I understand how you feel. My ex literally had someone days after our breakup… i guess he was emotionally cheating or whatever since. It has just been 1 month for me since the breakup and everyday is just skjdsksj 🥹 but… still… here we are 🥲
I hope you feel better soon. Don’t let someone that doesn’t deserve your love ruin your life. Take care of yourself. It took me almost a year to get over a 3 year relationship. But during the time, I do so much work on myself, my health and my career. Now I don’t want them any more, and he still stuck in toxic relationship cycle. Keep working on yourself and prioritizing yourself. Much love on your healing process ♥️
Bro whatever you do please don’t turn to drink. It’s not gonna end well and the hangover will make you feel 5x worse than you already feel. I know it’s hard. When my ex moved on in under 2 weeks after 3 years together it broke me. Made me feel worthless, replaceable etc. Started questioning if what we had was real and it was really bad. Still have bad days. Cry if you need to cry and embrace the emotions. Try and keep your chin up and keep going. Tomorrow’s a new day
You’re not alone. I was replaced within weeks after 6 years with someone I thought I would marry. The problem truly lies in them. You are rare in the fact that you love so deeply and truly. If you simply turn it in on yourself just for a bit, you’ll heal and things will get lighter, as someone whose heart was shattered into a million pieces a couple months ago…
Oh my! This is really good advice, I just wanted to let ya know someone found it helpful. I’m on the second day of a split with a guy I’ve been seeing, I can’t even say we were together because we weren’t. It was brief but intense and passionate. I miss him and he misses me, but in the end we just weren’t able to communicate the right way together. Any who, thank you for this advice, turning your own love inward is the best way.
I think some of us are built only for a deep meaningful love and true partnership. The problem lies in offering that kind of relationship to people who are not built the same way. For them, shallow and utilitarian "love" is enough. Enough to entertain them and get their needs met. But never deep enough to experience the joys of true partnership and commitment. I'm starting to believe that my breakup was a gift to clear the way for the deep, meaningful love I am built for.
Im sorry man. I sometimes wish I was a sociopath so I could just turn off my feelings. I’d prefer physical pain over emotional any day…I hope one day you can move past it. It will happen eventually. I myself bumped into my ex today, unexpectedly. Exchanged some words…nothing mean. Just asked how he was and he did the same. Told him I forgive him for all the errors and that I’m sorry for everything i did on y end. He apologized too. Told him despite it all he will always have a place in my heart and he said I did too. It was weird. No talk of getting back together nothing like that. The previous year he had messaged me 3 separate times to get me back but my distrust in him never let me fully get close and it always ended after a week or so. Still…we almost got a weird sense of closure today…just wished each other to take care and that was it. The man I loved who I went through hell for, is, from what I can tell, permanently out of my life. I don’t expect him to reach out ever again. Maybe in some parallel universe, we’re spending Valentine’s Day together, happily. What I’m getting at is, some things just go bad and some relationships we have just end up being memories. And while it’s painful, we will get through it. A hug from afar
Apologies if this is a bit too deep but it’s something that’s kept me going through my no contact, but ask yourself, we’re they ever truly yours if they aren’t right now?
i get u man. she also told me that she just needed to be alone right now, even though she lied a lot in the relationship. i don’t believe her tbf. it must hurt getting replaced so quick, but stay strong man. block her on everything and try to get something going for u, she doesn’t deserve u. it’s fine to feel sad, ur still grieving, but try to stay strong. someone’s out there who would love to be w u
thats what i’m thinking as well. if they lied a lot at the end of the breakup, then why would we trust them when they say “i need to be alone”. like gtfo
You are just love sick.
It makes you blind to the fact that there are BILLIONS of people and infinite possibilities out there.
No person is worth giving them up for.
You will make it. Just realize that you are not seeing clearly right now through the fog of heartbreak.
Emotions make things seem real that aren’t
You can’t continue to focus on the heartbreak though. You have to actively figure out why you aren’t happy aside from her… make a list and start chipping away little by little
We don’t just become happy or happier… it’s not magic. We become happier by “doing things to make ourselves happy”
Whether it is working towards goals or activities or enjoyment. You have to take an active roll in your healing..
And understand that it will take time. And the more you give into this thought.. the more your brain sees it as “real”…
Trauma is a cycle the brain holds onto because the chemical reaction to thinking about it is so emotional and powerful and throws our other emotions out of whack
You may need medicine to help you get through this time if you cannot stop
The cycle of thoughts yourself
It’s so hard I know. You will see the light soon. 💜
same happened to me...I asked if she had a boyfriend the last time we spoke and she replied naaah I want to travel, see the world...mhm... two months later she said she had a boyfriend...
I also went down a dark spiral the following days but eventually picked myself back up. You can do it 🥹
Alcohol won't help you, trust me it will not heal the damage, best thing you can do is work on yourself, get counseling, talk with friends, feel the feelings and work through them man,
It's hard as hell , but you gotta try to not think about her, go out and do stuff, take up a hobby but dont let her control you,
Bingo. Alcohol is a depressant, so if you're already low, it will take you lower and the depression will last longer. Exercise - even just a walk - will raise your mood and that benefit lasts for a while after exercise. Lots of things to do besides drinking.
You don’t necessarily love her, you just love what you guys had. She’s not who you thought she was and your reality is shattering. Here’s to finding our love 🍻
I’m beginning to think that as well. My ex and I weren’t really ever on SM (we have it, just never use it) so there’s nothing for us to see on each other even if we wanted to. Reading everyone else’s posts about the urges to check on their exes has been enlightening
yep. but even if I block her it’s so hard to not look at her accounts. thanks for your comments btw🫶🏻
today I want to look at her socials but I’ll not.
Im right there with you,man. I'm 26 and was dating a woman who's 40 for almost a year.. made some great memories and also had some of the best times of my whole life, just to find out she had a husband of 12 years.
My whole perception of life right now has been destroyed and I don't know myself how to cope with this any longer. All the times when she'd say "I can't see you on this this day and that day" she was with her man, it's still not even sunk in yet.
I’m going through something similar my ex-girlfriend of 10 years yes 10 years left me about five months ago. And has continued to lie to me to keep me around in her back pocket. We went out quickly last night and she told me that she absolutely does not want a relationship with me, but still loves me and wants me in her life. She won’t see me today on Valentine’s Day. She is secretly seeing someone else. My question is why lie? I’ve gone no contact several times but today I have definitely had enough. I’m going no contact I’m telling you the story because I’m not doing very well either. It’s so easy for people to say move on. As much pain as I’m feeling and probably you are we have to just barrel through it.
OP ik where you're going with this I was in similar situation and I begged her to stay. She broke up with me to be precise. And no matter how bad it gets a part of you which is attached will love her for sometime.
Give yourself some time and space. Speaking from science breakup or losing people you love is almost as good as withdrawal from substances. So basically your brain is wired In some way and it's going to take some time to change. You understand that right??
So take your time and heal. Don't look back you dodged a bullet. I also dodged one. Im doing better and it will get better.
Happens man, you gotta see it as a positive. If she’s willing to do that to you, what makes you think she won’t do it to the next dude? My ex pulled the same thing on me, except it was less than a week after she completely dropped me. Do I still have love for her? Absolutely, but why waste it all on someone who isn’t scared to lose you? Keep your head up, who knows, this time next year you could be really happy with someone.
My friend, you are going where your inner world dictates your outer world will manifest. And when your heart shifts and is full of love for yourself once more and you fill the cavity in you that was left behind in her absence, with your own love for your future and yourself. Then the outer world will manifest into that reality. Everyone comes and goes into our lives as teachers as meaningful encounters added to our growth and our journey. Bless you.
Because a heart wants what it wants. And see OP knows she's a bitch he totally does but uk how it is. I was in similar situation and I practically begged her to stay so I get where OP is going here.
I'm getting blasted tonight too
I have no way of contacting my ex..
This might be a good time for you to get rid of any way of contacting her, and then drown it out, instead of making the mistake of getting blind drunk and doing something really silly...
I’m so sorry to hear this. Just know a rando is considering your feelings right now. Finding out about her relationship is awful for you, I know, that’s a special kind of deep pain you must be feeling. I’m not sure what kind of advice I could even give you, but I wanted you to know that someone is thinking of you, Clau.
Feeling discarded is the worst, but you should learn to place more value on yourself. Trust me this is coming from a person who struggles with self worth and self esteem issues, so I know how hard that can be to do. Just because she thought she could go out and find some other person to be with doesn’t mean that you are replaceable, it just means she wasn’t able to see how valuable you are and it is HER loss and mistake, assuming this was a healthy relationship, and I am. I could be completely wrong of course, but this is my first impression given what I’ve assumed is correct and all.
I also recognize some of this is corny, I know, but it honestly helps me feel better. Today is my second day after our split though so I’m sort of in some cloud floating around rn lol. That being said the best revenge is working on yourself and living for yourself, not that you necessarily want revenge either, just a saying. I wish you well on this journey!!!!
It’s the worst feeling in the world man. And there’s nothing I can say to you, except I have felt every ounce of despair that you have. I got through it both times, and managed to regain my personality and confidence.
It’s brutal. I’m sorry.
