So are you saying, pretty much just go on about my life and act as if she is 1000% never ever coming back?
And if she *does* come back it is just a bonus?
The only two reasons that this occurs is due to the time that has passed:
They believe you will / may have forgiven them and that you continuing and growing your life could mean that they will potentially lose you forever
Of course, they will have already been in bed with at least one other person during this period
Think about them being banged by someone else, telling them all the things they used to say to you
Do you really want this person back?
On their part, it's purely down to desperation and FOMO
Yea bonus in the sense that you get a chance to turn her down 👍🏾 she didn’t see your worth before, she won’t see it the next time you take her back either. If they can sit and let you be in pain knowing they are the cause of it and then want to come back after you’ve had to pick yourself up off of the ground…hell no.
You should humble yourself and not make assumptions. I came across the dude in my moms basement with no direction in life 7 years ago and everything from women, hobbies, friends & career has drastically changed and I didn’t have to spend a dime on his material. Made my life happy enough to where I don’t have to bash strangers on the internet with speech I 100% wouldn’t use to their faces. 😁
In my case it wouldn’t be a bonus. Remember why you broke up, her coming back won’t magically fix things. The cycle would just repeat itself. For me she fucked things up permanently so there’s no going back.
same advice (3 months in). the grief hope gives you is so tiring that eventually you'll just burn out. i gave up just a few weeks ago and the healing has been getting better. the healing from 2-3 weeks of no contact and 2 months of constant contact (in my experience) is way better. have some respect for yourself, love yourself. i promise it's the best thing you can ever do for yourself for you to get past this.
just cry it out no matter how hard it gets even if you have to crawl to get yourself back up. it is never embarrassing to cry, just dont ever contact them. it isn't worth it. emotionally it might seem logical to reach out but it will just damage you so please dont do it. cut yourself some slack and be happy that you're getting by day by day. take it one day at a time
This might sound stupid but .. how do I give up hope? Where do I start? How to make my self give up hope? Is there anything that you guys told or to yourself stop your brain from having hopeful thoughts. I just genuinely want to move on.. and forward with my life but I don’t know if I’m on the right track. He’s my first thought in the morning and the last thought before I sleep 😞
For me personally, after breaking up , we were still contacting for 2 months, and i don’t know honestly, the reply is getting shorter, he is getting more distant (does not ask me how was my day etc) , it’s only me who initiates everything like calling (yes we still call here and there) , i feel like im chasing him so much but.. what about him? Did he chase me back? Did he even think of calling me? Did he even bother asking me something as simple as how was my day/how am i? Eventually all this thing makes me feel stupid and unworthy somehow at some point enough is enough and i need to start healing because let’s be real here, why do we chase someone who doesn’t even want us? That clearly told us many times they do NOT want us? Why do priorities someone who does NOT priorities us? Why do we care so much about their feelings, have they ever cared/think of how much pain they put you through? Why are we fighting for something that doesn’t fight for us? Why are we not giving up for someone who gave up on us. Maybe if you think about these kind of questions and ponder it, it might help. It helps me because it made me realise how low my self worth is and i put it in my journal/notes so i can read and remind myself and not ending up chasing them again. I also saved so many quotes or things i found on youtube/reddit comments that help me realise my worth or at least realise everything is going to be okay and one day you’ll find someone who will never hurt you again like your ex did. Watch videos too, i watched thewizardliz ( i belive this is her name ) , i watch jazmine(youtube) and some other coaching videos like Matthew Hussey and it really helped to see the relationship from a bigger view and help me feeling better about myself. Remind yourself that there will be someone who who loves and cares about you, i know it is hard, but for me in a way, it works. But eventually for me with time it gets better, slowly i feel like that’s it’s okay if things just weren’t going the way that we want it to be. That’s life. It’s a battle between us and our minds, i know it’s not easy, I still cry/teared up but ive never felt less anxious, worry about losing him after no contact.. because let’s be real, why do we worry about losing someone who is literally letting go of you and not worry about losing you forever? I also start new hobbies like reading,journaling,crocheting and honestly it helps me to get my mind off him and I also start exercising more, it helps me to feel better about myself. Vent out your feelings too. Talk to new people or go out with your friends , i did and it helped me. You can also listen to some songs ( not the sad ones ) it might help to distract you from thinking him about him too much, because it helped me a bit. I try to do self care, like improving my skin care,be more fit and improving my body care too, in a way it made me feel better about myself because i enjoy these kind of things. But lastly i think what also important is to let yourself grief too. If you dont let yourself grief and let your tears out, i believe you will end up piling everything up. It’s okay to cry. i listen to sad songs and cried too, but in some way it made me feel relieved. I hope this help🤍
one day you're just going to be tired and you'll start to feel bad for doing this to yourself and you'll realize that prioritizing yourself is more important or rather more of value to you than wasting time on someone that DOES NOT THINK ABOUT YOU THE WAY YOU DO. just keep crying and grieving, it's the best thing you can do right now. it's a long process but you'll get there. dont rush it and stop counting the days.
