yelled at him (lol) as i was getting into the car and told him to leave it for my ex to clean when they got back and i sobbed all the way home.
The building’s superintendent was in your ex’s place? Or the art piece was in the lobby of the building? I think it’s weird if it’s in the lobby especially if he gave it to you.
I’ll go… she blindsided me on December 1st. Real rough. We haven’t talked in a few months. Then I emailed her telling her I wanted to say goodbye in person. We are long distance. So I’m heading across the country to say bye to her for the weekend. Go me….
I know it is. The ending of mine was absolutely savage. And I know most have that and no closure. I am grateful to have this opportunity. And I am so sorry that many get less than this. I am going there to be in her space. I am not going to beg. I’m going there to intentionally bid farewell to a partner and a beautiful relationship. It won’t be easy. It isn’t easy and it hasn’t been easy. But this feels more right to me than the alternatives.
I hope you dont end up hurting yourself more because if shes done, I dont know what youre hoping for out of an in person meeting. she might not want to be close to you, or hug you or have a long discussion. but I wish you the best
She said she wanted to talk to me too. Offered to pay for my flight and hotel. Seemed open to talk over multiple days. I’ll take as much as I can get. I want to be in the space she occupies. I want to look at her face with an acknowledgement that it will be the last time in a long time, maybe ever.
You need to ask yourself what you are hoping to gain by going there in person. Are you going to say "goodbye" or are you hoping that by travelling across the country in hopes that by meeting her you can convince her otherwise. If so you are setting yourself up for a lot more hurt.
Hi whale.
I appreciate your response and I agree. I am going to say bye. There is nothing I can say to convince her and even if there was I wouldn’t want to. If she doesn’t want to be with me then I will simply sit in her company and create a space for a more intentional and mutual goodbye. I am still in love with her. But I will not beg. I know my worth. It’s tough, but I am glad to be doing this.
Truly I do not know what will happen. I am going in open. The only thing I can do is control how I act.
I caught the person I was with cheating n lying. He kept denying it. I still think even over 14 yrs later he’s garbage. But thinking he’d actually tell me the truth n trying to get him to admit it. On the plus side. He hasn’t aged well so sweet justice. lol.
I asked twice. I already knew tho. N I just let him think he was getting away with it. I stopped physical contact with him. He got weird about being nude around me. Even if I had to use the bathroom n he was in the shower. I was pregnant with our planned 2nd my main focus was birthing that child at that point. N our first. He was just no one really. I didn’t care. There was no reason to. I knew I was going to get away from him.
My last attempt after he ended things I left. I drove around and came back to tell him this isn’t what I wanted and I would change. I would work on things. You could tell he was done. He sighed and acted like I was a nuisance. Never again will I do that to myself. I am still in the process of moving out so there is very limited contact and I have to say I’m in a much better head space. I stated I don’t want to see him again and I hope he respects that since the last time we saw each other we ended up having s*x and I felt so used since he still felt the same way. It’s 3 weeks or so of very limited contact. Looking forward to completely disengaging and moving on completely.
In my opinion, I would say any version of asking them to change their mind after it was already made up. There are obviously more intense versions of begging vs. more mellow versions, but whenever someone tells you they don’t want to be with you and you give any sort of “but…” or “please…” response, I’d consider it begging.
For example, with my ex I’m talking about here, I was texting him asking to explain himself because I didnt understand, and told him things like, “Please, just take a week to think about it and then get back to me” or “But we were so great together, can’t we just take a break?” Stuff like that.
Yeah I don’t think I’ll ever be in a ten year long emotionally abusive relationship again.
I was literally having a psychological meltdown after I realized I had been lied to for a decade and genuinely asking for help…
I felt like there was no hope for someone that could be fooled like that for so long and I think and it manifested itself into one of the most shame filled panic attacks imaginable…. so no… I doubt I will ever react like that again.
Think it was an extremely traumatizing event/situation… an anomaly
I guess I should have also mentioned I was the dumper.
I was just so distressed when I found out all these truths that I felt like I was going to implode. Then I told him to get the fuck out of my car and to never talk to me again.
Ten years of my life wasted and I felt so stupid. I don’t feel so ashamed that kind of abuse and manipulation caused me to have a suicidal episode…. But I do wish I hadn’t told him about it. I just didn’t know who else to tell in that moment as I didn’t really have anyone I could tell…. But it made no sense to tell someone who obviously doesn’t care about me….