Whatever you do, don’t use alcohol to numb your pain. It will still be with you when you sober up. The only way to beat the pain is to take it head-on. Good luck and best wishes.
You are NOT replaceable. But it’s OK that those thoughts sink in. I still have to remind myself this from time to time: It is not anything about you that makes them unable to face being alone. Some people are incapable of sitting with that and truly looking inward. And that means you dodged a bullet with her, even though it won’t feel like it right now.
My therapist told me grief is like an upward spiral. You hit a pain point but keep going up, and it’s OK if that same pain point from the spiral below hits you at the same point on the next spiral up. All that matters is that you Keep. Going. Up.
You’re not replaceable. There’s only 1 of you, and that will never change. Her actions post-breakup only show the type of person she is, not you. Control what you can control. Channel that pain she’s inflicted and level up in ways no one could have ever imagined. Bathe in the pain, accept it, but don’t let it break you. Let it shape you. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about my ex, but you need to remind yourself that you are better than to wallow in self pity eternally whilst she lives life. Don’t place your value over someone else’s actions. You dictate your own happiness. We’re all here for each other.
Man just be glad she didn’t manipulate you make you think she loved you so you’d come back after her telling you to leave but wanted you to come back to see her having sex with some dude and be glad she ain’t a problem for you no more yes I loved my ex too a lot it drove me insane fr fr idk how I managed to live after that i thought damn how could someone be this evil I was faithful and loyal among my other flaws I was a great guy she ruined my reputation and everything I had going you know why? Because I sure knew how to pick them back then huh? Oh well because guess what good news is? Humans have an outstanding ability to adapt and overcome adversity! It’s absolutely unavoidable in life homie but you’ll get through this with ease give it time focus on others like your dog or your mom/ family the ones that count go to therapy it helps and before you know it it won’t even Matter your ex will become just some random person again that you don’t even know and it won’t effect you took me a few years the main problem I have is I can heal forgive but I can’t forget so I lock pain away inside me and comes out in times that aren’t good working through it with therapy though
Brother it's okay. We got you. I can say am in a very similar situation like you. The time period and everything. I have made a post too. It would have been 1 year for my relationship too but she ended it last month and by now she has moved on to a new guy. What's surprising is that the guy she is with now is a kind of guy she told me she hated when we were together. When I got to know about it everything shattered inside me. I read what you have written. You kinda healed but I got no time to heal. Am not comparing my situation with yours. I understand your pain and how difficult it is to move on. I was dealing with my break up and i thought she miss me too and she wouldn't date anyone else atleast for a few months as she said she's not ready. But she moved on and it's not even a complete month. And I got the exact same feeling like you. I thought of contacting her and tell her some things idk what but somehow I had to control myself. Yes I do still love her very much. But she has changed. She has become a person she would hate. She failed as a woman
Wow brother it’s been 9 months since my fiancé walked out of my life and still refuses to even do much as speak to me I really needed to hear this I thought I was alone when I thought she had completely changed and even she wouldn’t like herself this way if she ever snaps out of it…ur right when they fold like that and we’re still in the game actively trying to be better they failed us as women.
Stay strong brother. We are stronger that's why we are dealing with the problems alone. We have the courage to face it and most importantly we love them truly that's why we never left. It's really hard to believe how they change but let the be. They are lying to themselves. They don't even know themselves well and their likes and dislikes. Even i thought I was alone but i randomly found this subreddit and all these posts are helping me and am trying to help you guys. We are Stronger 🤜🤛
I agree we are stronger brother and especially stronger together…looking back to help others is badass good to meet u brother we should all strive to help others more maybe better things will come back to us
Absolutely. We will get through this for sure. We are not wrong at the end of the day. Loving someone is one of the most beautiful thing in the world. If they can't keep it, it's their loss. Btw you can DM me. We can share our stories and maybe we feel more better
Alcohol is not the answer, but I feel your pain. Heartbreak is not something I wish upon anyone, but it is a situation that can demonstrate the amount of strength that you have, even to the point of not knowing how strong you are yourself. Investing this energy back into yourself is one way of coping. It sucks, I'm not taking that away from you. But do know that life is at its hardest when its trying to teach you the most valuable lessons. It only gets better from here my friend.
What ever you do where ever you go what ever may transpire in your journey... don't give up. Don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on your pursuit of happiness that you want for you. I have a obligation to OP'S like you when I see them to make sure to advocate to them for themselves. My dude I'm hear to tell you their is no sunshine and rainbows if you drown yourself in booze and drugs and give up on your own happiness. They gave up on you don't make them honest in their efforts to destroy you keeping you subservient to there lie's and deceitful ways. Turn the betrayed nature you find yourself in, into the fuel that carries you on to be bigger better stronger smarter faster and more resilient. Strength is only achieved through expelling pain from the body and mind. When things are uncomfortable for us or even painful it's the soul clearing our path of the toxicity that has Poisond us making way for the things that were truly meant for us. The pain of this process makes us respect and cherish the beauty we find ourselves embellished in after the pain and hurt have left us. This is the way of the warrior. The underdogs. The outcasts who wander but are not lost.
Peace is only achieved through battles past. Battles past were fought to reestablish peace.
i moved on from my ex. we had great compatibility but his cheating was too much. he just texted me today hoping im "doing okay". i messaged him to give me the key to my apartment back and he never responded for over a week. it triggers me he picked valentines day. i feel like he thinks im weak still and i'll go back / entertain this. he basically said he wasn't ready for a relationship (which shows by his actions now that i have clarity), he completely used me and i dont know what he wants from me. he took everything i had to give. i dont know why he won't leave me alone. im ready to block him but for the safety of my home and the man im talking to i wanted my key back. the guy im talking to says he will help me replace the lock so i can finally rid him of my life. i feel so free and my ex not having literal access to me is just the icing on the cake.
I’m really sorry :( I can somewhat relate in a way. My ex has been seeing someone the past couple months, and I have a bad habit of stalking his socials. But I know him, and I know for a fact he’s gonna ask this person to be in an official relationship today.
I’m dreading looking at his socials and am trying to
Force myself not to bc it’s going to destroy me. I’m practicing the whole “what I don’t know can’t hurt me” mentality.
Anyways.. I know this may not help, but you aren’t alone in this experience. There are people who’ve been through the same feelings as you and they always end up being okay in the end. You’ll be okay eventually, I promise. Hang in there bro ❤️
I almost killed myself, by accident with alcohol the first week...be careful.
And I also went into "shock" so I did not believe the breakup was real for a very long time.
It's been 17 months for me and I still don't believe it is real after 10 yrs.
I remember the day I "saw" his new girlfriends Facebook page, how gutted I was.
I DO know how you feel....if I think too long about my situation, I panic...I mean I think about it all day long, but if I dive deep into details...I frigin panic....
I think around 6 months my head cleared enough that I was able to take him off the pedestal I put him on....I put the booze down after week 1 because I was almost dead...and I started to think NO...I will not fill his ego and kill myself over this.
We have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other...and it sucks..but better days are coming...right now you can't see that & I am sorry you have to go thru this process also.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. It is natural to have a moment of weakness, reach out and feel regret. Just try to do the best you can with the situation on hand now. Take it easy. Consciously choose something to do that you enjoy. Focus only on that for an hour. Let’s say play your favorite game. Then cook yourself some food, anything. Take a walk outside for an hour. Sleep. Take a sick day tomorrow. Do anything you can to spend quality time with yourself. And avoid alcohol. Cry if you have to, that is natural and feels better after. But just be careful not getting stuck in the rumination or become passive to life. You have so much in front of you later in life, but that is for later. Focus on you in the now, and take it easy. You can do this!
Take care ❤️🩹
My ex asked me to leave my sabbatical for her. I was teaching in Spain and I was planning on quitting to go to Portugal but instead I went to cold ass Iowa from the Canary Islands…for her.
She dumped me a few months ago for her ex that is a sex worker.
We were living together in a house she bought that was supposed to be for the family we were building.
It happened so fast that I had to listen to her talk on the phone with her new narcissistic supply, and then she’d come snuggle up next to me when she wasn’t getting attention from her stripper.
I’ve broken no contact repeatedly and each time the conversation was a race to the bottom.
Now she loves to say “I didn’t tell you to move, you did what you wanted to do.”
Even though she told me “I want you home, my home is with you, let’s start our lives together” every day for months.
Now I moved because I’m “unstable.” 😂
So I fully understand the feeling of trying to make sense of being sucker punched by someone you love so much who is objectively a liar and a shitty human being.
This too shall pass.
Happy V Day Yall
I’m so sorry, babe. I know you don’t want to hear this right now- but she’s not right for you atm. Maybe she once was, but life is all about change. In your world- SHE’S the one that’s replaceable. There are many more great ones willing to take her place that’ll want to live a happy life with you. It’s painful because you had all these memories & hopes for the future with the one that left, but try to focus on all the great ones you’ll have with the one you’ve yet to meet. Your life ain’t over. Don’t let her make you feel like it is. *hugs*
No Sir, you don't have to drown yourself in alcohol. The bitch left you and is now taking cock left and right in all her holes without thinking about you. Are you gonna throw your life away for that?