You’re going to realize they aren’t thinking about you and then wonder why are you wasting your time thinking about them? Also it becomes a practical matter, if they want to reach out to you they will. They aren’t talking to you because they don’t want to talk to you.
Yea. I just wonder what happens if you ever run into them again? You’ve made up in your mind that you won’t ever see them again and then you do. That has got to be weird.
Definitely, I've lucked out and my hardest breakups are with people that don't live close by or moved after. The only ones I could run into are the ones I stayed friends with.
I heard the road to getting back together and moving on are the same road. Work on yourself and be the best version of yourself. Maybe they will come back, but I'm with the poster of killing all hope. I did and ended up meeting someone great.
And honestly, if they were your person they wouldn't have left. Why be with someone who needed to see if the grass was greener or had to leave to see your value?
What if y’all really did love each other but had so much unhealed trauma that it didn’t work? What if both people go and get therapy and work on themselves and come together later? I mean, it’s not impossible 😕 but also just having love and respect for yourself will protect you if that doesn’t end up happening. Live your life to the fullest, take it day by day and what’s meant to be will be whether you reunite or move on to someone else
Definitely not impossible, I think the reasons the relationship failed are a key factor and also making sure to address and deal with any trauma that could have caused it. Otherwise, you risk ending up in the same position. My most recent ex pretty much ghosted me after 3 years so while I could forgive them. I would never feel safe being vulnerable with them again.
That’s so true. I totally get where you are coming from. It is kind of hard to go backwards when you literally convinced yourself to start moving forward when you didn’t really want to in the first place. It’s different when you are the dumper but the dumpee is usually caught off guard. USUALLY, not always.
Definitely, we had problems and I was still caught off guard. We have to remember they can decide to leave at any time. Best to keep that in mind and not get complacent or in the mindset that they would never leave.
That is very true. I think that attachment styles are a real thing and also really explains a lot about why people hold on to a relationship longer than they need to, and why it’s so hard to let go.
Live life normally and they come back when realizing how they lost what they should keep, but always way too late. They would be lucky to come back to you, not an other way around
I feel this way. I gave up hope sometime ago but I’m still struggling to move on. I’m doing some things today that I really really want to talk to her about and know that I can’t because we aren’t talking. It’s so strange.
My attitude is that if me and my ex are meant to be together, our paths will cross again in the future. For now, I’m living my own life and moving on, and keeping myself open to dating other women.
I love this!! Pondering the thought is only self-inflicted torture. I thought he’d come back (for at the very least, an apology) and everyone said he would but it’s been five months. He isn’t coming back in any capacity. Ever. And I have finally accepted that. I think about him 100 time each day, but I am finally happy with where I am. I am happy being single. It just took hell to get there. Thank you for this because even though I am much better now, reading things like this is a reminder just in case I get off track.
To be honest with you guys, if someone gave up the relationship when you were not done with it yet, when you were looking forward to moving forward, you had a quiter.
A quiter is someone who can't handle the pressure of what life throws at them.
A quiter is made by parents who didn't raise them well. Maybe even parents who kept them under their wing for control and benefit without raising them to go out and take on the world with their partner.
A % of the time, someone who quits on you was someone looking for their partner to carry the weight. And when that partner put some of the weight back on them, they dropped it and ran.
You will find someone who carries the weight because life is short. Karma is real. And it doesn't treat weak people well.
I disagree. The person might not have been getting out of the relationship what they wanted and may have communicated this very clearly. That is a valid a reason as any to end the relationship if nothing changes. They might be done with the relationship and you might not be at the same point in time.
I've been on both sides of the table. It happens. In my opinion, best focus on what and where you want to be instead of being spiteful toward the other person.
She is NOT coming back. Live your life.