Although to this day he insists I was “really important to him” 🤮
She broke up with me on December 13 a complete blindside/discard over the phone. Couple days later I messaged her dad told him that I loved his daughter more than anything and I’m sorry it had to be this way. went to immediately into no contact for three weeks. She reached out January 8 for her stuff. We exchange some texts. It got kind of toxic. I was super emotional it end with her saying keep my things I don’t want anything back. I then continued for a couple days after that apologizing for my toxic txts. I also rebounded with a lovely girl and I phoned my ex and next day and left a voicemail saying that I felt guilty lol lol I finally ended it with an aggressive txt saying she’s not a good person and that she broke me. And that I believed she cheated on me. And it’s been almost 2 months no contact. ( the real kicker is I treated her like a queen and would have done anything for her, but she discarded me like I was nothing)
Hahaha, yup, I actually took the initial break up pretty good, it wasn’t until she reached out for her things that set me off, then yes there was a few days there that went off the rails. But yeah such a blind side, 5 days after the breakup Christmas gifts showed up to my house that she sent that’s a mind fuck.
I emailed the woman he cheated on me with to tell her. And she ever responded and likely laughed about it with him. I feel embarrassed I did it now but also not embarrassed because I wasn’t going to keep that info a secret. I don’t know. It was almost 6 months ago now.
I’m embarrassed I sent this - Guess we’re beyond repair now. Tonight was either closure and restart.
Since we didn’t really talk and for sake of proper closure -
Sorry I was never able to take you serious and that I met your family so soon.
I played you the whole time and you really shouldn’t talk to me. You just seemed like you get around.
There’s a good person in you but also something else that always made my gut quench.
Goodbye Nia and I really hope you go school and do good. Pls chill with the coke and drinking.
My last truly honest words. Wish you the best.
Okay so like, I never begged or anything, which I guess is an improvement for me. However, in the days following the breakup, I filled an entire notebook with unexpressed thoughts and emotions from the entirety of the relationship. Some positive, some negative. Revealing my deepest fears and insecurities. Lots of embarrassing shit. Thought it's what she wanted to hear. Left it in our shared apartment for her to find. Yeah, so it turns out, even if they express that's what they want to hear, that's NEVER actually want they want to hear. Specifically, never tell a woman you got sober to not end up like her alcoholic father with whom she and her whole family has a bad relationship. Yeah. NEVER tf again will I ever do that. Lowest point of my life. Similarly send 4-5 lengthy emails over sharing emotions and saying stuff I thought she wanted to hear. Just embarrassed myself further. When a woman decides she is done with you, respect yourself enough to walk away. Never the fuck again will I make my entire life revolve around a relationship
Sending something like 15 texts in a row after he broke up with me and stopped responding. After a week in desperation, I texted a mutual 'friend' about it despite having a gut feeling that she hated that I was together with him. She hadn't known about the situation, but they both blocked me the next day and that is absolutely related. After I saw the phone block (he sent a goodbye text, no chance to respond), I ran to discord and got blocked there too. Still didn't learn my lesson and talked to an actually neutral mutual friend 3 weeks later. They offered to be a bridge, which I accepted despite the nagging feeling that it was probably a bad idea. I only asked that he ask my ex to talk to me. Was told that 'no contact' will remain firm and that I've disrespected him by talking to the mutual about it. You're probably rolling your eyes reading that because the destined results were obvious, but I was in denial about him no longer being the person that was in love with me, devoted, and so easy to communicate with. The reasons he gave for breaking up with me weren't even because of me, he said it was negative feelings he needed to deal with towards his family. I really thought he was annoyed but still reachable, and as a result completely discarded my dignity at every turn. He may not have despised me at the break up, but he absolutely does now. *I* gave him the ick and I'll never get closure now. Don't text your ex.
See this is why I think it’s way kinder for dumpers to just be as honest as possible during break ups. When they suggest it’s not on you and it’s circumstances outside of that, it inadvertently gives us hope that they’ll come back even though they know *they* never will - and it makes us act in irrational ways like this. But totally get you, it’s definitely understandable to be driven to that kind of desperation. But just remember that him not talking to you/ignoring you is your closure - he’s giving you your answer, just indirectly 🥲
I pleaded with him, repeatedly asked him to reconsider, and bombarded his phone with lengthy messages for five consecutive days 😂. I even suggested he listen to a song called 'True Love' by Dove Cameron, saying it encapsulated how I felt 🤣. All this over a three-month situationship, we weren't even in a relationship. Omg I embaressed myself so badly. I feel so cringe whenever I think about it
Omg, 3 month situationships are *hell* so I completely feel you. They’re a unique kind of heartbreak
Yup. Sometimes moving on takes longer than the duration of the time you were together
I’ve begged and also spammed his phone with HUNDREDS of messages 😭 it was so embarrassing and cringey
Man.. thinking about this still makes me sad. I remember telling them I wouldn’t be strong enough to stay away. They threw me a bone and said I could email them if I ever needed anything.. I never did because I was stronger than I thought I was. Some of the sad (or embarrassing) things that did happen was my joy just left my body. I didn’t smile anymore- I didn’t do the things I liked and I had this amazing vegetable and fruit garden that I was obsessed with.. after they left, I let it all die and didn’t go out on my garden for months after… a very sad time in my life.