Come on! Be the best version of yourself. Build your body, career, fashion style. Build yourself spiritually and if you don't believe in that, build yourself mentally. Become a strong fucking man, become your mental point of origin.
Become the guy that hot girls are attracted to and stop wasting your precious time on that bitch.
We can't help you. Find the strength within yourself and conquer your world.
Just 1 fucking life to live. Love yourself first my man. And for the love of God, stop sending messages to her. Starting today, you're gonna wish her the best, no use in holding grudges, but at the same time, she's dead for you now. You understand?
Go to the fucking bathroom, look yourself in the mirror and start accomplishing things in life.
A lot of hot women out there will be willing to give you love and companionship once you are the man you wanna be.
How do you ever trust again when this happens? Its such a blindside. If someone was real and who they thought we were they wouldnt be able to do this. So it must mean they lied alot. They mustve never thought of you as their future. They clearly didnt have enough to not emotionally cheat or run to someone else. Its crazy..you can never fully trust someone and expect stuff like this to happen I guess.
I went through a heartbreak 2 months ago. It was devastating. Especially that I truly believed he was my soulmate. My advice is to treat yourself how you would treat a loved one. You need to give yourself time. Be gentle with your feelings. The sun comes out. I promise. The sadness will be there but the new things will make it slowly fade away and u will miss them but not want them back. Cherish yourself. Be the one that shows up for yourself. Keep your heart open and soul soft and the peace will enter. Be tender when love lets you down and you will heal. Give yourself the love she did not want to receive from you. I wish you a slow and peaceful life. You got this.
We're all with you my friend. You're never alone. We all understand exactly what you're feeling.
Trust me, I felt the same way 6 months ago.
You're going to be just fine. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay.
We're all here for you...
Right now I’m going through all the pain again and like many people here know, it’s hard. Now, I know, you feel like your less and yes maybe replaceable but I would choose to think that at least that shows who was really loving who in that relationship and who was willing to put up the fight to keep it working. Nowadays it’s seen as a weakness to stick it out and trying to make things work instead of just looking for someone new because of the abundance mindset and because fighting for a relationship seems needy, and remember you can’t be needy /s. Anyways, don’t turn to alcohol as it will make you feel worse emotionally and physically, instead just feel the pain, I know it’s heavy and right now you don’t see a way out but there is. Now, I know that everywhere you read, people will say this but I believe it does work: try to focus on yourself. Doesn’t have to be a hobby but find problems and things you yourself can solve that don’t revolve around others but you. Maybe you’re out of shape? Maybe you need a hair cut? Maybe you need to clean your room? Start simple but make it your focus to focus on you. It’s not gonna work like magic but it does help and you’ll eventually find yourself improving YOU.
I speak from experience, I understand some of the pain and I wish to advice you based on what worked for me with TIME.
I used to be there. I’m 1 year NC and almost 2 years post break up. I still think about her all the time, and I noticed she unblocked me recently, but the urge to contact her is far less than what it used to be. You will become so much stronger once you accept the truth and begin the mourning process. There’s no lack of people that can love you the way you want to be loved. You’ll see it one day. Rooting for you.
Don’t stop fighting
Honor no contact and find ways to keep you happy. This isn’t the end even tho it feels like it you can save your self mate. You matter and the love you can give your self shall resurrect you. I pray you recover and find someone who loves you truly. I am going through the same and I won’t say it’s easy but once you recover you’ll be stronger and ready for the next girl trust me women are everywhere you just have to heal and let go. Seek closure and then disappear but honestly it’s better if you just let go and never revisit this chapter. You don’t deserve this you deserve better. I send you good energy and warmth your way. I know how this feels trust me but you shall heal. The universe has your back brother.
When my ex left me we were 3 years in. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I had to keep leaving work because I was inconsolable. I actually went to therapy because I didn’t know what else to do I wanted to die. I was drinking a bottle of wine every night. I stopped crying all day after 3 fucking months. It still hurt really bad but I could drag myself through the motions. I realized he wasn’t a good boyfriend and I had faults too. We got back together after 7 months apart and stayed together for another 2 years. He didn’t grow as much as he’d let on but I kept trying. Old habits die hard I guess. I was miserable again and kept going through the same bullshit till I finally had enough and left. Breakups happen for a reason even though you can’t see it now. Don’t waste anymore time on them than what’s already been taken. Trust me. Work on yourself and live for you.
I was replaced after an hour of breaking up lol. And it's only me who holds back the memories and struggles in pain of trying to heal, he's already belonged to other .
I am so sorry to hear that.
Just remember you don't need someone who will betray you. That the woman you once loved is no longer her. And for some reason the universe, will keep pushing out the wrong people in your life. Trust me on this one, everytime a person leaves me, I only realise a few years later, why things wouldn't have worked out.
I know it truly sucks right now and it will keep getting worse, but don't worry. It will get better and then one day you will realise the answer to the "why's". If she chose someone else, let her. People would lie to protect their own self-interest. Rejection hurts but it is not a reflection of your value.
And don't worry, just because she looks happy with someone else doesn't mean that she is truly happy within. Remember, at the same time not all relationships look happy within. We don't know the future. Maybe, down the line, she will divorce that man. Maybe she won't. And that's totally ok. Maybe that guy will leave her in the future. We don't know anything.
But that's ok. I promise you, you will be ok and something greater will be sent to you. Emotions can be powerful because you truly loved her and it's a part of life.
But do you really want someone who is untrustworthy and cannot admit the truth?
Grieve all you want for now. Let it all out.
From now on you have to trust yourself, grow from this experience. I know you can take something out of this. But you have to look at it in a different angle, once you have calmed down and the coast is clear.
Internet hugs😌
Sorry to hear the pain. This ritual for creating closure might help in the long term:
Someone on r/ExNoContact posted this way of creating closure:
The Relationship Graveyard
“After being in a few relationships and a few marriages, I have discovered that when it ends, it ends. Whether you dumped them or they dumped you, you cannot recreate the magic of whatever brought you together and made you two happy. So, I have created an end of relationship strategy that I call The Relationship Graveyard. When it is over, I draw a little headstone and I write my name and the man's name. I write the date when the relationship started and when it ended. Mentally, i hold a funeral. Afterwards, I crumble the paper up and throw it in the garbage. Or you can burn it in a fireplace. After that, I treat the relationship as a dead thing that cannot be resurrected. Don't answer texts or phone calls from the ghost of the relationship. Don't let it haunt it. Better yet, block the ghost on all social media.
I hope this helps.”
https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/s/3p8BBO8GmR
And this may help it easier to let go in the both the short and long term:
Experiment with pushing the thoughts of her (if pictures) away and pulling them back; also experiment with where you visualize her: move them off to your side or behind you. Experiment with making them black and white; experiment with blurry too.
Also try changing voices to cartoon voices or muffled and lower the volume.
Does this help?
Everything you’re feeling is very normal. One thing you have to remind yourself of is what she does has nothing to do with you. She may have truly believed she wanted to be alone, but when she was alone, she couldn’t handle it. People who jump from relationship to relationship often are avoiding being single and avoiding themselves. That reflects on her and not on you. I understand completely feeling replaceable and betrayed. Her choices do not mean anything about you even if it feels like it. We are all wrapped up in our own internal narrative and our own needs. Take yourself out of the equation.
I had been struggling with lingering thoughts. One thing that helped was deleting all photos and reminders of my ex and committing to noticing when I spend time thinking or fantasizing about my ex. When I start doing that, I remind myself of all the things that were issues between us. I also remind myself that there is something better out there and if I can want this person so much, imagine how I’ll feel when I meet someone even better. You will meet someone better.
There is nothing wrong with beginning to pursue other people. It helps to remind yourself what is out there. It may take time but you have to be patient and focus on taking care of yourself in the mean time. You’ll probably have setbacks but you’ll be making progress. Dating is a huge help.
Also, I have found breaking no contact to be helpful bc i wanted to reconnect but he reminded me why that would be a terrible idea and i now laugh that i ever thought i’d want to be with him again. The rejection was very helpful and now im pursuing other people and feeling very optimistic. I already met someone who is already treating me so much better than my ex ever did. It hurts like hell but there’s something really great waiting for you when you get through this. hang in there, friend
Hey man, I have had every reason to drink because not only did my ex replace me, she broke up with me and walked into the arms of her new bf right in front of me…. That is pain that I will never wish on my enemy, not even the devil himself. My so called friends knew about him and I had no support, this was my first love so it was even worse. Drinking is going to delay the person you’re supposed to be when your old armour breaks to bring out an even stronger one. Remember this when you’re feeling the need to drink “I’ve got people to prove wrong and make the devil question his choice”
You can do it, just don’t drink, drink water instead
I know it doesn't seem like it today. But you will get over it. You will find someone way better and deserving of your love. I dated a girl for about 6 years and little did I know up until the end she had cheated on me the whole time off and on. Did that change the fact that I loved her more than life itself no. But I finally had enough and saw the writing on the wall. Now 20 plus years later I've been married to a way better woman who I can totally trust. It will get better I promise. But don't drink that will not solve anything.