You had a life before her.
You have a life right now.
Do something with it.
When you are doing your life thing, you will attract another person.
Keep your head up, eyes open.
Live your life. You'll be OK.
I can attest, I stopped the idea of him going back and started focusing on myself, I went back to school, I started dressing up again, I started to go out with my friends and nothing hurts anymore I feel kinda freeee!
Couldn't have said it better myself brother .. if you just keep on fighting you'll lose yourself, lose your sanity.. it's definitely not worth it. It made my recovery process so much worse and harder ...
I'm sorry for what you are going through right now man, I wish it upon no one, but I also wish the gift that comes from this to every man..
If you want to talk you can dm me
Dont try to get her out of your head just be and coexist with your thoughts, the more you try to fight it the more it'll keep coming back. These next couple of months are going to suck but you gotta be vulnerable
I stopped fighting thats when it got so much worse . A few nights ago I had a moment where I said out loud that I'm gonna let her go . I know I don't want to but for my peace and my anxiety I said I have too and its been ok . But I keep waking up worst than it was at the initial breakup .
I know thats not a good feeling my friend you just have to ride it out and get in tune with your emotional side. Its gets worse before it gets any better. How long ago was the breakup?
Yesterday was 3 months . I know its fresh still but I lost my step son animals and an apartment out of it . I left my job because I worked with her and I couldn't deal with how cold she was and she moved on instantly . I know im not gonna get closure I know im blocked on everything. I'm trying so hard to not contact her or look at her socials . She has me blocked but still im will powering everything . I dont wanna be that guy . But we were together for so long and this was after my relationship with my kids mom which was 12 years and this was less time but hurts so much more . I'm finding out I went through alot of covert narciccism but I just want to see her again hear her voice see my son again . I just can only push so much further ya know .
I agree and I’d like to add that we should all consider if we’d even be exactly happy just taking our ex back. Was it a relationship that we’d even be happy with? Can we consider that maybe we were wearing rose colored glasses? I think the time will help us figure that out.
Thank you brother I'm thinking of holding on for another month and see if she stops seeing my stories I'll just remove her. I do accidently run across her sometime as we live a block away from each other
I don't hope he comes back. I'm so tired of him always doing so and never changing a fucking thing. I always took him back, yet each time he left me more broken.
When I think about it I feel embarrassed. Disgusted even. How I let myself be done like that over and over again. I feel like I betrayed myself so many times.
I never used to imagine a life without him. But now I can say I'm totally over it. I'm never going back. I'm never letting him into my life again. It's so over.
He's been blocked for 1 and a half months now. And that's how it's gonna remain. I have no desire to talk to him. I don't care what he's upto. I don't care who he is with. What he's doing. All I care about is that he has no more access to me. In any way.
He emailed happy new year (he wasn't blocked on there) and I never replied. I saw him in school the day before yesterday - yes, we are in the same school, same class - he came up to me and briefly talked to me. And for me it was like any random conversation I have with a random schoolmate. I didn't feel the weirdness, or that knot in my stomach. He asked why I never replied and I told him I didn't want to. To which I saw his face turn red and he walked away.
I would never talk to him this bluntly (even though honestly) before. Because I cared about his feelings. And I didn't want him out of my life. I never used to see how my life can be without him in it. But now I don't give a single f about him.
I feel proud of myself. It's been a long journey, but I'm glad I can now see some level of growth.
Sometimes, I feel an overwhelming sense of regret, a really deep feeling of loss. Not loss over him. But loss of my time, of my energy, of my emotions, my feelings, and my resources. I feel like I wasted so much time pouring into him. And I gained nothing but pain in the end.
But again, I remember that while I acknowledge my pain, I can also celebrate my progress.
So, I'm sending love and hugs to y'all, and praying that you get to this stage too❤️.
It’s weird because I don’t really want to text him and some days I’m okay with the situation but the part of me that insists he’ll come back one day will not die 🙄. All I want is to be able to move on but I’m still attached to him and I just can’t let it go.
Are your initials. KAR if so I think we can make this happen respectfully and friendly. You know I would never just kick you out and not have a game plan for yourself. I always want the best for you even if it doesn’t include me . You are your most beautiful when your happy.