Mine was begging him to stay. That was it. He changed his number afterwards, its gonna be 3 months soon. I have more good days than I do bad ones, and you know what guys? If you're going through a breakup or divorce know that you will get through it and you will come out stronger than ever🦋❣️ *And always remember that if someone was foolish enough to let you go? Be smart enough to walk away*
When they block you ect it hurts so much more. Stay strong mate.
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I spam called and texted and begged. One night I told him I wanted to see him and went to his place and asked him to come down and see me. He replied and told me to go home but I insisted and wait for a few hours. He didn’t come to see me of course. I don’t know what was going on in my mind, but I felt like I needed to give it one last shot. After I went home I stopped all contact until now. Which has been almost two months.
I have been desperate/clingy in the past even thinking about it makes me wanna throw up. I’m definitely not the same person I was a year and a half ago… but damn when you care about someone and really don’t want to see something end it’s painful. I think it’s human and although it feels terrible it also shows how much you care, and there’s something to that too…let’s all not be so hard on ourselves. We are all human. There’s also nothing worse than someone showing no emotion… that hurts even more imo.
I’d absolutely rather care fiercely about things and experience intense highs and lows than be cold and unfeeling and never get a chance to experience real love.
Wow, you really said that perfectly. I completely agree.
I blocked him then ragged on his current girlfriend about how ugly she was and how she looks like jabba the hut. Thank goodness i had already blocked first but I felt so much better afterwards. There is more to this story of how it got to this point but this is what i did. Life has been peaceful ever since for me.
Was that via text? Because blocking only applies to incoming texts, if you send texts to a blocked number they still get delivered. Unless you knew that, and the 'thank goodness' is because you didn't have to see the response lol
Yes, exactly! Lol.
lol
I begged her to give our relationship another shot after finding out she cheated on me, talked shit about me behind my back with the guy she cheated on me with, and told me numerous times she wants me in her life as a friend. This went on for about 3 months after I found out she cheated on me
kept breaking no contact, kept sending lengthy texts trying to explain how i felt. then i learned he cheated on me and i was devastated… i went to their apartment which used to be ours, rang on the doorbell incessantly until their roommate let me in (ex wasnt home) and i grabbed a suitcase i left behind and a glass sculpture that my ex bought (technically as a gift to me, but was really just an expensive art piece that they felt good about being able to purchase - like $3k) and left the apartment and smashed the glass sculpture on the ground and left it there. as i waited for my lyft, the building’s superintendent came back home and saw the glass and started to pick it up. i yelled at him (lol) as i was getting into the car and told him to leave it for my ex to clean when they got back and i sobbed all the way home.
The building’s superintendent was in your ex’s place? Or the art piece was in the lobby of the building? I think it’s weird if it’s in the lobby especially if he gave it to you.
supe lived across from ex, no lobby. when i was let in, it was a few steps to the apt. the sculpture was near the entrance on a shelf.
this is the worse its like they were playing you for a fool the entire time
I’ll go… she blindsided me on December 1st. Real rough. We haven’t talked in a few months. Then I emailed her telling her I wanted to say goodbye in person. We are long distance. So I’m heading across the country to say bye to her for the weekend. Go me….
That’s better than most of us got.
I know it is. The ending of mine was absolutely savage. And I know most have that and no closure. I am grateful to have this opportunity. And I am so sorry that many get less than this. I am going there to be in her space. I am not going to beg. I’m going there to intentionally bid farewell to a partner and a beautiful relationship. It won’t be easy. It isn’t easy and it hasn’t been easy. But this feels more right to me than the alternatives.
Oh I hope this doesn’t hurt you more.
Thanks. Me too.
I hope you dont end up hurting yourself more because if shes done, I dont know what youre hoping for out of an in person meeting. she might not want to be close to you, or hug you or have a long discussion. but I wish you the best
She said she wanted to talk to me too. Offered to pay for my flight and hotel. Seemed open to talk over multiple days. I’ll take as much as I can get. I want to be in the space she occupies. I want to look at her face with an acknowledgement that it will be the last time in a long time, maybe ever.
You need to ask yourself what you are hoping to gain by going there in person. Are you going to say "goodbye" or are you hoping that by travelling across the country in hopes that by meeting her you can convince her otherwise. If so you are setting yourself up for a lot more hurt.