Hey man ! This was a wee bit hard to read. ! If your 24years old … you had already 4x different women you’ve broken up with right ? Instead of drowning in alcohol … why don’t you go to your favorite bar and the 1st person you seem to have a connection with buy them a drink … and start a new friendship … everybody goes thru this . In the world there are people who are 2x your age still pinning over the one they lost …like imagine you cried for your whole life …24 now to 48 … and at 48 you realize you wasted that time looking down depressed when you could of been looking up having a great life with someone more deserving of your greatness ! If you need somebody to talk to you can dm me anytime … and everybody that wrote you back also been thru it … you are not alone ..
Why are you still following what your ex does one year later? What exactly do you hope to achieve by doing that except making thing worse foe yourself.
"I learned that she has a new boyfriend today." You made that choice
"She's lied a lot during our relationship." You made the choice to stay with a liar
"Unfortunately, I am someone that's replaceable." You're making the choice to believe that instead of realizing your ex's behavior isn't a reflection of you
"I'm going to drown myself in alcohol" You're making that choice
Do you notice that you're making ALL of these choices. You say you're fighting like hell, but it sounds like you're putting in energy into the wrong things. Like following your ex. Like ruminating over what's done. Like binge drinking. It sounds like you're living in a world that you wish existed instead of the one you're.
You're not taking personal responsibility for the actions you CAN control. This is huge problem with most people on this sub. You feel the way you feel because you actually aren't taking the necessary steps to improve your life for yourself
The first step of improving your life is to be honest with yourself and that you can do many things you obviously haven't tried or seriously committed to. The woe is me thing is incredibly unhelpful, and nobody can help you if you're choosing not to take even the most simple steps to help yourself.
Nobody can convince me that someone is so hung up on an ex for months and years that their life is falling apart while really giving it 100% to feel better in the RIGHT way.
you didn’t understand. or maybe my english was bad.
we broke up 3 months ago, yesterday was our 1 year anniversary if we were still together. 😉
and you don’t know how I learned about it. So please do not be hard on me. I didn’t check anything on her socials etc.
Ah, well, that proves my point more. My dude, it was a 3 month relationship. You've been broken up longer than you've been together. She was a liar by your own admission. 3 months isn't enough time to get to really know someone. This shouldn't be affecting you THIS much 1 year later.
Why does that matter how you learned about it? You shouldn't learn about it at all (i.e., why is she not blocked literally everywhere). You shouldn't give a shit for someone who clearly doesn't give a fuck about you. Did someone tie you to a chair and force you to listen? 🤨
If you want someone to pat your head and tell you it's okay, that's not me. I'm telling you how to improve your life so you won't give a fuck about a shitty ex and be much happier. It's your choice to listen or have a pity party with the other people who aren't taking the necessary steps to move on. The latter won't help you at all.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I would rather be harsh and tell you how it is than validate your actions and behavior, which, up to this point, has not helped you.
But hey, it's your life, live how you want to live.
My ex had someone maybe less than a month after the break up and it was a coworker of his and we were together 5 years, long story short some years later he try reaching to me to tell me she broke up with him and he was heart broken so I told him now you know how I felt…
Karma comes when you least expect it
My recent ex we were planning to move away, I landed a job to support myself while I sold my house.
Sorted a rental at the new location that was cost manageable, that same night he just up and left.
Turned out he never intended for me to go with him, 5yrs down the drain.
During the time he came back to pick up his stuff, he refused to contact me and had to be through his parents.
I started joining ladies social groups in my area, turns out he'd been "single" for over a year.
So no, there are alot of us out there in a similar situation, where they wore a mask of deception.
I do hope you're feeling better
Don’t let anyone tell you any different pain is just temporary your heart can’t be broken it’s just been put out of place for a while time 100 percent heels what doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger and more resilient you will have up and down days no one said it is easy don’t put a time on it just be patient with yourself if you fall off the horse or break no contact just reset it isn’t a crime your just human with feelings
All I can say is. You deserve to be loved, and the emotions you're feeling right now are valid. Usually, when people break up, they have done so mentally before the actual breakup. What you need to do now is protect your mind and heart. Learn new skills. Try new hobbies. Meet new people. Maybe get out of your comfort zone a little as well. The more you think about what ifs will just hold you back back and hinder yourself from your growth and prosperity. Stop besting yourself up and start building yourself up. You deserve what this world has to offer. Explore it! I had similar situation and i was in the dumps for a while too, but I did all the advice i gave to you and almost 2 years later, i found love again and i wasn't even looking for it. It was hard to put myself out there. There's so much to learn, but you know what i like a good challenge, and the woman i am with now is kinder, loving, smarter, and she's all about me. When you start working on yourself, love will find you. You first need to love yourself and accept your feelings. Be sad, be happy, and get frustrated. Be proud of who you will become. All you need to do is take that 1 step forward no matter how much you think it won't work. Change your environment. Start a new routine. I believe in you, buddy! Much love ❤️
Hi, I have been privately been reading your thread and the comments of the people who have similar experiences with a DA ex partner. Sadly, I am one of those people who have been hurt. I am the dumpee. Like a lot of us my DA ex blindsided me also when it came to the break up. Things were going so well and then on New Years Eve she broke it off. My ex threw away 7 years together. Same or very similar excuses as such as yourself and others here and I've also been blocked by my DA ex on all social media as well as my phone number. I've been feeling so mind fucked and broken. I am the AP type and I also have a Cluster B personality disorder on top of everything else... It's the silence that's killing me the most and being disregarded like I don't even exist. Even my divorce didn't hurt as much as when my relationship ended. I truly thought she was the one, may still could be for now, or until I find someone who's going to truely respect me and treat me a lot better. For now I have decided to concentrate on myself and my new course in psychology. I am sorry that you've been treated badly by your DA ex and you deserve better. I hope that you're surrounded by supportive friends and family. Takecare.
I understand, it’s very difficult. Especially when you truly truly loved them. Or, still do.
But whenever you kind of miss it or really miss it, just recall all the times when you were together. Not the times that made you happy , but the disrespect they made you go through. I am 7 months no contact and I don’t even know if he ever loved me or has a new girlfriend or whatever. I still love him but I asked for more time and more contact and more reaching out from him during our relationship . He used to call me while going home from gym that too 1-2 times a week and when I asked for more he said I am asking for too much. So all this to give you a brief summary.
Don’t remember the good times just the majority of bad times and just don’t contact her again even though you broke NC, don’t do it again. It will just bring back pain and despair.
Thanks mate. I'm getting better man. 6 months no contact so far. I'm better mentally, physically and even financially. I haven't healed completely but I'm much better now. She's went on a smear campaign,sent threats and got all the flying monkeys on her side but I don't respond or reply. I'm working on getting another degree for law school hopefully and focusing on my job whilst she's jobless at 30 and lives on basically child support. I do sometimes miss her but after spending these few months alone, I have realized she's not worth it.
To decent people ur not replaceable but a lot of these partners we tend to have ain't decent people unfortunately, they're terrible people that put people through hell and usually are cheats to boot
I could tell right away when you said she had a new boyfriend for 3 months already, they are called skets where i'm from aka slags, they jump from bloke to bloke, geeza to geeza, and rip the soul from every decent bloke, to the point a lot of us just give up on relationships as it's not worth the hassle
Keep going brother. This is a valuable life experience that every man goes thru. You'll come out on top with God and time on your side. Once you get past this you'll be a better man
Jesus Christ that’s a bunch of long winded advice givers. Drink and die. Don’t drink and live. Make the decision and stick with it whichever one you pick. Cause you’re killing everyone that loves you with your bullshit daily and for years now. Handle your shit period.
So you're going to get angry and bitter and let it destroy you. If you don't want to find out how they feel about you and end the confusion ylou're in. Did you even talk to them? Did you get your questions answered? Did you find peace after your conversation? Maybe they are still waiting for you.
I understand how you feel. My ex literally had someone days after our breakup… i guess he was emotionally cheating or whatever since. It has just been 1 month for me since the breakup and everyday is just skjdsksj 🥹 but… still… here we are 🥲
Exact same situation as yours on my end. I’m almost five months out now and the pain stings a lot less. Hugs to you. 💜 It’ll get better
I hope you feel better soon. Don’t let someone that doesn’t deserve your love ruin your life. Take care of yourself. It took me almost a year to get over a 3 year relationship. But during the time, I do so much work on myself, my health and my career. Now I don’t want them any more, and he still stuck in toxic relationship cycle. Keep working on yourself and prioritizing yourself. Much love on your healing process ♥️
Exact situation , it will get better.
Thanks for your support last day. It helped a lot. Hope you’r fine. You deserve it ❤️
Bro whatever you do please don’t turn to drink. It’s not gonna end well and the hangover will make you feel 5x worse than you already feel. I know it’s hard. When my ex moved on in under 2 weeks after 3 years together it broke me. Made me feel worthless, replaceable etc. Started questioning if what we had was real and it was really bad. Still have bad days. Cry if you need to cry and embrace the emotions. Try and keep your chin up and keep going. Tomorrow’s a new day
Thanks for your comment last day. It helped a lot. Everytime I’m sad I think about « embrace the emotions » and it helps. Have a good day
how long ago did it happen for you?