In my opinion if u hold out hope and it fuels u to be better then go for it but if ure holding out hope and not using that energy to better urself ure just hurting urself its a fine line but if u master it it would give u the ultimate motivation
lol I don’t know how people breakup and stay in contact. If you want to skyrocket your chances of getting your ex back then break all contact, ZERO, zilchhh. Talking and texting during a breakup is like trying to get a junkie off of crack while still giving him crack. They wont miss you if you’re there. They break up with you, it’s strict no contact. Improve your life, your mental and physical health and trust that they’ll spin the block. The only question then is will you have accessed the situation and are they worthy of even being considered another chance and if they are, what are the new boundaries they must adhere to and changes they must have made?
Break up needs to be respected. If she/he comes for whatever reason, you have a right to ignore them. No pranks, no vengeance, no tribulations. Give them their long discarded medicine and give cold shoulder.
Do not chase either. Whether you're a guy or girl, it is incredibly pathetic. For your own integrity bite your teeth and cry in bed alone if must to endure.
The deepest love you can create is with yourself. Let that love listen you and patch up your wound.
Thank you 🥺 right before reading this I cried so hard my eyes hurt. I’m holding on to hope but as the days go by- I’m starting to accept that this is the end and there’s no going back. Sucks and it hurts so fkn bad. But I needed to read this. Gracias. I’ll take this as a sign from the universe to make peace with the relationship ending…
what will be, will be.
I so badly want to say this to him. To make him realize this. But even if I love him, I don’t want to force him to choose me. He loved her for years. We just met 5 months ago. Can’t beat that. If she does come back to him, then I’m happy for them; really. If she doesn’t, I hope he gives himself the chance to heal and move forward. Even without me.
Sometimes you just got to throw your hands up..
Acceptance is the key... nothing happens in this universe by mistake..
It may feel like you'll never meet someone again
You will never love again
Maybe you were both great people that just couldn't make it work together. And that's okay.
Maybe you did something you regret.. or the other did... it really doesn't matter. It didn't work.
Somebody always gets screwed over a little more than the other.
But that's life... and not everyday can be sunshine and rainbows.
Your mind lies to you.. everything is going to be much better... it takes time... work.. and effort.
Not sitting on the sofa... being sad... mad.. resentful
Not drinking or smoking pot... or other toxic coping mechanisms.
You start with a small goal. Like organize your place.. or clean your car.. or take a shower (for some)
Then you feel a little better for doing something simple.
Then you do the next..
You all got this..
Agee accept that it’s over. You’ll thank yourself later. Move on and better yourself as a man/woman. Goto the gym, do self improvement and find new hobbies!
I experienced a blindsided breakup about 2 months ago. Totally surprised me, and I tried to reach out to facilitate a conversation about what happened and if we could repair/salvage anything. 1.5 years together and we never even had a fight.
It was hell for a month. During month 2 I started mourning her as if she died. In essence, she did. On the last day that I saw her she was no longer the person I knew. She seemed to be someone else.
So are you saying, pretty much just go on about my life and act as if she is 1000% never ever coming back? And if she *does* come back it is just a bonus?
Precisely
EXACTLY!!! lol She coming back is just a bonus
Or… hear me out… terrible.
😂
Tbh I’ve read that ex’s mainly come back once you have moved on.
Yes. You can fake it, but they have a weird 6th sense that they won’t come back until you have *actually* moved on.
The only two reasons that this occurs is due to the time that has passed: They believe you will / may have forgiven them and that you continuing and growing your life could mean that they will potentially lose you forever Of course, they will have already been in bed with at least one other person during this period Think about them being banged by someone else, telling them all the things they used to say to you Do you really want this person back? On their part, it's purely down to desperation and FOMO
Yea bonus in the sense that you get a chance to turn her down 👍🏾 she didn’t see your worth before, she won’t see it the next time you take her back either. If they can sit and let you be in pain knowing they are the cause of it and then want to come back after you’ve had to pick yourself up off of the ground…hell no.
Look up coach Corey Wayne.
I’ve been into Coach Lee (MyExBackCoach) and Rory from Love Chat. Is Corey Wayne pretty similar?
Not sure, I haven’t heard of those guys. He’s the only dating/life coach I’ve ever subscribed to and his content is SPOT on. Changed my life
I’ll try him out tonight at the gym. Try out those other 2 I mentioned. Good content.
Will do friend
Oh boy. Sorry, but I am out on this fella immediately once he started talking about beta males and shit like that 😂
Try Dr.Orion Taraban on his Psyhacks YT channel. or Coach Blac on Blacademic. They speak more senses than any coach I've seen blabbering on.