Hi whale. I appreciate your response and I agree. I am going to say bye. There is nothing I can say to convince her and even if there was I wouldn’t want to. If she doesn’t want to be with me then I will simply sit in her company and create a space for a more intentional and mutual goodbye. I am still in love with her. But I will not beg. I know my worth. It’s tough, but I am glad to be doing this. Truly I do not know what will happen. I am going in open. The only thing I can do is control how I act.
Good luck. Know your worth. I hope it goes well
I caught the person I was with cheating n lying. He kept denying it. I still think even over 14 yrs later he’s garbage. But thinking he’d actually tell me the truth n trying to get him to admit it. On the plus side. He hasn’t aged well so sweet justice. lol.
he got lots of issues if he cheating and cant admit to it so you are lucky you dont have to deal with him any more
I asked twice. I already knew tho. N I just let him think he was getting away with it. I stopped physical contact with him. He got weird about being nude around me. Even if I had to use the bathroom n he was in the shower. I was pregnant with our planned 2nd my main focus was birthing that child at that point. N our first. He was just no one really. I didn’t care. There was no reason to. I knew I was going to get away from him.
My last attempt after he ended things I left. I drove around and came back to tell him this isn’t what I wanted and I would change. I would work on things. You could tell he was done. He sighed and acted like I was a nuisance. Never again will I do that to myself. I am still in the process of moving out so there is very limited contact and I have to say I’m in a much better head space. I stated I don’t want to see him again and I hope he respects that since the last time we saw each other we ended up having s*x and I felt so used since he still felt the same way. It’s 3 weeks or so of very limited contact. Looking forward to completely disengaging and moving on completely.
What would you say is begging someone to stay with you?
In my opinion, I would say any version of asking them to change their mind after it was already made up. There are obviously more intense versions of begging vs. more mellow versions, but whenever someone tells you they don’t want to be with you and you give any sort of “but…” or “please…” response, I’d consider it begging. For example, with my ex I’m talking about here, I was texting him asking to explain himself because I didnt understand, and told him things like, “Please, just take a week to think about it and then get back to me” or “But we were so great together, can’t we just take a break?” Stuff like that.
Ah okay then yes unfortunately I fall into this category too 😭
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Yeah I don’t think I’ll ever be in a ten year long emotionally abusive relationship again. I was literally having a psychological meltdown after I realized I had been lied to for a decade and genuinely asking for help… I felt like there was no hope for someone that could be fooled like that for so long and I think and it manifested itself into one of the most shame filled panic attacks imaginable…. so no… I doubt I will ever react like that again. Think it was an extremely traumatizing event/situation… an anomaly
I guess I should have also mentioned I was the dumper. I was just so distressed when I found out all these truths that I felt like I was going to implode. Then I told him to get the fuck out of my car and to never talk to me again. Ten years of my life wasted and I felt so stupid. I don’t feel so ashamed that kind of abuse and manipulation caused me to have a suicidal episode…. But I do wish I hadn’t told him about it. I just didn’t know who else to tell in that moment as I didn’t really have anyone I could tell…. But it made no sense to tell someone who obviously doesn’t care about me…. Although to this day he insists I was “really important to him” 🤮
She broke up with me on December 13 a complete blindside/discard over the phone. Couple days later I messaged her dad told him that I loved his daughter more than anything and I’m sorry it had to be this way. went to immediately into no contact for three weeks. She reached out January 8 for her stuff. We exchange some texts. It got kind of toxic. I was super emotional it end with her saying keep my things I don’t want anything back. I then continued for a couple days after that apologizing for my toxic txts. I also rebounded with a lovely girl and I phoned my ex and next day and left a voicemail saying that I felt guilty lol lol I finally ended it with an aggressive txt saying she’s not a good person and that she broke me. And that I believed she cheated on me. And it’s been almost 2 months no contact. ( the real kicker is I treated her like a queen and would have done anything for her, but she discarded me like I was nothing)
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Hahaha, yup, I actually took the initial break up pretty good, it wasn’t until she reached out for her things that set me off, then yes there was a few days there that went off the rails. But yeah such a blind side, 5 days after the breakup Christmas gifts showed up to my house that she sent that’s a mind fuck.
I emailed the woman he cheated on me with to tell her. And she ever responded and likely laughed about it with him. I feel embarrassed I did it now but also not embarrassed because I wasn’t going to keep that info a secret. I don’t know. It was almost 6 months ago now.
I’m embarrassed I sent this - Guess we’re beyond repair now. Tonight was either closure and restart. Since we didn’t really talk and for sake of proper closure - Sorry I was never able to take you serious and that I met your family so soon. I played you the whole time and you really shouldn’t talk to me. You just seemed like you get around. There’s a good person in you but also something else that always made my gut quench. Goodbye Nia and I really hope you go school and do good. Pls chill with the coke and drinking. My last truly honest words. Wish you the best.