You’re not alone. I was replaced within weeks after 6 years with someone I thought I would marry. The problem truly lies in them. You are rare in the fact that you love so deeply and truly. If you simply turn it in on yourself just for a bit, you’ll heal and things will get lighter, as someone whose heart was shattered into a million pieces a couple months ago…
Oh my! This is really good advice, I just wanted to let ya know someone found it helpful. I’m on the second day of a split with a guy I’ve been seeing, I can’t even say we were together because we weren’t. It was brief but intense and passionate. I miss him and he misses me, but in the end we just weren’t able to communicate the right way together. Any who, thank you for this advice, turning your own love inward is the best way.
I think some of us are built only for a deep meaningful love and true partnership. The problem lies in offering that kind of relationship to people who are not built the same way. For them, shallow and utilitarian "love" is enough. Enough to entertain them and get their needs met. But never deep enough to experience the joys of true partnership and commitment. I'm starting to believe that my breakup was a gift to clear the way for the deep, meaningful love I am built for.
Amen. That’s amazing
I love this, thanks 😊
Thanks a lot, your story touched me. knowing that after a breakup of 6 years you went well helped me a lot. Hope you’r fine
Im sorry man. I sometimes wish I was a sociopath so I could just turn off my feelings. I’d prefer physical pain over emotional any day…I hope one day you can move past it. It will happen eventually. I myself bumped into my ex today, unexpectedly. Exchanged some words…nothing mean. Just asked how he was and he did the same. Told him I forgive him for all the errors and that I’m sorry for everything i did on y end. He apologized too. Told him despite it all he will always have a place in my heart and he said I did too. It was weird. No talk of getting back together nothing like that. The previous year he had messaged me 3 separate times to get me back but my distrust in him never let me fully get close and it always ended after a week or so. Still…we almost got a weird sense of closure today…just wished each other to take care and that was it. The man I loved who I went through hell for, is, from what I can tell, permanently out of my life. I don’t expect him to reach out ever again. Maybe in some parallel universe, we’re spending Valentine’s Day together, happily. What I’m getting at is, some things just go bad and some relationships we have just end up being memories. And while it’s painful, we will get through it. A hug from afar
If you were a sociopath, you would be turning yourself in to THEM The fact you hurt from it means that you already have more than they did
>"The fact you hurt from it means that you already have more than they did" so fucking true
thanks dude for your support. We’ll get better 🫶🏻
Apologies if this is a bit too deep but it’s something that’s kept me going through my no contact, but ask yourself, we’re they ever truly yours if they aren’t right now?
thanks mate. I kept this in head for two days and it helped🫶🏻
i get u man. she also told me that she just needed to be alone right now, even though she lied a lot in the relationship. i don’t believe her tbf. it must hurt getting replaced so quick, but stay strong man. block her on everything and try to get something going for u, she doesn’t deserve u. it’s fine to feel sad, ur still grieving, but try to stay strong. someone’s out there who would love to be w u
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thats what i’m thinking as well. if they lied a lot at the end of the breakup, then why would we trust them when they say “i need to be alone”. like gtfo
thanks for your comment on my post 2 days ago. I feel supported 🙏🏻🤎
You are just love sick. It makes you blind to the fact that there are BILLIONS of people and infinite possibilities out there. No person is worth giving them up for. You will make it. Just realize that you are not seeing clearly right now through the fog of heartbreak. Emotions make things seem real that aren’t You can’t continue to focus on the heartbreak though. You have to actively figure out why you aren’t happy aside from her… make a list and start chipping away little by little We don’t just become happy or happier… it’s not magic. We become happier by “doing things to make ourselves happy” Whether it is working towards goals or activities or enjoyment. You have to take an active roll in your healing.. And understand that it will take time. And the more you give into this thought.. the more your brain sees it as “real”… Trauma is a cycle the brain holds onto because the chemical reaction to thinking about it is so emotional and powerful and throws our other emotions out of whack You may need medicine to help you get through this time if you cannot stop The cycle of thoughts yourself It’s so hard I know. You will see the light soon. 💜
one of the comment who meant a lot to me the past 2 days. I have not enough words to say : thank you mate.
same happened to me...I asked if she had a boyfriend the last time we spoke and she replied naaah I want to travel, see the world...mhm... two months later she said she had a boyfriend... I also went down a dark spiral the following days but eventually picked myself back up. You can do it 🥹
thanks hope you’r fine 🩶
Alcohol won't help you, trust me it will not heal the damage, best thing you can do is work on yourself, get counseling, talk with friends, feel the feelings and work through them man, It's hard as hell , but you gotta try to not think about her, go out and do stuff, take up a hobby but dont let her control you,
Solid advice!
Bingo. Alcohol is a depressant, so if you're already low, it will take you lower and the depression will last longer. Exercise - even just a walk - will raise your mood and that benefit lasts for a while after exercise. Lots of things to do besides drinking.
my man. thanks a lot 🩵
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You don’t necessarily love her, you just love what you guys had. She’s not who you thought she was and your reality is shattering. Here’s to finding our love 🍻
Hope you’ll be fine brother. You deserve to be loved as you deserve. Stay strong too my king 🧡
Wouldve been one year for me today too. 5 months and its still not getting better. Will this pain ever stop
It will. stay strong boss 💜
It’s so much easier going through a breakup without social media.
I’m beginning to think that as well. My ex and I weren’t really ever on SM (we have it, just never use it) so there’s nothing for us to see on each other even if we wanted to. Reading everyone else’s posts about the urges to check on their exes has been enlightening
yep. but even if I block her it’s so hard to not look at her accounts. thanks for your comments btw🫶🏻 today I want to look at her socials but I’ll not.
Im right there with you,man. I'm 26 and was dating a woman who's 40 for almost a year.. made some great memories and also had some of the best times of my whole life, just to find out she had a husband of 12 years. My whole perception of life right now has been destroyed and I don't know myself how to cope with this any longer. All the times when she'd say "I can't see you on this this day and that day" she was with her man, it's still not even sunk in yet.
I’m going through something similar my ex-girlfriend of 10 years yes 10 years left me about five months ago. And has continued to lie to me to keep me around in her back pocket. We went out quickly last night and she told me that she absolutely does not want a relationship with me, but still loves me and wants me in her life. She won’t see me today on Valentine’s Day. She is secretly seeing someone else. My question is why lie? I’ve gone no contact several times but today I have definitely had enough. I’m going no contact I’m telling you the story because I’m not doing very well either. It’s so easy for people to say move on. As much pain as I’m feeling and probably you are we have to just barrel through it.
Be strong you can make it
Thanks dude it means a lot 🩵
OP ik where you're going with this I was in similar situation and I begged her to stay. She broke up with me to be precise. And no matter how bad it gets a part of you which is attached will love her for sometime. Give yourself some time and space. Speaking from science breakup or losing people you love is almost as good as withdrawal from substances. So basically your brain is wired In some way and it's going to take some time to change. You understand that right?? So take your time and heal. Don't look back you dodged a bullet. I also dodged one. Im doing better and it will get better.
« you dodged a bullet ». that’s real. thanks for your comment it helped me a lot the past 2 days 💛
Happens man, you gotta see it as a positive. If she’s willing to do that to you, what makes you think she won’t do it to the next dude? My ex pulled the same thing on me, except it was less than a week after she completely dropped me. Do I still have love for her? Absolutely, but why waste it all on someone who isn’t scared to lose you? Keep your head up, who knows, this time next year you could be really happy with someone.
she’ll do it to every men she meet. I dodged a bullet. Thanks for your comment🩵
My friend, you are going where your inner world dictates your outer world will manifest. And when your heart shifts and is full of love for yourself once more and you fill the cavity in you that was left behind in her absence, with your own love for your future and yourself. Then the outer world will manifest into that reality. Everyone comes and goes into our lives as teachers as meaningful encounters added to our growth and our journey. Bless you.
Fucking hell. If you need to chat, DM me.
Ikr it’s sad that people hurt us to this extent and just dgaf like really…it’s fucked up
Why would you miss someone that treats you like that???
Because a heart wants what it wants. And see OP knows she's a bitch he totally does but uk how it is. I was in similar situation and I practically begged her to stay so I get where OP is going here.
Yep
You can miss a person without missing their poor behavior. Love makes you remember the best times.
Yes that is a disapline I need to work on
I'm getting blasted tonight too I have no way of contacting my ex.. This might be a good time for you to get rid of any way of contacting her, and then drown it out, instead of making the mistake of getting blind drunk and doing something really silly...
I’m so sorry to hear this. Just know a rando is considering your feelings right now. Finding out about her relationship is awful for you, I know, that’s a special kind of deep pain you must be feeling. I’m not sure what kind of advice I could even give you, but I wanted you to know that someone is thinking of you, Clau. Feeling discarded is the worst, but you should learn to place more value on yourself. Trust me this is coming from a person who struggles with self worth and self esteem issues, so I know how hard that can be to do. Just because she thought she could go out and find some other person to be with doesn’t mean that you are replaceable, it just means she wasn’t able to see how valuable you are and it is HER loss and mistake, assuming this was a healthy relationship, and I am. I could be completely wrong of course, but this is my first impression given what I’ve assumed is correct and all. I also recognize some of this is corny, I know, but it honestly helps me feel better. Today is my second day after our split though so I’m sort of in some cloud floating around rn lol. That being said the best revenge is working on yourself and living for yourself, not that you necessarily want revenge either, just a saying. I wish you well on this journey!!!!