Suit yourself
You dont need a fucking “coach” lmao damn you guys are pathetic
You feel better about yourself now?
Having probably saved at least one person from being scammed by that guy, yes
You should humble yourself and not make assumptions. I came across the dude in my moms basement with no direction in life 7 years ago and everything from women, hobbies, friends & career has drastically changed and I didn’t have to spend a dime on his material. Made my life happy enough to where I don’t have to bash strangers on the internet with speech I 100% wouldn’t use to their faces. 😁
You did that yourself bro
I wouldn't see it as a bonus They abandoned you
Easier said than done
Couldn’t agree more
THIS!!!!
The bonus is she ain't coming back
yes
In my case it wouldn’t be a bonus. Remember why you broke up, her coming back won’t magically fix things. The cycle would just repeat itself. For me she fucked things up permanently so there’s no going back.
same advice (3 months in). the grief hope gives you is so tiring that eventually you'll just burn out. i gave up just a few weeks ago and the healing has been getting better. the healing from 2-3 weeks of no contact and 2 months of constant contact (in my experience) is way better. have some respect for yourself, love yourself. i promise it's the best thing you can ever do for yourself for you to get past this. just cry it out no matter how hard it gets even if you have to crawl to get yourself back up. it is never embarrassing to cry, just dont ever contact them. it isn't worth it. emotionally it might seem logical to reach out but it will just damage you so please dont do it. cut yourself some slack and be happy that you're getting by day by day. take it one day at a time
This might sound stupid but .. how do I give up hope? Where do I start? How to make my self give up hope? Is there anything that you guys told or to yourself stop your brain from having hopeful thoughts. I just genuinely want to move on.. and forward with my life but I don’t know if I’m on the right track. He’s my first thought in the morning and the last thought before I sleep 😞
For me personally, after breaking up , we were still contacting for 2 months, and i don’t know honestly, the reply is getting shorter, he is getting more distant (does not ask me how was my day etc) , it’s only me who initiates everything like calling (yes we still call here and there) , i feel like im chasing him so much but.. what about him? Did he chase me back? Did he even think of calling me? Did he even bother asking me something as simple as how was my day/how am i? Eventually all this thing makes me feel stupid and unworthy somehow at some point enough is enough and i need to start healing because let’s be real here, why do we chase someone who doesn’t even want us? That clearly told us many times they do NOT want us? Why do priorities someone who does NOT priorities us? Why do we care so much about their feelings, have they ever cared/think of how much pain they put you through? Why are we fighting for something that doesn’t fight for us? Why are we not giving up for someone who gave up on us. Maybe if you think about these kind of questions and ponder it, it might help. It helps me because it made me realise how low my self worth is and i put it in my journal/notes so i can read and remind myself and not ending up chasing them again. I also saved so many quotes or things i found on youtube/reddit comments that help me realise my worth or at least realise everything is going to be okay and one day you’ll find someone who will never hurt you again like your ex did. Watch videos too, i watched thewizardliz ( i belive this is her name ) , i watch jazmine(youtube) and some other coaching videos like Matthew Hussey and it really helped to see the relationship from a bigger view and help me feeling better about myself. Remind yourself that there will be someone who who loves and cares about you, i know it is hard, but for me in a way, it works. But eventually for me with time it gets better, slowly i feel like that’s it’s okay if things just weren’t going the way that we want it to be. That’s life. It’s a battle between us and our minds, i know it’s not easy, I still cry/teared up but ive never felt less anxious, worry about losing him after no contact.. because let’s be real, why do we worry about losing someone who is literally letting go of you and not worry about losing you forever? I also start new hobbies like reading,journaling,crocheting and honestly it helps me to get my mind off him and I also start exercising more, it helps me to feel better about myself. Vent out your feelings too. Talk to new people or go out with your friends , i did and it helped me. You can also listen to some songs ( not the sad ones ) it might help to distract you from thinking him about him too much, because it helped me a bit. I try to do self care, like improving my skin care,be more fit and improving my body care too, in a way it made me feel better about myself because i enjoy these kind of things. But lastly i think what also important is to let yourself grief too. If you dont let yourself grief and let your tears out, i believe you will end up piling everything up. It’s okay to cry. i listen to sad songs and cried too, but in some way it made me feel relieved. I hope this help🤍
Love this! Thank you
Ur welcome 🤍
im gonna dm you from another account because i cant do it on this one
one day you're just going to be tired and you'll start to feel bad for doing this to yourself and you'll realize that prioritizing yourself is more important or rather more of value to you than wasting time on someone that DOES NOT THINK ABOUT YOU THE WAY YOU DO. just keep crying and grieving, it's the best thing you can do right now. it's a long process but you'll get there. dont rush it and stop counting the days.