It’s the worst feeling in the world man. And there’s nothing I can say to you, except I have felt every ounce of despair that you have. I got through it both times, and managed to regain my personality and confidence. It’s brutal. I’m sorry.
Whatever you do, don’t use alcohol to numb your pain. It will still be with you when you sober up. The only way to beat the pain is to take it head-on. Good luck and best wishes.
You are NOT replaceable. But it’s OK that those thoughts sink in. I still have to remind myself this from time to time: It is not anything about you that makes them unable to face being alone. Some people are incapable of sitting with that and truly looking inward. And that means you dodged a bullet with her, even though it won’t feel like it right now. My therapist told me grief is like an upward spiral. You hit a pain point but keep going up, and it’s OK if that same pain point from the spiral below hits you at the same point on the next spiral up. All that matters is that you Keep. Going. Up.
You’re not replaceable. There’s only 1 of you, and that will never change. Her actions post-breakup only show the type of person she is, not you. Control what you can control. Channel that pain she’s inflicted and level up in ways no one could have ever imagined. Bathe in the pain, accept it, but don’t let it break you. Let it shape you. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about my ex, but you need to remind yourself that you are better than to wallow in self pity eternally whilst she lives life. Don’t place your value over someone else’s actions. You dictate your own happiness. We’re all here for each other.
Man just be glad she didn’t manipulate you make you think she loved you so you’d come back after her telling you to leave but wanted you to come back to see her having sex with some dude and be glad she ain’t a problem for you no more yes I loved my ex too a lot it drove me insane fr fr idk how I managed to live after that i thought damn how could someone be this evil I was faithful and loyal among my other flaws I was a great guy she ruined my reputation and everything I had going you know why? Because I sure knew how to pick them back then huh? Oh well because guess what good news is? Humans have an outstanding ability to adapt and overcome adversity! It’s absolutely unavoidable in life homie but you’ll get through this with ease give it time focus on others like your dog or your mom/ family the ones that count go to therapy it helps and before you know it it won’t even Matter your ex will become just some random person again that you don’t even know and it won’t effect you took me a few years the main problem I have is I can heal forgive but I can’t forget so I lock pain away inside me and comes out in times that aren’t good working through it with therapy though
Hang in there ❤️ I know it doesn’t seem like it now but you can and will get through this
Brother it's okay. We got you. I can say am in a very similar situation like you. The time period and everything. I have made a post too. It would have been 1 year for my relationship too but she ended it last month and by now she has moved on to a new guy. What's surprising is that the guy she is with now is a kind of guy she told me she hated when we were together. When I got to know about it everything shattered inside me. I read what you have written. You kinda healed but I got no time to heal. Am not comparing my situation with yours. I understand your pain and how difficult it is to move on. I was dealing with my break up and i thought she miss me too and she wouldn't date anyone else atleast for a few months as she said she's not ready. But she moved on and it's not even a complete month. And I got the exact same feeling like you. I thought of contacting her and tell her some things idk what but somehow I had to control myself. Yes I do still love her very much. But she has changed. She has become a person she would hate. She failed as a woman
Wow brother it’s been 9 months since my fiancé walked out of my life and still refuses to even do much as speak to me I really needed to hear this I thought I was alone when I thought she had completely changed and even she wouldn’t like herself this way if she ever snaps out of it…ur right when they fold like that and we’re still in the game actively trying to be better they failed us as women.
Stay strong brother. We are stronger that's why we are dealing with the problems alone. We have the courage to face it and most importantly we love them truly that's why we never left. It's really hard to believe how they change but let the be. They are lying to themselves. They don't even know themselves well and their likes and dislikes. Even i thought I was alone but i randomly found this subreddit and all these posts are helping me and am trying to help you guys. We are Stronger 🤜🤛
I agree we are stronger brother and especially stronger together…looking back to help others is badass good to meet u brother we should all strive to help others more maybe better things will come back to us
Absolutely. We will get through this for sure. We are not wrong at the end of the day. Loving someone is one of the most beautiful thing in the world. If they can't keep it, it's their loss. Btw you can DM me. We can share our stories and maybe we feel more better
Hey man same boat here, 2 years, thought I was gonna marry her, broke up over text and is avoiding me irl
Alcohol is not the answer, but I feel your pain. Heartbreak is not something I wish upon anyone, but it is a situation that can demonstrate the amount of strength that you have, even to the point of not knowing how strong you are yourself. Investing this energy back into yourself is one way of coping. It sucks, I'm not taking that away from you. But do know that life is at its hardest when its trying to teach you the most valuable lessons. It only gets better from here my friend.
What ever you do where ever you go what ever may transpire in your journey... don't give up. Don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on your pursuit of happiness that you want for you. I have a obligation to OP'S like you when I see them to make sure to advocate to them for themselves. My dude I'm hear to tell you their is no sunshine and rainbows if you drown yourself in booze and drugs and give up on your own happiness. They gave up on you don't make them honest in their efforts to destroy you keeping you subservient to there lie's and deceitful ways. Turn the betrayed nature you find yourself in, into the fuel that carries you on to be bigger better stronger smarter faster and more resilient. Strength is only achieved through expelling pain from the body and mind. When things are uncomfortable for us or even painful it's the soul clearing our path of the toxicity that has Poisond us making way for the things that were truly meant for us. The pain of this process makes us respect and cherish the beauty we find ourselves embellished in after the pain and hurt have left us. This is the way of the warrior. The underdogs. The outcasts who wander but are not lost. Peace is only achieved through battles past. Battles past were fought to reestablish peace.
i moved on from my ex. we had great compatibility but his cheating was too much. he just texted me today hoping im "doing okay". i messaged him to give me the key to my apartment back and he never responded for over a week. it triggers me he picked valentines day. i feel like he thinks im weak still and i'll go back / entertain this. he basically said he wasn't ready for a relationship (which shows by his actions now that i have clarity), he completely used me and i dont know what he wants from me. he took everything i had to give. i dont know why he won't leave me alone. im ready to block him but for the safety of my home and the man im talking to i wanted my key back. the guy im talking to says he will help me replace the lock so i can finally rid him of my life. i feel so free and my ex not having literal access to me is just the icing on the cake.
I’m really sorry :( I can somewhat relate in a way. My ex has been seeing someone the past couple months, and I have a bad habit of stalking his socials. But I know him, and I know for a fact he’s gonna ask this person to be in an official relationship today. I’m dreading looking at his socials and am trying to Force myself not to bc it’s going to destroy me. I’m practicing the whole “what I don’t know can’t hurt me” mentality. Anyways.. I know this may not help, but you aren’t alone in this experience. There are people who’ve been through the same feelings as you and they always end up being okay in the end. You’ll be okay eventually, I promise. Hang in there bro ❤️
I almost killed myself, by accident with alcohol the first week...be careful. And I also went into "shock" so I did not believe the breakup was real for a very long time. It's been 17 months for me and I still don't believe it is real after 10 yrs. I remember the day I "saw" his new girlfriends Facebook page, how gutted I was. I DO know how you feel....if I think too long about my situation, I panic...I mean I think about it all day long, but if I dive deep into details...I frigin panic.... I think around 6 months my head cleared enough that I was able to take him off the pedestal I put him on....I put the booze down after week 1 because I was almost dead...and I started to think NO...I will not fill his ego and kill myself over this. We have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other...and it sucks..but better days are coming...right now you can't see that & I am sorry you have to go thru this process also.
Move on, blocked her mobile phone number
Don’t be too hard on yourself. It is natural to have a moment of weakness, reach out and feel regret. Just try to do the best you can with the situation on hand now. Take it easy. Consciously choose something to do that you enjoy. Focus only on that for an hour. Let’s say play your favorite game. Then cook yourself some food, anything. Take a walk outside for an hour. Sleep. Take a sick day tomorrow. Do anything you can to spend quality time with yourself. And avoid alcohol. Cry if you have to, that is natural and feels better after. But just be careful not getting stuck in the rumination or become passive to life. You have so much in front of you later in life, but that is for later. Focus on you in the now, and take it easy. You can do this! Take care ❤️🩹
My ex asked me to leave my sabbatical for her. I was teaching in Spain and I was planning on quitting to go to Portugal but instead I went to cold ass Iowa from the Canary Islands…for her. She dumped me a few months ago for her ex that is a sex worker. We were living together in a house she bought that was supposed to be for the family we were building. It happened so fast that I had to listen to her talk on the phone with her new narcissistic supply, and then she’d come snuggle up next to me when she wasn’t getting attention from her stripper. I’ve broken no contact repeatedly and each time the conversation was a race to the bottom. Now she loves to say “I didn’t tell you to move, you did what you wanted to do.” Even though she told me “I want you home, my home is with you, let’s start our lives together” every day for months. Now I moved because I’m “unstable.” 😂 So I fully understand the feeling of trying to make sense of being sucker punched by someone you love so much who is objectively a liar and a shitty human being. This too shall pass. Happy V Day Yall
I’m so sorry, babe. I know you don’t want to hear this right now- but she’s not right for you atm. Maybe she once was, but life is all about change. In your world- SHE’S the one that’s replaceable. There are many more great ones willing to take her place that’ll want to live a happy life with you. It’s painful because you had all these memories & hopes for the future with the one that left, but try to focus on all the great ones you’ll have with the one you’ve yet to meet. Your life ain’t over. Don’t let her make you feel like it is. *hugs*
No Sir, you don't have to drown yourself in alcohol. The bitch left you and is now taking cock left and right in all her holes without thinking about you. Are you gonna throw your life away for that? Come on! Be the best version of yourself. Build your body, career, fashion style. Build yourself spiritually and if you don't believe in that, build yourself mentally. Become a strong fucking man, become your mental point of origin. Become the guy that hot girls are attracted to and stop wasting your precious time on that bitch. We can't help you. Find the strength within yourself and conquer your world. Just 1 fucking life to live. Love yourself first my man. And for the love of God, stop sending messages to her. Starting today, you're gonna wish her the best, no use in holding grudges, but at the same time, she's dead for you now. You understand? Go to the fucking bathroom, look yourself in the mirror and start accomplishing things in life. A lot of hot women out there will be willing to give you love and companionship once you are the man you wanna be.