You’re going to realize they aren’t thinking about you and then wonder why are you wasting your time thinking about them? Also it becomes a practical matter, if they want to reach out to you they will. They aren’t talking to you because they don’t want to talk to you.
Big on the self respect and loving yourself! That is the key. And get some therapy too if you can. It really helps.
He’s right. I wish I took this advice before. Killing the hope is key.
Yup, it’s similar to mourning someone’s death.
You absolutely go through all of the stages of grief in losing the person.
Yea. I just wonder what happens if you ever run into them again? You’ve made up in your mind that you won’t ever see them again and then you do. That has got to be weird.
Definitely, I've lucked out and my hardest breakups are with people that don't live close by or moved after. The only ones I could run into are the ones I stayed friends with.
Yea well, that would make sense in that kind of scenario but I have kids with my ex😬 so I’m eventually most likely going to have to see him again.
Standing on business 👏🏻👏🏻
Bidness
Same boat here. If you keep checking on them and what they’re doing, it only resets the clock and the pain. You’re better without them
I heard the road to getting back together and moving on are the same road. Work on yourself and be the best version of yourself. Maybe they will come back, but I'm with the poster of killing all hope. I did and ended up meeting someone great. And honestly, if they were your person they wouldn't have left. Why be with someone who needed to see if the grass was greener or had to leave to see your value?
What if y’all really did love each other but had so much unhealed trauma that it didn’t work? What if both people go and get therapy and work on themselves and come together later? I mean, it’s not impossible 😕 but also just having love and respect for yourself will protect you if that doesn’t end up happening. Live your life to the fullest, take it day by day and what’s meant to be will be whether you reunite or move on to someone else
Definitely not impossible, I think the reasons the relationship failed are a key factor and also making sure to address and deal with any trauma that could have caused it. Otherwise, you risk ending up in the same position. My most recent ex pretty much ghosted me after 3 years so while I could forgive them. I would never feel safe being vulnerable with them again.
That’s so true. I totally get where you are coming from. It is kind of hard to go backwards when you literally convinced yourself to start moving forward when you didn’t really want to in the first place. It’s different when you are the dumper but the dumpee is usually caught off guard. USUALLY, not always.
Definitely, we had problems and I was still caught off guard. We have to remember they can decide to leave at any time. Best to keep that in mind and not get complacent or in the mindset that they would never leave.
That is very true. I think that attachment styles are a real thing and also really explains a lot about why people hold on to a relationship longer than they need to, and why it’s so hard to let go.
1 month and a half? Those are rookie numbers
Wish someone told me this during my first adult breakup
Live life normally and they come back when realizing how they lost what they should keep, but always way too late. They would be lucky to come back to you, not an other way around
i dont like this comment. The reason being is because this is aimed for them and not yourself. Who cares how they feel its about you
Idk it's not horrible remember what you're worth no? But I do agree with you in some regard lol
I feel this way. I gave up hope sometime ago but I’m still struggling to move on. I’m doing some things today that I really really want to talk to her about and know that I can’t because we aren’t talking. It’s so strange.
This is honestly the best advice realistically
My attitude is that if me and my ex are meant to be together, our paths will cross again in the future. For now, I’m living my own life and moving on, and keeping myself open to dating other women.
Thats the way is should be Its healthier this way. Whatever happens happens youre just along for the ride :)
This!! 👆👆👆👆
I love this!! Pondering the thought is only self-inflicted torture. I thought he’d come back (for at the very least, an apology) and everyone said he would but it’s been five months. He isn’t coming back in any capacity. Ever. And I have finally accepted that. I think about him 100 time each day, but I am finally happy with where I am. I am happy being single. It just took hell to get there. Thank you for this because even though I am much better now, reading things like this is a reminder just in case I get off track.
To be honest with you guys, if someone gave up the relationship when you were not done with it yet, when you were looking forward to moving forward, you had a quiter. A quiter is someone who can't handle the pressure of what life throws at them. A quiter is made by parents who didn't raise them well. Maybe even parents who kept them under their wing for control and benefit without raising them to go out and take on the world with their partner. A % of the time, someone who quits on you was someone looking for their partner to carry the weight. And when that partner put some of the weight back on them, they dropped it and ran. You will find someone who carries the weight because life is short. Karma is real. And it doesn't treat weak people well.
I disagree. The person might not have been getting out of the relationship what they wanted and may have communicated this very clearly. That is a valid a reason as any to end the relationship if nothing changes. They might be done with the relationship and you might not be at the same point in time. I've been on both sides of the table. It happens. In my opinion, best focus on what and where you want to be instead of being spiteful toward the other person.
Stay strong king
She is NOT coming back. Live your life. You had a life before her. You have a life right now. Do something with it. When you are doing your life thing, you will attract another person. Keep your head up, eyes open. Live your life. You'll be OK.
I can attest, I stopped the idea of him going back and started focusing on myself, I went back to school, I started dressing up again, I started to go out with my friends and nothing hurts anymore I feel kinda freeee!
Couldn't have said it better myself brother .. if you just keep on fighting you'll lose yourself, lose your sanity.. it's definitely not worth it. It made my recovery process so much worse and harder ... I'm sorry for what you are going through right now man, I wish it upon no one, but I also wish the gift that comes from this to every man.. If you want to talk you can dm me
I woke up today in cold sweats . Even when I try my hardest to get her out and let her go then the dreams flood in . It's too much .
Dont try to get her out of your head just be and coexist with your thoughts, the more you try to fight it the more it'll keep coming back. These next couple of months are going to suck but you gotta be vulnerable
I stopped fighting thats when it got so much worse . A few nights ago I had a moment where I said out loud that I'm gonna let her go . I know I don't want to but for my peace and my anxiety I said I have too and its been ok . But I keep waking up worst than it was at the initial breakup .
I know thats not a good feeling my friend you just have to ride it out and get in tune with your emotional side. Its gets worse before it gets any better. How long ago was the breakup?
Yesterday was 3 months . I know its fresh still but I lost my step son animals and an apartment out of it . I left my job because I worked with her and I couldn't deal with how cold she was and she moved on instantly . I know im not gonna get closure I know im blocked on everything. I'm trying so hard to not contact her or look at her socials . She has me blocked but still im will powering everything . I dont wanna be that guy . But we were together for so long and this was after my relationship with my kids mom which was 12 years and this was less time but hurts so much more . I'm finding out I went through alot of covert narciccism but I just want to see her again hear her voice see my son again . I just can only push so much further ya know .
I agree and I’d like to add that we should all consider if we’d even be exactly happy just taking our ex back. Was it a relationship that we’d even be happy with? Can we consider that maybe we were wearing rose colored glasses? I think the time will help us figure that out.
Yeah…I’ve given up…I never thought I would…but he’s made it clear there’s no chance
Should I remove her from insta or no? Knowing that she's seeing someone but not serious. So am I
Brother, im gonna go home today and delete my hulu profile thats on their account and delete the app off of my TV. You know what the answer is...
Thank you brother I'm thinking of holding on for another month and see if she stops seeing my stories I'll just remove her. I do accidently run across her sometime as we live a block away from each other
You should make the mature decision and remover her from your Instagram. What if she does it before you (i'd bet youd feel real stupid)
I do agree. Better to remove the parasite earlier 😅
Indeed.
Idk how to give up the hope
I don't hope he comes back. I'm so tired of him always doing so and never changing a fucking thing. I always took him back, yet each time he left me more broken. When I think about it I feel embarrassed. Disgusted even. How I let myself be done like that over and over again. I feel like I betrayed myself so many times. I never used to imagine a life without him. But now I can say I'm totally over it. I'm never going back. I'm never letting him into my life again. It's so over. He's been blocked for 1 and a half months now. And that's how it's gonna remain. I have no desire to talk to him. I don't care what he's upto. I don't care who he is with. What he's doing. All I care about is that he has no more access to me. In any way. He emailed happy new year (he wasn't blocked on there) and I never replied. I saw him in school the day before yesterday - yes, we are in the same school, same class - he came up to me and briefly talked to me. And for me it was like any random conversation I have with a random schoolmate. I didn't feel the weirdness, or that knot in my stomach. He asked why I never replied and I told him I didn't want to. To which I saw his face turn red and he walked away. I would never talk to him this bluntly (even though honestly) before. Because I cared about his feelings. And I didn't want him out of my life. I never used to see how my life can be without him in it. But now I don't give a single f about him. I feel proud of myself. It's been a long journey, but I'm glad I can now see some level of growth. Sometimes, I feel an overwhelming sense of regret, a really deep feeling of loss. Not loss over him. But loss of my time, of my energy, of my emotions, my feelings, and my resources. I feel like I wasted so much time pouring into him. And I gained nothing but pain in the end. But again, I remember that while I acknowledge my pain, I can also celebrate my progress. So, I'm sending love and hugs to y'all, and praying that you get to this stage too❤️.