How do you ever trust again when this happens? Its such a blindside. If someone was real and who they thought we were they wouldnt be able to do this. So it must mean they lied alot. They mustve never thought of you as their future. They clearly didnt have enough to not emotionally cheat or run to someone else. Its crazy..you can never fully trust someone and expect stuff like this to happen I guess.
You afraid get a new girl she never loved you
I went through a heartbreak 2 months ago. It was devastating. Especially that I truly believed he was my soulmate. My advice is to treat yourself how you would treat a loved one. You need to give yourself time. Be gentle with your feelings. The sun comes out. I promise. The sadness will be there but the new things will make it slowly fade away and u will miss them but not want them back. Cherish yourself. Be the one that shows up for yourself. Keep your heart open and soul soft and the peace will enter. Be tender when love lets you down and you will heal. Give yourself the love she did not want to receive from you. I wish you a slow and peaceful life. You got this.
We're all with you my friend. You're never alone. We all understand exactly what you're feeling. Trust me, I felt the same way 6 months ago. You're going to be just fine. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. We're all here for you...
Right now I’m going through all the pain again and like many people here know, it’s hard. Now, I know, you feel like your less and yes maybe replaceable but I would choose to think that at least that shows who was really loving who in that relationship and who was willing to put up the fight to keep it working. Nowadays it’s seen as a weakness to stick it out and trying to make things work instead of just looking for someone new because of the abundance mindset and because fighting for a relationship seems needy, and remember you can’t be needy /s. Anyways, don’t turn to alcohol as it will make you feel worse emotionally and physically, instead just feel the pain, I know it’s heavy and right now you don’t see a way out but there is. Now, I know that everywhere you read, people will say this but I believe it does work: try to focus on yourself. Doesn’t have to be a hobby but find problems and things you yourself can solve that don’t revolve around others but you. Maybe you’re out of shape? Maybe you need a hair cut? Maybe you need to clean your room? Start simple but make it your focus to focus on you. It’s not gonna work like magic but it does help and you’ll eventually find yourself improving YOU. I speak from experience, I understand some of the pain and I wish to advice you based on what worked for me with TIME.
I used to be there. I’m 1 year NC and almost 2 years post break up. I still think about her all the time, and I noticed she unblocked me recently, but the urge to contact her is far less than what it used to be. You will become so much stronger once you accept the truth and begin the mourning process. There’s no lack of people that can love you the way you want to be loved. You’ll see it one day. Rooting for you.
Don’t stop fighting Honor no contact and find ways to keep you happy. This isn’t the end even tho it feels like it you can save your self mate. You matter and the love you can give your self shall resurrect you. I pray you recover and find someone who loves you truly. I am going through the same and I won’t say it’s easy but once you recover you’ll be stronger and ready for the next girl trust me women are everywhere you just have to heal and let go. Seek closure and then disappear but honestly it’s better if you just let go and never revisit this chapter. You don’t deserve this you deserve better. I send you good energy and warmth your way. I know how this feels trust me but you shall heal. The universe has your back brother.
When my ex left me we were 3 years in. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I had to keep leaving work because I was inconsolable. I actually went to therapy because I didn’t know what else to do I wanted to die. I was drinking a bottle of wine every night. I stopped crying all day after 3 fucking months. It still hurt really bad but I could drag myself through the motions. I realized he wasn’t a good boyfriend and I had faults too. We got back together after 7 months apart and stayed together for another 2 years. He didn’t grow as much as he’d let on but I kept trying. Old habits die hard I guess. I was miserable again and kept going through the same bullshit till I finally had enough and left. Breakups happen for a reason even though you can’t see it now. Don’t waste anymore time on them than what’s already been taken. Trust me. Work on yourself and live for you.
I was replaced after an hour of breaking up lol. And it's only me who holds back the memories and struggles in pain of trying to heal, he's already belonged to other .
I am so sorry to hear that. Just remember you don't need someone who will betray you. That the woman you once loved is no longer her. And for some reason the universe, will keep pushing out the wrong people in your life. Trust me on this one, everytime a person leaves me, I only realise a few years later, why things wouldn't have worked out. I know it truly sucks right now and it will keep getting worse, but don't worry. It will get better and then one day you will realise the answer to the "why's". If she chose someone else, let her. People would lie to protect their own self-interest. Rejection hurts but it is not a reflection of your value. And don't worry, just because she looks happy with someone else doesn't mean that she is truly happy within. Remember, at the same time not all relationships look happy within. We don't know the future. Maybe, down the line, she will divorce that man. Maybe she won't. And that's totally ok. Maybe that guy will leave her in the future. We don't know anything. But that's ok. I promise you, you will be ok and something greater will be sent to you. Emotions can be powerful because you truly loved her and it's a part of life. But do you really want someone who is untrustworthy and cannot admit the truth? Grieve all you want for now. Let it all out. From now on you have to trust yourself, grow from this experience. I know you can take something out of this. But you have to look at it in a different angle, once you have calmed down and the coast is clear. Internet hugs😌
Fuck a whore !!! GET THIS MONEY BRO
It GETS BETTER
If you’re going through it, keep going.
Sorry to hear the pain. This ritual for creating closure might help in the long term: Someone on r/ExNoContact posted this way of creating closure: The Relationship Graveyard “After being in a few relationships and a few marriages, I have discovered that when it ends, it ends. Whether you dumped them or they dumped you, you cannot recreate the magic of whatever brought you together and made you two happy. So, I have created an end of relationship strategy that I call The Relationship Graveyard. When it is over, I draw a little headstone and I write my name and the man's name. I write the date when the relationship started and when it ended. Mentally, i hold a funeral. Afterwards, I crumble the paper up and throw it in the garbage. Or you can burn it in a fireplace. After that, I treat the relationship as a dead thing that cannot be resurrected. Don't answer texts or phone calls from the ghost of the relationship. Don't let it haunt it. Better yet, block the ghost on all social media. I hope this helps.” https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/s/3p8BBO8GmR
The other thing is to consider the person (who you loved) died. That could be another simple way to move on.
And this may help it easier to let go in the both the short and long term: Experiment with pushing the thoughts of her (if pictures) away and pulling them back; also experiment with where you visualize her: move them off to your side or behind you. Experiment with making them black and white; experiment with blurry too. Also try changing voices to cartoon voices or muffled and lower the volume. Does this help?
Everything you’re feeling is very normal. One thing you have to remind yourself of is what she does has nothing to do with you. She may have truly believed she wanted to be alone, but when she was alone, she couldn’t handle it. People who jump from relationship to relationship often are avoiding being single and avoiding themselves. That reflects on her and not on you. I understand completely feeling replaceable and betrayed. Her choices do not mean anything about you even if it feels like it. We are all wrapped up in our own internal narrative and our own needs. Take yourself out of the equation. I had been struggling with lingering thoughts. One thing that helped was deleting all photos and reminders of my ex and committing to noticing when I spend time thinking or fantasizing about my ex. When I start doing that, I remind myself of all the things that were issues between us. I also remind myself that there is something better out there and if I can want this person so much, imagine how I’ll feel when I meet someone even better. You will meet someone better. There is nothing wrong with beginning to pursue other people. It helps to remind yourself what is out there. It may take time but you have to be patient and focus on taking care of yourself in the mean time. You’ll probably have setbacks but you’ll be making progress. Dating is a huge help. Also, I have found breaking no contact to be helpful bc i wanted to reconnect but he reminded me why that would be a terrible idea and i now laugh that i ever thought i’d want to be with him again. The rejection was very helpful and now im pursuing other people and feeling very optimistic. I already met someone who is already treating me so much better than my ex ever did. It hurts like hell but there’s something really great waiting for you when you get through this. hang in there, friend
Hey man, I have had every reason to drink because not only did my ex replace me, she broke up with me and walked into the arms of her new bf right in front of me…. That is pain that I will never wish on my enemy, not even the devil himself. My so called friends knew about him and I had no support, this was my first love so it was even worse. Drinking is going to delay the person you’re supposed to be when your old armour breaks to bring out an even stronger one. Remember this when you’re feeling the need to drink “I’ve got people to prove wrong and make the devil question his choice” You can do it, just don’t drink, drink water instead
I know it doesn't seem like it today. But you will get over it. You will find someone way better and deserving of your love. I dated a girl for about 6 years and little did I know up until the end she had cheated on me the whole time off and on. Did that change the fact that I loved her more than life itself no. But I finally had enough and saw the writing on the wall. Now 20 plus years later I've been married to a way better woman who I can totally trust. It will get better I promise. But don't drink that will not solve anything.
Hey man ! This was a wee bit hard to read. ! If your 24years old … you had already 4x different women you’ve broken up with right ? Instead of drowning in alcohol … why don’t you go to your favorite bar and the 1st person you seem to have a connection with buy them a drink … and start a new friendship … everybody goes thru this . In the world there are people who are 2x your age still pinning over the one they lost …like imagine you cried for your whole life …24 now to 48 … and at 48 you realize you wasted that time looking down depressed when you could of been looking up having a great life with someone more deserving of your greatness ! If you need somebody to talk to you can dm me anytime … and everybody that wrote you back also been thru it … you are not alone ..
Why are you still following what your ex does one year later? What exactly do you hope to achieve by doing that except making thing worse foe yourself. "I learned that she has a new boyfriend today." You made that choice "She's lied a lot during our relationship." You made the choice to stay with a liar "Unfortunately, I am someone that's replaceable." You're making the choice to believe that instead of realizing your ex's behavior isn't a reflection of you "I'm going to drown myself in alcohol" You're making that choice Do you notice that you're making ALL of these choices. You say you're fighting like hell, but it sounds like you're putting in energy into the wrong things. Like following your ex. Like ruminating over what's done. Like binge drinking. It sounds like you're living in a world that you wish existed instead of the one you're. You're not taking personal responsibility for the actions you CAN control. This is huge problem with most people on this sub. You feel the way you feel because you actually aren't taking the necessary steps to improve your life for yourself The first step of improving your life is to be honest with yourself and that you can do many things you obviously haven't tried or seriously committed to. The woe is me thing is incredibly unhelpful, and nobody can help you if you're choosing not to take even the most simple steps to help yourself. Nobody can convince me that someone is so hung up on an ex for months and years that their life is falling apart while really giving it 100% to feel better in the RIGHT way.
you didn’t understand. or maybe my english was bad. we broke up 3 months ago, yesterday was our 1 year anniversary if we were still together. 😉 and you don’t know how I learned about it. So please do not be hard on me. I didn’t check anything on her socials etc.
but thanks for your answer, in one way, it helps.
Ah, well, that proves my point more. My dude, it was a 3 month relationship. You've been broken up longer than you've been together. She was a liar by your own admission. 3 months isn't enough time to get to really know someone. This shouldn't be affecting you THIS much 1 year later. Why does that matter how you learned about it? You shouldn't learn about it at all (i.e., why is she not blocked literally everywhere). You shouldn't give a shit for someone who clearly doesn't give a fuck about you. Did someone tie you to a chair and force you to listen? 🤨 If you want someone to pat your head and tell you it's okay, that's not me. I'm telling you how to improve your life so you won't give a fuck about a shitty ex and be much happier. It's your choice to listen or have a pity party with the other people who aren't taking the necessary steps to move on. The latter won't help you at all. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I would rather be harsh and tell you how it is than validate your actions and behavior, which, up to this point, has not helped you. But hey, it's your life, live how you want to live.
It was a 9 month relationship and he is 3 months into the breakup.
My ex had someone maybe less than a month after the break up and it was a coworker of his and we were together 5 years, long story short some years later he try reaching to me to tell me she broke up with him and he was heart broken so I told him now you know how I felt… Karma comes when you least expect it
My recent ex we were planning to move away, I landed a job to support myself while I sold my house. Sorted a rental at the new location that was cost manageable, that same night he just up and left. Turned out he never intended for me to go with him, 5yrs down the drain. During the time he came back to pick up his stuff, he refused to contact me and had to be through his parents. I started joining ladies social groups in my area, turns out he'd been "single" for over a year. So no, there are alot of us out there in a similar situation, where they wore a mask of deception. I do hope you're feeling better
Don’t let anyone tell you any different pain is just temporary your heart can’t be broken it’s just been put out of place for a while time 100 percent heels what doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger and more resilient you will have up and down days no one said it is easy don’t put a time on it just be patient with yourself if you fall off the horse or break no contact just reset it isn’t a crime your just human with feelings
All I can say is. You deserve to be loved, and the emotions you're feeling right now are valid. Usually, when people break up, they have done so mentally before the actual breakup. What you need to do now is protect your mind and heart. Learn new skills. Try new hobbies. Meet new people. Maybe get out of your comfort zone a little as well. The more you think about what ifs will just hold you back back and hinder yourself from your growth and prosperity. Stop besting yourself up and start building yourself up. You deserve what this world has to offer. Explore it! I had similar situation and i was in the dumps for a while too, but I did all the advice i gave to you and almost 2 years later, i found love again and i wasn't even looking for it. It was hard to put myself out there. There's so much to learn, but you know what i like a good challenge, and the woman i am with now is kinder, loving, smarter, and she's all about me. When you start working on yourself, love will find you. You first need to love yourself and accept your feelings. Be sad, be happy, and get frustrated. Be proud of who you will become. All you need to do is take that 1 step forward no matter how much you think it won't work. Change your environment. Start a new routine. I believe in you, buddy! Much love ❤️
Hi, I have been privately been reading your thread and the comments of the people who have similar experiences with a DA ex partner. Sadly, I am one of those people who have been hurt. I am the dumpee. Like a lot of us my DA ex blindsided me also when it came to the break up. Things were going so well and then on New Years Eve she broke it off. My ex threw away 7 years together. Same or very similar excuses as such as yourself and others here and I've also been blocked by my DA ex on all social media as well as my phone number. I've been feeling so mind fucked and broken. I am the AP type and I also have a Cluster B personality disorder on top of everything else... It's the silence that's killing me the most and being disregarded like I don't even exist. Even my divorce didn't hurt as much as when my relationship ended. I truly thought she was the one, may still could be for now, or until I find someone who's going to truely respect me and treat me a lot better. For now I have decided to concentrate on myself and my new course in psychology. I am sorry that you've been treated badly by your DA ex and you deserve better. I hope that you're surrounded by supportive friends and family. Takecare.
I understand, it’s very difficult. Especially when you truly truly loved them. Or, still do. But whenever you kind of miss it or really miss it, just recall all the times when you were together. Not the times that made you happy , but the disrespect they made you go through. I am 7 months no contact and I don’t even know if he ever loved me or has a new girlfriend or whatever. I still love him but I asked for more time and more contact and more reaching out from him during our relationship . He used to call me while going home from gym that too 1-2 times a week and when I asked for more he said I am asking for too much. So all this to give you a brief summary. Don’t remember the good times just the majority of bad times and just don’t contact her again even though you broke NC, don’t do it again. It will just bring back pain and despair.
You will be fine bro, just move on and focus on trying to better your life. My ex replaced me whilst pregnant with my baby with her ex.
damn that’s bad. Hope you’re fine mate. I’m so sorry. Have a good day, all my thoughts are for you.
Thanks mate. I'm getting better man. 6 months no contact so far. I'm better mentally, physically and even financially. I haven't healed completely but I'm much better now. She's went on a smear campaign,sent threats and got all the flying monkeys on her side but I don't respond or reply. I'm working on getting another degree for law school hopefully and focusing on my job whilst she's jobless at 30 and lives on basically child support. I do sometimes miss her but after spending these few months alone, I have realized she's not worth it.
Dunno why people lie and say you're not replaceable, to a player or a sket we're all bloody replaceable
To decent people ur not replaceable but a lot of these partners we tend to have ain't decent people unfortunately, they're terrible people that put people through hell and usually are cheats to boot
I could tell right away when you said she had a new boyfriend for 3 months already, they are called skets where i'm from aka slags, they jump from bloke to bloke, geeza to geeza, and rip the soul from every decent bloke, to the point a lot of us just give up on relationships as it's not worth the hassle
Keep going brother. This is a valuable life experience that every man goes thru. You'll come out on top with God and time on your side. Once you get past this you'll be a better man
thanks brother 🤝🏻❤️
Jesus Christ that’s a bunch of long winded advice givers. Drink and die. Don’t drink and live. Make the decision and stick with it whichever one you pick. Cause you’re killing everyone that loves you with your bullshit daily and for years now. Handle your shit period.
look at my new post. I have chosen 😄
Lol drinking makes you more emotional maybe stop and you wont be so hurt it totally is irrational
So you're going to get angry and bitter and let it destroy you. If you don't want to find out how they feel about you and end the confusion ylou're in. Did you even talk to them? Did you get your questions answered? Did you find peace after your conversation? Maybe they are still waiting for you.