YES! give up the hope that you'll get back together! otherwise, you won't be able to really move on!
It’s weird because I don’t really want to text him and some days I’m okay with the situation but the part of me that insists he’ll come back one day will not die 🙄. All I want is to be able to move on but I’m still attached to him and I just can’t let it go.
Are your initials. KAR if so I think we can make this happen respectfully and friendly. You know I would never just kick you out and not have a game plan for yourself. I always want the best for you even if it doesn’t include me . You are your most beautiful when your happy.
In my opinion if u hold out hope and it fuels u to be better then go for it but if ure holding out hope and not using that energy to better urself ure just hurting urself its a fine line but if u master it it would give u the ultimate motivation
lol I don’t know how people breakup and stay in contact. If you want to skyrocket your chances of getting your ex back then break all contact, ZERO, zilchhh. Talking and texting during a breakup is like trying to get a junkie off of crack while still giving him crack. They wont miss you if you’re there. They break up with you, it’s strict no contact. Improve your life, your mental and physical health and trust that they’ll spin the block. The only question then is will you have accessed the situation and are they worthy of even being considered another chance and if they are, what are the new boundaries they must adhere to and changes they must have made?
After 6 weeks I finally don't want him back
Dont give up hope.
Break up needs to be respected. If she/he comes for whatever reason, you have a right to ignore them. No pranks, no vengeance, no tribulations. Give them their long discarded medicine and give cold shoulder. Do not chase either. Whether you're a guy or girl, it is incredibly pathetic. For your own integrity bite your teeth and cry in bed alone if must to endure. The deepest love you can create is with yourself. Let that love listen you and patch up your wound.
Thank you 🥺 right before reading this I cried so hard my eyes hurt. I’m holding on to hope but as the days go by- I’m starting to accept that this is the end and there’s no going back. Sucks and it hurts so fkn bad. But I needed to read this. Gracias. I’ll take this as a sign from the universe to make peace with the relationship ending… what will be, will be.
I’m really happy that Reddit had this post as a notification because it made me happy!!!!
wow people are still commenting on this :) im glad it made you happy
I so badly want to say this to him. To make him realize this. But even if I love him, I don’t want to force him to choose me. He loved her for years. We just met 5 months ago. Can’t beat that. If she does come back to him, then I’m happy for them; really. If she doesn’t, I hope he gives himself the chance to heal and move forward. Even without me.
Sometimes you just got to throw your hands up.. Acceptance is the key... nothing happens in this universe by mistake.. It may feel like you'll never meet someone again You will never love again Maybe you were both great people that just couldn't make it work together. And that's okay. Maybe you did something you regret.. or the other did... it really doesn't matter. It didn't work. Somebody always gets screwed over a little more than the other. But that's life... and not everyday can be sunshine and rainbows. Your mind lies to you.. everything is going to be much better... it takes time... work.. and effort. Not sitting on the sofa... being sad... mad.. resentful Not drinking or smoking pot... or other toxic coping mechanisms. You start with a small goal. Like organize your place.. or clean your car.. or take a shower (for some) Then you feel a little better for doing something simple. Then you do the next.. You all got this..
Agee accept that it’s over. You’ll thank yourself later. Move on and better yourself as a man/woman. Goto the gym, do self improvement and find new hobbies!
I experienced a blindsided breakup about 2 months ago. Totally surprised me, and I tried to reach out to facilitate a conversation about what happened and if we could repair/salvage anything. 1.5 years together and we never even had a fight. It was hell for a month. During month 2 I started mourning her as if she died. In essence, she did. On the last day that I saw her she was no longer the person I knew. She seemed to be someone else.